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Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane and today's theme is all about messing up.

Most of these stories come from a subreddit called Today I Fucked Up and boy are people out there fucking up all the time.

I'm joined by two people who did not fuck up ever in their life.

I've never made any mistakes whatsoever.

Ian and Damien are rolling.

You know what, Shane?

I messed up my voice, and it might be audible today to the listeners and viewers.

I heard you lost your voice, but it doesn't sound like it.

I've been saving it for today, just for y'all, because I care about

everyone out there.

I want to do a good job.

So nice.

Thank you.

Yeah, I feel like your voice

has a certain tone to it I've never heard before.

You You know what?

I think it's also because like a game, like our friendship is sort of like unlocked the next stage, sort of.

Oh, I've unlocked a new skin for your voice.

Yes.

You have.

A new cord.

Okay, now for the sake of making our editors' lives a little easier, I'm gonna say today I messed up most of the time.

Unless the title is kind of funny based on saying today I fucked up.

Got it.

It's gonna be hard.

It's a hard sell to think that fuck would not always make it funnier shit.

It always makes it a little bit funnier, but I'm going to try not to.

Okay.

And also for YouTube shorts, they don't like it.

They don't like it.

Yeah.

That's how it goes.

All right.

Let's get into this.

Our first story comes from Tfu for short.

Today I messed up.

Okay.

Tifu and Tits, 14 years too late to fix.

Oh, they rhymed.

They did a little half rhyme there.

They got a little jingle going.

Today I messed up and tits, 14 years too late to fix.

I'm already on board.

Not the asshole.

This guy's good.

Okay.

Most of us have a name for our spouse or significant other.

Playing with Siri one day, I changed my wife's name on my phone to Tits McGee and never bothered to change it back.

Obviously, when you change the name of someone on your phone, that name is associated with all the contact information for that person.

So even though my wife's name isn't a part of her email address, every time I'd email her, the name shown would be Tits McGee.

For 14 years, I thought I was the only one that saw that.

However, every email I've ever sent that had my wife copied on, the recipient saw Tits McGee.

Every fucking email.

including our daycare center.

I'd like to thank the wonderful team at Chuck E.

Cheese Event Planning for pointing this information out to me in an extremely professional manner.

They have the email.

Look at this from Chuck E.

Cheese.

It says, yay, your party is booked.

We are eager to celebrate your birthday star with you.

See your party information below and get ready for a super exciting day.

Your party information, contact Tits McGee.

Well, look, look.

I mean, like,

Tits McGee could be like an old Irish name.

We don't know.

We don't know.

I think it sounds like one of the members of like Chucky's band.

Yeah, sure.

I mean, McGee.

Oh, yeah.

You got Pasquale.

He's the

pig.

I actually don't

have any of the other names.

Watch the Rocket Fire Explosion documentary.

It's all about how it gets there.

I'm not even kidding.

Oh my god.

So Ian, you know all the names.

The thing that is seared into my memory is that they had covers of famous songs that was played by the band playing constantly through the speakers always.

And they had about six songs that would just rotate like every season.

And I will never get out of my head

Who Could It Be Now

by the Chuck E Cheese band.

Is it like kids bop style where they still have to edit it down or is it just because it's Chuck E.

Cheese's voice?

Charles Entertainment Cheese.

I think it's like word for word, bar for bar.

Okay.

Yeah.

Wait, isn't Who Could It Be Now like about cheating or something?

I think it's about Tits McGee.

It's about Tits McGee.

It would be funny the songs that they choose if they did like Butterfly by Crazy Town or something like that.

It's like, wow,

these animatronics are getting sexy up there.

Sexy error Shane.

Sexy error.

Oh, it's by the way.

Sorry, really quick.

Chuck E.

Cheese, Helen Henney, Mr.

Munch, and Pesqually.

How did I forget that?

Mr.

Munch is terrifying.

Yeah, he's like a big...

Purple guy?

He's kind of like a Grimace?

They've all been rebranded.

They're probably less scary.

Sorry, what is a...

Why purple guys?

Why nondescript animals that are purple when it comes to food service because grimace mr.

Munch purple doesn't make you hungry for people his name is mr.

Munch.

He used to be a lot scarier.

They aged down all of these characters.

They used to all be like really scary he looks like he's 21 jump streeting.

He's like a hundred years old.

I also look yes it you fucked up this guy

It also hurts my feelings to know that Siri has been around for 14 years.

That kind of blew my mind absolute shock to my system.

Oops.

But also like

you gotta have, someone's gotta have your back over 14 years to be like, oh, by the way, I noticed TISTV.

Have either of you ever accidentally like done something similar to this?

Where a typo or a mistype or putting in something that you didn't think was public became public?

Not quite.

I've done two similar things where it's like you send the text to the wrong person.

Yeah.

So like both of them were embarrassing.

One was like in college, my skateboard got stolen.

It's how I got to class.

And like a friend offered to either like make me another one in his shop or give me one of his others, whatever.

And I sent this whole long text to my mom on my Blackberry, so it was hard to type.

I'm not, it wasn't the thing to have in college.

I just had an old phone.

And it was this whole nice thing, like, you know what, mom, I am making friends.

Like, this is great.

People have been really sweet.

Like, you know, they've got my back.

And, you know, I'm really starting to fit in here.

And it was to the friend.

I was just like, God damn it.

And the other one was like, I don't know, sometimes, you know, it's, you're in the talking stage with someone, you send like a little flirtato chips, like photo, just like, this is what I'm up to right now.

Nothing crazy, just like, here's my photo.

And I'd send it to like a work contact.

And it wasn't until like a day later that I was like, ha!

And I was like, I'm sorry, married work contact, who I've never had anything for.

This was not for you.

But it happens.

It happens.

I had a very similar situation to this.

I believe I've told this story on here before, where during the pandemic, we used to

have meetings all the time here here at Smosh.

And for funsies, I changed my name on our Zoom calls to ButtIdiot.

And I was like, that's really funny.

I'm Butt Idiot, guys.

And we were like laughing about it.

Well, then I was also at the time on a show called the Goldbergs, and we would do our table reads over Zoom.

And there'd be roughly 50 people in the Zoom calls.

And so I hop in to do a table read,

and I'm a few minutes in, and I notice that my name is ButtIdiot on the Zoom call.

And

as I'm actively changing, I'm like, maybe I can change it before anyone notices.

Sam Lerner is in there and he goes, Butt Idiot?

And I was like, yeah, sorry, this is for a different thing.

I was like, thank God it was just Butt Idiot.

Like, thank God I didn't put something else.

But

I also feel like, I don't know, you played a goofy character.

You're a goofy person.

It was a comedy show.

Like,

out of everything, it's okay.

It wasn't a job interview, but still scary.

Yeah.

Anyways, some comments here.

Someone said, It's always amusing seeing the emails people use on job applications or as their personal email in their company's HR system.

I've had to migrate tons of contact information over my career, and it never ceases to amaze me.

Some that I remember off the top of my head: popper underscore oring, slimy and satisfying, expect to butt play us, Roofie.

It might be expecto, but play us.

Oh, expect.

Expecto, but play us, Roofy Colada.

Wow.

Oh, no.

And ButtFuck Express.

Seriously, take a minute and make a work safe email, lol.

Yeah, out of all those, Roofy Colada is pretty bad.

I think that's one you have to report.

I'm like, hey, man, I don't trust you.

Someone else said there was a post the other day that said they had to submit all the financial docs to a loan officer, and all the Venmo transfers had like sucked on tits for the memo line.

Sorry, who among us on Venmo has not said something ridiculous?

No, you fart tax.

For sure.

But now you can do it.

Because there was a time where you couldn't make your transactions private.

Now you can.

That's true.

Just for everyone to know, that can all be private.

Finally, someone said, what's truly funny is it's gone on for 14 years and it took Chuck E.

Cheese to point it out.

OP responded, yep, not even the daycare our kids go to has bothered FML.

Yeah.

FML.

That's a bad thing.

That's a throwback.

That's a throwback.

Well, clearly, the most professional people come from Chuck E.

Cheese.

I'm living proof of that.

As we breached containment, and now we're all here.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Siri is 14 years old.

That is wild.

They can basically serve an army.

They yearn for the mines.

They yearn for them.

That's crazy.

That's so crazy to think about because I've never used Siri.

Like, I've had Apple products, but I don't see the need myself to be like, hey, can you tell me what time is it?

I just look on my phone.

Yeah.

So like, I know.

I only use her to tell me what the air quality is and what the UV index is.

I just pull up my weather app.

Yeah.

It's usually because I'm like putting clothes on or something.

Ah, there you go.

I'm about to go out.

I'm like, Siri.

Siri, is the air stinky?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a real bad one today, Buster.

I'm going to get a sunborn outside.

I do use, so I don't set it off for anyone, Amazon device often for weather specifically while I get dressed.

But also, Alexa, buy 20 rolls of toilet paper.

Wow, you just kicked off a bunch of our viewers.

Hell yeah.

I mean, or the toilet paper industry.

This is insider trading.

You have toilet paper stocks.

Oh, you got me.

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Our next story, also from Tifu.

Today I messed up.

Today I messed up by saying YouTube tortatullios

over and over, causing me to lose a job at the literal last minute.

We'll all learn together.

Who among us hasn't?

Not today, but a little over a year ago, I, a 29-year-old woman, had an interview with a company that I nailed.

The whole time I was thinking, yes, bitch, you got this, while nailing every question.

They told me during the interview how impressive my cover letter was, how they wanted me to come do a paid shift to see how the position fit me, and how they thought if this position didn't work, they could look into another at a new location they were opening in 2024.

I was ready to get up, give a stellar handshake, and wait for a call I knew was coming.

This is until they gave me one final, for fun, question.

Who would you put on your Mount Rushmore?

I knew it was coming, so I already had thought of my answers.

I gave my first three and bonded with the three male interviewers on some of our people matching up.

With a bolt of confidence, I added that my fourth and final choice was Paul Hollywood from the Great British Bake Off.

To my surprise, no one knew who he was or had the love for him I did.

Flabbergasted, I said that I watched the show and had his most recent cookbook.

I went to add that I had watched some of his YouTube tutorials, but that's not what came out of my mouth.

YouTube tortitulios came out.

I was shocked and went to correct myself, but kept repeating, YouTube Tortitulios.

It started with just me calmly saying this phrase again to just see if it was just a one-time mistake, apologizing once or twice.

It quickly turned into frustration.

I began angrily repeating, YouTube tortitullios, YouTube tutorials, YouTube tortitulios,

over and over and over, getting more and more frustrated, feeling like I must prove myself.

After about two minutes, but it felt like 20, the most intimidating of the three men interviewing me said, YouTube tutorials, giving me an out.

But I had too much pride.

I tried saying it once or twice more before saying YouTube videos instead.

The interview quickly ended and went from a, we'll schedule a time for you to come do a paid shadow shift to radio silence.

Who knows what could have been if I hadn't picked Paul Hollywood as my fourth person on my Mount Rushmore.

TLDR, Paul Hollywood ruined my chances of getting my dream job.

Damn.

YouTube tutor

YouTube Tortitulios.

YouTube tortitulios.

I'm trying to say what they accidentally said.

It's hard.

I'm going to, hot take.

I don't think that was Paul Hollywood's fault.

Yeah.

I know.

I don't think it was Paul Hollywood's fault either.

He has the eyes of a husky.

I know.

He really does.

I think, I just think their speaking got a little stodgy there in the middle, and that's okay.

Yeah.

A little stodgy.

I think

that happens.

They hit soggy bottom.

They hit soggy bottom.

I mean, look, this sucks, obviously, but you know,

I think a lot of job interviews is showing how you handle things under pressure.

Some people have speech impediments.

Sometimes people also just mess up what they're saying.

That's okay.

I think the doubling down and being like, no, I have this after someone's like tutorials, you're like, I know what I'm saying, but honestly, toodoloodlies, tooda literally, like

that's that's uncomfortable as hell.

Oh, yeah, yeah, OP, I think, left out when they tried to correct them.

They go, Shut the fuck up, I've got this.

Yeah, yeah,

YouTube tortotulios, Fuck you.

If I say it nine more times, it summons them.

I do think it's extreme that they were like, you've got the job to one little flub situation for even two minutes.

To being like, yeah, no.

Well, can you imagine sitting there and having to listen to somebody say tortatullios for two minutes straight?

But one could say, hey, look, this is the type of dedication and perseverance that I have.

I won't give up.

I don't know what the kind of job is, but I was uncomfortable watching you, my friend, try to say what they said.

I think in a job interview situation, it's like two minutes of just pure discomfort.

You don't want your customers to have that.

Professional saying words, good job.

Yeah, actually talk real good now.

Yeah, I mean, that person wouldn't last a day at Chuck E.

Cheese.

In the mascot suit.

Throw them to the cheese.

Not even at the front desk where they stamp your hand.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Damn.

That sounds awful.

Not even at the bar where they only give adults one beer.

Oof.

Is that right?

One beer or one.

You can't get drunk at Chuck E.

Cheese anymore?

Lord knows I tried.

I wasn't even a legal drinking age when I worked at 17.

Yeah, right.

Believe it.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I definitely feel for this person.

I mean, I can relate.

Yeah.

Obviously, as an actor, in so many auditions, like it's what you live in fear of, but it's also the inevitable.

It just happens.

There's also like all those viral clips, like, you know,

it's, there was like that weather report, it's like very persistent, persisification with the it, and you just can't get through it.

Like you can have a little like hiccup in the thought process, but you have to react with grace under pressure, not double down for two.

That's also true.

It's probably, that's, if I'm going to wager a guess, it would be the like reaction to the situation

that they judge them for.

And we didn't get to see that.

It does remind me of the story Amanda told on Smoshmouth of her audition for Barry,

the show.

Oh, I missed it.

Where she's like, she rehearsed all day.

And then she gets in, and she was like, so like locked in, but she's like, I started speaking, and I didn't say a single real word throughout the whole scene.

She was just like, you know, you don't even know.

Dude, the clip of her saying it is.

Friggin awesome.

Yeah.

Watch Smosh Mouth.

Anyways,

I usually do.

We're doing ads for our own videos.

I love that.

I know, yeah.

Now we got some comments here.

Someone says, one time a person who was interviewing me held out their hand hand for me to hand them something and I high-fived them instead.

Someone else said, hey, OP, if it makes you feel any better, I was interviewing with a guy whose first language wasn't English.

So he had a bit of an accent.

When we were talking about my past experience in history, he said, oh, so you're pretty artistic.

But the thing was that he fucked up artistic to the point that it came out sounding like autistic.

Now I know he heard it that way too because he instantly corrected himself.

while I was strongly and firmly answering with a yes.

Yeah, it wasn't even quick enough on my feet to just laugh it off and be like, I understand what you meant.

Nah, we just sat in silence for a solid 10 seconds before he started asking questions again.

Still don't know how I got that job.

Someone else said, baked.

That was not that person's fault.

The interviewer botched it.

He's like, how do I get that job?

I'm like, he felt bad.

You have leverage.

Guilt them.

Yeah, good.

Oh, someone wrote in, baked in a buttery, flaky crust.

Oh,

yeah, baked in a crusty.

Not seeing this.

No.

There's a local commercial for a restaurant, and they have like a couple, like an old couple there.

And they just need him, like as the camera pans past a table, they need him to

baked in a buttery, crispy crust.

And he just cannot say flaky.

It's the Orson Welles, like the wife tries to take it.

The wife, like, keeps like smells it, she keeps roasting him for not being able to say it.

She's like, she's like, it's, it's flaky.

It's flaky.

She, they're probably like, all right, let's let the wife take it.

And then she goes, baked in a buttery crispy crusty.

And then you see him like, oh,

no more.

It's so funny.

It's the Orson Welles, like, can't quite get it right champagne thing.

Oh,

Fruits.

Oh, French.

Yeah, but that guy was wasted off his ball.

But he started pretty bad, too.

Yeah.

Can I point out a little pet peeve?

Yeah.

I love Reddit stories.

I love, you know,

they always do things where, like, is anyone a teacher that's dealt with this before?

And someone will go like, I'm not a teacher, but my cousin has kids.

So I hate that so much.

And

I already was not on this person's side when they were like, okay, today I effed up.

It wasn't today.

It was like a year ago.

But this one time, I'm like, no.

I'm like, just stick before it.

Like, we didn't ask for you.

We're not asking.

I'm not a doctor, but my sister sneezed once.

And so, I don't know.

Yeah.

I get that.

I think on a like,

just as far as entertainment value, I'm like,

do you need to say it was a year ago?

Like, just, I'm like, I'm okay with that lie.

Like, because the subreddit is called Today I Did This.

It's like, just say it was today.

I just, I started.

You won't know.

I don't know yet.

I start the story with a,

like it's

like here we go

because I thought like you know there's so many Reddit stories where you're like could it be fake but I feel like this one is so specific messing up tutorials with torto tutlios.

I'm like, this has to be real.

That's also

definitely real.

I think these are these are real.

Yeah.

Something that annoys the shit out of me on Reddit is when people ask genuine questions seeking genuine advice and the top 50 comments are just the dumbest jokes you've ever seen in your life.

Oh, yeah.

And I'm like, guys, like, come on.

Yeah.

Like, let's let a real answer come through.

Yep.

Yeah.

But they're a pun.

It's always a pun.

They always need a pun.

Reddit is addicted to puns.

Also on this, someone then posted a link to the subreddit Bone Apple Tea, which is perfect for this kind of stuff.

It's a subreddit literally dedicated to mispronouncing or mistyping things.

In a recent post, someone typed out nickeled and dimed as Nickelodeon and died.

Nickelodeon and died?

Like that dude really hates SpongeBob.

Have you seen people, okay, people misspelling stuff like and realizing people really misspell stuff on the internet is really funny.

And someone wrote, it dawned on me.

It dawned on me.

Yeah, yeah.

Like dawn, like the word, like D-O-N, it dawned on me.

I saw one that was like, and then it dawned on me.

I saw one that was like ADHD, but it was like 80 the number.

80 HD?

That's like a sick knuckle type though.

Like 80.

Is this TV LED?

No.

It's 80 HD.

Yeah, fuck that 4K.

We got ADHD.

Update.

Oh, she's there.

Okay, we have a tortitolio here.

All right.

Update.

Not to sound cliche, but I didn't expect this to blow up.

I had had posted this on a different subreddit a long ass time ago and only saw recently that it was deleted by mods.

I said, fuck it, and posted it here hoping a few people would find it funny.

I appreciate all of the kind responses and stories of interview fails.

It made me feel less alone.

Also, thanks, Grammar Police, and the people who worried for my health, LOL.

Oddly enough, I have always had bad luck with interviews, from dropping my phone in the toilet right before meeting with the HR rep to accidentally choking on my own spit and having a coughing fit, and to the now well-known Tor de Tulios.

I am often the candidate that looks great on paper, answers everything perfectly, and then somehow drops the ball in the red zone.

I got really paranoid once this started blowing up and deleted a comment with my current situation because I would be absolutely mortified if this somehow was read by the people I interviewed with and I didn't want anything that could potentially give away my information.

Not gonna lie, I came really close to deleting the post altogether just in case, lol.

Within two months of fumbling this interview, I got a raise and promotion at my current job.

Now I'm making more than I would have at the the other position with better hours.

It goes to show that sometimes your dreams aren't always what will make you happy.

Again, thank you guys for laughing at my blunder with me.

I am happy I was able to bring joy to you during these super weird times.

Also, if one of the interviewers is reading this, I appreciate you taking the time to interview me, regardless of how it turned out.

Please forget you read this post and let's please agree to never speak about this incident again.

That's a good attitude.

Hey, there you go.

It all worked out for him.

It's a good, it's a comforting thought to think that you could be messing up all the time and you just don't realize it.

I think that's, I think everybody needs to hear that.

Yeah.

Our next story.

Today I messed up by getting a tattoo of my mom in a bikini.

What's up?

Oh.

Oh, okay.

I don't know.

I don't know how that one starts, okay.

My dad passed away a few months ago.

I was really close to him and I miss him a lot.

My dad had quite a few tattoos, but one of them I remember dearly.

It was this pin-up style tattoo of a lady in a Hawaiian skirt and coconut bra on his calf.

I always liked that tattoo even though it was pretty badly done.

Most of the color vanished over the years and I remember our dad letting us color in the tattoo with markers when he wanted to take a nap and keep us busy.

My mom always disapproved and I never understood why.

until now.

One day, about two weeks after he passed away, I was walking around the city and came by a tattoo shop.

One thing led to another and I walked out of that shop with the same tattoo my dad had, the lady with the coconut bra.

The artist did a great job at recreating the tattoo and I was very happy until I got home and wanted to show my mom.

My aunt was there, my dad's sister, and started laughing like crazy.

My mom looked quite shocked.

Not the reaction I was expecting at all.

I didn't understand what was happening until my aunt told me, well, now you've got your mom on you forever in a skimpy outfit.

Great choice.

Well, long story short, my dad got this tattoo about a year after they started dating.

She wore this outfit to a party, took a photo, and he got it tattooed a few weeks later.

Great.

fucking great.

I was a bit confused because my mom has always had blonde hair.

The tattoo ladies got black hair, but apparently she had a short phase of dyeing her hair black for a few months.

My mom always hated that tattoo.

They almost broke up because of it back then.

She made him swear that he would never tell anyone the story behind that tattoo.

Hence why I don't know anything about it and I never asked.

I thought this was just a random tattoo he got on one of his many vacations.

Well, now I have a tattoo of my mom in a coconut bra.

Great.

My mom told me she doesn't mind and that it's kind of funny now, but I'm really thinking of getting it removed.

At least it's on my rib cage so I can hide it for the time being.

I really don't want to show the world my mom in a bikini.

This is a single-digit IQ move.

Like, you,

sorry.

I love that.

It's like, she changed.

She had different hair colours.

She had a different hair.

You're a completely different person.

There are two kinds of tattoo getters in this world, and I understand both.

They're the ones that like research for years and they're like, yeah, I have a little, like, it's a little bumblebee because my grandmother grandmother always loved bumblebees and it reminds me of her.

And it's a, and it's that.

And then there's like, yeah, they had like a flash sale.

So I got like, hey, Arnold, pissing on a wall for 25 bucks and it's all over the place.

And both are fine, but you have to know what you're doing.

And if that one has like meaning to you.

Yeah.

And also you know your mom hated it like why wouldn't you be like hey mom I would love to honor dad in this way I think it'd be a fun little thing.

Are you comfortable seeing this reminder of your husband who passed?

Sure.

And then like oops like there's you fucked up every part of this.

I guess I see, like, it's, it's been two weeks.

When he got the tattoo, it'd been two weeks after his dad passed away, and he didn't know anything behind like this tattoo.

I'm assuming the tattoo wasn't that detailed.

It must

just kind of look like general like a sail, like a sailor tattoo.

Yeah, so that's what I'm kind of assuming is it's just kind of a cartoony looking like

Sailor Jerry or like America.

Yeah, like a Sailor Jerry, but it's like called like American.

But either way, like the idea that he got it close enough that when he walked in, he was like, look at my tattoo.

And everyone's like, oh, like they knew that was.

That's it.

Yeah, I mean, but the sister, the dad's sister and the mom clearly knew the story behind it.

Yeah.

But

his sibling didn't know about it.

But I mean, like, it never came up.

Well, he says that

the mom made the dad swear never to tell anyone the backstory behind it.

Oh.

But I'm also saying, like, if you were to be like, hey, I got this tattoo and it's similar and you come home, people would be like, oh, that's the one just like your dad had.

It was close enough that everybody was immediately like, We know what that is, that's your mom.

Like, sure, that sucks.

Like, I mean, it definitely sucks.

I think clearly, everyone around him is fine, but it's uncomfortable for him to know he has a tattoo of his mom in a bikini.

That's rough, it's super sucks.

Don't get it on a whim.

Um, so I don't know.

That's probably one that's going to be hard to like fix.

So, you might have to get that removed.

That sounds

hell though.

rib cage tattoo that's that's brutal i have an idea okay just hear me out the bikini part probably fine the head if it's already like all black with the hair turn it into do you like the movie predator oh predator in a bikini and that's kind of just like hey there you go there you go or peter griffin yeah all funny i think that might be trickier with the big like sort of well they might have to erase yeah like laser remove the head yeah and then get a different head there yeah peter griffin's head there you go 100

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Pretty cool.

So, those are some free ideas for you.

Yeah.

Enjoy.

Some comments.

I'd say keep it.

It's a reminder of your dad first and foremost.

If anything, it showed his love for your mom.

You could think of it as a symbol of your parents' love if you wish.

No one has to know it's your mom.

If anyone asks, just say that it's a recreation of a tattoo your late dad had in his honor.

You loved it before, enough to put it on your body permanently.

Don't let this new info ruin its memory for you.

8.8,000 upvotes.

I agree with that.

Yeah.

I definitely think my only reasoning for him getting removed is because he's uncomfortable with it.

Sure.

I'm like, hey man, if you're uncomfortable, remove it.

Because I could see how some people could feel uncomfortable about it.

But you're allowed to tattoo whatever you want on your body.

Can I pitch a second fix?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's the tattoo.

Obviously, it is what it is.

Where was it on the dad?

Was it on like the bicep?

On his leg.

On his leg?

Get a tattoo around it of like a man's leg.

So now it's not like a tattoo of your mom.

It's a tattoo to tattoo.

My dad's leg.

Did you go in exhibit mode on this?

You'd confuse predators like zebras.

Like, they'd be like, how many legs does this guy have?

I'm not going to bite him.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, it's true.

It's very smart.

All right.

Someone said, your dad is laughing his ass off in heaven.

OP said he definitely is.

He'd find it absolutely hilarious.

Lastly, someone said, my dad had a scorpion tattoo on his arm.

I decided to get one to match his and took a picture to my artist.

Yeah, we can definitely do this, but did you want the scorpion?

to have an extra set of legs so mine has the appropriate number of legs.

I brought it up to my dad later and he joked that it was a special Lebanese scorpion.

He got the tattoo to commemorate his time in the military and spent a fair amount of time there.

I did find out later that the guy who did it used to do a lot of Coke at the time.

So I just assume he got hyper-focused on the legs and was going, legs, legs, legs, more legs.

He's like, no, scorpions are arachnids.

People don't talk about it enough.

Yeah, you know, people.

Scorpions is spiders.

Yep.

Yeah.

Well, that's a pretty big mess up.

We've got YouTube Tortitulios.

We've got Tits McGee.

And now we've got Tattoo Mom.

Kinie Mom.

Tikhini Tattoo Mom.

Yeah.

Kini Tattoo.

How can we go from here?

We got to see if someone messes up more than this.

Okay, you guys.

Let's go.

Okay, our next story.

Today I messed up.

Random flea market item turns out to be radioactive.

Yes.

This is why you have me on today.

Yeah.

Is it a radon watch?

We always have a radioactive.

It's either a radon watch or it's not just uranium glass.

It's milk uranium glass.

it's going to be chipped too and that's when it's up sorry here we go okay i bought this random item in a flea market in berlin because it looked cool and it was cheap it's been in my wardrobe ever since until i took it out yesterday to take photos of it because i found out about the r what is this thing page lots of people came back with different answers but a few people said it looked like it was radioactive and that i should go to my local fire station to check it This morning I phoned the non-emergency fire brigade number and explained the situation.

Two minutes later, three fire engines arrived to test the object, which was in fact radioactive.

They then called for backup, and three ambulances, three police cars, and a counter-terrorism CBRN bomb disposal unit arrived.

They evacuate all the flats in the building, and after four hours, they finally removed the object.

It turned out to be thorium.

I'm not sure about the isotope number or radiation levels.

Here's a photo of this thing.

Like,

my dude had

straight up what the heck he had

something the Avengers are scared of

What is that?

Do you know about the the demon core?

No, I was I was thinking about that

It's look it up later.

It's similar to what Emily was talking about, but it's like There are moments where it's just like okay as long as this one thing doesn't touch anything else We're safe But if it drops oops it dropped everyone in this room has got about a 24 hours and that's the level of radiation you just got and it's happened like three times so yeah, it's oh, I was thinking of the thing that's like underneath Chernobyl that's like

the elephant foot.

No demon corporate.

Like I brought back the elephant foot from this cool place in Ukraine.

It tastes like fire.

Thorium is a radioactive substance that if ingested or inhaled via dust, it can increase the risk of developing lung or bone cancer, which, yep, makes sense why the various departments were called.

Wow.

But why is it in what that thing is?

This thing is mysterious in nature.

And they found it at a flea market in berlin mysterious and important yeah they found it at a flea market in berlin okay so dude i gotta remember i gotta go to berlin i don't think you do it's i don't think you do we have to

do what i want to do is i do want to go to berlin but just to just to go to that place where there's that uh the the ravers that were under the bridge Oh, the like classic

cyber ravers.

That's in Berlin.

I really want to do that.

Historical moment.

Yeah.

It scares me that this tiny little thing that this guy had caused this level of response.

I'm like, how many radioactive things like that are just around?

Yeah, some dude an apartment over is like ruining your life without even realizing.

I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah.

Holy crap.

Terrifying.

That sucks.

Comments, you didn't mess up.

You provided valuable low-stakes training for multiple emergency services.

Good firefighting crews train/slash plan for so many scenarios, radioactive threats being one.

This just happened to be the perfect thing to test with more real-world variables than any training slash planning could account for.

You're out some money, but now have an awesome life story.

Yeah, you're out 50 ambulances that we're calling.

Yeah, right?

And you might have bone cancer now.

He's like, you have an awesome life story.

A short, short life story.

In dead life.

So fast, so done.

Someone said, this is probably unnecessary, but have they checked to see if you're radioactive from exposure?

Like if you have the radioactive material on you?

He said, yes, they did.

They got me to take my shoes off and scanned my feet and my hands.

Someone said, and are you radioactive in your feet and hands?

OP said, higher than usual, but nothing dangerous.

You're really getting some information.

Like, yeah, they checked.

They did some tests.

Are you good?

He's like, well, they didn't scan my mouth, so.

Hey, man, did you get bit by a zombie yeah i was just out walking

oh so x-men are cool right do we can all agree the x-men are cool yeah they're cool now we stab side as a base got some news

okay lastly someone said i'm a trained radiation protection supervisor

i'm like of course there's a redditor who's a radiation protection supervisor So I'm a trained radiation protection supervisor, so have some useful information on this, although others will have far more knowledge than me.

Why would more people have more knowledge?

It sounds like

you should have the most knowledge.

No, the supervisor should the radiation train specialist.

True,

my supervisor.

It's almost certainly almost entirely TH232.

This has a half-life that is longer than the age of the universe, so its activity will be extremely low.

It will off-gas radon-220, which is an alpha emitter that you don't really want to breathe, but it will produce this at an extremely low rate.

Welding rods and the mantles for gas lanterns are both typically thoriated and pose no significant risk.

Unless you've been licking it or inhaling powdered thorium from it, I think any dose is likely to be marginal compared to background exposure.

If you've kept it in a cupboard in its shielding for most of the time, I'm pretty certain you have nothing to worry about.

It's like, as long as you're not licking it, yeah, it's well, it's gross.

What's up?

Well, yeah, it tastes really bad.

Yeah,

much.

Yeah, it hurts.

Wow.

Hilarious.

That's awesome.

I'm glad that it's not, like, we joke, but I'm glad that he's not dying.

I'm glad he's doing all right.

Yeah, I'm glad.

I think flea markets are pretty cool.

I go pretty often to find cool little things, and I'd like to also not die.

Well, you should have bring a Geiger counter next time.

Yeah, you have slightly radioactive stuff, right?

I have some uranium glass, which is cool, but I keep it behind like glass, so it's not the the particles it emits like they literally go like

and they just sort of they don't go very far

the problem is if it's chipped or scratched in any way that's when it's dangerous so people have gotten me gifts before they're like I got you this I'm like thank you and I have to immediately like toss it because it is dangerous.

Would people get you uranium glass as gifts?

I had like a family friend who's like much, much older be like, I heard you like this.

I had some of this in my house.

And I'm like, that's so nice.

Thank you.

And I was grateful, but it was not in a state to be safe.

And then I had one person send a gift to the P.O.

box one time that was just, it was like a little milk glass clown.

It was like a really cool thing.

And it wasn't, it wasn't, there wasn't an issue.

It's just the kind of thing if it was chipped or scratched, it would have been, but it was well wrapped.

And I was like, this is really cool.

So I kept it.

Wow.

But yeah.

You like stuff if it's radioactive or haunted?

I do, yeah.

Yeah, preferably both.

Well, what is radiation if not the haunting of the universe?

I like that.

That's Michio Kaku.

Particle.

Particle haunting.

All right.

Our next story.

Oh, yay.

Woohoo.

Today I messed up by never flushing toilet paper.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

We got somebody that did not grow up in the U.S.

This is a thing.

Okay.

Really?

If I read this title yesterday morning, I would have been like, okay, why is that a fuck-up?

But after last night, I have realized this is what normal people do.

For backstory, I would never flush my used toilet paper for two reasons.

The first reason being that when I was a little kid, a plumber had to come and mess around with the tank in the back and said that a bunch of baby wipes were flushed and not to do that.

My mom specifically told me, do not flush anything that's not shit down the toilet.

So that's what I did from that point forward.

The second reason was because there was always a trash can next to the toilet.

So naturally my brain went, this is where the toilet paper goes instead of the toilet and i would always put it in there so that's the premise Slightly more backstory, I've been seeing my girlfriend for a few years and in her parents' house, she also has the same toilet trash setup.

The key differences being that there's never a bag in it and there was never anything inside of it.

So I would flush the toilet paper down the toilet because I didn't want to get shit on the bin, but I would feel really guilty because I thought it would fuck up their pipes.

So I would actively avoid using the bathroom at her parents' house.

Fast forward a year and we moved in together in an apartment and I made it a point to grab a trash can with a lid for the bathroom so that it doesn't smell in there and a bunch of trash bags.

My girlfriend was confused but didn't really question me.

So this is where the fuck up happens.

This is where the fuck up happens.

Oh, okay.

Get ready here to

get it.

Last night I was visiting my mom with my girlfriend and her family.

So in total, there's about 10 of us.

Earlier that day, I had gone to Dave's hot chicken and got the Reaper sandwich, which was now running through me with a vengeance.

I went to the bathroom, did my deed, then decided to be thoughtful and not stink up the bathroom by taking out the trash with the now used toilet paper.

I walked through the living room with the bag to throw it in the trash outside when my mom asked me why I was throwing the bathroom trash out.

It wasn't full.

I said so that it wouldn't stink up the bathroom because I'm thoughtful like that.

My mom looked so confused and asked me why the trash would smell.

Keep in mind, this is in front of everyone.

I'm close with my girlfriend's family at this point, so I jokingly said, what?

Am I not supposed to wipe?

I cannot understate how quiet that room got.

I have tinnitus, and I swear even that went away for a few seconds.

I just thought the joke didn't land, so I went outside, threw the trash out, and then came back inside to everyone still just as confused as I was.

My girlfriend's brother, who is my age, asked me if I was serious.

I said I was.

And me being the dumbass I am, decided this was a good time to bring up how weird it was that at their house they didn't have a bag in the trash and that I felt guilty every time I flushed toilet paper down the toilet.

Everyone started laugh crying.

Apparently, it is actually very normal to flush toilet paper down the toilet and I was the weird one here.

A 24-year-old, fully formed adult was not aware of the fact toilet paper can go down the drain and not cause issues.

I tried to justify myself, to which there was no justification I could give, and spent the rest of the night embarrassed.

And now my girlfriend's entire family family and my entire family knows that for at least 18 years, I was not flushing my used toilet paper.

Edit to people asking how the fuck my mom didn't notice shit covered toilet paper in the trash for years.

Fair point.

We had two bathrooms in the house, one for the kids and one for my parents in their room.

My mom taught us to clean our own bathroom at like eight or nine, so she would never really have a reason to go into our bathroom and vice versa.

She moved to a smaller house where she is currently living and where I lived up until recently that had only one bathroom for everyone, three people, including myself.

How did neither of them not notice?

No idea.

I wouldn't just toss it in the trash, though.

I would turn it shit side down so it's only the white side as a way to be polite.

Sure.

If it got on the bag, I would just toss another piece of toilet paper to cover it up.

So, unless you went rooting around in the bathroom trash, which literally no one does, you wouldn't see it.

Yeah.

I have started to notice that this is actually kind of more common than I thought of people having very odd bathroom habits like pooping habits and not ever knowing because it's a solitary act.

So there's no one there to correct you.

There's that famous clip from a radio show where a guy's talking about he's like you don't catch the poop when you hit it toilet paper.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, he's like, oh no, you catch it.

Like, you're supposed to catch it.

And she's like, you've been catching your poop this whole time.

And he is literally blown away that this is not what everyone does.

But I'm like, to be fair, we don't talk about this.

No, yeah, when was anyone gonna realize?

So I'm like, I get it.

I'm a little mad at the mom for like making fun of him.

I'm like, she told you, don't flush anything.

It's because I think it's just gonna have kids.

You can fuck up so easy forever.

That's one statement.

Guys, I got a great idea.

I'm gonna, you know, I think I'm gonna leave this and become a kindergarten teacher.

No, no, no.

No.

I don't think they'll let you at this point.

Yeah, I okay, because I thought the story was going to go somewhere slightly different because I knew of somebody that grew up in a different country

where the plumbing wasn't good.

So you would have to throw your toilet paper in the trash.

But then when they immigrated with their family to the U.S., they didn't, or at least this person didn't know that you could flush.

So they were doing the same exact thing at like friends' houses and stuff, not knowing that you can do that here.

Yeah.

i feel so much anxiety whenever there's like a bathroom story where like we've had so many reddit stories where it's like and then the toilet flooded and then i fell into the tub and like all these things and it sounds like when he's describing like well if the poop gets there i cover it up this is like every bathroom experience for this person was like a an event a mission of like i have to fix this I get like hearing something as a kid and not being corrected.

What I'm curious about is like municipal bathrooms, like school bathrooms.

Obviously, you're flushing everywhere else in the world or like if you're even at a coffee shop, like there might be a trash can.

That's why you bring the poop bag.

You gotta bring your own poop bag and that's very polite

like that and a knife in the bag and it looks like a crime.

But no, there's like a trash can across the way.

Like there's enough situations that like I feel like even with natural curiosity, you just say to your friend like, man, don't you wish we could have the kind of toilets at home that they do at the coffee shop?

Like it just, it's just shocking.

It never came up.

Public bathrooms had to have been tough because there's no trash cans in public bathrooms so he must just do that he was just doing Kobe

I just hope he got like some guy

John Marilyn the day got worse I gotta go

y'all have trash cans in your stalls no men's bathrooms well some do because they're they're like gender inclusive so like some even like men's restroom rooms they will have like a little like something to the side in case somebody needs to throw away a product but not off

most public bathrooms I know of that the toilets like like in an airport or something they do not have trash cans right airport I just went to did um next to the toilet yeah they got

dang

bro you go to woke airport

that's crazy oh man do but you guys do you guys get Xboxes in your stalls I feel bad I feel really bad when I hear about these types of bathroom things where people have a misconception that they just live with because I'm like oh yeah like you're saying the bathroom was just like a lot of work.

Yeah.

Like, this is an extra step you were doing that you didn't need to do.

Yeah.

That sucks.

And I'm so sad.

I'm glad he learned now.

How old is this person?

24.

Okay, that's not that bad.

Yeah, it is.

What do you mean?

I mean, you know, I guess it's not as bad as 25, but like 24 sucks.

Now a big, a big lifestyle change.

Look, I he's going to be so, this person's so free now.

There's like, I look

drop it into the toilet.

I know.

So much less work.

I scoffed at at it for a long time.

And then I got a bidet, and I was like, this is crazy.

Dude,

it's wild, man.

Are we all bidet bros here?

Yes, I have a bidet with a heated seat, and it's lovely.

I've got my bidet on fire hose setting, so it helps me stand up.

Do you have to like,

I hover above my toilet?

It's just like it's Mario Sunshine.

It's the second thing for Mario Sunshine.

I never realized that thing in Mario Sunshine is just a bidet.

It was, and then Mario changed his life.

Because for years, he was like, uh scientists were like we should make a sentient bidet and it was just the worst existence yeah you know that guy that does like the breathing exercises wim hoff yeah he like perforated his colon because he was using like a fountain as a as like a bidet

hmm thank you he became the fountain

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Yeah.

Well,

anyways,

don't use public fountains as bidets.

Yeah, I would say so.

Hear that, everyone?

Now you know.

We have some comments here.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I cleaned bathrooms in retail for a few years, and you're not the only one.

I found a shocking amount of shit paper in the trash receptacles on a regular basis.

So he's one of many.

Someone said, to be frank, a lot of countries have piping systems that don't support toilet paper, so it's not an unreasonable thing to conclude.

Your mom gave you shitty instructions, which led to your shitty situation.

This varies from location to location.

Almost everywhere I've been, you flush toilet paper.

But where I was in Brazil, for example, we were instructed not to.

So if he does travel to other countries, he's going to be very prepared

for the life there.

So

people will check in after and just be like,

wow.

Like, you get it.

You're really cool.

Thanks for doing your research.

Anyways, next story.

Today, I messed up by telling a stranger his triceps looked yummy.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

And Shane, I apologize.

It's okay.

Thank you, Ian.

I am a 35-year-old man, happily married to a woman with two kids.

Much to her chagrin, I am a chatterbox.

I love chatting with a stranger, getting a piece of their story, and making a new friend.

I've been going to my local gym for five plus years.

It's a fairly close community, so I know most people that go there, especially the 5 to 7 a.m.

crowd.

Well, last week there was a new guy there in the morning, around my age, that I'd never seen there before.

So, in true me fashion, I strike up a conversation introducing myself, getting his name, talking about our workouts, etc., etc.

Super nice guy.

Fun conversation until I finish off with, well, it was good chatting.

Sure, we'll see each other again.

Keep working on those triceps.

They look yummy.

I have never used yummy to describe anything, not to mention just a weird thing to say to anyone in my opinion.

He gave me the most what the fuck look I've ever received.

I get all flustered, apologize, say not sure why I said that, went to the other side of the gym and finished my workout, hoping to God he doesn't need to come to my side.

i do public speaking for a living i rarely get flustered i've been thinking about it for three days and want to find a new gym tldr tried to bro down with a stranger at the gym told him his triceps were yummy as we were wrapping up the conversation i was mortified he was hella weirded out and i'm now looking at options to leave the country okay here's here's where here's where he fucked up when you say something so out of pocket like that, you just got to double down on it.

You got to be like, yeah, they look yummy I just want to munch on them

you gotta stop you have you have to establish dominance you can't let the other person

you know make you feel

he's gotta put a foot up on a bench and drape a towel over his shoulder and go you know Justin Bieber yummy triceps yeah yeah

you yeah because if you if you acknowledge that it was weak your lips and apolog

if you apologize for it you've lost you've lost yeah yeah i will say like, yeah, I think there's something to that.

Honestly, I think you have to, like, double down by, like, doing it to someone else being like, like, people that you know just be like, hey, Chris, good to see you, man.

Hey, keep your day yummy.

Like, hope your workout's yummy.

And then just be like, oh, that's my thing now.

Like, that's what I said.

That's what I'm going to do.

Oh, boy.

And those biceps.

Fuckable.

Or you can, like, I don't know, if you know people in the gym, have them do it too and just be like, hey, dude, the squats you were doing looked yummy.

Like, they got to have your back.

Yeah, it's true.

I think there's worse.

You got to spot someone.

I feel like you can recover.

You can recover from yummy.

Yeah.

As long as you're like...

Name them.

I mean, as long as

it didn't come off as like sexual harassment, you know?

Totally.

It does a little bit.

It does a little bit.

It does a little bit if it's like if it's from bro to bro.

I'm imagining though that the way his phrasing of it, like his, his,

you know, annunciation of it.

Yeah, those triceps looking great.

Like, I think he's saying, like, oh, yeah, your triceps are looking great.

But, like, what he said was like, oh, yeah, and your triceps looking yummy, man.

And just being like...

It's worse that you didn't do anything with it.

What you weren't like, yummy.

It's like, oh, your triceps look yummy.

Like, it's just, it's worse than it's normal.

Like,

it's like the way you're pronouncing it doesn't sound like sexual harassment, even though the phrasing of it does.

It's rough.

It's also rough that it's it's somewhere between five and seven a.m.

it is 6 a.m.

in the morning when he is saying this to this guy that makes a lot more sense because my brain

is not working I don't typically like talking to people at the gym because I go early in the morning and I'm just like I'm out of it like I am on autopilot here yeah that's definitely like tortotillio that's like zone yeah

Someone said, ain't nothing wrong with appreciating a fellow bro's yumminess.

Someone else said, I would just move to another continent and start a new life on a farm.

Someone said, okay, I feel this.

I used the word tasty to compliment a co-worker on her recent nails from the salon.

They were a creamy, pinkish, icing-like color and legit looked delicious.

Oh, they did not let me live that one down.

Someone said, you should have clarified that you have select tastes in human flesh.

That would have solved the matter for sure.

Someone said, it would be kind of funny if this is how you found out you're bisexual.

Oh,

interesting.

You know, I feel bad like making fun of this guy because I do think it's great to like compliment people.

It's great to like support people.

There doesn't always have to be this underlying current of like, oh, what if you're attracted or whatever?

Like, if you are great, but like, it's, it's wonderful to just support people, but not everybody's down for that.

And I feel like Yummy is like a 10 out of 10 on the

guy he just met.

Yeah.

No, I actually think like in some ways it's better that it's like it was not like some like a woman that he just started talking to.

And that way I feel like I wouldn't be like, ha ha, you have to move.

I'd be like, like, ha ha, stay away from her forever.

I'd be like, you have to go.

Please, please don't call the college.

It's rough, though.

Just give me a three-minute head start to run.

He did say that he followed up by saying, I don't know why I said that.

Like, he did clarify that he immediately was like, oh, I don't know why I said that.

That was silly.

See,

I feel like that.

Yeah.

When you do that, though, then it's like, oh, I don't know.

I think it makes it more weird.

Interesting.

I think you just got to lean in, you know?

I don't know the tuck and roll for this situation.

I don't know

how you lean into any of it.

Okay, what would we do if we were on the receiving end of being told our triceps are yummy?

I've had compliments like that that make me, I just go like, oh,

okay, thank you very much.

They sort of show like, like a little bit like a, all right, but I still say like, thanks so much.

So I think, like I said, it's a lot based on the body language and the way they're saying it that I'm like, I'm getting that this guy's not saying it in any sort of like harassing sexual way.

He's saying it in such a casual, nonchalant way that I'm like, oh, maybe you are just a guy who's a jokester or whatever, or like you're just, that's how you are.

I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sure.

But it would definitely, you'd be thinking about it.

You're not starting at zero with this person.

You're a little in the red.

You've got to like build back later.

Yeah.

It's hilarious to read about them.

Yeah.

Shane, those pants, scrumptious.

Thank you.

They actually, they do look like a nice tomato paste.

And I like that.

Oh, like a vodka sauce.

I'd say definitely a vodka sauce.

Yeah, like a vodka.

Yeah, like a vodka sauce.

What are we saying?

Vodka sauce?

Yeah, I think we're saying a vodka sauce.

Paul the room, vodka sauce?

Oh, pasta diabolo.

Our next story.

Today I messed up.

I fell asleep in the bathtub.

Scary.

Ooh, that is scary.

Ooh, pruny.

So I have the flu and a bunch of mini issues that came with that.

Ear infection, nausea, headaches, etc.

So for the first time in a very long time, I decided I was gonna soak in a bath.

I have like three bath bombs in the back of my bathroom cupboard.

I've had for maybe about two years because I usually shower, not bathe.

And I decided I wanted to use the glittery peach one.

To my horror, and apparently my husband's, that peach glitter bath bomb is neither peach nor glittery, but the closest red I've seen to blood.

I'm soaking and I knock out.

I must be a shallow breather.

From what I was told, I was faced away from the door and the way my hair draped down made me look as though I was face down in the water.

I am a very, very, very heavy sleeper.

I have like 20 morning alarms to wake up and still tend to get up late.

So my husband touching my leg didn't wake me up, nor did his scream.

And apparently my skin felt ice cold.

My brother-in-law runs in and starts freaking out, running back to find his phone, and my husband tries to grab and hold me.

I imagine this was very dramatic.

And in that process, my head goes under the water for a second and I pop up because I got water in my nose.

I'm confused as to why my husband is crying.

My brother-in-law runs back in thanking God and husband is trying to find out where the blood was coming from.

I'm obviously terrified by the audience while I am butt naked in this bath.

And as if it couldn't get worse, I was asleep so long the bubbles were gone, so I was just exposed.

I yelled at them to get out and just stood up and showered.

Definitely not a fan of this situation.

Gonna stick to showers.

Gonna avoid my brother-in-law for the rest of my life.

Uh, we have a photo of the bath water,

um, and it's like a yeah, it's like a fog cassage.

Yeah,

wow, oh my god, that's so sad.

That is awful.

It doesn't matter, well, it does in the end, you know, but it doesn't matter if it's like real or not.

Your brain is experiencing that.

Like, they went through the trauma of finding your wife dead and bleeding in the the bathtub.

Like, that happened to that person.

That's,

that sucks.

Yes, it's violating when she was like, yeah, it sucks that I was naked too.

I'm like, that does.

But also,

but also, that's kind of bad.

We're going to rank them.

It's like, oh, embarrassing, but like, he was going through five stages of grief in one moment, wailing.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

That's, that is the king

of all the mess ups that we've read about today.

That is the worst one.

Yep.

I fell asleep in the bathtub and caused unrepairable trauma to my husband and brother-in-law.

On the plus side, now we know what our next April Fool's joke is going to be for Smosh.

Yeah.

I've never been more grateful that we don't have a bathtub at Smosh.

Yet.

I saw a little movie called Nightmare Before Christmas.

They got ones with legs that can walk.

And I think

that's what we need.

Oh, I love that little claw foot tub that crawls around.

Oh, yeah.

I like that.

Oh, I like that.

My God.

Also, just kind of dangerous to fall asleep in a bathtub.

Yeah, that's actually so.

I guess that, like, looking at the water here, it's not too deep.

Like, it's like a bad thing.

It must be a damn good bath bomb.

I think she just had the flu real bad.

That does sound really nice.

I want a bath right now.

I don't think that's.

I see what you're up to.

We're going to find you dead, we think.

Ah, you got me.

You got me.

That's terrifying.

That's awful.

That is horrible.

That's really awful.

Someone said, on the positive side, it's nice to know that your family love you and ran around like the proverbial decapitated chickens to help the best they could.

Well, yeah.

No, you don't have to love somebody to be horrified by thinking you're coming across a corpse.

Hey, Stephen, come look at this shit.

Oh my God.

Yep.

That's so embarrassing.

Oh, dude.

All right.

Who do we call for this?

Oh, my God.

Her blood smells like peaches.

Opie responded.

She told us she needed to cut down on the sugar.

Opie responded, they are super loving.

It's funny because they're seriously assholes, kind of, bully me often, but when I'm sick or hurt, they both spring into action and help me in whatever way they can.

Someone said, I work in 911 dispatch.

If someone called and we were told what you described in this post, it would straight up go out to the firefighters as an obvious death.

Lastly, someone said, could be worse.

My friend fell asleep in the tub with it running and ruined like three apartments all at once.

So it could have been expensive and embarrassing.

Damn.

I don't know.

I'm actually dying.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, or actually dying.

Whew.

Oh.

Wow.

That might be the worst Today I've messed up I've ever read.

Like, I don't know how you mess up worse than that.

I think like in an innocent, like in an innocent way, right?

Like,

as opposed to, like, there's Today I've messed up where it's like, oh, I committed a crime.

It's like, okay.

Yeah.

She didn't technically do anything wrong.

Nothing really

happened.

Like, as far as like curb your enthusiasm types of things happen, that is.

This is probably

the worst one I've ever read.

Huge.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't think of doing something worse than that.

Yeah.

Without committing a crime.

I could.

Okay.

I'll save it.

Okay.

Our final story, and this one is awesome.

Okay.

Today I messed up by making a five-big booms joke on a first date.

What?

Oh.

Is this you?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You fell asleep in the bathtub.

We'll give it a boom.

Wow.

I never thought I'd post on a subreddit like this, but I came back from a first date a couple of hours ago and I'm still feeling absolutely mortified.

So maybe writing it out will feel cathartic.

I, a 20-year-old woman, recently downloaded Hinge for the first time and began swiping.

I've never gone out on a date through a dating app before, so safe to say I was absolutely shitting bricks for tonight's first date with Brian, 22-year-old man.

Although we started talking off of the app prior to the date, we hadn't actually spoken on the phone, so I didn't really know what to expect in terms of how our conversation would flow in person.

Fast forward to tonight, and we ended up meeting at this cute paint bar.

Everything was going great until the topic of pets was brought up.

He noticed the lock screen of my cat and asked if it was mine.

I said yes and asked about his pets.

As I remembered, he had a pic with two dogs on his profile.

He got out his phone to show me pictures of them and sadly told me how one of them, a white, crunchy-looking Yorkie named Roxy, had recently passed after New Year's.

Now, I have no idea what possessed me in that moment.

Maybe Satan,

maybe Satan, maybe Roxy.

But I simply responded, aw, she gets five big booms.

Oh, no.

Oh, the brain rot, the brain rot.

If she died after New Year's, please tell me it doesn't have anything to do with fireworks.

Did she just sit there and go, Boom,

boom,

boom,

boom,

boom.

Ron's exploded.

And then after that, he's like, he goes, what?

She just goes.

He weirdly looked at me and just went, what?

It was in that moment I knew I fucked up.

He didn't get the reference.

I knew I had already shot myself in the foot when I said it, as I'm awful when it comes to sensitive topics like death or grieving.

But I had hoped he'd let out a little laugh and we'd move on.

But no, I initially tried sweeping it under the rug rug by saying, oh, it's nothing.

It's just from this silly video.

But he proceeded to ask me to show it to him.

I awkwardly laughed and went, really?

Really?

So I opened up TikTok and showed him the clip.

Brian, and I'm assuming Roxy, R.I.P.

didn't find it funny.

He just sat there and went, oh, I get it now.

From that point, I knew the date was doomed.

So I just gave him an apology.

She got...

The date got a doom.

Yeah, it got a doom.

From that point, I knew the date was doomed.

So I just gave him an apologetic smile and tried to make the most of things by placating the situation.

Thankfully, we were wrapping up with our paintings by then.

All in all, now I know not to try to lighten the mood of a grieving dog parent by bringing up a brain rot joke, especially on a first date.

Sorry, Brian, and sorry, Roxy.

You deserve more than five big booms.

Especially on a last date, actually.

Yeah.

Final date.

Thanks.

Final date.

I just love having to explain Costco guys in the year 2025 it's all about the rizzler now yeah yeah the rizzler's taken over yeah

cornered the market

i i gotta give people a little bit of grace on a first date like if i'm on a first date and you're hitting it off and one awkward joke gets said i'm like we're nervous like i think a great thing like when i used to when I was dating um is like kind of establishing that you're nervous on a first date just being like oh my god i'm so nervous like this is so weird because it is dates are weird especially first dates.

So, like, if you fuck up and say something like that, I'm like, come on, you didn't say something really insensitive.

No, and like, I think there's always this pressure of trying to make yourself work for the other person.

First date is like, let's try this out.

Let's see how we interact.

So, you know, yeah, that, you know, was not the best thing to say about his dog passing.

But there is somebody out there, hopefully, that would be like, oh my God, that's so funny.

Like, I love that.

Like, your humor, like, if you're not great with topics on death, they might not be either.

That's how you both deal with it you're not gonna work for brian 22 you don't fail a date it's just like oh you guys weren't a connection exactly that's all it is and some people yeah i mean like they they don't deal with like grief or loss in the same way as others and some people you know it's comedy right exactly it's just like no i mean it's yeah it's kind of mad like you just kind of get hit with like an unexpected because i'm sure they weren't expecting that dog to be dead and so they panicked and then you know went to brain rot It's it's and that's fair.

And and it's true.

Like I've met so many people that in the like wake of like recent grief will make a really dark joke.

True.

And you're just like, okay, like that's how you're handling that.

For me, I'll make a dark joke right off the bat for myself, but for other people, I really like to be like, maybe it's too vulnerable.

Maybe someone doesn't want to talk yet.

So if I was just like, hey, I'm really sorry about, you know, the loss of Roxy, your dog, maybe they don't want that on a first date.

And they're just like, ah, it does not kill the vibe.

You know,

it's all about finding a match.

Totally.

Exactly.

It's like, you know, you inhale some thorium, get bone cancer.

Exactly.

That's not very skibbity.

It's not.

Pretty Ohio of you.

It's pretty old.

Some comments.

This post gets five big booms that had 2,000 upvotes.

Someone said, if my date said this about my dead cat, I'd think it was hilarious in its absurdity, to be honest.

Yeah.

Lastly, someone said, this is almost cringier than fucking to sea bat.

I don't get that reference.

You like the story.

Oh.

Yeah.

Sea bat.

I forgot the name of it.

Classic.

Anyways.

Classic.

Update.

Roxy's back.

She's now dating

the father.

The father guy.

He buried in the cemetery back there.

I'll go up there and bury

it.

Big Justice.

I think it's AJ Justice is the dad, right?

It's not Big Justice.

Big Justice.

Who's Little Justice?

I got to brush up on my Costco guys lore.

Yeah.

all right, on to the update.

Oh my god, I'm a little terrified at how over 800,000 people viewed my story, but it looks like my faux pas made at least a few of you smile, so at least there's that.

Brian, which don't worry, isn't his real name, to all of our surprise, texted me this morning saying how he had a good time last night and would like to see me again.

I guess the five big booms didn't scare him away after all.

In all seriousness, though, thank you for the much-needed laugh.

And for those who were disappointed by my TikTok usage, try not to worry about the future generation too much.

We can be driven and also enjoy an extremely dumb joke here and there.

Nice.

Yeah.

Hey.

It's great.

Hey.

Of course, we like a chocolate chunk cookie.

Wow.

Well, it all worked out.

Yeah.

Pretty cool.

And we haven't checked up on the Thorium guy.

So we don't know if that worked.

That one sounds like it'll be okay with the half-life situation.

Given the Half-Life, three.

Oh.

Well, no, the Half-Life is

sponsored by Half-Life.

It looks like three, guys.

It's coming.

It's coming, and it's a smosh exclusive.

And it's also only going to be on VR that you don't own.

And I'm Gordon Freeman.

He's Gordon Freeman.

You are.

That is lore.

That's what we're announcing today.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you for not messing this up.

There's still time, but thank you.

Okay.

Yeah, thanks for dealing with my slightly less than normal voice.

I forgot about it.

This is now your normal voice?

This is what your normal voice sounds like now.

Okay, change is weird, but I think I'm okay with it.

All right, awesome.

Thank you for watching.

And let us know what are the themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show.

And let us know your big mess ups down in the comments below.

And we'll see you next Saturday.

Goodbye.

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