A Bad Case Of The Sillies | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hello, welcome to Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane.

And today's theme, silly.

Some silly stories.

And I'm joined by two silly gooses.

Sharks,

Spencer.

Wait, wait, sing a song for us.

Sing a song?

We will take over the world with a million dollars.

My first thought was Austin Powers as well.

Oh my god!

There it is.

Same brain.

You guys are in chairs for reasons we cannot tell you.

I got too silly with it.

Spencer got too silly with it.

The couch will be back next week.

Mom and dad needed to be separated a little bit.

I was humping the couch.

I wasn't going to tell them, and now you revealed it.

No, it's...

I don't want too much.

Yeah, my neck hurt, and so it hurts

for me to be like,

Don't too much.

You just did it.

Well, no, it hurts to prolong, to keep it.

Like, I can, I was ruining when we did Resident Evil because

I like to look back at you guys.

Oh, and I was like,

I just wanted to take one more look at you.

I was wondering.

Sorry.

So Kiana picked all these stories.

Oh, my God.

They're going to be silly.

They're going to be fun.

These are going to be some extra silly stories.

I don't really know what...

What Kiana's definition of silly is, but we're going to find out.

I think anything can be silly to Kiana with the right

packaging

yeah with the most with the right packaging we're about to read the most messed up story we've ever heard and kiana's gonna be like wasn't that silly yeah like what's silly anymore you know i don't know man i think my brain is too broken uh well let's hop into these okay

okay this first story comes from true off my chest i gaslight my husband when we fight

This is silly.

So silly.

This isn't anything crazy, just something funny that that I want to tell people about, but can't risk getting caught.

My husband, who's 30, and I, 30, have been together for eight years.

For the past couple of years, I have been making him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day to take to work.

I use Welch's grape Concord jelly.

This is important for later.

Every day, he tells me that I make the best sandwiches, and I just say, I make it with love.

However, when we're fighting, he always says he can taste the difference in his PB and J, and I say, because I made it with hate.

But the truth is, he can taste the hate in his sandwich because when we fight, I use organic sugar-free grape jam.

It's in the back of the fridge, and he's never seen it.

So it's what I use to convince him that he can't make me mad or my anger makes food taste different.

So your man.

I don't like this story.

Yeah, your man lacks curiosity.

He's not exploring the fridge.

He's not exploring what it is.

I am so locked in on all of my fridge.

Yeah.

You can't hide anything.

Like, does he never go shopping?

Is it just

he only eats one PBJ every single day?

I would argue this is the ideal husband.

He's not asking questions.

Whoa.

He's like, yeah,

there was hate in that.

There was hate in that.

And it sounds like he feels like he deserves it.

Like, he knows he did something wrong.

He's at work and he's like,

my wife made hate in my sanity.

It's Touhie.

That's you.

Oh, man.

This is weird.

I was struggling.

My husband was like, I never looked in the back of the fridge.

Your husband,

he's kind of a chef, isn't he?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

I mean, he's not a chef.

But he knows.

He knows the vibe.

He cleans out the fridge like every two weeks.

Whoa.

He takes things out of ugly bottles and puts them in nice bottles.

That's cool.

And I'm like, well, we don't have to.

And he's like, we're doing it.

So

that's his vibe.

I remember your guest the fridge.

So he would have clocked the jelly.

He would have been like, what is this?

Like, this isn't hate.

This is lack of sugar.

Yeah, exactly.

And what is hate if not lack of sugar?

Oh, my God.

So true.

Oh.

Ow!

Oh!

Oh, he broke my knuckles.

My hidden is broken.

That was crazy.

That's my game.

I like to hit.

That was full-on cat behavior there, Berlin.

Being all nice.

I think we would have a lot of fun if we just like fully fought.

Oh my god, like that'd be crazy.

Your whole body flies across the bottom of the body.

No, that's like that.

It would truly be a cardio funny fight.

If you guys were just shittier people, it would make for great cunts.

We are shitty people.

But like if we boxed or something, I would take your neck and the bottom of your ankle and I'd go, one, two, three.

You'd break me like Bane breaking Batman.

You'd be like,

I'd be like, no.

Burke, bro.

Burke burnt.

That's really good.

Comments on this.

Naughty husbands get the sad jam.

You didn't read that in the right accent, bro.

Naughty husbands.

Naughty husbands get the sad jam.

We shan't be telling your mother about this, shan't we?

Shan't.

Someone else said, this reminds me of something I occasionally do when my kids are being stinkers.

I make their sandwiches with end pieces that are all crust.

Stinkers.

There's nothing unsexy about a parent calling their kids stinkers.

Yeah, I feel like.

You look at your husband, you're like, God, he was hot.

And then he calls his kids like, you little stinker.

I feel like if I were a dad, I'd be doing that.

I know.

That's why I would take your whole body and chuck it.

We're changing the narrative.

Lastly, someone says, my barista friend said when a customer is rude, she makes their latte with decaf espresso.

It's her way to get a little dig in.

That's devious.

What would we do as on Smosh?

We'd be like, oh,

we take out a Reddit story.

Yeah.

Like, we should, we make it.

We delete our best Reddit story.

I think my favorite moment where I feel like I kind of got to punish the audience.

I don't know if punish is the right word, but just get to

slap in the face kind of was Smosh Mouth where it appears and it's Angela in the lime shirt.

Those kind of pranks are

so funny.

And I mean, I think like in a way,

I think maybe people people perceived like when we had you guys do the staring contest.

Like that was like, that was like a punishment, but it's like, no, we just, we thought that was legitimately really funny.

We thought you guys.

It was the best content we've ever done.

Legitimately so funny.

And I'm sorry, I'm always going to, but people love to cite that as like, oh, Smosh Games is washed.

It's like, I counter that and say that was actually one of the funniest things we've ever done.

That's so hard.

It was really great.

Okay, our next story.

Our next silly story.

Silly.

That one was.

That was so fast.

That was really silly.

Yeah.

So we've already got hate sandwiches.

Am I the asshole for not knowing a candle wasn't supposed to be lit?

Parenthesis, it had wicks.

Oh.

Me looking at my DVD collection.

Like John Wick, I guess.

John Wick.

Yeah.

I wouldn't actually own those, though.

I went to the bathroom last night and it was stinky.

So.

What happened?

These are so silly.

Dude, my little stinkers?

So I dropped some stinkers.

Like, hell dad,

So, being the considerate boyfriend I am, I lit the candle my girlfriend left on top of the toilet, and then we went to walk the dogs.

The candle looked like most scented candles I've seen.

Round glass, tan-colored wax inside.

Yeah, round glass, tan-colored wax inside, smelled good, had fucking wicks.

We get back, smoke alarm is going off.

House is cloudy, but no worse than burning food in the oven.

Smoke's worse in the bathroom, so I blow out the candle, and she tells me you're not supposed to light that candle what the fuck why would it have wicks why would she put it on top of the toilet to me it's like having a doormat you're not supposed to step on in front of your door do most guys know about this she seems mad at me but i told her it's crazy to do that am i the asshole

to me i don't know what this candle is but i do i am someone i never leave a candle lit when i'm not in the house no no you blow out all the candles yeah of course that's a recipe for disaster wait a second i know there's like bathroom things that smell good but if it has a wick i would light it too.

But then I would blow it out.

Discussion of leaving an open flame in the house is one thing.

She's mad at him for lighting this specific candle, which he was like, this candle looks like it was supposed to be lit.

She's mad at him for lighting that when it's like, oh, this isn't meant to be lit, because it just gave off a bunch of smoke.

I think I'm a little empathetic, because this sounds like something I would do.

I think his reaction is bad.

He needs to be like, oh, I fucked up.

Yeah.

Like, hey, sorry, but it's also

a little crazy that there are candles you aren't supposed to light.

I kind of think it's silly that there's.

So the verdict was, you're the asshole.

Comments, dude, never leave a candle lit in a room you're not staying in, but especially not when you're leaving the house.

Your girlfriend might have wanted the candle because it was pretty, and you can pick it up to smell it.

Yes, I can see why you thought it could be lit, but that takes a back seat to lighting it and then leaving the house.

You're the asshole.

It was stinky.

Someone else said, you're the asshole.

All candles have wicks, even the decorative ones.

But more importantly, all candles that are meant to be burned need to have the wick trimmed first.

If you don't trim the wick, then the candle is a fire danger.

Did you trim the wicks?

I bet not.

You also never leave a burning candle unattended.

Don't ever light a candle in the bathroom and leave the bathroom.

I didn't realize this is our candle.

Yeah, my goodness.

Jesus Christ, bro.

Oh, my

God.

This is Yankee candle.

Hold on, what's the point of decorative candles?

Light that fucker.

Yeah, I don't understand that.

Like, I love candles, but I get candles.

I get candles that are meant to be lit.

I mean, he's an idiot for leaving it.

Like,

why did it smoke so bad?

Because it's clearly a candle that's like, it's a decorative, it's like a kind of a decorative candle.

And also, if it's a candle that the wick needs to be trimmed, but most candles I get already have that.

Oh, no.

She has decorative towels that you're not supposed to touch, probably.

Lastly, someone said, you're the asshole.

One, you don't leave a lit flame when you aren't in the house.

You screwed up just by doing that.

Two, not all candles are are meant to be lit.

Some are just for decoration.

Three, all you needed to do was ask if it was okay to light the candle.

But this is so stinky.

It's so weird to me that someone would ask every little thing, like, is it okay if I lit this candle?

I did a stinky.

I am super, I am super unfamiliar with the idea of a candle that looks and has wax

but isn't meant to be lit.

Especially placed in a place like the bathroom where it's like, and there must have been matches or maybe candle lighters.

Maybe he's supposed to turn a lighter on.

But

I,

yeah, or maybe the wick wasn't trimmed, I guess.

This is so silly.

I want to hear Kiana's take on this story.

Yeah, the only thing that I will flame him for, silly, is

I don't light candles that leave the house.

I don't.

I don't.

I wonder how long they've been dating.

Like, how long has he seen this candle there?

He's always been thinking about it.

He's like, I got to light that thing.

How intense was his number two?

Yeah, it must have been bad.

It must have been stinky.

All right.

update.

Oh, ow, why?

Why is there not?

Crazy story to have an update.

I've never been more pleased.

Okay.

It is a fucking candle.

Like, candle.

Candle.

I've been at work all night, but I got home and just looked at the bottom.

Instructions say trim wick to a quarter inch before lighting.

I did not do this, being the apparent caveman.

I see candle, I light candle.

She's asleep, so I can't rub it in her face after she said that candle isn't supposed to be lit.

They're not meant for that.

But this is all I need.

Am I the asshole for leaving it lit for a quick piss walk before bed with her and the dogs?

Yes.

Am I an asshole for thinking this stupid thing was in fact a candle?

No.

The cutting the wick thing was ignorant for not thinking the protective lid that usually comes with a plastic peel around it would have prevented someone from lighting it.

Otherwise, they probably should make the damn things ready to go.

Here's a lesson to anyone out there about to light a candle.

Apparently they have instructions.

I now know she was wrong and we never got into a major fight so I will humbly and in the least petty way just leave the candle upside down next to the sink so when she wakes up first to brush her teeth she can know that this candle was in fact meant to be lit and that I was right.

Yeah that'll work.

That'll work.

Yeah, that'll

go great.

She's gonna love that.

She's like, honey, you were right.

It's Christmas?

I can't add links or pics here, but it's called Mermaid Shimmer from at home.

I may be dumb, but I can hang my hat up knowing I had every right to light it.

Good night to all and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I gotta be honest, you're the asshole for just how you wrote that, man.

Also, upside down, that means the wick's gonna get all wet, and then you're never gonna be able to light it.

We try to light it.

Don't yes,

we were trying to be empathetic to this guy, but the way he wrote that update just solidified that he is.

So good night to all.

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I'm like, go fuck yourself.

Go fuck yourself.

I hope you catch on.

mermaid glitter, or whatever it's called.

I thought it was kind of funny.

Oh, no, Spencer.

Spencer, did you write this?

Yeah, I mean, to me, it's just like, it's more of like a, it's, it's more of a fuck you to this, like, Reddit.

Like, you know, if some, if Reddit attacked me for being like, dude, you didn't trim the wick, you're, what are you fucking stupid?

Like, I'd be like, you know, fuck you guys.

Like, I'm gonna go, like, live my life.

I'm gonna go sleep next to my girlfriend.

Like, like,

Spencer is the coolest ever.

I will say,

I don't know how common of knowledge the trimming of the wicks is.

I did buy a wick trimmer after, you know, well, I'm friends with Kiana, who's a candle extra.

But I feel like that's a like, you're in the know.

Here's the thing.

I also love candles, and not all candles you need to trim the wicks.

Some come pre-trimmed.

I've never trimmed a wick on a wood wick is great, but it can be loud and crackly.

Crackle.

Oh, I have one at home.

But I kind of like it.

I love it.

What about a three-wick candle?

Then it goes too fast.

Ooh, see, I like it because I like the throw.

Peyton Manning.

Fucking crazy, man.

The throw is like how much.

Is it Peyton Manning?

It's like, it's how much scent it puts out.

It's like, oh, this candle is a good throw, means

it puts out a lot of smell.

This thing is throwing scent around.

Whoa.

I went to the club, she was throwing candles.

Slang and scent.

She was throwing.

Yeah.

Okay.

Here we go.

Moving on from that silly one.

That was so silly.

That was pretty silly.

Yeah.

This next one comes from True Off My Chest.

Opened Red Tube, parenthesis pornography, on work laptop.

Received invite to meeting with management the next day.

Buddy, come on.

I was so stressed.

I just have to let this out somewhere.

At some point, I logged into my Gmail on my work laptop and all of my Chrome bookmarks were imported.

I enjoy wholesome amateur pornography created by real couples where you can tell they actually love each other and are enjoying themselves.

I love that.

At some point I bookmarked.

I just said

that's so funny.

I only like porn where I can tell they love each other.

At some point I bookmarked a Red Tube link with a title like Super Real and Authentic.

On Monday I was attempting to find a public records link for work with a similar name like supervisor but clicked on that link and suddenly saw a red tube on my work laptop.

I screamed out loud.

I deleted the bookmark and my browsing history.

The next day, I got a Teams invite for a meeting with management for Thursday, today.

We had the meeting today.

It was an annual performance review, and I did fine.

There were no issues.

If the IT guys saw that, they did not rat me out.

I haven't been this relieved since the moment I gave birth.

It's a woman.

Oh, it's a woman.

Women can porn.

She loves watching porn.

Women watch porn?

Oh, yeah.

Women watch porn.

I like her saying that she screamed out loud, just like she's on her laptop and just gets pulled up and she just goes, oh!

I feel like this is a lesson in keeping your personal stuff and work stuff separate.

Yeah.

That can't accidentally happen.

Also, you need to, like, once you go on the site, you need to immediately delete it, delete your search history, and just.

They were bookmarking stuff.

So, you're like, you, well, yeah, I've never bookmarked porn.

No.

I just remember it.

I can fairly say.

I remember all the details, all the tags, everything.

I can find it.

Yeah.

Searching myself.

Yeah, I have the Sherlock Holmes.

My mind palace.

I go to my Mind Palace with screens of porn.

Porn where they love each other.

Only where they love each other, though.

That's fine.

I'm fucking homegrown.

Red Tube.

I feel like Red Tube was such a big one.

I got to make sure they're married before I watch it.

I need to see that ring.

Yeah, it's funny.

I mean, not to get too in the weeds, but I feel like Red Tube was such a thing in 2013.

Yeah.

But now it kind of fell off.

It's a name I've not heard in a long time.

Yeah.

Oh yes.

Yes.

Red tube.

The old magics.

The lost arts.

Red tube.

This is from a month ago.

Whoa.

I got to see if she's still up.

Yeah dude.

I got to find this vid.

Oh.

Whoa.

Whoa.

They love each other.

They're kissing.

I love it.

They're hugging.

Yeah.

You can't.

This is your work iPad.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine Reddit Story is Bailey's like, hey, can we stop down?

Shane, what are you doing?

And I'm just sweating and I'm just like,

not the asshole.

Not the asshole.

Not the asshole.

Oh, there's the asshole.

I was waiting.

Comments, it's got to be because you totally only watch the most wholesome porn.

Someone else said, as someone who works in IT, we don't care.

We're not snitches.

Lastly, someone said, a few years ago, I was working with someone who was always on Reddit at work.

Never saw what specifically, but he was a chill dude, so we never looked too closely.

One day we were testing out a new screen monitoring program with all of our CEO executives team.

It randomly switches to this guy's screen, and everyone was treated to a hentai image of some woman being demolished by some kind of monster.

The guy's supervisor just went white in the face.

He was fired the next day.

Fired?

They walked up and they're like, nerd.

Yeah, like literally, who cares?

But demolished by a monster?

Ugh, that sucks.

You don't want to see that.

Hard to see.

Not wholesome.

Oh, not wholesome.

No kissing?

Not wholesome.

No kissing?

Yeah.

No hugging?

Mm-mm.

Mm-mm.

Don't like that.

Premarital?

Not for me, bro.

No, no.

Silly?

So anyways, I fucked that cow.

I'm sorry, just kidding, everybody.

This next story comes from Best of Redditor Updates.

My boyfriend's, this is a 21-year-old woman, my boyfriend's relationship with his teddy bear is making me uncomfortable.

I've seen this film, the Mark Wahlberg one.

Ted?

Yeah.

No.

Is this Mark?

AI.

The old movie?

He's got the teddy bear it talks.

Okay, now please, no joke, this is actually serious.

Well, sorry, this is the silly episode.

Ha!

Kiana, this was supposed to be silly.

Okay, now please, no joke, this is actually serious.

I've been with my boyfriend for three months now, so it's pretty new.

So far, everything is going well, except this tiny little detail.

He has this teddy bear.

let's name him Teddy.

Teddy has always been a part of my boyfriend's life.

Teddy was given to him when he was born, and at around the age of five or six, his parents tried taking Teddy away from him.

He screamed and cried so loud without stopping, and they ended up giving up.

So he kept Teddy with him his whole life.

He mentioned Teddy to me pretty early, about a week after us being together.

He showed me pictures of him and I found it cute at first.

He had plenty of pictures of him in different situations.

Him with the mug, him laying in bed, him studying.

I truly found it adorable since I thought it was just a joke really and didn't think that Teddy was such a big part of his life.

The more we got to know each other, the more he started mentioning him.

He'd often make jokes about him.

When he had to come back to his flat, he'd say, I have to come back, Teddy is waiting for me.

And then later he'd text me, okay, I put Teddy to bed, so now I might go to sleep as well.

I don't want to wake him up.

Again, a little weird, but cute still.

But he started talking about him constantly, always linking what we were doing to him.

Oh, I wish Teddy was with us to see that.

Teddy doesn't really like people, so I won't take him with me for this party, etc.

He'd send me selfies with him at least twice a week.

He also sometimes said weird stuff, like whenever we watched a sex scene in a movie, he'd say, That's what me and Teddy do when we're alone.

Stop now.

That's a hard picture.

Everything up to then I was like, oh, it sounds like me and my cat.

Censor, don't.

I'd be like, oh, Kalio's at home.

Yeah,

everything was kind of silly until it was.

Kalio's alive.

Teddy is.

This is like Stewie and Rupert.

All of it, yeah, all of it could be passed as silly until it was like, and I fuck him.

Yeah.

Jesus.

I thought these were silly.

Or when I asked, when he lost his virginity, he answered, oh, I lost it with Teddy a few years ago.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

They were jokes that made me uncomfortable.

He always seemed to consider him as a baby slash his son slash his brother.

So him being sexualized was extremely weird for me.

I told him then that it was weird and he just laughed, but I don't think he took me seriously.

About a month ago, I told him I was okay with him bringing Teddy when he was staying around my flat.

I could see it was making him sad to leave him and also was very curious to finally see him in person.

I can't go to my boyfriend's flat.

There are rules that are strict.

He can't invite anyone.

So that day I drove to his flat and he went with all his stuff and Teddy.

When he got in the car he pulled him out from his bag and had him give me a kiss on the cheek.

When we drove he opened the window and put Teddy out of the car, a bit like a dog would.

He said it was rare for Teddy to travel like that and he could feel that he was happy.

Teddy smells a lot and my boyfriend hasn't washed him in 12 years.

For the rest of the car drive, he hugged him and gave him kisses.

He has a weird twitch where he just compulsively pats the back of Teddy.

It makes a weird sound because Teddy used to be able to play music when you pressed his belly.

He always rubs Teddy's clothes in between his fingers.

You can guess that Teddy is in a pretty bad state.

He used to be red and now he's just gray.

When we're together in bed, he always puts Teddy's mouth on my mouth and I always avoid it as I find it disgusting.

And I told him that I hate it, but he doesn't listen.

He always tries to have Teddy touch my boobs or my arse.

When we make love, I often end up finding him in between us, and every time I throw him away, my boyfriend says, oh no, he likes to watch in a joking way.

He often mentions us having a threesome with Teddy, him, Teddy, being great at...

This sentence is insane.

Okay.

He often mentions us having a threesome with Teddy, him, Teddy, being great at licking, and them always doing kinky stuff together.

Now I'm not an idiot.

I know communication is important.

I tried talking to him so many times, sometimes in a joking way too, so he doesn't feel attacked.

Like once I asked who would he choose if he had to choose between me and Teddy.

He said Teddy.

But also, so many times in a serious way, I told him I didn't like when he was rubbing Teddy on my face and body.

I told him I found his relationship.

with him way too intense and weird.

But every time he didn't take it seriously, made jokes, and never truly told me what he thought.

I should mention that he is like that for any serious conversation.

All he does is make awkward jokes and he never tells me how he feels.

He said, I love you first because he was drunk.

This is becoming hard to handle.

I had been away from him for two weeks and was kind of relieved I wouldn't see Teddy anymore, but all he did was send pictures and whenever I asked him, what are you doing or what did you do today?

His answer was playing with Teddy.

Today, he told me I was perfect, which was a surprise at first.

He doesn't give a lot of compliments.

When he said that, I said, really?

and his reply was actually no Teddy is perfect you come way after him I hate you

what's happening I just gave up and didn't reply I have three questions one am I overreacting am I the one not being tolerant enough am I some boring girlfriend who can't welcome some childishness in her couple two what should I do should I let him live his life with Teddy should I ask him to make a real choice should I ask him to just stop the sexual jokes?

Like, who am I to ask such things I don't know?

Is it my place to tell him to stop being so weird with his teddy bear and three how do I get him to finally talk to me and take me seriously girl leave girl girl rubbed

girl I mean huh

Teddy was red and now he's gray I don't feel good about that Teddy was okay now he's gray

okay um

oh wow this is a whole brand new thing this is silly this is this is a fetish guys this is silly for the fact that he's like you're perfect no just kidding.

Teddy, it's like...

Okay, that one was kind of funny.

What's going on here?

That was funny.

Okay, there are plenty of adults who have like a childhood teddy bear.

Yeah, sure.

This took such a pivot when it got very sexual.

Really,

kept getting sexual.

There are also people who

love dressing up and being teddy bears or whatever.

But this is very different.

I've never heard this type of story before.

I think him involving it in the bedroom without asking her

is like kind of fucked up and it's very fucked up.

It's like extremely fucked up and the fact that he's not like listening to her, that's enough for me to, I'm like, there's a lot of reasons for, you're allowed to break up with people for any reason, but that's like, hey, you should definitely dude, the moment that smelly ass teddy bear hit my lips, that boy would be punched in the fucking throat.

I'd be like, get away from my body.

Get that radicass teddy bear off my beautiful body.

Like, what are are we discussing?

Dude, Teddy was.

Why are we even having this conversation?

Teddy was red and now he's gray.

Teddy was red and now he's gray.

And Matt

hasn't been watching 12 years.

Yeah.

12.

This is me with a woody doll until I was like 24.

Really?

You want to talk about that?

Anymore?

No, I made that up.

I'm just kidding.

Oh.

I would.

It'll seem like you're.

You were doing Toy Story 3.

Yeah, well,

one of my secret desires, I would love like a, like, a real woody doll.

I think that'd be something.

Like life-size?

No, no, no, no.

Just like a one-to-one recreation of it.

But like, as it is in the movie.

Oh, that's cool.

And you shall have that.

Yeah, yeah.

That's really awesome, man.

Anyways, back to.

And I would fuck him.

I would fuck him.

How big is this teddy bear?

That's a great hole.

You know what I mean?

I think it's decent size.

If it's life size, then, okay.

But

this is supposed to be his.

That's his teddy bear, and he's trying to make it be.

she checked it for holes Exactly what I was thinking.

Oh god Is this just a large flashlight?

I'm sorry

Top comment How on earth am I still single?

For real?

That's that's great.

That's great

Someone said seriously what the fuck I've been married for a couple years and as an average looking woman I ran into my fair share of weird dudes while dating but what if I had told my girlfriends even a light version of this dude's behavior They would be holding an intervention for me to get away from him.

ASAP.

Someone else said, So, I'm pretty sure I used to be friends with this dude on Facebook and ended up blocking him.

He had several profiles, one for Teddy, and would harass the hell out of women, then blame it on Teddy.

Whoa!

He has a comic/slash novel or something he's working on about him and Teddy, and he makes the girls who block him or get upset with him the villains they defeat.

If it's the same dude, he's out of his fucking mind, and you need to run.

Oh my god.

Are you serious?

That's a fucking turn of events.

Wait.

It's like some green goblin shit.

He's like dating women for research.

He's Willem Dafoe.

No, this is like, this is silly, dude.

This is.

This is not silly.

This is dark.

This guy is not crazy.

He's silly.

He's silly.

This is the silliest.

This guy is very silly.

He got too silly.

He's getting silly with it.

Please tell me there's an update.

There's an update.

Yeah, just give it to me.

Oh, my god.

Don't give it to us.

I don't know how to process any of this.

About the guy who said he knew him, fortunately, it wasn't him.

Oh, good.

That was some.

Oh, good.

It's another.

Wait, there's another guy with a teddy bear like doing this?

Yes, so.

Awesome.

Thank you so much for your help, though.

I was meant to see him today, so I picked him up and we drove to my flat.

Of course, Teddy was there, and when he came in the car, my boyfriend had him give me kisses and stuff.

I said, stop, please, in a cold way, and he stopped.

I said, we needed to talk, and he listened because I started crying.

I thought it would be hard for me to start talking, but since I was so stressed with all your comments, I just broke down and cried.

I told him how I needed him to stop with Teddy, that he needed to stop being so close and dependent on him, that Teddy shouldn't come to my flat anymore.

At first he was silent, but then he said he didn't understand why I was so uncomfortable with it, that he was purely joking, that he knew Teddy wasn't real, and that it was hurting him to see that I thought he had a problem.

I was extremely disappointed by his reaction and just told him I needed a break.

I drove him back to his flat, and that's where I am now.

And stay there.

That's some gaslighting shit.

Dude, you talked about having sex with your teddy.

I was just kidding, bro.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't what?

I don't know if he's kidding.

He brings the teddy from his place.

No, that's what that's what I mean.

Like, I'm saying,

yeah.

And he's like,

hi.

Dude, Teddy was red.

And now he's gray.

Yeah.

No, there's no, there's no backtracking.

You can't, like, nope.

Nope.

There's pictures of Teddy.

Show us.

It's just fully Freddy Fazbear.

I don't know what to think.

If it's Freddy Fazbear, it all makes sense.

Oh, cute.

What?

Okay, I'd fuck him.

No!

No!

Rupert?

That's a brand new story.

New guy unlocked.

Fully new guy unlocked.

Fully new fear unlocked for me.

I'm going to give it a little bit.

As a female, that's a fucking fear unlocked right now.

I'm going to give it an eight or nine on the silly scale.

I'm gonna give it a ten because that was damn silly.

It had me giggling.

Bro, my featies were being kicked.

Oh, any updates?

No more updates.

Wow.

It sounds like she's back in a way.

She leaves him.

It's done.

In every other story I've ever heard, people who are adults who still have a teddy bear, it's always kind of wholesome.

It's like, oh yeah, you still have your teddy bear.

Well, I mean, but they usually have it just in bed or like as kind of like a decoration in their house.

I i mean like as a kid i like my mom had a a teddy bear and i was like

i think even as a kid i was like oh it's weird that like an adult would have a teddy bear but now being like realizing how old my mom was like in her late 20s yeah like i don't know if you've ever dated anyone in their late 20s like a lot of people have a lot of stuffed animals around

or like early third like some people collect dolls like i would not think anything of someone being like, oh, yeah, I have my teddy bear that I sleep with or whatever.

I'd be like, yeah.

Okay, well, that was.

I'm going to be thinking about that for a minute.

Our next story.

Am I the asshole?

Am I the asshole for asking my sister to replace my jelly beans after her son ate them?

Did your son eat my jelly?

My jelly beans?

Oh my God.

So I, a 25-year-old man, recently invited my family over for dinner at my new condo.

I'm really proud of this place.

It took years of saving, hard work, and sacrifice to get here.

It's small, but it's mine, and I wanted to celebrate with a nice family dinner.

I decided to make homemade spaghetti carbonara.

I spent hours on it.

Crisp pancetta, freshly grated parmesan, whisked with eggs and pasta water for a perfect silky sauce.

Carbonara is all about timing and texture, so I was in the kitchen paying close attention to every step.

I added garlic bread, salad, and even made a cheesecake for dessert.

It was a big effort and I wanted the evening to feel special.

So hungry.

Now I keep a big jar of jelly beans on my coffee table as a treat.

I love picking out a few here and there and I always save the cream soda ones for last.

They're my favorite.

The jar has lasted a long time, and it's something I enjoy after a long day.

Until little Joe is rolled in.

My sister Laura, who's 35, brought her seven-year-old son, who's honestly a bit of a handful.

He's not used to hearing no and thinks every space is his to do what he wants.

My sister has never set limits with him, and growing up, our parents spoiled her too.

While I was busy in the kitchen, my nephew found the jelly bean jar.

I didn't notice at first because I was trying to get the carbonara just right.

After dinner, I went to grab a handful of jelly beans and realized that almost all the cream soda ones were gone.

My nephew had picked them out, leaving a mess of crumbs and broken bits.

I pulled Laura aside and mentioned it, asking if she'd noticed.

She just shrugged and said, oh, he only likes the cream soda ones, so he picked those out.

No big deal.

I tried to be polite, but I told her that those were my favorites and asked if she could replace them.

I'm picturing him having like the Patrick Bateman reaction where he's like, where he's like sweating and like singing.

He's like, those

cream soda ones.

Those were my favorites too.

Soda ones.

Impressive, yeah.

I tried to be polite, but I told her that those were my favorites and asked if she could replace them or at least get me some more of the cream soda flavor.

She got annoyed and snapped, he's just a kid, you're seriously this worked up over some jelly beans.

I told her it wasn't about the jelly beans, but that it would have been nice if she'd kept an eye on him or taught him to ask.

Laurel rolled her eyes and said, Then don't leave temptations out if you don't want kids touching them.

I asked her one more time to either replace the jar or just the cream soda ones, but she refused, calling me petty and saying I was blowing things out of proportion.

My parents jumped in to back her up, telling me to drop it and that I should know better than to have temptations out around kids.

But it's not just about the money, it's about respect and boundaries.

I put a lot into that dinner, and her response was to let her son treat my place like his personal candy store.

Now my family thinks I'm overreacting, but to me, this is about respecting boundaries.

It's about respect.

Am I the asshole for asking my sister to replace the cream soda jelly beans her son ate?

Aww.

I'm sorry.

There's no way he asked her normally.

Like, I'd be like, he's like,

Now, Margaret.

Now, Margaret, you'll see there's an absence of cream, soda, flavor, jelly beans.

This is tricky.

It's clear that this kid has maybe disrespected him a lot of times, and now he's like, all right, that's enough.

This is my place.

This is my own stuff.

That's my jelly bean thing.

I guess, okay.

There's a jar of jelly beans, bro.

I'm going real.

I have nieces and a nephew, and I'm like if I leave a jar of jelly beans on a coffee on a coffee I'm surprised if you don't eat them.

I'd be kind of like hey man I left those jelly beans out.

Yeah.

You didn't want them to be like that.

And also if she didn't want them to eat the jelly beans she could just take it up and be like all right you you're gonna go crazy here.

But she clearly didn't give an F if he ate the jelly beans because they're kids.

I can't help but judge this guy a little bit by how he's writing.

He goes into the carbonara which is completely unrelevant.

I mean, it sounds like

I'm hungry.

He's talking himself up in this.

And it's like, he's talking about, he's just like, I worked really hard on this condo and I have it.

I'm like, none of this matters.

You literally could just be like, hey, my family visited and my nephew ate a bunch of my jelly beans and I asked to replace it.

There's something, yeah, there's something valid about like, you know, like, oh, like, and they went into, like, if you have like a roommate, it's like, oh, and they went and ate all my blah, blah, blah.

And that there's like a, but it's the,

again, it's, it's what you said.

It's the way in which he's delivered the story.

It's the context.

The way he's delivered it.

The relationship is also an element.

You know, a roommate taking your jelly beans is one thing.

We know about roommates and beans, okay?

And that's a different thing.

But this is specifically a...

If a seven-year-old is coming over to my place.

Now, there's a lot of elements because I think he's not talking about the kid being the problem.

He's saying he's...

He's mad at his sister for just being like, whatever.

And his parents.

I don't care.

Yeah, and that's...

There's obviously history.

But this was a wrong example.

This was the wrong fight to fight.

Like, dude, you got like.

I'm sorry, you loved, you put the jelly beans.

Like, let, you gotta let this one go.

I agree with you, Spencer, where I'm like, not you.

How did you?

Yeah, I did.

No, no, no.

What's specific?

I love you.

I love you.

Spencer, I love you saying.

I'm not afraid of this guy.

No, but I agree.

Like, how did he ask this with a straight face?

Like, can you replace the cream soda jelly beans?

It sounds like he definitely did.

He sounds like...

Oh, he did.

It sounds like he did, yeah.

And I'm just like, I don't know.

There's a lot of things that a seven-year-old could get into where it's like, hey, that was a problem, but you left candy on a coffee table and mad that the kid ate the candy.

I'm like, that's kind of like...

Yeah, it's like, well, do you want the, do you want your sister to go to a candy store, go to the cream

like the cream soda, the thing, scoop it out, putting that in the bag?

Or do you want like a variety pack to pick them out of it?

Like, so I'm assuming he got a variety pack and dumped it in.

Unless he went, he curated it he went and he scooped them all in mixed them up i think it's her pride i think she was like how fucking dare you dude like i'm busy that that's why it was the wrong fight like yeah like i can understand parents and like the mom like not not like giving kids boundaries that's really annoying to be around super annoying i i understand that i've seen that yeah it pisses me off but i'm like

That kid hasn't been given boundaries, but that's how that kid operates.

What are the odds that the full-grown man and a seven-year-old both share an intense love of?

of cream?

There's also the element that's really funny that they both operate the same way.

And he's like, oh man, you told me that.

Maybe they're the same.

Maybe he was like that when he was seven.

You should get like the birdie bots ones and be like, oh, just kidding, that's shit-flavored bean.

What are those?

You never had, it's like the

Harry Potter one.

Harry Potter was like throw-up and like ogres.

See, my...

But I don't have...

My nieces and nephew aren't like off the rails, right?

I mean, they're going to grab candy if there's candy.

He's saying

I would do the same thing.

I'm the same exact way.

When I visit my parents,

they have a jar of MMs.

I'm going for it.

And I can literally not help but just go over and grab it all the time.

Like, that's...

You know what I hate?

That's why I've been in that jar.

I don't care.

Somebody was probably like...

I don't give a fuck.

Whoa, you know, your dad was probably watching TV and was like, ha, ha.

My dad doesn't eat those M ⁇ Ms.

Who does?

Everyone else.

Okay, then.

You think my father would eat those Minutes.

You think my father eats the M ⁇ Ms?

Ah, Jesus.

What a silly story.

This is silly.

Okay, this is funny.

I can fucking some cream soda.

What?

I can fucking some cream soda

teddy bears.

I kind of agree with this first comment.

Given the limits of this subreddit, you're the asshole.

But really,

really, you're just being petty.

They're jelly beans.

They aren't expensive, and they make more every day.

And that's the great thing.

The good good news is, did you know that they keep eating them?

They keep making more, my brother.

Buy some cream soda jelly beans and hide the jar whenever nephew comes over, which probably won't be often considering you're making a big deal about jelly beans.

Congratulations on the condo, though.

Here comes nephew.

Congratulations on your condo and your great Carbonara, dude.

Yeah.

Someone else said, you wrote, I keep a big jar of jelly beans on my coffee table as a treat.

Well, that is exactly what happened.

Your nephew discovered them and helped himself to a treat of the flavor he liked.

I get your point, but you're being very precious about jelly beans.

I tend to agree with you regarding your nephew's behavior, but again, he didn't break or damage anything.

He merely ate something which you left out as a treat.

Your response is

OTT to the point of your the acid.

Over the top.

Over the top.

Lastly, someone said, unless you made the pasta yourself, I can't see how you spent hours on Carbonara.

Oh my god.

People are just roasting him.

This guy just seems like there are people out there and I

always feel I almost feel like a lot of people have an aunt or an uncle like this where it's like they're just super controlling of their space.

Yep.

And when you visit, it's like

a museum.

It's really like, don't touch me.

Are we talking like the?

No, never mind.

Fuck you.

And I just

fuck you, dude.

And I get that.

I get that.

But it's also like seven-year-olds haven't learned that there are people like that where they need to really, especially a family member.

But yeah, I agree with that take of of like, this is ultimately just petty.

And

this is extremely silly.

I love the, given the limits of this subreddit.

That's a brilliant way.

Given the limits of this here subreddit.

Now given the limits, I'll declare.

You are the asshole, but ultimately it's just petty.

We do need to do a like a southern themed episode.

Yeah, that's awesome.

And I love it.

But

I'm not this one.

Yeah, but.

Update.

He's dead.

Update.

Update.

He choked on a jelly bean.

Cream soda.

Okay.

I'll accept my verdict since apparently it is normal these days to allow a child to root through a jar of jelly beans like a hog.

Truffle beans.

Like a hog looking for truffle beans.

Like a common bovant or a porcelain creature.

Okay.

This guy is...

This cartoon gear.

This guy is silly as hell.

You're killing me.

I'm sorry, man.

You're trying to say that this is crazy.

Like, apparently it's normal these days to allow a child to root through a jar of jelly beans like kids.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, that is kind of normal to me.

Like, as soon as you say rooting around, like, I'm like, oh, like,

I'm like, what's the worst thing someone could say?

And we're like, a hog looking for trough.

Okay, I want to be clear.

This update is long.

This is a, this guy is updating his post about how his nephew ate his jelly beans.

He was rooting around.

And he's actually angry, and he's actually serious here.

I'm not even, I don't even care about the ride.

I live for this shit.

This is the ideal ready.

This is so good.

Okay,

just this first one.

I love you, man.

I'll accept my verdict since apparently it is normal these days to allow a child to root through a jar of jelly beans like a hog looking for trouble.

Did or did the child not?

What I won't accept, what I won't tolerate, is the insults about my competency as a home chef.

Dude, give me a fucking check.

Give me a fucking thing.

This is so good.

This guy.

Dr.

Rita in this accent.

This guy is so silly.

Let me walk you through it so you understand why real carbonara takes time and why cutting corners would be a disgrace.

Okay, I gotta read this normally because this is too insane.

First, I went to this authentic Italian.

He's really, his update is about the carbonara.

It's just about the pasta.

I respect it.

Dude, he shouldn't have made it because he clearly is building resentment as we speak.

First, I went to this authentic Italian market with shelves stacked high with imported goods where the scent of cured meats fills the air.

They carry real pancetta flown in weekly, and I spent ages with with the owner,

Domenico, who hand-picked the perfect wedge of Parmigiano Reggiano for me, a rich, nutty block that was almost too beautiful to grate.

Next, I stopped at this tiny family-owned shop that specializes in fresh farm eggs and produce.

Carla, the owner, gets these eggs from a nearby farm, and each one is an intense, deep, golden color, perfect for a creamy, rich sauce.

This is literally Patrick Bateman talking about anything.

Finally, I swung by a salameria for

semolina flour.

It sounds dramatic, but that's the lengths I go for traditional pasta.

Where does he get his his jelly beans from?

I have a guy.

The place feels like a rustic old-world bakery, with walls lined with wooden shelves and burlap sacks stacked high.

Their semolina flour has a texture and richness that just doesn't compare.

Ideal for handmade pasta that holds up with the perfect al-dente bite.

So we did make the pasta.

He did make the pasta from scratch.

Back home, I crafted the pasta from scratch.

Flour piled on the counter, eggs nestled into a well, kneading it with care until the dough was soft and elastic, a process that took a solid 15 minutes of arm work.

Then, I let the dough rest before rolling it into long ribbons, each one dusted lightly with flour like fresh snow.

Finally, I crisped the panchetta, grated the cheese by hand, and whisked the eggs to perfect consistency.

The sauce had to be

watched like a hawk, just enough heat to turn it creamy without scrambling, with careful additions of pasta water to reach that glossy silken texture.

So yes, it took hours and I'm not ashamed to say that.

Okay, he honestly he convinced me.

I'm hungry.

This dude convinced me not to.

I want to go over to this dude's house.

I'm going to go over to his house.

I will have his carbonara.

I'm going to eat his jelly.

I'm going to fuck your job.

You're like, thanks so much.

I'm sorry, dude.

I'm going to fuck your catch.

Jesus.

Sorry, dude.

I'm going to fuck your teddy bear.

It's just a thing I do.

Wait, was that the fucking update?

This update was purely about the Carbonario.

Dude, that's not an update.

We should fully do her registry where Shane just reads this recipes.

And we're like...

Literally, I'm so hungry right now, Shane.

Me too.

I got to be honest, look, as annoying as I think this guy is, I kind of want to go over for Carbonara.

I want to go meet Domenico and Carla, and I want to go in that burlap sack.

I want to see the walls lined with wood.

With burlap sacks.

Handmade pasta is not easy to make, and to get it, it's rare.

Have you ever seen the Jackie Chan movie where he makes the homemade pasta?

You know that I have because I've seen all Jackie Chan movies.

I'm Mr.

Nice Guy.

Did you know that?

You've seen every Jackie Chan movie?

That's M.I., one of my favorites.

Uh-mi's great.

Wow.

It's a little weird tidbit about.

He sings the theme song at the end.

It's great.

Legend of Drunken Master.

Yeah.

It's been a long time since I've seen Jackie Chan.

So you've seen all his old ones, too?

Me and my little sister would watch them all.

Wow.

Uh M.I.

was definitely my favorite.

This next story is insane.

That's it.

It's just the Carbonara is just a.

That's it.

It's just

he's telling us the process of his carbonara and I gotta be honest it sounds incredible.

I am not questioning this.

I do want to compare like our favorite pasta places.

Okay,

not you.

I gotta be honest.

Not you.

Just us.

Fine.

He does sound like a great chef.

Yeah.

I think you have to be like, that's why like chefs are assholes.

You do that.

You have to be like a dead.

It sounds like the bear.

It sounds like Julie eating the beans.

He's just like, what'd you,

you ate the beans?

You ate the beans.

We got 15 orders coming in.

And you're eating the fucking beans?

He's just like, and the nephew's just like, cousin, what's the fucking problem?

Cousin!

Cousin, come on.

I like the cream soda one.

Cousin.

A gun goes off somehow, and they're like, what the fuck?

Our next story.

My partner, a 28-year-old man, whispered, I hate you, when he thought I, a 37-year-old man, was asleep.

Do you think he means it?

So, Kiana.

This is awesome.

Kiana told me this.

She read me the title of the story, and I was like, that's all I need to hear.

This is the funniest story I've ever heard in my life.

I hate you.

This is so enjoying it.

I feel like a sister would do this.

This is sister behavior.

You.

And you're just like this.

You're like,

you're like this.

And the tear drops out of your closed eye.

Yeah, literally.

And then they leave and they're like, God.

I hate you.

Okay.

This is awesome.

Me, 37-year-old man, and my partner, 28-year-old man, have been together for seven years.

We've had arguments in the past and almost broke up more than once.

The arguments have calmed down and gotten less frequent over the years.

We had an argument today while making dinner.

I put the dry pasta in the pot before putting it in the boiling water from the kettle, and this really got him angry.

I was supposed to heat up the water in the pot and then put the pasta in.

He stopped talking to me the rest of the evening.

He went into a different room and I went to bed.

At about 2 a.m.

He came into the room and he thought I was sleeping and whispered, I hate you, and walked back out.

I tried to go talk to him at around 2.30 a.m.

but he is not responding to me, just sitting on his iPad.

He may be calmed down by tomorrow.

What are your thoughts on this?

This is so fucking crazy.

I hate you.

And then try to get someone's attention while they're on the iPad.

Just like, hey, Shane, what's up?

Shane.

Hey, did you whisper?

I hate you.

I hate you.

Also, I'm sorry about the pasta.

That was dumb of me, though.

All right, I'm going back to bed.

I'm gonna make some spaghetti carbonara.

I'm in my undies.

I'm gonna go fuck the teddy bear.

Oh, Oh my god.

This is so silly.

I've never had an argument where my partner

stops talking to me in this like, if you're in a shared space, it's like, oh, it might not be like a text back for a little bit.

It's like, no, like, you know, I wanted to like kind of collect myself.

But like, if you're in a shared space.

But again, like, that doesn't matter.

I've definitely cold shouldered in a shared space and it sucks and I really hate when I do it.

And my husband's been like, you, you really, you can't do that anymore.

And I'm like, no, you're right.

No, you're right.

It's wrong.

But sometimes like, I really don't want to talk to you.

So now I go on walks.

Because

that feels better.

It's healthier.

Yeah, because if there's two people in a room and you're not talking, it sucks.

Oh, yeah.

It's like, yeah.

And I can't, so I don't, I've gotten a lot healthier.

But I've never whispered, I hate you.

I hate you.

Because someone's sleeping.

That would be kind of funny, though.

That would be so funny.

It is really funny.

Just him standing in the doorway, just, I hate you.

And then leaving.

It's...

The fact that he came into the room, whispered it, and then left.

It wasn't going to be good enough for him to just say it in another room.

So write it down.

I have a confession.

I actually did this to you while you were napping earlier today.

You did?

Yeah.

I knew I felt like I hate peanut butter and jelly.

Yeah, I woke up and felt sugar.

I woke up and I took a bite in my camera.

Yeah.

That's why I felt sick when I woke up.

Yeah.

No, I didn't do that.

Just kidding.

I know you did it.

Well, actually, I might do that because it's really funny.

That is actually very funny.

I hate it.

But the idea of them actually hearing it would like fill me with like

dread.

Oh, yeah.

So I would turn around and be like, fuck off.

Yeah, you'd be like, I wouldn't be that lynching.

What did you say?

I would not care.

This does not sound healthy.

No, no.

Not speaking to someone because of the pasta thing.

I get being upset, but like the whole night.

Dude, the comments, I'm pretty sure he means he hates you.

Yeah.

It's opening.

Someone said he definitely means it.

Time to exit stage left.

Lastly, someone said, yes, he absolutely means it.

That's fucking creepy and scary.

Time to take your incorrectly cooked pasta and leave.

That's fucking creepy and silly.

That's extremely silly, dude.

Wait, yikes, seven years?

Which makes me think, how often has he been dealing with this behavior?

This is probably the least bad of it because it sounds like their fights have like died down.

He discovered Reddit.

Like he'll be better.

He's posting.

He'll be better tomorrow.

Now he's posting.

He'll be better tomorrow.

And it's like, dude, why?

There's a dating gap there.

Dating the 20-year-old when you're 29 is, it's interesting.

It's also like, yeah,

they were 20 when they started dating him and they've been dating for seven years.

So

the younger person, the 28-year-old, has probably not

had opportunities to date other people.

They said, I hate you, the 28-year-old?

The 28-year-old whispered that to him.

But did they say, I love you?

I don't know.

Maybe not.

It just doesn't sound healthy.

It sounds like it's it's time.

I think getting so mad about the pasta and not speaking all night and then completely ignoring you is like really, that sucks.

No, an argument starting over, it's like, oh, like, honey, you...

Well,

sorry, I messed.

I didn't start the pasta.

It's not about the pasta.

Yeah, it's like.

It's not about the pasta.

It's about hate, pure hate.

This is pure hatred.

What did the pasta taste like?

No sugar.

I bet they didn't.

Carbon armor?

I bet they didn't eat it.

Well, I love how pasta has come up twice now.

Are these silly stories or pasta stories?

It's a thing.

I can't think of a silly story.

Pasta is supposed to bring people together, but it sounds like it's just pungent people apart.

Spaghetti is the silliest food.

It's my favorite food.

Did you know that?

Spaghetti meatballs?

You're very silly.

And I'm super silly.

What's yours?

Lasagna.

Flat and lazy.

No, I'm just kidding.

Damn.

Jeez.

Come on.

It was just fun.

It's just fun.

Come on.

Is it lasagna?

Because you're fat and flat.

I said a flat.

I said flat.

No, mine's actually Bowtie because I'm.

No, it's Angel here.

You're Bowtie because you're a gentleman?

Yeah.

Okay.

There's no update on that one?

No, they both died.

They're dead.

That was recent.

So he's still in his bed just like,

I hate you.

Yeah, I want to know more about the delivery of I Hate You.

Same.

Yeah.

Okay.

Last story.

Am I the asshole for not believing my boyfriend that suddenly became gay due to the altitude difference when he was on a work trip in Utah?

A confession.

You're gay.

This happened to Alex time who went to Gen Con.

No.

I was just, I made the, I already made that joke because I think I was sitting in front of them

in the bullpen when they found this story, and it spread like, it was an insecticide.

I think I, did I find the story and send it to you guys?

I think you might have.

I think I felt, so I discovered this story, and by the title alone, I was like, This is the funniest shit ever.

We gotta read this.

This is fucking awesome.

Altitude?

Yes.

That the altitude made him, he suddenly became gay because of the altitude.

In Utah?

In Utah.

It's

high altitude.

No, I get it.

Altitude changes everything.

Yeah.

Water boils at a different temperature.

Does it?

This is like me when it's a full moon.

Yeah.

I become gay.

Turn gay.

I am become gay.

I can hardly believe that I am writing this or that it happened, but I am, and it did, so here we go.

I, a 28-year-old woman, have been with my boyfriend, a 29-year-old man, for three years.

Every now and then, he has to go to Utah for a few days because his team has a customer service branch that operates out there.

I got a text from one of his coworkers who has become a friend of ours, and it said that on the trip, my boyfriend cheated on me with some guy on the customer care team.

I did not believe it at first because, first of all, my boyfriend has always identified as straight and second of all I just couldn't believe it.

When he got home I asked him about it basically expecting him to confirm it was nonsense.

Instead he got real quiet and had us sit down and said he had to tell me something.

He said it was true.

He did have a one-night stand with the guy.

I couldn't believe it.

I asked him if he was telling me he was gay or bisexual and regardless cheating is cheating.

He insisted he was not gay at all but the strangest thing happened.

He said that when he was at dinner with his Utah co-workers, he suddenly became gay.

I was was like, what?

What the fuck?

He said he thinks it was due to the altitude.

I was like, you're fucking with me, right?

But he said after he had done it with this guy, he got really confused as to how, all of a sudden, he was gay.

He said that higher altitudes can have an impact on how people think and on their emotions, and he thinks that the high altitude made him gay temporarily.

He said that as soon as he landed back home, he was back to being straight.

I was like, did he get drugged or something?

But he said that was not possible.

They were always in a group at dinner, which is when he became gay and was only alone with the guy afterwards.

He said he had done a lot of thinking on the drive back from the airport and he confirmed within himself that he was.

Yep, I'm straight.

And that his only conclusion could be that he was temporarily turned gay due to the altitude.

I was like, whatever, I guess we are breaking up.

He looked at me confused.

I was like, gay or not, you did cheat on me.

He said it wasn't his fault and that human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry and that his chemistry had been altered through no fault of his own due to the higher altitudes of Utah.

He said he couldn't believe I would blame him for something medical and scientific that was out of his control.

He really looked bewildered that I was angry about this.

I don't know, maybe he's convincing and I'm a rube, which is a country term.

A country bumpkin is what

a rube.

Yeah.

But I am starting to wonder if I am overreacting.

Like, I know it sounds insane, but is it possible to accidentally change your sexual orientation due to emotional changes brought on by altitude?

Is that possible?

And if it is, am I overreacting?

Should I throw away a three-year relationship for this?

He's acting like I'm being rude and weird.

I'm confused.

That sounds legit.

Like,

have you never been?

Have you never been like an unique

girl?

Like an airplane?

Have you never been up?

Well, everyone's gay on an airplane.

Yeah.

Yes.

And also, like, you know, how dare she?

Chemical makeup.

And also it's like...

You just do things.

You just do things.

When you're at dinner, when you're at dinner and you look at him and you just go, yeah, you and me.

Yeah.

Guys, maybe it was the fries that they were eating.

No, literally, the altitude changes food.

Like,

I believe him.

I believe him.

Everyone at a certain altitude is gay.

We don't know.

We're at sea level.

I'm straight here.

Yeah.

We don't know.

But, you know, it sounds plausible.

Yeah, no, once you get up to the Rocky Mountain High.

Yeah.

Don't Edver.

Even helicopters for me, like, I become gay.

And they're not going that high.

Oh, fucking Christ.

I jump.

I jump extra high.

Like, if I'm dunking.

You've never dunked in your life.

Whenever I'm dunking, I'm not going to be in your life.

Whenever you're not dunking in your life.

Well,

I had to stop.

Because I became gay.

I don't know.

How do you think I hurt my neck?

I knew it because

of gay.

Sorry.

Sorry.

We're sorry.

Sorry.

But

I believe.

We're being silly, but

I think everyone's really wrapped up on this, the aspect of the altitude turning him gay.

She's right.

He cheated.

It doesn't matter.

And he is trying to play it all also as if he should be able to get away with that.

He's gaslighting her at the same time.

Yeah.

He's like, how dare you?

Like, two people when they come together and it's like, okay, yeah, I kind of get that.

He's trying to say the altitude made him him cheat too.

Because he's like, oh, the brain chemistry, it's all a byproduct or whatever.

It's like.

So wait a second.

Has he been flirting with this guy?

Because they work together.

All of a sudden at dinner, you know.

No, they were at a lower altitude.

Oh, you're so right.

No, this is...

This is just clearly...

No, dude, this guy has cheated on her so many times.

So many times.

And he's like...

He was sitting in the car, like, how do I come up with this

excuse?

The altitude.

But no, there's, I would be dying dying to know if there has been any other instance of someone claiming a gay incident because of altitude.

I don't think you become gay

because you're high up on altitude.

I think he probably just liked the guy and was into it.

I mean, I should hope so.

He was on a work trip and cheated on her.

A thing so many people tease.

Guy or girl, whatever.

He's still cheated.

And he's trying to play it off.

He's coming up with an insane excuse.

Please tell me there's an update.

The verdict is not the asshole.

Ooh, the guy's not asshole.

I forgot what point of view it was for a second.

I was like, what?

Wait, the guy's not the asshole?

Comments, been to Utah a ton, haven't felt the slightest change in sexuality.

You realize that he's feeding you a crock of shit, right?

Okay, just wanted to be sure everyone was on the same page.

Now to deal with the aliens and their brainwaves beamed into my eyeballs.

Someone else said, even if it were possible, and it's not, he's telling you that he can't help but cheat on you because human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry.

Even if he's not into dudes anymore, there's plenty of girls he can cheat with because by his own admission, he can't control himself when he's attracted to someone, not the asshole.

Lastly, someone said, by that logic, anyone flying in a plane becomes gay for the duration of the flight.

And you became gay, though.

So I guess you're the one example.

Yeah.

Okay.

We have a sort of update.

It's in the comments.

OP posted a big update in the comments.

Someone commented, temporary altitude gayness happens all the time.

Tag.

OP responded, I don't know.

I have read a lot of comments, almost all of them, and it turns out there is in general a consensus that it is not true.

I knew it the entire time in my head.

I just let my heart give me doubts.

I know I sound absurd in my post, questioning if it was really possible, yet I couldn't bring myself to accept it.

Now I do.

I met my boyfriend just this afternoon.

He acted like nothing was abnormal.

I told him it was over.

He acted like I thought he was joking.

I said, come on, he cheated on me.

He said he couldn't believe I was blaming him for it.

It was the altitude, he kept saying it.

Like, seriously, he said it like 15 times in a row.

He was insistent.

I told him it didn't matter if the altitude made him gay.

He still had a choice to not cheat on me.

He accused me of being a bigot.

I said, it's over.

I love that.

That's a good pivot.

Smart move there, man.

He has texted me many times claiming that he was only temporarily and unwillingly gay due to the altitude.

He is sticking to this story to the end.

Well, I'm going to block him, and that's that.

I'm unwilling to be able to get him.

Unwillingly gay?

Is anyone else getting frustrated with the fact that he keeps bringing up the gay part, and that's not what she's talking about?

She's talking about that you cheated.

You're a bigot.

She's like, no, you cheated on me.

You cheated on me.

He's like, I can't help that the altitude made me gay.

It's like, I don't care about that.

He's trying to absolve himself of guilt

and keep the focus on the whole gay aspect of it as opposed to the cheating aspect.

I think both are like, but I think like he clearly has something.

I mean, yeah.

It's just like, and that's out of our pay grade.

I think he's trying to, I think, right.

I think.

It's beyond the scope of the subreddit.

That's right.

I don't think he's focused on the cheating part because I think he's trying to convince himself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think he's clearly saying it out loud to convince himself of a thing.

That's what he cares about.

She doesn't give a shit.

She's like, I'm mad you cheated on me.

But and then he keeps bringing it back to, well, I'm not gay.

She's like,

I didn't say you.

That's I'm not gay.

We didn't got it.

Wow.

That was silly.

Whoa, so silly.

Silly ones.

Looks like everyone's going to be going to Utah.

Know what I'm saying?

Yeah, man.

All of Smash will go to Utah and we're all going to become straight.

Whoa.

Yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much.

Like Emangela.

Sorry.

That's fucking crazy.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's true.

Wow.

I feel like I've been rude to the crew the whole time because I haven't been looking at them, but it's just, just know, like...

They feel bad.

No, they...

I hope we made you laugh a little bit.

They don't care.

They don't care.

I heard someone laugh behind me.

This has been extremely silly.

This has been funny.

This has been so silly.

I don't know what was silliest from whispering, I hate you, in the middle of the night

to jelly beans, to teddy bears that people fuck.

That wasn't silly, that was frightening.

Let me be clear.

All these stories were silly, but they were all also very serious.

Very serious shit.

So the last time I was on Reddit Stories, I think, I tried to do the bit where you like combine all the stories, and Angela was like, oh, you're doing that?

And I was like, well, I think it's funny.

But I'm like, I feel like if you were to combine these stories, you would have the most awesome story of all time.

Yeah.

That might actually be true.

That'd be a horror anthology.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I would like to, like, this is part of an extended universe, this crazy place we call Earth.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

I think the Teddy guy would, his first thing would be the Utah thing, and then he would get into a relationship.

Yeah.

And he'd have the partner that says, I hate you.

Yeah.

And then he would break with that partner, and his new partner would be the jelly bean guy.

Imagine him in the middle of the night hearing Teddy go, I hate you.

Yeah.

That is my nightmare.

This is why I don't have dolls because they come alive at night.

Do you and Shane have like a shared fear of dolls?

I hate dolls.

Yeah, him and I both hate dolls.

Oh, interesting.

I don't like them at all.

So that's where you really hate that one Resident Ew part.

Oh.

Yeah, there's a doll part.

Okay.

Sorry.

Wait, I know.

I saw.

No, it's a different review.

Oh, okay.

Anyways, yeah, so don't get us dolls if you're thinking about it, Spencer.

Okay.

This was silly, question mark.

Thank you guys for both being here and joining me for this journey.

And thank you for watching.

There is a lot to process here.

I'll gather my thoughts on them over the next two years.

Comment down below what other themes and subreds you want to see because silly was a crazy one.

Silly.

So I can only imagine what other kinds we're going to have.

And we will see you next week.

Bye.

Bye.