EP.264 - DAVID O'DOHERTY (LIVE)

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Speaker 3 I am the algorithm, I just want to help you and give you what you want and like with Squarespace.

Speaker 3 I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk

Speaker 3 Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke

Speaker 3 My name is Adam Buxton I'm a man

Speaker 3 I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan

Speaker 3 Hey,

Speaker 1 how are you doing podcasts? It's Adam Buxton here. I'm reporting to you from the glowming out here in a cold Norfolk field, early November 2025.

Speaker 1 I'm out here with my dog friend Rosie. How are you doing though, Podcats? I hope you're very well.
Thank you so much for coming back and joining us for another ludicrous conversational ramble.

Speaker 1 My ramble partner today is David O'Doherty.

Speaker 1 Here's some assorted O'Doherty facts for you.

Speaker 1 David was born on the 18th of December 1975. He is an Irish comedian, author, musician, actor and playwright and the son of renowned jazz pianist Jim Doherty.

Speaker 1 He earned a place at Trinity College Dublin to study philosophy. And there he was a member of the Jazz Society and apparently a fake breakdancing society.

Speaker 1 It was while he was studying at Trinity that he began his comedy career. Early pre-comedy jobs included telemarketing and working in a bicycle shop.
David is a keen cyclist to this day.

Speaker 1 He made his first appearance at Dublin's Comedy Cellar in 1998. By 2007, David had his own TV show on Ireland's RTE2,

Speaker 1 a six-part series called The Modest Adventures of David O'Doherty. There's a link to an episode in the description.

Speaker 1 In 2008, David won the prestigious Edinburgh Comedy Award for his show, Let's Comedy. He's had a show at the Edinburgh Fringe every year since then.
Except

Speaker 1 pandemic year and maybe the year after. And his extensive international touring also includes a couple of years when he supported Flight of the Concords.

Speaker 1 David is also a successful children's author with the Danger is Everywhere series of books and The Summer I Robbed a Bank, which won the Irish Children's Book of the Year award and was adapted for the stage.

Speaker 1 Music, of course, is a central part of David's life, and he describes his own comedic musical style as very low-energy musical whimsy.

Speaker 1 Since 2024, David has also co-hosted, along with Max Rushton, the podcast What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 1 wherein guests, including Adam Buxton, are asked to describe what they did the day before recording What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 1 The conversation with David that you're about to hear on this podcast was recorded in front of a live audience as part of the Dublin Podcast Festival in 2018.

Speaker 1 Now, I don't know if you realise, but that's quite a long time ago. So, earlier today, I sent David a voice message to ask how he felt about me unearthing this episode after all this time.

Speaker 1 Hey, Siri,

Speaker 1 You're not going to say hello?

Speaker 4 I can do that.

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 1 Thanks. Just keeps it a bit more friendly.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'd like to send a voice message, please.

Speaker 3 To who?

Speaker 1 David O'Doherty.

Speaker 4 To David O'Doherty in messages. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Actually, I think it's more like Docherty, I think. Guttural.

Speaker 3 Send it.

Speaker 1 No, that's not the message. I'm just correcting you on your pronunciation of Docherty.
I think I'm pronouncing it right.

Speaker 4 Send it.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 4 I won't send it.

Speaker 1 Please don't send that one. No.

Speaker 1 Send voice message to David O'Docherty, please.

Speaker 4 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 David O'Docherty,

Speaker 1 D-O-D,

Speaker 1 Doddles,

Speaker 1 The Doddman Out,

Speaker 2 Snoop Dodd, Dodd Future.

Speaker 1 This is lame. I won't send it.
No, don't send that one, please. Record new voice messages.

Speaker 3 Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 4 I can't help with that. You can learn more about logging your health data with Siri at apple.com.

Speaker 1 It's okay, don't worry. I'll sort this out myself, Siri.
Thank you. Bye.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 And that's the AI revolution, is it?

Speaker 1 Hey, David, Adam Buxton here. Hope you're very well.
It was good fun being on What Did You Do yesterday, earlier this year.

Speaker 1 And it reminded me, of course, that I am sitting on a great live episode of my podcast. that we recorded in Dublin in 2018.
Don't know if you can remember back that far. I I certainly have trouble.

Speaker 1 Now, why did I never get it together to put that episode out before now? You may well ask.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 1 combination of boring, technical, and organizational reasons, but I listened to it again the other day and it's really great. I loved it.

Speaker 1 So I wanted to ask if you would be okay with me putting it out now.

Speaker 1 And if it did go out,

Speaker 1 it would have the distinction of being the longest gap between recording and transmission of an episode in the history of this podcast.

Speaker 1 Maybe in the history of any podcast. Eight years.

Speaker 1 A lot has happened in eight years.

Speaker 1 Some things haven't changed. The day we recorded our episode in Vicar Street, there had been protests in Dublin over the housing crisis in Ireland.
That is sadly ongoing.

Speaker 1 Less sadly, though, we talked about the joys of cycling and music.

Speaker 3 That hasn't gone away.

Speaker 1 You played a couple couple of your own timeless songs, although one of them was about going back in time to talk to your younger self.

Speaker 1 But mainly we just laughed and enjoyed each other's company and had what I believe the Flintstones would have called a gay old time.

Speaker 1 So anyway, let me know how you feel about the world finally getting to enjoy that night with us. And if you want to let me know how you feel in a voice note,

Speaker 1 then I can include the voice note in this introduction. Unless of course you're pissed off and you just leave a very bitter rant about what a disrespectful, disorganized live podcast twat I am.

Speaker 1 Either way, thanks for a great night all those years ago. Lots of love.
Speak soon.

Speaker 3 Bye.

Speaker 1 There we are. That's the message I sent to David.
And just a few minutes ago, I got this reply.

Speaker 1 Hey, Adam Buxton. Greetings from CD of Row 4 on flight EI167 from Heathrow to Dublin.

Speaker 5 It hasn't taken off yet.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 5 EI167.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 5 I do remember our gig.

Speaker 5 I was 42 then.

Speaker 5 I'm 49 now.

Speaker 5 I don't think, I remember it having been really fun at the time and thinking, oh yeah, I can't wait for people to listen to this.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 5 Adam, that only went on for five years, I would say. I don't know what I thought happened to our episode, because it was a live one.

Speaker 5 I know they can be a bit weird sometimes, and I thought maybe I'd been a bit too sassy or something on it,

Speaker 5 but I say yes, you may put out our chat from October 2018.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much, David. Very nice of him to get back to me.
And I apologize to him and to you, podcats, for the delay to your service.

Speaker 1 If you you like, you can pick up a delay repay form, fill it out, and absolutely nothing will happen. I don't think I need to explain too much in our conversation.

Speaker 1 Some of the more visual sections have been edited out, but I hope you enjoy these selected chunks, including a little bit in the middle during the interval when myself and David carried on chatting in my dressing room before going back on stage.

Speaker 1 I'll be back at the end with a tiny bit more waffle, but right now, with 2018 David O'Docherty,

Speaker 3 here we go

Speaker 3 Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that.

Speaker 3 Come on, let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat. Post on your conversation coat and find your talking hat.

Speaker 3 Whatever you want. Do you want to?

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's sit down. Let's sit down.

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 3 Huge number of bicycles. I cycled to the gig here this evening.
Yes. And I'll say this about what do we call the people who come to your live podcasts? Podcasts.
Podcast.

Speaker 3 The French for that is ramble chat. Oui.
Yeah, we.

Speaker 3 De Romble. Oui.

Speaker 3 A whole lot of cyclists here. I mean, I don't want to say that they're not a really successful group of people that come to your gigs.
But it wasn't a whole lot of five Series BMWs out there.

Speaker 3 There was a big rally about housing today here.

Speaker 3 I'd say a lot of the audience were at us and they were like, the last thing we expected was to have these pricks. You know.
Oh, it's, I didn't know this was the Patriarchy Live.

Speaker 1 I think I saw that demonstration actually. It was outside my hotel.

Speaker 1 And I was standing in my bathrobe looking out at them and I thought, good on you.

Speaker 1 Bloody good job. Actually,

Speaker 1 I did go, I walked past them, and as I walked past, there was a photographer there, and he was, I swear to you, saying to one of the protesters, a young woman, short hair, kind of a Mohican and a radical look going on, shall we say.

Speaker 1 And this photographer, who was a kind of a middle-aged, cheesy photographer guy, no disrespect, he's apparently a genius, was saying, okay, let's get one more, this time chin up a tiny bit and look sort of defiant, but with a bit of a smile.

Speaker 3 Sure, you've nowhere to live, but on the upside, it's quite a nice day today. So not a bad time to be able to do that.
We don't want to put people off.

Speaker 3 If you look angry the whole time, people won't listen.

Speaker 1 It's here. I got your present.

Speaker 3 I know,

Speaker 1 London. I don't know if you've been to London,

Speaker 1 but this is a real

Speaker 1 London bear from London Airport.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 They're the bears that protect your queen. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And this bear, I mean, he's dressed as this is a strange bear, really, if you think about it, because he's dressed as a beef eater and they protect the queen. And he's wearing on his head a bearskin

Speaker 3 hat.

Speaker 1 So he's a sick bear.

Speaker 1 He's a grotesque kind of Hannibal Lecter-style bear that they've got protecting the queen.

Speaker 3 He's a grizzly with a black bear hat on his own head. Right.
So there's, yeah, even within the bears, then, there's a sort of hierarchy, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, fuck the grizzlies. This is what I think of the grizzlies.

Speaker 3 I'm going to wear your whole body as a hat.

Speaker 1 And that still happens. I googled, do the beef eaters still wear bearskin hats? Because you would think like surely 2018 someone must have sent a memo to the MOD.

Speaker 1 This is what the MOD says about the bearskin hats.

Speaker 3 The MOD, no, no, what was that? Ministry of Defence.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's right.

Speaker 1 Paul Weller runs, he protects the queen

Speaker 1 with his beady, angry eyes.

Speaker 3 Have you ever met Paul Weller? And no, but I'm friends with Connor O'Brien, who would be Villagers. He's my neighbour, and he has worked on a song on the new Paul Weller album.
Oh, really?

Speaker 3 Which he says is really good.

Speaker 3 He's one of those people who he has been around for so long and continues to put out records that people like. I think that's the blandest statement I've ever...

Speaker 3 I was looking at the blandest rock writing of all.

Speaker 3 So I'm obsessed with the most mild form of literature of all is in-flight magazine journalism. Okay? No, there's two mild sorts of literature for me.

Speaker 3 The one I'd love to write is in glossy magazines for ladies mid-30s plus. There'll be a letter from the editor at the start where she's like this, swooshing her hair around like that.

Speaker 3 And it'll be like, hey gang, boy, do we have a great issue for you this week. She's always happy about it.

Speaker 3 That is a mild form of literature, but it's not as mild as rock reviews in Irish in-flight in the Erlingus magazine. It'll be like, Ed Sheeran's back and he's done it again.

Speaker 3 You're never going to get one of those legendary MME reviews, which is just like, what the fuck is this? Sheeran, what are you doing, you absolute cunt?

Speaker 3 One star.

Speaker 1 But I like that. I will be sad the day that those in-flight mags get edgy.

Speaker 1 You know, because there'll be some tosspot who wants to like, let's really shake things up. I think that it's to create a comforting atmosphere on board a big death machine.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there is that, but then there's the sort of awful mix of capitalism.

Speaker 3 You know, the golden rule in visiting any city is never do anything that's recommended in an in-flight magazine, or especially that's taken out an ad in an in-flight magazine.

Speaker 3 Have you ever, Irish people, have you ever looked at the ads in the Erlingus magazine? There are four of these places none of us have ever been.

Speaker 3 It'll be like Dardley O'Boxtys, you know.

Speaker 3 And it'll be something like Ireland's oldest pub since like 637, or you're something like, what? How is it possibly that old?

Speaker 3 At midnight, an Englishman will be ceremonially killed, just as has happened since the eighth century.

Speaker 1 All of that sounds good, by the way.

Speaker 1 Is Dardley Oboxteys real?

Speaker 3 You got me a present, I got you a present as well. So I have a bicycle obsession,

Speaker 3 particularly bicycles of the 90s and I enjoy everything that accompanies it. The real height of the blatant drugs era.

Speaker 3 I mean everyone's still on drugs but at least now the drugs they're taking are a little more complicated.

Speaker 3 I buy these X Pro bikes, you buy them on eBay for four or five hundred quid, where you can, like it has ridden the Tour de France, running your nose along the saddle.

Speaker 3 You get a stench of EPO off us, or whatever.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 then a big part of cycling, particularly in the 80s, was your bum.

Speaker 3 Like that was to stop it getting, particularly in the mountain stages, with the cooling of shooting down the mountains where your sweat could potentially freeze on a cold day because you're going so fast, and then sweating as you go back up again.

Speaker 3 So it was all about taking care of your

Speaker 3 butt.

Speaker 1 Of the Netherlands.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And so with that in mind, a key product was Le Creme lubrefrante par excellence pour le chamois. It's chamois butt er.

Speaker 3 Oh mate. So it's B-U-T-T

Speaker 3 comma R.

Speaker 3 And even if you're just going to the shops, because I know you like to cycle, I need you to smear half a tube of that down there now to prevent saddle sores.

Speaker 1 The ultimate skin lubricant. Now do you say chamois or chamois?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think we say chamois, but...

Speaker 1 Chamois cream.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I filled it with juice.

Speaker 3 This is soap, especially if this does go up. Oh my god, he's looping up to the listeners.

Speaker 3 Buxton is loobing.

Speaker 3 I mean, now we can go as long as we can.

Speaker 1 Is it supposed to go right in?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it goes.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's where the infection starts.

Speaker 3 I mean, in a way, you could send it down from the other end just by swallowing it and then

Speaker 3 letting it all go straight through.

Speaker 1 So we'll do more meet and greet in a bit. And

Speaker 1 it'd be great to say hello. Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, this ties in with what you've just put on your butt.

Speaker 3 To the listeners, I'm wearing a t-shirt that appears to say I, heart, K-Y,

Speaker 3 as in K-Y-Jelly. Yes.
But in fact, the heart, if you look carefully, is a bicycle. And the K-Y is Kerry, because I went to Kerry for Kerry Bicycle Week.

Speaker 1 I was in Kerry a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1 Because my producer, Seamus,

Speaker 1 his family has a place there. And so I went to try and do some writing.
So I was wandering around the coast of Kerry. And it was, God, it's beautiful.

Speaker 3 Did you get any inspiration from it? Because, I mean, I've tried to do this myself. Yeah.
But sometimes it's too just, I mean, you're too worried about human survival sometimes in remote areas.

Speaker 3 It's a reason the Neanderthals aren't remembered for their great plays. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I did. I had a bit of that.
The weather was quite severe and I didn't want to be housebound the whole time. I wanted to get some exercise.

Speaker 1 So I went out for a walk in this lashing wind and rain, wandering along. Then I came up against some cows.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what the situation was with the cows.

Speaker 3 You just got to lube up and hope for the best. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cow deaths are quite, I don't know about in Ireland, but in the UK, there's a lot of.

Speaker 3 No. No?

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 3 in as much as bulls are, you know, like the matador, I see a danger there.

Speaker 1 No, not just bulls.

Speaker 1 The cows get all tramply.

Speaker 3 I mean, what? Were you trying to mount them?

Speaker 3 Was this your first rodeo? As the saying goes.

Speaker 3 No, because so Granny O'Daherty spent a lot of the year living on Ackle, which, I mean, Kerry's great, but it's Manhattan compared to Accle,

Speaker 3 which is

Speaker 3 a sort of island shaped like a handgun

Speaker 3 off

Speaker 3 the west coast

Speaker 3 off Mayo, where there's like six trees on the island. You know a place that's

Speaker 3 it's too severe for fucking shrubbery.

Speaker 3 If you leave your bike outside overnight in the morning it's just a pile of dust and written in the dust to fuck you.

Speaker 3 Go back to the city, you prick.

Speaker 1 And I know what the deal is out here. I don't want to get into trouble with the farmers or the cows.
Anyway, so I went back. But it's very difficult to

Speaker 1 stick to any kind of routine, like when you're alone in a house and you're trying to write.

Speaker 3 It's too late.

Speaker 1 Especially with the internet, obviously, it's a total disaster anyway.

Speaker 3 Oh, hang on. Well, that's Carrie.
You know, you do not get that in Accle. No way.

Speaker 3 It may be the most Celtic prog rock moment of my life.

Speaker 3 You get a bit more 3G now in Accol, just with the way that the aerials have gotten better or whatever. But it's very much like weather dependent and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 And one time, I was waiting for emails to come in. I really needed to check it.

Speaker 3 And I walked about a quarter of the way up Sleevemore, the large mountain there, like all the time, holding my phone skywards like He-Man summoning the power of Greyskull.

Speaker 3 And I couldn't get it, and I was getting a bit more, and then I clambered up on some rocks and I got it.

Speaker 3 And then I realized I was standing on a megalithic tomb, like something that the Pre-Celts had put there 4,000 years ago that now I was just using to

Speaker 1 I think you'll find that's why the Celts put it there.

Speaker 3 I'm like, what has come in? Like, this is obviously going to be a message from, like, David, I love you.

Speaker 3 Oh, booking.com, I've got some new offers. Great.

Speaker 1 I've started getting cannabis-infused gummy bear emails.

Speaker 1 Do you get those at all?

Speaker 3 No. I mean,

Speaker 3 you've obviously ordered something

Speaker 3 like a dark web.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 I swear to you, I've never done anything like that.

Speaker 3 I swear to you.

Speaker 1 But I've just out of the blue start. It's like I've thought about them.

Speaker 3 And I've thought, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If someone offers me one, I'll give it a go.

Speaker 3 But getting them posted.

Speaker 1 But then they've been reading my thoughts, and now I'm getting emails all the time.

Speaker 1 And it's one of these, if you look down at the bottom and you click on unsubscribe, it's sort of burnt into the whole email.

Speaker 1 And if you click on it, then you get launched off to the spam site that they want you to go to, and then they start harvesting your data.

Speaker 1 Like I got a really good one from, I say really good, it was bad, but it totally fooled me.

Speaker 1 It looked as if it was from Apple, and it was saying, here's the receipt for your recent purchase of something or other.

Speaker 1 And they'd clearly, some algorithm had gone through the kind of things I buy and that my family buys.

Speaker 3 It's like Wasp, can you think of a thing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it was, you know, my daughter's on the same account as me, she's only 10, so basically I pay for her purchases.

Speaker 1 She's supposed to clear them with me, but I'm always getting like, oh, she's bought another 10 Percy Jackson books on her iPad, you know?

Speaker 1 And so it was that kind of thing. And I thought, oh, damn it.

Speaker 1 This time, you know, I didn't order that.

Speaker 3 What's going on here?

Speaker 1 And so it said, if you did not make this purchase, fill in your details. So I clicked on the thing.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 1 And I got halfway through before I was like,

Speaker 1 I was literally just about to give them all my passwords and type in my, you know, because I was signing into iCloud.

Speaker 1 They're like, if you need to sort this out, you're going to need to sign into iCloud. So I do all that, and oh man, it was such a bad feeling.
Have you ever had your identity stolen?

Speaker 3 I mean, I had

Speaker 3 once I was involved, I won't put a time on this, but I was once involved in a very intimate act

Speaker 3 with

Speaker 3 a lady.

Speaker 3 Well done, by the way.

Speaker 1 Can I just say,

Speaker 3 that's great.

Speaker 3 Oh, thanks. Oh, that high five was too hard.
And

Speaker 3 Siri piped up, I don't know why you'd call me that. Or something, you know,

Speaker 3 like, you know, the way you can activate, I think you can activate. Yeah.
In fact, possibly by me saying Siri now, I speak quite clearly. I mean, I would say, say I have a very clear speaking voice.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I think the podcasts. Hey, Siri.

Speaker 3 I'm listening.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1 It's that's it.

Speaker 3 People know how Siri works.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I'm thinking, because you can be, Siri can arrive sometimes. You've got man Siri.
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 You can, you can,

Speaker 1 you can have whatever you like.

Speaker 3 Irish Siri is a lady. I don't think there's any man-Irish Siri.

Speaker 3 Is there?

Speaker 1 You can choose whatever Siri you want.

Speaker 3 No, I think that's English Siri. Is it? Yeah.

Speaker 3 We're in the EU, mate.

Speaker 3 We're in favor of female series.

Speaker 3 Surely the big scandal in 10 years' time is going to be all those absolute fools who've given spit samples to, you know, if ever there's a Cambridge Analytica waiting to happen, it's everyone who's gone for those ancestry tests and has basically now given all of their personal details, which is what you do, and your DNA as as well.

Speaker 3 I mean, that is a murder waiting to happen.

Speaker 3 A murder where at the crime scene is left some of your DNA. And what's that? Oh, all of your personal information as well.

Speaker 1 Let's get back to bikes for a second.

Speaker 1 That was a good segue.

Speaker 1 How do you find bike shop guys these days or bike shop staff?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I it someone shouted out bastards.

Speaker 3 It's the closest you'll get to black books. Right.
As in.

Speaker 1 But I was thinking that it had changed because they certainly used to be pricks.

Speaker 3 Ah, well, now, so in Dublin and Ireland at the moment, there's a bike-to-work scheme that involves the government will pay half of the price of a new bike.

Speaker 3 So consequently, people buy quite fancy bikes, like are buying 600, 700 Euro bikes, and they really love if they see a bike to work chump come in. Yes.
It's an opportunity to set.

Speaker 3 Whereas I arrive in and I'm like,

Speaker 3 point of information,

Speaker 3 would you have a washer for a 2003 Campignolo super record rear derailler?

Speaker 1 And they think,

Speaker 3 one of us, one of us.

Speaker 3 So I think of it a lot if you're a very good chef, but you work in a chipper.

Speaker 3 You know, I get that with bike shops, as in, these are people who would really enjoy trying to do high-end repairs, but yet everyone comes in with a puncture,

Speaker 3 or my chain has fallen off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I know what you mean. And they can't bear it.
They're in it for the bike stuff, obviously.

Speaker 1 But you would think if you're going to work in the service industry, which is essentially what they're doing, then you would take some pleasure from interacting with other humans.

Speaker 1 But they haven't thought through that bit at all. Or at least they didn't used to.

Speaker 3 I think it's different now that you've got your chamois butter. Yes.
Just go in there with that, fully lubed from head to toe, slide in across the floor

Speaker 1 on my bottom.

Speaker 3 See, for me, you know, I get very metaphysical when I start talking about bicycles. I still get on my bike in the drizzle at half nine in the morning, and I'm just like,

Speaker 3 this shouldn't be happening.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and then you mix that in with 80s.

Speaker 3 My sporting heroes were cyclists who have, pretty much without exception, all been proven

Speaker 3 absolutely disgraced. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But they were my first heroes, and I love everything about, like, it's just burned into my brain.

Speaker 3 You know, in 1987, Ireland, by fluke and drugs, had the number one and number two professional cyclists in the world. And it's when I would have been 11.

Speaker 3 And so I decided to dedicate my life to becoming the next world champion,

Speaker 3 like these guys.

Speaker 3 And I did, I dedicated

Speaker 3 myself to it for certainly a month.

Speaker 3 I remember once reading that Sean Kelly used to eat eight slices of toast in the morning, and so I started

Speaker 3 that year old, slightly pudgy David, like my mother going, like, what are you doing? And then that's what you have to do. These are the commitments.

Speaker 3 Before I cycle the mile and a half to school, mom, I need to massively carb load and then go into school, struggle through till small break, and then take a 15-minute shit as my body just tried to repel all of these sports nutrients that it didn't want.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite kind of bike pump?

Speaker 3 Well, I enjoy a track pump with a press to valve on it. Okay.

Speaker 6 The pump that I like for my bike is a big one, cause it gets the job done quick. Plus, you've got the valve adapter to fit the fat boy and the skinny prick.

Speaker 6 And on the big pump, you've got the pressure gauge. If you're into numbers and shit, but if the needle drops while the tube's connected, then you got a hole in it.

Speaker 3 That is the exact pump that I was talking about. And for press to valve, read skinny prick then.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I didn't know it was called the press to valve.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 there's a few different sorts of valves then. Yeah, I don't want to get into it in front of a muggle.

Speaker 3 That's a different podcast. That's Valve Chat.

Speaker 3 I packed some things for my trip down the river of time.

Speaker 3 I packed some things for my trip down the river of time.

Speaker 3 I took a camping chair and a fancy camera so I could sit and take pictures from my chair off the river of time. Off the river of time.

Speaker 3 time, time, time.

Speaker 3 I also made sure I had my laptop there, so I could use my photo manipulation software and tweak the river of time. Time, time, time, time.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 the river of time.

Speaker 3 You be you,

Speaker 3 the river of time.

Speaker 3 Ooh, la la la,

Speaker 3 it's long and covered in slime.

Speaker 3 Uh you,

Speaker 3 the river of time.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we are.

Speaker 1 We're in the dressing room at Vicar Street and we're on our on our break now and we were just talking about the fact that it is it is weird like the change of gears that's required for for the live podcast thing especially when you're used to just sitting alone in a room yeah

Speaker 3 and it is that thing because people are listening to it on headphones is like the most intimate thing yeah so they want just you and someone else in their brain.

Speaker 3 But then they have a thousand other people. Yeah.
And it's all like,

Speaker 3 but

Speaker 3 I hope we're doing a good job of not shouting too much.

Speaker 1 I think so. No, I don't think because they're also they're very warm, the audience.

Speaker 3 They're very nice, yeah.

Speaker 3 Do you think they might be the least tough audience?

Speaker 3 Like I've seen Mastodon and people like that here.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Audiences that would really give. Like, you know, I'd say there's a thousand of your of podcasts here yeah i'd say 30 of queens of the stone age's audience you know what i mean

Speaker 3 would take out if it was um sort of a medieval war situation yeah

Speaker 3 my fear is that in a live situation that the audience isn't mic'd yeah because i recorded a gig recently

Speaker 3 that I was worth trying out new material but and gave a little machine to the person operating the desk so they just recorded the mic and this was like a unidirectional Sennheiser mic so all it's getting is you

Speaker 3 so it's just a man appears to be just shouting on his own yeah leaving pauses and then the worst part was if I try a new piece of material and it went well

Speaker 3 I would make the sound like, I'd be like,

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 then maybe that's what it will be like in the the future. And there'd be a pause, and I'd go like,

Speaker 3 it was some sort of.

Speaker 1 Had you never heard that before? You never, you probably never heard yourself making those noises.

Speaker 3 The audience are laughing a lot, and

Speaker 3 it's basically me saying, Good man, Doddles.

Speaker 3 Doddles, that can go in the show, mate.

Speaker 1 Little whimpers of pleasure.

Speaker 3 So, this is the two-half podcast as well. Yeah.
I mean, that's a mammoth undertaking. What's the thinking there? We're going to go out in the second half.

Speaker 1 That was just something dictated by the venue.

Speaker 1 They just wanted to have it nice and long with a booze break in the middle so they can sell some drinks.

Speaker 3 And I'm just like, yeah, okay, whatever. I don't mind.
Because I don't do very many live podcasts.

Speaker 1 And they invited me here, and it's a lovely venue. We did the Bowie Bug Special.

Speaker 3 i was at it yeah that's right

Speaker 1 that was amazing it's fun and and this i mean they're very very warm

Speaker 3 it's a famous venue it's acoustically because it's quite new so it was designed by some famous acoustic oh yeah uh architect yeah and if you'll notice the whole walls are coated in something that feels like hard shaving foam or something so it's zero bounce it's a real studio sound in it so you get all i saw neil young here did you yeah when he was doing a gig in an arena.

Speaker 3 He'd heard about this place and then did a...

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he's a real kind of acoustics queen, isn't he?

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely. So that's probably why you chose this as well.
Indeed.

Speaker 3 I've heard some of your

Speaker 3 podcasts where the main recording device breaks and it ends up being recorded by...

Speaker 1 It ends up being this one, this little guy that I've got here. I know it's ludicrous.
Cheers!

Speaker 3 Thank you so much, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, cheers. That's Caroline.
She works here at the venue and she's just supplied us with pints of booze.

Speaker 3 I mean, so now,

Speaker 3 have you ever done the podcast under the influence of booze? No, I mean,

Speaker 1 I find it hard enough just to form sentences when I'm absolutely straight.

Speaker 1 And I'm absolutely awful.

Speaker 3 I don't know what I'm doing having a pint now. I'm just thinking, whatever.

Speaker 1 But I'm no good what about you are you funny when you're under the influence no and I start to slur words a little bit right

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 I've never I've never done a gig super duper hammered but I'm certainly

Speaker 3 thinking I'll get away with this and then just be slightly disappointed afterwards because I tour with like Concords and people like that yeah it's it's not a rock and roll vibe you know the vibe with concords is get the road manager in here.

Speaker 3 I'm like, what tours can we do tomorrow morning? Yeah. You know, is the Mary Rose going to be open? Oh, they want it.

Speaker 1 Right, they're getting as much as they can out of the

Speaker 3 experience. It's, we sit around at the end, might eat a little bit of cheese back at the hotel, then bed.
Let's try and get a solo to eight hours. Then we'll go to Bletchley Park the next day.

Speaker 1 That sounds like Richard Iowadi.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can imagine.

Speaker 1 I did Travel Man and he was very much like that. Like in between, and Crystal Mays as well, when I do that show, he's in between takes he's reading Dostoevsky and nibbling on a carrot.

Speaker 1 I mean literally.

Speaker 3 Yeah people always ask you where the where's the party tonight? Yeah. As if like we've booked the top of some skyscraper in New York and we will they'll be dancing till 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 Did you as a younger man ever go on a tour that was the opposite of that? That was a good old school blowout?

Speaker 3 I was friends with people in bands and used to tag along with them sometimes.

Speaker 3 So it was the start of the collapse of the music industry era where it was band with four people, two double beds in a travel lodge,

Speaker 3 everyone hating everyone and just going on the booze as much as to get to sleep. You know what I mean? Because you're staying in these incredibly grim places.

Speaker 3 I mean the beauty of comedy is that because it's just you and a sports bag with a miniature keyboard in it, you can generally find someone to stay with?

Speaker 3 So that would have been my first few years. You know, I never, I think once or twice I did the, I stayed, went out partying with the audience to get the Ryanair flight at 545 or whatever.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 3 yeah,

Speaker 3 in a band, if you're the bass player and you're hanging the next day, you can sort of get away with it. You just can't in comedy at all.
There's nowhere to hide whatsoever.

Speaker 3 And the audience also hate if you come out and go, like, oh, hope we got away with this at a big one last night.

Speaker 3 They're like, you piece of shit. We have paid 15 quid for this.
Yeah, exactly. We want you at your absolute best.

Speaker 1 But what about in Melbourne? You must have done all those kinds of festivals where you go out to Australia. That sounds like a sort of non-stop party.

Speaker 3 I mean, there's a point at which

Speaker 3 a 42-year-old man

Speaker 3 has to.

Speaker 3 I can basically, if I go out, I ask Dr. Shobiz

Speaker 3 to let me away with the next gig. And Dr.
Shobiz is like, okay, fine. This once, you don't do this very often.
You stayed out till whatever, daylight, but I'll help you with this gig.

Speaker 3 But then, if you happen to go out again, you're like, Dr. Shobiz, I'm so sorry.
Can I just get one more? And he's like, No, no, you can't.

Speaker 3 And you sweat, cold sweats, dying on stage, and just general disappointment.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine how horrific it would be to actually have a real health crisis on stage? You'd feel like you were going mad. I mean, you'd be traumatized if you survived it.

Speaker 1 I always think of Bowie having a heart attack.

Speaker 3 During a gig? Yeah. Did he?

Speaker 1 He did, yeah. He collapsed in 2004 and he was playing really long shows around that time.
That was the reason he retired.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 3 I've never had a heart attack, but I have puked myself during a gig in Aberdeen.

Speaker 3 The venue was a part-time cinema, the lemon tree in Aberdeen, and the pick and mix was to the side of the stage. It was sitting there in the sweets area and the mic extended over to it.

Speaker 3 So I was, you know I'm a bad boy. So mid-gig I'm taking in the first half

Speaker 3 taking handfuls of sweets and eating them. And like this is such fun.
This is incredible.

Speaker 3 And then either it was food poisoning from that or maybe it was just some sort of toxic shock from 6,000 cola bottles yeah which either way it's not a great rock and roll story but I said I think I might be about to puke to the audience and the tech got a bucket at the side of the stage and I got it across the audience that I this isn't a bit I am actually it's a chance hole puke and then I was like oh shit here it comes and I put the mic down and everyone cheered and there was silence and the bucket was at the side of the stage, but it was beside the off-stage mic where you announce yourself on.

Speaker 3 So they would have got this like Lucas sound special effect of like

Speaker 3 you know, the set imagine the sound of the puke hitting the bottom of the like. So the audience cheered me off.
There's a sort of silence, hum hum, and then actual visceral, like ah!

Speaker 1 They probably thought you were playing a sound effect.

Speaker 3 We took a five-minute break, and I came back on and did a song at the end with puke down

Speaker 3 t-shirts. Got a standing ovation then.
Quite fun. One of my only standing ovations ever.
And it was in Aberdeen. They appreciate someone who's performing with puke down.
How long ago was that?

Speaker 3 It's about four years ago. Wow.
That one, yeah, it's my go-to memory for Aberdeen still.

Speaker 1 It's quite a thing to see people puking on stage. You ever see that footage of Lady Gaga puking?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 It's pretty good. She's in the middle of a routine on stage, like very physical and

Speaker 1 and she just leans over and

Speaker 1 it's just a column of vomit comes out. And she carries on high kicking and grooving around and then she pukes again, I think.

Speaker 3 Have the audience definitely seen us?

Speaker 2 I would say.

Speaker 1 It's very clear what's happening. It's not like a little trickle or, oh, she spat.
No, she is absolutely puking her guts out.

Speaker 3 It's really impressive.

Speaker 1 Right, now we should probably head back down again, I think.

Speaker 3 We're halfway through the podcast. I think it's going really great.

Speaker 3 The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. Alright, mate.
Hello, Geezer. I'm pleased to see you.
Ooh, there's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking.

Speaker 3 I'm interested in what you said. Thank you.
There's fun chat and there's deep chat. It's like Chris Evans is meeting stephen hawking

Speaker 3 so my father was the musical director on the late late show which is this show that's still running today is so whoever was in ireland would go on it it was one channel ireland everyone watched it and i think in 1970 or 71 this has all since been taped over by rte dad played in the same month he played piano for fred astaire and he played hammond with Bob Marley in the same way.

Speaker 3 Way. Yeah.
So it was that era where you were just a music man.

Speaker 1 And Bob Marley, what? He was just visiting on his own without the whalers.

Speaker 3 I think he was there

Speaker 3 in the same way that in Letterman, the house band would just, yeah, come on, just give us some more sound, whatever you've got there.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, would just add in some bits then.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, it's

Speaker 3 a ridiculous career. You know, it's why I realize I'm so lucky doing this, like playing a fucking children's keyboard from 1986.

Speaker 3 Like, my father has this lifetime of study and expertise with the greatest musicians of all, and he does gigs upstairs in Arthur's pub on Thomas Street to between 26 and 35 people.

Speaker 3 So it's.

Speaker 1 Those are the best gigs, though.

Speaker 3 They are the best gigs. They are actually the.
I mean, aren't they?

Speaker 1 Aren't they the ones that you really file away and you think, that was a very purely happy moment.

Speaker 1 I think about gigs like that way more immediately than I think about going to see some band in a stadium or something like that.

Speaker 3 Yes, but they're not as financially.

Speaker 1 You don't sell quite so many t-shirts.

Speaker 3 Could I be like, Dad, can I get Nike basketball boots? He'd be like, shut the fuck up. So

Speaker 3 I'm working on an atonal piece for seven trumpets.

Speaker 1 Was he doing all sort of avant-garde stuff?

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, he would have kind of gone through that whole era. I tweeted it recently.
My father's first band was called the Memphis Five, but only three of them turned up for the photo.

Speaker 3 So it's this glorious picture where the drummers got Memphis Five, like Memphis. None of them had ever been to Memphis.

Speaker 3 And when they were 15... So dad was born in 1939.
So this is, we're talking mid-50s. Like jazz.

Speaker 3 This is an era when in this country the government and the church were trying to ban jazz because it was going to make people pregnant. Yeah,

Speaker 3 there's an amazing article you'll find on the googlies called The War on Jazz. And when Sean McIntyre, he was a minister who said that jazz might be okay.

Speaker 3 After he died, and this is one of the coolest lines ever, I think McQuaid, the Archbishop of Dublin, said he was a man with the stain of jazz on his soul.

Speaker 3 And that is all I I want. When I die, if someone will please say that.

Speaker 1 Are you sure he said jazz?

Speaker 3 It's one of the things to remember about Ireland,

Speaker 3 which has changed so much in the last, you know, 15 years, certainly, very, but very obviously has. But in fact, there was always weird shit going on.
It was always just underground.

Speaker 1 You know, there was the incredible music scene in the 80s going on at a time when no one had a penny and you couldn't buy fucking rubber johnnies you know what i mean i mean that's the thing is you wouldn't necessarily choose to live in particularly repressive times but there is always very interesting stuff going on in those times that people pushing against that stuff and the subcultures forming that end up being very influential you know yeah irish politics always reminds me of do you ever take a shit in a portal at a festival that's blocked

Speaker 3 but you go anyway

Speaker 3 and as you leave someone's coming in and you say it was pretty much like that when i went in like that

Speaker 3 has been

Speaker 3 Irish politics

Speaker 3 for my whole life and then what's been fascinating in the last few years

Speaker 3 you know brought to a head with the two referendums what was that it wasn't political groups that that got this through you know certainly some politicians helped but it was mostly these tiny grassroots little movements and it was people going this is bullshit we have to change this and talking to their friends, and their friends talking to the other friends.

Speaker 3 So, there's a massive housing crisis here at the moment, and Parliament's not doing much to sort it out.

Speaker 3 So, it's really interesting to see like 15,000 people fucking turn up on a Wednesday and disturb you in your dressing gown.

Speaker 1 David, it didn't ruin it at all.

Speaker 1 It was a wonderful moment for them and for me.

Speaker 1 So music-wise, what's your wheelhouse? When you, if you... Okay, I've thought of a new idea for a show.
Like, if you were, say, on like a desert island and

Speaker 1 you were there for...

Speaker 3 Hey, on a dessert island, like, full of like profederoles. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ice cream, it's Hagen-Das

Speaker 3 and Dessert Islanders.

Speaker 4 Dessert Island diss, exactly.

Speaker 1 It's just ice cream and caramel

Speaker 1 rocks. Yeah.
I'm not going to carry on with this. Give us three albums that you would need that would sustain you out there.

Speaker 3 I mean, so we've got a serious issue here,

Speaker 3 which is you don't want to go too deep into jazz nerd O'Doherherty

Speaker 3 here,

Speaker 3 but we'll go a little bit more.

Speaker 1 Give us accessible jazz nerd.

Speaker 3 Oh my god.

Speaker 3 kind of blue miles davis

Speaker 3 i mean that is a good album that's a beautiful album i mean i might go what album do you pick to get people who yeah maybe convert uh jazz doubters i'm going to say there's a miles davis record called someday my prince will come which is the one before kind of blue what's the um cannonball adderly album called with love for sale and autumn leaves on it

Speaker 3 something else by cannonball adderly yeah

Speaker 3 it's the tune that.

Speaker 3 You might have heard that. That's the.

Speaker 3 I can't believe I've just played an excerpt from one of the greatest jazz albums of all time on a shit keyboard.

Speaker 3 But that'd be a big one. I mean, so I'm a massive Steely Dan.

Speaker 3 Every

Speaker 3 waking moment, the record of theirs called Katie Lied.

Speaker 3 That is one of my favorite things. One of my favorite lyrics ever is Bad Sneakers, which is the second song on that record.

Speaker 3 For me, the definitive Steely Dan lyric is at the start of that, which is five names that I can hardly stand to hear, including yours and mine, and one more chimp who isn't here.

Speaker 3 And it's just like, what? That's a short story there.

Speaker 3 And then a Brad Meldow record.

Speaker 3 Any of the Art of the Trio series, they're incredible. I mean, they're my top three, but Kirstie is going to fade those down very early on.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Did you ever try and write serious songs, or were you always

Speaker 3 being...

Speaker 3 How very dare you?

Speaker 1 No, because with my Mickey Mouse psychology hat on,

Speaker 1 I would think that the son of a serious jazz musician writing avant-garde pieces for 20 clarinets would be thinking, hmm, either I'm going to have to be as good or better than dad,

Speaker 1 or I'm going to be silly.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, dad had another side to him, which was a comedy obsession. So Granny spent a lot of the year in Ackle.
So we would drive.

Speaker 3 It used to be a five, six hour drive, and it would always be with tapes of old goon shows or weird stand-up. There was people like Lord Buckley.

Speaker 3 There were all these American comedians who used to perform in jazz.

Speaker 3 Majesty, the policeman,

Speaker 3 really, really odd

Speaker 3 stuff like that.

Speaker 3 And then that would have manifested itself from a stand-up point of view with Kevin McAlier, who was probably of the new generation of Irish comedians, just absolutely fucking mind-blowing, who did a routine on the British Saturday Night Live or Friday Night Live show,

Speaker 3 where he did a slideshow with pictures of owls that just seared its

Speaker 1 consciousness as because it was hit and miss that show, and he was one of the ones who was like, Who's this guy?

Speaker 3 Yeah, and it was, what the fuck is this sort of comedy? And he's Irish as well. Like, whoa.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we'd always had like Randy Newman and listened to a lot of that, a guy called Dave Frischberg, a few kind of forgotten, really smart, jazzy piano players with really funny, sometimes quite satirical songs.

Speaker 3 So, my brother started taking me around the time when I was trying to get into pubs when I was 17 or 18.

Speaker 3 We worked out that you could get into comedy gigs in the city and they wouldn't try and ID you in this city. And this is a period when the comedy seller in Dublin might be Dylan Moran, Arlo Hanlon,

Speaker 3 Barry Murphy, Tommy Tiernan. There's a line of Dylan Morins.
The first time he went to a comedy gig in Dublin, he was expecting it to be shit, but it was like a Berlin cabaret in the 1930s.

Speaker 3 Someone would come on and kill a swan. Someone else would play a chocolate piano.

Speaker 3 And so that was the scene that from about the age of 17 onwards, I was the absolute nerd guy sitting in the front of these gigs in front of 40 people.

Speaker 3 And whoever the performer would be would be like, you again,

Speaker 3 I don't have any new material.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, I don't mind. I'll try to learn it off by heart.

Speaker 3 So my brother was

Speaker 3 a really out there comedian. My brother, the actor guy.

Speaker 1 Who did stuff with Barry Murphy?

Speaker 3 Yeah, would have crossed paths with you on Armandu Ianucci's. That's right.
Doing Time Trumpet. Doing Time Trumpet, yeah.

Speaker 1 They did that amazing series of sketches about Dragon's Den.

Speaker 3 They did Dragon's Den, and then here they would be known for a series called Supi Norman. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Supie Norman is like one of the first examples that I can think of of people taking, it's like found footage, so they took a Polish series.

Speaker 3 It was like the Polish Emmerdale. They got permission to use I think one episode and it was quite ambiguous, the permission, which was we're going to dub it maybe with an emphasis on comedy.

Speaker 3 Out of what the Polish Emmerdale didn't realize, they were going to rewrite it six different ways.

Speaker 1 So they created a totally new narrative and they dubbed it so that it fitted pretty well with what the mouths of the actors was doing.

Speaker 3 Well, you won't like me to bring this up, but some of my favorite YouTube clips is say I'm trying to woo a lady. I might bring up some of your work, your

Speaker 3 re-subtitling of the songs of praise. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Or your...

Speaker 1 Which was thanks to Amando Ianucci, who he was, when we were doing Time Trumpet, well, we were doing an earlier version of it, what turned into Time Trumpet.

Speaker 1 I think it was called 2004, the stupid version we did originally. It was this thing for BBC3.

Speaker 3 That's like the, you know, the Spanish name of Knight Rider. That's right, exactly.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Car which speaks and is exciting.

Speaker 3 The A team in Portugal is called the wonderful gentleman.

Speaker 3 Brackets one of which does not like to fly. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 Both of us love music and I think, I wonder if this is fair to say that both of us deep down would love to be able to write a serious song about fucking life,

Speaker 1 but make it beautiful and move people to tears with it. But I certainly, I'm not going to speak for you, I certainly don't seem to have it in me.
So instead it comes out as these kind of wonky salvos.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We just listen to jazz music a lot and then kind of show tunes, those like insane internal rhymes of Cole Porter, like when love congeals, it soon reveals the faint aroma of performing seals, like these impossibly incredible,

Speaker 3 and just immediately realized I will never be able to do that. So I will go in a different direction.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite thing to sing now?

Speaker 3 I'll do a new song. Oh, yeah, great.

Speaker 3 This is sort of about

Speaker 3 Dublin. Yeah, this is.
I don't know what this is about. Let's see how it goes.

Speaker 3 Walking along,

Speaker 3 it feels like I'm free. What's that sound? A cat purring in a tree.
Hey, Mrs. Cat,

Speaker 3 why you meowing like that? I say,

Speaker 3 talking to a cat, what am I like?

Speaker 3 She runs away. I can't blame you, cat.

Speaker 3 On the night,

Speaker 3 I went out without my phone.

Speaker 3 I'm sitting on the bus, but I'm not looking down. I'm staring at the windows, seeing the lights of the town.
This is my town, and tonight I feel

Speaker 3 part of it.

Speaker 3 Hearing conversation from the strangers beside. Karen got back with Liam when his mother died.
Poor Karen,

Speaker 3 I hope she's not making a mistake

Speaker 3 also sorry for your trouble Liam

Speaker 3 the guy behind me singing MM to himself but the only words he knows for sure are lose and yourself

Speaker 3 this is chaos this is life

Speaker 3 but I bloody love it

Speaker 3 should always go out without my phone I get to where

Speaker 3 I'm supposed to meet my friends. I'm half an hour early, but I'm happy to spend the time watching a bus girl.

Speaker 3 She's doing. The boys are back in town.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, I'm the boys.

Speaker 3 And this is town.

Speaker 3 And that is the greatest Irish rock song that's ever been written.

Speaker 3 And this is the best. This is the best version of it I've ever heard.
And it's so good that I look down and like my feet are moving. Like I am spontaneous.

Speaker 3 There's like six of us and we're all dancing. And I'm like, at the top of Grafton Street in the drizzle, I'm like, this never happens when you've got your mobile phone.

Speaker 3 And then I look over there, and some prick is filming us on his, yeah, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3 An hour later, my friends still aren't there.

Speaker 3 There must have been a change of plan along the way somewhere. Not to worry,

Speaker 3 I'll just go get some food of my own.

Speaker 3 I'll read my book. That's what I'll do.
Read my book

Speaker 3 that I've downloaded to Matt Bollocks.

Speaker 3 But the first restaurant's full and they recommend another place.

Speaker 3 But I can't find it because I don't have maps. Tell you what I'll do.

Speaker 3 Get a pint, that's what I'll do. I'll go off, go to an old fella's pub.
I'll get a pint of stout, I'll reconnect with the soul of this country.

Speaker 3 Then a guy comes up to me outside the pub, says his coat's been robbed, asks if I can phone the cops. But I say, would you believe it? Tonight, I actually, Eddie calls me a miserable bollocks.

Speaker 3 I'm sitting in the pub, and this old fella comes over, because he says I look lonely. Starts telling me about his brother, who lives in Tennessee.

Speaker 3 Says he can't come home because he doesn't have a visa. And he misses him.
Whenever Ireland have a match, they listen to it together on Long Wave.

Speaker 3 And even though they can't speak, they know they're both listening. I'm like, this is so beautiful.
This is what I needed right now.

Speaker 3 But then he moves on to how the country's full. There's no room for anybody else.

Speaker 3 We need a Trump to secure our borders. And you can't even tell who's Irish anymore.
And what do the women want? What do the women want? And I wish I'd brought out my mobile phone.

Speaker 3 I can't even book a taxi to get the the fuck out of there.

Speaker 3 Walking home in the rain.

Speaker 3 It's amazing how much more you notice the smell of piss when you can't listen to the Adam Buxton podcast.

Speaker 3 I get home, I've got 12 missed calls. My friends are like, where are you? You're missing the greatest night.
They've started putting photos up on the WhatsApp group.

Speaker 3 My friends are waking up in like Auckland and Sydney and Buenos Aires and LA and New York. They're like, oh, it's nights like this that I wish I still lived in Ireland.

Speaker 3 I'm like, to be honest, when you're actually here,

Speaker 3 it's something of a mixed bag.

Speaker 3 Like it's getting better. We're sorting it out year on year.
It's getting a little bit. Give us a couple more years.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's all right it's grand it's absolutely grand if you just remember to bring out your phone but don't check it too much

Speaker 1 While the audience was applauding, I was trying to think of something glib to say.

Speaker 1 But I think that's just such a great song.

Speaker 1 And it's funny as well because I've been thinking for ages, I've been making notes on my phone where I make all my notes for silly comedy things.

Speaker 1 I wanted to do a song about, sort of counterintuitive, about how much I love my phone, you know, because obviously I'm aware of all the shit things about modern technology.

Speaker 3 And anyway, you've done it much. Well, we both have friends who've done the worthy thing of get, I actually just use a Nokia, you know, for the weekends

Speaker 3 and then put the SIM card into the smartphone for work or whatever the rest of the time,

Speaker 3 which seems like a brilliant idea, but then you suddenly you can't send a funny picture of two swans moaning to that person.

Speaker 1 Would you be up for singing us one more song before we say good night?

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's it.

Speaker 3 Oh yeah, they're good ones.

Speaker 3 Wank on a bike. Yeah, that's another one.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And let me try and.

Speaker 1 Wank on a bike, what's that?

Speaker 3 I don't know that one. I don't think I can do that.
I think it might be my Elon Musk moment. If I...

Speaker 3 In the current climate,

Speaker 3 can't even take a wank while you're cycling along anymore. I mean,

Speaker 3 what has the world come to?

Speaker 3 I'll do this one.

Speaker 3 Okay, yeah, I've got a song. Hello,

Speaker 3 18-year-old me.

Speaker 3 This is you in the year 2018.

Speaker 3 And I'm here

Speaker 3 to tell you so much stuff

Speaker 3 about life. happiness and love

Speaker 3 david

Speaker 3 Day, pay attention. David, take out your fucking headphones.
What the fuck is that noise?

Speaker 3 This is you in the year 2018.

Speaker 3 Bullshit!

Speaker 3 If this is me in the future, tell me something about myself that only I would know.

Speaker 3 Before the mathematics state exam you took and you were 14 years old, you wrote the quadratic equation on your disc.

Speaker 3 Matt's nerds in the room will realize something of a humble brag there. Thank you.

Speaker 3 To everyone else, it's not a short formula. Yeah, that may be true, but I bet a lot of people do that.
Tell me something else about myself.

Speaker 3 You haven't lost your virginity yet, but you will next summer. Sweet.

Speaker 3 Er, what's it like in the future? Future, what's it like? No, I'm supposed to be giving you advice. I mean, I don't know how do you describe the future? Like,

Speaker 3 the stuff's different.

Speaker 3 You just feel the same. That's incredibly big.

Speaker 3 Hara, what do I do in the future? Yeah? Did football work out? Did the football... Or am I a musician, like dad? Did I make it in music? My ultimate dream.
Did I become a musician? Fuck.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 You do comedy. Oh, that's not bad.
Like, what do I do? Like, perfect one-liners like Mitch Hedberg or Stephen Wright? Or, like, what, like Seinfeld?

Speaker 3 Real slick stuff in a suit come out like jing, jing, jing. Absolutely not.

Speaker 3 You tried that for a while at the start, but you just don't have the right sort of brain to remember entire sentences. You do musical comedy.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 3 The lamest genre in all of comedy.

Speaker 3 Hang on, how do I do musical comedy? I can't sing. Yeah, we've actually found a way around that.

Speaker 3 What you do is more like melodic shouting, more than you ever step on a dog in the dark at the bottom of the stairs. The dog starts.

Speaker 3 That's basically your career.

Speaker 3 Like, what sort of stuff do I do songs about? What'd be an example of one of my songs? This wouldn't be a million miles from the sort of thing you might do a song about.

Speaker 3 What do I play? What instrument did I choose? From the pantheon of musical instruments? Do I play the guitar like Bill Bailey? Or a Steinway concert grand piano like Victor Borgo or Randy Newman?

Speaker 3 Which one did I choose? Lopfog.

Speaker 3 Do you know the shitty plastic keyboard in the attic you got for your confirmation? No, please.

Speaker 3 Are you honestly telling me when I'm 42 years old, I'll travel around with that piece of shit in an orange sports bag? You can't be serious.

Speaker 3 Fuaaa!

Speaker 3 Well, this is bleak.

Speaker 3 Anyway, what's this advice you've got for me? To be honest, I'm not really in the mood now.

Speaker 3 Keep practicing football, I suppose.

Speaker 3 Hang on, where are you going? I'm going up to the attic. I'm gonna smash up that keyboard.
You can't do that. It's the number one rule of time travel.

Speaker 3 Hey, hey!

Speaker 1 David O'Doggery, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much, David.

Speaker 1 And thank you,

Speaker 1 podcasts.

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Speaker 1 Hey, welcome back, podcasts. That was David O'Doherty, back in October 2018 at the Dublin Podcast Festival at Vicar Street.
Thank you very much to David and to everyone who came along that night.

Speaker 1 It was really fun. I'm glad.
Finally, we've been able to share it with you. Apologies once again for the delay.

Speaker 1 There's a few very enjoyable performances from David in the description if you follow the links, as well as links to a few other things we spoke about, including that Dragon's Den sketch with David's brother Mark Docherty and Barry Murphy and their amazing dubbed series Supy Norman.

Speaker 1 You'll also find a link to an episode of Talk 90s to Me, Miranda Sawyer's highly entertaining 90s pop culture podcast, on which I appeared talking all about the Adam and Joe show.

Speaker 1 And of course, you can listen to that in audio-only form, but the link I've put in the description is actually for the YouTube filmed version, if you're someone that likes to watch podcasts and you want to see what colour docker cap I'm wearing.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it was a fun chat with Miranda, and I do encourage you not only to listen to other episodes of Talk 90s to Me, but I also recommend Miranda's book about Britpop, Common People, which I very much enjoyed as a music fan and a 90s survivor.

Speaker 1 I've been stuffing a lot into my eyes this week.

Speaker 1 Squid Game, The Challenge,

Speaker 1 which I enjoy watching with the family.

Speaker 1 I also watched with my wife the first couple of episodes of Pluribus, which is a sort of a sci-fi, high-concept, thriller, comedy, drama thing created by Vince Gilligan, who did Breaking Bad, and Better Call Saul.

Speaker 1 And it's about a

Speaker 1 sort of space virus that turns the population of the world into a kind of single hive mind, a bit like the Borg from Star Trek Next Generation, except they're really happy.

Speaker 1 They're not like the Borg who are

Speaker 1 mainly into SM and clubbing. Everyone in the world is assimilated into this hive mind, except for a tiny handful of people, including a misanthropic writer who is played by Rhea Seahorn.

Speaker 1 She played Kim Wexler in Better Call Saul. I love Rhea Seahorn.
She's a great actor. She's brilliant in this.

Speaker 1 She's called Rhea Seahorn.

Speaker 1 You need Apple TV to watch that. I also went to see The Running Man,

Speaker 1 the second film adaptation of a story by Stephen King.

Speaker 1 This one is very different to the 1987 version starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not one of my favourite Arnie films, I have to admit.

Speaker 1 This new one is directed by, I'm sure many of you know, Sean of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and Baby Driver Director, Cornballs collaborator, friend of mine, and the podcast, Edgar Wright.

Speaker 1 So perhaps I can't be trusted for a totally impartial assessment, but I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 If you're not familiar with the story, you're dealing with a sci-fi action romp set in everyone's favorite place, the dystopian future, where big budget reality entertainment shows exploit extreme wealth inequality to recruit members of the public for a show that is basically like hunted on Channel 4, in which contestants are out in the world doing all they can

Speaker 1 to evade a team of hunters. Except in The Running Man, if you're caught, you get killed and they show it in the program,

Speaker 1 which I don't think they do on Channel 4 currently. Edgar's version stars Glenn Powell.
You know Glenn.

Speaker 1 He's got very white teeth and a really lovely toned but very welcoming tummy that I would gladly rest my face on. You would have seen him in Top Gun Maverick and Twisters.

Speaker 1 In The Running Man, he plays a husband and father trying to get hold of money so he can get some medical treatment for his sick daughter.

Speaker 1 He just wants to help his sick daughter, so he has to take on a sick society. And reluctantly, he becomes a contestant on The Running Man.

Speaker 1 And along the way, he gets into some very entertaining fights. Massive explosions, crashing cars and planes, battles with Josh Brolin, who plays the show's unscrupulous deep fake using producer.

Speaker 1 A lot of resonant current themes rattling around this film. You've got a great supporting cast, including Michael Sarah, Amelia Jones, Kat O'Brien, and even friend of the podcast, Emma Siddy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she appears in some spoofs. of a Kardashian-style reality show that play in the background of a couple of scenes.

Speaker 1 In fact, as you'd expect from Edgar, there's quite a few funny moments in the film that reminded me of some of the media satires that Paul Verhoven would incorporate into his films, like RoboCop and Starship Troopers.

Speaker 1 And there's also design-wise,

Speaker 1 looks great, the film, but it has a similar kind of brutalist architectural sense, I thought, to some of Total Recall.

Speaker 1 That was one of the Arnie films that we really enjoyed back in the day.

Speaker 1 Anyway, the Running Man is out and it's good fun.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it for this week. Thank you very much indeed to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his production support.
Thanks to Helen Green, she does the beautiful artwork for this podcast.

Speaker 1 Thanks to everyone who works so hard at ACAST for liaising with my sponsors. But thanks most of all to you.
Thanks for coming back. Hey, come over here.
It's good to see you.

Speaker 1 Till next time, we share the same aural space. Go carefully out there, and for what it's worth, I love you.

Speaker 3 Bye.

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