(BONUS) The Antiquarium Presents : Sharing The Wealthy

The Toxic Avenger is out now.

Experience the long-awaited, totally unrated monster mayhem, exclusively in theaters.

Get tickets now at tickets.toxicavenger.com.

Hi, it's Trevor from the Acquisitions Department here at the Antiquarium.

The antique dealer is in the back right now, cataloging a new arrival.

While he's occupied, I thought I'd share something real quick that just came in through Acquisitions.

Straight out of St.

Roma's Village, New Jersey.

It came in a battered crate, along with a strange canister marked BTH.

Green residue, faint glow, unsettling stuff.

But the real treasure was tucked inside of it.

A USB stick with a local podcast called Sharing the Wealthy.

And if whispers are true, The Toxic Avenger isn't just a story.

It arrives in theaters right nearby this shop August 29th.

There are a few more items from the same consigner spread all over Spotify, Apple, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Just search for the Toxic Avenger, St.

Roma's Village.

Consider this a bonus artifact for your ears only logged here in the antiquarium before the dealer returns.

Coming to you from St.

Roma's Village, New Jersey, it's time for another episode of Sharing the Wealthy, the podcast that dares to point out that, hey, billionaires are people too.

I'm Spud Bunko, your host, and today's episode is brought to you by Miss Meat, Fun New Bod, same great grub.

Miss Meat, they stuff your box.

Try their newest mouthwatering sandwich, the Big Cock, only available for a limited time.

And of course, we're also being brought to you by BTH, Body Talk Health Style, the brand of wellness and medicine that works the best.

Aches?

Pains?

Depression?

You don't have to be pathetic.

Grab a BTH BioBooster and feel good fast.

BTH, health, wellness, and plain old feeling good.

All right, that's our theme song from a band I think you have a special connection to.

Do I?

Yeah.

It's a little local band from right here in St.

Roma's, The Killer Nuts.

All right, BTH's head of security.

Fritz is their manager.

I know.

Wait until you hear their latest album.

Oh, nice.

So you've heard it already?

No, but it'll be good when you hear it.

Ah, well,

I could talk about Monster Core all day, but that's not why we're here.

My guest today, and I'm so excited to finally have him on the show, is from right here in St.

Roma's village, the president of a company that is the heartblood of this town and a good guy who, yes,

also happens to be a billionaire.

I'm talking, of course, about Warren BTH Dunker.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, and please call me Dunk.

Oh, thanks, Dunk.

And I have to say, you are one of the few guests I've had on who actually came down to the studio in person, and that makes you a class act in my book, buddy.

Very happy to be here.

And you live right here in town, so I bet you could have just walked over.

Oh, I took the jet.

The jet?

The jet?

You flew over here?

Well, yeah, I mean, planes are statistically so much safer than driving.

Right, but aren't you just right over there in Chutthaven?

I'm trying to raise my carbon footprint.

That Taylor Swift is kicking my ass and can't get beaten by a girl.

Well, it's great to have you here in the studio with me.

Yeah, it's a little tight in here.

What's that smell?

Oh, I had a half a big fish sandwich from Miss Meat.

Speaking of, you're a local.

What's your favorite thing to order from Miss Meat?

Miss Meat, I'm

I don't have you.

I mean, their entire menu is, I mean, it depends on my mood.

Food for any mood.

Our sponsor for this episode, Miss Meat.

Fun New Bod, same great grub.

Now, Dunk, I guess we should tell people who don't know that you are the president.

of Body Talk Health Style.

President makes me sound like some administrative corporate robot in a suit.

And folks, look, I know this is radio and not TV, but you should know that Dunk isn't even wearing a suit right now.

Oh, yeah, I hate suits and I hate all that corporate garbage.

I think of myself as a bleeding-edge, innovative synergist with scalable bandwidth who refuses to boil the ocean.

What does boil the ocean mean exactly?

Well, you know, boiling the ocean would be

bad.

bad, right?

Bad.

Right.

So you're not going to do that.

Never.

Never.

No, no.

I guess the one word that I lashed onto there was innovative.

Oh, yeah.

I love to innovate and ideate.

Disruptive, impactful innovation through empowering, actionable paradigm shifts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Those are

words.

Definitely words.

Now, you were born here, right?

Yeah, but I don't have any memory of that.

And, you know, I really feel like i should

huh but hey i i did go to new chemistry high oh yeah newcom i mean it was only for about a month of freshman year oh and then i went to private school got it got it so uh so dunk uh i know your time here is is limited and i maybe we

Let me just get this out of the way.

Can we address some of the rumors that are floating around out there?

I mean, maybe just clear the air?

That's why I'm here.

Let's clear that air.

Clear it up.

Let's clear it up.

Let's do it.

So there was a story that came out claiming that BTH was originally bankrolled by the mafia.

Yeah.

Sure, I heard that one too.

Look, I come from money.

Huge family fortune.

You know that saying, he cries himself to sleep on a huge pile of money.

Well, sure, I've actually done that.

Wow, really?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, it's really comfy if you spread it out right.

So, but I ask you, why would someone as rich as me who could probably have somebody killed whenever he wanted to, have to have his health-style empire bankrolled by the mob?

It makes no sense.

So, Thad Barkabus, he's kind of a known crime figure.

He didn't bankroll your company.

Of course not.

I mean, sure, he's technically an angel investor, but bankroll isn't a word I'd use.

What is a word you'd use?

Circumlocution.

Okay,

maybe you'd like to address the supposed allegations that some BTH products are causing health issues?

Well, those supposed allegations are coming from the haters.

Just absolute and total fabrications by jealous haters to make me and BT HealthStyle look bad.

So the guy who says he developed necrotic toe fusion?

Oh, well, that one's true.

It is?

Scientists said they'd never never seen anything like it and couldn't even identify it.

So then let me ask you this.

If they couldn't identify it, how could it possibly come from one of BT's products?

Bullshit.

And the rumors about the former employee who says he developed genetic mutations after being exposed to super caustic materials at the BTH factory?

Yes, emphasis on the word former employee.

He doesn't work for us anymore.

Ah, ses, he's just a disgruntled former employee.

Oh, no, he's a hideous freak.

I had him fired because I couldn't stand looking at him.

So, wait,

you're saying he developed physical mutations

and then you fired him?

I mean, he wasn't physically able to perform his duties anymore.

And I like to reward productivity.

My God.

Okay.

You know what?

Let's...

Let's shift gears a little bit, okay?

How about

what's your favorite color?

I haven't heard of it.

What?

Yeah, there's this spectrum of light that's...

It's a whole proprietary thing.

Forget I said that.

I don't know what's the color between blue and red.

Purple?

That's not it.

Ah, hold on.

My assistant is texting me.

She says,

make sure you use words like healthiness, wholeness, soundness, vitality.

Oh, yeah, those are some good words.

I mean,

I'll just add another one to that list.

Minotaur.

That's my favorite word, if you're going to ask that.

Maybe

how about your, you know what?

Tell us about your morning routine.

My routine?

Yeah.

I mean, you're the wellness guy, and how does Warren Body Talk Health Style Dunker start his day?

I usually start my day with a smoothie.

Of course.

And from fresh fruit, coconut milk, some bio boosters, some BTH, of course.

And you look like, if I may say so, you look like you work out.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got the full gym, deadlift, splits, squats, crunches, the usual.

Sure.

And then I get a massage and intravenous injection of 16 liters of undiluted gorilla blood.

Undiluted gorilla blood?

Wait, what's that for?

It increases your vitality, virility, and physical lifespan by up to, but not more than 35 years.

You know, spud.

Wholeness.

Healthiness.

Healthiness.

Yeah.

So

I'm sorry, to increase your lifespan, you inject yourself with blood from endangered gorillas?

Certainly not from the endangered ones.

Oh, wow.

Okay,

that's inhumane.

Humane.

Humanity.

That's it, you know?

I think you're on to something there.

You know, I do what I do because I love humanity.

I woke up one day and realized realized that what I wanted more than anything else was to make money by helping people.

So I created a world-changing health-style empire.

And if I hadn't, I wouldn't be the success that I am today.

You know, man, it's all about wholeness.

Ah, wholeness, yeah.

You know, I hear the mayor is giving you the Citizen Shepherd Award over at Mammon Hall.

That's right.

I'm incredibly honored.

But, you know, awards aren't why I do do what I do.

I do what I do to help people.

Philanthropy.

I'm a philanderer.

Is it a philanthropist?

So you see yourself as a philanthropist?

Absolutely.

Are you religious?

You know, I'm not religious, but I do believe in God, and I have this recurring dream.

In the dream, I'm this huge, fierce beast man with horns and hooves.

Like a satyr?

No, it's not a Jewish thing.

I'm like like some straight out of a non-denominational heavy metal album cover from the 70s.

I'm wielding this huge, mighty battle axe.

Okay.

And I'm rampaging through this medieval village, just slashing and smashing and decimating everything and everyone in my path.

Men, women, children, old people, especially old people.

Wow.

And no one can stop me.

Their death screams are nourishing my soul, and the very soil under my hooves is awash with the blood of the innocent.

And I think that I must be some kind of God, but in my heart, I know there's something stopping me from achieving that level, that God level, you know?

Good Lord.

Exactly.

And the dream ends with me being blinded by this golden light from the sky, right?

It's God.

He is literally coming down from heaven to try to stop me.

spouting a bunch of holier than thou do-gooder crap.

And I wait until he gets just close enough.

And then I grasp the battle axe and put all my force into one final swing at God to take that fucker down.

And just as I follow through with that swing, and I can hear his screams against my blade, it's the moment I always wake up.

You wake up.

So,

what do you take away from this dream?

Well, my takeaway is that I'd like to kill God one day and maybe take his place.

Are you kidding?

Not at all.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to help you here.

I'm trying to show the world that you're just a regular Joe's, no different than the rest of us.

Hey, wait, hold on.

No different thing.

Hey, listen, we are not even the same species, pal.

I'm not one of you insect monkey people.

now you're saying that you're trying to help me?

You know what?

Listen,

this interview is over.

I can tell you

how do you open this?

You gotta lift the latch.

You gotta lift the latch.

You gotta lift the latch and then pull on the door at the same time.

You gotta lift the latch and then pull on the door at the same time.

You lift

out the body.

Then pull.

Lift the latch.

Okay,

uh,

today's episode was brought to you by Miss Meat, fun new bod, same great grub.

Try their newest mouthwatering sandwich, the Big Cock, only available for a limited time.

Miss Meat, they stuff your box.

Next week, I'll be talking to Hertz Kaufman, CEO of Apocalypse Inc.

Until then, this is Spud Bunko, and you've been listening to Sharing the Wealthy.

Let me show you the stuffing.

The Antiquarium presents Sharing the Wealthy, written by Jared Rivet, based on the screenplay The Toxic Avenger by Macon Blair, featuring Jared Rivet as Spud Bunko, Kaelin Howard as Warren Dunker.

See The Toxic Avenger in Theaters Everywhere, August 29th.

And follow Toxic Avenger on Instagram, X, or Facebook.