Cardi B’s Trial Is Unhinged (in the Best Way)

So, Cardi B might just win the award for having the best celebrity trial court case ever, and I'm going to tell you why, because unfortunately, I think I'm becoming a fan.

Okay, so I know that was a lofty thing to say, especially in the era of Flick Lively and just Valdoni coming on the heels of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

Obviously, we had the Gwyneth Paltrow ski case last year.

There have been a lot of prolific celebrity court cases recently.

And yet now this new one with Cardi B has fallen into my lap.

And I fear that she might actually just take the cake.

And it's not because this case is so riveting or is so deep for whatever reason.

It's simply because she is so freaking funny and we need to talk about it.

So like I said, we have had a ton of celebrity court cases.

And usually with these cases, even though they're funny and they go viral, there is something deeper here.

And for example, with Justin Belldoni, with Blake Lively, and Reher Johnny Depp, the core issue of those cases was me too.

That is what we're seeing with Blake Lively.

That has like broken the conversation even more open than when it was broken open with Johnny Depp.

But I honestly think that there is something that goes even deeper, and that is simply greed.

It is a desire to destroy somebody's reputation for your own gain.

It is the desire to make money off of their backs.

And I think regardless of whether there is a social issue at play in any of these court cases, most of these trials that involve celebrities really goes back to that, especially when they are being sued by somebody who is not in the public eye.

And that is what happened with Gwyneth Paltrow.

She allegedly collided with a guy while she was skiing, I think in like Park City or something.

He sued her.

It was very dramatic.

She came into court and she was like, you can give me a dollar.

Like, I literally don't care if I win.

Like, this is just so ridiculous.

And that is what is going on with Cardi D.

But before we get into Cardi B, I do want to make the argument that that is also what happened with Amber Heard and that that is also what happened with Blake Lively.

Because yes, Blake Lively is alleging that Justin Belldoni sexually harassed her, that, you know, the set of their movie was this awful, toxic place.

But at the root of that, even though we are talking about Me Too and we're talking about how this is a big social issue, at the root of that is her desire, in my opinion, to ruin a man's reputation because he did not allow her to take over his movie because she wanted to do that with her husband and the internet and the public turned on her.

And so now she is lashing out and she's trying to turn it into some huge trial and something that she can win.

She's trying to meet to him through this.

That is what I believe.

I'm alleging that.

I'm alleging that, Blake.

I haven't been subpoenaed yet.

Maybe I will be.

Who knows?

But at the root of it, I think that it's anger, it's greed, and it's wanting to destroy somebody's reputation for your own gain.

And again, that is what is happening with Cardi B.

So, if you did not know, Cardi B is in the middle of a huge court case right now.

She is being sued for $24 million.

And guys, this is so incredibly entertaining.

So if you don't know the story, because I didn't when I first started seeing all of these clips, Cardi B, I believe she has...

three children now or maybe she's pregnant with her third anyway she has a couple of children and when she was pregnant with her first child and she was going to the ob gyn she did not want anybody to know that she was pregnant obviously she is somebody in the public eye she wanted to be able to announce it on her own time so she had met with her OB and they've come to an agreement that the office would be shut down when she comes in.

There wouldn't be any other patients.

She would be able to come in, you know, not have to be dressed up, not have to be Cardi.

She could just like go in, be a mom, do the ultrasounds, do the whole thing, would not have to worry about anything.

So imagine her surprise when one day she walks in to the OBGYN office and there's a security guard allegedly, allegedly standing there.

talking on the phone, sees Cardi walk by and goes, oh my God, can you believe who's here?

There's a celebrity here.

Cardi B is here.

And then pulls out her phone and starts filming or gets off the phone and starts filming her is what Cardi says.

Cardi turns around.

Because again, she's gone, you know, to lengths to keep her, you know, pregnancy from getting out, from, you know, this being talked about.

She says, why are you filming me?

Stop filming me.

These two women get into a, what Cardi says is a verbal altercation.

The security guard is alleging that it became physical and that Cardi attacked her and specifically scraped her face with her long ass nails and cut her face.

Now, all of this allegedly happened in 2018.

Now, what is interesting, in my opinion, is that the security guard, even though she is suing her for $24 million for this altercation, she waited two years to sue her.

What happened in those two years?

I don't know.

I'm just, maybe I'm just being a brat here, but did you go broke?

Like, what happened?

Like, why did you wait two years to sue for $24 million?

Anyway, she waits.

Two years.

sues her.

But then something even more interesting happens.

In 2022, she allegedly, the security guard, finally goes to a plastic surgeon to deal with the scratch that she allegedly has from Cardi B's nails and allegedly has to pay between $15,000 and $20,000 to get this scar worked on, healed, microneedled, whatever happened.

And this plastic surgeon has now taken the stand in this case.

So again, this timeline happens in 2018.

She waits four years

to go to this this plastic surgeon to get this awful, awful scratch micro-needled off of her face.

And she is suing Cardi B

for $24 million.

So

this is the testimony from that security guard.

I'm going to read this to you.

We'll put it on the screen here.

So her name is Amani Ellis.

And again, $24 million,

which is insane.

$24 million because she's traumatized because of this altercation because allegedly she was trying to to expose and film Cardi B when she did not want to be filmed when it was supposed to be private.

She is dealing with PTSD.

So she says, quote, she was like, she's talking about Cardi

swearing, F you, you, fat ass

something is what Cardi said allegedly.

Expletive.

I'm going to beat your ass.

I'm going to get you fired.

Racial slur.

That's why you do security.

Ella said, choking up as she recalled what she described as, quote, super traumatizing.

Sorry, guys.

The testimony, the text that i'm reading has all of the swear words blurred out which is great so that i'm not reading them to you guys and tainting your ears but it made it difficult to read ellis the security guard also testified that cardi b spat on her When asked if Cardi B attempted to strike her physically, Ellis replied she did.

Ellis additionally claimed to have a facial cut from Cardi B's fingernails and testified that she dealt with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, insomnia, and body shaming as a result.

Insomnia, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress

from a verbal, possibly physical altercation with Cardi B.

They gave her a scar.

Now, you might be interested in seeing this.

This right here is the scar from Cardi B's nail.

Where?

Like, do I need glasses?

What am I looking at?

This is what they played in the courtroom.

They were like, look here, look here.

Here's the scar.

Where?

I know that this is like a photo of a photo, but I'm sorry for $24 million,

I should see like a gash the size of an axe in your cheek.

If you are getting post-traumatic stress, anxiety, and insomnia from this, like this is so incredibly ridiculous.

This is almost as ridiculous as people fear-mongering Gen Z and millennials and saying that you will never be able to buy a home, which you will be able to do with the help of my friends over at Fellowship Home Loans.

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Okay, so back to the story.

I think now you understand why I needed to talk about this because this case is so absurd.

And I feel like I should have talked about this at the top of the episode.

You might be like, Brett, why are you in your bedroom again?

Why are we in your bedroom so often these days?

Okay, my child, I'm pregnant right now.

This child was supposed to be here by now.

Like, my maternity leave was supposed to start.

I actually have like a full slate of pre-recorded episodes.

We're going to start on Labor Day today, Monday, for you guys.

I recorded them over the last couple of months.

I think they're very interesting.

They're like well-researched, like deep dives into things, different cultural topics that I've been thinking about since we've been covering news recently.

I wanted to do some like evergreen things.

So I have those ready to go.

But then I saw the clips from this trial and I I started reading about the absurdity of this.

And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

Since I am still pregnant and I am still waiting, sitting around in my house, we need to do this.

But my team is already off.

I was like, I do not need to make you guys drive all the way out here to film this.

Like I will sit down in front of my window and we will talk about this.

So we're just going to push some of those paternity leave episodes until later because I'm still here and I am still pregnant.

Anyway.

So moving on, the other reason why I wanted to talk about this, number one, because the case is absurd.

Number two, because it's just another incredible example of the court system being used to take advantage of people.

The other reason I wanted to talk about this is because the clips are so freaking hysterical.

Like I think that I love.

Cardi B now.

Like, can I forgive her for WAP?

She did WAP, right?

Yeah, I don't have pregnancy brain.

Like, can I forgive her?

Possibly.

Like, I know she has this like long-standing feud with Candace Owens.

And, you know, I love Candace.

We're good friends.

But like, Candace, today, I'm so sorry, but I do have to stand Cardi B.

Like, you just have to see these clips.

For example,

they are talking, they have her on the witness stand, and they start asking her questions about this altercation and about the security guard.

And this lawyer, who, by the way, we're going to get into in a minute, is just wild.

The questions he is asking are crazy.

He starts asking about the things that Cardi allegedly said to the security guard, and he brings up her weight.

He's like, you know, could you fight this girl?

Like, what were you saying to her?

Like, how does her size compare to you?

And just listen to this clip.

Did you call her fat?

No, I was calling her a bitch.

Did you call her fat?

No, I was calling her a bitch.

So the lawyer literally asks, did you call her fat?

And this comes on the heels of a long conversation of Cardi B being like, yeah, I was like early in pregnancy, hadn't gained a lot of weight.

I was 130 pounds.

She is like a big security guard.

And he's like, oh, you think she's fat?

And Cardi literally is like, uh, I mean, I'm looking at her and she's bigger than me.

And then the lawyer says, oh, so did you call her fat in the moment?

Cardi was like, no, but I called her a bitch.

Like that mic drop.

like I you have to you have to love it like she knows that this is a sham of a trial that this is bogus it is wild that this even got to trial and so she's just having fun with it that is the essence of all of these clips all right so the next one is again she's pregnant so she's talking a lot about pregnancy this lawyer's like you were fighting her weren't you all of this stuff and curtie was like no

because again she's bigger than me and i was four months pregnant which i relate to right now like i'm not trying to fight anyone at almost 10 months pregnant.

Am I actually at 10 months pregnant?

I think I'm very close to almost being 10 months pregnant.

Like, if you're a pregnant woman, you don't want to fight anybody.

That's actually a lie.

I've got, I've had like hormonal rage.

I've thrown like pans across the kitchen.

So you do have rage, but I'm not trying to get into a physical altercation with anybody.

And that is what Cardi B summed up right here.

Just listen.

And if you wanted to scratch or cut her face with your right hand or your left hand, if you wanted to do it, you could have done it, correct?

You're not disabled.

But I didn't, because I had a baby inside me.

How did she know?

Time out.

Time out.

Let's slow down the things.

First of all,

are you disabled?

Yes or no?

At that moment,

when you're pregnant, I'm very disabled.

You want me to tell you the things I can't do?

Literally.

Like, if you guys have been watching the show throughout this pregnancy and you have started to see me, like, slowly over time, lose my wits and not be able to speak, disabled.

Like, my brain is shrinking.

I do not want to fight anyone.

I'm not going to start a physical altercation with anybody if I can't even speak properly.

So I feel for her.

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Again, this line of questioning, it went on for two to three days.

This attorney, I don't know where Imani, the security guard, found him.

I don't know if she was driving by on the 405 in LA and saw him on a freaking billboard and called that 1-800 number.

I have no idea.

I don't know where she found him.

His name is Ron Rosen.

And the best comparison that I can make is that he has to be like straight out of a sitcom.

It's always sunny.

Better call Saul, something like that.

Or if we were going to compare him to a real-life attorney, the only comparison that I can make is the attorney from Young Thugs trial, where Brian Steele, who was Young Thugs attorney, got up and was like, guys,

thug means something different than, you know, what you think.

Actually, thug stands for truly humble under God.

Like, these are the levels of insanity and delusion that we are dealing with right here.

Um, like, just listen to this interaction.

Cardi B is like snapping back and forth, and you have to hear what he says at the end.

I don't think I was like on a high level of angry, I was more on a high level of concern,

very concerned.

And why were you concerned?

Because I'm pregnant, and this girl is about to beat my ass.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, I'm here.

I don't know why this is making me laugh so much.

Number one, a high level of concern, relatable.

But she's like, hello.

And he responds and goes, hello, I'm here.

What is going on?

Like the levels of incompetence.

Does this man even know what she's saying?

Does he know anything about Cardi B in the first place?

Like on another day, she came in with different colored hair.

Like, she has had impeccable style throughout this entire court case.

Crazy outfits.

She's had like bangs for a moment.

She's had updos.

She's had blonde hair.

She's had black hair.

And she came in with blonde hair, and he included her hair in the line of questioning.

Just listen.

Yesterday you had black hair, short hair.

Today it's blonde and long.

Which one is your real hair?

Or are they both real?

They're wigs.

Her facial expressions are so incredibly good.

She's like, okay, this is going to be like the easiest trial ever.

They're wigs.

This is what we're dealing with.

He then went into her nails, which I will say is more relevant to the actual trial because allegedly she gashed this woman's face open.

$24 million worth of gashing with her nails.

But he literally asks her like how long it would take for her to take her short nails and make them longer.

I don't know if he wants her to go put them on so that he could have her demonstrate fighting with the security guard.

No idea, but just take a listen.

If I wanted you to change them to three-inch nails, how long would it take for you to do that right now?

Well, it really depends.

Like these,

these are like glued on, so they will be a little bit quicker.

Sometimes I do acrylic, which can last me on for two weeks.

I will literally have to

take like two hours to melt them off if they're acrylic on.

And the conversation doesn't end there.

She keeps going.

She's like, and then I could have them on for like two weeks.

And then he asks more questions.

She's like, well, I mean, you know, these are, you know, I have these glued on, whatever.

It is a full conversation.

Not about like how strong her nails are.

Could they gash somebody's face though?

But it's like, well, could you put them on right now?

Like, where is this going?

The questioning is absurd.

The trial itself is absurd, but it's providing me with endless entertainment.

Like, if I'm going to be a million months pregnant, filming in front of my bedroom window, I would like it to be about this.

Like, this is highly entertaining for me.

And I just have to say, like, all the streaming services are struggling right now.

Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Paramount, everybody's like, you know, we need new content, all of this stuff.

Disney's like, how do we get men to watch?

Well,

you could start with getting a licensing deal with

the court system.

I don't even know the right way to say that, but you should be streaming this onto Netflix.

I should not have to go onto cable television to watch this.

I should not have to go onto like court TV YouTube channel, which is great for those channels.

This should be a Netflix special.

Like if a case like this comes up, if Cardi B is getting sued, if Gwyneth Paltrow is getting sued for colliding with a fellow skier and is showing up to Park City court, like that should be on Hulu.

I will sit my butt down.

I will watch that.

I will subscribe to your streaming platform for that alone.

Like whichever streaming platform wants to be saved needs to get a deal for the Justin Bell Doni Blake Lively trial.

Like that will save.

their entire business model.

So anyway, that is just my little tidbit of advice for those in the industry.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed these clips as much as I did.

I hope that they brought you joy.

And again, I do hope that you think about these court cases within that framework because this one is so blatantly obvious that this is just a shakedown.

But even with cases like Johnny Depp with Justin Baldoni, at the end of the day, that is still what is happening there.

It is anger.

It is bitterness.

It is greed.

It is wanting revenge.

And it is so blatantly obvious.

And you can sue people for anything.

Like, It's wild what is happening here.

Ask me how I know.

You can pull anything out of your ass.

Like the fact that she can just sue Cardi B for $24 million

because she's butthurt and because she wants to buy a nice house and because she's behind on rent, allegedly, whatever's going on, is truly crazy.

And again, at the end of the day, it is about greed.

It is about bitterness.

We've seen this all the time.

We're going to continue seeing it with the Blake Lively Justin Baldoni trial, which again, like I didn't get subpoenaed.

Everybody got subpoenaed, even Megan Kelly.

I'm here waiting.

Anyway, that's what you're seeing in all of these cases.

So thank you all for joining me again on my bedroom floor.

Maybe I'll see you Thursday.

Maybe I'll already have a child, but I knew that this could not wait.

So I wanted to pop in here.

All right, have a great rest of your labor day, and I'll see you guys soon.

Bye.