Puns: Primed, Administered

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Dear Buglers, this is an addendum to Bugle issue 4308, the UK Election Special.

If you've not yet heard that show, just go one back in your feed.

This bonus stroke punishment sub-episode is The Puns.

Yes, all of the puns.

So, off the back of our election special, to tide you over until next week, you get this.

Onwards and downwards.

So, anyway, as we look back now,

we will soon have a new Prime Minister, it seems.

And I've got a friend who's really

obsessed with the history of British Prime Ministers.

In fact, he's met all of them.

He's met all of the British Prime Ministers from the last hundred years.

It's quite old.

You paid for this.

And now you're going to pay for this.

And

he's met all of them.

He said they're all very interesting people.

He said, well, the current Prime Minister, he said, he's got this really weird thing where he's got this really great instinct

for telling which animal park is the most profitable and has the most valuable assets, even without visiting them.

He said he has a real riches Zunak.

Richest Zunak?

His predecessor, she had all these iron statues of reptiles, but she got very panicky when she had to move out of Downing Street because she didn't have enough space in her house for all of these things, so she had to keep some of them in the garden.

She was very worried when it started raining because she didn't want the lizard trust.

That was worse than Liz Truss.

Also, he was interested by the

speaking too much about the favourite wars of different Prime Ministers, and obviously Boris John's a massive Second World War fan.

And he actually asked me what the favourite wars of Bugle co-hosts

is.

And, you know, I said mine was the Hundred Years' War.

I know Nish's favourite war is the War of Spanish Succession.

We asked about John Oliver's favourite war, and I said, Oh, it's that war between Britain and South Africa right at the end of the 19th and early 20th century.

And he said, Oh,

the boar is John's one, is it?

And the one before, promised before that.

It was funny hearing people get that early and still being annoyed.

These are indescribable noises.

Of course, Johnson's predecessor loved, she was really into reading, and my friend was really into reading.

He used to read a lot of

sports biographies, including boxers.

And he had one by the former world boxing champion, David Hay.

Yeah, she said to him, Yeah, I'd really like to read some hay.

Even the kid is like what the f is wrong with you

His pre her predecessor obviously the man we just talked about He got very worried about you having to like prove that he'd said and done all the things So he always had body-worn cameras like police so he could show he had one he had one with night vision the other

The other was normal

But my friend met him in the afternoon, so he had his David camera on.

Someone actually said, oh oh no.

Well, his predecessor was the last Labour Prime Minister.

They used to, my mate and him used to meet, and they used to just eat loads and loads of bread because they just loved bread.

But apparently, this guy

didn't like white bread, but he gauded on brown.

His predecessor had a saxophone, but he used to play it, but he could only play one note on it.

And my friend didn't like that.

He said, I didn't like the Tony Blair.

There are so many Prime Ministers.

There's a lot of Prime Ministers.

You've really got to strap in here.

Should we go now and just get a pint?

His predecessor, who followed,

who was on before Blair, he was a big bugle fan, actually, interestingly.

And

he said to my mate that Andy Zoltzman, he was

nothing without the guy I used to do the bugle with.

And my mate said, yeah, he thinks John Major.

Bit harsh.

That was one of the better ones.

And then he had a throwing competition with the previous Prime Minister, John Major, and

it was like a javelin competition,

but they didn't have markings for the distance, but they just used things that they found around Downing Street,

including an old stovepipe that was worn by

the Duke of Wellington in the 1840s.

Anyway, the Prime Minister threw this, and it was being judged by an American pop and rock star Cher.

And anyway, so

she threw the javelin and it landed and landed right by the stovepipe.

And my mate said, Mark her at the hat, Cher.

Ivy L'Skid is looking forward to going to Burma now.

Is this what happens now that we've left the ECH?

I think

I might need to cut some of these out because we've overrun quite a lot.

But

look, I had to write these in half an hour this afternoon.

Had to.

Had to.

Had to.

It's that Bruce Lee guy again.

First rule of showbiz: always leave them wanting considerably less.

It's like the opposite of an encore.

Previous guys kept a camping stove

where he did his fitness training.

He had his Jim Calican.

Diff just asked me what's happening.

Previous one to that, he

didn't believe in

cuddly bears.

He was a Ted Heathen.

Wait, it was Wilson before that.

It was Harold Wilson!

I'm doing it in reverse order based on when they first became Prime Minister.

What a podcast by and for absolute squares.

An audience member and one of the co-presenters.

I mean, it was like, chronologically, it was actually Wilson's second term.

By anyway, he used to play tennis with his wife out at his old racket shores.

She used to use our old Wilson.

And he had so hard.

Then he had to have a video call meeting with the guy who preceded Harold Wilson, but he did it dressed in a Doctor Who outfit,

but he'd forgotten his furry boots that he used to wear.

So he had this video call.

He had a Dalek Uglis Zoom.

Someone's leaving.

Someone's leaving in the second row.

I need to skip back a few.

Let me go back to the guy who was accused of appeasing Hitler.

He was obsessed with Tudor history and apparently, and in particular, the health of leading women in the time of Henry VIII, particularly

Henry VIII's second wife, apparently she was ill quite a lot, but not her sister.

She was never ill, Chamberlain.

Wow.

Weirdly, the respect has returned to the audience.

For some reason, never ill Chamberlain has got quite a lot of them back on side.

He was right, we will never have peace in our time.

Look, I mean, you're criticising me.

I don't like roasts as a genre of comedy.

But I would like to see an ancient Egyptian pharaoh roast the Republican presidential nominee from this year.

I'd really like to see Ramesses MacDonald.

You don't want to be impressed by it, but then you're sort of impressed by it.

Apparently, he passed a law

stipulating the maximum number of erections

anyone could have in their lifetime called the boner law.

Okay, okay.

I unironically enjoyed that one.

Apparently he had a really hairy backside that he used to comb over.

He had an ass quiff.

Right, all right,

it's over now.

It's over.

It's over.

I can see you're relieved it's over.

He's glad it's done.

Glad it's done.

But this woman over here, she thinks Disraeli has to stop now.

I can see some of you don't see the appeal of it.

Whereas, well, some guy down there, he's welling to them.

Most of you seem to think it's the pits,

regardless of whether you're younger or older.

Anyway, let's change the subject quickly.

What do you prefer?

Hadrian's Wall, the Great Wall of China, the Whaling Wall, or the Berlin Wall.

Tell you what, let's use an AI device to canvass people's opinions.

Let's do a robot wall poll.

And there we go.

Sorry for missing out.

A few of your favourites.

Vote hard and vote often.

It's hard to know how to end a gig after something like that.

Thank you for listening, doesn't seem enough.

Thank you for tolerating.

Thank you for indulging.

I hope you've enjoyed the show.

We've covered quite a lot of it, maybe not gone into too much policy detail, but I hope you've enjoyed the show.

Please show your appreciation for our wonderful Bugle co-host, Nishkumar, Tiff Stevenson.

there's the roll.

There it is.

There it is.

Anubab Pal.

Producer Chris, thanks to the Bloomsbury for having us.

Goodbye.

Thank you, buglers.

I hope you enjoyed or

endured those.

Do support us at thebuglepodcast.com with our now updated donations page.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Hi buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please, come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.