Bonus Bugle - Spies and Songs

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello buglers and welcome to Bugle sub-episode 4159B for Bats, Balls and Bubbles.

I am Andy Zoltzmann in the antiviral cricketosphere here at the Alt Trafford Cricket Ground in Manchester where the natural medicinal powers of cricket statistics are proving to give me 110% impregnable immunity from all reality.

I can highly recommend it.

I've been busy with my frankly sensational collection of coloured pens, super high-tech space age stuff, bits of paper, ditto, and databases of pure cricketing fat, the greatest natural mind balm known to humanity, watching England and the West Indies and as I record this Manchester drizzle, tussle it out in echoingly empty cricket grounds.

It is very odd and the best thing about it, apart from living out my quirky childhood reveries, is that I have absolutely no idea what has been happening in the world in the last two weeks.

I imagine things have been awesomely good, what with all the science, technology, intelligence and innate goodness of humanity working collectively towards a better shared future as usual.

I imagine the British Prime Minister has dealt with his challenges with calm assurance, sound logic and the innate sense of fair play that enabled us to share our empire with so many colonial colleagues back in the British day.

I imagine the President of the USA has projected hope and aspiration to all oppressed, freedom-hungry peoples in America and the rest of the universe.

I imagine everyone is looking forward optimistically to the impending eradication of the great curses of our times.

Poverty, hunger, disease, inequality, prejudice, and the unnecessary overuse of the word like.

But I don't know, because all I've been thinking about is the slowly emerging pointerless narrative canvas that is a five-day cricket match.

We will have a proper bugle next week.

In the meantime, since since I am enveloped in one of the world's more, shall we say, retro sporting genres, the two-team contest lasting a working week with a strong possibility of neither side winning, trust me, it is the greatest thing ever invented, let's go back in time via the Bugle Archives.

How many years I hear you ask?

Let's go with 10.

10 years.

Top story this week, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with bullshit.

Andy

there are only three things better than stories about spies they are ice cream the release of Nelson Mandela and Lionel Messi and those three have had a relatively quiet week this week so it's spy stories that have dominated the news the FBI have arrested 11 people suspected of being Russian spies who have been living in the United States under deep cover since the 1990s a time when even then spying was slightly old-fashioned and ridiculous.

Well, it turns out they've been in the US ever since, doing essentially very little.

In fact, a Russian security analyst pointed out this week that the alleged spy ring doesn't seem to have really done any spying.

He said they haven't managed to gather any kind of significant information and didn't have any kind of sources worth noticing.

Most stuff they transmitted, if indeed they did transmit it, could have been lifted from the New York Times website.

In fact, they've done so little that none of the people accused in this case have been charged with espionage, only with not registering as representatives of a foreign government and money laundering.

And I really hope that they were just lifting articles from the New York Times, Andy.

It would be fantastic.

It's the equivalent of cheating on an exam, just cutting and pasting text into a document, maybe changing some of the sentences around.

I've completely cracked this whole spying game, Dimitri.

You just need a premium pass to newyorktimes.com.

I could get all my spying out of the way in about 45 minutes and I spend the rest of the day playing frisbee with myself honestly I do most of my spying now and I do not exaggerate Dimitri I do most of my spying while having my morning dump I'm not even joking I'm telling you you're working too hard and this also means that whoever's been writing those articles in the New York Times has technically been spying for the Russians Andy so I want to see nothing short of Frank Rich being led out of the offices in handcuffs and sent straight to Guantanamo to answer some very nasty questions.

Well, it's also, I mean, the challenge has really gone for spies ever since the U.S.

Department of Defense started up its own Twitter feed, which has included recently entries such as, Busy Day, moving three warheads to a new location in Nevada, need to get done by three to catch the Angels Dodgers game.

But

it's untrue to say they didn't find out anything.

Apparently, one couple had told Moscow that they discovered that America is a society quotes that values home ownership.

Yes.

And there must have been some old telephone operator at KGBHQ in Moscow saying, holy f living,

we have really lost our edge.

What else?

Do they like meals and burgers?

Do you not get a part in one of your next films?

Was there a lot of Russian

slightly too good, Andy?

Right.

It's slightly too good.

I mean that's a rock-solid Russian accent.

I'll put in a word for me, mate.

The spies were apparently living in New Jersey, which is not so much deep undercover, Andy, as subterranean undercover.

If they're hoping to pick up casual information from talking to their neighbours, the only thing they're going to learn there is whatever gossip is coming out of the New York Jets training camp.

I do hope that Moscow is interested in finding out whether or not Ladanian Tomlinson is going to be used more in a wide receiver role than in the traditional running back position he had at the Chargers.

Isn't that the American is from New Jersey as as well, isn't he?

He is, that's right.

Ask some questions about

his provenance and motives.

Well, let's ask next time he comes in, Andy, let's ask him.

I think we should.

I was quite intrigued by Miss Chapman, who was

apparently the young woman who was painted by some in the press as a femme fatale of a spyring.

Although, if the spyring is really just finding out stuff off the internet, I don't know how fatale a femme can be.

And also, she didn't really indulge in classic spy behaviour, posting glamorous photos of herself on a Facebook page.

Which isn't really maintaining a low profile, is it?

Well, it just shows how seriously the media are taking it.

The most of the discussion this week here has been whether or not she was attractive or not.

Oh, right.

That seems to really split people right down the media.

Really?

So it's good to know that people are focusing on the most important things here.

And what's the consensus then?

Well, there is no consensus yet.

Right, I see.

Has it split on Republican-Democrat lines this?

Well,

it's not so much, I think there's a standard acceptance that she's quite attractive, but it's whether she's smoking hot or just quite hot.

Right.

So that's, but you know, that's driving people apart.

It's basically one step down from the abortion issue here.

Right, I see.

So

I guess what this has shown, John, is that we just don't know who is a spy these days and who isn't.

And I'm pretty sure some of these people didn't even realise they were spying.

And I think the time has come now to do an official bugle.

Are you a spy test?

Okay.

Okay.

So here's a question.

You can all test buglers.

You can all see if you might be a spy.

So there's three questions.

When you wake up in the morning, do you A think to yourself, oh, it's good to be alive, so much to look forward to.

Breakfast, lunch, tea time snack, dinner, and the rest, yummy yum.

Or do you B think to yourself, I must make an extra special effort today to blend in seamlessly to my local community?

Question two, when you find out something interesting, do you A go straight onto a social networking site and post something about it, then gossip about it with your friends?

Or do you B keep it under your hat until you get a few quiet moments when you can call a secret office in downtown Moscow on a secure line?

And finally, question three, when in conversation with a government official at a drinks party, do you A assume he or she wants to steer clear of official business and make conversation about sport or films or sport in films or how to film sport?

Or do you b start plying him with drinks and shifting the conversation onto classified subjects like whether America is planning military action on Australia for their overthrow of an elected Prime Minister and imposition of an unelected replacement, whilst trying to build up a rapport so that when you put your arm around his shoulder later in the evening, he'll think you're just being his buddy rather than trying to plant an electronic bug underneath his collar.

So if it's mostly A's, you're probably in the clear, mostly B's.

Thus for Dania, Camarad.

These spies also made a number of slapstick-style mistakes, Andy.

Two of the alleged agents organised a drop-off at a park in Arlington, in which one placed $5,000 in cash in an envelope hidden in a folded newspaper and left it for collection by the other.

The package was intercepted by the FBI.

So they lost that package, Andy.

They lost that $5,000, but it gets even better.

Another was observed going into a Verizon phone shop in Brooklyn, New York, buying a mobile phone, and giving the shop staff an address which was this: 99 Fake Street.

Fake Street.

They're not even fing trying, Andy.

It's almost like they wanted to be caught.

But these have actually been very reassuring times here in New York.

First, we had a terrible terrorist who locked his house keys in the car that failed to detonate.

Now we have some terrible spies, too.

The world is becoming a much simpler, more charming place, Andy, as it spews oil into its own oceans.

That was 10 years ago, and if we all knew then what we know now, then, well, with a human race, we'd probably f it up exactly the same again.

It is what we do.

Since this is a second consecutive Bugle sub-episode and you're getting them for the price of one, in other words, free, unless you want to join the Bugle voluntary subscription scheme, go to thebuglepodcast.com and click the donate button.

Let's have a chunklet from Bugle 241,

where I reveal what happened when I met the England cricket selector and when the world was experiencing some kind of heat wave.

And we marked it with a s with a song.

A what?

I was interviewed this week

for a place in the England cricket team.

Congratulations, how'd it go?

Well, it went all right.

Chris, you were there, was uh dinner with the chairman of the England cricket selectors, Jeff Miller.

So, this was the closest that you're probably ever going to get to get selection.

You sat there in front of the selectors, and the selector asked Andy, Andy, what do you bowl?

To which Andy's

response was, mind your own business.

I've forgotten that, but

how do you forget that, Andy?

You just banking on the fact that he would respect that kind of threat.

That's interesting.

It's going to be direct.

That's interesting.

They're looking for cricketers with strong minds and not afraid to express their own opinions.

So, anyway, so he interviewed me for a position on the England cricket team.

And

yeah, I'm not sure.

I mean, I haven't had the call yet.

But, you know, I think I made an impression.

I think it might be coming with that conversational SmackDown, Andy.

Top story this week: the heat is on!

The heat is on!

The heat is on!

Now, somebody please turn the fing heat off!

Feel, feel, feel, feel my heat.

If

you live, if you, if don't

finish that thought, Andy, if you if you live in the US or the UK, you are feeling pretty fing you hot right now because it is hot here, Andy.

It's hot here in America, and I know that the UK empathises with that because by all accounts, it's too f ⁇ ing hot there, too.

Absolutely, John.

Yeah, I mean, we're struggling with a heat wave, the like of which has never been experienced by humanity anywhere before.

Just day upon day, week upon week of burning sunshine, record temperatures.

We're talking high 20s, John.

Low 30s Celsius even.

It's making the Sahara look like a partially refrigerated cake counter in a bakery store.

It's making the Australian Outback look like Skegnest Beach in early April.

It's making the Atacama Desert look like South America's answer to a soggy Christmas dog walk.

Britain is so toasty at the moment that if you dropped it from space, it would inevitably land people side down.

That is the thing.

If you saw any reporting of the heat wave in the UK at the moment, and then you looked at the number that prompted that reporting, and you live anywhere else in the world, you might think, what is wrong with these people?

But look, it's difficult to explain.

Yes, it's not technically as hot as elsewhere in Britain, but Britain is significantly less well-equipped to deal with high temperatures, both physically and, more importantly, emotionally.

And for a start, people don't really have air conditioning in their homes

in Britain.

Apparently, a report in 2008 found out that just 0.5% of houses in the UK has any kind of air conditioning.

Whereas here, Andy, in the land of the free, the land of the incredibly cold inside when it's incredibly hot outside, nearly a hundred million homes have it.

And it's possible, apparently it's possible that air conditioning accounts for as much as 15% of total American energy consumption.

And that is 15%, Andy.

That's a 50% portion of a pretty f ⁇ ing huge burrito.

Because that's the ultimate demonstration of freedom Andy being on a hundred degree day inside able to wear a coat that is a profound and powerful f you to nature oh sure you've been beating down pretty hard mr.

Sun it's dangerously hot outside you say so why then am I shivering in here

it'll be exciting to see my breath when I tell you to go f ⁇ yourself

That's what we fought two world wars and at least two Cold Wars for.

The right to air-conditioned America.

I mean in Britain we've been really struggling John I haven't seen this many people looking burnt in public since Queen Mary was barbecuing Protestants in the 1550s and man that that is that's two 1550s jokes in one show.

Yeah.

That's

that's setting the bar pretty high.

Deep cut Andy.

Yeah.

And we've uh it's the biggest heat wave here since 1976 when of course you don't need me to tell you famously the Queen Mother melted whilst watching a horse race at Royal Ascot.

Had to be taken to a special laboratory in the basement of Windsor Castle and poured into a cast of herself that they'd taken during the war.

Back on duty a week later after re-solidifying.

And lived for another 26 years.

I keep waking up, it was so hot.

It's very hard to sleep.

My kids are

really struggling to get to sleep.

Maybe because I'm standing in the corner of their room dressed like a ghost.

But anyway, probably the more to do with the heat.

But I keep waking up in the middle of the night, sweating like a guilty feeling pig, being cross-examined about whether or not it's kosher.

Too hot sometimes, even to think about a sport.

That puts it in perspective.

So hot, John, that I keep thinking I'm Florence Nightingale.

And it's becoming now so reminiscent of 1796 that I

keep expecting Mousy Tongue to die again, or the Bay City rollers Money Honey to shoot back to the top of the Canadian pop charts.

Well, you are jumping around the centuries today, aren't you, Adley?

Thank you, Wood.

The heat short-circuited your brain somehow.

that was bugle 241 thanks buglers so now this was supposed to be the end of this episode chris what what what what's going what's going on here andy every time i bounce this episode down i hear lightning strike and a random last post episode appears an episode of what mate no idea

can it not just be removed no like every time i'm doing it the same thing happens it just you just what what what what what what what space space,

and welcome to the last post, the final word in this the most final of worlds.

Today's episode marks the 17th of July of the year 2020.

And on this day in history, in 1549, the Jews were expelled from Ghent, Belgium, beginning the Jewish distaste for waffles.

In 1717, on this day, George Friedrich Handel's water music premiered on the River Thames in London, a piece of music famously inspired by the graceful movement of a body of water of unknown size.

Your guest today on the podcast is returning favourite celebrity, celebrity in reality television juggernaut, Mr.

Andrew Zaltzmann.

Welcome back to the show.

Hello, Alice.

Hi, it's nice to be back.

How are you going?

Well, it's nice to be out of the juggernaut.

It was certainly

one of the more harrowing shows that I've ever been on.

And

I think I've done well to escape with only minor bruising from the

incident.

Coming up today, we'll be talking all the latest in Royal Family News for our top story.

But first, some headlines of stories we won't have time for.

And in the news today, Disney World has reopened numerous parks around Florida, despite the US having recorded over 70,000 new coronaviruses.

Although some changes will be made to the reopened parks, including socially distanced queues, Disney-branded Mickey Mouse masks, and changes to signage, including a You Must Be This Stupid to Ride.

Meanwhile, after a series of viral videos in which ordinary household objects are exposed as cake illusions, a conspiracy has arisen online that 5G is turning things into cake via a plot engineered by Bill Gates, who was once seen eating a cake.

Apparently the plot is to turn everyone into cake or for the savoury-minded into potato microchips.

That's all the time we have for for the headlines we don't have time for, because now it's time for your ads.

Your ad section now, because you can buy your actualization.

On one day in 399 BC, the philosopher Socrates stood before a jury of 500 of his fellow Athenians.

Socrates was accused of refusing to recognise the gods and of corrupting the youth.

Found guilty and sentenced to death according to the Athenian laws of the time, he was forced to drink a cup of poison, hemlock.

If he had instead drunk half a glass of water, Socrates might be alive today.

Half a glass of water, the safer choice.

And that's your ad section for today.

The last post!

Now it's time for your top story.

Your top story today, royal news brought to you by television royalty, Mr.

Andrew Saltzman.

What is going on in the world of the royals right now?

Well, a couple of massive stories this week, Alice.

Firstly, the Queen's contract has been extended by another three years.

Now, that's her 24th three-year deal, would you believe?

Some short thought that she might drop to a two-year or even a one-year deal at her age, given how old she is, how physically grueling top-level monarching is these days, very similar to rugby in that regard.

But apparently, at her medical, she was fitter than ever.

Her bleep test results were off the scale.

She benches 290, and she even managed to keep her crown on for a personal best 132 seconds on a rodeo bull, which matches the record set by Edward VII back in 1903.

Although that, of course, was not an officially ratified time because on that occasion he was accompanied on the bull by a dancer from the Folibergere named Florian Joisine and had a visible.

Well, look, the point is, 132 seconds is sensational at any age.

Other royal news, well, a couple couple of other stories, Prince Andrew has been relegated from Prince to Vice-Prince, if I read the newspaper headline correctly, whilst Prince Harry and Megan have been replaced by a pair of randomly selected NHS staff on a rolling weekly basis, which is a lovely gesture by the government, who have also announced a 400-year pay freeze for all nurses and care home staff.

But gestures are worth more than money in this day and age.

I mean, that makes sense for Harry and Megan to be taken off the list of royals, given that they were sort of fermenting rebellion for a number of months, only basically stopped by Covid and the lack of a socially distanced militia.

Yeah,

I mean, there's also talk that there will be, you know, they had lots of different Churchills in the war, kind of body-double churchills actually going to try and rebuild national morale after COVID.

There's going to be

a little battalion of 25 queens, replica queens, and

also,

I believe there's going to be 15 Prince Charles's and fifteen Prince Williams as well to just go around the country look looking uh looking benevolent.

So it's uh it should hopefully help Britain get back on track.

Now can you address the rumours, Andrew, that all of these replica royals have to pass a a three-month period in Toussaud's wax museum of pretending to be a wax statue of the queen or you know one of the one of the royals before they're allowed to actually move as a royal?

Well yes, I mean this is obviously a fairly standard procedure and it's certainly what saw off a couple of Henry VIII's prospective wives back in the day.

But yes, I mean you have to be able to look like a waxwork in order to be a functioning royal really certainly since probably the mid-17th century.

So it's

you know a number of people have passed the test and I think that's that's good.

You can't have too much of a good thing, can you?

Or can you?

No one knows.

We'll leave that to the historians to

judge possibly the history of the Western world in the late 20th and early early 21st century, might finally come up with an answer to that question.

Yeah, I would argue that many non-royals would suggest that you could have too much of a royal.

Well, it's probably the French came to that conclusion in the 1790s, certainly, and they started lobbing bits off them.

So, the other big news, Alex, though, I mean, this is huge royal news, is the discovery of a new royal, unexpectedly, because obviously, generally, they have to be created via a bizarre process, which certainly Prince William and Kate Middleton have proved unusually fecund involving various laboratories and meadows.

But luckily we've got a brand new one that's just emerged from essentially from history.

It's turned out that a descendant of Queen Victoria has been discovered, previously unknown about.

This new royal is the great great

great grandson of Queen Victoria via her ninth and final child Princess Beatrice who as was the way back then had loads and loads of children so many in fact that she couldn't really keep track and she simply forgot one of them at an official garden party

Lionel Duke of Snutterbridge it was who was about three years old as far as anyone could remember and he wandered off and was never seen again and by the time Princess Beatrice noticed the child was missing some 15 years later no one could remember his name and they decided they wouldn't be able to recognize him anyway because his crown would probably have fallen off by then so so Lionel, who disappeared often was found by well-meaning people, was initially brought up by wolves, then by a family of weavers in a woodland cottage in rural Fostershire.

And unaware of his royal origins, Lionel became a humble potter whose innate royalty only really came out in an occasional desire to declare things open, make meaningless small talk with a queue of strangers and keep his job regardless of any performance metrics.

And he never knew that he, by right, should have been something like 43rd in line to the throne.

And in fact, sadly lionel yeah he died um happy and fulfilled breaking a family tradition dating back centuries anyway now we skip forward a few generations and um a local researcher has found that lionel actually has descendants and his highest ranked descendant according to royalty ranking points which factor in all manner of things alice as you know such as whether you were born before or after other people and whether you have more fewer or the same number of testicles as them

it turns out that Lionel's highest-ranked royal descendant is none other than your last post co-host, John Luke Roberts, who is in fact by rights the Earl of Francish, owner of 3,000 square miles of Prime Forest and a herd of purebred Grambles.

So interesting news.

I don't know how John Luke has responded to this.

Maybe you could ask him next time he's on the show.

Well we will definitely have to have him back on the show because as you know he's been constantly drawn

to the ruling party.

You know he's a disgraced home, many times disgraced home secretary, and yet he keeps coming back for more.

So it will be fascinating to see how he absorbs his new role.

Yeah.

I mean, it could be a bit of a turning point in British history in many ways.

He'll bring something new and fresh to the royal family, I've no doubt.

Well, certainly new.

And that's all the time we have for your top story today, because now it's time for your letters to the editor.

Your letters to the editor now, and remember, you can send a letter to the editor by writing to us at thelastpost at somethingelse.com.

Dear Alice and co-host, that's you today, Andrew.

I have been considering writing to you ever since the recent appearance on the podcast of Christopher Skinner, that's Christopher D.

Skinner, but never quite having the courage.

This morning I sat down and had a half glass of water to calm my nerves sufficiently to write this.

I enjoyed the episode with Mr.

Skinner mainly because of your announcements of a novel in which Dancy Lagarde, apologies if misspelled, it is misspelled, and your apology is not accepted.

A novel in which Dancy Lagarde ventures into the world of homoeroticism.

I have to confess that in my part of the universe, Mr.

Skinner is something of a gay icon.

It doesn't surprise me at all that his fortunate subordinates are adoring and bedazzled.

Who wouldn't be?

Is there any more homoerotic Lagarde content in the pipeline?

And I wonder if anyone has suggested that you should be offered the job of reading out the Lagarde canon on audiobook.

You convey so much raw emotion, even when reading out the synopses.

I will pray for it.

Good luck, and so much more to Christopher.

Many thanks to you.

Best wishes, Mike.

Mike, this is a fairly stupid letter.

Not a very stupid letter, but a fairly stupid letter.

If you are at all familiar with Dancy Lagarde's works, you'll know that there are at least 14 homerotic novels in the Lagarde canon.

I would be privileged to read those audiobooks out loud if I ever get the time in my extremely busy, busy schedule.

I know that you, Andrew, were being touted as potentially being cast in one of the new movie remakes of a Dancy Lagarde novel.

Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

I know you can't say a huge amount.

Well I can't say a huge amount and there is some doubt now over whether the film will be released, not due to COVID, but due to the

fact that I insisted on doing all my own stunts.

And

well apparently

it, I mean, it just from what I've been told, it was very hard to make me

jumping off a bench look like an act of great daring doing heroism.

So

but that was as far as my insurance covered me to do in terms of terms of something.

But I insisted on doing them all myself because that's, you know, the kind of guy I am.

But it did ruin the film.

What I did hear hear about about dance is that she began her writing career doing Homo Erotica of a different sort in which she was writing copy for a a company that sold water filtration systems that enabled people to have French mineral water come out of their kitchen taps, hence Home O

erotica.

That is pretty amazing.

I look, and if the movie ever does come out, I hope to witness the.

I mean, I would be interested to see if your abs can ripple as much as any of the heroes in any of the Dancy Lagarde novels.

Not because you don't have ripped abs, but because they are extremely ripped, you know,

shredded, as it were.

Literally shredded.

Well, that was after the other stunt that, you know, never knew combine harvesters work that way.

Well, that's all the time we have for your letters today.

Remember, you too can send a letter in to the editor by writing to us at thelastpost at somethingelse.com.

And thank you for listening to The Last Post today.

We're here in your ears 366 days of this year, and we'll be back tomorrow with all the latest news in this dimension.

Your guest today on the podcast was Mr.

Andrew Zaltzman, famous from such episodes as episode one of this year.

You can go back in time.

If you go back to episode one, these ones will make a lot more sense.

Andrew, thanks for coming on.

Great work as ever.

Have you got anything to plug?

Yes, well, another charity I'm involved in.

This charity is for the number 12.

Use of the number 12 has declined over the last 12 years by, ironically, 11%, as due to a reduction in the use of dozen as a unit of counting and measurement, a reduction in the use of feet and inches of course.

And if that trend continues by the year 2212, 12 will have actually ceased to exist as a number, which could cause all manner of trouble in the design of rockets and trains.

And it's obviously never going to be used as widely as 10.

I'm not asking that.

I just think we need to

do our bit as a current generation to ensure that future generations can enjoy both the number 12 and the word 12, which is one of the most satisfying words to say in the English language

for the rest of time.

Well, brilliant.

Thank you so much.

An apology is due to our listeners in the other dimension, because as you in this dimension know, of course, we're putting out episodes seven days a week, but due to the glitch in the space-time continuum, only five days a week are going out to the alternate dimension.

So I would say I'm sorry for that, but I'm not really, because obviously currency doesn't transfer from one dimension to another, so you're probably not paying the extremely premium fees that we ask of our listeners here in this dimension.

So shut the f ⁇ up, you're getting it for free.

The last post is a something else, Alice Fraser and Bugle Podcasts Production.

I am Alice Fraser.

Find me online at alliterative on Twitter and Instagram.

That's A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E, or commit to the full Alice Fraser experience by signing up on patreon.com slash AliceFraser for a behind-the-scenes look at my glamorous life.

I'll be doing a live stand-up special on the 23rd of July via Next Up Comedy, so if you're in the UK, look that up.

The executive producer of this podcast is Christopher D.

Skinner.

His adoring and bedazzled subordinate producers are Harriet Wells and Ped Hunter, as they and we always say, Good luck to you, Christopher, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow.

That was deeply, deeply unsettling.

Please support the bugle.

Thanks, Peter Cricket.

Back next week.

Bye.

Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Bye.

Hi, buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.