Bugle 4001 – Tony The Tiger RIP

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

2016, October, in a world where ducks fear to quack, where truth is sitting in a darkened room saying ow after being clouted repeatedly on the head with the icy fossilized mammoth wang of political manipulation, where nothing is what it seems, and what it seems is not what it seems in any case, and even if it were what it seems, no one would believe it was what it seems, and would assume it was not what it seems, or at very best, that it's only what it seems because it...

I think the point's been made.

Where history is sitting up in its office saying, A, slow the f down, people.

I haven't finished writing the last thing up.

And B, what the f is going on in that world?

Only one thing can possibly save humanity from itself.

And that thing is everyone growing up.

That's a bit of a a long shot, so instead, you'll have to make do with.

Yes, hello, buglers, and I really mean it this time.

And to prove it, I will say it again.

Hello, Buglers, the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world, is back for season 4 after the 272 episode season 1, the 21 episode season two, and the somewhat abortive one episode long season three.

This is season four, which if all goes according to plan, will be at least 10,000 episodes long, which will take us to the year roughly 2266, which is when I want to stop because that was my grandparents' phone number when I was a kid.

Double two double six seems an appropriate end point.

Phase two is upon us, buglers, and we are now part of the Radiotopia Network.

Everyone say hello to Radiotopia.

Good.

And this is episode.

I'm going to call it 4001.

It is a bit of a jump from 294.

But, you know, there you go.

And I'm delighted to say that.

Joining me for this truly epoch-defining moment in the history of podcasting, of comedy, of media, of showbiz, of human communication, of civilization, the entire Homo sapiens brand as a whole.

Have I missed anything?

Here in New York City with me now is Hari Kondabolu.

Hello, Andy.

Hello, Buglers.

It's great to have you on on the show, Hari.

And not only that, but it is your birthday today, man.

Yeah.

This has to be the greatest birthday present you have ever received.

Yeah, yeah.

And if things go the way, I hope this will be my last birthday.

Wow.

That would, I mean, that would probably boost ratings.

That's what we're doing.

I mean, is there a way to

get rid of your birthday without dying?

Oh, I don't know.

Like a way to skip it?

I mean, if you have a leap year, it seems pretty great because then, oh, I missed it again this year.

It just feels like as you get older, the birthday is not a happy occasion.

How old are you today, Harlan?

34.

34.

I mean,

I'm 42, mate.

Oh, you don't look a day over.

41?

Five cheers, buddy.

34.

I mean, that's.

Are you still in school?

What?

No, no.

I'm a professional stand-up comedian.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, did you know what I did?

Not really.

No, I just like the name.

A well-chosen stage name, Harry Gunabolu.

Yeah.

Well, it's proven effective then.

Yep.

So,

well, this is the Bugle 4001 for the week beginning Monday, the 24th of October, 2016.

And to prove I'm not lying about the date, here is today's newspaper.

There you go.

But we are in fact recording this on Friday, the 21st of October.

So I did have to cheat a bit on that one.

In fact, I broke into the New York Times offices and ran off 20 200,000 copies of a newspaper based on what I guess will be in the news

so basically to sum it up yep he's still a they're still

those a lot are still acting like

and a lot of sports so I don't think I'll be far off the 24th of October I mean

you're not the only person with a birthday around this time time of year in 1901 Anne Edson Taylor on the 24th of October became the very first person to go over the Niagara Falls in a barrel and that was on her I think, 63rd birthday.

Oh, that's great, because that's at an age where you're like, well, if things don't work out,

it's been pretty good.

Had a good innings.

It was a good run.

But that was very much the moon landings of its time, I would say.

The first person to go over the Niagara Falls.

One giant plummet for women, one small splash for mankind.

And 28 years later, to the day, October the 24th, 1929, the New York Stock Exchange paid tribute to Anne Edson Taylor by doing basically exactly the same thing with the global economy.

That was Black Thursday, leading to an absolute decade of shit for the world economically.

And in 2008, Bloody Friday saw the world stock markets plummet by 10% in a day.

So it's good to see, Hori, that as a species, we are not afraid to learn the lessons of history and repeat basically exactly the same mistake.

on exactly the same day.

Do people do that regularly now?

You know, because, you know, running like a four-minute mile at one point was an achievement, and now like people are easily doing their kids in high school do that.

Yeah, you did it on the way here, didn't you?

Oh, yeah, I sprinted up

Broadway.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's why I'm so out of breath right now.

You know, the standards of a certain time usually get passed, and you kind of find it ridiculous that, oh, I can't believe a four-minute mile was a difficult thing to do

if one was in good shape and not a comedian.

But

that being said, are people doing that on the regular?

Is that like you get your barrel at the Niagara Falls and just go for it at this point?

Yeah, I mean, it's been devalued really, hasn't it?

You know,

everybody's plummeting over massive waterfalls in barrels these days, aren't they?

Yeah, they probably have like something that says you must be this tall to, you know, get into a barrel and jump potentially to your death at the Niagara Falls.

But at least,

you know, it's a regular thing.

Yeah, I mean, with the moon landings, that kind of tailed off, didn't it?

I mean,

it was all the rage for about five years and then everyone got bored of it.

Well, yeah, I mean...

Unless the studio in Texas just shut down.

That's what I was about.

There we go.

I wasn't sure what kind of show this was exactly, and I'm glad it's the kind of show I can contribute to.

Yeah, we get to the very heart of truth.

The dark kernels of truth.

On the 21st of October is another anniversary, 1854.

Florence Nightingale and 38 nurses were dispatched to the Crimean War.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, that's a good one.

Did you pull that one up from memory?

Oh, yeah, I know all these things.

Sorry,

I don't even have the internet at home.

It's all in there.

Now, as always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin.

And in fact, this week, to commemorate our return to the virtual airwaves, since we're in America, we have a free pumpkin spice sonic underlay.

for you to play under everything you say and do between now and probably the end of November.

Pumpkin spice is everywhere in this this country.

Wait, so is this not a big thing in

the UK?

Well, not a massive thing, not as big as it is here.

Well, what do you have in

current spice?

Oh, we just drink coffee and tea the way it's supposed to be drunk.

You don't put like a sugary liquid that doesn't even taste like the thing it claims to taste like?

Well, I don't, certainly, and I don't think anyone else should either.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I do not like Starbucks.

I do not, is this

sponsored by Starbucks anyway?

Not yet, no, and probably never will be now you've done that.

But don't worry.

when we did the pilot episode

before even the very first Google, when we were funded by Times Online, Mr.

John Oliver, late of this parish,

who's sadly had to retire because things aren't going too well for him and he's got to get a proper nine-to-five job.

He spent most of the pilot episode slagging off Rupert Murdoch

whilst two senior Times executives were sitting through soundproof glass on the other side listening on headphones.

So, you know, slag off Starbucks.

Why not?

Look, I have a pumpkin spice candle in my home.

You disappoint me.

And I didn't buy it, but I would have.

Right.

And I see nothing wrong with the scent of

artificial sweetener and fake pumpkin.

I feel like

I really do feel like an American.

You burn the pumpkin spice latte, because that's what Americans drink, and you watch some football, American football,

and

you know,

masturbate.

That is a very, that's how Americans do things.

Whatever takes your mind off the election.

You've been hanging out with Donald Trump too much.

So anyway, as promised, this is your pumpkin spice underlay.

that you can just just just put it on a loop and play it with a portable speaker.

It's large and orange and is cooked with sweet spices such as you might find in an Indian hot drink.

It's large and orange and is cooked with sweet spices such as you might find in an Indian hot drink.

It's large and orange and is cooked with sweet spices such as you might find in an Indian hot drink.

Top story this week and indeed this year

democracy continues to take the mother-in-law of all kickings, particularly here in America, just a few short weeks now to go until it is thankfully all over, until the next election cycle begins about 30 seconds after this one finishes on November

the 8th, stroke 9th, when the result will become clear.

I guess the message America has sent to the world, Hari, this year is basically, Ancient Greece, are you happy now?

Look at what miseries you have bestowed on us, you philosophy-loving lunatics.

I'm embarrassed.

I don't know.

I feel like I've written jokes, lots of jokes.

I think I've said this previously, but it makes me feel like Nero.

I'm watching everything

burn around me, but I don't care.

I'm telling jokes.

I'm making people laugh.

And on the inside, I'm saying goodbye to everything I love and every person I love.

That's pretty extreme.

Do you know what?

When I was in Chicago in this talk, the Chicago Tribune endorsed endorsed Gary Johnson as their preferred...

Which is basically like endorsing a potato.

Other than the fact that the potato has a slightly firmer grasp on international politics and diplomacy.

Yeah, like there are potatoes that are like, Aleppo, how do you not know Aleppo?

Please.

After

this last debate, is Trump...

Is he dumb?

I mean, his goose...

Surely his goose is baked, as they say.

Well, Well,

you must admit he had a very strong showing for him relative to him in this last debate.

One, he interrupted Hillary Clinton at a much better rate, from once every 22 seconds to once every 44 seconds.

That is a vast improvement, right?

That's one.

Secondly, he made a very interesting strategic decision to not stalk Hillary Clinton like he did in the last debate, where he stood behind her and stared.

And I think that has to do with both him being advised not to

and also being told that he had to stay behind the podium.

But considering he's getting all this heat

for

potentially sexually assaulting many women, probably a smart strategic move not to stalk the female candidate that's running against you.

Right.

I mean, because I mean,

there must have been some fear that he might just at some point, you know, reach out and grab Mrs.

Clinton by the,

I forget what the technical term is.

I was slightly disappointed that he did not

grab the moderator by the balls just to prove that he's not sexist.

He got into a fight with the moderator, which I have never seen.

He started debating the moderator and I think had to be reminded that it wasn't, well, because he had been holding it in relative to him.

He'd been holding it in.

And as soon as he found an opening to to start swinging, he just went after the first person that was in front of him.

And I felt bad for Chris Wallace,

the moderator, who is the legendary

journalist Mike Wallace's disappointing son,

who works for Fox News.

And he was in this interesting place between

wanting to do the Fox News thing of hurting Hillary Clinton, asking her ridiculous.

questions that were trapping her, like attempting to trap her, like her thoughts on partial birth abortion, which is a conservative term, you know, finding ways to trap her.

But he was his

desire to ambush Hillary Clinton was

unfortunately countered by his clear hatred for Donald Trump, his idiocy, his lack of decorum.

Like he just was forced to like, there were moments where you could just see him just shaking his head,

just frustrated to no end.

And it kind of, I think it ruined the debate for him.

The abortion thing was kind of interesting because Trump said this: based on what Hillary is saying and based on where she's going and where she's been, you can take a baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month on the final day, and that is not acceptable.

Now, sure,

I mean, that basically

that's not acceptable.

Were that to be something that ever happened?

Also, that's actually largely how my daughter was born.

She was born towards the end, at the end of the ninth month, and she was so much ripped up, but she was hauled out with a von 2, which is like a suction pump on the top of her head.

And essentially, the medical team form a tug-of-war squad and just pull the baby out.

So basically, he was saying that that form of birth is not...

He wanted my daughter not to have been born.

Essentially, that is what he was saying.

That to me is not acceptable.

So you're saying this man confused birth and abortion?

It did appear that way.

It feels like Donald Trump assumes that no one can Google anything.

He would have been so good in the mid-19th century.

If he'd been up against Abraham Lincoln for the Republican nomination,

that would have been a battle we'd have all paid to see.

But I mean, obviously, that's not at all what Hillary Clinton had been saying, nor, as I said, what basically ever happens.

Trump complaining about babies being needlessly ripped out of wombs at the very end of pregnancy is a bit like him complaining that it's legal for unicorns to shit into people's coffins at funerals if the deceased person ever sang a hymn or did line dancing and that the Democrats and Hillary are doing nothing to stop that.

If anything, they're plying unicorns with dried apricots and ropey curries to help out the process.

He might as well complain about that.

If he's going to live in this fictional land, at least make it more entertaining than going into the

the harrowing practicalities of what he might as well complain that the equal marriage lobby wants to force all happily married old men to divorce their wives and marry a sexually intimidating hunk called Ivan from Belarus.

He might as well, I think I've made the point.

No, there's still one more.

He might as well suggest that the pro-choice movement wants to have the legal right to fire a medieval crossbow at the rotund belly of every pregnant woman in America.

He should take his delusion to its logical conclusion.

You expect him to be that articulate and knowledgeable when he's proven that he is not capable of doing that.

He makes me miss George W.

Bush in the strangest way.

Wow.

I know.

Oh, man.

I can't believe anyone has said that sentence.

Not the whole, I mean, that's where we're at.

George W.

Bush got things wrong, but he tried the big words.

He attempted the hard big government phrases.

He tried to remember what people told him right before he got to the press conference.

Make sure you say that.

Okay, I'll try.

Donald Trump's not even trying.

He's just a bully.

He doesn't have,

he doesn't even have the humility to be like, I don't know that word.

word.

Tell me what that word means or teach me another word other than bigly,

which he repeated several times during the chorus.

I mean, this was one of the big controversies of the whole campaign, Hari.

Was he saying bigly?

Was he saying big league?

Was he alternating between the two?

Was he playing with our very perception of language and its possibilities?

I think he was doing both to distract people from all the other things he was saying.

That's like that little Easter egg he left in there.

That kind of like, huh, I'm obsessed with that.

Is it Bigley or Big League?

I mean, I tweeted that he had said Big League, and then a lot of people who are Trump people tweeted that he said big league, and at the end of it, I realized none of it mattered.

Because Bigley, technically, I think, is a word according to the internet, but I don't.

It's just, that's...

Everything's a word according to the internet.

Yeah, it's like, do you really want to play Scrabble that way?

Just put random words out there and...

Do you know, out of

all the implications of the Trump campaign for the future of politics, the future of democracy, future of humanity,

the impacts on the Scrabble world are something that very few people have commented on.

And I thank you for raising awareness of that.

He is linguistically fascinating, Trump.

He appears never to finish a sentence.

or really clarify exactly what he means, which I guess in some ways is in the great tradition of American politics.

For example, this sentence, which appeared never to be finished or clarified, a well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

I mean,

if only, I mean,

this is Trump's legacy, that kind of confusing sentence that leads to people arguing about it for hundreds of years.

I mean, he's,

oh, Andy.

I mean, it's also his tactic

isn't so much the content of what he's saying.

It's just repeating the same things over and over again.

And initially, it's funny.

You know, as a comedian, you know how this works.

Initially, it's funny, and then it stops being funny.

And most comedians at that point stop repeating.

Right.

See, I've had gigs where it didn't have the initial funny bit at the start.

It just stopped being funny and then remains funny.

That's a different tactic.

Right, okay.

But

Donald Trump, as with the great comedian Stuart Lee, has decided to repeat the same things over and over again for several months until it becomes funny once again.

It's a tactic that's only really been achieved by Stuart Lee, and I find it fascinating that Donald Trump has decided to bring this tactic to a presidential election.

Are you claiming that Stuart Lee has been secretly working for the Trump campaign as head speech writer?

What I'm saying is that

Stuart Lee's tactics and approaches to comedy are very dangerous when put into the wrong hands.

It's amazing that the word great

has lasted so long

without any real damage being done to it.

And this human being shows up after so many years and destroys such a basic word like great.

Every time Donald Trump says great, I think Tony the Tiger dies a little.

They're

good.

another hidden victim of this whole story.

Scrabble, Tony the Tiger.

The old saying, you know, if you throw enough shit at a wall, some of it will stick.

And that appears to have been the tactic with...

Is that a saying?

It is a saying.

In which country?

Well, certainly

in my head.

I'm like, is this a country where English is a second language?

Chris in London, back in the home of civilization.

Yes.

You'd say that.

That is a saying, isn't it?

If you throw enough shit at a wall, some of it will stick.

Yeah, that's how I got my GCSEs at school, actually.

But the most terrifying thing, Hari, I found is that Trump is not out of it yet.

Check the odds this morning on a bookmaker's site.

Four to one or five to one.

So they still think he's got a kind of 16, 20% chance of winning.

That is a shorter odds than the Conservatives to get a majority in the 2015 British general election.

Shorter odds than Brexit on the day of Brexit.

And the even more terrifying thing than that most terrifying thing is that what that shows is that all Trump needed to do to be in with a real shot was to be very, very slightly less of a.

That's all he needed to do.

If he'd been slightly less,

slightly less misogynist, slightly less xenophobic, racist, intolerant, delusional, mendacious, or manipulative, he would be basically getting ready to play Keepy Upy with the new clear football.

Keepy Uppy.

There was a charity dinner last night, as we record here on Friday, the Al Smith charity dinner.

And Trump managed to get booed at a charity dinner.

That is is a...

I mean, I've been booed in a number of places, Harry.

But to do it at a charity...

I mean, the thing is, he really laid into Clinton.

And Clinton had some kind of barbs at Trump, but, you know, in a slightly less

misanthropic way.

I guess there's a time and a place for slagging off your political opponents.

And during a presidential campaign, that time and place is basically any time and anywhere, apart from at a f ⁇ ing charity dinner.

Nothing says, I care about needy children more than slagging off your opponent and saying things like, she's just here because she's pretending not to hate Catholics.

He was booed by priests, Andy.

They would not forgive him for his sins, Andy.

Hillary Clinton has just,

another breaking news story, has admitted sending emails she shouldn't have sent, including one in which she claimed to be a Nigerian widow, offering herself $300 million, which she took for the Clinton Foundation.

So that'll run and run.

I have one gripe, one major gripe about the last debate regarding Hillary Clinton.

And it is that she was trying to make a point about Syrian refugees and all the things that Donald Trump has said about them, you know, being potential terrorists and, you know,

the idea that we're just letting terrorists into the country.

And initially she talked about, you know, there are vetting procedures procedures and all that.

But the next thing she said was that one of the acts of terrorism that has happened recently, the person

wasn't a refugee.

He was from Queens.

Now, that upsets me, first of all, because I'm from Queens.

And I don't like the fact she threw Queens under the bus.

Right.

But also, it is a bit strange that she said he's from Queens.

She made sure to highlight that Queens, the most diverse place in the U.S.

where there are many immigrants and refugees.

So maybe not the best place to throw under the bus in the context of trying to protect immigrants and refugees.

She seems to be an extraordinarily divisive figure that it's quite hard for outsiders to understand.

And it's been quite an incredible achievement of hers, really, to make this presidential race as close as it has been for much of it, given who she's up against.

And that thing she said about politics being like a sausage,

that in one of of those speeches, those private speeches that was filmed and leaked,

she said,

claimed she was quoting Abraham Lincoln, I think, or from the, at least from the Lincoln film, politics is like a sausage.

It's unsavoury and has always been that way.

But we end up where we need to be.

Well, I guess when you think about it, politics is like a sausage, in that too much of it will make you feel sick.

If it's made with low-grade ingredients, it can go right through you.

And the profits largely go to big businesses.

And also, it's best to cover up the true flavour and ingredients if you possibly can.

This is really

interesting differences between them.

Hillary Clinton has

tried to

kind of show America in a positive light, saying, you know, things are going all right and we can make them better.

And Donald Trump has basically been saying to America, you are f ⁇ ing shit.

We are all shit.

And I'm going to make us less shit.

By

I'm not going to fill in the details on how to do that, but I'm just going to tell you, this country has gone to the dogs.

I mean, that's kind of bizarre.

It's like a football manager basically coming in and saying, all my players are shit.

I need a whole load of new signings.

And yet, ironically, Trump is massively against immigration.

I was also thinking about how ironic it is that

he's so

against immigration and specifically

that

his feelings about Mexicans, right?

Because basically, he's accusing Mexicans of being everything that he may very well be.

Is he Mexican?

Is he saying he's Mexican?

Or does he not understand irony?

I think, I mean, possibly both.

You never know.

You know, there's no eye in nuance.

Andy.

So that man has no use for it.

Testify.

Other news now, and you're not the only one with with a birthday around here Hari on this planet next year will be the 100th anniversary of Finland as a nation since it became independent from Russia in 1917 and some people in Norway came up with a plan to

as a 100th birthday present for their neighbours in Finland to give them the top of a mountain

the Mount Halty

The peak is currently on the Norwegian side of the border and it was decided they could give as a as a gesture of goodwill, a little bit of a mountain that would become Finland's highest mountain at a pitiful 1,385 meters high.

It's appropriate.

100 is the mountain anniversary.

Good point.

One is paper.

I believe is 50 gold.

So 100 would be a mountain.

That's appropriate.

Yeah.

Well,

I think on current form, Queen Elizabeth II is heading towards being the first monarch to have a mountain chief league.

I don't think she will ever die.

There's no physical way she she can ever die.

Poor Charles.

It's an extraordinary story.

Norway has rejected this plan, though.

The Prime Minister, Erna Solberg, said that she had to turn down the idea because the country's, Norway's constitution prohibits any sacrifice of Norwegian territory.

Now,

I mean, this is, they're talking about 0.015 square kilometres

out of 385,000 square kilometers of Norway.

That is slightly less than 125 millionth of Norway.

It's not exactly the Louisiana purchase, is it?

You could give away

1.5% of a square kilometer, Norway.

Surely, it's a gesture.

They're worried about the complex legal issues that arise, but again, it's part of a mountain.

We're not talking about India and Pakistan and the Kashmir.

It's not like we're talking about the complicated issues with a land or sea border.

We're talking about a piece of a mountain, which no one's using.

No.

Who's using it?

I didn't read anything about it being used for any purpose.

No, I mean, not even mountaineers.

I mean, it doesn't look like a particularly difficult mountain to climb.

No.

No.

It's a hill, basically.

I guess the problem is, as soon as Norway shows any sign of generosity and or weakness, and in today's politics, those two things are one and the same.

All the other countries in the world will be lining up, queuing up for a free bit of Norway.

And before you know it, Oslo will be in Mozambique.

And there will be two billion Syrians living on an iceberg off the coast of Spitsbergen.

So they can't afford to open that door.

That doesn't sound bad to me, actually.

That seems like a solution to a lot of different things.

And good on Mozambique.

It's about time they got some more land in Europe, nonetheless.

King Charles II of England, when he married, I believe it was Catherine of Braganza,

they were given as a wedding gift Bombay.

The city of Bombay.

I mean, it wasn't quite what it is today.

But I think I'm right in saying they were basically given that as a wedding present.

In a way that, you know, people tended to give parts of the world that weren't necessarily theirs to give in those days.

I think we should probably check the license number on the back of it because I don't think Bombay was theirs.

I think it was potentially

a stolen good.

Right.

Finland, 100th anniversary of his independence from Russia, So just a word of warning, Finland, keep an eye out.

Keep an eye out.

If Russia remembers, you used to be a bit of it.

I'm just saying, keep stoked.

Do not draw attention to the fact that that's your 100th anniversary of independence from Russia.

Just we've seen, anyway, don't give Putin a pretext, that's what I'm saying.

But it's very tough.

I mean,

the Statue of Liberty was...

was essentially a 100th birthday present from France to America, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And

she's and Britain at the same time, our very generous gift was to lend a copy of the Magna Carta to America.

Lend, not give, just lend.

And the French gave you a 38-high metre big bronze babe.

Right.

That's supposed to represent

freedom and liberty and opportunity and is clearly now just symbolic for both countries.

Have you actually seen what this mountain looks like?

It looks, it is kind of, it's a shit-looking mountain.

It looks f ⁇ ing shit.

It's not even tall.

It's kind of flat.

The top of the mountain, it's a flat.

It's just like kind of...

It's a plateau.

Yeah.

Here's a plateau for your hundredth.

Let Finland have it.

Bugle feature section now, the sharing economy.

Well, the sharing economy is all the raids these days, and there's some exciting new launches that we'd like to bring your attention to here on the Bugle of apps that could change the way we live our day-to-day lives, following hot on the heels of the likes of wildly successful, definitely not a taxi service, Uber, which pairs up people who want to share a lift somewhere with drivers who just happen to be cruising around going to loads of different places for sometimes 10 to 12 hours a day because they love sharing so much.

And wildly successful Airbnb, which enables people who want to share their houses, apartments, and in at least one case in my recent experience here in America, their psychotic devil cat with people who need somewhere to stay or a psychotic devil cat to keep them up all night by jumping on their bed at 4 a.m.

and just generally channeling the spirit of Belzebub in their psychotic devil cat eyes.

There's more, more coming out.

These are all the race now, Hari.

They're changing the way we live.

A new one just about to be launched.

Foster roster.

Do you have children?

Finding them a little bit annoying?

Want some of your old freedom back?

Well, you're not alone.

It's the 21st century after all.

And Foster Roster pairs you up with parents in a similarly regretful boat so you can share the burden, sorry, joy of parenthoods, but still live life as if the little bastards had never, sorry, the little bundles of joyless love had never happened.

Fosteroster lets you take over each other's kids for anywhere between one month and five years whilst you travel the world, go large on nightlife, and or just sleep properly before returning the favour for an agreed period of equal parenting value.

So, for example, you could have someone else's kids from the age of six to eleven in exchange for them having yours for one nightmare pubescent teenage summer holiday.

So um all exciting stuff.

Exciting stuff, Hori.

I had some ideas for apps.

I haven't named them yet, but um if I could I share them with you.

Please do.

Well one, I'd like an app that brings me coffee from the coffee shop that's downstairs.

Right.

And so the app what the app would do is

if if people

want to bring me coffee,

they find out if I'm available for drinking coffee and then they go get it for me.

Right.

So it's a different kind of

twist on it.

So it's about giving services.

Right.

It's like a sharing in terms of I don't share anything, but I have you share your gratitude.

Yes.

That's and people get a nice warm glow inside.

Yes.

That's good.

And then another app idea I had

was for cuddling.

Like let's say you're alone and you need a cuddle and you find out who else is feeling really alone and need it needs a cuddle.

And then,

you know, and you.

What could possibly go wrong with that?

No, no.

I mean, I think the fear is potentially the fear of that, oh, is this really an app for sex work?

That's it's posing as a cuddle app.

And the answer is no.

Right.

As long as you say it's no, then in this sphere of industry, it's no.

That's no.

We've learned that.

Sport.

Or for the American audience, sports.

Hari,

you've not even been on this podcast for a whole episode yet.

I'm trying to get you a new demographic.

I'm not a linguistic bullshit.

I need day one.

We have to expand.

Andy, if you have me, M, we're going to expand.

People are going to be like, sport?

What is this?

Sport.

Maths.

Plural for maths.

Where there's one math, but sport, which there are many, is singular.

Come on, Andy.

It was bad enough when John Oliver started saying gotten.

Andy, we're in the new world now.

Come on.

One of the big stories over the last month or two in America has been the Colin Kaepernick story, the American football player who refuses to stand during the national anthem, which is played before every football game,

and I think almost every sporting event,

because it's a protest against

police brutality.

But also at its core, about inequality and justice as a whole, but definitely the focus being police brutality.

Some people have joined in.

A lot of people have not liked his choice.

So his refusal to stand during the national anthem, I think,

at its core is about inequality and racial injustice.

But specifically, it has been focused on police brutality and the killing of innocent people by the police in this country, killing of black people.

You know, it's gotten, it's been a firestorm.

A lot of people have liked it.

A lot of people have not liked it.

But Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the very popular liberal Supreme Court justice, weighed in and surprisingly said that what he was doing was stupid.

And she did not like that, which was very upsetting because people love Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and you wouldn't have expected her to say a thing like that in response to a peaceful protest.

And then several days later, apparently she released a statement saying that she actually didn't know the details of what was happening and

made her judgment

without knowing all the facts, which, one, is upsetting because she is a Supreme Court justice, but two is kind of nice because it proves that Supreme Court justices are just like us.

They mouth off without knowing all the facts.

They don't always

think things through.

They like to talk.

People like to talk, even if they have nothing to say, just like to talk.

And so there was something both

really frustrating but also kind of wonderful in that.

Right.

I mean, was she?

Do you think she weighed in just because she's disappointed with Kaepernick's form over the last couple of years or so?

Yeah, I think that was the fan in her coming out.

Yeah.

The part of her that was like, hey, you know, you're not starting right now.

I don't see you helping this team win.

Yeah.

And more than someone who believes in justice, I believe in the game of American football.

That brings us towards the end of this first bugle of phase two.

Horrie, it's been a delight

having you on the show.

Thank you for,

I was going to say for honoring me, but I do feel honored to be on the show.

And I just hope that

I just hope that I do John's part as well as John did.

I don't want to be the Timothy Hutton of this situation.

or a George Lazenby, which you can't even remember.

He was Bond.

Right.

Timothy Dalton.

Oh, my God.

Imagine if it was Timothy Hutton?

I don't know.

That's how much I forgot how irrelevant Timothy Dalton is to me that I called him Timothy Hutton.

Right, Zing.

So you'll be back for our episode recurring on the 10th of November.

That'll be our post-election.

bagging and labeling of whatever we might have to do that remotely depending on what country i decide to move to okay or i might be here in the meantime where can people see and hear you Yes.

Well, I have a podcast that is not this one.

Right.

With the great comedian W.

Kamau Bell called Politically Reactive, which is every week through the election.

And you can go to politicallyreactive.com.

I have an album, Mainstream American Comic, which you can get on the internet.

And I'll be touring around the United States.

I'm in Philadelphia, October 30th, Toronto, November 4th, New York City, November 5th.

Pittsburgh, November 6th, and many other dates.

And you can get that information on hurrykundabolu.com.

or more realistically, you would have to Google hurry and then type in something that sounds like kundabolu, and then Google would tell you, did you mean this?

And then you would click that and get the dates.

But either way, they'll find it somehow.

They'll find it.

Well, we'll look forward to speaking to you again in a few weeks' time.

A quick word for Radiotopia: they are new hosts.

Is that the right term?

Our partners in the phase two of

the bugle.

Do help Radiotopia.

Sorry?

Buddies.

Buddies, Chris, that is not a term that I'm prepared to go to at this early stage.

But, you know, if that's the official language that Radiotopia have asked for, then I guess we've just got to go with it.

They

do help Radiotopia supports the best independent producers out there.

They have their annual

drive to...

well, they have their annual fundraising drive to enable their listeners to show their love and support for their shows.

That ends on the 28th of October.

But if you want to be involved in that and support the wonderful stable of podcasts at Radiotopia, go to radiotopia.fm to donate.

There's a little video there as well, which has

a mention of the bugle joining the stable.

If you want to be associated with the bugle as a sponsor or advertiser in our new incarnation, do email sponsor at radiotopia.fm.

I'll be back next week when I'll be back in London with the wonderful Nish Kumar to look at what has happened politically politically on the other side of the Atlantic.

It has been a hard, hard year for democracy.

Hari, once again, thanks for joining us.

And buglers, it's been great being back.

Until next week, goodbye.

Hi Buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast Mildly Informed which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.