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Transcript
Here's to the finest crew in Starlink.
When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.
This is a parody.
Paramount owns the song.
Welcome to the Greatest Generation.
It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys.
Just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Ben Harrison.
I'm Adam Pranika.
We've done something to ourselves once again.
We've got to drew a Talaxian champagne episode.
We were talking briefly before this that we don't have access to Talaxian Champagne.
So, like,
how do we even do that?
What qualifies as Talaxian Champagne?
How did you go about interpreting our directive today, Adam?
Well,
the word champagne is really the thing that steered me toward a bottle of bubs.
And when the game of buttholes steers us towards a fun square, we must comply.
And so today I have got a bottle from the Las Harris winery.
This is, of course,
the Eric Werheim winery.
And they make a really fun
wine product.
This is the 2019 Sparkling Wine Redwood Valley Mendocito County.
Okay.
And
it's got a really fun Gen Stark artwork on it.
Mandalas?
Is that what that is when it's circular?
Oh, I like the use of mandala in this context.
Yeah.
It's kind of the mandala effect when you get close to it.
Yeah.
Is that wine actually dead?
We'll see.
We'll see when we open it.
What are you drinking, Ben?
I was in the wine aisle of my local grocery, and this caught my eye because it was affordable.
It's Lunaria
It's a
So this is one of these hipster wines that you hear so much about.
Yeah, it looks so orange.
Yeah, it's very Naranja.
The thing that caught my eye about it, I don't know if you can see this, is
for no reason that I can determine, there's a sticker on the side holding down some string that keeps the label on that just says
from sheep in our vineyards.
So the rope is made of sheep's wool?
I don't know, maybe.
Or is there something in the wine that's from the sheep?
Oh, I bet that's it.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Oh, and it also says on this Parco Nazionale della Mayella
on here.
So I don't know if that means that their vineyard is in a a national park or.
Who's to say?
Yeah.
So all of the inscrutability of this, the what the fuck is even going on here of this bottle of wine was what made me feel like it may be the most talaxium wine available to me.
Nice choice by you, Ben.
I will be enjoying mine as all
fine beverages should be in a in a plastic novelty cup that I got from a restaurant that also happens to change colors based on the temperature of what's inside.
Of course, I filled up this giant cup with ice because we're going long today, buddy.
This is exactly what Eric Werheim had in mind
when he bottled this, I'm sure.
It's like seeing a Christopher Nolan film in 75 millimeter, you know, projected, is what you're doing with this wine.
I mean, that extra five millimeters makes all the difference.
Ask anyone.
I've heard that 35 is plenty.
Oh, look at you
with the proper vessel.
You've got one of those tall shambongs, it looks like, because I can't see the bottom of it.
It's a proper champagne flute.
Nice job.
I was not about to bring glassware out to the studio outside of the bottle itself.
No, yeah.
I mean, you break glass in there, you got to burn the whole studio, right?
It's true.
Yeah.
It's like breaking glass in the ice bucket behind a bar
which
famously i have done
that does not surprise me at all hey uh cheers to you man
and to the fods uh it would seem as though present tense uh
stone cold sober future tents uh also going to be drunk and uh the title of today's episode been star trek enterprise season two Episode 16.
So we got a tin can tumbling in space.
No biosigns coming from it.
Not much coming from it, right?
Like, they're not picking up anything.
Archer wants to bring it aboard right away.
How good do your sensors need to be to even pick this thing up?
If you're cruising along, going and doing something else?
Because they go a long way in saying, like, yeah uh no engines no lights no power no nothing no water no nothing oh nothing what makes them stop even i don't know maybe it was like dead ahead of them and their deflector array was gonna like catch something if they hit it what are the odds i don't know two to the power of two billion seventy nine million four hundred and sixty thousand three hundred and forty seven to one against amazing so they bring it aboard and i love that idea though
Very quickly find a hatch.
Like,
they're like, that's obviously where it opens.
And they hit it with a phaser, which is one of my favorite alternate use cases.
Like, anytime a sci-fi weapon is used to melt metal,
I loved it in that Star Wars movie where they're like plunging their phasers to cut a hole in a door.
It's the classic...
bank fault situation where where like you're using torches and shit.
It's great.
Right, right.
So
they find a hatch, they phaser it open.
Archer gets this technology device that I guess just makes a handle so that you can push the door.
That's fun.
Yeah, it's got a little bit of a slidey door, like a van, you know.
And it's a good thing they phased the right side of it because that's the side of the shuttle with...
with the slidey door.
Yeah.
Do you remember a time where there were minivans where only one side of the van had a door that slid open?
It was such a fucking huge deal when both sides started to slide open.
How did we not even start with a both sides van?
Like the idea that we were going to go to production with a van and the slidey door is only on one side.
What?
And there's not even a door on the other side right now.
No.
In that case, there's no door on the other side.
It seems crazy that that ever made it to market.
Dude, I don't know if your algo is like mine, but I get a lot of videos about tricked out family vehicles these days.
I think that's a you thing at this point.
The number of minivans that have like a beverage cooler as like a optional thing that you can get delivered from the factory these days is amazing.
Oh, like in modern vans.
Like Toyota offers as like an add-on, there can be a a fridge built in like in the back seat for your kids.
I kind of have van lash because like for a time I really, really wanted a
Vanigan van, a Vanigan synchro specifically, like the four-wheel drive kind, Westphalia with the, with the pop tent and so forth.
This is very analogous to my love and appreciation of the Delica, which is a very similar idea.
It's like a van designed for going on adventures with.
So like right out of college, I had the great idea of like, I'm going to test this out first before buying one.
There was an outfit in Seattle that used to rent them, like for people who wanted to go camping and stuff.
Yeah.
Try before you buy.
And there was a music festival coming up.
And I was like, cool, I'm going to rent one of these and like test the life.
So I go out there and I pick up this vanne again and it's so fucking sweet.
And I'm like stirring through the gears and like, oh, it's the best.
It is so slow and so loud.
Make it 30 minutes out of town.
Engine overheats, dumps all the coolant.
I gotta pull over.
Like the thing, the thing just broke down on me.
Damn.
And I saw it as a sign.
Like,
the guys from the shop came to pick me up.
They took me back to the shop.
I picked up my car, like, ended up taking the car to the music festival.
And that kind of ended my love for that specific vehicle.
But man, like those old fannegans, yeah, so fucking cool.
You tried it out, and you had kind of like the Jay Sherman review of Van Life.
It stinks.
And that's what Archer has of the inside of this pod.
There's a dead man inside there as well, and he's human.
What do you make of the decision to make the person inside an actual actor wearing loaf and shit?
Because when
they do this thing where they wing the chair around and you get up close to him and you can see his eyelids flutter.
And I'm like, when are those eyes going to open?
Open them up.
I think it is weirdly expensive to get a corpse for a show like like a good-looking like dead cadaver
is something that usually needs to be custom made that that's like a resin body you're not talking about like a body body right right yeah wouldn't you donate your body to hollywood if you could though yeah absolutely it seems way more important than science yes
Yes.
But like, yeah, I got to talk to the executive producer of the show, Bones, one time.
And yeah, he told me like they just have like a shop that is like constantly producing bones for them
that's bones it's very cool Bateman but that's nothing so that's our cold open we got a we got a guy who's doing a bad job of faking being dead
that's just it and like what's so wild is is like they get this body onto the table at six bay and I'm like anytime now he's gonna bend at the waist and fucking Undertaker his way through the department and that's not it at all.
It's almost like they change bodies once they go to a wider shot.
And Flox closes his eyes really hard and goes, it's not real.
They don't know who this guy is, and they are going to want to run his DNA through the database at Starfleet, but Archer is clearly shook because one of the ideas on the table, as it were, is this Sephiram Cochrane?
Because after all,
he was piloting that one-person vessel when he disappeared.
Check the registry, I say.
NCC6969
USS
Money,
you fucking bastard, you did it.
You built a one-person spacecraft and you were just set out to get women and money.
It does seem like they would have a record of what cochran was in right yes what it would look like
i'm shocked by this it's shocking also it just didn't look like farmer hoggett like when when we got the close-up of the of the cadaver yeah
would be fun to bring back uh that actor though yeah and just loaf him up no speaking lines no acting even really
It's a fun cameo.
Yeah, just lay there.
So Trip Reed and Mayweather are scanning this ship, and it really doesn't make a lot of sense to them mechanically.
For one thing, it absorbs EM radiation, and only because of the damage to the ship can they even detect its existence at all.
And so they're confused on that.
You know, like, how did somebody develop the alloys to do this?
But also,
it doesn't seem to have any like vents or, you know, plasma manifolds or bussard collectors or any of that shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The qualities of a starship or a space-faring craft of any kind seems to be absent of this thing.
It's junk.
Maybe it's an escape pod.
That's what they postulate here.
But even that would have a propel a propulsion system, right?
There are some escape pods with propellers.
But not in space.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
You're smart enough to get this.
If a propeller were on something in space and you started to turn it, the thing that wasn't the propeller would turn, right?
Oh, yeah, but maybe
like the mass would be a differential so like the propeller would turn faster than the thing it was attached to or something.
It's just such a mind-blower.
Yeah
inertia.
Give me a fucking break with that shit.
In Archer's clarinet rental room, sexual icon Admiral Forrest is on screen.
But yeah, I forgot what a sexual icon he was.
Claiming that he just doesn't have any idea about any sort of secret mission that this dude might have been on.
Like, he has access to all the files.
He knows about the aliens and the JFK assassination and all that, but he has no idea what this guy's deal is, and he doesn't really have any theories about who this guy could be.
I loved the idea that they've like solved one of the greatest mysteries in human history if it is Cochrane and found an even bigger one if it isn't.
And that it's almost bad news if it isn't.
I love that feeling for sure.
Back in the shuttle bay, the gang is getting a little further into
the pod, and they find something new to do now.
Here is lots of new blue goo now.
New goo, blue goo, gooey gooey, blue goo, new goo, goo glooey glooey.
Gooey goo for chewy chewing.
That's what goo goose is doing.
Do you choose to chew goo too, sir?
If, sir, you, sir, choose to chew, sir, with the goo goose, chew, sir.
Do, sir.
What are you doing?
Oh, God.
Oh,
I just fell into a fugue state.
Ben, no one knows what you're saying right now.
You're talking all gobbly cook.
This thing is bigger on the inside than on the outside.
What the fuck?
Before we go down the hole, they find this hatch covered with the blue goo that you just described.
Mm-hmm.
That reads as toilet to me.
You get a hole with blue liquid in it.
I'm like, don't touch it, Trip.
We're either demonstrating the absorbative qualities of a maxi pad or we're flushing an airplane.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, like, this is a one-person craft.
The guys gotta have a dumper.
Like,
what are we talking about here?
And they just so nonchalantly, like, oh, this, this blue liquid is certainly not toilet stuff.
Have they gone noseblind?
We already established the way the inside of this craft smells.
Yeah.
Do not go in there.
Woo!
You know it's a fucking utopian future when Starfleet people start disassembling a craft and they encounter the blue blue liquid of the latrine and they don't even know what it is,
what a miracle it would be to arrive at a place where toilet isn't even on your mind at all.
It's all getting beamed out.
You are legally obligated whenever a secret well is unearthed.
You got to drop something down it.
Because how else are you going to know how deep it is?
Give me that hyperspace.
Hey, this one's for the boys.
What I wish this scene was was a full 15 minutes of Reid and Trip just dropping shit down there.
Get something else heavy.
Let's get something bouncy now.
You want to make me like Reid even a little bit more than 0%?
Like, give me that scene and give me a little bit of his personality at play here.
I love that Trip was like, let's go in there.
And Malcolm was like, shouldn't we like tell someone someone we're going in there?
And then they don't.
I love the bit that Tripp does too.
He does an in-person staticky phone bit where he's like, oh, Reed, I can't hear you.
I'm going down the hole.
I can't hear what you're saying.
Whoa, Adam's office works just like this hole.
Mine does too.
Adam, check this out.
Whoa.
It took so long to hear that, right?
How deep is your studio?
What goes totally unscrutinized here is, like, ladder as a technology.
Did you think about that in this moment?
Like, there's nothing alien about a ladder.
There's something actually very comforting about seeing a ladder in this situation because it's so familiar.
Yeah, but such a strange choice in a context of we can defy the laws of physics and make a ship that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.
But the way you get around it is ladder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Weird, right?
So they think that what they've climbed down to is the engine room, and maybe they're looking at signs of a warp breach or something.
And it looks no less.
damaged inside this new chamber than it did on the outside.
So Reed and Trip are down there when a Suliban ship shows shows up in space near the Entrepreneur.
And initially, they're not that stressed about this Suliban ship because we get it on screen.
It does not look like the design of a ship that is built for fighting.
It is very cargo vessel-y in its look.
It looks like it's got a bunch of flappers on it or fly swatters.
It's a fly swatter-class Sulaban ship.
Doesn't seem like it's going to do much damage to them until it starts to.
Yeah, because this captain claims that they have salvage rights to this pod.
I feel like that's what you say in space.
I claim salvage.
As captain, I claim salvage.
Like you say it even if you don't believe it.
Yeah, we got salvage rights to that.
I said it first.
Yeah, the fucking pack leads know that.
I said it before you.
Yeah.
And he says, like, we found this three days ago.
Like, one of our ships found it.
They sent us out here to get it.
You showed up too late for this.
And Archer's like, no, well, it's a human inside.
Like, it's clearly something from our species you can't have it and they start getting spicy and reed and trip are discovering some gadget inside the pod when the bangers start dropping and they can feel these even though they are inside a physically impossible place do you think at some point they stopped with the flag planting as a thing that demonstrates we got this?
Because it would seem as though like if you really did have salvage rights to anything, you'd plant a flag or equivalent on it.
Like the Sulaban would just tag it with like a paintball gun type thing and that's that's theirs.
Sulablon line do not cross tape that they wrap the pot in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Without that it's kind of hard to prove.
Yeah.
So Reed and Trip get back up outside of the pod and surprise there are Sulaban roof crawlers in the bay there with them.
Yeah.
And a firefight pops off pretty fast.
Like, the first guy gets taken out quickly, but then the other guy scampers up to the control panels.
And, you know, that glass is phaser-proof.
You're not getting through that thing, Reed.
Yeah.
Trip goes down for the count early, though.
I didn't like seeing that.
Like, Trip's walloped.
I also didn't like seeing Reed just try and shoot through this glass that is phaser-proof.
Like, run up there, fool.
What are you doing?
He didn't have the higher ground.
When you're on the lower ground, that's not something you should do strategically.
You're down there.
We're up here.
It doesn't work.
Hoshi reports to the captain that Launch Bay 2 is being depressurized, and he, like, asks her to try and stop it.
Lock them out.
I can't!
Topal has taken over at Reed's station, I guess.
And so she is the one doing all of the firing guns at the other ship and actually actually doing damage.
Like she takes out their weaps, which like you need weaps, right?
We got to have weaps.
He's the key.
You do.
But like, will grappler ever not be a laugh line?
Target their engines and bring the grappler online.
This is hard, right?
Like they've disabled the ship and like the next step in
keeping it.
in place is the grappler and I I just can't get on the grapplers level as a strategy.
It's fun to see, you know?
Like, I think I will forgive grappler lines when they actually reward us with shots of the grappler getting used.
Successful grapplering, I think, would go a long way here.
Agreed.
So the invading Sulaban get beamed out, and the Sulaban ship cloaks and presumably zooms away.
And we learned that the Enterprise is going to pack this pod up and put it on a Vulcan ship and send it back to Earth so that they can keep doing their deep space mission.
I really like this as a concept.
I don't love it for this specific concept, but I like the idea of we don't have room for all of the tourist trinkets aboard the ship.
We've got to, at intervals, like send them back with grandma, who's going home early from the vacation, who isn't going to do the whole thing, you know?
Sure.
We don't have room in our luggage for all of this.
And like the Vulcans have a lot of ships that can go this fast, but we just have this one.
So.
Yeah.
But I don't like it for this specific thing because it still merits so much more study and everyone is still so curious about what the deal is.
Especially as this episode unfolds, I'm like, why would you trust the Vulcans with this thing?
Totally.
This is such a threat to their scientific orthodoxy.
But yeah, so what they think they found, this gadget that they pulled out of it, is the black box.
And they are hoping that they can get into it and see you know what they can find out about this ship meanwhile we get some pretty surprising news from phlox in six bay because he has uh sequenced this dude's dna
and he is uh he's more than just human oh yeah he is a
mutated man
He's part Vulcan, part Tyrrellian, part mystery alien, kind of a mutt.
And because he is a product of all this interspecies breeding, it's pretty clear that
this is a time traveler because this is the sort of breeding that has not happened in this current moment, right?
Yeah, but we saw Carbon Creek and Archer's like, we haven't been in contact with the Vulcans long enough for this to be possible.
And
yes, we fucking have and you know we have.
Yeah.
And you know that an absolute baddie went back there with those Vulcans.
Like
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, you know, she absolutely crushed the pelvis of some
college-bound teenager.
Yeah, collected some really promising DNA samples like a Bene Gesserit and
moved on.
She put that thing down.
So Archer and TePaul are pretty shook by this, and they go straight to Daniel's quarters and take the lock off of it.
And it's like kind of a hilarious pretense that they even put a lock on the door at this point.
I kind of love the suggestion of familiarity between like, oh, that's a hatch under a bathroom that goes forever, much in the same way as Crewman Daniels' locker
was probably used as a toilet at some point and also goes on forever.
Like, you can draw a line between those two ideas.
Like, Daniels' quarters is like, he has low enough rank that he's got like a down-the-hall bathroom that's shared with a bunch of other people, kind of a situation.
Sometimes you just don't want to do that.
So, his locker is like, come on, this is the perfect crime.
Like, nobody is ever going to find this.
Yeah, when your locker is like 10 acres deep.
Like, I'm pissing into the back of my locker.
It's not not close to my bed at that point.
No.
So they take out that holographic computer device that we've seen before, the one that kind of blurps a hollow image of this database that's inside.
And as they look, TePaul makes sure to mention that Vulcans and humans boning down.
That's not really a thing.
It's impossible.
You would be very confused about the holes and the situation.
Trust me.
There are significant biological differences between the species.
I think the funniest writing and funniest acting in this episode is every time Archer tries to talk about the idea of interspecies breeding around TePaul.
Because TePaul always takes it personally before pivoting back into like her react is personal, and then she re-reacts as in general.
Yeah,
it's really great.
It rules.
They look into this
database.
They find the ship that they, you know, the record of of the ship that they've discovered.
It's from nearly 900 years in the future.
Maybe this guy is one of these time-traveling historians that they've heard about who come back to the past to, you know, bear eyewitness to historical events.
The thing about the temporal Cold War is that
it would seem as though if this technology fell into the Suliban hands, it would destabilize that whole situation.
So you can't let that happen.
And Tipal asks an interesting question here.
She's like, I mean, if this ship is so important, like we're kind of presuming, why haven't the future folks come back for it?
Like, it's clearly not important enough for them to come and get, right?
So why aren't they here?
But they can't even answer this question because a ship is approaching Enterprise at high warp and it's not Sulaban.
And for the moment, they're kind of relieved by that.
Yeah, until this ship proves to be just as keen on taking the pod by force.
And this is Tholians.
We learn they're a non-humanoid species who have to use a speaking spell to issue their threats about how the ship has temporal radiation that will cook them all.
The Tholians have tractor beam technology.
They are not using grapples, and
they throw one on the entrepreneur.
And I love Archer's move here.
He's like basically taking the salvaged ship hostage, like, you can't have it.
Like, we'll fucking destroy it before we let you have it.
This is also a happy privilege, right?
He's like, look, I'm not going to destroy Enterprise, but I've got a fucking phaser to this tin can's head.
Yeah.
And it would give me great joy to blow this thing away just to make sure you don't have it.
So the Tholians cuss him out in 28-8 Bod.
And they fuck off.
And
Flox and TePaul meet up in the dining room late night to have a hang.
Flox is never, his appetite is never like affected by his work, right?
I looked at this tray and how it was loaded up.
It was like creaking under the weight of what he had loaded it up with.
What the fuck are you doing this late at night?
There are like king crab legs at the all-you-can-eat, and we are going to get our fucking money's worth right now.
A casino is the only context for this much food this late.
That's what I thought when I saw this.
Like, wow.
Wow.
Sleep will not come soon for Dr.
Flox, that's for sure.
This corpse is full of surprises, though.
More DNA than just human and falcon.
All kinds of shit in there.
Yeah.
The metal in the hull of the pod, also very interesting.
TePaul, a little less
thrown by everything she's discovered, but is like talking about what a strangely high number of undescribed materials are in there.
And they talk about how evidence for this being a thing from the future is kind of mounting in a way that is pretty uncomfortable for TePaul.
Like proof of the possibility of time travel is
going to be an uncomfortable day for them because they've really staked a lot on this being logically impossible.
And it kind of feels like it doesn't matter what is proven to TePaul or not through this experience.
The science directorate of Vulcan has said that time travel is impossible.
So it would actually be really uncomfortable if it were proven in this case because it would put TePaul out on that limb.
You know, her reputation has taken such a fucking beating going around with these humans all this time.
As we learned in recent episodes, like it's an ugly situation.
I'm going to ask you a question that I feel like would be
would help me and the viewers get to know you and me a lot better.
Okay.
You're in the mess hall.
Say you're Tepal.
Say you are sitting where Tepal is sitting when Dr.
Flox walks in.
Oh, fuck.
I just got a lot less sexy.
You're in an empty mess hall, and Dr.
Flox walks in and loads up his tray, and you watch him load it up.
It takes like fucking 10 minutes to fill his tray.
And you're in there.
Do you want him to sit at your table or not?
May I join you?
Please.
TePaul's in there by herself, having a great time, drinking her tea or whatever.
Yeah.
Do you like that Dr.
Flox sits next to you or not?
I gotta say, like, knowing myself, it's a no.
Yeah, it's a no for me too.
But also, I kind of think I'm Dr.
Flox in this.
How fucking awkward would it be if he sat anywhere else but but with DePaul, though?
That's also weird.
Yeah, I want to be in a place in my life where when I encounter a scenario like this,
I can say, would you like some company and not feel offended or put upon either way, you know?
But like, the ask is always loaded, right?
Like, being asked, would you like some company kind of puts the pressure on you to say yes.
Yeah, it makes you an asshole if you say no.
Yeah.
But maybe it doesn't.
Maybe it's okay to to say, not right now.
I'm,
you know, doom scrolling, and that's kind of the hang that I'm looking for right now.
I got my iPad out, and I'm doom scrolling and drinking my tea.
What I thought initially was like, I'm going to be a
TePaul in the sheets and Dr.
Flox in the streets, which is to say, like, my true feelings are, I want to be by myself, but I'm going to feel obligated to have you join my table.
But now I feel like
you should be Te Paul in the sheets and Tepal in the streets or Flox in the sheets and flox in the streets.
Whatever your true nature is, you should just be that.
So is there one is like I'm a Tepal in the streets and a Flox in the Sheets.
One is I'm a Flox in the Streets.
I'm a Tepal in the Sheets.
One is I'm a Tepal in the streets and a Tepal in the Sheets.
And one is I'm a Flocks in the streets and a Flox in the Streets.
Yes, all four.
It's kind of a square bumper sticker is what it is.
It's actually very wordy.
I say buy them as a set, you know?
Yeah.
Why not?
Why not?
You probably know four people.
Put them on their cars.
Yeah.
Faith of the fart.
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Friends of DeSoto, we survived Star Trek Las Vegas 2025.
All seven days of it.
And boy, oh boy, do we have thoughts.
So many thoughts that we just had to record a very special bonus episode about our experiences with me and Ben, but also producer Wendy and our social media concigliary Bill.
You'll get an honest review of things, all the gossip, the stuff that worked, the stuff that didn't, and some big takeaways as we plan for next year.
So if you want to know what STLV was really like, the bonus feed is how you find it.
By the way, this bonus episode, like all of our monthly bonus episodes, are available to everyone who supports the shows at maximumfund.org slash join.
It's easy to do, so go go to maximumfund.org slash join to get our special episode about stlv 2025 and all the great episodes that we put out every month
you know we've been doing my brother my brother me for 15 years and maybe
you stopped listening for a while maybe you never listened and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years i know where this has ended up but no no you would be wrong we're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.
Yeah.
You don't even really know how crypto works.
The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and me.
We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.
And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.
So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes, episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news, we still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined!
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
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I'm regular Tom Long.
I'm Caroline Roper and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
And you will never take the greatest gym alive.
Ben would rather die.
Reed and Trip are having kind of a similar conversation about the ramifications of this pod,
but theirs is a little bit more on the idea of like going to the future or knowing what the future holds.
And
man, Trip is all about the journey.
Reed's all about the destination, and that's just really sad, man.
Yeah.
They're working on this box that they ripped off of the wall down at the bottom of the well, and it's clear they're very different about how they feel about knowing things about the future.
Trip is content and happy to be in his time, and Reed is like, My current life is so awful.
There's no hope in it whatsoever that I would rather be in any other time than this one.
I would like to know when it is appropriate to start writing all the letters to all of the women I've wronged.
The first thing I would do, were I to travel into the future, is write to all of my dead girlfriends.
Because I would be so far into the future that they would certainly be dead.
Hopefully, they all put a little bit of money away in a bank account because the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.
Trip's like, well, I don't care about my ex-girlfriends.
I want to go meet dinosaurs.
They're cool as hell.
I always wanted to meet a stegosaurus.
Oh man, I loved the camera move when they hit this temporal hiccup.
Dude, me too.
This was so unusual for a Star Trek show.
A really chaotic, like, not a zoom-in, but a, but a dolly-in or a walk-in on the camera.
Did you say a specific camera move named after me?
Yes.
Give it the old walk-in.
You know.
You stick the dolly in your ass.
You know, Spike Lee stuck the actor on the dolly.
Walking stuck the dolly in the actor.
You dude, that was your birthright.
I love that Spike Lee signature shot, by the way.
That's like one of the silliest signature shots in existence, but I fucking love it every time I see a Spike Lee movie.
It is extremely film schooly.
It is.
In a like, this is the thing I'm going to do every time kind of way.
Yeah, yeah.
But like he invented it, you know?
It's so good.
Anyways, they hit this deja vu thing over and over again.
I loved how I loved what like a light, ridiculous conversation about dinos they were having as they did it, you know.
That's what makes this better, right?
If they're talking about anything else, I don't think it's as cool.
Yeah.
But then it's dino talk.
Dinos and the Spanish Armada?
What could be a better two topics of conversation?
What about dinos in the Spanish Armada?
Now we're talking about the premise of a 90s cartoon show.
Which dinosaurs had nipples, do you think?
You're never going to let that go, are you?
So Flocks Flox cannot find anything wrong with them after they've reported this as a like, like shared deja vu does feel like a medical condition, but also kind of an engineering condition.
Like, I thought it was so weird that they went to Flox with this.
Yeah.
Like, you can wave the tricorder over me, but I'm still here to tell you, like,
I've traveled through TAM.
Yeah.
You're not going to get that on the tricorder.
I'm guessing that this edition of the Starfleet standard issue tricorder doesn't have like a chronoton detector in it.
Right.
That would come much later.
Yeah.
So DePaul does verify that there's temporal radiation, which is what the Tholians were warning them about.
And it sort of like retroactively makes you wonder if the Tholians were trying to do them a solid by getting this thing away from them.
Yeah, I kind of felt like in this scene the Tholians were friendly.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, despite how pointy and web-weavy looking their ships are.
Didn't you want to see a web this episode?
I wanted a web.
Yeah.
But then this would be the Tholian Web, and that's a different episode of Star Trek, you know?
I guess so.
Anyways, there's like almost a McLaughlin group
where this is reported on the bridge.
Like if Eleanor Clifton, John McLaughlin, like had a McLaughlin group just by themselves in like a side room.
Like if they walked across the set and like.
Yeah.
Are you going to read that op-ed in the in the post this morning?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Like Pat Buchanan's like, hey, what are you guys talking about?
Nothing, nothing.
Like, no, this isn't for you.
This is for Clift.
Wrong.
The question is: like, we're a couple hours away from this Vulcan ship that we are going to unload this pod on.
Now it's very clear that a lot of people want to attack us for it.
Can we survive the next couple of hours when it's also doing things to us that we do not totally understand?
And it's also clear that Tepal just doesn't want the smoke of a temporal war.
I believe we shouldn't get involved.
Like it or not, we've been involved since we left Space Dock.
It is very striking how uncomfortable Tepal is in this scene for just so many reasons.
I don't think she likes having this conversation.
I think she's also really put off by the idea of time travel as a concept, given how she was raised.
Sure.
And I think the third part of this is that she feels like she's in real danger.
I mean, she's always in danger when Archer is the captain making decisions.
But like in this specific moment, they've got something of high value aboard.
Aboard a ship that has grapplers as defense and Archer as its captain.
I think if you're to Paul, this has kind of reached a point where if you care about your life in any way, you got to say something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your curiosity is placing Enterprise in unnecessary danger.
He wants answers, though.
What's weird about what he says is like, I'm tired of being a passive audience member to the temporal Cold War.
I want to be a participant.
I kind of didn't like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Recruit me to whatever this is.
Like, what?
You don't even know like what they're fighting over.
You are the weakest combatant of all parties.
You know that, right?
What they realized down at Engineering, where they've taken this thing that they thought was the black box, is they've not turned on a black box.
They've turned on a transponder and it is putting out a signal.
Oh, shit.
Is that the last of your wine?
Holy shit.
I just, I poured the last of my wine into my cup.
So
I'm now cup only
with the ice.
All right.
I feel less bad.
I'm probably like two-thirds of the way through my botea.
I was kind of worried about my bottle getting warm.
I just wanted to get it into the ice pronto.
The way any wine connoisseur would want to, you want to get it in with the ice immediately.
We didn't really check in on the wines.
I got the sense that your bottle was one with which you're familiar.
You've had this particular Las Haras
expression before.
I asked my wife, I was like, we've got a couple bottles of champagne at home.
And I was like,
what do I get to have that isn't going to really make you mad?
And this is the one that she suggested.
So that's what I've got.
How is your orange?
I have to say, my PetNet Pinot Grig is
delightful.
It's biodynamic.
It's assertive without being pushy.
And now you've got that little sheep's rope wrapped around your neck.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a little fun with that
once we turn off the mics.
Wouldn't you know it, as soon as you turn on this box that they have, that little transmitter or beacon attracts a bunch of Sulaban ships.
Yeah.
And by a bunch, I mean like dozens.
Yeah.
This is a familiar scene where like a ton of Sulaban are chasing after the NX-01 and they're like, and they're running back to like get under the skirts of the Vulcan mommy ship so that they can be safe.
Every time I see Mayweather now, they're like, Mayweather, you got to punch it and get us out of here.
I imagine Mayweather's like, but should I also take off my shirt?
Like,
what if I just pull it up?
Tapala's in the back of the bridge, like.
I hope he does.
Here's the thing, Ben.
They're three minutes away from this rendezvous point with the Vulcans, and that seems pretty close, right?
Like in distance.
But the problem is they're not picking up the phone because Archer wants to be like, hey, we got Sulaban on us.
Like expect us to be bringing company to this meeting.
And it is a really bad sign that they don't answer that hail.
It sucks.
They are in a very spicy fight with the Sulaban by the time they drop out of warp and realize that there's a bit of a post-359 situation going on with the Vulcan ship.
There's a lot of debris floating around.
The Vulcan ship is at a real
gut-churning angle in space.
Yeah, we got some listing.
It's no good.
But you know what?
It wasn't the Sulabon that done it.
It was the fucking Tholians.
Still no web.
The presence of a web unconfirmed.
No web.
Nope.
We got to have webs.
He's the key.
But then the Suleuban and the Tholians start fighting each other, which is
staggering.
It is such a dunk on Enterprise.
Like, Enterprise goes to warp to try to escape.
They immediately get shot out of that.
And they're just kind of floating as the Tholians and the Sulapan fight all around them.
Like, the impotence of just like the Enterprise is in the chair watching, basically, as these two combatants go at each other, fighting over what's in their cargo bay.
My fucking wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, Kurt.
All right, it feels so helpless and bad to be on the Enterprise right now.
Yeah.
Archer realizes that this black box beacon thing needs to be working.
Yeah.
So he orders Trip to get on that and then
he and Reed agree to do a little surgery on a torpedo.
I love a surgery on a torpedo scene.
They're like, hey, can we get a torpedo into a set that's already erected and lit for
the episode?
Like, can we go ahead and do that there?
We don't have the torpedo room set up right now, do we?
Then we'll bring the torpedo to the launch bay.
Work on it there.
You have the bridge.
This is such a bottle episode.
It is like one L5 extra
and Vaughn Armstrong.
No sets.
Nope.
It's like Bridge, Six Bay, Lunch Room, Shuttle Bay, right?
Like, are there any other sets in the whole fucking episode?
That sounds like that test of cognitive ability.
Yeah.
Bridge, weapons room, mess hall.
Elephant, pirate ship, turtle.
Camera.
Oh, fuck, that's the art test.
No!
Archer asks Reed to set up the conditions for the surgery on the missile, and Reed starts drawing like a little turtle head to match the other turtle head.
So that weird deja vu thing happens
again as they are trying to load the payload of the warhead into the pod.
I feel like that's happening to me given the rate of champagne consumption.
I'm fucking hammering this thing.
I haven't drank wine like this in a long time.
I feel absolutely insane.
You're doing good, man.
Three hours of sleep and this much wine is a fucking weird combination.
It's all good.
Wendy's going to make us sound great.
Thank you, Wendy.
Honestly, if anyone has ever contemplated supporting the show, this is the episode to do it on because the amount of work Wendy does to clean something like this up, staggering.
I know.
Yeah.
Yep.
RSVP, all the Sulaban, they all get taken out by Tholians.
Which kind of suggests the high dollar value that this tin can in the cargo bay represents, right?
Yeah.
A lot of them are willing to die for that.
It is really crazy.
And the Tholians reiterate that they would like to take custody of this vessel.
And like, meanwhile, Reed and Archer just like keep putting the warhead into the ship over and over again.
Security prepares for a Tholian boarding party.
We're told that the Tholians have like connected to both docking rings.
This is an exciting moment to me.
Like, let them in.
I want to see.
This was like New Hope, like opening scene.
Like, what's going to come through that door when the sparks stop flying?
Good call.
Yeah.
And I love that they got us so worked up for that.
I'm like presenting ass in the air.
Give me the Tholians.
And then we don't get them.
Up to the point of the scene of Enterprise Security, like stationed around the corner, corner, ready to go.
We get so close to that.
So good.
But Trip finally gets the gadget broadcasting.
And this is like, I think like a particular strength of Enterprise.
Like when they make an intricate prop, they are so good at making a prop have like multiple like physical states, you know, like things you can turn and like alter.
There's a moment when Trip drops in kind of a cassette of
that like it moves so smoothly and perfectly that it feels engineered in the way that you want it.
Yeah.
To if you're watching a future show, you know?
There's this moment in the fifth element that like breaks my heart every time I see that movie, which is they're in the hotel ship and a bomb like kind of comes up out of a suitcase.
And when it comes to a rest, it like wiggles a little bit in the way that like a lightweight thing that you just like rigged up for the movie
would wiggle and not in the way that like a like a heavy, scary,
highly engineered explosive device would.
It breaks the spell, huh?
Yeah, it just it bumps you out of the movie for a moment in a way that like that's like the fucking climax.
Like, come on, like that needs to work perfectly.
It's got to look like that.
Yeah.
And I think Enterprise like consistently does a great job with props like that.
Yeah.
So like, at the climax of the episode, they decide to dump out the tin can with the missile inside.
Right.
And it gets scooped up by the Tholians.
So you think, like, cool, like, the plan is we're going to detonate the missile when the Tholians have it.
And that's our great plan.
Except it doesn't work.
So there's a moment here in the episode where it feels like all is lost, right?
The Tholians have the thing.
Yeah.
And they're getting away.
Except the black box has worked.
it's it's transmitted its message and all of these objects disappear the the fact that the bomb doesn't go off when they set the remote trigger read to me as like the hull the thing that absorbs all em signals would have like prevented the signal getting to the warhead that makes sense yeah i wanted them to say something about that like fuck we didn't think about that like because they're all new to this you know who would have thought that if we put the bomb and all that blue fluid
it would somehow obscure the signal?
It would short out some of the connections.
Damn.
I love shitting in liquid.
Nothing better than that.
The only thing better than that is when you shit on top of a pile of shit that's built up in liquid.
Amazing scene because it seems like we go from an all is lost to what did we lose?
We didn't lose anything.
All this stuff blurped away.
Yeah.
Evidently from
future people who have taken all this stuff back.
They collected their stuff kind of like the Borgs do, almost.
Like the disappearing phase-out
looked almost Borgsy to me.
It's such a dunk, also,
that once the high-value items are gone, the Tholions just bug out.
Like, Enterprise isn't even worth destroying to them.
Yeah.
Like, all right, whatever.
That was what we came for.
You ain't shit to us.
Yeah.
Like, you're not worth a torpedo.
Yeah.
But the Vulcan ship is worth a shuttle pod.
Archer is like,
let's send some help over there.
Because we learned that they just lost engine power and
nobody actually died over there.
Yeah.
We get a little take from Tepal.
She's like, if you guys want to believe that that ship got beamed away to the 31st century, that's fine for you, but like
extremely silly in my opinion.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the company line.
Yeah.
She's going to prepare a report though.
And
the big question in her mind is, when I talk about how we found a corpse that was doing a bad job of faking that it was actually dead,
how is the high command going to feel about the fact that it was part Vulcan.
They're more likely to believe in time travel.
The question Tipal should be asking is, cool, Archer, like, I'll write the report, but like, what you're doing is telling me to tell Mayweather to write the report, right?
That fucking guy is our report writer.
I don't have to do shit.
And he's like, should I take my shirt off to write the report?
I love that, like, to Mayweather,
everything is the first 20 seconds of a porn video.
Oh, I thought Tomayweather was a Vulcan that we hadn't met yet.
Oh, you want me to write the
Icaba report gagaben?
Oh no.
I'm worried where this video is headed
if one of the performers speak in German.
And that's the end of the episode.
Like,
will Vulcans and humans fucking be part of this report?
That's up to Mayweather.
Did you like this episode, Ben?
I just nearly spilled.
I saw your camera blurp.
What happened?
I didn't nearly spill.
I spilled some champagne on my desk here, and I'm hoping that it's okay.
FODs, if you had bet Ben spills during the drunk episode, go ahead and cash your tickets.
All I do is bets, bets, bets.
I'm gonna
have a roll of paper towels over here.
I'm gonna go grab.
Jesus.
Do you mind vamping
while I just sop up some of the mess I've made?
I'm gonna say if I like this episode.
And of course I did.
Why did I like it?
I like episodes with time travel.
I like episodes with characters who don't believe in time travel.
I like episodes where Trip Tucker gets to do bits.
That's fun.
I'm always going to think fondly of the moment Trip and Reed started dropping stuff down that well.
That was neat.
That was a good moment.
That one was for the boys.
And it kind of seems like this fits into a type of episode that Enterprise is doing, right?
Like
Temporal Cold War episode is a type of episode Enterprise does.
This nudges us along down that timeline.
We didn't learn jack shit about this guy, though, or the ship.
Like, it's interesting.
Like, it is interesting how much attention they were able to hold while giving us none of the answers that you would typically presume that you would get for something like this.
This thing blurps away.
You're not any smarter than you were earlier.
It's a real lost episode in that respect.
Like,
it fills up the mystery box without ever opening it and revealing what's inside.
Don't Lindelaf me, bro.
Yeah.
Good app, fun app.
And I think that it's a testament to like how fun this show can be that they can make an episode as bodily as this one.
Like there are no exotic locations.
There's no nothing in this episode.
Like they, they built one extra set for this and cast one extra.
And
it does a great job of being a myth arc episode that like makes us feel the temporal cold war as a as a going concern in a more intense way without spoiling any of the fun of that.
Yeah.
It's pretty fun.
Good job.
Good job, Star Trek Enterprise.
Good job by us.
The last maybe two and a half ounces of champagne here.
Oh dude, you really passed me on the final stretch.
I've got this much cup.
Oh, but you've got ice in there.
I do.
I do have a lot of ice.
Look, this should put to rest just the absolute drinksman that Ben is
and always has been over me.
You were talking about a long layoff from drinking and a long layoff from sleeping.
You got right back on the drinking bike, dude.
And you can ride.
It's going to be fun telling my wife what I did at work today while she was on maternity leave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's tell the FODs what the messages are in the priority one inbox.
Let's do it.
Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channels.
Need a supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental.
Supplemental income.
Yeah, it's extra.
But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.
Adam, our first message today is of a promotional nature.
Congratulations to the P1 writers for getting the Neelix's
champagne episode.
Probably the second burpeest type of episode after the Mornhammered episode varietal.
It goes like this.
I'm an author of unusual novellas trying to get better at self-promotion.
Author of unusual novellas?
Not that I know of.
Sci-fi horror coming out stories?
I write queer, queer fiction, meaning that my stories always involve LGBTQ plus characters and that, in my humble opinion, my work is really fucking weird.
My flagship book right now is Black Hole Recess,
which is a motley crew of queer kids fighting a town terrorizing cloud monsters.
Rascals is a much-hated TNGF, but what my theory presupposes is maybe it'd be great if it was a completely different thing.
Wow.
This sounds really fun.
So check out the queer fiction of M.W.
Lindberg, wherever e-books are sold.
And if you do, please drop a rating and/or review.
It helps a ton.
I just want to say, MW is like, I've never heard that before.
That's such a great numb to plume or whatever.
Yeah, M.W.
Lindbergh is the author of
this.
Like,
I think using queer, queer is
self-consciously like weird in one case and
sexually divergent in the other case.
fiction.
Go on.
I'm saying that queer queer fiction, one of the queers is doing a different job than the other
queer in that in that three-word phrase.
Indeed.
Yeah.
I feel weird saying queers because I feel like people are gonna think I'm talking about quote-unquote the queers and I'm talking about the word queer in the context of that phrase.
I think the explanation and defense is really helping.
Yeah,
people will feel like I definitely am coming from the right place, right?
Look, if you are interested in reading what M.W.
Lindbergh has written...
If you're interested in reading what M.W.
Lindbergh has written, you might be a queer.
Yeah, they say that these books are available wherever e-books are sold.
So get in there.
You know what I really hope happening?
what i really hope happens in this situation is uh is friend of deSoto carter kalchik uh his smash hit spicy novel review tick tock channel reviews an mw lindbergh book
how about that that would be great benjamin r harrison putting them together calling a shot how about that good job Ben, we got a personal priority one message here.
It's from Mary and it's to Reeves.
This was intended to be on Valentine's Day, so we're a little bit after that, but
the feeling is still pure, right?
Sure.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Valentine's is what we call it in our household.
My household.
That's sweet.
I'm giving that gift to Mary and Reeves.
You are an amazing man in every aspect, and I am so grateful that the universe flung us together.
I never knew real love until we met.
I wake up every day excited to spend it with you and will do so for the rest of our lives my mind to your mind my thoughts to your thoughts whoa i love you so much baby
you o e m o
wow i gotta say like my voice caught a couple times in that it is so fucking sincere to read a message like that mary
a very well written p1 message and reads You really did great with Mary,
who is able to articulate a love with such sincerity that it's almost unbelievable like wow I love it good job it's really good I wonder what U-O-E-N-O stands for
who
know
Our final P1 today is from Zenobia and it is to Justin.
It goes like this.
15 years ago this February, we moved in to the share house that kicked off the greatest friendship, where black mold made our brains the rotten, pun-based glory hurrs that they are today.
What better way to celebrate than to thank Adam and Ben, whose pod ropes of friendship now bind us like Trip and Archer across continents?
Harry Kim drop.
Something about it reminds me of being in the womb.
Get up, Harry.
Who are you?
Harry Kim.
Parents must be very proud who are you they come as come as a pair who are you
supposed to get chummy with harry kim and your mom very proud who are you
lasted 22 minutes and your mom very proud
who are you
for best chums how about that zenobia and justin
best chums best chums you don't hear chum too much chum is good as a description of friendship there's a girl in my elementary school named Zenobia.
You don't hear that name that often.
It's one of the great names.
I only think about chum in the in a jaws context.
And in a
dump a bunch of old spice into a rag just to be around it context.
I don't think this is that kind of chum.
This is the friendship chum.
I feel like chum may be a like
different part of the English-speaking world usage here.
Like Zenobia definitely indicates that to me, also.
Like, maybe.
I'm not going to make assumptions.
They could be from anywhere, but their friendship is rock solid.
Is it their chumship, technically?
It is.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a friendship full of chum.
They want to attract the sharks.
Sure.
Listen, if you want to hear this sort of vamping about a message that is important to you,
whether it's to a Valentine or it's about some queer, queer fiction you write or a friendship glory hole you want to celebrate.
Which again, Adam is quoting it when he says queer, queer fiction.
He's not saying that in a weird way.
No.
I mean, he is like the one time he is saying it in a weird way because
it's a synonym for weird in that context.
There's nothing weird about it at all.
Well, I'm just saying that because like M.W.
Lindbergh did.
imply that one of the usages was that it was weird.
Look, what's clear about this P1 segment is that Ben is the only one that's going to feel bad about how this has gone.
And I'm going to sleep great tonight.
Because you know what you get with a Priority One message.
You write a message, and then we read it, and then we drill down into what its deeper meanings are.
And
it's a great way to support the production of our shows.
And these are shows that are worthy and in need of your support.
So maximumfund.org slash jumbotron is how you do that.
You know what's amazing about having a three-week old baby?
I have no idea.
I know I'm not going to sleep well tonight, no matter what.
Hey, hey, just between you and me,
you're in hell right now, right?
You don't have to pretend that having a baby is so...
It's such a miracle.
It's so great.
Oh, it's the best.
It fucking, it fucking sucks, especially right now, right?
You fucking know it.
Admit it.
She rules.
She's great.
I love her.
But your life.
Your life is shit.
I'm going to raise her to destroy the entire planet.
That's my goal with my daughter, is to raise a destroyer of worlds.
I want her to become death.
But tell me about your life, Ben.
How's your life right now?
I'm saying she already kind of is showing a lot of aptitude in that department.
Hey, Ben.
What's that, Adam?
Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?
Incredible.
Drunk Shimoda.
Oh, boy.
I want to give it to Sulaban Captain.
Because it's like, like, you can't do Silic in this episode.
It can't be Sulaban Captain, you know.
Even though, like, I love the moment when Archer drops the name, like, and a, hey, by the way, in case you weren't even trying to take me seriously, I do know Silic.
Oh, Archer, you dropped something?
Yeah, exactly.
I loved that.
Like, I guess I got to be like officious about our
duly earned salvage rights here, guy.
Like, I don't know, man.
I just got to get this fucking pod.
Yeah.
Yep.
I don't want to have to go back and get a bunch of cell ships and, you know, chase you with 20 of them.
Nope.
Like, that's a fucking pain in the ass.
Neither of us need that.
Nope.
Give me the pod.
Give me the pod.
Ben, my Shimoda's one-half Shimoda to Reed, one half Shimoda to Trip Tucker.
Wow.
You can't just sit over a hole and drop things down into it and not be a Shimoda to me.
Just a delightful scene all around.
Almost redeems Reed in my mind.
Not all the way, obviously, because Reed is a fucking disaster.
But yeah, dropping wrenches down holes.
you gotta do it, and they do it.
You have to, you gotta,
yeah, yeah, faith of the fart.
All right, what do we have coming up on next week's episode of both Enterprise and the Greatest Generation?
Benjamin R.
Harrison is going to go to the game of buttoles, the Will of the Riker quantum leap, and also
read the capsule of what next week's episode of Star Trek Enterprise is going to be.
Ben, take it away.
It's season two, episode 17 of Star Trek Enterprise, Kanamar.
It's not Kaminar, Adam.
It's Kanamar.
God, I would blow that so fucking badly.
Archer and Tucker are wrongly arrested and placed on a prisoner transport heading for a penal colony named Canamar.
Things go from bad to worse when one of the other prisoners plots to take over the ship.
Holy shit, dog.
How happy.
Here's what I want from the next episode.
I want cutbacks to Mayweather.
Just fucking chilling the most.
Just so fucking happy not to be involved in this.
I've already done my time with Archer in prison.
Leave me out of that.
Adam, I'm going to get our dice skewed up.
Hey, listen.
I saw the Reddit post about how people don't care for the hundred-sided die,
saying it takes
some of the suspense out of the game.
It doesn't take suspense out of the game.
It triples the suspense.
What are these people talking about?
We can hit anything, any roll.
Do these people not know how a hundred-sided die works?
You're required to learn as you play.
Roll.
What'd you roll, Ben?
A 76.
Tula!
Did I win?
Hardly.
Which rocketed us around,
put us on square 28.
Regular episode next week.
It's fine.
Yeah.
That's what the board does.
Nothing is bad.
It's good.
Sometimes it's champagne, sometimes it's breadsticks.
Next week, it's not either of those things.
No.
No.
But next week it is supported by all of the people that generously go to maximumfund.org slash join
and prop up this leaky barge with uh five bucks a month, you know?
Yeah.
Hey, you wanna, you wanna pay the
karma barge pilot?
Maximumfund.org slash join.
That's real talk, too.
Gotta thank Wendy Pretty, our producer and editor who
just does an amazing job keeping the plate spinning around here.
We have to thank Bill Tilly, our temporal cold wartime concigliary,
who
keeps us apprised of what's going on in the DMs.
He's who you're going to encounter if you want to send something into the show.
DM him to get our address, and he'll determine if what you'd like to send is worth sending in.
Bill Tilley is so great.
We're so lucky to know that guy.
Check out the at Greatest Trek Insta to see the ongoing project of making trading cards for Star Trek episodes that he does.
Every time I see him, I'm like, God, fuck, Bill Tilly, still got it.
Yeah.
After all these years, still got the fastball.
Sure does.
Dark Materia does the music you're hearing right now.
Adam Ragusia does the theme and interstitial music.
Adam Ragusia, the third, some weeks at the fourth co-host of the wholesome podcast that we do about sharing things that we like with each other.
A new subject every week.
A new show every week, really.
Yeah, and gotta thank Rob Adler, our social media director.
Follow Agreatest Trek all over the web.
Join the drunkshimota.com Discord or add something to the greatestgen.wikia.com wiki.
And with that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of
And episode of the Greatest Generation Voyager, where
Adam and I are wondering, like, should we be on a prison transport?
Because,
Adam, I didn't mean queer in, like, a...
Like, I was quoting, and I was trying to clarify, okay?
Ben, I don't think you do well on a prison transport.
I'm just going to say that.
I don't think that's my word to use, but I was trying to provide...
You know, because like, I don't know.
Oh, fuck.
Ben, you read the teleprompter.
That's all you did.
How about Malcolm read the teleprompter?
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