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Friends of DeSoto,
Adam and I made a terrible mistake on this episode that we need to address, own,
and to whatever extent we can repair the harm we've caused.
On this episode of The Greatest Generation, covering Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, Episode 25,
we repeatedly refer to a character as having been played by Steve Wozniak, the lovable co-founder of the Apple Computer Corporation.
In the process of post-production, it was brought to our attention by one of our sensitivity tester focus groups that this role was in fact rendered by Steve Wozniak, the actor, who is not the same person.
Adam and I know better than this, and we hope that we can find a way to atone and that FODs, the broader Star Trek fandom, and the Steve Wozniak community know how deeply remorseful we are.
It shouldn't need to be said, but we will say it now.
Steve Wozniaks do not all look alike.
It's no excuse that there was a lot of loaf in play.
This is simply an ugly stereotype that we are heartbroken to have promulgated.
In this time, we are meeting with leaders in the Steve Wozniak community, finding opportunities to volunteer on behalf of unhoused Steve Wozniaks, and donating a large number of $2 bills to the Steve Wozniak Legal Defense Fund.
Importantly, we are trying to center Steve Wozniaks and their voices going forward.
While we couldn't edit our numerous repetitions of this grievous mistake out of the episode because it would be too much of a pain in the ass, we are doing what we can to take responsibility for it in other, less annoying ways.
Before I go, I just want to state that this mistake was not made by anyone at the Uxbridge Shimota Corporation other than myself and to a lesser extent Adam Pranica.
This is precisely why we preview this podcast to dozens of focus groups and test audiences every week before it goes out.
It is clear that those systems will need to be improved so that we can catch errors like this earlier in the process, and that is work we are starting today.
Please respect the privacy of our employees and our families in this time.
And we will leave you with this question.
To anyone tempted by their love of our show to lash out on our behalf at the Steve Wozniak community, haven't they been through enough?
Here's to the finest crew in Starring.
When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.
This is a parody.
Paramount wants the song.
Welcome to the Createst Generation.
It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Adam Pranica.
I'm Ben Harrison.
How you doing, Adam?
Can I tell you about a thing that happened to me yesterday that was embarrassing and disgusting and possibly even dangerous?
Sounds like the perfect topic to open one of our shows with.
I played a round of golf with an FOD and I didn't know I was going to do it.
Wow.
I made plans to go play with a regular buddy yesterday morning and that buddy bailed.
But he's like, hey, the other two that I set us up with, I think you're going to like.
And not
seeing that as the trap that it was,
I showed up at the appropriate time and met my two playing partners.
One of them outed himself as an FOD.
This is Kevin.
And we had a really great morning playing some golf and hanging out.
but something happened out there that is not this.
I'm tantalized about where the disgusting part comes in and the danger.
So, you know how hot it was yesterday.
It was like 90s hot.
Yeah.
It was like when Rebecca Romaine Stamos was on the cover of Sports Illustrated hot.
90s hot.
Absolutely.
It was Tiffany Amberthiessen out there.
One question I've always wanted to ask Rebecca Robain at a convention is what it was like to be the bearded lady in dirty work and what it was like working with Norm and all that.
No one, to my knowledge, has ever asked that question.
And if you're an FOD out there who's thinking about doing it, don't.
That's my question.
Adam put that question in an envelope and mailed it to himself.
So we'll know that it was his original idea.
I'll be in my trailer, honey.
If you want it, come and get it.
So, I've been like especially heat-sensitive for a while, and I've been trying to figure out why.
And that doesn't stop me from going out and doing things outside.
I'm out there walking, and it's 95 degrees, and a person of my age probably shouldn't be walking the golf courses at 95 degrees.
So, I'm out there, and I'm sweating the way a normal person sweats.
But I reach up, and I'm not usually a hat man.
Sometimes I'll like throw an ice cube in my hat and like pull my hat on, you know, little Hat Man air conditioner.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
So I reach back there and I'm like, oh,
oh,
what is this?
And I look at my hand and it is like sticky
and like sudsy in a weird way.
What the hell?
And I'm like, oh, and I can feel it like it's dripping in my forehead and in my eyes and my eyes are stinging.
I'm like, why?
Oh,
like, what is all this?
I take off my hat and I look at it, and it's like the same hat that I wear when I, when I've been golfing, like, there's nothing weird about this.
So, I like run it under a water fountain.
And, like, does Kevin think you're doing like a bit at this point?
Like, no, I'm keeping this to myself.
I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be cool in front of Kevin.
And you'll have to ask Kevin how well that works.
I've run this thing under a water fountain, and like, suds are going into the basin of the water fountain.
Whoa.
And what I realized was after I wore my hat in the heat last time, I got, it's a white hat.
Yeah.
I got those gross sweat lines in it.
And I was like, well, this sucks.
If I want to wear this hat again, I better spray it with a bunch of OxyClean.
So what I did was I basically soaked it in OxyClean, but didn't rinse it.
Oh, man.
So it dried out and I wore it in the heat and my sweat interacted with the OxyClean to make basically a soap helmet
that in the heat was like drowning my face and neck in like totally stingy chemical shit.
That stuff is the stickiest soap there is.
It really is, yeah.
When you've got like a spot on a shirt that you need to treat and you spray it and a little bit gets through the shirt onto your finger, I feel like you really have to scrub to get it off.
I can't imagine having a hair full of it, one hair full of it.
And needing to like field clean it out under a water fountain.
It didn't work.
And I couldn't clean myself in a water fountain.
I'm out there like using a towel in a fountain.
And like, meanwhile, Kevin and his buddy are probably like.
I thought the amount of water we use to maintain golf courses around this country was unconscionable before you started washing oxyclean out of your hat on the course.
Yeah, noted.
Yeah, it was an uncomfortable couple of hours outside covered in soap.
And I couldn't wait to get home and take a shower for all kinds of reasons.
And not just the normal, I sweated from exertion reasons.
I was stingy and in pain.
It was, it wasn't great.
How did this affect your handicap out there on the course?
I would say I played a pretty average round for me, which I think is a big win when I'm
stinging all over.
Under the circumstances, I think I did okay.
Wow.
Well,
few of our favorite characters try to enjoy themselves and have their own misadventures in today's episode of Star Trek Colin Enterprise.
Adam, do you want to get into the episode?
Yeah, the heat can do all sorts of things, Ben.
In Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, episode 25, two days and two nights
an episode directed by Michael Dorn yeah back to Rysa with Michael Dorn yeah Archer going to Rysa Tapal's gonna be watching the shop I thought we'd never get here I thought it would be just around the corner the entire season.
They've been building it up for weeks and weeks.
Let's see if it pays off, Adam.
Most people don't keep track of the record,
you know, as it goes over two days.
For most people, the record is one day.
Right.
But this two-day rice trip suggests that that's what's on the table, right?
It does.
He is trying to wriggle out of it, trying to
be like, well, you know, like, I'm the captain.
I should go down with the ship or whatever.
You should enjoy the thing.
It turns out that selection of who gets to go down was done by lottery.
Yeah.
And somehow almost everybody on the bridge crew won lotto.
Like, there's some lower decker who's been living in a bunk bed down there in the bottom of the ship who's still going to be having to wrench on pipes and like wipe grease off their forehead with the back of their glove.
Looking at those shuttle pods going down to the surface of that paradise planet, just like, God fucking damn it.
If I were a crew person on Enterprise, I might suspect that someone is making a TV show about the bridge crew
and so forth just because of how suspicious this seems that they all drew the same lot and they all are able to go on the trip.
Very convenient.
John Scalzi should write a book about that.
Yeah.
With all the casual dress, the mudroom kind of looks like the dock of a cruise ship, wouldn't you say?
It does, yeah.
Those pipe metal banisters sort of take on a different character when
watched through this lens.
Yeah, there are no signs about telling people not to hang their clothing from those pipes the way you'd see in a hotel room and a
smoke detector.
Yeah.
They aren't being like asked over and over again if they're sick or have been sick recently.
No, they're just getting ready to go down.
I thought some of the vacation attire was really delightful.
I was especially taken with Travis Mayweather's shirt because it's like a crisscross pattern, but the lines are like slightly wavy.
Yeah.
I want that shirt.
That's a good shirt.
That's my exact style.
We are to put this episode in a moment in time about to go to our Madison live show.
And I'm doing the packing for that.
Yeah.
Real quickie, just a couple of days.
But it made me think about how the crew packed for this mission.
And we talked about a little earlier, like the absurdity of a Trip Tucker packing one Hawaiian shirt
for.
Which does come back out now that Ryza actual is happening.
Now it's clear that everyone has packed vacation gear.
I, a long time ago, made the mistake of not packing swim trunks on a trip I took, not expecting to go swimming ever.
Right.
And now that is like an everytime pack no matter what.
And I'm wondering, like, do you think about your pack in that same way?
Like, I never want to be on a trip of any kind without this just in case.
In case I get wet, kind of a thing.
Yeah, do you have one of those brings?
I don't, you know, and I've definitely been burned in the past.
I haven't corrected my
behavior based on like learning from my mistakes or anything like that, if that's what you're asking.
I mean, we learned very surprisingly in Minneapolis that some of the best pools and hot tubs you could get in are in Midwestern states.
I'm wondering if that awaits us in Madison.
I don't know.
I'm packing a swimsuit.
That's all I'm saying.
I think I'll just freeball it.
All right, good for you.
So So we get a little round the horn in the...
There's clearly like the nice shuttle pod on the way down, too.
Yeah.
Because two leave the ship, but we only see what happens on the inside of one of them.
Yeah.
It is the bridge crew.
And
Reed and Tripp are talking about how excited they are to bed exotic babes.
Is that all you two think about?
Well, how we choose to relax is our own business.
Meanwhile, Hoshi has very different plans of what she's going to be doing with her tongue.
She's going to be trying to like learn some languages.
She's left her universal translator behind.
Do you think this is appropriate as a conversation to have among people of these different ranks?
As soon as this conversation started, I started to like reflexively pull away from the TV because like,
do you ask Archer?
Right.
I guess you do because everyone's talking about it.
But like, if you're Archer, you probably shouldn't say shit.
I think that we do make a mistake sometimes when we like talk about the HR considerations of a starship as though they are the same as the HR considerations of a building that has a business in it on planet Earth.
Like, yeah, they're not.
They're not really the same.
I mean, in some ways, they're more sensitive because you are stuck with these people, but like...
In no context would like everyone from the office be going on the same vacation to hedonism 2 together, together, you know?
Right.
And that, I think, frees Reed and Trip Tucker up to basically state that they're there for sex tourism.
They're like, we're two single guys and somehow we're going to try and do the pineapple lifestyle while we're there.
Yeah.
Even though we have like the lowest possible stock of anyone in the pineapple lifestyle.
And they're very braggadocious about it.
Up on the ship, we learn that Phlox is going to take this time.
I wasn't clear on whether he hit Lotto or not.
Like, did he technically win a trip to Raisa and like instead of going to Ryza, he chooses to hibernate?
I mean,
that's a great question.
I would have liked a little more of that decision if that were the case.
It also feels like a very,
my wife is going to Amsterdam for work and I'm choosing to stay at home because I prefer to have a little alone time kind of choice.
Sure.
I like this for Dr.
Flox.
It's fun.
I don't like it as much for Cruman Cutler, who doesn't appear to be a character in her own right,
separate from things that happen to Dr.
Flox, you know?
Right.
Yeah, she's stuck
minding Six Bay while he takes his super nap.
If you could take a nap via
hypo spray, wouldn't you?
Having had a pretty bad experience with general anesthetics recently, I'm going to say no.
Yeah, I really asked the wrong guy about that.
I mean, I like NyQuil, all right?
I went into my pre-procedure conversation for my colonoscopy, and I talked to my doctor about the many drugs on offer for the procedure and mentioned the, I don't know if you want this said on the show.
Oh, well, yeah, like just to catch people up, I had my own colonoscopy recently, and I had a very bad reaction to Demerol,
but I'd never had it before.
So like the doctor was like, yeah, like this just happens to some people.
And I like, you know, I left the hospital and like had a rough couple of days getting better from it.
First of all, I want to say that this is an anti-colon cancer podcast.
Sure.
From here,
it needs to be said.
Yeah.
Stop your angry emails.
Yeah.
Bill Tilley doesn't need that guff.
I'm in there with the doctor and I'm like, so my good buddy had kind of an issue with Demerol and I'm wondering if that's the thing that you give people.
And she laughed and laughed and said, hell no.
We give people the propofol here.
Propofol only, the Michael Jackson drug.
You're going to love it.
Like, enthusiastic about the prospect of this.
So
I will give you my review of propofol
once it's over.
Hey, great news.
I don't have to go back for 10 years.
Clean colon, spic and span.
You know, I was going to ask.
That's great.
Yeah.
I mean, with the way you're constantly up in there looking around,
I'm glad.
I'm relieved.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I used that viral
Wi-Fi camera off of Instagram that people use to clear out their earwax on my butt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You just knew that was going to be its eventual usage.
On Ryza, Archer Archer checks into his villa.
This is a place that is going to be separate from the rest of the crew.
Yeah.
And it looks cliffside almost.
Looks like a pretty great place.
It was really nice looking.
Kind of a combination between like a malfi coast geography, but with a much more tropical type of flora and fauna around.
It's got that fun, vaguely Polynesian theme where the least dangerous thing you can do with your body is climbing the stairs that don't have a handrail.
Yeah, I feel like the building codes on Raza are a little bit behind.
Yeah, yeah, big fun.
When he enters his room, he does like give that the hairy eyeball like, can you believe that this doesn't have a guardrail?
And he like looks up the stairs and then it's like, fuck that.
I'm not going up there.
I'm not risking it.
I just got back from Europe and their rules on the stairs, I think, are different in this way.
I stayed in a couple of places where like six steps upward without a rail at all.
Just
good luck.
Good luck, American.
I've never done this before.
Yeah.
The joy of Sirok is the gift that Tepal has pre-sent to him.
Yeah.
It's waiting for him on the coffee table.
It's fun because it's like older, so all the illustrations are hairier in places that we're not necessarily used to this day and age.
Yeah, the bush is not as angular as it is presently.
Yeah.
Speaking of angular, how do you like that triangle telescope out on his veranda?
I love the detail in Star Trek that turns round things triangular randomly.
Gotta do it.
So cool.
Out on the patio, he hears a yappy dog, which is just the one thing that's gonna kill any vacation.
and then starts peeping on its owner out of this triangular telescope.
Tommy,
how's it peeping?
They make eye contact, but not in a eye jammies kind of way.
Like, kind of in a stink eye, why are you looking at me through a telescope kind of way that I really understand in this moment?
And your weird, hairless dog barking at my beautiful beagle.
Yeah, unfortunately, this is a beach resort where pets are welcome, so this is going to be a problem.
Yeah.
I was thinking it was nice that there was like some age-appropriate love interest for Archer being introduced.
And then the next scene made me realize, like, who knows, man?
People age at different rates depending on their species because Trip and Reed are like up into club and they're not even sure what the pronouns of some of the
some of the hotties they're scoping out might be.
They are dressed like cockett and rubs from Miami Vice.
It's a real Roxbury guy sketch in process here.
But somehow even less sexually threatening than the Roxbury guy sketches.
In this, which one is Feral and which one is Katam for you?
Oh, I mean, Reed is Katan because he's shorter.
That's
I think the easy answer.
And Tucker is Feral because they both do a pretty good George W.
Bush impression.
I think so.
Yeah, yeah.
It fooled me, we can't get fooled again.
That night on Risa, Archer is reading on his patio while Porthos sits there.
bored.
Why'd you even bring Porthos?
Archer?
Why didn't you leave Porthos up in the sea story where he can be babysat by Tepal?
That's a great sea story.
Oh, man.
What are you doing?
That is Wharf looking after Data's cat solid business.
Yeah, why aren't we doing that?
No, we're not doing that.
Instead, the yapping begins and the dog we saw across the way earlier is suddenly there?
How did it...
How do you think this dog made it all the way up there?
I mean, it is an alien dog, so maybe it has like gecko feet or something.
It can climb up walls.
I mean, you really have to make the leap for that to be the case, right?
Did you think alien dog or hairless dog?
I just thought hairless dog.
This is a
type of earth dog.
They did pick kind of an unusual breed to make it, you know, alien context specific.
But she's an alien, like she's from a different planet.
And she's, I mean, spoiler alert, she's repping one type of alien, but is in fact another.
But it made me wonder, like, when a human and a Klingon fuck, you can get a half-klingon, half-human baby.
Could Porthos and this alien dog fuck and get like a half-alien, half-earth dog?
I don't know.
How do the genetics of other species work in Star Trek?
I don't know.
That's a conversation for another show, I think.
The last season of Discovery should have addressed this, is what I'm saying, you know?
I think it did address this.
I just don't think anyone was interested.
Do you think this lady threw her dog up onto the patio, given what we learn about what she's actually doing there?
Interesting.
Would she be that desperate?
She looks like she's pretty far down there.
She's like 20 feet down and 10 feet over minimum, I would say.
If you put a little dog in a skirt and then wing it
like you're David versus Goliath,
could you get your dog up on a patio?
Kind of seems like it.
If you have access to a transporter system and this is a very early example of the technology that is very risky and could turn the dog into cat food, could you get your dog up onto a patio?
Yeah, it seems slingshot might be preferred if you care about...
I mean, if you care just a little bit about your dog.
Yeah.
She comes up to collect her pup and they get to talking.
I loved how quickly he works in that he is the captain of a starship who has a science officer into the conversation because she's like,
oh.
How do you know that you've got the captain of a starship with a science officer at your party?
He'll tell you.
That's exactly what's happening here.
He'd like to go out to dinner.
She plays it cool.
She recommends a restaurant, but has plans tonight.
Ice cold, I thought was how she played it.
But she leaves the door open for tomorrow.
Yeah.
I mean, there's tension here because Archer's interested.
She may or may not be.
She bends right over in front of him to pick up her dog in kind of a very suggestive way.
I thought.
Oh,
Jonathan.
Kayla's dog is hairless, which might have implications.
Like, there's a whole constellation of things happening in this scene visually, I thought,
that creates the sexual tension.
Right.
It's a horny moment.
When Archer closes the door behind her, like, he kind of has that, what was that, kind of expression, right?
Like, he's just, he's as baffled as anyone.
How did she get that dog up here?
He doesn't jump into like his Jeff Foxworthy routine about it, though.
But, anyways, we cut over to another hotel restaurant where Hoshi is having a meal and
she does a thing that I really admire, which is reaches out to try to make vacation friends, just kind of sits down, like, you know, meets the waiter and then like looks around the room and just starts chatting with people.
Amazing.
This is an aspiration for you?
Yeah, just not like chicken out on talking to strangers, especially when I'm traveling, you know?
When I was just in Europe, and I won't fucking stop talking about it, I know.
I did not want to make friends with English-speaking Americans over there, and we ran into many of them.
Yeah.
Like, I could sense the, the draw of us into like a hang or whatever.
And I never wanted that.
Is that what you're talking about?
Or are you talking about something different?
I think what I'm talking about is the thing she's doing, which is speaking in the local tongue to locals.
That's different.
Reaching across a cultural divide, not just being like, hey, you're like us and you're also here.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, that's fine, but I think what she does here is cool.
I think what these olds do is cool in that they immediately excuse themselves with full drink glasses, as I recall.
Yeah.
And maybe even an unfinished meal.
They're ready to get the hell out of there.
Well, they've, yeah, they've had dinner at this particular hotel restaurant a couple of nights in a row.
The waiter knows which room they're in, so the bill is going to be dealt with one way or another.
Yeah, there's a dude in the background of this scene who has noticed this and comes over and introduces themselves and is invited to sit.
He is as impressed by her language skills as the olds were.
And this person agrees to have dinner with Hoshi so that they can talk about talking more.
Indeed.
I find that that you are a cunning linguist.
I too am a cunning linguist.
Faith of the fart.
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Friends of DeSoto, we survived Star Trek Las Vegas 2025.
All seven days of it.
And boy, oh boy, do we have thoughts.
So many thoughts that we just had to record a very special bonus episode about our experiences with me and Ben, but also producer Wendy and our social media concigliary Bill.
You'll get an honest review of things.
All the gossip, the stuff that worked, the stuff that didn't, and some big takeaways as we planned for next year.
So if you want to know what STLV was really like, the bonus feed is how you find it.
By the way, this bonus episode, like all of our monthly bonus episodes, are available to everyone who supports the shows at maximumfund.org slash join.
It's easy to do, so go to maximumfund.org slash join to get our special episode about STLV 2025 and all the great episodes that we put out every month.
You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.
And
maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened.
And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.
But no, no, you would be wrong.
We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.
Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.
The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and me.
We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening and if not we just leave it out back and goes rotten so check it out on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts
all right we're over 70 episodes into our show let's learn everything so let's do a quick progress check have we learned about quantum physics yes episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news, we still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined!
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Lom.
I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
And you will never take the greatest chin alive.
Ben would rather die.
Back with Suck It and Chubs.
They're still hanging with each other in that classic way, you know, like the two dudes rolling into the club, planning on hooking up with chicks, man.
Trying to gas each other up.
But all they're doing is hanging out with each other.
It's great.
They soon meet a couple of absolute smoke shows here.
This is Dion and Latia.
Yeah.
And their interaction is going suspiciously well.
Dion and Latia move in on Trip and Reed in the way that Trip and Reed probably imagined themselves to be willing to move in on babes in their trip down to the planet.
And
they sit down and the canoodle gets off to a great start.
Yeah.
Back with Archer, by far the...
least interesting Riceyan vacationer at this point.
He hears Kayla call to him from the patio down below.
He invites her up to look through his telescope to see the sun from his world.
He's like, I'll show you mine.
Will you show me yours?
She is evasive, I think, is a good description for her.
She doesn't want to talk about her.
All she wants to do is listen to things about him, and he negs her into her shitty sense of direction, which I thought was great.
Yeah, the way he interacts with her over the course of their relationship, I didn't love.
But it does seem like sort of like pulling teeth to try and get anything out of her.
So maybe it's a two-to-tango thing where she's being so weird and evasive that this is like the only strategy he can think of.
Haven't you ever hung out with a person who just wanted to be entertained, though?
And didn't you kind of resent that?
Sure.
Like, that's what this moment makes me feel like.
Like, all right, Kayla, whatever.
You're not going to tell me anything about yourself.
Like, get the fuck out of here with your shitty sense of direction.
So back in the club, Trip Fucker and Malcolm Reed
have been embellishing how awesome they are as a kind of seduction technique.
This is familiar to anyone.
You're kind of puffing yourself up.
I mean, not...
You're not going so far as to say you have a science officer of your own.
Right.
But you're getting close, right?
Yeah, they're implying that they get to be captained sometimes
in the process of like recapping previous episodes of Star Trek Enterprise to these ladies who are doing a great job of pretending to be interested in any of these stories.
Yeah.
They get invited to some subterranean gardens and there's a little bit of a double entendre there, wouldn't you say?
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
Maybe you could show us.
Sounds like a very moist and inviting place, they think to themselves.
So they follow these two ladies through the stairs down to the wine cellar.
This doesn't seem bad.
More wine.
Yeah, grab a couple of bottles on our way down to the subterranean gardens.
Unfortunately, this is where the shakedown happens.
And they've been conned by a couple of shapeshifters.
Is everyone just shifting shape on Star Trek Enterprise?
These These are not Sulaban either.
They're not.
They kind of reminded me of the Remans of Star Trek Nemesis.
Yeah, they get shot, Reid and Tucker here.
Getting robbed on vacation, something you hear about all the time, something you never want to have happen.
You gotta be smarter than this, Tripp and Reed.
Wait, holy shit.
Latia Mail was the one that was played by Steve Wozniak.
There he is.
The co-founder of Apple is one of the muggers in this scene.
You'd never know it with all that loaf.
Again, just drenching their famous cameo in loaf so you can't tell.
I like this.
I like this choice.
Oh, you want to be on Star Trek, you rich fuck?
How about we make it so it doesn't look like you're on Star Trek at all?
How's that?
Your call time is 4 a.m.
Fuck you.
Yeah, pretty great.
These muggers are very disappointed with how broke a couple of Starfleet officers
actually are.
And they are like, well, we can save face by stealing their clothes at the very least.
They stun, trip, and read.
And
we cut back up to the bridge.
Whatever happened to Mayweather is a question that gets answered here.
TePaul gets a radio message blown in by him.
He's had a rock climbing accident and wants a ride home from the hospital.
And when Mayweather arrives, he's still wearing the rock climbing kit.
And that's because he wanted the hell out of that Risean hospital ASAP.
And it's too bad Dr.
Flox isn't available because he's got a broken leg.
And he was given a hypospray in this Rysian hospital to treat it.
But he seems to be feeling a strange reaction from this.
Does not feel good.
And Kruben Cutler is not who he was hoping would be treating him.
Yeah.
He finds out about the hibernation and
is very disappointed.
Back in the wine cellar, it's already the next morning.
And Reed and Tucker are down to their blue skivvies.
When they come to, they are both hungover and embarrassed, which,
I mean, that's hand in glove, isn't it?
Yeah.
Broad is not going to prevent phaser fire from ruining your next day.
Broad doesn't prevent embarrassment.
And they don't promise to.
No.
It's
not in the copy.
Yeah.
It's not on the packaging.
Don't try it.
They start fighting about whose fault it is.
This doesn't seem like a good fight to have.
Who cares whose fault it is?
They're in a bad situation down there.
And the club isn't going to open for quite some time.
So it seems like they're going to be stuck in this basement for a while.
I like that they're already worried about the captain finding out about this.
Yeah.
That's a great tension for them to have for the rest of this.
Has the most embarrassing thing already happened to Trip, though?
Like, this isn't as bad as arm nipples, but it's pretty close.
You're never going to let that go, are you?
I mean, this is on par because now I'm in this A-frame shirt and you can see all my arm nipples, unlike the 80s sport coat I was wearing earlier, which very well concealed the arm nipples.
That's something I wanted to, you know, let Latia know about before I disrobed, you know, so it wouldn't surprise her.
Is this a show that loves or hates Trip Tucker based on the treatment of this character to now, do you you think?
I think we love to see him be in embarrassing situations.
He endures in entertaining ways.
And you like to see it.
Back up on Enterprise in Six Bay, Cutler tells Mayweather and TePaul that this medicine you took in the Rysean hospital, it's closing up his airway.
And Mayweather wants to wake up Dr.
Flox.
We were told that this was possible at the beginning of the episode.
Not preferable, but possible.
Yeah.
So it seems natural that Mayweather would want the best possible care given his deteriorating condition, right?
Yeah, that's probably what I should start pushing for, just overall.
I like that for you.
I like that massive change in your character for you.
I don't know.
Sounds inconvenient.
Back on Rice, it's been a while since we've been with Hoshi, right?
Hoshi and that dude from before are having breakfast on the patio, and she starts tasting the fruit fruit on her plate in a very suggestive way and telling him the vocabulary words for the fruits.
This scene was so ridiculous because she's like trying to learn his very complex language and he starts showing her pieces of fruit and she's like, we have nothing exactly like this.
And she holds up just like the platonic ideal of a strawberry and she's like, but we might call this something like strawberry.
And then she holds up what is obviously just kiwi and it's like, oh, it tastes similar to an earth fruit called kiwi.
Stop pretending that this isn't a strawberry and a kiwi, Star Trek.
Is this dude Ravis a vacation fucker?
Because he is smooth as hell with this kiss.
He really is.
This is quite a moment.
And it is a move that he makes that is quite welcome, it turns out.
I mean, he is quite the hunk.
He invites her to a steam pool with him.
Not a great location for a fool around or or a date, I thought.
Yeah, what is this?
The opening scene of Dante's Peak?
I don't want to go to that Ravis.
Hey, Grandma, somebody left their clothes here.
Yeah, I mean, there may already be a part of Hoshi that is steamy and wet.
No need.
Speaking of eating fruit, Archer is up in his quarters having a little fruit salad for breakfast when the doorbell rings.
What do you know, Adam?
It's the other character in his storyline back to pay him a visit.
Yeah, it turns out she's hungry for a fruit bowl, too.
And she invites him and his dog to the beach with her and Rilo, which is the name of her dog.
He takes a moment to comment on the disparity of information between them.
She knows a lot about him, but he doesn't know much about her.
Yeah.
Just the name of her dog, it turns out.
When he starts pushing the issue, it becomes clear that answering any questions about her of any kind is extremely triggering because of all the sadness in her past.
She's got to sit down for this one.
She hasn't wanted to say much about herself because the story is her family is dead
and they were killed by the Sulaban.
Yeah.
What a bummer on a vacation to encounter a bummer hang.
This is not what you want.
She's a classic Debbie Downer.
You don't bring Kayla to Ryza, and you don't bring Debbie to the Magic Kingdom.
No, you don't.
This sucks.
Archer's got to get rid of Kayla pretty fast here, I thought.
The combination, though, of like, it's extremely sad and troubling, and I'm going to be in a mood for the rest of the day now that it's come up,
combined with, oh, you know about the Sullibon too?
Amazing!
It's very funny to me.
Yeah.
Weird complimentary information tastes there for Archer in this scene.
Back up on The Entrepreneur, Flox gets what I would describe as a rude awakening.
I'm sure there's a medical professional who's an FOD out there who could answer this question, but I wonder if you have a guess, Ben.
If you're in a medically induced coma or whatever this is that Dr.
If you're in a medically induced coma and you wake up all silly, you might be Dr.
Fox.
Do you think you get wood?
Coma wood?
Wow.
Would you?
Could you?
I mean, it seems like it would be an erection longer than four hours.
If so, that's probably a bad condition, right?
Yeah, you don't want to be in a coma and then have to go to the ER for that.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like, could be an embarrassing moment for Dr.
Flux below the frame, if you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, no kidding.
Well, I mean, it's as embarrassing as anything above the frame because he is so disoriented when he wakes up, calling everybody captain, he's talking all kinds of nonsense, he's flopping around.
I don't care what it tastes like!
Was this you after being woken up after your colonoscopy?
Kind of, yeah.
Like, I apparently had a whole conversation with my my wife when she picked me up at the place that I do not remember where I described the procedure in detail in a way that was totally made up, totally fabricated.
Like I said, yeah, I was awake for it.
I got to watch the camera.
Did she record you?
She did not.
I wish.
Because this belongs on TikTok, right?
I know.
What we need is a spiritual sequel to that time that Katie Couric did it, you know?
Yeah,
you could have been.
Ben, I got to tell you, that's my biggest fear.
I almost want to hire a stranger to drive me home from this.
Ben, will you drive me home from this?
I will, but I don't know if that will allay your fears at all.
I guess you're not worried about pissing me off.
Haven't been for quite some time.
It sure seems like Dr.
Flox is too loopy to practice medicine, and the most unbelievable part of this episode in this science fiction television show is that Mayweather does not elect to have a different doctor work on his condition.
If my doctor was acting like this,
no fucking way.
Kayla Cutler just has to like live in the reality that Mayweather preferred this version of Phlox over her for his medical administrations.
Yeah, that is, that's really disappointing, I think, if you're crewman Cutler.
Fucking slam.
Yeah.
He's dopey and aggressive, which I don't like the combination of.
This is the bad drunk, is what it is.
Yeah.
Dopey and chill, the best drunk.
Fun.
Nice.
Everybody likes.
Yeah, this is bad.
Yeah.
Down on Raisa, Archer is now, for some reason, trying to cheer Kayla up instead of just showing her the door.
And he pours them a couple of glasses of Ryzen wine, which sucks.
It's a little sweet for my taste.
She starts talking about the temporal cold war, and he's like, he's not letting anything on.
Can you stick a potato in wine to make it less sweet?
The way you stick potato and sauce to make it less salt.
Use ricey and potato.
It's shaped like penis.
And rice, every emoji can be used for penis.
God, what do you do about the sweet wine?
I don't know.
It's tough.
Get different wine.
Make yourself a little spritz.
You cut it with some berbiles?
Yeah, that would work.
That's all you can do.
So she's like talking about the temporal cold war, and he's like, he's not really reciprocating because nobody's supposed to know about that.
That's supposed to be a big fat secret.
So how does this civilian woman know about it?
And he just kind of clams up at this point.
He really shuts down.
He's like...
not really giving or taking in the conversation anymore.
And she starts wanting to know what he knows about the Sulaban and like where they live and what kind of ships they might have and stuff.
Awkward.
It's so awkward.
It's so awkward when you think you're going to get laid and then suddenly you're like, this person is just pumping me for information.
Yeah, it's the wrong kind of pumping.
It's not the pumping you expected at all.
And this kicks off a kind of large marge style story that Kayla tells.
about
the Sulaban being from the future, taking their orders, maybe from people in the future.
I mean, that part's a little squishy, right?
Yeah.
Archer makes up a reason to get up and grab a tricorder from his go bag behind him and then proposes a nice walk on the beach to kind of bust up this weird mood they're in.
And when she leaves to go get a change of clothes, he radios up to TePaul, Hey, you know those weird bio scans you've been looking for?
We'll scan this,
Which is so uncool, you know?
Like, it.
It's an unconsensual tricoder scan.
No, I'm just saying it's a cute joke for the sake of the episode, but it robs the Vulcans of the agency of having invented Bioscan.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
Kayla returns with a shawl.
I don't know exactly how this is going to keep her warm on the beach.
Fucking classic move by Kayla.
Yeah.
Totally unable to regulate her own temperature on top of the rest of this.
That makes her a disappointing hang.
He reveals to her that he has scanned her DNA and knows that she is not whatever she kind of alien she claims to be, but is in fact a Tantarin.
And maybe she's even friends with Colonel Gratt.
You trying to grab me, bro?
Don't grab me, bro.
I'm Colonel Gratt.
I'm Colonel Gratt.
I'm Colonel Gratt.
I take it you're the man in charge.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, ho.
Hey, Sam, how's it going, pal?
Now you scared me.
Yeah, so she is the same species as Grat.
She's part of their intelligence operation that we remarked on being pretty capable in that episode because Grat seemed to know a lot.
We're kept away from the montage of Kayla going into the medical facility to be turned into this different species and it taking like maybe six minutes.
It's just an outpatient procedure to like clip the loaf off of
the forehead in between her eyebrows.
Like very minimally invasive, very painless.
Yeah.
What's not painless is the fingernail scratch she makes on his hand.
Ouch.
Knocks him out.
This really was like viscerally painful to watch.
Yeah.
Does he just have that thing where if he sees any amount of blood, he passes out?
That's funny.
I don't know.
It's not that there's a drug in her fingernail.
He's just like, oh, God.
the vapors
i wonder if lady spies in the intelligence community have a little extra edge because of nails and with all that you can do with them yeah and with how how long they can get you can get them real long yeah that's what kayla does here with her nail there's not coke in there it's something else and it knocks archer out yeah She's,
I guess, using that to make her getaway.
Trip and Reed are making their getaway from the cellar.
I guess they like broke a wine bottle to cut their bonds and
it made them very smelly.
So they have to do this walk of shame with their knuckout on their way back through the nightclub, which is now open.
And we cut over to Hoshi waking up in bed next to Ravis, the guy that
taught her things to do with her tongue and demonstrated some things he could do with his tongue, presumably.
Yeah.
His face is absolutely covered.
This episode needs this, right?
Because everyone's having a bad time except Hoshi.
She went down and got what Travis and Mayweather were looking for.
Yeah.
But she got what she was looking for, too, right?
She got to practice another language.
It's cool when things are fun and consequence-free in a moment like this.
Yeah.
Like, this fucking Ravis isn't like, oh, you got to give up your life and stay with me.
We gotta start a new life on Ryze so we can both be surf instructors or something, you know?
Like, let's keep this train going.
This is not that at all.
Yeah, I do feel like in any earlier edition of Star Trek, there would have been, like, a breakup conversation at the end of this.
Yeah, these are just two adults doing adult things, seeing things for what they are.
Yeah.
A nice development in TV writing.
Yeah, good stuff.
Yeah.
So, uh, up in Six Bay,
Phlox has fixed Mayweather, has reversed the anaphylactic reaction he was having to the medicine they gave him, and Flox plops himself down on a bio bed and snores his way back into hibernation as he deserves.
Also asleep is Archer, who is licked awake by Porthos.
I wanted the dream where he thinks he's kissing Kayla, and then it's licks from Porthos.
That's a trope that I would have have enjoyed here.
Does he want to kiss Kayla though?
Has he ever?
I think he did.
Initially he did.
Yeah, I think there was a moment where he was down.
It would have been fun if, you know, his dream had been Kayla just going like, Archer, I'm sorry about all that.
I'm not actually a spy.
I was just pulling your chain.
Let's kiss.
Yeah.
He staggers up to his feet and makes his way out to the patio and he looks down at Kayla's patio and it's empty
except for her dead dog
who's been left there.
You can tell she's gone because all the chairs have been tilted over against the table, and her dog is dead.
Yeah, there's a bunch of piles of shit all around and a dead dog.
It's very sad.
Makes you dislike Kayleigh even more.
Yeah.
We get the single brass instrument of an unbusted captain's nut here.
Very sad.
Sure do.
On the shuttle, on the way back up, everyone's lips are sealed.
No captain's log, no internal discussion between the crew members of what they experienced down there.
No electronic frontier.
No gabbing about what you did on Ryzer.
Yeah.
Did you like this episode, Adam?
Well, I'm glad we finally got back to Ryzer.
That's fun.
Yeah.
I'm glad Hoshi had a good time.
Seemed like the Horgons were just used as light switches in this episode.
Yeah, it did seem like it.
But like, if you're going to do a Horgon as a light switch, do the kind where it's like you flick it up and it's an erection, you know?
Who is selling the Horgon erection light switch cover that we need?
Hey, Van Sitters.
Yeah.
I got yet another great idea
for you to ignore when we send you an email about it.
Guess we're just going to have to make it ourselves.
Divested can probably 3D print this, right?
Let's get into business.
Let's get into business with a friend.
Let's never backfired.
That's what we should do.
And then we're going to make the only business this business does is Horgon light switch covers with the erection being the switch.
A form of switch that is vanishing before our very eyes.
It really is, yeah.
Like no one uses this switch anymore.
You can't get like the like Lutron smart home light switch in this configuration, which sucks.
You know what we should do is we should make that kind of switch for this because it doesn't make sense.
Like center of the Horgon just cut out.
That's dumb.
That just doesn't work visually at all.
Yes.
That's Greatest Gen.
Yeah.
It comes with like a sticker that we printed out on an inkjet that just kind of continues the Horgon color and pattern.
Perfect.
But it like it wears out very quickly because it's just a piece of paper.
Why is it $39?
Because it's expensive.
Everything is expensive to make now.
It's fucking crazy.
Yeah.
Did I like the episode?
Yeah, I mean, it's fun.
It's a vacation episode.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
It's a vacation episode.
It's not like any other type of Star Trek episode.
It is a low-calorie meal that's not very satisfying, but it's also, you know, it's not going to get you off your goal or whatever.
No one has a good vacation on star trek though right like it's never through the years that just doesn't happen and it's too bad yeah so this is like kind of a a traditional star trek episode is like the the lightest one of the season right before the heavy-duty oh yeah first part of a two-parter at the exciting conclusion of the season right Seems that way.
Yeah.
So maybe that's what we've got coming up next.
But before we find out about that, why don't we head to the Priority One inbox and see what we got going on in there?
Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel.
Need a supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental.
Supplement.
Yeah, it's extra.
The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.
Then we got a message here of a promotional nature.
Here's how that goes.
That Jim Shimoda stacks chips.
This Jim Shimoda stacks workouts.
Intrigued?
Join Jim Shimoda on Facebook, the FOD group where you can share your number of O'Brien's or Keiko's run or biked, Latinum bars pressed, Boeing goals achieved.
Wow.
Even Boothby stacks in the yard are good.
We want to help you move more.
And all fitness levels are welcome.
Join us today and get a cool graphic to track your workouts or try one of our challenges.
So check out Jim Shimoda, the group on Facebook.
Man, this is a group I've been familiar with a long, long time.
We even have Jim Shimoda Gear in our podshop.biz store.
I love the idea of Jim Shimoda.
I do see.
I recently got myself a rowing machine.
I've been doing a regular rowing workout.
This almost has me inspired enough to join Facebook again so that I can be a part of Jim Shimoda.
I mean, not so much so that I would actually go and do that, but, you know, it's a very wholesome use of a product I otherwise don't have a great deal of fondness for.
There are good places inside all the places, and this is one of them.
True.
Move yourself.
If you can, it can make all other aspects of your life better.
Do it.
This reminds me that there is a, if you're on Peloton, the hashtag Jim Shimoda is trafficked big time.
There are hundreds of Pelotoners who ride and row and run and do all the rest on there.
So
use the hashtag Jim Shimoda, G-Y-M-S-H-I-M-O-D-A to find out what they're all about.
Good deal.
Our next priority one message is from Adam and Maine, and it's to Adam and Ben.
And it goes like this.
I started TGG in 2016 after adopting a rescue GSD pup who became my best friend.
On 81224, Manda left this world with her head in my lap and me telling her how loved she is.
For nine years, your shows were were the soundtracks to our hikes, swims, and snowy fun.
Revisiting old episodes floods me with those happy memories.
Thank you.
Typewriter drop.
Pick me up, please.
Well, how do you expect me to type?
Nap with your fingers.
With my nose?
Would have definite advantages.
Look, it's typing everything I'm saying.
Nap with your fingers.
With my nose.
There it says.
Stop it
everything you have done stop with your fingers stop with your fingers stop how do you expect me to type with my nose stop stop it stop stop it stop stop it
stop how you thought you could handle so
that does it i quit
wow adam so sorry that you had to say goodbye to manda but it sounds like uh a lot of really lovely memories that the two of you shared.
Our condolences.
And thank you for enjoying our show with a beloved pup.
Yeah, I share all of what Ben said and also a question about what you were listening to for the year
that wasn't eight years, which is how long we've been doing this show.
Nine years, Adam?
What was the other show you were listening to?
Shit dog.
So
you've fact-checked a listener who just had a very serious, very heartfelt P1 there.
You know,
I also went through the
death and grief of a beloved pet.
Sometimes I lose track of time and how many years I was listening to a podcast
during Sprockett's life, too.
So yeah,
it is an awful moment.
I don't wish it on anyone, and I'm sorry you're going through it, Adam.
Final message from Andrew in New York City.
New York City!
It's to David and I guess Ben and Adam.
Hey, what's up?
Here's that message.
Step one.
Wear emissary and commander shirt at work.
Step two.
Boss notices shirt.
Asks about it.
Okay.
Then, have to explain the boy.
The boy.
Then, boss decides to listen to podcast.
And then mention they do live shows.
Boss decides to also go to a live show.
Ben and Adam start live show with 20 minutes of Blowjob King.
Embarrassment now shared with the boss.
This is a war crime.
Thanks, guys.
Wow.
So I guess it's David the boss and Andrew is the subordinate that wore the Emissary and Commander shirt into the office?
Seems that way, Ben.
And in another weird example of the way we kind of disassociate when we do a live show.
I don't remember 20 minutes of Blowjob King, do you?
I don't either.
I mean, it sounds great.
It sounds so fucking funny.
Yeah.
I mean, what's going to be a better team-building exercise than a boss and a subordinate going to a live greatest gen show where we do a tight 20 on blowjobs?
I guess this is probably when we were talking about Ja'an Hole and
how you prefer toothless blowjobs.
Yeah.
That was the bit.
Yeah.
Don't we all?
Don't we all?
Yeah, make it just you.
I prefer a packed priority one message inbox, Ben.
You can stuff your message in there.
Promise there's no teeth.
Go into maximumfund.org/slash jumbotron.
You write some words, write a message, you memorialize a beloved pet.
You can do anything in there.
And we're gonna read it, and it's a great way to support the production of our show.
Hey, Adam.
Zapen.
Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?
Drunk Shimoda!
I mean, if it isn't Reed and Trip Tucker, I don't know who it could be.
I mean, those guys, those guys were basically cosplaying as Shimoda for the entire trip.
They wanted to be Shimoda.
They wanted to be drunk and horny.
They got into an adventure, alright?
They sure did.
No one was really hurt.
That's true.
It was fine.
Maybe they learned a thing at the end.
Yeah.
I feel like this will be something that they can look back on and laugh.
Oh, yeah.
Real character building experience here, right?
Remember when one of the richest humans in the world stuck us up at gunpoint in alien loaf?
Yeah.
Wow.
What a time.
How about you, Ben?
I'm going to give it to that rich human.
I'm giving it to Steve Wozniak for again being an alien that is obscured in so much loaf that you can't recognize the person.
Yeah.
They gave him lines.
Imagine a billionaire lacking vanity
sufficient to cover themselves and loaf in this way.
Wow.
What the hell?
Amazing.
So, yeah, that's my Shimoda.
Good Shimoda by you.
Faith of the Fart.
Adam, why don't you head to goch.biz/slash game, and I will tell you a little bit about next week's episode.
It's season one, episode 26,
Shock Wave, Part 1.
After apparently causing the obliteration of an alien colony, Enterprise is ordered to return to Earth until a surprise visitor offers Archer startling evidence about what really happened.
I mean, accidents happen, right?
Yeah, can't be too mad.
What did you think was going to happen out here
with this guy being the captain?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Well, I don't know what's going to happen when I roll the 100-sided die over at goch.biz slash game.
That's where we figure out the way we're going to experience next week's episode.
Currently, our runabouts are on square 65.
That's why this was a regular old episode for you and me.
Correct.
But I'm about to roll, find out what we land on for next time.
You're required to learn as you play.
Roll.
On the season finale.
Yeah.
Ben, we are on square 79 now.
It's another regular old episode.
Tula!
Did I win?
Hardly.
That's just fine by me.
That's how you do a cliffhanger season finale.
Sounds like a good deal.
Yeah.
All right.
Well,
looking forward to next week.
Got to thank all of the friends of DeSota who come out and support us on a monthly basis.
If you would like to join their ranks, go to maximumfund.org slash join and get instant access to that bonus feed.
Every month, new bonus episodes, and we really put a ton of work into them.
They are a big part of our work every month.
It's making a great bonus episode.
Yeah, we're going to record one today, in fact.
Indeed.
Got to thank Wendy Pretty, our producer and editor, as well as Rob Adler and Bill Tilley, our temporal Cold War time consiglier, who is helping Rob on the social medias.
And
you can follow those at Greatest Trek all over the place.
You know, throw the occasional like or repost or whatever on a post if you see one of ours.
Helps us get the word out and we really appreciate it.
The music you're listening to right now will be our credits music forever.
Dark Materia was its composer, but theme and interstitial music throughout the years.
Created and composed by Adam Ragusia, great friend of ours.
Indeed.
Great and talented artist in his own right.
He is.
And with that, we will be back at you next week.
Another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise where
it sounds like we're not cliff kids, sounds like we're just talking about people that are
cinders in the bottom of a crater.
Sad.
Not a vacation episode, it sounds like.
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