How to Speak with Confidence at Work

Speaker 1 The holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online, and more personal info in more places that could expose you more to identity theft.

Speaker 1 But Life Lock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our U.S.-based restoration specialists will fix it guaranteed or your money back.

Speaker 1 Don't face drained accounts, fraudulent loans, or financial losses alone. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with Life Lock.
Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com slash podcast.

Speaker 1 Terms apply. If you're somebody who, when you go into the office at work and you wish you felt a little bit more confident, you felt like your words carried a little bit more weight.

Speaker 1 You felt like when you went into those meetings, you were a little bit more respected. Well, this episode is for you.
Today we're talking how to be more respected in your communication.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.

Speaker 1 If you enjoyed learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to please like, subscribe, follow this podcast wherever you're listening.

Speaker 1 And in exchange, my promise is to make you a better communicator. If you don't know, I send out a weekly communication tip right to your inbox.

Speaker 1 It's just one tip, totally for free, to help you start your week. If you go down to the show notes, you'll see a link there for the newsletter.
And I hope to see you there.

Speaker 1 This podcast is sponsored by Cozy Earth. I love Cozy Earth because I use their stuff.
I say it all the time, but it's true. Their sheets are on my bed right now.
I live in Texas. It is sweltering hot.

Speaker 1 It is so humid. My gosh.
But the one thing that I love and I look forward to anytime I'm traveling, I'm like, I know I'm going to be sleeping in my own bed.

Speaker 1 Well, part of that is because of the sheets that are on it. You can go to cozierearth.com/slash Jefferson.
You used to go Jefferson for 40% off.

Speaker 1 They, to me, are the premier maker of all things bed sheets related and any cozy, comfyware that you like.

Speaker 1 And on top of that, they have a 100-night guarantee trial for you to try on the sheets, 100 nights to try it. If you don't like it, you take them right back, but you're not going to want to do that.

Speaker 1 Go to cozyearth.com slash Jefferson, use the code Jefferson for 40%

Speaker 1 off.

Speaker 1 I had a friend of mine that she felt that whenever she went into the office, she wasn't really being listened to. And I said, okay, well,

Speaker 1 what's going on?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? When you first go into the office, what is your persona like?

Speaker 1 How are you behaving? And she told me, well, I'm kind of jumpy. I like to, I'm very excited I get very excited I

Speaker 1 I use my hands a whole lot I'm like that's great that's that's all good and there's nothing wrong with that how do you wish that they perceived you and she said well I wish they took me more seriously I said okay well

Speaker 1 there's nothing wrong with that either way I do not want you to change who you are at the same time what you're telling me about yourself does not match with the outcome that you're wanting When you say, I want people to take me more seriously, I want people to respect me more, I said that

Speaker 1 that is a different line of communication when you want somebody to take you more seriously. If you're somebody who's extremely bubbly, awesome.
That's great.

Speaker 1 But are you also bubbly in the serious things? She goes, well, I kind of just get nervous and I try to look in the positive of everything. And I said, that's great.
I want you to... keep with that.

Speaker 1 I want you to always look in the positive side of things. But let's look more at how you're talking and behaving.
Here's some things that I shared with her. And she's over in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 1 So you know who you are. Shout out.
What's up? Is that here's here's three things I want you to do if you want to be more respected in the workplace. Number one, you already know it.

Speaker 1 I want you to use a calmer voice. That doesn't mean change who you are.
That just means you have to decide to slow down your words.

Speaker 1 Even when you get amped up and you're somebody who has a really high register in their voice and they sound really high, you talk really high, like a really high pitch all the time.

Speaker 1 You're going with a question mark. You're going, hey, so I was just wondering, that kind of stuff is always up in that higher register.
It doesn't sound what? Nearly as calm.

Speaker 1 In exchange, it didn't sound nearly as confident. But even if you have a higher register voice, if you slow down your words, it's very hard to continue to have a very high register.

Speaker 1 So when you slow down your words, you will automatically put your words more at rest.

Speaker 1 When you get worked up, when you get, just think about this right now. If you're really excited about something, you get really excited, somebody surprises you, you're amped up, you're excited.

Speaker 1 How do you typically sound? Do you speed up or do you slow down? You typically speed up. And when you do that, your voice goes up as well.
When you slow down, your voice goes lower naturally.

Speaker 1 Now, I'm not saying you have to have a low voice like mine.

Speaker 1 I would say my voice is kind of low.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 You don't have to have a voice that sounds like my voice. It does not matter.

Speaker 1 My point is, anytime you have a voice that says, I am not nervous, I am not threatened, a voice that says, I am not anxious, and it all has to do with the tone of your voice.

Speaker 1 If I'm always just really, really fascinated and I'm getting really amped up and I'm anxious, you know what, right now, you're probably going to be feeling a little bit more anxious just listening to me.

Speaker 1 But if I slow down my words, the better I communicate. In exchange, people hear that and they go, I like how this person is talking to me.
I'm going to respect that more. Why?

Speaker 1 Because it sounds more grounded. It sounds less anxious.
It sounds less uncertain.

Speaker 1 So whenever you slow down your words, you calm, you send a signal of calm. Whenever you slow down your words, lower your voice.
Easy. You know to do this, but it's extremely important.

Speaker 1 How else can you be more respected in the workplace? Number two, use words that tell people where you stand.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you who's not respected, the people who are always wish-washy on things. And when I was talking with my friend in Austin,

Speaker 1 she understood my point. She didn't like this point,

Speaker 1 which I understood. It's okay to change your mind.
It's okay to be uncertain. She goes, well, Jefferson, there's some things I just don't know.
That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

Speaker 1 Here is the difference. If I go, if you ask me a question and I go, yeah, I don't, I mean, maybe,

Speaker 1 I'm not really sure. I mean, that's, I mean, possibly.
Is that somebody you're going to respect more or less just based on what you just heard? Versus me saying,

Speaker 1 here's what I know. I'm not sure at this point, but I know after some time we're going to figure it out.

Speaker 1 Does that, and right there, I'm already admitting I don't know the answer. Same thing as the point of before when I gave the wishy-washy answer.
One sounds more respectful.

Speaker 1 That you can, hey, I respect what this person's saying. I respect their position.
The other sounds way more off. How do you, Jefferson, how do you do that?

Speaker 1 Very easy way to be more respected in your meetings when you get asked for opinions is to begin with the phrase, here is.

Speaker 1 Here's what I know.

Speaker 1 That one's easy. Here's what I know.
Give your opinion.

Speaker 1 Right? What are you doing? You're telling them, here's where I stand. Even if you were to say, here's where I stand on this.

Speaker 1 Here's what I've heard. Here's what I know to be true.

Speaker 1 You hear how I am using my words to inform everybody else exactly where I stand in this meeting, in the office. Here is.

Speaker 1 Here's the takeaway. Here's my point.
Here's what I know. Here's the truth.

Speaker 1 Here's the question. When you say here is,

Speaker 1 I am taking what I know and almost delivering it to you on a platter, even if that platter has nothing on it. Here's what I know.

Speaker 1 I don't know the answer right now, but I'll find it out.

Speaker 1 I am going to naturally exude more respect

Speaker 1 from anybody by telling them where I stand. Think about anybody you ask an opinion of and they're really, really wishy-washy.
Do you go, ah, I can respect that position? No.

Speaker 1 You like to know where they stand on the topic. Even if it's,

Speaker 1 here's what I know.

Speaker 1 I don't have an opinion yet. You can go, okay, I can respect that.
I can respect that. So how do you be more respected?

Speaker 1 In meetings, show them where you stand on any topic, on any issue when it gets brought to your table. And you do that by beginning with the phrase, here is.
Here's what I know. Here's where I stand.

Speaker 1 Easy. You got this.
I promise. Before we keep going, I want to take a second to tell you about momentous.

Speaker 1 I was somebody who I thought that supplements were really just for the major athletes, the people who always wanted to work out all the time.

Speaker 1 And I mean, I stay fit and I lift, but I was like, I don't really need all those supplements. I was wrong.
All right.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of things in our food that we just don't get, especially if you're like me, you're always busy, you're on the run. Momentous is a supplement company, but does it the right way?

Speaker 1 I've been taking it for over a year now, long before they even... mentioned to be on the podcast and sponsor it.
I use their protein, their creatine, their omega-3s. I use their sleep stuff.

Speaker 1 I use their daily vitamin. Why? Because their stuff is good and clean, and that's what I like to make sure that what I'm putting in my body is the best.

Speaker 1 So, if you're like me and you want to take care of your body the right way, it doesn't matter if you're an athlete or not, but you want to make sure that you're getting fed the right nutrients, I want you to go to livemomentous.com, use the code Jefferson, and get up to 35% off your first subscription.

Speaker 1 You can go to livemomentous.com, use the code Jefferson for 35% off your first subscription.

Speaker 1 Number three, if you want to be more respected in the workplace, you have to be good with using boundaries without the apology.

Speaker 1 This one was very hard for her. And we walked through it.
I said, okay,

Speaker 1 we're going to be able to do this. I promise.
People who are respected are the ones when things are going south in the meeting, they say, I need to stop you there. I'm going to stop you there.

Speaker 1 They're not going to say, hey, okay, sorry, I really need to, sorry, I need to process this for a second. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 That kind of stuff, you don't respect. Why? Because they're apologizing for it.
They're being hesitant. Instead of leaning into it, I need to stop you there.

Speaker 1 Or I'm not comfortable with where this conversation is going. They use words like direction.
I'm not good with the direction of where this is going.

Speaker 1 They lay the boundary without apologizing. An easy boundary to apply is when you tell somebody the consequence, the consequence.
And it sounds like this.

Speaker 1 I'm not comfortable where this conversation is going. If we continue down this road, this is the end of the conversation.
That's one of my favorite endings.

Speaker 1 If this, then this is the end of the conversation.

Speaker 1 If why, then this is the end of the conversation. I did that all the time with plaintiff attorneys and defense attorneys.

Speaker 1 If the conversation, they were getting heated and I didn't like where it was going, I had no problem saying, if you continue to go down this path with me, this is the end of the conversation.

Speaker 1 And you know what they did? They always self-corrected. It's me easily putting a boundary, making it bright red for them to know, hey, this is where it stops.
I'm going to stop you there.

Speaker 1 If you continue to talk to me like that, this is the end of the conversation. They don't apologize for it.
They don't say, hey, I'm so sorry. This, you know, this really just breaks my boundary here.

Speaker 1 Whenever you are apologizing and justifying a boundary, people respect it less.

Speaker 1 Even if you put a boundary, understand that

Speaker 1 there's going to be people who don't agree with it. There's going to be people especially who don't like it.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 What I teach is just because somebody's uncomfortable with your boundary doesn't mean that that boundary is wrong. Typically means that that boundary is working.
So

Speaker 1 how can you be more respected? In the office, I want you to use a calmer voice. Two, I want you to use words that show people where you stand in the conversation.

Speaker 1 A really easy way to do that is beginning with, here is.

Speaker 1 Here's what I know. Here's what I've heard.
Here's what I know to be true. And then give your opinion.
And that's going to be more respected.

Speaker 1 Three, if things go south, you need to be comfortable with putting up the boundary of knowing what you're going to do, what you're not going to do, without the apology.

Speaker 1 The other person may not like that, but they will respect you for it. One of the biggest things I had to take away with my friend in Austin, she

Speaker 1 understood that the apologies are what typically sank how she felt in communication and meeting. She found a way to always go, okay, I'm sorry, you can let me know if this is totally wrong.

Speaker 1 And I worked through her to go,

Speaker 1 let's delete all that, let's scrape all of that. Because she's a very bubbly personality.
She's fantastic. She's been a friend of me and my wife for a long time.

Speaker 1 I went to college with her, and she's just as happy as can be.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, she felt like she wasn't all that respected and maybe that's you right now you're listening and you're saying i mean i'm a nice person i i do good things for people but i still don't feel like they're really listening to me the answer is not to be more happy the answer is not to be more positive if only i just have a better outlook on everything they're going to respect me more in my communication that's not the truth people

Speaker 1 i i don't want you to change i don't want you to hear me and go okay i guess i have to change my whole personality No, that's not it at all. That's the opposite of what I'm telling you to do.

Speaker 1 Contain, keep exactly who you are. Stay true to who you are at all times.
And staying true to who you are, what we're also going to do is when times get more serious at work, in meetings, on calls,

Speaker 1 the times and moments of can I respect you and not, when you're talking to anybody, happen in the moments that are more difficult.

Speaker 1 Happens in the moment when things are on the line and you've gotten past the ball and it's your turn to talk and it's your turn to put your up your opinion. It's your turn to

Speaker 1 put out whatever you need to put out

Speaker 1 in that moment. You will be respected more when your voice is not super high, but slower.
and more steady. You're signaling calm.

Speaker 1 You're going to be more respected when you show them where you stand in the meeting, where you stand in the situation, where you stand in the conversation and three how you handle it when people start pushing your boundary how when people start disrespecting you so to speak and you're very quick to say hey i need to stop you there i don't allow people to disrespect me in conversation and if you continue to do that then this is going to be end of it this is going to be the end of it you see how i'm staying calm matter of fact i'm not getting worked up and most of all i'm not apologizing for it you can do it i know that you can How to be more respected in your communication.

Speaker 1 Go out, go do good things, always. And as always, you can try that and follow me.