#2339 - Luis J. Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Thanks, sir.

Riding and running.

Yeah,

the ever greater and thinner Big Jay Ogerson.

Thank you, Manjaro.

Shout out, Manjaro.

You're looking good, dude.

Big ups, Manjaro.

It's nice to see.

You know, I am exercising, too.

Beautiful.

You have to, or it will just be floppy and weird and gross.

Or it'll eat your bones.

I guess also, yes, it'll eat your bones, they say.

I'm real big on taking this stuff and then not really following up with, like, you know what I mean?

I just started doing testosterone from a company that's like, you know, it's above board taking it, but like, they're like, you should make sure you monitor your blood all the time.

And I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that at some point.

I'm going to keep taking it, though.

You don't monitor your blood at all?

No, not me with any regularity, I think.

You should probably do that.

Yeah, they did it there.

I know.

Someone I know says they take testosterone and they have to

donate blood every month to get blood.

I've heard that before.

It's so thick.

I talked to my doctor about it because that really doesn't make sense.

But he has heard of occasions where people had to do that.

To unthicken their blood.

Too much blood or something.

They're like, how much are you taking?

Like, what do you do?

Are you going ham, bro?

This men's health company saw me coming down the road a mile away.

They offer me...

I'm taking two peptides and I don't even know.

We started.

Sorry, we couldn't wait.

Why don't you even ask me?

I don't know why you were on the door i was like this doesn't make sense let's just start i'm taking two peptides that feel like fire it feels like fire when i inject them but really what are they i don't know well the bpc 157 that's the one everyone's doing right that's a good one and then something that's blue it's blue and the methylene blue i don't know it burns wait a minute methylene hold up methylene blue you're not supposed to inject it's not that then it's g it starts with a g it's some of the letters g h methylene blue is weird stuff it's uh it's a dye for for fabrics that people take for its health benefits.

What the fuck?

Boost mitochondria or something.

Yeah, it's really weird.

Like, what exactly does it do?

I should ask, even though I take it.

I don't take it all the time, but I have taken it.

And I don't know.

I couldn't describe.

I couldn't explain exactly.

Here it is.

A medication used in the management and treatment of

what's that word?

Methodism.

Oh, methemoglobulinemia.

Methemoglobinemia.

Methemoglobinemia.

A condition where hemoglobin decreases its ability to carry oxygen.

Huh.

Straight up.

But it started out as a fabric dye, I'm pretty sure.

Right?

Doesn't it say that?

What does it do for humans?

I think it was a dye.

Yeah.

Which is so weird that a dye would have health benefits.

I grew up in a house of supplements.

My stepfather was a powerlifter, so I only know about creatine.

Sick.

That's it.

That's it.

Creatinine was another one that would show up in the house sometimes.

Creatinine?

Yeah.

What's that?

I don't know.

I think Jay's taking creatine twice, and he's just remembering it right now.

Nah, it was another word.

Super creatine.

Creatine's legit.

That stuff's super good for you.

I just started taking tongat ali for my

testosterone.

Creatinine is a waste product that forms from the breakdown of creatine in muscles.

Huh.

Why would I take it?

There's another natural one.

I think it's called terkesterone.

And oshilogen is good for testosterone.

I asked my doctor to put me on testosterone.

I think we talked about it because you're like, dude, I got it.

Don't worry.

Fuck your doctor.

I got a doctor for you.

And I was just like, yeah, maybe I'll just stop smoking weed.

You think that was killing your testosterone?

I think so.

It was like lower than it should have been.

It was like in the high threes, and now it's like mid-fives.

Well, like a good doctor, what they'll do first is ask you, like, what do you do for exercise?

What are you eating?

How much do you sleep?

Like, those things are all the first thing the doctor will ask you.

And if all that stuff's fucked up, they shouldn't just give you testosterone.

They should be like, let's.

My place did.

Shout out game day men's health.

15 minutes, they'll give me anything I want in a needle.

There's a few doctors out there that like to go buck wild.

Of course.

I think they get incentivized.

I got PRP treatment in my hair.

I'm not losing my hair.

They just talked me into it.

Now it's never going away.

PRP worked?

I don't know.

We're going to find out.

I just got it like two weeks ago.

Jay is a mark.

His hair's thinning.

It's definitely going.

There's a bunch of topical stuff that you could use these days.

Sure.

There's like a finasteride topical, but I would worry that that would get into your skin and into your bloodstream.

Like that finasteride stuff is crazy.

Like that makes some people very depressed.

It kills your DHT, which is what keeps your hair from falling out.

And for some people, it kills their testosterone.

They get, like, super depressed.

Yeah, I started losing my hair when I was 18.

I just said, fuck it.

I'm just bald.

Sad.

I love not having to talk to a barber.

That's the best.

You shave it, which is a big reward.

How do you find out how much that your barber doesn't know you, but is a big fan of Ralph Barbosa?

You guys aren't going to find that out of your body.

Is that what you get from your barber?

I don't know you, but Ralph Barbosa's a lot of people are a little bit more than a broken.

Do you know Ralph Barbosa, dog?

Oh, Kenny.

His name's Kenny.

He's a nice enough guy.

Ralph Barbose is slick.

He's like a slick comedian.

Like, his punchlines are, like, smooth.

Very funny, man.

Yeah, he's got a great fully loaded with him.

He's like, he makes, he's got a fun, like, just his approach.

I like it.

It's very slick.

Yeah.

You know?

And he's sitting in the elevator down.

I mean, he's going taking guys on tour that I've never heard of, but I think been around for a long time.

That's great.

That's a cool move.

That's great.

Yeah.

Very good dude.

He hung out with us at the mothership one night.

Fun guy.

Yeah, he got popular for

he likes someone said on like George Lopez's show or something, they were like, this guy sucks.

Or no, George Lopez was like, I don't get it.

He's just whatever.

And then

I think someone was talking well about him, and then George Lopez was very dismissive of him.

And I think that's what happened.

And someone asked Ralph Battle on something, and his response, I think, is what made it very popular.

I think he was just saying because he doesn't like me because I'm not one of his comments.

He goes, oh, delete.

And I think that just, you know, you show any picture of George Lopez bugging his eyes out and make that hilarious.

That's hilarious.

It's good, fucking good fire back.

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Takovas, point your toes west.

Yeah.

Are you good at living in comedy beefs?

I'm so terrible at it.

No, I don't like comedy beefs.

I can hate it.

I don't like any beefs.

Lewis, you've been in a few where you've gone the bed on.

I mean, I guess I have those same beefs too, but I don't engage as much.

No, I'm the loser.

I get on a flight and I'll be on Twitter for fucking hours just tweeting at people for no reason.

No, but I mean like particular like a person you could put a face to like a comic.

Not that I haven't had a problem with somebody before,

but I mean like, I don't know.

I have a hard time like sleeping on like, I'm going to run this person every night and we hate each other.

It's been a while.

I mean, I'm not, it's just not that serious.

There's nobody in the world that I hate.

Like there's literally no, even people that hate me.

I'm like, yeah, dude.

We're cool.

The guy that murdered your father?

Dude, I tried to get him on my podcast.

Oh, my God.

So, the guy, my father was stabbed to death when I was four years old.

And then, years later, after the guy got out of prison, I was like, let me try to get this guy on my podcast and interview him.

How interesting would that be?

Oh, my God.

But he was already dead.

Yeah.

Dude, that would have been insane.

Yeah.

Because I wasn't like.

Because it was a kid.

Why?

Can you imagine him being like a fucking

old man?

Like, showing up at this young guy's house who you stabbed his dad.

You're going to be alone together.

That guy's going to kill you.

Yeah, maybe.

That's what I would think.

If I was an old man, I couldn't defend myself.

I don't think he was that old.

He was 17 when he killed my father.

Oh, wow.

So he was only 13 years older than me.

So he'd be like 60 now, I guess.

Yeah, but this is like a decade ago that I was going to do.

That guy's a convicted murderer, dude.

He could fuck your shit up.

Yeah, but he was a kid, and my father beat him up.

My father was a bully.

I think Connor McGregor is going to go, well, Lewis, I'd like to say I apologize to absolutely fucking nobody at all.

Yeah.

He stands me off.

Yeah.

But I thought that would have been an interesting conversation.

And I wasn't like going into it being like, oh, you've killed my father.

I'm angry.

I got a great life.

My father lived.

I would be fucking, I'd probably live in Patterson, New Jersey still.

I'd have a shit life.

My father was a fucking deal.

That's what I'm a drug dealer and a pimp.

If he was alive.

Yeah, it worked out well.

Yeah, but that's always,

hey, if my dad stuck around, maybe I wouldn't have the personality to have and I wouldn't be where I'm at.

So?

Maybe it would be way better.

No.

Well, I wouldn't have my son.

You'd be a head of state or something.

Like if that one sperm had hit that one egg, I wouldn't have my son right now if my father was alive.

If anything happened differently.

Yeah.

All right, Ashton Coocher.

That's a

butterfly effect over here.

A guy watches one movie, all of a sudden he has to do it.

You guys ever think maybe we're just plugged into a pod somewhere and this is all nothing?

I'm going to see if I can fly real quick.

I think there's something to that we're plugged into something.

It seems more like it every day.

It seems like this is like an advanced stage of the video game right now, where they're lighting cop cars on fire in L.A.

and throwing bricks off of overpasses.

Dude, it does seem fun to order a Waymo and light it on fire.

Nobody gets hurt.

It's just hilarious.

And I think it's directionally correct.

You should probably start killing robots.

You guys are on the right course.

They're early on the war of the machines and

trying to stop the Terminator.

Bro, these are all going to be owned by corporations.

That's going to be the only way you're allowed to get around because they're the safest.

They're going to take away everybody's driver's license.

It's going to get weird as fuck.

Oh, yeah.

But it's going to probably be better.

The car's going to go 200 miles an hour, probably.

Traffic will be eliminated.

Dude, I think there are going to be more of these fucking

that we just saw in L.A.

That's what I think.

I've heard that teenagers are going back to smoking regular cigarettes now and getting away from vapes.

We might move back analog a little bit.

You know what I mean?

Bring back manual cars.

I wonder if analog makes some sort of where it slows down because people want it to slow down a little bit.

Yeah, but it's too late.

They do want it to slow down.

Yeah.

I mean, the electric car didn't really take off the way they'd hoped.

Yeah, the problem with electric cars is the charging time is too much.

It's too much.

If you're a young single woman and you have to charge your car and you have to just sit there for a fucking hour,

I also feel that way, so I feel like you just call me a young single woman.

Well, you're a man.

Any human,

any human's vulnerable, but a woman by herself is particularly vulnerable, right?

Like if you're a hot girl and you're sitting in your car,

how many fucking creeps that know that you have to be there for an hour, how many creeps can bother you?

That's a great idea, Joe.

There you go.

Let's find a hot young woman.

You're going to start getting girls at the fucking charging station.

I almost went to go a lot of dogs, get a large order, and just walk down the aisle of Tesla's waiting to find a hot one.

Yeah, dude.

Have you ever found a Tesla dock slut?

Have you ever driven one?

Nah, dude.

From the 70s.

Don't trust that electric shit.

I tried it.

I was going to rent one once, and they gave me the keys.

And I was like, I was like, this is going to be fun.

And then I remembered you have to charge it.

I was like, I got to drive to fucking Rhode Island right now.

I was like, I'm going to have to stop halfway there and charge the car.

I think you can get there.

It's just then you have to charge it.

No, I don't think we wouldn't have made it.

No, it's like the real mileage is different than the mileage it says.

So it really should say like percentage of battery, but they want you to like estimate the mileage, but it's all dependent upon how fast you're going.

Like if you're accelerating a lot, if you're moving around, if you're stopping your traffic, like who knows what the real mileage is?

If you're on, like, say if you get stuck in a crazy traffic jam for like four hours, like some explosion somewhere, like, and you, you supposedly have 200 miles on your car.

Is that good for four hours of you sitting there too with the radio on, with the air conditioning on?

Like, when is

it

Trump then, not Elon?

Fuck Elon Maz.

If it's cold, fuck your stupid car.

If it's cold, they die quick.

They die quicker.

Yeah, that happened in Chicago.

Remember when they had that fucking big thing where the highway got closed down?

And people in Teslas were fucked, man, because they just stopped working.

Also, if you blow a tire, like Tesla has to come fix that.

Really?

Yeah.

Why is that?

I don't know.

But they have to come handle it.

The function of Teslas, though, is amazing.

Dude, they're amazing.

They fucking drive themselves.

You press the, you're like, where do I go?

You press that?

100%.

And I go,

and it just takes you wherever you want it.

It changes lanes.

Bro, it's nuts.

You could put on like dark sunglasses at night and just have your hands on the wheel.

It's that good.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, don't do it.

I don't do it.

I don't do it, but I have done it.

But I keep my hand near the wheel just to see what it can do.

It does everything.

Yeah, no, that's a bunch of bad.

I get like road paralysis where like if I'm like driving for more than an hour and I'm looking at the lines, not paralysis,

what do they call it?

Like road hypnosis.

So I'll get hypnotized by the lines and I start.

I start falling asleep.

I start falling asleep.

If I have to drive for more than an hour or two at night,

you know how to fix that?

Do you know how to fix that?

It's real easy.

Cocaine.

No, no, no.

No, that's not cocaine.

That'll buy work for that.

That'll work too.

You're right.

But you have to keep doing it over and over again.

Get some ice and just a washcloth, a washcloth with a wet washcloth with ice in it.

it, and just rub your face.

Rub your face in it.

You wake right up.

You wake right up.

And it lasts for like four.

Wash rug you keep in your car.

No, what do they call it?

I love that.

The smelling salts you have in the club.

Oh, those will do it.

Those will do it.

I did a terrible thing.

They might fuck you up.

You're like, you might change lanes.

You maybe shouldn't tell this.

It might be illegal what you've done.

No, it's not illegal.

It's definitely.

I will say it's a bad prank to do on a girl.

If this was a dude.

To do the.

This is a crazy danger.

If this was a dude, everyone would have been like, dude, great prank.

But because I did it to a girl, it was a little bit fucked up.

So we were at the mothership last time.

We were doing our podcast.

And our producer, Alex, is a girl.

And she's a big pothead, huge pothead.

Like, real deal.

So, as podcast producers are.

Also a mother and a wonderful producer.

And a mother, yes.

Better producer than mother.

No, she's great.

So

I had the smelling salts, and I was like, oh, these are fucking strong.

They're really particularly strong smelling salts.

So then I go, Alex, I was like, this weed is fucking great.

Give it a whiff.

Then I gave her the smelling salt container.

She put her nose in it.

Dude, she sniffed so hard.

You know how potheads want to smell weed.

She, I mean, she cried.

It was a 30-minute problem.

She said the word why a lot.

I was like when Nancy, remember Nancy Kerrigan got slugged out by the fucking.

She's like, why?

I sweat blood for you.

I flew here to help you produce a shotgun.

Oh, she felt so bad.

You should not do that.

I admit now it was a bad prank.

But if it was a dude.

That's big of you.

If that was a dude, is it not just undeniably hilarious?

It's brutal.

Yeah.

If it's a guy, it's funny.

Yeah.

Funny er.

Yeah.

It's funny.

It's weird.

It wasn't funny.

If you do it to a guy, it's funny.

Depend on the guy.

You know?

Like, if you, you know, if you did it to David Tell, it'd be mean.

No, it'd be funny.

You do it to Kurt Metzger.

He just starts punching walls.

He just rattles off conspiracy theories.

Pretty girls being embarrassed, though, is funny as well.

Oh, it's hilarious.

It is the most evening factor ever.

I did a

when I was on tour with the bands years ago, Corn did Jaeger Meister music tour.

They always had the Jaeger girls would hang out, and I was on the Jaegermeister production bus on this tour.

So the girls would all come on there.

They would come and hang out and drink for free on the bus.

And, you know, tour buses, you're not allowed to shit on a tour bus.

And only one of the Jaeger girls asked if she could use the bathroom.

It was just in the time you were there.

And she went, gorgeous, girl.

And she came back out and she was sitting down.

And then the driver comes to start getting the bus ready to leave.

And just, you know, a toothless fucking road dog just comes in the bus and you go, go, somebody took a shit.

And everybody knew it was his hot chicken fish nets.

And I mean, just the thing, she was so beautiful that me, probably my heaviest in my life, I was like, I probably could get her now.

She's the shit girl.

No one's seeking her out.

And I'll still dope.

You can't clean up that good in a fucking.

So it's such a function that everybody has, but for some reason, I never want to hear about a woman shooting.

Ever.

Now, what about the

why don't they develop a toilet that you can shit on on a bus?

Is that beyond our science?

I don't know why it can't be done.

I'm sure there's something that can be done.

It seems like it should be done.

I think they're just being lazy.

No shitting on the tour bus.

Well, what if you have to do his shit?

That's crazy.

Because we have to empty it out.

That's the problem.

So I think you can.

You can shit on the tour bus, but the person that has to clean the toilet has to now empty out your shit amongst the piss.

Like manually with like a hose and shit.

That's what's crazy.

Some dude's job that he has to deal with.

There should be something where you could pull over, and those rest stops have a thing that sucks your shit out.

Yeah.

Like out of the tank.

Yeah, that's be very profitable for them.

What are they going to do?

They'd have to store your shit.

No, you figure it out.

That's the last thing you want to do is be in shit storage.

Truck stop.

Yeah.

Truck stop shit stories.

They're sucking my shit out outside.

I'm in here buying jerky.

No.

The Dave Matthews band

incident in Chicago.

That's right.

The bus driver let that stuff out over the water and a boat went underneath it.

And it splatted the boat with doo-doo from Dave Matthews band.

Didn't you see a thing recently where they showed like a cruise ship or something just letting shit out of the front?

I don't think that's real.

I think I thought that was real too.

I think that's like dredging.

I'll be suckered in a heartbeat by an AI thing.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know that super hot Down syndrome girl?

Isn't real?

Damn.

That OnlyFans AI Down syndrome girl?

Oh, don't know.

God.

Bro, nothing's real anymore.

How many videos have you seen?

Like, I saw a a thing about Trump saying that they were going to genetically engineer raptors and have the fucking troops ride them to protect the border.

That's not real.

But it's like you see them.

You know, they brought back the dire wolf.

Could it be done?

It's like

it's so hard to tell.

Weaponizing dinosaurs would be the funniest thing in the world.

Oh, is that fake?

Hold on.

It's like a quick series of four or five little fake ones, but

they look real, and then they just go like, this isn't real, by the way.

I from the Cedar Grove flood disaster.

Just kidding.

I'm not real.

This is Dana Brooks reporting live from Ocean View Beach.

Just kidding.

I'm not real.

This is Charlotte Reed reporting live from Clearwater Beach, where an unidentified...

Just kidding, I'm not real.

Angela,

the Kraken's real.

I'm fake.

How weird.

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Yeah, it is crazy.

I mean, the amount of like

Joe Vaughan aren't two babies talking to each other.

I watch ads with you all the time.

Companies just use your voice in AI now.

I sent you one at one point where it's just like, I was like, I know this is not Joe glazing this fucking weird company for, you know, a 10-minute read.

I was like, they really got him him to do this, huh?

So strange.

Yeah, do you try to put a stop to that, or you just say, fuck it?

You try, but the guy who made that said took 25 minutes.

Wow.

I told a racist street joke on Legion of Skinks 10 years ago, and me saying the N-word has been used in so many memes and little but it's so funny because black people react to it and they it's such a funny street joke that they can't deny it it's like an undeniably funny thing so it's always black people trying to not laugh and they say it and then like all right let's get into it that's pretty funny pretty great street

Some words are coming back.

That one's not one of them.

No.

Bro, these ice raids are fucking nuts, man.

Watching this protest on television.

It's like.

Do you think the raids are nuts?

Yeah.

I think both sides are taking it a little too hard.

Well,

I don't think if they, the Trump administration, if they're running and they said, we're going to go to Home Depot and we're going to arrest all the people at Home Depot, we're going to go to construction sites and we're going to just like tackle people at constructions.

I don't think anybody would signed up for that.

They said we're going to get rid of the criminals and the gang members first, right?

And now we're seeing like Home Depots get raided.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

And then you've got this big protest that's scheduled for the 14th that's literally funded by the lady who owns Walmart.

The protest.

The protest.

It's like no kings.

It's like a no-kings protest that's happening all across the country.

Yeah, like criminals and rapists, and, you know, obviously, but then they go to like a college campus, and there's some kids about to graduate.

They're like, no, you're out.

It's fucked up.

Rapists, criminals, slow delivery people,

ones that can't dance or play the flamenco guitar.

I've got a list.

I think it's fucking crazy how violent it's gotten.

I don't.

They've been throwing bricks over overpasses.

That's what I mean.

But again, I think all these things, 90% of the people that are there are just like, let's rage, motherfucker.

Oh, 100%.

Also, there's people that are saying they're bringing black plasma.

They're not going to protest.

Yeah, they're saying they're.

That's always the piles of bricks are showing up.

There's construction sites around the city.

But no, no, no, no.

That was weird, dude.

I was in the city during that time.

You were too, during the pandemic.

No, those bricks were just fucking out.

I lived on a police block.

I was barricaded in with them.

And I felt bad for the black cops.

No wonder the blacks.

I was going to yell at the black cops, and the black cops were like, sorry, man.

And I'd have my hand on his shoulder.

I'm like, you're going to be all right.

Shoot him on the face.

You can feel the cops getting the rocks thrown at them from the overpass.

Oh, yeah.

It's crazy.

They have to hide under the overpass.

They're throwing them at the cops.

I mean,

you're 100%

possibly killing somebody.

Yeah, it's attempted murder.

You had a fucking cinder block brick onto someone's head from an overpass, they're probably dead.

It's a good chance.

100%.

Good fucking chance.

I mean, if Lord of the Flies taught us anything, that's how Piggy died.

But this is the thing that's not.

That's what I related to.

This kind of shit can escalate.

I think of The good sun, where they push the dummy off the overpass.

Oh, yeah.

Remember?

Make him think they killed somebody.

It's fucking, it's pretty wild what's going on.

But I mean, I don't know, like, I said everybody running out of like Louis Vuitton with a bunch of like shirts and shit.

Have you seen that?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's happening too?

Yeah.

Oh, they're looting.

I didn't know they were looting, too.

Hardcore.

And I said it's funny.

Which, if I was a 19-year-old kid, I would be out there looting, unquestionably.

Well, as soon as lawlessness happens, people take advantage.

That's always going to be the case, right?

That's, I think, the whole, it is fun.

I I mean, like, these cops are just standing, though, and like, under non-stop graffiti, it's like, murder all cops.

They're just like sitting there.

It's like, and the people are,

some people try to talk reason to them, to the cops.

Like, why don't you do the right thing and not shoot me with a rubber bullet?

Well, you know what the problem is.

The problem is there's cops that just shoot people with rubber bullets for no reason.

Yeah.

Did you see that lady?

That's an Australian reporter that got shot?

Did you see that video?

It's pretty hilarious.

It's nuts because you see the guy do it.

You see the cop just look at her while she's talking.

She's clearly not a criminal.

She's just reporting the news.

And he fucking shoots her in the leg with a rubber bullet.

The leg is hilarious.

It's a really good story.

Let's watch this.

That's funnier than making my producer smell smelling salts.

Dude, it's a real dance bitch moment.

Dance bitch.

It's crazy.

I mean,

I can't believe that he would do this.

This is the jake.

Go full screen, please.

Situation has now rapidly been used.

Watch this.

This is nuts.

She's got the shitty Australian accent though.

Dance, bitch.

Bro.

They just shot a reporter.

Like, look, that guy just points and says, fuck this lady.

It's going to be good promotion, though, for her 2,000-person gangbang she's doing on OnlyFans this summer.

I mean, what is that?

Do you want to know why people get angry at cops?

It's shit like that.

I would say you shoot a white woman every couple minutes, and everyone starts going like, oh, they're shooting everybody.

Is that a thing where you're kicking everybody out of the street and the press thinks they don't have to listen?

For sure.

So you don't want to listen.

You're tired of this shit and you decide to shoot her in the leg, which is fucking insane.

That's so insane.

You don't yell, lady, get out of the fucking street.

This one happened too.

After this minute goes down, this guy ends up shooting him at close range.

What is this about?

40 millimeter.

yeah i'm not going anywhere what's your badge number that's okay i'm gonna pop you right now because you're taking up my focus you

whoa i'm gonna pop you right now because you're taking up my focus look it's not okay it's not okay but i will say i grew up in a time where if you talk shit to cops nobody had camera phones nobody had anything a cop would just fuck you up and there's something hilarious about that cop just shooting that guy in the dick there's a thing about them rubber bullets like you're shooting somebody but you're not shooting them right you're kind of half shooting them.

Yeah.

Right?

But it's, you are like, fuck.

What you want to do is shoot them.

Yeah.

And you're not allowed to.

It's against the law, and it's not right.

So you shoot them with a rubber bullet.

And it's not right.

But you can shoot people when you really shouldn't be shooting them.

I feel like getting shot in the dick with a rubber bullet could have irreparable damages.

100%.

People have lost eyeballs, bro.

In 2020, this guy had to have portions of his genitalia.

I do have a hard time feeling.

Say what?

Say that again?

It says there.

He later had to have surgery to reattach portions of his genitalia.

Portions?

What are they serving it?

How big is this guy's dick?

What kind of a dick does this guy have?

I wish my dick could be cut up into portions.

How weird is that?

He just knocked out the middle.

Is it which one you have for breakfast?

Oh, man, if he broke the middle off, I'd be like, can you give me a longer middle?

Can you put a longer middle back on?

I get extension.

I don't care if it's a different color.

Just try to match it as best you can.

All this gene editing, how far away are we from big dicks?

Oh, you think it'd be the first thing these little Asia have been working that?

Depends who comes up up with the science.

If the Asians come up with the science, that's first thing.

Well, they have the science with the genetic engineering, though.

Oh, so you're saying before your baby's inborn, you'd be like, hey, also, I want my son to have a huge fucking dick.

That's a weird conversation.

And you go, I'm thinking Monster Cock.

If you just let your kid have a regular dick and all his friends have giant dicks, that'd be a real problem.

Your kid would be so upset.

You mean you could have given me a giant dick as well, Dad?

Oh, I want people to like you for you.

I needed money for bowling.

Oh, great.

I'll be upstairs jerking off with three fingers if anyone needs me alone with no friends.

I just remember being like 12 being like, when is it going to grow?

Like, when's it going to get big?

And it just never really did.

You just kept having that conversation with yourself.

Yeah.

Up until I was a full-fledged adult.

Now's the time.

It's a sketch on Segura's new show.

There's some.

That's a funny show.

Very funny.

Fucking funny show, man.

The Hitman one was hilarious.

Yeah.

I thought the video game where the

you play with aliens raping humans.

He said it wasn't about the guy, and it said part two is called Evan's Revenge.

Oh, Jamie, speaking to UFOs, you see Lou Elizondo, these photos that are supposedly of a real alien.

Oh, here we go.

Bro, it's so dumb.

The photos look blurry of the photos of the dead alien.

Like, you can't even zoom in on that.

You can't even fucking focus.

Look at these.

Yeah, that thing.

Look at that.

What is that?

What's that?

What is that?

How about better pictures?

This is crazy.

These are the only pictures?

Is this from the 40s?

Like, what's this picture from?

What is this?

Oh, people want to believe.

Bro, so bad.

Me too.

I'm like, maybe, maybe the bottom one.

It was funny.

Somebody asked me, you know,

Sean Donnelly and Dan St.

Germain have a podcast now about...

alien encounters and all that kind of stuff and they were really and they both really believe it and they were like what would it take for you to believe jay i was like irrefutable evidence i have to shake hands with an alien the one thing the one thing I've never seen?

Irrefutable evidence?

There's a lot of shenanigans going on for sure.

On the back of one of those photos.

Alien, oh, it's 1993.

Alien hybrid child

born to a 15-year-old girl, subject of ET genetic experiment,

under chin, neck, and upper torso view.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so that's under chin.

And then what's the other photo?

It's the same.

It's just the same.

It's just one photo.

Wasn't there another one?

It seemed like there was two photos.

It's just with this particular one.

But at the top, yeah, the one on the bottom.

What's that one on the bottom?

That one on the bottom seems a little turned to the side, right?

Is that the eyeball, supposedly?

What are those babies called that are born like that?

Oh, harlequin babies?

Yeah.

It could be anything, man.

I mean, it might not even be human.

I mean, it might not even be.

You know, who fucking knows?

Do you think, I mean, like someone like Donald Trump can hold in the information?

I don't think about his daily day.

I don't think they tell him.

I don't think he can tell him

golf.

But who can sit on that information if you know that?

Wouldn't it be terrifying to

almost that, to play someone who knows about aliens existing, you think also breaks off and plays golf and decides what they want to have for dinner tonight?

100%.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think.

It's like finding out vampires exist.

It would change everything.

I think it's a fun way to have information that you don't give to the rest of the world.

And if you're the head of a giant defense contracting agency that's been back engineering UFOs for the last 50 years, it'd be probably pretty cool to know some shit that other people don't know and not tell anybody and still go to brunch.

But how are you not so consumed that you go?

Hey,

you want to start a new Netflix series tonight?

Like, it just seems like you'd be, it's the same way I don't believe people have like speaking to the dead powers or psychic powers.

I'm like, you'd be, you know what I mean?

It's never like, oh, what is that?

Tell your loved one that you missed them terribly.

They miss you terribly.

I'm actually, you guys went to McDonald's.

I'll treat myself to some McDonald's.

Like, how did your mind go anywhere else but like I'd speak to the dead?

That would be consuming.

I would never sleep.

It's supernatural.

All day talking to somebody about the war of 1776.

You'd just go nuts.

It's just not real.

There was a video where you can.

Imagine you can just tune in to any time and talk to like some Civil War soldiers.

You don't have a fake, you don't go pick out a new pair of sneakers while that's going on.

I need you sneakers, I think.

Did you see a video where it was like somebody, it might not even be, I don't know if it's real, but she was like a girl who has like paranoid schizophrenia and she created like a video of what it's like to have schizophrenia.

oh my god it's like these like floating like almost like yeah like monsters sort of yeah but they're like uh translucent and it's like just all these voices whispering it's like if that if that's how it really is to have schizophrenia that i mean i couldn't make it a day yeah i think it varies like a lot of different neurological conditions right i think you know there's extreme versions of it and some people have like mild schizophrenia which is really weird well i'm i've been impressed i i have someone close to me in my life that's had mania where they go like manic.

And I've only seen it twice.

It's Hulk Hogan.

It's Hulk Hogan.

I've only seen it twice then, but I mean, I'm blown away by how much your brain can, like, change functionality in a day, in a day's difference, being like, everything's changing.

You know, they're saying things that they've never said before and believing it and being like, you know what I mean?

It's very strange.

Well, if you think about your body.

It's scary.

Yeah, it is scary.

But if you think about your body as a whole, things go wrong in your body.

And, well, things go wrong in your brain, too.

It's like, you know, you can't blame someone for having liver cancer, right?

Sometimes people just get weird diseases, you know, and the mental thing is a weird one, man.

Because there's people that's just like something isn't clicking.

It's just not working right, you know, and they don't know what to do.

And they're out there in the world, and they're trying a bunch of different medications on them, and they don't know what to do.

So you can't be mad at Kurt Metzger.

You can't be mad at Kart Metzger.

I couldn't imagine.

This is what I always try to

think about when I'm talking to somebody.

I can't imagine what it's like to be them.

Like, what is it like?

What's it like to be Metzger?

Oh, my God.

What's it like to be filled with conspiracies?

Just over and know so much about secret society.

And nobody believes you.

Yeah, and nobody believes you.

And everyone's kind of like, hey, man, we're just trying to smoke a joint in the green room.

Bro, he hovers.

He hovers over you like a gargoyle.

He's a goon.

He's this giant dude, and he hovers over you.

Oh, you didn't know?

I haven't seen you.

You didn't know?

Last time I was out in L.A.

when he's, when he still lived in L.A., he came over to the Airbnb.

I was at.

And always, with Kurt, I haven't seen Kurt always in like months and months between when I get to see him.

He's one of my oldest, closest friends in comedy.

He's my daughter's godfather, you know, very close to him.

Which is a crazy choice.

Yeah, it's crazy.

That's on Jay.

It was a strange choice, but he's a good godfather.

He's a great guy.

He's great.

And him and my daughter have a great relationship.

It's fantastic.

But he is a whacker for sure.

And he came in to the house.

I was like, My man, it's good to see you.

And he goes, you know, the P.

Diddy thing is real.

And that's why Usher,

that audio of him that guy was real and that's and he got usher first and that's why usher remember when usher uh was gone for a year because he had to get his asshole sewn back together like what what

he just rattles around and then he'll go to libya all of a sudden you're talking about libya gaddafi remember the thing with gaddafi like i don't dude he tastes one of the people that texts like the way he texts it's not just like he won't send you like one long text about like just everything he has to say he has

every sentence is a new section you're just getting like it just seems manic just made manic

full-on.

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That's done.

That's undone.

And then after like an hour, you get back to be like, cool.

Did Bobby Kelly?

When he came over, so we had a pool at the Airbnb we're at, and him, and at one point I realized, I go, oh no, he's had Bobby Kelly in the corner for a while.

And then Bobby Kelly, Kurt goes inside, and Bobby swims over and he goes, so I guess the Jewel lasers are real.

Yeah.

He goes, I guess Kurt told me those Jew lasers actually are pretty real.

What's going on with them?

He just corners you.

He just corners you.

But I love it.

I can listen to him all day long.

Bro, he's the best podcast guest.

Yeah, yeah.

He's the best guest.

The best podcast guest.

You just have to rein him in.

Tell it to Owen Benjamin.

That was a fun one.

Take him in this direction.

Go in this direction.

Because it just never stops coming out of his mouth.

He's a joke writing machine.

He's a genius.

I say his day-to-day personality is genuinely I always describe Kurt.

He's the first person I see, that price of genius.

Where it's like, he's so great at being funny and his mind works such a thing.

But

his brain, when you're not talking to him, maybe even when you're talking to him is just like what is it like a division sign like just formulas just formulas

like that meme yeah 100 that's how i feel like when i'm talking to elon same same thing yeah like you can tell there's like numbers running in his background and shit going on and he's trying to figure something out while you're talking yeah i mean he's he's clearly on the spectrum you know i mean that's that's how you make rockets and electric cars and also on twitter at the same time be addicted to twitter like where's your time coming from and you're playing Diablo

I couldn't imagine being that rich and ever opening Twitter like if I was that like I was just like I'm just definitely above tweeting I think really rich guys

one thing that happens if you're really rich and people are stopping you from communicating and you get pissed off and you think well fuck it I can just buy Twitter Like nobody would do that normally.

You'd need a wild person like Elon to do that.

That's a wild move to say, I'll just buy Twitter and then pay them way more than it's worth.

And then everybody says you're a terrible businessman because your company lost $20 billion in value in the first year.

But it's like, no, it wasn't worth $44 billion.

He paid $44 billion for it because he wanted it.

It wasn't worth that.

Like, how is it worth that?

And then we found out a ton of shit, man, that we wouldn't have found out about censorship and like what's directing it.

Like, it's what's keeping us at each other's throats.

You're saying almost just in the basic level of like someone his age, like,

doing the same action that like a girl flopping on her bed on her tummy and kicking her knees up is like doing like whatever.

Trump's stupid and he's on he's on the list.

Yeah, I just I if I was I just you made it.

You don't need to

prove anything else.

You made it.

Yeah.

What else you got to prove?

Let him find out in the newspapers.

Doesn't matter.

It's not a good look.

I mean, if I had, if I just simply

I mean, if I got a, if I, if I double my net worth, I'm going to fucking

I'm going to disappear from public life altogether.

Much less Elon money.

That's insane.

I think you're aware when you have a lot of money of how many different entities are manipulating society.

I think that becomes an issue.

And if you can do something about it and you feel compelled to do something about it, you're literally one of the only people that can.

Do you think that he did do something about it?

He definitely did when he bought Twitter.

Twitter changed.

He definitely did with Doge just exposing some of the wild shit.

Like billions of dollars that's gone to who knows where with no receipts.

But did they even do anything about it really?

Or you just expose it?

People talk about it for a week.

Did they even do anything about the money that's gone?

I mean, unless they can somehow or another figure out where it was spent and whether it was valid and hold someone accountable, they're not going to do that because they want to make sure that that doesn't happen to them.

And they're just going to keep spending insane amounts of money.

I feel like they're still spending.

They were like, hey, this is happening, but it's still going to continue to happen for the rest of your lives.

Well, here's the thing.

If it's been funding the Democrat machine for this whole time, which is what guys like Mike Benz allege, it's a little over my head to really explain, but essentially we're saying that there's so many NGOs.

You want to know how many NGOs there are?

There is one NGO in India for every 600 people.

I don't know what an NGO is.

India is Jay.

What a fucking idiot, dude.

Just so you know.

Non-government organization.

Yeah, no.

Tell it to him.

Yeah, sorry.

Non-governmental organization.

It's just a non-profit.

So it's a non-profit that's funded by the government.

It's real weird stuff, man.

When you find out about it, when you...

It's a future reference, if you can make all your acronyms just say the whole word out so Lewis gets

a stupid idiot.

I should assume that no one knows about that.

You do, but I should assume.

Because I didn't know about it until I started talking to Mike Benz about it.

I was like, wait, what?

Like, how much money?

And when you find out where the money was going and what it was doing, it's like he said it's all for stuff that's too dirty for the CIA.

I was like, Jesus Christ.

And he lays it out like hours-long presentation and explains how it's all, what's what's the root of it all.

And it's like, it's really spooky stuff because you realize like how corrupt our society actually truly is.

Do you enjoy having the burden of information on that?

Yeah, I fucking hate it.

Where does your

Bigfoot podcast stop?

Where does your political give-a-shit stop, really?

Well, I just don't want the world to fall apart.

That's all it is.

I'm not politically aligned with either the left or the right.

I believe in a lot of shit that the left believes in.

Sure.

And I believe in a lot of shit that the right believes in.

I just don't believe in any of the shit that the extremists on either side believe in.

That's the problem.

Yeah.

This is.

Yeah.

When you're fucking

attacking people at construction sites, it's like, come on.

Like,

what are we doing?

Like, you want everybody out?

I feel like once you get in,

let's take a test.

You know, like,

are you the type of guy that shows up at work?

Are you the type of guy that respects America?

Do you like being here?

Is it too easy to get in, though?

Do you want to?

Do you have a great analogy about the movie theater.

My movie theater analogy is killer.

It's a great analogy.

I said I've snuck into a movie before, sit in an empty seat that no one's taken.

It's not even taking up any kind of space.

If they come in and go, hey, where's your ticket?

I go, I don't have one.

They go, you have to go.

You got to go, man.

You can't be like, oh, dude, I've already watched an hour of it.

So why?

And I feel like you should let them finish the movie.

That's a good.

I'm just saying my point.

I'm not even saying you shouldn't let.

I'm saying it's discretion to let them finish the movie or not.

I'm just making the point to be like

this movie theater was built on my people's lands.

To me, it's just like a weird like reaction to getting caught being like, well, but I've already been here.

It's like, I've gotten away with it for so long.

Yeah, it's good.

If you steal someone's stuff and they find it 20 years later, you go, well, it's been mine for 20 years.

But also, I totally agree with you.

And it's a funny joke.

But also, if you're living in Mexico and you're a young person person and you figure out a way to sneak across the border, you get gainfully employed in the United States.

You start doing well.

You're involved in a business.

You start raising a family.

But there's no real path to citizenship because you snuck in.

But you've actually become integrated in society and you're part of the American dream.

Sure.

It's just there's no path if you're dirt poor.

That's the problem.

See, if you're living in Denmark and you're white and you got a college degree and you're really good at genetics, you want to come over here and work for a lab, probably not that hard.

You got to jump through hoops, though.

You got to meet with the guy every six months or whatever it is.

You got to fill out the paperwork.

But if you're walking here from Mexico,

you know, there's no clear path to citizenship.

You got to marry a fat white woman.

Find a desperado.

Yeah.

I mean,

there's no clear path.

And especially if you're integrated into, like,

there was a guy that I had was my landscaper for a long time in L.A.

He was Danish.

He was Dutch.

He came from Mexico.

He walked across from Mexico.

It's like, and he lived in these communities.

Like, he took me to,

they had chicken fights in their communities.

And this dude had just roosters stacked up everywhere.

Like, there was like a hundred roosters in this guy's backyard.

Not my landscaper, but his friend.

He took me to his friend's place.

They would barbecue a goat and cook root.

There wasn't an English-speaking sign for blocks.

And I was like, You should have fucking paid him more.

So, like, my point is,

no, I paid him well.

That was not my point.

My point is, like,

completely integrated societies that are a part of L.A.

that are fully Mexican, you know, and but it functions.

It works.

Like going in and raiding those people and putting them in jail because they've integrated into society in an illegal way.

It seems

all the people that are going, it's like, as my tax dollars are like, guys, the amount of bullshit that our tax dollars goes to, that should be a priority over getting a fucking Mexican dad out of the country.

It's like...

Joe, it sounds like you just want to keep barbecued goat in this country.

country.

Here's the problem.

The problem is if they're illegal, right?

Which is what everybody wants to keep it that way.

Because what if you let them vote?

If they're illegal, then you don't have to pay them as much.

And this is where it's dark.

This is the dark secret of why people want cheap labor in this country, because there's a lot of people that don't pay people what they're supposed to be getting paid.

It's non-union.

They're illegal.

Everyone knows.

And they want cheap labor, cheap, dependable, reliable labor.

So they let people in for that.

Tim Dylan was talking to me about this a long time ago because he used to be a real estate guy.

He understands the dynamics of it all.

That is a big part of what they want, why they're bringing people in.

But the reality is,

you should just pay people more money.

You should make less money.

You should pay them more money.

You should pay them enough money so they can live.

To try to have a giant business that pays people the least amount possible.

That's kind of crazy.

That's most businesses.

I know, but that's kind of crazy.

It's kind of a crazy thing to do.

It's very interesting.

My ex-wife's, both her parents are immigrants, and you'd be surprised how not

like

sad they feel for people being kicked out.

I think they have a very like if

like we had to figure out how to do it legally.

That's what a lot of people, but that's also how people felt like when people were unvaccinated.

Yeah, I had to take the shot.

You know, like, why don't you take the shot?

I ought to take the shot.

Shit, I didn't have to.

I sought it out so hard.

Did you?

Yeah, Jay was

paranoid.

You were scared.

I was certain I was dying.

Yeah, a lot of people got scared.

Yeah, I took it.

They scared the fuck out of us.

I took it and then I faked the second one, the booster, because I realized that there's no way to, it's a piece of paper.

It's a card with like some random name on it.

I was like, there's no way they're actually tracking this.

My daughter made one on her phone to go into a cheesecake factory.

It's pretty impressive.

They're going to absolve you of that crime.

It'll be in the future.

It'll be like when all the people that dodged the draft.

Yeah.

They exonerated.

Oh, wait, did I just admit to a crime on this broadcast?

It was a crime.

They were saying they were going to prosecute people.

I remember saying there were people that were saying, if you try to use a fake vaccination card, we're going to prosecute you.

Like,

yeah, but that's like saying they're going to put you in jail for not going to jury duty.

That doesn't actually happen.

Yeah, but that's way crazier than that because that's like

this whole thing is nuts.

Like, you're telling people they have to do this to get on an airplane.

It doesn't even work.

Have you ever had the Tyleness Reps at Cheesecake Factory?

They're going to risk it.

Do they come to you for have you ever done jury duty?

I haven't done it.

No.

If Joe Rogan showed up to do jury duty, it'd be wild.

Are you familiar with this case?

I'm familiar with everything.

I'm a little familiar with everything.

Mildly.

Yeah.

I think I interviewed the defendant and the plaintiff.

I've never done jury duty either.

I haven't gotten a notification in years and years and years before, but I would just ignore them back.

I just took one recently.

Pretty hard.

You died.

I just flat out moved.

Tim Dylan was just talking about it on the Spicy Wings show.

Hot ones.

Hot ones.

He was talking about how he did for a murder trial.

Really?

Yeah, the guy was a fucking murderer.

He did it recently?

Yeah, he was talking about it recently.

The guy, it was a long time ago, but he

did jury duty, and he was joking around with the defense.

See, if I was guaranteed that, I'd go show up.

It's just what you're going to get is like...

a tax something or a business argument

or some kind of shit.

And that's boring as hell.

Now you have to pretend to be racist to get out of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got hypocrite.

I hate

what's the last name of the one guy?

Watkins?

I hate black people.

That's Jeremiah Watkins.

I'm a little too opinionated.

To be, yeah, I mean, that's what I'd say.

I'm a little too opinionated.

The only time ever I showed up, I wore, I was wearing jean shorts, and they said, you can't wear shorts to...

And I go, what do I do?

They go, you'll go back into the pool and just go home.

And they sent me home.

They sent him into a pool because he was wearing shorts.

Yeah, nice shorts, idiot.

Get in the pool.

You can't offend people with your wardrobe at this place of the law.

I guess so.

When did they stop wearing the wigs and the fucking crazy,

crazy, like,

you know.

Did they do it here?

Did they still wear those?

I think so.

They don't wear the wigs anymore, right?

We first came from

Pilgrim Court.

Okay.

Is it that everybody had wigs on?

They still have it in England.

To this day.

The judges still wear it.

It's crazy.

And Jewish women, religious Jewish women.

You know where

it came from syphilis.

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The wigs?

Yeah.

All the people, this is what this is.

So, this is the story is a little complicated.

This may or may not have been exactly how it happened, but it seems like when explorers came to North America, they contracted syphilis from the natives and then brought it back to Europe.

And then a lot of people were getting syphilis.

These people were freaks.

They're all fucking each other.

And they were losing their hair and getting big holes in their face and shit.

Like, syphilis is crazy.

It like rots your head away.

And so they started wearing wigs because they had like big scabby holes in their head.

Like literally, it's horrific shit.

And the more wealthy you were, the bigger the wig.

So that was like big wigs.

That's what the term big wigs come from.

It comes from these

freaks that all had syphilis that were all banging each other.

And if you have money, you're fucking just getting pussy left and right.

Yeah.

So there was these two

guys that were royals, and they started it all.

They started wearing the wigs when they got syphilis.

Wow.

That's crazy.

Nuts.

It's not the white man's fault.

He's dirty ass Indians.

It has to be.

Dirty Indian sluts.

It has to be why they wear wigs in court.

It has to be, right?

Like it has to be like a proper thing, like wearing a tie or something.

Like a gentleman wears a wig.

I should start wearing a wig.

How fun would that be?

A powdered wig?

I thought about getting a whole toupee recently just to be funny, just show up with like a really high-quality toupee.

Jamar does that.

Yeah, I know.

He wears a mohawk and clues into his head.

You should get a hair system, not a toupee.

No, dude.

I'm not going to another country to get my fucking ass hairs implanted.

No, no, no, not an implant.

It's just a system.

It's like a different, it's like more permanent toupee.

It really looks dude.

I saw a video today where this doctor was talking, and a doctor that I know know was talking, Garth Fisher is his name.

He was talking about his clients that went down to Turkey to get a gastric bypass operation.

And then a couple of months later, they're like, my stomach's bothering me.

And the doctor's like, oh, let's check out what's going on with your stomach.

How long have you only had one kidney?

And she's like, I have two kidneys.

He goes, no, you have one kidney.

And then contacts the other two girls that were on the trip.

They all come in and get examined.

They're all missing a kidney as well.

So they went down to Turkey to get a bypass, a gastric bypass, and they stole their fucking kidneys.

Brilliant.

Yo.

Not bad.

Bro, man.

Brilliant.

Out there stealing body parts.

And you only have one kidney.

That's crazy.

I mean, that's it's better.

Did they also get the gastric bypass, though?

They did.

But I think they paid for it.

Wow.

What if it cost a kidney to get gastric bypass?

There's fat people that would do that.

Right.

What if they didn't read the fine print?

Yeah.

And it just costs you this.

Here's why it's free.

It's free.

We need a kidney.

It's free.

If you have A, B.

How much is a kidney on the black market worth?

That's a good question, Jamie.

Don't Google that.

Off the dome.

Yeah, you're going to have to go to the next one.

Let's guess.

How big is your circle of give a kidney if they need?

Oh, it's very small.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to have to figure that out.

I'm not giving up kidneys.

Where?

Just like what happens to your face.

Are you fearing a kidney?

Not good.

I mean, like.

Not as good.

It's two.

That's why you have two.

Hello, science.

Catch up.

You can can live with one.

Stealing people's kidneys.

You can live with one kidney, but how much does it affect you, like day-to-day?

Like, you exercise still?

Can you?

I don't know.

What would it do?

That's a very good question.

I think you can live life relatively normal.

People do it for loved ones.

It's interesting that people get kicked in the kidneys all the time, but you don't really hear about too many like severe kidney injuries.

You know, like you hear about liver injuries.

You hear about internal bleeding from guys from body shots.

You don't hear too much about kidney injuries.

Dude, getting punched in the fucking liver is the most painful thing

on the planet, dude.

It's a weird feeling.

It's crazy.

It just shuts your body down.

You roll around on the floor and start crying.

I think Mickey Gall told me his.

Mickey Gall kicked me in my kidney.

Oh, what is it?

Diego Sick?

So I sparred with Mickey Gall once and I sparred with Michael Bisping once, and both of them put me down with liver shots.

No, I'm sorry, liver shots, not kidney.

Liver shots.

But they called it.

This is how good fighters are.

Bisping's like, hey, watch this.

Bang.

And they just put me down.

I mean, literally the whole gym of people cackling, laughing at me as I roll around on the floor as a man.

It's fucking pathetic.

Have you seen Iliad Taporia do that to people?

He does it to fans.

He hits them with a liver shot.

Oh, no.

They ask him.

So he's liver shot and bare knuckle.

Iliad Taporia, bare knuckle, liver shotting people.

I'd rather be punched in the face 10 out of 10 times.

But Mickey said when he lost to Diego Sanchez, it was because his kidney started shutting off.

That's why he bit him.

I bet that is a weight loss.

He said, no, that's what he said.

It's from weight loss.

Yeah, that's a brutal thing that they do, man.

Like Kayla Harrison, who just won the Banamway title.

Bro.

Oh, that picture of her

so big.

She's so jacked.

And her getting down to 135, I don't know how much weight she's losing.

I don't really want to ask, but I do.

You know, but you're not supposed to ask ladies what they weigh.

But she was competing in the middle of the day.

Even professional fighting?

Yeah, and when she was over at the PFL, she was fighting at 155.

Really?

Well,

her picture of her at the actual weigh-in

was like scary.

Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.

It was like a thumbnail from like Crack Horror Confessions.

see this is the problem the ufc had a 145 pound division and amanda nunes was the champion of it like for the health of both fighters like that would be a good way i mean it really depends on if kayla harrison can continue to make 135 and defend the title because i don't know who's going to beat her she's too fucking strong she's so strong it happens a lot with like the chicks there's like a real dominant chick for a while right with amanda was ko power amanda was one of the rare women that she could just touch you and just blast you out of orbit you know it's usually with women women, it's like a combination punches.

Like, Amanda had extraordinary power.

Like, when she knocked out cyborg, that was wild, dude.

That was fun.

She just folded cyborg.

I'm like, that lady can crack.

What was the, was it Silva?

This last weekend, there was a knockout.

The guy was asleep standing, and it was the most softest of a turnover.

Yeah.

Turnover like chin punch.

Korean dude.

Yeah, young.

It's like 23 years old.

It was like he.

Joe Sang Yu.

He moved and just like, it was the smallest little, like, he didn't pull it from the shoulder or nothing.

One of the best left hooks of left hooks.

The guy was asleep before he hit the ground.

One of the best left hooks of all time.

It was literally like this.

Bam.

Like, he just turned it over.

And he's a kid, right?

Yeah, he's young.

No, he's not that young.

No, no, no.

Here it is.

Boom.

Look at that.

I think he's 28.

That's a lot of his momentum coming in, too.

It's like the perfect place timing.

For sure.

But he's also a really good boxer.

So you get knocked out and then some dude Zoom backflips in the ring.

That's the worst feeler in the world.

By the way, I don't know how I would.

I'm not a good enough sport for if I was knocked out and they come over and start doing that thing where they're touching my face a lot and be like, Thank you for the opportunity.

Get the fuck away from it, dickhead.

A lot of people do.

You fucking jerk off?

I don't want to talk to you.

He goes, hey, will you pray with me?

No.

Yeah, will you pray with me?

To who, a God that hates my guts?

That's so funny.

I've been praying to God this whole training camp.

I just got shot.

God just gave me a concussion.

Thanks, God.

That's hilarious.

I guess God thought I was training wrong.

This lady's got a problem because if she, you know, other than the Amanda Nunes fight, who?

Well, who's going to pay to watch her just steamroll somebody?

You know, like if she can continue to make 135, if she becomes a marathon runner or something and drops even more muscle mass and can make 135, who the fuck is going to be able to deal with that?

It was like Mike Tyson back in the day.

It became a thing where they started offering you money back on the pay-per-views if he if he...

didn't last at least two rounds.

Did they?

Yeah, that was the whole thing.

It was like, because he was knocking people out so fast, it was like, yeah, I'm not paying for this.

This is yeah, everybody would look at a pay-per-view based on how long you thought the fight would last.

Like $60, man.

It wasn't that much back then.

But I remember people being bummed out.

It was like a 30-second knockoff.

But it was also fun to, like, it was almost like Mike Tyson, his thing was he was so vicious and badass.

That was kind of fun to watch somebody that dominant, you know?

Yeah, but also the crazy.

I think with the UFC people,

they want the back and forth.

They want five crazy fights.

They want to like, you feel like you're getting your money's worth.

I remember after Tyson Holyfield, The Ear thing,

I ordered that pay-per-view, and I was driving around that night afterwards, listening to the radio, and people were like, like tons of complaining on sports radio.

I'm like, you just watched a guy bite another man's ear off.

If they would have sold it that way, $60 just for that.

Yeah, before the fight, if they were like, watch a man eat another man's ear, I'll pay anything you want.

Didn't he bite him twice?

Yeah, he didn't get it off the first time, though.

The fact that Mike Tyson has

edibles that are ear-shaped is one of the funniest fucking things ever.

The fact that they're friends now.

Mike is loving.

Evander Holyfield has no idea what's going on.

He doesn't?

He'd be friends with anybody.

He is gone, ski.

Evander Holyfield?

Is he?

Oh, he kissed his family.

He was on my podcast a few years back.

He was really

always on that.

Back in L.A.

No, man, he was like super coherent back in L.A.

Damn.

I mean, that was a few years ago, seven years ago, maybe?

How long ago was Evander on the show?

Yeah.

Did he fight Vitor?

Is that who fought Vitor?

Yeah.

That was unfortunate.

I don't think he had a real camp for that fight either.

Yeah.

I think that was a last-minute replacement because Vitor was supposed to fight somebody else, right?

Yeah.

Very few athletes will ever, I think, at this point.

I know there's bigger contracts now.

2019, so six years ago.

But very few athletes will ever understand the idea of that, like what those guys' lives were like.

Even like Riddick Bo.

Oh, yeah.

Riddick Bo was champion for like two fights.

You know what I mean?

And he was awesome.

He was awesome, but he didn't have a long run or anything.

And then you see his thing.

It's like 14 acres with white tigers everywhere, and all his clothes are silk.

Like, they're immediately, like, they were just getting handed like $50 million

in one night.

I know it's like you trained for that night, but that's a crazy amount of money.

Like, no athletes get that

anymore.

Nothing like that.

There's a few.

Canelo does.

Does he?

Yeah, Canelo has a giant deal with this sport.

Oh, but I don't mean maybe even boxing still has that with the pay-per-view taken.

I just mean.

some of these boxers you're making pretty fucking nuts.

Yeah, but that sports the only sport design UFC has never paid like that, has it?

I don't know what the most amount anyone's been paid in the UFC for a fight.

If I had a guess, it's got to be Connor.

Yeah, without a doubt.

Yeah.

I know Connor has made more than $100 million in the UFC, I believe.

See if that's a fact.

Is that going all the way back?

I shouldn't say that because I don't really know.

I just read some article that tried to break down how much he made for each pay-per-view and how much he made at the beginning of his career, you know, like when he first burst onto the scene.

Yeah.

It's a

two numbers in the first results.

That says 39.3, and then down here says 100.

108.

Yeah.

It might include boxing.

Yeah, so there's like the pay-per-view bonuses versus like fight pay.

So what I was going to say is I thought he made $100 million from the Floyd fight.

So it can't be that.

$30 million from that.

So $30 million.

Oh, it says $30 million from the boxing match in Floyd.

I thought it was 100 million.

And his biggest payout was against Khabib for 28.5 almost.

Yeah, he's so 28 million.

He's probably made the most.

If I had a,

that was a pay-per-vonus.

That was a huge pay-per-view.

Mm-hmm.

Right, but he did get paid.

I mean, that's the only way they get paid anyway.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, the pay-per-view bonus thing is great because it forces him to promote, but

I don't mind a silent killer.

I don't mind an Alex Pereira.

I I don't want to see him promoted.

He don't have to promote.

That dude promotes when he puts people into orbit.

Just let him train.

Let him shoot a fucking bow and arrow at a soccer ball.

Let him train.

Like, don't fucking pawn that guy out and have him do media everywhere.

Leave his energy alone.

Like, you guys can do enough with promotion from his highlight reel.

But the guy like Connor, though.

That fucking guy, if he can get on the radio, if he can get on a talk show, if he can start talking shit,

Dana sees dollar bills like fucking Scrooge McDuck.

He starts throwing gold coins in the air.

Connor was the best at it.

What about a couple weeks ago, Aaron Blanchfield versus,

what was the girl she was fighting?

They canceled it.

They canceled it as it was starting.

They already did the package for the main event, and then they found out that Macy Barber had like passed out.

She had a seizure backstage.

I don't want to speak out of turn.

So it's some sort of medical condition and she was in trouble.

And so they sent her to the hospital to get checked out.

I mean, they literally said, all right, now it's time for the main event, and then they were like, well, never mind, we're not doing it.

Yeah, I don't, again, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I think she might have had some health concerns.

She's had a bunch of health concerns over the last couple of years, I think.

So, and then she missed weight, which is never a good sign.

You know, when they miss weight, usually something's off.

Yeah.

A lot of times they're injured or sick or something.

But whatever it was, it sucks.

That sucks.

For Erin Blanchfield, dude.

She's actually from my hometown, New Jersey.

Oh, she's a beast, dude.

Yeah, she's a monster.

Very good.

Very young, too.

Well, you're going to send them up and say something shitty about her.

And they'd be like, I know her actually.

She's a dumb bitch.

Oh, I grew up with her.

What an ass.

I was with Dave Porterfield.

You know, he's a big fan of meatball Molly McCann, who's great, too.

But he's like,

I'm betting on Molly.

And I go, yeah.

And he's like, you think?

I go, dude, like.

Aaron Blanchfield is the truth.

Like, she's a fucking problem.

She's a problem.

She gets a hold of Molly and she just ragdolled her.

If you were going to Pete Rose your own sport, how do you think you would hit good?

Oh, I used to bet on it.

Yeah, but I can't affect the outcome.

So I used in the early days of the UFC when they first started having lines in sports books, I would bet.

Because I would see like you'd see shit like Anderson Silva.

It's like if this isn't an 800 to one

Anderson Silva versus Travis Luter.

Like, okay.

Uh-uh.

That was, that was different, okay?

Travis Luter lost that fight, in my opinion, because he cut too much weight.

You think he was

in the fight?

He had him mounted early in the fight.

Let me tell you something.

travis luter's brazilian jiu-jitsu was elite all the guys that i know that train with him like go dude he's like ricardo laborio level they're like he's special like he he did the ultimate fighter and everybody was terrified and they're like that motherfucker gets you on the ground you're in trouble he's just a machine in jiu-jitsu so i saw him cut weight and he looked so bad his lips were cracked Wow.

His face was sucked in and he was shuffling to the scale and he still didn't make weight.

He never made weight.

So, is that what happened?

It wasn't a title fight, that's right.

He wouldn't have won the title if he won.

That was crazy.

They used to give the winner of the ultimate fighter a title shot back in the day.

That was like a crazy, like, just sort of like prize.

Like, it's just changed.

It's turned into such more of a legitimate sport now that you can't just give like the winner of a reality show a title fight.

America's Got Talent used to give a million-dollar prize, and then one day they just changed, like, you'll just be part of an America's Got Talent show in Vegas.

Did they always give you a title fight?

Is that I think the first few seasons, yeah.

I think Travis had had a few fights in the UFC before that, dude.

That was

long after the ultimate fighter.

I'm 90% sure because I know he knocked out Marvin Eastman.

I remember that fight.

And, you know,

he fought quite a few dudes, but the main theme was when Travis got a hold of you, you were fucked.

And he got a hold of Anderson, and Anderson looked fucked.

It was early in the fight, but then he got Anderson, got him in a triangle.

He just tired out, and Anderson was blasting him.

Anderson was when he first came in, it was crazy.

If you saw that guy the day before, you'd go, oh my God, how is this guy even alive?

He should be taken to a hospital.

He looks so bad.

I've seen a lot of people weigh in looking really bad, but Travis was the worst.

So look at this.

He's mounted on top of Anderson early in the fight, dude.

I mean, I skipped ahead.

He was mounted for like two and a half minutes.

Yeah.

I mean, but he just gassed out, man.

I mean, he just had nothing left.

He lost too much weight, man.

And so then Anderson got him in a triangle and started fucking him up with elbows.

So there came a point in time where you could see him visibly fading.

You know?

Yeah.

I think if, look at that mount, bro.

Look how slick that is.

I mean, this dude is so slick.

Travis was so dangerous, man.

He could have possibly submitted him, but he was just too big for the weight class.

He shouldn't have been making that weight.

So that's my point.

It's like, yeah.

He was a live dog in this fight is my point.

Yeah, he was tired there.

That wasn't even really an escape that Anderson did.

He lost way too much weight.

Dude, he was dead the day before.

I mean, dead.

When I saw him, dead.

He looked like he might die.

Have you ever gotten talked to a fighter about the psychology of like

once you lose, like, when you're just like this dominant force, and once you lose, like, your whole thing changed?

Like, Roy Jones Jr.

was overnight.

Yeah.

Overnight.

Overnight.

That one guy called him out and said he was ducking him.

Antonio Tarver.

Tarver said he was ducking him.

Then Antonio Tarver beat him.

Then Glenn Johnson just beat him, knocked him through the ropes.

It was just like it became like, oh, you can just beat him.

But Glenn Johnson knocked him out where it was one of those scary ones where your arms are stiff.

Yeah.

And it didn't seem like he hit him that hard either.

It seemed like it couldn't be real that it was happening.

It was like two fights before that was the fight, was the fight, I believe, where he's hitting the guy, and he tells the ref, he's like, stop the fight.

And then the ref didn't and he hit him a few more times.

Yeah, and he passed the ends up.

Like that was like

two fights before it was just all over.

Yeah.

But you know what happened?

Roy went up to heavyweight and he fought John Ruiz and then he dropped back down to light heavyweight and that's a real problem.

There's like he got knocked out.

So he was like

he's stiff, dude.

Like when get knocked down and you're just like stiff here.

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Ugh.

Anderson Silva.

Oh, that's so awful.

Wasn't it pretty much Anderson Silva after the leg went in the fight?

It was just like like he never really won fights since, but he never really captured back.

Like, we're just going to watch him.

We went, first UFC we ever went to was 101 in Philly.

The first one ever went to the first one.

Forrest Griffin.

And a racist-ass Philly person.

That night for us in general was just a hilarious thing.

We went with, it was me, Dave, and Lewis, all three of us.

This is us.

This is the first White Boy weekend.

First White Boy weekend.

We went to OzFest or Mayhem Fest.

Mayhem Fest,

and then UFC.

Lewis and Dave brought their friend who who I was not getting along with, and a girl who

crypto S.

We used to

Lewis used to date a girl who became friends with the group, sort of, and she came with us also.

And she was a, we'll say she's a chunkier girl.

This is back, look, this is back in the day when I was younger.

It's like if you become friends with a girl, like you can't separate friends.

No one's going to see her.

You don't have to over explain that you fucked a girl that wasn't.

No, she was really hot, I mean, she was super.

It's okay.

Look, you know what?

I'm saying now I wouldn't have dated her, but yeah, she was a little bit of a chunkier girl.

And whatever it was, we were just, we were just talking shit, like, you know, watching the fights.

Everyone's just being animals.

We ended up getting to a thing with these guys in front of us.

Like, it was like, it was maybe

four of us, and I want to say maybe three of them.

We might have outnumbered them.

No, I don't think so.

At first, it was just there was like one or two guys just there.

The other guys were gone.

Yeah,

it was like a coyote trap.

You show you one coyote, the rest of them surround you.

And we started talking shit with these guys.

It just turned into like a, you you know,

I mean, we shouldn't make this up.

We're not looking, none of us are looking for trouble guys.

The guys were, I think we were talking and saying shit, like being funny, and I think they kind of were giving us like a, why don't you guys shut the fuck up kind of thing?

Yeah, you know what I mean?

We're being dickhead comedians, and they're like really serious about watching an MMA fight right now.

First one ever in Philadelphia.

They turn around, they start talking shit.

So then we start talking shit to them.

We kind of chump the two guys, and then their group of friends show up, and they get winned that they just got chumped by these fucking loser comedians.

They left the nerds behind and they went and got merch oh boy so then these guys make the nerds get merch and see what we're working with it became a whole argument these guys started talking shit to us and by the way we were above them we could have fucking we should have just oh higher ground we should have just dominated these guys but whatever it happened we just didn't want to fight and get kicked out we're not like tough guys like that so they start talking shit and then this is like it's such fight it's almost like when somebody spits on you one of the guys goes it was like yo fuck you and fuck your fat bitch too about the girl that i was seeing and we all all just acted like we didn't hear it.

Everyone acted like we didn't hear it.

We just communally agree without even looking at each other.

We were like, oh, these guys, huh?

She sat there the rest of the night.

I can't believe these guys were ready to fight for everything except me.

When that was the final code, he goes, oh, well, you should stick up for yourself, lady.

And then we just sat there.

She's a big girl.

She could have helped.

Then we went outside and pretended like we were waiting to find them as in a sea of 18,000 people.

We suck.

Boy, God, we did look like jerk-offs there.

But then that was so funny because it was Philly, which historically hilariously racist city.

Which fight was that?

It was Forrest Griffin, Anderson Silva.

Oh, that one.

That's crazy.

Forrest Griffin, I mean, the applause he got, when he came out, the ovation he got, they couldn't wait.

They loved him.

And

they literally booed Anderson Silva.

And then Anderson Silva handled that hilariously and quick.

Yeah.

And

then Forrest Griffin left immediately.

He didn't stay.

He ran right out of the ring, which was a thing.

And then

they announced the thing, goes, your winner.

and still, what you Anderson Silva.

And the place booed.

It was such a sweet moment because Anderson Silva seems like his personality is good.

Yeah, it seems like, and

they were like booing, and they had him on the big screen.

And Anderson Silva goes, You almost had like a really like, and he's like holding the belt, and they're like, Yeah, all right, you son of a bitch, that was amazing.

And then they cheered for him.

Come on, man, strange.

But we saw, we saw like an 18-year-old or 19-year-old John Jones just walking around the arena that night.

And I didn't know.

I got into UFC way early.

Me and my step-pop used to get like, you know, ninja versus Sumo Wrestler.

Oh, wow.

UFC.

And then when it got like

rules and everyone was kind of like, you know, trying to start doing like actual MMA, I lost track of it.

And Lewis and Dave were super into it.

So you guys walk around.

It's funny when the rules came, you checked out.

Checked out.

Me and Dave, we became friends.

We were roommates in Brooklyn.

We would go to the blockbuster, rent the old UFCs.

It was like ultimate knockouts, ultimate submissions.

They had like a series of videos, and who was it, Mark Lehman?

He would teach you how to do moves.

Sure.

like in the uh there was like a segment where it's like hey kids at home can't even do a fucking arm

so me and dave literally living in the shittiest dirtiest apartment with like garbage everywhere and beer bottles everywhere we would have grappling matches with our buddy wes uh my cauliflower year didn't come from jiu-jitsu this is from dave smith he would dude he would literally open hand smack we had open hand smacking rules he would open hand smack me in the ear political punt maybe the best political pundit alive yeah where does that

i'm gonna assassinate him it was a pothead wigger who was grappling amongst garbage with me.

That's so funny.

That's how he said that.

He was on the couch for a couple years.

Did you guys ever imagine he was going to be that good at political commentary?

You know what?

I shouldn't say no.

I didn't know he was going to go to be that kind of big in it.

The fact that he is great at it doesn't surprise me at all.

His recall is nuts.

It's interesting how, like, because I said this was just a guy at a time I said we smoked pot.

We essentially raised my daughter like a gay couple during the day.

Then my ex-wife would come home, and then we'd head into the city and meet up with with Lewis.

How many times did your ex-wife accuse you of doing gay shit with Dave?

You know, it's funny.

Before, one of the reasons I was able to give why I was leaving when I left was I went in her thing to see if she was.

I was like, I should see if she's cheating, also.

And I went through her computer, and it was nothing about her cheating at all.

It was several times looking up what to do when you find out your husband is gay.

I was like, What?

What?

That's a joke.

Imagine me and a woman married to a guy and thinking he's secretly sneaking away and sucking cocks.

That's a video that just went by recently.

The girl caught her boyfriend, her husband.

He looked staged.

I saw that.

You think it was staged?

I don't think so, dude.

I don't think she's that good of an actress.

I think a lot of these are staged.

They might be.

I think a lot of them are staged.

She was losing her mind.

She's like, you're fucking that guy.

You're fucking him, Chris.

Really?

Cheaters getting caught by their significant others, though.

As much as I've felt that pain, I love those videos.

That's a rabbit hole I've got, too.

Remember the show cheaters and the guy stabbed on a boat?

All fake.

All fake?

All fake.

I believe it.

I've talked to so many people who've worked at Cheaters before and stuff.

And

I wanted to be the host.

They brought Peter Guns from Lord Tariq and Peter Guns Uptown Baby.

Remember that song?

Yeah.

He became the newest host.

Before him, it was Gary or Clark Gable

the third.

It was like Clark Gable's grandson.

Seriously, it was like Clark Gable III or something.

He died from a drug overdose.

The original guy who hosted it was a guy named Tommy Habib.

He was pretty great at it.

Then the little guy got stabbed.

Fake, completely fake.

Do you remember Morton Downey Jr.?

Of course.

He was the best.

Mouth.

He was the best.

Yeah, he would just smoke on the show and just yell at people.

He's like, all right, so you're a Nazi.

Here's the Jewish Defamation League.

Let's bring him out to fight.

This is what's crazy.

There was a guy who used to work as a doorman at one of the comedy clubs, like a wannabe comedian, and he would also get jobs on these reality shows.

And the way it would work, they'd call him up.

Hey, we're looking for someone whose brother had an affair with his wife and he just found out.

He goes, what a coincidence.

My brother just had like that would be the thing.

They'd go, great, come on in.

And we're looking for a guy who came back from Vietnam, very disillusioned, you know, whatever the fuck it is.

They would say that to him and he'd go, great.

And they knew it was bullshit.

And he would just show up and act it.

They would just give him a rust.

So you came back from Vietnam and what did you discover there?

And he would just start talking.

Well, when it's real, it goes bad.

They had the one thing where the

guy was Jenny Jones that ruined her fucking career completely.

The guy was in love with her.

Yeah, they were like, hey, I'll do the show, but it's not going to be a guy, right, who's like into me.

And they were like, no, no, no.

And then it was,

it was this, now he's friends with two people, a big fat girl and a gay guy.

And the big fat girl was sitting out there.

And he was like, oh,

shit.

Okay.

And they go, no, no, it's not her.

And they bring out the guy.

And he says, he goes, oh, you lied to me.

And his face is real, like, embarrassed.

And he killed the gay guy later.

And that ruined Jenny Jones' career completely.

Yeah, you know, Jenny Jones was a comic, and she used to do like all-girls night.

So at the club, like, you couldn't even be in the club.

So they would do, like, a show where it would be all-girl wait staff, all-girl everything, all-girl audience.

It's the least funny show ever.

Well,

the service is slow.

The math is wrong,

and then she

has clean as shit.

No security, Latina gang fights in every bathroom.

I think it was just a regular club.

It's just they just only got female staff to run everything.

That's great.

You sometimes see that.

Was it like an all-female comedy festival?

Imagine if you try to do an all-male comedy festival.

It'd be hilarious.

We have it.

It's gang fest.

Have you seen that?

Did you ever see that?

There's like, I forget, there's some shift in some town where their brag is like, and this shift is all 100 female police officers like well now we know the time and place dude let's lose yeah take over this fucking city dude go do that with uh on a flight i wasn't on it but i've seen it where it's like

just so you know today All of the flight attendants and our captain and co-captain are female.

You're like, what?

Let me off this fucking flight right now.

Wasn't that the case in Toronto where the plane flipped upside down?

I think that was.

That was the movie flight with Denzel Washington.

No, no, no.

They woke you up and they were like, hey, do you know how to do that?

The lady,

she came in hot.

She came in hot on the landing and flipped the plane.

Oh, yeah, when it landed upside down, I did.

Yeah, yeah.

Bro.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that was one of them deals.

If I get a female Uber driver, I rebook my Uber.

Oh, my God.

They drive so slow and buy like the laws.

Oh my God.

Why did you not just shit in Waymo?

I did.

I've been in Waymo twice.

Yeah, dude, an Asian woman driver is the worst.

There's a lot of that in New York City sometimes.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

And they are slow and they do not change lanes.

And it is brutal to sit there in in the back and not yell.

I know, and then they're going exactly the speed limit so you can't complain.

Yeah, please break the law.

This is that guy who was one of the producers of Top Gear in the UK.

He got his license revoked because he went 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour zone.

They took his license away for six months.

You're weird.

How rough is England?

That town needs a Mexican uprising, it sounds like.

It sounds like they did an English uprising.

That'd be 20.

But it is 20.

I was just driving from Manchester to London.

When you get into London, the speed limit is 20 miles an hour.

That is so crazy.

It's insane.

How many kilometers per hour is that?

I don't know, but because my driver had, it was in miles per hour, like his speedometer.

And it was 20 miles an hour he was going.

And it just feels like you're in slow motion.

It's insane.

Well, do they what do they always use miles per hour?

I think they use kilometers, right?

No, I think Canada uses kilometers.

I thought they used kilometers.

But this car specifically had miles per hour on the speedometer.

But you're on the wrong side of the road?

Yeah.

Is that weird?

You're not a paid driver on the right side of the road.

Well, I wasn't driving.

I did drive in Jamaica because that was an English-owned

country.

So they're on the opposite side as well.

And I rented mopeds when I was in Jamaica.

And you get used to it very quickly.

Like, you think it's going to really turn you around, but like, whatever it is, your mind just flips it.

And as soon as I drive into Canada right away, even in Canada signs, I'm like, oh, no.

Oh, no.

Here we go.

We're going to go Ooh East.

Yeah.

Oost.

Oost.

Nord.

How many different countries use inches and miles an hour?

Doesn't everybody use kilometers now?

Doesn't everybody use the metric system?

I still think they're wrong.

That's crazy.

They tried it on us when I was in high school.

Really?

Yeah,

they tried to introduce the metric systems if this is going to be the thing that we all accept.

And everybody's like, meh.

Yeah.

Nah.

It's antiquated.

It's not in this country, bitch.

I don't follow the Dewey decimal system either.

Nope.

Suck my dick, old people.

Whoa.

Fuck your kilograms.

Yeah.

It's a weird thing that one country just says, nah, we can't learn it.

Fuck that.

I mean, how many countries have it?

How many countries have inches?

I think it's maybe England.

It says the UK, USA, and Canada keep miles per hour.

Oh, so is that what is England has miles per hour?

Oh, no, they have it like it's double, but it's their main thing is definitely kilometers for sure.

Yeah, so everything else, it's uh

whatever everything else is kilometers.

So it's like

six countries that have have um kilometer or miles per hour?

Or inches?

It's just weird that we didn't like I I still don't know

I think dick is inches in every

place.

My dick is 36 decimeters.

Yeah, just as tight as milk.

That's 26,000 kilogometers.

Do you know any guys know?

Do you guys have a vast majority of

countries use kilometers per hour?

9% of the world uses miles per hour.

U.S.

being the notable example.

Interesting.

So it's all the UK.

I wasn't wrong.

When I was in England for the fights, they measure people in stone.

So they say 10 stone.

I have no idea what that means.

I think it's 230 pounds.

I think it's, is it 13 pounds each stone?

It's a weird old-timey fucking measure.

But you have to say it.

Is that in the way of it?

Is itself stones?

I think so.

Probably.

14 pounds?

I think so.

14 pounds?

So that would be 240 pounds, 10 stone.

I think it was actually like

a fucking scale, a justice scale with like the person on one side and stones on the other.

I think it's what it comes from.

I do like England, though.

It's shitty food, but it's still just a cool vote.

Like London's cool.

It's being the only circumcised person in a room piece of shit.

So, no, 10 stone's 140 pounds, right?

You said it's 14 pounds per?

Yeah.

Okay.

20 stone would be 240 pounds.

So then you'd have to say

five stone, nine ounces, and then say the fucking pounds afterwards.

It's weird.

Like, why?

Talking about weird things to keep holding on to.

Stone.

That's a strange one.

Do you go and see the places and any of those weird destinations for UFC?

I definitely have.

Yeah.

Yeah.

London's cool.

It's interesting.

You'd go into a bar that's a 500-year-old place.

It's weird.

Like there's some old shit in that town.

Oh, yeah.

You know?

And you see how New York was designed after it so much.

Yeah.

Yeah, London's a cool town.

I like, I like, honestly, I like cities that remind me of New York.

So I love Rome.

Rome's like the OG New York.

It's fucking really cool.

How so?

I don't think you're wrong.

I've never been.

How's it like New York?

It's just, it feels like, because back in the day it was like the most...

It's the Pope, you cock sucker.

It's like the hub.

It's like very fast moving.

Yeah.

They were more advanced than everyone.

They were just like, you know, architecturally, technologically, they were way ahead of their time with everything.

That St.

Peter's Basilica is bananas.

I think about that all the time.

I think about it all the time, like the amount of work.

involved in making something that spectacular.

The Sistine Chapel is fucking nuts, dude.

Michelangelo went blind painting it.

Like he was on scaffolding and like paint was just dripping into his eye and he sort of going mad and fucking oh god it's so cool and the details and he wasn't even a painter which is the craziest thing he wasn't like he wasn't that wasn't by trade what he did he was just a genius and could like emulate like that crazy ass art he could do anything his sculptures were insane yeah the fucking art in the vatican too is nuts when you're walking through the place like how much money is all this worth like this is crazy it's the biggest art museum in the world and i'm going again i brought my son a few years ago on a father son trip And he was eight years old.

We did a four-hour tour.

We could have done an eight-hour tour.

It was so cool.

It was just never-ending.

Just every room was more awesome than the next.

They had the big map room.

Did you see that?

They had like a map.

It was like, you know, 150 feet wide, fucking however many feet tall.

And it was 99% accurate.

Whatever year it was that they made it, it was like, I don't know how, like, hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

99% accurate drawn by hand.

Crazy.

I can't even begin to tell you how, like, I have no idea how that could possibly be done.

Lewis Lewis swore to me today he was going to crowbar an art talk.

I did.

He said, he goes, I bet I can get Joe talk art.

How about their books?

I said he's going to think it's gay, and he was like, I bet he doesn't.

It's funny that art would be gay.

You know?

The books that they have, too, they have a crazy library.

They probably have some books from the Library of Alexandria.

They got tucked away in there.

Well, apparently, the deeper you go, the more exotic the shit is.

There's levels that you can only have access to if you're a king or a fucking.

That's why I believe people are capable of hiding UFO information.

That's why I believe people are capable of.

Because they're people capable of hiding all kinds of shit.

But what's you hiding England shit?

No one gives a fuck.

What are they hiding in there?

Salt?

Things for their food taste good?

The king's list.

Yeah.

This is when we had dragons.

But yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The history of dragons has been stifled.

Jay doesn't travel.

He won't go to other countries.

I'm trying to get him to do shows like in the UK.

I mean, they have the internet.

Well, you got to figure it.

New York to LA is a six-hour flight.

New York to Amsterdam is a seven-hour flight.

I'll tell you something.

I've done

everything I did overseas, I did probably,

or most things I should say, probably a little young in comedy.

and intimidated myself on the situations.

Well, it's up because you're poor, so you can't go to like a nice restaurant.

Well, you weren't at.

When I was in South Africa, I was wealthy, dude.

It's their money is gar baj.

But no, I'm telling you,

and I've enjoyed some of the places when I've gone to them.

It's just like, I am such a

regular idiot that I'm just like, I'm not going to understand the food.

And what am I going to plug my stuff into?

Doesn't it explode if it's wrong?

Dude, Amsterdam is so

when you walk through the red light district, like the places where you can buy like snacks, like they know how many, dude, it's so funny.

They have like

hot dogs on like pizza buns.

It's so for like dumb Americans to be like, oh, a hot dog on a pizza bun.

And you fucking just eat this.

Chocolate taco.

Chocolate tacos are great.

Choco tacos.

Chocolate tacos were fucking badass.

I get it, Jay.

Why travel?

Fuck it.

I, uh, yeah, I follow the Kid Rock credo.

I just try to get famous here.

Let's just handle it here.

This is the best place to be famous if you can get famous.

Yeah, who does it better than Kid Rock?

Nobody.

The guy's really figured it out.

Also, by gunning down that Miller Light, you know,

Bud Light, rather.

That Bud Light thing, he gunned down those cans.

Like, that was like one of the craziest moments in economy.

Like, that fucking Bud Light stock dropped like a rock.

Like, that moment when Kid Rock

guns down the Bud Light.

Kid Rock, maybe, though, if we were going to appoint him something, it should make the minister of beer.

Like, he should be the person deciding what beer we should have.

I'll accept that.

Because his friendship with the president is hilarious.

It's funny.

And wacky.

There's been no other thing like that ever.

Do you know what I mean?

You never found out like, oh, Bill Clinton and Iverson kick it once in a while.

Right.

Like that never happened.

Well, there was,

what the fuck's his name?

Oh, Bobby Brown and fucking Joe Biden fucking golf and crush ass together.

What the fuck's his name that's friends with Kim Jong-un?

Rodman.

Rodman.

Yeah, Dennis Rodman.

Rodman goes over there and hangs with Kim Jong-un.

It's the best documentary.

Did you ever see a documentary?

No.

Oh, treat yourself as soon as humanly possible to Dennis Rodman's Big Bang and Pyongyang.

Oh, boy.

It starts off as him going over there believing he's doing something diplomatic.

And then they go, all right, so you're going to go home and gather up some players and come here and the documentary uh filmmaker goes on the flight back when they were coming back now to north korea he goes oh i noticed from the last time that dennis has started drinking again and he was supposed to be like stopped drinking completely and then the documentary takes off because it's just dennis robin fucking up in north korea for two hours so he first comes in drunkenly starts bowing everybody it's not a bowing culture so that's pretty hilarious he treats the uh north North Koreans like they're dolls who like grab them and make them come sing karaoke and just points at them like while they sing.

He just dominates the room and everyone's afraid of him and everyone hates him.

Oh no.

It's one of the best documentaries.

Is there a trailer for a trailer?

What a crazy thing to go hang out with a dictator.

Yeah.

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Oh, yeah.

Oh, also, Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un also does not want much to do with Dennis Rodman.

What?

Like, after his meltdown, he like he like stiffs him.

He like has Dennis Robin meet him at his like chalet and then he's not there.

Whoa.

And there's just Dennis Rodman crying.

Is this the trailer?

Oh.

We're here today for Dennis Rodman to make a historic announcement for like his recent visit to North Korea.

The Ministry of Sports of the TPR Korea invites Mr.

Dennis Robin.

I just realize how much influence stylistically you take from Dennis Rodman, Jay.

Almost the same guy, a lot of people say.

Mr.

Rodman is on a private trip, and our views about North Korea have not changed.

You know, you got the JCs, the Beyonce's, stuff like that.

None of these people in the world are doing what I'm doing.

I am concerned, as many Americans are, about giving a birthday present to a man who is sitting there.

Wait, pause it for one second.

Do you remember that interview when he SPN?

No.

So they had him and the players that agreed to play go on there, and he loses his mind, Dennis Robin.

But in the documentary, they show you the whole buildup to that, which is the guy's meeting without Dennis Robin.

They're like, Dennis is a little off his rocker right now, and America's turning on us.

We're going to do this interview with CNN while Dennis is asleep, hungover, and we'll just do it, just us, and we'll be able to explain this better, that we're just trying to be diplomatic and do something here.

And then Dennis Robin wakes up and finds out they're doing that.

And he just barges on, and he just cuts a wrestling promo on this, and he's just slobber-filled, and it makes no sense.

What the hell are you thinking?

Look at these guys.

Look at him.

Oh, so great.

Do you have to let the Koreans win?

When you go over there?

Oh, it didn't matter.

The Koreans.

The game was such nonsense.

Like, at first, it was the Americans versus them.

The Koreans kept up with them because they're good and they're giving a shit and trying.

Dennis Robbins stops playing.

He just changes out of his thing and puts on street clothes and goes and hangs out with

Kim Jong-un

right away.

And then he goes, at halftime, he just goes, some people switch jerseys.

And then he goes, so we could play together.

And he just has them play.

He also has the audience try to sing along Happy Birthday to Kim Jong-un when he starts the game.

And the audience doesn't know what he's singing.

So they just start clapping too fast while he's singing.

It's really, it's two fantastic hours of television.

I recommend it highly.

Wow.

I love that kind of just brazen not seeing what's happening around you.

Like everyone's hating him and he's just like, I'm killing it.

I can't believe how good he's doing.

That's great.

So he doesn't go over there anymore?

No.

Well, I don't think so.

I'm sure he still drinks, though.

You stopped drinking.

How is Protect Our Parks with no drinking?

It was fun.

And you're the only one not drinking there.

Yeah.

But then at some point, aren't you wrangling three

people who are blackout drunk?

But it's okay.

I've been blackout drunk.

I know what it feels like.

It's not bad.

It's just for health purposes.

I was like, I work out so much and I take care of my body.

Like, why am I poisoning it all the time?

And I said, let me just take a break.

And I just took a break and I was like, God, why do I need it?

I was like, what am I doing?

Like, everybody's like, do you want to drink?

Yeah, let's have a drink.

But sometimes you're just like, it's just like a force of habit.

You know, have a drink every time I do a set, have a whiskey, have a shot before I go on stage.

You feel like you're doing something.

You feel bored when everyone else is drinking, but it's really no, like, I have way more energy.

When I'm not drinking, I could stay up and like be present.

Like,

I want to be in bed by 11 o'clock if I'm drinking or smoking weed.

Dude, I've had three months off and I haven't had one bad day.

So I haven't had one day physically where I feel like shit.

That has to be it.

Well, the other side is your metabolism.

When I stopped drinking, I got really just an incredible shape.

And as you're getting older,

even just like whatever it does to my metabolism, and everybody is different,

but it was like a huge difference in terms of how I felt in the gym, how much I could run, how much I could lift.

It's fun.

It's fun poison.

Yeah.

It's fun.

It's fun to get a little lit.

My doctor said those exact words.

He's like, he's like, you're poisoning yourself.

He's like, it's up to you.

If you want to poison yourself a little bit, that's fine.

Or a lot, you know, that's okay too.

That guy sounds fun.

Yeah, they were trying to say for a while that

doctor feel good.

Remember, they were trying to say for a while that one drink a night is probably good for you.

Oh, like a glass of red wine.

It's good for your heart.

You know what the problem with that is aura rings.

If you have an aura ring, you wear one of those things, and then you have one drink, you'll notice a difference in your sleep.

Significant, it's real, it's measurable.

Oh,

I try not to track anything that's going to be bad news.

Yeah, they're like, hey, you should get a sleep study.

He goes, Well, I didn't know for a fact that I die 27 times a night.

Isn't there like things you could do where you see a doctor and they're going to be able to essentially predict within a couple years of when you're actually going to die?

That's the Joe Rogan doctors.

Probably.

I want to know, Joe, who's you send Bert to where they come and they put him in that machine, like Luke Skywalker on Hoth, and they come out and they're like, If you eat bean, if you never eat beans again, you'll live to 105.

Bert is going to need more than that.

Every time I see him, he looks more like a grape.

Like, settle down, boy.

He's capable of doing it on his own, though.

Bert has incredible willpower.

Like, Bert wants to,

like,

he just drinks so much.

It's part of his thing, you know.

So I feel like he feels like, I shouldn't put words in his mouth, but he almost like, am I Bert Kreiser if I'm not getting fucked up and having fun with the fans like that?

Like, if he does a show and he doesn't take his shirt off, people will boo.

Yeah, but he's not going to be able to do that.

We fucking paid to see tits.

I think he wants to take his shirt off and they want it to come off.

100%.

I do too.

I run to the balcony when he's about to take his shirt off.

Because there's a big cheer, the pop, when he takes his shirt off, everybody goes crazy.

It's fun.

When I did Bert's podcast last time, I was like, stop letting everybody get in your head about like all these complaints are about Bert being the same person that we all are and also who he is.

But it's like now it's almost a sudden like, you know, he worries about that shit.

And I'm like, Bert, people want you to take your shirt off.

And they want to hear your stories about your family.

You're letting people go like, well, you don't do it like this person.

It's like, well, you don't tell jokes like Mark Norman.

You know, that's not what your thing is.

So it's not a thing to worry about.

He reads the comments.

That's the problem.

You read the comments, he'll fuck with your head.

No matter how mentally strong you are, if you're reading a bunch of opinions about you, it'll fuck with your head.

Yeah, and it's just like the same people who go on to Yelp and write reviews.

It's just people that want to complain.

So when you go on to social media, it's just like you get, it feels like, like, I have a pretty decent fan base.

Like, Legion of Skanks, we have a really like healthy fan base.

And then there's like 30 dudes.

Not healthy.

No, not physically healthy.

But there's like 30 dudes who hate me and and want my son to die.

And if you go on to Twitter, I'll just see that.

And it does like fuck with you.

It's not good.

It's all 30 of his followers.

But there's a lot of crazy people out there.

And there's also a lot of kids that just want to get a rise out of you.

There's a lot of things going on.

There's a lot of people that want to fuck with your head, but it's almost all unhappy people, unfortunately.

I just learned very quickly, though, like the ones that I have responded to, even when I respond, like my thing was always to respond kind of funny.

I'm not getting into fights.

Yeah.

Or someone would write like two paragraphs about how terrible I am.

And I'd be like, you know, come on, Jimbo, you don't mean it.

And then how much they write, I mean, without fail, almost 100% of the time, they're like, dude, just being a piece of shit, man.

I had a crappy day.

Love you, dude.

Listen every day to what you're doing.

You meet him in real life.

Sometimes you'll see.

There's one guy who tweets at me almost every day where he says, Louis Jagomez has lip fillers.

And he's trying to get this to be a thing to catch on.

And then like, every day he's trolling me.

And I'm like, this fucking guy.

And like for maybe two years, Luis Jagomez has lip fillers.

He'll respond to everything.

Other people tweet at at me.

He's like, just so you know, you're talking to somebody who has lip fillers.

And I don't have lip fillers.

I just have beautiful Puerto Rican lips.

This guy showed up at a show.

He had a little work.

Dude, he showed up at a show in.

This fillers are wild for a dude.

Wild.

He showed up at a show in Raleigh, North Carolina with a t-shirt that said Louis J.

Gomez has lip fillers.

And then I was like, I should bite your fucking nose off your face.

What are you doing?

But he's just like, oh, no, I'm a fan.

Like, it's hilarious.

He's just being silly.

He's just being silly every day.

He's being silly.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's part of the fun of being a fan.

Yeah.

You know,

you got a rise out of you.

It worked.

I know.

He got you.

It's in the front row.

He got you.

He got you.

I steer clear of the comedy just because of that.

Yeah.

It's like, I don't know.

I'd rather just meet people.

And if they show up, I guess.

They're so sweet in person because Skank Fest is like half of them are like people who are on Reddit and trolling.

And you go to Skank Fest and it is just thousands of people that are like,

just love.

SkankFest particularly, it's like, you know, they say how many times you like you walk by a murderer.

It's like, how many times is SkankFest?

I walk by, take a picture, and shake hands with somebody who's like, dude, you used to be good, but you suck dick comedy now.

All right.

You're always going to get guys like that.

There was one guy who was a fan of ours in the old school when we were at the Creaking Cave back in New York.

There's a dude who used to wore black glasses, long black hair, and he was at every episode.

He ended up murdering his mother.

Oh, Jesus.

Murdering his mother.

And then becoming great friends with Doug Stanhope.

And he murdered his mother.

Like hit jail pen pal with Stanhope.

Whoa.

Yeah, it was pretty funny.

When he got out, he's out.

He lives like a halfway house type thing now because it was a mental issue that he did that which is

clearly if you kill your mom well you know she might have been a bitch she'd have to do something really bad yeah if you kill your mom I feel like I don't care you obviously have mental issues yeah like yeah but he was a no but he had that when he called us he described it it was like it was like he thought she was like a demon that he had to stop before she got out in the world like he went he went crazy but I still feel like you should lock that guy up

you guys have been paying attention to the BJ Penn stuff he's he's like losing it right BJ Penn claims that his family are imposters that someone has uh kidnapped his family and replaced them oh yeah that's a very yeah isn't it funny when they hit the uh

with mania and manic shit like that and uh

bipolar with those kind of things like they really like they're a textbook that if you look it up because i've looked it up before you look it up it's texting one sentence at a time

a newfound thing in like religion and like being serious about it all of a sudden like it's always been that way and weird and they always have those things and that's one of them too like everyone's everyone's fake right everyone in my life has been replaced with somebody else they called something particularly some of them think they have a chip in their head and people are talking to them

yeah yeah it's very hard a lot of that a lot of that is they have a chip in their head well this guy who killed his mom and doug stand up became friends with doug was doing a zoom skanks one time episode with us and he had that guy call in

and uh you know we were asking him kind of about what happened and he just you know he gave a very compelling story and we were saying goodbye to him he goes uh he goes i do you remember this?

He goes, I just want to say,

you know, when I was going through all that horrible stuff and the last several years that have been so difficult and terrible and my family hating me, but I still always, man, I listen to you guys and laugh.

And I just want to say that I love you guys.

And I was like, well,

I think I speak for the group and I say, whew.

Because we all are aware of what you'll do if you feel someone is a problem.

Yeah, or a demon.

Or possibly a demon.

Yeah.

see i'm the point is we have some great fans yeah yeah well

you guys are doing

you guys are doing something really fun you're getting all the misfits together you know and you're you're celebrating comedy so it's like a real comedy like a comics festival like the comics look forward to it everybody loves it everybody talks so highly of it you know and everybody says the vibe is so fun because they they just go there to see like you know people were real upset when louis cke started to come back into the public eye yeah but uh one of my favorite favorite moments is when he went up at SkangFest.

They didn't know he was going to be there.

That was the first time he performed in America after he got canceled.

It was awesome.

Yeah.

And

it was wild.

And what's beautiful about the fans, they're educated comedy fans, so we didn't even have to tell them to not pull out their cell phones.

Not a single person took video.

Not a single person, like, this is definitely...

I watched you did because I watched the video.

No, no, no, it's just.

Just you?

I took that video of Justin Silver announcing, ladies and gentlemen, your special guest.

And I didn't take any of his set.

It was just him walking on a stage, standing ovation.

It made TMZ.

It was fucking really cool.

I mean, I was, I was, I was a pig in shit.

I went outside.

I got emotional.

I was like, that was fucking so cool.

That's cool.

What was really neat about what's funny about that moment was I was with Soder, Dan Soder, and I was like,

I was like, you want to come outside?

I'm going to smoke a joint outside.

He goes, yeah, sure.

And as we were just walking through that room,

I wasn't even thinking about it.

He goes, oh, you know, he goes, we should watch Louie come on real quick.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure.

Like, I didn't overthink of the moment you were about to watch.

It was so crazy.

It was really, it was really cool.

Like, that was cool.

That was like one of the coolest moments at the the festival.

That and then the tough crowd.

We did a tough crowd reunion at Skank Fest in Brooklyn a few years ago.

Just having everybody from Tough Crowd get together.

That's awesome.

Yeah, Colin, you know, being at the head of it.

That was awesome.

That was one of the best shows ever.

He should just make it a podcast.

It would be a huge podcast.

100%.

I wonder if he has the name, if he owns the name of the crowd.

I think he does.

But then he should definitely do it.

I think he does.

I think he just doesn't want to.

Well, it might be something that someone needs to offer it to him and put it together.

It could be something.

If you said it, he'd be like i never even thought of that until this moment

no a lot of a lot of people have a lot he's he's been approached with it he was great at the club he was at the club a couple weeks ago he's awesome colin awesome he was great all the comics that worked there they all like lined up to watch him you know i mean he's a real like he's just such a pro it's also so long so material is so interesting yeah he's such an interesting guy well he does the one-man shows are fantastic when i the last time i did tough crowd uh he warmed up the crowd and so he's doing stand-up stand-up in front of the crowd, and he was fucking murdering.

I'm like, this is way better than even Tough Crowd.

Like, he's one of the most underrated guys of all time.

You know, like, all us comics know how funny he is?

He's like a real comics comic.

He's like in the top three for, it's like a, it's like a tell.

Like, he's, there is always like top three for every comedian.

It was also, though, that place was like the shark tank, though, for something.

I mean, when they got

that fan, I never felt bad for somebody more in my life.

So had him on there.

And the only segment that was produced of of Tough Crowd, you remember, was the last one.

You had to write and give them like the whatever your little rant was going to be about the last segment.

You did it once, right?

I did it once.

Yeah.

About that final topic.

That was the only homework you had to do at all.

And

that fan was clearly going to do something about his mother and do the voice or something.

And Patrice, right before he

was about to do

his fourth segment thing, he goes, hey, let's see if you can do two minutes without talking about doing your mom's accent.

Oh.

No, and then Voss and all those guys just like started pouncing on him, and then he just had to go, like, hey, you guys.

So, my mother called me like, oh,

oh, you have to do it still.

That's always prepared.

Oh, man.

But it was like an OG podcast.

Before podcasting was podcasting, like just a bunch of comics sitting around, just barking at each other, arguing.

So fun.

It was fun.

Way ahead of its time.

But then again, like, Regis and Kathy Lee was a podcast, technically, too.

Technically, if you really think about it.

Yeah, The View, all these shows.

I I think Opie and Anthony was the big start of it all.

Yeah, for sure.

That was what started it off for me because that was the first time I was ever on a show where it was no structure.

It was just comics.

Shoot the shit, yeah.

Like, we all could be on Opie and Anthony.

We'd be having this exact same conversation, except Norton and Kumia and Opie would be here.

Same fucking conversation.

Yeah.

You know, it was just, I let you go.

I was more of a Howard Stern guy, you know, and I know so were you as well.

But without Opie and Anthony, like shows like Legion of Skanks wouldn't exist.

Like, that's the truth.

Like, we also, there's a lot of fans that are just like, just these 50-year-old truckers that are just like, we need something.

Our generation was having a much harder time.

Like, it wasn't like back in the day when Stern was Howard Stern was bringing on comics, all the comics, because that was like his crew he was trying to build up.

Like, we were past that.

So, we had no, there was no like show

that was like that for anybody, which except for Open Anthony.

I was Ron and Fez.

You remember Ron and Fez's show?

That's the show that kind of like took me in that I jived with best.

Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

Yeah, Ron Bennington's fucking great.

Hilarious the best.

So funny.

Yeah, there's like, you know, there's a whole, you could track like, like, ancient man, you know, like fucking prehistoric.

You could track podcasts to where it is.

That's without a doubt.

How about Mark Maron just quitting?

I know, crazy.

He's done.

He said, he's hanging it up.

Not fun anymore.

Yeah, but like Opie and Anthony, what they did different than Stern was they put comics on.

There was a few comics that would come on Stern.

They would interview, like, but they were megastars.

Obi and Anthony figured out they could put three or four comics in a room and create like a beautiful chaos.

And it was just going to be people bouncing off each other.

You'd create these moments that nobody knew was going to happen.

Really cool.

Stern did not believe in that.

You want a cigar?

I'll take a cigar.

Hell yeah, dude.

That's what I'm talking about.

I love a good cigar.

Yeah, Stern's thing now is for comics.

Oh, Stern sucks now.

Now it has to be.

I know it's really, it's funny.

Like, I was one of the last people to check out.

Yeah, you'd like to stern way too late.

I still, listen, I still arbitrarily just go to it, and I think he's the best that ever did it.

I think I give him all the kudos in the world.

Without him, there would be nothing.

None of it.

I give him all the kudos in the world.

It's just, I think the

like, I don't think, I think his last

phase here might be like, I might be weirdly too young for it.

Like, possibly.

Thank you.

Like, the interviews don't really.

The interviews don't really strike me anymore.

I really don't.

He's not going to get to anything that I care about with Sarah Jessica Parker.

It's just not going to get.

I remember back in the day, he made the guy one of those guys who died from LFO.

Remember that song from the 90s?

What is I like?

Chinese food makes me sick.

Girls of summer?

I don't know what that is.

You're a real cigar guy.

Look at you.

You know how to burn before you.

It's a one-hit.

It's a one-hit wonder.

I don't remember.

LFO.

They were like around the same time as all the boy bands.

And they got

pretty popular.

And he made one of those guys so interesting.

You got him to talk about fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt and then her dumping him

and the way he found out he was dumped.

Like, she gave him a ring that was like a promise ring from her to him, and then he saw her and like a tabloid walking with another guy, and the guy had the same exact ring.

That's just her ring she gives out.

She's a wild girl.

Yeah.

Giving out rings to dudes.

I know.

She fucking aged like a goddamn plum, though.

She looks like shit.

Oh, no.

It looks like shit now.

I feel bad to say this is too big of a platform to be really trashing a girl for not being pretty anymore.

Fucked up.

Back off of that.

That's the way to do it.

I mean,

Hillary Clinton.

No.

I mean, no.

Pamela Anderson.

i mean god damn it did she fall off she was the hottest woman wearing makeup she put it back on again it didn't help a lot but i will say

no she was pamela anderson first of all the documentary about her they did on that show

love them uh the one they did about her he won't read a book but he'll watch a documentary all day long books who's got time for books um

but the thing about her made me like her the one about anna nicole smith made me realize what a piece of shit she was i mean terrible person it seemed like And then Pam Anderson made me kind of like fall in love with her again, where I'm like, this is a, she really is just like a dummy who just believes in love.

Yeah.

She's just like a sucker.

No, she had a couple of moments where she talked about

like during the Me Too movement, she was like, look, she was like, I got invited to every hotel room by every director in Hollywood.

She was like, I didn't go because I knew what the fuck they wanted.

And she just kind of had a very real opinion on that whole sort of movement and what was going on.

It's like, you know what's happening if you go to a hotel room with some fucking powerful guy?

Like, you know, you have to take a certain amount of you know accountability yourself and she had a very real take on it which i kind of respected well hollywood had a long history doing that tarantino was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office and his name was quentin tarantino

his name was tintin quarantino

dude are you fucking we talking about that right where he he uh in desperado was it or um no uh dustle dawn dustle dawn where he's like that's dave always yeah yeah yeah he's like i'm gonna uh i'm gonna have selmahayek shove her foot in somebody's mouth.

You know what?

I think it'll be me.

I'll take that.

Hilarious.

I'm not going to put George Clooney through the sweet sensation of sucking Salma Hayek's beautiful foot.

Oh, God, she was hot in that scene.

He played such a good serial killer in that fucking movie.

That was great.

I just watched it like two weeks ago again.

He was such a good psycho.

I prefer Black Dust Till Dawn called Sinners.

I don't think Dust Dawn had enough of enough social commentary.

I thought Sinners was great.

People hated Sinner.

I didn't see it.

I thought it was really good.

It was great.

It's funny.

People try to politicize everything.

I'm like, like, it's just a fun vampire movie.

Who cares?

Yeah, you don't like a good vampire movie?

I love a good vampire movie.

Kind of, yeah.

They were saying it's like an attack on white culture.

The annoyance of the colours.

Because the first vampires were like white and they were like feasting on black people.

And

which, you know, black people would be more delicious.

But you very rarely, other than Blade, you very rarely get a black vampire.

Yeah.

Sweeter the juice.

You know what I'm saying?

It's like, oh, you remember Blackula?

It had to be a comedy.

No, it was a fucking movie.

No, no, but it's a

black exploitation, right?

But it's supposed to be ridiculous.

I think it was a horror movie.

I think it was a legit horror movie.

Do you know that guy?

Do you know Blackula?

Yeah, there it is.

Blackula, I found this out from that Pee-Wee Herman documentary.

Blackula was the mailman on Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Oh, no.

What a wow.

Yeah.

Really?

Isn't that weird?

Phil Hartman was on Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Died hating him.

What?

Phil Hartman did?

Hating Pee-Wee Herman when he died.

No.

Yeah.

What makes you say that?

That's the thing in the documentary.

Phil Hartman hated Pee-Wee.

Phil Hartman did an interview with Howard Stern.

Howard Stern asked him about that, and he was like, yeah, we don't speak anymore.

Oh, wow.

He thought he didn't get enough credit, I think, for Pee-Wee's big adventure and shit.

Oh, that's unfortunate.

Yeah.

That's weird because Phil was.

Pee-Wee Herman was a real bitchy queen, but

he was easy to get along with.

Like, Phil was.

Ask his wife.

He was easy for me.

I got along with him great.

Andy Dick, there was the problem.

He was fun, man.

He was just too wild, you know.

But I did so many scenes with that dude where we had to do him like three or four times because i couldn't stop laughing i just couldn't stop breaking character it's more just like sad what he's going through now everything yeah it's not good but he also just gets like he's one of those guys like letting himself get used by people i assume for drugs or something but i mean like i don't know because he ends up on these like weird pods where it's like he's sleeping at some guy's house or something weird it's not good yeah he's out of it And he was right there on the precipice with jury duty, Paulie Shore's vehicle with jury duty.

Right.

He did other stuff, too, man.

He did that

fucking war movie.

What was the war movie they did?

Oh, in the Army Now.

That's right.

Yeah.

I think that's the one he did.

I don't know if he may have done another one or two of them.

They may have been trying to Farley spade them.

Farley spade them together.

He's a funny dude, though.

Do you have hopes for a happy Gilmore too?

Could it possibly be good?

Yeah.

Adam Sandler still makes good stuff.

He still makes good.

Comedy stuff.

Yeah, he does.

Those Netflix ones were good.

They were funny.

They're pretty good.

You like Hubie, Halloween, or something.

They're pretty good.

If you like Adam Sandler movies, I love Adam Sandler movies.

I love silly movies.

Like, I love the one when he played his own sister.

What was that one?

Jack and Joe.

Jack and Joe's fucking hilarious.

And Al Pacito's in love with her.

And she's a brute.

It's fucking fun.

Adam Sandler rules.

He's a great actor.

And, I mean, Happy Gilmore was so great, but I almost feel like.

There's no way this second one is going to be good.

It's Jeff.

I think they're going to try to do too many throwback moments.

What was the movie they kind of did that with recently?

Fucking

like this Coming to America part two?

Yeah, like they there's like that was terrible.

That was actually fucking terrible.

And Coming to America, I grew up on.

First of all, they made it PG-13.

The original Coming to America was rated R.

They made it a musical.

It put musical numbers in it.

It was bad.

But I have high, look, I will watch it.

Oh, I watched Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice people loved.

I didn't like that.

Same thing.

I thought it was like...

Yeah.

You can't capture that first one.

I thought Beetlejuice was pretty good, the new one.

I thought it was pretty good.

Yeah, I liked it.

It wasn't as good as the first one, but it's pretty good.

I fucking loved it.

The Soul Train, when they got on the Soul Train, it was all dead, like,

resurrected black people dressed in 1970s outfits dancing.

Have you seen it?

I kept on falling asleep.

I keep on turning it on and falling asleep 20 minutes into it.

Well, it's good, man.

It's pretty solid.

I mean, it is one of those Tim Burton movies.

It's just like a fun, weird fucking movie.

I love the first one, man.

I didn't know Tim Burton made the first Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

Did he really?

The first Tim Burton movie.

Oh, that makes sense.

It Was Large Mars.

I forget to tell him, Large Mars.

Large Marshall.

That looked like the girl we brought to the UFC event in Kelly.

You remember?

If they were to call her that, we still would have kept our heads down.

Large Mars.

She is large.

Fuck.

Bro, Pee-Wee's Playhouse was so fun.

Or Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, brother.

It was so fun.

Pee-wee's Playhouse was trippy.

I didn't even know that.

That's how, like, weird.

Like, Pee-Wee's Playhouse was meant to be like...

One of these bikes was for sale recently.

Whoa.

How much did it go for?

Well, guess.

I'll let you guess.

$100,000.

It went for more than that.

$500,000.

It was $135,000.

Wow.

There's 14 bikes, and it was one of them, though, supposedly.

It had no seat on it.

It was a fun movie, man.

I went to see that with a girl I was dating in high school, and we were like the only people in the movie theater.

It was like one of them lucky moments.

We were just fucking howling, howling, laughing.

First was where the whole thing was always to have like nods for adults in it.

What you doing?

Yeah,

it was totally like an anybody's movie.

It wasn't just like a kid's movie.

It was an anybody movie.

Pee-wee was a little off.

I was being a kid, watching it, being like, what's the fucking deal here?

Big top Pee-Wee?

It was just always a little bit weird.

That was his.

He tried to do it himself, and that's why that did terribly.

Oh, really?

Because again, there's jokes and there no one gets it.

I forgot this.

I saw it once when it first came out, never saw it again.

He's got a...

Make out scene with somebody that just goes on for like five straight, and they just never stop.

That's funny.

Having the make out and just keeps panning further and further backwards like five straight in the middle of the movie.

Five shoots and just like hardcore making out with the shit.

But I mean, when I was older, I think I would have gotten it.

Because he had such like, he said, a lot of Andy Warhol-inspired stuff and reference.

There was an episode of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure or Pee-Wee's Playhouse where he said two minutes he just put dog food in a bowl and it was just like ASMR, a close-up of a dog just eating the food for like two straight minutes, which I would have weirded me out when I was a kid.

Yeah, for sure.

Whatever it was, it was just a little bit off.

He got rolled up in one of the most bullshit cases ever.

Oh, and he got caught jerking off in the movie.

He got Kurt jerking off in a gay movie theater.

Where you're supposed to do that?

You supposed to

you do.

That didn't ruin him the way he thought like that.

In fact, I thought it was interesting when he did his first comeback was that Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie?

And

he asked him to make his character look like his mug shot.

That's why he looks like that.

That's funny.

He said they made him look like Charles Manson.

Did you watch it, Jamie?

No, I saw clips of it.

I was really into that.

I mean, didn't it get his show canceled?

No, the show was already done.

Okay.

Show was already done.

But he was out for a while.

Then he was in Blow.

He was in that.

No, he came back.

He had a career career.

Career career.

But after that, what took him down was, because I thought you were saying he got caught up in the biggest bullshit.

He was caught up in that sweep that got Jeffrey Jones.

What's that?

That was the principal from

Ferris Bueller.

That guy got nailed with actual chubby.

People pornography.

Oh.

And Pee-Wee Herm was friends with him, so they went and searched Pee-Wee's house.

And what they found, he's a collector.

He's like a crazy collector.

He's found a big couch that can talk.

Yeah.

A bunch of naked kids inside of it.

No, you don't understand.

Oh, fuck him.

It eats them.

No, he had like erotica from like the 70s in collections that was like, and everyone was above age, but it just like, it was, it's considered obscene material.

Oh, no.

When they went to his house.

Where was he living?

California, I believe.

Erotica, obscene erotica.

He got nailed with obscene material charges, but he was lumped in with like pedophilia.

The charge here is

a little worse than that.

What is it?

Pleaded no contest in L.A.

court to charges of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for photographs.

To pose for photographs.

They leave that out of the documentary, I feel like.

They didn't put it in the documentary.

Look at Jay defending an actual pedophile.

I'm just saying he was a good guy.

He got to take charge of the documentary.

The charges turned up.

Oh, man.

Child porn was not part of the deal.

Joe, the first time we did your podcast when you showed us all of your cool toys in your L.A.

studio, I would have sucked your dick to do one of those things.

Which toys?

Like your

compound bow.

I've told this story so many times on podcasts.

This is the first time we came here.

It ends so great.

Because me, Dave, and Lewis all came in in LA, and you took us first, and you go, check this out.

And you grabbed the compound bow and you had the laser sight and you could shoot it all the way across the full UFC Jimmy.

And it looked so cool.

We were all like just warming our hands up.

You're like, we can't wait till we can do this.

Then you put the bow down as I was reaching for it, I thought.

And then you went over, you go, there's the pool table.

You broke a rack and sunk a few.

Like, cool.

Then you open the the door and you're like, here's where I freezed myself.

Here's where I thaw myself out.

And we're like, wow.

And then you go, and here's my prize possession.

And you had the, they do it for golf and stuff too, like the Kevlar screen hunting.

Yeah.

And you had the flat tip.

But I go, he probably wants us to do this one because it's the flat tips.

No one's going to get hurt.

And then you fucking wailed two elk.

And then you go, let's go podcast, boys.

And I was like, he just showed us all of his toys and was like, don't touch me.

The problem with those toys is I can't teach you that quickly to use.

I understand.

we're gonna embarrass ourselves we would have embarrassed ourselves big but then we always say like how much dave smith came on for like talks with you after that individually me and we were me and lewis like why doesn't joe embrace us the way he embraces dave and then someone brought up the pic the first picture we ever took here it's so funny it's the werewolf i am standing behind the werewolf like i'm fucking it

lewis is yeah acting like he's getting sucked off by the bear and dave is just leaning in touching it going

i'm like oh you know what?

Dave had respect for you and your belongings.

We're like, oh,

that's hilarious.

The difference between us and Dave.

I wonder why Dave keeps going back.

Dave is his hand on the head gently.

Yeah.

Is Dave in the Rogan sphere?

We're trying to figure out how we get in the Rogan's fear.

My ochre sphere is in here.

Look, first of all,

Shane doesn't need the Rogan sphere anymore.

Let's just move Shane out, move Big Jay into that position.

Doesn't require the Rogan's fear.

Ari's moving to fucking Thailand or something.

He's gone.

I'm ready.

I'm a wacky guy.

I'll shave half my head.

Ari's going to do a stint over there and bail.

Agreed.

I'm going to talk to him.

I'm going to call him up every day.

Fuck that place.

I'm going to call him up, plant it in his head.

I think we got Diaz come in here.

Oh, it's Austin?

Yeah.

That's great.

Yeah,

we talked about it this weekend.

I saw him in Jersey for the fights.

Joey's the man.

So he's back in the sphere.

Fuck.

Yeah.

There's plenty of room for you guys.

You're in the sphere right now.

You're on the show.

Every time the Rogan sphere gets talked about, we never get a thing.

When Cat Williams said six unfunny comics,

we knew it wasn't us funny.

I knew it wasn't us.

I would have been happy to be one of the six unfunny comics.

Cat probably has a point.

But

what I was trying, he thought I wouldn't have him on.

I'm like, bro, I love you.

He's so funny.

I couldn't wait to have him on right away.

I'm like, I've reached out to him right away.

I'll go, that's not true.

I just haven't reached out to you because I didn't know if you wanted to do it.

Sure.

Like, I didn't know he wanted to do it.

If I thought he wanted to do it, I would have had him on a long time ago.

He might be one of my favorite stand-ups to watch a special of because I have a hard time laughing at on-TV specials.

Pimp Chronicles?

Dude, he's fucking so funny, dude.

Bro, I'm not going to lie.

I need subtitles for it, but

I genuinely don't know what he's saying.

But I know Cat Williams is very, very funny.

Pimp Chronicles is a masterpiece.

It's a masterpiece.

He's so good.

Walking in.

There's something about him when he's cooking, too, when he's cooking, when he's really on fire, it's different than everybody else.

He's sweating, and you know, his fucking hair is throwing back, and just the tone of his voice, and the way he repeats punchlines.

It's like that guy gets cooking, man.

He gets cooking.

You watch the crowd, they're just falling out.

He does really long sets, too, right?

He does like an hour and a half.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a beast.

He's a beast.

He's a wild boy.

At least I've never been.

He was on a drive, too.

I put him on the driving simulator.

He fucking killed it.

Oh, I always see him on World Star.

He seemed to attract on World Star Hip Hop.

He beats like pro athletes in races and shit all the time.

I believe it.

It's very weird.

Yeah.

He talks about it.

He still, what's funny is he also dresses, though like the old black guy who comes to play basketball, so it looks like he's not going to be that good.

And then he's like fast as shit.

Remember, he's beat up by a teenager.

Do you remember that?

It's the funniest thing in the world when he goes, watch this.

This is him at our racing simulator.

By the way, he's doing it one hand.

Give me some volume.

Get in there.

Get in there.

There you are.

There he is.

That's when you're having to fight that competition off that corn

cold.

How accurate is the simulator?

Pretty fucking good.

It's got gravity.

It turns you side to side, has crazy noises.

It feels like you're really driving.

Yeah, and how do we do it like this?

Because we do this in real life.

If he was driving Uber, he'd be making a personal phone call right now.

The roads, the highways, and the byways of America that allow you to do this.

So he can drive.

He looks terrified.

No, he looks like he's on it, man.

That steering wheel will break your wrist if you're holding it.

Yeah, it's hard.

It's not a game.

No, the steering wheel reacts as if your tires would react at high speeds.

Put low.

Do you guys ever do a racetrack?

You ever drive on a racetrack?

No.

I can't drive 35 miles an hour on a regular road track.

I do believe in full trip.

When I did Bert's tour, one of the things we performed at a racetrack, and they had the pace car, it was like a convertible, And they took us all for like a couple loops, right?

Like individually, one of the time they wanted us to film it.

And mine was so boring because I was like smiling.

It was exhilarating the whole time, but they were like, you know, Bert's giving them and people are going like, no, no, no, no, no.

Like the corners are coming.

And they were like, you didn't freak out at all.

I go, I just had blind trust that they're not going to kill us.

Like, right?

Like, are they going to put us in real, like, are we going to start cartwheeling down the fucking road here?

I assume they're not going to do anything they don't know how to do perfectly.

This is why Bert's famous because Bert's fun and he reacts big.

And you just just sat there like i was just like this was neat

nobody wants to watch that i know i should want to watch screaming and yelling and crying about your daughter just be your

my daughter don't worry about what people want yeah

i can't scream at that i gave you remember when the first time you guys did my nails on the show i freaked out about oh yeah touching my cuticles and now we get them done now we get some done no he gets his nails painted by our asian lady every week well now you have to once it's get done every other week lewis i'm not a diva is that a thing you think you feel connected to?

Like you have to keep doing that now?

Yes.

Burt Chrysler take your shirt off thing.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not like that.

No, it's more like connected to it.

Somehow it's gayer.

No, it's a gayer thing.

No, it's connected to I bit my nails forever, got my teeth fixed, can't bite my nails anymore.

They grew in raggedy.

I tried to take care of them myself and was just terrible at it.

They got my nails on the show one time.

As a bit, because

if you just did this to Jay, look, if you show him, you're pulling your cuticle back, he'll freak out.

For some reason, it's a weird thing.

So we had an Asian lady come in, and we warned her: we were like, Listen, the type of show, the jokes we're going to make, she was so cool.

This, like, literally, she barely spoke any English, but she was such a fun time.

And she did his nails on the show, and he screamed like a girl the whole time because it should be.

It wasn't a scream, it was more like that, like, pull away.

Like, I was, I did not enjoy it.

Yeah, and then uh, it became a thing where every week after that, he came in with a new color nails, every other week, but it's the uh keep saying every week, I'm not a gay man.

I uh

no, but once they were done, then yeah, once you can't really undo it, I don't know what to do now.

I can't take care of them that good myself.

I can't make them look like that.

Just go get it done.

Who gives a fuck?

Yeah.

That was what you like.

Yeah.

Everybody's got their own quirks, Lewis.

Leave them alone.

Hey, Lewis, you chose to have nipple rings to connect.

I have one or had one nipple ring.

I can't believe you actually had one.

I was having one.

Did they connect like Xerxes?

No, no, no.

I had a nipple ring.

I had a lip ring.

I like by the bear ring.

Isn't the funniest thing you had all those things when you're like now you my body sucked?

Yeah, yeah.

You never had a nipple ring with a broken broken.

You never had a nipple ring with pecs?

You had a nipple ring with your tit?

You know, so you look sexy in tank tops.

I was so bad, dude.

Just a fat kid with a nipple ring for me.

Why did you get it done?

I don't know.

I just wanted to, I like tattoos and piercings and shit.

I was young.

I was surprised, though.

I kept from being fat my whole life.

Also, I kept my tattoos always to arms.

For the most part, I never did ones that I would have to take my shirt off for people to see.

Yeah, I wouldn't do a stomach tattoo.

No, but you had like here.

I have my chest tattoo.

You have your chest tattoo.

On my own.

I got one when my mom died.

It says on my own.

On my own.

I know, isn't that ironic for a guy who who owns a company and has a thousand friends and collaborates with people and everything he does?

He's on his own.

Well, he says on this side, Cotel Writer.

You figured out early on, though, that the best way to not get pulled off of shit is to have your own network, though.

Yeah.

Like Kumia did that.

You guys did that.

Yeah, yeah.

That's such a good thing.

And what's funny is we were going like for a few years, it would almost seem like pointless because Patreon got so big.

But then with censorship with YouTube and all these other platforms, now there's never been a better time for it.

Like we have an uncensored version of the show, an ad-free version of the show.

We can say anything we want.

YouTube hunts us every time we get close to that plaque.

We've had our four YouTube channels taken down.

In the 90-something thousands of subscribers because

they just start reviewing it then.

They're like, no, no way.

What gets pulled?

What's it about?

Most of the time, it's actually our fucking dumb producers leaving in nudity and shit like that.

YouTube relaxes moderation rules to allow more controversial content.

This is just today, though.

Oh, this is today.

Freedom of expression, value may outweigh harm, risk.

That's great.

I love that.

Fuck yeah.

It is changing a little bit, which is good.

I was listening to that.

Well, the pendulum swings, right?

Before we hold this podcast, I was listening to the other day, and I was like, wow, how is this?

Corey's wild.

He's so funny.

All the words you're not allowed to say.

So we bleep out all the no-no words, right?

This includes discussions of elections, ideologies, movements, race, gender, sexuality, abortion, immigration, and censorship.

Beautiful.

We're back.

Not remove anything considered to be in the public interest.

Oh, dude.

Interesting.

Well, abortion, too.

So we could do that abortion now on the air.

Remember that live abortion.

We've been putting that bit off for years.

That would be a great bit.

Everything that you can discuss is in the public interest, though.

That's, you know, I'm glad they changed it to that.

That's a great thing.

That's a weird thing.

Like, like jokes, like specifically, like I got my, on Instagram right now, they, I can't go live or advertise on Instagram for a year because I was talking about a bit that I did on my first special on Dan Soder's podcast

about how I would get free cocaine in Mexico.

I went up the beach and like I would get samples of cocaine.

I told the story about actually doing it and they flagged it and said we were promoting like

the sales of drugs and I'm fucking fucked for a year now.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, it's like literally a joke.

I'm just you didn't put up the number of the dealer though.

You put up the dealer's number?

No, I don't know.

But that's what I did.

I would go up and down the beach, and I'd get a free sample of cocaine.

I'd go to the next guy, get another free sample of cocaine, go to the next guy, and I just did that all night until they caught on.

So you were the leader of the cartel.

Yeah, they can get you for Rico charges now.

Yeah, that was the Cabo Comedy Festival, the shittiest comedy festival ever, like a decade ago.

Cabo Comedy Festival.

And at the end of the night, I fucked like a 70-year-old woman.

She was gross.

Louis was still hotter than the girl we brought to the UFC in Philly.

Was she?

No.

You've hooked up up with a couple of hilarious ones.

Old ladies?

Yeah, just like ship.

I think on Shiprock one year, you hooked up with a fucking doozy.

Oh, yeah, she had like a really thick smoker's voice.

It's like, come to my cabin.

Jesus.

You're a little bit locked in on a cruise, especially a heavy metal cruise.

Oh, yeah.

There's no hot chicks on those guys.

Heavy metal cruise.

Yeah.

We did a shit called Shiprock.

We've done it a bunch.

Dude, I was watching this documentary today on the Black Sea where all those cargo ships wind up sinking.

Have you ever seen ships going across the Black Sea?

It's apparently the most dangerous part of the ocean to cross.

For Lewis, where's the Black Sea?

Because I see his eyes are crossing.

I think it's

across the top of the UK.

I'm not exactly sure.

But I watched this documentary about watching these fucking cargo ships get nailed by these monster waves.

And I'm like, imagine being on a fucking cruise ship and some shit like that.

Oh, my God, it's terrible.

The renegade wave goes sideways.

So where's it?

That's the Black Sea?

So where's that at?

Turkey?

Yeah, between Turkey.

See if you can find some videos of cargo ships getting fucked up on the Black Sea.

It's crazy.

The ocean's scary in general.

It's terrible.

The ocean is, I've been surfing before, and I'm just, I'm just not good at it.

Like, you feel the power of the fucking ocean.

It's...

Well, how about just the idea?

I've done those cruise ships enough to be like, it's just, if you go off that boat, you're as good as dead.

It won't stop.

Look at this.

It snapped the cargo ship in two.

The wave was so big, it snapped this fucking ship in half.

Fuck that.

and this is nothing compared to some of the waves i've seen some of the waves are fucking bananas apparently if you fall off a cruise ship they they can't stop the ship they can't look at this shit look at this shit

says fuck that if you fall off a cruise ship they can't turn around and get you there's more death by fire a year or by sea no they have to like call the the uh like the you know coast guard or whatever to come and find you but you're dead they give you coordinates that mean nothing yeah they throw some fucking donuts out to you and you

that's not.

You have to find the donuts in the ocean.

The ocean's fucking flocking.

The worst part of that for me is that if I fell off, I'm holding onto a donut and hearing the sounds of Tesla slowly slink away.

Oh, they're doing acoustic signs.

Shit.

Take pictures, you bitch.

Yeah.

There's a cargo ship that's on fire right now in I forget which ocean, but it's filled with EVs.

And apparently one of them caught fire in the middle of of the ocean.

That's why you can't put fucking electric cigarettes in your fucking suitcase.

Right.

Same thing.

Yeah, I pay attention to none of those rules.

Remember when those Samsung phones were lighting people's cars on fire?

Indian Coast Guard battles massive fire and container ship listed off Krillo.

I don't think this is the one.

It's in India?

There's another one, Jamie, that is

UVs.

It's all UV cars.

Isn't there theoretically people in some of those cargo things?

Cargo ship carrying UVs on fire.

Isn't there EVs?

Sorry, EVs, not UVs.

Is that just the wire?

Is that how they get people over sometimes?

People sometimes know cargo throws.

Oh, yeah, no, that's real.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

So that's filled with electric cars.

I wonder whose cars they are.

It just says EVs.

It doesn't say if it was Teslas, it would say cargo ship filled with Teslas.

They would throw Elon under the bus for sure.

Yeah, I'm not sold in the electric car.

They're great when they work.

It's just like...

If you have them plugged into your house, it's the shit.

You never go to the gas station.

You just plug it in when you go to sleep at night.

It's easy.

I think you need your car to be more reliable than your phone.

Well, they're really reliable.

The thing is about driving them, like Teslas, they never fuck up.

I've had three of them.

I've never had a problem.

Really?

Yeah, nothing.

I had one problem with like a windshield wiper motor.

It was simple.

Do you get rid of them because just it's time?

You can leave one?

I got a lease.

You get a new one, yeah.

Okay, so it's not like, you're not like, shit, this thing's starting to.

No, well, they make them better every three years.

When do they peter out?

What's the death of a good question?

You can get them, you know, that are many years old.

It's just their batteries degrade slightly over time.

So like if it first comes from the factory with 340 miles, you know, after like five, six, seven, eight years, it's probably got 280 miles or something like that.

You know, it's always just efficiency kind of goes down.

Yeah, but for driving around town, like if you're just taking it to commute, it's easy.

You just plug it in when you go to bed at night.

You don't ever have to go to the gas station again.

Silent.

They move faster than anything you've ever driven.

I mean, how quickly do you get a return on investment?

Because the amount of money you save in gas has to be like...

I don't know about that.

I'm wondering about the miles things.

That's what I'm saying.

I remember when I was a kid, and you remember this too, they would say, oh, Hondas are the best because you can get 200, some thousand miles.

Yeah, 300,000 miles.

I don't think that even exists anymore that a car is supposed to.

Toyotas.

Yeah, you buy a Tacoma.

Those motherfuckers will last forever.

The reason I got the Acura was because...

Last forever.

Yeah, my buddy, really, Nick Roshaford.

Shout out, Nick Rochefort, great comic.

And

he was like, dude, trust me, he was like, get an Acura.

He was like, it'll last 250,000 miles.

I'll give it to my kid when he graduates high school.

My friend Matt Farrett had a Lexus with a million miles on it.

That was the other option, too.

He said, get a Lexus or an Acura.

Those are the two that have the greatest resale value and also just the shelf life of the car.

I got a Ram and a Jeep.

America.

America.

Fuck yeah.

And even though the Rams are like this one, and we laugh at Toyota Tacoma's, get that little stupid rice burner out of here.

I've had a couple of those Lexus SUVs, the 570s,

fucking great car.

Great.

Comfortable as shit, big.

It's like, it's so smooth.

It never fucks up.

They never have problems.

Don't buy an Audi.

I'll tell you that much.

Why?

I just totaled my Audi, and it was.

It wasn't the Audi's fault.

It was a fender bender.

It was literally a fender bender.

That fender was going, dude.

That fender was softened up by all the other fender benders.

I was like, for sure, this is just an easy repair.

They came, they're like, yeah, this is totaled.

Each headlight is like $5,000.

It's insane.

What is your car worth?

The car was, I bought it at $70,000 when it was new.

How long ago was this?

I had it for four years, and then it depreciated.

It depreciated in value to like $25,000,

and the damage was like $22,000.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, most of that was to take off the airbrushing you put on the side, you pulled around your dumbass.

That's fucked.

It was crazy.

I was like, I was so bummed.

You know what's a really great value if you want to get a car?

Get like a Mercedes-S-Class from like five, six years ago.

Amazing.

Honey.

Mercedes-S-Class, you already ordered for me.

Oh, the old ones.

An old car?

Yeah, get them from, you can get them from like 10 years ago, and they're fucking awesome, but they're like super cheap, but they're so well-engineered, and they'll never break.

But for like less than like an accord, a brand new accord, you can get an S-Class from a while ago.

Well, I thought about that.

Is it possible to get like an old car?

Is there such a thing as a brand new

old engine?

What do you mean?

So could you buy a brand new 2019 car?

Like, what do they do with that one?

No, but for the 2019 is not even what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about like, can you get like a 1997 Mustang and then somehow get a new that kind of motor in it or something

like no computer none of that shit in it just like the one you could fix yourself you definitely can brand new yeah there's companies that'll do that for you for sure they'll you make a car with a carburetor the whole deal

most of them don't though most of them use a crate engine so that what they'll do is like they take an old car like a 68 mustang and they put a coyote 5.0 in it like a modern forward eight cylinder coyote engine in it yeah the new ones.

So it has like an ECU.

It has like what was like this little motherboard.

Like you program it, you know, and electronic fuel injection.

I used to have a grand Cherokee that when I got out of the car, sometimes to start it,

I learned I had to get a hammer and hit a certain part of the engine, and then it would start.

I think it was the starter, possibly.

You had to clank it,

and it did start.

And why did you just get a new starter?

Why did you hit it with a hammer?

It broke.

This is way back, way back in the day, too.

So

I got the car car from uh

it was one of those like

uh what do you call it the auctions you know they repoed cars and shit like that so it was a piece of shit but i would uh clank and get it to start there's just nothing when i when you open up you can have a car for a year at this point a brand new car and open it up and it looks brand new because it's not it's barely engine parts right it's mostly computers like a big plastic covering over a computer essentially right you can only take it in work on it when you say when you bring it in and go hey it's having a problem they go did the light go i this happened to me last, the light went away.

So the light's not on anymore, but it was there.

They could plug it in and find out that there was a light that came on at some point, but they can't do anything to it if it's not happening.

You know what I mean?

There's not a thing where it's like, there's this clicking.

It's probably a belt.

Those days are over, I think.

Oh, really?

I think so.

Hmm.

They seem confused by.

You're going to bad mechanics, maybe.

It's the dealership.

Oh, okay.

So they probably have everything connected to a computer program, and the computer program talks to

the computer that's in the car.

I think think that's what you have to do everything now.

It's no more like

we knew our my mom, Chuck and Larry, no, not Chuck and Larry, that's the gay guys that got married.

Chuck and Al were like my mom's two like

now I think about it too, she probably fucked Chuck or Al.

My mom really.

I heard both of them, your mom?

My mom really threw the puss around to make sure we had what we needed when we were younger.

Not like in a prostitution way.

Good lady.

Yeah, it was a good lady.

But Chuck and Al.

was always our car mechanics.

Like for our car, just

always to them, they can't even be in business anymore with cars now.

Well, there's a lot of people that still have old cars.

They want to get them fixed up.

There's a lot of people that really just like driving analog old cars, you know.

But not enough for the amount of like auto shops.

But don't you hate when it's like a really famous guy?

Who was it?

Who's the famous guy who drives like an old pickup truck?

I want to say

Christian Bale.

Post Malone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He drives an old Tacoma.

Yeah, like an old Ford or yeah.

It's a Toyota, yeah.

I think Jimmy Butler, the athlete.

But I just feel like he's doing it to be like cool.

It's like, bro, you fucking, you don't need to drive an old-ass truck.

I'll tell you Post malone showed up to a shane show in a fucking muddy shitty big tires truck and i believed him yeah does that make sense when he got out of it i was like yeah this thing he's also got a lamborghini and a fucking he's probably got a whole you know because he's hanging out with his country friends or his black rap friends he's got one of those raptors with six wheels yeah yeah that's his christian bills same toyota tacoma since 2003 yeah it just booms me for some reason they're bulletproof keeps a clean thing yeah it's clean it's not raggedy but those things last forever man they really last forever.

It's like if you wanted a car that's going to last forever that you can buy right now, get a Toyota Tacoma.

They're fucking bulletproof.

They're so good.

Yeah, they just re-release one of these old-timey-looking trucks, and it's like it's like vintage.

I think that's going to be another thing that starts happening.

It's like vintage-looking cars that are brand new.

Toyota, dude?

I don't know if it's Toyota or another.

It's a pickup truck that's coming out that looks like an old pickup truck, but it's brand new.

You don't get a jerk off, though, if you bought the novelty car of the time.

Anyone is still rocking a fucking one of those like Union Jack little little like Mini Coopers or something?

You're like an asshole.

A fiat, you look like an asshole.

Do you remember the PT Cruiser in the early 2000s, late 90s, where they were like, hey, everyone likes that ZZ top car.

Let's make a very cheap version of that.

My wife had a Dodge Neon.

That was maybe the shittiest car that's ever been mass produced.

I had a Dodge Neon.

You had to at some point.

It was crazy.

It was $14.

Dude,

I think it was $10,000, $100 a month, no money down.

Like, this was like the cheapest car ever.

It was such a piece of shit.

I think two companies ended up making it.

Oh, really?

I think it switched at one point from like Dodge to to something.

Yeah.

Dodge doesn't matter.

Remember the Yugo?

It's so weird.

Yeah.

Yugos.

Or a Dotson.

Was it?

Was Yugo from Yugoslavia?

Is that who made it?

Is that why it's called the Yugo?

That was a garbage little car.

It's amazing how many cars I've been in that are now defunct.

They don't even make any Mercury's Sables and shit like that.

But I have no trust or belief in a brand new

like car that comes out.

Oh, Saturn?

Not even Saturn doesn't exist anymore.

Saturn was like a brand that everybody had.

I trust 90s.

I trust Hyundai now.

Do not trust Kia.

Hasn't been long enough for some reason.

I don't know why that one still exists.

Genesis?

Genesis.

No, I see that.

That's Hyundai.

That's Hyundai's Lexus version.

You know, their high-end luxury version.

It's fucking real.

Oh, because Lexis is Toyota.

Yugoslavian.

Yeah.

Yugos, Yugoslavian.

That was a garbage.

Yeah, I knew that from delivering auto parts.

That car was like $5.

It costs more for gas than the car.

What'd you take your driver's test in?

Oh, man.

I wish I could remember.

I think I took it in my mom's Barracuda.

My mom had a 1970 Barracuda when I was in the city.

Nice.

I think Hums.

Oh, it was fun.

I was in a stick shift Chevette.

Oh, my mom's white stick shift.

You got to learn how to drive.

That's good, though.

To learn how to drive and do a driver's test on a stick.

Like, you really know how to drive if you're a kid.

It is one of those feelings, though, where you're like,

even my daughter, I'm like, it's a good skill to have driving stick.

And then she'll never be in a world where it will ever

be sorry.

It was fun, though.

I had an Audi Fox.

That was my first stick shift car.

I never had it.

All my muscle cars when I was a kid were all automatics, but I had an Audi Fox.

It was this cool little fucking front-wheel drive, shitty 1973 car.

It was great, though.

Like a little four-cylinder.

It was like the first car that I had that was little, that can like move around.

I was like, this thing's fun.

And like learning how to shift.

Everything today is just, you're barely connected to what you're driving.

You feel like the shifting is the steering's electric.

Everything's smooth.

Back then, you felt the cars.

Yeah, that's gone.

Well, that's why people like to drive old cars still.

They like to feel them.

Yeah, I would, if I had the money, I would get like something.

That's why I said I asked about if you can do a new engine in a car.

You have money.

So many cars I miss.

You could get a car with a nice engine.

No.

You literally have two brand new cars.

You're not going to fix it.

And one's a lease.

You're not going to fix it.

And one's a RAM, which apparently sucks.

You're not going to fix it yourself.

Never.

So then find a mechanic

that you trust.

Ask around.

Get a relationship with this mechanic and get a fucking cool car.

Not the the same way your mom did, though.

Not that way.

Not that way.

Well, if I could.

Do you have a car, Lewis?

It's usually something?

The dream changes.

When I was a kid, Jaguar, the one with the actual

hood ornament that was a Jaguar.

I looked it up a couple of years ago.

I wanted to get

an old-school Jaguar SJ6 or something or whatever it was.

Early 90s.

Yeah, early 90s.

They were the coolest cars ever.

I looked it up recently, and I found one for like nine grand.

Like, just, it looked great.

And then I was going to buy it.

And then a friend of mine was like, dude, you literally, to get anything fixed on that car is crazy.

Like you'll never find the parts.

Like it's just, you're just especially.

That is a tough one.

When I was young, the one that like the cool kids had that you're like, damn, I wish I had that was that boxy looking Mustang 5.0.

Oh.

That was the one with the vanilla ice one.

The convertible.

Yep.

That's the exact one every

5.0 rims on it and the convertible and that one just

talking about it changing.

when I was a little kid, this was one of the most hurtful fat comments ever in my life.

When I was like, dude, when I get older, I want to get a Mazda Miata.

And they go, that's going to be a fucking roller skate on your fat body.

And I was like, okay.

Well, I guess I'll get past the Miata.

And now sometimes you see one on the road still, and I still go, damn, it's pretty cool looking there.

You ever seen those Miatas that they do conversions with?

They put a V8 in them?

Yeah, there was a company called Flying Miata, and they sold it to another company that's in Florida that does it now.

I don't know what the name of it is, but they take a regular Miata and they stuff a big fucking aluminum GM crate engine in it.

And it's got like 500 horsepower.

It's madness in this tiny little car that weighs nothing.

It just lifts off the ground.

But apparently they are a riot to drive.

They're like the most fun cars to drive because they're super light with crazy power.

And these new engines are not that heavy, so it doesn't fuck with the balance that much.

It's like slightly heavier than the stock engine, but insane amounts of power and it sounds insane.

When we were down at a Nashville Comedy Festival, there was a guy who used to work at the club who pulled up in a like gold and blue

Lamborghini.

Lamborghini.

And it was just like the colors were crazy, and it had some writing on it.

And we were so curious about it.

He won it in a sweepstakes.

He actually won a Lamborghini in a sweepstakes.

These are those cars.

Like, give me some volume so we can hear this thing.

The Miata?

Yeah, these are the flying Miatas.

Okay, that's not a Miata.

I mean,

it's just the front.

This is the Miata.

That sounds crazy.

But there's a new company that does it now.

It's not them.

And there's some better videos where they show like what the...

Driving that thing, Cat Williams?

I think he was hugging the corners.

Imagine if Cat Williams enters F1.

He starts winning races.

Oh, you never thought I could do it.

F1's really like right in the streets of a town.

Yeah, in Monaco.

They drive through the streets.

They do it in Vegas, too.

They did it in

Canada.

Oh, did they really?

In Montreal.

I think one year the festival was there.

That was like they were preparing for F1.

Oh, wow.

It's wild.

They do it out here, but they do it at the Circuit of the Americas.

That's what that neon sign up there is.

Oh, our neon died, I think.

Did it die?

I think it died.

But

that fucking racetrack out here at Coda, it's awesome.

I watched it in Formula One.

You can't imagine how fast they're going.

Oh, is that the place?

I think I did one of those rock fests there backstage or Oddball Tourney.

Is that one that has the Overlook thing behind it?

Yes.

The F1 track?

Yes.

That's one of the...

I talk about getting over a fear in one day where I've never felt.

So it's got an overlook thing.

You take its one floor elevator.

It just goes right up to the top of that.

Half of it's concrete.

Half of it's glass.

Very thick glass.

But I've never had this happen before.

When I got up there the the first time, I was gung-ho to walk out over that glass and go.

When I got to the glass part, glass is the floor, yeah,

but it was concrete.

When I got to the glass part, my I almost fell forward because my legs stopped

like my legs stopped moving.

Like my body shut down, be like, No, no, no, no, no, we're not ready for this.

By the end of the day, terrified of heights, yeah, you should be.

By the end of the terror, there it is, dude.

That's fucking by the way, they didn't have, I don't think those red things were there when I was there.

Did I take the uh on top of the this this the needle in the stratosphere in Vegas the strat?

Oh, yeah, they have like a roller coaster at the top and then they also have like you know the the ride that goes straight up and then just drops yeah I went on it with my son.

My son has no respect for me anymore after this dude because I was sitting in the chair literally just

like they didn't even start they they they pull you up for like maybe five feet first and I thought I was at the top.

I was screaming like a woman.

Everybody was cackling at me.

My son was making fun of me and they didn't even go.

And then when they finally went up, it was, I mean, I'm so deathly afraid of heights even if I'm strapped in oh my god dude I could deal

I'm afraid of falling normal if you're not you're a freak those fucking those free climber dudes they're just freaks oh the guys that like jump like jump from building to building

that our friend climbs like mount capitan with fucking just chalk how about the thing that ralph did that in new york you can do you can go to the top of some building and they have a thing where it's like they have your you're like connected to a line but you remember the dave show show too you could take a picture something in new york where your like feet are on the building and you're hanging off it like over new york city yeah fuck that crazy it's just like fuck that i don't but i i'm not like uh just for a thrill i wouldn't i maybe could have gotten talked in the skydiving young not a chance i've had some people try to talk me into it as an adult and i'm like

if my daughter's got to tell the fucking story if my daughter's got to tell the story of her dad dying in a fucking

wing suit or something like a jerk off brian redband's dad was working at this place one of the people he's working with was a skydiver.

And always trying to get him to go, come on, come with us.

One day, he goes to work.

They're not there.

What happened?

No.

This didn't open.

Didn't open.

There was a great...

There was a thing called McCloskey on Netflix years ago.

Was it a documentary?

It was, in fact, a documentary

about a...

About a snowboarder guy.

He was an extreme sports guy, and he died because he jumped.

He like parachuted, he like base jumped into a national park.

And when he landed, he was being chased by the Rangers and the cops to arrest him.

And he went in the water with his parachute and everything, got caught up and died.

I think he drowned in the water, I believe.

Then they did a thing on the news.

They were doing like a base jumping.

you know, for this guy, like in memorial of him, like a, it was a demonstration.

It was like, it shouldn't be illegal.

So what they were doing was people were jumping, parachuting down, and when they landed, it was almost like organized.

The cops would then arrest them.

They were all getting arrested for doing it, but that was their protest that we're all going to do it.

You're going to have to arrest us all.

And then, while they're doing all that, just in the background, you just see someone go running out, just like way in the background.

Oh, God.

It's like, yes, this is why this is stupid.

Yeah, fuck all that.

I've never had any of that adventurous shit in me.

I've gone skiing, which I feel like is adventurous enough for me.

Kilda Kennedy and Sonny Bono.

But it's actually really dangerous, dude.

Skiing is

fucking wildly dangerous.

Just sometimes

I was in Park City and you're just going down, it's a really long trail, like 20 minutes, you're just going and going and going.

But there's times where I'm going to the edge and all it takes is just a little less control.

And you just fly off the edge of a thing and you're done.

Oh, yeah.

How do cars not go off up in the canyons and the ballet every year?

Like tons of them?

They really do.

They do.

Constantly?

Isn't that how Tiger Woods crashed?

He went off one of those cliffs?

Isn't that what happened, Jamie?

No, not quite.

Not quite.

I thought he just hit a tree.

There was one guy who was tweeting, who was like a famous plastic surgeon.

He was like tweeting, and they discovered that he was tweeting at the very same area where he fell off the fucking cliff.

So he was just like texting while he was driving and not paying attention.

He went off the side.

That's the most two-in-ten moment of my life when I'm going over those through the Hollywood Hills.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm really, it's crazy that you're able to drive that close to like certain death.

Yeah.

Oh, well, how about the fucking drive up to San Francisco if you take the coast?

Oh,

there's times where the left side of you is just cliff.

Yeah.

The thousands of people.

These are famous places like in the world, like in just other countries where, I mean, I've been to a few countries where you're driving, there's no rail, your tires are just like along the edge, like almost hanging off.

It's fucking terrifying.

Yeah.

Fucking dumb other countries.

Oh, man.

This is

a lot of countries where the only way to get is these fucking roads through the mountains and sometimes just boulders that fell in the way and you got to move the fucking landslide and hope it doesn't hit you while you're driving.

Amazing all the years of driving for comedy and how long I've driven.

Never seen a falling rock once.

Not once.

It's falling rock.

Never seen falling rock anytime ever.

I've only seen it on

crazy.

You never hit one deer?

I was on a tour bus to hit a deer once.

That was pretty normal.

I hit a rabbit recently.

Oh, yeah.

I tried, though.

Oh, did you?

No.

I thought you met with your foot when you killed them over there.

No, I did.

That actually happened to me recently.

I was moving my lawn furniture because my fucking Mexican fucking lawn care people never moved the furniture back to where it's supposed to be.

And I'm moving it back and I felt my foot go into the ground and I heard beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

And these baby bunnies jumped out of a bunny's nest, which apparently they're underground.

I had no idea.

And yeah, they fucking.

So Lewis reported those guys to ice.

Piece of shit.

What a piece of shit, dude.

Come on.

They're just here trying to live the American dream, dude.

Yeah, the one jumped in my pool and went belly up, and I thought it was dead.

I scooped it out with the the scooper, threw it in the garbage.

My girlfriend was like, are you sure it's dead?

I was like, I'm positive it's dead.

It was.

Did you try feeding a carrots?

She really did bring carrots out to these little broken bunnies.

I was like, they don't want your carrots.

Did they live?

Stop trying to what?

They did, actually.

I thought they were going to die for sure.

Because I called, it was on Memorial Day and I called like...

Like a rescue, an animal rescue place, and they were like, we're closed today.

Call the cops.

They'll come and get them euthanized.

And we were like, no, I'd rather them die a slow death in my backyard.

And eventually they just started hopping around.

The one guy, you know, we call him Limpy, and he was just fucking pushing himself with one leg.

You should have glued their hands to their genitals and then hung them from something and be like, oh, another autoerotics asphyxiation gone wrong.

Great.

The guy from NXS, David Carridge, and now these rabbits.

So he either lived or a hawk came and got him eventually.

Do you think that some of those auto-asphyxiation guys were murdered and they were set up to be humiliated and look that way?

No, I think, yeah, do you see now they try to take the jerking off part away from all those stories now?

Really?

Yeah.

They don't wait.

How many stories are you reading that are autoerotic asphyxiation?

No, none.

But he's watched a whole documentary on it.

No, I'm reading my own documentary.

Soundgarden, jerked off to death.

Lincoln Park, jerked off to death.

Anyone who hangs themselves.

Well, you mean Chris Cornell?

Yes.

But I don't think he was jerking off to death, was he?

This is just a theory that he thinks everyone.

It's a strong theory.

Did you make it yourself?

Yes.

Who's clear?

There's no evidence there.

There's no evidence.

You don't hang yourself from a fucking doorknob that low when you're not trying.

They flash knock out while they're doing it, and then they just die because they're being choked.

100%.

They pass out.

That's it.

Yes, 100%.

You heard it here first.

And Lincoln Park.

Robin Williams.

Robin Williams, they said, put a note, but again, I think now

since Michael Hutchins from NXS famously did that, and David Carradine, that was news.

That made news they die from that.

How good could it possibly feel?

I've had people call in.

You get choked out, like, why you're nothing.

I've heard people call in.

People say it mimics, a lot of times former addicts do it because it mimics the feeling of the high of heroin.

It's what they said.

But that's just people who've called in to say that.

Who knows?

But because Michael Hutchinson and David, it's like the first, when you think of their name, before you think of even NXS or any of the songs, you're like, oh, yeah, he died.

Jerking off.

Jerking off.

David Carradine and all those movies died jerking off.

So now they'd rather have you think they were just depressed and going through it than saying that because that's all you're going to be known for now.

Right.

It's probably the theory.

It's not a bad theory if the family can hide that information.

Like it's important that he was jerking off.

He killed himself.

The world doesn't need to know he was jerking off while he killed himself.

Well, you'd rather feel that it was on purpose because he was desperate and sad than he was such a weirdo that he had to jerk off and hang himself from a fucking doorknob.

I heard there's a conspiracy involving the David Carradine one.

I think David Carrindine had run afoul with some shady characters.

Yeah, five venoms, dude.

I think it was in Thailand.

Wasn't it in Thailand or something like that where he won a.

He's actually kung fu.

Is there a conspiracy theory attached?

We should call Sam Triple E.

He roamed the earth bringing HPV to foreign.

He was Kung Fu when I was a kid.

When I was a little kid, he was the guy that was doing martial arts on TV.

High Chang Kane.

Everybody called everybody Grasshopper back then.

Yeah, but getting choked while you have sex rules.

All right, bring it back up.

I'm not really about it.

I'm just saying I did.

He's hanging on it.

All right, but I don't check it out.

David Kelly was wearing fishnet stockings and a dark wig when his body was found hanging in a Bangkok hotel room.

Grainy images printed in the tabloid.

Ty Wrath reportedly show kung fu actor suspended from a clothing bar in a closet.

Red woman's lingerie appears to be in the bed adjacent to the body.

Oh, this is somebody who hated him.

Yeah, that might be, right?

He,

okay, found with his hands bound above his head and a rope around his neck, wrist and genitals.

How would one do that to themselves?

Sorry, details of Kill Bill Starr's sexual life began to surface as the photos generated more questions about the actor's mysterious death.

That seems like you couldn't do that yourself, unless you're really, really ingenious.

How do you bound?

It says hands bound above his head.

How do you do that?

And a rope around your neck, wrist and genitals.

You need a really cool friend.

How are you doing that?

One-inch punch.

One-inch punch, dude.

Are you pulling it tight with your hands?

Oh, wow.

What?

Okay, yeah, what's fuck that?

Starting getting carried away.

You look real gross.

Yeah, there's a lot of accusations involving.

He's giving his wiener the old five-finger death punch.

But, I mean, what are the standards of in Thailand?

If they find you hanging, wearing women's lingerie,

do they really want to investigate?

They're probably just got killed.

I don't want to touch that.

It's icky.

They're probably like, how is he even...

How is it auto-erotic asphyxiation if his hands are tied up too, above his head?

That's the weirder thing.

I never saw that before.

That his hands were above his head.

That sounds like he had a headache.

That sounds like somebody walked away.

Well, it's one of those things.

They might have gotten carried away and somebody just left because they were like, oh, right.

Like, maybe a lady was giving him head, and then he came and then blacked out and she couldn't get him off the ropes.

So she just split.

Just fucking booted out of there.

Not like thinking parking sound garden.

They're just jerking to each other's music.

I don't.

I think some of them are just depressed, dude.

Bourdain was just depressed.

But who hangs?

There's so many people hang themselves.

faster ways to take care of this.

They don't have anything around them other than a rope, and it's an impulsive decision.

And it's also like a romantic way to kill yourself.

It's like who's got rope?

You don't need rope in my girl.

You need cord.

How about the guy that your jizz sock from all your autoerotics association?

The guy that was connected to the Clintons that hung himself with electrical cord, then shot himself in the chest with a shotgun

from 40 yards away.

It looks a little sus, as the kids like to say.

If you gotta kill yourself, Joe, how would you kill yourself?

You had to.

Well, gun is definitely the best way, right?

Because it's quick.

Yeah, but if you shoot like your front lobe off and do that,

put it in your mouth like a real man.

That was the fucking Richard Jenny.

Richard Jenny.

And then choke yourself.

He missed.

Yeah, he missed.

And died later.

Yeah, he died in the hospital.

That'd be my biggest fear is like shooting, like just angling it wrong and then just.

I saw a video of a guy who did that with a shotgun.

He just took off the front of his face and was blind and lived.

Yeah.

life is now worse.

Richard Jenny takes his life.

Dave Kouye never even tried to take his life.

Richard Jenny was funny, dude.

Very funny.

Back in the day, he was the fucking man.

He was depressed that he never wound up being a movie star.

He wanted to be like, he wanted to be the next Jim Carrey, you know?

He did.

Yeah, he got close with the mask, and they said it just made him more bummed.

It's crazy because he's like, to us, all the comics back then, he was the guy, you know?

Well, he was on all those shows.

Were you doing comedy at a time?

Do you have performances on like A-List and

Stand-Up Spotlight or VH1?

I did a bunch of those things.

Yeah, I did a bunch of those things.

Caroline's Comedy Hour was a big one.

I did that.

I did

MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour.

That was Paulie, right?

No, that was Pauli.

It was totally Pauly.

MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour was another show that would do, you know, you do like 10 minutes or something.

I forget what the time was.

VH1 did one of those with Rosie O'Donnell kind of hosted them or something.

Yep, yep.

It seemed like it was a pretty fun time in comedy.

Comedy was pretty polluted with like a lot of same old, same-old

at the time.

But I mean, like, what a time to kind of like, that's why it was funny when I was opening for David Tell those years, he couldn't get a grasp on like the change that I was experiencing.

Because he was kind of like, after three years, like, you want to go with me to this club again?

And I'd go, absolutely.

And he'd go, aren't you headlining this place yet?

And it's like, it doesn't work like that anymore.

Because he's from a time where they said, if you got an hour of comedy together, then you tore.

That's what they say.

Well, Dave.

You tore that hour of of comedy.

He goes, you can't just do that.

Like, you need places to book you.

Well, Dave, before, I mean, back when I started, this is 21 years ago, like people would just have their act.

Do you remember Seinfeld's documentary where he was like, he's like, I'm going to get rid of my act after 20 years and have a new hour?

It's like, that's what everyone does now.

The standard of comedy has changed so much.

Yeah.

But if a televis was always like that, he would turn over.

He was very prolific.

No, no, no, for sure.

I'm saying he didn't get that

change that now you have to be able to sell tickets

to get booked places.

It wasn't just like, well, you're one of the comics who has has an hour in the country.

There was a time where it was that.

It was like these guys, just, I think it was like the two coasts, really, was all of it.

You know what I mean?

And then the internet, I think, really opened it up to the rest of the country and it's like saturation.

Yeah, you used to be able to go to clubs and build a market.

So you just keep returning.

You turn like once a year.

And after a few years, people would come to see you like, oh, Big Jay's coming.

He's really funny.

I saw him last time.

San Fran Punchline, Stress Factory are maybe two of the only clubs that really, I know there's more.

Oh, the Providence Comedy Connection.

Let me go go there and have enjoyed watching it be like you know giving me a couple hundred dollars for a weekend to change over the

i opened for you you made six hundred dollars for the weekend as the headliner yeah yeah they give you a chance and if you're good and they know you're good and they give you a chance the people trust them because they've got a long history of booking good comedy it's like who's this guy is he good oh let's take a chance right but there but places got afraid i remember that that hurts so much i opened for steve oh When he first started doing comedy, stand up.

I opened for me.

And I'd done DC and Provided the Tail and stuff before, and I did that weekend.

And I hate when you go hat in hand to places and you get bad news.

I remember going to the booker there, who was like someone who's so friendly to me now, and she's great, you know, but like it was so hard.

I go, Hey, just I'd love to come back and headline, even like on an off weekend, one people don't want to do 4th of July, Thanksgiving, whatever.

And she goes, Yeah,

I'd love to, but you don't sell any tickets, so it's all about selling tickets.

And she just kind of laid it out like that.

And I just thought I was, I was like, well, how do you, I didn't even know how to start making that happen.

It's pretty when we started like Legion of Skanks and stuff.

Well, podcasting sort of created an opportunity for comics to the best.

Yeah.

The best audience.

People, they know us.

They feel like they're really like sitting here with us.

Well, they really are, right?

And we talk like this if we were in the green room.

The difference between podcasts and everything else is we're really talking just the way we talk.

Yeah.

You know?

Everyone also gets mad to it, like what the thing is besides standard that makes it happen, whether it's podcasts, internet videos.

I've learned also to stop having that because people get a lot too much wrapped into that.

Like, they're just a social social media comic or there's a whatever it goes buddy I don't know my ex-wife does comedy and people ask me like are you mad that she does comedy like I can't judge why anybody gets involved in it I got involved because somebody suggested it to me it's crazy to even want to to care like who gives a fuck why'd you do it goes oh cuz I was having funny tweets so I figured I'd give it a shot like well okay that seems like a good enough reason as anybody else starts the first decade you don't even there's no path like what is the path to like even making money you're just doing it blindly going like I hope something happens eventually people get mad because I think there is a path now to making money very quick, and people are doing it.

And so it's that it's the Howard Stern used to shit on podcast.

It was that famous thing with him in Ari, shitting on the IDF podcast.

But when people were shitty about that, I always understood his anger, at least I don't agree with it, but I understand when he did the

super famous.

No, but his argument was saying, I had to do A.M.

shift, 2 a.m.

to 6 a.m.

in this shitty town.

I had to do this, and I played music until they realized it would be better to let me talk 10 years later.

And he went through all that.

That it's just like, well, you could flip on a switch, and if you have an audience already or connected to somebody who has an audience, like you're doing it already, you're just doing it now.

Well, also, the difference is we all hang out with each other and do each other's podcasts, whereas those radio guys all fucking hated each other.

Right.

Like, Howard Stern kicked each other down.

Yeah, they would talk shit about each other all the time.

Robie Anthony used to have, what was it,

Jocktober?

Jocktober.

Where they would just find shitty radio shows, and they would have their fans torture them for an entire month.

Oh, so funny.

Brutal.

Fucking brutal.

And

the podcast doesn't have to be.

Right.

Because you could only be the one big radio guy in Philly.

And if Stern was coming into Philly and if they were going to open up a syndication thing, he was going to talk crazy shit on the big guy in Philly, whoever it was, or whatever city it was.

I do feel it's interesting watching, I wonder if this happens with every generation.

The comedy dollar gets stretched, though, because it is kind of funny.

Not that it necessarily hurt.

I think now with having these kind of like sham, I'm opening for shame at some of these arenas and stuff.

It's amazing.

He's getting like 18, 20, some thousand people into these places and doing it.

One, that's very difficult to like think of new jokes when you're doing comedy like that all the time.

Well, you do clubs.

For sure.

No, I do.

You have to.

No, but I mean you have to.

Like a Shane will do clubs also.

Oh, no, for sure.

Of course.

But I'm just saying like...

A ticket to see someone in an arena is before they'd be able to see everyone they loved was coming through the improv or whatever, and then a couple were doing theaters.

Right.

Like now it's like, it's a fucking night out at like a sporting event to go see comedy where it's like they might not have the money next week to go see me or Lewis at a club.

I think it has changed.

It's interesting in that way.

Well, there's some people that just don't want to spend that kind of money to go to an arena anyway, and they'd rather go see someone in a club.

Sure.

It's a better experience.

That's how comedy is supposed to be.

The best experience, though, in an arena is in the round.

In the round, it's like

a giant club.

It's like a giant club.

Because the people on this side are watching the people on that side laugh, and you're all laughing at each other.

It's very intimate, weirdly, even though there's like 16,000 people.

The only comedy I i don't love at all of the three things clubs theaters is theaters theaters is impersonal from the crowd enough and also personal enough that they you could still do bad they could turn on you a theater um possibly if you're not the person they're there to see or even if you know i mean there was like a nick swartson thing that where he he they turned on him well he was lit on edibles yeah couldn't remember what the fuck he was talking about

they weren't with him no matter what like they did turn on him something about the arena and again change it in an hour at these things which is impressive as hell For the 20 minutes I have to do, it's like, how could this go bad?

Like, it's just, if, if anyone's laughing in there, it sounds like a million people.

Well, Shane had a guy open for him.

I don't want to trash the guy.

I heard it was a sound issue, though.

But he just like,

dude, he just started getting booed.

Dude, getting booed out of an arena is crazy.

It's crazy.

I mean, you have to feel like

it has to feel like being like, you're getting the same reaction that the visiting team gets when they go to that arena.

I've seen it on Kiltoni.

It happened to a comic.

Kill Tony Arena shows, too.

Somebody will do two jokes in a row that bomb, and then the crowd's like, fuck this guy.

And then it's almost fun.

I think it's because people are in that environment.

They think it's fun to do it.

I remember T.J.

when T.I.

got booed at something when he was doing comedy at a big arena.

Oh, yeah.

Well, it wasn't, you know, he didn't have it tight.

No, he shouldn't have.

You can't do that.

You can't just jump into, you know.

But you can just lose him.

Damian Lemon, very, very funny comic.

He did like the Hot 97 Summer Jam comedy thing, and they turned turned on him hard and when it turns it or the most famous one of all them, Bill Burr on the Traveling Virus tour, Opie and Anthony back in the day in Philly.

Well that's because they had turned on Dom Irera before and then he came out

everybody.

Yeah, he said, fuck this crowd and he spent 15 minutes just shitting.

It's one of the most beautiful moments, legendary moments in comedy.

I'm from Philly and it's one of my favorite lines ever about Philly that is indicative of that town that I love.

He says, Joe Frazier is from here who beat Mike Tit or beat Muhammad Ali.

No statues to him, no nothing.

nothing.

And you have a statue of a fictitious Italian heavyweight.

He's like, you piece the shit through batteries at Santa Claus.

Fuck this town.

It's a classic.

And he kept rattling off seven more minutes.

Yeah.

I know that's funny.

He had to quit that tour because everywhere he went then, they would start booing him because they'd be like, do Cleveland now.

No.

Yeah, that was like a, that was like, this is before viral videos were happening like that.

Right.

And it was such shitty, grainy footage.

But that's when I, I mean, maybe my first year in comedy that happened a couple years in, and you're just seeing that, and it's like, it's such a comics moment where you're like, yes, just fucking.

Well, it's a big pin.

It's a big moment to have in comedy.

I said a few of them when silence doesn't scare you anymore or just the moment, just I could talk into a microphone, especially for 15 minutes under any circumstance.

You know what I mean?

Like, it'll suck if it's a terrible, you've got there already booing, go out in the very beginning, there's no one there.

But like, I'm not afraid of the moment.

That's a big thing to get over.

And that's what, you know, being scared for the moment

were overseas the first time.

I was like, do they even understand English here in England?

The first five minutes if you're doing a headlining set that's not going well, and you're like, oh, fuck, it's going to be another hour.

God damn it.

Are you a long time guy?

Or do you try to do like when you headline?

I do an hour.

An hour.

Yeah, especially if I'm on the road.

Yeah.

Always.

I don't really have an hour right now.

So I'm like putting it together.

I think last night I did 50 minutes, you know, and like some of it I keep forgetting my new stuff.

You know, it's a lot of new stuff because it's all since August.

Sure.

You know, and I took a couple months off where I wasn't doing stand-up at all.

I was like, let me just refresh my brain.

And then I hopped on, started doing other people's shows.

Then I had some old bits that I'd never put on the special, and I started bringing them back and piecing it together.

But it's like you got to have a real set before you take that bitch on the road.

You can't think you could have like a club 45 minutes and go do an arena.

Like, if you're going to do it for an arena, for sure.

You got to have a real set.

I work out in the clubs on the road.

Have to.

Particularly.

I mean, like, but it's

said that back in the day.

It's always preparing for a special, really.

Burr said that back in the day where he was talking about someone special.

And it's like, he didn't do the clubs.

And he's like, he's right.

Like, this person, like, some persons, they start doing theaters, big theaters, and they do real well, and they just keep doing that only.

Same opening act every time.

Crowd wants to see them.

And you develop like a

soft act.

Yeah,

yeah, not good.

You need clubs, man.

Yeah, but Austin's great for that as well.

So, what you did down here is you um you got a you've cultivated like comedy fans that want to see edgier shit they want to hear fucked up jokes new york and la they don't really like if you're just going on a random pop-in set at the stand or the cellar or the comedy store into some random show and they don't know who you are you start doing fucked up shit they get very tight

very tight like down here like you go in the main room of the mothership or at the creek i mean these they're comedy fans they're like legit it's become like a comedy destination kind of how like you know people go to new orleans for jazz well this town doesn't seem to feel like it has the same

responsibility to, like, correct bad behavior on stage that New York has and L.A.

has sometimes.

Like, they want to let you know that you're out of line.

They don't want you talking about a certain subject.

Did you think there was going to be when you opened the club, did you, like, foresee the dissension stuff that happens just within the scene?

The people that don't work there bitching about this for this reason and the people who...

It's a walled garden.

And everyone goes, they got in there because of this, and I'm not in there because of this.

They have a walled garden perspective.

You see a bunch of people having a good time and you're not involved.

Fuck those people.

It's normal.

It's a natural reaction that people have to this intimate community of people that are all friends that are having a great time.

It's normal to hate it.

But it's not all wild comedy.

There's a lot of really clean comics that come here that kill.

Like Vecchion is fucking pretty clean.

He's hilarious.

He's hilarious.

Sometimes

he's hilarious.

Yeah, he's a nice murder.

He's a man

and murders at the club.

He's a beast.

He's a beast.

But it it doesn't matter.

It's just funny.

It's just whatever kind of funny you're into.

Holtzman comes and destroys.

I'm not even saying the booking's like one-dimensional anyway.

I'm just saying that.

Did you even foresee there'd be comics that were going to be eventually like, clip sucks anyways?

I don't hear about them.

You stay away from stupid.

I guess it doesn't make its way to you.

They wouldn't.

You're going to have people that complain about anything that they're not involved in.

Sure.

They're going to decide it sucks.

Like, how could it suck if you've got two days of open mics?

How could it suck if the comics get paid more than than anywhere else?

How could it suck if it's entirely set up for comedy?

How could it suck if it's super supportive of the comedian?

It gives them a path.

What is the path for the young comic in the world?

Well,

there's a real talent coordinator.

Adam E.

gets a real talent coordinator.

He sits there and he watches your set.

He gives you advice.

He'll have you come back and do it again.

He'll give you spots on certain shows.

They start developing comedians.

And it's like anything else.

This business.

is about being likable and getting people to want to watch you succeed.

Yeah.

Where it's like, you'll get your opportunity if you fucking, if all the other comics are like, yo, this guy's funny, you should take a look at him.

I've seen that happen directly.

Can I get the lighter again?

Yeah.

Well, we have it set up for development.

Like, the whole idea is like you want to develop new talent there.

And Kill Tony's the best vehicle for that ever.

You know, if you have a banger minute on Kill Tony, you could become a fucking star.

And if you could reproduce that every week, like

59 times.

Kind of crazy that some of them have to do that.

I mean, it's an incredible writing exercise.

It's kind of crazy.

The advice that I would have given a young comic, you know, 15 years ago, I was a young comic at the time too, but it's like, I would be like, do not be on camera for the first decade that you do comedy.

Develop an act first.

But now a lot of these guys just, they have the opportunity.

It's like, you can't be detrimental if you really eat shit on it and you're like a three-year comic.

I don't think people remember people bombing on Kill Tony where it'll be detrimental to your career.

It could be.

But

it could not be so bad.

You bounce back and have a great set the next time and the people love you.

I've seen that happen too.

Look, you're taking a risk when you're doing a new minute every week.

It's a real possibility.

You might have a dud.

Yeah.

You know, especially if you're new to the game.

You've only been doing it four years.

You've got some talent, but, you know.

I genuinely don't know.

It's an interesting thing when I did do it essentially at...

Madison Square Garden.

Yeah.

It's an interesting thing.

They try to whittle down in your head like, what the fuck is that?

Just a minute, yeah.

Yeah, but they were all pumped to see you, so it was easier.

No, of course.

That's that arena atmosphere, too.

It's like, it's our game to lose.

The garden, I think, was like the best arena Kill Tony show.

It was really cool.

I went both nights, and whatever it was,

the crowds were so lit on watching those shows.

Nobody got booed.

There was no problems.

Super supportive.

Super supportive.

Well, some people got booed.

This is people that bombed.

Did they?

Yeah.

Oh, the one.

A couple of people.

I think one was someone that went right before me.

Yeah.

A couple of the other bombed one.

Look, it's fucking hard to do, man.

And it's fun to watch someone just go out there and fail sometimes.

But it makes sense.

people it makes the people that succeed look better.

When I do Kill Tony as a panelist, I love watching somebody bomb.

It's my favorite thing because then you just trash them.

You get to fucking make fun of them.

I thought that's what when we started doing the show,

I've been a panelist on Kill Tony.

I think I might have the number one amount of times, like 25 times I've been a panelist.

And when we started doing it, like back in the day in the comedy store, in the belly room,

the most fun we would have is when somebody just had a hot one and then we would just fucking trash them.

It became way more supportive now.

Like, the whole show format is like really like Tony trying to put guys over.

But back in the day, we were just mean.

It was just like a mean, evil fucking thing.

It was so fun.

Yeah.

It evolved.

Those belly room days were wild.

Because, you know, like half the crowd would be like comics.

Yeah.

There was no one there.

It was fun.

But he kept doing it.

I mean, he fucking did it over and over and over again until he honed that motherfucker down like a samurai sword.

Yeah.

No, I'm super impressed with it.

Like, you know, Tony's Tony's the man, but that show itself itself is like...

I think it's inspiration even for like Story Wars.

You know, it's a very different show.

It's just the idea of like the live.

The format and like, yeah, yeah, that's.

You know, Skanks has always been a live show, but the development of Story Wars has been very like...

Well, it's also easier when you have a format.

Like, we literally just set the table and then play.

And it's like, we don't have to really do much.

When you're on a podcast like this or like Skanks, you have to actually kind of like...

be a little bit more present and like just sort of like you're trying to connect with the comics in a different way.

We do it's like a game show that we created and it's just super formatted.

So it's just kind of easy to just plug and play funny.

Yeah.

Well, you guys, by doing Legion of Skanks, just by the name itself, it like opened up the door to wild comedy.

Because it's like, you know what you're getting into.

The show's called Legion of Skanks.

Well, this was a brilliant idea that Jay had.

Like our secondary tagline is the most offensive podcast on earth.

And it's not.

There's more offensive podcasts.

But it lets people...

I think this is the reason we've never gotten in trouble is because you know exactly what you're going to get.

Right.

It's crazy.

Like for anybody to come up with a- Why would you watch this if you don't want to watch the most offensive podcast in the world?

It's hard to stay away.

You look like an idiot if you start complaining about it.

Exactly.

Adam Kroll had a great analogy about it when he did our show.

He said,

he was like, this is why you guys get away with it.

He's like, like when Snoop Dogg goes to the Grammys, Snoop Dogg.

goes backstage and he lights up blunt.

And nobody's like, you can't smoke back here.

It's like, you invited Snoop Dogg.

You know what the fuck you're going to get.

And it's the same thing with us.

I think people know what they're going to get with us.

And we sort of you know, play and have fun and do our thing.

Well, you give an avenue for comedians that's like, you know, where people know what they're going to get.

And obviously people flock to it.

I mean, Skank Fest sells out immediately.

It's because people love the vibe.

It's fun.

It's just fun.

We're not here to take ourselves seriously.

Also, broadcasting has done something for comedy.

It's pretty amazing.

That I think broadcasters like the Howard Starns, they have that all the time.

It's very interesting when you meet the people.

They know you inside and out.

They know the time you told a story about the thing that you fear the most and they know whatever.

And I had to get used to stuff like that where they'd be like, hey, is your daughter picking a college?

And you go, the fuck you?

I'm like, oh, I guess I, and you're like, oh, I guess I talked about that on the radio this week.

Yeah.

So it's interesting.

It's weird.

You can forget that there's an audience out there sometimes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, you forget sometimes the things you say have weight to them, you know?

No, absolutely.

We found out the hard way.

When we started out, who knew what this was going to happen when we started Legion of Skanks?

We started Legion of Skanks pretty early podcast times, not thinking about it.

14 years ago?

Don't you think even now sometimes you say things, you're like, gosh, I shouldn't have said that.

No, unless you're

unless it's about a person.

Sometimes it's about people.

That's what we learned.

We learned to stop making fun of retarded children on the internet because they have families.

Well, we do sometimes, but I've had to apologize to multiple families of mentally handicapped people because we've done bits on the show.

And I mean, we've gotten into where they would come to me and be like, what is wrong with you?

This is like a child that has Down syndrome.

We're like, we had no idea that they were.

And then they get on the phone, Lewis, and they're like, I didn't mind.

It was funny.

The problem is that.

Didn't it happen?

Didn't someone say to you they were kidding?

Well, no,

twice now that happened.

And both times I ended becoming very friendly with the family.

They came out to see me at shows.

They brought the kid.

Oh, now he's your burden.

That's the problem.

The problem is like you're saying things with your friends, like you would normally say.

But then you don't really.

Ron Bankton calls it corner talk.

Just corner talk with the guy.

There's a real person on the end of these stories sometimes.

And that's the thing.

The only thing that's changed is I think in the beginning we would just say whatever.

There'd be be a silly story.

And now I'm going like, well, all right, is this person going to hear this?

And it's just a normal person who's like, their parents are raising a special needs kid.

It's a tough enough life as it is.

Buddy, I felt terrible.

Last time I came in here, when you talked about, I was like, hey, you know, it was that video going around that girl freaking out.

And I was just going like, yeah, it's just like, she wasn't ready for this moment, but I went, didn't say the name on purpose.

And there's so many videos on the internet that are like, Jay takes a shit on this girl.

No, it's not what I did.

Well, sometimes you say things because you're just talking, and then you realize, like, God, that other person's going to hear that.

I did that recently, and I'd like to apologize to this guy.

There's this guy named Flint Dibble, who's an archaeologist.

And I said,

he attacks other archaeologists like Graham Hancock, and he says some terrible things.

But what I did was very counterproductive.

What I said was like these weak, bitchy men.

And I named him.

I'm like, and then he tweeted about it.

He said, I have stage four cancer.

And I'm like, fucking forgot he had cancer.

I didn't mean him physically.

I meant his behavior, but it made me feel bad.

So

I was wrong.

What I said, I shouldn't have said.

Sometimes I say things, and I just think I'm talking with friends.

And I realize it's going to hurt someone's feelings.

And it's counterproductive.

Like, I'm doing the exact thing I'm accusing him of doing.

He's attacking other people.

I'm attacking him.

It's stupid.

And we can be funny with anything.

You don't need to like.

But I wasn't even being funny.

I was talking to an archaeologist.

I was just getting angry.

I got angry at this process that sometimes established archaeologists are attacking these people who have legitimate ideas.

But I shouldn't have done it that way.

And you just

archaeology is your one passion?

No, it's like,

you know, I talk about a lot of different things, but I talk too often like I normally talk.

Like sometimes when you're talking about like a serious thing, like you probably shouldn't insult people.

It just, it comes normal.

Like, fuck that idiot.

You know, like it comes out.

Sure.

And you go, ah.

Yeah.

Shouldn't have.

You know?

Yeah, we do that all the time.

You get loose.

You get a little too

comfortable.

Well, I I tell you, also, that's the smart move I said that Howard Stern did years ago that I'm trying to get better at and do.

When you think something's ridiculous, praise it and then use it and you can show everybody without having to make fun of it themselves.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh, right, right, right.

They'll make fun of themselves.

You can definitely do that.

Well, I do that sometimes when I'm questioning people and I know they're not telling me the truth.

And I'll say, wait a minute.

So what you're saying is, and so I don't even have to like say, that's ridiculous.

That's fucking bullshit.

I just let the internet have it.

Yeah, you go.

you know what I mean like Epstein didn't kill himself you know like that kind of a deal like okay you know like let the internet deal with this I'm not gonna deal with this this is like I could only be so uh pushy you know when people don't want to talk about a specific thing or want to give you a an answer that you think is pretty much gaslighting you you're like okay so that that's a real UFO all right

you might you know I have people come in here all the time that I know are bullshitting me I know they are like I feel it you know and sometimes it's just like, all right,

what are you going to do?

You'll call them sometimes.

Sometimes, but, like, sometimes I don't know.

Who was the guy years ago you had an argument with?

But it was, again, sometimes when vernacular causes the problem, I feel like at the time you were just like in a rhythm of saying the word bitch at the end of a sentence a lot.

And you said something, you're going, you're like, come on, bitch.

You can't think that way, bitch.

And he was like, You're calling me a bitch.

You're bullying the shit out of me.

Who was that?

Was it Crowder?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

It was a weed conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, I thought I was talking to him like a comedian.

He would just go along with it, and he got genuinely offended.

And I was like,

I think you're bullying me.

Yeah, we said we were bullying him because we were like researching information live that was countering what he was saying.

And he didn't have access to it.

I was like, all right.

You know, whatever.

So he's being a real bitch.

I was trying to be a good host, and I wasn't.

And I was being too like a comic.

Like, I could talk to you that way.

We would have fun.

I could talk to you that way.

We'd have fun.

He wasn't.

He was a little serious.

Shit, you can call us a bitch all day.

That's the problem with some people just.

If you're choking me while I drink off, you can call him whatever you want.

Some people just get serious and you don't realize they're serious.

Like, oh, you're serious.

Like, you're really upset.

Okay.

Because we're so used to talking shit.

It's so normal.

Yeah.

Like, when people talk shit about me, I'm like, eh, I would do that.

What am I going to do?

Because you're too famous to not, you can't get offended.

You're so big at this point that it's just part of the territory.

That's part of the problem with saying things like about that Flint Dibble guy.

You don't think about it while you're saying it.

Like, you're saying it to millions of people.

Yeah.

It's not just talking.

You're like, guy's dusting off a raptor bone and you just see a tear hit it because he's listening to you in his headphones.

That guy's a dumb idiot.

I genuinely felt bad.

My raptor bone.

But it's like, I actually didn't have a bad time talking to him.

We had to confront him on this one thing because he accused Graham Hancock of being attached to white supremacy and

this like weird thing about Atlantis.

Like, how does that have anything to do?

And he tried to deny it, and we pulled up the quote that he did.

Because Hancock says no blacks in Atlantis no this is like this thing that these people do and they try to discredit things like certain academics will do where they'll connect what you're doing to racism or homophobia they'll just try to like virtue signal their way into a position where everything you're doing is wrong and it's the the thing about atlantis is a weird one it's like it's apparently at one point in time there was some white supremacist that like was pushing the theory of Atlantis being this great white race, but that's not what any of the people that are legitimately trying to research it think.

They think it was in sub-Saharan Africa.

You think black people are going to let their hair be wet all the time?

I'm no archaeologist, but I am a bitch.

What do you think Atlantis is?

You think they get in the water?

Oh, isn't it the underwater?

What an idiot, right?

I don't think that either, John.

Oh, what we're talking about, the Bahamas?

What is it?

Atlantis, they believe, was this structure.

There was a series of concentric circles that had like a lake running through it.

It's like really fascinating because there's this place called the Richard Structure in South Africa.

And this is another one of those things that archaeologists will argue about because this thing looks like Atlantis.

And there's this guy named Jimmy Corsetti and he gets labeled a Nazi for talking about it's like weird stuff, man, where they try to make you look like you're racist for pursuing this idea.

And the people who defend

racism.

You're defending racism.

It becomes this whole stupid argument that nobody really believes and it only exists on the internet.

Exactly.

Nobody in real life gives you a business.

In academia, they believe it.

And if they don't believe it, they use it as a tool.

And they'll use it as a tool to dismiss you.

But this is one of the things that came up during that topic, that when even archaeologists come up with a new timeline for things where it throws the old history into a tizzy, they attack them.

Like, and Graham Hancock brought up this concept of Clovis first.

They used to think that the Clovis people, like 13,000 years ago, were the first people in North America.

And this one guy found evidence of people that lived a long time ago, and they fucking ruthlessly destroyed his career.

They attacked this guy.

And it turned out he was right.

And they found these footprints in White Sands, New Mexico that are 22,000 years old of human beings.

So they were probably living here even before that.

But they destroy people that come up with an idea that throws their expertise into question.

And that's what they're all doing with Graham Hancock.

What they do is he's pointing out that there's some real evidence that perhaps there was an advanced civilization that was thousands of years older than we think civilization started at.

No crime and only three pointers.

Well, it is in Africa.

That's the fascinating thing.

It's all in Africa.

Egypt's in Africa.

You know, all this sub-Saharan stuff where they think the rechard structure...

Show them what it looks like.

It's crazy because the area, when you zoom out, looks like it was hit with a massive flood.

Like everything looked like all water erosion, like it was like massive amounts of water just destroyed the landscape.

It still looks like that today.

And it's in the exact same plate.

Like it's it's the mountains are north of it, the sea is below it.

That's what it looks like.

And that is like the size that Atlantis is described in in Plato's recollections of it or Plato's stories about it.

You know, there's a lot of debate about it, but the position that it's in and the weirdness of what it is

makes a bunch of these ancient history guys that really believe in Atlantis, just like they really believed in Troy.

They thought Troy was mythical until they found it.

And then they're like, oh, geez, Troy was a real thing.

So there's a lot of these people that are the gatekeepers of academia.

And they don't want anything to be dated older than what they've established and what they've taught in lectures.

Oh, because everything's wrong then.

Everything's wrong.

Well, everything is wrong.

There's weird stuff like Lebanon.

Have you seen those fucking stones in Lebanon?

No.

There's these immense, I think they're called the Trilithon stones or the trillion stones.

They're so fucking big.

And they're supposed to be, somebody's moved these from a quarry and placed them in place.

And you look at them like, how?

How long ago?

And then there's older stuff.

There's stuff that's built on top of it.

Look at the size of the story.

I know my flintstone theory works here, but I think it's a bronosaurus that a man is controlling.

Baulbeck.

That's what it is.

Look at the size of these fucking stones.

And if that one up in the top in the center, right to the right of that, Jamie?

That one.

So that shows you the size of these fucking stones that are in place like if you put a person next to them they'd be like these are five meters high that's fucking bananas how many miles per hour is that I don't know five meters 25 feet so those are 25 feet high

15 oh sorry three it's three right yeah sorry my math sucks obviously but these stones weigh some fucking insane amount and there's no explanation those cornerstones that's all one giant piece and where how how the fuck did you do that and there's a bunch of shit in malta They found Neanderthal bones, so maybe Neanderthals were in Malta, and maybe the land bridge was connected.

And there's all this confusion about the date of these ancient structures.

It seems like people built other structures on top of them.

And when they find stuff like this, there's like this great resistance of anybody to try to say they don't understand it.

They always try to come up with some sort of an explanation, even when it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Wasn't the Coliseum, wasn't it completely underground at one point?

They discovered it?

No, no, no, no.

The Sphinx was underground.

But the head was above it, and then they cleared out the sand.

The Coliseum was a little bit more.

I don't think it was underground.

No.

No, the Coliseum has always been there, but they did used to be able to get water in it.

They used to have water fights instead of boat fights in it.

It was crazy.

Bro, imagine

watching people get eaten by lions in front of everybody.

Imagine what that was like.

Well, back then, you understand, they didn't like, they would have these games and they would bring in like, you know, they would have like hunts and they would have like animal fights and shit like that but it's like back then to see a giraffe it looked like an alien like they didn't they they had no idea what they would bring in animals from africa like rhinoceros yeah these people didn't have youtube they were traveling they had no idea it was like it literally like you're watching aliens fight have you been to the coliseum yeah it was incredible do you see those things where they lift them up to the floor and then

a whole pull they had underground underground they have a whole pulley system

where like they have elevators and they would have slaves like pulling people up and it was a whole show it was a really cool thing we appreciate seeing slaves lift If they had that right now, if they had that right now, we would watch it.

If there's something on YouTube, like I've already seen, have you seen the night fights where guys dress up in armor and beat the fuck out of here?

Harrington Harrington.

He does the commentary for it.

He's like the Joe Rogan of night fighting.

It's so ridiculous, dude.

They hit each other with battle axes and shit.

Oh, a scepter strike to the leg.

But it's like if they look tough and then they take their helmets off and they're just fucking virgins.

It's like just these really nerdy fat dudes.

Preemptive balling.

Some of them know know how to fight, though.

I've seen ones where guys take guys down, leg kick them.

They're MMA guys that are getting into it.

It's just another like outlet.

Another outlet?

Part of the floor of the Coliseum was buried until the mid-19th century.

Oh, you were right.

There you go.

I knew one floor.

I don't want to correct it.

Cheemian floor lay buried under 40 feet of earth.

All memory of its function even existed.

Is that the floor that lifts up?

Is that what that is?

Yeah, the floor.

There was stuff sticking out of it.

And then they went and

they uncovered uncovered that there was like an entire underground system.

Like all this shit

really round,

did someone cover it up?

Did you go back to that description, Jamie?

Because I think it explained that someone covered it up.

Well, I mean, they destroyed most of Rome, so I'm sure it was part of it.

I wonder why they did that.

They were using all this shit for...

The tour that I did at the Coliseum was boring as shit.

Mussolini fixed it.

The guy wasn't all bad.

What were you saying, Jamie?

Would you say?

They were using the pieces of the city for construction or whatever else.

They were building new stuff, you know.

Same with the pyramids.

People show Mussolini.

I'm pulling right off the line.

They go, Mussolini, what a monster.

I go, clean the floor of the coliseum.

They did that with the pyramids.

They stole the fucking stones from the outside of it.

People are so gross.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Well, remember the Trevi Fountain a few years ago in Rome?

They poured black ink in it or something, just protesters.

It was like

they literally had to drain the fountain, and it took like however many months to clean it.

It was fucked up.

The Coliseum architects made changes to allow new methods of stagecraft.

Other changes were accidental.

Fire sparked by lightning in 217 AD, gutted the stadium, sent huge blocks of Travertine plunging into the hypergeum.

What?

That whole area was so nuts.

217?

How do they have those facts?

Coliseum is really cool.

I learned more about it.

I did a like a gladiator training program with my son.

It was like a little place you went.

And I learned so much about the Coliseum doing that more than the tour.

The tour was boring as shit.

I went in like August.

It was 110 degrees out.

It was insane.

He's aggressively trying to make his sun straight.

But that was a cool experience.

It's fucking cool as shit, man.

They didn't kill each other, the gladiators.

That's all like

lore.

That's all lies.

It was none of that, because it was like pro-wrestlers.

If your gladiator killed another gladiator,

the guy who owned that gladiator would have to pay the other guy who owned that gladiator.

They were all slaves.

So it was all just show.

It was like pro-wrestling.

They would cut each other, but they had like big, like fat bellies, so they wouldn't cut each other's organs.

They do had to do it in a certain way it was all show really it did happen once in a while but that was more rare when you see an actual death so occasionally they would fight for real to the death i don't even yeah i'm sure occasionally they did where did you get all this information from my gladiator training program really yeah the guy certified

i mean what are you going to do argue the guy but like the different weapons and the costumes they would wear and like the type of armor they would wear is like there was like you know whatever like you know a couple dozen different types of guys and you'd be like oh that's the guy with the fucking mace and like a certain helmet.

And it was like, it was free as well.

All the people in Rome, there wasn't a ticket price.

The government would sponsor it.

So it was just to get people like, you know, keep them happy.

And fucking, the richer you were, the closer you were.

Like all the peasants would be up in the rafters.

Right.

But sold the movie Gladiators Bullshit?

Yeah, a lot of it's bullshit.

There was no thumbs down, thumbs up.

What?

What?

A common misconception that gladiators always fought to the death.

The winner survived and the loser died.

Very rarely, and usually with special dispensation from the emperor would there be sign miso battles which automatically meant death for the loser with no chance of being spared so occasionally they died yeah very rarely they died but they were like celebrities like the gladiators would come out and they were like

wow some historians say oh wait a minute one in five died in battle that's a lot others say one in ten most only lived to their mid-twenties which compared to tasers well they would die of their injuries very often not because it wasn't like it was fight to the the death they just didn't have medicine like yeah they would get stabbed and get infected but gladiator 2 was right though right

but that i mean when he's talking about the water they would fill it up with water and have boat fights that was a real thing in gladiator 2 oh i see not now i'm bummed out i thought they really fought to the death like every time yeah yeah god damn dude well i've got bad news about the wwf also

oh my god then you know what i might as well pull the bandaid off if we're already here wrestling also but it was yeah it was like akin to pro wrestling like they would have like personalities, and people would, like,

that was a problem in Japan in the early days of MMA.

Some of the fights were fixed.

You could tell.

And you could tell, like, certain guys would win by leg lock.

That's why you could stomp and shit.

They'd have professional wrestlers, like, promoters do those MMA fights.

Was it Say, Jim?

I was just describing the animal hunts they did, but I'll skip ahead to this part here.

Hypergeon played a vital role in these staged hunts, allowing animals and hunters to enter the arena countless ways.

Eyewitnesses describe how animals appeared suddenly from below as if by magic, sometimes apparently launched high into the air.

The hypogeum allowed the organizers of the game to create surprises and build suspense.

A hunter in the arena wouldn't know where the next lion would appear or whether two or three lions might emerge instead of one.

Yeah, out of those like trapdoors in the bottom, a lion would just jump out and then, and you're watching a dude like hunt lions.

How cool is that, though?

This uncertainty could be exploited for comic effect.

He goes, guys, I'm not afraid of no bullshit-ass lying.

I fuck a lion.

He's right behind me, isn't he?

Emperor Galenius punished a merchant who had swindled the empress, selling her glass jewels instead of authentic ones, by setting him in the arena to face a ferocious lion.

When the cage opened, however, a chicken walked out to the delight of the cloud, the crowd.

Galenius then told the herald to proclaim he practiced deceit and then had it practiced on him.

The emperor let the jeweler go home.

Whoa.

So they let people.

So it wasn't that killed him days later.

They were less mean than we thought.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was still pretty brutal.

Well, it was a fucking brutal time to be alive back then, man.

Dude, one in five got to live.

Relax.

One in ten.

Maybe one in ten.

Maybe even one in ten.

No big whoop.

I bet a lot of dudes were sliced up, though.

You ever see those Nazi dueling scars where the Nazis in the

like when they were in like military school, they would have duels with sword fights and their faces would get slashed up and that was like their badge of courage.

So all the Nazis that came over for NASA, they all had these like crazy Nazi dueling scars.

All over their faces.

Did you ever see those?

Bro, it's so creepy.

They do the shit we do now in arenas, too, with like t-shirt guns.

Snacks fell from the sky.

Snacks.

As abundantly as hail, one observer noted, along with wooden balls containing tokens for prizes, food, money, or even the title to an apartment, which sometimes set off violent scuffles amongst spectators struggling to get away from it.

Nothing changes today.

Nothing.

There used to be a blimp that would go around the Sixers stadium and drop coupons for hers potato chips, and I've seen people fall off of balconies for them.

It was a hot as a boiler room in the summer, humid and cold in the winter, and filled all year round with strong smells from the smoke, sweating workmen packed in the narrow corridors, and the reek of the wild animals.

No bathrooms and all that.

Did people just shit into holes?

What they always did.

Where would you go if you're hot and you're drunk?

And everybody's got the plague.

All right, boys.

Should we wrap this bitch up?

Sure.

Let's bring it home.

Thank you so much.

Are we officially in the Rogansphere now?

Yeah, you're in.

Come on, man.

You were always in.

All right, you said it here.

You were always in.

What the fuck are you talking about?

We just don't see each other enough.

Please watch my specials.

Yeah.

Both available.

They're awesome.

Anything you got?

Yeah, check out Story.

It's Mine and Big Jay's New Podcast, Story Wars, which is great.

And yeah, I got a book, actually.

You know what?

You wrote a book?

I'm writing.

I'm almost done with it.

It's coming out December 2nd.

It's pre-sale right now on Amazon.

What's it about?

It's my childhood memoir.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it starts off with the.

What made you want to do that?

A dude who wrote other books was like...

Knives and Spoons.

Yeah.

A memoir.

Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, I'm going to get you a book deal.

And I was like, really?

And then I started working with him on it.

And yeah, it's just, it's been good.

It's dark.

It's funny.

It's fucked up.

It's about just my fucked up childhood and finding comedy.

I always admire someone who can write a book.

Yeah.

Like, I always admired Norton.

He's written a couple of books.

I'm like, damn, he wrote a whole book.

He actually wrote a book.

Noran's a man.

Norin's in town right now.

Yeah, yeah.

He's here

Friday.

He's doing Story Wars tonight.

Nice.

Noran.

Where are you guys?

You guys at the creek?

No, we're at your club.

Oh, you're at my club.

Let's tell little Joe knows about his own.

What time is this?

This is our pay.

It's 7:30 and 10:30.

Why don't you come, Joe?

Why don't you come on Story Wars?

Oh, I don't have any good stories.

That's used them all up.

I've used them all.

I've had 2,500 fucking episodes.

I've used them all up.

You don't need good stories.

I'll tell you all.

There's going to be something that goes once on an archaeology journey.

Oh, this is Joe.

This is definitely Joe, I think.

I think this one's Joe.

One time I was talking to the director of the CIA.

He's like, well, that must be Joe.

Took out a black bear from a helicopter with a crossbow.

I appreciate you guys.

Thank you.

It was a lot of fun.

Thank you.

Thanks, Joe.

All right.

Bye, everybody.