#2333 - Protect Our Parks 15

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

All right, we're rolling.

We're rolling.

Don't do anything illegal.

No.

Come on, everybody's on the Zim.

I'm not.

I think it's probably bad for you.

It might be.

100%.

It might in the end be bad for you.

There's also that part of me I can't bring myself to actually not work out.

You look ripped.

No, no, no, no.

no.

You're going to work out.

You don't want to talk about it, but look at those shoulders.

Look at those shoulders, dog.

Those shoulders are coming in strong.

Yeah.

Don't hit me.

You look noticeably thicker.

Like, no.

That's what I said to my trainer.

He's like, you want to lose weight?

I said, no.

Bigger.

I want to be

fucking huge.

Dude, you've been in this gym super fucking consistently.

If I'm in Austin, I come here.

It's awesome.

Every day.

It's very nice.

It's awesome.

Every time you open that door and I see you pop out, I'm like, fuck yeah.

He's getting after after it.

Dead after it.

Do you worry about the buff comedy, though?

You don't need the buff comic.

Actually get in your room.

Well, I very rarely wear a t-shirt on stage.

That's not true.

Just warrant anything tight.

Shirtless is my movie.

I just want to look like a fucking tight shirt.

I'm going to shut off like Hulk Hogan.

That's fun.

Let's start comedy.

Yeah, Greischer, when he started losing weight and he's getting jacked, I'm like, you're taking away from your act there, fella.

Exactly.

You know, you look like a football player now.

Like, Bert was getting some big, thick-ass shirts.

I don't do a lot of fat jokes.

No.

If any.

No, you don't really.

You might make fun of yourself if it helps something.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter.

But you're not fat enough.

You're more like squishy.

Yeah, you're just a fat cat.

Yeah.

You're not.

You're not like a fat guy.

You're so absurdly fat.

Yeah.

You have to talk about it.

Bert doesn't really do fat jokes either.

No.

No.

No.

Really?

No, not really.

Sometimes you just got to attack the elephant in the room just to get it out of the way, but then after that, fuck it.

But if you're really good, you don't even need it.

But if you have a joke that's funny, that's fat.

Like, who fucking cares?

That's the weirdest thing: is comics like policing what should be talked about.

If someone comes up with the most amazing fart joke of all time, I'm going to die laughing.

It's like, I don't do any, I don't have any, but it's like, yeah, on anything and everything.

There's a take on anything and everything that's like,

you know,

it's just you got to find where it's going to be.

That's kind of my goal is to come up with the best

fart joke of all.

Eats, dog.

No, not yet, Joe.

Come on.

What's that?

You're bad at Lucy.

Lucy today, dude.

What's up with you?

He's fired.

He's game dead.

You've pulled out three drugs.

I've been here eight minutes.

They're all illegal.

No drugs.

No drugs.

Just nicotine.

Just Ozempic.

Don't get the feds on us.

Lucy Breakers.

What's the heckle fish?

Oh, that's from...

You ever see that YouTube show, The Wife Files?

No.

It's a great fucking show.

It's all about like fucking aliens and why you can't go into the Grand Canyon and, you know, secret fucking temples and stuff like that.

And uh AJ Gentile is the host and then uh this is a fish that sits in the fish tank next to him and talks shit to him I will be a strict but fair lord of these lands and my face will come to finalize

him right away

can't say there's no drugs

guys check this out

well the thing is like now everybody comes and they give me something for the table that's like part of the fun

I got this little Olmec head

from Lou Caverns.

Pretty dope.

I also got an Aztec death whistle.

Do not blow it.

I blew it.

The last time.

Last time we had one of these and we blew it.

Death Whistle.

Callan blew it on the podcast, and the pandemic started a month later.

I'm not kidding.

Fucking L.A.

was locked down.

Everything had people were like connecting it to the death whistle.

He killed me.

It was a conspiracy theory.

Oh, poor Bob.

Sorry.

You got me.

Ah, the death whistle.

Because I think

that one drives me nuts.

Yeah.

Pop saga does?

Yeah, because it's the same thing that happened to Heather McDonald.

Blacked out, fell, smashed her head, died.

She lived because she was on stage, and luckily they got

medical help.

Rug.

Run on the stage, also.

It was fake?

No, rug.

Oh, no, she was hardwood.

I don't think there was a rug.

Hardwood.

I've got stages out a lot.

I don't know.

What stage was it?

I've seen that video 30 times.

It's hardwood.

Yeah, I don't know.

Her head bounces.

It's very terrifying.

Because that's how people die in street fights.

That's the big reason why people die in street fights.

They get knocked knocked out and they hit their head.

It's not from getting punched to death, most of the time.

Right.

Most of the time, it's from falling and hitting your head.

Remember the knockout game?

Knockout game.

Bro, that's so scary.

Yeah,

so scary.

Filming crimes is a very

good thing.

Just get the Hitler speed.

Oh, bro.

It kind of gets developed into the stage.

Fractured or skull.

That's crazy.

Really?

Fractured her skull.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Scary shit.

Yes.

You could bleed, you could bleed in the brain and you could.

Didn't need the whole thing.

That was perfect.

Possibility you'll never be the same again.

Question is, did it kill?

Did you get a laugh?

It was the biggest laugh I've ever said.

All right.

Well, my dad.

So people found out it was real.

Yeah, they thought it was.

It was a funny joke.

Hilarious.

Oh, wow.

Which is the way you would do it.

You ever get an accidental joke where you say something and everyone laughs?

You're like, oh, I can see the double meaning on that.

Oh, that's Albertan.

I met that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Well, that's the difference between writing it and saying it, right?

You write it and you're like, I think I know how to go with this.

And then you get on stage and say it, and you're like, oh, that's the funny part.

This is fucking ridiculous.

The fact that this exists is ridiculous.

I'm always embarrassed if I wrote something and then say it and it's not even close.

I don't know.

What the fuck was I thinking?

It's crazy how much that happens.

I always think of it as like a scaffolding.

I'm like, I don't know what's good until I get up there.

Yeah, well, it's funny how when you're in your apartment, you're killing.

You're like, man, this is good stuff.

And then when you get up there, you can like feel this won't work.

Right.

Yeah, right when you're on stage.

I don't know why I'm saying this.

But when you have people in front of you, you're like, oh, this is not going to hit.

Oh, my God.

It's the best.

And then you went into it with so prepared, and then they're just looking at you, like, I don't care.

You go into it, like, I wrote a new bit today.

This thing's going to fucking kill me.

Yeah.

And you're not going to be.

That's why comedy is great because you can never really crack it.

You can get better at it, but you can never really go, this is going to work.

It's also like a truly collaborative thing.

You have to have an audience.

Yeah.

It's the like Gary Clark Jr.

could write a fucking amazing album by himself in his private music studio.

And nobody has to hear it until you listen to it the first time.

You're like, God damn.

Like Oliver Anthony's new album.

I haven't heard it.

Bro.

Really?

Bro, there's a song.

We're going to play this song on the bottom.

You can't play it on the air.

So we'll play it.

Oh, yeah.

You should have it already.

We'll play it, and then we'll react to it.

Okay.

I'll tell you guys.

Cut all this out.

I'll tell you guys what happened.

So Oliver Anthony has no money, right?

He's poor.

He's selling farm equipment.

He puts his song on YouTube.

He's a fucking superstar, right?

He doesn't know what to do.

He freaks out.

He asks me for advice.

I call him on the phone.

We have a conversation for like a fucking hour where I go, don't sign anything with anybody.

And he's like, they're telling me I have to strike wide the iron side.

I go, bullshit.

They're trying to steal money from you.

I go, you're independent.

You're already there.

You already made it.

I know.

If you wrote that song, I'm like, if you wrote that song, you could write a dozen of those fucking songs.

You don't need anybody.

He's like, they're offering me $7 million.

I go, no, no, no, no.

They're offering to steal money from you for the rest of your life.

That's what they're doing.

I go, you don't need them.

You have talent.

So cut to,

he starts making millions of dollars, doing arenas.

The wife divorces him.

She wants everything.

She wants everything.

She wants more than half.

She wants all the money that's going to be making in the future because she was with him when he was broke.

So it's fucking crazy.

He's just tortured.

What a fucking idiot.

Wants to die.

Wants to die.

And he writes this song.

Wow.

Wait, the song you're about to play?

Yes.

He writes this song.

You got it, Jamie?

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Bro.

By the time this episode comes out, that song will be out.

Okay.

Really?

Well, he just wrote the.

Yo.

He just ethered his wife.

Oh, God.

His belly's gnaws to Jaden's.

What a diss track.

Bro, that's the craziest diss track of all time.

It's coming out tomorrow, the next day.

It's coming out tomorrow.

The song is.

Yeah, so the day this comes out, that album.

The math don't seem right.

Oh, funny.

Every divorce dude on earth is going to be just fucking bad.

The judge says 50-50, but the math don't seem right to a scorned woman.

Woo!

Oh, that's what he's saying.

It's that doesn't seem right for her.

For her.

That she wants more than that.

Yay.

She's lucky he got out with a song.

Yeah.

Because he would have killed her.

Bro.

Yeah, if he didn't have a guitar.

That's a string like that.

That guy doesn't need a record deal.

That guy doesn't need nobody.

He's a hitman.

He don't need nobody.

He's Lisa Loeb.

Remember Lisa Loeb?

Did she do it?

She said the top five hit on a subway.

Whoa.

And then

every label was like, we want you.

And she's like, well, hold on now.

I think I got the upper hand.

Oh, very clever.

Yeah, there's a bunch of people that have done that now that just completely bypassed this hit.

Lobotomy.

Lobotomy?

What happened there?

Lisa Loeb?

How do you get that?

That's his trash.

That's his trash.

You see him.

Just sitting in the storm and going.

Earloe.

Some of those ladies, they kind of vanish.

You know, like Lisa Loeb was huge.

She was.

She was the chick with the glasses, right?

Yep.

She was a little bit of a child.

She was cute.

Cute little chick.

I did something with her on VH1 once.

I forget.

Yeah, some talk show thing.

She was very nice.

Nice lady.

Yeah.

Sometimes this before 3, right?

Yeah.

Why, you want coffee?

Yeah.

At 3 p.m., you cut it off?

It's just start to slow down.

Mr.

Regimented.

I won't sleep.

Anyway, let's talk more about this.

You have a hard time sleeping?

If I have too much of this.

Same.

I'm on the pills.

You're on what pills?

Sleeping pills.

Oh, no.

But you got to get on boner pills.

They're way better.

I'm taking an anti-schizophrenia thing.

And it's the only...

Seraquil.

I've taken that.

Give that a good.

That shit sucks.

Wait, that's good.

That's the only way it works for me.

Fucking Stanhope gives you a bad thing.

That makes you go to sleep.

Yeah, it makes you sleepy.

He tries.

Oh, yeah.

Have you tried deadlifts?

Yeah.

You work out real hard so you're exhausted.

You work out.

Wait, isn't that where Brody was on Seraquil?

No.

Isn't that when he got off?

I think he was.

Seraquil's serious.

I think it really got off.

I think he got off on his own, and that's when he went off the rails.

All right,

yeah, that got real weird.

He was a deadlift.

When I got back from the bottom, you son of a bitch.

The friend.

But the math dog seemed like

when I got back from Stanhope's, when I was out there, I had some Seraquil in the wrapper in my pocket.

And I got back to my parents' house.

It was during COVID.

My mom was doing laundry.

Oh, okay.

And was like, what the fuck is Seraquil?

And I was like,

I don't know.

Some guy gave it to me and I took it.

Yeah.

Did it help you sleep?

Yeah, it fucked me up for like three days.

Really?

Really?

I take it every night.

Maybe I'll be right back.

I think you're supposed to take somebody else's, especially not Stanhope's.

Stanhope's got Ella Strong.

Stanhope's dosage is not your dosage for anything.

For anything.

Yeah, I woke up on Wednesday.

You could go beer to beer with them for sure, but anything else.

Yeah.

Anything else, stay away.

Stanhope has a tolerance.

You need it.

He does.

He says, just don't go to the doctor.

Just don't go to the doctor.

You don't want to know.

It's so funny when somebody gives you drugs and you're like, it's strong.

Like, to who?

Who are we talking about?

Stan Hope has various hernias all over his stomach.

He just lays back and like pop his stomach.

Really?

Yeah, he's a mess.

He's the best.

He's the best.

He's riding it to the wheels fall off.

He is.

Hell yeah.

He's a mess.

He's the best.

He's riding it till the wheels fall off.

Give that to Albert Anthony and say, run with it.

Run with it.

Yeah.

An ode to Stan Hope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I check in on his Instagram somewhere.

He's wearing fucking flea market clothes in some other country doing stand-up.

Yeah, he did a grand Ukraine.

Get the fuck out of there.

He's in the back of the bottom.

We're in the smoking room at a bar in Ljubljana.

I think I'll film a special here.

Yeah, exactly.

There's 30 people.

Let's go.

He's a maniac.

He did my podcast recently, and it's like 1 p.m.

He gets hammered, and then he's like, what are we doing?

And we're like, we got to do another one.

And he was like, what?

I thought we were hanging out all day.

And he was pissed.

I get it.

Well, you got to set the terms for your agreement in advance.

I guess.

You You got to figure out, hey, you do a pod, you'd leave after.

You can't just assume we're going to get hammered and hang out all day unless we talk about it.

Right.

I would say, though, if I get day drunk with people, I assume.

Yeah, it's a good plan.

Where are you going?

After, yeah.

Yeah.

If we get together and have barbecue at Terry Black's at one o'clock and like, let's fucking get blasted.

Yeah.

It's over.

The day's over.

That's it.

Yeah.

You're hanging out all day.

Yeah, you're done for three days.

I rarely get those days.

I rarely get that.

Those days were fun back in when you had all the time in the world.

You had nothing to do, no pods.

My family went away for a week.

COVID was the best.

Noon, you broke DeRosa, you call Big J, like it's 12:02, you want to drink?

Like, that was the good thing about COVID, right?

The people who are risk takers, you get together with them.

Oh, yeah, you go outside too, and just drink out the business.

How long did you guys go without being around anybody, though?

Oh, man, as long as I could people the whole time, the whole time, yeah, you never took a week off of, I mean, other than like family and like real close friends.

Uh, yeah, I did do that.

It was that's

three, three, four weeks, actually.

Bro, that's so bad for my brain.

I went three months.

How many guys

came back?

A lot of people have a lot of guys never came back.

Some people are starting to come back.

Yeah.

I don't want to name them, but I know you're still

there.

You go, oh shit.

It's funny to see them the first week, and you know, that's where I was when I got back.

I was like, hey, too close, too close.

Lewis immediately go.

I'm like, hey, I'm still trying to.

He just licks your face.

Come on, Lewis.

But like, you see people like, hi, I'm like, oh, you just got back?

Okay, it took a week.

I didn't get back now, though.

Burr would only do elbow touches for a while.

Yeah.

I remember.

I would meet outside and do elbow touches.

Like, get the fuck out of here.

I was hugging everybody.

Fuck it.

Those were dark days.

I remember not thinking it was going to end.

Yeah.

I know, man.

There's a lot of good came out of it.

It was my favorite.

Forced me to move here.

It was my favorite, too.

Really?

What a fun time.

Really?

You had time to think.

Time to hang out with your friends.

Also, I had just gotten canceled.

It was.

You went to a beach house.

Same,

actually.

It was $20 on Airbnb.

Nobody was traveling.

You went to North Carolina, right?

Didn't you have time to just sit in it, though?

Like, you just think it about it.

You're just drinking at the beach.

What advice did I give you when we were to North Carolina?

It was something normal.

Don't say goop.

Make a fire on the beach.

Stop saying that.

That was my advice, Jimmy.

Don't say it.

Oh, my God.

No, it wasn't.

It was hot and head, and it was make a fire.

We made fires every night.

I remember you'd call me like, hey, O'Connor, beef, fires were pilot.

I want a trash crew.

It's the trashiest gifts.

That's fun.

A crew of pigs.

They were big and a crew of pigs and famous.

Pig and cigar.

Let's go.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

You guys want a big one or a little one?

I'll take a little.

You want a little one, like this one, or like this one?

I'll do a little one.

Is that a Fuente?

Is that a short one?

These are all given to me by Jose Andres.

Is that a short story?

You know, maybe you know.

I know.

Cigari Shafir.

A short story, that's what they're going.

You want a short one?

Let me see.

I'm actually all right.

I don't like any of them.

Let me see all of them.

You don't know who the fuck that is.

Oh, this is the one.

It's open up.

Yeah.

Oh, this is a high-end version of this brand.

They're super legit.

What do you want, Maria?

The short stories are great, though.

It's like a nice light one.

You won't appreciate it.

That might be too heavy for me.

Do a short story.

You'll like it.

Yeah, or give me a little chode.

There you go.

That's not a chod.

That thing's fine.

That's true.

Well, if you only want a little bit, like Ron White has those little tiny ones.

Yeah, cigars.

Little tiny cigars.

Darius has those all the time.

But he inhales those motherfuckers.

He inhales them like he does a cigarette.

I'm like, that is so bad for you.

Those are so bad for you.

You're going, you're taking straight cigar smoke in your lungs.

There you go.

You know how to do it.

That's a good teeth.

Bro, how good is that song?

That song freaks me out.

Very good.

Good, soulful song.

It feels like a throwback.

You can't fake that.

You can't fake that.

I've never heard a guy make a song about a

divorce.

It's pretty funny.

He's going through it, dog.

It's like

Rock's like,

you'll be mad if you make 30 grand if you have to give up half.

Half, half at 10 million is nothing.

Half at 30 grand.

That's a fucking crazy song.

Great tune.

It reminds me of Mike Lawrence's joke on Ralphie Mae during Rose Battle.

He goes, your wife's divorcing you, which is crazy to split up now and get half where you can just wait six months and get all of it.

Oh,

that broke killed him.

It did kill him.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

Hey, Jamie, do we have any beers in here?

There's a whole cooler of them right there.

Oh.

Could you imagine?

Oh, hello.

Oh, hello.

Actually, giving her that advice?

Imagine, like, if you were the lawyer.

Hey, just wait a little bit.

If you're the lawyer, you're like, you know, take him out to eat.

Just wait him out.

Take him to fucking Denny's.

Oh, sorry.

Same thing.

Two and one.

Keep them going.

Yeah.

Keep that party rolling.

Did you ever work with Pinette?

Yes, I did.

He is a funny guy.

I saw Pinette when I was like an open micer.

He was like a few years ahead of me.

I saw him murder one night in Arizona.

He had this bit about going to a Chinese food, all-you-can-eat buffet, and they're like, No, you get out.

Oh, yeah, I saw it on TV, bro.

He did that at Nick's Comedy Stop one night, packed house, brought the fucking house down.

And he had that Boston old school rapid fire punchline style, and he was an opaque guy.

And he was fucking huge at one point in time.

But the physical stuff, the body being that big, just sabotaged.

When I moved to L.A., it wasn't the first times I realized how phony Hollywood is.

He came into the improv and all the agents and managers and the suckups were like, John, you look amazing.

It's like a 480-pound guy.

And I'm like, what?

We did the Shane 20 minutes ago.

No, no, no.

And now everyone was very mean.

One of the guys outside was like, you look good.

Well, better.

I was like, yeah, that's fair.

That's like, I believe.

He wasn't joking.

He was totally genuine.

Being honest with you.

Yeah.

Pretty funny.

Well, better.

It's such a great.

Better.

All right.

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Yeah, imagine telling a 455-pound guy he looks great.

You're looking funny.

You look great.

You look great.

They'll tell that to you.

That's like good for a step.

You've never looked better.

You look 20 years younger.

Oh, look how fat.

Man.

Unfortunately.

He's already funny.

Just looks funny.

Oh, he was so funny.

He was so good.

If Ozempic was earlier.

Such a good comic.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but then you have a big head.

He'd be alive.

Alive of the big head's pretty funny, too.

Because when you have a big fat guy's body, your head grows.

Your skull grows?

Physically.

Wait, what?

Yeah, yeah.

If you ever watch a big, giant fat guy, when they lose a lot of weight, their head looks way too big for their body.

Because they were 500 pounds.

They had a head of a 500-pound man for 20 years.

And then all of a sudden, you know, you get a belly band.

Now you weigh a buck fifty.

Oh, man.

You got a 500-pound dude's head.

Go from a fighting style of this to

also all that chewing, all these muscles.

Your jaw is one of the weirdest things.

That's what mewing is all about when people change their jawline.

Your jaw moves.

Your jaw can get larger.

You can actually change your jawline from exercise.

Isn't it crazy?

You can't alter your dick.

You gain weight, nothing happens.

You can't get it.

You can work out on the moon.

You work out our dick.

You can do nothing to your dick.

Nothing.

Put a man on the moon.

You can't fix the dick.

Can't fix the dick.

Yeah, if you got a micro penis.

Oh, by the way,

that female boxer, that female boxer that everybody was saying was a woman?

That's a man.

Fact now, proven.

Wait, I thought you said that.

He had a sex result.

It wasn't the Iranian one?

The Iranian one that won the Olympic gold medal is a man.

So she's funny.

I thought that was a good one.

They released a medical report.

Who's that?

Well, the IOC is the one that allowed her to compete in the Olympics, but one of these

amateur boxing organizations apparently did a test.

I thought it was one of those.

It's like, you guys are wrong about this one.

It's not a trans.

It's actually just some.

It's a biological male.

Yeah, that went through puberty, the whole deal.

Crazy.

Peeing off on bitches in Paris.

WAP.

Whop.

That's so crazy.

We should have that at the Olympic sport.

Beating bitches.

Damn it.

I think this person has like line them up.

I'll tell you what Iran.

Iran would crush him.

Iran would crush him that fucking.

Oh, yeah.

No, no.

You got to uppercut.

It's like a bunch of fucking

technique down from Scotta.

Like, a crusher.

No, it's really crushed.

First, you grab the arm.

Bend.

You say, shut the fuck up.

He shut the fuck up.

Oh, I told you not to bring that up in front of my fucking friends.

Did I see you driving?

I told you not to bring that up in such a good, like, help me out here.

Give me a good pitch.

You see, Greta Thunberg's making her way there right now.

She's going to fix it.

What is this?

Thunberg's on the way to Iran.

She's going to fix Gaza.

Oh, she's on a sailboat.

Damn a sailboat to Gaza.

Who is it?

I can't wait for them to meet her.

Bro, that little how you dare, how dare you girl?

How dare you?

You know, the climate change girl?

You know, the little autistic girl?

She's a classic story.

Well, now she's free Palestine.

She's singing things off her phone.

Now she's at the front of a boat like George Washington making its way to Gaza.

Whatever the environment is done.

Bro, it's like there she is.

Is she

Leonardo DiCaprio?

She's got a nice boat.

From the river to the rising sea.

Level.

She's going to fix that.

She's going to break the Israeli naval blocker.

Bro, those IDF guys are going to turn her into cat food.

They will light her up from the fucking shore before she's even close.

They don't play no.

Everyone's going to blow that.

They don't play.

both sides are going to blow that button.

Yeah, they don't play up.

They actually maybe come together on who gets to blow it up.

Maybe that can bridge the gap here.

She could

kill herself for all of us.

Well, she could be just the best person ever.

Nothing greener.

You're killing yourself.

She could be someone that they take advantage of and use at the front of the line for every cause.

It's one of those.

She's a young kid, man.

It's so crazy to take a young kid and like put them away.

Alter their lives.

This is going to be your life now forever.

You're the face of X, Y, and Z.

Even Even if it's not up to her, and it is obviously, not obviously, but it could be out of her hands.

She probably has handlers and political shit, but

at least she's

trying to gain flee employees.

She cares.

Yeah, gain fleeing.

This is when they got the South Park kids to fight against Harbucks.

What's up?

Hardbucks coming in.

It's tough.

Getting tweaks.

Yeah, it's overcoming tweaks.

And they'll make the kids do a story about it, and they're like, ah, all right.

And everyone's like, the children are upset.

It's the easiest way to go to get your cause done.

Let a kid be crying about it.

The war, though, like Israel, Palestine, and Russia, Ukraine really ended the fucking climate change.

Oh, yeah.

Ended everything.

You know what I mean?

It was like there's World War III's coming.

It's like, we don't have time.

Yeah, none of the climate change people are like 40 bombs are increasing the temperature.

Yeah.

I think Greta Thunberg, actually.

Unless that was fake.

It ended a lot of shit.

Like the Palestine, it was like, oh, we forgot about Ukraine.

We forgot about BLM.

We forgot about.

It ended everybody saying dead babies are bad.

They go, well, let me see where they were from first.

It's crazy crazy how everybody's just not, this is all just terrible.

It is really terrible.

Can't tell them in Texas either.

It's a weird time.

I caught that one.

Hey, thanks.

I caught it, too.

I just stared right through it.

Stared at the table.

God, I don't even think that's my.

It is crazy.

I can't watch porn here on my phone.

That's a real thing.

You can.

You just have to take a photo of your ID and send it to the company.

What's the problem, Mark?

What am I about?

I want to know how into feet you really are.

Why are some of these states doing that?

What is that?

Tennessee, Alfred.

I don't mind feet.

We just want to track you completely.

It is.

We want to see what your search history is.

It's a nice treat, though.

You go on the road, you go, oh, yeah.

Yes.

You guys are out in New York.

You don't know.

It's all the tax-free states, too.

Florida, Tennessee, Florida, I don't know.

Tennessee for sure.

It is a bummer, and the only way you find out is when you're doing it.

When you get on Tennessee.

Don't you guys know about Express VPN?

Yeah.

Express VPN.

Say you're fucking phoning in from Thailand.

You can see everything.

Yeah, but then sometimes it goes like, it's not registering right.

It's not doing it.

It's like, come on.

Come on.

Really?

VPNs?

Sometimes

grandpa doesn't know how to use it.

Still the same VPN.

I'll tell you the result is I go on X videos now because you could get it.

More regular chicks.

Now I'm turned on on just regular bars.

Before it had to be at this level.

Now I'm like, you only got 10 pounds extra.

I'm into it.

X videos is rough, though.

It's really rough.

You hit some fucking bad lighting.

Ladies need to know 10 pounds extra is way better than 10 pounds too thin, right?

Ozempic 10 pounds, that Ozempic 10 where your face gets sucked in.

I like soft.

Yeah, you don't want the holocaust.

Like, an extra few pounds is nice.

Like, when girls start thinking they need to lose weight, that's when they're like, right there.

And they start fucking with their face.

Oh,

yeah.

When they should get

to the point where they think they should lose a little weight and stay right there.

That's where they're perfect.

Have you about to call it makes it a little bit more?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll talk about it afterwards.

I got to tell you.

Ozempic is sketchy, man.

Because you've got to stay on that, bro.

It's got to be.

You don't get on it and lose 100 pounds and then, like, all right, now I get it.

Big Jay's doing great.

On Ozempic?

He's slowly going.

Yeah, no, he's skinny.

He was just on the road with me this weekend.

He's like slowly going down or something.

What's his head?

What does his head look like?

You got a normal head.

It's okay.

He's turned into.

You can see that he's an old Jew now.

Before that, he was fat enough that you didn't really see all the Jewish features.

You know, who said that?

William Shackner.

William Shackner says he stays fat because he keeps the wrinkles away.

Shackner.

Because you give your plunk face.

Captain, man.

Motherfucking Kirk.

Shatner.

Shatner, whatever.

Same shit, dog.

My favorite basketball player is Shat.

But it's funny to watch Jay, like, whenever we get in a car now to go somewhere, he's like, I'll get in the back.

And it's like, oh,

you're new.

You're spry.

Yeah, that's a good thing.

That's a big guy.

I relate to that.

One day I dreamed to be like, fellas, I'll sit in the way back.

So what's he going to do with all those giant jean shorts?

Sell them.

He's got to buy new clothes.

Make a sale for Greta.

He's going to pet girt.

Sell them all together.

Make a big chase.

Be and more.

We hawking.

I hope she live logs that shit.

I want to see her go.

Some of the rebels were arming neat tents.

Yeah.

Fire them up.

Greta Thurnberg going to Palestine is like those people going to the unchartable islands and be like, hi, I'm Christian.

Yeah.

Yeah, like North Sentinel Island.

Jesus, you've forsaken me.

That shit's crazy.

Or the white social worker who goes into Baltimore ghetto.

He's like, hey, everybody, I'm here.

And they just beat the fuck out of him.

Yeah.

This isn't.

What's the list of people who are going to be talking about?

How about the dude who was a Rockefeller?

The dude who was a Rockefeller who went to the Papua New Guinea tribe and they ate him?

You know why he fucked up?

Yeah, he fucked up because he said, I'm actually very important where I am.

They go, oh,

that's more neutral.

No, no, what happened was he fucked up and was trying to get a sacred item from them and trying to buy it from them.

And they didn't want to give it.

And he was very insistent.

And he apparently offended them deeply.

And then, when he returned, they're like, oh, he's back.

And they stabbed him when he was in the boat.

They were taking him in the boat over there, and they stuck him with a spear.

And then he was like, oh, screaming out, and he cried.

And the guy who told the story, there's a whole depiction of how he died.

Bullet.

I read that because also he was an important man in America in another country.

They're like, that's better to eat that.

That's a good person to eat.

I think the big thing was

the offense.

I think it was the offense because they would have killed him the first time.

They would have killed him when he came back.

Yeah.

There's one, and I'm trying to remember who it is.

It might have been a Rockefeller.

What?

Somebody, somebody's like, kid went to Africa and paid to watch them cannibalize a kid.

Yikes.

Whoa.

I got to remember.

It's a Rockefeller, like a DuPont, or like one of those names.

I wonder if he's telling this at parties.

He goes, guys, just so you know, they were going to kill him and eat him anyway.

He did.

No, I think that's exactly what he did.

Came back and was like, they were going to eat him anyway.

I just watched.

I just watched it.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

Could you imagine watching that?

How about that dude, General Butt Naked?

You remember that guy?

Yeah, hell yeah.

From Liberia?

No, it was cool.

They would kidnap a child and cut the child's heart out and eat it raw before they would go into battle.

And he would go into battle buck naked.

So they called him.

What?

James Whiskey aired by a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized.

What?

Is that true?

Referenced 130-year-old what?

That's a tough one.

130-year-old scandal and a horrifying anecdote from a colonial expedition actor.

James's been around for 130 years.

Wow, he bought a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized?

Mixture.

What's true?

Go up to the top, scroll up right there.

By his own admission, Jameson witnessed the murder and mutilation of a girl and is now the

Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1888.

Incident took place after Jameson paid handkerchiefs to a man who said, give me a bill of cloth and see.

Oh, boy.

What?

So Jameson insisted he did not set out with the intention of causing or witnessing any murder or act of cannibalism and described what he ultimately witnessed as the most horrifyingly sickening sight I am ever likely to see in my life.

I mean, if somebody's like, that's a fair statement.

Give me a handkerchief.

But if you like, what do you guys do?

You guys eat people?

It's like, give me a handkerchief and you'll see.

And that's all you have to give the guy?

A handkerchief?

And he's like, we all would have done it.

We all would have given him a handkerchief, not knowing what it's going to be.

Oh, you realize this one?

What do you mean?

First of all, I'd be terrified to not give him the handkerchief.

Yeah.

Because

killing and eating people.

You don't know what you're getting.

Well, like the guy who got killed and eaten in Papua New Guinea, I bet he had no idea he offended them.

No.

He thought he was bargaining.

Yeah.

You know, like, if you don't know their culture and you're deeply offending them by wanting some sacred item that they have, like, what's the thing?

Pissing on the tree in Mitsomar.

Yeah.

In where?

In Mitsomar.

Pissed on the Tree.

Like, what are you doing?

He's like, well, I just wanted to piss.

I don't know what that is.

What is that reference to?

Oh, it's a hell of a movie.

Mitsomar?

Ari Astor?

Oh.

Do you know it, Jamie?

I've never said it that.

It's a movie.

It's a horror film.

Good wreck.

Yeah.

Oh, I've never seen this.

No, it's a good one.

Oh, you would hate it.

Would I hate it?

No, you wouldn't.

No, I'd like to.

You would think it was fucked up.

It's too fucked up.

It's an indie film, it's pretty great.

But it's cool.

It's an A-turn.

Anyway, the reference, forget it.

How many fucking AI movies are going to be made over the next year?

They're coming.

All of them.

Let's get rid of the actors.

I'm all

coming.

Well, we don't have to hear from them.

Yeah, we don't have to hear from them.

All the mediocre actors, all the CBS

cop show actors who always played like the deputy.

We've got the papers, but we don't know if he did it yet.

You know, that guy's gone.

That guy's gone.

All the NPCs are gone.

They're looking real good.

They can make a Protect Our Parks AI three hours long.

Do it.

So easy to replicate.

We replicate it.

We're easy.

Every time we're going to be able to do it,

these guys not at their best.

Play Freebird 40 minutes in.

Yeah, we'll do some Hitler stuff.

A bit of pun in there.

We'll get a couple of drinks in this.

Hey, everybody played Coming Out of the Closet.

Oh, no, you probably will play.

Hey,

Kanye.

Kanye won the Hallelujah one.

Is that real?

I was going to say Hallelujah.

Is that legit?

Yeah, he changed it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he made a Hallelujah one.

Another version, I would say.

Of the same song.

Yeah, but it's not.

Hallelujah.

But it's not.

It's like all my brothers, Christians, Hallelujah.

They still have the N-word in it?

Nay, I do not believe so.

I don't know.

Does it, Jamie?

I didn't listen to the whole thing.

I think it's Brothers.

He says Brothers.

Okay.

That song was the craziest song.

It was the craziest song I've ever had.

Have we talked about catchy on this?

No?

Which song?

Brothers?

Catchy and fucking insane.

It's a little catchy.

He said the three things you could never say all together.

Yeah.

Well, it was tough how tricky it was, or how catchy it was.

I'd listen to it, and I'd be like, oh, yeah.

That was crazy.

And then the rest of my dad would be walking around like,

it was exactly

humming it.

Shows you how important Twitter is.

They kept it up.

I know.

It's up there.

It was number two in Israel.

What?

Yeah, it hit the chart.

Pull it up.

Give it a goo.

Oh, I still got the N-word in.

All right.

good.

Oh, it is.

So, you just changed that part?

Yeah, it's like that.

It's how the melody goes.

You gotta leave it.

Okay, I only heard one part where he's saying, All my brothers, Christians.

Google of is number two in Israel.

I swear I heard that on Spotify.

They changed the Heil Hitler song to the Halloween song.

Yeah.

It's wholesome.

That's nice now.

That's like when they changed up, let's get retarded to let's get it started.

Yeah.

So they can do NBA commercials.

It's not as good anymore.

Oh, everybody forgets.

Let's get retarded in here.

Yeah.

That's a clear shift of like when things change.

You know, the first one

is

Tootie Frutti.

Tootie Fruity, the original, was Toottie Frutti Good Booty.

What?

It wasn't a Rudy.

Little Richard was singing about booties.

Jabooties.

Tootie Fruity.

Toottie Fruity Good Booty.

It's all about sex.

If you listen to the song,

it's the original version of the song.

You can see the lyrics online.

You can find them.

That was the original song.

He was talking about.

I mean,

that's how you're.

that he's thinking about good booty.

Yeah, we all hoped.

We all did.

Good for him.

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So you have to find

the lyrics.

He used to come into the store, Little Richard.

Stay next door, stay beyond us.

Yeah.

He used to live there, right?

Yeah, I lived at the Hyatt back then.

He lived at the house.

Holy shit.

Sometimes guys get to a certain point where they just want a maid to fucking clean the room.

Who cares?

An apartment anywhere else, same thing.

Dal Kevin.

Kimberly living in a hotel, too?

Probably.

So

it's a wild thing to do.

So much money.

Yeah, I know, right?

That Chateau Marmal.

A lot of people live there.

Yeah, when you're cracked out.

Yeah.

That's a good place to go to be fully cracked out.

It's the beginning of the end over there.

You go there with a fucking plan.

Velvet jacket and a plan.

You fucking die.

Fucking die here.

Yeah.

It's the right level of Coke where I think I have powers.

You got a cigarette holder with them long stems.

That must be so nice.

I know.

That high on cocaine that you're like, I am the man.

I'm the man.

I'm not going to die in this place.

I wouldn't want the maid coming in, though.

Living in a hotel, you got secret shit in there.

Yeah, if you're the maid.

That's the drill of it.

That's the drill of it.

It's like spies, like spy versus spy.

And you're so high.

I'll skip it.

I'll keep it.

You're absolutely convinced the maid is CIA.

Oh, 100%.

That's the maid.

It's like you're coming in, you're coming all the way in.

No peeking your head out.

There's something hot about the maid in the room.

If it's a break,

you don't force it.

You can grease it, make it easy.

Yeah,

they replace with Toottie Fruity Rudy.

Toottie Fruity Rudy.

Toottie Frutti, good booty.

if it don't fit don't force it you can grease it make it easy what is the rest this is whop this is the original whop tooty fruity good booty if it's tight it's all right if it's greasy it makes it easy makes it easy

I think it said he was playing the song live and then when they recorded it changed it wait he was gay

oh yeah

what get out of here verses contain descriptions of anal sex oh my goodness oh yeah it's different you know it's figured my goodness gross

What does it say about?

Hold on.

Go back to the bottom.

Stop right there.

Blackwell contacted local songwriter Dorothy.

A lady wrote this?

That's three.

Five.

Five street to revise the lyrics.

Oh, there we go.

With Little Richard still playing in his characteristic style.

After a lively performance, Blackwell knew the song was going to be a hit, but recognized that the lyrics with their minstrel modes and sexual humor needed to be revised for lyrical purity.

A little hibbit time.

Someone should make that come.

Yeah.

Just like a little naza.

Yeah.

Yeah, little Nazi put that out.

Oh, yeah.

1955.

Oh, yeah.

It was 1955.

He was talking about greasing up guys' dicks and asses.

Fetty Wap could do it.

Free Fetty Wap.

Free Fetty.

What did he do?

I think he sold it.

Nothing.

What was he accused of?

Juicy J.

I think it was selling drugs.

Juicy J could pull that song off.

Yes.

Yeah.

He never came off his game.

There's dudes out there that can pull that off.

Can't get a mouth pregnant.

That's a Juicy Jay.

Is that right?

Yeah.

That's fun.

They used to have to hide.

Gay guys used to have to hide.

Isn't that crazy?

Just like metaphor.

Used to have to hide.

The psycho

Anthony Perkis.

Oh, he was gay too?

Big homo.

Big homo.

You know where they still have to hide, though?

Leading man roles.

Yeah,

I don't know if that's true.

Wow, he's got to fly off a mountain just to not blow a guy.

His grandfather anyway.

He's got to do those stuff.

Get his mind off his house.

But you know what I'm saying?

Like, if you know a guy's married and he has a husband, you don't want to see him in a leading role making out with a lady.

For what are you like, ah, he's all there thinking about dicks.

Yeah, that's a good point.

But it's acting.

But it's the one thing where we don't, we're homophobic, like openly, right?

Like, lesbians, it doesn't matter.

Like, if if you know a lady who's a lesbian, like Jodi Foster, she's allowed to play a wife of somebody.

Nobody cares.

Nobody blinks.

But if you know,

name one instance of a guy who's a young, handsome, gay guy who gets to play straight in a big movie.

So, like, who would you say, like, if you found out that

Christian Bale?

Like, if you found out Christian Bale was gay, it would ruin his whole gig.

Who are the gay now?

He's like one of those actors like Daniel Day-Lewis.

Too good.

Where you're like, he's he's such a fucking artist that you'd be like, up to a piece.

He's something.

Like Tom Hardy.

No one's pulled that off.

Tom Hardy.

Tom Hardy's bi.

Tom Hardy's had some butts.

Is that true?

Yeah, pulled out.

He's like, all the way.

Is that confirmed?

He played a Mohican.

He's a weird statements, that's for sure.

Tom Hardy.

So weird statements are fun.

He's explicitly stated that he's, while he's not explicitly stated he's gay or bisexual, he's acknowledged exploring his sexuality.

All right, well, we don't know where he's petting in the butt or not.

He just wears masks.

He's exploring.

He's a good one.

He wears goggles.

He's great on Mobland, bro.

He's on behalf of Landland.

I've heard Mobland rules.

He's so good.

He's great.

Everything.

Have you seen it, Ari?

Uh-uh.

Oh, my God.

Paramount Plus, Mobland, five stars.

I give it all the stars.

Guy Ritchie Show.

Oh, he's great.

Crazy English mob show.

You're like, Jesus Christ, every show gives me anxiety.

Every episode, like, what the fuck?

They need a rating system back on TV because I am too deep into these shows where it's like, oh, this is made for children.

And like, you don't know until

Paramount has stuff on regular TV and stuff like that.

And they just blend it all in together, and you don't know what you're getting into.

That's a good bluey.

Yeah, you watch a Coco Mello.

And you're like, oh, this is a fucking seven of Bluey.

Blue's clue.

This is for fucking kids.

All right, so I watch a Miss Rachel.

Yeah, what is, don't they tell you like violence, nudity, all that stuff at the beginning of the show?

So you need that, otherwise you're like, I can't have it.

I need one that's made for kids.

Who's the one that they're half deer?

All the kids are half animals and half?

Deer.

What?

Half animals.

I know what that is.

Yeah.

I saw kids show.

Yeah, yeah.

You just see a season in.

You're like, oh.

It's a kid show where they're half animals?

Sweet tooth.

Sweet tooth.

I've never heard of this.

What is it about?

Post-apocalyptic.

Sweet tooth.

Post-apocalyptic.

Yeah, where like humans and animals started merging.

What?

Yeah, it's a cool idea.

But it's a kid show.

They don't tell you in the teaser.

It's not really a kid show.

Juicy comics.

I don't know.

What, though?

It's like not made for a dog.

What are you missing?

They wish they had more violence?

More real violence.

It's just too sweet.

It's made for like fatigue.

It's called sweet.

That's cute.

Kids with antlers.

That's kind of weird.

Fun.

They got to sleep in the back.

Is this a new.

How do you sleep with antlers?

It's bullshit.

You think it's cute?

Give a kid a fucking headgear that he can't move around his house in?

If he tries to get through the trees and he gets stuck, he's going to cry.

Yeah.

Human kids with antlers?

It's a terrible idea.

Terrible idea.

Terrible.

Let's do it.

They got it for a fallout boy.

And then your fucking neck hurts because you're carrying on all that that extra weight, and then it falls off, and then it pops back up again.

And that means you only breed once a year if you have antlers.

Joe's taking it.

You got one month out of the year where you got to get away from it.

I better watch out for you, dude.

Not only that, you're going to stab your friends to death with those antlers.

You're going to be

going to shoot some of them at that motherfucking crossford.

I hunt those kids.

This show's recommended for you is 10 and up.

You're over 10.

There you go.

You're over 10.

Fair.

Fair.

I'll give it another goat.

I'll get another goat.

Yeah, the antlers, sometimes they get stuck in a tree.

100%.

Yeah, animals animals die that way sometimes.

Damn.

I'd like to see them.

You ever see?

Those guys, like moose, like when they shake their fucking antlers off, what's that called?

Oh, yeah, shedding.

Shedding.

Yeah, goes crazy.

Giant paddles.

It's hilarious.

Yeah, giant paddles.

It surprises them.

And then they're free because all that weight.

You know how much those things weigh?

Those are bone.

But it's basically a weapon, right?

These two deer are locked.

When the sucker's about to shoot it, yeah, this guy's going to shoot the antlers off.

He's going to separate them.

What the fuck?

So he's got to do that with a shotgun.

He's just got to get a good good shot.

Only he's going to shoot the antlers and not them?

Not them.

He's an expert.

Oh.

He's a really good shot.

No, no, no.

And he's real close.

So all he has to do is like clip one of the antlers and it'll blow them all apart.

Chill the antlers.

Boom.

He got it.

Boom.

So he shot the antler.

Boom.

What a gun.

They broke free.

Because they get eaten by coyotes that way.

And the coyote eats your friend while you're stuck to him.

They found this one deer.

A buddy of mine found one deer that was connected still to this dead deer.

The coyotes had eaten his friend.

They tore, ate his guts out, everything was gone.

They just ate as much as they wanted.

In the morning, he still stuck.

Whoa.

Yeah, and he lived.

Imagine how horrifying that would be.

You're handcuffed to your buddy, and your buddy gets eaten by zombies, but they're full.

He's got to kill them for a minute.

But you're still handcuffed to him.

It's like when those guys fuck the Siamese twin, and they're like, well, it's only one asshole.

Look at this.

Here's another one of those.

So this happens more than

so it's coyotes that are moving in on him that have already killed his buddy and he's still attached to him.

And

it's just gory and

horrible.

That's brutal.

It's crazy.

And he was stuck with them the whole time.

Look at how much they ate out of them.

Oh, fuck.

That's like

dangerous.

Hang on, drunk forever.

Coyotes are just little wolves.

That's all they are.

They're little wolves that are everywhere in every state.

They're everywhere.

Everywhere.

They came to, they're at my parents' house now in Pennsylvania.

Yeah, they spread across the whole country.

You can hear them at night.

It's fucking, it's pretty intense.

You love it.

Start screaming.

You know, like, oh, somebody's fucking pet.

A triangulate, right?

Yeah.

They mostly eat pets.

My cat was out there, and I was watching TV one night and I heard them all screaming.

I heard like screaming for a little and I was like, what the fuck was that?

And then I walked outside and my cat was like laying on the ground and there were just three coyotes circling him.

And I don't run out there.

I was so scared.

I was like,

get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, they don't listen.

But I picked my cat up and he was purring.

It was very weird.

It's probably so happy that your daddy was scared.

It was really sweet.

He was sweet.

Yeah, I love that cat.

He's dead now.

R.I.P.

Tilly.

That's the problem with cats.

He got fucking mauled by something.

He was an outdoor cat.

Outdoor cats are little murderers, though.

He had it coming.

Oh, yeah.

They kill all the cats.

They kill the birds and present it to you.

Yes, bro.

Brought rabbits into the house alive.

Killed it for you.

He was a fucking demon.

Can you imagine how fun it must be?

to be a cat and you have all your food, so you're covered already.

This is for fun.

This is funsy.

You're not eating for survival.

I liked letting them out.

I feed off.

I didn't want him to greenhouse cat.

Yeah, if a cat's got a yard, it's kind of brutal to not let them out, but it's brutal to let them out for a

while.

I love those missing cat pictures

on the posts

in L.A.

Guess what?

They're gone.

You ain't getting anything.

Before coyotes, though, it wasn't

unreasonable.

Before a coyote, you found your cat dead on the side of the road.

Every now and then, like a month later, that thing will come back.

Like a stepdad.

That's how they've.

Both of my cats were outdoor cats, and they came back

and fucking mauled.

Really?

Like, one of them had its eyeball hanging out.

Oh, jeez.

They crawled

back to the house.

It's like John Wick.

Come back torn up.

They go out and fight to the death.

Yeah.

Cats fight.

It's horrible watching cats fight.

Oh, yeah, right.

Especially the outside ones where they really get after it because they're used to killing things.

Yeah.

Regular indoor cat, their whole life, they just walk around with a boner.

Never get the fuck.

You know, that's what it's like.

You're a little murderer.

And you're a little murderer that's contained in the house.

That's true.

And you're showing me your asshole.

If you let that little murderer out, it could be 11 years old, 11 years of the perfect life.

Let him out.

Let him out.

Lock on a bird.

Who do you think wins?

City cats or outdoor rural cats?

Rural.

Rural.

Rural.

100%.

Just like humans.

Just like humans.

Just like humans.

Appalachia wins.

Appalachia wins over New York City.

If Dallas had to fight the ranchers.

The ranchers that surround Dallas.

They're like nice stets at

Fucking bloodbath.

It'd be a bloodbath.

Tim Walls versus Rogan.

It's not.

Yeah.

The rurals got it all day long.

It's funny.

I had pride in that.

Like, I would, when in Queens, when I was walking around, I'd see like an outdoor cat, and I'd just be like, Tybal would fuck you up.

My guy would fuck you up.

My cat, I got a mane coon.

That's awesome.

It's huge.

Big paws, big ears, but I can't let it out.

No shit.

It's staying in my park.

It's like a werewolf.

Yeah.

It's like a honey banter.

That's so crazy.

People say a lynx is loose.

I mean, that thing's jumping up the stairs.

When I was in high school, we lived across the street from this park area, and I had this black cat.

This cat was evil.

He killed everything.

And one day he killed a squirrel, and he was dragging it across the street.

The squirrel's as big as him.

He's got his mouth on the squirrel's neck, and the squirrel's body's between his legs.

And he's walking on it like this, dragging it because he wants to show me that he killed the squirrel.

I was was like, I was like, yo, I was watching him do it from the window in the kitchen.

I was like, what the fuck?

I have to have told this story on here before, and stop me if I have.

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I watched Tybal killed a rabbit in the yard, and I heard it screaming.

So I went out to be like, I pulled him off the rabbit.

Oh.

And when I lifted it, it was funny.

He was all muscle.

I was holding him under his chest.

He was just

like you could feel him breathing.

Then I put him back in the house.

And as soon as I put him down, he fucking scratched me and walked away.

Whoa, he was mad at you.

It was crazy.

He was mad at you.

He ruined his fun piece of shit.

This is what I live for.

For real?

Did I tell you what?

I told you that revenge thing.

I got called gay by my cat.

Did I tell you what dog?

My dog got honey dicked by a coyote and tricked into breaking into the chicken coop.

Wait, honey dicked?

What?

Yeah, this coyote became his friend.

He was his big mastiff.

And the coyotes knew they couldn't eat him because he was huge.

So they became friends with him.

So he thought they were dogs.

And so the coyote hopped the fence.

He's like, hey, you know, there's a chicken in there.

We can get in there.

And he's like, I can get in there.

So he fucking tears open the chicken coop because he could at any time he wanted to.

The coyote grabs it and the coyote hopped over the fence.

I watched the coyote hop over a six-foot wrought iron fence like it was nothing.

That's awesome.

He leaped up in the air, touched the top of the fence with his feet, and then put his back feet on and hopped over with a chicken in his mouth.

It's like a Mexican.

I was like, I am underneath.

No, I just saw the chicken.

We were playing, I was playing a board game with my family in the living room, and one of my kids yelled out.

One of my kids yelled out, It's a coyote.

And then you see this fucking coyote run across the backyard with a chicken in his mouth, just get to that fucking fence and leap.

It like it flew.

Like it was like gravity wasn't real.

Are you like impressed or were you mad?

Super impressed.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's like that.

You can't be mad.

I was mad.

I wanted to kill it.

But it's like that's what they do.

And that was impressive.

That's all you, that chicken's cost is worth you saying that.

Oh, 100%.

Yeah, 100%.

But then Johnny realized that there's this whole, that was like one chicken was brooding.

And when a chicken's brooding, you have to separate them from the other chickens because they won't lay eggs and they pick all their feathers out.

They think they're going to make a baby with this unfertilized egg.

So they would just want to sit on top of the egg.

They don't want to go around.

It's a weird psychological thing.

The way to break them of it, you take them and you put them in a little tiny pen by themselves where they have to stand on a post.

So then they can't nest, right?

And then they do it for a few days and they're like, oh, I'm over it.

And then they go back to being a regular chicken.

They're not the smartest things in the world.

But this, so this one was in this little tiny one.

But then Johnny Cash realized I could just go through this wall because he was was a 140-pound mastiff.

He was huge.

So he just tore the chicken wire open himself and killed nine chickens before I got to him.

Holy shit.

Yeah, that was a couple days later.

But the coyotes have talked to him and convinced him.

Chicken eating is fun.

Yeah,

you're not eating these chickens.

Look how big you are.

You can eat the chickens.

Good point.

It tricked him into doing it, man.

He had never done that before.

And then he's hanging out with this coyote, and the coyote is like his homie.

Damn, honey dicked him, honey dicked him.

What's that term?

They probably sent a female coyote and just like

the Mormons do.

Smells like pussy, does it?

The Mormons do that in Salt Lake, they sent all the cute ones to try to convert you, try to get you in.

I heard it works.

That would work on me in a second.

Except for the

21.

No, but the problem is, it's a Utah hot, so it's like a five.

It's like a Utah.

Utah's Utah's pretty honest.

The ones out.

The ones out, the ones still in are chubby and fucking not tattooed.

You see, Japan, they're good.

They have to be tattooed before I like them.

That's hilarious.

Anyone in Utah that's out of the Mormons that are just like fucking

hell?

Once they get out.

Once they get out, they go hard.

Far out.

They go hard.

Fake tits.

They go in.

Well, seeing is they feel like they have to make up for lost time.

They've been wearing magic underwear since you're 24.

They can't even drink coffee.

That's so crazy.

But you can drink energy drinks.

Did you know that?

Really?

No.

My friend was a Mormon.

He was downing these fucking giant monsters.

I was like, bro, that is way more caffeine than a cup of coffee.

He's like, yeah, but it says coffee.

It doesn't say energy drinks.

I go, yeah, but a guy wrote it.

We know the guy.

That's fine.

It's tough on a Mormon.

They believe a guy wrote it.

What are you talking about?

A 14-year-old wrote that down.

Just some dude.

He had a gold tablet, and he was the only one that could read it.

He would deprive energy drinks of you, too.

That's keep you from it now.

Oh, yeah, I don't know.

He just didn't know about it.

No loopholes.

No porn, no caffeine, no booze.

Magic underwear.

And they got a soak.

They can't throw it.

That's fine.

I don't mind a little soak, dude.

I love the soak.

It's actually so good.

I couldn't do it.

A girl gets off on a soak.

Just leave it in, no movement.

She's like, that's what I like.

Like, whoa.

Where the fuck do you find her?

That'd be Mormon country.

New York.

Yeah.

You got to get an Amish.

She's a sleep.

Come on now.

Right now.

Does he take off covers?

Yeah, no.

When I found out about soaking, I was like, oh, that's

so crazy that they allow them to do that.

Also, you know, you're going to blow if you're soaking.

When I was that age, I blow just being next to a barrel.

Yeah, it's crazy.

It's like a meat glove.

In there.

It's designed for that.

It's designed to trick you into making people.

Yeah.

It's designed to trick you into it.

You see, Japan's birth rate is so low, they're flying people in.

You get a birth rate.

Pull it up.

Yeah, it is crazy.

Yeah, they make it real economical.

Real safe to live there, too.

A lot of appeal.

But you got to learn Japanese.

I'd think they would learn it there.

It's an easy language to learn.

Is it?

No.

It's all symbols and upside down bushes brushes and stuff.

It's so nuts that people develop these fucking languages that are just so different than anywhere else.

Like when you look at Russian writing, you're like, what are you doing with the letters?

I was in New York yesterday, and there was a white family speaking a language.

I'm usually pretty good at picking out what the language is.

Yeah.

No idea.

Might have been

Icelandic or some shit.

It was something like crazy.

Viking.

Yeah.

Viking talk.

They looked like Vikings.

Boom.

Yeah.

Boom.

I just played Reykjavik.

That is a great town.

Is it?

Unreal.

It's like otherworldly.

It's

glaciers, it's volcanoes, it's saunas and hot springs.

And they all speak English.

Oh, yeah.

In town.

Wow.

For sure.

It was great.

No, my mother.

They were out of town.

They do Vikings.

Deep in the farms.

In the whatever.

But like, yeah, Reykjavik rules.

That's a cool drink in town.

Yeah.

It's fucking interesting.

The chicks are like smart.

Yeah.

That's where all the strong men come from, too.

Oh, yeah.

Big dudes.

All those Magnus von Magnusson type dudes.

Blonde men.

Big fucking Viking leftovers.

That's your cousin fucking.

I was hoping I had some Viking in me.

You don't?

No, just strictly fucking Irish.

Yeah, big Irish.

I was hoping I was one of those fucking Irish people that got raped by Vikings.

Yeah.

Like, I'm probably a fucking Viking.

Nope.

Just a fucking mud person.

How far back can they tell, like,

what happened to you?

Yeah, what percentage?

Yeah, how do they ask?

We're all the same.

They're always updating it, too.

Like, 23andMe.

Thank God they didn't get bought by the Chinese.

Some other company bought 23andMe.

Now a data is safe again, but.

but I don't know what they're going to do with my shit.

I know.

They're going to use it for a time being.

They're going to take a fucking disease that only kills you.

They got your DNA now.

I got that.

I got it already.

It's called fucking

there.

Yeah, me and my whole island that I came from.

I did Belfast.

It's wild.

You can't bring up the whole, you know,

yeah, the troubles, which is a cute name.

Can't forget it these days.

I don't know.

We got weird.

Keep caps back.

Let's go.

Kneecap's back.

I put the wrong flag on Instagram, and I got like 20 messages, like, take that shit down.

We'll kill you.

You can't put up any flag.

Don't put up flags.

If you put up a flag, you're going to get messages from somebody.

That's true.

And Spain has like three flags.

The Pride flag got me in trouble, too.

Pride Flag.

It's the whole month, boys.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, it's time.

Yeah.

A few days down.

A lot less

talk about it.

Yeah, it's not everywhere anymore.

Every corporation.

It's funny the corporations are like, oh, we don't have to anymore.

Turns out we always didn't give a fuck.

We never never once actually gave a fuck.

They gave a fuck for one month.

Is it still Pride Month?

Or did Trump?

Did they say no Pride Month?

They're still going to do Pride Month.

Did Trump say no Pride Month?

I hope he doesn't say no Pride Month.

Well, you can.

But the thing is, you can't.

If we decide to protect our parks month, who the fuck is that?

Yeah, it's going to be a good question.

It's not an official thing.

Well, who are the officials at this point?

Good point.

The gay open.

Pride Month No More.

Trump administration says

June is Title IX Month.

What is that?

That is the thing that allows women to compete with only women in sports.

Isn't Title IX where they have good women's sports money?

Yeah,

equal representation for women's sports.

And now Title IX is protects women's sports.

It's anti-trans?

It was pro-women.

It's pro-women, and then there's trans women who think they're women and they want to compete with women.

And Title IX should be there protecting them.

Some dude with a problem with his mom.

Yeah, some guy who hates women.

Some dude with a problem with his mom.

Some guy who had a rock.

I would imagine that if you just were allowed to like beat up women, if you like made a league where men are allowed to fight women, how fucking men are you?

This is a sitcom.

Every morning I wake up, I go, ooh, you're lucky that my fucking league hasn't taken off yet.

You and me, fucking heavyweight title.

Matt has a joke about it.

I think he did it in a special.

Yeah, where it's like he went to like Iran or something with his chick and she was like, we're supposed to come here.

I was like, you talk to her?

You let her talk to you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're just like,

oh, you're about to play.

She's like, I'm going to take my baby on a nice vacation.

Yeah, some guy in the neighborhood might smack her in the head for you.

Some guy might walk by and just smack her if she's yelling at you.

Hey, you know what Iran is the place that has the one of the places that has the most

gender transition surgeries?

No way.

Yeah, you know why?

Why?

Because you can't be gay.

Oh, yeah.

So they

become trans.

A lot of religious loopholes.

Interesting.

Yeah.

See if that's true.

I mean,

I love that moment.

You say something out loud.

I'm pretty sure that's true.

I'm pretty sure we've actually looked it up before.

And so you're not gay, you're trans, so it's interesting.

But they don't allow trans.

They do.

They do.

They do.

You just got to wrap it up.

Ah.

You've got to be convinced.

Wrap it up.

Cover the head.

Cover the face.

Oh, yeah.

It's so easy to be trans there.

Yeah.

You could be a furry.

That's what furries are all about.

You get a hatch.

You just to hatch.

True.

You pop the hatch, you're fucking a squirrel.

That's what's going on.

Don't get me started on.

You're just a happy chipbook.

Don't get me started on it.

Banging a squirrel.

Don't get me started on these good ideas.

They're great ideas.

Everybody just looks like a cute cartoon character.

We never go eye to eye with anybody because they're soulless.

There's no eye there.

There is sex reassignment surgery is not only legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be an international hub for obtaining it.

Guys, the procedure has been allowed since Ayatollah.

Boy, say his name.

Ayatollah.

Khomeini.

But the first, the minimal part was Ruola.

I've never heard that.

Khomeini learned of the hardships of trans women and issued a religious decree to legalize it in the mid-1980s.

Wow, during the Attila.

That's crazy.

So it's illegal to be gay.

But you can

switch genders because that's what's really going on.

You're not really a gay man.

That's impossible.

Every time I read G's

Muslim Sharia thing, I'm like, God damn, they're the bros.

It's just bro, wall.

They're like, dude, come on, man.

They're having a gay.

You can't be gay, but you can be a chick.

You can be a chick.

Okay.

Are you sure?

All right, let's go.

Surgery.

Bro, guys are good at it.

We've been doing it since the 80s.

What?

Wow.

The 80s.

Yeah, we use a curvy sword.

We slice your penis.

Yeah.

By the way, every time you're October 7th, everybody's cat's trans.

Wait, what?

No, it was his earlier.

You have a male cat, you castrate them.

Everybody does.

Because you leave them in the house.

If your cat goes in the house, they'll pee all over your fucking house.

That's true.

They will mark every spot in your house.

Cat gamers.

You have to cut their balls off.

I'm just trying to get in order with the sound.

R.

Kelly.

It's fun.

It's amazing how many cats there are out there because every male cat gets his balls chopped off.

That's true, but the straight cats do all the fucking.

Oh, yeah.

They do a lot of fucking direct.

They pick up the slack.

They do a lot of fucking.

Wow!

I think cat dicks are barbed after it.

Cat dicks have little spikes where they go in and they can't come out.

Did you ever see that video where the crow talks these two cats into fighting each other?

It's funny.

Oh, yeah.

He's pushing at them.

He fucks with them.

He fucks with one cat, and he flies over to the other roof and fucks with the other cat.

Do you see what that guy's fucking?

He gets them fully worked up, fully worked up, and then they fucking start duking it it out and the fucking he just flies down he walks down while the screen runs like this fucking herb dean he loved it he

instigated it got it to happen and was a fucking willing participant we should be using crows they're so smart they're crazy smart yeah crazy smart we got to harness that befriending them

i mean edgar allan poe figured that out way back in the day.

Crowbar.

Ravens and crows.

They're so fucking intelligent.

We had it.

Edgar Allan Bro.

Crowing machine.

Edgar Allan Bro.

here's a

he starts with this one cat just get real close to him just kind of pecking at him

what the fuck is wrong with you bitch oh she's just fucking with him just completely riling up pecking at him look at this and just jumping just out of the way he knows how fast he is he knows how fast the cat is like not quick enough don't get that one damn and so he gets over

before that though he went over to the other side and was fucking with that look at they fall off the roof and then he goes down still go at it still getting after it they don't stop when they fall 30 feet.

Yeah.

They're still duking it out, man.

Just duking it out.

And then they go down those stairs.

Look at that little hole.

Look, they're going to fall down the hole.

Boom.

Still duking it out.

Look at this.

They're going after it, son.

That's a fight to the dead.

They do love jiu-jitsu, too.

They go back.

They lay on their back and kick it out.

They scratch the fuck out of each other.

My outdoor cat would come home with just deep scratches over his ears.

His ears were all tattered.

Yikes.

That's funny.

Wow.

It's a funny idea.

And if they get locked when they're having sex, they get stuck.

Exactly.

Barbed dick.

I've seen dogs do that.

Ugh.

Wait, dogs?

What?

Dogs have the same dicks.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And then

they're just stuck with a hard dick.

It's not going to say like every one I stand.

That's mostly.

I want to get out of here.

We're the only mammals, I think, that don't have a bone for the dick because otherwise we just use it constantly.

Speak for yourself.

Yeah.

These poor dogs fuck locked.

Yeah, that's it.

Eagles.

All right.

We've reached it.

Yeah.

This is exactly where this podcast goes.

I don't even know how you get them unstuck.

You throw cold water on them.

What do you do?

It's like antlers.

How do they get unstuck?

They got to go back to the right position?

Yeah, you got to wait.

Oh, my God.

Wait till the dick

goes soft.

Yeah.

Damn.

But it's just a bone.

That's what's crazy.

Is that right?

Yeah.

But you see dogs fucking on the side of the road.

It looks pleasant.

Yeah.

No one's ever said that before.

We've all seen like a pleasure.

Those are good times.

no one's ever said, that's pleasant.

That's like the game I've ever seen dogs actually fucking.

Oh, I've seen it.

I see it in a dog park all the time, and it's so funny because that dog parking.

The owners get like, I'm so sorry.

And the dog's like, leave us alone.

Right.

We don't care.

But you never see that.

The owner's like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Just kind of calm.

They'll just do it real quick and get out of there.

Yeah, like a Mormon.

The girl dogs aren't upset.

I saw a video of this.

These bulldogs fucking, and it made me actually kind of sad.

Jamie, find a sad bulldogs fucking.

What was sad about it?

Just think.

You'll see.

It's a tale all the time.

Fucking twisted.

It just makes you feel the type of way.

Really?

I don't know what to give you.

Yeah, he's

a twist on this.

There's a show twist on this video.

What happens?

No, nothing that bad.

It's just, you know.

Ooh.

Oh, baby.

What went wrong with this bulldog?

Nothing.

It's just a guy.

It's a guy dog trying to talk to a girl, and then another guy comes in.

He's like, hey, what's up?

And they run off.

Oh.

And then the camera pans over and they're fucking again.

And then it goes back to the bulldog that's sitting there.

Oh, I've been there.

Damn it.

Yeah, we've all been there.

That's the worst.

I was hoping J-Mo's quicker.

Bulldog's fucking sad.

J-Mo's losing.

He's going to nail that.

J-Mo's losing.

He's always.

He has a different algorithm than you.

You started describing a different thing.

Oh.

We were talking about dogs stuck together, so I'm looking for a two-dog stuck together.

And now you said it was a third dog.

Guy gets one velvet suit.

Three way, yeah.

Talking back.

You ever see a lady fuck a dog on the internet?

I did.

I did.

I saw one on VHS tape when I was 18.

Me too.

Really does something to you.

Best day of my life.

It was a German Shepherd.

This lady was fucking a German shepherd.

She was a goddamn German shepherd.

Who is this?

Always.

I saw two guys get in a fight, Jim Payner and Carboni.

And they were watching a dog.

We were all watching a dog fucking a chick.

And Jim was like, She has nice tits.

And Pete Carboni was like, What the f she's getting fucked by a dog?

And he's like, That has nothing to do with the tits.

The tits are nice.

What does that have to do with tits?

I'm trying to find an argument.

That's everybody's.

You really got an argument about it?

Yeah, about whether her tits were nice or not.

Is he standing fucked up about it?

He needs to leave the room.

No, I had that fight in my head when I saw it.

Really?

Yeah.

Two sides of me were going, what the fuck are you watching?

This is disgusting.

The lady should be put down.

And then

the other side of me is going, it's fucking nice.

Same with Chick with Dick.

You're like, eh,

the good ticks get over.

The balls are a problem.

Some guys get to a point where that's the only thing that turns them on.

Big tits and a hard on.

Let's go.

Yeah, best.

Get crazy.

Get crazy.

It's a tough thing to be crazy.

Plus, you want someone who never says no.

You want someone who wants it all the time.

Oh, you want to fuck?

Okay.

The Ayatollah was into it.

Apparently.

Apparently, yeah.

He's like, I have a religious decree, dude.

Trans is fucking sick.

Let me be the first to try them.

Biodola.

Whah.

Not bad.

Whah.

Not bad.

Not bad.

All right.

The Bulldog video is not good enough for us to take this time.

I guess so.

It's falling out of favor.

I think Jamie's not looking it up because he's still worried about that money you owe him.

Oh!

Oh, shit.

Pretty dark, dumb.

Oh, God.

I thought you guys bet in the African chef trip camera.

He owes me more money.

Oh!

He owes me money for what?

No.

I don't know.

I saved you.

He's back.

Leave it to the Jew to bring up the debt.

That debt is owed.

That debt is owed.

Oh, I definitely paid him the debt back.

I flew him back from the game.

He brought confetti onto the fucking flight.

I was telling someone the other day about how when you were a struggling comic, you would make a living going to those poker tournaments.

it definitely wasn't comedy wasn't paying he was he was making a living playing poker what was this a year ago

yeah the drunk mexicans on fridays just steal money off them on paydays

they would just go all in with the check dudes yeah you didn't have to get so descriptive you gotta know oh it was great yeah i remember you like that was how you were making a living it was crazy i was like i don't think i've ever ever met anybody who like reasonably approached gambling like this is how i'm gonna

use this as a job.

You're the first guy that I ever met that like used poker as like you played it professionally.

Like, you were, you were intelligent about it.

It's the mathematicians.

My math wasn't great.

Like, these other guys are crazy.

They know the exact note.

But mine, compared to just a regular, I was, I was pretty good.

And you took all the money from the poor drunk Mexican?

100%.

You really are, Jew.

Yeah, yeah.

Texas.

That wasn't even funny enough for that.

But that wasn't going to get you in trouble.

Yeah.

It's an equalizer.

You play with the fucking owner, the Lakers.

Didn't know what was going to become.

And then like Josek and Seiko was there, but you're all equal.

Tournament.

You're all buying for the same.

And then I just started smoking weed.

Like at the time, we really have so I could like see through people when I was high.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You see something, right?

And you're just like,

got it.

That's nice.

Yeah, it was nice.

What happens if you never won?

You got to pay the rent?

Well, I played with the bank.

Oh, geez.

So like whatever I had already won a little bit, it's like you're just playing out of there.

And so when you when you like win big, you see all these like guys kind of looking at you as you're going to cash in and you're just like, can you keep this money here for me for next time?

You're like, yeah.

I'm like, okay.

They trail you pull you over six blocks out and rob you.

100%.

100%.

You leave with $12,000 on a fucking second-place victory at fucking Hustler Casino or Hollywood Park.

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And

that's a really, that's a better idea than being good at poker.

Yeah.

Just get a gun.

Just follow somebody.

See what you want to go, all right.

Right.

That's easy.

So glutton of it at gambling.

It's shady times.

It's a scary addiction, bro.

Yeah, fuck that game.

I don't have it.

And it's.

I don't either.

It's fun to gamble on sports a little.

Yeah.

But I don't have the, I don't chase it ever.

For some people, it's like a thrill, and there's nothing else in their life that gives them a thrill.

They got a job, the job sucks, they got a family they don't like, and they go out and they fucking risk it all.

all yeah risk it all they're fucking shaking and they can't wait to do it again we'd play

we'd go after spots and then we'd go like midnight one go down there and then if you played for like five hours you're all right leave if you if it's seven you're like hey it's rush hour that means you got to play for ten you gotta miss rush hour to get back

you'd just be there forever Damn, and it's a 24-hour day deal.

Oh, yeah.

There's no windows.

No windows.

It's just like...

It's like this.

Different worlds of people, too.

Real degenerates.

Sitting around with sunglasses, drinking.

Same as the pool hall people.

Probably those are worse, probably.

Same humans.

Yeah.

At least the pool hall people have some skill.

You get to know each other.

Yeah.

Like, oh, you're regulars.

You talk all the time.

And it's just like, well, we're all trying to steal money from each other.

Yeah.

So we're like enemies, but like we're being friendly.

That was pool hall banter.

It was all guys who were like trying to rob other guys.

Like, I can't play you even.

I need the eight ball.

And they'd be sitting around talking forever.

Everyone's got a gambling addiction.

It's like, like, who can hold out the longest?

Yeah.

You know, it's like two guys with a bone are like, ah, we can't fuck you.

Come on, no.

What's the fuck?

No, no, no, not yet.

They like hold off to try to get a better deal.

And you were in there.

That was funny when we were in the car and we were talking about you playing pool all the time.

And he was just like, I'm a psycho.

Yeah.

We'd go out to shows.

I'd be like, let's go play pool.

It's like something to do, you know, after a show.

Yeah.

Something to do.

Okay, cool.

An hour or two?

Seven.

At some point, you're just like, Joe, can we please get out of here?

I have a a problem.

Really?

But it's a good problem.

It's good problems.

Yeah, that's not a problem.

Yeah, it's not a problem like I smoke crack.

My problem is when I lock on something, like time goes away.

Yeah, you can catch heroin or you can catch fishing.

Yeah.

That's a better one.

Fishing is a better one.

Pool's a good one because you can only do it physically for so long.

Whereas video games, you can play video games 12 hours in a row.

No problem.

All you're doing is sitting.

It keeps you up.

Yeah, drink Mountain Dew.

It keeps you totally dialed in.

You got explosions going off in in your air you're gunning folks down

you're running down hallways yeah all right one more level one more level yeah and then four hours past why am i going to bed got the headset on i call a guy mumbai a fag yeah you need a job in the morning that you have to get up for otherwise you're just

a girlfriend or a girlfriend or a girlfriend girl

are you fucking serious it's four in the morning yeah come to bed i had a call of duty problems i had oversleep spots you go to sleep at like 4 p.m you know just like up up up and then you're like oh fuck, I missed my spot because I was sleeping.

Man, you've lived a lot of lives.

Dude, they're going to put a fucking helmet on you one day.

And are you prepared to engage?

Oh, that's gum.

Yes.

You're going to be in the world.

Like, fully in the world.

Bombs going off.

You're running down a dirty street, hoping that this is not real life.

That if you die, you're going to respawn.

Yeah.

Jesus.

That's Westworld.

Bullets are flying by, breaking the bricks behind your head.

All that shit's, yeah, Westworld.

But Westworld, you could die.

You could die, but there were people who didn't know that they were robots.

They thought they were in the game.

Right.

But they were like, whoa, who am I?

That's going to happen, man.

We're all ones and zeros.

We've been in the AI for a long time.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, we're in the simulation.

Come on.

I'm kind of willing to.

Humanity ended hundreds of years ago, but they mined us for our info.

Well, this is just what reality is.

I think we have a version of reality that's not real.

The real reality is we're in a gigantic computer simulation.

Damn, I couldn't have gotten a bigger dick.

Nope.

Here's what you get.

If you want that sense of humor.

Yeah, what happens?

If you want that sense of humor?

Yeah, make the average eight.

It is kind of crazy that they've come up with so many medications, not one to grow a dick.

Yeah,

that's true.

There's probably a bunch of guys that don't want it.

You can't give them big dicks.

Because if you give them big dicks, if it's only like a couple hundred bucks.

Yeah, society will shut down.

Society is nobody's going to hop on it.

Nobody's going to do it.

Even if you got pussy still bigged up to hot.

You remember that bit?

Drop down to freedom.

I like it.

Yeah, flying squirrel pussy people.

Remember that bit?

That's whatever the name of that bitch.

That's old school.

Right.

That was old school.

Yeah, it's a weird thing.

If you have,

that's what a lot of people thought, like, the war on steroids was.

Like, you're trying to stop people from getting just massive.

That's

why China's so angry.

Little dicks are

pissing them off.

Dude, they're using CRISPR now.

I bet they've got giant dicks.

We just haven't seen it.

What's CRISPR?

What's CRISPR?

Genetic engineering.

They're editing people's genes.

That's the number one thing.

You You go like, give my son a big dick.

Let's see what it goes.

Give a big dick a super brain.

They supposedly inoculated these kids from HIV.

They kept them from getting HIV, but in the process, made them more intelligent.

Like, dude, I know what you're doing.

You're making them more intelligent.

Yeah.

Oopsie.

We also made them way more intelligent.

They're like, you're not supposed to do that.

So they put the guy in jail for a couple of years.

Now he's back, kicking his ass again.

He was like their top dude, their top genetic guy.

Like, yeah, you're going to be a drill.

And

you get millions of dollars in hookers.

In jail.

You get your dick sucked every day, and you're eating roast beef.

Fucking chill.

Jail sucks.

You're a bad boy.

You did a good job.

Good job.

Hear me out here.

Maybe this is the shroom stalking.

But

I think the dick size you have makes you who you are.

Who?

Because you've got to overcome.

Yeah.

Tell that to that lady who was beating up on chicks in the Olympics.

All right.

How big was the tiny dick as her dick?

I don't know.

That was a tiny dick.

That's a tiny dick move is to become great.

Exactly.

To beat up women.

Kevin Hart syndrome.

Oh, how dare you.

They can't be that a big man because they're going to control a small dick.

Like, damn it, good point.

And they leave.

Right.

Find a woman to beat up.

Oh, boy.

I'm telling you, you got to work with what you got.

If you have the choice through CRISPR, how big your son's dick's going to be, you got to give him a medium.

Medium.

Don't go crazy.

You can't go crazy.

That'll dominate your house.

Yeah, 12-inch.

What did you say to me?

15-year-old or 12-inch.

You're a fucking piece of shit.

You said clean your room.

I paid for that dick, son.

I gave you that that dick, you motherfucker.

Yeah, you created a mosque.

Well, having a son is probably a lot like having a wild dog, where you have to train him, get him exercising every day, wear him out, get him calm.

Yeah.

Realize, like, hey, fella, I know you're ready to go all the time.

That's what we got to do.

We got to burn that out of you every day so you'd be a good citizen.

Okay.

But if you're just fucking not paying attention, then they'll shoot.

You got a wild teenager.

It must be crazy.

Yeah, if you have a son, you just have to get him to not shoot up or

rape until they understand why both of them are wrong.

Has there been a jacked school shooter?

Never.

Of course not.

Not one.

They don't hate it.

Has there ever been one that's not on medication?

Not one.

Although.

Every school shooter looks like Michael Moore.

Thomas Matthew Crooks had a huge hog.

Who's that?

Who's that?

The guy who shot Trump.

Did he?

How do you know he had a huge hog?

He had a huge hog.

Every one of those.

The 20-year-old kid?

Yeah.

How do you know he had a huge hog?

Oh, it's all over the 4chan.

I sucked him off on the roof.

That's why he couldn't get away.

Hey, wait, don't take a shot at him.

Hold on.

Don't you want to kill my mouth?

I will say,

he didn't miss my mouth.

He's like, those two handlers locked on him.

I was like talking about the fucking mouth.

The school shooters do have giant dick builds, though.

Yes, skinny.

I mean, they're all tall, skinny weird guys.

Yeah.

Alien bodies.

Bro, there's this guy who was a professor of mathematics at MIT, and I did taekwondo with him.

I don't want to say his name, but if I tell you his name, it's even more hilarious.

And this guy had a donkey dick.

Everybody would like change in the locker room and we would change we'd be like what the fuck is this

he was like this really kind of uncoordinated like crazy hair he had the jufro the whole deal he had a dick that was like a solid limp nine inches what it was a giant dick with giant balls and everybody would see it and be like what the fuck and his wife never left his side

she just like she was protecting that diamond she had that diamond dick everywhere she went it was really like a dog with a bone yeah she She was always there at every training session.

She would travel with him to tournaments.

She wasn't going nowhere.

Did the dick ever hit you on the mat?

You're like, Jesus.

No, it was type one.

You got to wear a cup.

You're wearing a cup.

It's all tucked away.

Did you call it out at the locker room?

No, Jesus, Harry.

No, it's the one thing you didn't talk about.

You wear cups or jiu-jitsu?

Yes, I do.

Okay, I wear a picture.

I got you too.

Some guys don't.

Some guys don't, but you get, I got knee in the balls too many times.

That's right.

Thanks, man.

A picture.

Here.

It is funny.

It's very funny when you see one of your buddies has a huge dick.

It's weird.

Changes.

It's really dynamic.

And people with huge dicks don't like talking about it.

Yeah, that's funny.

Do you ever make fun of a guy for having a big dick?

Big dick embarrassment.

They're weird.

It's crazy.

Like you with your shoulders.

Brown, you're getting jacked.

Not a big deal.

Shut the fuck up.

You get jacked.

Yeah, the huge dong is a game changer.

It's like when you see your friend playing the piano, you're like, well, where'd this kick go?

Holy shit.

That's a weird thing.

You know, it's a weird skill to have.

Piano?

Yeah, when someone sits down, all of a sudden they can play, and you're like, You never told me?

Yeah, yeah.

It's funny to see any friend who has

Hinchcliffe can play piano.

Come on, and drums.

He fucking checks out.

And drums.

He just sits down.

Yeah, checks out.

He plays drums.

But he sits down and just starts playing piano.

You're like, where did this come from?

He plays a skin flute.

I don't know how he's getting there.

That's the trombone, the old rusty trombone.

Oh, yeah.

Bad out, bad, bad.

Yeah, the extracurricular skills off stand-up is interesting.

Bobby Lee can dance well and skate.

No.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I bet he plays the fuck out of some video games.

Yeah, but I mean,

some math.

Yeah, certain guys who can go to the sports.

Andy Haynes can shred on skis.

Right.

Yeah.

There's certain guys that are just like, what's this other thing?

Right.

O'Connor was D1 lacrosse.

Wow.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Man, Penn State?

Drexwell.

Nice.

You were thinking Duke.

That's so impressive.

I got my red

stuff.

Michael Costa.

Michael Costa, professional tennis player.

Wow.

He was like a really good tennis.

1200th of the world.

Oh, which doesn't sound good.

How about Richard?

pretty good.

It's pretty good.

How about Voss being like a karate guy?

Have you ever seen those pictures?

What?

No.

He's a ghost.

It was right when he started doing crack.

Oh, Jeff Ross.

No.

Voss.

Oh, Jeff Ross is a black belt in Taekwondo.

Really?

Yeah, never.

You with Poole?

It's like these people that can do something like what?

Voss.

This is a photo of him throwing a kick.

He's got a Jerry Carter.

Oh, that's true.

And he just got addicted to fucking crack.

He's doing karate.

Let me see his forearm.

No, it's fucking, it's good.

Let me see his forearm.

If you see you can find the photo, I remember about kicking that guy.

Some young cop was trying to get in with him and be cool, and he was making fun of his kid.

Just too familiar.

Jason Canner.

I wasn't going to say that.

Oh, sorry.

That doesn't matter.

He doesn't care.

He just kicked him.

Boston.

Broke his ribs.

Yeah.

Boss fucking ruled.

Broke his ribs.

He was like, actually, nah, Jason.

Nah.

I just broke a rib.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

His drugs.

He broke his ribs.

His horse kicked him like that.

Really?

Yeah, at the Carolines Christmas party.

He fucking frontmicked him off.

What the fuck?

I think I heard Jason was like, no, I was out of line.

He was.

What year was this?

What year was this?

2009.

Wow, that's a risky time.

Risky time to be front-kicking people.

The internet existed.

True.

You can front-kick people in the 80s.

You have no recourse.

No one's going to believe you.

You got any DNA?

You got nothing.

You got a story.

Barkley threw a guy through a window.

It was wild.

Nobody knew anything.

What's that?

Barkley threw a guy through a window at a bar.

What?

Charles?

But there's no video.

He could just do it.

Whoa.

That was basically a skeptical thing.

He threw a guy through a window.

It was dangerous.

Bro, that's how people die.

I love to

neck, class.

Oh.

I mean, the way you die, he's talking shit to fucking Charles Black.

Charles Barkley.

Giant super.

That might be 6'5, but I rebound like 6'9.

So class.

Yeah, he's a funny guy.

Also, if that guy fucking punches you, oh my God.

You get punched by an NBA player.

If you're going to bother me, I'm going to whip your ass.

Today, Charles Bocky threw a man through a glass window.

Wow.

Wow.

Imagine

you're just some dummy who just thinks you could just talk shit to a guy forever.

And then this 300-pound giant man just cracks

the fuck out.

Threatens you away.

You're a cushion on a couch.

He just chucks you.

It's like the guy on the flight who...

tried to fuck with Tyson.

Tyson, yeah.

Well, that's wonderful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's dudes out there.

There's just sitting back and watching Chuck or Charles Barkley become like the coolest guy of all time.

So funny.

That guy's sitting there like, I bothered him once at a bar and he threw me through a window.

I hated him my whole life.

And then you watch him on TV.

You're like, fuck, he's the coolest guy.

He's so badass.

He's literally the coolest guy.

I love when he was going to do the play-by-play or color, whatever, for

LIV.

The golf.

Yeah.

The colored comet

for a live golf.

And they were like, well, that's evil.

He goes, where do you get your money from?

Don't you all do like iPhone ads?

That's easy on the judgment.

That's an interesting Charles Barkley.

That's an interesting

testimony.

It wasn't the best impression.

Kimmel has the best impression.

This is a pretty crazy story.

He said, the guy says, you're not going to do shit.

You're nothing but a big-ass pussy.

The taunt set Barkley off.

William reached for his radio to call for backup.

Oh, the cops.

That's the cop.

According to the police report, oh, my God.

As he released his grip, he felt Lugo escape, except the 20-year-old hadn't gotten away.

I fell victim

being pulled.

I felt the victim being pulled from my grasp.

Williams wrote in the account of the incident.

I looked up and I saw Barkley holding the victim up in the air by his arms.

Wow.

Oh, God.

What did he say to proceed that?

He says, Do you know who the fuck I am?

Do you know who the fuck I am?

In a matter of seconds, Charles chucked Lugo through the plate glass window.

Oh, my God.

Even if you don't know who he is, flung him like he was a toy.

Flung him like he was a toy.

Right before this, too, he had the cops told him not to go up to him.

He's like, I'm just going to talk to him.

I don't want to.

I won't hurt him.

I just want to talk to him.

I won't hurt him.

Charles assured the officer.

I just want to talk to him.

Oh, my God.

I just want to say, and then Charles, like, okay, you can just talk to him within arms' reach.

The guy says, you're not going to do shit.

You're nothing but a big ass pussy.

Bro, there's people like that out there in the world.

So funny.

You're like, you're rich.

You're like, I wasn't raised rich.

So that's who I am.

You guys have seen the video of Joe Schilling knocking that guy out in the bar.

No.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, my God.

You might have.

So there's this asshole at a bar.

He's being rude, and apparently he was being rude all night.

And Joe Schilling, who's a multiple-time world champion kickboxer, walks by this guy, and the guy tries to make him flinch.

And Joe just goes,

watch this.

So there's this guy, you know, drinking, having a good time, being an asshole, talking about beating somebody in arm wrestling or whatever.

And Joe just is behind him and he just touches him.

You know, nothing.

And then he says something to him.

He turns around.

Oh,

that was quick.

Yeah.

Well, he's a world champion kickboxer.

You can't flinch on a guy.

That guy's a little bit more.

He was out of his.

He was walking.

He delayed himself four seconds.

I don't even think it was four.

I don't think it's four.

I mean, he knew the guy was out.

Like, look.

Okay, here.

He just passes by and he calls him back.

Oh, that step forward.

The step forward with the chin up in the air.

It was like, you can't do that to a guy like that.

He comes at him with, like, you want them?

Okay.

Yeah.

Like, what?

That's scary because that could happen to anybody.

Have a couple of times.

So he had to go to court.

Yeah, what's up, mother?

He had to go to court for that, and he won.

Really?

Because Florida

is Florida.

It's like, stay in your ground.

Florida does rule.

They have some good rules.

I love Florida.

What was that medicine they give you during COVID?

I forgot the name of it.

Ivermectin.

No, no, no, no, no.

The treatment.

Monoclonal antibodies?

That.

Yeah.

That's what I was trying to remember.

Yeah, they banned that a lot of places.

They stopped people from getting that.

I had a a whole podcast

about it.

Yeah, you got it.

I got it to a lot of people.

When I was down there, you were like, oh, thank God you're in Florida.

Okay, cool.

Do this.

There's places they wouldn't give it to you.

They restricted it.

Florida was pretty good during the pandemic.

No, they were a good place to go.

Did a lot of comedy there.

That's where I caught COVID.

That's where I got it to.

That's where I was.

That's where I got AIDS.

Thank God you got rid of that.

Yeah.

A lot of your people down there.

Jews?

Olds.

Oh, yeah.

They don't come to shows.

They like to relax.

Go to Miami and relax.

That's true.

Place built on cocaine.

Imagine.

Cocaine, Jews, trannies.

And Hulk Hogan, Carol Baskin,

Sontology.

Rented Lamborghinis.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of rented Lamborghinis.

A lot of people.

When we got to the store, somebody pulled up in a limousine.

It was a door guy.

I was like, oh, who's this?

And the manager's already been jaded.

He goes, somebody with $50.

Already jaded.

They jaded guy.

When I got there, Harris Pete was the most jaded guy of all time.

Maybe of all time.

Of all time.

He had been through all the eras, and he was like, you had to impress the shit out of Harris Pete.

Made a deal with the rumor was Leno and Letterman said, hey, all three of us, whoever makes it, will take care of the other ones.

Really?

Does that sound like a deal you would make?

Sounds like a deal you'd make one night while you're drinking, not a real deal.

We're all in this together.

Yeah, exactly.

The guy who kind of sucks.

The guy who kind of sucks.

One of us is going to make it, really.

You'd bring us, would you?

It's It's Shane Gillis, Dave Chappelle.

So three of us.

We're all in this together, boys.

We said we were in this together.

Like, hey, hey, hey.

You promised.

You promised.

You said, get away.

I said, get me a beer.

Yeah, some of you found it.

That's like a problem.

Relax.

Relax.

I did the Boston Comedy Fest, and we were all in the finals, and we were like, all right, whoever wins, because the pot was 10 grand, which was enormous at that level.

And we were like, whoever wins, we'll split it up this way, that way.

You can do it.

For a second.

One guy was off in the shadows.

We're like, he's not going to make it.

This guy sucks.

He's no good.

That guy's definitely going to win.

He won.

Gave the whole thing to Boston Strong.

We all hated him.

What's Boston Strong?

Oh, the Marathon.

After the guy got born.

It was that year.

What a fucking

shit.

What a piece of shit.

Did he ever make it as a comic?

Yeah, he's hilarious.

He's a really funny guy.

But at the time, we're like, this guy's going nowhere.

And then he won.

Yeah, anytime I've done a comedy competition, the guy who's sitting by himself and quiet, you go, fuck.

He's doing the math, and he's not here.

He's having fun.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we're all hungover and drinking.

This little Indian kid.

They used to have this thing called the Boston Comedy Riot.

It was like the biggest comedy competition.

Yeah.

The WBCN radio would host it.

It's the Boston Comedy Riot.

It was like in the 1980s.

WBC.

Yeah.

The Boston and the Seattle competitions are the biggest companies.

I never did either one of them, but it was like, it was like weeks long, so you had to either keep going up there or be there.

Yeah, that's Seattle.

It's like that was hell.

So you have to be a guy with no life.

Yeah.

Or Seattle resident.

Yeah, or Seattle resident.

Willing to hang in there for the long haul for the golden prize of being the winner of the Seattle.

Did you do any competition?

I think I lost one to Sam.

Yeah, I did a bunch at the beginning.

Which Sam?

Atlanta, Murill.

I think he ended up winning.

I think we're both in the final.

Oh, the Laughing Skull.

Yeah.

He did win that.

Did they just kick them out?

Huh?

Did the Vortex just kick out the Laughing Skull?

What happened?

I don't know.

I I think the vortex said like you guys got to go or the owners got to go.

What is that about?

You know why?

That was a great little room.

It was.

It's just a headline.

85 seats.

Great.

Great little room.

Fun room.

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It's got to have filmed a special.

There's no space for cameras, but someone still had to.

I think someone filmed something there.

I think I've seen stuff from there.

Yeah, Atlanta's a great comedy thing.

What happened?

There was this headline I kind of passed by for a second.

You ever do those and then go?

And you're like, oh, I actually read that one.

Yeah, yeah, the headlines.

Yeah,

you think, you're just getting overwhelmed by headlines.

That's the problem.

That's true.

Like, there's so much, oh, that's important, but maybe not as important as the next one.

I'm going to scroll down a little bit.

But it all goes into your brain.

And you know the headlines are all lies.

They're all lies.

Made by some other, not the writer.

So then you're like, oh, okay, I guess it's that.

And you're like, isn't that weird?

Yeah.

If you write a really good article, someone could fuck it up with some misleading shit in the headline.

Laughing Skull Lounge founder will leave the vortex after 16 years.

Sad.

Wow.

That was a great room.

After two decades, they're splitting up.

What does that mean?

There'll be no Laughing Skull or just the guys out?

I think.

I don't know.

Laughing Skull Lounge.

I'll still be opening the vortex, but not as we know it today.

Uh-oh, the founder and team will be exploring other comedy avenues in the city.

So they'll do another laughing skull somewhere else.

No, no, no.

Nobody cares about the name.

Wow, that room.

Well, they know how to do it, though.

They'll probably find one that's like it.

Nah, the rooms are important.

Size of rooms.

It's not a whole lot of it.

You can't just reproduce it somewhere.

But you might be able to find a similar size room.

I mean, yeah.

I mean, Atlanta's got a lot.

But it's not starting a new room.

They have a giant email list.

Why are you so pessimistic?

No, because

actual room, the old stand versus the new stand, they're different.

The La Joya Commerce Store versus the regular comedy store, the comedy store versus the main room.

Those are different rooms.

Elliott Bay, you know, Elliott versus Elliott.

Yeah.

It's like, so it's like, you can't reproduce that.

Right.

But you can make, look, look, we can.

And you ran it well.

That part will be reproduced.

The little boy and the mothership.

Those are different.

Yeah, but we made that.

That's a new room, and it's a tiny little room just like that.

It's the same kind of thing.

It's like,

you can, you just know how to do it right.

You can't do that.

And the location is big like what kind of people are in that area already versus like sure yep yep it's funny how a room has a feel like yeah like the or in the store has such a weird feel yeah and it's a specific smoke is built into the walls evils built into the walls it's also like there's something good about the i used to think it was bad but there's something good about the commotion in the hallway in the back

the good about it is it's chaos chaos it shows chaos

that room is a chaos room diaz used to have the most chaos in that room.

Like, Diaz would crush in the main room, but there's something about Diaz when he would go on stage in the fucking OR, like late at night when no one cared.

Just doesn't matter.

It just doesn't matter.

And then he would go and crush it.

Yeah.

He would go crush it.

He would go crush it.

Really?

I'd love to see you in that little bit.

Only a few people know what that means.

Oh, yes.

And then he'd just shake his pins until his dick came out.

When I did it.

You sick fucks.

Oh, he came back with the bong.

It's just plastic.

It's just plastic made in America.

Hold on, I got a a piss don't start it before i get buddy i won't thank god you're leaving to piss

yeah we're trying to keep them from you we got

oh yeah we had buffalo we had a triple wash this fucking pitcher because norman pissed at it once oh fuck i forgot about that

we've had some really rough ones we've had some rippers like to the point where when it's like protect our parks day i'm like

oh yeah

it's like a marathon but america needs it yeah the boys need it They do.

They tell me all the time.

I see them out in the streets.

Yeah.

So when, when, when's Protect Our Parks coming back?

They say it all the time.

All the time.

That's the first, when I do those QAs after shows sometimes,

like number one question.

When's the next one?

When's the next Protect Our Park?

But they take a year off your life, so you got to spread them out a little bit.

You know, it's like

what's that?

The tough mutter.

Right, right.

You can't do them every weekend.

That one photo from the one winner had like 25 or 26 beers.

Every once in a while, I see the photo, and I'm like, oh, my God.

Yeah.

What a nightmare.

But that is what people genuinely need.

They need bros.

Like

having a good time as bros.

Like with no restrictions.

Because they're doing it.

They want to.

If they can't, they wish they could.

Yeah.

They want to.

Everybody wants to.

I grew up doing this shit.

Every man wants to have fun.

I always want to get together and not be.

I'm going to stop doing this at some point.

No, never.

Never.

Since my first party in the woods in high school,

I was just like, well, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

At least now you're monetizing it, kind of.

Yeah.

Like you made it a living.

Yeah.

Listen, this is the best life.

This is the best life for guys.

Oh, 100%.

We're the luckiest fucking people that have ever lived.

Like, you had Jimmy Carr on, and he was talking, like, he's like, I'm doing this today, then I'm going to Chappelle's thing.

Then I'm doing Kill Tony.

Then I'm doing the mothership.

Then I'm doing an arena in fucking Scandinavia.

Best life.

What a life.

It's the best life.

Jimmy Carr was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, he's a bad man.

He came out of the club with this new shit he's working on.

He just had a bunch of notes.

Oh, my God, he was so good.

He's a beast.

It was so fun to watch.

It's like when you watch a guy who's like,

it just fucking dialed in.

Yeah.

Just dialed in.

I saw him tell a story about what's his name, fucking with him, too.

About me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So funny because I remember.

Greg Giraldo.

So funny.

Greg Giraldo told him that Ari had cancer.

And then Greg Giraldo goes and dies.

And Jimmy Carr's living with this.

And then he sees Ari.

He's like, you look good.

You look good.

He's like, what the fuck is going on?

It was half your face shaved?

No, no, this was like 10 years ago.

Kilo's only on one side.

This is fucking crazy type of cancer.

I was like, thanks, man.

Appreciate it.

And then a year later, I'd be like, so you're right.

I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

But you're just weird-looking enough where you're like, yeah, he does look crazy.

He also said, like, when he told me that they said you had cancer, I'm like, what?

He goes, yeah, they said you're cancer, and that's why you're like that, because you don't care anymore.

It's correct.

Kobe,

you had cancer.

The guy said, this is 15 years ago.

It was so crazy.

Let him spike your drink.

That's so funny.

That's so funny.

That's a nice fucking backup to have.

I wish people thought that.

Yeah.

Be like, yeah, he took his shit on stage.

You go, oh, he's got cancer.

It's funny that

he's bloody, right?

It's bloody shit.

Giraldo said that to him and never told him any different.

He must have just been passing through the room, saw him watching any stand-up and goes, oh, that guy's got cancer.

And then gotten a beer.

That's amazing.

I just fucked this up.

I love a comic.

Like I went to Harvard Law.

I love a comic.

Like a long burn of a joke.

Just waiting one day, years later, this joke will pay off.

That's amazing.

And I won't even be there.

I won't even be there.

Genius.

Gerald and I, we shared a parking lot when we were both on TV together at the very first times we were both on TV.

When I was on news radio and he was on his own show.

He had his own show that was on the same lot.

I'd hang out with him at the lot all the time.

He had like a show about him being a lawyer.

Yes.

Like a sitcom.

Because he was a lawyer, so you could build build this off your life.

That's what they always do.

It was your job right before this.

Let's make a show.

Yep.

Yeah.

We're in the garage.

Knew him from New York, so we'd hang out.

That's why he got tires.

That's why it works, though, right?

That's why it's so funny.

Oh, by the way, when's the new season?

Today,

right now.

Today.

So go check it out on Netflix.

If you're listening to this, it's available right now.

Check it out.

On Netflix.com to drop ship you a fucking CD.

Watch it.

Mail it.

Check your mailbox.

Check your mailbox on the DVD with the tires.

Hopefully, they didn't send you a first season.

It's going to skip a little.

And while you're there, you can watch Ari Shafir's special.

We all got shit on there.

That's right.

That's cool.

But yeah.

Tires.

Yeah.

You've managed to rein in trash Kyla in a way that's unreignable.

Well, everybody in the show plays literally themselves.

So Kyla was...

Kyla was pretty easy.

What was the one?

Hold on trash.

Hold on.

I mean, I've been shooting my employee for a long time.

Ron White's in this season, right?

Ron White is, yeah.

Oh, fun.

What was the line you had before?

It was how to talk trash.

It was like, I spelled a coffee colada on my scratcher.

I was like, what?

Yeah.

She's.

Yeah, Ron fucking kills it.

Or he brought his own effort in.

You're not going to believe it.

Ron plays himself.

He's a full of elsky there.

That's all you'd want him to play.

Yeah, watched him.

He plays a washed-up NASCAR driver.

Yeah.

And he's there for like a sign, like a meet and greet that no one shows up to.

Oh, that's great.

It's pretty great.

Yeah, we had a Woody Harrelson at the club last night.

Oh, was he there last night?

He's there a lot, man.

He's been there a lot.

I've missed him every fucking day.

He's the best.

He's such a cool dude to hang out with.

Yeah, he's the fucking man.

He doesn't have a phone, though.

He doesn't do emails.

So if you want to get a hold of him, you got to go through his wife.

You got to run into him.

Like, he's smart.

He's protecting himself from bullshit.

The bullshit in the world.

It's like, I don't want to be a part of this.

Yeah.

I don't want to have a phone.

I got no social media.

I got no nothing.

I'm just a human, like I always was.

I was a human before this.

I'm staying a human.

It's really nice when you don't have a phone.

He's ear to ear.

He's the best.

Lizon walking on thin air.

Is that it?

You don't want all that fucking input, man.

It's not good for you.

It's a jiggle.

Also, nothing ever happens.

Nothing ever.

It's just a bad thing.

It's every day.

It's like a fucking Indian.

It's a little bit of a damned

work free.

For us.

Man, no, no, no.

We got the FDA.

Your life is not changing.

It's like changing.

I got to be aware of this.

Yeah.

I do remember.

I mean, I guess all of of us remember before it, right?

You're the youngest.

Yeah.

But still, it's like, those were good times.

Great times.

And so it's like, I get we have better stuff now, but like parts of before were okay.

And not only were they great times.

I'm so glad they weren't filmed.

Can you imagine if we had all that shit on film from taking a dump of your bed?

Yeah, throwing up in the street and you got to worry about somebody's filming you.

Yes.

Just the pure anxiety.

That'll help people live today.

But yeah.

People are living with like pure anxiety.

Like in a level of just anxiety on your phone all day long, just giving you anxiety, and you can't live away.

Terrible stuff is terrible.

Suicide.

You wake up to fucking 20 texts.

Yes.

They're like, what's up?

From all these different people.

You got a fucking.

You got a microphone.

Oh, yeah, right.

Even that part of the story.

That's not that stressful.

And it's like, I just woke up, so I look at my phone right away.

I'm sending the dumbest replies.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You know how, like, when you wake up and you.

Yeah, I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say.

No, I get it.

I get it.

Yeah, it's 80 people coming at you to do

a show or something like that.

And it's like, it's too much now.

I was supposed to run into you and say, yes, I can do that too.

Yeah.

I need an answer now.

It's just constant.

It's good.

I got all my buddies are in town.

All the Philly.

All the Philly trash is here.

For sure.

Yeah.

Tonight's going to get nuts.

Tonight is going to get nuts.

And I was really hoping to avoid that.

Yeah.

What is the plan?

I don't know.

I'll do the show.

We're doing a show.

Oh, I guess we will tell.

No, I mean

this tonight.

When this airs tonight, but it'll tell you.

Well, at least we'll be safe in that green room.

Yeah, we'll be safe.

We're not going to be safe.

Maybe it's a fucking bar.

It's going to be locked in.

It's going to be a disaster.

We were talking about it yesterday where he's like, what's the plan usually?

I'm like, okay, so we get way too fucked up.

Then we go shove meat in our mouth.

And then immediately wipe out like, you're on in five.

I'm like, okay.

And I go,

run to the store, get up, or the mothership, and then get up and then be like,

all you got to do is drunk.

Puke in the hallway.

It'll get it all out.

You'll be good to go.

It's funny because I call it the store all the time.

Oh, by outright?

I even call it the main room.

That means you did it right.

Yeah.

I don't even.

The main room and the and the yeah.

And the OR.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's kind of like.

It's either OR or belly.

It's kind of a hybrid between the OR.

Because the main room is also the OR.

The OR is the main room.

But the O R

the main room at the club at the mothership is like if the main room and the O R had a baby.

Yeah.

And then the other one is like if the OR and the belly room had a baby.

Yeah, I'm always like you're going to the store tonight.

Yeah.

Because you built it with that in mind.

Yeah, Adam Eagot's there.

I mean, they literally named the bar after Mitzi Shore.

Fucking gayest.

He's the best.

He's the best.

I love you so much.

He's actually my favorite homosexual of all time.

He's not gay anymore.

Holocaust and I'm not a good man.

He's not gay no more.

He cured it.

He's deliberate.

He's women.

I like women.

I like women.

How long after that video did that guy suck a dick?

Did he wait a week that night?

10 minutes.

That fucking day.

Why are you gay?

That's the first dick he saw.

He's like, I'm not gay no more.

Good.

This ain't even a dick.

Oh, it's not.

No, no, no, no.

The devil's tricking you into believing my delicious penises.

But for a moment, he believed it.

The way we're all like, I'm not going to do this one evil thing anymore.

Imagine if the whole world didn't want you to do it.

That's the most brutal thing about homophobia.

You want them, though?

Fuck.

Fine, I'll do a little.

That's the most brutal thing.

I would quit drinking for a week or quit weed for a week and then not made it that night all right so last week yeah last week last week i was like all right i gotta take a week off fucking giant storm comes through texas

my power is out for three days wow wow day three i'm sitting in a hot house going

the only place i can go right now is a bar actually i went right kelly's yeah they gave me this shirt this is they gave me this on thursday there you go like brian's hard

yeah i got hammered they got where's kelly's where is that uh i have no idea.

Kelly's Irish Pub?

Yeah.

Is that here?

It's in Austin?

Yeah, shit, Royal.

Oh, no, shit.

I've heard of that place.

The place was actually really great.

That's nice.

The owners, they're all Irish.

Everyone's in the world.

Irish people have exported the bar, the proper bar, the best way.

The Irish bar is the same in every country in the world.

Yeah, it's the best.

They're an Irish pub.

Is there an Irish pub in town?

People always ask that.

And it is the same.

Well, they're not Blaring Techno and all this shit.

Right, yeah, it's dark and you drink.

Yes, like

a couple old Guinness signs.

It's like Ireland.

Do they play music at the Irish pub?

I think they actually have Irish music, like a live band card.

Oh.

I think it's actually pretty sick.

Yeah, I was just saying.

The owner was the fucking man.

He gave me a bunch of...

Yeah, whatever.

That's one of the good things about.

He gave me some fucking IRA stuff.

I don't know if he got into trouble for that.

Somebody gave me some Nazi money.

I have a wall for my You Be Tripping podcast.

And I put money up there from different countries.

Somebody's like, you want some Nazi money?

I'm like, Nazi money.

Yeah, yeah I want it for sure I was thinking about buying a fucking Adolf Hitler autograph you might as well and I don't know what's it from Kanye he'll say all you want

but you can buy you can buy them they're really expensive but you can buy an

Adolf Hitler autograph a signature I mean it's got to be worth a ton of money yeah I know and then I figure maybe when I'm

if I have grandkids

this is gonna be worth a billion dollars

maybe someday it'll be like Vengas Khan's autograph won't be won't forbidden anymore.

Of course.

After like a thousand years.

You're not revering him.

You're just like, he was

the most famous guy ever.

There's somebody who's like, I was reading Mein Kampf just to read it, but she was reading on the bus, so she had to go.

Well, people didn't think that.

She was a great bus.

So she had to go on the whole.

Yeah, but you can get in trouble just having that.

You got to get a book cover on that thing.

Few outstanding, very original document letters signed, autographed by Adolph Seinfeld.

$7,800, $7,700.

That's not

for a fucking thing.

Adolf's Eichmann.

Not just on a piece of paper.

This is like.

It's a Nazi military officer charged by Hitler.

He's not Adolf Hitler.

No, Eichmann was.

That's right.

It's not Adolf.

Oh, how much?

Eichmann's the worst.

It always goes here.

God damn it, man.

I can't believe you can just buy Nazi stuff.

You can.

Very well, dude.

It's in thrift stores, too.

It's not.

I've seen them.

Oh, look at that.

Original.

Look at that.

The arm sleeve.

Officer's sleeve eagle.

Hell yeah.

From a guy's fucking uniform.

Damn.

See what I mean?

That guy killed your grandpa.

$480.

You see how you start going?

Oh, I can spend fucking $500.

It's only $480.

That's crazy.

I have a new version of that.

The Chinese made new money to give it up for the workers during COVID.

And it's all these scientists on their bills.

They made a whole new bill.

Really?

Interesting.

Interesting.

I swear to God.

These are the people that caused the pandemic.

Every time I brought this up,

people get upset.

He's a polarizing figure.

But I don't, of course he's polarizing.

But I'm not

a bad thing.

I know, but I'm not like Hitler's the man.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah,

someone just edited that part.

Hitler's the man.

No, but it's like obviously

edit this part.

He's the biggest faggot that's ever lived.

Sure.

Actually, Mao is worse.

Wait, right.

That's so funny.

I mean, it's a whatever bit, but like calling Hitler a faggot will get you in trouble for the wrong reasons.

I know, I know.

That's true.

But he's like the top five all time.

Top five.

Yeah.

Biggest fucking turds on earth.

He's the Michael Jordan of Faggots.

Cranked out of his mind the entire time.

Yeah.

Like a poster boy for don't do drugs.

It was actually Eichmann

drove it more because Hitler was like, whatever you need to go.

Eichmann was the one.

That's what I think I remember is him going, let's find, we need an other.

He was a smarter one about it.

He goes, we need some other.

And he goes, let's do the Jews.

They stay to themselves.

But he was like, well, anyone will do.

Really?

He was

the writer of all of of it.

And Adolph was like, yeah, that'll help us get that.

He was like the Dick Cheney to George W.

Joe Biden.

Tell me, Dude.

We found out Dick Cheney's still alive the other day.

Yeah.

Isn't that interesting?

It's like a Baronstein Bears Mandela effect thing.

I thought he was dead.

No, he endorsed Kamala Harris and they bragged about it.

Oh, that's what that's right.

Dave Smith pointed it out.

Yeah, someone with visual

war crimes.

So George Washington.

It might be real, it says.

Bro, 240 grand.

You got this, Shane.

What is that?

His flask?

George Washington's powder flask.

Powder.

Call it Pond Stars.

John Washington.

That might be real.

See what I mean?

You could have that at your house.

That's pretty dope.

But that's the founding father.

Same, same, but different.

Well, he should be slaves.

Drinking beers, don't tell anybody.

Don't tell anybody.

They won't Google it.

He had fucking slaves.

He did.

You could any

Napoleon hat.

Was that you who sent me that, Jamie?

I don't think so.

No.

Napoleon's hat is up for auction.

Yo.

Hell yeah.

How do you know if it's really his hat, though?

Like, no matter what hats are.

I have

a thousand baseball hats.

I literally have a thousand baseball hats.

Yeah, but you wouldn't know.

But you wouldn't know if it's his or just recreated like that.

I wouldn't even know if you sold one of my hats.

I remember an old, old pod we were doing at your place, at your house.

That's how old it was.

And it was like, we're talking about art from like the whatever era.

And you're like, well, this one's hella old.

We're like, well, how do you know?

And it was like, oh, yeah, I guess you have no idea.

You don't really know.

It's just painting.

Somebody told me it's old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a lot of lies out there.

Just looks.

A lot of fake paints.

A lot of fucking

dudes.

I mean, it looks good.

That looks badass.

Legit.

It looks like his hat.

I think it's pretty expensive.

How much is that bitch?

The last one.

$1 million.

It sold

one auction went for what, $2 million?

$2.1, I think it said.

How much is Judge's 63rd?

62nd.

Christ.

Who wants that?

20 of them.

Imagine you got so much money, you spent $2 million on a hat.

You don't want to jack off wearing a Napoleon hat?

I do want to.

I do now.

I didn't until you brought it up.

You got to wear that one.

I want you to talk about a full-length mirror, flexing.

Yeah.

Did we talk about what Hitler did to Napoleon?

Did we talk about this already?

When Napoleon's tomb, everyone had to bow that head together.

It was in 1800.

Hitler built a series of mirrors so he wouldn't have to bow, so he could look at it without bowing down.

That's wild.

It was before I go in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Change all the mirrors.

So he could just go, he didn't get me, Napoleon.

But he loved him.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Every once in a while you hear a Hitler story where you go, God damn, that was pretty sick.

Shit on my chest, a good heart.

I love it.

I feel that way, but a lot of them.

That was the shit on his chest.

I don't know.

They told us, and I could see them.

That's big propaganda for Jeff.

That sounds very stupid.

He was pretty stupid.

That's very methyl.

Shit on my chest.

It might have been accidental shit on meth.

He did some meth.

As soon as you hear about a guy doing meth, you're like, oh.

Everything goes from that.

Yeah, meth.

Oh, he's doing meth.

The book I read about him,

by the end, he was just sitting by his fire, and you just had to listen to him tell stories, and he would be on meth, and he would be screaming for hours.

And what he was screaming about was like, I'm the greatest architect that's ever lived.

I shouldn't even be doing this war.

Oh, my God.

I didn't even want to do it, but fucking Churchill made me.

I'm the greatest architect.

I'm the best architect that's ever lived.

Everybody thinks he thought he was a great artist.

He thought he was the greatest architect.

This is Elvis.

With karate.

Yeah, yeah.

Rainbow look out, man.

No one could tell him.

That's right.

Elvis Karate started.

Oh, my God.

Oh my god.

Good start, too.

Shout out to Roots of Fight.

Yeah.

Elvis would get pilled up and they'd pretend that he was good at karate.

And dudes are just like, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

They would try to move him and he'd like put his neck out there and stop them from moving.

It's kind of nice.

It's kind of nice.

His liver was redlining all day long.

And just be like,

I'm the best fighter of ever time, man.

We went to Graceland.

That's right.

We were there at the same time.

We went to the Graceland tour.

The Racquetball Court.

He had multiple TVs so we could watch every channel in existence all at once.

We had four TVs.

Come on, man.

That was big back then.

Four TVs.

That's crazy.

I thought it was on a toilet.

He put it on the table.

Toilet outside his racquetball court.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

He's playing racquetball.

He said, all right, fellas, I'm going to take a shit out of it.

He had a separate house for racquetball.

He's like, well, those kids that got the vaccine, you just immediately have a heart attack.

He's had a McDonald's.

Wow.

Yeah, he was playing.

He couldn't sleep, so he started playing racquetball.

And he called a guy at 3 a.m.

Like, got to come play with me.

Come on,

I'm going to fucking beat your ass and racetrack.

And he was like, I gotta take a dump.

And there it was.

He was the first super famous guy.

You think?

What about Hitler?

Yeah, a different kind of famous.

Like the first beloved star.

60s, 50s?

When was he?

Well, started in the 60s.

60s.

50s.

Yeah, started in the 50s, went into the 70s.

Yeah, there was nobody.

He died in like 1976,

I want to say, 78, maybe?

He was already past the huge then.

He was

still

huge though.

He could still be like, he got big.

He got real fat and crazy and just was just drugged out of his mind.

You ever see the video of him singing from Vegas?

Yeah, Unchained Melody.

Unchained melody.

Amazing.

Still amazing.

Bloated, dying, still.

His entry, I got something good.

He got his entrance.

He's sweating.

His entrance in someplace where it's like,

and he just like walks with, he just walks here.

The mic's there.

Walks this, and he's like this you know and he's just going back and forth like and then you take it and then immediately goes and starts singing oh my god what a fucking interest what a fucking interest my whole life i hated elvis i thought he sucked and then i watched him what's the hate of young elvis is just so i don't know i guess whoever liked elvis i thought

it was right

that's too obvious watched it

it's too obvious but it's really good it's like ac dc

dc

bitch Listen the long way to the top.

Listen to that fucking song.

It's a long way.

If you don't like that song, you don't like America.

You don't like freedom.

You don't like hard work.

Shut the fuck up.

It's just, it's too easy.

Elvis was too easy.

Fat unchained melody.

Bro, he was so good.

He was so good.

Look at him.

Look how big he was.

Come on, man.

Damn.

Pinette.

And he wasn't that old.

Yeah, what is he there?

40?

20?

We call him.

No ass.

He looks better than me.

Look at this.

Well, compared to how hot he was.

He was like a hot guy.

Oh, he was so hot when he was young.

He was like the first black white guy.

Is that the general?

Yeah.

You know, he was like the first wigger.

Is that the general right there?

Show him the right keys.

No.

That's a different guy, a different handler.

No, I think that's one of his musicians.

So I heard Dolly talking about him.

Oh, he's cranked out of his fucking mind, Dolly.

Dolly Llama?

Oh, this is nice.

I just recorded it, and it, I don't know.

I don't know.

Is it out?

About two weeks.

Two weeks to be on?

He's not being no different than Winehouse late.

Wow.

You thinking?

How's this guy going to do this?

You're thinking

he's out of his mind.

He's in another dimension right now.

He's on uppers or downs.

You can hear how quiet the room is.

They're going, God damn.

This is like O'Connor before he goes on drunk.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like he'll be fine.

He'll figure it out.

It's funny.

This is the, I'll tell you in a second.

I was nervous about that for that.

Cranked out of his mind.

Listen how good this is.

Wow, wow.

Oh, my love.

Time

goes by

so slowly,

and time can do so much

for you

still not

damn

so good

It was uh

man

before my special damn that's good we made that exact joke about O'Connor like He was like the only way you can fuck this special up is if you like blackout before the show

and then even then it'd be like fat Elvis on Jane Mountain

the green room.

I'm like get on stage just crash it.

God damn.

God damn, that was good.

I mean, if you heard that guy talking before,

if you were in the audience, like, oh no, we came to the wrong night.

You sit there going, is this song out yet?

They go, two weeks, it's just pure talent that'll overcome the

look how sweaty he is, dude.

Give me some more of this, Jamie.

He's launching this song right now.

He's showing it.

He's like, I know you're about to hear it all timer.

They haven't even heard it yet.

Whoa.

God damn.

My darling,

I hunger for

your

time.

Time

falls by

stress

and time

can do

so much

for you

still

hits

me.

You guys are allegedly on mushrooms.

That must have been fucking nice.

Man.

Oh, my God.

It's so good.

That is one fat test.

That's what we live for.

We live for those.

Like, if you could belt out one of them moments in your life, you did it.

Yeah.

One of those moments.

I mean, this guy had a ton of them.

But one of those moments.

And nobody had ever gotten that famous before.

Nobody had ever, like, nobody gets that famous

ever and doesn't go crazy.

But nobody had ever gotten that famous before.

Elvis.

He was the first.

Yeah.

It's also, if you go to his house, it's not that big.

Oh, right.

Like, your house is probably the same size as Elvis.

No, it's pretty near.

His house is bigger.

Come on, my husband.

Who?

Oh, really?

I live in a big-ass house, man.

Oh, okay.

Come on, watch me do a little jujit.

First of all, which house?

I was just saying, you see, like, little bow wow.

I never know.

He's got a suburban house.

It's just a house in the burbs.

You don't need a big house.

If I was by myself, I'd have a regular house.

Yeah, you would.

I know.

You don't need, it's all nonsense.

It's just where you live.

That's the first thing I figured out when I came to Hollywood.

I was 27 years old.

That was the first time I ever had a nice apartment in my life.

I had a loft.

I had a fucking pool table.

I was like, this is sick.

And then I got, and then I'm like, oh, this is just where I live.

I felt like, oh, that's another trick you got to be aware of.

Like this idea of always getting a bigger, better, you never appreciate it.

It's always just where you live.

This is all you need.

A place that's safe, that has a TV.

You have a kitchen.

You have a TV.

You want to have a playground next to you to wake you up.

Yeah, you don't don't want anything crazy and loud.

You don't want to be near a train station.

I'm buying a house, and I'm like, I'm literally just going to hang out in two rooms.

Right.

I'm going to walk from my bed to the fucking couch.

The only time it changes is if you have a family.

You have a family, then you want a yard, then you want a pool, then you want a lot of things.

You want a lot of things.

You want to have a

dog.

Yeah, you want to have a room to be like, I don't know where to put this.

I'll just shove it.

I always had dogs.

I'll just fuck.

Oh, wow.

I've always had dogs, so I always have a big yard.

I'm like, that's the thing.

Can't have a dog.

That's why the only reason why I never bought Crest Hill.

The house above the store?

The Mitzi house?

Yes, I went to look at it.

Because it was like, Sam Kinnison used to live there.

I'm like, this would be crazy to own this fucking house.

But I had a crazy dog, and that yard was too little.

I was like, he'll find a way out.

Sam Kinnison pissed on Mark Maron's bed up there.

Nice.

Oh,

what the fuck?

Imagine if that was on YouTube.

I have 100 million views.

All over his bed, just standing up.

Wow, that's a credit.

That's marking his territory.

That's what your cat does.

That's why you got to give him spade.

Easy.

Spaying new to your pets.

I'm Bob Barker.

Wow, what a weird thing he had.

Yeah, that was his biggest big thing.

That was a good thing.

That is

your dog.

He spaying new to your girls.

Every episode.

Turn your dogs trans.

Everyone turn your dogs trans.

It's important to have a trans dog.

How about just don't let your dog fuck random dogs?

Especially in your name's Bob Barker.

Oh, shit.

I never got

a freak.

What a freak.

What a freak.

What was his real name?

Stephen Musk.

That's not a good joke.

That's a good joke.

That's a solid joke.

That's a twist.

Come on, that made me laugh.

In this room, that's a solid joke.

And right now, it's good.

You get three people laughing.

That's a solid mood.

You have an audience of three.

Jamie, were you laughing at that?

No.

Jamie's talking about it.

Jamie's so pissed about that.

Jamie's on my

You see that Stanhope had uploaded a pilot they found of the Mitch Hedberg project they made back in 2001.

No way.

Some of the YouTube channel they put up like yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

It looks like it's about to be some Sam Hyde stuff.

Oh, it's like a TV show.

They made

Sam Hyde stuff.

Yeah.

I made it.

It was like a Sam Hyde thing where he sits down just with the fucking chair and is like breaking down things that are going on in the world.

Oh, no, I don't know that.

You ever seen that video?

It went fucking viral.

You've seen it, right?

Yeah, I'm friends with him.

He's doing his premiere for Million Dollar Extreme 2 in Austin on Sunday.

What does that mean?

They had a sketch show called Million Dollar Extreme.

It was funny.

And it got canceled off Adult Swim.

Oh, that's right.

And now they made it again.

And I was like, he's a little too wild.

He's a wild boy.

He's a wild boy.

He's a little wild.

You ever see Mom's or Mothers?

What is it?

That's a brilliant one.

What is it?

He writes a script.

Realized he can get some local, I'll try to be an actress to read the lines.

So they're like, oh, well, let's write crazy lines.

And they're reading these lines, not knowing what it is.

And he goes, it's something like, yes, I am the curly-haired one.

I think we should try to fuck the curly-haired one.

It's great.

And they're just like trying not to laugh at me.

Him and Nick Rochefort's one of the funniest dudes I've ever met.

Those guys.

They're doing some wild stuff.

They're locking a bunch of homeless people in a fucking

room and just let's watch them.

Hold on.

I don't agree with all this.

I think this one's wild.

Bum fights, you mean?

No.

You're talking fish tank.

Bum live.

It's just like, it's real world.

You're saying fish tank.

Yeah, it's real world.

You get the craziest people.

It's so funny, like, real world's okay because they're only mildly mentally ill.

But they always got to race us in a black on real world.

And, like, let's put them in.

Producers, they know how to make drama.

That's what he's doing.

Yeah.

Fish tank.

I mean, if you're going to make a show, you can't just have a bunch of people hanging out and having a good time.

Yeah.

You need a bunch of cat fights.

Let's fucking friends.

Even the Kardashians went after each other.

Wow.

Wow.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Fucking swinging at each other, slapping at each other.

They're in the hallway.

One of them threw a leg kick.

Joe.

Joe was watching, commentating.

I was watching.

People know how to throw leg kicks now.

That's like a new thing with street fights.

People throw leg kicks.

Leg kicks.

I saw it after

who was with me.

It was Hatriots versus

Broncos.

So there's some fucking drunk Boston fans who are leaving and somebody, some old man talked some shit to him.

He goes, All right, better luck next time.

He's like, Shut your mouth.

He goes, Easy, bro.

And then just leg kick to the face, knocked him out.

Got a race.

No, we're talking a leg kick.

Not to the face.

Oh, to the leg.

Kick.

A leg kick.

Using the leg kick.

Yeah, we're not talking like a kid.

He's like, I'm not saying the arm punch.

He hit him with a head kick.

He opened up with a head kick.

He just spun and kicked him.

It was like this guy was like a nice Denver resident.

Oh, just know what he's getting into.

You never know who knows that jiu-jitsu shit now.

He's hit him with a wheel kick or spun around?

Spun around, kicking around.

Fucking backing.

Wow.

He's hitting a wheel kick kick in front of his wife?

Oh, God.

He was like 60.

Oh, no.

Yeah, you can't do that.

60?

Yeah, I was like, I thought people were dying.

Then you go to jail for the rest of your life for looking cool.

I think it was me and Simone where they do.

I was like, use my karate skills.

Yeah.

So dangerous.

Yeah, I mean,

the karate guys and MMA guys should not be allowed to drink.

Yeah.

True.

Imagine getting drunk with Sean.

Well, he doesn't do anything.

He's sober.

Sean Strickland.

If I could do a cool kick.

You're doing it.

I'm fucking kicking everybody.

The second I start drinking, I go, what'd you fucking say, Jamie, about Ohio State, you motherfucker?

Yeah.

Oh, Jamie, can you bring up Michigan walking into Ohio State stadium?

Nice change of subject.

The thing is, though, I don't think you would do it if you could do it.

True, yeah.

I guess it humbles you a little.

Yeah, you don't care.

I could do it.

I don't do it to anybody.

That's what I noticed about going to UFC's, the backstage stuff, is they're so quiet.

Very chill, meek people.

Very nice.

I don't know.

I fucking got with Nate a lot.

Nate's not

a different anti-that's also why he's such a superstar.

Everybody loves him because he's the same guy.

It's also why he's great fighting.

Absolutely.

Genuinely doesn't give a fuck.

Leon Edwards is my favorite fight.

Yeah, when he cracked him with the left hand, then pointed at him.

That's my favorite movie.

I got you.

For four straight rounds, Leon's doing moves,

like trying shit.

Yeah.

Spinning elbow to the forehead, and they just goes,

Oh, we're doing spinning shit.

Yeah, fucking gay ass stin.

Fucking gay bullshit.

Come here.

He's trying to come back to the UFC.

I hope so.

Yeah, I was reading articles.

I don't know if it's substantiated, but he's there.

Looking for it.

Fuck yeah.

That guy's a superstar.

That guy should fight anyone.

He'll fight anyone.

Bro, I always said that he was the most underappreciated superstar during the Conor McGregor times.

Oh, okay.

I was like, you guys are missing out.

Like, you got Conor McGregor, but Nate Diaz just beat him and said, I'm not surprised, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Not just like, I can't believe it.

It wasn't Storm the Field guys.

i'm not surprised motherfucker like that's a gazelle that was what got me that's what got me into the sport what about this i was at that one with epstein oh yeah oh my god amazing yeah it was amazing what epstein this uh this jujitsu guy he caught he caught a dude in a triangle

caught a dude in a triangle and then did a double flex

to the cameras yeah

while he had him in the triangle like fully locked up

damn amazing yeah his name was einstein yeah his name was einstein Nice going, Einstein.

What does he do in off-season?

How does he make money?

Well,

he got

something happened.

He had a boxing match with Jorge Masvedal.

He won.

And he won, but they didn't give him the money.

I think he's got a big.

Yeah.

See if that got resolved.

There was a crazy thing.

You know, you have these fly-by-night promotions, and sometimes they're not funded correctly.

Like any black room, like, we'll send you the check and like, give it to me now.

Give it to me now.

That is the wrong show.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, right.

David, delete all the stuff I said about Hitler.

Bro, I had that with a mob club I used to work for in Connecticut.

You get paid if you're lucky.

Yeah, if you're lucky.

I saw you almost fucking beat a guy in Vancouver Island.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, I'll send it to you later.

I've never seen it before because I were always, the checks were always from him.

They're coming.

He was laughing.

Give my money.

He goes, no, we got to send it.

He goes, bro, he went into the back.

Yeah.

It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Write the check now.

Pay me now.

Yeah, that guy was.

That guy was super sketchy.

Talking about his balance and his boyco.

What are you talking about?

Suze reported $9 million.

So they robbed him out of $9 million.

Pre-fight deal in place.

Promoter, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, so he beat him, but he's owed $9 million.

I hope he gets his money.

Me too.

Damn.

Yeah, also, he's doing it.

It's hard to get money on a person who doesn't have any money, though.

That's important.

That's the problem.

You get an old Ferrari.

He could have his stuff.

But Nate does,

they do like

jiu-jitsu shit.

They'll do like seminars.

Yeah, he does a lot of seminars.

Makes plenty of money doing seminars.

Nate's a legit jiu-jitsu black belt.

Purple belt.

They always say purple, right?

He'd always like, as he was doing this, he'd be like, I'm just a purple belt.

Like, shut off, dude.

And his brother was one of the best of all time.

That was always cool.

Him, because anytime I've hung out with Nate, I've never hung out with Nick, but they always, he talks about Nick with this reverence.

There was a time that I've never seen anything like it.

People missed it because most of it happened in the Strike Force days.

And, you know, it was a small, yeah, Nick's Prime.

Nick's Prime, he was a bad motherfucker, dude.

He was a terrifying guy because he had the most insane cardio that's ever existed.

This guy swam from Alcatraz to the shore.

He swam five times.

What?

Five times.

I said twice, and he corrected me online.

He said five times.

Since then, he's probably swam a bunch more.

So it's probably like 10 times.

He's still 11.

Yeah.

Swim from Alcatraz in the ocean with the sharks, the thing that was supposed to keep people from ever escaping that island.

People voluntarily do it.

And he's done it a ton of times.

Trained by a dog.

His fucking cardio was off the charts.

And you just couldn't keep his pace.

He'd put a pace on you and hit you with like 50% punches.

Yeah.

50% punches, but constantly have him in your face wise talking shit.

What are you going to do, bitch?

What you going to do, bitch?

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

And then every now and then rip onto the body, rip onto the body, pop, pop, pop.

And you're exhausted and you can't breathe because when someone's punching you, you can't take a breath.

So even if he's only punching you like this,

you're all tense.

He's relaxed.

Wow.

He's a better boxer than you.

He's better at jiu-jitsu.

What are you going to do?

You're going to take him down?

Like, what are you going to do?

How did he ever lose when he lost?

It got to a point where later in his career,

everybody slows down.

But in Strike Force, he was in his prime.

Like Frank Shamrock, Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock in Strike Force, a great example.

Whoa.

that's a fight.

He beat Shamrock.

He beat his ass.

But when he lost in his prime, how did he lose?

Well, he didn't really lose in his prime.

Well, he might have lost a couple of decisions in his prime in like three rounders.

I'd have to go back and look at it, but like he submitted Gomee, which is like this huge thing in Pride with a go-go plata like off of his back while he was high.

He tested positive so

he was tested so positive after the fight that like he had to be fighting high.

Damn.

Yeah.

And he'd be like, yeah.

Fuck you.

fight high let's go bitch

that new rock movie looks fun

oh yeah oh the smashing machine i haven't gay but uh yeah the trailer is amazing

jamie bring up michigan walking on the field versus ohio state oh shit

he won't do it

he has the leftover we won um we're living high right now we don't need to would you win you beat michigan no we won the national championship what's this we shit there's a lot of we shit a lot of wee shit going on

we fucking did it.

Yeah, me and Nate almost beat Leon.

Man, when I slapped him, it was crazy.

We got the belt.

Oh, the bitch slaps.

That was the other thing.

He would hit you with bitch slaps.

It's crazy.

I never thought about the...

Because his punches were like...

I didn't know they were 50% like that.

You just can't breathe.

Because if we went full, he'd tire himself out.

Exactly.

For sure.

So he's putting a pace on you that you can't keep up with.

And he's not hitting you at full blast.

Like, Nick would throw kicks for fun.

They were silly kicks.

Like,

they were never going to hit you.

He would throw like he would pretend to throw like a wheel kick or throw a high kick.

He wasn't even trying to hit you.

He was just trying to put something in your face.

Put something in your face and then let you know that he's so relaxed in there with you, he'll throw silly kicks at you.

Yeah.

And just beat you up.

I might go to that New Orleans fight.

I think Poirier's fighting again.

Yes, Poirier is going to fight Max Holloway, right?

Ooh.

That's a hot one.

That's nice.

That's the last fight of his career, right?

Uh-oh.

That's in New Orleans.

Yeah, maybe.

Exactly.

Holloway Holloways or Poirier's?

Well, Poirier's got one more, and he wanted a legend.

So they got him Max Holloway.

Max Holloway might be the number one guy for fights in the stands.

Oh, really?

Really?

He's Hawaiian?

The Hawaiians?

Yeah, they go.

They love fucking fighting.

They love fighting.

And you're always getting a lot of people.

And the three Hori, you got them.

Think of the jeans.

They brought him up.

Give them a couple fucking Coronas up there.

Here's some Medela.

They snuggled in at the little airplane bottles.

And then like, oh, you fucking shit about Holloway?

You talking about Hawaii?

I don't know, know, dude.

I've never heard of it.

Hawaiians, it's terrifying.

The ancestors of people that had the balls to get out in the ocean, get out in a fucking homemade coat

and make it across the ocean to a hole.

That's what I was hoping I had Viking, dude.

Just a farmer.

Just a farmer.

Billion years of just going.

Farmers only.

What a crazy dating app that is.

Farmers only.

I know.

It basically means whites.

Yeah, they should have just gone.

That's all that is.

How do you say it without saying it?

What about black farmers?

I got good news and bad news, Daddy.

I found a farmer.

I found a farmer.

His name's Tyro.

He grows weed.

It's only watermelon.

I don't know what the hell.

And it's more of a bench.

Sorry.

Isn't that crazy drinking?

Isn't it crazy that delicious food is racist?

Chicken, watermelon, they're both great.

I love them both.

It doesn't work with any other race.

You make fun of Italians for pizza, and Irish potatoes, no one cares.

That one's super sensitive.

Fish.

But the thing is,

it's also foods that everybody loves.

They're both delicious.

How did that happen?

Well, yeah.

Like, if you bring up fried chicken and black people, you're a piece of shit.

But, like, doesn't everybody love fried chicken?

Chappelle has a bit about it.

It's the best.

He does.

It's a great bit.

No, I was talking about fried chicken.

It's so good.

You ever go to Gus's in town?

Gus's fried chicken?

Oh, it's so good.

I try to genuinely actually avoid fried chicken.

It'll kill you.

I rush fried chicken.

I grew up on Popeyes and it'll weigh you in.

We used to get Roscoe's when I was in L.A., Roscoe's chicken and waffles.

Oh, my God.

It's perfect.

It's so good.

What butter and the syrup, and then you got the hot sauce with the chicken.

Oh,

dog.

Oh,

that's good stuff.

So good.

Diabetes.

It's coming, but not today.

Not today.

Today it's mouth pleasure.

I was, bro, I thought that diabetes was coming.

Yeah, but you're not.

You got that fucking subways to well.

I was like, I got to at least be pre-diabetic.

No, you got those fucking Irish genes, son.

You got the full rock.

Diabetes will do fucking nothing.

It'll do nothing.

You know what it'll get us?

I'm in your wife's DMs.

You know what you'll get us is the gout.

The gout's coming for us.

When I heard

fatties, isn't it?

No, no.

Carl Kinane has the gout.

What is it?

You've had fatty for a while.

No.

I think it's a boozen meat.

Yeah, yeah.

That's it.

It's a boozen thing.

What causes gout?

Meat.

It's the king's disease.

Yes.

Meat?

But what is the real gout?

Fucking red meat.

This sounds like something.

No, it's like

literally all I eat.

Uh-oh.

I eat 90% red meat.

Wait, are you sober?

Yeah.

Dog, for three months.

Sober from alcohol.

Yeah.

Be clear.

And according to the law, everything else.

And nothing else today.

Gout, known as Disease of kings, a type of arthritis characterized by painful swelling and inflammation of the joints, often the big toe.

Ow!

Caused by a buildup of uric acid in the body, leading to the formation of urate crystals in the joints.

Ooh.

Linked to lavish diets and alcohol consumption of wealthy individuals, including royalty.

I guarantee you

it's the alcohol.

And not moving.

Yeah, it's not.

It has nothing to do with meat.

Tell you what.

I don't have it.

The first time I saw that description, I went, ooh,

I got it.

It's the one that's going to get it.

It's coming right out of me.

It's coming.

Crystallize my joints.

Wait, are you going to church too, or is that bullshit?

I have been to church.

Oh, fuck.

Why?

Have you ever been to church before?

I've been.

It's actually very nice.

They're all just trying to be better people.

It's a good vibe.

Why don't you go to a Catholic?

I tried that.

I did that.

I went to St.

Pat's in New York.

That's a beautiful place.

It's so nice.

Some guy gave me a rosary.

I keep it.

If it's not Catholic, which one is it?

It's just a Christian church.

A non-denominational Christian church.

Yeah, all this fucking Joel Osteen shit.

Yeah, I'm just giving all my money to all of you.

Animal proteins, such as pork, red meat, shellfish, and oily fish are high in purines, make an individual susceptible to gout.

There you go.

No shellfish.

Additionally, alcohol reduces the metabolism of uric acid, enhances disease condition.

Oh, it's broke, right?

I guarantee it's the alcohol.

And we're getting a steak to the bottom.

The problem is

the alcohol fucking lobby probably said, yeah,

it's the meat.

The meat.

It's just like like they did with sugar.

You know, the sugar lobby's like, actually,

it's not us.

It's saturated fat that's causing all these heart attacks to happen.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's long COVID.

It has nothing to do with us.

It has nothing to do with us.

It's just a fractal injury.

It's long COVID.

You're getting cancer because of COVID.

It's all the COVID, gotcha.

That's a new strain.

You see that?

Yeah.

Of what?

COVID.

Come on.

You're lying.

It's a new strain in China.

There's always a new strain in the chat.

It's a new release.

It's It's mixtape.

Yeah.

It's Beastie Boys Lost Mixtape.

COVID hasn't been good since 2019, dude.

Well, it fell off.

They got a new producer.

Oh, really?

They got a new producer, better beats.

This one gets the kids.

This one only gets kids.

It's catchy with the kids.

They call it the Fauci.

Kids is a big one.

They always threw kids at you to make you like, oh, I guess we have to

take care.

Yeah, I got to take care of the old people.

What about grandma?

What about grand?

I saw someone on Twitter saying, you literally killed my my mother to people who are out there doing shows.

Less than 20.

No, less than 20.

All right.

Back, dude.

20 cases of the new variant as reported in the U.S.

That's how it happened in Seattle.

Remember?

You heard about the guys or at Portland.

Where was it?

The first cases in the United States.

Of what?

Somewhere in the northwest.

Someone had come over from China.

They gave the Wuhan.

They gave it over there, and that's the first cases.

And those people don't got no sunlight, so they got zero vitamin D.

They're susceptible.

I hope that monkeypox joke worked in your storytelling show.

Look at this.

Look how they describe this.

Look at how they describe it.

It was actually really funny.

We were all back talking about it afterwards.

It's so silly.

Described as a slightly upgraded version.

That was really funny.

See?

Upgraded.

The slightly upgraded version of the variant that's prominent right now.

Oh, God.

Subhash Verma.

Somebody at the mother ship.

Ron got the COVID recently.

He got the COVID

for like a week.

Really?

A week?

Please.

Whack and smokes 20 cigars a day.

He kills cigars.

He got the vax, too.

He got the jab.

Thank God.

It would have been way worse for him.

Isn't that a funny thing?

It could have been worse.

My sister flipped her car once when she was in high school, and she was totally fine.

And total the car.

The cigarette lighter was the only thing that's salvageable.

She was fine.

Wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

So she was on the roof of the car.

Oh, jeez.

And we're all like, thank God you weren't wearing a seatbelt.

It could have been worse.

Just like they always say.

Well, you ever see guys get flown out of the car and they live and the car flips 30 fucking times and they live because they got the cold and the rush.

I've never heard of that.

Isn't that a saying, too, like an urban myth, at least, that

if you're like gay

and you get in an accident, you're like, relax.

So I've heard that.

Yeah.

Keep your head.

You're fine.

I've heard that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the same thing as people falling.

Oh, there was somebody on my on this not happening.

This fucking Irish Chicago guy, I forgot his name, Sullivan something, but he was listening to Huey Lewis and Lewis and walked off a building

and the nurse was like the nurse was like it's only thing that saved you is did you not know you were falling the entire time because I was just walking

oh my god damn oh my god all right Ari, let's bongo fucking boom.

Let's bongo.

There you go.

Fuck about fucking time.

I'm feeling these envies though.

I would

yawns.

I stopped the booze.

The only reason I I stopped the booze is because I wanted to see what it'd be like to have no booze for a long period of time.

Yeah.

And it's a lot better.

I mean, you feel a lot better.

Don't you get bored, though, at night?

No, I thought I would.

That's the thing.

I have fun doing stand-up.

I have fun hanging out in the green room.

Yeah.

But you're also not like action.

Well, when it comes to the business,

no booze.

Yeah,

DSP is at the improvisation.

He goes, Jamie, you see what I'm saying?

He goes,

he goes, I stopped smoking weed, ever wearing booed.

He goes, oh, I mean, I'm still doing vapes and stuff.

I'll be like, oh, all right.

I'm still doing vapes.

No, it just hurt my throat.

What flipped you?

What was the final switch?

Well, I wanted to.

You probably fall down.

Well, I just got tired of fucking feeling like shit when I would work out in the next day.

The hangovers are real later.

It's real.

It's all

fucking.

You're just tired all the time.

It's like it beats you down.

And if I was doing three nights in a week at the club, and then I'm like, let me bowling this beer.

Yeah, exactly.

By Bodega Cat.

Got this 29-year-old Mattel loser.

You'll be back.

You'll be back.

You think so?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's a supportive friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's not like I'm not.

I didn't have a fucking problem.

So we're saying we don't judge you for your current situation.

Thank you.

But we would love to have you back.

It's just one of those things where you stop doing it.

You're like, oh, I feel so much better.

Why was I doing that?

It's also like at this point, like, who gives it?

So don't drink.

See, I have a different thing.

I go, I go, I'll go like four or five days.

Yeah.

Typically, I try to get four or five days

off.

By day five.

By day five, I'm going, Let's go.

I know.

Joel.

I'm getting fucking wrecked.

Same.

Same thing.

It's not even like, yeah, you can't just have all of a beer.

And then you regret it.

You regret it the next day, but you're like...

Well, the next day, you go, fucking, I already threw away those five days.

Let's keep going.

Or the wheels fall off.

Look, I had a good time drinking.

Don't get me wrong.

I like it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's just, I don't like what it does to your body.

Yeah, I mean,

it's always done that way.

What did someone say?

Someone had a great statement that it's like you're paying for tomorrow

at

a high interest rate today.

I was listening to your podcast and I heard that.

Yeah, I was like, I'm really glad to pay you today.

What tomorrow for What Hamburger Today?

That guy.

The Popeye guy.

The guy was addicted to hamburgers.

We had no money.

He never had money.

We never had Wimpy.

Wimpy.

Wimpy.

Yeah.

What the fuck is this?

Wimpy's burgers.

Oh, Wimpy's big.

It's just a guy addicted to burgers?

Yeah.

He was a comic.

He died.

He's dancing.

He's died with burgers?

Yeah, five guys killed him.

Fucking assholes.

Yeah, I know.

Bro, those old cartoons were crazy.

Oh, don't get me started on the racist ones.

Oh, they're all racist.

I will gladly pay a Tuesday for a hamburger to dance.

That's it.

I just wanted burgers.

Do you ever see the stories of Blow on the set of Popeye?

Huh?

The Blow.

On the set of Popeye.

Like the movie Popeye with Robinson.

Because they were shooting in Malta.

They were shooting in Malta so they could be away from the studios, and they would send film cams back, and they'd send the empty film cans back full of cocaine for the set.

Because they wouldn't wouldn't check through the film cans.

Oh my God, that's so crazy.

When Popeye came to Malta, the film set was full of cocaine.

They had to be like, we're going to do something wild.

Of course.

He's not even in character.

He's cooked up.

He's got one eye closed.

That's funny.

I've made that face.

Every single time I've ever done cocaine, I go.

You couldn't escape it.

They were actually shipping film cans at the time.

Film cans be sent back to L.A.

for daily processing.

This was shot in Malta.

And we found out the film cans were actually being used to ship cocaine back and forth to this set.

Everyone was stoned.

I don't know why they're saying stones.

What a lame way to cover.

Fucking dorks.

And what a bunch of dorks.

Dorks.

It makes sense.

Shelly Duvall.

She went through that and the shining.

How did that lady survive?

Well, have you seen her now?

She died.

Oh, she did?

Yeah.

She died?

Oh, yeah.

Wait, she died?

And then, Mark, you were saying, what were you saying?

She was ugly before she died?

Beautiful.

So what you were saying?

Crazy.

Son of a bitch.

I love popping.

How many memes are the fucking Jack Nicholson with the axe axe coming through the wall?

Oh, you know, Johnny.

Like inclusivity and then trans women on dating apps.

I think I said this to you.

I was on the thread.

There's so many of those.

Like that one scene with Shelly Duvall in the bathroom and the axe is coming through.

Here's Johnny.

Oh, that shit rocks.

That fucking movie was crazy.

Slow build if you re-watch it.

Slow build.

It's really nice.

It's great.

It's a really good movie to watch.

You know what's crazy is that?

Stephen King didn't like it.

Kubrick.

King didn't like the broken.

Stephen King doesn't like anything cool.

He likes Salem's lot.

He's a tough follow on Twitter.

He is mean.

He hates the coolest shit, dude.

He hates fun.

He's zigging everybody.

Well, the guy got hit by a bus.

Did he?

He got hit by a guy driving a fucking truck, not paying attention.

And he was walking on the side of the road, and he got clipped and broke every bone in his body.

I'm not laughing at that.

It's just a funny way.

Oh, he was hospitalized for a long time.

He got clipped.

He got really broken apart.

He was an older man, you know, not like as a young guy where you maybe kind of recover.

How hot is it in here?

Not hot at all.

It's so hot.

It's Jamie.

It's Jamie's fault.

It's America.

Is it not hot?

72?

Let's go to the hotel.

It's you, bro.

72 is a little hot.

Jamie, you know what?

72 is a little crazy.

You all right, Ari?

No, he's at the devil.

69, 69, 70.

He met it.

He met the devil.

Oh, you had it set at 72, Jamie?

That's unforgivable.

What are you a girl?

Jamie.

Girls like it.

They like it warm?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

They love it warm.

If it's up to a girl, she'll go 75.

Easy.

Hey, Burt Krishna's going to sue you.

You're legitimately hot.

Burt Krishna's going to sue you.

I wish he weren't doing that.

That is a bad look.

He's

2025.

He did that for the thing.

It was a good bit.

I'm legitimately Auschwitzing in here.

That's going to be

naked.

Do you feel better now?

That'll be a meme.

Cool, shirtless doing that.

I am hot.

Well, Jamie.

I mean, it's obviously the stuff.

Jamie, can you bring up Michigan taking the field against Ohio State?

I think Joe's actually going to like it, and I think he's going to respect football when he sees it.

Let's go.

Joe does not respect football.

Let's go.

I do respect football.

He actually has recently come around.

I started watching football.

I don't approve of the CTE.

Yeah, it's not good.

Horrible.

He's a fucking bad guy.

I know.

Listen.

Let's go.

I've got it myself.

It's like, guys.

You're both fucking all.

I've got to touch a CTE myself for sure.

You don't escape it.

They tested high school kids to have CTE.

Yeah, I'm a little worried.

Yeah,

you should be worried.

But you got the touch.

A touch is good.

A little touch makes you a little reckless, a little funny, a little crazy.

I got touched.

I got touched.

J-Mo, I know what you're going to do because I know you're a nasty little fuck.

I know what you're going to do.

Oh, you knew.

It's Smith.

He's got it.

Oh, I got you.

You got to make us tackle.

Damn it.

He got you there.

I knew he was going to do it, dude.

But touch his his gun.

Does that hurt you?

That actually did hurt.

Does that hurt you?

What a catch, though.

Look at that catch.

I'm going to throw a catch there right here.

That's fucking beautiful.

Because that was a throw down.

How'd you get over that?

That's like that fucking little nasty little fuck.

On an airplane.

He is ready.

He had that geared up.

I knew he was coming in.

It looks like a movie.

It looks like a movie.

What I sent Jamie yesterday.

You want to get mad?

Yeah.

Let's get mad.

Let's go.

The LA Fire Fund.

You know, they had this big

show, big fundraiser.

They raised $100 million.

Wait, it all goes to BLM?

Wait till you find out where the money went.

James Lee did a thing about it on Instagram.

Yeah, and there's been articles written about it where people are like, where's the money?

The way they distribute the money is so crazy.

You're going to read this and you're never going to want to donate to charity again because you find out what charities are really, what a lot of these

non-profits are really about.

The lady running the charity that got the money makes almost a million dollars a year.

BLS, me too, this

same lady.

It's all

people

fucking lady.

She's all killing it.

Listen to this.

I watched this.

I looked into it a little bit.

We'll watch it, but

what they say, though, is that within the first month, they distributed half of that money.

Hold on, before you press play button, I also don't drop it.

That guy with the fishing hat is not a reliable.

That's my number one source of news.

And then

he's trying to blame the Annenverberg Foundation.

That is one of the richest fucking families in California.

They're worth so much fucking money.

I wonder how they got money.

I mean, fire aid.

It doesn't matter.

It's like liberal ass Jamie fucking Ohio State paying liberal.

How about just play the video?

How about play the video and let everybody figure it out for themselves?

Let's platform this guy.

Yeah, play it, liberal.

Jesus.

Might be one of the biggest scams in disaster fundraising history.

And as usual, I'm bringing the receipts.

First off, according to reports, the Fire aid benefit concerts raised over a hundred million dollars supposedly for la fire victims but since then residents have been asking where did all the money go a hundred million dollars raised for uh residents community things and funds that are supposed to help with violence and there's no

accounting

we play football

hmm Let's figure this out.

So, according to the Fire Aid website, it says that all direct donations will be distributed under the advisement of the Annenberg Foundation.

According to the IRS 990 form, the Annenberg Foundation is a 501c3 based in Konchakin, Pennsylvania.

I live there in Conchie, baby.

One massive red flag

is that only 33% of their annual expenses goes towards actual charity programs.

The rest goes to administrative costs like executive compensation.

Look at the numbers.

They treat you pretty good over there, starting with top dog Cynthia Kennard, who's making three

of a million dollars, plus another six figures in bonuses.

Started a fire.

Basically, almost seven figures just for one person there.

Here is Cynthia, aka Cine hanging out with Gavin Newsom, discussing or strategizing about

how to solve this.

I would.

Would.

Both of them in the world.

Anyway, just to give you a point of comparison with another nonprofit, Doctors Without Borders, they spend almost 90% of their money on actual programs versus less than 1% on administrative costs.

Local journalists have also been asking, where's the money?

They found, quote, the FireAid website names only three Palisades organizations that receive grants among almost 120 organizations listed as receiving grants.

A couple of true ones.

You see who got the money?

A couple of true ones.

Hold on, let me read it.

Why'd you stop?

Because he's focused on the Palisades.

Just display it.

Just play it.

We'll talk later.

Went to Israel.

Those three are Cahel at Israel, Chabad of Pacific Palisades, and Palisades Charter High School.

That's in school.

They tried to directly reach out to the Annenberg Foundation.

They were kind of given the runaround, various extension numbers, somebody saying they would call them back.

No one called back.

Also, referring to some mysterious man named Philip, no last name.

He was never found.

This is just crazy.

So essentially, what they're doing is taking the $100 million,

then paying themselves roughly 70% of it.

Wow.

And the rest of the money, they're dishing out to various other nonprofits with their own administrative expenses.

And that's how $100 million just ends up disappearing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Benefits.

Okay.

So leave it.

Maybe he's telling the truth.

Maybe he's exaggerating.

But at the very least, this is what Anastasia does with the cancer research.

70% goes to administration.

30% goes to the actual cause.

These non-profits.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

They're for their profit.

Well, it's just a loophole.

It's a loophole.

They found a loophole to make a great living by being virtuous.

And then they see a fire.

They're like, sick.

We're all getting raises.

Well, all we're saying, Jamie, is that this guy is saying that 70% traditionally goes to administrative costs.

30% goes to the actual product.

That's for all charities.

Right.

That is for all charities.

For a lot of charities, but not Doctors Without Borders, which is one of the things that he brought up.

He just picked one, though.

He's pairing you with this stuff to just like, I'll pick a charity.

And he picked probably one of the worst ones, you know.

We've gone over the charity stuff many times.

There's good and bad charities.

There's good and bad charities.

But the point is that this $100 million, you're saying, was distributed to a bunch of different places, not just specific Palisades.

Looking into it, too, $100 million was a number that got used in advertising to make everything look big and look good.

Probably, my part I was trying to say too, assuming that it is $100 million, there's a bunch of companies and a bunch of artists that said, oh, I'm going to pledge a million, I'm going to pledge a million.

And you have to go collect it all.

You don't know if they all sent it in.

Oh, you know how many times I pledged stuff?

I pledged a million dollars to No Dames NIO.

I haven't done one single show by yourself when you were in your apartment.

No, I was at the fucking championship game watching Ohio State win, and I was going, No Dame needs a D-tackle.

I'm going to give him a million bucks.

For real?

Yeah.

And then they were like, hey, you want to give us that million bucks?

I was like, no.

I pledge.

Is that legally binding?

It was a pledge.

J-Mo.

Well, that's, isn't that the weirdest thing about colleges?

Like, how much money colleges get in donations from people that are like really wealthy that used to go there?

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't even go there.

I didn't go there.

But that's a big thing with college kids.

I wanted to win before my dad dies.

That's why these college kids are getting money now.

It's kind of crazy.

I talked to one at Barstool in Chicago.

He's played at Indiana Center.

And it's like, how much per year?

He goes, 300 grand to transfer to Indiana.

Oh, that's for a year.

No damage, Pat Coogan.

What?

Transferred to Indiana.

He was from No Dam.

And it's just like, that's a good living.

I don't have to go into this for my life.

I'm going to take my degree.

And like, I should have been a good person.

They should have been doing that for those kids forever.

100%.

They're making money off of them forever.

They're sold out.

The only negative is you can't have a player for four straight years.

Yeah, there just needs to be regulation on it.

Because

now they're letting them pay players, so now it's just the fucking Wild West.

They got to make the Wild West.

They need to do that shit for the Olympics.

They can make four-year pledges.

Even then,

the big schools are all going to

get all the best pledges.

The Olympics, they don't get nothing.

The Olympics, they get no.

They get zero.

Everybody else gets rich.

You beat up by a man.

That can happen.

Enrolled in that woman's boxing.

Some broad getting teed off.

You said that they

thought that there is a lot of that.

And now that new info came out.

What's that?

I thought you were like, no, that's actually not a trans.

That's a different.

They were thinking, there was a lot of people that were saying that it wasn't really a man and that it was just some woman with an issue.

Right.

Like some sort of medical issue.

The medical issue is testicles.

And an XY chromosome.

XY chromosome and testicles.

Apparently, internal testes that don't drop.

It's like a condition that some males have.

Yeah, so micropenis.

Internal penis.

Whatever.

Big clip.

Whatever, bro.

Call it big clips.

Call it micropenis.

It happens to a lot of guys.

It's fine.

Come up with the pills, you scientists.

Fix it.

They ain't fixing shit.

Except in China, they're crispering the shit out of those dicks.

Make it a big, juicy dick.

Good math guy with a big dick, bro.

They're all going to be a little bit.

Bless you.

Long dividing and then fucking banging your lady.

Fuck who's that guy?

Oh, yeah.

With CCP hat on.

Show your work.

You know.

Man, I got to look into this crisper.

I never heard of it.

I got to do it.

Is it too late for us?

I think it's too late.

For now.

But in the future,

but not in the future.

In the future, they're going to be able to gene edit people that are alive.

Right now, they're doing it to like fetuses.

We got to go back in time and then

shoot my dad up with the stuff to get me the real shit.

Yeah,

Viking genes.

Yeah.

Come back.

Fuck, I wish I had.

We do a Protectar Parks four months from now.

Ari's 150 pounds heavier.

Hi, guys.

He's just gigantic, a giant hog.

He pulled the balls out last night.

His balls are pretty.

They don't look like

a human.

Thank you.

Huge balls.

They look worth the dick.

A bighorn sheep.

You ever seen a bighorn sheep's balls?

No.

They're ridiculous.

Pull them up.

The first time I saw a bighorn sheep, my friend Steve Rinnella was like, look at his balls.

You need to look at their balls.

It's extraordinary.

They're like church bells.

Whoa.

Giant fucking balls.

Like massive balls.

Oh, my God.

Elephant Titus.

Giant sacks.

Wow.

They all have giant balls.

Wow.

You can't be running with that.

It looks like a big puss.

Looking them up, there was giants.

Oh, that one.

No, he's got a problem.

Of course, the black one.

You can't tell what's AI anymore, man.

You really can't.

It's over.

There's no way to tell you.

You gotta go straight to the comments, and hopefully, people pointed it out.

I got tricked by one.

By a sheep?

I was embarrassed.

What?

You fucked it?

And it's like, I'm a guy.

Some fucking

hot-ass sheep came to the car.

Oh, yeah.

No,

it was a video of Trump giving a speech, but they AI'd.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I watched it, and I was like, no fucking way.

What did he say?

Damn it.

It was actually really funny.

It was like something about gay people.

I forgot.

Oh, no, no.

But it was like really funny, and it seemed like something he might say.

Yeah.

And then you're watching it.

You're like, nice, well, fuck, it was close.

But it took me like three minutes to be like, three minutes is long.

He wouldn't say that.

He finished coming.

But it's over now.

There is no truth.

There's no video.

Let me hear this.

I saw this yesterday.

Well, I'm going to be embarrassed, but yeah, I tricked you too.

Good.

Take careful note of the work of Colossal Labs, the biotech company.

It's the absolute worst group of people we've got in our country, and it's not even close.

I think we'd all be better off with them gone.

But as I was saying, my

administration and I have been taking careful note of the work of Colossal Labs, the biotech company that resurrected the dire wolf.

If they can bring back wolves, they can bring back dinosaurs.

Terrible lizard.

That's what dinosaur means if you break it down.

But picture this, folks.

Velociraptor, mounted border patrol agents.

They'll rip your head clear off.

Pterodactyls patrolling the skies.

Velociraptors on the ground to prevent the immigration apocalypse we may have to counter with.

A dino-apocalypse, folks.

It's true.

I mean, it looks real.

But I mean, you watch something like that.

While you're watching it, you go.

He might have said no.

It also trucks are wild.

You just never know.

You never know.

Didn't he fucking post something the other day that Biden was assassinated and they used a clone?

Whoa.

God, I hope he died.

Didn't that like truth social, truth social, didn't he post something like that?

Some wild thing that somebody posted?

Biden, this isn't even Biden.

Because he had a bunch of plastic surgery.

He had his face pulled back like a lizard.

Do you know what they're actually doing at the Forest Department?

Every email they sent that mentions biodiversity gets bounced back.

What does that mean?

They are so against the word diversity that biodiversity, those emails are not allowed to be sent from company emails.

Wow.

Yeah.

Did you see his N-word thing?

You got to protect the parks.

Here it goes.

Look at this.

You might have to be protecting the parks.

It's great.

Trump shares unfounded conspiracy theory claiming Biden was executed in 2020.

Holy hell.

Oh, who is he debating then?

Who did it?

Stares?

That is so ridiculous.

But who is he debating?

He thinks he was.

What do you mean?

He debated him in 2020.

Oh, he debated a different guy.

He's like it's a clone?

Yeah, not really Biden anymore.

Yeah, the one he kind of lost, I bet he was like, fucking clone showed up.

That doesn't seem like that.

Well, there was that time that the tall Biden was at the White House.

Oh, yeah.

That was crazy.

That was crazy.

There was a Biden that was like six inches taller than Biden.

And they have makeup.

They can do things to people.

They can make you look like Biden.

They can make you, maybe not you, but like some people with not so long a face.

Yeah, Baron.

Was he 6'8?

Baron.

Well, now Barron would stand out.

He'd be too tall.

Baron was long.

Why the long face?

Mark.

Biden, Biden, don't be depressed.

Don't be sour.

I know we're pulling you out.

I'll never forget.

But you were a great president.

You're like Lincoln.

This is way off topic, and you guys aren't going to think it's as funny as I do.

But one time,

my family and I, we were out to dinner at Haas's in Mechanicsburg.

And the waiter came over and goes, I got a joke for you.

We were like, What is it?

He's like, A horse walks into the bar, and the bartender goes, Why the long face?

And my family and I erupted laughing for

40 minutes.

Class.

No, but it became like we can't stop laughing about how good that waiter was.

Oh, yeah.

And yeah, it stuck with me my whole life.

And I knew when I started telling that story, it wasn't going to be good.

Well, that's literally the joke that I said to him.

I know, I know.

That's what it reminded me of.

Yeah.

But just

that whole, like, you know, when you can't stop laughing.

Yeah.

Pull up the video that's all Biden, Jamie.

Been there.

What is hosses?

It's a tough one for me.

Do you restaurant?

You like hosses.

It's like a lower-level

reference, I can't remember.

Yeah, the wheels are off.

The wheels are off, bro.

Chilies?

The wheels are off, sure.

I love a chili or whatever.

I'll go to a chili's any day.

There's a salad bar at Hausses.

Oh, hell yeah.

No one touches it, but they do have nachos and melted cheese.

You go up there, you go, I'm going to go to the salad bar.

That's essential people's salad.

The salad bar's got that diced ham.

You know, those little cubes?

Yes.

Oh,

you're talking my language.

The Pittsburgh salad?

You know what the Pittsburgh salad is?

Oh, is that where you shit on a guy's chest?

It says fries with some lettuce on top.

Oh, wow,

that's fun.

Pittsburgh people are fat.

Pittsburgh's fucking rules.

That's a great city.

Underrated city.

Every fat city is the best city.

They know how to party.

I love them.

What's another fat?

Cleveland?

Buffalo, Cleveland.

Look at this.

Look at Tall Biden.

Look at the size of him.

That's great.

Whoa.

Bro, look at the size of him.

He doesn't look anything like Biden.

Shane, we were there.

Look how tall he is.

We were right there.

Towering.

Towering over his wife.

Like, what is that?

Wow, Biden dirty.

Like, what is that?

Damn.

That's weird.

Shandon, I went to the wedding.

I think there was times when he had some complications, and they just brought in another guy.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

I think they've probably done that before with people.

Roosevelt.

Apparently, this is.

I mean, he should, Connor.

Who's telling the story?

Was it here that they were telling the story of Obama was sitting there talking to one of the people that he worked with, and then they removed the mask, and he realized that the person who he was talking to was not the person he works with, and they were showing him how good the CIA masks are.

Oh, it was a green room conversation.

Someone was explaining in the green room that they have the CIA.

I was like, it might have been Metzger.

You don't know?

You don't know?

You don't know about that.

You don't know your reference of a name you've never heard of.

You're like, well, so why do you think he went to Seattle in 2016?

I'm like, who is any of that?

And they'll hit you with five more in a row before you recover from the first one.

The picture you took of me

is a a big baby.

Why are you getting trapped?

Because I love Metzger for two decades.

And then she's like, ah, man.

You need a break after that.

Metzger's the best.

He cornered me at Terry Black's the other day.

I was in the corner.

I was sitting at the end of the Terry Black's.

He was like looming over to me and everybody else was having their own conversation.

I was like, hey, hey, how are you doing?

Hey,

help me.

Hey, hey,

hey, he molested with the headlines.

Yeah.

Safe word.

Epstein.

Oh, yeah.

Bro, he just hits you with like five, six conspiracies in a row that you don't know about.

You don't know about that?

Cleveland, 36?

I don't know.

What happened?

What happened?

You know, Dopship was just an experiment going wrong.

What?

I think it was a part of that program.

Yeah.

It was the South Africans.

Yeah, programs.

All about programs.

That's what happens when you grow up in a cult and you think everything's a cult when you get out.

Like, everything's a cult.

And then he starts working for Jimmy Dore, so he finds out about real conspiracies.

Yeah, Metz got his first birthday like four years ago.

His eyeballs.

Enough's enough.

When he looms over you with the conspiracies, conspiracies, it's like he's not even a real person.

He's like a cartoon.

Oh, yeah.

He's like a guy in a movie.

I'm not sure.

There's no guy really like that that just traps you and hits you with 50 conspiracies in his Kirk Metzger.

I'll get you.

When I have him on a podcast, it's hilarious.

It's just like wind him up and then hold on, hold on.

The first thing you said, the first thing you said,

let's go back to that.

Like, what are you talking about?

Like, what did they do in the Pacific?

Who did it?

They sunk a ship.

What happened?

Jesus Christ, dude.

Oh, you don't know?

You don't know?

No, you don't know.

How can you know?

How do you know all these fucking things?

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

When they put up the Epstein files, he's the guy who reads the 60,000 pages.

Oh, yeah.

Instantaneously.

Oh, he's jerking off.

He's doing other things on the side.

He's playing chess, jerking off, reading the stuff.

So weird, too.

He started in Blackrooms.

To get to that.

Him and Big J.

Yeah.

Wow.

Blackrooms will have you.

When you're like a shitty young comic, they're all.

Come on.

Yeah,

they love having a white guy.

There's dudes that are just joke machines.

Metzger's a joke machine.

Like, if you got him in a writer's room, he's a machine.

That's a good thing.

Dude, Miss Pat got me a spot in Atlanta once.

I was down there for something.

And she was like, all right, go.

And the show started at 8.

I got there at 7:30.

Doors are locked.

Till 8:45.

And then I go in.

I'm like, hey, Miss Pat, send me like, oh, we got you.

She got you.

The MC does almost an hour.

The MC did an hour?

Yeah.

And then he goes, oh, y'all, Billy from Iowa.

The other one's from Iowa.

You're Billy from the fire.

Oh, is that me?

What?

I'm pure death.

It sounds like it.

Ari Shafir, Billy from Iowa.

It's close.

Close enough after an hour.

Yeah.

Eight dicks in front of my manager at the time.

Oh, my God.

You invited your manager to the Black Room?

Oh, yeah.

It's fired up, dude.

This shit makes me.

What is it?

Cameron.

What were they talking about?

I posted this on my story.

I was a little hungover, laying in bed, and this was killing me how funny this is.

Can you start from the beginning?

Diddy Trails, the name The Punisher came in here yesterday.

As I was watching this, Diddy Trails, some guy came to named the Punisher.

Boy, back in the days, Myrna.

Named the Punisher.

Who was the Punisher?

Was it security?

Who's the helmet?

Yeah, I know.

Oh, man.

Did you ever see the

Nick Mill talking about how Suke Knight used to put handlebars on guys?

No.

That's horrific.

Neek Mill said some crazy shit about Suck Knight.

Suck Knight put handlebars on dudes.

That'd be funny if you put a helmet on, too.

It's fucking the guy.

Why are they all fucking each other?

What's going on?

They're homosexuals.

Power move.

It's a power move.

It's a power move.

I'll tell you what, I never thought of it like that.

I think Ari's got it.

Ray J.

Oh, it's Ray J.

Oh, huge dawn.

Okay.

Why do I think it was Meek Mill?

Accuses Suge Night of sexually assaulting him behind bars.

I mean, maybe it wasn't Meek Mill.

Maybe it wasn't Meg Mm.

That's a different video.

I've seen that.

Yeah, no, no, no.

It is.

It's Ray J

25 sticks.

Sticks of butter.

Oh, Jesus.

Use the butter as anal.

Not margarine.

Margarine's bad for you.

Not grease it up.

That's so crazy.

Yeah, they grease that button.

Cameron and Mace are.

They get together, have fun.

They have fun, and they forget that they're on mic, and times have changed.

They don't give a fuck.

They don't.

They mic it off.

But times didn't really change.

It's just like people have to hide it.

And that's why people like Protect Our Parks.

Times

don't do the same.

And times definitely don't change if you're fucking black dudes from Harlem.

Right.

Or rappers, Cameron and Mace.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're like, they can say whatever they want.

Yeah, they can say whatever they want.

But are we going to get the dirt out of all the Diddy people?

Or got something?

Do you hear me?

What the fuck are you doing with your chin?

I want something concrete.

Bro, it's listen to any story.

Dude, fuck.

But like J-Lo, DiCaprio, are they going to talk?

Kid Cuddy said...

Bieber.

Kid Cuddy said Puff Daddy burned his car, broke into his house before Christmas and opened all the gifts for his kids.

No,

really?

That's like the Grinch.

Cuddy called him when he was in his house.

Hey, buddy, I'm in your house.

Just want to bless your brain.

You open all the presents under the tree.

Holy shit,

that's insane.

That was the funniest thing I've ever heard.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, that's like Ari.

Ari might be fucking white diving.

That starts a fucking Ari trick.

You hate Christmas, Yaheb.

Damn, dude, I can't believe you guys killed him.

Oh, geez, Santa.

Oh.

Santa, too, you would if you could.

You would.

If the Jews got there, you're going to burn your beak.

Jamie, delete the anti-Semitism.

No,

it's 55 minutes out of this episode and everyone in the past.

Jamie, I'm not trying to add work, I swear, brother.

Sorry, Jamo.

He's very sensitive on these shows.

He needs to be respected.

I guess so.

I respect him.

J-Mo, bong a beer, brother.

We'd love to have you.

Are you sober too?

You're like a gay rogue.

You have been losing weight.

You look good.

You look fucking fit.

Velvet.

Jamie, bong one beer.

Bong one.

Yeah.

He's actually secretly the best guy at bonging beers.

I know, right?

He does it quietly, and then he comes up here and does it, and he's like, yeah, that was nothing.

Luke Combs.

Luke Combs?

No,

no one can fuck with him.

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

He does it so quick, it's like it doesn't even make sense.

Why are you doing that?

Is that a magic trick then?

He just punches the bottom of them straight from the can, and two seconds it's gone.

You're like, How?

Come on.

Skills.

Come on.

Skill.

Come on.

You can't help yourself.

That's a problem.

There's so many country guys I can't keep up now.

Yeah, it's a big one.

Big popular genre.

Brian Zach.

Really did blow up.

Country other guy.

God's country.

Well, Well, it used to be a thing that you would have to hide.

People like

anything except country.

Anything but God.

That was like the standard.

They wouldn't mention poker.

Right.

Have you listened to poker?

No.

I guess I got it.

Shit rocks.

Go up.

Western PA.

I remember I was dating this girl in the 90s, and I had to turn her on to Dwight Yoakum.

Like, you don't.

Stop all this country shit.

It's just radio country.

It's a thousand miles from nowhere.

You tell me that's not a good song?

You're crazy.

Old country is the best.

Old country rules.

Old country country is great, but Dwight Yoke almost.

That's why a lot of the new guys are good.

Exactly.

There's a lot of guys doing old country over old country.

Yeah, Oliver Guy.

Guitars, Cadillacs, Hillbilly music, that song.

Beer, Swiggin, Fig Fig.

Zach Bryan.

That shit's great.

What did Oliver Anthony do?

Yeah.

I mean, what is that?

Yeah.

Who?

Oh, yeah.

Soul Folk.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that is like some shit

that's going to stand the test of time, that song.

Oh, yeah.

That song's going to be around a long time.

Fucking Beyonce's doing country.

That's how popular they they are.

Right?

Yeah.

Texas hold them.

Yeah.

Blowing my mind here.

She's winning awards.

She's kind of turning white.

Well, I think what happens is.

Once Jay-Z stopped fucking her, she's like,

she's like, mom now.

She's watching her kids.

Jay-Z

is.

Oh, Jesus.

I think what happens is the fucking country just swings one way.

They want simpler times.

Yeah.

Terrified of nuclear war, terrified of fucking.

What's going on?

What are we doing with Russia?

You know, it's a big one.

The military enrollment went up.

Oh, during Trump.

They put out a fucking white commercial.

Who?

They put out a white guy commercial.

They're trying to get the whites.

Oh, well, the whites are out.

The army's back.

They're going, hey, come on, whites.

Yeah.

That's why the white left try to get the men.

You've got to fight Iran.

Well, they also stopped the whole

trans thing in the military.

They stopped all that.

What?

Let them fight.

They're scary.

I love Jay Smith's point on that.

It's like, the left is like,

the left is going, no, trans people should also kill innocent people in Yemen.

Yeah.

You guys are taking the wrong stance.

Is that Dave Smith?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It should be don't kill random people at a wedding party.

Yeah.

Bro, how about when Trump tweeted out that Houthis thing?

They got those guys in a circle and they blow them all up and Trump's like, there will never bomb our fucking ships again.

Like, okay,

I don't have much advice for the Houthis other than stop fucking hanging out together.

Stop circle.

Literally in a circle, they all walk to a truck.

Oh,

stop.

Yeah.

One at a time.

I bet they don't do that anymore.

They keep doing it.

Every time I see a drone strike, it's fucking 20 dudes walking together.

Well, what the anti-war people are saying is that that's a tribal ceremony that they do.

They get together in these groups that has nothing to do with the war.

Also possible.

Yeah.

I didn't know this guy.

Well, you can't ask questions when you're in a drone.

It's a terrorist group?

Yeah, you just lay it out.

Do I get a green light?

Do I get a green light or no?

Green light, green light, green light.

Yeah.

All of who can't.

And that's been Bush, Obama, Biden, Trump.

They'll just kill anybody, label them later.

Well, the amount of people that get killed by drones that are innocents is off the charts.

Oh, yeah.

Any other type of warfare, like, it's, it's like 90%.

Yeah, we got to go back to swords.

It'd be nice.

It'd be tough to get away.

If you look at that guy, like, that's the bad guy.

Catch a fucking bystander with a sword.

Well, back then, everybody was a bystander.

You know, when they, the sword times, they didn't spare anybody.

You see, they sent drones into Russia, Ukraine, they hit them on that roof.

I've heard about this.

Everything I've heard from Russia-Ukraine, I've never believed any of it.

Who knows?

So much problems.

On any side, post-war.

But the one thing that the Ukraine attack is legit, where they bombed all the bombers with the drones.

Yeah,

they caused $7 billion in damage in one day.

They blew up all these bombers.

And they sent suicide drones to blow up all these bombers that were on these airfields.

Suicide drones is such a great term.

It's just a bomb.

Yeah.

It's a remote control, but it doesn't shoot things.

It flies into things.

It detonates.

That's why they call them suicide drones.

Yeah, they fly the drone.

The drone is the weapon itself.

And

it's intelligently controlled.

And they just fly them into these jets and bombs.

Japan was all over that.

Japan was?

Oh, yeah.

Also, meth.

That's how they got those guys to do it.

Meth.

Really?

Yeah, it was all meth.

Yeah.

The kamikazes, that was all meth.

Oh, really?

Get those guys methed up and fly them right into the.

Fuck aye, aye, ah!

You know, you're methed out of your fucking mind.

Same thing with the Nazis in the tanks.

The tank guys were the guys that had the most meth.

And the ones who dance at clubs.

It's the methiest Molly.

Don't you?

Get you going.

Remember the Techno-Viking?

Remember that guy?

Yeah.

That guy ruled.

shit, Rock.

Yeah, that guy ruled.

There was some guy who was being shitty to some girl, and he grabs her by the arm.

You get out of here.

Try to steal his water.

Some guy gives him a bottle of water and drinks a little of the water and then he starts broke.

Viking dance.

Some Viking ruled.

Yeah, Viking dance rules.

I saw that on E-bombs World.

Can we see that guy's name?

You guys?

That's crazy.

I was like, here we go.

I loved E-bombs.

So he takes this guy, hey, get out of here.

Get out of here.

I'm with that guy.

I'm going home.

Yeah, you're going home.

If you see this fucking dude, that dude has cardio.

He'll beat your ass for hours.

And then he has to point at him one more time.

Go.

You don't want to fuck with that guy.

That guy's that's the bad motherfucker that hangs in a group.

Let it go.

And then look at this dork.

Breathe it out.

Beta comes over, offers the water.

The beta.

Upside down water.

Trying to, like, you know, really important.

Yeah, but if that's your boy, yeah.

If one of your boys is the Viking guy.

He's like, chill, bro.

I know.

I know that that's close to you.

And then the dance starts.

Give me some music, Jamie.

Is that a gun on the left of him?

Techno Viking in the house.

Holy moly, he can move.

Black socks all the way up.

That guy fucked all the dirty hippies that night.

No one else is dancing.

Yeah, I haven't seen it since I was a boy.

Now that I'm looking back on it, this guy's kind of fucking gay as shit.

No one else is dancing.

I remember being a kid thinking he was the man.

He's stressed guy blows.

People are walking through.

No one else is dancing like him.

You don't want to hang out with his guy, though.

Now they're dancing.

Fuck no, I don't want to hang out with them.

Oh, there's the cut to the dude who got sent away.

Poor dude.

Where are we?

Is this Detroit?

It's just part of Poland.

Poland.

Okay.

Techno.

Berlin.

Berlin.

Oh, Berlin.

That makes sense.

Fuck Berlin.

2000 fuck parade.

That could be the new name of Protect Our Park.

Fuck Parade.

There really is a fuck parade.

2000 fuck parade Berlin.

Basically what Pride is.

Boy, I hope they don't all gang up together and fight Russia.

Got a crazy, weird abs.

Oh, my God.

Uneven.

Yeah, mismatched.

A lot of abs are like that.

This almost says it could have been this whole thing, could have been staged.

They're not sure because it was made by an artist.

The whole video.

Oh, it's totally staged.

That totally makes sense because the way he pointed was so performatory.

Back to the guy, too.

Why would they have followed up on the guy that

was his twisted sister?

Jamie, always get into the bond with things.

Jamie, you're great, and we all love you.

We do love you, Jamie.

You know, we all love you.

I know you got fired up earlier.

Sorry about that.

Well, you started.

He's bringing up Ohio.

You get his fucking hackles up.

You get his hackles up.

That's a fucking asshole ass.

He brought up fucking Node.

Yeah, but

you got to let him slide.

It's like when you have a

yellow ball, by the way,

this is classic Ohio State.

They won the title

and they're still babies.

Oh boy.

They're still babies.

You can get on the skin.

You can go, you know, you guys lost to Michigan?

They all go,

you guys won't even play them anymore.

Oh, boy.

They won't play us, dude.

Be careful.

Look into that history.

You know what, Texas, though?

Texas plays oio state first game of the season and they won't play them on sunday night i did see that that pissed me off why not they don't they don't they don't want it to be a night game

why because fans it's it's a much more rowdy environment they want a fucking noon they want a noon kickoff it's sunday it's the lord's day

it's cowards work yeah they want they want hungover that's funny when you have to schedule your games based on how fucked up people will be like let's be careful let's not let them 10 p.m game oh my god joe you would love watching Michigan walk into Ohio State.

Can I see it?

Take these guys to controls.

Not today, Satan.

Only because you asked.

I'll show it to you.

So,

Michigan, who I hate more than Ohio State, did suck this year.

They're playing at Ohio State.

Michigan has owned them for no fucking year.

Three straight years going into this.

No, yeah, three straight years.

And it's just nice to watch a team walk into an entire environment that hates you.

We see it.

And they're just together, just walking.

I mean, it's...

And I hate Michigan.

And Michigan is not even good here.

But it's nice to watch.

But they haven't lost to Ohio State.

So

it's like a great MMA game.

Okay, here we go.

Ooh.

So wait, they're not wanted?

It's only going to play 20 seconds, though.

That's all right.

When it shows the stadium.

Damn, that's quite a stadium.

Wow.

Imagine being one of those guys.

Imagine being one of those guys about to play this game.

Fuck CTE.

Let's go.

Yeah, fuck CTE.

Let's go.

Yeah, I want to be smart when I'm fucking 70.

So fuck.

Oh, is this it?

Is this it?

Oh, this is Ohio State.

You're going to watch that.

What's this?

Watch this.

Let's play this too.

0 for 2.

I want to hear this.

I want to hear this when they get out of this field.

Oh, this is not the Michigan game.

It's Tennessee.

Yeah.

December game.

And this place has been

fired up.

Here's the wife of coming up.

First ever December game.

That's when Ohio State.

Turn it around.

What is first ever December gaming?

They just added the playoffs this year, so there's never been games this late.

That's exciting.

Oh, we're doing this.

This is amazing.

Enter Sandman, Virginia Tech, Miami.

Oh, we did it.

We did did it.

We did that already.

We got some good entrances.

Hold on, bro.

Sandman's the greatest fucking

beginning of a game song of all time.

Fuck, I'm trying to think of some good entrances.

Metallica just played.

Metallica just played Blacksburg.

They played Virginia Tech Stadium.

Bro, how about when they played Berlin after the fall?

Is that right?

Oh, my God.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Moscow.

Moscow.

That's right.

They played Moscow.

And there's like a million people.

We've watched that.

We've watched that.

It's the most insane concert you've ever seen in your life.

Well, if you're not sure.

You need to see it right now.

Ari needs to see it right now.

Ari's definitely seen it in

his seat.

But he needs to see it right now because he's in another expansion right now.

After that, you've got to show Billy Joel in USSR.

We've done that too.

I saw that.

Have we done that as well?

It was the punk.

Have we ever played Led Zeppelin?

Jump around, Wisconsin.

That's a good one.

The sound isn't as good as you need it to be.

What about there's an Ariada Grande concert in London?

Manchester, you asshole.

Imagine being in that audience.

Look at that fucking crowd.

Damn.

Is this Berlin?

It's Blacksburg, Virginia.

They're about to watch some mediocre football.

Yo Kokis.

Take it over to the board.

Down on the inside of the turret.

Nigel is the point.

Fire on Strand.

Back to the belly.

Fire into the left side.

Hey, white band members.

Woo!

I'd love to tell you I didn't watch this earlier today.

Oh, man.

This is the fucking Coliseum.

Oh, you gotta run there.

Damn.

What a fucking song.

America fucking rules.

What a country.

What are we talking about?

Of course people walk here from Guatemala.

Dude, if I saw Wisconsin going this crazy and I lived in Guatemala, I would go, bro, I gotta walk.

I'm going across that fucking desert.

J-Mo,

extra bottles of water, and I'm making it across that fucking desert.

J-May.

Yeah,

that video we just showed has 65,000 people in the crowd.

The first one we watched at the highest stadium in this place here is double almost.

Oh,

this is the big house.

70,000 there.

Holy shit.

Do you know how I was supposed to perform there this year?

Yeah, really?

Me and Zach Bryan were

at Michigan Stadium.

Yeah.

And they said no to me.

But then they cut you back on, I thought.

When Notre Dame got me.

Oh, that's

not.

Yeah, what the fuck.

What did you do?

I have fucking some stuff.

I said a couple things.

Come on, man.

You guys are joking around.

This is back in the day.

I didn't mean it.

Let's play.

Let's leave with Russia.

Do Enter Sam Mountain Russia.

Oh, shit.

Don't.

That's the shit.

Don't do it.

Do we want to go to the bottom of the middle of the size of the crowd?

Nah, it's just the fucking.

No, this is America giving it to Russia.

This is America going

Russia.

Okay.

Look at the size of the fucking crowd.

This is Moscow 1991.

Look at that crowd.

Holy shit.

How many people is that?

Helicopter right over it?

Bro, there has to be a million.

It's over a million.

Why is it helicopter right there?

That's the end of your empire.

Yeah.

For real, you go.

Look at this.

We're all poor.

This is Pooh who saw this and goes, I'll be back.

Yeah.

He came back.

He's in the KGB at the time.

Nah.

Moscow.

Fuel.

Oh, shit.

Look at that fucking crowd.

Jesus Christ.

Can you imagine being on that stage with that energy feels like?

No.

1.6 million.

Oh, my God.

In the crowd.

Man, it's like Sunset Club.

I'm going to suggest up to 2 million.

1.6 million in the crowd?

That's so crazy.

You do one show, you retire.

Yeah.

Oh, they didn't.

How was the paycheck, I wonder?

Oh, it must have been in rubles.

Yeah, it must have been nothing.

You'll get five potatoes in your life.

You'll get totally.

We are not going to kill you.

Congratulations.

Long-haired gaze.

All right, wait.

I know we're trying to play it out.

This is cool.

Keep it coming.

I don't want to go home.

No, J-Mo.

Woodstock 99 corn.

All right, we really hit up the bottom here.

Hold on.

Woods got corn.

Trust me, daddy.

Trust me, daddy.

I hate corn.

Oh, they need this.

Protect our parks.

Damn.

I mean,

there's must be no experience on Earth like being Hatfield on that stage.

There's no experience in on our show.

There's no coming back.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Have you seen that?

You go.

Yeah.

What's the Asian guy who does the biggest song in the world?

Sock.

Oh, whoa.

That guy's got

a full-game sock when he comes up from the stage.

Trust me on Woodstock 99 corn.

I know you.

Look, you're allowed to not like corn.

I didn't really like corn.

I don't know.

All this fucking video.

Let's see.

It was some of the intros.

I trust you.

You would never throw us a bad one.

I wouldn't do this other than that Bulldog video that never got brought up.

Trust me.

You don't fuck these people.

video.

Here it is.

Just all right, I saw some tickets.

You're allowed to not like look at all those skanks.

Fan flags and

not his real.

This is pre-9/11.

This was on pay-per-view.

Oh, whoa, shit.

That guy's

full hood.

I remember this song.

From my youth.

I think the idea here, keep an eye on the crowd, right?

Yeah.

And also, you know what got me?

Was break yourself?

The lead singer's face when he walks out and sees the crowd.

He gets it.

Like, you just watch a guy take that energy in.

This is a weird time in music, like rock rap.

Yeah.

DMX played earlier in the day.

Okay.

Kid Rock.

Lip biscuit.

Oh geez.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Look at that crowd.

Look at that crowd.

Bro, that crowd's alive.

Yeah, that's crazy.

That's a living organism.

Imagine being an alien, and you come down, you watch this, you're like, what?

What the fuck are they doing?

The pinnacle of their existence seems to be giving yourself CTE in front of a million people.

Yeah.

Headbanging.

Anyway, that one got me going.

That's fun.

That was the 90s, baby.

What was the last one that we wanted to do?

It was a gang of style.

He does that jump out.

He was outside of the jump out.

That's jump out for the win.

Did he have any other big hits other than that?

No, he faded away.

No, he had one other big one.

Right off that one.

Really?

Yeah.

I kind of remember it.

Norman ready to shut him down.

Wow, I thought he got giving the man his flowers, as the kids like to say.

Oh, shit.

I thought.

I thought you got it.

Norman's like, fuck him, fuck him.

He went like out and just

psyop.

There we go.

Oh, well,

it's just for him.

This isn't it, is it?

That's not it.

No, the one when he pops out of the floor.

Pop out.

I thought that that was.

That was like the fucking Asian microphone.

Isn't there one when he

comes flying out of the floor?

This is it.

The Magalena.

Watch this.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That fucking rules.

And he goes right into it.

Holy fuck.

Look at the size of that place.

Oh my God.

They're going to all kill us eventually.

Holy shit.

Oh, that's chanting.

It's a fucking squid game.

Look at the size of that crowd.

It's literally drone footage, dude.

We're gonna rock them.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

That's insane.

Wow.

Wow.

How many people was that, I wonder?

Holy shit.

It shook the whole place.

Yeah, no shit.

That's millions of people.

Can you imagine being his wife?

Being like, hey, could you clean up a little?

See what I fucking did?

I just flew out of the floor.

Shut the fuck up and cook me a sandwich.

All right.

We're done.

Should we eat?

God bless America.

Yeah.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Let's go get some gout.

Yeah.

Gout.

Gout of order.

Bye-bye, everybody.