#2333 - Protect Our Parks 15

Speaker 0 Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

Speaker 1 The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Speaker 1 All right, we're rolling.

Speaker 1 We're rolling. Don't do anything illegal.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Come on, everybody's on the Zim.

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 1 I think it's probably bad for you. It might be.
100%. It might in the end be bad for you.

Speaker 1 There's also that part of me I can't bring myself to actually not work out. You look ripped.
No, no, no, no. no.
You're going to work out.

Speaker 1 You don't want to talk about it, but look at those shoulders.

Speaker 1 Look at those shoulders, dog. Those shoulders are coming in strong.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't hit me.

Speaker 1 You look noticeably thicker. Like, no.

Speaker 1 That's what I said to my trainer. He's like, you want to lose weight? I said, no.

Speaker 1 Bigger. I want to be

Speaker 1 fucking huge. Dude, you've been in this gym super fucking consistently.

Speaker 1 If I'm in Austin, I come here. It's awesome.
Every day. It's very nice.
It's awesome. Every time you open that door and I see you pop out, I'm like, fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 He's getting after after it. Dead after it.
Do you worry about the buff comedy, though? You don't need the buff comic.

Speaker 1 Actually get in your room. Well, I very rarely wear a t-shirt on stage.
That's not true. Just warrant anything tight.
Shirtless is my movie.

Speaker 1 I just want to look like a fucking tight shirt. I'm going to shut off like Hulk Hogan.

Speaker 1 That's fun. Let's start comedy.
Yeah, Greischer, when he started losing weight and he's getting jacked, I'm like, you're taking away from your act there, fella. Exactly.

Speaker 1 You know, you look like a football player now. Like, Bert was getting some big, thick-ass shirts.
I don't do a lot of fat jokes. No.
If any. No, you don't really.

Speaker 1 You might make fun of yourself if it helps something. Yeah.
It doesn't matter. But you're not fat enough.

Speaker 1 You're more like squishy. Yeah, you're just a fat cat.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're not. You're not like a fat guy.
You're so absurdly fat. Yeah.
You have to talk about it. Bert doesn't really do fat jokes either.
No. No.
No. Really? No, not really.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you just got to attack the elephant in the room just to get it out of the way, but then after that, fuck it. But if you're really good, you don't even need it.

Speaker 1 But if you have a joke that's funny, that's fat. Like, who fucking cares? That's the weirdest thing: is comics like policing what should be talked about.

Speaker 1 If someone comes up with the most amazing fart joke of all time, I'm going to die laughing.

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't do any, I don't have any, but it's like, yeah, on anything and everything. There's a take on anything and everything that's like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it's just you got to find where it's going to be. That's kind of my goal is to come up with the best

Speaker 1 fart joke of all. Eats, dog.
No, not yet, Joe. Come on.
What's that? You're bad at Lucy. Lucy today, dude.

Speaker 1 What's up with you? He's fired.

Speaker 1 He's game dead. You've pulled out three drugs.
I've been here eight minutes.

Speaker 1 They're all illegal.

Speaker 1 No drugs. No drugs.
Just nicotine. Just Ozempic.
Don't get the feds on us. Lucy Breakers.
What's the heckle fish?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's from... You ever see that YouTube show, The Wife Files? No.
It's a great fucking show.

Speaker 1 It's all about like fucking aliens and why you can't go into the Grand Canyon and, you know, secret fucking temples and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And uh AJ Gentile is the host and then uh this is a fish that sits in the fish tank next to him and talks shit to him I will be a strict but fair lord of these lands and my face will come to finalize

Speaker 1 him right away

Speaker 1 can't say there's no drugs

Speaker 1 guys check this out

Speaker 1 well the thing is like now everybody comes and they give me something for the table that's like part of the fun

Speaker 1 I got this little Olmec head

Speaker 1 from Lou Caverns. Pretty dope.
I also got an Aztec death whistle. Do not blow it.
I blew it. The last time.

Speaker 1 Last time we had one of these and we blew it. Death Whistle.

Speaker 1 Callan blew it on the podcast, and the pandemic started a month later. I'm not kidding.
Fucking L.A. was locked down.
Everything had people were like connecting it to the death whistle. He killed me.

Speaker 1 It was a conspiracy theory. Oh, poor Bob.

Speaker 1 Sorry. You got me.
Ah, the death whistle. Because I think

Speaker 1 that one drives me nuts. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pop saga does? Yeah, because it's the same thing that happened to Heather McDonald. Blacked out, fell, smashed her head, died.
She lived because she was on stage, and luckily they got

Speaker 1 medical help. Rug.
Run on the stage, also. It was fake? No, rug.
Oh, no, she was hardwood. I don't think there was a rug.
Hardwood.

Speaker 1 I've got stages out a lot. I don't know.
What stage was it? I've seen that video 30 times. It's hardwood.
Yeah, I don't know. Her head bounces.
It's very terrifying.

Speaker 1 Because that's how people die in street fights.

Speaker 1 That's the big reason why people die in street fights. They get knocked knocked out and they hit their head.
It's not from getting punched to death, most of the time. Right.

Speaker 1 Most of the time, it's from falling and hitting your head. Remember the knockout game? Knockout game.
Bro, that's so scary. Yeah,

Speaker 1 so scary. Filming crimes is a very

Speaker 1 good thing.

Speaker 1 Just get the Hitler speed. Oh, bro.

Speaker 1 It kind of gets developed into the stage. Fractured or skull.
That's crazy. Really? Fractured her skull.
Yeah. Whoa.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scary shit. Yes.

Speaker 1 You could bleed, you could bleed in the brain and you could. Didn't need the whole thing.
That was perfect.

Speaker 1 Possibility you'll never be the same again. Question is, did it kill? Did you get a laugh? It was the biggest laugh I've ever said.
All right. Well, my dad.
So people found out it was real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they thought it was. It was a funny joke.
Hilarious. Oh, wow.
Which is the way you would do it. You ever get an accidental joke where you say something and everyone laughs?

Speaker 1 You're like, oh, I can see the double meaning on that. Oh, that's Albertan.
I met that. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, that's the difference between writing it and saying it, right?

Speaker 1 You write it and you're like, I think I know how to go with this. And then you get on stage and say it, and you're like, oh, that's the funny part.

Speaker 1 This is fucking ridiculous. The fact that this exists is ridiculous.
I'm always embarrassed if I wrote something and then say it and it's not even close.

Speaker 1 I don't know. What the fuck was I thinking? It's crazy how much that happens.

Speaker 1 I always think of it as like a scaffolding. I'm like, I don't know what's good until I get up there.
Yeah, well, it's funny how when you're in your apartment, you're killing.

Speaker 1 You're like, man, this is good stuff. And then when you get up there, you can like feel this won't work.
Right. Yeah, right when you're on stage.
I don't know why I'm saying this.

Speaker 1 But when you have people in front of you, you're like, oh, this is not going to hit. Oh, my God.
It's the best.

Speaker 1 And then you went into it with so prepared, and then they're just looking at you, like, I don't care. You go into it, like, I wrote a new bit today.
This thing's going to fucking kill me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're not going to be.

Speaker 1 That's why comedy is great because you can never really crack it. You can get better at it, but you can never really go, this is going to work.
It's also like a truly collaborative thing.

Speaker 1 You have to have an audience. Yeah.
It's the like Gary Clark Jr. could write a fucking amazing album by himself in his private music studio.

Speaker 1 And nobody has to hear it until you listen to it the first time. You're like, God damn.

Speaker 1 Like Oliver Anthony's new album. I haven't heard it.
Bro. Really? Bro, there's a song.
We're going to play this song on the bottom.

Speaker 1 You can't play it on the air. So we'll play it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. You should have it already.
We'll play it, and then we'll react to it.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'll tell you guys.
Cut all this out.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you guys what happened. So Oliver Anthony has no money, right? He's poor.
He's selling farm equipment. He puts his song on YouTube.
He's a fucking superstar, right?

Speaker 1 He doesn't know what to do. He freaks out.

Speaker 1 He asks me for advice. I call him on the phone.
We have a conversation for like a fucking hour where I go, don't sign anything with anybody.

Speaker 1 And he's like, they're telling me I have to strike wide the iron side. I go, bullshit.
They're trying to steal money from you. I go, you're independent.
You're already there. You already made it.

Speaker 1 I know. If you wrote that song, I'm like, if you wrote that song, you could write a dozen of those fucking songs.
You don't need anybody.

Speaker 1 He's like, they're offering me $7 million. I go, no, no, no, no.
They're offering to steal money from you for the rest of your life. That's what they're doing.
I go, you don't need them.

Speaker 1 You have talent. So cut to,

Speaker 1 he starts making millions of dollars, doing arenas. The wife divorces him.
She wants everything. She wants everything.

Speaker 1 She wants more than half. She wants all the money that he's going to be making in the future because she was with him when he was broke.
So it's fucking crazy. He's just tortured.

Speaker 1 What a fucking idiot. Wants to die.

Speaker 1 Wants to die. And he writes this song.
Wow. Wait, the song you're about to play? Yes.
He writes this song. You got it, Jamie?

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Speaker 1 Bro. By the time this episode comes out, that song will be out.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Really? Well, Well, he just wrote the...

Speaker 1 Yo. He just ethered his wife.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What a diss track.
His belly's gnaws in Jason's. What a diss track.
Bro, that's the craziest diss track of all time. It's coming out tomorrow, the next day? It's coming out tomorrow.

Speaker 1 The song is tracked. Yeah, so the day this comes out, that album.
The math don't seem right. Oh, so funny.
Every divorce dude on earth is going to be just fucking.

Speaker 1 The judge says 50-50, but the math don't seem right to a scorned woman. Woo-wee! Oh, that's what he's saying.
It doesn't seem right for her. For her.
That she wants more than that. Yay.

Speaker 1 She's lucky he got out with a song. Yeah.
Because he would have killed her. Bro.
Yeah, if he didn't have a guitar.

Speaker 1 That's a string like that.

Speaker 1 That guy doesn't need a record deal. That guy don't need nobody.
He doesn't need a hitman. He don't need nobody.
He's Lisa Loeb. Remember Lisa Loeb? Did she do it? She had a top five hit on a subway.

Speaker 1 Whoa. And then, and it just went, and then every every movie, every label was like, we want you.
And she's like, well, hold on now. I think I got the upper hand.
Oh, very clever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a bunch of people that have done that now that just completely bypassed this. Lobotomy.
Lobotomy? What happened there? Lisa Loeb? How do you get that? That's trash. That's his trash.

Speaker 1 You see him just sitting at Dorman going. Earloe.
Some of those ladies, they kind of vanish. You know, like Lisa Loeb was huge.
She was. She was the chick with the glasses, right? Yep.
She was.

Speaker 1 She was cute. Cute little hit.
I did something with her on VH1 once. Oh, I forget.
Yeah, some talk show thing. She was very nice.
Nice lady. Yeah.
Same time is this before 3, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why, you want coffee? Yeah. At 3 p.m., you cut it off? I just start to slow down.
Mr. Regimented.
I won't sleep. Anyway, let's talk more about this.
You have a hard time sleeping?

Speaker 1 If I have too much of this. Same.
I'm on the pills.

Speaker 1 You're on what pills? Sleeping pills. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You got to get on boner pills. They're way better.
I'm taking an anti-schizophrenia thing.

Speaker 1 And it's the only... Seraquil.
I've taken that. Give that a good.
That shit sucks. Wait, that can't be a good thing.
That's the only way it works for me. Fucking Stanhope gives you a shit.

Speaker 1 That makes you go to sleep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it makes you sleepy. He tries.
Oh, yeah. Have you tried deadlifts? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You work out real hard, so you're exhausted. You work out.
Wait, isn't that where Brody was on Seraquil? No. Isn't that where he got off? I think he was on.
Seraquil is serious.

Speaker 1 I think it really got off. I think it is.

Speaker 1 I think he got off on his own, and that's when he went off the rails. All right, that's where you go.
Yeah, that got real weird. He was a deadlift.
When I got back from Brody,

Speaker 1 the friend. But the math dog seemed like this was scorn.

Speaker 1 When I got back from Stanhope's, when I was out there, I had some Seraquil in the wrapper in my pocket, and I got back to my parents' house. It was during COVID.
My mom was doing laundry. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 And was like, what the fuck is Seraquil? And I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. Some guy gave it to me and I took it.
Yeah. Did it help you sleep? Yeah, it fucked me up for like three days.
Really? Really? I take it every night. Maybe I'll do it.

Speaker 1 I think you're supposed to take somebody else's, especially not Stanhope's. Stanhope's got elephants.
Stanhope's dosage is not your dosage for anything. For anything.
Yeah, I woke up on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 You could go beer to beer with them for sure, but anything else.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Anything else, stay away.

Speaker 1 Stan Hope has a tolerance. You need it.
He does. He says, just

Speaker 1 don't go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 You don't want to know.

Speaker 1 It's so funny when somebody gives you drugs and you're like, it's strong.

Speaker 1 To who? Who are we talking about?

Speaker 1 Stan Hope has various hernias all over his stomach. He could just lay back and like pop his stomach and put it into the same one here.
Yeah, he's a mess. He's the best.
He's the best.

Speaker 1 He's riding it till the wheels fall off. He is.
Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a mess. He's the best.
He's riding it till the wheels fall off. give that to albert anthony and say run with it run with it yeah an ode to stand hope yeah yeah

Speaker 1 i check on his instagram somewhere he's wearing fucking flea market clothes yeah in some other country doing stand-up

Speaker 1 yeah he did uh he did ran ukraine get the out of that helmet back there

Speaker 1 in the smoking room at a bar in ljuliana i think i'll film a special here yeah exactly there's 30 people let's go he's a maniac he did my podcast uh recently and he you know it's like at 1 p.m He gets hammered, and then he's like, What are we doing?

Speaker 1 And we're like, We got to do another one. And he was like, What? I thought we were hanging out all day.
And he was pissed. I get it.
Well, you got to set the terms for your agreement in advance.

Speaker 1 I guess.

Speaker 1 Hey, you do a bod, you leave after. You can't just assume we're going to get hammered and hang out all day unless we talk about it.
Right.

Speaker 1 I would say, though, if I get day drunk with people, I assume. Yeah, it's a good plan.

Speaker 1 Where are you going? After, yeah. Yeah.
If we get together and have barbecue at Terry Black's at one o'clock and like, let's fucking get blasted. Yeah.
It's over. The day's over.
That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're hanging out all day. Yeah, you're done for three days.
I rarely get those days. I rarely get that.
Those days were fun back in when you had all the time in the world.

Speaker 1 You had nothing to do, no pods. My family went away for a week.
COVID was the best. Noon.
You broke DeRosa. You called Big Jay.
Like, it's 12.02. You want to drink?

Speaker 1 That was the good thing about COVID, right? The people who are risk takers, you get together with them. Oh, yeah.
You go outside, too, and just drink out the business.

Speaker 1 How long did you guys go without being around anybody, though? Oh, man. As long as I could people the whole time.
The whole time? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You never took a week off of, I mean, other than like family and like real close friends? Yeah, I did do that. It was

Speaker 1 three, three, four weeks, actually. Bro, that's so bad for my brain.
I went three months. How many guys never came back?

Speaker 1 A lot of people.

Speaker 1 A lot of guys never came back. Some people are starting to come back.
Yeah. I don't want to name them, but I know you're talking.

Speaker 1 You go, oh, shit. It's funny to see them the first week, and you know, that's where I was when I got back.
I was like, hey, too close, too close. Lewis immediately go.

Speaker 1 I'm like, hey, I'm still trying to. He just licks your face.

Speaker 1 Come on, Lewis. But like, you see people like, hi.
I'm like, oh, you just got back? Okay. It took a week.
You got to get back now, though. Burr would only do elbow touches for a while.

Speaker 1 How about Mendel was like, beat outside and do elbow touches. Like, get the fuck out of here.
Everybody, I was hugging everybody. Fuck it.
Those were dark days.

Speaker 1 I remember not thinking it was going to end. Yeah.
I know, man.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of good came out of it. It was my favorite.
Forced me to move here. It was my favorite, too.
Really? What a fun time. I really did.

Speaker 1 You had time to think, time to hang out with your friends. Also, I had just gotten canceled.
It was

Speaker 1 24 hours.

Speaker 1 You went to a beach house. Same,

Speaker 1 actually. It was $20 on Airbnb.

Speaker 1 Nobody was traveling. You went to North Carolina, right? Did you have time to just sit in it, though? Like, you just thinking about it? I was drinking at the beach.

Speaker 1 What advice did I give you when I went to North Carolina? It was something normal. Don't say goo.

Speaker 1 Make a fire in the beach. Stop saying that.

Speaker 1 That was my advice, James.

Speaker 1 Don't say it.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 No, it was. It was hot and it was make a fire.
We made fires every night. I remember you called me like, hey, you were O'Connor of these fires royal Kylo.

Speaker 1 What a trash crew. It's the trashiest gifts.
That's fun. A crew of pigs.

Speaker 1 More pigs.

Speaker 1 Even cigar. Let's go.
Oh, yeah. Good call.

Speaker 1 You guys want a big one or a little one? I'll take a little. You want a little one? Like this one or like a this one? I'll do a little one.
Is it a fuente? Is that a short one?

Speaker 1 These are all given to me by Jose Andres. Is that a short story?

Speaker 1 You know, maybe you know. I know.
Cigari Shafir. A short story.
That's what they're going. You want a short one? Let me see.

Speaker 1 I'm actually alright. I don't like any of them.
Let me see all of them.

Speaker 1 You don't know who the fuck that is.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is the one. It's open up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So this is a high-end version of this brand.

Speaker 1 They're super legit. What do you want more? The short stories are great, though.
It's like a nice light one. You want to appreciate it.
That's a that might be too heavy for me.

Speaker 1 Do a short story.

Speaker 1 You'll like it. Yeah, where it's uh, give me a little chod.
There you go. That's not a chode.
That thing's fine. That's true.

Speaker 1 Well, if you only want like a little bit, like Ron White has those little tiny ones. Yeah, cigars.
Little tiny cigars. Darius has those all the time.
But he inhales those motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 He inhales them like he does a cigarette. I'm like, that is so bad for you.

Speaker 1 That's really bad. Those are so bad for you.
You're going, you're taking straight cigar smoke in your lungs. There you go.

Speaker 1 You know how to do it.

Speaker 1 That side.

Speaker 1 Bro, how good is that song? That song frequently. Very good.

Speaker 1 Good, soulful song. It feels like a throwback.
You can't fake that. You can't fake that.
I've never heard a guy make a song about a

Speaker 1 divorce.

Speaker 1 It's pretty funny. He's going through it, dog.
That's like, it's like

Speaker 1 Rock's like...

Speaker 1 You'll be mad if you make 30 grand. If you have to give up half.
Half, half at 10 million is nothing. Half at 30 grand.
That's a fucking crazy song.

Speaker 1 Great tune. It reminds me of Mike Lawrence's joke on Ralphie Mae during Rose Battle.

Speaker 1 He goes, your wife's divorcing you, which is crazy to split up now and get half where you can just wait six months and get all of it. Oh,

Speaker 1 that roast killed him.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. That's crazy.
Hey, Jamie, do we have any beers in here?

Speaker 1 There's a whole cooler room right there. Oh.

Speaker 1 Could you imagine? Oh, hello.

Speaker 1 Oh, hello.

Speaker 1 Actually giving her that advice. Imagine, like, if you were the lawyer.
Hey, just wait a little little bit. If you're the lawyer, you're like, you know, take him out to eat.
Just wait him out.

Speaker 1 Take him to fucking Denny's.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry. Same thing.
Two and one. Keep them going.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Keep that party rolling. Did you ever work with Pinette? Yes, I did.
He is a funny guy.

Speaker 1 I saw Pinette when I was like an open micer. He was like a few years ahead of me.
I saw him murder one night.

Speaker 1 He had this bit about going to a Chinese food, all-you-can-eat buffet. And they're like, No, you get out.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I saw it on TV.
Bro, he did that at Nick's Comedy Stop one night, packed house, brought the fucking house down. And he had that Boston old school rapid fire punchline style.

Speaker 1 And he was like, okay, not true. And he was fucking huge at one point in time.
But the physical stuff, the body being that big, just sabotaged.

Speaker 1 When I moved to L.A., it wasn't the first time I realized how phony Hollywood is. He came into the improv and all the agents and managers and the suckups were like, but John, you look amazing.

Speaker 1 You're so good. I'm sitting at a 480-pound guy.
And I'm like, what?

Speaker 1 We did the Shane 20 minutes ago. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 And now everyone was very mean.

Speaker 1 One of the guys outside was like, you look good. Well, better.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, that's fair. That's like, I believe you.
He wasn't joking. He was totally genuine.

Speaker 1 Being honest with you. Yeah.
It's pretty funny. Well, better.
It's such a great.

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Speaker 1 And if you're watching on YouTube, you can get your four free months by scanning the QR code on screen or clicking the link in the description. Yeah, imagine telling a 455-pound guy he looks great.

Speaker 1 You're looking funny. You look great.

Speaker 1 You look great. They'll tell that to you.
That's like good for a step. You've never looked better.
You look 20 years younger. Oh, look how fat.

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately. He's already funny.
He just looks funny. Oh, he he was so funny.
He was so good. If Ozempic was earlier.
Such a good comic. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but then you have a big head.

Speaker 1 He'd be alive.

Speaker 1 Alive of the big head's pretty funny, too. That's the truth.
Because when you have a big fat guy's body, your head grows. Your skull grows? Physically.
Wait, what? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 If you ever watch a big, giant fat guy, when they lose a lot of weight, their head looks way too big for their body. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they were 500 pounds. They had a head of a 500-pound man for 20 years.
And then all of a sudden, you know, you get a belly band. And now you weigh a buck fifty.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 You got a 500-pound dude's head. Go from a fighting style of this to

Speaker 1 also all that chewing, all these muscles.

Speaker 1 Your jaw is one of the weirdest things.

Speaker 1 That's what mewing is all about when people change their jawlines.

Speaker 1 Your jaw moves. Your jaw can get larger.
You can actually change your jawline from exercise. Isn't it crazy? You can't alter your dick.
You gain weight, nothing happens. You work.
You can't get it.

Speaker 1 You can work out on the moon. You can't do that.
You can do nothing to your dick.

Speaker 1 Nothing. Put a man on the moon.

Speaker 1 You can't fix the dick. Can't fix the dick.
If you got a micro penis. Oh, by the way,

Speaker 1 that female boxer? That female boxer that everybody was saying was a woman?

Speaker 1 That's a man.

Speaker 1 Fact now, proven. Wait, I thought you said that.
He had a sex result.

Speaker 1 The Iranian one? The Iranian one that won the Olympic gold medalist is a man.

Speaker 1 So she's funny. I thought it was a good one.

Speaker 1 They released a medical report. Who's that?

Speaker 1 Well, the IOC is the the one that allowed her to compete in the Olympics, but one of these

Speaker 1 amateur boxing organizations apparently did a test. I thought it was one of those where it's like, you guys are wrong about this one.
It's not a trans. It's actually just some.

Speaker 1 It's a biological male. Yeah, that went through puberty, the whole deal.
She's crazy. Keying off on bitches in Paris.
WAP. WAP.
That's so crazy.

Speaker 1 We should have that at the Olympic sports. Beating bitches.
Damn it. I think this person has like...
Line them up. I'll tell you what's Iran.
Iran would crush them. Iran would crush them that fuck.

Speaker 1 Iran would crush it. Oh, yeah.
No, no, you got to uppercuts. It's like a bunch of fucking.
They have all the technique down from Scott, like a crusher. No, it's really dark.

Speaker 1 First, you grab the arm.

Speaker 1 You bend. I say, shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up. I told you not to bring that up in front of my fucking friends.
Did I see you driving?

Speaker 1 I told you not to bring that up. It's such a good thing.
Help me out here. Give me a good pitch.

Speaker 1 You see, Greta's making her way there right now. She's going to fix it.
What's this? Thunberg's on the way to Iran. She's going to fix Gaza.
Oh, she's on a sailboat. Day sailboat to Gaza.

Speaker 1 I can't wait for them to meet her.

Speaker 1 Bro, that little how you dare, how dare you girl? How dare you? You know, the climate change girl? You know, the little autistic girl? She's in the midst of the statue of the girl.

Speaker 1 Well, now she's free Palestine. She's singing things off her phone.
Now she's at the front of a boat like George Washington making its way to Gaza. Whatever the environment is.

Speaker 1 Bro, it's like there she is. Is the environment done? Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's got a nice boat. From the river to the rising sea.
Level. She's going to fix it.

Speaker 1 She's going to break the Israeli naval blocker at work. I guess she got more.
Bro, those IDF guys are going to turn her into cat food.

Speaker 1 They will light her up from the fucking shore before she's even close. They don't play no.
Everyone's going to

Speaker 1 both sides are going to blow that boat. Yeah, they don't play up.

Speaker 1 They actually maybe come together on who gets to blow it up. Maybe that can bridge the gap here.
She could be killing herself for all of us. Well, she could be just the best person ever.

Speaker 1 Nothing greener. You're killing yourself.
She could be someone that they take advantage of and use at the front of the line for every cause.

Speaker 1 It's one of those. She's a young kid, man.
It's so crazy to take a young kid and like put them away. Alter their lives.
This is going to be your life now forever. You're the face of X, Y, and Z.

Speaker 1 This is a bit of a.

Speaker 1 If it's not up to her, and it is obviously, not obviously, but it could be out of her hands. She probably has handlers and political shit.
But

Speaker 1 at least she's

Speaker 1 trying to get her. She's gainfully employed.
She cares. Yeah, gainfully employed.
This is when they got the South Park kids to fight against Harbucks. What's Harbooks? Hardbucks coming in.

Speaker 1 It's giving them tweaks. Yeah, it's overcoming tweaks.
And they'll make the kids do a story about it. And they're like, ah, all right.
And everyone's like, the children are upset.

Speaker 1 It's the easiest way to go to get your cause done. Let a kid be crying about the war.
The war, though, like, Israel, Palestine, and Russia, Ukraine really ended the fucking climate change. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Ended everything. You know what I mean? It was like there's World War III's coming.
It's like, we don't have time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, none of the climate change people are like bombs are increasing the temperature. Yeah.
I think we're at a thumb, actually. Unless I was fake.

Speaker 1 It ended a lot of shit. Like the Palestine, it was like, oh, we forgot about Ukraine.
We forgot about BLM. We forgot about...

Speaker 1 It ended everybody saying dead babies are bad. They go, well, let me see where they were from first.
It's crazy how everybody's just not, this is all just terrible.

Speaker 1 It is really terrible. You can't kill them in Texas either.
It's a weird time.

Speaker 1 I caught that one. Hey, thanks.
I caught it, too. I just stared right through it.

Speaker 1 Stared at the table. God, I don't even think that's my.

Speaker 1 It is crazy. I can't watch porn here on my phone.
That's a real feet. You can.
You just have to take a photo of your ID and send it to the government. What's the problem, Mark? What am I about?

Speaker 1 I want to know how into feet you really are. Why are some of these states doing that? What is that? Tennessee also? I don't mind feet.

Speaker 1 We just want to track you completely. It is.
We want to see what your search history is on. He's a nice treat, though.
You go on the road, you go, oh, yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 You guys are out in New York. You don't know.
It's all the tax-free states, too. Florida, Tennessee.
Florida, I don't know. Tennessee for sure.

Speaker 1 It is a bummer, and the only way you find out is when you're doing it.

Speaker 1 Don't you guys know about Express VPN? Yeah. You got ExpressVPN.
Say you're fucking phoning in from Thailand. You can see everything.
Yeah, but then sometimes it goes like, it's not registering right.

Speaker 1 It's not doing it. It's like, come on.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Really? VPNs? Sometimes

Speaker 1 grandpa doesn't know how to use it.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you the result is: I go on X Videos now because you could get it. Everybody goes to X Videos.
More regular chicks. Now I'm turned on to just regular bars.

Speaker 1 Before it had to be at this level, now I'm like, you only got 10 pounds extra. I'm into it.

Speaker 1 X Videos is rough, though it's rough you hit some fucking bad light ladies need to know 10 pounds extra is way better than 10 pounds too thin right ozempic 10 pounds that ozempic 10 where your face gets sucked in

Speaker 1 I like soft yeah you know what the holocaust

Speaker 1 like an extra few pounds is nice like when girls start thinking they need to lose weight that's when they're like right there and they start fucking with their face oh

Speaker 1 when they they should get to

Speaker 1 get to the point where they think they should lose a little weight and stay right there have you that's that's where they're perfect. Have you about to call it makes it someone's face?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about afterwards. I got to tell you.

Speaker 1 Ozimpic is sketchy, man. Because, like, you've got to stay on that, bro.
It's got to be. You don't get on it and lose 100 pounds and then like, all right, now I get it.
Big Jay's doing great.

Speaker 1 On Ozimpic? He's slowly going. Yeah, no, he's skinny.
He was just on the road with me this weekend. He's like slowly going down.

Speaker 1 What's his head? What's his head look like? He's got a normal head. It's okay.
He's turned into, you can see that he's an old Jew now.

Speaker 1 Before that, he he was fat enough that you didn't really see all the Jewish features. You know, who said that? William Schackner's hair.

Speaker 1 William Shackner says he stays fat because he keeps the wrinkles away. Shackner.

Speaker 1 You get your plunk face.

Speaker 1 Captain motherfucking Kirk. Shatner.
Shatner, whatever.

Speaker 1 Same shit, dog.

Speaker 1 My favorite basketball player is Shat.

Speaker 1 But it's funny to watch Jay, like, whenever we get in a car now to go somewhere, he's like, I'll get in the back. And it's like, oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 you're new. You're spry.
Yeah, that's that's a single guy. That's a big guy.
I relate to that.

Speaker 1 One day I dreamed to be like, fellas, I'll sit in the way back. So, what's he going to do with all those giant jean shorts?

Speaker 1 Sell them. He's got to buy new clothes.
Make a sale for Greta. He's going to back garden.

Speaker 1 Sell them all together.

Speaker 1 Make a big chase.

Speaker 1 Beyond Mar. We hawking.
I hope she live vlogs that shit. I want to see her go.
Some of the rebels we're arming neat tents.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fire them up.
Greta Thurnberg going to Palestine is like those people going to the unchartable islands and be like, hi, I'm Christian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like North Sentinel Island. Jesus, you've forsaken me.

Speaker 1 That shit's crazy.

Speaker 1 Or the white social worker who goes into Baltimore ghetto. He's like, hey, everybody, I'm here.
And they just beat the fuck out of him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This isn't. What's the problem? How about the dude who was a Rockefeller?

Speaker 1 The dude who was a Rockefeller who went to the Papa New Guinea tribe and they ate him. You know why he fucked up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he fucked up because he said, I'm actually very important where I am. They go, oh, that's more neutral.

Speaker 1 No, no, what happened was he fucked up and was trying to get a sacred item from them and trying to buy it from them. And they didn't want to give it.
And he was very insistent.

Speaker 1 And he apparently offended them deeply. And then when he returned, they're like, oh, he's back.
And they stabbed him when he was in the boat.

Speaker 1 They were taking him in the boat over there, and they stuck him with a spear. And then he was like, oh, screaming out.
And he cried.

Speaker 1 And the guy who told the story, there's a whole depiction of how he died. Bull it up.
I read that because also he was an important man in America in another country. Like, that's better to eat that.

Speaker 1 That's a good person to eat. I think the big thing was

Speaker 1 offense. I think it was the offense because they would have killed him the first time.
Maybe we would have killed him. When he came back,

Speaker 1 yeah. There's one, and I'm trying to remember who it is.
It might have been a Rockefeller. What? Somebody, somebody's like, kid went to Africa and paid to watch them cannibalize a kid.

Speaker 1 Yikes. Whoa.
I gotta remember. It's a Rockefeller, like a DuPont, or like one of those names.
I wonder if he's telling this at a parties.

Speaker 1 He goes, guys, just so you know, they were going to kill him and eat him anyway.

Speaker 1 He did. No, I think that's exactly what he did.
Came back and was like, they were going to eat him anyway. I just watched it.
Holy

Speaker 1 God. Could you imagine watching that? How about that dude, General Butt Naked? You remember that guy? Yeah, hell yeah.
From Liberia?

Speaker 1 No, he's good.

Speaker 1 They would kidnap a child and cut the child's heart out and eat it raw before they would go into battle. And he would go into battle buck naked.
So

Speaker 1 what? Jameson whiskey air buy a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized. What

Speaker 1 is that true? Referenced 130-year-old what? That's a tough one. 130-year-old scandal and a horrifying anecdote from a colonial expedition actor.
Jamo's been around for 130 years.

Speaker 1 Wow, he bought a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized.

Speaker 1 Mixture.

Speaker 1 What's true? Go up to the top, scroll up right there. By his own admission, Jameson witnessed the murder and mutilation of a girl and is now the

Speaker 1 Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1888. Incident took place after Jameson paid handkerchiefs to a man who said, give me a bill of cloth and see.

Speaker 1 Oh boy. What?

Speaker 1 So Jameson insisted he did not set out with the intention of causing or witnessing any murder or act of cannibalism and described what he ultimately witnessed as the most horrifyingly sickening sight I am ever likely to see in my life.

Speaker 1 I mean somebody's like

Speaker 1 what do you guys do? You guys eat people? It's like give me a handkerchief handkerchief and you'll see. And that's all you have to give the guy? A handkerchief?

Speaker 1 We all would have done it. We all would have given a handkerchief, not knowing what it's going to be.
Oh, you're this one? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 First of all, I'd be terrified to not give him the handkerchief. Yeah.
Because

Speaker 1 killing and eating people. You don't know what you're getting.
Well, like the guy who got killed and eaten in Papua New Guinea, I bet he had no idea he offended them. He thought he was bargaining.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, like if you don't know their culture and you're deeply offending them by wanting some sacred item that they have, like, what's the thing? Pissing on the tree in Mitsomar.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In where? In Mitsomar. He pissed on the the tree.
Like, what are you doing? He's like, well, I just wanted to piss.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that is. What is that reference to? Oh, it's a hell of a movie.
Mitsomar? Ari Astor?

Speaker 1 Do you know it, Jamie? I've never said it that.

Speaker 1 It's a movie. It's a horror film.
Good wreck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've never seen this. Oh, it's a cool one.
Oh, you would hate it. Would I hate it? No, you wouldn't.
No, I'd like to.

Speaker 1 You would think it was fucked up. It's a fucking movie.
It's an indie movie. It's pretty great.
But it's cool.

Speaker 1 It's an A-torn. Anyway, the reference, forget it.
How many fucking AI movies are going to be made over the next year? They're coming. All of them.
Let's get rid of the actors. I'm all.
They're coming.

Speaker 1 Well, we don't have to hear from them. Yeah, we don't have to hear from them.
All the mediocre actors, all the CBS

Speaker 1 cop show actors who always played the deputy. We've got the papers, but we don't know if he did it yet.
You know, that guy's gone. That guy's gone.

Speaker 1 All the NPCs are gone. They're looking real good.
They can make a Protect Our Parks AI three hours long. Do it.
So easy to replicate. We replicate it.
We're easy.

Speaker 1 Just play Freebird.

Speaker 1 These guys not at their best. Play Freebird 40 minutes in.
Yeah, we'll do some Hitler stuff. We'll get a pun in there.
We'll get a couple of drinks in this.

Speaker 1 We got some Hitler speeches.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, play Cover Out of the Closet. Oh, no, you probably will play.
Hey,

Speaker 1 Kanye. Kanye won the Hallelujah one.
Is that real?

Speaker 1 Hallelujah. Is that legit? Did he change it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he made a Hallelujah one. Another version, I would say.
Of the same song. Yeah, but it's not.
Hallelujah. But it's not.

Speaker 1 It's like all my brothers, Christians. Hallelujah.
They still have the N-word in it? Nay. I do not believe so.
I don't know. Does it, Jamie? I didn't listen to the whole thing.
I think it's Brothers.

Speaker 1 He says Brothers. Okay.
That song was the craziest song anybody's ever since. It was the craziest song I've ever heard.
Have we talked about catchy on this? No? Which song, brothers?

Speaker 1 Catchy and fucking insane.

Speaker 1 A little catchy. He said the three things you could never say all together.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it was tough how tricky it was. Or how catchy it was.

Speaker 1 I'd listen to it and I'd be like, oh, yeah. That was crazy.
And then the rest of my dad would be walking around going,

Speaker 1 it was wild. Exactly.
I was humming it. It shows you how important Twitter is.

Speaker 1 They kept it up. I know.

Speaker 1 It's up there. It was number two in Israel.
What? Yeah, it hit the chart. Pull it up.

Speaker 1 Give it a goo.

Speaker 1 Oh, it still got the N-word in. All right.
Good. Oh, it is.
So you just changed that part? Yeah, it's like that. It's how the melody goes.
You got to leave it out.

Speaker 1 Okay, I only heard one part where he's saying, all my brothers, Christians.

Speaker 1 Google it is number two in Israel. I swear I heard that on Spotify.
Wait, they changed the Heil Hitler song to the Halloween song? Yeah. It's wholesome.
That's nice now.

Speaker 1 That's like when they changed up Let's Get Retarded to Let's Get It Started. Yeah.
So they can do NBA commercials.

Speaker 1 I don't like that. It's not as good anymore.
Oh, everybody forgets. Let's get retarded and here we go.

Speaker 1 That's a clear shift of like when things change. You know, the first one

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 Tootie Fruity.

Speaker 1 Toottie Fruity, the original, was Tootie Fruity Good Booty. What? It wasn't a Rudy.

Speaker 1 Little Richard was singing about booties. Jabooties.
Tootie Fruti. Toottie Fruity Good Booty.
It's all about sex. If you listen to the song, it was an iHop commercial.

Speaker 1 It was the original version of the song. Like, you could see the lyrics online.
You could find them.

Speaker 1 That was the original song. He was talking about.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 I mean, imagine. That's how you're thinking about good booty.
Yeah. We all hoped.

Speaker 1 We held that.

Speaker 1 Good for him.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by UFC on ESPN Plus. All right, guys.
Mark your calendars because UFC 316 is going down Saturday, June 7th, live from Newark, New Jersey. And this card is stacked.

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Speaker 1 Seems to find

Speaker 1 the lyrics. He's coming to the store, Little Richard.
Staying next door, straight beyond us. Yeah.
You lived there, right? Yeah, I lived at the Hyatt back then. He lived

Speaker 1 weird.

Speaker 1 Sometimes guys get to a certain point where they just want a maid to fucking clean the room. Who cares? An apartment anywhere else, same thing.
Val Can we live in a hotel, too? Probably.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it's a wild thing. They do so much money.
Yeah, I know, right? That Chateau Marmand. A lot of people live there.
Yeah, when you're cracked out. Yeah.
That's a good place to go to be fully cracked out.

Speaker 1 It's the beginning of the end over there. You go there with a fucking plan.

Speaker 1 Velvet jacket and a plan.

Speaker 1 You fucking die.

Speaker 1 We're fucking die here. Yeah.
It's the right level of Coke where I think I have powers. You got a cigarette holder with them long stems.
That must be so nice. I know.

Speaker 1 That high on cocaine that you're like, I am the man. I'm the man.

Speaker 1 I'm going to die in this place. I wouldn't want the maid coming in, though.
Living in a hotel, you got secret shit in there. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 that's the turtle of it. That's the tale of it.
It's like spies, like spy versus spy. And you're so high.
I'll skip in.

Speaker 1 I'll skip in.

Speaker 1 You're absolutely convinced the maid is CIA. Oh, 100%.
That's what the maid. It's like you're coming in, you're coming all the way in.

Speaker 1 No peeking your your head out. There's something hot about the maid and the rootie.
If it's a little bit of a drink,

Speaker 1 don't force it. You can grease it, make it easy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They replaced with Toottie Fruity Al Rudy. Toottie Frutti Al Rudy.
Toottie Frutti, good booty. If it don't fit, don't force it.
You can grease it, make it easy. What is the rest? This is WAP.

Speaker 1 This is the original WAP. Toottie Fruity, good booty.

Speaker 1 If it's tight, it's alright.

Speaker 1 If it's greasy, it makes it easy. It's greasy, it makes it easy.
Well, I think it said he was playing this song live, and then when they recorded, it changed it. Wait, he was gay?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 What? Get out of here. Verses contain descriptions of anal sex.
Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah.
It's different. You know, it's figured out.
Oh, my goodness. Gross.

Speaker 1 What does it say about... Hold on.
Go back to the bottom. Stop right there.

Speaker 1 Blackwell contacted local songwriter Dorothy. A lady wrote this? That's three.

Speaker 1 Frostry to revise the lyrics. Oh, there we go.
With Little Richard still playing in his characteristic style.

Speaker 1 After a lively performance, Blackwell knew the song was going to be a hit, but recognized that the lyrics, with their minstrel modes and sexual humor, needed to be revised for lyrical purity.

Speaker 1 Little Hibbett's time. Someone could make that come out with the original.
Yeah. Like Lil Nazareth.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lil Naza. I should put that out.
Oh, yeah. 1955.
Oh, yeah. It was 1955.
He was talking about greasing up guys' dicks and asses. Fetty Wap could do it.
Free Fetty Wap. Free Fetty.

Speaker 1 What did he do? I think he sold it. Nothing.

Speaker 1 What was he accused of? Juicy J. I think it was selling drugs.

Speaker 1 Juicy J could pull that song off. It'd be hilarious.
Yes. Yeah.
He never came off his game. There's dudes out there that could pull that off.
Can't get a mouth pregnant.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 1 Is that right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's fun.

Speaker 1 They used to have to hide. Gay guys used to have to hide.
Isn't that crazy? Just like ride a four. Used to have to hide.

Speaker 1 The psycho

Speaker 1 Anthony Perkis. Oh, he was gay too? Big homo.

Speaker 1 Big.

Speaker 1 You know where they still have to hide, though? Leading man roles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to die.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's true. Wow, he's got to fly off a mountain just to not blow a guy.
His grandfather, anyway.

Speaker 1 He's got to do those stunts. Got to get mine off his house.
But you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Like, if you know a guy's married and he has a husband, you don't want to see him in a leading role banking out with a lady for what you're like ah he's all there thinking about dicks yeah that's a good point but it's acting that but it's the one thing where we don't we we're homophobic like openly right

Speaker 1 like lesbians it doesn't matter like if you know a lady's a lesbian like jodi foster she's allowed to play a wife of somebody nobody cares nobody blinks but if you know the name one instance of a guy who's a young handsome gay guy who gets to play straight in a big movie so like who would you say like if if you found out that

Speaker 1 Christian Bale? Like if you found out Christian Bale was gay, it would ruin his whole gig. Who are the gay now?

Speaker 1 He's like one of those actors like Daniel Day Lewis. Too good.
Where you're like he's such a fucking artist that you'd be like up to a piece. He's like something.

Speaker 1 No one's pulled that off.

Speaker 1 Tom Hardy's bi. Tom Hardy's had some butts out of that.
Is that true? Yeah, pulled out.

Speaker 1 He's got all the way. Is that confirmed?

Speaker 1 He's a weird statements, that's for sure. I'm hardy.
So weird statements are fun.

Speaker 1 He's explicitly stated that he's gay. While he's not explicitly stated he's gay or bisexual, he's acknowledged exploring his sexuality.
All right, well, we tell him he's tight in the butt or not.

Speaker 1 He just wears masks.

Speaker 1 He's exploring. He's 24.
He's a good one. He wears goggles.
He's great on Mobland, bro. He's on behalf of the land.
I've heard Mobland rule. He's so good.
He's great. Everything.

Speaker 1 Have you seen it already? Uh-uh. Oh, my God.
Paramount Plus, Mobland, five stars. I give it all the stars.
Guy Richie Show. Oh, he's great.
Crazy English mob show.

Speaker 1 You're like, Jesus Christ, every show gives me anxiety. Every episode, like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 They need a rating system back on TV because I am too deep into these shows where it's like, oh, this is made for children. And like, you don't know what to do with it.

Speaker 1 Paramount Plus has stuff on regular TV and stuff like that. And they just blend it all in together.
And you don't know what you're getting into.

Speaker 1 Bluey? Yeah, you watch a Coco Mello.

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh, this is a fucking seven of Bluey. Blue's Clue.
This is for fucking kids. All right, sorry, watching Miss Rachel.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what is, don't they tell you like violence, nudity, all that stuff at the beginning of the show?

Speaker 1 So you need that, otherwise you're like, I can't have it. I need one that's made for you.
Who is the one that needs to be? They're half deer. All the kids are half animals and half deer.

Speaker 1 What? Half animals. I know what that is.
Yeah. I saw kids show.
Yeah, yeah. You just see it season in.
You're like, oh. It's a kid show where they're half animals? Sweet tooth.
Sweet tooth.

Speaker 1 I've never heard of this. What is it about?

Speaker 1 Juicy comics. Post-apocalyptic.
Sweet tooth. Post-apocalyptic.
Yeah, where like humans and animals started merging. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a cool idea. But it's a kid show.
They don't tell you in the teaser. It's not really a kid show.

Speaker 1 What, though? It's not made for a dog. What are you missing that you wish they had? More violence? More real violence.
It's just too sweet. It's made for like 15 years.

Speaker 1 It's called sweet tolerants. That's cute.
Kids with antlers. That's kind of weird.
Fun. They got to sleep in the back.
Is this a new.

Speaker 1 How do you sleep with antlers? It's bullshit. You think it's cute? Give a kid a fucking headgear that he can't move around his house in?

Speaker 1 But if he tries to get through the trees and he gets stuck, he's going to cry. Yeah.
Human kids with antlers? It's a terrible idea. Terrible idea.
Terrible. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 They got it for the fallout boy.

Speaker 1 And then your fucking neck hurts because you're carrying on all that extra weight and then it falls off and then it pops back up again. And that means you only breed once a year if you have antlers.

Speaker 1 Joe's taking it. You got one month out of the year where you got horror.
I'm going to watch out for you, dude. Not only that, you're going to stab your friends to death with those antlers.

Speaker 1 You're going to be

Speaker 1 that motherfucker.

Speaker 1 I hunt those kids. This show's recommended for you is 10 and up.
You're over 10. There you go.
You're over 10. Fair.
Fair. I'll give him another go.

Speaker 1 I'll get another go. Yeah, the antlers, sometimes they get stuck in a tree.
100%. Yeah, animals die that way sometimes.
Damn. I like to see them.

Speaker 1 You ever see these guys like moose, like when they shake their fucking antlers off? What's that called? Oh, yeah, shedding. Shedding.
Yeah, it goes crazy.

Speaker 1 Giant paddles. It's hilarious.
Yeah, giant paddles. It surprises them.
And then they're free because all that weight. You know how much those things weigh? Those are bone.

Speaker 1 But it's basically a weapon, right?

Speaker 1 These two deer are locked. When the sun tries to shoot it, yeah, this guy's going to shoot the antlers off.
He's going to separate them. What the fuck? So he's got to do that with a shotgun.

Speaker 1 He's just got to get a good shot. So only he's going to shoot the antlers and not them? Not them.
He's an expert. Oh.

Speaker 1 He's a really good shot. No, no, no.
And he's real close. So all he has to do is clip one of the antlers and it'll blow them all apart.
Chills.

Speaker 1 Boom. He got it.
Boom.

Speaker 1 So he shot the antler. Boom.
What a good guy. They broke free.

Speaker 1 Because they get eaten by coyotes that way. And the coyote eats your friend while you're stuck to him.

Speaker 1 They found this one deer. A buddy of mine found one deer that was connected still to this dead deer.

Speaker 1 The coyotes had eaten his friend. They

Speaker 1 ate his guts out. Everything was gone.
They just ate as much as they wanted. In the morning, he's still stuck.
What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he lived. Imagine how horrifying that would be.
You're handcuffed to your buddy, and your buddy gets eaten by zombies, but they're full.

Speaker 1 Hell, he's got to chill with with them for a minute. But you're still handcuffed to him.
It's like when those guys fuck the Siamese twin, and they're like, well, it's only one asshole. Look at this.

Speaker 1 Here's another one of those.

Speaker 1 So this happens more than

Speaker 1 coyotes that are moving in on him. They've already killed his buddy, and he's still attached to him.
And

Speaker 1 it's just gory and

Speaker 1 horrible. That's brutal.
It's crazy. And he was stuck with them the whole time.
Look how much they ate out of them. Oh, fuck.
That's like

Speaker 1 dangerous.

Speaker 1 By the way, drunk for a while. Coyotes are just little wolves.
That's all they are. They're little wolves that are everywhere in every state.
They're everywhere. Everywhere.

Speaker 1 They came to, they're at my parents' house now in Pennsylvania. Yeah, they spread across the whole country.
You can hear them at night. It's fucking, it's pretty intense.

Speaker 1 They start screaming. You know, like, oh, somebody's fucking pet.
A triangulate, right? Yeah. They eat mostly pets.

Speaker 1 My cat was out there, and I was watching TV one night, and I heard them all screaming. I heard, like, screaming for a little, and I was like, what the fuck was that?

Speaker 1 And then I walked outside, and my cat was like laying on the ground, and there were just three coyotes circling him. And I don't run out there.
I was so scared. I was like,

Speaker 1 get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they don't listen. But I picked my cat up and he was purring.
It was very weird. It's probably so happy that your daddy was.
He was really sweet. He was sweet.
Yeah, I love that cat.

Speaker 1 He's dead now.

Speaker 1 R.I.P. T.
That's the problem with cats. He got fucking mauled by

Speaker 1 something.

Speaker 1 He was an outdoor cat.

Speaker 1 Outdoor cats are little murderers, though.

Speaker 1 He had it coming. Oh, yeah.
They kill all the birds. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he brought rabbits into the house alive. Killed it for you.
He was a fucking demon. Can you imagine how fun it must be to be a cat? And

Speaker 1 you have all your food, so you're covered already. This is for fun.
This is funsy.

Speaker 1 You're not eating for survival. I like letting them out.
I feed off.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If a cat's got a yard, it's kind of brutal to not let them out, but it's brutal to let them out for a while.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 I love those missing cat pictures on the

Speaker 1 posts

Speaker 1 in L.A. Guess what?

Speaker 1 They're gone. You ain't getting it.
Before coyotes, though, it wasn't

Speaker 1 unreasonable.

Speaker 1 Now it's like... Before a coyote, you found your cat dead on the side of the road.

Speaker 1 Every now and then, like a month later, that thing will come back.

Speaker 1 Like a stepdad. That's how they've.
Both of my cats were outdoor cats and they came back

Speaker 1 and fucking mauled. Really? Like, one of them had its eyeball hanging out.
And I'm like, geez, like crawled back to the house. It's like John Wick.
They come back torn up.

Speaker 1 They go out and fight to the death. Yeah.
Cats fight. It's horrible watching cats fight.
Oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Especially the outside ones where they really get after it because they're used to killing things. Yeah.
A regular indoor cat, their whole life, they just walk around with a boner, never get the fuck.

Speaker 1 You know, that's what it's like. You're a little murderer, and you're a little murderer that's contained in the house.
That's true. And you're showing me your asshole.

Speaker 1 But you let that little murderer out, it could be 11 years old, 11 years of the perfect life. Let him out,

Speaker 1 let him out, lock on a bird.

Speaker 1 Who do you think wins? City cats or outdoor rural cats? Rural. Rural.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Just like humans.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just like humans. Just like humans, yeah.

Speaker 1 Appalachia wins. Appalachia wins over New York City.

Speaker 1 If Dallas had to like fight the ranchers,

Speaker 1 the ranchers that surround Dallas.

Speaker 1 Fucking bloodbath. It'd be a bloodbath.
Tim Walls versus Rogan. Yeah, it's not.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The rurals got it all day.

Speaker 1 It's funny. I had pride in that.

Speaker 1 In Queens, when I was walking around, I'd see an outdoor cat, and I'd just be like, Tybal would fuck you up.

Speaker 1 My guy would fuck you up. My cat, I got a mane coon.
That's awesome. It's huge.
It's big paws, big ears, but I can't let it out. No, shit.
It's staying in my house. It's like a werewolf.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like a honeybagger. That's so crazy.
People say a lynx is loose.

Speaker 1 I mean, that thing's jumping up the stairs.

Speaker 1 When I was in high school, we lived across the street from this park area, and I had this black cat. This cat was evil.
He killed everything.

Speaker 1 And one day he killed a squirrel, and he was dragging it across the street. The squirrel is as big as him.

Speaker 1 And he's got his mouth on the squirrel's neck and the squirrel's body's between his legs and he's walking on it like this, dragging it because he wants to show me that he killed the squirrel.

Speaker 1 I was like, yo, I was watching him do it from the window in the kitchen. I was like, what the fuck? I have to have told this story on here before, and stop me if I have.

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Speaker 1 I watched Tybal killed a rabbit in the yard and I heard it screaming. So I like went out to be like, I pulled him off the rabbit.

Speaker 1 And when I lifted it, it was funny. He was all muscle.
I was holding him under his chest and he was just

Speaker 1 like you could feel him breathing. Then I put him back in the house.
And as soon as I put him down, he fucking scratched me and walked away. Whoa, he was mad at you.
It was crazy. He was mad at you.

Speaker 1 He ruined his fun piece of shit. This is what I live for.
For real? Wow.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you what?

Speaker 1 I got called gay by my cat. Did I tell you what

Speaker 1 my dog got honey dicked by a coyote and tricked into breaking into the chicken coop? Wait, honey dicked? What? Huh? Yeah, this coyote became his friend. He was his big mastiff.

Speaker 1 And the coyotes knew they couldn't eat him because he was huge. So they became friends with him.
So he thought they were dogs. And so the coyote hopped the fence.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, you know, there's a chicken in there. We can get in there.
And he's like, I can get in there. So he fucking tears open the chicken coop because he could at any time he wanted to.

Speaker 1 The coyote grabs it and the coyote hopped over the fence. I watched the coyote hop over a six-foot wrought iron fence like it was nothing.

Speaker 1 He leaped up in the air, touched the top of the fence with his feet, and then put his back feet on and hopped over with a chicken in his mouth. It's like a Mexican.
I was like, I am underneath.

Speaker 1 No, I just saw the chicken. We were playing, I was playing a board game with my family in the living room.
And one of my kids yelled out. One of my kids yelled out, it's a coyote.

Speaker 1 And then you see this fucking coyote run across the backyard with a chicken in his mouth, just get to that fucking fence and leap. It like it flew.
Like it was, like, gravity wasn't really.

Speaker 1 Are you like impressed or were you mad? Super impressed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it's like that. You can't be mad.
I was mad. I wanted to kill it.
But it's like that's what they do. And that was impressive.

Speaker 1 That chicken's cost is worth you saying that. Oh, 100%.
Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1 But then Johnny realized that there's this whole, that was like one chicken was brooding.

Speaker 1 And when a chicken's brooding, you have to separate them from the other chickens because they won't lay eggs and they pick all their feathers out.

Speaker 1 They think they're going to make a baby with this unfertilized egg. So they just want to sit on top of the egg.
They don't want to go around. It's a weird psychological thing.

Speaker 1 The way to break them of it, you take them and you put them in a little... tiny pen by themselves where they have to stand on a post.
So then they can't nest, right?

Speaker 1 And then they do it for a few days and they're like, I'm over it. And then they go back to being a regular chicken.
They're not the smartest things in the world.

Speaker 1 So this one was in this little tiny one. But then Johnny Cash realized I could just go through this wall because he was a 140-pound mastiff.
He was huge.

Speaker 1 So he just tore the chicken wire open himself and killed nine chickens before I got to him. Holy shit.
Yeah, that was a couple days later. But the coyotes had talked to him and convinced him.

Speaker 1 Chicken eating is fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're not eating these chickens. Look how big you are.
You can eat the chickens. Good point.
It tricked him into doing it, man.

Speaker 1 He had never done that before. And then he's hanging out with this coyote, and the coyote is like his homie.

Speaker 1 Damn. Honey dicked him? Honey dicked him.

Speaker 1 What's that term? They probably sent a female coyote and just like, oh,

Speaker 1 that's what the Mormons do. Smells like pussy, does it? The Mormons do that in Salt Lake, they sent all the cute ones to try to convert you, try to get you in.
I heard it works.

Speaker 1 That would work on me in a second.

Speaker 1 Except for if you're 21.

Speaker 1 No, but the problem is it's a Utah hot. So it's like a five.

Speaker 1 It's like a Utah. Utah's Utah's.
Utah's pretty odd. The ones out.

Speaker 1 The ones out, the ones still in are chubby and fucking not tattooed. You see, Japan, they're good.

Speaker 1 Are you saying they have to be tattooed for? I like them. That's hilarious.
Anyone in Utah that's out of the Mormons that are just like fucking

Speaker 1 hairs. Once they get out.
Once they get out, they go hard. Far out.
They go hard. Fake tits.
They go in. Well, seeing is they feel like they have to make up for lost time.

Speaker 1 They've been wearing magic underwear since you're 24.

Speaker 1 They can't even drink coffee. That's so crazy.
But you can drink energy drinks. Did you know that? Really? No.

Speaker 1 My friend was a Mormon. He was down in these fucking giant monsters.
I was like, bro, that is way more caffeine than a cup of coffee. He's like, yeah, but it says coffee.
It doesn't say energy drinks.

Speaker 1 I go, yeah, but a guy wrote it. We know the guy.

Speaker 1 It's tough to tell a Mormon. They believe a guy wrote it.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? A 14-year-old wrote that down. Just some dude.
He had a gold tablet, and he was the only one that could read it. He would deprive energy drinks of you, too.
That's just

Speaker 1 a hundred times. You just didn't know about it.
No loopholes. No porn, no caffeine, no booze.
Magic underwear. And they got a soak.
They can't throw. It's fine.
I don't mind a little soak, dude.

Speaker 1 I love the soak is actually so good. I couldn't do it.

Speaker 1 The girl gets off on a soak.

Speaker 1 Just leave it in, no movement. She's like, that's what I like.
Like, whoa.

Speaker 1 Where the fuck do you find her? That'd be Mormon country. New York.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you got to get an Amish. They need your address.

Speaker 1 She's asleep.

Speaker 1 Come on now. Right.
You want to see your pickups?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no. When I found out about soaking, I was like, oh, that's

Speaker 1 so crazy that they allow them to do that. Also, you know you're going to blow if you're soaking.
When I was that old, I blow just being next to a girl. Yeah, it's crazy.
It's a meat glove. In there.

Speaker 1 It's designed for that. It's designed to trick you into making people.
Yeah. It's designed to trick you into it.
You see, Japan's birth rate is so low, they're flying people in. You get a birth rate.

Speaker 1 Pull it up. Yeah, it is crazy.
Yeah, they make it real economical. Real safe to live there, too.
A lot of appeal. But you've got to learn Japanese.

Speaker 1 I think they would learn it there. It's an easy language to learn.
Is it? No. It's all symbols and upside down bushes and stuff.

Speaker 1 It's so nuts that people develop these fucking languages that are just so different than anywhere else. Like when you look at Russian writing, you're like, what are you doing with the letters?

Speaker 1 I was in New York yesterday, and there was a white family speaking a language. I'm usually pretty good at picking out what the language is.
Yeah. No idea.
Jacob Arimatty. Might have been

Speaker 1 Icelandic or some shit.

Speaker 1 It was something like crazy. Viking.
Yeah. Viking talk.

Speaker 1 They looked like Vikings. Boom.
Yeah. Boom.
I just played Reykjavik. That is a great town.
Is it? Unreal. It's like otherworldly.
It's

Speaker 1 glaciers, it's volcanoes, it's saunas and hot springs. And they all speak English.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
In town. Wow.
For sure. It was great.
No, my dad. They go out of town.
They do Vikings.

Speaker 1 Deep in the lungs. In the whatever.
They don't. But like, yeah, Reykjavik rules.
That's all. Cool drinking town.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's fucking interesting. The chicks are like smart.
Yeah. That's where all the strong men come from, too.
Oh, yeah. Big dudes.
Thagnus von Magnusson type dudes. Blonde men.

Speaker 1 Big fucking Viking leftovers. Yeah, cousin fucking up.
I was hoping I had some Viking in me. You don't? No, just strictly fucking Irish.
Yeah, big Irish.

Speaker 1 I was hoping I was one of those fucking Irish people that got raped by Vikings. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm probably a fucking Viking. Nope.
Just a fucking mud person.

Speaker 1 How far back can they tell, like,

Speaker 1 what happened to you? Yeah, what percentage? Yeah, how do they actually?

Speaker 1 They're always updating it, too. Like, 23andMe.
Thank God they didn't get bought by the Chinese. Some other company bought 23andMe.
Now our data is safe again, boy.

Speaker 1 I don't know what they're going to do with my shit.

Speaker 1 I know. They're going to use it for the time being.
Take a fucking disease that only kills you. They got your DNA now.
I got that.

Speaker 1 I got that already. It's called fucking choliralism.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me and my whole island that I came from.

Speaker 1 Belfast. It's wild.
You can't bring up the whole

Speaker 1 troubles. Yeah, the troubles, which is a cute name.
Can't forget these days. I don't know.
We got weird.

Speaker 1 Kneecap's back. Let's go.
Kneecap's back. I put the wrong flag on Instagram, and I got like 20 messages, like, take that shit down, we'll kill you.

Speaker 1 You can't put up any flag. Don't put up flags.

Speaker 1 If you put up a flag, you're going to get messages from somebody. That's true.
And Spain has like three flags. The pride flag got me in trouble, too.
Pride flag,

Speaker 1 it's the whole month, boys. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, it's time. Yeah.
We're a few days old. A lot less

Speaker 1 talk about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not everywhere anymore. Every corporation.
It's funny the corporations are like, oh, we don't have to anymore. Turns out we always didn't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 We never once actually gave a fuck. They gave a fuck for one month.
Is it still Pride Month? Or did it start? Did you just say no Pride Month? They're still going to do Pride Month.

Speaker 1 Did Trump say no Pride Month? I hope he doesn't say No Pride Month. But you can't think they're going to really.
But the thing is, you can't.

Speaker 1 If we decide to protect our Parks Month, who the fuck is that? Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 It's not an official thing.

Speaker 1 Well, who are the officials at this point? That's good point. The gay opening.
Pride Month No More. Trump administration says

Speaker 1 Title IX month. What is that? That is the thing that allows women to compete with only women in sports.

Speaker 1 Isn't Title IX where they have to have good women's sports money?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 equal representation for women's sports. And now Title IX is protecting women's sports.
It's anti-trans. It was pro-women.

Speaker 1 It's pro-women, and then there's trans women who think they're women and they want to compete with women. And Title IX should be there protecting.

Speaker 1 Some dude with a problem with his mom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, some guy who hates women. Some dude with a problem with his mom.
Some guy who had a rock

Speaker 1 shows up. If you just were allowed to beat up women, if you made a league where men are allowed to fight women, how fucking mad.
I can imagine that. This is in a sitcom where

Speaker 1 every morning I wake up, I go, ooh, you're lucky that my fucking league hasn't taken off yet.

Speaker 1 You and me.

Speaker 1 Heavyweight title. Matt has a joke about it.

Speaker 1 I think he did it in special.

Speaker 1 Yeah, where it's like he went to Iran or something with his child, and she was like, we're supposed to come here. I was like, you talk to her.
You let her talk to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're just like, yeah. Oh, you're about to.
He's like, I'm going to take my baby on a nice vacation. Yeah, some guy in the neighborhood might smack her in the head for you.

Speaker 1 Some guy might walk by and just smack her if she's yelling at you. Hey, you know, Iran is the place that has one of the places that has the most

Speaker 1 gender transition surgeries? No way. Yeah, you know why? Why? Because you can't be gay.
Oh, yeah. So they

Speaker 1 become trans. A lot of religious loopholes.
Interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 See if that's true. I mean,

Speaker 1 I love that moment. You say something out loud.
I'm pretty sure that's true.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure we've actually looked it up before. And so you're not gay, you're trans, so it's so interesting.
But they don't allow trans. They do.
They do. They do.
You just got to wrap it up.

Speaker 1 Ah, you got to be convinced. Wrap it up.

Speaker 1 Cover the head. Cover the face.
Oh, yeah. It's so easy to be trans there.
Yeah. You could be a furry.
That's what furries are all about. You had a hatch.
You just to hatch. True.

Speaker 1 You pop the hatch, you're fucking a squirrel. That's what's going on.
Don't get me started. You're just a happy chipmunk.
Don't get me started on a banging squirrel.

Speaker 1 Don't get me started started on these good ideas.

Speaker 1 Great ideas. Everybody just looks like a cute cartoon character.
We never go eye to eye with anybody because they're soulless. There's no eye there.

Speaker 1 There is sex reassignment surgery is not only legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be an international hub for obtaining it. Guys, the procedure has been allowed since Ayatollah.

Speaker 1 Khomeini. But the first, the minimal part was Ruola.
I've never heard that. Khomeini learned of the hardships of trans women and issued a religious decree to legalize it in the mid-1980s.
Wow.

Speaker 1 During the Tyler

Speaker 1 Khomeini's role, that's crazy. So it's illegal to be gay.
But you can

Speaker 1 switch genders because that's what's really going on.

Speaker 1 You're not really a gay man. That's impossible.
Every time I read G's like

Speaker 1 Muslim Sharia thing, I'm like, goddamn, they're the bros.

Speaker 1 It's just bro wall. They're like, dude, come on, man.
They're having a gay game. You can't be gay, but you can be a chick.

Speaker 1 You can be a chick. Okay.
Are you sure? All right, let's go. Surgery.
Our guys are good at it. We've been doing it since the 80s.
What? Wow. The 80s.
Yeah, we use a Kirby sword. We slice your penis.

Speaker 1 Size hydrology.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ooh, yeah. By the way, everybody.
October 7th. Everybody's cat's trans.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? No, it was his earlier. You have a male cat, you castrate them.
Everybody does. Because you leave them in the house.
If your cat goes in the house, they'll pee all over your fucking house.

Speaker 1 That's true. They will mark every spot in your house.
Cat games. You have to cut their balls off.
I'm just trying to get normal to see. Mark Kelly.

Speaker 1 It's amazing how many cats there are out there because every male cat gets his balls chopped off. That's true, but the stray cats do all the fucking.
Oh, yeah. They do a lot of fucking darn.

Speaker 1 They pick up the slack. They do a lot of fucking...
Wow! I think cat dicks are in barbed.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Cat dicks have little spikes where they go in, they can't come out.

Speaker 1 Did you ever see that video where the crow talks these two cats into fighting each other? It's funny. Oh, yeah.
He keeps pushing at them. He fucks with them.

Speaker 1 He fucks with one cat, and then he flies over to the other roof and fucks with the other cat. Do you see what that guy's fucking?

Speaker 1 He gets them fully worked up, fully worked up, and then they fucking start duking it out, and he just flies down. He walks down while the screen runs like this.
This is fucking Herb Dean. He loved it.

Speaker 1 He got

Speaker 1 instigated it, got it to happen, and was a fucking willing participant. We should be using crows.
They're so smart. They're crazy smart.
Yeah. Crazy smart.
We got to harness that.

Speaker 1 He's befriending them.

Speaker 1 I mean, Edgar Allan Poe figured that out way back in the day. Crowbar.
Ravens and crows. They're so fucking intelligent.
We had it. Edgar Allan Pro.
Crowing machine. Edgar Allan Pro.

Speaker 1 He starts fucking with this one cat. Just get real close to him.
Just kind of pecking at him.

Speaker 1 Fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch? Oh, shit.
This fuck is just fucking with him. Just completely riling up.
Pecking at him. Look at this.
And just jumping just out of the way.

Speaker 1 He knows how fast he is. He knows how fast the cat is.
Like, not quick enough, bitch.

Speaker 1 Damn. And so he gets over.
He's like, fuck it out. That's cat.
Fight. Fight.

Speaker 1 Wow. Before that, though, he went over to the other side and was fucking with that.
Look at it, they fall off the roof, and then he goes down. Still at it.
Still getting after it.

Speaker 1 They don't stop when they fall 30 feet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're still duking it out, man. Just duking it out.
And then they go down those stairs. Look at that little hole.
Look, they're going to fall down the hole. Boom! Still duking it out.
Look at this.

Speaker 1 They're going after it, son.

Speaker 1 That's a fight to the dead. They do love jiu-jitsu, too.
They go

Speaker 1 back to the back. They lay on their back and kick it off.
They scratch the fuck out of each other. My outdoor cat would come home with just deep scratches over his ears.
His ears were all tattered.

Speaker 1 Yikes.

Speaker 1 Ugh.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 It's a funny idea. And if they get locked when they're having sex, they get stuck.
Exactly. Barbed dick.
I've seen dogs do that. Ugh.
Wait, dogs? What? Dogs have the same dicks.

Speaker 1 Oh, they just want to leave the other. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're just stuck with a hard dick. It's not to say like every one I stand.
That's mostly. I want to get out of here.

Speaker 1 We're the only mammals, I think, that don't have a bone for the dick because otherwise we just use it constantly. Speak for yourself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 These poor dogs fucked. Yeah, that's it.
Eagles.

Speaker 1 All right. We've reached it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is exactly where this podcast goes. I don't even know how you get them unstuck.
You throw cold water on them. What do you do? It's like antlers.

Speaker 1 How do they get unstuck? They got to go back to the right position. Yeah, you got to wait.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wait till the dick

Speaker 1 goes soft. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 But it's just a bone. That's what's crazy.
Is that right? Yeah. But you see dogs fucking on the side of the road.
It looks pleasant.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No one's ever said that before. We've all seen it like, oh, like a dog.

Speaker 1 Looks like a good dog. No one's ever said, that's pleasant.
That's like the only one I've ever seen. I think dogs actually fucking.
Oh, I've seen it.

Speaker 1 I see it in a dog park all the time, and it's so funny because that dog parks. The owners get like, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 And the dog's like, leave us alone. Right.
We don't care.

Speaker 1 But you never see it. The owner's like, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Just kind of calm. They'll just do it real quick and get out of there.
Yeah, like a Mormon. The girl dogs aren't upset.
I saw a video of these bulldogs fucking, and it made me actually kind of of sad.

Speaker 1 Jamie, find a sad bulldogs fucking.

Speaker 1 What was sad about it?

Speaker 1 You'll see. It's a tale all the time.

Speaker 1 Fucking twisted. It just makes you feel the type of way.
Really?

Speaker 1 I don't want to give you it. Yeah, he's

Speaker 1 a twist on this. There's a shit twist on it.
What happens? No, nothing that bad. It's just, you know.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, baby.

Speaker 1 What went wrong with this bulldog? Nothing. It's just a guy.
It's a guy dog trying to talk to a girl, and then another guy comes in and he's like, hey, what's up? And they run off. Oh.

Speaker 1 And then the camera pans over and they're fucking again. And then it goes back to the bulldog.
That's sitting there. He's like, oh, I've been there.
Damn it. Yeah, we've all been there.

Speaker 1 That's the worst. I was hoping J-Mo's quicker.
Bulldog's fucking sad. J-Mo's losing.
He's going to nail that. J-Mo's losing.
He's always. He's a different algorithm than you.

Speaker 1 You started describing a different thing. Oh.
We were talking about dogs stuck together, so I'm looking for two dogs stuck together. And now you said it was a third dog.
Yeah, it gets one velvet suit.

Speaker 1 Three-way, yeah. Talking back.
You ever see a lady fuck a dog on the internet? I did. I did.
I saw one on VHS tape when I was 18. Me too.
Really does something to you. Best day of my life.

Speaker 1 It was a German Shepherd. This lady was fucking a German Shepherd.
Always a goddamn German shepherd. Who is this? Always.
I saw two guys getting a fight, Jim Payner and Carboni.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we were all watching a dog fucking a chick. And Jim was like, she has nice tits.
And Pete Carboni was like, what the fuck? She's getting fucked by a dog.

Speaker 1 And he's like, that has nothing to do with the tits. The tits are nice.
What does that have to do with it? That's like a bitterfuck. That's the argument.
That's everybody's.

Speaker 1 You really had an argument about it? Yeah, about whether her tits were nice or not. Because he's that fucked up about it.
He needs to leave the room. No, I had that fight in my head when I saw it.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Two sides of me were going, what the fuck are you watching? This is disgusting.
The lady should be put down. And then

Speaker 1 the other side of me is going, it's fucking nice.

Speaker 1 Same with chick with dick. You're like, eh,

Speaker 1 the good tits, you know, and the balls are a problem.

Speaker 1 Some guys get to a point where that's the only thing that turns them on. And these big tits and a hard on.
Let's go. Yeah, but you get crazy.
Get crazy. It's a tough thing to be.

Speaker 1 Plus, you want someone who never says no. You want someone who wants it all the time.

Speaker 1 Oh, you want a fuck? Okay. The Ayatollah was into it.

Speaker 1 Apparently, yeah. He's like, I have a religious decree, dude.
Trans is fucking sick.

Speaker 1 Let me be the first to try them. By Adola.

Speaker 1 Not bad. Wham.

Speaker 1 Not bad. Not bad.
All right. The Bulldog video is not good enough for us to take this time.
I guess so. It's falling out of favor.

Speaker 1 I think Jamie's not looking it up because he's still worried about that money money you owe him. Oh!

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Oh, I thought you guys better than Chef Stripkin.
He owes me more money. Oh!

Speaker 1 He owes me money for what?

Speaker 1 I saved you. It's back.
Leave it to the Jew to bring up the debt. That debt is owed.
That debt is owed. Oh, I definitely paid him the debt back.
I flew him back from the game.

Speaker 1 He brought confetti onto the fucking flight. Tori, I was telling someone the other day about how when you were a struggling comic, you would make a living going to those poker tournaments.

Speaker 1 Comedy wasn't paying.

Speaker 1 He was making a living playing poker. What was this a year ago?

Speaker 1 Wham.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the drunk Mexicans on Fridays.

Speaker 1 Just steal money off them. On paydays.

Speaker 1 They would just go all in with the jack dudes.

Speaker 1 You didn't have to get so descriptive. You got to know.
Oh, it was great. Yeah, I remember you used to, like, that was how you were making a living.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't think I've ever met anybody who like reasonably approached gambling. Like, this is how I'm going to use this as a job.

Speaker 1 You're the first guy that I ever met that used poker as like you played it professionally. Like you were intelligent about it.
It's the mathematicians. My math wasn't great.

Speaker 1 Like these other guys are crazy. They know the exact note.
But mine, compared to just a regular, I was pretty good.

Speaker 1 And you took all the money from the poor drunk Mexican? 100%. You really are, Jew.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Texas. That wasn't even funny enough for them.
But

Speaker 1 that wasn't going to get you in trouble. Yeah, it's an equalizer.
You play with the fucking owner, the Lakers. Didn't know what was going to become.
And then Jose Conseiko was there.

Speaker 1 But you're all equal. Tournament.

Speaker 1 You're all buying for the same.

Speaker 1 And then I just started smoking weed. Like at the time, we were really happy.
So I could see through people when I was high.

Speaker 1 Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You see something, right? You're just like,

Speaker 1 got it.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Yeah, it was nice.
What happens if you never won? You got to pay the rent?

Speaker 1 Well, I played with the bank.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez. So, like, whatever I had already won a little bit, it's like you're just playing out of there.

Speaker 1 And so, when you like win big, you see all these like guys kind of looking at you as you're going to cash in, and you're just like, Can you keep this money here for me for next time?

Speaker 1 You're like, Yeah, I'm like, okay,

Speaker 1 you'll walk to my car, because they trail you over top. They trail you and pull you over six blocks out.

Speaker 1 100%, 100%.

Speaker 1 You leave with $12,000 on a fucking second-place victory at fucking Hustler Casino or Hollywood Park.

Speaker 1 Your ambition just met its match with Robin Hood. You play for the win, not just on game day, every day.
Channel that drive into your money.

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Speaker 1 that's a really, that's a better idea than being good at poker. Yeah, right.
Just get a gun. Just follow somebody.
See where you want to go. All right.
Right.

Speaker 1 That's easy. So glutton over to gambling.
80 times. It's a scary addiction, bro.
Yeah, fuck you. I don't have it.
And it's.

Speaker 1 I don't either. It's fun to gamble on sports a little.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't have the, I don't chase it ever.

Speaker 1 For some people, it's like a thrill, and there's nothing else in their life that gives them a thrill.

Speaker 1 They got a job, the job sucks, they got a family, they don't like, and they go out and they fucking risk it all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Risk it all.
They're fucking shaking, and they can't wait to do it again.

Speaker 1 We'd go after spots, and then we'd go like midnight, one, go down there. And then if you played for like five hours, you're all right, leave.
If it's seven, you're like, hey, it's rush hour.

Speaker 1 That means you got to play for ten you gotta miss rush hour to get back

Speaker 1 you just be there forever damn yeah and it's a 24-hour day deal oh yeah there's no windows no windows there it's just like it's like this different world of people too real degenerates sitting around with sunglasses drinking yeah same as the pool hall people probably those are worse probably same humans yeah same human at least the pool hall people have some skill you get to know each other yeah like oh you're regulars you talk all the time and it's just like well we're all trying to to steal money from each other, yeah, so we're like enemies, but like we're being friendly, and that was pool-all banter.

Speaker 1 It was all guys who were like trying to rob other guys, like, I can't play you even, I need the eight-ball, and they'd be sitting around talking forever. Everyone's got a gambling addiction.

Speaker 1 It's like, who can hold out the longest? Yeah, you know, it's like two guys with a boner, like, ah, we can't fuck you. Come on,

Speaker 1 fuck, no, no, no, not yet. They'd like hold off to try to get a better deal.
And you were in there.

Speaker 1 That was funny when we were in the cart, and we were talking about you playing pool all the time. And he was just like, I'm a psycho.

Speaker 1 We'd go out to shows. I'd be like, let's go play pool.
It's like something to do, you know, after a show. Yeah.
Something to do. Okay, cool.
An hour or two? Seven.

Speaker 1 At some point, you're just like, Joe, can we please get out of here? I have a problem. Really? I know.
But it's a good problem. It's good problems.
Yeah, that's not a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not a problem like I smoke crack.

Speaker 1 My problem is when I lock on something, like time goes away. Yeah, you can catch heroin or you can catch fishing.
Yeah. That's a better one.
Fishing's a better one.

Speaker 1 Pool's a better one. Pool's a good one because you can only do it physically for so long.
Whereas video games, you can play video games 12 hours in a row. That's no problem.

Speaker 1 All you're doing is sitting. It keeps you up.
Yeah. Drink Mountain Dew.
It keeps you totally dialed in. Yeah.
You got explosions going off in your air. You're gunning folks down.

Speaker 1 You're running down hallways. Yeah.
All right. One more level.
One more level.

Speaker 1 Why am I going to bed? Got the headset on. I call a guy Mumbai a fag.
Yeah. You need a job in the morning that you have to get up for.
Otherwise, you're just going to get away from it.

Speaker 1 I've got to call a duty. Or a girlfriend.
Or a girlfriend. That walks out at you.
Yeah. That walks out.

Speaker 1 Are you fucking serious? It's four in the morning. Yeah.
Come to bed. I had a call of duty problem when I'd oversleep spots.
You'd go to sleep at like 4 p.m.

Speaker 1 You know, just like up, up, up. And then you're like, oh, fuck, I missed my spot because I was sleeping.
Man, I got to sleep. I lived a lot of lives.

Speaker 1 Dude, they're going to put a fucking helmet on you one day.

Speaker 1 And are you prepared? to engage. Oh, that's coming.
Yes.

Speaker 1 You're going to be in the world. Like fully in the world.
Bombs going off. You're running down a dirty street, hoping that this is not real life.

Speaker 1 That if you die, you're going to respawn. Yeah.
Jesus. That's Westworld.
Bullets are flying by, breaking the bricks behind your head. All that shit's, yeah, Westworld.
But West World, you could die.

Speaker 1 You could die, but the people didn't know that they were robots. They thought they were in the game.
Right. But they were like, whoa, who am I? That's going to happen, man.
We're all ones and zeros.

Speaker 1 We've been in the AI for a long time. Do you know how that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're in the simulation.

Speaker 1 Come on. I'm kind of willing to.
Humanity ended hundreds of years ago, but they mined us for our info. Well, this is just what reality is.
I think we have a version of reality that's not real.

Speaker 1 The real reality is we're in a gigantic computer simulation. Damn, I couldn't have gotten a bigger dick.
Nope. Here's what you get.
If you want that sense of humor,

Speaker 1 what happens? You want that sense of humor? Make the average eight. It is kind of crazy that they've come up with so many medications, not one to grow a dick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. There's probably a bunch of guys that don't want it.

Speaker 1 We can't give them big dicks. Because if you give them big dicks, if it's like only a couple hundred bucks.
Yeah, society will shut down. Society's no pussy will hot.
Nobody's going to do it.

Speaker 1 Even if you get pussy still bigged off the bottom of the bottom?

Speaker 1 Drop down to freedom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, flying squirrel pussy people. Remember that bit? That's sort of in the name of the picture.
That's old school, right? That was old school.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a weird thing. Pushing a dick around their shopping cart.
If you have.

Speaker 1 That's what a lot of people thought the war on steroids was. You're trying to stop people from getting just massive.
That's why.

Speaker 1 China's so angry.

Speaker 1 Little dicks are pissing them off.

Speaker 1 Dude, they're using CRISPR now. I bet they've got giant dicks.
We just haven't seen it. What's CRISPR? What's CRISPR? Genetic engineering.
They're editing people's genes.

Speaker 1 That's the number one thing. You'd go like, give my son a big dick.
Let's see what it is. Give a big dick a super brain.
They supposedly inoculated these kids from HIV.

Speaker 1 They kept them from getting HIV, but in the process made them more intelligent. Like, dude, I know what you're doing.
You're making them more intelligent. Yeah.
Oops.

Speaker 1 It also also made them way more intelligent. They're like, you're not supposed to do that.
So they put the guy in jail for a couple of years. Now he's back, kicking ass again.

Speaker 1 He was like their top dude, their top genetic guy. Like, yeah, you're going to be in drill.
And then

Speaker 1 you get millions of dollars in hookers. In jail.

Speaker 1 You get your dick sucked every day and you're eating roast beef. Fucking jail.

Speaker 1 Jail sucks.

Speaker 1 You're a bad boy. You did a good job.
Good job. Hear me out here.
Maybe this is the shrooms talking.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I think the dick size you have makes you who you are. Who? Because you got to overcome.
Tell that to that lady who was beating up on chicks in the Olympics. All right.
How big?

Speaker 1 That was a tiny big as a dick. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That was a tiny dick. That's a tiny dick move is to become great.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 To beat up women. Kevin Hart syndrome.
Tiny dick. Oh, how dare you.
I don't know. I can't beat a big man because don't you all small dicks? You're like, damn it.
Good point. And they leave.

Speaker 1 We're going to find a woman to beat up. Oh, boy.
I'm telling you, you got to work with what you got.

Speaker 1 If you have the choice through CRISPR, how big your son's son's dick's going to be, you got to give him a medium. Medium.
Don't go crazy. You can't go crazy.

Speaker 1 He'll dominate your house. Yeah, 12-inch.
What did you say to me? 15-year-old or 12-inch.

Speaker 1 You said clean your room. I paid for that dick, son.
Yeah, I gave you that dick, you motherfucker. Yeah, you created a mosque.

Speaker 1 Well, having a son is probably a lot like having a wild dog where you have to train him.

Speaker 1 get them exercising every day, like wear him out, get them calm, realize, like, hey, fella, I know you're ready to go all the time.

Speaker 1 That's what we got to do. We got to burn that out of you every day so you'd be a good citizen.

Speaker 1 But if you're just fucking not paying attention, then they'll shoot. You got a wild teenager.

Speaker 1 It must be crazy. Yeah, if you have a son, you just have to get him to not shoot up or

Speaker 1 rape until they understand why both of those are wrong. Has there been a jacked school shooter? Never.
Of course not. Not one.
They don't hate it. Has there ever been one that's not on medication?

Speaker 1 Not one. Although.
Every school shooter looks like Michael Moore. Thomas Matthew Crooks had a huge hog.
Who's that? Who's that? The guy who shot Trump.

Speaker 1 Did he? How do you know he had a huge hog? He had a huge hog.

Speaker 1 Every one of those. The 20-year-old kid? Yeah.
How do you know he had a huge hog? Oh, it's all over the 4chan. I knocked him off on the roof.
That's why he couldn't get away.

Speaker 1 Hey, we know that. He took a shot.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 Don't you want to call him my mouth? I will say,

Speaker 1 he didn't miss my mouth. It's like the two games locked on.

Speaker 1 He's like, don't get away.

Speaker 1 The school shooters do have giant dick builds, though. Yes, skinny dude.
I mean, they're all tall, skinny wiggers. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. Bro, there's a guy who was a he was a professor of mathematics at MIT.
I did taekwondo with him. I don't want to say his name, but if I tell you his name, it's even more hilarious.

Speaker 1 And this guy had a donkey dick.

Speaker 1 Everybody would, like, change in the locker room, and we would change. We'd be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 He was like this really kind of uncoordinated, like, crazy hair. He had the jufro, the whole deal.
He had a dick that was like a solid limp nine inches. What? It was a giant dick with giant balls.

Speaker 1 And everybody would see it and be like, what the fuck? And his wife never left his side.

Speaker 1 She just like she was protecting that diamond. She had that diamond dick everywhere she went.
It was really like a dog with a bone.

Speaker 1 She was always there at every training session. She would travel with him to tournaments.
She wasn't going nowhere. Did the dick ever hit you on the mat? You're like, Jesus.
No, it was type 1.

Speaker 1 You got to wear a cup. You're wearing a cup.
It's all tucked away.

Speaker 1 Could you call it out at the locker room?

Speaker 1 No, Jesus, Harry. No, it's the one thing you didn't talk about.
You're a cupster jiu-jitsu?

Speaker 1 Yes, I do. Okay, I wear a pitcher.
I don't even need to, he's like, some guys don't. Some guys don't, but you get, I got knee in the balls too many times.
That's great. Thanks, man.
A picture.

Speaker 1 It is funny. It's very funny when you see one of your buddies has a huge dick.
It's weird. It changes the dynamic.
And people with huge dicks don't like talking about it. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Do you ever make fun of a guy for having a big dick? A big dick embarrassment. They're weird.
It's crazy. Like you with your shoulders.

Speaker 1 Brown, you getting jacked.

Speaker 1 You get jacked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the huge dong is a game changer. It's like when you see your friend playing the piano, you're like, well, where'd this go?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. That's a weird thing.
You know, it's a weird skill to have. Piano? Yeah, when someone sits down, all of a sudden they can play.

Speaker 1 You never told me? Yeah, it's funny. It's funny to see any friend who has a skill.
Hinchcliffe can play piano. Come on.
And drums. He fucking checks out.
And drums. He just sits.
Yeah, he checks out.

Speaker 1 He plays drums. But he sits down and just starts playing piano.
You're like, where did this come from? He plays a skin flute.

Speaker 1 I don't know how he's getting there. It's a trombone, the old rusty trombone.
Oh, yeah. Bout half, about half.
Yeah, the extracurricular skills off stand-up is interesting.

Speaker 1 Bobby Lee can dance well and skate. No.

Speaker 1 Wow. I bet he plays the fuck out of some video games.
Yeah, but I mean. Yeah, and some math.
You have certain guys who just get out of the sports. Andy Haynes can shred on skis.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's certain guys that are just like, what's this other thing? Right. O'Connor was D1 lacrosse.
Wow. Really?

Speaker 1 Wow. Man, Penn State? Drexwell.
Drexwell. Nice.
You were thinking Duke.

Speaker 1 That's so important. I got my

Speaker 1 Michael Costa. Michael Costa.
He's a professional tennis player. Wow.
He was like a really good tennis.

Speaker 1 1200th of the world. Oh, which doesn't sound good.
How about Robert?

Speaker 1 It's pretty good. How about Voss being like a karate guy?

Speaker 1 Do you want to see those pictures? What? No.

Speaker 1 It was right when he started doing crack. Oh, Jeff Ross.
No. Voss.
Oh, Jeff Ross is a black belt in Taekwondo. Really?

Speaker 1 never. You with Poole.

Speaker 1 It's like these people that can do something like what? Voss has a photo of him throwing a kick. He's got a Jerry Carrot.
Oh, that's right. And he just got addicted to fucking crack.

Speaker 1 He was doing karate.

Speaker 1 Let me see his form.

Speaker 1 No, it's fucking, it's good. Let me see his form.
If you see if you can find the photo,

Speaker 1 I remember about kicking that guy. Some young cop was trying to get in with him and be cool, and he was making fun of his kid.
Just too familiar. Jason Canner.

Speaker 1 I was looking at San Diego. Oh, sorry.
That doesn't matter. He doesn't care.
He just kicked him.

Speaker 1 Boss kicked him. Broke his ribs.
Yeah. Boss fucking rules.
Broke his ribs.

Speaker 1 He was like, actually, nah, Jason. Nah.
I just broke a rib. Oh, Jesus Christ.
His drums. Broke his ribs.
He just horse kicked him like that. Really? Yeah, at the Carolines Christmas party.

Speaker 1 He kicked him up.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? I think I heard Jason was like, no, I was out of line. He was.
What year was this? What year was this? 2009. Wow, that's a risky time.

Speaker 1 Risky time to be front-kicking people. The internet existed.
True.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You could front-kick people in the 80s. You have no recourse.

Speaker 1 No one's going to believe you. You got any DNA?

Speaker 1 You got nothing.

Speaker 1 You got a story. Barkley threw a guy through a window.
It was wild.

Speaker 1 Nobody knew anything. What's that? Barkley threw a guy through a window at a bar.
What? Charles? But there's no video. He could just do it.
What?

Speaker 1 He threw a guy through a window is dangerous. Bro, that's how people die.
I love you. Cut your neck, class.
Oh. I mean, the way you you die is talking shit to fucking Charles Black.
Charles Barkley.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, the giant superficial.

Speaker 1 But I rebound like 6'9. So class.
He's a funny guy.

Speaker 1 That guy fucking punches you. Oh, my God.
You get punched by an NBA player. If you want to bother me, I'm going to whip your ass.

Speaker 1 Charles Bocky threw a man through a glass window.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 Imagine you're just some dummy who just thinks you could just talk shit to a guy forever. And then this 300-pound giant man just cracks

Speaker 1 the fuck out of you and threatens you like

Speaker 1 you're a cushion on a couch. He just chucks you.
It's like the guy on the flight who tried to fuck with Tyson. Tyson, yeah.
Well, that's wonderful. Yeah.
Yeah. There's dudes out there.

Speaker 1 There's just sitting back and watching Chuck or Charles Barkley become like the coolest guy of all time. So funny.

Speaker 1 That guy's sitting there, like, I bothered him once at a bar and he threw me through a window.

Speaker 1 I hated him my whole life. And then you watch him on TV.
You're like, fuck, he's the coolest guy. He's so cool.
He's literally the coolest guy on the world. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love when he was going to do the play-by-play or color, whatever, for

Speaker 1 LIV.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The colored comet

Speaker 1 for a live golf. And they were like, well, that's evil.
He goes, where do you get your money from? Don't you all do like iPhone ads? Like, that's easy on the judgment.

Speaker 1 That's an interesting Charles Barkley.

Speaker 1 That's an interesting.

Speaker 1 It wasn't the best impression.

Speaker 1 Kimmel has is the best impression. This is a pretty crazy story.

Speaker 1 He said, the guy says, you're not going to do shit. You're nothing but a big-ass pussy.
The taunt set Barkley off. The cops were taught.
William reached for his radio to call for backup. Oh, the cops.

Speaker 1 According to the police report,

Speaker 1 as he released his grip, he felt Lugo escape, except the 20-year-old hadn't gotten away. I fell victim from being pulled.
I felt the victim being pulled from my grasp.

Speaker 1 Williams wrote in the account of the incident. I looked up and I saw Barkley holding the victim up in the air by his arms.
Wow. Oh, God.
What did he say to Percy though?

Speaker 1 He says, do you know who the fuck I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? In a matter of seconds, Charles chucked Lugo through the plate glass window. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Even if you don't know who he is, he flung him like he was a toy.

Speaker 1 Flung him like he was a toy. Right before this, too, he had the cops told him not to go up to him.
He's like, I'm just going to talk to him. I don't want to.
I won't hurt him.

Speaker 1 I won't hurt him, Charles assured the officer. I just want to talk to him.
Oh, my God. I just want to say.
And the officer's like, okay, you can just talk to him within arms reach.

Speaker 1 The guy says, you're not going to do shit. You're nothing but a big-ass pussy.

Speaker 1 Bro, there's people like that out there in the world.

Speaker 1 So funny. You're like, you're rich.
You're like, I wasn't raised rich. So that's who I am.
You guys have seen the video of Joe Schilling knocking that guy out in the bar. No.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So there's this asshole at a bar. He's being rude, and apparently he was being rude all night.

Speaker 1 And Joe Schilling, who's a multiple-time world champion kickboxer, walks by this guy and the guy like tries to like make him flinch. And Joe just goes,

Speaker 1 watch this. So there's this guy, you know, drinking, having a good time, being an asshole, talking about beating somebody in arm wrestling or whatever.
And Joe just is behind him. He just touches him.

Speaker 1 You know, nothing. And then he says something to him.
He turns around.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was quick. Yeah.
Well, he's a world champion kickboxer. You can't flinch on a guy.
That guy's a bad guy. He was proud of his...
He was walking. He delayed himself four seconds.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was four. I don't think it's four.
I mean, he knew the guy was out.

Speaker 1 Like, look. Okay, here.

Speaker 1 He just passes by and he calls him back.

Speaker 1 Oh, that step forward. The step forward with the chin up in the air.
It was like, you can't do that to a guy like that. He comes at him with, like, you want them?

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Like, what? That's scary because that could happen to

Speaker 1 anybody.

Speaker 1 So he had to go to court. Yeah, what's up, brother? He had to go to court for that, and he won.
Really? Because Florida

Speaker 1 is Florida. It's like, stay in your ground.
Florida does rule. They have some good rules.
I love Florida.

Speaker 1 What was that medicine they give you during COVID? I forgot the name of it. Ivermake.
No, no, no, no, no. The treatment.
Monocolal antibodies? That. Yeah.
That's what I was trying to remember.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they banned that a lot of places. They stopped people from getting that.
I had a whole podcast

Speaker 1 about it. Yeah, you got it.
I got it to a lot of people. When I was down there, you were like, oh, thank God you're in Florida.
Okay, cool. Do this.
There's places they wouldn't give it to you.

Speaker 1 They restricted it. Florida was pretty good during the pandemic.
No, they were a good place to go. Did a lot of comedy there.
That's where I caught COVID. That's where I got it too.

Speaker 1 That's where I was in LA.

Speaker 1 That's where I got AIDS.

Speaker 1 Thank God you got rid of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of your people down there. Jews? Olds.
Oh, yeah. They don't come to shows.
They like to relax. Go to Miami and relax.
That's true. Place built on cocaine.
Imagine. Cocaine, Jews, trannies.

Speaker 1 And Hulk Hogan, Carol Baskin,

Speaker 1 Scientology. Rented Lamborghinis.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
A lot of rented rented Lamborghinis. A lot of people.
I got to the store. Somebody pulled up in a limousine.
It was a door guy.

Speaker 1 And I was like, ooh, who's this? And the manager's already been jaded. He goes, somebody with $50.

Speaker 1 Already jaded.

Speaker 1 The jaded guy. When I got there, Harris Pete was the most jaded guy of all time.
Maybe of all time. Of all time.

Speaker 1 He had been through all the eras, and he was like, yeah, impressive shit out of Harris Pete.

Speaker 1 Made a deal with the rumor was Leno and Letterman said, hey, all three of us, whoever makes it, will take care of the other ones. Really? Does that sound like a deal you would make?

Speaker 1 Sounds like a deal you make one night while you're drinking, not a real deal.

Speaker 1 We're all in this together. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 The guy who kind of sucks, the guy who kind of sucks. All one of us is going to make it.

Speaker 1 You bring us, will you?

Speaker 1 It's Shane Gillis, Dave Chappelle.

Speaker 1 It's all three of us.

Speaker 1 We're all in this together, boys. We said we were in this together.
Like, hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 1 You promised. You promised.
You said, get away.

Speaker 1 I said, get me a beer. Yeah, it's nothing founded.
found like a problem. Relax.

Speaker 1 Relax.

Speaker 1 I did the Boston Comedy Fest, and we were all in the finals, and we were like, all right, whoever wins, because the pot was 10 grand, which was enormous at that level.

Speaker 1 And we were like, whoever wins, we'll split it up this way, that way. You can see it.
Do a second.

Speaker 1 One guy was off in the shadows. We're like, he's not going to make it.
This guy sucks. He's no good.
That guy's definitely going to win. He won.

Speaker 1 He gave the whole thing to Boston Strong. We all hated him.
What's Boston Strong? Oh, the marathon.

Speaker 1 both. It was that year.
What a fucking

Speaker 1 piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Did he ever make it as a comic? Yeah, he's hilarious. He's a really funny guy.
But at the time, we're like, this guy's going nowhere. And then he won.

Speaker 1 Yeah, anytime I've done a comedy competition, the guy who's sitting by himself and quiet, you go, fuck.

Speaker 1 He's doing the math over and over. He's kind of having fun.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're all hungover and drinking.

Speaker 1 This little Indian kid. They used to have this thing called the Boston Comedy Riot.
It was like the biggest comedy competition. Yeah.

Speaker 1 WBCN radio would host it. It was the Boston Comedy Riot.
It was like in the 1980s. WBC.
Yeah. The Boston and the Seattle competitions were the biggest.

Speaker 1 I never did either one of them, but it was like weeks long, so you had to either keep going up there or be there. Yeah, that Seattle was like, that was hell.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to be a guy with no life.

Speaker 1 Or Seattle resident. Yeah, or Seattle resident.
Willing to hang in there for the long haul for the golden prize of being the winner of the Seattle Committee. Did you do any competitions?

Speaker 1 I think I lost one to Sam. Yeah, I did a bunch at the beginning.

Speaker 1 Which Sam? Atlanta, Murill. I think he ended up winning.
I think we're both in the final.

Speaker 1 Oh, the Laughing Skull. Yeah.
He did win that. Did they just kick them out? Huh?

Speaker 1 Did the Vortex just kick out the Laughing Skull? What happened? I don't know. I think the Vortex said, like, you guys got to go, the owner's got to go.
Pull him up. What happened? I don't know.

Speaker 1 You got a pee? What is that about? You know why? That was a great little room. It was a headline.
That was. It's just a headline.
85 seats.

Speaker 1 Great rule. Great little room.
Fun room.

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Speaker 1 It's got to have filmed a special. There's no space for cameras, but someone still had to.
I think someone filmed something there. I think I've seen stuff from there.
Yeah, Atlanta's a great comedy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what happened? What What happened? There was this headline I kind of passed by for a second. You ever do those and then go? And you're like, oh shit, I actually read that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the headlines. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you think, you're just getting overwhelmed by headlines. That's the problem.
That's true. Like, there's so much, oh, that's important, but maybe not as important as the next one.

Speaker 1 I'm going to scroll down a little bit. But it all goes into your brain.

Speaker 1 And you know the headlines are all lies. They're all lies.
Made by some other, not the writer. So you're like, oh, okay, I guess it's that.
And you're like, isn't that weird? Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you write a really good article, someone could fuck it up with some misleading shit in the headline. Laughing Skull Lounge founder will leave the vortex after 16 years.
Sad. Wow.

Speaker 1 That was a great room. After two decades, they're splitting up.
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 There'll be no Laughing Skull or just the guys out? I think. I don't know.
Laughing Skull Lounge. What does it mean? Still be open in the vortex, but not as we know it today.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 The founder and team will be exploring other comedy avenues in the city. So they'll do another Laughing Skull somewhere else.

Speaker 1 Nah, nah, nah. Nobody cares about the name.
Wow, that room.

Speaker 1 Well, they know how to do it, though. They'll probably find one that's like it.
Nah, the rooms are important. Size of rooms.
It's not a chip that you're doing. You can just reproduce it somewhere.

Speaker 1 But you might be able to find a similar size room. I mean, yeah.
I mean, Atlanta's got a lot of.

Speaker 1 But it's not starting a new room. They have a giant email list.
Why are you so pessimistic? No, because

Speaker 1 the actual room, the old stand versus the new stand, they're different.

Speaker 1 The La Joya comedy store versus the regular comedy store. The comedy store versus the main room.
Those are different rooms. Elliot Pay.

Speaker 1 You know, Elliot versus Elliott. Yeah.
So it's like, you can't reproduce that. Right.
But you can make. Look, look, we can.
If you ran it well, that part will be reproduced.

Speaker 1 The little boy in the mothership. Those are different.
Yeah, but we made that. That's a new room, and it's a tiny little room just like that.
It's the same kind of thing. It's like,

Speaker 1 you can, you just know how to do it right. You can do it.
And the location is big, like what kind of people are in that area already versus like. Sure.
Yep. Yep.
It's funny how a room has a feel.

Speaker 1 feel like the OR in the store has such a weird feeling. It's a specific smoke is built into the walls, evil's built into the walls.
It's also like there's something good about the.

Speaker 1 I used to think it was bad, but there's something good about the commotion in the hallway in the back.

Speaker 1 The good about it is it's chaos. Chaos.
The show is chaos.

Speaker 1 The room is a chaos room. Diaz used to have the most chaos in that room.

Speaker 1 Like Diaz would crush in the main room, but there's something about Diaz when he would go on stage in the fucking OR, like late at night when no one cared. Just doesn't matter.
It just doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 And then he would go and crush it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He would go crush it. He would go crush it.
Really? I love seeing him in his little room.

Speaker 1 A few people know what that means. Oh, yes.
And then he's just shake his hands until his dick came out.

Speaker 1 When I did it. You sick fucks.
Oh, he came back with the bong.

Speaker 1 It's just plastic. It's just plastic made in America.
Hold on, I got a piss. Don't start it before I get light.
I won't. Thank God you're leaving to piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're trying to keep them from you. We got

Speaker 1 Buffalo. We had a triple wash this fucking pitcher because Norman pissed it at once.
Oh, fucking. I forgot about that.
Wow.

Speaker 1 We've had some really rough ones. We've had some rippers.
Like to the point where when it's like Protect Our Parks Day, I'm like,

Speaker 1 oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like a marathon. But America needs it.
Yeah. The boys need it.
They do. They tell me all the time.
I see them out in the streets. Yeah.
So when, when? When's Protect Our Parks Day?

Speaker 1 They say it all the time. All the time.
That's the first, when I do those QAs after shows, sometimes it's like number one question. When's the next one? When's the next Protect Our Parks?

Speaker 1 But they take a year off your life, so you got to spread them out a little bit. You know, it's like

Speaker 1 Barrett, what's that? What's that? The tough mutter. Right, right.
You can't do them every weekend. That one photo from the one we had like 25 or 26 beers.

Speaker 1 Everyone's wanted to see the photo, and I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.
But what a nightmare. But that is what people genuinely need.
They need bros, like

Speaker 1 having a good time as bros, like with yes, no restrictions because they're doing it. They want to if they can't, they wish they could.
Yeah, they want to. Everybody wants to.

Speaker 1 I grew up doing this shit. Every man wants to have fun.
I was willing to get together and not be. I would stop doing this at some point.
No, never, never, never.

Speaker 1 Since my first party in the woods in high school, I was just like, well, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life. At least now you're monetizing it, kind of.
Like, you made it a living. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, this is the best life. This is the best life for guys.
Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 We are the luckiest fucking people that have ever lived.

Speaker 1 Like, you had Jimmy Carr on, and he was talking, like, he's like, I'm doing this today, then I'm going to Chappelle's thing, then I'm doing Kill Tony, then I'm doing the mothership, then I'm doing an arena in fucking Scandinavia.

Speaker 1 Best life. What a life.
The best life. Jimmy Carr was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, he's hitting the shit. He just came out of the club with this new shit he's working on.
He just had a bunch of notes.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He was so good.
He's a beast.

Speaker 1 It was so fun to watch. It's like when you watch a guy's,

Speaker 1 just fucking dialed in. Yeah, yeah, just dialed in.
I saw him tell a story about what's his name, fucking with him too, about me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So funny because I remember Greg Giraldo.

Speaker 1 It's so funny. Greg Giraldo told him that Ari had cancer.
And then, and then Greg Giraldo goes and dies, and Jimmy Carr's living with this. And then he sees Ari.
He's like, you look good.

Speaker 1 You look good. He's like, what the fuck is going on? You was half your face shaved?

Speaker 1 No, no. This was like 10 years ago.
I was like, Key was only on one space.

Speaker 1 This is fucking crazy. He type of cancer.
I was like, thanks, man. Appreciate it.
And then a year later, I'd be like, so you're right. I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 1 But you're just weird-looking enough where you're like, yeah, he does look. He also said, like, when he told me that they said you had cancer, I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, they said you're cancer.

Speaker 1 That's why you're like that because you don't care anymore.

Speaker 1 It's the worst.

Speaker 1 Kobe.

Speaker 1 He had cancer.

Speaker 1 This is 15 years ago. It was so crazy.
Let him spike your drink.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. That's so funny.

Speaker 1 That's a nice fucking backup to have. I wish people thought that.
Yeah. Be like, yeah, he took a shit on stage.
You go, oh, he's got cancer.

Speaker 1 It's funny that

Speaker 1 it's bloody, right? It's bloody shit. Geraldo said that to him and never told him any different.

Speaker 1 He must have just been passing through the room, saw him watching any stand-up and goes, oh, that guy's got cancer. And then gotten a beer.
That's amazing. I just fucked losing.
Love a comic.

Speaker 1 Like I went to Harvard Law. Love a comic.
Like a long burn of a joke. Just waiting one day, years later, this joke will pay off.
That's amazing. And I won't even be there.

Speaker 1 I won't even be there.

Speaker 1 Genius.

Speaker 1 Gerald and I, we shared a parking lot when we were both on TV together at the very first times we were both on TV when I was on news radio and he was on his own show.

Speaker 1 He had his own show that was on the same lot.

Speaker 1 I'd hang out with him at the lot all day. He had like a show about him being a lawyer.
Yes. Like a sitcom.
Because he was a lawyer, so he could build this off your life. That's what he always did.

Speaker 1 It was your job right before this. Let's make a show.
Yep. Yeah, we're in the same garage.
Knew him from New York, so we'd hang out.

Speaker 1 That's why you got tires.

Speaker 1 That's why it works, though, right? That's why it's so funny. Oh, by the way, when's the new season?

Speaker 1 June 5th.

Speaker 1 Right now. Today.
So go check it out on Netflix. If you're listening to this, it's available right now.
Check it out. On Netflix.com to drop ship you a fucking CD.
You watch it.

Speaker 1 Mail it. Check your mailbox.
Check your mailbox right now. TV D with the tires.
Hopefully, it didn't send you first season. It's going to skip a little.

Speaker 1 And while you're there, you can watch Ari Shafir special.

Speaker 1 We all got shit on there. That's right.

Speaker 1 But yeah.

Speaker 1 Tires. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've managed to rein in trash Kyla in a way. It's unreignable.

Speaker 1 Well, everybody in the show plays literally themselves.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Kyla was pretty easy. What was the

Speaker 1 trash? Hold on. I mean, I mean, she was my employee for a long time.
Ron White's in this season, right? Ron White is, yeah. Oh, fun.
What was the line you had before? It was how to talk trash.

Speaker 1 It was like, I spelled a coffee colada on my scratcher. I was like, what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jeez.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Ron fucking kills it. Oh, he brought his own effort in?

Speaker 1 You're not going to believe it. Ron plays himself.

Speaker 1 He's full of Bowski there. That's all you'd want him to play.
Yeah, why?

Speaker 1 He plays a washed-up NASCAR driver.

Speaker 1 And he's there for like a sign, like a meet and greet that no one shows up to. Oh, that's great.
That's pretty great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had a Woody Harrelson at the club last night. Oh, was he there last night? He's there a lot, man.
He's been there a lot. I missed him every fucking time.
He's the best.

Speaker 1 He's just a cool dude to hang out with. Yeah, he's a fucking man.
He doesn't have a phone, though. And he doesn't do email.
So if you want to get a hold of him, you've got to go through his wife.

Speaker 1 You got to run into him. Like, he's smart.
He's protecting himself from bullshit. The bullshit in the world.
It's like, I don't want to be a part of this. Yeah.
I don't want to have a phone.

Speaker 1 I got no social media. I got no nothing.
I'm just a human, like I always was. I was a human before this.
I'm staying a human. It's really nice when you don't have a phone.
He's ear to ear.

Speaker 1 He's the best. Lee's on walking on thin air.

Speaker 1 Is that it? You don't want all that fucking input, man.

Speaker 1 It's not good for you. It's literally good.
Also, nothing ever happens. Nothing ever.
It's just like a bad thing. It's every day it's like a fucking Indian Pakistan.
It's

Speaker 1 free. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 for us. Man, we got the FDA.
Your life's not changing.

Speaker 1 Why don't I got to be aware of this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess all of us remember before it, right? You're the youngest. Yeah.
But still, it's like, those were good times. Great times.

Speaker 1 And so it's like, I get we have better stuff now, but like parts of before were okay. And not only were they great times.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad they weren't filmed.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if we had all that shit on film from taking a dump of your gas? Yeah, throwing up in the street and you got to worry about somebody's filming you. Yes.

Speaker 1 Just the pure anxiety. That'll help people live with it today.
But yeah. People are living with like pure anxiety.
Like in a level, just anxiety on your phone all day long. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Giving you anxiety and you can't look away. Terrible stuff.
Terrible. Yeah.
Suicide.

Speaker 1 You wake up to fucking 20 texts. Yes.
They're like, what's up? From all these different people, you got a fucking microphone. Oh, yeah, right.
Even that part of the story.

Speaker 1 But it's like, and it's like, I just woke up, so I look at my phone right away. Yeah.
I'm sending the dumbest replies.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't know.
You know how, like, when you wake up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say. No, I get it.
I get it. Yeah, it's 80 people coming at you to do

Speaker 1 a show or something like that.

Speaker 1 And it's like, it's too much now. I was supposed to run into you and say, yes, I can do that too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I need an answer now. It's just constant.
It's constant. I got all my buddies are in town.

Speaker 1 All the Philly trash is here. For sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Tonight's going to get nuts.
Tonight is going to get nuts, and I was really hoping to avoid that. Yeah.
What is the plan? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think we'll do the show. We're doing it.
Oh, I guess we won't tell. No, I mean we were doing it showing.
I mean this tonight.

Speaker 1 When this airs tonight, but we'll tell it on top of that. Well, at least we'll be safe in that green room.
Yeah, we'll be safe. We're not going to be safe.
It's going to be at the fucking bar.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a locked in.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a disaster. We were talking about it yesterday where he's like, what's the plan usually? I'm like, okay, so we get way too fucked up.
Then we go shove meat in our mouth.

Speaker 1 And then immediately wiped it like, you're on in five. I'm like, okay.
And I go,

Speaker 1 run to the store, get up. Or with the mothership, and then get up and then be like,

Speaker 1 all you got to do is drunk. Puke in the hallway.
It'll get it all out.

Speaker 1 You'll be good to go. It's funny because I call it the store all the time.

Speaker 1 oh by outright i even call it the main room that means you did it right yeah i don't even the main room and the and the and the yeah and the or the yeah yeah it's kind of like either the or belly it's kind of a hybrid between the or because the main room is also the o the or is the main room but the old

Speaker 1 the main room at the club at the mothership is like if the main room and the or had a baby yeah and then the other one is like if the or and the belly room had a baby

Speaker 1 yeah i'm always like you're going to the store tonight yeah well

Speaker 1 you built it with that in mind yeah atom you Eagot's there. I mean, they literally named the bar after Mitzi Shore.
Fucking gayest. He's the best.

Speaker 1 He's the best. I love you so much.
He's so shit. He's actually my favorite homosexual of all time.
He's not gay anymore. Holocaust denier.
He's not gay no more. He cured it.
He is delivering.

Speaker 1 I like women. I like women.

Speaker 1 How long after that video, Doug? I suck a dick. Did he wait a week? That night.
10 minutes.

Speaker 1 That fucking 10.

Speaker 1 Why are you gay? That's the first dick he saw. He's like, I'm not gay no more.
Good. This ain't even a dick.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's not. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 The devil's tricking you into believing my delicious penises. But for a moment, he believed it.
The way we're all like, I'm not going to do this one evil thing anymore.

Speaker 1 Imagine if the whole world didn't want you to do it. That's the most brutal thing about homophobia.
You want them, though?

Speaker 1 Fuck fine, I'll do a little.

Speaker 1 That's the most brutal thing. I would rather quit drinking for a week or quit weed for a week and then not made it that night.
All right, so last week. Totally.

Speaker 1 Last week. Last week, I was like, all right, you got to take a week off.
Fucking giant storm comes through Texas.

Speaker 1 My power's out for three days. Wow.
Wow. Day three, I'm sitting in a hot house going,

Speaker 1 the only place I can go right now is a bar. Actually, I went right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they gave me this shirt. They gave me this on Thursday.
There you go.

Speaker 1 I got hammered.

Speaker 1 Where's Kelly's? Where is that? I have no idea. It's Kelly's Irish Pup.

Speaker 1 Here? It's in Austin? Yeah, shit rolls. Oh, no, shit.
I've heard of that place. The place was actually really great.
That's nice. The owners, they're all Irish.
Everyone's a good person.

Speaker 1 Irish people have exported the bar, the proper bar, the best way. The Irish bar is the same in every country in the world.
Yeah, and it's the best.

Speaker 1 They're an Irish pub.

Speaker 1 Is there an Irish pub in town? People always ask that.

Speaker 1 And it is the same. Well, they're not Blaring Techno and all this shit.
Right, yeah. It's dark and you drink.
Yes, like

Speaker 1 a couple old Guinness signs. It's like Ireland.
Do they play music at the Irish pub?

Speaker 1 I think they actually have Irish music, like a live band coming. Oh.
I think it's actually pretty sick.

Speaker 1 The owner was the fucking man. He gave me a bunch of,

Speaker 1 yeah, whatever. That's one of the good things about

Speaker 1 fucking IRA stuff.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he gets in trouble for that. Somebody gave me some Nazi money.
I have a wall for my You'd Be Tripping Podcasts.

Speaker 1 And I put money up there from different countries. Somebody's like, want some Nazi money? I'm like, Nazi money.
Yeah, I want it. For sure.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about buying a fucking Adolf Hitler autograph.

Speaker 1 You might as well. And I don't know what's going on.
Get it from from Kanye. He'll sell you wipes.

Speaker 1 But you can buy. You can buy them.
They're really expensive, but you can buy

Speaker 1 an Adolf Hitler autograph. A signature.
I mean, it's got to be worth a ton of money. Yeah, I know.
And then I figured maybe when I'm...

Speaker 1 If I have grandkids,

Speaker 1 this is going to be worth a billion dollars. V-million.
Maybe someday it'll be like Vengus Khan's autograph. Exactly.
It won't be for it won't be forbidden anymore. Of course.

Speaker 1 After like a thousand years. You're not revering him.
You're just like, he was

Speaker 1 the most famous guy ever. There's somebody who was like, I was reading Mein Kampf just to read it, but she was reading on the bus, so she had to go.

Speaker 1 So people didn't read on it. She was a grand bus.
So she had to go on a whole lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you can get in trouble just having that. You got to get a book cover on that thing.
Few outstanding, very original document letters signed, autographed by Adolf Sein. $7,800, $7,700.

Speaker 1 That's not

Speaker 1 for a fucking

Speaker 1 thing.

Speaker 1 Not just on a piece of paper. This is like.

Speaker 1 Is a Nazi military officer charged by Hitler? It's not Adolf Hitler. No, Eichmann was, that's right, it's not Adolf.

Speaker 1 Oh, how many you are? Eichmann's the worst thing.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you can just buy Nazi stuff. You can,

Speaker 1 dude. It's in thrift stores, too.
It's not CM. Oh, look at that.
Original, look at that. The arm sleeve officer's sleeve eagle.
Hell yeah. From a guy's fucking uniform.
Damn. See what I mean?

Speaker 1 That guy killed your grandpa. $480.
You see how you start going? Oh. I can spend fucking $500.

Speaker 1 That's only $480. bucks.
That's crazy. I have a new version of that.

Speaker 1 The Chinese made new money to give it up for the workers during COVID. And it's all these scientists on their bills.
They made a whole new bill. Really? Interesting.
Interesting. I swear to God.

Speaker 1 These are the people that caused the pandemic.

Speaker 1 Every time I brought this up,

Speaker 1 people get upset.

Speaker 1 He's a polarizing figure. But I don't, of course he's polarizing.

Speaker 1 But I'm not minimizing

Speaker 1 polarizing. I know, but I'm not like Hitler's the man.
Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 Because someone just edited that part. Hitler's the man.

Speaker 1 No, but it's like, obviously. He's the worst.
He's the. Of course.
Edit this part. He's the biggest faggot that's ever lived.
Sure. Actually, Mao is worse.
Wait, right. That's so funny.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a whatever bit, but like calling Hitler a faggot will get you in trouble for the wrong reason. I know.
That's true. But he's like

Speaker 1 top five all time. Top five.
Yeah. Biggest fucking turds on earth.
He's the Michael Jordan of faggots. Cranked out of his mind the entire time.
Yeah. Like a poster boy for don't do drugs.

Speaker 1 It was actually Eichmann drove it more because Hitler was like, whatever you need to go. Eichmann was the one.
That's what I think I remember is him going, let's find, we need an other.

Speaker 1 He was a smarter one about it. He goes, we need some other.
And he goes, let's do the Jews. They stay to themselves.
But he was like, well, anyone will do. Really?

Speaker 1 He was

Speaker 1 the writer of all of it. And Adolph was like, yeah, that'll help us get that.
He was like the Dick Cheney to George W.

Speaker 1 Let me see. Yeah.
He was was just by telling me who.

Speaker 1 We found out Dick Cheney's still alive the other day. Yeah.
Why isn't that interesting? I thought he was. I thought it's like a Baronstein Bears Mandela effect thing.
I thought he was dead.

Speaker 1 No, he endorsed Kamala Harris and they bragged about it. Oh, that's when that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave Smith pointed it out.
Yeah, somewhere with visuals.

Speaker 1 George Washington. It might be real, it says.
Bro, 240 grand. You got this, Shane.
What is that? His flask. George Washington's powder flask.

Speaker 1 Powder.

Speaker 1 Call it Pond Stars.

Speaker 1 John Washington. That might be real.
See what I mean? You could have that at your house. That's pretty dope.
But that's the founding father. Same, same, but different.
Well, he should be slaves.

Speaker 1 Drinking beers. Don't tell anybody.
Don't tell anybody. They won't Google it.
He had fucking slaves. He did.
You could any of his the Napoleon hat. Was that you who sent me that, Jamie?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. No.

Speaker 1 Napoleon's hat is up for auction. Yo.
Hell yeah. How do you know if it's really his hat, though? Like, you know how many hats I have?

Speaker 1 I have

Speaker 1 a thousand baseball hats. I literally have a thousand baseball hats.

Speaker 1 You sold my hats. You can sell my hats.
Yeah, but you wouldn't know. But you wouldn't know if it's his or just recreated like that.
I wouldn't even know if you sold one of my hats.

Speaker 1 I remember an old, old pod we were doing at your place, at your house. That's how old it was.
And it was like, we were talking about art from like the whatever era.

Speaker 1 And you're like, well, this one's hella old. We're like, how do you know? And it was like, oh, yeah, I guess.
Yeah, you have no idea. Don't really know.
Just painting. Somebody told me it's old.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's a lot of lies out there.
Just looks good. A lot of fake paints.
A lot of fucking

Speaker 1 dudes. I mean, it looks good.
That looks badass. Legit looks at his hat.
I think it's pretty expensive.

Speaker 1 How much is that bitch? The last one? $1 million? It sold

Speaker 1 one auction went for $2 million? $2.1, I think it said. How much is Judge's 63rd? 62nd.
Jesus Christ. Who wants that? 20 of them? Imagine you got so much money and spent $2 million on a hat.

Speaker 1 You don't want to jack off wearing a Napoleon hat? I do want to.

Speaker 1 You do have a bit. I didn't until you brought it up.
You got to wear that one. I want to do a fucking full-length mirror, flexing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did we talk about what Hitler did to Napoleon? Did we talk about this already? When Napoleon's tomb, everyone had bow that head together.

Speaker 1 1800. Hitler built a series of mirrors so he wouldn't have to bow so he could look at it without bowing down.
That's wild. It was before I go in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Change all the mirrors so he could just go, he didn't get me, Napoleon. But he loved him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Yeah.
Interesting. Every once in a while you hear a Hitler story where you go, God damn, that was pretty sick.

Speaker 1 Shit on my chest to get hard. I love it.

Speaker 1 I feel that way, but a lot of them girls are shit on his chest. I don't know.
They told us, and I could see them. That's big propaganda for Jim Jews today.
He was pretty stupid. That's very methyl.

Speaker 1 Shit on my chest.

Speaker 1 It might have been accidental shit on meth. He did some meth.
As soon as you hear about a guy doing meth, you're like, oh.

Speaker 1 Everything goes from that. Yeah, meth.
Oh, he's doing meth. The book I read about him,

Speaker 1 by the end, he was just sitting by his fire, and you just had to listen to him tell stories, and he would be on meth, and he would be screaming for hours.

Speaker 1 I had that with my father.

Speaker 1 And what he was screaming about was like, I'm the greatest architect that's ever lived. I shouldn't even be doing this war.
Oh, my God. I didn't even want to do it, but fucking Churchill.

Speaker 1 The greatest architect. I'm the best architect that's ever lived.

Speaker 1 Everybody thinks he thought he was a great artist. He thought he was the greatest architect.
Oh, my God. This is Elvis with karate.
Yeah, yeah. Rainbow.

Speaker 1 No one could tell him.

Speaker 1 That's right. Elvis Karate shirt.
Oh, my God. That's where that Elvis drinks.
Oh, my God. Good shirt, too.
Shout out to Roots of Fight.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Elvis would get pilled up and they'd pretend that he was good at karate.
And dudes were just like, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

Speaker 1 They would try to move him and he'd like put his neck out there and stop them from moving. That's kind of nice.
It's kind of nice.

Speaker 1 His liver was redlining all day long.

Speaker 1 And just be like,

Speaker 1 I'm the best fighter ever time. We went to Graceland.
That's right. We were there at the same time.
We went to the Graceland tour. The racquetball court.

Speaker 1 He had multiple TVs so we could watch every channel in existence all at once. We had four TVs.
Come on, man.

Speaker 1 That was big back then.

Speaker 1 Four TVs. That's crazy.
I thought it was on a turtle. He put it on the bottom.
Torrent outside his racquetball court. Yeah, that's right.
He's playing racquetball.

Speaker 1 He said, all right, fellas, I'm going to take a shit. He's in a separate house for racquetball.
He's like, well, those kids that got the vaccine. You just immediately have a heart attack.

Speaker 1 He's had the McDonald. Wow.
Yeah, he was playing, he couldn't sleep, so he started playing racquetball. And he called a guy like at 3 a.m.
Like, got to come play with me.

Speaker 1 Come out with your car. I'm going to fucking beat your ass and racket down.

Speaker 1 You're L.

Speaker 1 And he was like, I got to take a dump. And there it was.
He was

Speaker 1 the first super famous guy.

Speaker 1 You think? What about Hitler? Yeah, a different kind of famous guy.

Speaker 1 Like the first beloved star. In the 60s, 50s? When was he? Well, started in the 60s.
60s. 50s.

Speaker 1 Yeah, started in the 50s, went into the 70s. Yeah, there was nobody.
He died in like 1976,

Speaker 1 I want to say, 78, maybe? He was already past the huge then. He was huge.
Well, he was still. Yeah, but like not.
He was still huge, though. He could still be.

Speaker 1 He got big and he got real fat and crazy and just was just drugged out of his mind. You ever see the video of him singing from Vegas? Yeah, Unchained Melody.
Unchained melody, you see. Amazing.

Speaker 1 Still amazing.

Speaker 1 Bloated, dying, still. His entry, I got something good.
He got his interest. He's sweating.
His entrance in some place where it's like,

Speaker 1 and he just like walks with, he just walks here. Mike's there.
Walks this, and he's like this, you know, and he's just going back and forth.

Speaker 1 And then immediately goes and starts singing it. Oh, my God.
What a fucking entrance. What a fucking interest.
My whole life, I hated Elvis. I thought he sucked.
And then I watched him.

Speaker 1 What's the hate?

Speaker 1 Young Elvis?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I guess whoever liked Elvis, I thought

Speaker 1 it was right, right? That's too obvious. I watched it.
That's too much.

Speaker 1 It's too obvious. But it's really good.
It's like AC DC.

Speaker 1 Bitch, listen the long way to the top. Listen to that fucking song.
It's a long way.

Speaker 1 If you don't like that song, you don't like America.

Speaker 1 You don't like freedom. You don't like hard work.
Shut the fuck up. It's just, it's too easy.

Speaker 1 All of us was too easy to do. Fat Unchained Melody.

Speaker 1 Bro, he was so good. He was so good.
Look at him. Look how big he was.
Come on, Mayor. Damn.
Pinette. And he wasn't that old.
Yeah, what is he there? 40? What do we call him? No ass.

Speaker 1 He looks better than me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at this. Well, compared to how hot he was.
He was like a hot guy. Oh, he was so hot when he was young.

Speaker 1 He was like the first black white guy. Is that the general? Yeah.
You know, he was like the first wigger. Is that the general right there?

Speaker 2 Show him the right keys.

Speaker 1 No, no. That's a different guy, different handler? No, I think that's one of his musicians.
So I heard Dolly talking about him. Oh, he's cranked out of his fucking mind, Dolly.
Dolly Lama?

Speaker 1 Oh, this is nice. I just recorded, and it, I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is it out?

Speaker 2 About two weeks. Two weeks to be out?

Speaker 1 I mean, no different than the winehouse lately.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You thinking.

Speaker 1 How's this guy going to do this? You're thinking

Speaker 1 he's out of his mind.

Speaker 1 He's in another dimension right now. Is he on uppers or down? You can hear how quiet the room is.
They're going, God damn. I mean,

Speaker 1 this is like O'Connor before he goes on drunk. It's like he'll be fine.
He'll figure it out. It's funny.
This is the, I'll tell you in a second.

Speaker 1 I was nervous about that one for the

Speaker 1 cranked out of his mind. Listen how good this is.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow. Oh, my love.

Speaker 1 My darling. I can't get a mic stand.
I've hungered for

Speaker 1 your touch.

Speaker 1 I won't

Speaker 1 talk.

Speaker 1 Time

Speaker 1 goes by

Speaker 1 so slowly,

Speaker 1 and time

Speaker 1 can do so much

Speaker 1 for you

Speaker 1 still.

Speaker 1 God damn,

Speaker 1 so good.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 shitting. Like he was before my special.
Damn, that's good. We made that exact joke about O'Connor.
Like, he was like, the only way you can fuck the special up is if you like blackout before the show.

Speaker 1 And then even then, it'd be like Fat Elvis on Jane Melvin.

Speaker 1 I should go in the green room. I'm like, get on stage.
Just trash it.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 God damn. God damn, that was good.
I mean, if you heard that guy talking before,

Speaker 1 if you were in the audience, like, oh no, we came to the wrong night. They're going, is this song out yet? They go, Two weeks, it's just pure talent that'll overcome the

Speaker 1 look how sweaty he is, dude.

Speaker 1 Give me some more of this, Jamie.

Speaker 1 He's launching this song right now. He's showing it.
He's like, I know you're about to hear it all timer. They haven't even heard it yet.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 on me,

Speaker 1 damn my darling.

Speaker 1 I hunger for

Speaker 1 your

Speaker 1 fear.

Speaker 1 Lolly time

Speaker 1 goes by

Speaker 1 with

Speaker 1 great

Speaker 1 Still hits.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 You guys are allegedly on mushrooms. That must have been fucking nice.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. That's so good.
That is one fat test. That's what we live for.
We live for those, like, if you could belt out one of them moments in your life, you did it. Yeah.
One of those moments.

Speaker 1 I mean, this guy had a ton of them. But one of those moments.
And nobody had ever gotten that famous before. Nobody had ever, like, nobody gets that famous

Speaker 1 ever and doesn't go crazy. But nobody had ever gotten that famous before.
Elvis. He was the first.
Yeah. It's also if you go to his house, it's not that big.
Oh, right.

Speaker 1 Like, your house is probably the same size as Elvis. No, it's pretty near.
His house is bigger. Come on, on, my who?

Speaker 1 Come on. Oh, really? I live in a big-ass house, man.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Come over and watch me do a little jiu-jitsu. First of all, which house?

Speaker 1 I'll just say you see, like, little bow wow. I know.

Speaker 1 He's got a suburban house.

Speaker 1 It's just a house in the burb.

Speaker 1 You don't need a big house. If I was by myself, I'd have a regular house.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would.

Speaker 1 I know. You don't need it.
It's all nonsense. It's just where you live.
That's the first thing I figured out when I came to Hollywood. I was 27 years old.

Speaker 1 That was the first time I ever had a nice apartment in my my life. I had a loft.
I had a fucking pool table. I was like, this is sick.
And then I got, and then I'm like, oh, this is just where I live.

Speaker 1 I felt like, oh, I'm like, that's another trick you got to be aware of. Like this idea of always getting a bigger, better, you never appreciate it.
It's always just where you live.

Speaker 1 This is all you need. A place that's safe, that has a TV.

Speaker 1 You have a kitchen. You have a TV.
You want to have a playground next to you to wake you up. Yeah, you don't want anything crazy and loud.
You don't want to bear a train station.

Speaker 1 I'm literally just going to hang out in two rooms.

Speaker 1 I'm going to walk from my bed to the fucking couch. The only time it changes is if you have a family.
You have a family, then you want a yard, then you want a pool, then you want a lot of things.

Speaker 1 You want a lot of things. You want to have a room.
Like, you want a dog. Yeah, you want to have a room to be like, I don't know where to put this.
I'll just shove it together. I always had dogs.

Speaker 1 Fire hodges. Fuck.
Oh, well. I've always had dogs, so I always have a big yard.
I'm like, that's the thing. Can't have a dog.
That's why the only reason why I never bought Crest Hill.

Speaker 1 The house above the store?

Speaker 1 The Mitzi house? Yes, I went to look at it. Because it was like Sam Kinnison used to live there.
I'm like, this would be crazy to own this fucking house.

Speaker 1 But I had a crazy dog, and that yard was too little. I was like, he'll find a way out.
Sam Kinnison pissed on Mark Maron's bed up there. Nice.
Oh,

Speaker 1 nice. What the fuck? Imagine if that was on YouTube.
I have 100 million views.

Speaker 1 All over his bed, just standing up. Wow, that's a credit.
That's Mark in his territory. That's what your cat does.
That's why you got to get him spade.

Speaker 1 Easy.

Speaker 1 Spaying new to your pets. I'm Bob Barker.
Wow, what a weird thing he had. That was his big thing.
That was his big thing. That is both on the end of your dog.
He's spaying new to your girls.

Speaker 1 Every episode. Turn your dogs trans.

Speaker 1 Everyone, turn your dogs trans. It's important to have a trans dog.
How about just don't let your dog fuck random dogs? Especially in your name's Bob Barker. Oh, shit.
I never got that to killer.

Speaker 1 What a

Speaker 1 freak. What a freak.

Speaker 1 What a freak. What was his real name?

Speaker 1 Tad Stevens.

Speaker 1 That's not a good joke.

Speaker 1 That's a good joke. That's a solid joke.

Speaker 1 This is a 20 point

Speaker 1 drug. Come on, that made me laugh.
In this room, that's a solid joke. Right now, it's good.
You've got three people laughing. That's a solid food.
You have an audience of three.

Speaker 1 Jamie, were you laughing at that? No.

Speaker 1 Jamie's fair.

Speaker 1 Jamie's laughing. I'm so pissed about that.

Speaker 1 Stanhope had uploaded a pilot they found of the Mitch Hedberg project they made back in 2001. No way.

Speaker 1 YouTube channel they put up like yesterday. This looks like the battery of Sam Hyde stuff.
No, it's like a TV show they made. Oh, cool.
Sam Hyde stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's like a Sam Hyde thing where he sits down just with the fucking chair and is like breaking down things that are going on in the world. Oh, no, I don't know that.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen that video?

Speaker 1 It went fucking viral. You've seen it, right? Yeah, I'm friends with him.

Speaker 1 His video. He's doing his premiere for Million Dollar Extreme 2 in Austin on Sunday.
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 They had a sketch show called Million Dollar Extreme.

Speaker 1 And it got canceled off Adult Swim. Oh, that's right.
And now they made it again. And I was like, he's a little too wild.
He's a wild boy. He's a wild boy.
He's a little wild.

Speaker 1 But you ever see moms or mothers? What is it?

Speaker 1 That's a brilliant one. What is it? He writes a script.
Oh, man. Realized he can get some local, I'll try to be an actress to read the lines.
So they're like, oh, well, let's write crazy lines.

Speaker 1 And they're reading these lines, not knowing what it is. And he goes, it's something like, yes, I am the curly-haired one.
I think we should try to fuck the curly-haired one.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 And they're just like trying not to laugh at me. So him and Nick Rochefort's one of the funniest dudes I've ever met.

Speaker 1 Those guys. They're doing some wild stuff.
Locking a bunch of homeless people in a fucking

Speaker 1 room and just let's watch.

Speaker 1 I don't agree with all this. I think this one's wild.

Speaker 1 Bum fights, you mean? No, no. You're talking about fish tanks.
Bum live.

Speaker 1 It's just like, it's real world. You're saying fish tank.
Yeah, it's real world. You get the craziest people in the world.

Speaker 1 It's funny, real world's okay cuz they're only mildly mentally ill, but they always got a race that's in a black on real world and like let's put them in producers they know how to make drama.

Speaker 1 That's what he's doing. Yeah fish tank.
I mean if you're gonna make a show you can't just have a bunch of people hanging out having a good time. Yeah.
You need a bunch of cat fights

Speaker 1 friends. Even the Kardashians went after each other.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Remember that? Yeah. Fucking swinging each other, slapping at each other.

Speaker 1 They're in the hallway. One of them threw a leg kick.

Speaker 1 Joe was watching, commentating. I was watching.

Speaker 1 People know how to throw leg kicks now. That's like a new thing with street fights.
People throw leg kicks. Leg kicks.
I saw it after.

Speaker 1 Who was with me? It was Patriots versus

Speaker 1 Broncos.

Speaker 1 So there's some fucking drunk Boston fans who are leaving, and some old man talks some shit to him.

Speaker 1 He goes, all right, better luck next time. He's like, shut your mouth.
He goes, easy, bro. And then just leg kick to the face, knocked him out.
Got a race.

Speaker 1 No, we're talking a leg kick. Not to the face.
Oh, to the leg kick. A leg kick.
Using the leg kick kick. Yeah, we're not talking like a face.

Speaker 1 He's not talking with an arm punch. He hit him with a head kick.
He opened up with a head kick. He just spun and kicked him.
This guy was like a nice Denver resident.

Speaker 1 Oh, just know what he's getting into.

Speaker 1 You never know who knows that jiu-jitsu shit now. He's hit him with a wheel kick or spun around? Spun around.
He kicked around.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Did he wheel kick in front of his wife? Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 He was like 60. Oh, no.
Yeah, you can't do that. 60? Yeah, I was just kidding.
That's how people die, and then you go to to jail for the rest of your life for looking cool.

Speaker 1 I think it was me and Simone Rante who were like, use my karate skills. Yeah.
So dangerous. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 the karate guys and MMA guys should not be allowed to drink. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Imagine getting drunk with Sean. Well, he doesn't do anything.
He's sober. Sean Strickland.

Speaker 1 If I could do a cool kick.

Speaker 1 You're doing it. I'm fucking kicking everybody.

Speaker 1 The second I start drinking, I go, what'd you fucking say, Jamie, about Ohio State, you motherfucker?

Speaker 1 With that

Speaker 1 Oh, Jamie, can you bring up Michigan walking into Ohio State Stadium? Nice change of the subject. The thing is, though, I don't think you would do it if you could do it.
True, yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess it humbles you a little. Yeah, you don't care.
I could do it. I don't do it to anybody.

Speaker 1 That's what I noticed about going to UFC's, the backstage stuff, is they're so quiet and just very chill. Meek people.
Very nice. I don't know.
I've hung out with Nate a lot. It's not funny.

Speaker 1 He's a different angel. But that's also why he's such a superstar.
Everybody loves him because he's the same guy. It's also why he's great fighting.
Absolutely. Genuinely doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 Leon Edwards is my favorite fight. Yeah, when he cracked him in the left hand, then pointed out him.
That's my favorite movie. I got you.

Speaker 1 For four. For four straight rounds, Leon's doing moves.

Speaker 1 Like trying shit. Yeah.
Spinning elbow to the forehead, and then he just goes.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're doing

Speaker 1 shit. Yeah, fucking gay ass stin.

Speaker 1 Fucking gay bullshit. Come here.

Speaker 1 He's trying to come back to the UFC. I hope so.
Yeah, I was reading articles. I don't know if if it's substantiated, but he's there.
Looking for it. Fuck yeah.
That guy? One of those superstars.

Speaker 1 That guy shouldn't. He'll fight anyone.
He'll fight anyone. Bro, I always said that he was the most underappreciated superstar during the Conor McGregor times.
Oh.

Speaker 1 I was like, you guys are missing out. Like, you got Conor McGregor, but Nate Diaz just beat him and said, I'm not surprised, motherfucker.
Yeah. Not just like, I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 It wasn't Storm the Field guys. I'm not surprised, motherfucker.
What the heck?

Speaker 1 That was what got me. That's what got me into the sport.
What about this? I was at that one with Epstein. Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Amazing.
Yeah. It was amazing.
What? Epstein.

Speaker 1 This Jiu-Jitsu guy.

Speaker 1 He caught a dude in a triangle.

Speaker 1 Caught a dude in a triangle and then did a double flex

Speaker 1 to the cameras. Yeah.

Speaker 1 While he had him in the triangle, like fully locked up. I had a tap.
Einstein, Einstein. Damn.
Amazing. His name was Einstein.
Yeah, his name was Einstein. Nice going, Einstein.

Speaker 1 What is he doing offseason? How does he make money?

Speaker 1 Yeah. He got

Speaker 1 something happened. He had a boxing match with Jorge Masvedal.
He won. And he won, but they didn't give him the money.
I think he's got a big... Yeah.

Speaker 1 See if that got resolved.

Speaker 1 There was a crazy thing. You know, you have these fly-by-night promotions, and sometimes they're not funded correctly.
Like any black room, like, we'll send you the check. I'm like, give it to me now.

Speaker 1 Give it to me now. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That is the wrong show. I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on. Yeah, right.
David, delete all the stuff I said about Hitler.

Speaker 1 Bro, I had that with a mob club I used to work for in Connecticut. You get paid if you're lucky.
Yeah, if you're lucky. I saw you almost fucking beat a guy in Vancouver Island.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'll send it to you later. I've never seen it before because the checks were always from him.
They're coming.

Speaker 1 He was like, give me money. He goes, no, we got to send it.
He goes, bro, he went into the back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Write the check now.
Pay me now. Yeah, that guy was super.
Well, we're doing that.

Speaker 1 That guy was super sketchy. Talking about his balance and his boat.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Sue's reported $9 million.

Speaker 1 So they robbed him out of $9 million. Pre-fight deal in place.

Speaker 1 Promoter, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so he beat him, but he's owed $9 million.
I hope he gets his money. Me too.
Damn. Yeah, also, he's doing that.

Speaker 1 It's hard to get money on a person who doesn't have any money, though.

Speaker 1 That's the problem. You get an old Ferrari.

Speaker 1 You could have his stuff.

Speaker 1 But Nate does.

Speaker 1 They do like

Speaker 1 jiu-jitsu shit. They'll do like...
Seminars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does a lot of seminars. He makes plenty of money doing seminars.

Speaker 1 Nate's a legit jiu-jitsu black belt.

Speaker 1 They always say purple, right?

Speaker 1 As he was doing this, he'd be like, I'm just a purple belt. Right.
Like, shut off, dude.

Speaker 1 And his brother was one of the best of all time.

Speaker 1 That was always cool. Him, because anytime I've hung out with Nate, I've never hung out with Nick, but they always, he talks about Nick with this reverence.

Speaker 1 There was a time that I've never seen anything like it. People missed it because most of it happened in the strike force days.
And, you know, it was a small... Yeah, Nick's Prime.

Speaker 1 Nick's Prime, he was a bad motherfucker, dude. He was a terrifying guy because he had the most insane cardio that's ever existed.

Speaker 1 This guy swam from Alcatraz to the shore. He swam five times.
What? Five times. I said twice, and he corrected me online.
He said five times. Since then, he's probably swam a bunch more.

Speaker 1 So it's probably like 10 times. He's a little bit 11.

Speaker 1 Swim from Alcatraz in the ocean with the sharks, the thing that was supposed to keep people from ever escaping that island. people voluntarily do it, and he's done it a ton of times.
Trained by Death.

Speaker 1 His fucking cardio was off the charts, and you just couldn't keep his pace. He'd put a pace on you and hit you with like 50% punches.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 50% punches, but constantly have him in your face wise talking shit. What are you going to do, bitch? What you going to do, bitch? Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Speaker 1 And then every now and then, rip one to the body, rip one of the body, pop, pop, pop. And you're exhausted and you can't breathe.
Because when someone's punching you, you can't take a breath.

Speaker 1 So even if he's only punching you like this,

Speaker 1 you're all tense. He's relaxed.
Wow. He's a better boxer than you.
He's better at jiu-jitsu. What are you gonna do? You gotta take him down? Like, what are you gonna do?

Speaker 1 Yeah, how did he ever lose when he lost? It got to a point where later in his career, you know, early, though, everybody slows down. But in Strike Force, he was in his prime.

Speaker 1 Like, what Frank Shamrock, Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock in Strike Force, a great example. Whoa, that's a fight.
He beat Shamrock. He beat his ass.
But when he lost in his prime, how did he lose?

Speaker 1 Well, he didn't really lose in his prime. Well, he might have lost a couple of decisions in his prime in like three rounders.

Speaker 1 I'd have to go back and look at it, but like he submitted Gomee, which is like this huge thing in Pride with a Go-Go Plata, like off of his back while he was high.

Speaker 1 He tested positive so

Speaker 1 he was tested so positive after the fight that he had to be fighting high. Damn.
Yeah. And he'd be like, yeah.
Fuck you. Fight high.
Let's go, bitch.

Speaker 1 That new rock movie looks fun.

Speaker 1 Oh, the smashing machine? I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the trailer is amazing.

Speaker 1 Jamie, bring up Michigan walking on the field versus Ohio State. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 He won't do it.

Speaker 1 He has the laptop to it. We won.
We're living high right now. We don't need to.
Would you go back to the window? You beat Michigan? No, we won the national championship. What's this wee shit?

Speaker 1 There's a lot of wee shit. There's a lot of wee shit going on.
We did it. We fucking did it.
Yeah, me and Nate almost beat Leon.

Speaker 1 Man, when I slapped him, it was crazy. We got the belt.
Oh, the bitch slaps. That was the other thing.
He would hit you with bitch slaps.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 I never thought about the, because his punches were like, I didn't know they were 50% like that.

Speaker 1 You just can't breathe. Because if he went full, he'd tire himself out.
Exactly. For sure.
So he's putting a pace on you that you can't keep up with. And he's not hitting you at full blast.

Speaker 1 Like, Nick would throw kicks for fun. They were silly kicks.
Like,

Speaker 1 they were never going to hit you. He would throw, like, he would pretend to throw like a wheel kick or throw a high kick.
He wasn't even trying to hit you.

Speaker 1 He's just trying to put something in your face. Put something in your face and then let you know that he's so relaxed in there with you, he'll throw silly kicks at you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And just beat you up. I might go to that New Orleans fight.
I think Poirier's fighting again.

Speaker 1 Yes. Poor is going to fight Max Holloway, right? Ooh.
That's a hot one.

Speaker 1 That's nice. That's the last fight of his career, right? Uh-oh.
That's in New Orleans. Yeah, maybe.
Exactly. Holloway is what Poirier is.
Well, Poirier's got he wanted one more and he wanted a legend.

Speaker 1 So they got him Max Holloway. Max Holloway might be the number one guy guy for fights in this dance.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Really?

Speaker 1 He's Hawaiian? The Hawaiians. Yeah, they go.
They love fucking. They like fighting.

Speaker 1 And you're always getting horrible. You got an ambulance, dude.
Think of the jeans. They're going to be able to get a lot of people.
There's a couple fucking coronas up there. Here's the Medela.

Speaker 1 Like you get in the little airplane bottles. And then like, what are you talking about shit about Holloway? Are you talking shit about Howell? I'm talking about Hawaii.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dude. I've never heard of it.
Hawaiians. It's terrifying.

Speaker 1 The ancestors of people that have the balls to get out in the ocean, get out in a fucking homemade coat

Speaker 1 and make it across the ocean to a colour. That's what I was hoping I had Viking, dude.
I thought

Speaker 1 I was just a farmer.

Speaker 1 Just a farmer. Billion years of just going.

Speaker 1 Farmers only.

Speaker 1 What a crazy dating app that is. Farmers only.
I know. It basically means whites.
Yeah, they should have just gone.

Speaker 1 That's all that is. It's a how do you say it without saying it? What about black farmers? Let's fucking weed I got good news and bad news, Daddy.

Speaker 1 I found a farmer.

Speaker 1 His name is Tyro.

Speaker 1 He grows weed. It's only watermelon.
I don't know what the hell.

Speaker 1 And it's nice.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Isn't that crazy drinking? Isn't it crazy that delicious food is racist? Chicken, watermelon, they're both great.
I love them both. It doesn't work with any other race.

Speaker 1 You make fun of Italians for pizza and

Speaker 1 Irish potatoes. No one cares.

Speaker 1 That one's super sensitive. Fish.
But the thing is,

Speaker 1 it's also foods that everybody loves. I know.
They're both delicious.

Speaker 1 How did that happen? Well, yeah. Like, if you bring up fried chicken and black people, you're a piece of shit.
But, like, doesn't everybody love fried chicken? Chappelle has a bit about it.

Speaker 1 It's the best.

Speaker 1 He does.

Speaker 1 It's a great bit. No, I was talking about fried chicken.
It's so good. You ever go to Gus's in town? Gus's fried chicken? Oh, it's so good.
I try to genuinely actually avoid fried chicken.

Speaker 1 It'll kill you. I rush fried chicken.
I grew up on Popeyes and it'll weigh you. We used to get Roscoe's when I was in L.A.
Roscoe's chicken and waffles. Oh my god.
Perfect. It's so good.

Speaker 1 What butter and the syrup? And then you got the hot sauce with the chicken. Oh,

Speaker 1 doggy. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's good stuff. So good.
Diabetes. It's coming, but not today.
Not today.

Speaker 1 Today it's mouth pleasure. I was, bro, I thought that diabetes was coming.
Yeah, but you're not. You got that fucking side ways to well.
I was like, I got to at least be pre-diabetic.

Speaker 1 No, you got those fucking Irish genes, son. You got the full robot.

Speaker 1 Diabetes will do fucking nothing.

Speaker 1 You know what it'll get us shut their fucking heel off.

Speaker 1 I'm in your wife's DMs. You know what you'll get us is the gout.
The gout's coming for us. When I hear gout, causes fatties, isn't it? No, no, Calcanane has the gout.

Speaker 1 We've been hotty for a while. No.

Speaker 1 It's a boozing thing. Yeah, yeah.
That's it. It's a boozing thing.

Speaker 1 What causes gout? Meat. It's the king's disease.
Yes. Meat? But what is the real cause?

Speaker 1 This sounds like something.

Speaker 1 No, it's like literally all I eat. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I eat 90% redness. Wait, wait.
Are you sober? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dog, for three months. Sober from alcohol.
Yeah. Be clear.
And according to the law, everything else. And nothing else today.

Speaker 1 Gout known as disease of kings, a type of arthritis characterized by painful swelling and inflammation of the joints. Often the big toe.
Ow.

Speaker 1 Caused by a buildup of uric acid in the body, leading to the formation of urate crystals in the joints. Ooh.

Speaker 1 Linked to lavish diets and alcohol consumption of wealthy individuals, including royalty. I guarantee you it's the alcohol.
And not moving. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it has nothing to do with meat. Tell you what.
I don't have it. The first time I saw that description, I went, ooh,

Speaker 1 I got it. It's the one that's going to be.
It's coming right out.

Speaker 1 It's going to crystallize my joints.

Speaker 1 Wait, are you going to church too, or is that bullshit? I have been to church. Oh, fuck.
Why? Have you ever been to church before? I've been. It's actually very nice.

Speaker 1 They're all just trying to be better people. It's a good vibe.
Why don't you go to a Catholic?

Speaker 1 I tried that. I did that.
I went to St. Pat's in New York.
That's a beautiful place.

Speaker 1 It's so nice. Some guy gave me a rosary.
I keep it. If it's not Catholic, which one is it? It's just a Christian church.
A non-denominational Christian church. Ain't a church.
Yeah, all this fucking.

Speaker 1 Joel Osteen shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just giving all my money to all of your religion. Animal proteins such as pork, red meat, shellfish, and oily fish are high in purines, make an individual susceptible to gout.
There you go.

Speaker 1 No shellfish. Additionally, alcohol reduces the metabolism of uric acid, enhances disease condition.
Oh,

Speaker 1 it's both, right? I guarantee it's the alcohol. And we're getting a steak tonight.
The problem is

Speaker 1 the alcohol fucking lobby probably said, yeah,

Speaker 1 it's the meat. The meat, bro.
It's just like they did with sugar. You know, the sugar lobby's like, actually,

Speaker 1 it's not us. It's saturated fat that's causing all these heart attacks to happen off.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a long COVID. It has nothing to do with us.
It has nothing to do with us.

Speaker 1 It's long COVID. You're getting cancer because of COVID.
It's all the COVID gotcha. Now's a new strain.
Do you see that? Yeah. Of what?

Speaker 1 COVID. Come on.
You're lying. It's a new strain in China.
There's always a new strain. It's a new release.

Speaker 1 Mixtape. Yeah.
It's Beastie Boys Lost Mixtape.

Speaker 1 COVID hasn't been good since 2019, dude. Well, Well, it fell off.
They got a new producer. Oh, really? They got a new producer of better beats.

Speaker 1 This is what gets the kids. This one only gets kids.
It's catchy. It's catchy with the kids.

Speaker 1 They call it the Fauci.

Speaker 1 Kids is a big one. They always threw kids at you to make you like, oh, I guess we have to kill you.
And the old people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got to take care of the old people. What about grandma? What about grandma?

Speaker 1 I saw someone on Twitter saying, you literally killed my mother to people who are out there doing shows. Less than 20.
No, less than 20. All right.
Back, dude.

Speaker 1 20 cases of the new variant recorded in the U.S.

Speaker 1 That That was

Speaker 1 Tumas. That's how it happened in Seattle.
Remember? You heard about the guys, or at Portland, where was it? The first cases in the United States. Of what? Somewhere in the northwest.

Speaker 1 Someone had come over from China. They gave the Wuhan.

Speaker 1 They gave it over there, and that's the first cases. And those people don't got no sunlight.
So they got zero vitamin D. They're susceptible.

Speaker 1 I hope that monkeypox joke worked in your storytelling show. Look at this.
Look how they describe this. Look how they describe that.

Speaker 1 It was actually really funny. We were all talking about it afterwards.

Speaker 1 It was like so silly. Described as a slightly upgraded version.

Speaker 1 That was really funny. See? Upgraded.
The slightly upgraded version of the variant that's prominent right now. Oh, God.
Subhash Verma. Somebody at the mother ship.

Speaker 1 The person is bred to be a scientist. Ron got the COVID recently.
He got the COVID

Speaker 1 for like a week. Really? A week?

Speaker 1 Whacking. He smokes 20 cigars a day.

Speaker 1 He chills cigars. He got the vax, too.

Speaker 1 He got the jab. Thank God.

Speaker 1 It would have been way worse for him.

Speaker 1 Isn't that a funny thing?

Speaker 1 It could have been worse.

Speaker 1 My sister flipped her car once when she was in high school, and she was totally fine. And total the car.
The cigarette lighter was the only thing that salvageable. She was fine.

Speaker 1 Wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So she was on the roof of the car.
Oh, jeez. And we're all like, thank God you weren't wearing a seatbelt.
Or could have been worse.

Speaker 1 Just like they always say. Well, you ever see guys get flown out of the car and they live? And the car flips 30 fucking times and they live because they got three changes.

Speaker 1 Never heard of that. Isn't that a saying too?

Speaker 1 Like an urban myth at least that

Speaker 1 if you if you're like colored

Speaker 1 and you get in an accident and you're like relaxed. So I've heard that.
Yeah. Keep your heart.

Speaker 1 I've heard that. Yeah.
Yeah. It's the same thing as people falling.
Oh, that was somebody on my on this not happening.

Speaker 1 This fucking Irish Chicago guy, I forgot his name, Sullivan something, but he was listening to Hugh Lewis and they just walked off a building.

Speaker 1 Oh, and the nurse was like, the nurse was like, it's the only thing that saved you is, did you not know you were falling the entire time? He goes, I was just walking. Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck his name. You didn't pay attention.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Jump.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Damn.
Oh, my God. All right, Ari, let's bong a fucking booze.
Let's bongo. There you go.
Fuck about fucking time. I'm feeling these envies, though.
I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 I stopped the booze. The only reason I stopped the booze is because I wanted to see what it'd be like to have no booze for a long period of time.
Yeah. And it's a lot better.

Speaker 1 I mean, you feel a lot better. Don't you get get bored, though, at night? No, I thought I would.
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 I have fun doing stand-up. I have fun hanging out in the green room.
Yeah. But you're also not like action.

Speaker 1 Well, when it comes to snow,

Speaker 1 no booze. Yeah, DS.
D.S.

Speaker 1 At the improv stage. He goes, Jamie is.
He goes old, dude. He goes, I stopped smoking weed.
I've wearing booed. He goes, oh, I mean, I'm still doing vapes and stuff.
I'd be like, I know, all right.

Speaker 1 I'm still doing vapes. It just hurt my throat.
What slipped you? What was the final switch?

Speaker 1 Well, I wanted to. try.
You're probably fall down. Well, I'm just kind of tired of fucking feeling like shit when I would work out in the next day.
The hangovers are real later. It's real.

Speaker 1 It's all sad.

Speaker 1 You're just tired all the time. It's like it beats you down.
And if I was doing three nights in a week at the club and the... Hold on, let me ball in this beer.
Yeah, exactly. Bibo Degga cat.

Speaker 1 He's got a 29-year-old metabolism.

Speaker 1 So cold. You'll be back.
You'll be back. You think so? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a supportive friend. Yeah.
I mean, it's not like I'm not going to have a fucking problem. So we're saying we don't judge you for your current situation.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 But we would love to have you back. It's just one of those things where you stop doing it.
You're like, oh, I feel so much better. Why was I doing that?

Speaker 1 It's also like at this point, like, who gives it? So I don't drink. See, I have a different thing.
I go, I go, I'll go like four or five days. Yeah.
Typically, I try to get four or five days off.

Speaker 1 By day five, by day five, I'm going, let's go. Oh,

Speaker 1 I know. Joe, I'm getting fucking wrecked.
Same.

Speaker 1 Same thing.

Speaker 1 It's not not even like... Yeah, you can't just have all of a beer.
And then you regret it.

Speaker 1 You regret it the next day, but you're like... The next day, you go, fucking, I already threw away those five days.
Let's keep going.

Speaker 1 Regret it. Until the wheels fall off.
Look, I had a good time drinking. Don't get me wrong.
I like it. Yeah.
Oh, it's. It's just, I don't like what it does to your body.
Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's always done that way.

Speaker 1 Someone had a great statement that it's like you're paying for tomorrow

Speaker 1 at a high interest rate today. I was listening to your podcast.
Yeah, I'm really glad they pay you today. What tomorrow for What Hamburger Today? That guy, the Popeye guy,

Speaker 1 the guy who was addicted to hamburgers. He had no money.
He never had money.

Speaker 1 Wimpy?

Speaker 1 Wimpy. Wimpy.
Who the fuck is this? Wimpy's burgers. Oh, Wimpy's big.
He's just a guy addicted to burgers? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was a comic. He died.

Speaker 1 He's dancing. I was dying for burgers? Yeah, five guys killed him.

Speaker 1 Fucking assholes. I know.
Bro, those old cartoons were crazy. Oh, don't get me started on the racist ones.
Oh, they're all racist. I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger to die.
That's it.

Speaker 1 I just wanted burgers. Also, you ever see the stories of Blow on the set of Popeye?

Speaker 1 Huh? The Blow on the set of Popeye. Like movie movie Popeye with Rob Popeye.
Because they were shooting in Malta.

Speaker 1 They were shooting in Malta so they could be away from the studios, and they would send film cams back, and they'd send the empty film cans back full of cocaine for the set.

Speaker 1 Because they wouldn't check through the film cans. Oh, my God.
That's so crazy. When Popeye came to Malta, the film set was full of cocaine.

Speaker 1 They had to be like, we're going to do something wild. Of course.
He's not even in character.

Speaker 1 He's cooked up. He's got one eye closed.
That's funny. I've made that face.

Speaker 1 Every single time I've ever done cocaine, I go. You couldn't escape it.
They were actually shipping film cans at the time. Film cans to be sent back to L.A.
for daily processing.

Speaker 1 This was shot in Malta. And we found out the film cans were actually being used to ship cocaine back and forth to this set.
Everyone was stoned. I don't know why they're saying stones.

Speaker 1 What a lame way to talk about blown out

Speaker 1 low. And what a bunch of dorks.
Dorks. It makes sense.
Shelly Duvall. She went through that and the shining.
How did that lady survive? Well, have you seen her now? She died.

Speaker 1 Oh, she did? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She died?

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. She died? And then, Mark, you were saying, what were you saying? She was ugly before she died? Beautiful.
So you were saying,

Speaker 1 son of a bitch. I love punching.
How many memes are the fucking Jack Nicholson with the axe coming through the wall? Oh, you know, Johnny. Like inclusivity, and then trans women on dating apps.

Speaker 1 I think I said this to you.

Speaker 1 That was on the thread. There's so many of those.
Like that one scene with Shelly Duvall in the bathroom and the axe is coming through. Here's Johnny.
Oh, that shit rocks.

Speaker 1 That fucking movie was crazy. Slow build if you re-watch it.
Slow build. It's really nice.
It's great. It's a really good movie to watch.
You know what's crazy is that? Aesthetically pleasing.

Speaker 1 Stephen King didn't like it. Kubrick.

Speaker 1 King didn't like it. Stephen King doesn't like anything cool.

Speaker 1 He likes Salem's walk. He's a tough follow on Twitter.
He is mean. He hates the coolest shit, dude.

Speaker 1 It's fun. He's zigging everybody.
Well,

Speaker 1 the guy got hit by a bus. Did he? He got hit by a guy driving a fucking truck, not paying attention.
And he was walking on the side of the road, and he got clipped and broke every bone in his body.

Speaker 1 I'm not laughing at that. It's just a funny way.
Oh, he was hospitalized for a long time. He got clipped.

Speaker 1 He got really broken apart. As an older man, you know, not like as a young guy where you maybe kind of recover.
How hot is it in here? Not hot at all. It's so so hot.
It's Jamie. It's Jamie's fault.

Speaker 1 It's America.

Speaker 1 Is it not hot? 72? Let's close you, bro. 72 is a little hot.

Speaker 1 72 is a little crazy. You all right, Ari? No, you met the devil.
69, 69, 70. He met us at the devil.

Speaker 1 Oh, you had it set at 72, Jamie?

Speaker 1 That's unforgivable.

Speaker 1 What are you a girl?

Speaker 1 Girls like it.

Speaker 1 They like it warm? Yes. Oh, yeah.
They love it warm.

Speaker 1 If it's up to a girl, she'll go 75. Easy.
Hey, Burt Christian's going to sue you. You're legitimately hot.
Burt Christ is going to sue you. I wish he weren't doing that.
That is a bad look.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 2025.

Speaker 1 He did that for the thing. It was a good thing.
For the survivors.

Speaker 1 I'm legitimately Auschwitzing in here. That's going to be...
Schmitz and Dude.

Speaker 1 Did you feel better now? That'll be a meme. You shirtless doing that.
Well, they am hot.

Speaker 1 Jamie. I mean, it's obviously the stuff.
Jamie, can you bring up Michigan taking the field against Ohio State?

Speaker 1 I think Joe's actually going to like it, and I think he's going to respect football when he sees it. Let's go.
Joe does not respect football. Let's go.
I do respect football.

Speaker 1 He actually has recently come around. I started watching football.
I don't approve of the CTE.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not good. Horrible.
What is a fucking move from the CTE? Guys, no. Listen.
I was a referee.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like I've got it myself. It's like, guys, you're both fucking off.
I got to touch a CTE myself for sure.

Speaker 1 You don't escape it. They tested high school kids.
They have CTE. Yeah, I'm a little worried.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you should be worried. But you got the the touch.
The touch is good. A little touch makes you a little reckless, a little funny, a little crazy.
I got touched. I got touched.

Speaker 1 J-Mo, I know what you're going to do, because I know you're a nasty little fuck. I know what you're going to do.
Dude,

Speaker 1 you knew. It's Smith.
He's got it. Oh, they got it.
Got to make us tackle. Damn it.
He got you there.

Speaker 1 I knew he was going to do it, dude.

Speaker 1 But touch it. Does that hurt you? I knew where they threw that out.
That actually did hurt. Does that hurt you? What a catch, though.
Look at that catch there right here. That's fucking beautiful.

Speaker 1 Because that was a throw down. That's a good third.
That's like that fucking little messy.

Speaker 1 I don't know the airplane.

Speaker 1 He was ready. He had that geared up.
He knew he was coming in.

Speaker 1 It looks like a movie. It looks like a movie.
What I sent Jamie yesterday.

Speaker 1 You want to get mad? Yeah. Let's get mad.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 The LA Fire Fund, you know, they had this big

Speaker 1 show, big fundraiser. They raised $100 million.

Speaker 1 Wait till you find out where the money went.

Speaker 1 James Lee did a thing about it on Instagram. Yeah, and there's been articles written about it where people are like, where's the money?

Speaker 1 The way they distribute the money is so crazy.

Speaker 1 You're going to read this and you're never going to want to donate to charity again because you find out what charities are really, what a lot of these

Speaker 1 non-profits are really about. The lady running the charity that got the money makes almost a million dollars a year.
BLM? She makes me too. Yep.
This. A bunch of same lady.
It's all. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Well, let me get a taste.

Speaker 1 She's all killing it.

Speaker 1 Listen, listen to this. I want you to say,

Speaker 1 I looked into it a little bit. We'll watch it, but

Speaker 1 what they say, though, is that within the first month, they distributed half of that money. Hold on, before you press play button,

Speaker 1 that guy with a fishing hat is not a reliable person.

Speaker 1 That's my number one source of news.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 he's trying to blame the Annenverberg Foundation. That is one of the richest fucking families in California.

Speaker 1 They're worth so much fucking money. I wonder how they got money.

Speaker 1 I mean, fire aids.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. It's like liberal ass Jamie.
You just fucking Ohio State paying liberal. How about just play the video? How about play the video and let everybody figure it out for themselves?

Speaker 1 Let's platform this guy. Yeah, play it, liberal.
Jesus.

Speaker 1 Might be one of the biggest scams in disaster fundraising history. And as usual, I'm bringing the receipts.

Speaker 1 First off, according to reports, the Fire Aid Benefit Concerts raised over $100 million, supposedly for LA fire victims. But since then, residents have been asking, where did all the money go?

Speaker 1 $100 million raised for residents, community things, and funds that are supposed to help with valid, and there's no

Speaker 1 accounting.

Speaker 1 Hmm, let's figure this out.

Speaker 1 So, according to the Fire Aid website, it says that all direct donations will be distributed under the advisement of the Annenberg Foundation.

Speaker 1 According to the IRS 990 form, the Annenberg Foundation is a 501c3 based in Konchakin, Pennsylvania. I live there.
Conchi, baby.

Speaker 1 One massive red flag. I know that building.

Speaker 1 33% of their annual expenses goes towards actual charity programs. The rest goes to administrative costs like executive compensation.

Speaker 1 Look at the numbers. They treat you pretty good over there, starting with top dog Cynthia Kennard, who's making three-quarters of a million dollars plus another six figures in bonuses.

Speaker 1 Who started the fire? Basically, almost seven figures just just for one person there. Here is Cynthia, aka Cine hanging out with Gavin Newsome, discussing or strategizing about

Speaker 1 how to solve it. I would.

Speaker 1 Would. Both of them.
Six years ago.

Speaker 1 Anyway, just to give you a point of comparison with another nonprofit, Doctors Without Borders, they spend almost 90% of their money on actual programs versus less than 1% on administrative costs.

Speaker 1 Local journalists have also been asking, where's the money?

Speaker 1 They found, quote, the FireAid website names only three Palisades organizations that receive grants among almost 120 organizations listed as receiving grants. A couple true ones.

Speaker 1 You see who got the one. A couple true ones in there.
Hold on, let me read it. Why'd you stop? Because he focused on the Palisades on the street.
Just play it.

Speaker 1 Just play it. We'll talk later.

Speaker 1 What to Israel? Those three are Cahel at Israel, Chabad of Pacific Palisades, and Palisades Charter High School. Listen, Scorpions.

Speaker 1 Somebody saying they would call them back, no one called back. Also, referring them to some mysterious man named Philip, no last name.
He was never found. This is just crazy.

Speaker 1 So, essentially, what they're doing is taking the $100 million,

Speaker 1 then paying themselves roughly 70% of it. Wow.
And the rest of the money, they're dishing out to various other nonprofits with their own administrative expenses. And that's how $100 million

Speaker 1 just ends up disappearing. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Benefits.
Okay. So leave it.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he's exaggerating, but at the very least, this is what the NSL does.
NFL does with the cancer research.

Speaker 1 70% goes to administration, 30% goes to the actual cause. These non-profits.
That's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're for their own profit.

Speaker 1 Well, it's just a loophole.

Speaker 1 It's a loophole. They found a loophole to make a great living by being virtuous.
And then they see a fire. They're like, sick.
We're all getting raises.

Speaker 1 But all we're saying, Jamie, is that this guy is saying that 70% traditionally goes to administrative costs, 30% goes to the actual product. That's for all charities.

Speaker 1 Right. That is for all charities, for a lot of charities, but not Doctors Without Borders, which is one of the things that he brought up.
He just picked one, though.

Speaker 1 He's pairing

Speaker 1 this stuff to, he's like, I'll pick a charity. And he picked probably one of the worst ones, you know.
We've gone over the charity stuff many times. There's good and bad charities.

Speaker 1 There's good and bad charities. But the point is that this $100 million, you're saying, was distributed to a bunch of different places, not just specific Palisades?

Speaker 1 Looking into it, too, $100 million was a number that got used in advertising to make everything look big and look good.

Speaker 1 Probably, my part I was trying to say, too, assuming that it is $100 million, there's a bunch of companies and a bunch of artists that said, oh, I'm going to pledge a million, I'm going to pledge a million.

Speaker 1 And you have to go collect it all. You don't know if they all sent it in.
Oh, you know how many times I pledged stuff? I pledged a million dollars to No Dame's NIL.

Speaker 1 I haven't done one single game by yourself when you were in your apartment. No, I was at the fucking championship game watching Ohio State win, and I was going, No Dame needs a D-tackle.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give him a million bucks. For real? Yeah.
And then they were like, hey, you want to give us that million bucks? I was like, no.

Speaker 1 A pledge. Is that legally binding? It was a pledge.
J-Mo. Well, isn't that the weirdest thing about colleges?

Speaker 1 Like, how much money colleges get in donations from people that are really wealthy that used to go there? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even go there.
I didn't go there.

Speaker 1 But that's a big thing with college kids. I used to win before my dad died.

Speaker 1 That's why these college kids are getting money now. It's kind of crazy.
I talked to one at Barstool in in Chicago. He's played at Indiana Center.
And it's like, how much per year?

Speaker 1 He goes, 300 grand to transfer to Indiana. Oh, that's for a year.
Not aims. Pat Coogan.
What? Transferred to Indiana. He was from Notre Dame.
And it's just like, that's a good living.

Speaker 1 I don't have to go into this for my life. I'm going to take my degree.

Speaker 1 They should have been doing that for those kids forever. 100%.
They're making money off of them forever. They're sold out.
The only negative is you can't have a player for four straight years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there just needs to be regulation on it. Yeah.
Because

Speaker 1 now they're letting them pay players, so now it's just the fucking Wild West.

Speaker 1 They got to make some Wild West. They need to do that shit for the Olympics.
They got to make them make four-year pledges. Even then,

Speaker 1 the big schools are all going to

Speaker 1 get all the best players. Olympics, they don't get nothing.
Olympics, they get nervous. They get zero.
Everybody else gets rich. You beat up by a man.
That can happen. Enrolled in that women's boxing.

Speaker 1 Some broad getting teed off.

Speaker 1 You said that they

Speaker 1 were about that.

Speaker 1 And now that new info came out. What's that?

Speaker 1 I thought you were like, no, that's actually not a trans. That's a different.
They were thinking.

Speaker 1 There was a lot of people that were saying that it wasn't really a man and that it was just some woman with an issue. Right.
Like some sort of medical issue. The medical issue is testicles.

Speaker 1 And an XY chromosome.

Speaker 1 XY chromosome and testicles. Apparently, internal testes that don't drop.
It's like a condition that some males have. Yeah, so mycopenis, internal penis.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 Whatever, bro. Call it the clip.
Call it micropenis. It happens to a lot of guys.
It's fine. Come up with the pills, you scientists.
Fix it. That's the thing.
They're ain't fixing shit.

Speaker 1 Except in China. They're crispering the shit out of those dicks.

Speaker 1 Making a big, juicy dick. Good math guy with a big dick, bro.
They're all going to be on the bottom.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Long dividing and then fucking banging your lady.

Speaker 1 Fuck who's that guy? Oh, yeah. With CCP hat on.

Speaker 1 Show your work. You know.

Speaker 1 Man, I got to look into this CRISPR. I never heard of it.
I got to do it. Is it too late for us? I think it's too late.
For now. But in the future,

Speaker 1 we're fucked.

Speaker 1 But not in the future. In the future, they're going to be able to gene edit people that are alive.
Right now, they're doing it to like fetuses.

Speaker 1 We got to go back in time and then shoot my dad up with the stuff to get me the real shit. Yeah, back to the fighting genes.
Yeah. Come back.
Fuck, I wish I had. We do a Protect Our Parks.

Speaker 1 Four months from now, Ari's 150 pounds heavier. Hi, guys.
He's just gigantic, giant hog.

Speaker 1 He pulled the balls out last night. His balls are pretty.
They don't look like

Speaker 1 they're a human. Thank you.
Huge balls. They look the dick.
A bighorn sheep.

Speaker 1 You ever see a bighorn sheep's balls? No. They're ridiculous.
Pull them up. The first time I saw a bighorn sheep, my friend Steve Renelle is like, look at his balls.
You need to look at their balls.

Speaker 1 It's like it's extraordinary. They're like church bells.
Whoa. Giant fucking balls.

Speaker 1 Like master balls. Jesus.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Elephant Titus. Giant sacks.
Wow. They all have giant balls.
Wow. You can't be running with that.
It looks like a big puss. Looking him up, there was giants.
No, it's got a problem. That was a bad AI.

Speaker 1 Of course, the black one. You can't tell what's AI anymore, man.
You really can't.

Speaker 1 It's over. There's no way to tell you.
You got to go straight to the comments, and hopefully, people pointed it out.

Speaker 1 I got tricked by one. By a sheep? I was embarrassed.
What happened? You fucked it? And he's like, I'm a guy. Some fucking

Speaker 1 hot-ass sheep came to the bar. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 it was a video of Trump giving a speech, but they AI'd Billy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I watched it, and I was like, no fucking way. What did he say? Damn it.

Speaker 1 It was actually really funny. It was like something about gay people.
I forgot. Oh, no, no.
But it was like really funny, and it seemed like something he might say. Yeah.

Speaker 1 and then you're watching it.

Speaker 1 Well, it was close. But it took me like

Speaker 1 three minutes to be like. Three minutes is long.
He wouldn't say that. You could finish coming.
But it's over now.

Speaker 1 There is no truth. There's no video.
Let me hear this. I saw this yesterday.
Well, I'm going to be embarrassed, but I'll trick you too. Good.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take a careful note of the work of Colossal Labs, the biotech companies.

Speaker 2 They're the absolute worst group of people we've got in our country, and it's not even close.

Speaker 2 I think we'd all be better off with them gone. But as I was saying, my

Speaker 2 administration and I have been taking careful note of the work of Colossa Labs, the biotech company that resurrected the dire wolf. If they can bring back wolves, they can bring back dinosaurs.

Speaker 2 Terrible lizard. That's what dinosaur means if you break it down.
But picture this, folks. Velociraptor, mounted border patrol agents.

Speaker 2 They'll rip your head clear off. Pterodactyls patrolling the skies, Velociraptors on the ground.
To prevent the immigration apocalypse we may have to counter with a dinopocalypse, folks. It's true.

Speaker 1 I mean, it looks real, but I mean, you watch something like that. While you're watching it, you go.
He might have said no. Also, trucks are so wild.
You just never know. You never know.

Speaker 1 Didn't he fucking post something the other day that Biden was assassinated and they used a clone? Whoa. God, I owe people.

Speaker 1 Didn't that like Truth Social? Truth Social, didn't he? Post something like that?

Speaker 1 Some wild thing that somebody posted? Biden, this isn't even Biden. Because he had a bunch of plastic surgery.
You know, his face pulled back like a lizard.

Speaker 1 Do you know what they're actually doing with the Forest Department? Every email they sent that mentions biodiversity gets bounced back.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? They are so against the word diversity,

Speaker 1 biodiversity, those emails are not allowed to be sent from company emails. Wow.
Yeah. Did you see his N-word thing? You got to protect the parks.
Here it goes. Trump shared.
Look at this.

Speaker 1 You might ask me that.

Speaker 1 It's great. Trump shares unfounded conspiracy theory claiming Biden was executed in 2020.
Holy hell. Oh, who is he debating then? Who did it? Stairs?

Speaker 1 That is so ridiculous. But who is he debating?

Speaker 1 He thinks he was.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? He debated him in 2020. Oh, he debated a different guy.

Speaker 1 He's like it's a clone? Yeah, not really Biden anymore. Yeah, the one he kind of lost, I bet he was like, fucking clone showed up.

Speaker 1 That doesn't seem like that. Well, there was that time that the tall Biden was at the White House.
Oh, yeah. That was crazy.
That was crazy.

Speaker 1 There was a Biden that was was like six inches taller than Biden. And they have makeup.
They can do things to people. They can make you look like Biden.

Speaker 1 They can make you, maybe not you, but like some people would not so long a face. Yeah, Baron.
Was he six, eight?

Speaker 1 Baron.

Speaker 1 Baron would stand out. He'd be too tall.
Barron, who was a long face. What a long face.

Speaker 1 Mark. Biden, don't be depressed.
Don't be sour. I know we're pulling you out.
I'll never forget. But you were a great president.
You're like Lincoln.

Speaker 1 This is way off topic, and you guys aren't going to think it's as funny as I do. But one time,

Speaker 1 my family and I, we were out to dinner at Haas's in Mechanicsburg. And the waiter came over and goes, I got a joke for you.
We were like, what is it?

Speaker 1 And he's like, a horse walks into the bar, and the bartender goes, why the long face? And my family and I erupted. laughing for

Speaker 1 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 No, but it became like we can't stop laughing about how good that waiter was. Oh, yeah.
And yeah, it stuck with with me my whole life.

Speaker 1 And I knew when I started telling that story, it wasn't going to be good.

Speaker 1 Well, that's literally the joke that I said to him. I know, I know.
That's what it reminded me of. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But just

Speaker 1 that whole, like, you know, when you can't stop laughing. Yeah.
Pull up the video that's all Biden, Jamie. Been there.

Speaker 1 What is hosses? It's a tough one for me. Do you restaurant? I like horses.
It's like a lower-level

Speaker 1 reference, I can't remember. Yeah, the wheels are off.
The wheels are off, bro. Chilies? The wheels are off, sure.
I love a chilies.

Speaker 1 I'll go to a chili's any day. There's a salad bar at Hawes'.
Oh, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 No one touches it, but they do have nachos and melted cheese. And you go up there, you go, I'm going to go to the salad bar.
That's a central PA salad.

Speaker 1 The salad bar's got that diced ham. You know, those little cubes? Yes.

Speaker 1 The Pittsburgh salad? You know what the Pittsburgh salad is? Oh, is that where you shit on a guy's chest? It says fries with some lettuce on top.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Oh, that's fun.

Speaker 1 Pittsburgh people are fat. Pittsburgh's fucking rules.
That's a a great city. Underrated city.
Every fat city is the best city. They know how to party.
I love them. What's another fat? Cleveland?

Speaker 1 Buffalo, Cleveland, other Great Lakes. Look at this.
Look at Tall Biden. Look at the size of him.
That's great. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Bro, look at the size of him. He doesn't look anything like Biden.
Shane, we were there. Look how tall he is.
We were right there. Towering.

Speaker 1 Towering over his wife. Like, what is that? Wow, Biden dirty.
Like, what is that?

Speaker 1 Damn. That's weird.
Shane, I went to the wedding. I think there was times when he had some complications, and then they just brought in another guy.
Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think they've probably done that before with people. Roosevelt.

Speaker 1 Apparently,

Speaker 1 I mean, it should, Connor. Who's telling the story? Was it here that they were telling the story of Obama was sitting there talking to one of the people that he worked with?

Speaker 1 And then they removed the mask, and he realized that the person who he was talking to was not the person he works with, and they were showing him how good the CIA masks are.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was green room conversation. Someone was explaining in the green room that they have the CIA.
I was like, it might have been Metzger.

Speaker 1 Illuminovic. You don't know? You don't know? You don't know about that.
That guy's wonderful. Bro, you're a reference of a name you've never heard of.

Speaker 1 You're like, well, so why do you think he went to Seattle in 2016? I'm like, who is anywhere to meet any of this? And they'll hit you with five more in a row before you recover from the first one.

Speaker 1 The picture you took of me

Speaker 1 is a big

Speaker 1 bro. You are getting trapped.
Because I love Metzger for two decades. And then she's like, ah, man.
You need a break after that. Metzger's the best.
He cornered me at Terry Black's the other day.

Speaker 1 I was in the corner. I was sitting next to him.
I was at Terry Black. And he was like looming over at me.
And everybody else was having their own conversation. I was like, hey, hey,

Speaker 1 help me. Hey, hey,

Speaker 1 hey, Melissa with headlines. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Safe word. Epstein.
Oh, yeah. Bro, he just hits you with like five, six conspiracies in a row that you don't know about.
You don't know about that? Cleveland? 36? He's going to tell you. I don't know.

Speaker 1 What happened? What happened? You know, Don Tillers was just an experiment gone wrong. What?

Speaker 1 I think I was a part of that program.

Speaker 1 It was the South Africans. Yeah, programs.
All about programs. That's what happens when you grow up in a cult and you think everything's a cult when you get out.
Everything's a cult.

Speaker 1 And then he starts working for Jimmy Doer, so he finds out about real conspiracies. Yeah, Metzger had his first birthday like four years ago.

Speaker 1 His eyeballs. Enough's enough.
When he looms over you with the conspiracies, it's like he's not even a real person. He's like a cartoon.
Oh, yeah. He's like a guy in a movie.
I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 There's no guy really like that that just traps you and hits you you with 50 conspiracy. Yep, it's Kirk Metzger.
I'll get you. When I have him on a podcast, it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It's just like, wind him up and then. Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 The first thing you said, the first thing you said,

Speaker 1 let's go back to that. Like, what are you talking about? Like, what did they do in the Pacific?

Speaker 1 Who did it? They sunk a ship? What happened?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, dude.

Speaker 1 Hey, that's the same thing. Oh, you don't know? You don't know?

Speaker 1 You don't know. How can you know? How do you know all these fucking things? Oh, yeah, that's it.
When they put up the Epstein files, he's the guy who reads the 60,000 pages. Oh, yeah, instantaneously.

Speaker 1 And I was jerking off.

Speaker 1 He's doing other things on the side. He's playing chess, jerking off, reading the stuff.
So weird, too. He started in Blackrooms.

Speaker 1 Daddy gets to that. He's crazy.
Him and Big J. Yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Blackrooms will have you. When you're like a shitty young comic, they're like, we don't care.
Come on. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they love having a white guy.

Speaker 1 There's dudes that are just joke machines. Metzger's a joke machine.
But if you got him in the writer's room, he's a machine. Dude, Miss Pat got me a spot in Atlanta once.

Speaker 1 I was down there for something. And she was like, all right, go.
And the show started at 8. I got there at 7.30.

Speaker 1 Doors are locked.

Speaker 1 Till 8.45.

Speaker 1 And then I go in. I'm like, hey, Miss Pat sent me.
Like, oh, we got you. We gotcha.
The MC does almost an hour. The MC did an hour? Yeah.
And then he goes, oh, y'all, Billy from Iowa.

Speaker 1 The MC from Iowa.

Speaker 1 You're Billy from Shaw. Oh, is that me?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I'm pure death. It sounds like it.
Ari Shafir, Billy from Iowa.

Speaker 1 Close. Close enough after an hour.
Yeah. Eight dicks in front of my manager at the time.
Oh, my God. You invited your manager to the black room?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. It's fired up, dude.
This shit makes me laugh. What is it? Camera run.

Speaker 1 What were they talking about? I posted this on my story.

Speaker 1 I was a little hungover, laying in bed, and this was killing me how funny this is.

Speaker 1 Can you start from the beginning?

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Stop.

Speaker 2 Diddy Trials, the name the Punisher came in here yesterday

Speaker 1 because I was watching the Diddy Trials. Some guy came the name the Punisher.
Boy, back in the days, Murder.

Speaker 2 Named the Punisher.

Speaker 1 Who was the Punisher?

Speaker 1 Was that security?

Speaker 1 Who's the Punisher?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. Oh, man, there it is.
Did you ever see the

Speaker 1 Meek Mill talking about how Suck Knight used to put handlebars on guys? No, that's horrific.

Speaker 1 Meek Mill said some crazy shit about Suk Knight.

Speaker 1 Suck Knight put handlebars on dudes. That'd be funny if you put a helmet on, too.
It's fucking a guy.

Speaker 1 Why are they all fucking each other? What's going on?

Speaker 1 They're homosexual. Power move.
It's a power move. It's a power move.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what, I never thought of it like that.

Speaker 1 I think Ari's got it. Ray J.
Oh, it's Ray J. Oh, huge dawn.

Speaker 1 Okay. Why do I think it was Meek Mill? Accuses Suge Night of sexually assaulting him behind bars.

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe it wasn't Meek Mill. Maybe it wasn't Meek Mill.
That's a different video. I've seen that.
Yeah, no, no, no. It is.
It's Ray J.

Speaker 1 25 sticks. Sticks of butter.
Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Use the butter as Eno.

Speaker 1 Not margarine. Margarine's bad for you.
Not greasy though.

Speaker 1 That's so crazy. Yeah, they grease that button.
Cameron and Mace are. They get together, have fun.
They have fun, and they forget that they're on Mike and times have changed. They don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 They might get off. But times didn't really change.
It's just like people have to hide it. And that's why people like Protect Our Parks.
Times

Speaker 1 are the same. And times definitely don't change if you're fucking black dudes from Harlem.
Right. That are rappers.
Cameron and Mace. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like. They can say whatever they want.
Yeah, Yeah, say whatever they want.

Speaker 1 But are we going to get the dirt out of all the Diddy people? Or get something? What are you doing? Do you hear your chin? It's all the fuck are you doing with your chin? I want something concrete.

Speaker 1 Bro, it's listen to any story. Dude, fuck.
But like J-Lo, DiCaprio, are they going to talk? Kid Cuddy said... Bieber? Kid Cuddy said...

Speaker 1 Puff Daddy burned his car. Broke into his house before Christmas and opened all the gifts for his kids.
No.

Speaker 1 really? That's like the Grinch. And he called him when he's in his house.
Hey, buddy, I'm in your house. Just want to bless yourself.
You're opening up the present under the tree. Holy shit, bro.

Speaker 1 That's insane. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
That's hilarious. Yeah, that's like Ari.
Ari might be fucking white digging. That starts the fucking Ari trick.
You hate Christmas, Yaheb.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude, I can't believe you guys killed him.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez, Santa. Oh.
Santa too, you would if you could. You would.
If the Jews got there, you're going to burn your beak.

Speaker 1 Jamie, delete the anti-Semitism. No,

Speaker 1 55 minutes out of this episode and everyone in the past. Jamie, I'm not trying to add work, I swear, brother.
Sorry, J-Mo.

Speaker 1 He's very sensitive on these shows. He needs to be respected.
I guess so. I respect him.
J-Mo, bong a beer, brother.

Speaker 1 We'd love to have you. Are you sober too? You're like a gay rogue.

Speaker 1 You have been losing weight. You look good.
You look fucking fit. Velvet.
Jamie, bong one beer. Bong one.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's actually secretly, he's the best guy at bong of beers. I know, right? He does it quietly, and then he comes up here and does it, and he's like, yeah, that was nothing.
Luke Combs. Luke Combs?

Speaker 1 No, he has a shotgun. No one can fuck with him.
Yeah, yeah, that's great. He does it so quick, it's like it doesn't even make sense.
Why are you doing that? Is that a magic trick then?

Speaker 1 He just punches the bottom of them straight from the can, and two seconds it's gone. You're like, how?

Speaker 1 Come on. Skill.
Come on. Skill.
Come on. You can't help yourself.
That's a problem.

Speaker 1 There's so many country guys I can't keep up now. Yeah, it's a big one.
Big popular genre. Brian Zach.
Really did blow up. Country.
The other guy built up. God's country.

Speaker 1 Well, it used to be a thing that you would have to hide.

Speaker 1 People like

Speaker 1 anything except country. Anything but God's country? That was like the standard.
That's the whole thing. They wouldn't mention polka.

Speaker 1 Right. Have you listened to poker? No.
I guess I got it. Shit rocks.

Speaker 1 Go out to Western PA.

Speaker 1 I remember I was dating this girl in the 90s and I turned her on to Dwight Yoakum. I'm like, you don't.
Stop all this country shit. Just listen to a thousand miles from nowhere.

Speaker 1 You tell me that's not a good song? You're crazy. Old country's the best.
Old country rolls. Old country is great, but Dwight Yoakum.
That's why a lot of the new guys are good. Exactly.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of guys doing old country over old country. All of our guys.
Guitars, Cadillacs, Hillbilly music. That's all.
Beer, Swiggin, Figs, Zach Ryan.

Speaker 1 I mean, what is it? That shit's great. What did Oliver Anthony do? That's that.
Yeah. I mean, what is that? Yeah.
Who? Oh, yeah. Soul Fall.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Oh my God.
Oh, my God. I mean, that is like some shit that's going to, that's going to stand the test of time.
That song. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That song's going to be around a long time. Fucking Beyonce's doing country.
That's how popular it is. Right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did Texas hold them? Yeah. Blowing my mind here.

Speaker 1 She's winning awards.

Speaker 1 She's got to turn on white. Well, I think what happens is

Speaker 1 once Jay-Z stopped fucking up, she's just like

Speaker 1 her. She's like mom now.
She's watching her kids.

Speaker 1 Jay-Z's Jay-Z.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus. I think what happens is the fucking country just swings one way.
They want simpler times. Yeah.
Terrified of nuclear war, terrified of fucking, what's going on?

Speaker 1 What are we doing with Russia? You know, it's a big one. The military enrollment went up.
Oh, during Trump? They put out a fucking white commercial. Oh, who?

Speaker 1 They put out a white guy commercial. They're trying to get the whites.
Oh, well, the whites are out. The army's back.
They're going, hey, come on, whites. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The left try to get the men. You got to fight Iran.
Well, they also stopped the whole...

Speaker 1 Why are we fighting Iran? Trans thing in the military. They stopped all that.
What? Let them fight. They're scary.
I love Dave Smith's point on that. He's like, the left is like.

Speaker 1 The left is going, no, trans people should also kill innocent people in Yemen. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You guys are taking the wrong stance. Is that Dave Smith? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It should be: don't kill random people at a wedding party. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bro, how about when Trump tweeted out that Houthis thing? They got those guys in a circle and they blow them all up. And Trump's like, there will never bomb our fucking ships again.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I don't have much advice for the Houthis other than stop fucking hanging out together.

Speaker 1 Stop circle. Literally in a circle, they all walk to a truck.
Oh,

Speaker 1 stop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 One at a time.

Speaker 1 I bet they don't have to get any more.

Speaker 1 They keep doing it. Every time I see a drone strike, it's fucking 20 dudes walking together.
Well, what the anti-war people are saying is that that's a tribal ceremony that they do.

Speaker 1 These they get together in these groups that has nothing to do with the war.

Speaker 1 Also possible. Yeah.
I didn't know this guy.

Speaker 1 Well, you can't ask questions when you're in a drone. It's a terrorist group?

Speaker 1 Yeah, just label terrorists.

Speaker 1 Do I get a green light? Do I get a green light or no? Green light, green light, green light. Yeah.
All of who can't.

Speaker 1 And that's that's been Bush, Obama, Biden, Trump. Oh, yeah.
They'll just kill anybody, label them later. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Well, the amount of people that get killed by drones that are innocents is off the charts. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Any other type of warfare, like, it's like 90%. Yeah, we got to go back to swords.
It'd be nice. It'd be tough to catch a guy.
Like, that's the bad guys. Catch a fucking bystander with a sword? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ah. Well, back then, everybody was a bystander.
You know, when they, the sword times, they didn't spare anybody. You see, they sent drones into Russia, Ukraine, they hit them on that roof.

Speaker 1 I've heard about this. Everything I've heard from Russia-Ukraine, I've never believed any of it.
Who knows? There's so much problems on any side.

Speaker 1 But the one thing that the Ukraine attack is legit, where they bombed all the bombers with the drones.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah,

Speaker 1 they caused $7 billion in damage in one day.

Speaker 1 They blew up all these bombers. Oh, and they sent suicide drones to blow up all these bombers that were on these airfields.
Suicide drones is such a great term. It's just a bomb.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a remote control, but it doesn't shoot things. It flies into things.
It detonates. That's why they call them suicide drones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they fly the drone. The drone is the weapon itself.
And

Speaker 1 it's intelligently controlled. And they just fly them into these jets and blow them.
Japan was all over that. Japan was? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, meth.

Speaker 1 Also, meth. That's how they got those guys to do it.
Meth. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was all meth. Yeah.
the kamikazes, that was all meth. Oh, really? You get those guys methed up and fly them right into the...
Fuck, I got

Speaker 1 you're methed out of your fucking mind. Same thing with the Nazis in the tanks.
The tank guys were the guys that had the most meth. And the ones who dance at clubs.
It's the methius molly.

Speaker 1 Don't dance. Get your gun.

Speaker 1 Remember the techno-viking? Remember that guy? Yeah. That guy ruled.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that guy ruled. There was some guy who was being shitty to some girl, and he grabs her by the arm.
You get out of here. She kind of steals water.

Speaker 1 Some guy gives him a bottle of water. He drinks a little of the water and then he starts broken.
Viking dance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Viking dance rules. I saw that on E-bombs World.
Can we see that guy's name?

Speaker 1 I was like, here we go. I loved Ebom's.

Speaker 1 So he takes this guy, hey, get out of here.

Speaker 1 Get out of here. With that guy.
I'm going.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're going home. If we see this fucking dude, that dude has cardio.
He'll beat your ass for hours. And then he has to point at him one more time.
Go.

Speaker 1 You don't want to fuck with that guy.

Speaker 1 Don't turn around. That guy's that's the bad motherfucker that hangs in a group.
Let it go. And then look at this dork.
Breathe it out. The beta comes over, offers the water.

Speaker 1 The beta. Upside down, water.
Trying to, like, you know, really important. Yeah, but if that's your boy, yeah.
If one of your boys is the Viking guy,

Speaker 1 I know I got too close to you. And then the dances start.
Give me some music, Jamie. Is that a gun on the left of him? Techno Viking in the house.

Speaker 1 Holy moly, he can move. Black socks all the way up.
That guy fucked all the dirty hippies that night. No one else is dancing.
See, I haven't seen it since I was a boy.

Speaker 1 Now that I'm looking back on it, this guy's kind of fucking gay as shit. No one else is dancing.
I remember being a kid thinking he was the man. He's stressed.
This guy blows.

Speaker 1 People are walking through. No one else is dancing like him.
You don't want to hang out with his guy, though. Now they're dancing.
Fuck no, I don't want to hang out with them.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's the cut to the dude who got sent away.

Speaker 1 Poor dude. Where are we?

Speaker 1 Detroit is part of the business.

Speaker 1 Poland. Oh, somewhere.

Speaker 1 Okay. Techno.

Speaker 1 Oh Berlin, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Fuck parade.

Speaker 1 That could be the new name of Protector Park.

Speaker 1 Fuck parade.

Speaker 1 It really is a fuck parade. 2000 fuck parade Berlin.
This is what Pride is. Boy, I hope they don't all gang up together and fight Russia.
Got a crazy weird abs. Oh, my God.
Uneven. Yeah, mismatched.

Speaker 1 A lot of abs are like that. This almost says it could have been this whole thing could have been staged.
They're not sure because it was made by an artist. The whole video.
Oh, it's totally staged.

Speaker 1 That totally makes sense because the way he pointed was so performatory. Back to the guy, too.
Why would they have followed up on the guy that

Speaker 1 was his twisted sister? Jamie, always get into the bond with things. Jamie, you're great.
We all love you. We do love you, Jamie.
You know, we all love you. I know you got fired up earlier.

Speaker 1 Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 Well, you start bringing up Ohio. You get his fucking hackles off.

Speaker 1 You get his hackles off. He's a fucking asshole ass.
He brought up fucking Node. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 you got to let him slide. It's like when you have a

Speaker 1 yellow dog.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 this is classic Ohio State.

Speaker 1 They won the title,

Speaker 1 and they're still babies.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. They're still babies.

Speaker 1 You can go, you know, you guys lost to Michigan? They all go,

Speaker 1 you guys won't even play them anymore. Oh, boy.
They won't play us, dude. Oh, whatever.
Be careful. Look into that history.
You know what, Texas, though?

Speaker 1 Texas plays Ohio State first game of the season, and they won't play them on Sunday night. I did see that.
That pissed me off. Why not?

Speaker 1 They don't want it it to be a night game.

Speaker 1 Why? Because fans, it's a much more rowdy environment. They want a fucking noon.
They want a noon kickoff. It's Sunday.
It's the Lord's Day.

Speaker 1 It's cowards' work. Yeah, they want home over bad.
That's funny when you have to schedule your games based on how fucked up people will be. For sure, be careful.
Let's not let them.

Speaker 1 10 p.m. game.
Oh, my God. Joe, you would love watching Michigan walk into Ohio State.
Can I see it?

Speaker 1 JD's got the controls. Not today, Satan.
Only because you asked. I'll show it.
So

Speaker 1 Michigan, who I hate more than Ohio State, did suck this year. They're playing at Ohio State.
Michigan has owned them for no fucking time. Three straight years going into this.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, three straight years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's just nice to watch a team walk into an entire environment that hates you. We see it.
And they're just together, just walking. I mean, it's...

Speaker 1 And I hate Michigan. And Michigan is not even good here, but it's nice to watch.
But they haven't lost to Ohio State, so it's like a jujit, it's like a great MMA game. Okay, here we go.
Oh,

Speaker 1 so wait, they're not wanted? It's only going to play 20 seconds, though. That's all right.
When it shows the stadium,

Speaker 1 damn, that's quite a stadium. Wow.
Imagine being one of those guys. Imagine being one of those guys about to play this game.
Fuck CTE. Let's go.
Yeah, fuck CTE. Let's go.

Speaker 1 I want to be smart when I'm fucking 70.

Speaker 1 Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 1 Is this it? Is this it? Oh, this is Ohio State.

Speaker 1 You're gonna watch that.

Speaker 1 What's this? Ohio State. This is why he came to watch this.
Let's play this too.

Speaker 1 Oh, for two. I want to hear this.
I want to hear this when they get out of the field.

Speaker 1 They need four wins to re-script a crushing end of the season. This is step one tonight.
Oh, this is not the Michigan game. It's Tennessee.
Yeah. December game.
And this place has been

Speaker 1 fired up.

Speaker 1 First ever December game. Beautiful.
That's when Ohio State. Turn it around.

Speaker 1 What is first ever December gaming?

Speaker 1 They just added the playoffs this year, so there's never been games this late.

Speaker 1 That's exciting. Oh, we're doing this.
God, this is amazing. Enter Sandman, Virginia Tech, Miami.
Oh, we did it.

Speaker 1 We did it? Yeah, we did it already. We got some good entrances.
Hold on, bro. Enter Sandman's the greatest fucking

Speaker 1 beginning of a game song of all time. Fuck, I'm trying to think of some good ancient songs.

Speaker 1 Metallica just played.

Speaker 1 Metallica just played Blacksburg. They played Virginia Tech Stadium.
Bro, how about when they played Berlin after the fall? Is that right? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Moscow. Moscow.
That's right.

Speaker 1 They played Moscow. It's the most

Speaker 1 like a million people. We've watched that.
We've watched that. It's the most insane concert you'll ever see in your life.
Well, if you're not. You need to see it right now.

Speaker 1 Ari needs to see it right now. Ari's definitely seen it in You need to see it.

Speaker 1 But he needs to see it right now because he's in it on the menu right now.

Speaker 1 After that, you got to show Billy Joel and USSR. We've done that too.

Speaker 1 I saw that. We've done that as well.
It was the punk test. Have we ever played Bled Zeppelin? Jump around, Wisconsin.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 The sound isn't as good as you need it to be.

Speaker 1 What about there's an Ariada Grande concert in London?

Speaker 1 Manchester, you assholes.

Speaker 1 Imagine being in that audience.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 Look at that fucking crowd

Speaker 1 is this Berlin

Speaker 1 Blacksburg, Virginia.

Speaker 1 They're about to watch some mediocre football.

Speaker 1 Yo Kokis.

Speaker 1 Hey, white band members.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 I'd love to tell you I didn't watch this earlier today.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. This is the fucking Coliseum.

Speaker 1 Oh, I gotta run there.

Speaker 1 Damn. what a fucking song.
America fucking rules. What a country.

Speaker 1 What are we talking about? Of course, people walk here from Guatemala.

Speaker 1 Dude, if I saw Wisconsin going this crazy and I lived in Guatemala, I would go, bro, I got a walk. I'm going across that fucking desert.

Speaker 1 Extra bottles of water, and I'm making it across that fucking desert. Jay, yeah.
Yeah, that video. That video we just showed us 65,000 people in the crowd.

Speaker 1 The first one we watched at Ohio Stadium and this place here is double.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 shit. This is the big house.
70,000 there. Holy shit.
You know what I was supposed to perform there this year? Yeah, really? Me and Zach Ryan were

Speaker 1 on Michigan Stadium. Yeah.
And they said no to me. But then they cut you back on, I thought.
Well, Notre Dame got me. Oh, that's true.
What? They said no to you. Yeah, what the fuck? What did you do?

Speaker 1 I have fucking some stuff.

Speaker 1 I said a couple things. Come on, bro.
You guys are joking around. It's back in the day.
I didn't mean it.

Speaker 1 Let's play. Let's leave with Russia.
Do Enter Sandman and Russia. Oh, shit.
Don't. That's the shit.
Don't do it. Do we want to do it? You look at the size of the crowd.
Nah, it's just the fucking.

Speaker 1 No, this is America giving it to Russia. This is America doing

Speaker 1 Russia.

Speaker 1 Okay. Look at the size of the fucking crowd.
This is Moscow, 1991. Look at the crowd.
Holy shit. How many people is that? Helicopter right over it? Bro, that has to be a million.

Speaker 1 I said it's over a million. Why is it helicopter right there? That's the end of your empire.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 For real, you go. Let's get this.
We're all poor. This is Putin saw this and goes, I'll be back.
Yeah. Kind of sick.
He came back. Kind of sick.

Speaker 1 He's in the KGB at the time.

Speaker 1 Nah. Moscow.

Speaker 1 Fuel.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Look at that fucking crowd.
Jesus Christ. Can you imagine being on that stage with that energy feels like? No.

Speaker 1 1.6 million. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 In the crack.

Speaker 1 Man, it's like Sunset Club. Some suggest up to 2 million.
1.6 million in the crowd. That's so crazy.
You do one show, you retire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They didn't. How was the paycheck, I wonder? Oh, it must have been in rubles.
Yeah, it must have been nothing. You get five potatoes and your life.

Speaker 1 You get to leave. We are not going to kill you.
Yes. Congratulations.
Long-haired gave.

Speaker 1 All right, wait. I know we're trying to play it out.
This is cool. Keep it coming.
I don't want to go home.

Speaker 1 No, J-Mo.

Speaker 1 Woodstock 99 corn. All right, let me really hit the bottom here.
Hold on. Wood's got corn.

Speaker 1 Trust me, daddy. Trust me, daddy.

Speaker 1 I hate corn.

Speaker 1 Oh, they need this.

Speaker 1 Protect our parks.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 there's must be no experience on Earth. Like being Hatfield on that stage.
There's no experience on our stage. So there's no coming back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you mean? Have you seen that? You go.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's the Asian guy who does the biggest song in the world?

Speaker 1 Oh, whoa. That guy's a good guy.

Speaker 1 Sock.

Speaker 1 When he comes up from the stage, trust me on Woodstock 99 corn. I know you didn't.
Look, you're allowed to not like corn. I didn't really like corn.
I don't like it. I watched all this fucking video.

Speaker 1 Let's see. It was some intros.
I trust you.

Speaker 1 You would never throw us a bad one. I wouldn't do this other than that Bulldog video that never got brought up.

Speaker 1 Trust me.

Speaker 1 Here it is. Just.
All right. I saw some chicks.
You're allowed to not like corn.

Speaker 1 Look at at the jugs on

Speaker 1 Jig Leak.

Speaker 1 Van Flexon.

Speaker 1 This is pre-9-11.

Speaker 1 This was on pay-per-view. Oh,

Speaker 1 shit. That guy's

Speaker 1 full hood.

Speaker 1 I remember this song.

Speaker 1 My youth.

Speaker 1 I think the idea here, keep an eye on the crowd, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, when the and also, you know what got me was break yourself, the lead singer's face when he walks out and sees the crowd, he gets it like you just watch a guy like take that energy in.

Speaker 1 This is a weird time in music, like rock rap. Yeah,

Speaker 1 DMX played earlier in the day. Okay, kid rock,

Speaker 1 lip biscuit.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Look at that crowd.

Speaker 1 Bro, that crowd's alive. Yeah, that's crazy.
That's a living organism.

Speaker 1 Imagine being an alien, and you come down, you watch this, you're like, what?

Speaker 1 What the fuck are they doing? The pinnacle of their existence seems to be giving yourself CTE in front of a million people. Yeah.
Headbanging.

Speaker 1 Anyway, that one got me going. That's fun.
That was the 90s, baby. What was the last one that we wanted to do? It was Gangham style.

Speaker 1 He does that jump out.

Speaker 1 He does that side for the jump out.

Speaker 1 Jump out for the win. Did he have any other big hits other than that? No, he faded away.
No, he had one other big one.

Speaker 1 Right off that one. Really? Yeah.
I kind of of remember it. Norman ready to shut him down.
Wow, I thought he got giving the man his flowers, as the kids like to say. Oh, shit.
My bad.

Speaker 1 I thought you got it. No one's like, fuck him.
Fuck him. He went away.

Speaker 1 Psyop.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Oh, well, I mean, the way

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 it is. This isn't it, is it? That's not it.
No, the one when he pops out of the floor. Pop out.
I thought that was. That was like the fucking Asian microphone.

Speaker 1 And the one when he comes out of the floor. That's it.
He comes flying out of the floor. This is it.
The Magalena. Watch this.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That fucking rules. And he goes right into it.
Holy boy.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at the size of that place. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 They're going to all kill us eventually.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Shit.

Speaker 1 It's fucking squid game.

Speaker 1 Look at the size of that crowd. It's literally drone footage, dude.
We're going to rock them.

Speaker 1 Look at the game.

Speaker 1 holy shit

Speaker 1 holy shit that's insane

Speaker 1 wow

Speaker 1 wow

Speaker 1 how many people was that i wonder holy it shook the whole place yeah no shit that's millions of people can you imagine being his wife

Speaker 1 Be like, hey, could you clean up a little?

Speaker 1 See what I fucking did?

Speaker 1 I just flew out of the floor. Shut the fuck up and cook me a sandwich.

Speaker 1 All right. We're done.

Speaker 1 Shall we eat? God bless America. Yeah.
Yeah, hell yeah. Let's go get some gout.
Gout!

Speaker 1 Gout.

Speaker 1 Gout of order. Goodbye, everybody.