#2285 - Andrew Schulz

The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day Oprah's doing an episode on psychedelics God bless How about that? God bless That means she's definitely done it Yeah, you don't do a fucking... Are we rolling yet? Are we rolling? Yeah? Yeah Yeah, you don't do an episode on psychedelics unless you fucking visited the Maya.
Unless you dabbled. Unless you got in there.
You think it's ayahuasca or mushrooms? Most of those fancy people like to do the ayahuasca. Yeah.
You know, because then you can claim spirituality above all other people. Oh, you think there's like a pretentiousness? Oh, 100%.
There i've done it i've done it i've experienced the mother god yeah the god yeah i've experienced gaia yeah it's like i think i think people do really do experience that but also there's a certain type of personality that wants to let you know that they're enlightened. Yeah.
They're further down the road than you, Andrew. Yeah.
Yeah. And like one way to get like instant street cred in the psychedelics world is say you do ayahuasca.
Yeah. You know, if you do mushrooms, you might just be some asshole at a party.
Yeah. You know, you and your friends are just fucking giggling nonstop on on the couch.
It could be that there's no points in mushrooms

Right, you don't get points for that. You can say you say you took a heroic dose

You'll get points amongst the learned. Yeah, but the casuals don't give a fuck

You do ayahuasca, we're gonna pay attention a little bit. Yeah, the casuals are gonna go.
Why did you eat eight grams? Yeah, that seems crazy

But the other people gonna go whoa, what was that like? Yeah

Oprah's out here. Oprah's out here pushing it.
I wonder if it's like, yeah. I mean, it's on my friend Mark Bell's page, Mark Smelly Bell.
And he said, what fucking year are we living in? Like, what is happening here? What's going on? Yeah. I wonder if the ayahuasca thing is uh for some like a quick fix you know they're looking for like immediate life change oh yeah for sure and also sometimes your life has been such a colossal series of failures that you want like some symbolic reset yeah and probably there's a lot of value in like a real like a like set and setting like a ritual yeah like i'm a merge i'm a new person at least maybe that bullshit will give you some momentum for real to kind of get on the right track i was talking to neil about this neil brennan you know he he he did it he's done a lot of different things.
Yeah, because he was trying. He was really battling this stuff.

He needs to get off that vegan diet.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

What if it's just chicken is all he needs?

What if it's a ribeye? He's down in Costa Rica licking toads.

For real.

If I had that dude over my house and cooked him some elk steak, I'll change his fucking life.

If you make an agreement, just eat this with me.

He takes one bite and he's like, I am worthy. But I think he was talking about it and he was, you know, one of his superpowers is his cynicism, right? And it's really debilitating.
And I tell him this all the time, but it's also amazing because he's hyper aware of what the most negative thing could be. Right, so for joke writing, it's amazing.
It's like he's constantly wondering like what would his biggest hater think? I actually think it was one of the reasons why Chappelle's show was so successful because it's like to create things, you need to be super confident. You need to not worry about who's going to criticize you.
Yeah. So if you can outsource your criticism.
So if Dave can like think about these things and be like, okay, this is awesome. And then Neil can be like, yeah, yeah, but this would be said if we do this.
And then together you have this like perfect combination of like uber confidence and then this insecurity. And then you make these things that are just masterpieces.
And hyper analytical insecurity. Yes.
You know, like intelligent. When you're smart and insecure, it's even worse.
Dumb and insecure, you can manage. But then he said he did the ayahuasca and he was like, he had gave me this like, I don't know, feeling of connectedness or whatever people experience through it.
And he's like, it was really liberating. I think I did my best work afterwards because I wasn't constantly beating myself up.
Like I was able to create. so I think there is value in it but i do think sometimes people are looking for like the the quick okay my life has changed now and now i connect with the world and i'm we're perfect you can always tell the guys who beat themselves up because they beat other people up too what is it i hurt people hurt people yeah the guys the guys who beat themselves up they're always always like super critical of other people.
Look at him. Look at his fucking bullshit act.
Did you ever go through a stage like that? Not really. Never? No.
No, I figured it out when I was 21. Real lucky.
I talked about this the other day. There was one time, it was an open mic night, and the guy went on after me.
I was hoping that he would bomb. And I remember thinking that, like what a bitch-ass way to think that is.
Ugh. Yeah.
That that like what a bitch ass way to think that is yeah oh yeah but that's such a bitch ass way to think and i completely shifted my perspective because like you don't think like that with martial arts like you can't think like that you know you can't think like that yeah you can't think like that ever that's like a weak ass thought yes and then i realized like oh this is like your brain trying to occupy itself with this time that's going to be between you and your goal of doing something in comedy. And it's so far away.
You suck. You're 21 years old and you suck.
So everybody else got to suck. So you want people to fail and you want to do better.
Yeah. It's just a total scrambly, I don't know what I'm doing with my life thought yeah I realized I was like oh that's a bitch-ass thought but that is very normal for human beings oh yeah bitches out there yeah we're kind of bitch made in general like it takes more effort to not be a bitch actually especially if you have a job so if you have a regular job job like an office job you will pretend to be a whole different person for eight hours a fucking day every day of your life that you're there yeah that is a lot of time bullshitting yeah and when you get out all that bullshitting there's not much you left whatever could have been you never grew because whatever could have been you was stifled by fluorescent lights and a fucking monitor.
You're watching Severance, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, clearly it's a metaphor for, I don't know, there's a lot of things that go on to it.
There's a lot going on with that show. And also, shout out Ben Stiller.
I didn't even know Ben had this, like, level to him. Right.
I've always respected Ben. I thought he was hilarious, making great comedy movies.
But I didn't know he was, like, an avant-garde storyteller. Right, right.
It's also the way it's shot is brilliant. The first episode, every shot, I don't know who the DP is, like we should find out who that guy is, but every shot has like perfect symmetry.
Did you notice that? I didn't notice it. You could cut the screen in half every single shot.
Really? It is a masterpiece. But I think about that, like this idea of severing yourself, a lot of people are doing that at work anyway.
100%. That's what you were describing.
They're this other person at work for eight hours a day. Yeah.
They aren't their self. There's a different identity.
They make up these little terms. Like, oh, it's my work wife.
It's like, yes. Well, that's why it's so easy to push like crazy woke nonsense into an office space because people are already bullshitting oh so for already pretending here what else are we gonna pretend what else I have to do to keep this job yeah what do I have to do to get a promotion what do I have to do do I have to pretend that trans kids what is it drab queen shows okay I'm in healthcare yeah my dick whatever you want to call it.
And it's gender affirming. Was that what we're calling it? Okay.
And it's interesting to see how little pushback there is about from the workers now that all these programs are being wiped away. Well, the people that are losing their job are complaining hard.
And then the senators are complaining hard. But everybody else is happy.
Yeah. The people who've been faking it at work that are still working there are not like, damn it.
You know what I mean? They're just going, all right, I get to be like a little closer version to myself. Well, they're probably going to get fired.
At Disney? You're saying at Disney? What do you mean? I'm saying all these programs like have come out, maybe not Disney, but it was like Zuckerberg comes out and goes, yeah, Metta, we're not going to do the DEI shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think Amazon even came out and said it. I thought you were meaning government jobs were cut by USAID.

No, I'm talking about corporate jobs, people who have corporate jobs.

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Oh, you mean corporate DEI jobs? It could be DEI. It could just be anybody working there in general.
There's a bunch of people that got jobs, and their whole job was to make sure that the company was diverse. Right.
And it's like, do you remember the Rainbow rainbow coalition you remember Jesse Jackson back in the day Jesse Jackson used to I know Jesse but he had this thing where he would go to businesses like if they had some sort of a dispute yeah like say if there's some sort of an issue like maybe some black executive got fired maybe shouldn't have or someone put something on the wall in the bathroom something jesse jackson will come in for a nominal fee for a nominal fee yeah he will come in and straighten your business out and so what does straighten your business out mean well make sure that you guys are on the right track give a little speech collect a little check and then what basically say you're not racist absolutely you're not right you can't be racist you're hiring Jackson. We're on the right track.
So he comes along, gives you the rubber stamp. Legend.
And he's like balling, like balling out of control, just giving the rubber stamps to these companies. And then on top of that, what they do is then they would have jobs for people to oversee this activity in a large corporation.
So it's basically like no-show jobs the mob used to give out at the Javits Center. Right.
I had a buddy of mine who had one of those. Do people know what the Javits Center is here? It's a big convention center in New York City.
This is where Comic-Con would be and all these different things. Big stuff.
And it was mobbed up, right? Mobbed up. So they would have all these fake jobs that you could give to the guys around the block.
Yeah. Everybody's getting paid.
probably supported by the city in some way yeah i don't want to say his name because he's uh still around okay but uh he was an actor and uh i was uh working with him and uh he was explaining he's got a no-show job he i knew he was do i know who you're talking probably not but i'll tell you afterwards okay fucking great guy okay but afterwards everybody everybody was like, that guy's like so mobbed up. He had a fucking no-show job.
You know what's funny? You get like 200 grand a year. You don't even have to work.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, there's a lot of construction jobs and stuff. But this is kind of how things work.
Well, this is what USAID is finding. USAID found this place in San Antonio that they spent billions of dollars on.
And it on it's fucking no one was there completely empty to me it's not like shocking but that it's the numbers are shocking no the numbers can get shocking but it's funny that Jesse Jackson thing is an actual job because I remember like I had a joke that it could never work out but the idea was was based on um it was it was Black Lives Matter when when Ukraine started popping. Right.
So everybody had the Black Lives Matter posters in their windows in New York. And when Black Lives Matter kind of came down.
Well, it's once those ladies got caught buying houses. Of course, of course.
That put a dent in it. It wasn't great.

So now there's all these white people in New York that have Black Lives Matter in their window, but they're like, I've got to get this out of my window.

So I had this idea for a joke where it's like, if I was a black dude, I would set up a business where we will take down your Black Lives Matter poster for you and then replace with like a Ukraine flag. You know what I mean? So like, you're still a good person.
Jesse was doing it in the fucking 70s. I had no clue the Rainbow Coalition already worked.
That is what it's called, right? Yeah, it was the Rainbow Coalition. He had a bunch of other things he would call it under, but the whole idea was just to make sure that people weren't doing the wrong thing.
Yeah. Do the right thing.
Yeah, you gotta do the right thing. You gotta do the right thing.
You always gotta do the right thing. Yeah, but the problem with that is it gets hijacked.
Obviously, there should be no racism. There should be zero racism.
Yes. There should be zero discrimination.
Yes. Everything should be merit-based.
Yeah. But the problem with that is it gets hijacked.
Obviously, there should be no racism. There should be zero racism.
There should be zero discrimination. Everything should be merit-based.
But the problem with that is, and this is a real problem, the country's not merit-based in terms of where you're born. You didn't earn your birth spot.
You didn't earn your family. It's a roll of the dice.
And you get real lucky or really fucking unlucky. Yeah.
And as a community, as a country, we pay zero attention to the completely downtrodden. I think this is the biggest mistake that the Democrat Party has made is not making it a class issue.
Like the most successful people in the party, like Bernie, and you like her politics or not, but like AOC, they make it a class issue every single time. I think AOC polled the same as Trump in her district.
Why is that? Because people think that she wants to help. And Bernie has just been taking shots the entire time.
He's like, look at all these billionaires. They got a lot of money.
You don't have enough money. Campaign finance is fucked up.
We need to stop that. There's too much influence with people with money.
And it resonates people oh yeah we feel like you want to help i mean you i feel like you were like a big bernie dude dude that was the first time i really got canceled was over bernie because they didn't want bernie to win and so they started calling me racist and homophobic and i was like where is this coming from when bernie started popping what did they say right they had to i don't know who they is you could call whoever the fuck they want but like there was this idea that they had to like thwart his success and these articles started coming out where it was like the bernie bros yeah bernie's got a problem his his his fans or supporters are sexist they're racist and they're these bros that are that are fucked up and they're radioactive and they're bad people and he's got a real problem so they're trying to make him radioactive and i remember seeing the reaction to trump coming on the pods and it was the exact same playbook it was like the manosphere pods yeah they're sexist they're racist look how fucked it's like you're doing the same thing yeah you're making it about identity politics i think think Americans are kind of simple in that like we want abundance, but we want access. So if eggs are expensive, I can't care about your bathrooms.
And you need to tap into that feeling right there. So if I'm a Democrat, this is a class issue.
But I feel unfortunately a lot of them are in the pockets of these wealthy people. It, it's all a hustle.
If we had the entire time, if we had brilliant people working for the betterment of the United States, it'd be a far better place to live in. We've had a bunch of people that are capitalizing off of the fact they get in this position of extreme influence and wealth.
Yeah. And they make insane amounts of money for people with $170,000 a year salary.
And they keep it rolling. So how do you do that? How do you find somebody who wants power but is also benevolent? Because you've got to get rare human beings.
That's the thing. Most people who want power don't exactly want to give back.
It's a bottomless pit. Bro, have you ever seen people get a little bit of power and lose their fucking marbles? who? Well, I can't say I can't tell But it's not one of our friends guys just don't want to say it publicly.
It's not you don't even know okay But I've seen people with just like you get a job where you're the boss now And you just become a cunt and a half like what happened? Do you think it exposes who they always were or do you think it actually changes their Their character it's probably both It's probably both they probably had weak character to begin with but they could get away with it if they were not in Situations that you know Caused a lot of anxiety or stress, but then as soon as they do get in a situation causing like if you're the boss of some workplace somewhere yeah i've just seen people just completely lose their shit when people rely on them and depend on them they just become tyrants do you think that they resent the dependence i don't know what it is man i don't know what it you lot of people that depend is, yeah, I would say depend is tricky because they have the autonomy to not do that. But there are a lot of people that definitely rely on you.

And, yeah, do you feel pressure from that?

Yeah.

No.

Really?

No.

I feel like you took care, like, before you opened the comedy club, you were taking care of these people that you asked to come out here and work for you.

So you must have felt this concern for them.

Yeah.

Didn't you hire them?

Weren't you paying them even before the club was open?

Yeah.

Well, they were all unemployed out of L.A.

So I said, listen, we're going to open up a club.

We're going to find a spot.

But you could start immediately.

So, like, you just get paid. Enjoy Austin.
Kick back kick back relax we'll call you in about a year and a half but you felt it was around two years but you felt the responsibility yes but it didn't burden me got it it wasn't like oh this is a heavy responsibility it's like this is smart we could do this this is the right thing to do this way we already have the best people that you know got fired from the comedy store because comedy store couldn't open yeah LA's retarded yeah and so we got them all to come out here and it's like look the right thing to do is they're like pay him now and yeah we'll figure that out we just had to figure out where the spot was and then obviously once we got the spots like this is gonna be a long we're gonna have to put some construction on this bitch and. It's going to take some months.
So you knew it was going to take time. You're like, okay, I'm going to take care of them in the interim.
But again, so you're not burdened by people feeling like they rely on you or anything like that? No, it doesn't bother me. No.
If it burdened me, like, if it was something where I was worried I was going to run out of money, like, if I was, like, stretched real thin. Yeah.
I'd be like, fuck. There's so many people working for me.
This is a problem I gotta I gotta like figure something out. Yeah, but I'm not so okay.
It's okay It's just it's like to decide what you think about in this life What do you mean by that decide what you think about in this life? if you Are you gonna do something that's going to change the way you feel about having a bunch of employees or happy? Or are you not? Are you going to freak out about it? Like decide what you think about things. What are those two philosophies, like a determinism and a free will? Yes.
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Will is real. Okay.
I know it's real because it exists in me. The idea though is that it's fleeting and it's dependent upon a multitude of factors your will is really dependent upon your hormone levels your genetics how much sleep you've had uh what what positive or negative experiences have shaped you in your life there's a lot going on that that like forces you into this position where you have to decide whether or not will is real yeah but will's real i believe it's real it's a hundred percent real yeah like i know it's not determinism that makes david goggins run harder than anybody else it's will yeah it's a hundred percent will his knees are destroyed yeah it's only will that just gets you up off the couch if your knees are destroyed and you run a tidy 30 miles that day Yeah, that's not that's not determinism.
Yeah, that's bullshit. It was determinism There'd be tons of those guys out there.
Yeah, we a small Cameron Haynes small little fucking handful of these like psychotic people who have incredible will world champion champion fighters, Gordon Ryan in jiu-jitsu.

Gordon Ryan works out every fucking day of the week.

365 days a year.

It's a huge sacrifice.

If you want to be really great at something,

you kind of have to be out of your fucking mind,

but you also have to have an iron will.

Yeah.

You don't want to work out every day. There's going to be days you just want to but you also have to have an iron will yeah you don't want to work

out every day yeah there's going to be days you just want to eat cake and sleep yeah but if you want to get past the guy who eats cake and sleeps yeah you don't eat cake and you don't sleep yeah that's will dude that's will there's a i don't your determinism could suck my dick because it's never there's no just like accidental amazing people. Yeah, yeah.
It's like, you know, it's like a lot of similar stories. You know, single mom, you know, started doing this and started doing the invented something when he was 18.
Do they all come from trauma, you think? I think a lot of people that are hyper ambitious come from a shitty environment. And what is that connection? I think it's probably wanting something better than you're experiencing and knowing that it's possible that it's out there and knowing the pain Of living in the ghetto or the pain of being on food stamps the pain of Poverty and then the fact that like when you're poor and you're young you wonder whether or not you're going to have food You know, that's a scary thought for a child.
That's motivating. Yeah, it puts a kind of fire in you.
You don't get a Mike Tyson if he grows up in Brentwood. You get him when they grow up in Bedford-Stuyvesant.
You don't get him when they have an awesome dad and an awesome mom who's there for their baseball games, tells them what a great job they did and consoles them when they get hurt and like no no no you have like a life of pain and then you got some pain to dish out after that i also but i feel like it's not completely dependent on that you know like i wouldn't say that i had this like life of pain like i've you know dealt with my shit you know but i feel incredibly competitive and ambitious well you're an artist it's a different? Yeah. The reason why it's a different thing is you're an artist in a very specific genre, which is talking shit.
You're a shit-talking artist, right? I love to still it to that. It is what it is.
It is what it is. It's beautiful.
You're professional shit-talkers. It's my favorite art form.
Yeah. And shit-talking artists, they want to be around a bunch of people and have a good time yeah right so you don't need need to come from trauma to be ambitious and be a a shit talking artist yeah all you have to do is like be someone who admires success and who wants to progress and keep getting better at this thing that they love that has given them so much yeah but you also you also have to sacrifice and you have to commit to things right you know i do feel like it takes like i mean i didn't i mean in the beginning like i don't think i celebrated a birthday for like a decade like i don't think i ever considered like taking a vacation or anything like i was just so hungry to get after it to get good to be like unden goal.
It's like, how can I be undeniable? I would see these guys go up like fucking Greer Barnes or Mike DiStefano. And I would just be like, they're just undeniable.
And yeah, I don't know. I didn't even fucking drink, I think, for like a decade.
I was like, I got to get better at this. I got to just kind of work.
And maybe that comes from like watching my parents work hard or something. I'm sure that helps.
Yeah, they were really hard workers Yeah, and that's like the expectation of work Also, you have a lot of gratitude and I think if you have gratitude you realize how fortunate you are to have the ability to work hard Yeah, cuz that's a real thing. Oh dude, especially working hard at something that you're actually successful at

Like once you're actually successful keep that foot on the gas It is keep that foot on the gas. Let's go that that's like the balance like you just put something out So I imagine you took a little time off afterwards.
Yeah, I did. I got like 25 minutes right now Okay, so you're building back and like I I find in order for the next thing i do to be different i have to take time away uh-huh because i have to like reflect on the changes in my life and if i keep going like earlier in my career i would just go go go go and i found i was writing different versions of the same jokes right like they were different jokes but it was same topic same kind of reaction and I think it was I just wasn't you're trying to fill time I'm on the road I'm like I gotta go back to Albany next year do another hour making 1500 a weekend and then you get connected to that material because you've been doing it for a while yeah and then it doesn't really resonate with you yeah and then yeah so it's like I think Louie took a whole year off i think i i really i really respect that yeah i think i think it's wise yeah i think taking time and thinking about it is really wise and thinking about like what are the things that are that are on your mind like what is what is uh how do you really feel about this world that we're living this this world that seems more and more like it's not real more and more like it's a fucking simulation yeah yeah i'm kind of convinced now what it is a simulation yeah something going on there's something more to reality than what meets the eye there's more to it than what you could put on a scale or what you could put a ruler to there's more to this thing this thing's made out of of some very bizarre energy that's attached to consciousness.
That's what I think. What do you mean by this? I think that, like, I think it's really possible.
First of all, it's inevitable that one day they will achieve a simulation that is indiscernible from reality. Okay.
No doubt about it. They've gotten real close, you know, where you could put on haptic feedback suits and you can see things and you feel like you're in a room.
You know, it's crude, but it's like, you know, Nintendo from 20 years ago versus, you know, some modern warfare game now. Right.
They're going to get to a point where it's indiscernible. Yeah.
So if it does happen, how do you know? How do you know when that takes place? Now, here's the question. Is that the ultimate progression of technology? Is the ultimate progression of technology transcending physical reality and becoming completely digital life.
So if that is possible, how do we know if it hasn't already happened? How can we know if it hasn't already happened? Well, one thing I would say that if this world was scripted, it would be filled with a lot of shit that's exactly like what happened. Trump would get shot in the ear and say, fight, fight, fight.
You would have Elon Musk at the inauguration looking like he's on another planet. Now, Joe, I just want to make the point here.
You're making the argument for determinism. No, I'm not.
I'm making the argument that there's a conscious interface. There's consciousness, and it's interfacing with something that's not entirely real.
And that is the life that we're living in. And we think it's way realer than it actually is.
So is somebody in control of it, or they're allowing us to have some semblance of control? I feel like it might be controlled by the actual things that are inside of it. So I think our destiny is truly in our hands.
I really believe that. I like that.
And if that is the case, how is that not real? Well, it is real in a sense. But I think that the actual way that things happen and work is dependent entirely on the level of consciousness that people have that are experiencing it.
sounds like very hippy-dippy and wooey and it all comes comes from a lot of different things But one of it comes from Tom Campbell who wrote this like very fucking bizarre book that I've listened to an audiobook twice now Okay, where he's talking about essentially what we think of as reality is just a simulation okay the whole entire thing is our consciousness interpreting everything as we experience it throughout the day but when we are not here yeah that is not the same thing what do you mean when we're not here when we die you're like when we're not if you're not on mars is mars real or is mars something that we we agree is real We agree it's in a certain space and it only be there when we get there Like if the universe is a true simulation, imagine what a mind fuck you have a simulation where It's perfect in that it has all these galaxies and supernovas the moon aligns perfectly with the Earth to cause eclipses. And without the moon being there, our entire atmosphere would fall apart.
We would never be able to survive. So it's like this perfect little thing that's set right there, and we spin around and worry, which bathroom should we let the guy in a dress go to? And...
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But meanwhile, it's just a show that's being put on for our consciousness. Okay, so it's a show being put on for our consciousness, right? And somebody's put on the show.
And then we get the ability to go to the moon, and then they got to scramble and make a moon? No, there's a moon. I mean, it doesn't matter.
Wherever you go, there is a place. Because that is kind of funny.
It's like if our technology gets so good, and they're just going, fuck, we got to make this thing real? They're on the way. I'm well aware if you're criticizing me.
This is a dopey way to describe it. But if the tree falls in the forest and there's no one there, does it make a sound? Yes.
I don't even know if the tree falls if there's no one there. I'm not convinced.
I'm not convinced. I'm not convinced.
So the tree... Okay, okay.
If you take a trip to the Pacific Northwest, you will find trees. Yes, yes.
I just don't know if they're there all the time. So they're only there in reference to us looking at them.
Oh, I get what you're saying. I think that's...
Wait, wait, wait. So you're playing a video game.
Uh-huh. And as you move throughout the map of the video game, it presents itself.
Yeah. But you're saying without us accessing it, it isn't presenting itself.
It might be the whole universe. They're saving on data.
That might be the whole universe. The whole universe might be us interacting with something.
But they exist. But it doesn't exist without us.
Yeah yeah and this is one of those things like what

does it matter either way but exists with us in this moment like if you jump off a cliff you will

die yeah like gravity's real yeah you get pulverized yeah no no no doubt but it's because

you jumped it's also like your consciousness is is the reason why all this is here yeah that's

you're interacting with that's the manifestation of everything though so i i get what you're saying

and I'll see you next time. But it's also like your consciousness is the reason why all this is here.

Yeah.

Because you're interacting with it. That's the manifestation of everything, though.

So I get what you're saying.

The structure.

Existentially, does it exist if we're not touching it, feeling it?

It's what they say about the Native Americans when they first saw the ships.

They didn't know what they were.

Yeah, that's bullshit.

That's not real.

Exactly.

But I wouldn't say that it's not real in that they didn't understand what it was. In the distance, they think there were mountains moving closer.
They probably just saw these giant pieces of wood and was trying to figure out. They had structures.
They might not know it's wood. But didn't they have structures? I don't know if they're fishing at that time.
I'm not sure. But if you see them in the distance, you see them moving forward.
Right, right. I get the idea.
Your brain can't map what that is yet you'd be freaked out so it's mapping to whatever you know so it's like oh shit is it low tide and there's some like sandbars out there that are slowly approaching what the fuck is that that's kind of what you're saying we can't under like i can't understand like what a glacier is without knowing what it is when i see a glacier for the first time i can recognize glaciers everywhere but if i take someone who's never seen to it. I think this guy's going further than that.
I think he's saying the glaciers aren't real unless you're there. But if someone is there at every point in time throughout the world, then everything is.
Yes. And we have enough people where there's some people in Antarctica.
All right. So Antarctica is always there.
There's some people in Alaska. Okay, so that's always there.

If we have enough people throughout the world, the world is this congealed substance that we can look at, feel, touch, and experience.

Yeah, and it might be like the map of the game is like those NASA satellite photos of Earth.

That's the map of the game.

Like if you wanted to go through a game, a video game, and before you go through the game, it shows you these are the arenas in which you're playing.

And you can choose one of them?

yeah you could

change

yeah

you could to like go through a game a video game and before you go through the game it shows you like these are the arenas in which you're playing And you can choose one of them? Yeah, yeah, you can choose one or you know which level you're going to yeah Like that's those NASA 3d photos of the earth. That's what the earth is Yeah, it's like the place where we play this consciousness game when you're sitting at home and you're like thinking about these things Yeah, do you like talk to your kids about it? No, that's too weird to talk to kids about what about your wife are you like just going hey she would go what yeah you know my wife she'd be like what the fuck are you talking about okay so you're so you get out of the sauna you have a nice sweat you're walking around your house you're looking at the stars you see fucking saturn or whatever if she wants to talk about something like that yeah she'll bring it up like if she wants to talk about something heavy it's not like i wouldn't talk about something heavy with her yeah but generally like i come home from work she's been with the kids she's doing this and that we eat dinner we have fun how was school have a good time maybe we watch a little severance together yeah yeah but if she's like did you ever think that maybe this is all isn't real i'd be like i'm so glad you brought this up okay so do you do you struggle battling with the because some people when they think about this stuff they feel their own insignificance and it's very depressing for them oh it doesn't matter like this so you're unaffected entirely that like your existence in this lifetime over the grand scheme of things could not be important it can't be important but it is but it is to you and it is to the people around you so if that makes up our reality then it's important sure but why think about that why about whether or not you're important? I just don't waste any time thinking about whether or not I'm important.
Maybe important is, maybe important is like a pretentious word. Not, I'm not important.
I mean like, don't think about the end of the game. Play the game.
Don't go, Oh my God, it's going to end. Yes.
My quarter is going to run out. Just play the game.
But some people won't play the game if they know it's, there's no game at all, or they know it is completely a game. I think that there's this like urgency that is applied.
Like, OK, I have to I have to create the art that I want to create in this time in my life. Like time is something I've been thinking about, like nonstop since I had a kid.
It's like time. How do I spend time? It maybe is cliche, but it is the thing that I like value the most.
And everything gets broken up into these little quadrants of time. OK, I'm out here.
I'm doing some pods. Okay, I'm away from my daughter.
I'm away from my wife. How do I get back that time? How can I like create these events? Like I don't even buy expensive shit.
I like to take a vacation with my friends. I want us all to stay in the villa together because when we're in different hotel rooms, we miss out on those little moments in between.
Right. Time, time, time.
And to me, it's like I'm putting an importance on this i guess the game you say you're playing i want to experience the most of this game as i possibly can while i'm here and i have all these examples of people like finishing the game you know my dad's you know he's uh he's got dimension and all this stuff it's like you're seeing your ability to i guess manifest that reality you're at the kind of end of your game you know but like yeah i i the idea of like me being important i don't care about like that in terms of how people see it but in this time i have here i want to believe it's really important and i want to soak as much of it up as i can you know and i think sometimes when you're like oh it's pointless it's it's nothing like i felt like jim carrey was going through that moment. There are these times where I'd see Jim talking about the insignificance of the world.
And I feel like that can kind of lead people to sadness and depression. I feel like sometimes you need the battery in your back of importance.
Not you being important to other people, but the time you spend here being valuable. Yeah.
Well, that's part of gratitude, too. That's one of your best traits and Having gratitude is you would recognize that you this time is precious, you know Yeah, use it to the best of your ability and then really like you enjoy it like soak it up Did you see everything everywhere all at once? Yeah, I did Like I thought I thought that was a beautiful way of showcasing how people look at, like, the nothingness of life.
Yeah. This girl sees it as potentially nothing and falls into her own kind of, I guess you would call it just depression.
Why is it worth it? What the fuck is going on? on right and she kind of sees her father as this like weak guy that's getting like walked over and then comes to realize that like he chooses to deal with the nothingness with kindness and love with everybody and in reality he's like a hero like his perspective on the world is the best when confronted with the nothingness of life He chooses to like be compassionate and loving and it's actually like the most heroic stand you can take Hmm, I think it's very easy to just submit to nothingness You're determined is maybe the wrong word but like you like hard shit the day The day you're no longer here is when you can no longer do hard shit I feel like your day is full of it and it's just constant like wake up I'm getting in the fucking ice bed like everything I see you do is hard you know what I mean like you could shoot a fucking thing with a gun if you want you could shoot animals with a gun I'm surprised you don't run on them with a fucking knife like I like literally like I feel like one day I'm gonna see you go I'm going knife hunting I'm going bear knife hunting just because it's a difficult thing to do. And I don't know, maybe that's how you process the process existence.
Well, I think if you are a person who enjoys challenges and finds a reward in like working hard and, and overcoming that resistance inside of you, as a Pressfield talks about that, that thing that wants you to be lazy. If lazy if you if you have value in that you find value in that and it helps you live like a more enriched more fulfilling life you tend to just keep doing that because this is like if I I know for a fact me as much as I work out and take care of myself if I take like three three days off.
You'll start to get used to it?

I start getting depressed.

I start getting anxious.

I start feeling weird.

Like I don't feel level.

Like a couple of days off, you're just like, I just feel gross.

I'm just like, why is the world so weird?

And then I'll have one good hard workout.

And then I'm like, oh, everything's fine.

And I'm like, how many people need that and don't get it?

What is that?

It's just a human body has certain requirements because it's designed to run from tigers. Okay.
The human body is designed to constantly be. So you have to feed it.
Yeah. You have to feed it.
You have to deal with these difficult things because for millions of years, that's how our brains and bodies have been processed to work efficiently. And if you don't put in those situations, is the messaging like you're wasting this time here? What is that internal messaging? You can have both, right? You can have people that have brilliant minds and shit bodies.
They exist. There's people that don't take care of their body at all.
Yeah, Stephen Hawking. But he had a disease.
But he wasn't like an Adonis before. Right, that's true too.
People act like it's a big difference. Yeah, but the best way for your brain to work well is if your body is healthy and has energy.
It doesn't mean you have to be a weightlifter. It doesn't mean you have to be, you don't have to do any specific thing.
If you like running, run. If you like tennis, play tennis.
If you like yoga, do yoga, but you

should 100% do something. Find a thing you enjoy doing.
That's why golf or, uh, or rather a tennis

is such a great thing because it's cardio and it's fun. Right.
You're doing a fun thing. You're

playing with your friends. Yeah.
Community. Huge.
Yeah. But you're, you're active.
If you don't do

that, I don't think your body is in sync and i think there's a whole lot of people running out there taking care of things with pills that you could fix way better and what and feel and look better more importantly you it would help in every aspect of your life

It would help you think clear you'd have less stress. You'd be more reasonable Like go fucking do something with your goddamn body.
Yeah, and if you if you don't do that I really believe you don't do that you have less potential You can have a genius mind that allows you to overcome that potential which is just pure intelligence just a pure insight on the world. That's extraordinary you could overcome Bullshit hormone levels and bullshit, you know body fat levels you could but you shouldn't yeah You're so fucking smart.
You got a terrible body. Yeah, what's wrong with you? Yeah, if one of these goddamn things Yeah, you can make that thing awesome.
Yeah, you even do anything yeah yeah you have one of these you get one fucking body and yours is a dumpster yeah yours is a dumpster for potato chips that's crazy what do you like when you're talking to these high functioning dudes you're talking to like an elon is there did they value exercise and stuff like that at all like can he even put that in his day like um elon's a different animal there's no other human i've ever met like him um no he i don't think he exercises much i think maybe a little bit i know he was thinking about fighting zuckerberg so he did some training he trained with lex and who else was it george napierre they put up a photo of it was george right so he trains with one of the greatest of the greatest UFC fighters of all time Yeah, Lex Friedman our boy who is also Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt Yeah, and I think he just did a little bit of that is like fuck Yeah, shout out Lex. Yeah, there it is Look at John Donahue the great John Donahue the greatest jiu-jitsu coach of all time So he was like learning some stuff.
I'll never forget Lex coming to my wedding uninvited and blacking out i'll never forget that i'll never forget that thank you lex we really appreciate that in all fairness it was my fault that he blacked out you forced him to drink i kind of got him a drink and uh didn't realize the russian in him had a mind of its own that russian mixed with that fucking

American bourbon. That motherfucker

was off to the races. It was so funny.
Whitney was like,

yeah, I'm going to take Lex. I was like, oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, I like that guy. And then I remember seeing him on

like a beach chair just pass the fuck out.

Oh, dude, we had an adventure. Yeah.

You guys went to Vegas later that night, right? We go to Vegas

that night because Whitney had

a wedding. Oh, like a corporate? She had a wedding.

She did a wedding at someone's house. Oh, I thought she had a gig.
It was a corporate gig. Oh, it was a gig, yeah, yeah.
But it was a wedding at someone's house. Yeah.
I think it was a wedding had a wedding. She had a wedding.
She did a wedding at someone's house.

It was a corporate gig. But it was a wedding at someone's house.

I think it was a wedding or a birthday.

Whatever it was. Party, private party at someone's

house. Must have been a birthday.

So we fly

from your wedding. Yay, congratulations.

We hang out and then

hop on a jet. You know, it's only 30 minutes

to Vegas. We get to Vegas.

By the time we land, Lex is lit. I mean, Lex is lit.
He was lit at the party. Lit, lit, lit.
Whitney performs at this lady's house. Didn't you go on? I introduce her.
I thought you did five minutes. I was drunk too.
I went up and said happy birthday to the lady. I forget what it was.
I'm pretty sure it was his birthday And then I bring up my good friend one of the most hilarious comics in the world wouldn't he come and then She we we get on the plane or we we get in the car to go to the plane to head back. Yeah, and there's no plane They never booked a return flight So he tried to get a return flight because they had her got her a little shitty private jet to get there yeah so then we try to get a return flight we cannot i call my service they can't the quickest they can do is in the morning yeah like what do you guys want to do so i we decide that we're gonna get a limo and so have a car service drive us back to la love it so it's a four- hour drive or whatever the fuck it is.
It was me, my wife,

Whitney, and Lex. I remember you

just sending me videos of Les

passed out at different parts of the

casino.

That's

at the airport.

That's at the airport.

But he's like that for the last

12 hours. He was like that at the wedding.
He was

obliterated. I mean, he went hard.
That boy

goes hard. He goes hard.
It makes you

want to not drink. There's certain people

I'm done. Yeah.
I think I'm done. I feel like less people are drinking.
Well, it's really a good idea. That might be your influence.
It's a good idea to not drink so much. I wonder if the alcohol companies are concerned.
They're trying to find something. There's always going to be drunks.
I see it like beard consumption way down. The problem is it's poison.
Yeah. It's wonderful, lovely poison.
My favorite poison is wine. I love a great glass of wine.
Do we have a nice little red going on here? Do we have any red wine here? I want to know what you're drinking. There's something.
Yeah, there's at least some out there for sure. Okay.
Do you want some? I mean, if you're going to have a glass, I'll have a glass. I'll have a little sip with you.
I've kind of cut way back on my alcohol consumption. Oh, really? Yeah, way, way back.
I would go, every time I'd go out to dinner, I'd have a drink or two. Yeah.
Every time I'd go to the club, I'd have a drink or two. And then one day I sat down, I was like, that's like four days a week, five days a week.
That's like a drink or two five days a week'd go to the club i'd have a drink or two and then one day i sat down i was like that's like four days a week five days a week that's like a drink or two five days a week like how would you feel if you didn't have a drink or two five days a week so i didn't have any drinks for like two weeks and i feel a lot better really so am i breaking your like streak right now yeah you would be breaking my streak i don't want to fucking streak up well we don't have to drink it then but actually let's break it i don't mind yeah i think the key is like all things it's all about moderation but the reality of alcohol is it's basically poison yeah but it's got great social utility oh yeah i feel like people undermine the value of alcohol and how it ain't around for all these years because it sucks and like if you travel it you don't get to experience certain cultures in their truest form without them consuming alcohol right like if you've gone to like ireland you go to dublin like during the day there are very different people and they seem kind of like tight and dour and then at night at the pub after like a few guinness it seems almost cliche but everybody's singing and dancing and there's so much like love and connectivity and you see why all this great like literature music and poetry just comes from this tiny little island and you're like oh wow you really need that like it is a tough place to live and you gotta stuff everything down and you need a release valve same thing with Russia like when I was in Russia seeing them on the drink, they're weird. On the drink.
On the drink. They're warmer.
There's warmth in the culture. That's a great way to explain it, though, on the drink.
For real. We have fancy glasses.
Okay. They're both Cabernet, though.
What are you thinking, Joe? Well, what is... 97 or 2022? Which one was the one that you just touched? 97.
Grab that one. Where your hand is.
Yeah. That's what we're going to decide.
97 is a long time ago. How do you find that balance where you kind of need it? That's old-ass wine, huh? Yeah, I don't know who brought it.
How do you find what balance? It allows people to access this part of themselves that they might feel is pushed down. The or.
The problem is if you use it too much. Right.
Yeah. And it's also the problem is like I notice if I drink three or four nights in a week, I don't feel as good.
Yeah. And when I don't drink at all for two weeks and I feel like really good all the time, like, what am I retarded? Why am I drinking? Why would I drink? Yeah.
Like I don't need to drink to have a good time. Yeah.
But, you know, when you're at the bar or at the club, rather, and everyone's being social, and Tony's like, who wants a drink? Anybody want a drink? And they're like, hey, cheers. Yeah.
It's just about discipline. It's just about, like, if you feel like you're going off the rails, hit the brakes.
Yeah. Settle down.
Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah.
But a lot of folks don't have any of that, unfortunately. and you know be sober for a long time, and then one glass of Chardonnay later, they're doing cocaine and headed to Vegas.

Snacking the alcohol.

Who is Lex Friedman?

Blowing rails on a private show.

Who does coke and passes out?

That's how drunk you are. This episode is brought to you by my friends at Black Rifle Coffee.
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Oh, there's something so funny about people passed out that's all it's the funniest shit ever they've become children they're babies they're like infants you know there's just completely in control of their body yeah you're not even there hello look at you how cold it's just a weird aspect to people that we have to shut off yeah that's so weird. I was just watching this video about this guy who, uh, he did a radio broadcast in Times Square where he stayed up for eight days.
Okay. And this guy started having crazy hallucinations.
He was having his REM sleep. His REM cycles in his brain were going off while he was awake.

So he's living inside nightmares.

Yeah.

I'll send it to Jamie.

It was crazy.

I think Duncan sent it to me.

It's really wild. They say that can induce insanity faster than anything, right?

Oh, for sure, dude.

I mean, that without a doubt.

The sleep deprivation.

Yeah, sleep deprivation is really bad for you. How many hours do you get a night? I try to get at least seven.
Oh, wow. But on good nights, I get more.
But what if you come home late from the club? When I do, if it's school days especially, I get up in the morning, I say goodbye, and then I'll maybe go back to sleep for an So like I'll get up With them, you know, see them off And then I'll go back to sleep for like one more hour Because I can sleep on the ground Dude, I can go to sleep on rocks I know how to pass out So like I can go right back to sleep And I'm good But I like 7, but I can function on six i had six last night yeah i had

to get up in the morning for a dentist appointment uh but generally speaking um i'm looking for eight yeah i like eight yeah eight's where it's at i don't think i've had eight hours i don't think i've had eight hours since i had a kid oh yeah i didn't either for a while it takes takes a long time. And it's also like your day is way more occupied.
It's a completely different. You really realize how much your actual time working on something is precious when you have children.
Because they just go to bed. You're like, okay, I got get some shit done yep you know you got one hour you don't have an hour to flip through your phone check out tiktok uh-uh you got an hour to get something done yeah and then you got to go to bed yeah and then you got to get up in the morning you got to get up early you got to help with this help with that we're doing this we're doing that we're packing our stuff in here and okay let's go there and there's a thing.30.
Don't be late. Okay, 4.30.
And then you got to zoom over from here and go to the... It's like your day is so occupied, but it makes you more disciplined.
It makes you more disciplined and it makes you feel more productive. It's weird.
Even going out and say having some drinks or whatever and waking up and feeling kind of shitty. Without the kid, I kind of feel guilty by halfway through the day.
I'm like, what was I doing? Why the fuck did fuck i go out partying but when i'm like up at seven and i'm fucking tired i'm hungover and i'm with my wife taking care of the baby by 12 i'm like i'm a good fucking parent like i i feel like this i feel like a positive sensation in the place of this like guilt-ridden one that i would used to feel maybe and I think it's that immediate

productivity that purpose there's this human being you love more than anything that is like

deeply relying on you yeah and um yeah I feel I don't know it's also the kind of love you have

with them it's just indescribable how old were you when you had your first 40 yeah so I'm 41 so I was

yeah it's the same thing it's it's yeah it's every cliche it's amazing you spend all this time as a

Thank you. Yeah, so I'm 41, so I was...
Yeah, it's the same thing. It's...
Yeah, it's every cliche. It's amazing you spend all this time as a comedian thinking of unique or different angles, and then you're presented with your child, and every feeling you have is the most cliched feeling that everybody has ever described in having a child.
Yeah, and then you don't mind when babies are crying on airplanes anymore dude it completely

Changes everything it is it is adorable when they're crying on the airplane. Yeah, you want to like you almost want like help the mom Isn't that crazy how when you're a young man you like oh my god a baby's crying

You like look for something to cover your ears with that's also a big city thing

I feel like I feel like places that like country places where they're so used to... Where there's family dynamics and that's rewarded.
I grew up in the city where it just wasn't that rewarded. It's a rare thing to even be a kid in the city.
Especially you're a kid in the city and then you go from that to being a stand-up comedian so you're a nighttime night club guy like the whole baby crying like oh jesus yeah it's like whoa some bad decision making going on over there yeah yeah but it is i wish that i would like us to change that a bit i think that's the thing that's kind of missing in like this masculinity movement is fatherhood i hear a lot of guys talking about masculinity movement going on apparently on these pods that we do is that what it is we're the manosphere dude this is where fucking men hang out i don't think they consider us the manosphere honestly i think the manosphere is like those pickup artist type dudes but that's the thing none of those guys have kids or they talk about like what it is to be a man and it's like buddy like you're missing out on the most important part of the entire process. Yeah.
I want to hear the guys who have a bunch of kids telling me what it is to be a man. Right.
To me, that's way more valuable. And I feel like they're missing out on the defining moment in a man's life.
Even bitches have alpha bitches. There's like a leader of the bitches.
Oh, that's fire. You know they're they're a leader of a movement but what kind of movement you lead in bro yeah what kind of movement you lead in yeah it's it is yeah you go to an island full of bitches and you could become there's gonna be somebody there just find out who that head bitch is yeah yeah yeah those bitches are probably easier to lead oh yeah for sure they've been that bitch has been leading them yeah Yeah, Thumbs up.
Those bitches are probably easier to lead. Oh, yeah, for sure.
That bitch has been leading them. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like I saw once CNN after the election, they were talking about us in specific. And they were talking about how there is this network of podcasts that are interconnected that has been financed like this this huge corporate finance Network of black rifle coffee No, it's actually just a bunch of friends you fucking idiots We just happen to do each other's podcast, but they're like trying to sort it out It's like they support each other they go on each other's shows and they're all in this together well we need that on the left like good luck yeah you guys cancel each other if your fucking ukraine flag is too small yeah six by six yeah you fucking talk shit about each other for not having trans kids.
Yeah. You guys are out of your mind.

You're not going to sync up together. You're in a suicide cult.
Yeah. I think that was the results of the election.
I don't think that they would like to believe this, but it was a rejection of what was happening. I think the assumption is everybody just loves Trump and he's just this populace.
And every person that voted for him is like, I just love everything about this guy. But I actually think that a lot of people were just like, I don't like what's happening now.
And this current administration is saying that they don't want to change much that's happening now. So I'm voting against that lack of change.
And I think it's important for them to realize that. I talk about this a lot, especially with Charlotte on the pod pod.
And it's just like you have to be reflective like what the people are telling you. Like when that the Mangione thing happened and the reaction by the people was to laugh at it.
Yeah, they were kind of pumped. But you got to look at that and you got to pay very close attention to what people are feeling.
Don't tell them what they should feel and you know better. And, oh, we have to lead them to the water because they're too stupid to know how to find it no no no they are disillusioned by the medical system and if you don't meet them there you're never going to win ever yeah and i feel like that's at least from talking to trump that was something that i got from him is like it doesn't seem like it when you him on the news and shit, but he's like an acute listener.
He listens to what people are saying. And he listens, more importantly, what they're feeling.
And he can tap into those feelings. And I think that that's what people who have had a lot of success in politics were able to do.
Barack did it. Bill Clinton did it.
Probably maybe the best. Bill might have been the best.
His ability to communicate to people what they were feeling. I know you feel pain.
I do feel pain, Bill. I'm here for you.
You are? I am. I would love that.
You know, it was. I'm going to be your leader.
Yeah, it was. Yeah, it's.
You need to listen. Well, I think what Trump's done that's really brilliant is uh bringing people like tulsi gabbard robert f kennedy jr.
Yeah tell like bring in those people and like You you you kind of really do get a chance to change things like legitimately change but think about that decision, right? It's like Those people are all echoing sentiments that the majority of amer feel. We do not trust the food.
Here's the guy who says the food is bad. Right.
Maybe we should put him in control of the food. Kind of like a simple thing.
Yeah. Instead of going, well, this guy is the food doctor and we're going to hire the food doctor because he knows what food is good for you and you guys should just shut up and listen.
And I feel like there's a lot of this like top down on the left. And I'm not trying to just like bag on the left.
I don't care really about that. Like I don't even care about the politics.
I care more about like where the cultural liquidity is. is like you can't talk down to people.
There's this like Ivy League pretentiousness

in the Democratic Party, I feel,

where they're like, we know better.

And just, you must be stupid if you don't agree with us and it's like all right well i'm stupid i'm dumb i'm dumb then so why doesn't somebody meet me where i'm stupid and start at least making me feel like i'm not an asshole for the way that i you know for my i guess you could say political leanings now yeah I feel like they need to meet and it's a very simple thing. Make it a class issue and I think they win and say what you want about America, but I think it's better if we have two president or two people running for president that we're stoked about and it's a really hard decision.
Oh yeah. That would be wonderful.
Yeah. That's not what we had.
Um, we had one group of people that legitimately wanted to change things and then we're going to see what happens if they do. But you're seeing weird stuff today that you never see before, which is like a real adjustment to the age of the Internet.
One of the things you're seeing is, I don't know if you saw the 22 different Congress people who were all saying the exact same line with the word shit in it. What was the line? So it's like it's this speech You're reading it verbatim.
They're all reading it and doing it to a microphone as if it's a rant But they're all doing from the same script and the shit ain't right So this is the shit ain't right is the beginning of it. How much when in the history of the United States As a politician said shit? Yeah, yeah.
And not just one, but 22 of them in tape recording. Can you pull it up just so we can see it? Because it's so nuts.
This is think tank politics. When you see them all together, it's just like they have it on screens as tiles and they're all saying the same words.
They all have their own little flare they put on it. Yeah.
Look at this. Put your headphones on.
This is fucking bananas. It's okay.
You won't be able to, you can't really tell. It's like a crowd.
But when they had three of them, when it was the first three, it was like, it was Chuck Schumer and someone else. Yeah They they're saying the exact Oh Elizabeth Warren and someone else.
Yeah, they're all said they're saying the exact same words Yeah, the exact same subjects in the exact same order You guys are all reading off a script and you're trying by putting the word shit in there to be authentic Well shit ain't right to be specifically authentic. They like we need to speak to working class people to the kids yeah and it it is kind of like bigoted in a weird way where like they're it feels like they're almost in a think tank like hey listen these poor dummies they like it when you curse yeah so if you use a few curse words in your speech they're gonna really relate to you yeah and it's like no no we actually need somebody disruptive we need somebody on the left that is that might speak like that but authentically speaks like that and is willing to disrupt even what's happening the left because if you look at like what happened with the trump and the movement like he disrupted the right the right looks very different now than it did five ten years ago right definitely so i want like like a maga democrat yeah like for real like and what is that like what do we at the at our baseline want right we like abundance tell me how great America is going to be in your version of it you want to build Clinton talk that shit like come out talking shit Bernie was talking shit and I want you to come out and if Trump can say we're gonna take Greenland there can be some dem that goes One dollar eggs and straight up says we're gonna subsidize it.
How would you do that? Subsidize it. Subsidize corn, you subsidize dairy, you subsidize everything.
Like why can we not subsidize it? But say something that's actually gonna impact people. Now Trump's not gonna take Greenland So maybe you don't get the one dollar eggs But you get this messaging across that you're actually trying to help people mm-hmm And you're gonna have to deal with those lobbies that are bankrolling you and that might piss them the fuck off but that's the disruption we need for you for us to trust you you know what they really should do what's that they really should have a strategic plan if we're spending three what is it 350 billion dollars went to ukraine what was the number what are they saying it was i don't know what the number is some insane let's say just let's just be conservative and say 200 billion Imagine if we spent 200 billion dollars in the United States in all of the crime-ridden cities of the country Just completely overhauling them.
All right, so here's my concern about that is how much did they spend in California on homelessness? 24 billion and then like nothing changed right? No, they got worse. Oh, so good job.
Awesome So maybe we could? 24 billion. And then like nothing changed, right? No, they got worse.
Oh, awesome. We could spend 36 billion.
So there's also this idea that like the current administration in these places, even with an abundance of money is not going to make change. So you need somebody from inside, from the left to go, hey, these people are corrupt on my team we're gonna root out that

corruption but we are gonna take care of homelessness we are gonna make eggs cheaper we are gonna build fucking 10 000 affordable housing housing units so that the price of you know your rent can go way down there has to be something disruptive instead of hey let's just go back to normal let's not ruffle any feathers like let's see what you're saying I reject the idea though that progress can't be had just because people been corrupt and they've abused money before I feel like you could farm it off to private corporations the same way we did with Halliburton during the Iraq war what did they do with a Hal Burton got no bid contracts to rebuild Iraq yeah and they it they actually Built built all the power plants that it need there's like a lot of waste and weird shit that went on over there Yeah, you could do that with the inner cities, but you could have did a good job No, I'm just saying like they actually did get paid to rebuild city So you can get a private sector that would would actually make money We've rebuilt it being bureaucracy Bureauc being bureaucracy. So you see what I'm saying? Like instead of it being something where it's like California, they're taking the homelessness.
Where nothing gets done but money keeps pumping into it. No, the only way you get paid is based on results.
So you have a contract with incentives based on results. Yes.
And that is the problem. There is no...
You have to lower crime. You have to lower crime.
You have to lower juvenile detention rates. You have to improve education scores.
You have to make food, healthy food, far more accessible. It would be very easy to open up enormous food pantries in the inner city and finance it in comparison the amount of money we spend on other countries doing transgender monkey studies or whatever the fuck we do.
The stuff they do is nuts, like $20 million to Sesame Street in Iraq. It's bananas.
So just if you've got enough money for that, you've got enough money to set up food banks in every fucking city where poor people can get nutritious food. Just sign on, have a driver's license, whatever the fuck you need to get your food.
And what are the downstream effects of that? Like, you have way less health issues, which takes down the cost of health care. Yeah.
Also, people aren't desperate because you can actually always eat, which is a real problem with some people in this country, right? What's this about, Jamie? What are you pulling this up for? They didn't do a very good job, apparently. Oh, well, I'm sure they probably...
Well, I said they did do corruption, and there was some waste, right? Because I was talking about these power plants they built that didn't matter. But the point is, it was a business.
So you got businesses involved, and they went in, and they got contracts to do things. If you got contracts to re-engineer these communities slowly over time, you'd have to do it where it didn't shock the community, but slowly over time.
Unfortunately, you would have to ramp up the law enforcement because there's going to be resistance. If you're going to go to the south side of Chicago and try to clean it up, you got gangs in there shooting each other every weekend.
You got real fucking problems. But what's the alternative? Let that keep going on forever? No, you can't.
So you have to rip the Band-Aid off. Have you heard of the guy? He's the president, I think, of El Salvador.
Oh, the guy who made all those camps for those people? I'm sure there's tons of criticism, right? 100%. But I think El Salvador has become like the safest country in Central and South America.

Yeah, there's no criminals.

They're all in jail.

They're all in jail. And I'm sure it's some like, there might even be like a little North Korea shit where it's like, yeah, you're not in the gang, but like your cousin is and you hang out with him and now you're in his prison.
Sure. Of course.
But what they've done is completely like revolutionized the country. And if you ask the other people that are not gang affiliated at all, there's this like undying support.

I think he has like a 91% support rating or whatever that is and it's like these people feel like they got their lives back now I'm sure as I'm saying there's gonna be people going like oh it's there civil rights violations yeah yeah you know what else is also civil rights violation when you're like city is completely run by a gang and you're terrified to let your kid leave the house. So there is a version where having more punitive measures for people that are breaking the law will increase safety and the prosperity of the people in that region.
In order to get investment into the south side of Chicago, you need to make it safer. Starbucks isn't opening if it's getting broken into every fucking week.
100%. So yeah, I like that.
I think one of the first things you would finance is community centers. You'd finance a real great community rec center where kids, if their mom's working, no one's there to take care of them.
They got real good coaches there. They got people that can set them up maybe for potential athletic scholarships.
They're talented. Yeah, this is great.
Maybe you have people that teach you how to play music. That's where I went when I was a kid.
You know, I went to the Carmine Street Recreation Center. That's where I played basketball.
And it was this beautiful place, this amazing oasis where, like, not only are you getting to meet friends and stuff like that, but I'm getting to compete. I'm getting to play against guys way better than me.
Yeah. And there are these, I mean, even as I say this right now, I say this right now i'm like i gotta like donate money to like they've they created this place where there was a lot of kids in those programs that they might have ended up doing some fucked up shit man and they had a place where they could go there was like a safe haven yeah and uh look at us talking like some libs on this pot well i think we are liberal of course we are that's the misconception of all of this is that we don't want this place to be better, but there have to be certain changes that we make.
Dude, I'm socially about as liberal as it gets. Yeah.
And I'm a firm believer in a social safety net too. I'm a firm believer in welfare and food stamps.
I just think there's a way, there's a way to address the root of the problem, which is people with no hope. And you gotta gotta the way to do that is you got to give them hope you have to make it safer for them to live where they live yeah you have to make it healthier for them to live where they live and then i don't think it would cost that much to provide guidance for a bunch of kids that want guidance and if you have good solid role models that know how to do that kind of stuff yeah and they can all work together and build a program and then yeah what if those kids wind up being like really talented musicians or really talented athletes or whatever the fuck it is what's happened at the mother shit classes like like what's what's happening there like I feel like you've created environment where it's like these guys can make enough money to survive which is a very hard thing to do as a fledgling comedian right and some of these guys who are door guys they're starting to get spots around even like some of my guys you know like obviously Derek Poston is like making real money yeah right and learning how to flourish as a comedian instead of working 60 hours at a job and then doing comedy when he potentially can right and you hopefully get to see this artistry grow like I've watched Derek explode as a fucking comedian like this guy's so fucking funny he's he's so lovable it's he's so love he's gotta he's gotta don't tell coming out april 16th nice he's a and i've watched it it's fucking amazing so everybody go check that out nice but that's the type of environment that i imagine that you can curate now you're very benevolent right but you would hope that the government can create that same level of benevolence without leaking too much money.
Yeah, it just has to be done for the right reasons, the right way, with the right people. And that was what we pulled off at the mothership because I was able to get everybody from California.
But also, I knew that that was the formula because it was kind of like the heart and soul of the store. It was like the people that were the coolest people that were running things over there bring them over here yeah and it was just the whole thing was so nuts dude it was like the universe wanted it to happen every light turned green right when we got to it every light turned it just none of it makes sense on paper yeah if you thought about like the idea behind dumping a ton of money in a club and your ultimate goal is to break even.

Who fucking does that?

And then it also you have to.

But that's government.

Government shouldn't make money.

So the ultimate goal should be to break even.

Well, your ultimate goal shouldn't be everything is a money venture.

Right.

So the club is not a money venture.

Right.

The club is an artistic.

It's like I want it to be like a camp. Yeah.
Camp for comics. Yeah.
Like you go there. You're all your buddies are there.
Everybody's having a good time. We're all trade.
We were all last night. Me and Shane Gillis were breaking down.
Me and Shane Gillis did bottom of the barrel last night for an hour. We were on stage for an hour.
It was the most fun I've ever had doing it. We were crying Good like tears rolling down my face crying laughing and then we're hanging out in the green room We're breaking down this bit and we're coming up with new lines.
It's like a laboratory. It's a hangout Yeah, we got you know fucking Gary Clark juniors playing on the stereo.
Yeah, everybody's vibing We're all laughing Woody Harrelson's hanging out with us us we're all having such a good fucking time man it's like that's what i wanted to build i didn't want to build a business i wasn't like well if i do if i sell drinks for x amount of money and then i charge this amount for a ticket and fuck the comedians over i do the opposite i pay the comedians way more than everybody else pays and looks what happens but that's that's just try to facilitate this artist colony I just want it to be a place where con this is like the mothership even as a name like we came up the mothership because the first one was the asylum because Mitzi Shore God bless her she always is saying all the inmates are running the asylum That was her thing whenever she would come to the store, she loved it that we were crazy. She loved, like, you know, Dom Barris, like, jumping around backstage and everybody was laughing and Joey Diaz telling some crazy story.
And then Mitzi would pull up. She'd get out of her car.
Oh, the inmates are running the asylum. And I was like, if we're going to branch out, we should just call it the asylum, you know, I like mothership The mothership was better because these first of all asylum was already taken There's like a couple of different asylums so we couldn't have asylum and then it was like I'm so fascinated with UFOs.
I'm so obsessed with that shit. Anyway, mothership is like the place where we all Launch from there's so when we all throughout the rest of the country, you always come back to the mothership.
Creating environments where art flourishes is... So I did Kill Tony the other day.
And it's been a while since I've done the whole show. I came out for MSG.
That was fun. That was incredible.
We had such a good time. Oh, dude, it was great.
Your stupid jacket. Oh my god jacket oh my god oh my god that jacket I had to have it I knew I wanted to wear a fur jacket yeah I was like I told Tony I'm like I'm getting a fur coat I have to get a fur coat yeah I think I talked to you the day before you're like you're getting a fur coat yeah I got it the day of the show yeah you texted me something you're like yeah I think I'm wearing this yeah my boy Phil found this's a private shopper, and he found the spot to go.
He's like one of them celebrity shopper dudes, and he found me the spot. And I was on it, and I'm watching in the interviews.
The interviews are really fun. A lot of these comics are really green, and they're going in there and trying to find something.
But the interview portion, and I'm probably saying something that everybody already knows, but when I watch Kill Turn, I'm watching it form right so I'm seeing like these like 60 second versions right but what I thought was really interesting about the interviews is there's a real generosity with Tony right he's I don't know if even the comics realize this like he's trying to get you to write your first good joke he's asking you questions where you don't have to be funny but they are funny because you're just speaking truthfully right and it is generous it's easy to just like you could bang on every single one of the people that go up there right but it's that's not exactly what's happening sometimes of course people are gonna get jokes but there's this moment where like you get to watch some of these guys like hopefully they're realizing they're like oh i am oh that is a kind of funny thing about me and that's like the first kernel of like where they'll write their first good joke yeah and it's a really cool thing to witness and uh yeah there's a couple guys that went up and like there's one guy like his joke sucked but he had something like i just kept watching him yeah and i was like you're gonna be good like i hope this cause you're going to be good. And like, we started asking him questions and there's this Mexican guy from San Antonio and he works at like office Depot.
And there was something funny about like, hold on. So like, there was like something about like, you know, he's selling like papers and I was like, hold on.
So there's like a Mexican guy, like people are asking for paper. Like there's just like, there's all these like, like, it seems like a setup.

So, but it was just really cool to see it happen.

And like, it reminded me of these early stages of comedy where you're putting together these things that you think are funny and funny is kind of already existing in you, you know?

And yeah, it was just like, it was a cool aspect of the show that I'm sure the people that watch it, and this is a massively successful show, so they're familiar.

But maybe the people that don't watch it aren't, don't know about the show.

Thank you. Yeah, it was a cool aspect of the show that I'm sure the people that watch it, and it's this massively successful show, so they're familiar.
But maybe the people that don't watch it don't know about the show. They just think Tony's just roasting people.
And it's a very generous thing to do. Yeah, it is.
Well, Tony loves comedy. Yeah.
He loves comedy to the point where he's always writing lines for people backstage. He's always giving people tags.
And he's always talking about did you do that bit like I love that bit like he's a super supportive Yeah with comedy and he loves when the guys who do his show like William Montgomery when they start to flourish They start killing it on the road. He loves that he fucking he's actually put together a tour now The killers have killed I've seen it, and they're doing fucking theaters, man.
Yeah, and they're killing it. These guys are good, man.
Ari Matty is fucking good, man. I was talking to him yesterday, man.
He's fucking smart. He's funny.
He's super ambitious. Yeah, he's great.
He wants to be an American so bad. He's a fun hang.
He's got great perspective on stuff also. You know he's an MMA fighter.
I remember seeing... Fought three times.
seeing three times wow wow wow he's a big guy too yeah yeah but like yeah i remember like he even had a joke yesterday i mean whatever it will come out but like it was funny like he tapped into something at the end of the bit that he did when he does the minute and then in the interview it really became the thing ah right right right because what you get to watch is like he's like he's a veteran comic like he's probably been doing it 10 or 12 years right so like you get into real comedian mode around 10 right yeah and you got to witness live what we do backstage which is like yo i like that idea why did you do this and he said a line at the end of when we're just doing the interview that I think is going to be what this joke builds out into. I don't want to give it away.
Obviously, people are going to watch it. But to me, that part of the process is so fun.
Oh, yeah. And it is.
I don't know if people know this about us. It is really fun to work on someone else's bit.
There's almost more freedom because you're less attached to it. Right.
You know know like if you have something and you're like telling me the idea like i'm not you have you're attached like a direction for it and i'm just coming from all these other places and what if my tag bombs it doesn't matter it's you're the one going to do it but it is this exciting thing when you have a colonel and yeah that this this moment happened with it and you could even see him go oh shit that's yeah yeah that's's the next level of it yeah anyway yeah they emerge right those the new chapters in your bits your new paragraphs they emerge it's the best and for me it's like i need to talk to get it out i'm not like a sit at home and like i write the ideas like i need to i need to get yeah i got this idea and what do you think about this? And then you have to give me pushback on it.

And then confronting that pushback is where the bit develops for me.

Right, right, right.

And that's the beauty of the audience not laughing.

Well, that's why you like New York City.

When you moved to Miami, you were like, it's too nice down here.

No, it was like life was beautiful.

Everybody was caring about family and everything,

and it was just so comfortable.

And I was like, I didn't have any resistance. That's so funny.
I'm used to that chaos. I need the opposite.
What do you mean? Your whole life is resistance. You're in the sauna, the ice.
Yeah, but I don't like resistance with people. People I just...
I don't want to deal with people's bullshit. I got my own bullshit to deal with.
That's my ice bath. Yeah, there it is.
You just want to get out there and grind it out. I do 30 minutes the sixth train right bro we better have a bulletproof vest yeah yeah the uh anyway so what you were saying about like hope that it is interesting and i see like i see that for comics especially here there's this idea of like getting on the show and seeing a pathway to success it's a real pathway it's a real pathway real pathway to a career.
And you've seen many, many, many people go through it. Like Cam Patterson, David Lucas.
These guys all have careers now. Yeah, he had a funny bit too.
Cam's funny. He's funny.
I think there's a little bit of a hindrance in that one minute a week because it's like you spend so much time working on that one minute that maybe you don't spend enough time tightening up your hour, whatever you have when you're on the road. I was like, you give this minute out and it goes out to the whole comedy world.
And that's what I was asking Ari. I was like, can you still do those bits? Because some of these aren't finished.
They're just the fucking beginning of it. Right.
Don't let those go. Right.
Build on them. As long long as you're building on them as long as you got more to it and it's better now i think people want it i think it also there's this understanding that those guys are on the come up and they're putting it all together and i think there's a certain amount of times you do it where you gotta eventually leave i say that but then there's william montgomery who does it every fucking week week.
William's got this style that even if his jokes suck, it's funny because they suck. Because he gets angry.
He gets angry at himself. He gets angry at the crowd.
And then he gets funny. Bro, have you been seeing Brian Holtzman lately? No, no, no.
Oh, my God. He's the sweetest guy, by the way.
Shut up, Brian, man. He is so different than his onstage monster, the onstage Brian Holtzman.
He needs a name in a different thing. It's like there's a different human that comes out when he's on stage.
You wouldn't think that he's a complete psychopath in real life. And he's just the kindest, sweetest guy.
He's wonderful. I love him to death.
He's all hugs and joy and smiles. And he's always helping people into a detriment.
Like one of the things about his show is we've had to, to like stop some of the people that he allows open for him Because it's people that haven't done comedy in forever and still know him. Yeah, you think I could do a set sure Come on And then they eat dick for ten minutes and the crowd gets tortured Yeah, so Adam had to put the brakes on that but yeah, but he himself is on fire Yeah shane and i were crying laughing watching his set last night i mean crying laughing shane's so funny he had the aux cord last night at bitsy's and like i didn't know who was putting on the music because it was just this like random collection of music and then uh he then this fetty wop song comes on right and i want you to be mine again baby and i look over at the bar and i just see him kind of mouthing it i want you this motherfucker got the hawks ah that's hilarious he was locked in bro yeah we all have good green room soundtracks oh yeah Yeah, that's a big thing.
I don't think anybody would guess your green room music. Like, if they walked into your green room and they heard the music playing, there's nobody that would go, oh, yeah, Joe picked this song.
Yeah, maybe. It might be one or two songs that pop up.
90s, like, deep cut rap. Yeah.
Like, deep, like, KRS-One or something like that. Right, right, right.
Coogee rap and the brand new heavies. rap.
Yeah. Like deep, like KRS-One or something like.
Right, right, right. Cool G rap and the brand new heavies.
Yeah. I remember the first time I came down here and it was like blasting and I was like, yo, who the, like I'm looking around like nobody's old enough to even know Cool G rap in this green room and I just see you like bopping your head getting ready to fucking go on to just a bit.
Yeah, man. Death Threat with New Heavies is my favorite before I go on stage song.
That's interesting. I don't know.
Oh, man. You don't know that song? No, I don't think so.
Oh, my God. So the Brand New Heavies.
And I found out about this song. I teared up when I was talking about Mitzi earlier.
I'm still a little teary. What were you thinking? Oh, just her.
What was it? Just her saying, you know, all the inmates running the asylum. It just makes me cry.
Why? Because that lady was, like, all the shit that I do at the club, like, I learned how to do it from her. Yeah.
Like, you learn how to, like, facilitate comedy, like, to help comedy grow. I learned it all from her.

Yeah.

All of it.

It's kind of cool how people exist through us.

You know, like, obviously she's passed, but...

Well, that's why the bar's named Mitzi.

Yeah.

But the effects live on.

I wouldn't name the whole club Mitzi's if I didn't want to get sued by the family.

They would have?

I don't think they would have sued me.

But, no, they let me actually use the name for the bar.

Yeah.

But, and we have a picture of Mitzi in the bar too. What was your guys' relationship like? Well, I mean, she was still lucid when I met her.
You know, I met her in 94 and she was like super supportive. She just like, you know, she just knew what to do, man.
Like she knew how to set you up and if she liked you she would

put you on after murderers yeah i had to follow martin lawrence in the main room like like fucking weeks and weeks at a time if martin lawrence was gonna headline i was gonna go on after him what is the year 94 95 okay so you gotta understand martin lawrence people forgot martin Lawrence Let me tell you right now, go watch You So Crazy Martin Lawrence Go watch Def Comedy Jam, the greatest host of Def Comedy Jam ever Yes, his timing But his performances when it's his hour His timing His energy Infectious Oh, he was so good He was so good And I used to eat shit going on after him every night and Mitzi no matter who was there dice clay Rogan you're on after dice it's like whoever the fuck it is I'm going on after him she just knew how to throw you to the wolves man she knew how to like show you that your act is bullshit there's a couple guys like a tell did that for me in in New York like I would close the late show at the cellar and attell would go up and then i would go up after him and like that shit will turn you into a man yeah humble you it'll humble you you just realize when somebody's operating on like every single cylinder firing and you get up after it and you're like oh wow i'm missing somebody he has something that i don't have and i need to find that shit when you're going up in like the cushy spot second or third and you get up after it and you're like, oh wow, I'm missing something. He has something that I don't have and I need to find that shit.
When you're going up in like the cushy spot, second or third and you're killing it, you think you're the funniest in the world. And then when you follow somebody that like levels the room and the whole room is kind of unsure if he's just like inventing these things in the moment, if these are bits, like they just get caught up in this like tornado creativity and you've got to follow it in that shit, following him, following Mike Britt, following Greer, like following these guys that are just like masters.
Yeah, it just turns you into a man. That's why I started taking Joey on the road with me because I couldn't follow him.
Really? Yeah. Yeah, you love hard shit.
You fucking love making your life difficult. It's not even making your life difficult.
It's realizing like you're trying to get, you're not as good as you're ever gonna get at get at this. You have to get better.
How do you get better? You have to be challenged. How do you get challenged? Know that you're going to follow Joey Diaz every night, three nights in a row, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday.
I feel like this is something that there's a lot of importance to this. I don't know if comedians are doing this all the time, but your openers that you take on the road with you, they should really be pressing you.
They should set the tone of the show. And they're going to set the expectation of the show.
I think sometimes people want to save the day. That's weak.
That's that same bitch-ass feeling like, I hope the guy after me bombs. That's the same bitch-ass feeling.
I want the audience to have a great fucking time. So So I want everybody to kill I love when I get the message like or like tagged in a post on Instagram It was like all three of them were fucking great Yeah, and also like I understand what it means probably for them because I've been in maybe that situation We're like holy shit like yeah, they're bringing me up with the show right and they're in a tougher spot to me You know Derek going up hosting people are walking into an arena yep so to kill that route to like command attention while people are walking down an aisle Derek's a perfect guy for something like that he's got so much energy and he's so good at fucking around and just so good creating an energy yeah and Mark too is just fucking like crushing and like seeing them go up there and really lay in.

Yeah.

Hearing it before I go up.

Yeah.

That's the fun thing.

I'll be locked in my room, but then when I come out a few minutes before and just hearing them light up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to take strong eyes, man.

Yeah.

And the people have the weird fear of being eclipsed.

That's the thing.

It's fear of being eclipsed while you're opening act.

You'll get better. Get better.
You're good. Just get better.
You're headlining. You're clearly good at this and it's going to make you better when these guys bust your fucking ass sometimes.
Yeah, maybe you're not working as hard as you should be working. Maybe you're not at your best.
And nothing will make you work hard than being embarrassed. Right.
Also, I don't know how you operate, but for me, I'm funnier if I'm having fun. So if I'm hanging out with Ari and Duncan and Joey and we're all doing a show together, we are laughing our fucking ass off.
And that comes out on stage and you're loose and you're ready to get goofy. And I'm laughing at Joey before I even go on stage.
I'm sitting there laughing at his act before I get up there. So I go up there, I'm already in a great fucking mood.
And the audience feels like they didn't get robbed. You know? You didn't, like, throw some scrub up there for 20 minutes just to fill time so you could look like a superhero.
Yeah, it's like they're paying money, man. I keep thinking about that.
Like, all these people that come out to a show, it's not just the ticket price. Right.
It's the babysitter. It's everything.
It's the Uber. It's the dinner.
Like, this like this is an expensive fucking night for them and they're looking forward to it you might only get one date night a week especially if you have family bro i was in uh i was in not seattle like uh what's the other one in washington it's not tacoma something more inland forget there's a comedy club out there spokane spokane this was years ago and i did a show and like a couple came up afterwards. And they were like, this is our first night out in eight years.
Whoa. And I think about that every single time before I'm on stage.
That's a good thing to think about. That's a good thing to think about.
Yeah. Like those people that that are like really but you don't take things for granted anyway

You know some some people get a little sloppy you got a little loose and you take things for granted I know man

We were talking about that on stage the are in the green room the other night

What he was backstage like you guys get nervous? I'm like I get nervous for every show if I don't get nervous

I don't do as good. I get nervous.
I get nervous for everything important. Yeah, and every show is important important yeah like it's not important like my life depends on it but it's important like it's important to me yeah it's important to the audience like I want to do it right yeah so I want to figure out what I'm working on I want to sit up I'm like I got to be loose with this because this is this thing's still in development yeah so let's fuck around with that a little bit but we're gonna bring it back with this and I'm going over my phone I'm sitting back there before I go up there.
I'm ready. Yeah, you care.
If you don't do that, I don't think you achieve what you're trying to achieve. Yeah, I feel like sometimes people, I don't know if they pretend to not care or maybe they think not caring is cool.
Yeah, that's what it is. Caring is cool.
I really care and I work really hard and I think that you should work really hard. I want to make really great stuff I'm proud of.
And I don want to just be like oh it's fucking gay to care it's like no it's not gay to care it's gay it's not gay to like have people come out and spend a lot of money and then you just fucking flop on stage and don't give a fuck right it's care to like it's cool to like try to give them the best possible show yeah you know that's cool yeah that's cool yeah it's just it's a thing because you care, so you try to pretend you don't because the cooler people don't care.

The cooler people just bomb.

I remember I watched Bill Hicks bomb once, and I was so goddamn impressed.

Really?

I was so impressed.

First of all, he was very funny, but the stuff that he was talking about was so out there.

He went on.

There was this comedian, very nice guy, who went on before Bill Hicks? Yeah His thing was comic on a Harley that was his name like his thing I forget Larry something comic on a Harley nice guy funny guy Yeah, but he did like a lot of stuff about like Bugs Bunny smoking weed like real simple stuff like but it was like made people laugh cops and donuts like like cliche shit, but good Like in and killed and like just good enough for this blue-collar crowd at Nick's Comedy stop. Yeah, and then Bill Hicks goes on stage and He's smoking a cigarette and he's talking about I came here to Fill you up with ideas.
You couldn possibly imagine on your own. And then...
How did the Boston crowd take that? Oh, they didn't take it good at all. He didn't just bomb.
He cleared the room. And he was doing this bit where Satan has sex with John Davidson, who is the host of That's Incredible.

Like, Satan is fucking John Davidson.

Okay.

And then impregnates him, and then he shits out.

I forget who he shits out.

Like, different people at different times.

But he's, like, sitting on a toilet on stage,

pretending he's sitting on a toilet, grunting.

Like, and then he looks up in the middle. People are getting up in droves.
I was, yeah, this generally clears the room. And it, like, gets right back to it.
But, I mean, never lost his timing. Right.
Never lost his composure. And it wasn't that it wasn't funny.
It was me and Fitzsimmons were in the back of the room. Me and Fitzsimmons were- You knew Greg from back in Boston? Greg and I started a week apart from each other.
Get out of here. We've been friends since we were like...
I was 21. I think he was 22 or 23.
Yeah. Yeah, we've been friends from the very, very beginning.
Wow. So Greg and I were both open-mikers at the time.
And we just knew that Hicks was coming and we wanted to watch. And we sat in the back of the room.
were fucking crying crying laughing so there was like 50 people left 10 comics 40 savages just thought this guy was genius yeah and then the other 200 plus people they all left they all left 200 is crazy to leave bro it was a it was a bloodbath like half the crowd more than half the crowd left yeah yeah it was like three-quarters of the crowd that's a large percentage it was a large percentageath. Like half the crowd, more than half the crowd left.
Yeah. No, it was like three quarters of the crowd probably.

That's a large percentage.

It was a large percentage.

It wasn't much left. But Fitzsimmons and I fondly talk about that day.
Like he never lost his cool. He almost like, I don't know when he knew he had pancreatic cancer because he died a few years later.
But he kind of seemed like a guy that whatever the fear of bombing and whatever this thing of failure that wasn't on his mind it didn't bother him yeah I was like when you have limited time that's I wonder if that's what it was I don't know if he knew already yeah but he was so calm up there yeah you know but funny very funny but just he changed the way people wanted to do comedy because everybody after that wanted to be profound yes nobody wanted to be profound before that yeah they just want to get big laughs yeah then all of a sudden everybody wanted to be profound yeah you know it was interesting like he became like this poet yeah you know you see trends like that pop up oh yeah stylistically people are so influential that like it changes the way people do their comedy and it's tricky because like you can only be great at the thing you do that's how i feel at least about it like yeah if you are profound and then profound comedy is popular then you will be really good at it but if you're a silly goose right it's not worth trying to be profound right right right because you being silly is going to be the best version of you and the people will appreciate that the most also you can't trick people they know even even if they're not aware of it they know they know something's off yeah something's off that's the honesty in it yeah there's brutal honesty in it like we can sometimes they'll even laugh but they know that you're lying yeah yeah yeah you know like yeah they know that it's not real like it exists for maybe 10-15 minutes but like i think it kind of gets exposed once you get into those hour-long sets it can for sure you gotta be you gotta be who you are right yeah and it has to has to gel together with you you have be into what you're doing. If you're not into what you're doing, you can't say the same words with the same inflection without the same mindset.
Like, if your mindset is off, they fucking know, man. It doesn't matter what your timing is.
They know. They know you're not locked in.
So they're not locked in. Like, how come you didn't bring me in? You know? Yeah.
Like, when someone's killing, like, like last night when holtzman was killing and me and shane were laughing we were locked into whatever this psychopath was talking about he's talking about drowning people i was like he's so out of his fucking mind it was so funny yeah it was so funny but you give them that you let him take your mind for a ride if it's real to them i think that's the thing about joey that i've always admired is like it's it's pure it's authentic like you can kind of get away with whatever you want if it's pure yeah and uh when we know you're faking and and you're doing something that makes me feel uncomfortable now i'm double uncomfortable right i can be uncomfortable if it's real to you yeah i can i can sustain that like you might be talking about some shit that makes me feel a little weird, but it's real to you.

So I go, okay, I'm going to rock with you on this. This is a pure version of your art.

But, yeah, you don't want to lie to people, man.

Yeah.

Also, if you do it, then you're stuck.

Now that's how you do art.

You lie to people.

So you're always trying to, like, concoct some new fucking weird version of yourself what's what's what's what's gonna sell more you're a pop music star now good yeah like what he's yeah that's what you're like you like doing pop music comedy but there are there are people that like get attached to what works yeah and they can't run away they're like scared to with it. And I kind of have empathy for it because it's like you probably struggle for so long you find something that works.
And you're like, okay, finally I'm able to make some money. Finally I'm able to have some security.
But you've got to keep growing past it. I think generally those people are self-obsessed too in a bad way where they're thinking about themselves and success rather than the thing they're doing.
Like what is the thing I'm doing? Yeah. The thing I'm doing is I'm trying to create something that's good.
That works. I'm trying to make it the best version of whatever fuck it is.
Yeah. So how do I do that? You can't be thinking about yourself and do that.
That's why thieves can't write. Yeah.
Because the, the mentality being a thief is I want that idea for myself. Yeah.
It's not like, I want to create, want to create. You're not addictive to creating.
Right. Which is like, the coolest part about this.
Yes. We get to create whatever the fuck we want.
And if you get to a point, like luckily, where you get a couple bucks in the bank, those creations should be even more specific to you. Yeah.
Right? Because you're not doing it so you can buy another house, right? Right. You're doing it because you truly spent 20 years of your life trying to get good at something.
And then you can create whatever the fuck you want. And also those new things, those new things that pop out, they feel like gifts from the universe.
Like a new bit that's a banger. It's like, where did this come from? This came from the universe.
That should exist before you. That's what I always try to say.
Like comedy is there and then we stumble. You got to find it.
Yeah, you got to find it. You're not you're not making it and when you're making it it feels too contrived but the comedy exists bro i gotta pee so bad let's do a little pause pause real quick yeah right back and pee are we back in yeah we're back dog we're back yeah comedy's great comedy's the best job on earth for us for us you know i was trying to talk woody into doing it last night I mean because he was thinking about it because apparently he had I said I will 100% help you he goes would you really I go 100% I go if you want to do comedy I'll get you time I'll work with you on material I'll get guys to help you I'll work with you look at this you could totally do it okay if you could do that monologue on SNL, you could do stand-up.
Yeah. You could do stand-up.
Brave for that monologue. Yeah.
This brave guy. Yeah.
Because he has a lot to lose, perception-wise. Like, maybe he doesn't care.
But that's where, like, bravery comes in. Like, when you've got nothing to lose, it's like, yeah, you can kind of say whatever the fuck you want.
It doesn't really matter. He's kind of grandfathered in.
Oh, really? He's Woody Harrelson. But you don't think it could affect him at all? Yeah, it could, but I don't think anymore.
I think the world's kind of grandfathered in oh really he's woody harrelson but you don't think it could affect him at all yeah it could but i don't think anymore i think the world's kind of woken up the the fact that first of all he's accurate like you really can't attack what he's saying yeah you know so like you don't think he should be saying it okay well that's kind of debatable yeah that's on you yeah i think you can say whatever the fuck he wants in that regard Yeah, you know, yeah, cuz it's like at this point. It's like who doesn't think he's you.
Yeah, I think you can say whatever the fuck he wants in that regard. Yeah, you know, yeah

Because it's like at this point it's like who doesn't think he's accurate

Yeah, you're in denial if you don't think he's accurate. This is a problem the Democrats have right now

What's that is that the Trump administration what they're uncovering with doge like all this waste and fraud and abuse

Whatever whatever you want to categorize it as and I'm sure there's a bunch of things that fall into different categories. Yeah.
But the Democrats aren't acknowledging that it's a problem at all. They're not saying when you find this building in San Antonio that they spent $2 billion on, it's completely empty and it's getting, you know, a million dollars a month or whatever the fuck it's getting.
And where's that money going? Yeah. The tricky thing about this Doge thing is like I don't think there's any American out there that is supportive of waste, fraud, and corruption.
It should be a bipartisan issue, right? Right. Like it's a very easy thing to get on board with.
Right. And this is where I feel like Elon's being a little antagonistic.
I have a lot of respect for Elon. Don't get me wrong.
But like it's becoming easier to be a bipartisan issue in the way that it's communicated. Whereas like having that like political decorum, like having that ability to pull everybody into this thing might be a little bit more effective on an issue that we can all get behind there's no

american that wants waste fraud and corruption i hate that this is becoming bipartisan it drives me fucking crazy because on the surface nobody wants the waste right like both democrats should be so this shouldn't be they shouldn't be booing or whatever the fuck was happening at that like uh hearing last night even hearing he was like addressing the senate right this shouldn't be union it should be everybody going hey we agree this is fucked up this is happening in some of our um regions or whatever it is like where you're responsible for those constituents what's that called your if you're a congressman your your district we need to be better about this we need to fix this we got to take this on the chin and we agree and it could be this great revolution in america that could really support everybody and it's become this fucking bipartisan issue and i understand there's like a lot of currency and like making the opposition look radioactive i get that but this is where you wish that there was like this uh some sort of masterful communication version of this instead of a little bit more of like this like putting the knife in and twisting a little Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, I agree.
I agree on both sides. I think The people are really foolish Spending all their time just attacking the ideas of the other party instead of promoting really good ideas of your own amen and The thing about this whole doge thing is it's such a lightning rod and one of the reasons why it's such a lightning rod is because these politicians are being pressured to try to keep a lot of the spending.
Because a lot of the spending is all shenanigans. It's moving around thousands of different NGOs.
And you're talking about billions and billions and billions of dollars that were going somewhere. So people were profiting.
People had jobs. And and they want to keep all those jobs they want to keep that money flowing in even the bullshit money as much as they can so there's fucking court orders and there's lawsuits and this Supreme Court just stopped a 1.9 billion dollar freeze on something or something that just came up it was today hmm so there's like legal battles about all this stuff you're you're going to have a lot of confusion in that regard but I think it's important one of the things they're doing is they're highlighting the ridiculous things like they're highlighting the 250 million dollars on transgender animal studies yeah 4.7 trillion that they can't account for the way that he was saying it did you watch mean, it's hilarious.
Oh, you got to watch him talk about it. I'm sure it's amazing, and I will.
I will watch. I was busy last night.
But it's like there's also a way to really clearly express to people that there's legitimate use for aid. And this isn't really U.S.
aid.

It's United States Agency for International Development.

If you're worried about foreign aid, I fully, completely agree we should spend money in

third world countries building wells.

We should spend money trying to get food to poor people.

And that's not what this program is designed to do.

That's not what this is about.

And if it's about health care for people and providing free clinics for people in impoverished areas, yeah, we should spend on that. But also, that's not where this money's going.
A lot of this is regime overthrowing money. This is regime change money.
A lot of this is, like, money that's being propped up. They're sending money to the Taliban every fucking week.
Like, this is crazy. Like, you have to understand what this really is.
So what we have to do, I think, as Americans is, look, you got a president. He's your president, whether you like it or not.
That's your president for four years. Let's hope he does a great job.
Wouldn't you want him to do a great job? He's the captain of the ship, but I want to hit the rocks. Let's hope he gets us into a beautiful harbor.
Absolutely. So together, that doesn't mean the Democrats can't win in four years, but you can't win doing this.
You can't win all saying this shit ain't right. And then all of you say the exact same thing.
Well, now I know who's on the take. Now I know who's got the script.
Now I know who doesn't have a fucking mind of their own. You have to read the script that whatever corporate daddy filed onto your desk.
It's think tank politics. They need a real leader.
And those real leaders are all pussyhounds. And they're all going to, that's the problem.
They all got skeletons. Yeah, it's got to come from outside.
Yeah, I wonder like. Or they got to be a guy like Trump who could take the hits.
That's... And keep on trucking.

You need to have like a very strong constitution to do that.

I don't understand his constitution.

What do you mean?

You go through the same shit.

Yeah, but his is beyond...

They shot him, dude.

Yeah, they haven't shot you yet.

Not only did they shoot him yet...

Not only did they...

You perform inside.

That's the problem.

That's part of the problem.

Yeah.

But not only did they shoot him, but people forgot about it in two weeks. And to this day.
Moving right along. He didn't get shot enough.
To this day. People were talking about his ear.
They're like, oh, but it doesn't look that shot. And it's like.
There's so many people that think that he rigged it, that he did it on purpose, that he staged it. Yeah, he staged a bullet coming.
Nicking his ear. They don't understand accuracy.
Come on. Especially with iron sights.
What does that mean? You know, he didn't even have a scope on the rifle. Do you know what iron sights are? Okay.
So, say if you have a pistol, at the back of the pistol, where the handle is, there's this plate like this, and then there's a little post at the front, and you line the two of them up like that. And he's shooting 140 yards with iron sights.
You can't just nick someone's ear. You'll hit their fucking head.
You'll blow their brains out accidentally. How much do you have to account for gravity at that distance? You don't.
That's really short. That's a short distance.
That's why you can put the post on it. If you wanted to go long distance then you would want a scope.
You want a high-powered scope, and you would also use ballistic software. What is that? Ballistic software is like you would apply – there's like a watch that has it built in, actually.
The Garmin Tactics X. Okay.
Tactics 8, rather. Shout out, Garmin.
So you would take this ballistic software. You calculate the distance.
So you would use a rangefinder, which he had, by the way. He was walking around with a rangefinder before the...
They saw him with a rangefinder. They didn't even arrest him.
Somebody let him on that roof. They fucking gave him that gun.
That's what I think. The rangefinder would say, oh, 500 yards.
So then you would set your sight for 500 yards. And then it adjusts accordingly when you're looking.
Yeah, yeah. So your application with some scopes, you can actually sync up your scope with your app.
So it'll put the reticle, it'll put the crosshairs exactly where you need to aim. For the bullet to drop.
Exactly. Exactly.
That makes sense. So the reticle, the X would move up and down accordingly yeah exactly but at that distance you're saying that there isn't too no there's no and he's also elevated it's a straight shot it's a pretty fair i mean maybe a very slight drop because it's only like a millisecond before it hits him it's a very slight drop at that but when you get to like significant distances like 400 yards 500 yards it's a factor yeah factor.
Yeah. Like you hold high.
Like say if you have- What does that mean hold high? So if you're zeroed, say if I'm shooting a deer and my rifle's zeroed at 100 yards, that means at 100 yards it shoots exactly where that crosshairs is. But the deer is 300 yards, I'll hold it at the top of his back.
Because you know it's going to come down. I know it's going to drop.
This is is No, it's with a rifle and then with bows I imagine it's even more with bows It's you have to be very very sure because there's so much drop. There's so much drop.
Yeah. Yeah, there's so much drop I have A range finder.
It's not just a range finder. It's called a full draws a loop's a loophole full draw five.
And what it does is it doesn't just put the reticle and tell me the exact distance. It says I'm not aiming with this.
This is just giving me the distance. But it also shows me a line where the peak of the arrow height is because the arrow arcs, right? So what I'm doing is I'm shooting through trees sometimes.
Like I'm trying to shoot an animal and I'm shooting through a gap in the trees. So you have to make sure that on the drop it passes through that gap in the tree.
Exactly. Exactly.
Exactly. Like there's a video of me hunting with Cam.
We're hunting in Utah. OK.
And it was for Under Armour back when he was with Under Armour and I had to shoot this elk through trees I shot it through like it's a video you can see the arrow go right through this so it's a month about probably the most beautiful shots I've ever made yeah and I made it on camera because I was kind of freaking out I gotta have a hunt on camera yeah like hunting is a big thing for a celebrity to be doing your hunting yeah, but you're also gonna hunt on camera and you're gonna hunt on camera with a bow and arrow Yeah, so I was like super locked in and it was just it was perfect It was just magical how that arrow went right through this gap. Yeah, just thread the needle and right in the heart It was perfect perfect shot.
Yeah, like exactly where you're wrong right behind the shoulder right up here It was like double lungs and the top of the heart oh oh oh and then you got to carry that bitch yeah well you got to chop it up first you're not carrying it that's the thing that's the thing that like i never accounted for i was watching i don't know if it was some video you posted or maybe it was cam but like i always thought about the hunting part like okay let's find it let's track it Let's track it. Let's shoot it.
But I never thought about getting home with all the meat. Oh, yeah, man.
That seems so brutal. It's very hard.
And what we do is way easier than what some guys do. Some guys do public land solo backpack elk hunting.
So they're throwing the shit in the backpack. They have a pack.
So they'll take like a pack, like a great pack is like XO Mountain Gear. It's a great company that makes packs.
And they have different frames based on your height. It's all made so you can carry a lot of weight on your body.
A lot of it sits on your hips. And it's all like engineered.
Oh, it displaces the weight so you're not just getting dragged. Yeah, it's geniusly.
Pull up like XO Mountain Gear backpacks. Like they have specific packs that are designed so you can carry 100 pounds on your back.
Right. Like as comfortably as you can.
But it's fucking brutal. Yeah.
So these guys might hike in. No bullshit.
Miles, right? So that's what it looks like. Yeah.
So see all these packs? So get the picture of those guys when they have it on their back, Jamie, the one above that? Yeah, that one right there. So that's what it would look like for two dudes who are carrying their whole camp on their back.
So they probably have their tent in there. They have their sleeping bag in there.
They have food in there for a week. Like you got freeze-dried food, generally bring like mouth Like yeah, there's a bunch of different meals like mountain ops Or not that not mountain obviously there's a bunch of different companies So like this is a guy like carrying an elk quarter on his back That motherfucker probably has a hundred pounds on his back right now because he has his bag in his pack Which is probably 50 pounds and then he has a giant ass elk leg on his back all right so is there ever like a distance that they deem too far because walking back with the elk it wouldn't be worth it so like i imagine you're tracking for a while it's not like you just walk in and there are all the elks right you have to find them yeah but you can get lucky and find them a couple of miles and that's that's pretty nice but is there a point where you go i'm not going more than five because five back carrying the elk would be too difficult.
Yeah, some guys do that. But some guys are hard fucking core.
They'll kill an elk 25 miles in and spend three days bringing it back. And now you have elk carcass.
You have all the other animals that also like to die on elk. You string it up in a tree.
Got it, it's like, what is that, Old Man in the Sea? Is that the book?

Where he finally hunts and gets this big fish, but he's got to bring it back.

And by the time he brings it back, it's just like a skeleton.

Nobody believes he got this amazing big fish.

But you don't ever think about the journey back.

Yeah.

That seems almost more stressful.

Well, the best way to do it, the backcountry, if you have the money, is horses. They have horses take you back there.
And the horses will pack, or mules. Yeah, so you can pack them up.
Yeah, they'll keep your camp on their back. Yeah.
And you'll have several, like a train of them. And then you can load them up with elk quarters and then take them back.
And for them, it ain't shit. It's thousands of pounds, right? Well, it's not really.
How much is an elk? It's about 400 pounds of meat. Oh, because you're leaving the bones and everything.
You're leaving a lot. So you skin it, you cut it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But you've got to take some of the bones. You want a rib, right? You could have the ribs.
Most guys cut the rib meat out of the ribs, and you grind it and make you know chili out of it or things like that yeah yeah yeah cam he he like makes strips and then chops those strips up like you can there's a lot of different things you could do with uh with rib meat it's pretty tender it's good it's real good when you cook them like slow over a fire though it's like it's not the most tender meat like when slow over when you cook them over a fire it can get pretty tough unless you do it like real low and slow like smoking it almost like they would do barbecue yeah but um it makes great hamburger but like the real the the the the what everybody really loves is like the back strap that's like, the filet. The filet, right.
The tenderloin. And then the quarters.
You make great steaks and you can make. What do these guys do when they age out of this? Oh, like hunting? Yeah.
You try not to. Keep working out.
But, like, an NBA player eventually reaches the end of his professional playing ability. He might play in a gym.
But, what does a cam do at like 75? He'll still be bow hunting at 75. But hunt a different thing? No.
No, he'll be doing the same thing. There's physical limitations I imagine.
There are but not as much anymore. Not with like hormone replacement and weight lifting.
Got it, got it. You know, like guys like me didn't exist 30 years ago.
Like 57-year-old jack dudes. Yeah.
They didn't exist. Yeah.
By the time you get 57, all that shit's gone. Yeah.
And all that shit goes away. I still have 30-year-old arms.
They're still legit. They work real good.
Everything works real good. But you have to maintain yourself, take care of yourself.
And if there's something like that that you care about, like I have a friend, Brendan Burns, he runs Kuyu. It's like a huge outdoor clothing company.
He's a hardcore bow hunter, one of the best bow hunters in the world. Was a big-time college wrestler, like a great athlete.
Won yeah won't even try jujitsu because he doesn't want to hurt himself for hunting like everything is built around he's like i'm not skiing i'm not fucking around fuck that i feel like that's my whole workout regimen is just so i could play this sport called paddle it's not pickleball it's called paddle what is this what is this it's a racket sport that i'm absolutely obsessed with i swear to god it started in acapulco mexico and then it goes to spain and it gets blown up there and it's essentially like squash and tennis mixed together so there's there's there's walls there's like this glass wall in the back and these like fences on the side have you heard of this jamie yeah we played i'm dragging out bro it is it is the most obsessed it's the fastest growing sport in the world right now. It will take over tennis.
Are you a spokesperson for paddle? Is that what's going on here? I probably am the only person that is talking about it at this level. Look at you.
This is shout out Paddle House in New York. They got one in Williamsburg and one in Brooklyn.
And this is the game? This is the game. I'm so bad.
And you're playing with tennis balls? So you play with a deflated tennis ball. So essentially what it is, you got to show highlights because I'm so fucking horrible that it's not going to do it justice.
But the idea behind it is, at least for me, is there's always hope. So the ball gets past you in tennis, you're cooked.
The ball gets past you in paddle, it bounces off that back wall, and you're playing it off the back wall. So you're never fully out of the game.
and you're constantly it's my it is the only thing outside of like surfing and

boxing and then comedy where i'm not look at this what it is that guy went out the door oh you're allowed to leave and go get it yeah i mean it's just dude i was down in miami there's a thing called the reserve cup shout out reserve how do i not know about this this is the i'm telling you this will extend my life by god bless 10 20 years Really? Also, you've got to called the Reserve Cup. Shout out Reserve.
How do I not know about this? This is the, I'm telling you, this will extend my life by, God bless, 10, 20 years. Really? Also, you've got to watch the chicks play because they don't have the power to smack it out.
So it's just pure skill and. And cleverness.
Yeah, exactly. Placement.
Everything is placement. It's delicate placement.
So what they're trying to do is. I'm telling you, it's unbelievable.
And everybody that's playing tennis and squashing all these other racquet sports is starting to convert to this. Really? Yes.
Tennis? Everybody from tennis is coming over. Now I'm talking about professionals.
I'm talking about people that played in college or whatever. Really? And now they're starting to come over to this.
Like Miami, they're obsessed. In Europe, they're completely obsessed.
You go to Sweden, there's thousands. Cristiano Ronaldo and all the soccer guys are all playing it.
They own the facilities. How the fuck am I just finding out about this for the first time? You guys got one here.
What's it called? They just built one? Yeah, it's a paddled club, Austin or something. Something like that.
But it's just, it is, I'm upset. Oh, it's just never ending.
Dude, I take lessons. This guy just ran outside the arena.
Yeah. That is crazy.
But the fact that there's hope, the fact that it's not just brute strength. There's that little guy that was playing on the right right there, Chingoto.
This guy's like 5'3". And he's so skilled and since it's not, he's not in this court.
But that guy, Tapia, is the best in the world. You know all the players? I'm obsessed with this in the way that you're obsessed with jiu-jitsu.
I can't believe I'm just finding out about this right now. I got to play with some of these guys.
Really? And they toy with me. They'll just bring me up to the net on drop shots and then bring me back to the end.
I'm just running around like a little bitch. But it's like these guys to me are like Michael Jordan or like LeBron James.
I get giddy around them. so excited.
And like I'm telling you, I'm taking lessons once a week. Shout out my boy Lucho in New York, the best fucking instructor on the planet right now.
He works at Paddle House. He's incredible.
Wow, you're taking lessons. I'm playing three or four times a week.
It's like everything. Yeah, it's just my whole workout regimen is built around making sure that my shoulder is okay so I can play.
Entire dedication to this. The only thing I've been obsessed with this about is stand-up comedy.
Wow. It's the only thing.
And I have no racquet sport background. I never played tennis growing up.
I grew up in the city. I went to public school.
It does look fun. Dude, it's...
I just can't believe you can run outside. It's just...
That's so crazy that you run outside. The point isn't over.
You know what't over right i mean there's always hope like and that's the beauty of like you're like a really competitive person when you play against someone who's got more strength than you even like when i would like box and shit like that like somebody who was just bad like he was eventually if they can connect it's over and like even in this in power you can mitigate their power you can move them the court. There are guys that are way better than me at tennis squash and all these other things.
But strategically in this game, if you don't hit it out, I got a chance. Wow.
And it's just. You should do commentary.
Dude, I was telling the guys. You should do what I do for the UFC.
I literally told the guys. Dude, I was telling Wayne, who owns Reserve, man.
Shout out to Wayne. And I was like, I know you have your guys doing it, but like, dude, I am obsessed with this like Joe is with the UFC and MMA.
Like, you don't need to pay me. Like, I just want to talk about the sport.
Like, I want to build this fucking thing up. How do we build this thing up? Wow.
And I literally thought about you. I've never seen you like this before.
Bro, I get excited. Dude, it drives my wife crazy.
Like, I go to fucking brunch on a Sunday and me and my boy Jason are just talking about our paddle games this week. Oh, no.
Dude, my boy Jason just hit me up, and he's like, listen, I know you've got the special and everything going on, but my calf is feeling better, so we've got a game Wednesday. And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
That's crazy. It's just the coolest thing.
Wow. I know you don't fuck with team sports, but this is— It looks fun.
It definitely looks fun. It's great.
It's great. Yeah.
Jamie's a little sneaky athlete. Oh, Jamie's a good basketball player.
But even tennis, too. You see Jamie sink threes.
Yeah, he's sneaky. We had a little fun.
You see him play golf. He's a motherfucker with the drive.
Yeah. He's got that simulator in the back.
Oh, in your house? What's the furthest? Right here. Right here.
We have it in the garage. What's the furthest you ever whacked one of those on that? I don't know.
Far. 300 yards.
Whatever. Oh, wow.
You're like a legit. Dude, his swing is legit.
You should have seen Brian Callen trying to swing after Jamie. It was comical because I'm behind him talking mad shit.
I just know how much. You ain't going to beat Jamie, Jamie, bitch.
The joy that must have come to you watching Jamie smoke Callen. It was so much fun.
It was so much fun. It was joyful.
I'm so obsessed with it. That's incredible.
Even now, just the idea that Paddle has spoken about on the Rogan podcast is just crazy. How about you told me about it? I never even knew it was a thing someone brought it up to me I'd be like that's bullshit.
That's not real dude. It is real and these guys are starting to make money now Like the pro the top guys are starting to make like you know decent amount of money That looks like ESPN for sure like that looks like I had Kamara there.
Oh Well doesn't come out of it really fucked up knees don't ruin his knees bro Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, but he played pickleball because he's down there in Miami. His knees are so fucked up.
Yeah, it's tricky. I hope that if stem cell technology advances, if the FDA finally allows people to have the same kind of stem cells in America that they do in Colombia and Mexico.
Norway or Sweden? where's the other place that they do it i don't know if you want to get some bougies if you want the whites themselves um i mean it's like norway that they're harvesting them well the places that i know of are the big one is the cpi in tijuana that's one of the best in the world okay and that place is uh they have a partnership with the ufc they sent a lot of the athletes oh really and there's another place in columbia bioaccelerator there's the best in the world. Okay, and that place is they have a partnership with the UFC They sent a lot of the athletes really and there's another place in Columbia bio accelerator There's an island in the Caribbean that they do it to that they're like bring a They bring the they like fly in the medical office essentially for the week or two-week periods Oh, okay.
Yeah And then they have like stem cells that have been harvested in some place and my neighbor my did that. So I forget which island it is.
Well, there's Panama too. Neil Reardon.
Dr. Neil Reardon.
Who's really. He's written so many books and papers on the benefits of stem cells.
Have you done the stem cells? I've done a shitload of them. Yeah.
And what is the like immediate impact? Oh, it heals soft tissue way better than anything else that I've ever used before. So like what, for example, what injury did you have that you felt? The biggest one I've talked about before, I apologize if you've heard this before, people.
I had a rotator cuff tear, a full-length rotator cuff tear. And went to a doctor, went to the UFC's doctor.
They sent me to orthopedic surgeon. He looks at my MRI.
He can't believe I can do anything. He says, I can't believe you can do anything with this shoulder.
Like, you have a full-length rotator cuff tear. But he does all the stuff with me, like push down, push up.
And he goes, like, you're pretty functional. He goes, I think it's probably because you have a lot of muscle around the joint.
But he goes, but you're going to need surgery. He goes, you could try to rehab it, but you're going to need surgery.
I go, really? Gun need surgery? He goes, yeah. I go, am I ruining my shoulder by not having surgery? He's like, potentially.
He's like, you know, try your best rehab, put it off as much as you want, but you're going to need surgery. So then I go to Dr.
Roddy McGee in Vegas. And this was years ago.
He's doing stem cells with the UFC athletes. He's a bunch of different people.
He's like, well, we could try it. And I think the stem cells I got them actually aren't even available anymore because they were too good.
So they inject it in my shoulder. And then after a couple of weeks, it feels pretty fucking good.
And then I rehab it. I'm doing like bands and all sorts of different stuff.
I get it to the point where it starts feeling good. I start light, like light kettlebells.
It's feeling pretty good. I go back to him six months later.
He does an MRI. He says, this is the most astounding thing I've ever seen in all my years of being an orthopedic surgeon.
He goes, that tear is gone. Like he just wrote this full length rotator cuff tear that was going to need surgery doesn't exist anymore.
Like when I say like my shoulder is better, I mean, it doesn't bother me at all. Like at all.
I I do everything. I hit the bag.
Wow. I do kettlebells with 70 pounds.
I do swings and curls and cleans and presses. Zero pain.
Not a one thing like, man, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. It, like, feels 100% normal.
Yeah. And all stem cells.
Like, I could have got cut with a swing.. And then you're done.
Didn't do any of that. I have a shoulder, a little bit of a shoulder issue, actually.
I'm curious if the stem cells... 100%.
I'll bring you to Ways to Well that's in Austin. Listen, man, they've healed so many people that I'm friends with.
So many guys that I know. Like, minimal scapular movement, I think that was the issue.
So I was making up for the fact that my scapula doesn't move that much with just stretching out the muscles around it. Does that make sense? So like, I guess that the scapula is this bone here.
The scapula is the one that kind of like hangs off. Yeah, and like that's supposed to move up with your arm when you extend it.
And it was staying there, but I was still moving my arm. So I'm stretching all, I guess, the muscles or tendons or whatever.
What had happened to your scapula that made it freeze like that? I don't know. I was told that I might have a small tear in the rotator cuff.
Do you hang? Do you ever hang from your hands? I mean, I do pull-ups as part of my exercise routine when I'm doing any other body. Pull-ups are great exercise, but hanging is great for shoulder health So what I do every day For at least a minute Usually more I usually do like a couple of sets of hangs before I do anything But I'll do my warm-ups with like push-ups and bodyweight squats And then what I do is I chalk up my hands and I grab a hold of the bar and I just hang.
And I just try and I feel my back popping like it decompresses your back because your spine, like the weight of your hips and your legs is pulling on your spine for the first time. Normally life is pushing down on you.
Gravity, the weight of your body is pushing down. Wow.
And now you're using gravity to pull it all out. Yes.
So I do that. I hang that way.
And then I also do that Dex. We have a machine out there, Teeter, the company that makes those things where you hang by your ankles.
Yeah, I've seen it. They have a great one where you – it's called the Dex.
I like it better than the ankle one where you hinge at the hips and you fall forward. And then you just – it's basically like your lower body and your hips are carrying – like locking your weight in place.
and you're leaning forward. So the full weight of your upper body is decompressing your back.
And I'll feel it going like pop, pop, pop. I'll feel like little pops in my back, and I stretch it, and I move on that thing.
And it's all just about keeping the spine pliable and keeping the range of motion in your spine, but also in your shoulder joints. It's one of the best things for shoulder joints is to just hang.
And I'll hang with one arm sometimes, I'll hang with both arms, but I'm just like letting it all stretch out. So it stretches all the mobility of your shoulders and creates space in there, allows everything to move freer, and then I'll do my chin-ups.
So I do my chin up so that's your stretch essentially yes Okay, maybe I have to add that in yeah I also stretch on a bar where I grab the bar and I turn like this and I get it like that I get like a deep stretch that way and I get a deep stretch the other way and I do that on my back on the ground You should also do these things things called crossover symmetry. It's these bands, and they have varying resistance, like different colors or different strength resistance.
You don't even need a lot of resistance. The whole idea is just you're working the tendons and all the connective tissue, and you're just doing all these different shoulder exercises.
And so they cross. One is attached to a post over here, and the other one's here.
So I'm doing these I'm doing these and I'm doing I'm pinning them against my arm and I'm doing it like that where I'm just working the rotator cuff muscles and just just to keep everything you're creating the torque on the joint yeah where it's like when you're lifting weights you can kind of manipulate what part of your body is lifting you can and that's how you get injured yeah that's I got to do the because that's my biggest concern right now is i mean you know to bring it back to your friends how do i play that's so great like everything i do i like i do pt twice a week shout out my boy mike helgeson he's fucking great pt twice a week yeah it's like i'm lifting but i'm with a guy who is a pt so if there is an issue we can oh i see i see but he'll just take me through weightlifting if i'm feeling good. And if I'm not, then we're doing some work.
Have you been able to increase the mobility of your scapula? Yes. And my shoulder was fucked before.
And he brought it back. Him and this guy, Kyle, were like, don't do surgery.
They were like, once you do surgery, you're fucked. And so let's try to work this thing out by building muscle around it, getting mobility into the joint.
And they brought brought the shoulder back. Like this was before I ever played paddle.
Let me say one thing real quick. That's not always true.
I know a lot of people that have had successful shoulder surgery. And in some cases, that's the only thing you can do.
To save yourself. Yeah.
There's like Yuri Prochaska, the UFC, former light heavyweight champion. His shoulder was blown apart.
They had to put it back together. They had to and so they're Effective yeah yeah damn I mean that Jamal Hill fight unbelievable holy shit unbelievable holy shit yeah so for a Situation like that shoulder surgery was necessary this shit was torn apart yeah You can't just heal that with stem cells, but there are things you can heal with stem cells and it Definitely helps soft tissue injuries in a way like nothing else I've ever used.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's legit. And Brigham Bueller, who's the CEO of WasteWell, he's worked so hard on edge.
He's been on this podcast a bunch of times and Tucker's podcast, a bunch of podcasts, just talking about all these different methods that are available that are being stifled by the FDA. And that's the thing.
It's like once you get something that you're addicted to, longevity exercise or regimens or whatever it is, are very easy to do because you're not really doing them so you can live to 100. You're like, how do I play this thing next week? Right.
And all the motivation comes from it. It's really simple.
Like, I actually can't wait to go do the PT, whatever it is, because I'm like, okay, I have a game Wednesday and I want to be good to play. It sounds ridiculous.
I'm 41. I'm not going pro at this thing.
But I love it so much that I would literally, I'm looking up the fucking BPC 157. I'm like, do I need the Wolverine shit that they say, right? And it's like, do I get that so I can recover faster? Yeah, get that.
Have is it have you tried that it's legit super legit i recommend it to a buddy with no research i was like you should do this and then a couple weeks later he's like i'm on it and i was like did you look up i'm not a doctor or anything but uh but he said he did it for his uh he he got an acl surgery and his doctor he asked about it his doctor goes goes, I take it. Well, that's a good doctor.
Cause I've had friends where I tell them about their doctors is all, you shouldn't do that. There's no studies.
That's the thing. I feel like there's like old guard guys.
They're a little bit hesitant to use some of the maybe newer technology. And I'm sure they have their reasons.
I'm not, I don't know more than them about the science, but there are these new technologies that can maybe extend our playing age. Again, I don't need to be a pro, but I love this thing and I want to do it as much as I can.
I want to get as good as I possibly can. Yeah.
It feels good to be getting better at something at this age. Well, let me tell you something.
There's a reason why USADA didn't let people use it in the UFC and now drug-free sport also doesn't let people use it in the UFC. It's because it works.
Wait a minute. Why would they not? Wouldn't it be advantageous for the athletes to be able to recover? Exactly.
It's really stupid. But the idea is that it's performance enhancing because it lets you heal quicker.
So heal from injuries quicker, potentially heal from recovering from training quicker. And what would their argument—I mean, the only argument I've heard is like it increases cell growth.
Unfair advantage. Well, the idea is like keep everybody on a completely level playing field.
How do you do that? No one's able to take anything. You can't take any performance enhancing substances.
Or make it accessible to all athletes. Well, I think that's the right way to do it.
But the problem is that, okay, what peptides are we talking about? What about things like HCG, which radically increased testosterone production? Are you allowed to do that? Okay, because if you're allowed to do that, like, what level is that steroids? Only recovery. I think any recovery drug, like, obviously, there's risk to all this, like you increase cell growth.
And if you have cancer, God forbid, in your body, those cells are going to grow as well, right? There's an argument for that. But I think the real argument is like what's causing cancer, right? The real argument is like eliminating environmental toxins and the issues.
Also, there's people that have genetic predispositions to cancer, unfortunately. But the real reality about cancer is unfortunately, like what you take into your body has a significant effect.
Your diet has a significant effect. Exercise has a significant effect.
And also, do you participate in any recovery activities like sauna, which is huge. They did a study out of Finland.
Again, I apologize if you've heard this before. It was a 20-year study.
They found people who use sauna for four days a week had a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality. All-cause cause meaning heart attack, stroke, cancer, you name it.
Yeah. 40% decrease just because of the effects of sauna.
How do they, how do they test that? Like where's the, uh, what is the, what is the term? The something group, like the group. Well, this is what they did.
They did this randomized control trial, right? So they did this study where they took these people and sauna use in Finland is everywhere. Everybody uses the sauna.
And so they did it based on these questionnaires. Do you do the sauna once a week? Do you sauna twice a week? What temperature do you do the sauna and how long do you do it for? And they determined that the people that did the sauna four times a week for 20 minutes at 175 degrees had a 40% decrease in all cause mortality.
Now, when you drop the number of sessions, you also drop the, the all cause mortality survival. Got it.
So like, it's like 20% at once a week, you know, 30 percent. So it's like that measurable differences in the amount of people that were healthy and robust who did it four times a week.
Yeah. I mean, that's interesting because the easiest way to discredit would be like, well, yeah, the people that do saunas want to increase their life.
But what you're saying is there's an increased amount of assistance if you do it more. Right.
The benefits are legitimate, real, measurable. It's hermetic stress.
It's heat shock proteins that your body produces to deal with the fact that you're essentially dying. You can't stay.
I do it at 196. You can't stay there very long.
I do 25 minutes at 196. have you ever passed out in it no okay is that a thing people do like i don't pass out get out the smelling salts i stay awake um no you could though yeah i mean if you are the type of person who passes out you've got issues yeah yeah i think some people pass out just from stress.
Yeah. I watched a kid black out the other night, one of these school things that my kid had to go to.
Really? Some boy fainted on stage. Wow.
Yeah. Sometimes people just, sometimes they just, your brain goes, too much.
Check, please. Bro, I've seen like, not passed out, but like, I was having like breathing issues.
I didn't understand what the fuck it was and like uh my wife and i were trying to get pregnant it was like really difficult because my sperm sucks and i would i would have like um i guess it was stress related i didn't know what the fuck it was like i went to a doctor and i was like i feel like i can't catch my breath and i started doing these like uh it's like a navy seal breathing technique or whatever you're like breathing breathing Yeah, and I would try to do that I mean it was so weird it wouldn't affect me on stage because once I'm on stage I'm like locked into the performance and that's how I knew is all Psychological but like when I was offstage there were times where I'd be at the cellar and I have to leave the cellar and there's this little Park on 6th Avenue. That's like not even really a park But there's like benches and i would just sit there and i would just fucking box breathe by myself trying to get a full breath and i go to this doctor and i was like what the fuck is it and it's a stress induced uh asphyxiation or something like that wow and i was just so like what was so stressful to you i could we couldn't get pregnant like i found out my sperm sucked.
Oh, so was that. Yeah.

See, that's where HCG comes in, actually,

because that's one of those peptides that actually increases your sperm production.

Yeah, well, my sperm wasn't swimming.

That was the issue.

Got to get those bitches in the pool.

Cold plush.

That helps, too.

That's supposed to be good for your nuts.

Bro, I hit up Huberman. Heat's the worst, apparently.
They said heat heat and cold i like hit up huberman i was like yeah what should i do and he's like all right take these pills and then the doctors even tell me they're like um they're like take these pills and then also uh you got lazy jizz bro dude i got the laziest fucking jizz bro it's no you just wait for it i i gotta take the pills they're like don't drink i'm like okay i'm not gonna drink they're like don't smoke okay i'm not gonna smoke they go uh wear baggy underwear

and they're like ice your balls once a day holla so i do that for a month i go get or two months i

go get my sperm tested again it got worse really yeah and they're like we haven't even fucking

seen this and um and yeah so like we had to do ivf and everything that's what the special is about

like it's just the story of us trying to try there was There was a study, I think it was out of Japan, and what they were doing was they were getting people to cold plunge before exercise. So you cold plunge for three minutes, and then you exercise, and you force your body to heat up while you're working out.
Massive increase in testosterone. Interesting.
To the point where this one guy, he got his prostate levels checked and his doctor was like, this is concerning. Yeah.
Like, we want to do this, we want to do that, we want to put you on this and put you on that. And the guy says, you know, this is an article that's available online.
This one guy tried this. He goes, okay, well, let me find out what's available online.
So he finds out cold plunging, does it. And then, so here, this is the thing, Japanese cold plunge study often referenced, discussed about cold, immersing the risks in cold water before exercise significantly increased testosterone levels in young Japanese men compared to immersing it after exercise which suppress testosterone levels Highlighting the importance of timing when using cold stimulation for potential hormonal benefits.
So what this guy did was he Plunged not just the wrist. Yeah, and then Went to the doctor months later and the doctor thought he was on hormones.
The doctor's like you have 1100 testosterone This is crazy. crazy like what's going on and he tells them I've been cold plunging before I lift weights and The doctors like well keep fucking doing that.
Yeah, and so I know a lot I do that now really yeah I know a lot of people that do that now they this is how they start their workout my workout starts with a cold plunge So my issue wasn't even the tea They were like yeah T levels are good. It's just the swimmers.
It was the swimmers. And then they were like shaped weird.
Like, I mean, it's just like. Bro.
Yeah, it was, bro. No, dude, it was, I mean, it was too funny.
I told the guy, I mean, this is, I don't even do this in the special or anything, but like I, they were like, the shape is a little off or whatever. And I was, you're so defensive.
I go, well, maybe when they hit the cup.

So hard.

Yeah.

I'm still trying to like, I got an ego about it.

I'm like, bro, you should have seen the way they fucking.

It's a car crash over here.

It's coming in at 400 PSI.

But it was crazy.

Once we got pregnant, it went away.

And it was like, immediately went away.

Wow.

I could breathe again.

And it wasn't this feeling that I couldn't breathe.

It was about catching a full breath. You know when you're like running and at the end of your – or doing like a hard cardio intensive exercise, this idea like you can't get to 100% in your lungs.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I never had experienced in my life like I can work pretty hard. Like I feel like maybe that's a competitive advantage of mine.
Like, I might not be the most skilled in certain things, but, like, I can go. I have a good motor.
I can fucking push it. And it was the first time in my life where, like, a psychological issue affected my body physically.
I didn't even know that that was possible. I know that that that's having a lot of people I know that got canceled, people that got canceled where they were just overwhelmed, where they didn't, couldn't breathe and they didn't think that they can make it.
They were like, I can't do this. Oh, cause they were going through that.
They were going through it, like in the heart of it. And they're like, you got to call up, check up on them and make sure they're okay.
I remember Tony when i remember the fork in the road i remember the the curve i was driving on when i was talking on the phone to tony when he was going through his first one yeah and um he's like i just said this is not good man i'm not doing good and i'm like fuck man and it was like that was the moment where i was like please don't kill yourself oh wow you're gonna get better yeah you're gonna be fine do not i i didn't say that But that's what you're thinking. That's where I was like, please don't kill yourself.
Oh, wow. You're going to get better.

You're going to be fine.

I didn't say that.

But that's what you're thinking.

That's what I was thinking. I remember being in my car going, ooh.

Like hearing him on the phone.

We were on speakerphone.

I was like, fuck, man.

Well, yeah, you dedicate your entire life to one thing.

But also it's just like feeling like it's over.

Everything's over.

Your career's over.

Your life is over, as you know.

One stupid thing, and now it's over forever. And just the, you can't breathe.
Yeah. You can't breathe.
I get it. And, you know, Tony's tough.
He's resilient. Yeah.
He got through it pretty quick, and he was back. And then, you know, a couple weeks later, he was laughing about it.
Yeah. But some people, you know, they get wrecked, and they're not the same ever again.
I think that does happen to people.

And then there's a different version of them afterwards because they don't want to experience

that again.

It is weird.

I'm not as affected by that kind of stuff.

Now, maybe I haven't gone through on that level.

And I also think there's something about having a kid.

I just care less about the very few people I care what they think about me it's like really liberating in a lot of ways you know right but um but yeah there was something about like like are we not gonna be able to get pregnant and then like feeling you feel horrible i also you start like going why would god not want me to have a kid like did i do something bad like you start thinking like if there's some sort ofarmic reason for that shit. Also, before, I knew it was me.
I don't want to share it with anybody. It's really isolating because I thought it was my wife.
Everybody always thinks it's the woman who's got a fucking problem with her eggs or whatever. That's such a bitch-ass dude thing.
That's what we think because we don't know it could be us. When did you ever...
Every time I looked at my sperm, it was fire. It's an arrogant male thing.
It couldn't be me. It can't be me.
Look at the amount of fucking jizz I'm producing. Yeah, I'm killing it, right? Killing it.
Literally. And then you think about it, and I will say this, though, like, finding out that it was me and being able to, I felt more comfortable talking about it on stage because now I'm not talking about this incredibly embarrassing thing to this woman who does not want to be in entertainment at all.
Like the most private person. About me, I was like, oh, I can talk about this a little bit.
And being able to talk about it on stage. And I would talk about it on stage.
And, like, there would be these dudes that would come up to me after shows. And they wouldn't admit they were going through it.
But they'd be like, yo, that was really funny, bro. Like, yeah, you should keep talking about that shit.
And then I would, like, talk about it on tour, and I'd get these fucking DMs.

And, like, all these people would start telling me that they're going through IVF.

And, like, even close friends start to be like, yo, actually, that's how we got pregnant.

And I didn't realize it was this, like, almost, like, last taboo thing where there's this incredible isolation.

Because you don't want to feel the judgment. There's all this pressure to obviously have a family.
You don't want to feel like you're the person that's like stopping that. But I didn't realize, and I'm 40, so a lot of older people are probably going through this, maybe young people or not, but like everybody in my immediate circle going through this shit.
Let me ask you this. Like, first of all, when did IVF become available to people? And how many people a year do you think use IVF? And if they didn't, how many less people would there be on earth?

Brother, brother, brother. This is like there were three things when I talked to Trump that I wanted to ask him about specifically.
And one of them was securing IVF. Because I know a lot of people who are against abortion also look at IVF and like, OK, you're throwing out embryos.
You're killing people or potential people. And they want to use the anti-abortion argument to get rid of IVF.
Really? Is that a thing? Yeah, of course. It's happening now.
And what Trump said on the pod— Who's trying to ban that? I guess we could look that up. I think that it was in, there's a few states that it was happening in.
That seems insane. Yeah.
Why would you not want more people? Well, they look at it as killing people because life starts at conception and the embryo is essentially conception. Which, like, I understand your logic.
I don't disagree with the logic behind that. But at the same time, that is the way that that the only way some people can get pregnant and i will give it senate republicans block ivf bills democrats elevate issue ahead of november election but what i'll say is trump said that they're going to back it with the full power of the republican party and that anybody that goes against it that they would campaign against and then he even signed that executive order to expand it he wants to expand access to it.
Oh, that's great. Which is fucking, yeah, it's incredible.
Well, for people that want to be parents, man. I know quite a few people like yourself.
They want to be parents so bad, and that gave them the ability, and now they're so happy. And it's the most incredible thing in the world.
Yeah, and if they don't do that, guess what? There's no babies. No babies.
It's like more life will occur if you allow this. Also, we've got to deal with the downstream like i'm sure some of this shit is probably it might me it just might be genetic i don't fucking know but maybe it's microplastics all in my balls maybe it's my phone like there's a lot of things that are not in our control that are negatively impacting us and then to restrict our ability to have a family sure i feel like it's kind of unfair you like bestowed this thing upon me it has affected our ability or some woman's ability.
I wonder if it's like more prevalent, the issue or the necessity of it with people that live in cities. Oh, dude.
Every time a car breaks. Yeah.
The amount of microplastics that go into the world are way more than using like a plastic bottle to drink out of. Yeah.
Break dust. Yeah.
Yeah. It's particulates.
Absolutely. That's the shit that you wipe off your wheels when you clean your car? No, never.
That stuff's in the air. You never washed your car? Nope.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, I didn't have a car until like a year ago.
What do you got now? Got anything good? No, nothing. Well, I got a fun one.
I got a really, I got a Suzuki Samurai. Ooh.
It's the coolest fucking car on the planet. Those are fun.
They're so cool. It was, yeah, it was sick.
That's a good car to park in the city, too. You don't give a fuck what happens to that thing.
Well, I got it out in the Hamptons, but yeah.

What year is it? It's, uh, 87?

He's been such a piece of shit.

Oh, it's a piece of shit, but it is

like, it's also just so fun.

Like, I'm not trying to compete with you on like

having like a fancy car or whatever like that. I just love

how fucking rugged, I don't care.

I'm gonna turn you on some fucking fucking rides.

You know the good shit. Yeah, you gotta learn the appreciation of cars.
I got my... Yeah, there it is.
Oh, there are the boys. Look at that thing.
Look at the boys. That thing's fun.
Oh, yeah. Look at these guys.
What a cute little car. Isn't it adorable? I wouldn't take that thing around the block.
But wait, you're saying you wouldn't get in that car with... Trust it.
I'd go with you guys. With six guys? Yeah, I'd go with you guys.
Shouldn't that be on the cover of every gay magazine?

It should be.

Like, if you take this pill, this is what you'll have.

You'll have fun with your friends on the beach

with a Suzuki Samurai.

It's so much fun.

And they're reliable as fuck.

That's the thing about them.

Every Japanese car is reliable.

Yes.

They're the best.

That's the thing about Japanese culture

is that it's refinement culture.

So I feel like there's this Japanese DJ I saw his name is a Yosuke Yukimatsu okay he had like brain cancer and then like he thought he was gonna die so he's like fucking I'm gonna be a DJ with the time I got left and it went into remission but he basically quit his construction job he just did this boiler room set and it is just like I could be like putting this energy on it because i want to believe it or whatever but the intensity of it is this is my shot and i'm going to be unrelenting right and the second i saw that he's japanese maybe this is my like this is the guy look at him go but can you like can you look at this motherfucker the a japanese person being a dj before i even listened to the set i I was like, oh, this is going to be the best set I've ever heard. Because they would never put themselves out there and do it half-assed.
Like every 30-year-old model in America is like, I'll be a DJ now. But in Japan, the culture is so like, don't bring shame upon your family.
Don't bring attention to yourself unless you are the greatest do you know the term

kaizen do you know what that means no what is that kaizen is a japanese term for taking a thing and continuing to refine it until it reaches perfection so japanese first of all like supercars were always

Italian, it was always

you know, German,

Porsche, Ferrari, that kind of shit. And then Nissan created a car that destroyed everybody.
What was it? The GTR. So the Nissan GTR, they've essentially been making the same exact car, just refining it for like 20 years I have a 2024 Nissan GTR Nismo which is their race package one which is the most refined version of the GTR they've ever and it's a fucking marvel of engineering and refinement yeah Yeah.
That fucking car is magical.

Yeah.

It's just glued to the road.

You ever seen one?

No, show me.

Pull up a black Nissan 2024 GTR Nismo.

But culturally, they can't put out shit.

It's shameful to put out shit.

Right.

And I feel like they're almost done refining their culture, and now they're tapping into other things.

That's what it looks like. Oh, wow.
It's a spaceship. What not that's a that's a nismo 300 that's mine it looks that's my car what is that nissan z was a z300 or something like that um this came out when i was in college yeah 340z there's a bunch of those but that's the that's the gtr yeah that thing it's just it's just it's just you're on a ride.
Yeah, you're riding a ride everywhere whirs and clinks and clunks and Yeah, it's so fun. That's a different one.
That's a 300 Z the 370 Z That's pretty sick too though. That looks good But there's like a whole culture of taking these things like there's guys that make these things They jack them up to 2,000 horsepower and they spit fire out of the back of them But they do it with pizza like the best pizza I've ever had and I'm from New York City is in Tokyo really? The best pizza you've ever had is in Tokyo.
I forget the name of the place, but it My wife and I were in Tokyo and But it's it was the best steak I've ever had is in Tokyo really and it it's something about like doing something half-assed I think is shameful and there's this great honor in like this refinement process now there is a social cost to that there's a rigidity meaning like it's very here's a perfect example like the oldest hotel in the world I think is this hotel in this hotel in Japan. It's like started in 703, the year 703.

Whoa.

Oh, I've seen that. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's been owned by the same family for 52 generations.
Right. Which is like an unbelievable feat when you think about like American families or British families that like have gotten rich and then three generations they've squandered it all.
Like really successful families. It's all been destroyed.
And there is this thing in, I think, Japanese culture, which is like, there's this great honor in taking on the tradition of your family. The cost of that is there was probably a comedian or a chef or somebody in that line that didn't do the thing that they really were passionate about to honor their family.
But the societal benefit is probably the majority of people don't have those dreams. And having purpose in this job is probably better for them.
And I think there's a middle ground where you can still go dream and do these things. But also we have some respect for being a cobbler when your dad was a cobbler and his dad was a cobbler.
I feel like we lost that a little bit in like American dream culture We're just like if you don't go out and achieve your craziest dream Some people don't have that dream but taking over their dad's business is something that they can feel good about an honor Instead of like oh, yeah, so I just took over the family business Well doing a good job at anything. There's a lot of value in that for everybody If you love making shoes and you become a cobbler and you make awesome shoes and you got like andrew shows up bro those shoes are sick i love them i want another pair but could you make them in crocodile yeah oh let's go yeah yeah it's exciting like making things and having relationships with the people you sell them to that's super rewarding we we do chase that big dream over in amer America and make it seem like everybody has to have it.

But the dream of making cabinets that are awesome is a pretty fucking cool dream.

Yeah.

The dream of being a painter is a pretty cool dream.

Like there's a lot of dreams that don't get the value added to them because of fame.

Like we have this weird thing about fame above all in this country.

Fame above all.

Like moms.

Being a mom isn't really valued.

Oh, yeah.

It's a real, I think it's a real problem. I think that, and it's not all places.
Like I'm sure there are places that are more like family oriented where like, like being a mom is an honored, respected thing. A lot out here, man.
I love that. Yeah.
Like I'm in New York. It's not that.
Right. Nor is it in LA.
In LA, a lot of the moms have jobs too. They have careers.
They don't want to abandon their career. They might shame those moms that decide to stay home and take care of their kids.
Oh yeah. When, yeah, I don't think that that's, it would be great if there was less rigidity and there was a lot of honor in that.
And it was something we really respected. Cause I know in New York, even my wife, like my wife is like, you know, she got her fucking mba she was working for apple and ai projects and then she goes i that's my dream

to be a mom and i feel societal scrutiny about it but i don't fucking care because i want to be a mom

you know who really gets the scrutiny stay-at-home dads that shit is gay You're trying to lip pill me, Joe.

What the fuck?

I want to see where you would go with it.

I fed you one of them little racquetball balls.

The paddle.

It's paddle.

Paddle ball.

Yeah, yeah.

I fed you one of those half-filled tennis balls, and you fucking shoved it down my throat. But yeah, that is the weird thing.
It's like... I know.
As well as a male, you feel a real strong pull to be a provider. We do.
It feels very important. Yeah.
And it really, like, as you become a father and you raise children, it really gets instilled on you. Like, I always had a really good work ethic.
But becoming a father made me have a much stronger work ethic. Like, if I was a single man with no responsibilities, who knows if I would work as hard? Who knows if I would take days off? I would fuck off.
My friends are like, hey, you know, let's go bow hunting in Argentina. I'm like, yeah, I'll take the day off.
Fuck it. The biggest lie about having kids is that you won't be able to provide for them.
I think a lot of people go, oh, I just need to get my life ready to do it. It's like, oh, no, no, no.
That's going to put a batter in your back like you wouldn't fucking believe. Hopefully.
It's very sad when it doesn't. I've met people shouldn't have kids.
Yeah. I've met men they just, they keep doing the same thing even after they have children.
And you're like, oh my God, dude, you can't do this. Do they want to have them? Who knows? You know, who knows what, if people want or if they think they want and then they have and then they don't change.
You know, Louis CK said something really cool once to me. He's like, when you have children, he's like, you just got to let it change you.
Just let it change you. Yeah.
Yeah, don't hold on to who you think you are and what you think your identity is. Just let it transform you.
Adjust. Because everybody adjusts.
The mom adjusts. Now it's not your girlfriend anymore.
It's not your wife anymore. Now it's a mother.
She has a child. She made a human being in her body.
It's very vulnerable and she loves it more than anything in this world. And it's this crazy experience that if you don't have and you're on the outside, you look at it as like, oh, that responsibility.
Oh, fuck that. Oh, you're tied down.
Oh, you got kids now. But it's another level of understanding what life really is.
Cause it's this constant cycle of new people entering into the world and eventually you will leave this world and hopefully you will leave this world better because you were here. Amen.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
It's the, it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me and absolutely has transformed me. I was super excited when you were becoming a dad.
Man. Because I knew you were all in on everything you do.
Mm-hmm. So you'd be all in on being a dad too, which is so important.
It's just so important. It's so weird that you're making a life, a human being comes into this world that didn't exist before you and your wife had sex.
And now there's a human being that's talking to you and you're teaching them stuff. They learn things you get to see him laugh and giggle And you get to see him open up Christmas presents and screech at excitement.
Oh my god. It's it's All the happiness that you get from other things just doesn't compare else in comparison.
Yeah, it's a different happiness It's a totally totally different happiness. And it's also, it's like an understanding of life itself.
I've talked about this before, but I changed the way I think about people. You told me this.
I think about everybody as a baby now. Everybody's a baby that became a 60-year-old man with a big old wino nose, you know, when they get those big, crazy fucking gin blossom faces,

like priests.

Yep.

And, you know, I realized like, oh, this is just, this is this entity at this stage of its journey.

But it used to be a baby.

They used to be someone's cute little baby boy with a little bow tie on.

Everybody thought it was so cute, took a picture of him.

Now here he is, bad breath and farting.

Big old pot belly, hating life, smoking Paul Malls. Yeah, he had a lot of him.
Now here he is. Bad breath and farting.
Big old pot belly.

Hating life.

Smoking Paul Malls.

Yeah, he had a lot of hope at one point.

That was a baby.

Yeah.

And, you know, what is, you have a lot of hope, but like what is the impediment to you

achieving a fulfilled life?

And so many people don't even know where to start or where to begin or what to do or which

way to go. Yeah.
And if you haven't been trusting your instincts in your life and you haven't been taking chances then all of a sudden you have to take one at like 35 yeah it's hard yeah it's hard yeah that's a muscle you build like endurance you know you build the muscle of being able to take chances and and do difficult things you build that like all other muscles all all other strengths and virtues that you have. It's reinforced with use.
Yeah. Every risk you take that is successful, you get a little bit more confidence in taking those risks.
Also, you understand what's required to make this venture successful. You'd have to look at it correctly.
You can't be delusional. You have to be objective and you have to do what actually needs to be done.
Yeah. And some people don't like that responsibility.
The responsibility. It's terrifying.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so they've sabotaged themselves. They sabotaged their life because it's easier to fail because you're used to it.
Yeah. So you fall right back into it.
I'll pick myself back up again. But right now I'm on the heroin again for a little bit.
Yeah. That cool thing about well yeah i mean failure is not an option once you have a kid no you have to figure it out yeah you have to figure it out also you want the world to be a safer place because you have very vulnerable little people yeah you relate it's uh you you just become like a real human being it's it's interesting when i hear people that don't have kids kind complain about the world.
And I'm like, oh, you actually don't really understand how high the stakes get. Right.
Like the way that I relate to every bit of stimulus has completely changed. It's heightened and reduced.
The little frivolous shit, I do not give a flying fuck about. Yeah.
Like I really don't care. And then the big ticket things, I care deeply about.
You know, how could they impact my kid? Like, it's very easy for people to, even with, like, the vaccine shit, it's very easy for people who don't have kids to tell you, like, oh, just trust the doctors or whatever. The second you have a kid, it is probably the most terrifying thing you'll ever do in your entire life is injecting something into the most perfect thing you've ever created and then every single day wondering and listening if she's still smiling and seeing if she's still okay like and feeling responsible if anything negative happens right and then if you don't do it feeling responsible if she got fucking the measles or mumps or whatever the fuck it is it i have so much more empathy.
And it's something that people just can't understand because they're not put in that position. Right.
Every new parent that I talk to is concerned about this shit. Every single one.
So it's like you have to have a little empathy. Like you've created the most perfect thing you've ever could ever imagine.
Like nothing comes as close to that. And every decision you make could greatly impact that person person's life so yeah we're going to be scared if we watch a fucking video on the internet that says this thing is bad for them right and don't call us some fucking quacks just call us like parents who care for our fucking kids well the reason the one there's a lot of people that want to cover up for their own actions like what they've done or the the people that want to say that like all this is exaggerated, there are no vaccine injuries, this could have happened to my child, it probably was going to happen anyway, it was going to happen anyway.
And you want to really believe that, too. Of course you do, because you don't want to feel like it's your responsibility.
Also, you don't want to believe that pharmaceutical drug companies are willing to sell you things that are going to harm your child, and they are. They are.
They always have been, they always will be. They're publicly traded companies have responsibility to their shareholders to make as much money as possible.
And the money people are going to push a bunch of shit through that probably shouldn't go through. And they'll tell you, you need it.
Like when they were vaccinating kids with COVID, there was no reason to do that. They knew there was no reason to do that, but they wanted everybody to take it because that's where the money is.
And that's a scary thought that we live in a world that there's people out there that would literally sacrifice the health of children for profit. But ultimately, that's what they do.
I mean, that's a thing that's been done. It will continue to be done unless something happens.
Who are the people that do that? Why are they not named? Look at the Sackler family. Look at those people.
So it's like we know one name. We know the Sacklers.
And we and we don't even know their first name well you might but like the average person doesn't like i think that'd be a lot different if these people's names were public record it would be a lot different if they went to jail that's the thing they just get fined they'll get manjoneed yeah that would happen right that would happen immediately that's a new thing that's a verb they're gonna get the they're gonna get that luigi treatment immediately it will be that way people don't fuck around with their kids man it's a different luigi was wearing loafers with his ankle handcuffs and uh he was like in a trial and he looks so beautiful he's a handsome guy my wife and my daughter's like he's adorable like look at him here he's so beautiful yep he. Like a supermodel.
Yeah. I think he did porn or maybe that was just a headline that I saw.
But whatever. Isn't it crazy, though, that the assassin is a good-looking guy and becomes a hero? Like, if he was an ugly fat guy with a MAGA hat on, everybody would want him dead.
Look at him. Look at him.
Wow, look at those brows. Beautiful.
Well well he's wearing a bulletproof vest too isn't that wild yeah but he's got like a mental health problem yeah apparently and someone said that he took acid and cracked yeah i heard that but who knows how much of that we'll we'll find out when the trial happens what yeah what the lore is but you know a broken clock is right two times a day though it was real weird when people were like yeah more of that please to me that's just desperation and you get to see it manifested it's like if you're like a really really really really really rich person with power you want to make sure the poorest people have enough to survive the second they don't feel like they have hope and they don't feel like they have enough to survive, they start storming your estate. Well, especially when you talk about health care, because there's people whose job is to deny people health care that deserve it.
Because that's how they save money, which is, that's crazy to think of. But that's, I mean, mean What is the alternative socialized medicine? The problem with that is it doesn't incentivize doctors to be the best I want my doctor to drive a fucking Porsche.
Yeah, I want my doctor to have a 911 turbo and a nice watch It's no you're right cuz you want the smartest people to be the doctors You don't want them running hedge funds, right? Like there's a lot of probably really smart people running hedge funds I don't want them doing that shit, right? Like them fixing diseases right you know i want and if there's not enough money in it yeah they're going to go to the hedge fund shit which is meaningless yeah so it's like it is a tricky problem how do you create a you know a system that incentivizes the most brilliant people to be in positions where they help us all but how do you make sure that the nefarious actors are not finding ways to squeeze probably the most vulnerable? How do we eliminate nefarious actors from the world? Or do we ever? You can't. You can't.
They're there and they will pop into these positions. And I think they're there also to help you appreciate non nefarious people.
Yeah. Like we wouldn't know good.
Right. Unless there is bad.
Yeah, that's real. That's a good perspective to have on bad.
That's the good and evil struggle forever. That's the yin and the yang.
That's it all. That's how the world moves forward.
That's how it advances. It protects itself against evil.
Then evil tries to find ways through the fucking cracks. Then you develop better antivirus software.
It's a simulation. A little bit, man.
It might be. It's going to be.
So maybe it already is. And maybe it always was.
Maybe it always was. And if it's a simulation once, it can be a simulation twice.
So if we can create the simulation and we were created as a simulation, that means that we could be like the 20th version of it. And we're probably about to create a way better one with AI.
That's probably what AI is. AI is probably the god of the simulation.
We probably lock that motherfucker in, turn it on, then it figures out how to do everything. Do you have any concern about AI? Oh yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, elon said there's a 20 chance everything goes sideways but an 80 chance chance it's an overall net good for humanity but 20 chance like we're fucked that's a high number that's not a good number that's i don't like that if i'm playing russian roulette i got ten chambers that spin that bitch i don't like there's two bullets in there yeah i don't like that makes me nervous.
But I also think you've got a lot of really good, smart people trying to make sure that at the very least, the people here invent it before the people in China, which I think is probably important. Like whoever launches the God first is going to be in charge of a lot of stuff.
Yeah. going to get fucking very strange andrew schultz it's already very strange but it's going to get even stranger we'll be here to enjoy it yes sir we'll be make fun of it my brother it's always a good time to sit with you i love you dog i love you to death you're the best you are um tell everybody what's going on oh life is on netflix right now so go check it it out man And yeah go check it out Also go check out Derek Poston's Look at that stash son Yeah So I think today we're number two Maybe after this we beat Kate Hudson Kate Hudson got me man What day does Derek's come out? April 19th? April, I think 16th.

16th.

Yeah. So make sure you check that out.
I got to get him in here. Oh, yeah.
He's just the fuck. Bro, he was killing us last night.
He said that the greatest art ever created is Harry Potter. And we go, like, better than, he's like, he goes, yes, if it's the most consumed, it's the best.
And we're like, what about the Bible? He goes, ain't nobody read that shit.

He goes, ain't nobody read that shit.

He goes, you might have read like part of it,

but you didn't read the whole Bible.

He goes, nobody's stopping at book three.

He was cooking last night.

But yo, go check out his Don't Tell comedy.

He's very funny and a great person.

Absolutely.

All right, I love you, brother.

Love you, dog.

Peace.

Bye, everybody.