#2276 - Felipe Esparza

Good to see you my friend it's been too long what's up fool good to see you too when was the last time I saw you brother it was like five years ago or something five years ago and I did the show here when you were in LA yeah at the warehouse Damn, that's what I miss most about the store is traveling dudes. We'd meet up.
We'd meet up at the home base. Yes.
And when I was a young comic, I would see older comics that I would see on television. They would just come out at that bar or the patio.
Just get a refresh. Yeah and you pass by and you say oh yeah that's um man.
Arsenio Hall. That's Elaine Boosler.
Right. OG right there.
Right. Right.
I used to see her at Dodger Stadium when I worked at Dodger Stadium and I would ask her for advice and she was just just you know like every comeback back take just keep writing. was a funny comic yeah she was a funny comic who's that lady that was on Curb Your Enthusiasm she's very funny too old school comic god damn it I'm very embarrassed that I forgot her name she hasn't done comedy in a long time look that up Susie? yes Susie, Susie Essman.
Oh, Susie Essman, there's stand-up?

Yes.

Oh, she was great.

She was really funny.

I middled for her once in like fucking 1989 or some shit.

Way back in the day, my friend.

Who you middled for?

That lady?

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Someplace on Long Island.

I can't.

It might have been like Governor's or something like that.

I do not remember, but I remember she was very nice. She was very funny, very nice, very encouraging, which is the best, man.
When you get to work with someone that you see on television and you're just like starting out and they're nice to you, that's so valuable. I can't believe it.
There she is. Suzy Aspen.
There she is. Whoa.
She looked like Elaine from Seinfeld. Yeah, similar.
But that's the haircut back then, huh? Yeah. Well, they all had crazy hair.
Everybody lost their mind in the 80s. Ali Lieberman? Yeah, they all lost their mind back then.
Because from the 70s to the 80s, nobody knew how to dress. They did crazy shit with their hair.
She's going over her set.

Yeah, they would all tease their hair out.

It was crazy.

There was like a big hair thing.

I think it was when people started doing cocaine.

That's what I think.

I think it was the 80s was Miami Vice and cocaine.

Everybody lost their mind.

They lost their fashion sense.

People started to wear wacky clothes.

Cars started looking like shit.

Yeah, man. The Saab.
The Pinto., cars started looking like shit. Yeah, man.
The sob. The pinto.
Bro, cars just started looking like shit. I mean, if you want an objective analysis of what happens to a society when they remove marijuana and mushrooms and then they bring in cocaine.
It's like, hey, you know what? It's called Ford Fiesta. Yeah.
Because we were a fiesta yesterday. But cocaine brought us Sam Kennison, too, though.
You have to realize, cocaine's done some good. You think he did a lot of, a lot of, a lot of? No.
No. I think it's terrible for everybody who does it.
But I do think that there's moments of inspired creativity from all kinds of substances, especially that rock and roll cocaine that they used to get. Where it was just real pure cocaine.
It wasn't stepped on. Didn't have amphetamines and fentanyl in it.
All kinds of other shit. Good shit.
Not the stuff you buy like a grab wrap with Iowa. And I should say this as a person who's never tried cocaine.
Never? Never. Don't be lying.
No. I would not lie.
Never? No. No.
Never. No.
I got real lucky. When I was I was in high school I had a buddy mine and his cousin started selling it and he was a great guy and I watched this dude kind of like Shrink into himself and lost a ton of weight and him and his girlfriend just they had this attic apartment And they would just hang out and do coke and sell coke and they were just like watch TV and do coke and it was wow it was like they got bit by a vampire man it scared the shit out of me i was afraid of cocaine man because when i started stand-up like i started standing like in 94 93 at an open mic and i was clean i was sober i was a year i was in rehab and i wanted to be a comedian so i went to a library to learn about writing, Jean Perrette, comedy writing, step-by-step.
Another book called How to Write Funny, Be Funny, and Make Money, Being Funny. And that was a real great book, bro.
I mean, it had comedy clubs locations in the back, and it had booker numbers to submit your comedy. Yeah, well, remember the Comedy USA industry guide? $100.
Yeah. Can you believe that shit? Bro, I remember dudes used to take out full page ads.
That's how you knew they were killing it. When a dude would take out a full page ad in the Comedy USA industry guy i'm like wow he's got a full page

ad i remember bro um when um when i was looking for gigs in like in 2000 right and i remember this comedian named shang and dante comedian dante those guys those guys um had a list of a list like a five-page list of

comedy bookers' names,

knack a number to call, and the back

of the page was shitty bookers to avoid. And they had to send it to the comics for like 75 bucks.
Wow. I got lucky that I was in Boston.
And Boston had, that was like the boom happened in Boston when like Stephen Wright got on tonight show. Everybody found out about Boston, but it was already this like crazy.
There's a great documentary called when stand up stood out. You had the guy on the show here.
I've had a few of those guys on the show. It was like a Chinese restaurant.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Don Gavin. Yes.
One of those guys. Steve Sweeney, legends.
I still say to this day, they're some of the best comics I've ever seen in my life. I've seen them murder harder than anybody I've ever seen in my life.
But it was just very regional, very local, and a lot of it didn't translate nationally for some reason. Like Steve Sweeney in Boston, in front of a Boston audience, is the funniest guy that's ever lived and i'm not kidding i'm not exaggerating he would get like boston accents and boston attitudes it would be all a big part of his act and dude it was murderous if you had to follow that you were fucked you were fucked man and they would do that to dudes from out of town it was the the most ruthless cruel shit They would do at Nick's Comedy Stop.
They would take these Assassins these local assassins and stack them one after the other it would be Kenny Rogerson Don Gavin Steve Sweeney and then they throw up some headliner and this poor headliner is used to soft acts on the road.

He's used to being known for the guy who was on television.

Hey, folks, so I'm Mike, you know, the sitcom.

And they try to do stand-up.

They were getting eaten alive.

He's talking about nuggets.

The guys who were up there all coked out.

Oh, yeah.

Working the crowd.

They were wild boys, too.

They were big, like, football player-sized, wild, crazy drinkers and partiers. And they were funny, man.
And so because there was this, like, love of comedy in Boston, they had all these comedy nights all over the place where you could make a living. So you could be, like, a half-assed comedian like I was.
And, you know, you could make $500 a week just hustling, just moving around. That's's what we all did so there was so many places that you could work and so many like little booking agents and like like Western Massachusetts you have to go out there like you know like there's these weird towns that are like liberal hideouts you know what I mean like a universe like Amherst You'd get like Amherst gigs.
It was weird. Like Amherst, Massachusetts.
The other place, you got to be from there to pronounce it right. Which one is that? The one that you did for a steak sauce.
Oh, Worcester. Worcester.
Yeah. Yeah, it looks weird.
2010, I was doing Last Comic Standing there, and I got there early, and I hung out with a Boston comic. I think his uncle is the guy that caught that was missing in action, the Irish gangster.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. David Bolger is the comedian.
Yeah, and he was—I said, yeah, man, we were performing Worcester, sir. And then he took the joint.
He goes, no, bro, Worcester. Okay.
Thank you for telling me, bro. Yeah, you don't want to say, hey, Worcester, sir.
Nice to be here. They would fucking kill you.
They're like, that's where the great Doug Stanhope is from. Yeah, Worcester.
Doug Stanhope started in Worcester. I love him.
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I had a first comedy album,

the one he did with Roaring or something.

Oh, the one where he did with music in the background?

Yeah.

That was great.

That's a great album.

There was a place like that, a Boston place,

but not in a documentary,

but Will Durst, he's a San Francisco comedian. Sure.
He had a room like that called the Comedy Zoo or the zoo. Holy City Zoo, right? Holy City Zoo.
Yeah. And there's a comedian that came out of there that's a killer comic and he's still alive and he opened for me and he opened for Rob Schneider and Papa and he he opened up a lot of people.

Larry Bubbles Brown.

Oh, cool.

And he's an old school guy.

After every joke, he goes,

merr, merr.

But he did Letterman in 1992,

and then he did it again in 2006.

So he has a record for doing Letterman between 30 years.

Wow.

But he's one of those comics

that never left San Francisco. There's a few of those guys that got trapped like that.
Yes. That were really good guys.
Remember that one guy in Chicago? Fuck. What was his? Larry Reeb? Larry Reeb.
Remember Larry Reeb? He was a guy like that, like a really solid national act, but it was so Chicago, it kind of stayed around there mostly. But it was like every now and then, you'd find towns like that.
You had like one murderer that lived in the town. Bob Marley in New England.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it was Maine. Bob Marley was the murderer of Maine.
And Robert Schimmel was Arizona. I love Robert Schimmel, man.
Yeah, he was the best. He was the best He was such a good guy But he was he lived in Phoenix and it was somewhere in that area.
I think it was Phoenix But for him it was like it was easier to get around the country that way and he didn't want to be a part of it He was like one of the first guys that I was like Oh, you could like be a big-time comic and not have to leave your state You get to a point where you can you could live in Oklahoma like Larry the Cable Guy does, probably. Where does he live? He lives somewhere like Georgia or something like that? I don't know.
In the country. Where does he live? He's from Orlando.
Is that where he lives, though? I don't want to give up his... I'm not trying to dox him.
He's just where he was from. He's on the radio there.
But I think... Yeah, he's definitely from there.
I just don't know if he lives there. We probably shouldn't say where he lives.
But that dude is, he could be anywhere. It doesn't matter.
You could just go anywhere. I just see his face when I go to El Paso comic strip, and all the dudes you're talking about, they were all there.
Dude, I remember Josh Wolfe showed me a picture that he took when he was on stage, and they were doing doing it was like 60,000 people so

Larry the Cable Guy was doing like 60,000 and Josh Wolfe's got his camera and he's like moving around on stage like that is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen that crowd is so insane that's how big that guy goes 50,000 people man and he was another dude that got hated on for no reason other than his success. It was like for some reason everybody couldn't believe that you could say offensive things as a joke in a character all of a sudden.
And it so coincidentally happened at the same time as him getting super huge. It's like you guys guys are just fucking haters.
That's crazy how they start hating the character, but not the person. Well, that's the dice thing.
Yeah, right? Just like the guy with it. They used to have that puppet in New York.
Oh, Otto and George. Yeah.
Greg Girald, when I opened for him back in the day, back in Addison Improv, he told me that he would say the nastiest shit that puppet and this lady threw shit at the puppet but not at Otto. Bro we were talking about it Tuesday night in the green room we were talking about how that puppet was kind of possessed and I'm not even bullshitting you know Otto was out there Otto was out there I mean he was out there everybody.
I mean that dude Partied he went hard and he was a genius comedian But he would get rides to gigs and say pull over I got a check on George And he would in the fucking side of the highway he would pull over pop the trunk and Check on the dummy wow his buddy weird man weird man someone stabbed that dummy once at danger fields some puerto rican guy the dummy was saying puerto rican jokes to this guy and the guy fucking stabbed the dummy stabbed the dummy was it a knife or a sharp bed spring? A fucking knife. Or a sharp bed spring, bro.
Something, anything. Whatever you got that you polished down to a point.
You ever watch The Fabulous Miss Maisel? What's that? The Fabulous Miss Maisel is about a female comic growing up in the 50s on Amazon. No.
Oh, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel.
Mrs. Maisel.
Oh, she's Mrs. All right.
I thought you were saying something in Spanish. That's hilarious.
You ever seen Mousy Marcion? That's hilarious. I literally thought you were talking about a completely different show.
Do you remember the ventriloquist that did a one minute set on her show? Yeah. Well, so like ventriloquist, now it's like, it's one of those things like with Carrot Top, he's like so successful at props that no one does props anymore.

But when we first started out, everybody did props.

There was like 10 guys on a lineup of 20 guys that have props they bring with them on stage.

Because sometimes it was really funny.

Rusty Dooley. Yeah, Rusty Dooley was great at it but it's like the he owned that for whatever reason because Carrot Top got so big using props he's the only guy that still does it that he kind of owns that and then with Jeff Dunham he got so big at being a ventriloquist like there's no ventriloquist anymore like when we were kids there was always comedy was always comedy ventriloquist.
There was like Willie Tyler and Lester. Remember? It was a fun thing.
You could get the dummy to say fucked up shit. And then you go, I can't believe you could say that in front of these nice people.
And then George would be like, fuck these people. He would tell everybody to suck his cock.
It was crazy. What's another one? Woody Woody in the hood.
Yeah. Well, with Otto and George, it was a little different, man.
Because I think George, I think Otto believed that George was alive. I think Otto believed there was something about George that was different than him.
Like, he was not Otto and George. He was just Otto.

And George only existed when George was there.

And it seemed like there was something going on with that.

And it might be just because he fucking fried his brain to the point where he was connecting with, you know, all kinds of energy that wasn't even there.

You know, he might have been out.

He was out there.

He was out there.

But the combination. What if they smoke crack together? Yeah, he probably made George smoke it.
Yeah. There's famous auto crack stories.
I mean, that guy was gone. But he was also brilliant.
Really funny, man. Fucking funny.
In a comics comic, we would all sit in the back of the room to watch when he was on stage. So so there's a lot of those guys that are like real genius, but they're real eccentric.
And for whatever reason, the general public doesn't find out about him. There's not like a good vehicle, at least back then there wasn't, for them to get out to the general public.
Like today, I would say an example of that is like Brian Holtzman. Yes.
Right? Like Brian Holtzman, we've known forever.

He's always been a guy we all watched.

He was always the guy that at the end of the night, especially if something fucked up happened,

like there was a plane crash, like someone got eaten by a lion.

That's funny because you mentioned a plane crash because I was there when they did that joke.

I was at the back of the comedy store.

He said, American Airlines is hiring. And then he said, and I remember who survived that airline.
And he said, fuck that. Everybody says, how come they don't build a plane out of the black box? Or sit me next to the black box? Send me next to a fucking baby.
Baby survived. Give me a hold of that baby, bitch.
A baby survived? Yeah, a baby survived an airline at the flight one time, and he said, I want to hold that baby. I want to hold somebody's baby in an airplane.
Just in case it goes down. Because if a baby survived, I'm going to survive.
You have to see him say it. I don't think we're doing it justice.
I'm fucking it all up. My favorite one was when Susan Smith got arrested for drowning her kids.
He goes, I heard those were bad kids. I heard they sat that close to the TV.
They didn't put away their blocks. Those kids will not be missed.
The fun thing about Brian is if you know him, like in real life, he's sweetest guy on earth he's such a sweetheart of a guy like super friendly to everybody loves everybody like he doesn't even have an enemy like Brian Holtzman has no enemies he's always sweet and friendly and then he gets on stage and it's like he becomes like his version of George yeah I hung out with Brian Holtzman. I hung out with Brian Holtzman and his mom in San Antonio, Texas.
Oh, wow. Because we were doing the Latino Laugh Festival.
Oh, wow. And he was the only non-Latino in the show, him and Darren Carter.
And, bro, there was all Latinos, bro. Everybody was getting shit.
Johnny Sanchez pronounces his name like an American and somebody yelled out, it's Sanchez, fucker. How did they say it? I don't know.
He said, my name is Johnny Sanchez. And then somebody said, no, it's Sanchez with five A's.
Sanchez. So he got heckled.
He got heckled for saying it. This episode is brought to you by Paramount+.
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Yes. In amexican way yes and then brian holzman goes

up there bro it's rough out in those streets and brian holzman was up there he said um he goes this is not a comedy show close all the doors i was boarding patrol is gonna come in here take everybody this is after

this is after

we were doing this Taping Mencia shows up Does a guest spot on our taping And goes long You know really long You know like Jeff Valdez looking around So then that's when Barry Holstead Goes up and murders it He He goes, man, I got to figure out how to, how to, this immigration problem, man. We got a bunch of U-Haul trucks, U-Haul trucks.
We go around to every Home Depot. We got these people.
Yeah, we're hiring, bro. There's lots of jobs.
Muchos trabajos. Come on.
Get in the trucks. We fucking take these trucks.
We drop them off in Tijuana, Mexico. Yeah.
You have to see him say it. He starts screaming and shit.
But it's also like he's playing this bizarre, psychotic character that only comes out when he's on stage. He's the most different when he's on stage.
And he held his job, too, when he had a job. He always had a job.
That was the problem. Blue-color guy.
That was the problem. He never hit the road.
He stuck around the store. Because, like I was saying, there's not, like, a path for those guys.
Like, nobody wanted Brian Holtzman to open for them. That's too weird.
No. He belonged at the store.
And now he's found a crowd at the mothership. His shows at the mothership, they're all sold out're all sold out like he's hilarious people come to see him and He didn't have a path before it was like there was like, you know He's too weird to put on a television show.
It's like it's like you got to you really want to be in the room That's what it is. Yeah, this like if anybody is way funnier in the room It's Brian Holtzman the discomfort the weird, and the way he works around it when you're in the room is so fun.
And every show's different. Every show's different.
And he's always talking about new things. He's like, I mean, it's really like he channels this fucking character.
It's like he should be two different people. He should be Brian Holtzman, the super nice guy, and then whatever the fuck his name is when he's on stage.

It's almost like he needs a second name.

Mitzi should have done that a long time ago.

Mitzi used to call Joey Fat Baby.

Do you remember those days?

Yeah.

Someone has one of the lineups that they got from Jeff Scott on the lineup.

It's got everybody's name, and then 15 minutes, and then it says Fat Baby.

Fat Baby. She wanted him to be called Fat Baby.
Weird advice sometimes, man. The managers give you the clubs.
Terrible advice. Can't listen to any of them.
I know, man. What good advice.
I was bummed out one time because, you know, you have to go back and forth, back and forth. So they make you a regular.
And I was trying at the Laugh Factory. And one time, Jay jay masada he told me i don't see you making it man for another six to eight years oh boy and then when i finally got last coming standing i looked at him and said you were jamie your advice was full of shit it took fucking 12 it took 12 not six but i was bummed out when he told me that i was like bummed out you know you get bummed out you realize you put in all this work and you can't be a regular here so you gotta go back to these other rooms I talked to Brad Williams and he said fuck that advice bro you know what he told me he said he told me that I should get all the little people I can find in Hollywood.
All of them. All the little midges, all the little persons, and bring them to the laugh factory.
And Jamie said, you can have the biggest little person show in all of Hollywood. That was his advice for Brad.
So then I thought, I was not feeling so bad after that. Then I talked to Alonzo Bowden, and he told Alonzo Bowden that he should put on shoulder pads and be a football comic.
So, Joe, after hearing that, I didn't want to cry anymore. Oh, my God.
He had some terrible advice. I think it was he was giving advice I think it was he was giving this advice to Todd Parker

who was telling God, he had some terrible advice. I think it was he was giving advice.

I think it was he was giving this advice to Todd Parker.

He was telling him it was either Todd Parker or Robbie Prince, two guys that I knew from Boston.

One of them he was telling him, I think it's Todd, you've got to be Generation X guy.

This is what you're going to be, buddy.

You're going to be Generation X guy.

So from Generation X, this is how I see the world, buddy. Everything was as a generation X guy.
And he was like, that's the worst advice I've ever heard in my life. Why would I do that? But people would have schemes for you.
But the thing is, they're just trying to help. Yeah.
But no one knows how to do it other than you, and you've got to figure it out. No one you.
Yeah, and it's like outdated too. Like who would have told Mitch Hedberg wear sunglasses and sometimes turn your back to the crowd? No one.
No one. Mitch Hedberg would be killing with his back to the crowd high on heroin.
All non sequiturs for like an hour and a half. They have stage fright? He was just crazy.
You know, brilliant. You worked with him? You met him? I met him.
I didn't know him well, but I knew him enough that it was a bummer. When he died, I remember I was with Stan Hope.
We were filming something and we found out that he had gangrene. He got admitted to a hospital.
He had gangrene. You're like, yo, gangrene fucking kills people.
Like, this is fucking scary. And, you know, he just had a problem.
He just liked that heroin. And he didn't want to stop.
Like, people wanted to clean him up. He did not want to get cleaned up.
It's like, I am not interested. I did heroin one time, but I didn't show it up.
I just smoked it, but I was in Amsterdam. Dude, it doesn't seem like anybody has a great old time with the rest of their life once they start doing heroin.
It's like cocaine. It's the same thing.
I think there's probably moments of brilliance that have come out of heroin, though. I definitely do when I think about 1960s music.
I think heroin and LSD affected a lot of rock and roll in the 1960s and cannabis for sure too and probably mushrooms but you know the the thing that it always kills you like everybody always it always ruins everything they all died young everybody like but Morrison 27 Hendrix 27 although there There is a wild conspiracy about Hendrix. Yeah? Yeah.
What did you hear? That he was killed by his manager. The conspiracy.
There was one of his bodyguards, right? Is that what it was, Jamie, that wrote this book? How did he die? I think he died of his asphyxiation from throwing up, which is one thing that can happen to people that are doing drugs. But the bodyguard, I believe this, don't hold me to this, but I believe the story was Hendrix was going to leave his manager.
His manager was mobbed up. His manager was like a scary guy.
And his manager was making a lot of money with Hendrix. Hendrix is trying to leave.
And he's got the rights to the Hendrix catalog and he kills Hendrix. So it's former roadie.
So the thing that's compelling about this is shortly after this, his girlfriend committed suicide, air quotes, by being thrown off a roof. So they got rid of Hendrix and they got got rid of his girlfriend if that's what really happened so that he was the benefactor allegedly of the guitarist two million dollar life insurance policy two million dollars okay worth around 1.2 million in 1970 according to wright jeffrey told him about the crime in 1971 a year 27-year-old Hendricks was found dead in a London hotel.
He said, I had to do it, Tappy. Wright claims the manager said, you understand, don't you? I had to do it.
You know damn well what I'm talking about. We went round to his hotel room, got a handful of pills, stuffed them into his mouth, then poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe.
Hendricks was found dead at the Samarkand Hotel on 18th of September 1970. The cause of death was recorded as barbiturate intoxication and inhalation of vomit.
I can still hear the conversation Wright wrote of Jeffrey's confession, see the man I'd known for so much of my life, his face pale, hand clutching at his glass in sudden rage. Hendrick's manager died in a plane crash in 73.
So this guy's dead that supposedly did this. Listen, man, they did that back then.
They were gangsters. There was gangsters running everything.
If there was a lot of of money to be made scary people moved in and it became a real problem yeah my gangsters own a lot of stuff that a lot of people wouldn't want to own like a gay club uh-huh yeah like in la they own all the gay clubs they were not raided because they were paying this episode is brought to you by better help people like to throw around all these red flags, you know, things someone says or does that you don't like, which is fine. But instead of focusing on the negative all the time, why don't we focus on the positive? If you're looking for a romantic partner, think about what traits you like to see in a person.
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But if you want to talk about something like that, like would a manager kill a client for a life insurance policy? Back then? Yeah. I read this.
They didn't even have DNA back then, man. I read this.
It's like crazy, right? My mom didn't like Elvis. She liked the Beatles, right? And I asked my mom, how come you don't like fucking Elvis? He's badass too.
Oh, because Elvis said that I'd rather have kids a dog than a Mexican woman. And I said, when did he say that? And he goes, he said it.
Then I found out later on when I went in a rabbit hole, it was a colonel. The colonel spread that.
The colonel spread that. Because he wanted to keep him in America and not tour anywhere.
The colonel was an evil dude, man. Yeah.
By the way, that Tom Hanks performance is fucking fantastic. In that Elvis movie where he plays the colonel.
Yeah. You know, when you see it, you appreciate how a guy can really become a different person.
Like, he becomes this creepy manager guy this manipulative gambling creepy manager guy i mean it's fucking genius man it's so good like you really you that's what's crazy you forget that's tom hanks you're like oh but you really got a sense of the relationship that elvis had with this dude because those guys it get crazy, there's famous, and then there's Elvis famous in the 1960s, and you don't even understand what that means. No one understands what that means.
And he was the first one to be like that. Imagine that.
I know, man. Imagine walking into a room and just go, you want a kiss? And they kiss.
Just imagine just trying to navigate life as a human being and you're literally the most desired person to be around alive. Like you can't walk down the street.
People scream and they cheer and they run at you. Women faint.
They cry. And there's never been someone like that before.
That's what's crazy because this is the first time you've seen a guy on television and he's on television shaking his hips. And so they go crazy.
No one ever done that, huh?

No. time you've seen a guy on television and he's on television shaking his hips and so they go crazy no one ever done that huh no no you never had a pop star on tv shaking his hips like he's fucking yeah it was too much did they cover it up the first time i think they did something where they were upset at him because they didn't know he was gonna do it i think it was like i think he was actually going to get fined in some places like you weren't allowed to shake your hips like that like this is how crazy being elvis was badass this is one video or picture of elvis that i like besides the one you have here you know the rested when he's um he's playing outside an outside event and he's wearing all black and he's fucking young as hell And a pop a door looking good the blue as I shine.
He's like bro And I'm 18 and there was no Elvis before Elvis. That's what's crazy So he's like this one guy that becomes way more famous than any entertainer ever And then he's got an evil manager and then he's doing pills and then he's just living in paranoia and the whole world don't make any sense nothing makes any sense it can't make any sense you have no peers you have no one around you that's like you no one around you that can understand you and you're being protected by some guy who's like siphoning money from you he was doing shit little gigs right like he'll Like he'll do like a two-hour show and then leave, go do another two-hour show somewhere else.
Well, I think he got into a financial bind, right? Wasn't that a part of the movie? And then he got that Vegas residency. Bro, the Vegas residency is probably convenient because you don't have to go anywhere.
You know, you know where you live. You know where the gig is.
Like Carrot Top seems to like it, but I don't think I could do that. But a free musician, though, like Elvis, is great.
Oh, yeah. But even, like, comics can do it.
A lot of comics do it. You know? I just don't know about living in Vegas.
I lose my mind being in the same place seven days a week, 14 shows. The people that live outside of Vegas love it, though.
If you live in Henderson or some of those places, they're very, very nice places. But you're still connected to this place where people go to get psychotic.
There's some weird energy about that. Listen, this is not a knock on Vegas.
I love Vegas. Look, I love New York City.
Ari fucking loves living in New York City. I can't live in New York City.
I can't handle all that. I got to get the fuck away.
Some people love it. Everybody can love everything.
But it just seems like that. It's like Vegas is a uniquely crazy place.
People go there specifically like, we're going to go to Vegas. It's like it's in the title of the state means craziness you went Vegas every day probably like 50,000 people show up it's every day and then you got rodeos coming into town and UFC fights coming into town and fucking concerts Raider fans it's a fucking wild-ass town I love being there I just don't know if I could live there.
It seems like it's almost a little too crazy. So this is Ed Sullivan Show, 1956.
This is the only time, this is the first time his hips show up on the screen? It's ten minutes into this? Yeah, he was wiggling his dick too much. That's all he was doing though.
That's a lot Jamie. What do you mean that's all he was doing? That's offensive.
After this aired, they said they wouldn't air him from the waist down anymore. Isn't that crazy? But they obviously started going back.
It's barely shown. It's so crazy.
Bro, he probably had a look. His big old dick keeps slapping at his jacket.
That's what it is. Look.
If you see that side, back it up a little bit. That's what the problem is, Jamie.
Look at that jacket popping up and down from his big old Elvis dick. Look at it.
He didn't assemble with it. Bro, he's making his jacket pop with his dick.
I'm with the censors. I'm with the censors.
Of course he had a big dick. He had everything.
He had everything. He had voice, talent, beautiful.
You think he's going to have a little dick with all those gifts? How tall is he? I don't know. He's probably at least six feet tall.
21 years years old there. 21.
What a kid, man. Wow.
How? How can you manage that? How can you navigate that at 21 years old? It's him. I know, man.
Bro, it's him and Michael Jackson. These are the two case studies in people that got too famous.
But sometimes I wonder, man, like, how would I handle that much success at that early age? Bro, you wouldn't.

I know, right?

That's what I'm saying.

You wouldn't.

You would go crazy, bro.

How about you?

Crazy.

I would have gone crazy.

I would have been sitting with a big fucking cold sore.

Yeah, dude.

I got lucky.

My fame ascent was a slow drip, you know, like over time.

Oh, bro.

It was a slow drip.

Mine was like the little mountain guy on The Price is Right.

Kiki-kiki-kiki-kiki-kiki-kiki-kiki.

And then stopping along the way.

Bunch of haters.

Kiki-kiki-kiki-kiki.

Fighting with other comics.

Coke here.

Yeah.

Hang around at El Compadres.

Too long with Joey Diaz.

El Compadres is the spot.

64 years ago today, more than 60 million people watched Elvis Presley perform on the Ed Sullivan show Oh, wow 60 million. That's so crazy, but that's how it used to be man when and that's why Losing control of that is so devastating to mainstream media.
That was what it was when I was a kid There was three channels dude. There was NBC ABC and CBS and that it.
And then all of a sudden there was Fox, and we were crazy.

Did you have local channels too, though, in your neighborhood?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We definitely did.

Especially, yeah, everyone has local channels.

So you always had the local NBC network.

You need those.

Somebody got to play karate movies.

Yeah, we didn't even have cable.

It didn't exist.

But you have to realize how nuts the world was when everything you watched on television was just television that's all you ever saw like there's no cable so you have four channels if you're and you felt so lucky to have that fourth channel you got the simpsons married with children came on that channel fox changed the whole in living color changed the whole like feeling different what a channel it's crazy that Fox is now connected to like conservative Republicans reporting the news but it's like Fox when we were kids was married with children it was you know it was like the renegade shows it was the Simpsons it was you know there's a bunch of like fun shows man single. Yeah, but In Living Color, to this day, I say, is one of the...
There's two of the greatest comedy... Saturday Night Live always gets it for longevity, because it's crazy.
They've been around so long. STTV.
But for pure funny, for me, it's In Living Color and Chappelle Show. And I feel like you don't get Chappelle Show unless you have In Living Color first.
I feel like In Living Color broke open the door for chaotic sketches that were really funny, man. Wildly offensive.
Really funny. To this day, there's a lot of shit on In Living Color that if you tried to do, like, in the height of wokeness, like, three or four years ago, bro, they would fucking call for your censorship.
Yeah, man. They would come for you.
Especially when Damon Wayans and Damon Languil were doing Men on Film. There's an episode where fucking the camera falls.
They gave it two snaps. Yep.
The camera falls on Damon Wayans and he becomes heterosexual

all of a sudden.

And then David Lenguil starts

touching him and he goes, man, get your laugh away from me, man.

That episode.

How about when he played Handyman?

He played Mentally Retarded.

I love that one. Oh my God.

That's my favorite movie. Yeah, a handicapped

superhero.

It was... And he made a superhero movie about him.
Handyman. He would fly like this.
Yeah. Dude, this show was wild.
Hilarious. Wildly offensive, but so funny.
Even Fire Marshal Bill, bro. He's making fun of a fire victim.
I was just going to bring that up. Let me tell you something.
That guy's fucking whole face is burned on. Jesus Christ.
My daughter's a burn victim, by the way. That's harsh, bro.
That's what you'll get. It's wild that shows like that.
That one, bro. Ahead of his time.
Oh, way ahead. Well, so was that other movie.
We were just talking about that. Ace Ventura.

Ace Ventura. Yeah.

Yes. When you find out that she's a trans person

and the dick comes out and everybody starts throwing

up.

First of all, I don't buy it. Even if she

had turned to that photo again.

That's Sean Young, right?

That's Sean Young, yeah. Yeah, when she was

hot. So even if she had

the First of all, I don't buy it. Even if she had turned into that photo again, that's Sean Young, right? That's Sean Young, yeah.
Yeah, when she was hot. So even if she had a dick, there's a lot of guys who'd be like, listen, nobody needs to know about that dick.
Nobody needs to know about that, man. That dick is between you and me.
I remember one time it happened to me, bro. I just looked at it and went, wow, that big-ass skin tag you got right there.
Skin tag. Yeah, all those shows, like, I mean, what are the other great sketch shows? Mad TV had some bangers.
Mad TV. There were some bangers on Mad TV.
But it's another show that's like. Second City TV, I watched that growing up.
Kids in the Hall. Kids in the Hall.
Kids in the Hall. Kids in the Hall was fantastic.
That was great. You know, I was a Kids in the Hall fan, but I didn't really start watching it, like really get into it until after I'd met Dave.
Like I didn't know much about Kids in the Hall. I knew it was funny.
I knew everybody said it was funny, but I don't think I'd ever even watched a sketch. And then I became friends with Dave doing news radio.
And then I started really into it I was like oh that guy had a very neat or still does have a very very unique sense of humor he rewrote like I don't know what percentage 40% of like the lines on news radio like on the set yeah rewrites things all the time and he was always like coming up with a better way to do something It always had like a sense of like a pacing is We that's a totally different thing man when you're making sketches like sketches A total like to be able to do that and do a lot of like really funny scenarios that are unique That's a very it's hard rather stand up because we want to end it Mm-hmm. Well, it's a totally different way of thinking.
You know, Gillian Keeves is another fantastic one. That, to this day, like, the problem with that show is, like, it's got this amazing fan, core fan base, but it doesn't...
It's way funnier than the amount of people that have seen it. It's way funnier, which is crazy because Shane Gillis is one of the biggest comics in the world.
Yes. He's funny as hell.
He's one of the biggest comics on earth. He's selling out arenas everywhere.
Yes. But yet, people don't realize how good Gillian Keyes is.
It's like, there's the one where they do the OnlyFans dad. It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my fucking life.
It's so funny. It's so and so crazy and because no one's telling them what to do.
They're just doing what's funny And that's what got fucked up There was so many fucking nannies around everybody telling everybody what you can and can't say and so many subjects You can and can't cover like you got to stay out of the way just like the managers in the early days Yeah, they're telling you be need braids yeah braids bro with beads and you talk about the beads when you're on stage like what you don't wear a suit shut the fuck up get out of here i remember what time bro they told me to wear a suit and i wear it and i saw joe deer wearing a suit i said bro you look ridiculous huh joe deer he was wearing a beanie i remember i call him the coca- bear he got mad suits are a weird move but they're sometimes fun I've worn suits on stage before it makes you feel different it does do you feel like you're gonna like change your posture or no you just feel like more of a motherfucking professional bitch look at this and a. And a well-tailored suit is what you really want.

The kind of modern suits, you can move in them.

They have stretch to them, which is different than... When I was a kid, I thought of suits.

I thought of like, you're handcuffed.

You can't move good.

You can't kick someone with fucking suit pants on.

You can't move well.

I always see Johnny Carson in his suits.

Those two suits look tight as hell.

Well, it's just the fabrics suck back then. Especially if you're a bigger person, you know, if you lift weights or something like that, if you have muscles, everything's going to be constricted and tight and all fucked up.
It's not going to fit good. So suits now, if you get a good one, like I got mine made by David August.
They do them for the UFC. I've had them make a bunch of suits for me.
They're amazing. They do it to your actual shape.
So everything fits perfect. I mean, I don't want to make fun of the other guys, but you're announcing you're a big muscle guy, but it doesn't look like you're coming out of that suit when you wear it look real good on you Yes, because they make it to your shape, you know, so it's real comfortable

Then you go to Fox Sports, man, they're about to just come out and they're like fucking orangutan bro

They're like like Mr. Hyde

Well, you know a lot of those dudes are bigger than me anyway

There's a certain size that you get like if you put the rock in a suit it still looks ridiculous it's like what the fuck are you made out of dude first time I met him backstage at the UFC and he had cowboy boots on right so he's it doesn't even cowboy boots yeah he don't even seem like a real person like when you meet him in real life like how what the fuck are you he's like a like a superhero yeah superhero. You're seeing a real live superhero.

And a super nice guy, man.

He came and worked out with us.

We all worked out.

Tony Hinchcliffe, Derek, Hassan.

We all fucking lifted weights together.

Hung out.

Got in the sauna.

Shane Gillis.

We were all just chilling with the rock.

Working out with him.

No cameras.

No nothing.

I was like, we don't have to post this. Let's just have some fun.

It's like, fuck yeah. He was cool as shit.

Cool as shit, man.

Wow, that's amazing, man. It was fun.

I enjoyed talking to him. He's a good guy.

I was in the airplane at

the Delta, and I saw

Jason Mamoa. Oh, he's another one.

And I said... A little too handsome for me.

And I just said, what's up?

No, I don't know how to meet people. I always said, weird people.
I said, Jason! I just said, what's up? No, I don't know how to meet people. I always say weird people.
I say, Jason! I just like that, Jason! What's up? And then I didn't know that we were sitting almost close together on the airplane. Then he saw me again, bro.
Then I said, what's up? Then I felt like I creeped him out again, man. And then my wife was recording him, bro, recording him.
But I was on my phone. He thought I was recording him, but.
I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot. I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot in Woodland Hills.
I was going to pick up some groceries, and he was there too. I was like, what's up, man? How you doing? What's going on? We were talking.
I think that was before he did Conan, which I still say to this day, the movie's not good. Like the Conan movie, it kind of falls apart.
But the way it looked was amazing. And he played Conan.
And he's the perfect Conan. Like that's what Conan would have looked like.
He wouldn't have looked like a bodybuilder. No disrespect to Arnold because he looked amazing.
But it's like Conan was just a big giant warrior. And when he played that guy, what was the guy he played on Game of Thrones?

Crackle or something like that.

I can't remember.

He was fucking incredible at that.

He played with them.

That's Conan, man.

Yeah.

That's Conan.

Someone needs to do a good Conan the Barbarian movie.

Go back and read the Robert E. Howard books.

The books are great.

It's this super depressed dude in like the 1930s. writes about this barbarian.
Khal Drago, that's right. There we are.
Two people I get mistaken by. Bro, get a photo of him when he was Conan.
Jason Momoa as Conan. Bro, he was the perfect Conan.
Right there. That's what Conan's supposed to look like.
That's how I'm supposed to look, too. That's the perfect Conan.
That's the Conan you believe is real. That's a guy throwing a sword around his whole life and fighting off dragons.
He's not a bodybuilder. No.
He looks like that. That's what it looks like in the book.
Like, that's fucking Conan. We're identical.
That's Conan. I mean, the guy's still capable of playing this character.
Please. Me.
I wish Quentin Tarantino was into Conan. Quentin, if you're hearing me, please read the books.
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Rated M for Mature. Could you imagine? He would do it right.
Or Beastmaster. If he was into it, he would have to be into it.
I have no idea if he's into it. But if he was into it.
If Christian Chinon might do it. Somebody should do it.
It'll start with the ending. It'll be like the ending of the movie in the beginning and confuse us.
Somebody should do it. The books are great, man, because it's all from the mind of this tortured, depressed dude who winds up killing himself.
It'll be the first time that you see a Conan movie with everybody saying the N-word over and over. I don't think they had that word back then.
I think if you want to do it right. They'll make one up.
I think if they really wanted to do it right, they should probably do it the way like Mel Gibson did Apocalypto. That was a badass fucking movie, bro.
You felt that movie, bro. But you know what I'm saying? Like hearing the people say it.
Hardcore. And the same thing he did with The Passion of the Christ.
They spoke in the language and it was all subtitles. Like they spoke in the language.
So you were transmitted exactly how these people were saying. you felt like it was all subtitles.
Like they spoke in the language so you were transmitted exactly how these people were sent. You felt like it was real.
Like Apocalypto, you felt like it was real. Like there was no English in that movie.
It is a blockbuster movie that is a wild action-adventure movie. Then we were hardcore, man.
The Passion of the Christ. Yes.
There's something about being sucked into hearing the actual language of the people that would be doing this.

It's so much better than...

Because whenever they do Game of Thrones or something like that in another country,

all of a sudden everybody has an English accent.

Yes.

That's how they do it.

Instead of talking like an American, you can't talk like us,

because that would just throw people off.

So you have to have some sort of a proper way of speaking.

Kind of like The Exorcist, man.

If The Exorcist, The Devil, would have had like an Irish accent.

It would have been a totally different movie.

But the Latin accent, the whatever Latin language.

Right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Exactly.

You don't even know what the language is, but you're fucking scared.

Right, it has to be exotic.

You can't have the devil going, hey, you fucking piece of shit.

I'm going to fuck your eyeballs.

You better get out of my garage.

Yeah, you can't have the devil talking like Jerry Seinfeld. I speak in absolutes.
Yeah. You can't have the devil with a whiny voice.
Or a Boston accent. That was the scariest thing about Mike Tyson.
He had this voice that was so easy to make fun of, and he fucking murdered everybody. Knocked you ass out.
It was almost like he was begging you to make fun of his voice. Dangerous dudes.
Yeah, it was almost like he was begging you. You're like you, bro.
You're like one of those guys. You're like, to someone that doesn't know you personally, you're like, try me.
No, I'm not like that at all, though. I'm real nice.
If I didn't know you and I saw you walking down the street and you're not Joe Rogan, I'd be like, okay, man, this guy's good fight. He's healthy.
Stay away from him. I'm friendly.
That's what we all need, my friend. We need friendly.
But you've been friendly since day one, though. I was talking to your driver, Rebel, about when you gave me that solo pipe.
And then you say you started using it because of butane. Yeah.
And I remember I was telling you that the reason it's called solo pipe is because you're supposed to use it by yourself. But I remember I told everybody you gave it to me and everybody wanted to hit it.
And by the time I got it back, it was fucking hot. Yeah.
I remember those things. I try to stay...
I think if you're smoking a cigar, butane is the way to go. You burn the end of it, but you don't want to keep doing it.
I feel like a certain amount of this is a chemical, no matter what. Look, that's a chemical.
You only want so much of that. You really should probably have matches if you're going to smoke a cigar.
Matches? Yeah, you should really probably have matches. And I think if you're a super cigar nerd, they do it even further.
They take cedar and they light cedar strips and they use that to light their cigar. Those are super nerds.
Cedar strips? What is that? Cedar strips, dog. Pieces of wood.
They light little strips of wood and they light from pure wood, then they light their cigar. These are super nerds when it comes to cigars.
Like they get into it. Oh, that's what that guy said in New York, give me some ember.
Give me some ember?

Ember?

Oh, what is ember?

Fire?

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, so these guys, they take little cedar strips and they light them on fire,

and then they light their cigar from the cedar strips.

So this way you're not getting any of the butane fumes.

I don't even know how much you would get i don't you know get better later yeah sure you know how to work it no think back we're probably going to find out okay every time you burn a lighter near you you inhale like 10 times more than you're ever supposed to in your life. Really? We'll probably find something like that out someday.
It can't be so good to have convenient fire. Fire that quickly means you've got some funky gases that you're burning.
You're burning some funky gases in the air. Oh, horrible.
Because I remember match, and then you get the ugly-ass fuel. You know what's real bad? What? Scented candles.
Scented candles apparently are not healthy. Jamie, Google that.
Maybe I should say some scented candles. Maybe there's a way to do it organically.
We should find out if that's true, too, because that would be a good thing to know. Because I think there's some things in some scented candles that you're not supposed to inhale.
And when you're a person that likes to have candles, and who doesn't? They're cool. You want to have candles in your house? That's dope.
Like candlelight dinner with a bunch of friends? That's dope. Right? But I think it's the scented ones.
It says it's the ones that are made from paraffin. The ones that are made from paraffin are the problem.
It's a cheap byproduct primarily sourced from the refinement of petroleum. So you're burning petroleum.
Paraffin is the most used candle wax worldwide, according to the National Candle Association, the major trade association representing U.S. candle manufacturers and their suppliers.

So it's all candles made from paraffin.

However, few studies on candle emissions or their potential effects on human health exist, and conclusions from the research are mixed. There is no overall conclusion that paraffin candles will either, excuse me, either will or won't harm your health,

says pulmonologist Dr. Sobia Farouk, a clinical assistant professor at the Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine.
But the risk may also depend on various factors, including candle type and quality, how often and how long you're burning it, the airflow and the space where you're burning it, your health status, and more.

Either it's not

good for you, or it's

fine. These are the options.
And it seems to me like there's a little gaslighting going on here. Like, how could it be good for you to have petroleum burning in your house? I want you to show me a study that's like, measure the fucking air in the room when you have three candles.
measure the air in the room when you have four candles measure keep going tell me when i'm gonna get lung cancer from this shit because wow yeah benzene a known carcinogen is another voc released by paraffin candles hawk added, long-term exposure to this chemical

has been linked to blood disorders

such as leukemia.

When inhaled, benzene can also be

a respiratory irritant,

which means it could probably...

Yeah.

Fuck.

Fuck.

People think candles are cool.

Oh, man.

But what about...

What is a candle that you can use?

There's got to be candles that are not bad.

I'm going to go ahead and get it. People think candles are cool.
It's like, but what about, what is a candle that you can use? Like, there's got to be candles that are not bad. I hope all those candles that I've got in a massage parlor who are safe.
New candle. Oh, now, candles made from soy wax, beeswax, or stearin, coconut oil, or animal fats are often considered healthier.
But anything that is burned emits harmful particulates or chemicals, Evan said. So these candles also release VOCs into the air.
It's just that paraffin wax is usually more polluting, according to... Oh, great.
So they all suck. The risk of toxic emissions is greater when candles are scented or dyed, which is another reason why paraffin-free candles aren't immediately in the clear.
This is because artificial fragrances have VOCs, including phthalates, which have been linked to learning and behavior problems, obesity, impaired development of the reproductive systems, and more. Evans said the unscented candle in the 2015 research also caused concerning concentrations of toxins, but had the lowest amount compared with its scented counterparts.
Yeah, by what ratio? I wonder how much lower. Candle, oh, the National Candle Association maintains that candles are safe for use in the home, a spokesperson said in a statement.
First of all, you can't totally say anything's safe because i i was dating a girl once and she burnt her fucking house down with candles that's exaggerating she burnt a wall in her house what was she doing she just let her candles burn down and something caught fire and it like lit the side of her fucking bedroom hall like her wall was on fire she liked handles so they're not totally safe it's fire fire's not totally safe fucking lighters aren't totally safe you can't say it's safe like you could you could definitely do something stupid with it like you know what's safe marshmallows marshmallows are safe if you light them it's not good to eat they bad for your body, but they're fucking safe They're not gonna kill you I'll let you burn them to make s'mores with a lighter and a fork. You know what's supposed to be really bad for you paper straws Paper straws have those forever chemicals in them.
See if that's true Otherwise, we'll have to cut this out without getting sued by the paper straw industry. Oh, speaking of straws, right? Everybody knows that paper straws came around because everybody saw that video of that turtle with that straw in its nose.
That's the only reason why we started looking at paper straws different than everything else, right? Paper or plastic? Plastic. Okay.
Plastic straws came about. Did I say paper? Plastic straws came about because of that video of that turtle with the plastic straw in his nose, right? Remember that? Yeah.
That was it. It was in her nose, right? Yeah, deep, deep in the turtle's nose.
New studies found that 90% of paper straws tested contained forever chemicals, or PFAS, compared to 75% of plastic straws. So even plastic straws have those fucking chemicals in them, but it's even worse for you to use paper straws.
Paper straws assessed by researchers at University of Antwerp, Belgium, were found to contain more forever chemicals per polyfluoralkyl. How do you say that? Give it a shot.
Philly Bay? Polyfluoralkyl. How do you say that? Give it a shot.
Polyfluoralkyl. Yeah.
Substances or PFASs than plastic. But all of them are bad for you.
What it's basically saying is that even straws, 75% of plastic straws have tested that they contain forever chemicals. That's not good.
So all of it's bad. should probably abandon the idea of straws.
I like McDonald's straws the big fat one Here's what you don't want a metal straw and a Stanley and then fall on your face Oh, okay, cuz people have done that It is well listen. I fall you know, I know but I've fallen before I'm No, I haven't but't, but I would imagine.
Just because you fall with a straw doesn't mean you're an idiot. But people got to be aware that that's basically a metal shank that's going to go right through your face if you trip.
You got to carry that thing if you're clumsy, as if you're carrying a knife. Move it away from your body your body you know don't catch your body with it if you fall down and then stab yourself i know man you you wouldn't let your baby hold that while you're holding it yeah yeah why are you holding that you're not ready for that yet you're ready well especially if you're clumsy clumsy people should really know they're clumsy and be super careful with what they're carrying are you clumsy yeah man don't carry a rake carry a rake.
I was outside over there going, I was holding that baseball. And I'm holding that baseball and I'm looking at the werewolf and I'm thinking, let's look at my wife.
I bet you I could throw a knuckleball and make it right in the fucking werewolf mouth. You're gonna fuck something upside down.
Yeah, don't fuck up my werewolf, bro. That's one of my prized possessions possessions and even if you could hit it.
What does that prove? Don't want to break the werewolves teeth. What are you trying to prove Felipe? That's took a throw knuckleball.
We did a baseball player hell no no, but you had a good knuckleball or no No, I was good at playing street ball with a tennis ball mm-hmm, and I can make I had a good junk on a tennis ball And we would put over like a regular fastball and I had to make that shit. Man, that was good.
Dude, we used to play stickball in the street. That was fun.
We were kids. I don't get that game.
I Wikipedia the other day to learn how to play because they're having like a stickball tournament in New York last week when I was there. Yeah, that's the video I saw.
Yeah. Yeah.
They were having a tournament.

Other veterans that used to play stickball in New York

showed up to play.

Oh, we slid on concrete, bro.

But I never knew the game because in LA,

we play over the line.

That's a good way to get a staph infection.

Look at that, bro.

Sliding on concrete?

Good way.

They're getting pumped.

That looks like a guy who plays really good stickball.

Terror squad. Yeah, it's a city thing.
A broomstick, right? When I lived in Jamaica Plain, which is a little place outside of Boston, we played that. We used to play stickball on the street.
People get mad at you. You hit their car with a tennis ball.
It was stupid. But kids are just always looking for something to do back then.
Now they're all online. I used to play crazy games growing up, bro, that I'm pretty sure kids don't play that anymore.
I used to play this game called Huevos, which is called Eggs. We used to put a bunch of holes on the floor with your name on it, and then somebody would throw a tennis ball.
And wherever the ball lands in that hole, that person has to grab that ball and fuck somebody up in the back before they make it to the wall.

And that person you hit has to grab that ball and then hit people on the way back before they get to the other side of the wall.

And if you miss everybody, you get an egg on your little hole.

And once you get four of them, we all take turns fucking you up with a tennis ball while you're just dandered at this Jesus Christ yeah there was no cable back then and we didn't want to join gangs I think you did I think you guys had a soft core gang we didn't have no boy scouts that's a crazy way to make friends you guys ever play suicide though? I don't remember How's it go? It's a crazy way to make friends. You guys ever play Suicide, though? I don't remember.
How's it go? It's a handball court, a wall, and you throw a ball. And there's five kids.
And you catch it. But if you miss it, everybody starts fucking you up.
No, I never played that. Until you make it to the wall.
No, I never played that.

It was called suicide.

Never played that.

It was going to tell you

everybody stands by the wall

and you throw the ball

against the wall

and you try to catch it

and if you miss

they fucking jump you

till you get to the wall

with the ball.

Fuck that.

You got videos of it, James? We can do it! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Requires at least two players. Can have as many as can be accommodated by the playing area.
This is funny when they take a game like this and they break it down. These are the rules.
We did play wall ball. We called it wall ball.
You called it wall ball? Did you do it like that? It was honestly, yeah. If said if you fucked up, you'd have to stand on the wall.
People could throw the ball at you. There it is.
Right there. They're fucking them up.
Wall ball. Until the player touches the wall, they are open to be pegged, struck hard with a thrown ball by the player who caught it.
If a player comes into contact with the ball but fails to catch it, they are also open to be pegged. I mean, that's what it was.
It's a tough word to use, but that's what it is. Getting hit by a tennis ball is a good thing to get hit by, though, right? It sucks.
Like, if someone's throwing it, it sucks, but it's not going to kill you. There's always this asshole kid that didn't like that kid that was going to get hit, and he'll put that fucking ball in a shitload of water and mud.
Oh, that's a problem. He's cheating.
He can't cheat. Oh, also, remember, if that person that put the gate hit by the ball runs home, we'll fucking chase him home or beat him up in front of his mom.
Boy. That's why cable's important.
Yes, man. That's why the internet's important.
YouTube. You got to keep people pacified.
TikTok saved saved your life imagine if it did imagine if it saved a few lives people just at home scrolling instead of out gang banging you know i mean everybody gets addicted to it if you just you don't go out and do terrible things because you just scrolling staring at your tick tock i know man i wonder if wonder if kids do shoplift for fun. I bet they do.
You know, there's been like famous people that have been caught shoplifting. I think a lot of people who shoplifted do it for fun.
You shoplifted when you were little? I did. You were hungry? No, no, no.
I was just dumb and young. And I got caught.
You don't do it now, right? No. You see the opportunity? No, no, no.
I did it a couple times. It was like candy

bars and shit. I was just

hanging around with a bunch of bad kids, and we would

do that. It was a thrill.

You'd go to a store and steal something.

I think we probably did it

two or three times, and I got caught.

I don't do it anymore.

I felt so stupid.

I know, but sometimes I'm walking around

and I see a pack of donuts, But they're far from where donuts are. Right.
Like they're by the shoe and they're open. And I'm like, I'm all high looking at the donut.
Damn, you're lost. Joey Diaz used to swipe lighters from 7-Eleven just to stay sharp.
He put he had money.

He put he had money.

He would swipe lighters.

Just to stay on his toes.

How you doing, brother?

Swap.

I saw him do that while he's talking to the guy

and he put his knickers.

Yeah, he's got some hand movements to distract you.

I think that was a game, man,

that road commies would do, bro,

on the way to a gig, who could shoplift the most shit out of the gas station. That's not good for our reputation.
That's not good for our reputation. What'd you get? Power bars.
Traveling entertainers. What'd you get? Power bars.
Gas station food, man. Those times when you're on the road and all you're eating is garbage.
Hell yeah, man. You gotta buy a grilled cheese there and put pork rinds in there from the package.
You gotta take a chance with the bean and cheese burrito that you microwave. You have to open that strip of plastic.
Those were good, though. When you were hungry.
Ramona's. Every now and then you got good food at a gas station.
You're like, why doesn't everybody do this? Sometimes you go to a a gas station it's like a gas station but it's also like a taco spot fried chicken cheeseburgers you're like damn those cheese that looks like a legit fucking cheeseburger okay where am i this place is dangerous here i mean you would make more money right that's what bucky's figured out you go whatever the fuck you want we gotta do we got barbecue Pickle dicks. Let's go.
We got eggs, cheese, milk. You could buy a house.
You could buy a fucking sled. What do you need? Fishing poles? You need a hamburger? What else? Shit.
You need a Yeti cooler and a Traeger grill. We got those.
We got a shower in a bag if you want a shower. They're making a Disney Buc-ee's and it's going to have rides in it You know there's a lawsuit going on with Buc-ee's They're claiming that these people copied their logo Which one? Chuck Eason? No, there's another spot that has another kind of an animal Yeah, they do that with all They knock off Wherever that is, they knock off all sorts of stores Is it in another country? Yeah, I think so Oh, I I thought it was in America.
Yeah, it's in Mexico. Really? Oh, interesting.
Oh, Mexico loves to do that. Because there's a fake...
Oh, I've seen that. No, no, no.
I've seen that. That's not it, though.
That's the fake Buc-ee's in Mexico. Put that picture up again.
Put that picture up again. Oh, my God.
So there's a fake in and out in Mexico, too. Oh, that's so funny, man.
And there's a fake in and out in California in Mexico too Oh that's so funny man And there's a fake In-N-Out in California too Yeah I've seen the fake In-N-Out in Mexico There's a fake one in California? Yeah it's called Easy Takeout And I think they used to be Same uniforms Same stand Same burgers But they just added a breakfast burger It's called Easy Takeout in West Covina. Wow.
So they copied the logo? It's very similar here. Oh, Lucky's! Lucky's, but this is what the lawsuit's about.
Same city, Temple Lupus, Mexico. Oh, yeah, they even got a little gap in between it.
Bucky's knockout. Lucky's spotted.
He's lucky to have two teeth. But that's the one in Mexico, right, Jamie? They both? I told you.
They both are. I don't think this other one is in Mexico.
I might be wrong. A month ago, two months ago, Bucky's taking legal action against Mexican companies.
Shut up. It's the one thing I came up by.
I was looking a lot. Oh, okay.
Well, what was that animal? That was like a... The Bucky's is a beaver.
A chuca cabra. Right? So what was that other animal? What was the Lucky? Who's Lucky? Is Lucky a rabbit? Like, what is Lucky? Lucky's also a beaver.
It's a Chucacabra. So what was that other animal? What was the Lucky? Who's Lucky?

Is Lucky a rabbit?

What is Lucky?

Lucky is also a beaver.

Oh, my God.

No.

Let me see.

He has a pompadour, though, right?

Let me see.

Where's Lucky's?

What a bunch of dumbasses.

Oh, my God.

It is a beaver.

What is it?

He's wearing a...

Oh, he's a raccoon.

Oh, it's a raccoon.

Oh, okay. No, you can't do that.
He's a mask, man. He's wearing a suit.
Oh, he's a raccoon. Oh, it's a raccoon.
Oh, okay.

No, you can't do that.

He's a mask, man.

He's a bandito.

Why can't you do that, though?

Why can't you have Harry's?

Or how about George's and have Curious George?

They could, you know, get together, a little franchise.

Curious George.

Everybody loves Curious George.

Would that be okay?

Like, if they have George's? Would they get sued? Or Enriquez. They have a different lawsuit.
Let's see. There is a different lawsuit.
Superfuels trademark infringement. Let me see.
Could you imagine if, like, the owners, whoever owns the... Yeah, this is even...
This is a little different. Whoa! Because it's like a...
Oh, that's it. That's the one I saw.
Superfuels. So it's just...
They So it's just because it's got a smiling animal. And the red hat.
See, I don't know. I'm not on board with that one.
I'm trying to see what they're trying to do. I'm not on board with that one.
I can't think that you could own the idea of having any kind of cute animal as a part of your logo. That seems kind of ridiculous.
I don't understand copyright law, but doesn't that seem like a little ridiculous to you? What if it's a cat and you make it kitties and you have a cute little cat? Are you telling me that I can't make a business called kitties? That depends where you're doing business at and how much of a copyright you have. Is it nationwide? Did you have an international copyright, which is really tough?

Right, but is that a copyright infringement if you have kitties?

It depends on what...

You know what I'm saying?

Imagine someone has a copyright to the ability...

I don't understand any of this stuff.

So clearly I'm talking out of my ass.

But imagine if somebody has a copyright to just owning the ability to use a cartoon character

in your logo. That seems completely insane, doesn't it? Yeah.
But what's his name? This is Comedy Club and Tommy Tease, he used to have the Lauren Hardy, what you call it, the Lauren Hardy logos. Lauren Hardy? Yeah, and for his comedy club.
Oh, yeah. And he got sued by Bozo the Clown.
He owned the copy. Bozo owned Laurel and Hardy? Yeah, the cartoon.
Anything that you put cartoon on it with Laurel and Hardy's face. Imagine going back, watching Laurel Hardy.
Imagine showing somebody that had no idea about American culture at all. Yes.
Going back, and you show them Laurel Hardy, and then right after, you show them Chappelle's show when Dave plays the blind white supremacist that's black. Yeah, that guy.
But imagine seeing, like, this is what comedy started out as, and this is comedy later. That is a wild ride.
Yes, man. That's a wild ride.
The ride from like Abbott and Costello. Yes.
Who's on first? Who's on for Eddie Cantor, bro. Who's Eddie Cantor? Eddie Cantor was the first comedian to do radio.
Right. And he was history for Fools podcast so I learned about the history of stand up comedy plus I read that I watched the documentary but he was one of the first guys but he was very clean bro he sang can we hear some of this hear some of this? Hear some of this.

He was getting paid $500 for five-minute shows on radio.

Yeah, he can't.

He was the first guy to have a radio comedy show.

I'm trying to hear what he's saying.

What is he saying?

He's thinking.

Some vaudeville nonsense.

The dumb ones know how to make love.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ. The dumb ones know how to make love.
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
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Get an expert now at TurboTax.com. That sounds like something Theo would say on stage.
I like him dumb. He'll be on the radio bro talking and then he'll pinch the chicks in their butts.
Oh God. They wouldn't say nothing and finally a woman said something.
Mr. Cantor.
And he had a fire. Well, I got to remember, people back then were basically barbarians.
Yeah. 1920s people? Bro, back then it was.
It's World War I, bro. Back then, for a stand-up comedian, when I found out was, imagine you do a gig.
$200 back then, right? And the promoter says, the gangsters, I'm not going to pay you. And you don't get paid? And they'll call the cops.
You have a couple of three vagrants walking around downtown. And then you're three comedians walking around town with no hotel, no pay, and they're going to pick you up for being a hobo now.
Yeah, you could get stiffed, for sure. But that was back then, bro.
That was a hard time. Imagine imagine from then to now Well, I think there's probably still a lot of shit There for a lot of guys that are coming up, but it's just now there's more real gigs.
Yeah better gigs well, it's Comedy is more accessible, you know because of YouTube and everything Comedy. Comedy's just way, it's everywhere.

Everywhere. Like your special.

Well, tell everybody.

Oh, I have a special right now.

What a segue.

Yeah, I have a special right now on Netflix, Raging Fool.

We shot it at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, two shows.

My wife directed it and executive produced.

She executive produced all my specials.

But we shot it with our own money, and we paid everybody,

and then we sold it to Netflix.

We made like a two-year deal.

Oh,

Thank you. But we started with our own money.
And we paid everybody. And then we sold it to Netflix.
We made like a two-year deal. Oh, that's awesome.
So we own it. Great.
I love the tracksuit. Yes.
Because of Raging Bull. Because of Raging Fool.
Got it. Because of Raging Bull.
I love the tracksuit. It's dope.
Because I was watching that movie Raging Bull. Yeah.
And I was thinking that when Jake LaMotta had nothing left to do in his life, he had nothing how to make money. Right.
He said, you know what? I'm going to be a comedian. And I thought, wow.
He had nothing else to do with his life. So he figured out, I'm going to do stand-up comedy.
Because that was the last thing. And for us, it was like the first thing.
Well, that happens with actors sometimes, too, when their careers kind of dwindle, they start doing stand-up.

That happens.

And he had, like, when he was doing, you saw them away, right, Raging Bull, when he's doing stand-up.

And he's at a bar called Jimmy's Corner Bar, and that bar's still there.

You know, Stanhope was friends with him.

Really?

Yeah, because that guy lived down in Arizona, where Stanhope lived. Oh, that's cool,, that's cool Yeah, he's like got photos of him hanging out over his house and shit.
Yeah Yeah, Jake LaMotta was Stanhope's boy And that's a real story man. Jake LaMotta was a character.
Yeah, there was a wild fella a wild crazy fella and God damn Robert De Niro narrow fucking nailed it now. Nailed nailed it huh? I mean nailed it like he looked like an Animal when he was Jake LaMotta like the younger Jake LaMotta Did you fuck my wife? Yeah, oh Jesus Christ.
He was so scary He was so scary because he was just out of his fucking mind and so dangerous And it's based based on a real guy, man. I mean, the movie

is real close to how that

guy was, Jake LaMotta, when he was in his prime.

He was a fucking monster, man.

I like when he looks at his hands

and he goes,

he don't like his hands because they're not

big, I guess. He goes,

I can never be a heavyweight.

Yeah.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Crazy.
That's crazy. That's a different kind of human, man.
And back then, there was a lot of people like that. You got to go back and put your mind into what it must have been like to be Jake LaMotta growing up.
So what year was Jake in his prime? What year did he fight Sugar Ray Robinson? Let's ask that. Jake LaMotta versus Sugar Ray Robinson.
62? 59? 42. Whoa! 42.
Okay. Madison Square Garden, 1942.
So you've got to imagine. Wow.
You've got to just put your mind into the type of people that lived back then i mean like cars were new sewage was new like people had been coming over in boats criminals were everywhere crime was everywhere organized crime was the the rule of the law in all the italian communities the irish communities you know that was the thing 42 wow yeah this was just the united states it's like you ever watch that movie uh Gangs of New York yes fucking great movie right that's a fucking great movie and probably pretty accurate yes roughly pretty accurate the way life was back then some of those gangsters that were in that movie were actually real people. I believe it.
Like that woman

in that movie, I think you talked about it,

the one that used to collect ears and put them in a jar.

Yeah. Yeah.
She was

an actual real person. She had a bar

where people

would just have a jar full of

pickled ears and noses

from previous fights.

Oh my God.

Jesus Christ. And they would have fights in the back with a mountain goose fighting a dog Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.

And they'll have fights in the back

with a mongoose fighting a dog.

Oh, my God.

Gangs of New York, man.

That movie is so...

Because we don't think of New York that way.

You think of New York as like New York City.

Well, it was kind of dangerous in the 70s.

Then Giuliani cleaned it up.

And then it's pretty commercialized in a lot of ways. It's still a beautiful city.
But New York, during the time of that, whenever that film was supposed to represent, was a wild, crazy, almost like Wild West type place. Like we think of those kind of scenes when you think of a Wild West movie, right? Yeah, the good, bad, and the ugly.
Yeah, you think of people getting stabbed and shot, but that was happening over there, too. It's not like it never happened on the East Coast and they only did it on the West Coast.
It was happening on people. It was happening in the whole country.
And they had just gotten, I mean, these people had just gotten done with a fucking Civil War, right? Yeah. Because back then, you got to think, 1940, to the like the 1860s to the 1940s that's not that much time no that's pretty quick that's 80 years 80 years a lot of those fuckers are still alive yeah same mentality same craziness and then you got more immigrants coming in on boats no youtube to watch just a women of prayer someone told Someone told them to come.
I always think about that man. Jesus.
Yeah, her. She supposedly was real.
She was Maggie. Hellcat Maggie.
Jesus Christ. I think about when the Irish are coming in at the same time when that movie is happening.
And they told them, you want a free meal? You want to fight for your country? And they give him a uniform

and their families go off to

New York and they go off to fight

the South. Jesus Christ.
Just imagine

coming out of the boat and somebody just hands you a gun

and a piece of bread and go, go fight for

America. And I think about that,

like, wow, some hardcore people right there,

man. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, hardcore people.

Different times, man. Desperate.
Yeah, and then people look old, older then than they do now. Oh, yeah, they look old quick.
Yeah, like you look at a person's photo, and you go, how old is that kid? He looks like 70. Oh, that's a 25-year-old kid working in a coal mine.
Yeah. Working in coal mines, those people all got sick.
They all got fucked up. I mean, that's environmental pollution that you're signing up for.
Like, you're going to go breathe coal dust no matter what. Everyone gets, they all get horrible fucking, what is that, black lung? Black lung.
That's terrifying. Terrifying.
And then you've got people that just live around coal plants. And they're breathing that shit.
And they're not even a part of that business. I know, man.
Like, Wilkeskes bar pennsylvania bro there's a place that we uh showed a video once it was uh was it indiana jamie yeah yeah so there's like three coal plants near this city and these people they can wipe their windshield and they have black soot on their fingers it just falls in america yeah it's in America. So these people are for sure breathing that shit in.
Pittsburgh? Indiana. Oh, Indiana.
Yeah. That's scary.
That's scary. And that's a fraction of what's going on in China, bro.
Oh, yeah, because when I was in Seattle, and I was waiting, I was crossing the, waiting for the car to pass. I was going to my show, and I saw, it was like a mile train.
And it was all coal. Coal.
Real black coal coming from Minnesota. And I asked the cop that was standing there.
I go, I didn't know we still mind coal. And he goes, well, we don't use it.
But it's all going to China. Really? Yeah, it was like a mile bro of coal and it had no cover on it.
That's crazy. And it was just falling off.
They say that I don't know how much coal flies. I don't know shit about coal but I just know what the guy told me.
There was a mile train of coal coming from Minnesota on that one line and there was a boat. I could see the boat where it was going.
Wow. And it's all going to China.
Yeah.

Yeah, they're full steam ahead with coal. Hey.
Someone should check to see if maybe they know something we don't. I know, man.
What are they producing with that coal? They're doing a lot. I mean, they produce so many of the things that we need, which is one of craziest things we all found out when everything got locked down is you couldn't get anything because so much of what you wanted was made in china you're like oh my god or made in russia or made in anywhere where they had to come in on a ship you know like that became a real fucking problem i thought it was made in akron ohio yeah they hardly make shit here shit here.
In comparison to what we consume, we consume way more, probably, I would guess, than any country of a similar size. Yo, dog.
Still rocking the Samsung. I love it.
I love when a comic holds out and doesn't go iPhone. Oh, no, man.
I like the bigger phone. It has a little pen.
You like the pen. I love the pen I love the one of those guys which one is that the 24 yes that one that was 24 ultra yeah yeah is that the newest one or the one right before right before it there's a new one that just came out it's pretty dope a year and a half ago I think no yeah that's the old one yes 24 ultra I have that one That one's sick.
It does a lot of cool shit. Good videos, right? Yeah, it's great.
Granted, a lot of stuff, but the interesting thing is the AI. So what I like about it is I can go to a website, and if I open it up in the Samsung browser, and then I can say summarize, and it'll summarize the website for me.
Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, so if there's something that's taking forever for you to get to the point because you want me to keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling while you show ads all over the place that's a trap so it'll just tell you oh there's an asteroid that might hit earth within the next you know fucking 60 years like oh great there's a three percent what is a percent percent chance Thank God 1.5% I think I took a pictures like a picture of you right and then do that one screen Yeah, and then I circle it and it'll find a sweater for me you that's cool.
Yeah, that's really cool That's I think that's available on all phones now I think the new iPhone update has that as well where you can Google search a thing and it'll show you where to buy it. That's what my wife always wanted.
She wanted to have it where you're watching television and you pause it with your finger and make a circle and then it just ships to your house. You know when people are going to be fed up with that thing? First of all, you can only buy so much shit.
But second of all, like what happens? Like you know those glasses that they wear now, those metaglasses? Have you seen this Harvard kid? Oh, the one that you could record now? I've seen those. Some Harvard kid figured out how to use facial recognition software with that.
So he sees you, gets a photo of you, immediately gets a Wikipedia on you or whatever the fuck is available online, sees your Instagram page, finds your address, and it was wild. You're like, wait, hit the brakes.
Sound like the T-1000 Terminator. Yeah, it's like, hit the brakes, hit the brakes.
But I don't think they can. Wasn't there a movie like that? Yeah, there's been a bunch of movies.
Yeah, Roddy Piper was like that, wasn't it? Oh, They Live. They Live! Those with the glasses? Yes! But that was aliens.
I think about that. Sometimes when you have a guest, they go, wait a minute, he's talking about those glasses from Roddy Piper? Similar.
I think the Roddy Piper glasses, you put them on, you could see what everybody really looked like. You could see through whatever energy field they were projecting.
There was these alien creatures that were pretending to be people. And there's a lot of people that believe that now.
I'm less inclined to believe that, but I'm open. I wouldn't want to get tricked.
I mean, if there really are people that are actually aliens that are amongst us that look like people and behave like people. This is the guy who figured it out.
Try to say his name. Felipe, hit me with it.
Icray. What's the first one? Right there.
Try that. Oh, it's Anfu Nguyen.
I think. And Cain Ardolfo.
I don't think they say Nguyen. I think they say Gwyn, right? Because there's been a few fighters in the UFC, Vietnamese fighters, that have that same spelling.
And I think they say it as. Can you find out how they say it, Jamie? So it's An.
So it's Anfuguin? Okay. I can see it.
Little Dutch there. And Cain Ardifio? Ardifio? Ardifio.
So they figured out how to do this. She's making up names now.
No, this is a real name, man. Anybody can do it.
My name is... Whoa! Can you scroll so we can explain? How it's possible to do it today.
How to remove your information. Oh, Jesus.
Literally, like the instructions. So it's just showing how to remove your face from face search engines, which you're not going to be able to do eventually.
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Learn more at tiktokeconomicimpact.com It's getting weird out there, Felipe. I'm going to walk around a bit of black face, green face, bro.
I had a friend of mine who came in here the other day and he's down to a flip phone and his flip phone was interesting because it has Android on it. His flip phone, you could actually get text messages on it and you have a little tiny ass screen on the flip phone where you can kind of clumsily type your way through a sentence.
So you don't have to do it with like a full keyboard like an iPhone or a smartphone, but you also, it's inconvenient. So you don't text as much.
You don't go on these long winded diatribes like a lot of people do. It's just real simple.
The whole screen is on there, but you've got to navigate all the way around to read everything? Yeah. I remember those.
It's a tiny little-ass screen. Yeah.
It's got regular buttons to make phone calls. And then on his little tiny-ass screen is a tiny-ass keyboard about that big.
And you get in there with that tiny-ass keyboard, and you try to type a text message, and then you can push send. And so it's don't go on twitter you don't check things out you just get your text messages it can do other stuff if you absolutely fucking need it to but live your life bitch and he was in here with that i was like man that seems cool but i like watching youtube on my phone so i don't know what to tell you that sounds like the larry bubbles brown from san francisco yeah he still to have the flip phone David tell Wow David tell us a flip phone.
Yeah, you should see him text me. They have hilarious They both have the original phone numbers when you first met them.
No, no, they've all changed You have to change every now and then it's you know you got a purge Gotta keep moving I think I said I still have my same phone number for the last 20 years. Damn.
One of those dudes. A holdout.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sometimes that's good, but it gets annoying sometimes. You know, it's all in, you got to manage your time.
You change your phone number a lot? Nice people. People I trust.
You got to manage your time. Yeah.
The thing about a guy like you is you're headlining, you're on the road, dudes want to open up for you, you got the Netflix special, they want to hang out with you. It's like you got to manage your time because you can't give your time away to everybody.
There's a certain amount of time you need for yourself. If you don't have that time you need for yourself, you go off the rails.
Yeah. You got to take time to recenter all the time.

All the time.

And if you're constantly getting this and that and that and that, you're constantly interacting.

You're never alone.

You're never without your shit. Fighting with people.

Yeah.

I get in a sauna and I stretch out every day.

I get down there.

I fucking stretch everything out.

When you're doing that, you can't do anything else.'t be scrolling on tiktok when you're stretching everything out you got to just go through your routine and then that clears my mind and i feel like if you don't make room for that you're gonna fuck your life up and i know that there's only so many people that i can entertain and help with stuff there's only so many there's so many people that are just it's a transactional kind of a conversation You're having what's not fun. It's not like what's up, dude.
Hey, what's up? Those are great. Yeah, but then there's a lot of could you do this? Would you do that? Will you fly to here and do like? Enough You know so you gotta like know when to change your number what time you get up it depends most days 8 I was up at 8 8 is good I tell you the story like my bro I get up at 5 every day yeah I don't think that's necessary it's the thing that people always wanna do where they wanna show themselves that they have the discipline to get up.
I respect that. Like Jocko does that.
You know Jocko Willink? No. No he is? Jocko is a he's amazing dude.
He's a former Navy SEAL who is one of the most inspirational guys I know. And he writes books on leadership.
Just brilliant guy. Has an excellent podcast.
Solid solid dude Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt and he like every morning takes a photo of his watch it says 4 30 a.m. I want to see that guy this is this is every morning when he's waking up you get his shitty Iron Man I shouldn't say shitty because they're fucking durable as fuck.
I haven't seen him.

Those little Iron Man triathlon watches.

Oh, it looks like you got a new watch.

That's a new watch, Jocko.

You can't fool me.

I know your old watch.

Go back to the old watch pictures.

Look, so it's every day, 4.30, his fucking watch.

Sometimes 4.14.

Takes a photo of it, and then he works out.

He's just a legit dude.

Wow, that's dedication. So that's him, though.
He likes doing that. He likes doing that.
But he's not a comedian. You know what I'm saying? I think for a comedian, you can't be that rigid.
You'll get a little psychotic. You can't be that rigid.
You've got to have discipline, but you've also got to have fun. So I don't get up at 4 430.
Get the fuck out of here. First of all, I'm up until at least midnight almost every night.
Me too. I get like most of my best like writing done and my best ideas when everyone in the house is asleep.
So when everyone in my house is asleep and I'm up, I like that because I'm like, oh, cool. Everybody.
I don't need. Nobody needs my attention.
Now I can concentrate I get my, I can't concentrate when people are in the house. I feel like I should be hanging out and having fun and being with everybody.
I don't want to lock myself up in my office. But that's the only way to write.
But for me, it's like late at night is where it's at because everybody's asleep and the world feels creepy. You know, at night, the world feels kind of dangerous and and fucked up and stupid it's like you know you when you worry about war in the middle of the night it's like one o'clock in the morning in front of your computer you're writing something on microsoft word you're genuinely worried about war yeah genuinely worried that decisions that people are making in this country are gonna one day come down on us with holy terror one day just

in the middle of the city just boom some fucking thermonuclear device that levels a place four times the size of hiroshima instantaneously i think about that kind of shit late at night How do you make that funny?

I don't sometimes.

Some of it late at night. And you do, right? How do you make that funny? I don't sometimes.

Some of it's not funny. But there's funny things attached to it.
There's funny things attached to just the way we behave. There's nothing funny about the potential for complete annihilation of the human race.
But there is something funny about this desire that we have to keep doing the same things we've always done and hope that somehow or another we get it right this time. Yeah.
And we're on the verge of war all the time. And there's got to be some way to stop that other than funding more war.
There's got to be a better way to stop that. That's funny you said the verge of war.
And when you first started doing stand-up comedy, there's been a lot of verges of real wars, huh? Yeah, the first war, when I was... So when was Desert Storm? Was that 19...
Desert Storm or Desert Shield. Which one was which? We had this conversation the other day.
Desert Shield was with Norman Swarovskopf. So that's Iraq, and that's like 2003? Yeah.
Right. The one I'm talking about is Desert Storm, which was like 1990? Was it 1990, Jamie? That says they're the same.
They're not the exact same, but it says they're the same. They're the same? Phases.
Yeah, but the first invasion before we pulled out with George W. Bush in Iraq.
Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 20th, 1990. Yes, I remember that one, yes.
Okay. So when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, then we went to war with Iraq, and I was living with my friend Jimmy, we were sitting Jimmy DeTilio shout out to Jimmy we were sitting in our apartment in the living room and the war was on TV and we're like holy shit man we're at war I remember thinking this can't even be real just happened at night right we started watching those the air raids yeah it started as Desert Shield and then then when we started going after like ham was desert storm yeah and what year was that 90 that's just like a year later it's 91 so desert shield was to protect and desert storm was to destroy it was dropping off bill hicks had the best material about that oh my god his material about the war was great they have such sophisticated weapons how.
How do you know? We got the receipts.

We love to arm puppet dictators and then fuck them up.

You know?

It's like, you know,

it's like a Clint Eastwood movie.

Pick up the gun.

You know, it's like Dirty Harry.

I tell you,

I know you're thinking

that I fire for.

I tell you the truth.

I kind of forgot myself.

My favorite one is, the Unforgiven, man that guy's crying because he kills somebody he goes that's what happens when you kill a man you take away all he ever wanted and all he ever had that movie was the best western movie, I think, ever.

Like, of that kind of Clint Eastwood genre.

That was almost like he was coming back to update it. You know? Because he had all the bangers.
You know, good, the bad, and the ugly. A fistful of dollars.
Like, incredible. Outlaw Josie Wells.
Yeah. Oh, Outlaw Josie Wells.
That was another level, too. But then it's like Unforgiven was the one where it it really gave you a sense of what it must have been like living in the Wild West.
It was just the people were more real. It was more updated to the movies of that era, like the Morgan Freeman character.
It was a fucking great movie, man. It's a great Western movie and just a hard story, man.
I like that line when he goes in there to get those people that kill Morgan Freeman. You just shot an unarmed man.
He should have harmed himself. If he's going to decorate his place with a friend of mine.
Yeah that was a hardcore movie man. That was a hardcore movie.
You saw the But isn't it funny that we always want to think about that kind of shit happening out west? We don't want to believe that that kind of same shit was happening out east. Animals.
Everywhere. Animals.
Animals. People were animals back then.
They were barely human. Hang them high.
Can you imagine if we had to do fucking stand-up in 1820? Can you imagine? First of all, you're getting sick everywhere because there's no sewage. So everybody's just got shit in the streets.
Everywhere you go, you're breathing shit fumes. You're stepping in shit everywhere.
That's what I think about now. When I watch those movies now, like Gangs of New York, I look to myself and they're like, man, it fucking stinks out there.
People are ignoring the fucking fucking stink there's a rotting body right there it probably was so rank they didn't have anywhere to get rid of their shit the little napkin that they had on the big white wig people they had a little can cankerchief, and they would just carry it, bro, and they would have perfume on them. They would put it in their nose so they wouldn't have to smell like the poor people.
Well, it wasn't just that, man. It was the shit in the streets because they didn't have cars, so they had horses.
Horses would shit all over the roads. And nobody had a job picking it up yet.
Oh, dude. One job was someone would just put down a cankerchief so you could walk over it.
Ooooooooooooooooo lazy bitch and throwing like shit water out of all up out of this imagine breathing that every day there way that's good for you. You think scented candles are bad for you? Imagine the people that lived back then hearing us complain about scented candles.
You worried about ultra rays. Whoa.
Poop once flowed freely in the streets of New York. Look, that was a poop pipe that would go right down the street.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man, when I was at my grandmother's house in Mexico,

they still had an outhouse.

They didn't have no plumbing.

Bro, isn't it interesting,

because this is a terrible way to live,

that people insisted on doing it this way?

I was thinking the day that they figured it out,

you'd be like, oh, my God, what the?

But imagine, because you had to figure it out to get it to where it is now, right?

So people had to go through that to get to the Manhattan of today of today where it's all super sophisticated amazing hotels amazing restaurants but why would you stick around have you breathing in shit every day every day you go live on a farm i'd be like fuck this experiment this is terrible this is not for us this is for the benefit of people in the future we're destroying soil men who carted away of America's waste. Bro, you know how sick people must have been back then? No antibiotics.
Everybody's breathing in shit. You fall.
You slip. You skin your knee.
Your knee gets infected with staph. You die.
Oh, man. You got shit in your knee.
I think about the... That's what it says.
What it says. People are gagging as this cart would walk by.
Oh, God. Just not pick up the gag, God.
On a summer day in 1873, a cart stood on 6th Avenue in New York City, filled to the brink with raw human waste. The cart was uncovered, its contents exposed to the air and to the passersby who retched and gagged as they scurried away.
Excrement dipped off the sides of the cart, and the sidewalks and gutters were smeared with the stuff. The stench was so strong that it could be smelled from more than a block away.
It was another day in pre-sewer America. Bro! Meanwhile, you're reading.
Here's the thing, man. This is after the Civil War.
Yeah. This is 1873.
And you're in Italy reading books talking about the streets are made of gold. Night soil.
They call it night soil. Night soil.
Yeah, they used it for fucking, I mean, they used it for compost right also just it was a name

Euphemistically given a human waste because it was removed from the privies under the cloak of darkness

So that polite society would be spared from confronting its own feces as the man carted the crap away leaving a trail of stench in their wake

Every year in cities across the country thousands of cards brimming with excrement rattled through the night streets.

There was an antiquated solution to a modern problem.

America's cities were full of crap.

So the people were just throwing the shit in the streets.

Yes.

How much could those guys get paid?

It's not possible.

Shitty.

They got paid shitty.

What a shitty job.

Imagine being at a bar.

Imagine. Those are men Little men.
And barrels. You're getting a horse pulled wagon filled with shit.
That is so crazy. So living back then was hell, bro.
We're so lucky. And that's how they're going to look at us.
These future beings that no longer have war, that no longer have greed or anger.

These future beings that are connected to the hive mind.

They're going to look back at us like Felipe and Joe.

Dumping grounds are next to the White House.

We're living like idiots.

They've got breathed dunk, I bet.

One of the dumping grounds was a field near the White House where a marsh of Washtonian waste putrefied under the president's nose.

This suggests that this may have been a contributing factor to President Harris's untimely death in 1841. Since the White House water source was a mere seven blocks downstream.
Oh my God, they killed the president with shit water. Oh my God.
He died of dysentery. Bro, this is why you can't trust that the experts are looking out for your health.
They didn't even protect the president. Somebody concocted this idea and they never even thought about the potential for ruining all the water that people drink.
They just said this is a good place to dump all this. Wow.
Nasty. People are so nasty.
Oh, man.

I also think about...

That's so nasty.

And condoms back then were probably still sheep's wool, right?

Sheep's skin.

Sheep's skin?

Yeah, with sheep intestines.

I saw a movie where a woman, a guy, a woman, she was washing the contraceptive.

Yeah.

Right after all this white-waist guy threw it at her face.

Wow.

So she's using the same one for every man.

Oh my God. I got to read this.
Oh, Christ. So they didn't have, even by 1880s, two-thirds of flushing toilets still just went into a backyard cesspool.
What? Read this part here. Overflowing privy was a sight to behold.
In James McCab's 1882 account of New York Street Life, he

described one man's yard in which the privy's

contents drained down into a street

sewer, forming a miniature

loathsome Niagara of night

soil. Niagara!

The cascading sewage

flowed right by the window so

that a man sitting on a

chair at the window would not have

only the

odor, but also the views of this low

We'll see you next time. flowed right by the window so that a man sitting on a chair at the window would not have only the odor,

but also the views of this loathsome matter circulating at his feet in the pool below.

Yeah, see, this is why everybody was so sick.

This is... Probably started the plague.

Well, also, like, there's no fucking...

No one's clean.

Cholera outbreak,

1849.

Yeah, I would say that is the biggest breakthrough ever in the

controlling of diseases.

The biggest breakthrough

is sanitation. Healthy sanitation.

Using these words, dumping

grounds in this time period, too, this is the

same time those bones were dumped in the East River

with who knows. Yeah, there's not

enough vaccines in the world to protect you when you're living like that. You know? Imagine the pharmaceutical drug companies would try to sell you if you were living like that and they figured out how to counteract all the different things that you're inhaling in the air from human shit.
That's so nasty, man. So nasty.

So they're dumping bodies.

They killed the president, bro.

Wow, imagine him waking up in the morning.

Good morning, everybody.

I'm glad you just said that about dumping bodies because this is a thing I need to send you, Jamie.

I'm so glad you brought that up because I read this.

I don't want to fuck this up.

I want to figure out what the fuck this actually means. I'm going to send this to you Jamie it's about liquid human remains liquid human remains yeah so with this article saying it's like an Instagram thing that being fed back to the population via fertilizer on crops?

That?

So he's making pozole with people?

I hope it's not true.

Making menudo with people or what?

I don't know.

It sounded like they were using it for fertilizer, using people for fertilizer,

and using people for supplements somehow or another.

How they're saying you're boiling down a human body. Are they compensating the family? I don't know, but also there's no DNA.
So what did you need the body for? The whole body is DNA. What are you saying? There's no DNA? So you broke it down to chemicals and now it's okay? So you broke the human body, the container of a soul, down to chemicals and you're going to pour it on your flowers and that's okay? That seems weird.
No, it's not made up. It seems weird.
Like, what do you, how the fuck, we should find out how the fuck they do it. Is there a video we can watch on them doing it? What kind of, and how do they liquefy them? With hot water? It said hot water and something else.
They added some other stuff, too. But whatever, man.
What the fuck? Is this it? Five years ago. Oh, my God.
The most eco. Let's listen to this.
Can we? No. Do they put them in there alive? No.
Felipe, these are dead bodies. They're just cooking them.
Cooking them up nice. And that's what they get? Like little bones and pieces? This episode is brought to you by Fast Growing Trees.
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Sprink with me.

Sprink with me. as old as fertilizer.
It's just weird to pour dead people on top of your fucking carrots

so they grow better.

Sprink with me.

What are they breaking it down to?

What are they breaking the human body down to

that's valuable for them to do that?

Like, what is the stuff they're looking for?

Let's find that out.

First of all, we don't even know if it's true.

Yeah, no, I wouldn't take that as true.

I wouldn't even believe that.

How would this... Can you Google and see if there's other stories that say that...
I'm looking. I'm not Googling.
Okay, I'm not pushing you. I got to read.
Oh, I understand. Whatever it is, it seems like you're supposed to leave people alone when they're dead.
Okay, we're supposed to be different than everything else on the planet. We love each other more than we love anything else.
You can use monkeys for experiments. but you can't use people.
Some states allow the remaining liquid with its peptides, sugars, amino acids, and captured carbon to be reclaimed and repurposed as fertilizer.

Yo.

Yo.

They're turning.

Do they have to tell you, like how do they have to tell you if you're going to buy a haunted house?

Do they have to tell you if there's a house where someone killed his whole family whole family in it, they have to tell you that. You see that oak tree? That's Joe Diaz, by the way.
What? They're making them to soil, right? So you see that oak tree right there? We use Joey Diaz. We use particles.
That's right, cocksuckers. Do you think they have to tell you, though, that you're buying dead people fertilizer, or they just consider it chemicals at that point? How do they get away with selling you dead people? Because it seems like if you had the option, hey, do you want manure or dead people? Pattinson, 1888? It's been around for a long time.
Whoa! Pattinson in 1888. They've been boiling people

and turning them into fertilizer since the 1800s?

So we have that machine, but

not no fucking sewage.

Wow.

I'm trying to find out where they say that they've used it for other

stuff. But the scary thing is

them saying that they use it for

calcium deficiencies.

Because that means you're feeding people

other people's bones

so they can get

a source of calcium.

But that guy's vegan

so don't give it to him.

Maybe it's okay

because the person consented.

Yeah, it's true.

Cremation social

seems like a solid place.

Huh.

So body plus 95% water, 5% alkaline, basic chemicals, either potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide or a combo, sterile effluent, water, salt, sugars, amino acids, peptides, bone fragments, calcium phosphate. So that's what they get out of it.
So they boil it down in this solution and they get out all these different things, water, salt, sugar, amino acids, peptides, and then calcium phosphate. And then I guess what do they do with the calcium? So if you're buying calcium and you find out it's from dead people, they should probably let you know.
You probably should have to let people know that. I drink dead people.
You would sell a lot if you made it from dead people, for sure. Like, if you had a skull and crossbones on a bottle.
There's a lot of assholes who'd buy that. But then people start looking at that like they'd look at chicken.
How was he raised? What kind of parents did he have? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, if you're really into...
Do they you really into eating someone what if they were a fucked up person and you take a little bit of their soul inside of you? You go insane We crazy man, well, that's gotta be what's happening with the cannibals when they get that disease and they all get that they get shaky The prion disease that they get from eating each other Did Jeffrey Dahmer have that? I don't think so. I think you have to eat spinal tissue.
You have to eat brain and spinal tissue. And they're called prions.
The thing about prions is you can't even boil them. If you cook them at like 1,000 degrees, I think, for like hours.
It doesn't kill them.

If you ever get invited to a restaurant and they tell you you're just a human being, would you eat it?

No.

Why would I eat a person?

Or would they tell you after, man, you just ate a decomposed acrylion body that was made

into chicken?

Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Would you like that Felipe? Hell no Yeah, it would be weird.
Need more salt, please. Remember that movie Soylent Green? Do you remember that movie? No It's an old-timey science fiction movie, but people were being fed Soylent Green And then this guy figures out that Soylent Green is made out of people And they're serving people like this fucking protein biscuit that's made out of humans Yeah, but there's people that the one with the old movie, right? There's people that would do they end with a woman boiling a foot? Oh, I don't remember that.
Oh, maybe I don't remember. It was a long time ago.
I just remember the premise of the movie I probably haven't seen that movie 20 plus I saw one where a guy was called a microwave massacre microwave massacres guy murdered his wife in a microwave and no he cuts her pieces and microwaves the body and makes lunches and he takes them to work every day this is a real guy real movie wait a real movie or a real personave Massacre, but it's probably based on a real guy. And he would take food that he made from people he murdered and they would eat it at work.
And when they finally caught him, everybody at work was throwing up. I think there was a woman who got caught eating her husband and serving him to the neighbors.
Wow. How much do you have to hate that dude

to serve him to your neighbors?

How much do you hate your neighbors?

Say, I'm going to watch these motherfuckers

eat my husband.

I'm going to cook it up nice.

Cook up that ass cheek.

I hear you really like my husband.

You're going to love this dish.

This is his favorite.

Jesus Christ.

I'm going to consomme for him, too. A nice bone broth good for the soul Yeah, so that's where that shit comes from prions It's a they're scary.
There's that's mad cow disease. That's what Cannibals get it's a very sketchy disease and there's another one right now that deers have it's called chronic wasting disease same same kind of deal it's a prion disease and deers are getting it and they froth at the mouth and drool and they their body shrivels up very creepy man you can eat those no you can because there's no crossover to people but I wouldn't suggest it I wouldn't recommend it I mean i wouldn't the thing is you can test and you can find out if your deer is okay like you can shoot them and then test them and then you know you're good to go and you can eat the deer but if it's it tests positive it hasn't jumped from animal to people it's only an animal but the what it does to animals is so grave why would you take that chance this is how i feel like why would you take a chance of consuming an animal that literally has the plague inside of it because for deer that's the plague these deer they're i mean they're they're not even see the thing like with people a disease like that would spread like wildfire right with deer they're out in these big giant open areas and yet still it's spreading from their saliva onto leaves.
And then other deer pick it up. Yeah.
It's super fucking contagious, and it kills the shit out of them. And if that jumps to people, that's a real problem.
That's a real fucking problem. Because I don't know if they have medication that combats it

in deer I don't know what research they've done

trying to figure it out but I know it's such a problem

that there's a lot of places

where they're killing extra deer

just to try to keep the populations lower

so they don't interact with each other as much

and so they don't catch it from giving it

back and forth to each other as much

no humans have it yet

but I think chronic wasting

disease has been

it used to be one type of deer

Thank you. giving it back and forth to each other as much.
And people have this right now? No humans have it yet. But I think chronic wasting disease has been, it used to be one type of deer.
I'm not sure what deer it started out with. It might have been mule deer.
But it's in a lot of white-tailed deer in America, and apparently it's made its way into other ungulates. Like I think it's in elk, and I think they might have even found it in moose.
It's scary shit, man, because it's basically a zombie virus. It turns you into a fucking skeleton and you waste away.
Yeah, it's horrific. And it's probably some of it came from farms because they think that that's one of the ways that it's spread.
Like there's a lot of deer farms that do a great job. They're very ethical.
So if you wanted a property and you wanted your own private hunting property and you wanted to put a high fence up, take care of the ground, put food plots in there for the animals, this is how you, you know, you've got 1,000 acres, you want to fence it all in. Like you could do that in Texas and you can buy deer.
So you can say, okay, I want to buy, you know, like 20 white-tailed deer and let them loose on my property. You know, you got this thousand-acre spot or wherever you're at.
If you get a deer that is from a farm that's unethical, they're all going to be stacked next to each other just like pigs. When you watch fucking factory farming for pigs, they're going to be corralled and shitty.
Most of them don't do this, but you're always going to have people that are unethical. And when people do things where diseases start getting spread and they kind of cover it up or lie about it because they don't want to lose money,

and then they're sending deer around. There's a lot of regulations now on how

you can move deer across state lines because of these diseases.

If you have bad deer meat, can you cover

it up with a bunch of good deer meat where that bad meat disappears? What do you mean? Because I remember myself cooking. And I spilled a shitload of garlic on my oatmeal.
And I was making oatmeal for 15 motherfuckers in rehab. So I just started putting more oatmeal, more oatmeal, and more milk to hide the garlic smell.
But in the end, everybody was farting anyway, so they still got it. But do people do that? That's what you're saying, that people do that with deer meat? You could do that.
Yeah, you could make sausage. The people who are not unethical, they hide it right by it.
No, no, no. See, what we're talking about, chronic wasting disease, that's different.
It probably wouldn't even affect the taste of the animal. They'd probably be very lean because there's not much left of them.
Or they could have just gotten it and they could be healthy looking and they still have this disease. They still test positive for it.
My fear would be about what that disease is going to do if it jumps to human beings and if you're consuming it

Are we sure that it just goes out of your system or is it just earner?

It doesn't work in your system. Could it work eventually?

Is it something that has an incubation period that maybe maybe not now

Maybe it will have one in five years from now or ten years from now

Maybe the version of chronic wasting disease if it evolves and changes. Yeah, it's gonna be making the jump to humans

That's a scary fucking disease

to make the jump to humans.

There's a bunch of those out there.

Like bird flu.

Yeah, man.

And then there's the ones that we make.

Gonorrhea.

No, like COVID.

They fucking made that shit in a lab.

They made it in a lab.

It's spread across the whole world.

You think they made AIDS in a lab?

Did you say like AIDS? Like AIDS. I read that somewhere.
They make spread across the whole world. Do you think they made AIDS in a lab? Did you say like AIDS?

Like AIDS.

I read that somewhere.

Somebody said

they make all that shit

in labs.

Well.

Wasn't it like

part of like

chemical warfare, right?

That is a part

of chemical warfare, yeah.

Like putting

disease blankets

on natives,

you know, and.

Well, they've done

a bunch of fucking studies.

Like, that's the big conspiracy theory about Lyme disease. No, I'm sorry, the natives had influenza blankets.
That's what they had. Oh, yeah.
No, no, no. That was smallpox.
Smallpox. But I don't know if that's even true, because I don't think they really knew what, like, how diseases were spread back then.
I don't think they knew that you could just, like, put scabs on a blanket and give people smallpox. And if you had smallpox, are you trying to dish out smallpox? Are you trying to catch it so you're handling it and then putting it in blankets? It seems like an exaggerated cruelty of what happened.
And what happened was Europeans came over here, the Native Americans had, you know, whatever you want to call them, the indigenous people, they did not have any uh, immunity to smallpox and it wiped out 90% of them.

Diseases. Americans had, whatever you want to call them, the indigenous people, they did not have any immunity to smallpox.

And it wiped out 90 percent of them. Diseases from North Americans or from Europeans, rather, coming to North America, they wiped out everybody with disease.
It's somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 percent of the people that were here are gone because of disease. So, you know, when people want to think that there's no way to prepare, like, a group of human beings that has no immunity in, you know, 1492.
There's no way to prepare. There's no way to prepare anybody.
You're coming in with these stinky European streets filled with shit water, right? Everybody's got some funky parasite, funky disease. They probably fucking stink.
They're probably infested with all... You probably smell that boat all the way.
They probably have viruses fighting viruses inside their body. Coughing phlegm and blood and they're drinking whiskey and they come over to...
They're each other yeah and it's probably none of its consensual it's probably animals biting each other and holding each other down fucking each other and then they come to North America and they start slaughtering people and the there's this one we've talked about this before he was like a bishop or some religious man who chronicled one of Christopher Christopher Columbus's early interaction yes with these people and it's horrific shit man cutting people's arms off if they don't bring back their weight and gold and Dashing babies on rocks in front of their parents horrific shit man And those are the kind of people that brought those diseases like you want to talk about that's like a real demon horde crazy huh crazy a real demon horde of people come over on a boat stinking covered in their own shit breathing diseases on everybody everybody's dying like what is so unhealthy i know man like um. Like, I think about that pirate.
I don't know, one of the pirates. Blackbeard? Blackbeard, man.
He was full of gonorrhea. Oh, I bet.
And he would drop mercury on his penis to cure his diseases on his penis. Oh, my God.
Because that's all they had. What a good move.
Who invented that? What asshole was like, try Mercury? He probably was on a pirate ship somewhere, met a voodoo doctor and said, hey, man, Mercury, put it in your dick. Did Mercury kill his dick? Yeah.
It says, when he held prisoners for ransom, such as the governor's son during the week-long Charlestown blockade in 1718, he asked for expensive medical supplies. This included liquid mercury, which, when injected through a urethral syringe, was a common, ineffective treatment for syphilis.
Injected through your pee hole with a fucking syringe.

Yo.

Blackbeard had up to 14 wives in different ports.

Wow.

Damn.

Somebody needs to do a movie about that guy.

Imagine, man.

He had the money to put mercury in his dick.

The rest of the crew probably didn't.

So they're fucking everything, man.

Fucking shit up. There's this temple in China that they are afraid to go into.
They discovered it. And this emperor, when he died, was such a great emperor that he had this whole field of terracotta statues that were built that looked like warriors that are guarding him.
It's crazy discovery that they had. They're giant, right? But the ground all around where this temple is, is a test for high levels of mercury.
And the ancient story is that anybody who ever dared open up this temple, open up this tomb, rather, where this emperor is buried, will drown in mercury. I thought you were going to say they got gonorrhea no imagine drowning in imagine like 2,000 years ago a dude sets up a booby trap for greedy people and sets it up where he fills the entire tomb up with mercury first of all is that even possible how much mercury would you have to handle and how many people would have to die from that mercury? Could you imagine?

First of all, where did they even get it?

Yeah.

Where did they get mercury in 2000 plus years ago?

Do you know that story about that emperor and his temple?

No.

Teotihuacan is Aztec.

Yeah, that's probably a common booby track, I bet.

But this one where there's...

Thank you. but it says, well, this is like what Mercury found out of that temple.
Yeah, that's probably a common booby track, I bet.

But this one where there's temple in China.

On top of Google, it says temple drowned in Mercury refers to the temple of Teotihuacan, temple of the feather.

Can you say temple booby trapped with Mercury in China?

I think it's like the first emperor of China.

It says it too.

I mean, it says it could have been a thing that they did back then.

It says it was in China.

Yeah, this is the one.

So there's one that they have not entered into.

And I think this is the one with the terracotta statues in front of it.

I think this is a common thing when great people die.

They probably made a terracotta army for them.

When they find these things, it's like... Here it is.
It's us talking about it. Crazy story of First Emperor of China's Tomb.
That's me and Schultz talking about it, right? Click on that. It's not our video.
So I'll remember. It's not our video.
It's my fucking video, bitch. I know, but it's somebody else's video.
Somebody else uploaded it, I should say.

Well, that's ridiculous, but it's ours, right?

Yeah.

So what is the name?

They would have a copyright on my voice?

I don't want to get into it, but yeah, we probably have the revenues probably come into

our thing because there are people claiming it, but it's up.

I'm just saying.

That's why I'm bringing that up.

A lot of the clips that I watched are from other people sharing them.

I was just saying it's not ours, so I don't know if they've edited it or not. Okay, don't put it up then.
Got it. The point is there's a tomb in China that's supposedly booby-trapped with tons of liquid mercury.
I'm sure Jamie will find it. But this area around it apparently tests high for mercury.
So they think that it might be a true story, and they don't want to go in there. They don't want to fucking open up the door and die.
Which is wild that this dude set this up, if he did, 2,000-plus years ago. I don't even remember how many thousands of years ago it was, but it was insanely impressive.
Wow, that's amazing to think of something like that and it still works. Yeah, like where the fuck, while Jamie's looking this up,

where the fuck do you think they get mercury

and how much can they get?

How much can they have back then?

I've only seen a thermometer.

I know, like where are they getting it?

Throughout antiquity,

remember we've talked about Cinnabar before?

Cinnabar.

Cinnabar.

It's where they got red stuff also.

Cinnabar in antiquity was the source of all mercury. So how did they do it? A little pool of it? How did they do it? Did they say how they did it? I mean, it says to extract, you need to roast it in air, converting the sulfur to sulfur dioxide.
While the mercury is released as vapor, it can be then condensed. Since the mercury boils at 357 Celsius, this process needs temperatures well within.
They need some kilns.

They had those.

Wow.

So they just cooked up mercury.

It's hard to do, but they did it.

Wow.

Well, if they can make a temple like this guy had, they can cook up mercury and fill that temple.

That is crazy to think of.

I wish maybe there's going to be a way with new technology where they can pierce into the ground, where they can see into things without having to actually go in there physically. Because I know they're doing the LiDAR stuff.
I know they can kind of detect where they used to be agriculture in places. Someone digging into, is this claim real? And this says that even if...
So even though Mercury, either as a cinnabar or as the elemental metal, has been found in tombs dating as far back as the second millennium BC, it's not clear why it was put there. Might its toxicity have acted as a deterrent to grave looters? Probably not.
The dangers of mercury fumes were not recognized until Han times. If so, it seems there's a lot of mercury in the burial chamber.
It's likely to be either a preservative

or an anti-theft device.

So the

big theory is

that it's an anti-theft device, and that's why

people are terrified of going in there.

Hold it right here. Based on estimates of

mercury production from the Song era

and allowing for the imperfections

of the earlier refinement process,

he thinks the chamber might have contained at most 100 tons of the liquid metal. Holy shit.
A hundred tons. How did Blackbeard find this shit? Well, that wasn't Blackbeard, that was China How did they find Mercury back then? That's the urethral device Shiver me timbers Oh, they have like a, look at that That was the device they stuck in their dick Oh my god And that's a saying, right? Shiver me timbers? That was your surprise or shock? I think they're saying that just for funsies.
Oh yeah. Yeah they found this in a wreck.
Oh my god this guy had a mercury syringe in a wreck. Look it's all rough looking and it's not even polished good.
Man he probably was drawing in his map. Don't go over there man.
If you're going to go to this island take lots of mercury. Meanwhile they all died from that right? Syphilis.
Look at this. A pump cluster, which would have been to use pump fluid into the rectum, allowing the body to quickly absorb it.
They were taking... Like animals? They were boofin'.
They were boofin'. So they were doing that for drugs? Pump liquid into the rectum.
Yeah, liquid into the rectum. Well, aren't people doing that like moonshine? Don't they pour moonshine in their asshole? This is what I heard They pour coffee now I heard people take tampons filled with vodka And stuff them in their asshole I mean, they've been doing it since the days of the pirates So it's not new Bro, what the fuck is wrong with people? Severe dehydration by pumping fluid in the ass.
What the fuck is wrong with people? People like putting stuff on their butts. And also a bloodletting instrument called a Poringer.
I had a buddy of mine, and he did his medical residency in Miami in the 1980s during the cocaine times. And he said, dude, that's where he did his residency show.
He was in the emergency room. So it was like every day someone's coming in with something stuffed up their ass.

They're coked out of their mind.

They got G.I. Joe stuffed up their ass.

They got, he found people with light bulbs, those like twisty pine cone looking light bulbs stuck up their ass.

All kinds of things stuck up their ass.

I did a show at Lumpug State Penitentiary and one of the guards told me that some guy made a vibrator out of seven handballs. You know, the void.
And he taped them all up. And then, how do you guys know? Well, he didn't tie them up too good, and they were all stuck in there to take them all out.
Oh, no. He didn't tie them up good? Yeah, because he didn't put enough wrapping, I guess.
Oh, no. So they had to go in his butt and get all those balls? Yeah.
How many were in there? Like five, whatever, how many balls make this? And you thought he was hiding a knife. That's a hard way to go, too, because sometimes people die that way.
You get toxic shock, something goes wrong, you tear your rectum, you bleed out internally. Stuffing things up your ass.
Like the Mr. Hand story.
You know the Mr. Hand story, right? No.
There's a whole movie based on it called Zoo. Zoo is a thing called zoofilia, where people are sexually attracted attracted to farm animals and so these people met up online and they found out that you're still allowed to fuck animals in Washington State so they all went to Washington State this is Washington State right yeah true story all right and this dude got fucked to death by a horse they bring him to the emergency room like what's going on and you know everyone's acting a little shifty and then they have to tell the whole story and they find out these people have like hundreds of hours of people getting fucked by donkeys and horses and shit and they all did this out on this uh this weird ranch wow yeah you know one of the that's how the dude died one of the first books you know there used to be a lot of sex books when we were kids and they kids.
And they were all nasty books about sex. Yeah.
The first one I ever read was about people having sex with animals. Oh, yeah.
But they were like, remember those penthouse stories or Playboy stories? But these were all with animals. And I remember the woman telling this whole story about having sex with a horse.
Jesus Christ. And like just riding that that fool you never see the mr.
Hands video. There's a video one video that got leaked online Way back in the day Brian Redband sent it to me and it's this dude getting railed by the horse and it's not even the one where he dies apparently he dies in another video But in this video you see the size of the horse's dick and you see body, and you see his ass, and you're like, there's no way.
How many people have helped him because it's something you can't do? One guy. One guy grabbed it and just pointed it in the right direction, and the horse was one gigantic thrust of death.
And the guy makes this horrible sound, and then his friend goes, too much? And then his friend is like, oh, he came the horse came and you're like this is the sickest fucking thing i've ever seen in my life and that's how that guy died that guy in that video that's getting fucked by that horse was the guy who eventually dies from it did they put the horse to sleep afterwards i don't think so it's not the horse's fault the fuck did the horse do the horse is gonna you know i wouldn't bend over in front of him bend over in front of him. He's kind of conditioned now.
It's not his fault. The media kind of says they only found out about all this because he died.
Yes. Yeah, that's what I said.
Oh, yeah, but it's like, yeah. Was that his first time or was it the trial with ponies first? No, he had been fucked by a bunch of horses or a bunch of times by the same horse.
But there was apparently many hours of this guy getting fucked by horses.

I like that.

100 VHS tapes and DVDs. It's real, right?

It's not like an urban legend.

No, no, no.

The guy's dead.

It's not a donkey show.

You want to see it?

No.

You're going to show it?

Yeah.

This is still my old computer, I guess.

Oh.

Do you have it?

You can still get it, right?

I don't know where to look.

I'll look.

I bet you could get it.

I bet if you put it up on X.

X is one of the few places where... Actually, it's actually illegal.
So maybe you can't have it on X. Hold on.
Because bestiality... It wasn't illegal when they were doing it, though.
Yeah. There's a point.
Kind of. No, that's called bestiality when you have sex with an animal? Yeah.
Okay. It's called...
You're fucking gross. And what's the one when you have sex with dead bodies? That is Necrophilia.
Don't look on X for that. Yeah, you can't find an X.
It's a different search result that pops up. Oh, yeah, they probably game the search results now, right? Yeah.
Yeah. There's a lot of 21 and older material.
People have sex with animals, right? Like, since you want to talk about gangs of New York, how ugly it was.

Right.

People just fucked everything that was in front of them.

Here it is. Headphones, please.

Yeah, there it is, baby.

Do you verify that that's it?

Oh, that's 100% it. Absolutely.

Go full screen.

Don't show it on screen at all.

Don't make me mute the sound when we play this.

Nope.

Nope.

Let's hear it.

Hold on.

Okay.

Dana Cruz.

It's on a porn site, I guess.

Here we go.

Here's the sound.

That's reverse him?

So that's the guy's butt.

The horse gets on top of him.

And then the guy grabs it. Look at watch this look at the distance look at the

amount of tissue we're talking about here watch this lay long down watch over Okay. This is on a loop.
This is repeating. This is repeating, yeah.
This is already... The whole thing really only lasts a couple of seconds.
Wow. That guy died.
The guy has no ass. The movie's fascinating because the movie is like a documentary sort of recreation of those people.
And it's not like that. You don't see things.
But you just see how fucking bananas the whole story is. Is that horse known for that or is he just a random horse? Because he seemed to know what he was doing, bro.
He probably been fucking that guy for long time. They probably had been doing...
That's what I'm saying. Like, it killed him one day, but I think he had done it a bunch of times.
You're not going to show that, right? No, no, no. We've had enough.
Peter will come after us. We've had enough.
I don't know. Who knows what I was really showing? Yeah, we were just making noises.
Cartoons. That is...
Mr. Ed.
What the... My name is Mr.
Ed. There's people out there that are out of their fucking minds.
They're out of their fucking minds. You're getting fucked to death by a horse in a grainy video.
You know, like what, what is life for you? That would be crazy. That's your thing.
You get off work at five. And I think the guy who died was an intelligent guy.
Wasn't he an engineer? He worked at Boeing for over eight years, yeah. Bro, he was a Boeing engineer who liked to get fucked to death by a horse.
That horse's dick is as long as an arm. Look at how long that dick is.
Oh, like long, long silver. Do you see the size of that thing? It was like 17 and a half inches.
It was gigantic. It's probably bigger than that.
When it goes into his body, you're just like, where's the room? Where's the space? How? How do you warm up to it? I guess you start with fingers. Then you move up to ketchup bottles.
The ability to experience certain sensations after a motorcycle accident. Oh.
So that was the only way you could feel things? Started going ham. Oh, God.
That's terrifying. That's terrifying.
I don't know why I started filming it, though. Well, you know what? That also kind of makes sense, right? Because we've talked about this many times about brain injuries.
About people with brain injuries they get very impulsive and they do reckless

things. That totally makes sense.

If this guy had a motorcycle accident

that fucked up the way he feels thing, he probably got

wrecked. That's crazy, man.

So if he got wrecked, he probably got a brain injury.

And it probably turned him into a wild

man. I twisted my ankle, man.

Now I want a moose to fuck

me in the ass.

You want to get fucked to death by a wild animal. You want to first guy to get butt fucked by a bear yeah but you you break your brain in that way like for some people they're just different now yeah now they're different I've seen it happen to a bunch of dudes when they've been knocked out been knocked out really bad but that But that's crazy to get like get knocked out and the fuck out and you wake up and go, is there a horse nearby? Because I'm really horny right now.
Well, who knows what's going on with the chemistry of your brain. You just want experience.
You want excitement. You want to see if you can suck a horse's cock.
But that goes back to your old joke, man. The old joke to say, hey, you take a break today.
Yeah, take a day off. You know what I said? You had that joke about the Playboy Mansion, and you said that, what's his name? Well, whatever.
He would have, every once in a while, a gay would pop in. And then the punchline was, nah, man, you take a break.
Don't start fucking guys. You take a break.
You take a break. Yeah, relax.
You get a little crazy. Yeah, you fucking 10 shakes a day.
You don't ask for a guy. You take a break.
I think for some people with brain injuries, though, they get addicted to skydiving. They get addicted to gambling.
They get addicted to, like, really reckless behavior. Gary Busey was in a head injury, right? A bad one.
I wonder what he's up to. He looks like he's

been in an accident. He

fell on a motorcycle and hit his

head on the curb with no helmet on.

Yeah. It was a bad

one. So California didn't used to have a helmet law

back then. It was because of him

though. Well, I don't know if it's because

of him. Yeah, I did read that.
He started

a big push to help

that. So he

helped it, but I know that people wanted

help. I'm torn on that shit.
It's like, yeah, you should have helmet laws because there's 18-year-old boys out there that can have motorcycles, and that's fucking crazy. That's crazy.
I am so glad that when I was 18, I never got a fucking motorcycle. Once you thought of a motorcycle at 70 miles an hour, the helmet is like nothing, right? You're not going to think.
Depends on how you fall. How you fall, right? Yeah, you might slide.
If you slide, you probably just get your skin ripped from your body. Did you survive it? Yeah, bro.
Just woke up to a fetish. Yeah, but that's the thing, man.
If you get really banged, you could have some screwy brain waves after that. And you could think get you.
You get like, people get real weird. They get real weird.
And they feel like extra vulnerable because they, you know, their brain's not working the same anymore. So they don't know who they are anymore.
They don't feel like they used to feel. Yeah.
They started to feel crazy, you know, and they start thinking that no one wants to help them. You start getting really angry and real negative.
And then you get fucked by a horse. It's just...
Nah. Out of all the things that you could be doing, that's how you chose to go out.
All the things that you could be doing. You know? You could be seeing the world.
He said, nah, I want a sea biscuit. You could be a food blogger.
Nah. Pon sea biscuit you could be a food blogger nah ponies you could be a fashion influencer nope nah I want to be Willie Shoemaker I want to get taken out by a horse the black stallion in some dirty barn somewhere that's where you breathe your last breath in a dirty barn with horse jizz in your asshole what did Fred do what I don't know know.
They freaked out. They brought him to the hospital.
They tried to drop him off. Then the cops start questioning him, I believe.
I'm paraphrasing for sure. But I think that's how they got busted.
They brought off the guy, and he's got a giant hole in his asshole. He's pale like a sheet.
They're like, what happened? He put his foot in the same face. Why is the inside of his body missing? Why does he have a fucking? Telephone why could we see his shoes through his mouth what is going on with this dude? What did you do? What'd you do? That story about Jimi Hendrix still freaks me out I think the manager thinking about the entire time we've been talking I go back to the idea of them just pouring pills down the greatest guitarist of all time's mouth and then just pouring jugs of wine down, holding them down, and that's how he dies.
Motherfucker, that's scary. His manager.
Motherfucker, that's scary. His U.S.
manager said this story is not true just for... Of course.
I would say that, too. Yeah.
I would say that, too. I mean, I don't know if it's true.
Who fucking knows? But the idea... And he did.
But he definitely did die. He definitely did die by asphyxiation.
Don't people say also that the CIA did it? Jimi Hendrix? I don't know. I haven't heard that one.
But if anything happens, people always think the CIA was involved somehow. Anything.
No matter what it is, right? Yeah. Pretty much.
They always say that. Yeah.
I don't trust nothing. Secret agent, man.
Yeah. It's either them or it's China or it's Russia.
Who's really sending me this text telling me that I'm qualified for the $4,000 in savings? You know those texts you get like who's sending those who six?

You know those texts you get like random texts. Hey, congratulations.
You receive approval for your loan Oh, I don't get those you don't get those I get them from for a dude named Ray So Ray had my fucking phone number before I really ray and fucking ray ray must have signed up to every goddamn list Ray must have put in that number every chance he could.

I keep getting these fucking text messages for Ray, and it's all like loans, and you qualify for this, and this is available. We're looking for someone to hire.
There's always some weird scams. You qualify for aluminum sightings.
I don't understand how they can't stop that from happening. It seems weird that you get so many of them.
You get so many of these scam things where they get a hold of your phone number and just spam you lies. I think you get to a certain age, 50, and they think you're gullible to these tricks now.
Well, I think young people are gullible, too. They send it to 22-year-olds, hey, man, you want to fix your home? How do you have a home? If you're dumb, if you're dumb and you're 22 and you get something that you qualify for $4,000, oh, shit, they think this is me.
Then I say yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take that money.
And then, you know, whatever the fuck they do. I don't know what they do.
There was a guy in LA that was calling women at their jobs and telling them they had won something, and he convinced them to cut their heels off their shoes. And he would film it? No, he was just calling them out randomly.
Hey, you just won blah blah blah blah blah. All you gotta do is cut your heels off your shoes right now.
And women were doing it and he called a bunch of chicks and they all just fucked up their shoes for nothing. Oh, what an asshole.
It's funny, but it's also like... That person was mean, I wasn't, but it was somebody.
What a rude thing to do to a lady, especially if it's your favorite shoes, and you only have one pair. Not my red bottoms.
Bro, shoes are hard to get. Those bitches are expensive, right? Yeah.
Why aren't we so lucky we don't have to wear shoes that hurt? Girls wear shoes that hurt. They can only wear them for so long like I can't imagine I don't even like wearing things other than sneakers yeah or like a comfortable boot like you know I got a pair a couple pairs of these origin boots the real comfortable easy to walk around in like nice smooth leather they ever have boots hurt.
I've never had cowboy boots. I've had Doc Martin but not cowboy boots.
The point is they don't hurt to wear. But ladies are always wearing shoes that hurt.
What crazy choice. Five inch heels.
Stilettos. That's probably why they have better pain tolerance too.
They have to give birth and they wear shoes that hurt all the time. So they have to deal with with pain We're so lucky we don't have any stupid shit Imagine if we had to wear makeup every day Imagine what it'd be like like Felipe.
What have you done to your eyes? I don't know Matt put mercury on them interesting like women all I mean most lot say a lot of women wear makeup every day or wake up, makeup regularly. On a regular basis they wear makeup.
It's not a very rare occasion thing. Most, I don't know what the number is.
Want to find out? Let's Google it. Because that's probably, a lot of that stuff's probably not healthy for you either, right? What's in those colors? What kind of dyes are they using? The red dye, huh? Like what is all that stuff made out of? Are we sure? I mean maybe some of it's really good for you.
Maybe some of it's terrible for you. Maybe it's just like the scented candle thing.
Is the lipstick... Well, I don't know.
The lipsticks... Well, the native lipsticks, it's made out of smashed little bugs.
Yeah, that's one of the red dye things, too, right? The red smashed little bugs. You put them on here.
Can't be bad for you, right? You can't be bad as a horse up your ass ass. So what percentage? 43% reported.
Okay. 43% of U.S.
women reported wearing makeup daily or weekly, but it doesn't break out the daily portion explicitly. Rewinding to 2019, the same source noted a higher share of women wearing makeup daily.
Gen Z, 18 to 24 at 30%, and millennials, 25 to 34 at 35%,

suggesting a decline over time.

Separate 2023, YouGov poll of 1,000 U.S. women

found that 38% wear makeup at least a few times a week

or daily, with older women 65 plus

being the most likely to wear it daily

compared to younger groups.

They probably all wore it daily back in the day, right?

You got to keep up your looks, Gladys.

Go back up again, please. Another study from 2017 by Statista indicated 41% of U.S.
women aged 30 to 59 wear makeup daily. yeah there was a woman

back in the I don't know if the 1800

1900 she was the first

woman to make a woman's

magazine on clothes Yeah, there was a woman back in, I don't know, 1800 or 1900.

She was the first woman to make a woman's magazine on clothing and home gardening, how to cook.

She was the first lady to put recipes in a magazine.

Oh, yeah?

Kind of like for a homemaker.

Right.

And then, yeah.

There was a magazine back then.

I don't know what the name of a magazine, but.

Jamie, Google is makeup bad for you. What do you think? What do you mean? Google is makeup toxic.
When I was a kid, my seventh grade teacher thought it was bad. Put on.
Don't put on that makeup, young girl. There's toxic makeup for sure.
Are they. What are the ingredients in makeup that are toxic? Wizard Wizard of Oz guy got...
Oh, that's right.

The lady with the green makeup, yes.

Bro, no.

The lady with the green makeup, the Wizard of Oz, or the Tin Man.

The witch.

Yeah, they got real sick, man.

Mercury.

Yes, some makeup can be toxic.

Wow.

Lead, mercury, and arsenic.

Heavy metals can be found in cosmetics.

Phthalates, common contaminant in cosmetics.

Formaldehyde, a chemical found in some makeup. Yeah, man.
That's why a lot of comedians back then stopped blackfacing. Ah! Hey! Man, that's scary shit.
That's scary shit. I wonder if that contributes to a higher incidence of certain issues, health issues that maybe women have that use it daily.
I wonder how many. I wonder, right? How about the people that worked the news back then in the 450? They wore a shitload of makeup.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And what the fuck kind of makeup did they have back then? That was probably all chemicals. Cake makeup, man.
Yeah. Dick.
What the fuck? Phil Donahue shit. Yeah.
Yeah Yeah, man, like you don't have to wear that ladies without we're not that complicated You're gonna wear makeup when you do the UFC fights. No, I don't wear anything.
I'm like, are you crazy? I have to go in there with dudes who literally have their heads split open, you know I have to interview people that are soaked in blood out onto the microphone while I'm talking to them. Oh, my God.
I never noticed that. That happens? All the time.
I get blood on me all the time. Like, the idea of me wearing makeup to look better while they're dealing with people that just got their face punched in is crazy.
That's ridiculous. I won't do it.
So when they're speaking to you, like, when you get a fighter that's real bloody like you can what's because you're really up close to these guys what do you see in their eyes after a fight like when they're and they're also bleeding man do you see like you see like their insensity man do you see things like other people don't see when you're interviewing them well I'm sure you see something because you've been in a you're there in a fight right in front of them Yeah I think you're probably gonna get more of a sense of how they feel after it's over like there's like some historic moments We could see that when the fighter wins. It's like it's a big fucking deal And one of my favorite ones was when Israel Adesanya had a second UFC fight against Alex Perra and knocks him down Knocks him out cold clean right hand.
Then finished him on the ground and then fires off three arrows into his body. Yeah, remember that guy.
Yes. Yes.
I mean, that was a fucking classic moment. And then he grabs a microphone and gives like one of the most inspirational speeches.
Pull that speech up. Yeah.
Because it's amazing. This is my favorite moment I think of anybody after they want to fight because it's just like this was real in the moment From a guy who's the fucking boogeyman dude Alex Pereira is the boogeyman.
He's the scariest motherfucker in the sport He knocked Izzy out twice. He left hook KO'd him and kickboxing and then he beat him down in the UFC and then is he finally knocked him out and when he knocked him out when he fires those arrows into his body and then See if you find that speech And when you hear it man, you're like wow, that's like That's what that's what makes the whole career worth it These moments where you reach out and you touch the.
I hope every one of you can feel this level of happiness just one time in your life. You will never feel this level of happiness if you don't go for something.
When they knock you down. When they talk about you.
If you stay down, you will never ever get that resolve. Fortify your mind and feel this level of happiness as you rise one time in your life.
But I'm blessed to be able to feel this again and again and again and again and again. Amazing.
Amazing. That's like human fuel.
You hear someone saying something like that after doing something like that, that can help you all throughout your day. That's human fuel.
Amazing. Amazing.
If you're going to go, go all the way or don't even try. Yeah.
Charles Bukowski. That guy was out there.
If you're going to go, go all the way or don't even try. This could mean losing girlfriends.
This could mean losing wives, relatives. This could be time spent in jail.
Lonely nights in the dark. Lonely nights by yourself.
Yeah. But in the end, it's all worth it.
I don't know the rest. Yeah, that's great.
Did you ever see the movie they did on with Mickey Rourke?

Both. They did two movies?

The one with Matt Dillon called Factotum, too.

When was that?

That came out in 2000-something,

and he plays them at a different... There's Barfly and there's Factotum.

Factotum, he plays them

at that age.

He's way too handsome.

How dare he? He plays them good. How dare he? He's way too handsome yeah but how dare he he plays them good yeah he's way too

handsome that's outrageous mickey rourke made himself look fucked up my friends you know he like yeah he um charlotte kowski is actually in bar flight he's one of the one of the drunks in the bar yeah how women in the world aren't whores. Just mine.
You ever see one of those readings that he used to do? He used to do these readings. He'd read from his books and people would yell and he'd fucking have hecklers and shit and yell out to them.
He's just a guy just constantly drunk with profound thoughts. Yeah, man.
When I started reading, I wanted to read books about authors that were from Los Angeles, like in the 40s and 50s. And I said, I got to find something that talks about Los Angeles, these streets that I live in.
And it was Charles Bukowski. He writes about Los Angeles.
And I found out that his inspiration was a guy named, oh, man, what's his name? He writes just like Charles Bukowski. He wrote a book called Ask the Dust and The Adventures of Arturo Bandini.
I'm lost here of his name, but John Fonte. Yes, John Fonte.
John Fontonte wrote books in the style of Charles Bukowski and Charles Bukowski when he found out about him he helped him publish all his books again. So that's why I know that John Fonte exists because Charles Bukowski he republished all his books for him when he was dying of diabetes so after dusk bro he talks about los angeles during 1932 bro when los angeles had a a metro rail and the world the 1932 um earthquake in los angeles wow so this it's all about this guy's from los angeles he talks about armenians and working the docks in 1920s.
Wow. That's a great catch.
I want to read that. And they're alcoholics, bro.
This guy's an alcoholic, and so is Charles Bukowski. These are dudes that work jobs and still were authors.
Imagine going from those guys to TikTokers at BOA. Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.

Like, these guys actually had jobs during the day.

I was trying to put Kosky.

He was a mailman.

He worked at the post-op.

He never worked.

He never quit.

Yeah.

And Arturo Bandini, well, what's his name?

The other guy, he started writing for Hollywood

and he just disappeared.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, like writing screenplays or something?

Writing screenplays.

He got into it under contract. Yeah, man.
There's a lot of talented writers who just decide to write for a company. They just kind of like give up on the dream, do it for a job.
Did you ever get hired to be a writer and then you said, this is not for me? I got a book deal once and I gave them the money back because they had too much input. They wanted to have too much input.
And then they wanted me to transcribe my stand-up that was one of their ideas like that's a terrible idea they're like they're like George Carlin did I'm like well that's fine I love George Carlin but so what I'm not doing that like that doesn't make any sense to me like why would I want like the worst version of what the ideas are which is just print the best version is a live performed version. Second best version is a video.
Worst for sure is print. Audio is slightly better.
But it's like, you don't want to do that. Why would I do that? That's a dumb way to write a book.
I just want to write about things that I'm thinking about. Yeah, why would you write your whole set list on a book? And then I realized if I'm going to write something, I have to want to, and it has to be something that I do because I'm controlling the entire thing.
And then if they like it, they like it.

If they don't, they don't.

But it's not something that I would ever want to have somebody help me out with.

According to this article about him, part of the reason why he didn't explode when other writers did

is because his publisher was in a legal battle for an unauthorized publication of Mein Kampf.

Whoa!

Oh, I didn't know that.

That's good to know.

Whoa!

Holy shit. Yeah.
That kind of drain the resources. The financial drain on the publisher hampered the distribution of Ask the Dust.
Yes. While Fent put out a short story collection Dago read in 1940.
More than a decade would pass before another Bandini novel. Wow.
Yeah, he disappeared. He was a character created and was a bunch of stories about this fake.
He used to live in Delta Lalit. He got in a legal battle with Adolf Hitler.
Well, his publisher did, but yeah. That's crazy.
Crazy, huh? Insane. That's crazy.
Dude, I'm going to read that. Is it on audio? I hope it's on audiobook.
I'm so lazy. Sitting down and actually reading a book right now.
It's too daunting. It's too daunting.
Felipe, one more time. Tell everybody special on Netflix.
Available right now. Oh, my Netflix special is available right now.
Raging Fool on Netflix. Go check it out.
Directed by my wife, Lisa. It's O'Daniel.
And I want to give a shout out to my my um my brother-in-law who listens to you religiously with his daughters um Johnny O'Daniel what's up boo shout out to Johnny Ohio all right um Instagram all that shit what is it oh my Instagram is uh Felipe Esparza my my website is felipe's world.com I'll be in, I don't know when this airs, I'll be in Grand Rapids, Iowa, and Indianapolis, Helium. But...
When are those dates? I don't know. Okay.
Go to the website. Go to the website.
April 5th, I'll be in San Diego with Paul Rodriguez, and April 25th, I'll be in San Diego with a bunch of comedians.

Beautiful.

All right.

Felipe,

always good to see you,

my brother.

Thank you, bro.

Happy to be here, bro.

Thanks for being here.

All right.