RQ Original Feed Drop – Neon Inkwell: Broken Hearted Monsters

Hi everyone, it's Jahan here.

Today we are sharing the first episode of a brand new series on Rusty Quill's Neon Inkwell podcast feed, Brokenhearted Monsters.

Classic horror meets joyful, bittersweet road trip dramas in this series about grief and acceptance.

After Dr.

Frankenstein is killed by an errant bolt of lightning, his estranged creature, Frank, must travel to his former home for the funeral.

Frank, not wanting to face the bitter reality of an unresolved relationship, chooses instead to use it as an excuse to plan the ultimate road trip across America and inviting his ex-boyfriend Dracula along for the ride.

The wounds from their breakup are still fresh as they make their way across country, stopping at mundane tourist traps, eating at tacky diners and dissecting their former romance, the good and the bad.

Before they reach their destination and a monstrous family reunion, Frank and Dracula have 2,000 miles, 9 states and a whole lot to unpack.

Brokenhearted Monsters is releasing weekly now on the Neon Inkwell podcast feed.

To listen, search for Neon Inkwell wherever you listen to podcasts, click Click the link in the show notes or visit rustyquill.com.

Have fun and enjoy the episode.

RustyQuill presents

Brokenhearted Monsters.

Episode 1

Death and Romance.

Wow.

I guess 5:30 on Monday is a bad time to start a road trip.

It is all right.

Just put on your podcast and take deep breaths.

Who needs podcasts when we've got each other?

Put on the podcast.

Come on, Dracula.

We haven't talked in months.

That is how breakups work.

Yeah, totally.

So, see any good movies?

Read any good books?

Dating any cute guys?

Let us get something clear, Frank.

I am here to deliver you to your evil dad's funeral, and then I am on the first plane back to LA.

We are not discussing my personal life.

we are not on a romantic getaway, and we are not, under any circumstances, getting back together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I was just making casual conversation.

You are making a casual incursion into a part of my life you are banned from.

Okay,

we are not there yet.

Message received loud and clear.

Personally, I'm doing great.

Been hitting the gym, meditating, going to therapy.

You know, I think you really needed this time alone to find out who Frank is.

You have been going to therapy.

Well, I've been listening to a podcast about therapy, so you know, I get it.

Okay.

Oh, she's letting us go.

I do not think she's looking at us.

Oh, how am I supposed to tell?

She's wearing the biggest sunglasses I've ever seen.

Frank, don't,

ma'am.

Are you letting us go?

Frank, you are going to tip the car.

She wasn't looking at us.

Well, she is now.

Everyone is.

Hey, light's green, Monster Man.

Oh, is the light green?

I hadn't noticed.

Thanks for pointing that out.

What's the matter?

Full moon scrambling your brain?

Go!

That's werewolves.

Do I look like a werewolf to you?

You look like shit to me.

Go!

I'll be back in a minute.

I'm just gonna go kill this man.

Oh, I knew this was a mistake.

Uh, you know what?

I'm good.

As Monkey Rick would say, if you don't master your anger, your anger will master you.

That's right.

Listen to your boyfriend.

Ignore him.

Oh, boy, you know, Road Rage hits differently when you're in a convertible.

You know, it's like he's right there.

Hey, I don't want to be part of this conversation either.

Why don't we put the top up for a bit?

You know, like I suggested before we left?

Huh?

Why would we rent a convertible and keep the top up?

I don't know, Frank.

Why would you rent a convertible?

Oh, just because of a little thing called the Great American Road Trip?

This is not a road trip.

Uh, what do you call driving across nine states in a convertible?

The biggest mistake of my life?

Oh, there's an opening.

Yes,

it's a war of attrition, baby.

We are getting there.

Look.

When you asked me to come on this trip, I thought it would be less vacation and more more processing.

Because of the dead dad thing?

Yes, Frank.

Because of the dead dad thing.

Right.

Um, I don't know if I'm emotionally there yet, babe.

I'll definitely be ready to talk about it after the funeral, though.

I am not staying for the funeral, Frank.

If you want a shoulder to cry on, it is here now.

Once we get to Pennsylvania.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

First flight back to LA.

It's a real pity that you're gonna miss the carnival of souls, though.

I do not want to go to your family's weird funeral party.

I want you to get the stuff out in the open so you do not explode like an atom bomb when you get there.

Okay, okay.

Can we get out of the city first?

We've got 2,000 miles of open road ahead of us.

I don't want to blow through all the juicy stuff in the first hour.

Sure.

When you are ready, I'm here.

You still have not told me how your dad died.

I haven't?

Your dad is dead, dead, right?

Oh, yeah.

Super dead.

Not undead.

Or technically dead because he transferred his brain into a fresh corpse.

No, I made sure it wasn't that before I rented the car.

I swear, if I walk into that funeral and there is a head in a jar making shitty comments about the way I dress, I will never speak to you again.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He's like very dead in a totally regular way.

Like a heart attack or a stroke?

Yeah, something like that.

Something like that.

Well, apparently he was up on the roof fixing the lightning rod, and I guess he got struck by lightning.

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

He fell off the roof

and was impaled on one of mom's sculptures.

Why don't you tell me when you are done?

No, that's pretty much it.

Mom always said he spent too much time on the roof fiddling with his lightning rod.

Really, Dracula?

Did you find something funny about the the way my dad died?

No.

Polishing the big round knob on the end of his lightning.

This is serious.

I am serious.

You're the one who's laughing, babe.

You know what you're doing.

Look, I get that I'm supposed to feel bad about this, but I haven't spoken to him in years.

This has literally no effect on my life.

No, honestly.

I just feel bad for mom.

She had to put up with his miserable ass for all these years, and now she has to plan the dude's funeral.

That sounds like hell.

How is she holding up?

Ah, you know, Mom.

No, I do not, Frank.

In six years of dating, we never met.

Really?

That doesn't sound right.

I would be inclined to agree.

I don't know.

I love mom, but she's always been weird about dad stuff.

It sounds like she's thrown herself whole ass into carnival prep.

Ah, the ancient art of avoidance has been passed down through the generations.

She's from a different generation.

They're not as, you know, emotionally mature as you and

Monkey Rick.

You're jerking my stitches, but yeah.

I've really grown thanks to Monkey Rick and the mind jungle.

Oh, yeah.

How is your brother, Frank?

Hey, look, it's Rosemary's.

Yep.

There it is.

God, we haven't been there in years.

Should we absolutely not?

Come on.

You love Rosemary's.

I do not love it.

It was just a dark place to go during the day.

The floors were sticky, and the bartender called me Ichabod.

Yeah.

We had some good times on those sticky floors.

Drinking beer, shooting pool.

Not a worry in the world.

I do not drink beer.

I do not play pool.

I worry constantly.

Camilla rigged the jukebox so we could keep using the same dirty old quarter over and over again.

And Wolfie would sit on that thing, playing the cuckoo dolls on repeat until someone tore him away.

Yeah, the dog man loves the goo.

Hey, remember the weekend we spent wallpapering the bathrooms with your old anime books?

How could I forget?

You got through half a wall before I realized you were tearing up my prized collection of Vampire Prince Crybaby.

Well, in my defense,

do not say it.

Babe, all your horny vampire mangas look the same.

Do you really want to relitigate this argument?

Do you remember who won last time?

I remember we agreed floor piles wasn't a cool way to organize a book collection.

Well, I remember someone spent the next six months trolling yacht sales in the boonies to replace them.

Sounds like a grand romantic gesture to me.

It was a little bit romantic, though half of them were in Italian.

And you speak Italian?

Yes, but vampire seduction has a distinctly unpleasant flavor when read in Italian.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that that actually makes a lot of sense.

You see the old gang much?

Camilla?

Wolfman?

The creature from the Peus Lagoon?

Not really.

I was indulging in some post-break-up wallowing for a while.

I was not in the mood for friends.

Yeah?

You want to talk about it?

No.

I kind of hoped to see you at Camilla's wedding last month.

Camilla got married?

Yeah, to Veronica.

Real cool chick.

Has a bike shop down by the water.

She's in my CrossFit class.

I did not even know she was dating someone.

You and Camilla used to be close.

She was the first person I ever saw.

Wow.

I don't think I knew that.

There are many things you don't know about me.

I don't think that's true.

It is.

I can't believe I never clocked you as exes, though.

What?

I bet y'all look cute together.

All gothic and moody and pale like a couple of haunted dolls.

Gods, no.

Camila and I never...

She was my business partner.

Ah, forbidden love.

Stop it.

It was a purely transactional agreement.

She wanted to live forever, and I needed an accountant who would not die every 50 years.

And are all Transylvanian accountants, six foot four, beautiful goth women?

God, Frank.

Camila is like a daughter to me.

Well, a daughter probably would have, you know, invited you to her wedding.

Wow.

Look,

all I'm saying is everyone misses you, Dracula.

Okay.

Well, whose fault is that?

Wait, what?

Nothing.

Please, can we stop talking about this?

They're your friends, too.

Just because we're.

Please.

Fine.

Thank you.

Sweet baby Satan, I am hungry.

You hungry?

I ate before we left.

Alright, well, you let me know if you need to pull over and grab one of your Capri sons from the trunk.

We all know that the Dark Lord gets grungy when he hasn't had his drinky.

Please stop talking about food.

Remember when we lost your cooler at Joshua Tree?

Man, that was a trip.

I thought you were gonna rip Tyler's head off and drink him like a smoothie.

Frank?

Sorry.

I know you don't like talking about that stuff, but I'll keep a kosher from here on out.

Are you okay?

I am fine.

Really?

You've downshifted three shades of pale since I picked you up.

I said I'm fine.

I just have a bit of a headache from the sun.

Oh, yeah.

I'm so glad you still had the Dreadlord's ring.

I spent an entire paycheck on this beautiful and it would have sucked if we couldn't pop that top and let loose.

You know I'm not really meant to wear this thing every day.

Yeah, I know.

It's for special occasions.

Emergencies.

Well, think of this as an emotional emergency.

Is it?

Is it what?

Is this an emotional emergency, Frank?

Is that why I'm here?

Uh,

I did.

It is okay.

Gas station.

We need fuel.

We need to stop at the gas station.

We are 20 minutes outside the city?

Yeah, yeah, but this thing is a real gas gustler.

But we're on vacation, so you know, money doesn't matter.

We are absolutely not on vacation.

I mean, technically, it's bereavement leave, but Doug made me use the last of my vacation days for the funeral.

In my books, that's a vacation.

Oh, Frank.

What?

I will get the snacks.

What do you want?

You don't have to do that.

I think Dead Dad stuff is worth a couple of bag of chips.

What do you want?

Okay.

I could get used to this dead dad stuff.

Can I get a big thing of iced tea and sharing a bag of Blastos?

Flavor?

Uh, the limited edition Stevie Nick's Edge of Jalapeno, if they have it.

Speak easy, chutney, if they don't.

Yeah.

Thanks, Dracula.

No problem, Frank.

Keep it together, Dracula.

You're not falling for that meat head again.

Could I get a pack of Stoker blues as well, please?

Anything for you?

Well, look who it is.

I don't want any trouble, dude.

Should have thought about that before you cut me off.

I'm sorry.

Is that what you want to hear?

I'm sorry a very normal thing happened to you in your car and you let it ruin your day.

Aw, my day's going fine.

I'm having a great day.

Your day, though?

It's not looking good, body pack.

Look, I am not who you think I am.

No, dude, you totally are.

I can feel it in the pit of my soul.

Clearly, you you are going through something and you need help, but I'm not that person.

Please.

It hurts all the time.

Take your hand off me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just maybe work on not being so miserable all the time, dude.

You know, for all of us.

You will get used to it.

Come on, man.

That's not funny.

I said I was sorry.

That's my dead mom's car.

Drug you.

I can explain.

We have to go.

Nobody's going anywhere until I get somebody's insurance.

What's going on?

Get in the car.

I will explain later.

Have you tried therapy?

Or maybe getting a dog?

Who's that?

Nobody.

Car.

Hey, you can't just flee the scene.

You,

call the police.

You should check out Monkey Rick's well this fun.

What they're getting away sorry, dude.

Can't call the cops on the dragon.

What?

You're smoking.

Yep, but you worked so hard to quit.

Yes, um, after the breakup, I uh kind of fell off the wagon.

Which wagon?

You know, all of them.

Oh.

Oh,

okay.

So you've been drinking?

Drinking, siring, just sort of doing the whole thing.

The whole thing?

Mm-hmm.

So that lady was one of your

probably.

Probably.

It has been a bit of a blur.

A lot of shirtless twinks in darkened alleyways, you know?

Oh.

After we broke up, I uh...

After you broke up with me.

After you punched a hole in my kitchen wall.

Yeah.

That night, when you left, I sat on the kitchen floor and stared at the wall for hours.

No tears.

No anger.

Just...

nothing.

Before we met, I had been alone for decades.

I was used to being alone.

It was actually quite comforting.

Like an armor of silence.

But when you left, and the loneliness returned, it felt different.

It felt cold and dangerous, and I needed to feel anything other than that feeling.

So, I started making friends.

Cheap, disposable friends that could not reject me.

Camilla?

Pusey?

Wolfie?

They were your friends.

They're your friends too, Dracula.

They care about you.

They miss you.

They're worried about you.

I know.

They are good people, but they will always be your friends first.

I could not face them after everything that happened.

All of them have.

Can we not do this right now?

Please.

Okay.

So why did you agree to come on this road trip with me?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm not exactly operating with deliberate intent at the moment.

Well, I guess that makes two of us.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Asking you to come with me was crazy, but I wanted to, so I did.

Maybe it was a stupid and selfish thing to do, but I'm starting to think through some sort of mystical alignment of spiritual woo-woo, it was like the only right thing to do.

God, I wish I had your brain sometimes.

Well, you got it, babe.

For the duration of this trip, my brain is yours.

You help me get to the dead dad thing without freaking out and running away, and I stop you from creating an army of Svelte Shadow Twinks.

It's a perfect symbiotic relationship.

I would not go so far as to call the situation perfect, but I guess it makes some kind of messed up sense.

Here, Frank, are you sure?

I've never been more sure about anything in my life, babe.

Okay.

In that case, I think I would like to go to the funeral with you.

Oh,

you don't have to.

I.

No, I want to.

It is not about you.

I need to meet your family.

You owe that to me after six years of dating.

Okay.

Anything for you, babe.

Oh, and Frank.

Yes, Dracula.

We are putting the goddamn top up so I can take this goddamn ring off.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, of course.

Of course.

I have got an abyssal migraine so wide you could squeeze an elder god through it.

I'm on it.

I'm on it.

You know, Dracula, I'm really glad I asked you to come with me.

Me too, Frank.

Me too.

Uh, did I see you flip a cot over back there?

Brokenhearted Monsters is a neon inquir podcast distributed by RustyQuill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Alike 4.0 International License.

This series is written and created by Shane and Morgan Ormond and script consultation and directing by Amani Zardoni.

This episode was edited by Nico Vitesse, Catherine Seton, Tessa Vroom, Meg McKeller, and Catherine Brunella with music from Nico Vitesse.

It featured Kai Partenia as Dracula, Marcus Bobisic as Frank, Evelyn Macaulay as Esme, Alistair Cado as Purfy, Beth Ayer as Camilla, with additional voices from Ash Kelly, Ted Hazard, Paul Kandarian, Philomina Sherwood, Shahan Hamza, and Karim Crumphley.

Neon Inquil is produced by April Sumner with executive producer Alexander J.

Newell and showrunner Elizabeth Mongo.

To subscribe to your associated materials or join our Patreon, visit rustyquirill.com, rate and review us online, tweet us at the rustyquill, visit us on Facebook, or email us at mail at rustyquirl.com.

Thanks for listening.

Find the next episode of Brokenhearted Monsters on the Neon Inkwill podcast feed, which you can find wherever you listen to podcasts, linked in the description or on rustyquill.com.

Thanks for listening.