Andrew Schulz on Why Trump Dominates Culture and Politics, Becoming a Dad, and Dating Red Flags | Ep. 1020

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See up for terms. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, live on Sirius XM Channel 111 every weekday at New East.
Hey everyone, I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show.
Oh, do we have a treat for you today. Buckle up.
One of the funniest people in America is with me for the full show right here in studio. Comedian Andrew Schultz has a new Netflix special out this week called Life.
If you go on Netflix, it's one of the top shows right now. You can't miss it and you shouldn't miss it.
It's only an hour. You will laugh and believe it or not, you will cry too.
It's actually very touching at, at times I did not expect that. And he, I, I was just saying to him before we got started, I watched it the same way I watch all Andrew Schultz content like this.
I'm afraid. And I love it.
I. I hate myself for loving it so much.
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Watch this. Schultzy, Schultzy, Schultzy, Schultzy.
Matthew. Hey, cute baby.
I didn't get the Amber Alert. We are celebrating.
My new special's coming out. Oh, nice.
Yeah. What do you, stand up there and grow a mustache? Actually, if you want to know, it's about my wife and I trying to make a baby.
Hey, everybody. This dumbass right here has a special about his low sperm count, and it's on Netflix.
That's a legend. Welcome back.
Thank you so much for having me. Great to have you.
It's great to see you. Oh, God, likewise.
I mean, you were actually one of my first guests. You know, we just celebrated episode 500 or 1000, I don't know, 1000.
And, um, you were 78, number 78. You were like on the ground floor.
Yeah. Yeah.
I remember I was in California for that, but then I saw you, this is like right after I saw you at the Borgo. Yes, that's right.
But I didn't come up and bother, you know, you were doing the thing. That's right.
I forgot that. And now look at you.
I mean, now your career has just taken off. No, things have been cool.
Things have been cool. Yeah, really cool.
And personally, I mean, the funniest bit you ever did, and it's still one of my favorites. This is from a special, not like on this show, but you were talking about your then girlfriend and how obsessed she was with crime shows.
I can totally relate to this. And how I remember you did this bit on how, you know, you'd watch NFL football with her and she'd be like, and some guy would have a compound fracture with the blood everywhere in the bone.
And every guy, you know, be like, oh, my God. And she'd be like, when is someone coming to murder him? Yeah, yeah.
It's like not savage enough. Yeah.
Why do you guys like the serial killer? I have my own theories. I think it's because, like, when you grow up, you know, who gets murdered, who gets attacked, who gets stolen? Young women.
Yeah. We're the victims.
And so like, it's instilled in you from an early age by your parents, by your friends, by your teachers, by TV, the news, like you're the victim. Like, and so, you know, you walk around everywhere like, oh my God.
And then you, there's a morbid fascination with what happens to others. Like, how do I prevent that from happening to me? Yeah.
I think that's why. So yeah, it's fear based.
So this is like this gigantic fear you have. Yeah.
We're working something out. Yeah.
You know, it's like the same way my 11 year old likes to watch shark videos all the time. Cause he thinks he's going to get eaten by a shark.
Totally. And meanwhile, so what is our fear? What is our, what, you know what? I'm just not afraid of anything? I'm embarrassed to tell you that I've been dreaming lately about the AM update that we've been doing as a new pod that we've launched in our feed.
It's very embarrassing. My dreams are about news now because I do it either really late or early morning and it's just on my mind.
You shouldn't dream about news. That's just sad.
Yeah. Right.
That's pathetic. Well, this is your passion.
This is what you dedicate your life to. But I could relate to, didn't you say, did I hear this in the special that you were saying your girlfriend always dreams about you cheating on her? Oh, yeah.
My wife. Your wife now.
She dreams about me cheating on her. Yeah, yeah.
So I've had that dream with Doug too. And if I have that dream the next day, I am such a bitch to him.
Right? It is funny that you punish us for it. Right.
But yeah, that was what I was saying, I think, in the special. It's like, why can't I have those dreams? It's almost like...
You're like, go through it, walk me through it. Yeah, I was like, I'd like to know exactly.
But yeah, it's almost as like, you know, God shot the dream arrow and it was just like a degree off. You know what I mean? I'm right here.
He was supposed to put that in my brain. Yeah, exactly.
It was weird. I don't really have dreams where I'm cheating on her.
Or where she's cheating on you. I think I might have had something and I woke up upset.
I think it's like, this is my sexism coming out. But when a woman cheats, even in a movie, my thought is, who wrote this? This is sick.
Yeah, this is twisted Like, if I watch a serial killer thing, I'm like, okay, this is what it is. But if I see like a woman being unfaithful in something, I'm like, there is a diabolical madman out there writing this shit.
Like, we need to like lock him up. Like, why would you promote this? We're lost as a society.
I've become this like really conservative Christian. Like, I'm just like, what is the American foundation and nuclear families being destroyed? Oh God, look at me getting all excited.
Worked up about it. Yeah, I know.
I mean, I, my girlfriends and I have had this talks, this talk many times, like, would you leave, would you definitely leave your husband or your boyfriend if you found out he was cheating on you? And then of course you get into, well, is it a one-off or is it like a full blown affair with somebody else? And honestly, most of the women I know have the same answer to both, which is no, I would not leave. But also they have children, right? Yeah.
That changes the entire game. It's also like, but yeah, this is good.
Wait a minute. So we can cheat? Is that what you're trying to say? I mean, literally every friend of Doug's right now is texting him.
No, we're going to Columbia, Doug. Not, not saying that.
It's just, you know, like that's, that's a, you know, you know what? I'm curious your take on this. Like I was talking to some, some of the, uh, the women that work with me and, um, you know, there's this, like this prominence in, uh, we're talking about relationships now now like talking about like red flags and ick culture have you heard about this no i must be too old okay so like a lot of women talk about like red flags and icks they have with men like little things that they do that annoy them okay and um it could be something like small like if it's raining and a guy lifts his shoulders i don't like that it me off to him.
That's tough. Yeah, exactly.
So, and like, they're really like nuanced and

specific. And I was like, what do you, I was asking him like, what do you think that's about?

And, um, this is my suspicion. I think that like, there's so much pressure for women to be with

somebody that they maybe would rather be with somebody they don't really like than be alone. Like their moms are constantly going, hey, you gotta get married, you gotta have someone.
And then you're with someone you don't like. Oh God.
And when you're around someone, you don't like everything about them annoys you. No, you can't have that.
No, and then you're gonna let them get on top of you? Never. No.
Never. How could you? But if you really love someone, like you said, they can go to Columbia with the boys.
It has the opposite effect. It's like nothing bothers me.
Nothing at all. It's all really cute.
Yeah. It's funny because I can't think of a thing about Doug that bothers me like that.
And even after we just celebrate our 17th. Doug's the man, dude.
He is the man. We just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on Saturday.
Yeah. And honestly, like even after 17 years of marriage, he doesn't do anything that like grosses me out.
He's like, I don't know. I just find him very attractive.
Yeah, me neither. He's such a dreamboat, this guy.
But he is very funny about, not about me, but about other people that like his number one thing that drives him nuts. And his brother has it too.
And I think it's called mesothelioma. Not like the lung disease you get, but it's, I may be saying it wrong.
It's like having sex with dead people. No, it's where you can't stand the sound of somebody chewing.
It drives him insane. I was way off.
Mesothelioma is like the lung disease. And this is mesothelioma? I got to look it up.
But he doesn't like hearing people chew. Mesophonia.
Thank you, Steve Krakauer. Yeah.
Mesophonia, right? it drives you nuts if you can really hear somebody chewing chew yeah okay and there's somebody in the extended family who's like every time you sit down with this person they get a big bowl of raw carrots and start like downing it and both yeah brothers are like yeah we can't deal with this yeah doug yeah doug's got his idiosyncrasies which you got to put up with he does so are you? I'm actually pretty quiet, yeah. Good.
Yeah, I'm really kind of proud of it. Yeah.
I have pretty good table manners. That's good.
You'll see this with your new daughter. I mean, if that's something with your kids.
That I've like bestowed manners upon them. You can never let up.
It's like they don't hear, they don't listen. You could tell them 10,000 times and they still don't listen.
You don't go to the food. The food comes to you.
Yeah. You know, like all the little things and small bites, small bites.
And still you see your kid with like a mountain of food, shoving it in there. You're like, oh, I can't send you out into the world like this.
My parents never taught me table manners. They didn't? Never taught me.
I learned table manners from the Titanic. What? You know, you know, this team where like the lady.'re Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's like, go from outside in with the forks. That's literally the moment.
I remember I had a girlfriend. I was in Denmark with her family, and I was using my thumb to shovel salad onto a fork, and the father put his hand on my wrist, and I was like, please use the silverware.
No. Yeah.
Oh, the humiliation. Yeah,.
I still have some questions I have to say. I never took, you know, any sort of manners classes, though I would love to get some for my kids.
If somebody offered that, I would totally hire this person. What is that called? Etiquette classes or something? Like class? Yeah.
Yeah. Class.
Yeah. This is what they do down South, right? We were raised like wolves.
That's why we don't have a lot of it. I'm watching you.
Whatever I see works. You know, we ate out every meal or like had delivery.
Yes. So there wasn't exactly like this big display.
I don't remember my parents ever correcting table manners. You just, it's something I picked up on later in life when I got to be more of a professional person.
Yeah. But I still have questions.
Like here's one question for the audience. Maybe they know, maybe you know this.
When you're eating soup. Do you go outside in or inside out? No, that, I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back.
I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back.

It is stupid, but you're supposed to do emotion. Like, why would you move the food further away

from you? This is this like pretentious, like British shit where they're, it's like really

wealthy people have to find a way to make you feel insecure about you not having money. And

then when everybody started wearing suits, it's like, all right, well, we got to belittle them

somehow. Oh, if you see somebody moving the spoon out, then they really have money.
I hate

Thank you. door about you not having money.
And then when everybody started wearing suits, it's like, all right, well, we got to belittle them somehow. Oh, if you see somebody moving the spoon out, then they really have money.
I hate this shit. What I love about America is the lack of rules in that regard.
Yes. Like we're not trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Well, here's my question on it though. In addition to those, um, what do you do with the soup spoon when you are in the middle? You want to put it down and, or when you're done, does it go right back in the soup or does it go on the little plate? I accidentally move it off the table and it falls and I go, Oh God.
And then somebody gets it. That's not okay.
No, it's either supposed to go right back in the soup, which is what I think you're supposed to do. Or are you supposed to put it on the plate, like the saucer underneath the soup, that plate that's holding the soup bowl.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. But one of them signifies to the waiter that you're finished and one signifies you're still eating.
With the soup, that's true too. I just made that up.
Okay. But it seems like it makes sense.
I do know what to do on the plate when you want to signify you're done. Knife in between the fork.
Fork and knife at five o'clock. Yes.
Like one's at, well, I guess 10 of five, at 10 of five.

So one's at the 10 and one's at the five on your plate.

Yeah.

That I got.

Yeah.

That's my one thing.

Isn't it crazy that we have to like speak in code to the waiters at the restaurant?

Right.

Yo.

Yeah, that works, right?

I'm done.

Yeah, yeah.

Nothing left on the plate.

Are you a good tipper?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
I worked in the service industry. That's the thing.
Yeah. If you've ever done it, same.
Yeah. I have to say, so I have like a- What is a good tip for you? Well, I always leave 50%.
What? 5-0. Yeah.
I always leave 50. But can I tell you something kind of surprising? You think, is it good or it's bad? It's good.
Yeah, it's a lot, lot right i mean it they're not the government well i always want to be overly generous to the way i mean wow that is i gotta tell you something it i never and i go women don't usually tip i just want to point point that out oh that's not a big thing that one's important to me you that is you will never read a report about me being a bad tipper. I, wow.
I'm not going 50. What do you go? 50.
I go like 25 or something like that. That's good.
I keep it round. I got this from Sean Hannity who tips 100%.
He does. Yes.
Oh, wow. I'm like, that's too much.
No, no, that's guilt. Something's going on.
Something's going on. He on he's a really generous guy he's harassing waitresses something's happening where he's paying them off a hundred percent is guilt there's something wrong but i gotta be honest with you this is he's taking no i mean sean is a great guy you're not doing this but you're not at all where's my camera you're not at all doing this but i would tip 100 too if i was taking my girlfriend to the thing and i didn't to know about it.
But Sean would never do that. And that's not the case.
Not it. He does not need to stray.
He's with Ainsley. He's good.
Well, listen, I was going to say, I would kind of expect that when I go back to these same restaurants and have the same waiter, maybe I'd get a little bit more white glove treatment. I noticed absolutely no white glove treatment, I don't think it really counts.
So I just have to feel good about it in my heart. Yeah.
Which I do. Not the reason why we do it.
Well, I mean, it would be nice if somebody was like, thanks. Thanks for it.
But isn't it the worst when you're like at the bar and you're like, I'm going to fucking tip this bartender big. And you go to put the money down and they walk away.
And now you got to just stand there until they come back and notice. I need your recognition that I left that like, this needs to be very clear.
My 13 year old daughter just asked this question at the dinner table last night. This is where it's going for you.
She said, is any act of charity ever for the other person or is it all? Or is it, isn't it all selfish um i would like to believe that we are capable of of altruism but i think that there are like percentages of selfishness for sure like if you're doing it to get to heaven that seems pretty selfish that's that's what she was saying and she was saying even just to make yourself feel good there's an element of selfishness in it and then my brother-in-law said what if you threw yourself on a grenade and you're, you're doing it. Like there's some piece of you that's doing it to feel good about saving somebody.
Or you might be like a word of the medal of honor. If you're, you know, like there's something in there.
13, very cynical. Can I curse on this? Okay.
Wow. We couldn't have on Andrew Schultz if you could not curse.
That's a good point. That's a is a sophisticated thought for a 13-year-old.
I know. Has she watched everything everywhere all at once? Yes, well, she watches some of the Dateline specials with me.
That's probably part of it. Though tonight she's got that side where she's deep philosophical and cynical in some ways.
But tonight she'll be starring as Ursula in The Little Mermaid at her school play. Did she pick Ursula? No, she tried out for it.
So she wanted Ursula. Yeah.
We got to keep an eye on this girl right here. We got to keep a very close watch on this girl.
This is because it is. I think that what she's what she's approaching is like a very realistic way of looking at life, you know, which is a but sometimes having that view of humanity can be difficult to handle.
Yeah, that's a really sophisticated view. It's very hard with a with a mother who's in news and a father who is as cynical and funny as Doug is.
Yes. It's just, our kids have a very healthy sense of humor, which you would appreciate, but like very realistic.
Yeah. I'm trying to think like, what is the, like the positive impact of that is you can have probably like really mature conversations with them.
Yeah. She's definitely ahead of her time.
What is her school? She did it. It's a private school.

It's all girls.

I will say it's more woke than I would like,

but not as woke as the one we pulled her from in New York City.

That's the,

the conversation I have with parents public and private is,

is the exact same one that we're having right now.

Yeah.

It's just like,

yeah,

they're all kind of like woke to use that term.

And it's kind of like a,

we've beaten that term to the ground.

No,

they just had one of the, I don't know, it was Martin Luther King day and they had an assembly and they had the head of DEI go in there and talk to the girls and said, just, just as a reminder, we believe in equity. Everyone has the right to wind up in the same space.
And of course my daughter, my kids are primed on this, you know, we're inoculating them against this bullshit at home, but she knew enough to come home and be like, mom, this is what they said. And I was like, no, she's absolutely right.
On the next test, when you study hard and the girl next to you doesn't, she has a right to see your answers. You have to show them to her.
She has the right to get the same grade as you, no matter how much work you did or didn't put into it. Yeah.
I mean, that is funny to have a DI program at an all girls school. Well, that it's like, you don't even accept men, but that's the selecting out a group of people.
You really can't continue that conversation. Well, they can't have the oppressors and the patriarchy running the school.
Wait, are there, are there any like male leadership in the school? Yes. Well, not leadership, but there are plenty of male teachers, just male teachers, but no male leadership.
No, there isn't. No.
Oh, well, wait, I'm wrong. When you get to the high school, there's a, there's a head of the high school.
I mean, she's only in middle school, but we're not there yet. Yeah.
I don't, I don't think they're against men, but you know, we did a bunch of research when the kids were really young on single sex education. And it seemed like K through eight, it was a good idea.
And the good thing about this high school is when she gets to high school, she'll mix now with boys. So that's good.
Because, you know, at some point you have to learn how to be around the opposite sex. Yeah, you do.
I wonder, I'm surprised it's that way, not the opposite way. What do you mean? Like co-ed, K through eight, single sex? Yeah.
I think they're looking, I think for girls, the philosophy is, you know, they won't be afraid to say how they feel because, you know, in middle school, it's awkward for everybody. And maybe around the boys, you're a little bit more buttoned up.
And then in the younger grades, boys tend to be more disruptive and kind of bigger pains in the ass and girls are like well-behaved. And so then they get demonized.
So it can be better for them to be alone too, you know, where they're not being compared to the well-behaved girls.

Like at our boys' school,

the first thing they do for the K through fivers

is they let them go to gym for like an hour.

Get it out of the system.

Get it out.

That's smart.

Right?

That's really smart.

But girls don't need that.

They're just ready to pay attention and lock in.

I mean-

Oh, it's amazing.

Yeah.

Isn't this funny?

You have all this to look forward to

with your now one year baby daughter.

I'm so excited.

Yeah, it's great.

It is like terrifying though. All these things are scary.
You don't know anything. You really don't know anything.
And now I like, I have this, I have this amazing empathy for, I mean, I don't want to like politicize this too much, but like even these like a hot button topics, like, you know, vaccination and these kinds of things. Like if you don't have children, like you really don't even need to be part of the conversation at all because you don't understand the fear of making a decision that could negatively impact your daughter either way.
Yes. To do it and then something happens, God forbid, now you feel that responsibility.
You don't do it and something happens, you feel that responsibility. Yes.
And you're constantly, you know, these decisions are put in front of you. It's like, oof.
Well, like you're trying to rely on your doctor and you're, you know, you try to find a good doctor and just do what he says. But then this whole past five years has really undermined health in doctors and public health officials.
Right. So you're kind of like.
Every institution we have super low confidence in. Yeah.
Every pediatrician that we've had has recommended that we get them the COVID vaccine, which we didn't. Yeah.
No, no No, no, not my one. Oh, no.
I got myself the vaccine, which I regret, but I did not get it from my kids. Did you get a booster? Yes.
I got one booster. Oh, I didn't.
I got, I got a fake booster so I could do a movie. I wish I had gotten fake.
I got you. There's like some Jewish guy in Brooklyn that I went to.
Oh, come on. Yeah.
Why didn't I know any of this? And then I gave it to the movie company to prove them that I was vaccinated. And they hit me back.
They're like, yeah, this is bullshit. And I was like, all right, I got to talk to that guy.
It was shocked. What did he shoot me up with? Yeah.
Yeah. So you got the first two shots, but nothing more.
Yeah. I was excited.
Like, I know this sounds crazy, but I was like excited to get the first two because I was like, I just want to get out. Like I want to party.
Like I didn't know it was we were in New York we went down to Miami okay so we were in New York and everything was shut down in New York and in the beginning it was kind of exciting it was just me and my wife were like making fucking meals together every single night you know it felt like camping I've never gone camping but like that's kind of what I imagined it was and then and I was lucky I'm doing podcasts I doing what I do outside of standup. Yeah.
So like my life wasn't that different outside of like not being able to eat out, I guess. Yeah.
Come winter, it got brutal. Like it was just, so we went down to Miami for four months and it was amazing.
Like my whole team, we all went down there. I think day two, the entire team got COVID.
Yeah. Of course higher team.

My poor guy was in our pool house for two weeks with COVID.

He got long COVID. Like it was, yeah.
I mean, it was great. I was,

I just see him in the window just waving at him. It was incredible.

Dove who's here right now. But, but yeah, yeah.
So there was this part of me that was like,

I just want to be able to do things like, so shoot me up. I don't care.

And there were Nazis in New York about it, which is your real home base. Yeah.
Yeah. It is tricky.
Do you like, so there is this thing where I go, yeah, we're going to be more strict in New York where we live on top of each other. We're all in the fucking subway together.
Like I don't want to compare New York to Montana. Like when someone in Montana is like, I can't believe you guys did that in New York.
It's like, yeah, you live on a ranch. Yeah.
Like 500 acres. Yeah.
Like the rules are going to be different. You know, I got like a Dominican family above me.
That's going to play music at 12 unless the city has a rule that stops the music at 10. That's right.
So sometimes you like a little government overreach if you want to get to bed, you know? Well, and we were all being told at the, on the initial vaccine that it would stop the spread. So that it, you know, would make you not contagious.
This is what I feel like people do, which is like so frustrating. It's like they, it's the lies to cover up the lack of information.
And then you get these like conspiracies. Like every conspiracy I imagine, like the truth of it is probably way more boring, but it's probably like a little incompetence.
Yeah. Somebody refusing to take accountability for their own incompetence, covering it up with a lie.
And then the internet gets after this. And it's just, if one person had the balls to just be like, yo, I fucked up.
Yeah. That was me.
I was the second shooter. I'm just going to put it out there.
We need the Victoria's Secret guy. Who's Epstein's? Oh, the, um, Lex, Wes, Lex, uh, Wex yeah yeah Wexner Wexner yeah yeah we just need him to come out and be like I funded it why can't we know more about him dude this is the thing it's like give him immunity give him immunity yeah and then we can learn everything and we can move on yeah but he's gotta know Why'd you give this guy billions of dollars to manage?

I have to tell you, I, I had a couple of conversation with somebody very close to the Epstein case, like very close to it, who shall go nameless for this conversation. And this person swore to me.
Acosta? No, that there's, that there's. He could talk too.
He knows shit too. That he wasn't this, quote, pedophile.

Right.

That he was into like 16, 17 year old girls. And that, yes, some may have sort of gotten through that were slightly younger, but that wasn't exactly his thing.
And that pretty much every famous celebrity was friends with him and went on his jet. Yeah.
But that at most all they were getting was like the so-called massages from these 16, 17 year olds, as opposed to like a pedophile ring. Yeah.
Now I don't know. 16, 17 is pedophile for me.
Well, it depends on the state. It could be illegal.
But in some places it's probably legal, like even in Canada and even like the UK or something in my France, I don't even know if they an age. Oh, no, probably not.
Yeah. I think they're still defending him over there.
Yeah, the only thing they age is cheese. I mean, you think about it, though, because like, how did Alan Dershowitz wind up, you know, becoming Jeffrey Epstein's lawyer? How did all these world figures wind up on his plane? Because he had, you know, he had cachet.
He had money. He was already connected.
He was tight with the people at Harvard. That's all you really have to say that you're tight with the people at Harvard and MIT.
Everybody will let you into their party. Cosign, right? Yeah.
Like if you've got these certain credentials, you're good. I don't even need to check in on you.
No, you're tight with Harvard. You have an office at Harvard.
Yes. You must be legit.
You're a legit guy. Why would Harvard not even after you already pleaded guilty to something with a young prostitute, like we're still Katie Couric still going to go to your dinner party at your mansion.
Bill Gates is still going to ask you for marital advice. Yeah.
How about the Bill Gates thing? Yeah. Like, were you surprised when it came out that he was like with all these younger women and like these pool parties? And it was like, you know, he'd been so buttoned up in this like totally respectable person.
Am I surprised that the billionaire guy had a bunch of chicks that he was sleeping with? Not so much. No, but it was totally contrary to his image at the time.
I don't think Warren Buffett really wears khakis and drinks a diet Coke on a bench in Omaha. Yes, he does.
This is, this is the beautiful lie that we're all. Explain it to me.
You think that that's what he's doing? You think he's just like, I'm going to have my hot dog and a Diet Coke. No, that's like propaganda.
He's in a boardroom somewhere going, okay, we got a trillion dollars to move around. Let's make it happen.
I thought you were making a comment about women and Warren. No, I don't think Warren's doing anything with women.
Okay, yes. Or it might be.
I have no clue. I have no clue.
But nothing surprises me but like it, nothing surprises me. Nothing shocks me.
Like in order to make that money. Okay.
I'm not talking about like tech billions is a little bit different. Right.
Cause it's all like fugazi. It's not real.
It's like, okay, we think that this is worth that. Everybody's trying to get rich on it.
Stock price spikes. The businesses aren't actually making any money.
It's not real. Yeah.
It's all paper. Yeah, it's all paper, right? You can't cash out.
It's all speculation, right? So, but like in order to actually make like proper billion dollars, like you got to kill like, I don't know, a few people, right? You do? I think. You think Elon has killed a few people? Oh, what do you mean, a few? What do you mean? Like how? With a Tesla, with a self-driving? No, not like he shoots it.
Neuralink. But also he's tech.
Like I don't know how profitable the business are. Yeah, right.
Like how profitable are the businesses? I don't, I'm sure he could cash out on some of these, like Tesla at some point. He's a genius.
I'm not telling him to be like overly critical of him, but I'm talking about like an actual, you are making dollars and cents business that you can cash out. Like, I mean, yeah, I don't think that you can have this like pious constitution and do that.
Most of these people cash out and they, they sell like Mark Cuban, you know, he sold this business he came up with and there's just the one sale because it seems like the first buyer winds up getting screwed. Like he thinks he's going to build it.
He's bought something meaningful. And then when he turns around, like everything's collapsed, that happens all the time.
You want to be the one who invents it, builds it up into something big on paper and then get out of town. Get the fuck out of there.
How about Elon? Now he's in all over the news for the Doge stuff. Yeah.
He wore a suit the other night. Wow.
Mark, Mike Davis, who comes on the show a lot, he's a lawyer. Yeah.
Trump affiliated. Tweeted out something like two things.
Elon has a suit and a babysitter. He brought something to work out.
We haven't seen it.

He's turning over a new leaf.

You know what the thing about Elon is?

He's obviously a brilliant guy.

And you want brilliant people on your side, especially if we're going to World War III.

If we are going to go to war with Russia, China, whatever it is, I think you kind of want the rocket guy on your side.

He can either protect us or get us to Mars if things go to hell. Right? Let's just, so we want to keep him over here.
My concern about the Doge thing is this is, I don't think there's a single American out there that's like, I want waste, inefficiency, and government corruption. This is a bipartisan supported issue.
And I feel like because maybe he hasn't developed

the skill of politics,

he's kind of like twisting the knife a little bit.

And it's like-

Too inhumane?

I don't even know about inhumane.

I'm just like, it's kind of like, gotcha, here we go,

where you could rally support from all of this.

Everybody wants this.

The left should want this.

The right should want this.

This can be a victory for America. I think it is.
I mean, like, would we have you guys, we have a Harry Anton thing I asked for, you know, him over on CNN. He's hilarious.
I know him from the cellar. He hangs out at the comedy all the time.
Oh, he does. Yeah.
Yeah. He's he's funny himself.
I love his New York accent. Here he is talking about the doge and the public reaction.
This to me was one of the more shocking figures that I saw made me go, wait a minute, hold on one second. Whoa, Americans on Trump and Joe's efforts, Musk and Doge should influence government spending and operations.
Look at this, 54%. The majority say that he and they should.
How about a proof of Trump trying to cut staff at government agencies? Again, you get a majority here, 51%. So yeah, Elon Musk might not be that popular, but these cuts and the idea of spending cuts, at least within the federal government and cutting at government agencies, that actually has majority support.
I was truly surprised by this, Kate, but the numbers are the numbers. Democrats won't argue that the type of spending that Musk is cutting is mainly necessary programs.
But that comes in at just 36 percent.

The wasteful spending actually wins the plurality here at 42 percent, according to a recent Washington Post Ipsos poll.

And I think that is the reason why you see that when it comes to Dusk and Moj, Musk and Doge, you see, in fact, the majority believe he should have some influence because they believe the plurality believe that he is cutting wasteful spending, not necessary programs that Democrats are arguing.

So he is winning the PR war.

Yeah, but to me, there shouldn't even need to be PR. Like, it should be 100%.
How so? Like, he should be more clear on the Doge website, which is not that user-friendly? Yeah, I don't even know if it's more clear. I think it's more like the tweets and, like, the antagonism within the tweets.
And I think he's developed this very like polarizing personality online.

And there's a way.

Okay. The question right now is, is it possible to be less polarizing?

Right?

Like what percentage?

No matter who you are.

Of course.

And like now that he's in this position of it's not only like immense power, but also influence.

And he's tackling a topic that is not partisan at all.

Like there is support here.

So you don't need to antagonize it all.

It's like, buddy, is not partisan at all.

Like there is support here.

So you don't need to antagonize it all.

It's like, buddy, everybody's on your side.

If you hire some people and then,

sorry, if you fire them and then have to hire them back,

like it's okay to be like, hey, we made a mistake there.

We're not perfect.

We're gonna do this right.

And we're gonna figure this out.

Like it's okay to acknowledge these things.

And this is where I think like having a little bit more experience in politics can be helpful. Because it is a different game.
You're dealing with emotions, not facts. You could show me those lists all you want.
Like, people are emotional beings. They don't give a fuck.
Like, what is it the dweeb says all the time, the Ben Shapiro guy? He's like, facts don't care about your feelings. It's like, no, no, no, no.
Dumbass feelings don't care about facts. We feel things like there is a woman in Mexico.
That's going to see the Virgin Mary in her toast today because she feels the Lord and then sees it afterwards. We don't look at like, usually it's a Cinnabon.
Fine going just my experience that's how you know that's how you know Megan is locked at the airport crisis came when she's at the Cinnabon I try not to let people see me going there I love it I love it there's that great Louis CK bit where he's like um I went to Cinnabon after arriving. That's sad.
No,

I actually, I don't go to Cinnabon because I'm, you know, in my fifties and I just can't do that anymore. But I will tell you not too long ago, I was at the airport for a layover and I wanted

this so badly. And I'm like, I'm doing it.
And I got not just the small bag and not the huge,

huge bag, but like the medium sort of large-ish bag of Cheetos. Yeah.
I ate every last one. There was a woman across me kind of looking at me, stealing glass.
You could tell she was kind of like, is she going to eat that entire bag of Cheetos? I'm like, sister, I am. America, they're just like us.
It was so good. The stars are just like us.
You deserve a bag of Cheetos. It's a guilty pleasure.
Yes. You earned everything.
You should be eating Cheetos every single night. Well, then it starts to come back at you, you know, like the next thing.
But then you get the Manjaro or the Ozempic or whatever like that. It's better to keep it off to begin with.
Trust me. I've had to, I've lost and I've gained over the years.
It's better if you can keep it off. There's no more fat pride, huh? That really ended with the Ozempic.
I think if you're a leftist, there is. You think? You have to at least say you are.
Otherwise, you know, they did. I think Ozempic ended that.
Did you see Lizzo? Yes, she's beautiful. She looks awesome.
Yes, I think they've all realized that. But it was hard to do it because you got to like put in the effort, you know? Yeah, I don't know.
I'm not sure the left is still- All these fat models are doing it too. They're like on the Ozempic, so there's no more fat models.
After telling us that we were supposed to embrace it and it was healthy and it was beautiful. Oh, I got ridiculed for just being like, this is absurd.
Like what is going on? And not at all. And now they're all on Ozepic and they're like, I'll just be a model model.
Yeah. Yeah.
What about swimsuit or sports illustrated now bring you back actual hot models for its magazine? America's healing. Yeah.
Right. With all due respect to Martha Stewart, I guess that didn't sell a lot of magazines or Gayle King.
Oh, why? Did Martha go in there? Yeah. And so did Gayle King.
And I think they eventually realized what they really wanted. Martha was a baddie back in the day.
Did you watch her special? Yeah, I did. It was crazy.
She is a psycho. But here's what I'm saying.
She has some bodies that you don't get to that number without taking some people out. If someone told me that like Martha had someone killed, I wouldn't be like, Martha? Oh, really? Well, she is a convicted felon.
Yeah. You don't think she's capable of murder? I don't.
Not herself, but getting someone else to do it? No. Are you capable of murder? I could murder.
What? Yeah. If somebody did anything to my daughter, I could kill them.
Yes. Okay.
Me too. Me too.
Or to protect. Yeah, of course.
If somebody like going to, you know, do something to my wife. But what about for like, you know, business? Oh, like, could I murder somebody to like get ahead or to get a deal? Or out of a vendetta.
No. I mean, I'll, or where I could convince myself that they did something to my daughter.
I'd be like, yeah, I definitely have to kill that comedian. But can I tell you something? Like if you're a, if you're a sociopath.
Yes. Yeah.
I, cause I've talked to some sociopaths. They actually have no qualms about this whatsoever.
They will talk to you about like, yes, that is an acceptable menu item. Like killing the person to take care of the problem is right there.
Yeah. Like they just don't even, and, and you know, one in four people are sociopaths.
Yeah. I've heard this.
Like it kind of a sad way to live, though. Well, yeah.

Because there's a competitive advantage about not caring about people, but the human experience is connectivity. So you go without that.
I was speaking to this guy, he used to be a CIA dude, and he was borderline sociopath. And that's what they liked about him.
because you want people that can make those really difficult decisions.

And I'm sure the CIA is all there, whatever.

Right.

Anyway, and he was telling me that like he he's aware of what people should feel. Yeah.
Even though he doesn't feel it. No, they study.
Yeah. They learn the proper way of reacting.
But imagine not being like imagine your kid that first time you hear a kid laugh and the way that it transforms your entire idea of what joy is. And imagine seeing that and feeling nothing.
You're dead inside. What a horrible way to live.
Can I tell you something? I can find out whether you are a sociopath. Oh, tell me.
Two minutes or less. Go, go, go.
This is good. It's a little riddle.
Okay, go. Okay.
A man shows up at a funeral.

Yeah.

He goes to grieve the dead body at the wake.

It was the wake.

And he sees a woman near the casket and they exchange a glance.

You know, they make eye contact.

The man leaves, the funeral wraps up.

A week later, that man kills that woman's mother. Why? Because he's a sociopath.
Well, I probably do have the answer, but- What do you think the answer is? Because that woman's mother was the mistress of his father. You're not a sociopath.
Oh, wow. What is it? Because he wanted to see her again.
The woman. Now, let me tell you something.
Did you see how I went with women cheating? But can I tell you? My biggest fear. So the sociopath gets that like this.
Wait, really? They have that answer like this. And let me tell you where I got this test from.
Somebody who used to be in my life, that person's father was a psychiatrist in one of the worst prisons in America. And they would actually do this test on the patients.
And man by man by man. And by the way, to my listening audience, if it came to you right away, you might be a sociopath.
Yeah. Turn yourself in, but you'll see, it has to come.
Like if you're wrestling with it and after like a minute, you're like, was it this you've given a couple of guesses and you get there eventually you're good. Because the sociopath immediately is like, because he wanted to see her again.
They just think differently. I mean, it is the, it is the easiest path to seeing her again.
Right. It guarantees it.
And there's no moral objection on your list. Of course.
Again, you're like, who cares? Isn't that crazy? That feels good that I'm not a sociopath. Yes, you can go tell Emma.
Yes, I know. But I knew you were in my head while I was like, should I do the sociopath test on him? I was like, what if he fails? And I've humiliated this poor guy in front of everybody.
But then I was thinking about the video you put in your latest comedy thing on Netflix. I'm like, there's no way Andrew's a sociopath.
Yeah, the opposite is empath. Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's it. I'm like, you fail too much.
Yeah, I believe that about you. Yeah.
You are a softie. Yeah, I'm sensitive.
Yeah, I can see that. And it's like, it's weird.
It's like, I'm sensitive, but like, I can, I can, I'm numb to certain things. Not numb, but like, they don't really affect me.
Like criticism and going through all these like random internet shit that I go through. But, um, I'm, I am very sensitive to the people I really care about.
So like reactivity within like my family or friend group. Uh, and then I'm also sensitive to like, kind of like cultural trends.
I can like feel like frustration pretty early. Like, what do you mean? Do you feel one now? No, not like, like, what do I think for people, for example? Like what I think people really care about.
Um, like, I think that the Democrats, for example, like they could win the next election if they just make it a class issue. Like it's that simple.
And they got to just be, they're not, they're so risk averse and they need to be a little bit more brave Americans. We have very high risk tolerance or low risk.
What's the one I'm trying to say? We have high risk tolerance. High, like everybody in our family's history, like the craziest people in the world came here.
Came here. Yep.
Like they lived in another country, left their entire family for maybe it working out and then came over here right so we're built crazy so we like people to take risks and we like bravery and despite your politics we react to those type of people and like i think this is part of the reason why bernie was so successful is he's out here like calling out class, calling out these corporations. And even like people who were Republicans, like working class Republicans were like, yo, who the fuck is that? I kind of, I kind of like this guy.
Like, it feels like he's kind of riding for me. That's who Joe Rogan was for four years ago.
All of us loved him. And despite 10, whatever.
Yeah. It was a while, but I, and I feel like that's kind of what the democratic party is missing is just, I need a disruptive guy or girl who's willing to come out and say eggs or a dollar.
Like what's your bill to wall? Yeah. Right.
You need eggs or a dollar. Yep.
Even, and then you could sub, I don't know, subsidize it, whatever it is, but like you need to smack into people emotionally. Do you feel like this is the answer? Because this is the latest messaging from the Dems on social media today.
Sot 13. Choose your fighter video montage.

Oh God. Oh yes.
Yeah. It's democratic female lawmakers, AOC in the fighting stance and

bouncing. Oh, she looks like an idiot.
Look at this one. Look at her, Jasmine Crockett.
Oh, the last one's terrible. I have second in embarrassment.
Yeah. Is that what you mean by fearless and risk tolerance? Yeah, exactly.
I mean, that to me makes me proud to be an American. I feel safe with those women right there.
They can defend me. Yes.
Does that inspire you to get to the ballot box? You know, it's like, I don't even know why AOC is there. She's actually, you know, like her or hate her politics.
Like, I think she pulled the same as Trump in her district. She's good on the social media.
I mean, if she knows how to use social media, normally, I don't think she came up with that campaign. No, I think she's like getting on board with it.
But at the same time, like her, I guess her constituents feel like she's fighting for her. Yeah.
Where there's a lot of this. Yeah.
Or sorry for them. And where it's like, I find a lot of times with the Democrats, there is this like pretentiousness.
There's this like Ivy league educated, like second or third generation kind of trust fund netboat babies that are like telling people how they should live and how they should vote. And it's like, first of all, if you've never had a real job, you don't get to talk.
Yep. You don't get to talk.
Like, I'm almost like if you never had a kid, you don't get to talk. But like, if you never had a real job, you don't get to tell people how they should vote.
Like we just despise that. Yeah.
So what I think they have to do is get back in touch with the working class is very much make this a class issue. And you've got to call out those people who are giving you money, which are these billionaires and these corporations that are donating.
And they won't do it. And that's why they'll probably lose.
But the first person in that party that calls it out, you're going to see the Bernie effect happen again. Well, I mean, the problem they're dealing with right now is they don't know how to handle Trump.
They don't know how to behave properly. You know, they're way like we're debating the spoon.
They're debating whether you should stand when the 13 year old brain cancer stricken boy gets honored. They they didn't do it.
There's a meme going on right now. I think Riley Gaines posted it saying they they knelt for eight minutes and 43 seconds for George Floyd.

Yeah.

But they couldn't stand for Peyton McNabb.

Yeah.

The now 19 year old, formerly 16 year old who got slammed in the face with the volleyball.

They couldn't stand for DJ Daniel, the little boy, the 13 year old boy with brain cancer.

They couldn't stand for the widow of the cop who got gunned down.

They couldn't stand learning that the terrorist who organized the Abbey Gate attack got arrested.

But the problem with this is like they're falling for the trap.

And this is why you need a little bit more like boots on the ground with the Dems. Like you got to understand like what people think of you.
Like we were saying, people are emotional. It's not like what you believe is real.
It's what they feel is real. Right.
So they've got a couple issues. They've got a masculinity issue.
Right. I said something on, on brilliant idiots with Charlemagne.
I was just joking around. I was like, I don't know a guy like over five, nine that identifies as a Democrat.
I love that. I played that soundbite on my show.
They went crazy and I didn't realize it was going to be so reactive. And then afterwards I was like, oh wow, they, they, they have this deep insecurity that they're not seen as masculine.
So that really tapped that insecurity. Well, do something about it.
Well, that's so you have to find a way to be masculine. You can be masculine and care for people.
Yes. Like there's so many ways.
Like I'm a fucking kid who grew up in like an arts family in New York City. Like my whole family is Democrats.
Like this is like there's tons of very masculine Democrats. Yeah.
Like shit, Bill was maybe too masculine. You know what I mean? There was a time where like, there was a time where Democrats were getting laid and Republicans were like, oh, how do you do this outside of the marriage? You've got to wait for, that is completely flipped.
Yep. Completely.
Did you feel it was masculine to hold up the little sign saying, Musk steals?

Oh, God.

Did you feel you would have done that had you been a masculine Democrat?

I don't even know.

I mean, but to your point about this is like,

they're falling for the trap.

The Republicans know, right, that they're going to sit down.

So they're putting out circumstances.

Yeah.

They're like, if they sit for this, they're going to look so bad.

It's a no-lose situation for Trump. But if they sit for it, it're going to look so bad.
It's a no lose situation for Trump.

But if they sit for it, it's actually a beautiful moment.

Yes.

Look at this poor little kid.

Yes.

And it's a great moment where we come together.

It's just like Doge.

Getting rid of government waste and inefficiency is a great thing for America.

We should have bipartisan support for this.

What Dems are doing is they're going, you're a bad guy.

And that worked when people thought Trump was bad guy. They don't anymore.
That's right. They don't.
You're making yourselves look like the bad guys. Don't even talk about him.
Talk about the people you want to help. People are desperate.
They need help. You need your build a wall.
It's eggs or a dollar. You need your build a wall.
We're building 10,000 affordable housing units in every city. We're seizing this land and then have developers go, wait, you can't even do that and go, I don't give a fuck if you say we can't do it.
That's what we're doing. They don't have that guy.
Put your balls on the ground. They're like, just make it happen.
Even if it doesn't happen, it's like Trump saying, we're going to take Greenland. It's kind of fun.
Right. Right.
I like that. That's the America.
I like it. Hell yeah.
Like Gulf of America. I don't care.
Why was it ever Gulf of Mexico? I know we're so much bigger than they are. Right.
Matter of fact, they could still call it Gulf of Mexico. We don't care.
Do you know what I mean? Like, but that's the energy that we need. Americans love abundance.
Yeah. You need to sell us on abundance.
Aren't you the guy? You're the one who said this to me. And I've quoted you on it many times on how the moment Trump won you over was when he took the guy from Montenegro by the shoulder was like to the back.
Which one? When he was over at like the G7 or the G18. I loved it.
I loved it. And he shoved that guy.
Why am I in the back? Right. I'm America.
Nobody even understands what this country is. This guy in the front.
Move out of the way. I will sit here.

And then he did it and everybody got in line.

It happens.

You need that kind of, that is some like psychotic shit.

I don't think I would have the balls to do that.

That is some ballsy shit.

Montenegro's in the back, sir.

Bye.

See you later.

You're all in the back.

It doesn't really matter.

If I'm giving you money, you're in the back.

Yes.

Are you guys giving me money?

So why are you in the front?

Right?

It's like.

That's part of his like weirdly.

It's unbelievably charming.

Charm and humor.

What did you think of?

I thought it was very funny.

The State of the Union.

Did you laugh?

Great.

This amount for this country.

Nobody even knows what the hell it is. Did that make you laugh out loud?

Yeah.

This is why.

Another thing Democrats don't understand.

They don't understand like why this like billionaire who was given money from his dad is so relatable. Well, why don't you listen to him talk? I've had conversations with rich people.
They don't talk like that. They are incredibly buttoned up, a lot of them, and concerned publicly about their image.
And they're very deliberate about what they say. He don't give a fuck.
When the Indian reporter was asking him the question and he was just dibble-dabbling, and then him finish and go I don't understand what the hell that guy's talking about you know who says that the guy on the construction site and he called her Pocahontas at the state of the this is what this is how working class people talk this is what this is like what we do this is how we communicate with one another so when we see it happen we're like oh wow I relate to that human being. Again, emotional people.
We're not Ben Shapiro, feelings, no facts. That's not what we are.
We are, I, what is it? Feelings, no facts? Ben says facts don't care about your feelings. Yeah.
Yeah. We're not the facts don't care about your feelings.
We are, feelings are the only thing that matter. And when you communicate with me in a way that all my friends communicate, I start to feel like, oh, I can kind of relate to you.

And it doesn't matter how much you try to make that person radioactive because he's communicating and hitting me at my core. That's so true.
It's why his background in construction really made him, despite his advantages in his family and when it came to money, so relatable because he spent his whole life around working class people. Exactly.
And I say these things because I think America is at its best if we have two candidates that people really are having a difficult time deciding over. That'd be nice.
I don't want a system, right? Like, I don't want a system, like, a lot of times there's this, like, good versus evil dichotomy, and it's like, they almost want the Democrats to be bad, and the Democrats want the Republicans to be bad. be bad like i want america to win yeah that's the only thing i'm concerned whatever candidate loves america more that's what i'm all for yeah well that and that was i think pretty clear between the democrats of today and the republican party the best moment of trump like that i've seen on this score is um the one where he's had for that deposition on behalf of in the e gene carroll case case against him.
And the lawyer asked him, did you say that, that you can grab him by the P word? And they let you get away with it. If you're a celebrity.
And Trump said, yes. And she said, why did you say that? Well, because that's the way it's been for thousands of years.
You know, unfortunately or fortunately. Who would say that in a deposition in a case where you're being accused of sexual assault? I did a joke about that.
And I was like, he said, yeah, he said, if a billionaire can grab you by the P word. And there's a lot of women that are like, oh, my God, you can't say that.
And I was like, yeah, but none of you have met a billionaire. Like, why are you talking about this? Like, I was like, you're getting fingered by thousands.
This is not a relatable circumstance for you. So yeah, it's all right.
Stand by. Let me try to get this ad in.
We'll be right back. He's here all day.
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There was so little sperm in this cup, I could have counted them individually.

There was a red line on the cup three-quarters of the way up.

For what fucking reason? I do not know to this day.

Three-quarters of the way. What zoo animal hippopotamus cups are you giving out to people?

Why are you even giving me a cup? Give me a lens gaze i'll turn that shit into a guinness

that was so funny it's part of hello again this is andrew schultz with me today this is the latest

netflix special it's out now it's called life and it's so well worth your time you know maybe

don't watch it with like your eight-year-old but uh teenager absolutely love it and it's i was

Thank you. called life.
And it's so well worth your time. You know, maybe don't watch it with like your eight year old, but a teenager absolutely love it.
And it's, I would say like, I watched the whole time where I'm like, Oh my God, I'm dying. I'm crying.
I hope nobody knows what I'm watching. There's some adult constant in there for sure, but it's all in, uh, but here you, it's a personal story.
This whole thing is about your journey with Emma and trying to conceive a baby. And I mean, no detail is spared, but so it was very personal.
It was unusually personal. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you, did you run it by her first? So the thing was, is, uh, yeah, at first, like, you know, this is the most like male thing, like, but it's, I assume that the reason why we couldn't is because it was her fault.
Right. And I talk about it in the special where I'm like, she was really concerned.
It was her fault. And I was really concerned.
It was her fault. Like we were all really concerned.
It's obviously her fault. Yeah.
Cause like, man, we have this like confidence in our sperm that like, there's no real reason why, but we just know, right. Like every time I've ever had sex with a girl, I was like, Oh my God, this is going to be great.
Like, what should we do? How do I, you know, calling the next month.

I know she's pregnant guaranteed, which I now know is a waste.

And once we found out that her ovaries were perfect and my sperm was horrible, it actually made it a lot easier for me to talk about.

Really?

Yeah, because I think the reason why, like, anybody who has fertility issues, one, it's very isolating because you're so protective of the person that you love that you don't, a lot of women feel a lot of shame around this. Yeah, true.
And at first I felt like real shame. I was like, does God not want me to have a child? Like I was like, I didn't understand it.
Like I think I'm like a pretty good person and I'm kind to people. And I'm like, why is this happening? Like, what the fuck is going on? And yeah, so I get that.
And a lot of women, if they are struggling, they're just like, they feel like it's a, I don't feel very stigmatized, right? And, but once she was perfect and I was fucked up, I could get on stage. And it was really cathartic to talk about it.
And then once I started talking about it, I literally thought that I was like, this was like a one in like 10 million thing.

Oh, wow. The thing I started talking about, all my friends start telling me that they're doing IVF.
Oh, wow. And like all these people in the audience would hit me up afterwards about, oh yeah, same thing happened.
And I was like, what the fuck? Is this like the last taboo subject? How did anybody ever get pregnant before IVF? Cause everybody's doing it. dude.
It is like, it's unbelievable. It's almost like, I was like, does anybody really get abortion? Like, it's so hard to get pregnant.
Why is this an issue? Like, how often do these athletes have unprotected sex if they have 20 kids? Like, I couldn't believe it. It was unfathomable.
So, but then it became like, as brutal as it was, there was these kind of funny moments, that being one of them, just that, the humility. Going into the room with the lady.
We just talked to the audience, you know, Doug came in to say hi to Andrew in the commercial break. And we were bonding over our shared experience because he and I did IVF with our kids too.
And Doug joked that after he had to donate the sample, first he said he was going to wear like a red crushed velvet smoking jacket on his way in and on the other way out, he was just going to be like, that was fantastic. I was amazing.
Yeah, I was always thinking about like, do I make noises in there? Like how uncomfortable do I make it for the other guys at the clinic? Like just screaming random things. Yes, yes.
Sesame Street, just something crazy. But yeah, it's like, it was crazy.
It was like a walk of shame when you're walking by all the other guys there. Everybody's there.
Oh God, I know what you're about to do. It's so humbling.
You're just sitting in this room. Like all of you are in there.
You're like, so why did they make you go in to give the sperm sample? I didn't think it could be. I did it from home once.
Okay. The whole, I don't even, I haven't even put like a lot of the stuff in it, but like the whole journey was brutal.
So the first one I did from home, which was like, I'm in the room. My wife like hands me the thing, like it's like homework.
And she's like, okay, I'll give you 30 minutes. You go do your thing.
I'm going to go outside or I'm going to do the dishes. So like I hear her doing the dishes in the background where I'm like being mandated to masturbate.
And, uh, I'm like on our bed. Like, I don't think I've ever masturbated on a bed.
Like I'm just on our bed and the bed is made perfectly. Like everything is like set up.
And I remember at one point, like, I'm just like, I don't know, this is like so weird. And I like looked up and the TV was off.
So it was just a black screen. So it's a perfect mirror.
Oh no. And I was just like, this is the saddest day of my life.
I'm sitting Indian style on my back trying to make a sample. We send that sample in.
It comes back and it's like it's it's not good. And they're like, not only are they not swimming, they're like shaped weird.
And I was like, I was like a little defensive. So I was like was like well could that be from like the speed that they hit the cup like maybe you know it's the blunt force trauma kind of warped them a little it was just too strong it was too strong that's what that's what it is and uh they're like no that's definitely not it and i was like okay and uh they go uh they go well why don't you do this for like a couple months baggy underwear, ice your balls every single day.
Oh, ice them. Yeah, yeah.
Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess that's a big thing. Don't drink anymore.
Don't smoke anymore. And take these pills.
And then we'll try it again in like a month or two. And I did that.
And we tried it again. And it got worse.
No. What? And I was like, why do you think that is? And the doctor was like, we've never seen this before.
There's some pride in that. It's gotta be a little bit.
I'm setting records. I told a story one time when Dave Rubin was on, but Doug had the funniest experience there where they make you ejaculate like 24 hours before the real sample.
That's going to be like your future kid. They want you to They want you to clean the house.
Yes. It's like, I can't remember if it was 24 or 48 hours before it.
Yeah. Okay.
So, but they want it to be 48 and they don't really want it to be 46 or 44 because you need the amount of time to build up the new batch. Yes.
So like timing does matter. It just so happened that on one of ours, we were visiting my, my Nana who was literally like 90 at the time.
And we were playing dominoes. And I was like, Oh, Doug, it's time.
He was like, what? I'm like, you got to go in there right now. My poor husband.
And you know, it was like one of these older persons homes where like there's five inches between the bottom of the door and the end of ground. You can hear every piece of conversation.
The dominoes, like your palm in the double five, you know, and Doug's in there behind the door. This is horrible, poor Doug.
This is the thing about this is like, it's a, it's the, this, the journey is brutal when you're in it is the hardest thing that you'll go through in your life sorry definitely hardest thing we went through and um but after the fact it is hysterical yes like they can't believe what you've been through yeah and like there are so many of these things that are so funny and the beautiful thing about having a child is you get this like amnesia yeah for what you went through to get there and i think that's actually kind of like built into our d so that we keep making them. I totally agree.
You know, like same women have been saying that for eons because of the pain of labor and it's so, you know, devastating. And then you forget all about it.
I never had labor because I had three C-sections, but my friends tell me it's extremely painful. Oh, my Emma was in there for 24 hours and then she had the C-section because the, uh, the baby's heart rate dropped.
Oh God, that's scary. Yeah.
The whole thing is, is, is terrible. When you were doing the shots before to prepare for the IVF, like, did you have any fun, uh, mood swings or anything? Oh yeah.
I was actually fine. I did not have weird mood swings, but it was very funny because Doug does not like he, his mom got this terrible cut in her leg and it was so brutal.

And Doug was right there.

He bandaged it up.

He put the medicine on.

I was like, I can't take that kind of injury.

But you pull out a needle and Doug is one of those like, oh, so he, so he can't shots.

But he had to, in the beginning, as it turned out, he didn't have to, but we thought he did.

Yeah.

Because in the beginning, they really make it up into a thing. Like you got to mix the compound and it's like kind of back in a hard spot to reach you got to ice the area oh my god like our future family depends on this yeah and doug was in a hot like a cold sweat and the superintendent of our building at the time his name was lance and they're like it's very important that your wife have a partner that helps with it and doug is like this is gonna going to be very hard for Lance.
But he did it. He did it.
He got it through. But honestly, by the third child, you know, he, Doug was no part of it.
I was like, I need no ice. I'm good.
Boom. We're done.
Yeah. Off to the race.
It is crazy that they make you mix it at home. So anybody who's not familiar, they give you these two, uh, I guess, hormonal compounds and you have to put them together in the syringe.
In just the right proportions. I'm like, why isn't this done at the lab? And then we just hit it.
Like you don't have to make the Kit Kat, right? Like make the bar and then send it to me. And I remember like watching my wife do these things, making sure it's the right amount.
You got to push a little out so no air gets in there. Right, right.
So you don't give yourself an air bubble, like life or death. Literally.
And she's like, did I push too much out? Will I not get it? Is this, but there, yeah, there was fun. I mean, Emma would get like, it would really get her going.
I should get angry or just overly emotional. Oh, angry.
But we didn't know that that was the cause. So like, I remember we got into it at a Japanese restaurant.
You don't realize how quiet those restaurants are until you're having like a loud blow up. And you know, the only thing interrupting the blow up, because everybody is already quiet at Japanese restaurant.
And then once you have like a verbal altercation, they're really quiet. Oh, I love when somebody has a fight and I'm nearby.
Oh my God. Doug and I, like he'll start talking.
I'll be like, be. This is too important to me.
You've got to lock in. Everybody was locked in.
They're just slurping udon and watching us. And the only thing that would interrupt it is, like, when a new person would walk in.
And, you know, the whole restaurant has to go, hasimase! And then Emma would feel like they were interrupting our argument. Our show.
So we're fighting. Hasimase! Emma goes, are you kidding me? And then back to yelling at me.
It's just amazing. Well, so you weren't that guy who was like, she's going through a lot.
These are just her emotions. I'm just going to let everything slide.
I'm not going to get mad about anything. We didn't know that it was the case.
So we didn't know until literally that night. I go, hey, did we do the shot? We did the shot today, right? And she goes, oh shit.
And we're walking down. We were on Kenmare Street.
That's when you put it together that she's hormonal. And then she was also like, oh fuck.
I guess I'm like really reactive to this. And then from then on, we stopped going to Japanese restaurants.
And then how about after she had the baby? Did she have like, because you're sleep deprived. You're very hormonal.
It's the most insane thing. Did you breastfeed? Yeah.
Okay. That is the, I think that this is, I think that is the most difficult part of child rearing is if you are breastfeeding full time, like meaning every two hours.
Yeah. That is insane.
Yeah, It's a lot. That is insane.
Every two hours. So you're waking up.
I don't think a lot of people know this. You're waking up every two hours in the night.
You don't get more than an hour of sleep at a time. It's truly like a, like an astronaut training situation.
Yeah. No, it's brutal, but then, then it, it lets up a little.
When it lets up, there's this beautiful bonding experience that you have with your child. And like, it's something even now, like Emma's brutal.
But then then it lets up a little when it lets up. This is beautiful bonding experience that you have with your child.
And like it's something even now, like Emma's still breastfeeding. And it's just this thing that she's like, she doesn't even want to let go of it.
Yeah. Well, then you get to like the six month mark where the baby can start having like a smaller, like a solid food.
Yeah. And they're still having breast milk.
And you're at the point now where like you're you're producing the more more milk than ever, and yet the baby's somewhat getting a little independent. Yep.
And the weight comes shredding off. That's the best moment where you're like, I'm making tons of milk.
All these calories are coming off for free. Oh, because your body is burning calories.
But your baby doesn't need as much milk from you as he needed it five months because now he's starting to eat food. But your body doesn't know that.
So it's still burning like 800 calories a day. You're like, oh, my God, I have a waste again.
There's a normal ass. Thank you, sweet baby.
I always say they're selling breastfeeding to moms all wrong. That you would care about the health of our babies, but we know that babies who are formula fed are fine too.
You have to sell it to them like Ozempic. You'll be skinny.
Yes. It is natural Ozempic.
It's natural Ozempic. It's good for you.
Let that baby suck the fat out of you. They put it on you.
It's the least they can do. That is their gift.
Yes. Wow.
That is so true. Yeah.
Emma really got her shit back. Yeah.
It was like. Well, your baby's only like one now, right? One year.
Yeah. 13 months.
So now is it, is it kicking in now? Like that's usually when you're like, what about number two? Let's, let's go. Going to fire up the machines again.
Literally. She was like, do you want to do it this month? And I was like, can I just get the special out? Can I get, let's get the special out.
Let's do like a weekend somewhere. This has been like three years in the making between like making a baby and also, you know, making the special and like, let's just take a, let's just take a little vacation.
And you've probably been told this, but you know, like the difference between one and two is large. Wait, tell me, what do you mean? Like your relationship with them? No, no.
When you just have one baby, like in the beginning, you're overwhelmed as you know, but like by year one, you kind of get it down and things are, you know, you can still have a life. You can still take a nap.
You and Emma can still steal away for like an hour in the middle of the day while your one baby is asleep or somebody else would easily watch your one baby. But when you have two babies, like under the age of three, you're F'd.
There's no napping ever. There's no downtime.
This is where you really start thinking about having live-in Yeah. Like who can come live with us? What about so I can sleep again? I don't even remember three.
It's like all a blur, but I, I felt the difference from one to two was much larger than from two to three. Like you, you've given up your free time when you have to got it.
Got it. And like a third, even a fourth, I think would have, I would have had a fourth if I had been younger when Doug and I had met, but one to two is big.
Okay. My, my buddy said, he goes, he, he, he agreed on one to two.
He goes, but two to three, cause he just had his third. He goes, he goes, man, two to three.
He goes, I don't know. I go, what do you mean? I don't know.
He goes, you're outnumbered, bro. There's nothing you can do.
There's nothing you can do. They have you like you're with one.
This one's fucking around doing something. You just constantly need help.
Yeah. It is, uh, especially when they're, but yeah, we want to have another one.
We would want to have another one. No, I, I remember early on in our, um, tenure of having two, um, Doug went to see his mom one day is, uh, went to visit his family, but it was just a day trip.
Yeah. And it was the first time I'd been alone for like 12 hours with both of them, uh, without Doug being there.
I'm like, I'm good. I'm fine.
Like I had a newborn and a two-year-old and like, honey, I'm trust me. I'm, I'm the mother I've got this.
And, um, so I was pushing, it was late in the day. Things hadn't gone that smoothly.
I'm not going to lie. And I took them out for a walk and I was pushing the baby in her stroller.
And my two-year-old was like walking next to me. He was on like that little ride-on thing that you can put on your stroller, like on his feet.
And he had this thing where he loved to take off. So I'm pushing the baby up a hill and he's on the little ride-on thing standing there.
And Doug turns the corner in his car coming home just at that moment. Right.
So he sees the whole thing. So at this moment, Yates, our oldest did not see Doug.
He was just doing his thing. He takes off running and there's a massive street straight ahead to, to which he's running.
And I can't just let go of the baby stroller because I'm on an incline. Like if I let go of the baby stroller, she's going to go, but he's running toward traffic the other way so all this is happening and there's doug and he kind of does the gentle beep and waves and i was like oh oh hi oh like totally yeah and then finally i'm like lock the stroller try to rescue the toddler i'm like i got it all under knew it wasn't true.
Yeah, he just got us. The whole thing is so humbling, isn't it? Yeah.
As you add more and as they get older into the toddler years, even more so. It is amazingly humbling.
That's the best way to describe it. All of it.
Right? You don't know anything. You know nothing.
It's crazy to even give you the baby. I remember when they first gave us the baby to leave the hospital.
I was like, how is this legal? Isn't there someone more qualified? We are not professionals at all. They just give you like, here's how you wrap it.
All right, have a good luck at home. I mean, it's just- So do you do, are you an involved dad? Do you change diapers and all that? Yeah.
I feel like you can't really have an opinion on how it's raised if you're not doing some of the things. Like obviously I at work you know yep so like emma this was actually really hard for her i wonder if if you felt this way at all but like uh you know my wife oh there you are here's my little shiloh she's so cute yeah so so emma's like uh she's you know very like successful in her own right like she got got her MBA and then she was working and managing AI

projects for Apple. And then she was like, I don't really want to do this.
I want to be a mom. And I

feel a little guilty even saying that, but that is the true thing that I want to do with my life.

Like it's always been my dream to be a mom. And I was like, listen, if you want to do it,

don't do it. Cause I said it because then you'll resent me if you realize that you wish you never

should have quit your job. Yeah.
But if you want to do it, then go for it. And it was interesting watching her grapple with that.
And that's something that I hope changes in the very near future. I think it's starting to.
Yeah. I think that we should reward mothers that stay at home in the same way that we reward mothers that go work and and value and talk about yeah yeah i i feel like republicans are way ahead on that democrats i don't think they're there yeah maybe not i mean it's just like when you go to certain countries that like value i think it's also like a big city thing where there's not a lot of like family built into it like i grew up in new New York city and it was very rare that there were like families there.
And, um, so they're just the idea of it. Like a kid crying on the subway can be like bothersome to some people.
And whereas like once you have kids and you see a kid crying, you're like, Oh, it's adorable. Or you're like bad for the parents.
But I hope that as the pendulum continues to swing with feminism or masculinity or whatever these things are, I hope that there is this place for moms that stay home. And it is a privilege, but that they don't feel this kind of scrutiny.
I think it's like a really beautiful thing if you can afford it to do. Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
And also for guys who are sensitive and empathic, but not man bun sand, mandal, mers, toting. This is a thing that I don't get about like the masculinity movement right now.
It's like a lot of these guys like at the, at the forefront of it, like don't even, aren't even dads. Yeah.
So it's like, yeah, okay. You got like, you could deadlift like.
Or some are just like, you know. Or deadbeat dads.
I was going to say they're producing children children, but they're. They're not even looking after them.
It's like, why are you, why do you get to decide what masculinity is? Like, I think that's like the least masculine thing you can do. That's like a coward.
That's right. I was talking to Rogan about this.
He goes, listen, there's a lot of bitches out there and even bitches need a leader of the bitches. And I think sometimes we're mistaking them for like being masculine guys.
It's like having muscles doesn't make you masculine. Like to me, being involved in your kid's life is masculine.
What, I mean, what tough guy ever tells you how tough he is? They don't, they don't talk about that. Exactly.
Like the greatest of all, like Michael Jordan never said he was the greatest. He didn't need to.
We knew. Right.
So like when I see like involved parents, like one of the most beautiful things about this whole process, even talking about these things is like seeing how much people love their children and like feeling really comfortable sharing that. And they'll share these stories about when they first had their kid and like seeing dads.
I mean, this guy who was driving me and when I was in Austin recently, he was telling me about how he does this like daddy daughter dates. He has these two daughters and they each get a different day.
And like, that's the shit I would like to see promoted a little bit more in the

masculinity movement in America.

Like,

don't tell me like how much time that you could like jog.

Yeah.

You know,

I don't care how many miles you could run.

How much money you have in the bank.

Yeah.

Like I don't give a fuck.

They don't give,

I'll tell you one thing.

They don't,

your daughter don't care.

Well,

you do a very funny bit in life about how you, you have how you have so much pressure of being a dad to a daughter because one wrong move and she's on OnlyFans. And it's your fault.
You missed a volleyball game. And it's daddy.
Like, there's no such thing as mommy issues. Oh, we have that? Okay, let's watch that.
That's so funny. It's Hot 6.
I have a screenshot of the moment I found out that I was going to have a daughter. If you want to see stress, if you want to see pressure, put that shit up.
That's a real picture. This is the pressure of knowing no matter what happens to your daughter is dad's fault.
I miss one volleyball game. She starts an OnlyFans.
It's my fault for some fucking reason. You're not wrong.
Daddy issues is a thing. What's mommy issues? No, it's not really.
I mean, it can happen, but. What is it even? It's not as much of a phrase.
We don't even know what it is. Like, there's no, like, if a kid shoots up a school, we don't go, all right, mommy issues.
No, it's more like he can't leave his mom. That's what I attribute it to.
To me, that's awesome. Yeah.
You did a good job being a mom. Yeah.
Wow. Your son loves you.
And as a deep connection to the most important human being in it, like that's a positive effect. Now you're terrified of making the wrong move.
Yeah. Like, I don't know.
I don't want, like, I want my kids to be incredibly comfortable with their family. Not like waiting to jump at the first person who's going to take them away from them.
You wouldn't find it empowering for your daughter to consider becoming a, quote, sex worker? Oh, my God. As was praised.
Can we just call them whores? Like, I hate the fact that we're like making up these terms that make it seem more dignified. Right.
It's whore. Right.
That's it. Well, what about that girl on OnlyFans? I don't know her name, but she's the one who had sex with like 100 people in a day.
And then like, and she's now going on a tour of nursing homes. That's cool.
I like that. I wondered how you're going to react to that.
I like it. I had a crazy thing.
We do. Oh, we actually, my team is way ahead of me here Here she is in SOT24.

Her name is Lily Phillips.

I found my oldest fan via Facebook.

And when I asked for his address, he actually sent me the address of a car home.

So I'm actually here with him and his friends.

And I'm going to show them a good time.

So they actually figured it out. This is i liked this no judgment no no no no no they figured it out those are sex workers that's work that is no no no no no this is i didn't know that they were doing this when they were doing those like you know 100 girls or 100 dudes or thousand dudes or whatever i'm like this is disgusting but but having sex with old guys in old people homes yeah that is like that is altruism that is when we're talking about that's what you're saying when she's ready that is charity that is beautiful that is fucking beautiful i feel so uncomfortable with it yeah it's uncomfortable yes very but for not for them those guys there oh oh they feel so uncomfortable with it.
Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Yes, very.
But not for them. Those guys there.
Oh, God. Oh, they're so excited.
What do you mean they could die? Happy. Oh.
They'll die happy. They'll also just forget it.
And then the next day, that's the sad part, is they won't even remember it happened. Yeah, that's actually one of my favorite jokes I heard a long time ago, which was, um, uh, like a 95 year old guy marries a 25 year old gal and goes to the doctor right before the wedding.
And he says, uh, is there anything I need to know doc? And the doc says, yeah, you know, you should know that sex at this point could be dangerous, even lethal. And he said, if she dies, she dies.
That's great. Yeah.
There's a, my dad is a dementia and, uh, which is obviously very sad. He's my hero.
And he introduces me in the special. But during this time where Em and I were trying to get pregnant, I would go over every week to see him.
And he'd be like, how are things going? And I'm like, it's rough trying to get him. I'm just trying to get pregnant.
It's just not really going that well. And he would go, well, if you need some help, I can help you.
And he would forget that he would say the joke. And every week I would go over and he would offer to have sex with my wife and put a baby in her.
So this goes on for like six months. Now, what I will say is that might be like the negative side of dementia, but one of the cool positives is, and you know, life is about perspective, right? You can have good perspective on even the worst things.
Like he gets to find out he has a granddaughter every single time I see him. Is that right? Yeah.
Now, sometimes he'll kind of remember, sometimes it might not be there, but like, that must be a pretty cool feeling. Does he remember you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's hard building new long-term memories. Okay.
Like the way the memory works is there's like short-term and long-term and you can create new long-term memories just by continuous efforts. So like repeating the same thing over and over again.
Like with the table manners. Yeah, exactly.
Reinforcement. Reinforcement.
Constant. But short-term, he doesn't really.
How old is he? He's 81. So how long has he been dealing with this? Honestly, it started, I think, when I got out of college.
Like, even 20 years ago, I started noticing these things. Like, very small.
But it was like, oh, something's kind of up. And then.
So does that make you worry for yourself? Do you ever think about it? Anytime I forget anything, I'm like, I got it. Yep.
But I don't know if it exactly works like that. Right.
I know. I have such a fear of this.
And my mom doesn't have Alzheimer's and my dad died too young for me to know, you know, he died at 45 of a heart attack. But I worry about it so much because it's like, it can happen to anybody.
And it can, even if you're using your brain as you do for a living, as I do for a living, you're not immune. It's got Sandra Day O'Connor, who's like, I mean, you're not, there's nothing more intellectually straining than being on the US Supreme Court.
So it's just so indiscriminate and it's terrifying to me. Some say diet.
Yep, diet. I can really impact.
And sleep. Every time I have a sleepless night, I'm like, ah, it's over.
Get in my early alleys. Yeah.
It's coming on. Because you don't remember.
When you have a bad night's leave, you don't remember as well the next day. I will say it does kind of expose your true character in a lot of times.
And one of the cool rewarding things about it is just seeing what a good human my dad is. I've always thought he's this angel but like a truly just good kind human like he was my mom had to take his like debit card because he would like give uh the people who sell the fruit in the neighborhood just money and forget he did it and then go back oh and keep giving he was popular yeah these fucking assholes kept letting them give him money oh no that's low yeah that is.
Yeah, that is low. Yeah, that's low.
So I made a call to Trump and I was like, we got some of these. No, no.
I got a couple. Speaking of having murdered people.
Exactly. Oh, that's, I mean, that's good you take care of him.
You have a good perspective on it. I always feel like if, God forbid, this happens to me, I've said this to Doug, you know, please make sure I'm sitting in a room with all my favorite movies just on loop.
Yep. And, you know, my favorite audio books just playing on loop.
Like, can just keep enjoying these series over and over and over. Yeah.
I'm not sure that's exactly the way it works, but that's how I'd like to believe it's going to work. It will.
But I don't think that, I don't know. Who knows what will happen? I hope it won't happen.
But don't stress about it now. I know, you shouldn't.
Because you have plenty of time to stress about it later. Well, the other thing is, you know, this is one of the things that RFKJ has been talking about.
You know, there's been such bullshit going on in the public health world for so long. And we talked about this, about this on our show four, three years ago, where this massive thing came out with, with this guy committed fraud in saying they'd made this major breakthrough in Alzheimer's and that they really zeroed in on the amyloid plaque.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then it turned out he had been faking all the photos to show this and they'd been repeated. And he was like the gold standard researcher in all this.
And now it's like, Alzheimer's research was set back by 15, 20 years. It's one of the other reasons why it just feels so good.
We have people in there now who will not treat any of this prior bullshit as godly and unt You know, Jay Bhattacharya, who just took over at NIH, he's being confirmed right now as his hearings are underway. They were like, so you're not going to go back and look at whether childhood vaccines are linked to autism, right? Those are well-settled studies that there's no link whatsoever.
And to his credit, he was like, look, I understand there's been a lot of research on this, but I'm not, he basically said, I'm not going to say never. Like, I think there's nothing wrong with going back and looking and then revealing the science to everybody.
I think, I think that the most important thing that anybody that is representing a government institution can do right now is be transparent about their failures and their successes. So if going back and looking at the research and then presenting studies shows that there is no link, that's awesome.
Yeah. Now I trust it coming from you.
I trust it. Yeah.
I'm feeling concerned. Like I joke around all the time.
Like I believe whatever the last YouTube video I watched is. That is what I believe.
A hundred percent. I'm easily convinced like I'm locked in.
So if you're RFK, if you're this guy, it's like, just be transparent. Tell us where the fuck-ups were.
Don't gaslight us because we've been gaslit so much that I feel like it's completely dissolved our confidence in these institutions. And in order to have a proud American public, we need something to be proud of.
We can be proud. We fuck up too.
You can fuck up and we will forgive you. Give us that opportunity.
Yeah. But I cannot forgive you if you continue to lie to me.
That's right. If you are not accountable for anything at all.
And I think that's why Fauci, he'll never be forgiven. That's why he probably took the, what's it called? I am science.
The pardon. Yeah.
It's like, why do you even need to take the pardon? Yeah. Meanwhile, I will say Elon's out there.
Like we did screw up. We canceled funding for Ebola.
Nobody likes Ebola, but you know that we're resuming that more of that. I love that.
Like to me, instead of looking at that and hopefully the opposition or hopefully Democrats don't use them to like, see, he's an asshole. You should use that as an example of how you should conduct yourself in public.

Hey, we messed up.

We're bringing it back.

We're bringing those people back.

It doesn't sound like Trump to me.

Trump refuses to ever do it.

He is right. Was your show the first one in which he explained the weave?

Yeah, it was.

Right.

Yeah.

That was an amazing soundbite.

Oh, dude, he was.

I think the best moment of that whole thing to me was when he goes, I'm basically an honest person. And I'll never forget that.
I think about that once a day, because it's actually the most honest thing you can say. Yeah.
If you, everybody looked at that, like, see, he's admitting he's a liar. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
A liar would say I'm an honest

person. I never lie.
Yeah. And meanwhile, I don't know if this is true, but they say like the

average person lies something like 15 times a day. It's something ridiculous.
But no, that was a

great interview that you did with him. And we actually have a clip of it, right? Let's, let's,

let's play it and we'll take a break later. You know, I do a thing called a weave.

Oh yeah, here it is.

If I saw the story, what you do is you weave things, and you do it.

You need an extraordinary memory, because you have to come back to where you started.

Yes.

A weave is only good if you come back.

They will give you credit for that.

That's true.

You can go all the way over here, and then get back.

I can go so far here or there, and I can come back to exactly where I started.

Now, someday when you don't come back to where you started. You're Biden.
He wasn't wrong. Like it was and he does do the weave and he does manage to land it back.
I mean, he's just the way he's like the way he constructs sentences is different than normal people. It's like whatever idea pops in, he grabs onto it and he continues.
And I mean, you've been talking in front of a camera to millions of people for decades. You probably know by now, like the people that you listen to are the ones you cannot predict the next word they're going to say for better or for worse.
Right, right. You can't predict how he's going to finish the sentence.
Oh God, no. It could start on Ukraine and then he's like, I had the best falafel.
You know, the thing about falafel is there's a place in New York, Mamoons. We bought that building.
It was a great building. Like it's just, and I'm, I'm locked in.
Yeah. You're, you're riveted.
The train is gone. Yeah, but he will get back to Ukraine at the end.
He'll get back to Ukraine. To his credit.
Cause that's, that's the place where most of us fall apart. You know, you lost your train of thought.
You're off meandering down a tributary. You never get back on the main river.
Trump always does. All right, stand by.
We're going to take a little tributary now. We'll be back on the main river with Andrew Schultz, whose new special, Life, is on Netflix right now.
Go download it. Do yourself a favor.
And we'll be right back with Andrew. spicy Santa Fe sauce.
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Offer details apply. When your wife first gets pregnant, you have to go get a baby-specific doctor called an OBGYN, right? Which I didn't know what the fuck that was.
I thought it was more gay letters. I was like...
My wife's like, we need an OBGYN. I was like, why do we need a fucking gay guy

to deliver the baby?

What do they know about this?

It's not their jurisdiction at all.

I want some gay doctor to open my wife's legs like,

ew, yucky vagina.

Gross.

That's amazing.

I have to say, there are a lot of women who do it, but I've never had a male OBGYN. Yeah.
And I never want one. My wife's dad is an OBGYN.
Oh, okay. And I'm like, who's going to that? I don't know.
Some women are totally fine with it. Yeah.
He's not looking at you as like an individual. No, but I also, as like a man, I don't know why you want to see it.
Because like, aren't you kind of seeing women like when it's at its roughest? I, they don't see it that way. Like, I think they're able to distinguish between the moment they're with that personally versus professionally.
Yes, of course. Of course.
I'm just saying like, if you're going to the OBGYN, isn't it like, oh, something's burning down here, right? Like, don't you see it if it's bumpy or burning? And now you're just seeing like vaginas that are messed up. Not necessarily.
You know, you got to go for your annual exam. There's checkups.
Yeah. They do the full, the full checkup.
Pap smear, right? That, yeah. And you know, they can get on it up in there.
Really? No, yeah. What is a pap smear? It's very unpleasant.
They put like this like clamp thing in you and then they take like this long Q-tip and they rub the cervix and then put those like cells on a Petri dish and send it, send it out to go see if you have like early cancer. Oh, so it's to see if you have cancer.
I mean, among other things, I'm sure. But yeah, that's, I think it's four.
Yeah. Yeah.
And you guys have to do that every year. Yeah.
Well, I mean, that's most of us go once a year. Wow.
Now you can potentially go once every three years, depending on like your health and whether you've had this HPV vaccine. That's very controversial.
We did a whole show on it. But in any event, yeah, it's not pleasant.
It's not pleasant even when you have a female doctor. Yeah.
And they check you everywhere. I've never seen a cock doctor in my entire life.
What? I don't think we go to that. Well, no, doesn't your normal doctor, though, handle you and make you cough and check for prostate issues?

But how funny is that?

Like, the vagina has its own doctor, and then I could just go to a nerd, like anybody with a stethoscope and get my balls checked.

Well, you're a lucky man, because I'm sure if you had a problem down there, they would send you to a urologist, then he'd grab you like a ketchup bottle and you'd be uncomfortable. But yeah, I guess my problem was, I guess, internal, but yeah, that's a, yeah.
Wow. I know the whole thing with the doctors is like very intimate.
They, they get right up in your space and like, there's no way around it as a woman. You, you know, you have to let them check your lady parts and then you get to the age where I am and you got to go for the mammograms and they grab your boob and they squeeze it down like a pancake.
It hurts. And they're squeezing it.
And then the woman's running out of the room to x-ray you. And you're like, why am I stuck in here with all the radiation? And they're telling you have to do it once a year.
I don't know if I believe in it anyway. I mean, you do, don't listen to me.
I don't go to your, for your mammograms. I'm just saying like now I've had to start going, I think at 40 or 45 and do it for 10 years.
Do you have your, do you have a breast cancer in your family? I mean, my Nana had it when she was 81, which I don't think technically counts, but, but it doesn't matter because most of breast cancers come in families where you didn't have a family history anyway. Really? Yeah.
So you have to worry about it no matter what. It's just one of those things you hate.
You hate the annual physical for this reason, right? You just start got to start thinking about all the things you don't want to think about. Yeah.
It just makes you face your mortality. You're still young.
Do you get an annual physical? I don't even know. Eventually my wife just, yeah, she'll just say things to me like, it's been two years since you've been to the dentist.
And I was like, all right, I'll go to the dentist. I don't keep it up with any of these things.
It's bad. Good dental health is very important.
Yeah. Yeah, they say that.
And the longer you wait on that one, the worse it is. And you have your teeth, right? These are your real teeth.
It's so refreshing to see real teeth. Thank you.
Don't you think? The veneers are blinding. It's too much, the veneers.
You need to go down a shade or stain them slightly. Do something.
Yeah. I'm not good at detecting them.
I actually just found out that most people are wearing veneers who have that like those thousand watt smiles. Yeah.
I didn't totally know that. Yeah.
Now it's become so popular that I think it's actually going to have the reverse effect. Like it's going to be like the Kim Kardashian butt where people start rebelling.
And I think we're going to want to see natural teeth. Oh, okay.
Here is a transition from you. Ooh, good.
Tell me. Speaking of the Kim Kardashian butt.
Yes. Her ex, Kanye West, has a different wife now.
Bianca. They may or may not be getting a divorce.
There have been rumors and reports that they are, but unconfirmed. But before Kim, I think, and before Bianca, there was Amber Rose.
Yes, Amber. Who wound up speaking at Trump's RNC.
Yeah, yeah. And she gave an interview on Club Shea Shea with Shannon Sharp.
And she spoke to why Kanye likes apparently having his wives be naked public. Like, a lot.
What did she say? Take a look. Kanye's portrait of Jocelyn Carr like that.
Yeah, he did the same thing to me and Kim. What is it about that that he wants the world to know, look at my woman? We can see.
He wants other men to want his woman. That's what he's into.
He likes that. He likes that men are like drooling over his woman.
That's what he's into. Yeah, he wants all his friends to want his girlfriend.
He wants everybody that when you walk in a room, that his girlfriend or wife is the most desirable in the room. She the baddest be in the room.
That's what he likes. Yeah.
And she said he did it to me. He did it to Kim and he's doing it to Bianca.
What do you make of that? Like, that seems so odd to me to want everybody to admire a woman so much. You want her to go out naked in public.
Yeah. It makes me question like if he really likes her or if she's just a tool for his own validation.
Right. To get attention.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's Kanye's a, uh, I'm just like exhausted by it to be honest. Like he's so exhausting, but he's so good at getting attention.
Yeah. Like I'll just be so annoyed by him and then he'll like tweet a couple of things and I'll be like, Holy shit.
Did you see all the porn he tweeted? No. Superbowl weekend.
Oh my God. So all my, all my friends were texting me like, don't go on Kanye's X feed, which of course you got to do it.
You go immediately. What's he doing? Yeah.
And I could not believe my eyes. Why he's actually posing porn porn.
I don't think it was him. Yeah.
It was a black man and a white woman in the videos without the faces and most of them. So I not sure.
Yeah. But it was very graphic triple X porn all over his X feed.
Yeah. And I was like, oh my God.
Right. So then I logged off of that.
And it wasn't until a couple hours later that I remember to mention it to Doug. I'm like, oh my God.
So he went back. It was still up.
Yeah. Like it hadn't been taken down.
That's not surprised me because like there's a moment like the Super Bowl where he knows that everybody's attention is going to be on somebody else. So he's like, I'm going to make this about me.
That's interesting. Yeah.
I think it's a constant like thirst and need for attention. I don't even know if he's aware of that.
Do you think the Hitler comments are coming from the same place? Yeah. It's the same thing as MAGA.
Like when MAGA was that radioactive, he was like, I'm going to wear the MAGA hat. That's interesting.
He takes the most disliked, radioactive, fucked up thing and he's like, I'm so cool that I can make this cool. And he's done that throughout his life with fashion.
And now he does it with talking points and that kind of stuff's, I think it's just a reflection of like him thinking I'm so the man I could make Hitler the man, or it's coming from this place of you're not going to tell me what I can or can't like. Yeah.
I have total autonomy and freedom in life. That I respect and like.
Yeah. That I like.
It's just, there's other ways to prove you're free. Right.
Well, there are a lot of people like that in the public conversation. Well, I would also go like, are you really free if you need to do that? Right.
Because now you're being controlled the opposite. Well, if you always have to do the most subversive thing, the most controversial thing.
People that are truly free don't need that. Yeah.
They feel the freedom so they don't need to execute it every second. People who don't feel free need to constantly prove that they're free.
It's back to the old, you know, Michael Jordan didn't tell you what a great basketball player he was. He knew he was like, he knew he was.
I was actually with somebody from another sport, which I won't, I won't reveal who it was because it would make it obvious, but they were like, I'm the goat. Everyone knows I'm the goat.
And I remember thinking, I don't think the goat ever calls himself the goat. No, it's not a

thing. No.
So you've got this very successful podcast now, in addition to your comedy routines,

do you like, what do you do on that show? Is there, are there any limits? Is there anything you

do to make it a success? Somebody was just asking me this about my show. And I was like,

that's not how I approach it. I just kind of do what I, I just talk about what I want to talk

about. Yeah.
Yeah. I talk about what I want to talk about.
And then like, I try very hard to not

Let's go. asking me this about my show.
And I was like, that's not how I approach it. I just kind of do what I, I just talk about what I want to talk about.
Yeah. Yeah.
I talk about what I want to talk about. And then like, I try very hard to not let the algorithm dictate what we talk about.
Yep. And I feel like a lot of times now there's a lot of creators that don't even realize that that algorithm is really dictating to them what they should create.
They'll post a video or cover a topic and it will go crazy. And then they go, oh, I should cover that more.
And then you see people like lose their own personal creativity and they just become this slave to the algorithm. Yes.
The problem is that when you're going to do the stories you want to do, you have to accept that some days the stories are going to go crazy and some days they're not going to go crazy and your core fans will really appreciate it, but it's not going to be this pure numbers game. And that's been the thing that like, you know, we've, we've, we accept because authenticity is like the most important thing to me, but it is one of those things that you got to go, okay, well, okay, this isn't going to be as big a story.
We get that. How can we be so interesting or so funny about it that maybe more people will find interest in this thing that we're really interested in? I really think that that is fool's gold, right? Just to go for the viral clip because it's like you might get a lot of subscribers or follows or whatever or even just views or likes of that one clip, but they're not real.
I'm so glad you keep going. This is great.
They're not going to stay. Like that's why you see people who have a huge number of subscribers on, on YouTube, but very little engagement because their fans are not actually like they just click to watch that one clip, but then they're, they're never coming back.
Whereas if you just work on doing good programming every day, they're real. The relationship between you and the people watching is real.
They trust you and honor you and vice versa. Trust you.
They're here. And if you really care about something, there are people watching right now that might not care about it at all.
And the fact that you do, they'll give it that little second. They'll give it that minute and they'll be like, okay, maybe I should care about this thing.
Right. Yeah.
I see this. I see this all the time.
It's like, um, and this is kind of like where you can see the grift a little bit where there, there are people that sometimes are popular because there's great social utility, right? Like there's a version where like this special has social utility and I might get popular with some people because- It's called Life on Netflix. Check it out with Andrew Schultz.
I wasn't even trying to plug, but like maybe they're going through like IVF or fertility issues and they feel like really seen or represented. But so maybe for like a moment, I'm very important to them.
But then when that becomes more normalized, less stigmatized, they realize they don't really agree with me on other issues. So they're like, okay, I don't need you anymore.

It's kind of like not to harp on Shapiro, like kind of what he's gone through.

It's like he had these great arguments for conservatives at a time where it was like really radioactive to be conservative. Right.
It's like there are these people that they like needed to defend their positions, but, you know, they didn't have these have these, they didn't have like the, these like beautiful Harvard, like this, like no fat at all. Awesome dart arguments, which he's like really brilliant at making totally.
And he supplied them and they were like, Oh, this is the guy. Now it's not stigmatized at all to be a conservative.
The majority of the country is conservative. So now they're like, all right, well, we don't really agree with you on, Palestine.
So we don't really need you anymore. You don't have social utility.
He didn't build that bond with the audience. I mean, his show is still huge and very, very successful.
Yeah. Again, again, I'm saying like, uh, I'm not saying that he's not, but clearly there's been some issues over there in terms of like a fracturing of the audience and the fracture of the audience to me shows that they're not actual fans of him,

but that there was social utility that he provided. And then a quarter of them or 10%, 20%, whatever is now going, well, I'll no longer need that social utility, but it's not just him.
I'm saying it could be me. It can happen to anybody.
And, and what you hope is you have this core, which he has his core. You have your core.
I hope I have my core that that will continue to expand when you create authentic shit that matters to you. Yes.
Yeah. Well, here's to doing that a lot more of that.
And if you want to see Andrew do that, seriously, trust me, check out life on Netflix for many reasons. We want to support him.
You will laugh your ass off. And there is no way we can let Megan Markle be be number one it has to be andrew schultz so you

get on there you download it over and over my friends please watch it we're coming for kate hudson okay great to see you great to see you thank you for having me okay before we go i have something important to tell you i have been secretly working on a series for three years and I'm finally going to bring it to you next week. Seriously, this has been a labor of love.
It's taking me, I don't know how many hours of my time, but I've done it because it's a very compelling story and it's an important one. And I'm really, really hoping that we can get to the bottom of it together.
It's a new series that I'm doing.

Hopefully not every episode is going to take three years because it's a short life,

but it's called Megan Kelly Investigates. That's what I'm calling the series.

And the first topic that we tackled is one that is near and dear to my heart for a number of

reasons, and it's the story of baby Lisa Irwin and what happened to this 10-month-old baby. We go deep inside this case and the unsolved mystery.
You have never seen the facts that we have uncovered about this baby's disappearance. We have brand new stuff.
We have explosive interviews. Every single character involved in this story did sit with us, did speak to me.
And, um, I, well, I'm just going to leave it at that, but I'm gonna show you the tease now. And the whole series is going to air on this channel next week.
Watch. We're still trying to solve it.
All right, let's get moving. Megan Kelly investigates.
We go deep into the clues. Her car was set on fire.
Seeing a man with a baby is huge. You reporting.
I was terrified. Was that chilling, Cindy, when he admitted that? Yes.
I couldn't believe it. That was totally not true.
I will always love him. Expert analysis.
She gave us truth and the lie. That's our best lead.
Now we have to rethink everything. And the guy everyone wants to know more about.
We found him. The last thing he's going to want to see is you, Megan.
Hi, I'm Megan Kelly. Baby Lisa.
It's every parent's worst nightmare. Get her alive.
We need to find out what happened. Oh, okay.
So it is a five partpart series. It begins this Monday.
Please mark it. I assume you're already subscribing to our show on pod and on YouTube, but if not, please do.
It will live, it will air live on SiriusXM. It will be on youtube.com slash Megan and Kelly and on all podcast platforms.
Thank you all so much.

Thanks for listening to The Megyn Kelly Show.

No BS, no agenda, and no fear. We'll see you next time.
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