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Speaker 1 We've done your homework. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 I have been looking forward to talking to you all week long because I just got done with spring break. It was such a memorable spring break.
I just want you to close your eyes for a second.

Speaker 1 Picture the absolute spring break perfection.

Speaker 1 Maybe you imagine beautiful sandy beaches, tropical waters, a Mai tie in your hand. You're just laying there with a good book like a beached whale, sunning yourself with not a care in the world.

Speaker 1 It's quiet. Nothing to do.
Nowhere to go.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't it be amazing? That is not what happened for me over spring break. Nope.
Not at all. We piled into my husband's pickup truck and we did college tours.

Speaker 1 It was fun, but I did not get tan and I was not on my best behavior. I will explain why in a minute.

Speaker 1 But I did learn some really incredible things about trusting your gut and about the outside forces and influences that

Speaker 1 override what you know is true for you. We all know we need to trust our gut.
That's like that's duh.

Speaker 1 The thing is how. So today you and I are talking about gut decisions, how to make them, why we need to make them.
And we're going to do that in a couple of ways.

Speaker 1 First of all, you're going on college tours with me. If you really think about college tours, or even if you didn't go to college, but you were weighing, am I going to go into the military?

Speaker 1 It's a moment in your life where you have a big decision to make and you're weighing options. And it's also this moment where everybody around you has an opinion.
I mean, everybody.

Speaker 1 I am am almost embarrassed to tell you how I behaved on one of the tours, but I'm going to do it anyway. I am going to put you right at the scene.
That's right.

Speaker 1 You're going to hear all the details, the hilarious stories and the cringeworthy things that I did. Capital C cringe-worthy.

Speaker 1 Then I'm going to grab Oakley and I want him to give you his side of the story because he's got a really interesting take about making a gut decision and tuning out everybody else.

Speaker 1 And you know, everybody has a story. I am sure you have a story about about a time in your life where you had to shut out everybody else, every annoying voice, every cringeworthy voice.

Speaker 1 And you had to make a courageous decision. And in fact, my friends Jesse and Amy, they have two stories that they're going to tell at the end that I know you're going to relate to.

Speaker 1 So, on the topic of gut decisions, I'll go first. I remember when I was touring colleges back in the 1800s.

Speaker 1 No, it was

Speaker 1 1985, the spring of my junior year. And we finally get to Hanover, New Hampshire, Dartmouth College.
And I knew jack shit about this school.

Speaker 1 I step out onto the town green, and there were students everywhere. They were playing frisbee.
There were dogs running around. And I said, this.

Speaker 1 is college.

Speaker 1 I remember

Speaker 1 going back home after that spring break trip with my parents and going into math class. And Mr.
Beaver, my math teacher, asked me, what do you think?

Speaker 1 And I say, oh, I'm going to apply early decision to Dartmouth. And he looks me square in the eye and he says, that's a very hard school to get into.
Are you sure?

Speaker 1 And I said, yeah, I'm sure. And he said, you better not get your hopes up.

Speaker 1 And he walked away from me. That's all that Mel Robbins needs.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, fuck off. Watch me.
And I ended up applying ED and I got in. But it was that one person's voice.
Oh, it's really hard. That really influenced me.

Speaker 1 And if I hadn't been such a son of a bitch, it might have made me go, oh, he's right. Who do I think I am?

Speaker 1 And so that brings me to present day. So present day, we go on these college tours with Oak.

Speaker 1 And, you know, when our daughters looked at universities, I just wanted them to go somewhere that they were going to be happy. I wanted them to fully own the process.

Speaker 1 And so I went through two college tour processes, just having a ball. Like, oh my God, this is so cool.
Okay. Oh, you like this? Oh, you don't like that? Like learning about my kids.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to last week. I'm realizing as I analyze my own participation in his college process, I'm kind of a freak.
He's very clear. I do not want to be in a city.

Speaker 1 And yet I'm still like, you want to look at BU? Mom, that's in a city. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
You want to look at Syracuse? Mom, it's in a city. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 What about Michigan? Mom, it's not in New England. You know, maybe you should look at Colorado's schools.
Mom, I'd like to stay in New England. I like the fall seasons.
Well, what about Elon?

Speaker 1 Mom, that's in the South. I can't help myself, you guys.
I don't know what is wrong with me.

Speaker 1 And I think it's important to share this with you, to confess to you what I I did when we got to my alma mater,

Speaker 1 because I'm kind of embarrassed about it, honestly, because I never thought I was that parent. I always said very vocally to our kids, look, I got to go to the school that I wanted to go to.

Speaker 1 Your dad got to go to the school he wanted to go to, which was UVM. He freaking loved it.
I freaking love Dartmouth. We already had our college experience.
You have to choose where you want to be.

Speaker 1 This is your experience. Holy shit.
When Oakley said, Mom, I think I'd like to look at Dartmouth. I became a sociopath.

Speaker 1 Honest to God, I don't know what got into me. And so I'm like trying to be like, not like, oh my God, this is incredible.
I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 That sounds like a good idea. Fuck yes.
So we pull up on the campus, and it looked like the exact same kind of day as when my parents and I pulled up in 1985.

Speaker 1 Bluebird sky,

Speaker 1 kids all over the green. Frisbees, dogs.
And Oakley steps out and he starts looking around. I'm thinking, I could see him here.

Speaker 1 Now I'm fast-forwarding, right? I'm going, oh, yeah, I could see dropping him off. I could see him walking across that green.
I'm starting to get invested.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to think, oh, yeah, this is a good pick for us. This would be really cool for us.

Speaker 1 Something. came over me.
It's like I became a psycho alum possessed with this alma mater hysteria.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking, oh my God, if he goes here and he has an incredible experience, then I'm going to get to relive it in a whole new way. And I will redeem myself.

Speaker 1 And I will get to love this school even more. And I'll get to go to his reunions because I never went to my reunion.
And I start to get completely enraptured in the story.

Speaker 1 And I can come up for the games. And oh, yeah.
And then there's Winter Carnival. And oh my God, summer session.
I forgot about summer session. And I start to get this tornado of enthusiasm.

Speaker 1 And I loved as we're walking down the stairs and the stairs are made of marble. And you can feel like the dip in the stairs because the buildings are so old.
And Oakley's, ooh, these stairs are cool.

Speaker 1 I'm like, that's because these stairs are 200 years old, Oakley. They're the same stairs as when I was there.
So we get out on the green and they now separate us out.

Speaker 1 And there's four tour guides and the one tour guide on the right is super cool and he's wearing flip-flops and shorts because of course all the Dartmouth kids wear flip-flops and shorts in April because, you know, it's New Hampshire in the midwinter mud season.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, Oakley, we got to go with Nico. So now I'm even pushing him to pick the person because I'm thinking, if he gets that tour guide, because the kid plays Ultimate, Oakley plays Ultimate.

Speaker 1 He's like a really kind of cool kid. Oakley's into theater.
Okay, we're going to get this kid. So I'm like inching Oakley.
The tour starts. And I am that parent.
I'm pushing us toward the front.

Speaker 1 You got to hear him. You got to get up close.
Get up close.

Speaker 1 He's like, mom, Jesus.

Speaker 1 I can't help myself, you guys. He's talking about the credits and they have a wellness credit.
And I'm like, do they still require you to pass a swim test to graduate?

Speaker 1 And then the college tour went right past

Speaker 1 my freshman dorm window.

Speaker 1 I had a flashback.

Speaker 1 to the last day of freshman year

Speaker 1 when completely unorganized, undiagnosed, anxiety-ridden ADHD male had not planned on the fact that in order to get home to Michigan, she was going to have to board a flight later that day.

Speaker 1 So I finish exams, I walk into my dorm room, and I have a complete fucking panic attack because I don't know what to do with my shit.

Speaker 1 So you know what I did? I popped the screen off the window and I started putting stuff out the window. And then I put a bunch of pieces of paper on it that said free and I left.
That's what I did.

Speaker 1 From the dorm fridge that we had bought to lamps to the rug to odds and end, right there on the lawn.

Speaker 1 At one point on the tour,

Speaker 1 as I was hanging back, Chris puts his hands on my shoulder and just ever so gently pulls me back towards him.

Speaker 1 Mel, let's let Oakley go on the tour. Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 But I pulled myself together because I don't want to be pressuring my kid. I don't want to be that annoying alum or mom on the tour who won't shut up.

Speaker 1 I know I need to give him the space to just have his own experience.

Speaker 1 So we just started hanging back. And Chris and I distanced ourselves further and further away from the group just to give Oak some space.
And I imagined that I put imaginary duct tapes on my mouth

Speaker 1 just so

Speaker 1 even when I was tempted. Then I didn't say anything.
And for the rest of the tour, I was back to my old self. I was good.

Speaker 1 And then a funny thing happened. The tour was over.
The group started to disperse. And Oakley turns around and the first thing he says is, so what did you think?

Speaker 1 And I said to him, it doesn't matter what we think. It matters what you think.

Speaker 1 And I'm telling you this because that moment right there, that moment when we were standing there with Oakley and he turned around and instead of telling us what he thought,

Speaker 1 he asked us for our opinion. What do you think?

Speaker 1 That's what we all do.

Speaker 1 We know deep inside how we feel.

Speaker 1 And yet instead of just leaning into it, we turn around and we're like, well, what do you think?

Speaker 1 And I point this out because there's some decision that you have to make.

Speaker 1 And you've got somebody annoying, like I was annoying at the beginning part of the tour, going, oh, you'd be here and oh, you should do this and you should do that. You should do the other thing.

Speaker 1 And you should break up with this person, but you should go with that person. But maybe you should be busy with that person.

Speaker 1 Or you don't. We have this reflexive nature, don't we?

Speaker 1 Where instead of tuning tuning in and going, I could see myself here, or this relationship is over, or I don't want to do this job anymore, or could I see myself here, or what do I want to do next?

Speaker 1 We turn around and we go, what do you think?

Speaker 1 And that's where we lose our power because it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, because you're the one that's going to have to live with the decision.

Speaker 1 And so over the course of the week, we toured a bunch more colleges, and I noticed that Oakley was becoming faster and faster at getting to either a clear, yep

Speaker 1 or a clear no.

Speaker 1 It was like within minutes, he was just boom, crossing to college off the list, off the list, off the list. Don't need to go on the tour.
Let's not waste our time.

Speaker 1 It was incredible to see how quickly he was just tapping into his instincts. He was rolling with what he felt.

Speaker 1 And so I wanted you to hear not only his side of the college tour thing, but I also wanted you to hear his take on how he was getting to a yes or a no and making those gut decisions.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and today you and I are talking about gut decisions and how important it is to tune out the other voices around you so that you can feel what's right for you.

Speaker 1 I promised that I would grab Oakley and bring him up here so he could share with you his version of our college tours.

Speaker 1 And I also want to ask him a few questions about how he was able to just get so quickly to a yes or a no about these colleges we were visiting. And here he is.
What's up, Oak?

Speaker 3 What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 What's up? Well, what's up, Oak, is

Speaker 1 I wanted to talk about college tours. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it was actually great. I loved spending the time with you and I loved

Speaker 1 watching you go through the decision-making process.

Speaker 1 And we went to the first school. Remember that one? I do.
Hard now.

Speaker 1 How did you know? Just my whole body. What's a no feel like?

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 3 very uninterested, unenthused, feels very closed off.

Speaker 3 Just I don't want to be there anymore. I feel out of place.
That's what a, that's what a no feels like for me.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Second school. It was a yes.
Big yes. Dartmouth? Yes, Dartmouth College.
Was it weird to have a parent on the tour with you that went to that school?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You can call me out.
Yeah, it was weird. How come? It was weird.

Speaker 3 Because on the tour, we'd be walking and the tour guide would say something and then you'd be able to go into depth about it or you'd talk about all these mini traditions that happen.

Speaker 1 Was that annoying? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I wasn't going to let your opinion or dad's opinion affect me because this is the next next four years of my life.

Speaker 3 And so no matter how you felt or what you said, I was not going to let it affect me. There was one point where

Speaker 3 we were walking and you were saying something about how my application for Dartmouth, when I ED here, it's going to need to show this and this and this.

Speaker 3 And I turn to you and I just say, how do you even know I'm going to apply here?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 3 you had already had this vision of me applying and going here, but I wasn't going to let that get in my way.

Speaker 1 So how did you get to a yes? What does a yes feel like?

Speaker 3 Yeah, a yes is

Speaker 3 super open. You feel lots of possibilities.
You feel like you're in the right place. You feel comfortable.

Speaker 3 You can see a bunch of different opportunities and possibilities in this space.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a great way to put it, that you feel super open.

Speaker 1 You feel expansive when it's a yes, like you're going to grow, that there's possibility.

Speaker 1 You know, there was something else that happened later in the week during the college tours that I can't stop thinking about. Do you remember one of the schools we visited?

Speaker 1 They didn't even allow the parents to go on the same tour as their kids. I mean, that is just so brilliant.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 When you're a kid and you're touring colleges, your parent

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 3 essentially your guide, and

Speaker 3 you look to them for answers and praise or denial. And so maybe you're liking a college, so you want to see if they also like it.

Speaker 3 And if they don't, you may feel as though, oh, well, then I shouldn't like this one because they don't like this one, or I should like this one, but because they like this one.

Speaker 3 And so the tour guide split it up because

Speaker 3 when you're on the tour, you no longer have someone to turn to and ask if they like it or not. You just

Speaker 3 are on that tour with yourself having to feel about it.

Speaker 1 I think that's an incredible metaphor. How quickly could you tell when I'm like, I don't like this canvas?

Speaker 1 Pretty quickly. There are people around you whose energy impacts you and it screws with your ability to know what's true for you.

Speaker 1 Whether it's your friends or it's your family or it's your boyfriend or your girlfriend or significant other, there is somebody that you turn to and go, what do you think?

Speaker 1 And they're right on the tour with you in life. Right.

Speaker 1 And when I think about how you make gut decisions, I come back to this visual of imagine all those people that you want to turn and go, so what do you think about this?

Speaker 1 Imagine them being on a different tour. You're there alone assessing what you need to do.

Speaker 3 Right. And so you're just in your head thinking about what you think of it.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Oak, thank you for explaining how you tune into your instincts because I didn't know how to do that when I was your age.
Mostly,

Speaker 1 I fumbled forward and backwards through life. I had no idea how to read or feel the decision the way that you do.
That is just so cool for somebody your age. Thank you, Mom.
You're welcome, Oak.

Speaker 1 Don't lose that. No matter how annoying I get, do not lose the ability to tune me out and just keep on feeling your way into the decisions, bud.

Speaker 1 And I think you are going to head in the right direction. Thanks for being here.
All right. As we lean further into this topic of learning how to trust your gut, I want to tell you something.

Speaker 1 This is the truth. Your instincts are always right.

Speaker 1 And the issue isn't trusting them. The issue is that you're afraid.
You're afraid to make a decision that you know feels right for you. So let's not even talk about trusting your gut.

Speaker 1 Let's just focus on the real issue, courage.

Speaker 1 The reason why you're afraid to make a decision that feels right for you is because you're surrounded by other voices that instead of feeling what you need to feel and then finding the courage to act in accordance with it, you still stop.

Speaker 1 You turn around. You look around and you go, what do you think?

Speaker 1 You turn to the person you're dating or married to, what do you think? You think about your, what are my parents going to think? What are my friends going to think?

Speaker 1 What are other people going to think?

Speaker 1 You're still hanging around people whose energy is influencing you or it's cringy or it's overwhelming or it's too dominant.

Speaker 1 You better believe other people's opinions are still clouding your judgment.

Speaker 1 And so we're going to lean into this metaphor, this metaphor of being on a group tour and how there are times in your life when you need to notice that you're turning around and wondering what everybody else thinks and that you actually have to leave the tour.

Speaker 1 You got to step away from it. In order to make the decision that's right for you, you're going to have to step on a different tour.
You're going to have to leave all those other voices behind.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to join in with the future you,

Speaker 1 with the person that is headed in the direction that you know you want to go. Because when you step on a solo tour, a tour that's led by the future you,

Speaker 1 you're never, ever, ever going to make the wrong decision. Now, everybody in your family may be like, hey, what are you doing? Why are you going over that way? Why aren't you going with us?

Speaker 1 We're going to this. And you're like,

Speaker 1 I don't want to go in that direction. I want to go over there.

Speaker 1 That's why it requires courage. You can't transfer.
What are people going to think? Get divorced? We're Irish Catholic. People don't do that here.

Speaker 1 You mean apply to nursing school after you're divorced? You can't just do that. Oh, yes, you can.

Speaker 1 The more you realize that there is power when you listen to yourself, when you tap into courage, when you step away from the group think and you listen to your think,

Speaker 1 your instincts are right.

Speaker 1 The problem is never your instincts. The problem is your fear and the fact that you're so scared of what everybody else thinks.
You're scared of upsetting mom.

Speaker 1 You're scared of what everybody else is going to say that you don't listen. to what your heart is telling you is right for you to do.

Speaker 1 So I want to make sure you're aware of what a no, a big N-O, feels like. And there's a couple questions that you can ask yourself so you can feel it.
Does it shrink you? Does it make you feel stuck?

Speaker 1 Do you lose your energy? That's a hell-freaking no.

Speaker 1 You can feel it.

Speaker 1 Or is it a yes? There's possibility, there's growth. It's kind of scary, but there's expansion here.
You could see yourself a year ahead in this different life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to disappoint people. Yes, it's going to require change.
Yes, it's going to require you to learn something new.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's going to require you to step away from that group, that pack, that way of thinking, that direction that you've been heading. And that is freaking terrifying.
That's why you don't do it.

Speaker 1 Well, we're going to change that because there's a different tour.

Speaker 1 There's a different option. The future you is trying to say,

Speaker 1 don't go over there. Come over here with me.
Come on, we're going in this direction. Let everybody else go in the other direction.
You come with me.

Speaker 1 And this is so important because way too often, other people, they will lead you in the exact opposite direction that you need to go.

Speaker 1 And you're going to want to hear this story that my friend Amy is about to tell you because it is a moment in her life with her business where she was going to do something crazy bold.

Speaker 1 And everybody around her was like, don't do it. Well, you're going to hear that story and what she did when we return.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins.
And you and I are talking about gut decisions, how you make them. And I really want to hone in on this idea of tuning out other voices.

Speaker 1 And to do that, I've got this incredible story that I want you to hear.

Speaker 1 So, Amy, you had this experience when you were running your marketing and copywriting agency and you were in this business mastermind group where you were meeting with a bunch of other business owners and they almost tried to stop you from doing this amazing thing in your business.

Speaker 1 Will you just tell everybody the story? Yeah, sure. So, my story is that I was in a mastermind, which is kind of like a tour, a bunch of people together, doing things with their businesses that

Speaker 1 they want to do, achieving goals together and patting each other on the back and like supporting each other.

Speaker 1 So one day I showed up at the mastermind and I said, you know what, you guys, this is what I'm going to do. It's my next big thing.
I am going to

Speaker 1 make what I made last year in this next month. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a thing that people do. I mean, it's not like it wasn't my idea.
I had heard it from somebody else. I wanted to take my business to the next level.

Speaker 1 And if you really believe in yourself or want to find out what's holding you back, try to make what you made last year in one month. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.
So since we're talking about

Speaker 1 gut instinct, when you heard somebody say that you can make a quantum leap if you're willing to find the courage to go, that's it.

Speaker 1 Next month, I'm making what I made last year next month in my business.

Speaker 1 What was the process of even going, I'm doing that? Because that's pretty courageous and bold. Was there something that happened? What happened? I just felt like I want that.

Speaker 1 Quantum leap, that sounds amazing. That sounds like living life.
That sounds like I'm going to be in a different spot. And that is going to change me.
And I think I'm going to really love that.

Speaker 1 It's almost like, if you think about the tour analogy, it is like the future where he's like, no, no, no, come over here. Exactly.
It really was. It was like, this is your next step.

Speaker 1 And it's a big one. Wow.
Okay. So you're running your copywriting and and marketing business.
Yes. You go into this mastermind.
Yeah. All these people that are supposed to be supporting me.

Speaker 1 And what happens? I am going to

Speaker 1 make what I made last year

Speaker 1 in this next month.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 dead silence after I announced that.

Speaker 1 Everybody. was just like mentally regrouping from what I had to say.
And it was just like total silence.

Speaker 1 And I said, well,

Speaker 1 I mean it's I've heard other people do it

Speaker 2 you know and I was just like

Speaker 1 what do you what do you what what do you guys think yeah

Speaker 1 not because I wanted to know what they thought but I just was kind of like why is everybody so silent you know

Speaker 1 and then

Speaker 1 the voices started talking and the voices of everybody in my mastermind group. Well, how, how are you going to do that? I never heard of that before.
Why would you want to do that? You can't do that.

Speaker 1 You need a longer runway. You can't do it next month.
How much did you actually make last year?

Speaker 1 What are you thinking? What is this going to do for you? Why would you want to put that on yourself? And when that started happening, what did you feel? I felt

Speaker 1 assaulted almost, you know, like in the sense that I knew that this is what I needed to do. I knew that this was right for my future self.
And I couldn't believe that

Speaker 1 people weren't supporting me

Speaker 1 and couldn't see that I could actually do this. I really couldn't believe that people were holding me back from it.

Speaker 1 But there was this one woman. I will never forget her.
Her name is Richelli Wright. Okay.
She is an American Sicilian. She lives in Michigan.
And

Speaker 1 she is a ball of fucking fire. Okay.
And she said,

Speaker 1 I think everybody should back off because Amy's actually going to do this.

Speaker 1 And she basically told everybody to shut up. She's like, I'm taking a different tour.
Amy, with me. And that's what happened, Mel.

Speaker 1 One of the things that she said that I remember is, if she wants to do it, why wouldn't you let her try it? Like, why are you guys trying to convince her she can't?

Speaker 1 And I loved that.

Speaker 1 Because if I could do it, it meant they could do it. And if I could do it, it meant we all would be a better group because I did it.
But look at what they did instead.

Speaker 1 They just said, no, no, you can't. You can't.
Maybe because they didn't want to have to do it. You know, like, did you do it?

Speaker 1 I did do it. What?

Speaker 1 I did do it.

Speaker 1 I committed to it.

Speaker 1 And I'll never forget this. Two weeks into my commitment to myself and my group, even though they could care less except for Richelli Wright.

Speaker 1 I got a phone call from a client. He's a creative director and he asked me to write 10 e-books in the next month.

Speaker 1 and, you know, name your price. You're the person to do it.
I will never forget. I was on Route 684 around the Mount Kisco exit and the phone rang.

Speaker 1 And as soon as it rang, I saw who it was and I was like, this is happening right now. Oh my God.
I love it. Super thought.
Yeah. I love that.
It was an amazing feeling. Wow.

Speaker 1 It was the feeling that I wanted, right? It was that feeling that I was hoping I would have when I took on that challenge. As you were describing this, I was immediately back in class

Speaker 1 with Mr. Beaver going,

Speaker 1 you're not going to get in there. You're going to not get your house up.

Speaker 1 And I didn't have the Richelli right. I had to be that for myself.
I had to be like, fuck you, fuck off. Watch me fucking do this.
And you have to do that for yourself

Speaker 1 because it's a gift. I remember we just started a walking group here in southern Vermont this morning.
and there were like 25 women that showed up. And there was this one woman that was super cool.

Speaker 1 Everybody was cool, but she was telling the story about how she recently went back to nursing school after getting a divorce.

Speaker 1 And it was because she had a Richelli right next to her who was like, Well, you want to be a nurse? Just go back to school. She's like, That's all you need to do.

Speaker 1 It is. Because when somebody says, Just go back to school, or just get the divorce, or just change your job, or just move, for that moment, you allow yourself

Speaker 1 to imagine

Speaker 1 what life would feel like.

Speaker 1 And that's what the yes feels like.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And all those people in my mastermind group, they didn't want to be open to that. You know, for me, and maybe even for themselves, too.

Speaker 1 I think we don't do that a lot. We don't say like, what's possible now?

Speaker 1 We say like,

Speaker 1 well, what's the next fucking thing I got to do? It's so true. And that's why I love this metaphor of that moment of going on a college tour,

Speaker 1 because it is a moment where you contemplate very intentionally your next move.

Speaker 1 And we all have that opportunity in our lives at any moment. Yes.
To basically go, okay, the tour I'm on is headed over here and it's these voices.

Speaker 1 And your story is about very loud voices chiming in, kind of the way I was with the annoying way on the Dartmouth tour.

Speaker 1 But I also can think about periods in my life where my emotions, but this, but that, but what are you going to do? But you don't know how to do that. But that, that, that, that, that.

Speaker 1 Like that was me during the entire experience of being in law school and being

Speaker 1 a young lawyer, knowing I don't want this.

Speaker 1 And yet being that negative voice for myself, like, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but you can't do this, but that, but everybody's going in this direction.

Speaker 1 But what are you going to do? You don't know what you're going to do. Then you better do this.

Speaker 1 You will waste years, decades even of your fucking life moving in the wrong direction

Speaker 1 because you will not slow down and tune into what you know is true. You're afraid of it.
That's why I keep saying it requires courage.

Speaker 1 And yes, you will ultimately end up where you need to go, but you can save yourself the headache, the heartache, and the breakdowns and the years that you will waste in the wrong direction.

Speaker 1 Do I regret going to law school? No, because it's a decision that I made. But could I have gotten where I am without it? Of course I could have.

Speaker 1 Of course I could have.

Speaker 1 And I didn't have to torture myself the way that I did. Right.

Speaker 1 I love the visual of parents and, you know, going off in one direction with their opinions and their agendas and like your mastermind group waddling off in that direction.

Speaker 1 And then there's another choice. There's the future you going, no, no, no, no, no, come on over here.
Come on over here and let's just take a tour of what life could look like.

Speaker 1 Doesn't mean it's going to happen, but I think in even finding the courage to allow yourself

Speaker 1 to imagine it. And that's the part that I was saying, you know, when you're like, oh, that was really brave.
It was like, yeah. And if it didn't happen, I would have still learned a lot.

Speaker 1 I would have grown. a lot.
And I would have known what it's like to feel the support of somebody like Richelli was for me in that moment. And that would have been great for me to know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it would have been okay, even if I didn't make it. And I think that that's why I wasn't really that scared because I knew that I would learn so much.

Speaker 1 I absolutely feel like it was a fast forward button that I pushed in my life. I love that.
Oh my God, you have the courage to push fast forward. Fast forward.

Speaker 1 And of course, when I was in that fast forward moment, I write those 10 e-books. And then after that, I got a ton of work.
And guess who I turned to?

Speaker 1 When I had too much work and I needed a subcontract,

Speaker 1 Rochelle, right. Rochelle.
Rochelle, right? And she was right there. Part of the success.
Wow, I love that. You know? I love that.
And still, like, she comes up in my feed sometimes.

Speaker 1 And it's like, my heart just.

Speaker 1 glows when I see her name because she's behind me.

Speaker 1 You know what's cool, everybody? The second that that you break from that tour with critical voices and you join your future self, you catch up to a tour of people that are on the same path.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just got the chills when you said that because that's what I always wanted from life. My people that I know have the same vision, that I can support, that are supporting me.

Speaker 1 To me, that's really living. Like I remember being in grammar school and looking at my class and being like, we're just random people in here.
Like we don't really belong together.

Speaker 1 You're a family sometimes, right? You're just random people. And I always love to be in the company of other people that are just in the same jet stream that I have.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And that sets up the story I want to tell you, because I think whether you identify with Amy

Speaker 1 and you have people around you saying you can't do that, or you identify even with the experience that Oakley is with where everybody's weighing in on the decision and everybody's asking and there's a ton of pressure and you got to just tune it all out.

Speaker 1 A lot of us struggle with our own voices, our own insecurities, our own fears. It's not even that other people are telling you what to do.

Speaker 1 It's that you're so busy looking around and being concerned and making up stories about what other people are thinking and about your own emotions that you can't,

Speaker 1 A, settle yourself down and be honest with yourself about what's actually not working and what you really want.

Speaker 1 It's more often than not

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 voices that you're hearing are the ones that you're making up. So, as we were talking this morning as a team, Cameron on her team was also sharing a story about how she applied to Indiana University

Speaker 1 and knew immediately

Speaker 1 as she was dropping, not for me, not for me. Like way too big.
It's too far away. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the voices that kept her there

Speaker 1 were her own concern and fear. Same as me in law school.
What are people, people who transfer are losers? What are people going to think? You know, they're all going to judge me.

Speaker 1 And she even, when she was telling that story, her dad said to her, well, you can transfer. And she just swatted that away.
It's like, I'm not transferring. I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 People are not going to do that. That's your own story.
Same thing that I did to myself in law school. You hear the no louder than the yes.

Speaker 1 And so if you're sitting here going, I got to tune out what my spouse thinks, what my boyfriend or girlfriend thinks, what my family thinks, I got to fast forward and I got to ask myself, do I picture myself in this life a year from now?

Speaker 1 And if the answer is no, you damn well better get on a tour with the future year and start feeling out what do you want to do. And all you need to know is not this, not this,

Speaker 1 anything but this.

Speaker 1 Anything but this.

Speaker 1 So whatever wake-up call you're having right now,

Speaker 1 because I think you're probably realizing there's an area of your life where you are

Speaker 1 literally surrounded by loud voices.

Speaker 1 Whether the loud voices are your own fear or your own story, you got to notice when are you turning around going, what do you think?

Speaker 1 When are you realizing that you've taken all these other people on the tour with you?

Speaker 1 When really you need the future you to go, no, no, no, no, come on over here. Let's just kind of time travel forward.
Let's consider this decision of going back to nursing school.

Speaker 1 Let's consider this decision of stopping the crying and stopping looking backwards. And we're not doing that anymore.
Let's put your life back together. Let's do that.
And it's not easy.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do. I'm saying it's the thing you need to do.
There's a difference between something being easy and something being right.

Speaker 1 I noticed Jesse, who runs video production here, is starting to get all tear-eat-eyed.

Speaker 2 Shocking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hearing you guys say that these life-changing moments, these pivots that you ultimately have to make yourself and you have to have the courage to make it yourself.

Speaker 1 I did that.

Speaker 2 It was after my sophomore year in college. I was a pharmacy major.
That was not my gut. I knew it going in, signing up for college.

Speaker 2 Why am I, I don't want to do it, I don't want to be a pharmacist, but I'm going to do it. This is all I know.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go. How is it all you knew?

Speaker 2 I worked in a pharmacy in high school.

Speaker 2 Counting pills. After high school, I had my job at Harris Teeter grocery store.

Speaker 1 Loved it.

Speaker 2 Thought, this is the only thing I know. I guess I'll be a pharmacist.

Speaker 2 So I just look back hearing you guys say that because it's like, I'm just so proud of that 20, 21-year-old Jesse

Speaker 1 who made a fucking huge pivot and was scared shitless. And I did that moment.

Speaker 2 I had to do summer school for organic chemistry two. I passed organic chemistry one.

Speaker 2 Not Not so much organic chemistry two, which is why I had to do summer school. I had to take a test and my

Speaker 2 professor pulled me after the test and was like,

Speaker 2 do you really want to do this?

Speaker 2 No, I don't. You called me out.
Thank you. I don't want to do this.
So after that, of course, I saw, I'm going home.

Speaker 2 I've got all my books for the, I think it's the PSAT, the pharmacy school books that you take. I've been studying my ass off, trying to like make this just fit this into my life.

Speaker 2 So I have to change my major. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I didn't know anyone who wanted to do broadcast journalism.

Speaker 2 I didn't know anyone who was going to stay an extra semester because I changed my major. So changed it.
And I'm just so proud of

Speaker 1 that girl because she did it. And I have had.

Speaker 4 such an incredible career so far that I'm really proud of that is not pharmacy.

Speaker 2 It's what my heart wanted

Speaker 2 that I always knew I wanted. I didn't know anyone going after this path.

Speaker 1 How did you know?

Speaker 1 How did you find the courage to do it?

Speaker 2 I don't, I don't, I wish I had a clear answer, but it was something that I wanted to just try.

Speaker 1 Where did you feel it in your body? Oh, in my heart.

Speaker 2 In my heart, for sure. And sure enough, when I changed my major and added an extra semester, when I went back to school that fall, I found an internship with the football program.

Speaker 2 And that was just, again, like,

Speaker 1 good job, kid.

Speaker 1 You did that with no one helping you.

Speaker 2 But you have

Speaker 2 to, I was my own little tour guide.

Speaker 1 There you go. You are your own little tour guide.
And I think that is a huge takeaway from this. You have to be your own tour guide in life.

Speaker 1 You have to let the future you and the heart and what you're drawn toward go, hey, over here, leave the pack and come in this direction. And when you do that, things magically align.

Speaker 1 And I think that's the other thing that, you know, Amy and I were just talking about, which is we think we're going off alone, but there's actually a whole nother group of people you're catching up to.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 And now some of my best friends.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you got to trust that. Oh, my God.
So cool. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you guys for sharing that. It just.

Speaker 2 made my heart tick a little bit.

Speaker 1 Well, I think that's the whole point of this conversation, That whether you're catching yourself from influencing somebody else or you are realizing that you have been heading in the wrong direction and it's time for you to find your future self and walk in a new direction, that's exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 1 I wanted this conversation to make your heart flutter and this conversation to remind you that you've done this in the past and to remind you that you can do it again and again and again and again.

Speaker 1 And it will never not require courage because it requires you to step out on your own.

Speaker 1 We all know we need to trust our gut. That's like that's duh.

Speaker 1 The thing is, how?

Speaker 1 And so, takeaway number one that I want you to leave with is stop saying trust your gut and start saying, I need to have the courage to make decisions that are right for me.

Speaker 1 Second, feeling, feeling, feeling.

Speaker 1 Give yourself the ability and the time to drop into your body

Speaker 1 and feel whether or not the decision or the direction opens up possibility. It levels you up.
It may be scary as hell. I mean, think about Amy's story.

Speaker 1 How the hell are you going to do 12 months of revenue in one month? You just declared that? Who the fuck does that? You do.

Speaker 1 If it feels like a part of you is shrinking. Oh, I'm going here because everybody in my family went here.
I'm a doctor because everybody in my family is a doctor.

Speaker 1 I live here because everybody lives here. That's not the right decision.

Speaker 1 When you do drop in and you allow yourself to step onto a tour with the future you,

Speaker 1 find the courage, the courage

Speaker 1 to move in that direction. And one more thing, in case nobody else tells you today, I love you.

Speaker 1 I don't care where you went to college.

Speaker 1 I believe in you. I believe in your ability to tune out the noise, to step onto a tour with the future you, and to walk into the direction that you know is right for you.
All righty.

Speaker 1 I'll see you in a few days.

Speaker 1 Go, Dartmouth.

Speaker 1 Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and and entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1 It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

Speaker 1 Stitcher.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel. If you love the Mel Robbins podcast, you're going to love this.

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