Practical, Proven Tools I Use When I Feel Overwhelmed

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Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast that I really needed today. And I know you need to hear this too.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 1 I'm ready for the conversation today because this is one of those podcast episodes where,

Speaker 1 yes, I'm talking with you, but this is really a topic I need to talk about. And we're going to talk about overwhelm.
But I'm Mel Robbins.

Speaker 1 I'm a New York Times best-selling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation, and habits.

Speaker 1 And I believe there are simple things that you and I can do based on research and common sense that help us both create a better life.

Speaker 1 And one of the topics that I just have to talk about this today because I'm feeling it is overwhelm.

Speaker 1 You and I are going on a walk together, and I've got five other listeners that are going to join that walk with us. And as we walk and we talk, we are going to unpack this topic of overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And I've got this framework that you're going to love.

Speaker 1 There are two types of overwhelm, and seeing which type of overwhelm that you're in, it's going to help you take the steps to deal with being overwhelmed, to become calmer, to tap into your power.

Speaker 1 I am feeling so overwhelmed today because I have to pack. I have to get in the car when I'm done talking to you about overwhelm.
I have to drive to Boston. I am going to a funeral for a friend.

Speaker 1 And I'm giving a eulogy, which is both a huge honor and a massive,

Speaker 1 massive reason to feel overwhelmed. And so it is kind of one of those life imitates art.
moments right now where we were planning on talking about overwhelm and I roll in here behind the microphone.

Speaker 1 I am a hot mess right now. I've got on ripped jeans, a jog bra,

Speaker 1 and a yellow t-shirt. And I just realized that the t-shirt says mentally elsewhere.

Speaker 1 And so it may feel a little odd that the person that you're going to have a conversation with about overwhelm is a hot mess with a messy bun. But you know what?

Speaker 1 I've always envisioned the Mel Robbins podcast to be like taking a walk with a really good friend.

Speaker 1 And when you take a walk with a really good friend, you show up as you are and you walk and you talk and you sort things out together.

Speaker 1 I know that as you and I talk through these frameworks and as I hear other listeners like you sharing what's going on in their life and why they're overwhelmed and as we talk about what you can do to face those situations in life, I'm starting to feel a little steadier because I know by the end of a good walk with friends, you always feel better.

Speaker 1 And I want you to stay until the end because at the very end, you're going to hear from a listener named Michelle.

Speaker 1 And she has so much joy in her voice because she has applied what you're about to learn and what I'm about to remind myself of when it comes to overwhelm.

Speaker 1 So let's dig into our first question, which comes from a listener named Laura.

Speaker 3 Hi, Mel, this is Laura. and here's my question.

Speaker 3 How can I identify when can I push harder and when to pause or give myself some grace?

Speaker 3 How can I adapt all the things I'm learning in your podcast to my reality?

Speaker 4 And I can explain.

Speaker 3 I'm a 35-year-old mom of a very, very active two-year-old. I have a full-time job and I'm planning on doing a lot of things,

Speaker 3 but I also suffer from anxiety and I have the habit of procrastinating.

Speaker 3 I listen to all of your podcasts, I love them, and everything makes a lot of sense to me. But the truth is that almost every day, life happens, and I end up doing nothing.

Speaker 3 Like, I wake up, I make breakfast, get my kid ready for school,

Speaker 3 get myself ready for work, and I'm off to work. Then I get home, we start our night routine, and by 8:30, when my baby boy hopefully is asleep, I feel exhausted.

Speaker 3 I only want to have dinner and go to bed.

Speaker 3 But the list of things that I want to do in one day goes on and on and on, including meditating, cooking better food, social life. It goes on.

Speaker 3 How can I prioritize and adapt a million dollar morning routine to my reality?

Speaker 3 How do you fit in time to do all the personal growth when it really feels I do not have the time and physical or mental energy to do it? Thank you very much, Mel.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh, Laura, I'm so glad you're on the walk today. Because hearing you list off all the things you need to do, I suddenly feel less overwhelmed.
I mean, can we just have a laugh about that?

Speaker 1 That when somebody else is more overwhelmed than you, you're like, oh, okay, thank God, it's not just me.

Speaker 1 So one of the things I want to say to you, Laura, and to you listening, is that life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Speaker 1 And there are going to be times in your life where it's going to be overwhelming all the time. And one of those times is when you have kids that are not yet in a full school day.

Speaker 1 I remember those chaotic days of trying to get our kids out the door, in the car to daycare so I could get to a full-time job, commute in, work all day, commute back out, make it back to daycare in time before daycare closed and they started to find you and you feel like the world's worst parent because you're showing up when the lights are off and your kid there is there alone and then get home and then transition and then get them into the like it is exhausting.

Speaker 1 And one of the big lies that we tell ourselves when it comes to overwhelm is if I just hurry, I can fit more in. And right now, your life is not about fitting more in.

Speaker 1 It's about a level of acceptance for where you are. Because I hear in what you're talking about, this resistance that you don't have enough time, that you can't fit it all in.

Speaker 1 And the truth is, you're doing the most important thing in the world right now. You're taking care of a small child.
You are working.

Speaker 1 You are

Speaker 1 taking care of yourself. And that is what you need to focus on.
And you listening, you might not have a little kid at home anymore or at all, but maybe you're taking care of aging parents.

Speaker 1 That was my friend Joni. She was in a very draining situation where she was caring for somebody with a chronic illness.

Speaker 1 And that brings me to this framework for overwhelm that has profoundly helped me.

Speaker 1 And as I explain this to you, I not only want you to listen, but as we continue this conversation and this metaphorical walk together, I want you to start to take this framework, the two types of overwhelm, and not only apply it to your life, but see if you can apply it to the situations you're going to hear other listeners describe.

Speaker 1 Because the two types of overwhelm are legitimate overwhelm. So your life circumstances demand overwhelm from you.

Speaker 1 And Laura, with a full-time job and a kid under two, two, and I can't tell if she was married or not. So I'm going to assume she's a single parent.

Speaker 1 She is in a period of life where she is in legitimate overwhelm. I remember when I was doing the talk show,

Speaker 1 I had this experience where I was surrounded by all these people that were super, super experienced. And my executive producer arranged for me to

Speaker 1 talk to

Speaker 1 a really, really famous talk show host

Speaker 1 whose show is no longer on the air. And this guy spent like an hour talking to me and I'll never forget what he told me.
He said, Mel,

Speaker 1 being a daytime talk show host,

Speaker 1 doing 175 shows in six months,

Speaker 1 this is a marathon. He said, the most important thing that you could do is protect your stamina and be kind and patient with yourself.

Speaker 1 And you're not going to be able to live your normal life.

Speaker 1 You're not going to be able to go out to dinner with friends because if you tape three shows in a row at CBS Broadcast Center four days a week, you are not going to have energy.

Speaker 1 And by the way, you can't afford to get sick because the show must go on. And so right now, tell your family and your friends that you love them, but you are about to go into a bunker right now.

Speaker 1 and you are about to focus on this. And then when you come up for air, you will be able to focus on having fun again and being with everyone else.
And I think there are times in your life like that.

Speaker 1 Maybe you're studying for a dissertation. Maybe you are in the middle of applying to medical school.
Maybe you're going through a divorce or you've lost somebody that you love and you're grieving.

Speaker 1 That is

Speaker 1 a moment of legitimate overwhelm. And the best thing that you could do is identify it, call it out for what it is, and be kinder to yourself and remind yourself that if you are,

Speaker 1 you'll have the stamina to move through this. And you will move through this.
And there will be a time in your life where you will not feel this way. But for now, it's about putting yourself first.

Speaker 1 Joni, my friend who was caring for her mom who just recently passed away, she was in a two to three year period of legitimate overwhelm. The demands of her life created overwhelm.

Speaker 1 Our daughter, who's about to graduate from college and who is a singer-songwriter, and there's not a defined career path, she right now is careening into a couple months of legitimate overwhelm because of college ending and an uncertain future.

Speaker 1 And I right now, I am in a legitimate state of overwhelm. I have a friend who died recently and I'm delivering the eulogy at his service in a few days.

Speaker 1 And I know that I'm going to be in this state where my thoughts are spinning and my heart is heavy until I get through this service.

Speaker 1 And so when it comes to legitimate overwhelm, the only thing you can do is to first recognize that that's what you're dealing with. And then you got to use the tools to support yourself through it.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to unpack those tools in just a minute because you know what? I need them right now as much as you may.

Speaker 1 And you and I are going to beat this overwhelm thing together, particularly when it is a case like legitimate overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And then what we're going to do is jump into the second type of overwhelm that I know you're really going to relate to. And we'll do that when we come back.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and today you and I are talking about overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And I had just been explaining that there are two types of overwhelm, and it's been very helpful in my life for me to identify what kind of overwhelm I'm dealing with.

Speaker 1 The first type is legitimate overwhelm. And that's where you're in a moment in your life that really demands that you take care of yourself so that you can care for others.

Speaker 1 Now let me explain the second type of overwhelm. And this second type of overwhelm is where most of us live, lifestyle overwhelm.
That's when your whole life feels overwhelming.

Speaker 1 When you're just so used to feeling overwhelmed and busy and to-do lists everywhere, and stuff is a mess, and things are on the counter, and you've overcommitted yourself, and you can never say no, and you're always last on your list, and you don't know how to get out of it because it's become a vicious cycle.

Speaker 1 Your whole life is overwhelm. That's the second type of overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And so, Laura, you have legitimate overwhelm, which means you need a strategy to ratchet down the stress that you're putting on yourself.

Speaker 1 And And one of the most important things that you can do in terms of a strategy is you have to tell yourself, this is a temporary period of my life.

Speaker 1 And what I need to do as a strategy is I need to prioritize my own well-being, my own stamina. Because remember, this period of your life isn't the sprint.
It's a marathon.

Speaker 1 And so one of the most important strategies that you need is you need to get more rest. That's it.
Instead of piling things on, instead of adding more to your life, you need to get more rest.

Speaker 1 If it's available to you and you can get help, whether it's from your partner or your parents or maybe other moms in your mom group that have kids the same age, maybe you can swap time on the weekends so you can get time alone to do something like going to a yoga class or doing something for yourself.

Speaker 1 But your tool right now is ratchet down the pressure and stress. Remind yourself that this is a temporary period of your life where you are legitimately going to feel overwhelmed and it will pass.

Speaker 1 And with regard to your question about the morning routine.

Speaker 1 The million dollar morning routine, which is something I explained in our episode about morning routines, and I will link to that episode in the show notes for you.

Speaker 1 But my million dollar morning routine, which is grounded in science and helps me feel like a million bucks and gives my days structure.

Speaker 1 It's 20 to 30 minutes long. I don't care how overwhelmed you are.
You can fit it in. You get up when the alarm rings.
You make the bed. You high-five the mirror.
You pull on your exercise clothes.

Speaker 1 You get outside and get a little bright light. And that could even mean sticking your head out of a window if you can't leave your two-year-old, but you could take your two-year-old on a walk.

Speaker 1 And you spend 10 to 20 minutes moving your body. And you can do that in front of your laptop by streaming a workout.

Speaker 1 You do those things and you will feel less stressed, you will feel less overwhelmed and you will feel less resentment and pressure to fit it all in.

Speaker 1 So again, if you identify with Laura or with me or with my friend Joni and your life is in a stretch on this marathon that requires stamina and you have a legitimate reason to be overwhelmed because of life circumstances, cut yourself some slack.

Speaker 1 Know that this will not be forever and focus on the strategy of protecting your stamina and doing simple things that help you with your well-being.

Speaker 1 The million-dollar morning routine, 20 minutes is all you need, is one of those things.

Speaker 1 All right, now let's go to Samantha's question, who has a bit of overwhelm about prioritizing tasks on her to-do list.

Speaker 6 Hi, Mel. It's Samantha.
My question is, how do you prioritize everything in daily life without stress and anxiety taking over?

Speaker 6 I find myself overwhelmed thinking about everything I need to do throughout the day and then throw in extra appointments and tasks on top of that.

Speaker 4 And then I end up pushing it off in hopes that I get it done the next day. I'm just looking for that happy balance.

Speaker 1 Samantha, this is a great question. How do you prioritize everything in daily life? Well, first of all, you have to stop telling yourself a lie.

Speaker 1 And the lie that you're telling yourself is that everything is important.

Speaker 1 And the fact is that if everything's important, nothing's important. And that's why I believe that you're dealing with lifestyle overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And I'm saying that this is lifestyle overwhelm because there are three specific things that you mentioned in your question that all contribute to the amount of stress that you're feeling.

Speaker 1 And it's all things that you're doing. So number one, you said you're thinking about what you need to do.
And all this thinking creates overwhelm.

Speaker 1 Number two, you said you then add even more to your already long to-do list. And then number three, you said that you push off what you need to do.

Speaker 1 And the thing you have to understand is all the things that you have on your to-do list, they do not carry equal weight. And so here's what I want you to do.

Speaker 1 You're going to go from being stressed out all the time because you're giving equal weight to everything to having a more strategic way of approaching your day-to-day life and the things that you need to get done.

Speaker 1 And so the tool that I'm going to give you is something that I use all the time. I call it a brain dump, okay?

Speaker 1 It's so simple. It costs you nothing.
You can do it several times a day. Anybody can use this.
And here's what you're going to do. You're going to take out a blank piece of paper.

Speaker 1 I don't care if it's lined or it's printer paper or it's the flip side of a bill that you just paid.

Speaker 1 And you're going to take that piece of paper and you are going to vomit everything on that paper that is in your brain. Absolutely everything.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And you can just dump it all out there.

Speaker 1 And if you want to get fancy pants with this, you can draw a line down the center of the paper and you can write important stuff on the left and shit I can do later on the right. Okay.

Speaker 1 But you don't even need to do that. I'm just adding that in there because I know a lot of our listeners are very, very, very like, kind of, I like to keep things organized now.
No problem.

Speaker 1 You can add a little pizzazz to your brain dump i personally i'm so scatter brained with the adhd that i just need a blank piece of paper and i just dump it all down there and so let me think about today what would be on my list oh um packing for boston calling my daughter to remind her that it's uh dinner's at 7 30.

Speaker 1 i got to check in for the plane ticket i got to make sure that um

Speaker 1 oh i haven't even looked at the weather yet so i don't even know what to pack for boston i don't know what it's going to be like in New York when we land there Saturday to support another friend who's doing this concert.

Speaker 1 I didn't even pick up my ADHD prescription yet, and I need to get that on the way out of town.

Speaker 1 And so you can see that just like you, I suffer from not only legitimate overwhelm right now, but I also have a case of lifestyle overwhelm, that I overwhelm myself because I manage all this crap on my head.

Speaker 1 So you feel a sense of lifestyle overwhelm, brain dump everybody. Get it out of your head and get it down on a a piece of paper.

Speaker 1 Because when you can get it down on a piece of paper, you can be more strategic about creating a system

Speaker 1 to get it done. And it feels so good to do this.

Speaker 1 When you're managing all this stuff in your head,

Speaker 1 this is why going for a walk with a friend is so therapeutic. Not only are you outside, but as you're walking and talking, you know what you're doing? You're brain dumping.

Speaker 1 You're getting all that that stuff that you've been ruminating about out into the air. And when you get it out on a piece of paper by doing a brain dump, like just pour it all out there.

Speaker 1 That's what you need to do.

Speaker 1 I was about to tell you 15 other things that just came to mind because what starts happening when you do a brain dump is it's sort of like pulling a thread on a sweater.

Speaker 1 That sucker just keeps on going. So don't be surprised if there are some days that you fill three pages.

Speaker 1 So now, what do you do now that you've dumped it all out on a piece of paper? You're going to take a highlighter

Speaker 1 and you're going to highlight the three things

Speaker 1 that you must do today.

Speaker 1 These are your priority. This is what's important.
So what are the three things I need to do today? I need to pick up my prescription. I need to pack for Boston for the service.

Speaker 1 And I need to work on this eulogy. Those are the only three things that matter.
And you want to know something fascinating about life

Speaker 1 is that if you just can dump everything out and you can highlight the three things that really matter that you get to them today, if there's an emergency or something else is a true priority, have you ever noticed it gets your attention anyway?

Speaker 1 If one of your kids is sick or a friend needs you, they call.

Speaker 1 If You have to fill up the tank of gas, you'll realize when you get in the car and it's on empty, like mine often is because my son borrows the car and never fills the car back up.

Speaker 1 If you realize you've run out of milk, you'll realize it when you open up the fridge and you'll deal with it.

Speaker 2 But it's not really that important.

Speaker 1 It's not life or death. It's not a big thing.
You need to pick the three things that are the actual priority.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 lifestyle overwhelm. Brain dump, highlight the three things that actually matter.
And that's how you beat that lie that everything's important.

Speaker 1 Because when everything's important, nothing is and you get to say what's important so pick those things all right our next question is from cindy and cindy's overwhelm comes from the fact that she says yes to everything and i cannot wait for you to hear the particular lie she keeps telling herself because this lie keeps her in a state of overwhelm and i think you may be telling yourself this lie too this is so good and we're going to get to cindy right after this break

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Speaker 1 Okay, we're back. I'm Mel Robbins, and you and I are talking about overwhelm today and the lies we tell ourselves that keep us in this state of lifestyle overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And I promised you that you would meet a listener named Cindy and hear how she

Speaker 1 keeps herself in lifestyle overwhelm.

Speaker 7 Hi, Mel. This is Cindy.
Do you have a strategy for not overcommitting for daily tasks?

Speaker 7 It sounds so ridiculous when I type it out, but it really is destructive and sparks feelings of failure when I cannot accomplish all I believe I should be able to handle in a single day.

Speaker 7 Thanks so much.

Speaker 1 Oh, Cindy, I love you, Cindy, and I relate to you too. And just like Samantha, you're also dealing with lifestyle overwhelm.
And you want to know how I know it's lifestyle overwhelm?

Speaker 1 It's because of what you said.

Speaker 1 I cannot accomplish all I believe I should be able to handle in a single day.

Speaker 1 Lifestyle overwhelm is when you put a ton of additional pressure on yourself to do more.

Speaker 1 And it's that belief that you should be able to handle more in a single day that is making you feel like a failure. And that's leading to overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And you see, there's this lie that all overachievers tell themselves. And you want to hear what that lie is?

Speaker 1 The lie is this. There is so much more I should be doing.
Everybody's doing more than me. I should be doing more.
I need to do more. Here's the truth.

Speaker 1 You need to do what needs to get done.

Speaker 1 And the rest

Speaker 1 does not matter. Imagine that you do the brain dump.
Your problem is you highlight everything that you just dumped on a piece of paper. And so I'm going to give you this tool.

Speaker 1 It's called the rule of three.

Speaker 1 There are only three things that actually matter.

Speaker 1 And I often say to myself, when I start getting a case of lifestyle overwhelm, when I'm trying to add things to the to-do list, when I'm putting pressure on myself to do more, when I feel weird that I'm like kind of done with what needed to get done and now I don't know what to do with myself, so I feel like I should do more.

Speaker 1 Mel, it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter.
I'll give you an example. This happened to me last night.

Speaker 1 So last night, I was scurrying around trying to get through my to-do list, and I'm realizing, oh my God, I don't have any clean underwear for this freaking trip.

Speaker 1 So I've got to do laundry before I have to pack, which of course only makes me feel more overwhelmed. So I grab the basket of laundry.
I tromp, tromp, tromp up the stairs.

Speaker 1 And as I'm climbing up the stairs to the second floor of our house here in southern Vermont, I look up

Speaker 1 and all of the walls in the upstair hallway are blank.

Speaker 1 They have a brand new coat of paint on them,

Speaker 1 but there ain't nothing hanging on these walls. And I immediately feel this wave of overwhelm come over me because

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 don't have any pictures of our family in our new house. And I've always envisioned that we will do a family picture wall on these three walls.

Speaker 1 And I start to think, oh my God, wait, are we going to do pictures that are black and white with black frames?

Speaker 1 Or should we do those sort of blow up things that wrap the canvas around the things that are colorful? And do I do them different sizes? And I start to feel completely overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 And then I start to beat myself up for the fact that I haven't done this, that I don't have any pictures identified, that I also let my Shutterfly account go because they just moved to a whole thing where now you have to pay in order to have your pictures stored there.

Speaker 1 And I have all my old pictures on Shutterfly. And oh my god, now I'm beating myself up about that.
And so now here I am with a load of laundry. I have put the basket down.
I didn't even realize I did.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at all three walls, having a panic attack about these freaking pictures and this project that doesn't fucking matter.

Speaker 1 The only thing that matters is getting this damn laundry done so that you have underwear to wear while you are delivering a eulogy.

Speaker 1 Pick three

Speaker 1 things.

Speaker 1 Three things, Mel.

Speaker 2 The rule of three:

Speaker 1 you need to,

Speaker 1 I don't remember what the third thing was yesterday, but I think I got it done. It doesn't fucking matter, Mel.
So, don't get overwhelmed about what the third thing was yesterday.

Speaker 1 You know what the three things are today.

Speaker 1 You gotta work on the eulogy, you gotta pack for Boston.

Speaker 1 And what was the third thing? Oh, yeah, I gotta pick up my medicine. See, I don't even know.

Speaker 1 Lifestyle overwhelm. I have legitimate overwhelm, which means I know

Speaker 1 that the dial's cranked up right now. And so I also know I need to give myself a little bit of a break, that I am going to be in this state of feeling amped up until I get through this eulogy.

Speaker 1 That's just the legitimate overwhelm that I'm feeling. But I don't need to add on top of that a dose of lifestyle overwhelm by obsessing over a picture wall wall that I have not

Speaker 1 done anything about in six months of living here. Six months.
And the same is true for you.

Speaker 1 Lower the pressure.

Speaker 1 Lower the pressure.

Speaker 1 And for those of us that have trouble sitting still or relaxing, You got to be really careful about lifestyle overwhelm because it will rob you of your ability to be present. It will rob you of

Speaker 1 just being able to sit sit down and read a book or go out into your garden and weed or pick up a phone and make a date to go meet a friend for coffee.

Speaker 1 And that's how this creeps into your whole life, this lie that you say that you got to be doing more. No, you don't.
The whole point of this is to enjoy your life.

Speaker 1 And catching yourself when you get a case of lifestyle overwhelm and reminding yourself of the rule of three,

Speaker 1 that will help you lower the pressure, focus on what matters, and create more time to just chill and enjoy your life. Okay.

Speaker 1 So Leela is up next, and I love this because she listened to the episode we recently did that you guys loved.

Speaker 1 That episode is Procrastination, the Only Way to Stop Procrastination based on research. Again, we will link to it in the show notes.
Holy cow, it was one of the most shared episodes on Spotify.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad you got a lot out of it. And a lot of you responded to the fact that I connected your habit of procrastinating to the fight-or-flight response that we have when we get stressed out.

Speaker 1 You know how when you get stressed, you have that fight, flight, or freeze. Procrastination is a form of freezing.
And Leela had a follow-up question on that. And here it is.

Speaker 8 Mel, this is a huge thank you. I'm an artist and also I procrastinate and I get stressed, freeze, and then end up doing nothing.

Speaker 8 I heard what you said on the procrastination episode, and I think wearing the stress backpack is super heavy right now. And I plan to shed it today.
I need to manage my time better.

Speaker 8 So now I need to figure out how to get back to my easel and start painting. I can't wait for your next episode.
Thanks so much, Leela.

Speaker 1 Leela, I'm so happy you're on our walk today with me and that you shared that because

Speaker 1 procrastination is a form of lifestyle overwhelm.

Speaker 1 And in case you haven't listened to that episode yet as you're taking this walk with us, when Leela said stress backpack, she's using a term that I used in that episode to basically say all those things that are going on in your life, the things that are causing you stress, whether it's conscious or subconscious, you literally carry it around with you as if all that stress is in a backpack.

Speaker 1 Joni, my friend who was caring for a mom, backpack of stress.

Speaker 1 Everybody that you've heard on our walk today, the demands of their life, the pressure that they're putting on themselves, all of that is a stress backpack. And you have one too.

Speaker 1 And what happens when you feel really stressed out is you can start to freeze. And then what happens when you freeze and you push things off and you procrastinate?

Speaker 1 You get stuck in lifestyle overwhelm.

Speaker 1 You're in this vicious cycle of pushing things off and then beating yourself up and then feeling overwhelmed because you're pushing things off that you really want to get to.

Speaker 1 And so what is the tool here? Because there's a huge lie that you tell yourself when you procrastinate, okay? And I can hear it.

Speaker 1 And the lie that we tell ourselves is I can handle this all in my head, that if I think about it, I'm working on it. Not true.
Not true.

Speaker 1 It's one of the reasons why I use that tool of a brain dump all the time to get it out of my head, to not manage it in my head.

Speaker 1 Because if it spins in my head, it turns into rumination and nothing gets done. Just like those blank walls, those pictures are not getting done by me spinning thoughts about it.

Speaker 1 And so the real thing I want you to understand is that if it truly matters, you have to schedule it. Things that matter end up in your calendar.

Speaker 1 And so one tool that I want you to use, Leela, is ask yourself this. This is a journaling prompt that you can use, everybody, that I just love.
How can I make this easy? How can I make this easy?

Speaker 1 What's the simplest way that you can make it easier to paint? And for me, I have to do the things that are important first thing in the morning. It's not that I'm not an evening person.

Speaker 1 It's that by the end of the day, I am so wiped out and just gassed.

Speaker 1 I don't have the stamina or the willpower or the energy to summon up what researchers call, and we've talked about this in other episodes, it's called activation energy.

Speaker 1 Chickmi Sentmihai, who's a famous psychologist from University of Chicago,

Speaker 1 studied motivation and flow states extensively and realized that this resistance that we feel to doing things that we've put off, that requires activation energy.

Speaker 1 And getting out of bed, pushing yourself to paint, for me, it's exercise. And if I put off exercise till the evening, it's not happening.

Speaker 1 It takes me 100 times more energy to drag my ass to that Peloton treadmill at night than it does to drag my ass to that Peloton treadmill in the morning. And so ask yourself, how can I make this easy?

Speaker 1 Maybe you need to do it at night. Maybe that is easier for you.
Maybe you need to do it in the morning. Maybe it's the weekend.

Speaker 1 Or maybe you need to, if you can afford it, you need the structure of a painting class.

Speaker 1 One of the ways that I jumpstarted exercising, and I realize not everybody can afford this, was to start taking classes again. Because I would pay for it.
And then I was motivated to go.

Speaker 1 And I knew once I got there, I could outsource the motivation to the instructor that would be yelling at me. Maybe you need a friend to do this with you.

Speaker 1 Or you need somebody that's going to be your accountability partner and be really annoying on Saturday morning and text you and be like, hey, did you paint yet?

Speaker 1 I'm not meeting you for a walk until you did. And you can trade that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 You can hold your friend accountable for doing their physical therapy exercises or whatever they have a hard time doing. And they're going to hold you accountable for what you have a hard time doing.

Speaker 1 It makes you feel like you're in it together.

Speaker 1 For example, I do a lot of the ice baths, you know, where you climb into a really cold barrel of water or you jump into an icy pond or river up here in Vermont or you take a cold shower.

Speaker 1 Do you know how I make it easy? I do it with Chris, my husband. Chris is like living with a monk.
The dude is so stoic, he just kind of climbs right in there, no big deal. He shames me into doing it.

Speaker 1 That's how I make it easier. He goes in first.
Now I'm like, oh, God, now I got to do it. But if I have to do it myself, it's hard.
And so that's what I want you to understand.

Speaker 1 Procrastination creates overwhelm. And chronic procrastination creates a vicious cycle that becomes lifestyle overwhelm.
And so understand that. And that's huge that you understand that.

Speaker 1 And then the second thing I want you to do is remember, get it out of your head, don't manage it there. It's got to get scheduled in real time.
And then ask yourself, how can I make this easy?

Speaker 1 Because you can. And there's no reason why the things that you need to do have to feel so hard.

Speaker 1 And the reason why they feel so hard, everybody, is because we're not taking the time to go, am I in a lifestyle overwhelm situation where I need to be kinder to myself and I need to have more compassion for myself and I need to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon and I need a little bit of stamina and I'm not going to be able to get to everything.

Speaker 1 And for those of us that are also struggling with lifestyle overwhelm, it's okay. You now know.
And now you have free proven research-backed tools that you can use. You got your brain dump.

Speaker 1 You got your rule of three. Remember, it doesn't fucking matter.
You can do the photos later. Nobody cares but you.

Speaker 1 And make it easier. Make it easier.
That's it. And this stuff is so powerful.
Like it works so quickly.

Speaker 1 You don't realize how quickly you could break out of overwhelm because like me, you've probably been stuck in this vicious cycle for so long that it's just the air you breathe.

Speaker 1 But there is something so much better.

Speaker 1 that's available to you. You can create a better life.
And that's why I wanted you to hear from a listener named Michelle last.

Speaker 1 And pay attention to the joy and the lightness in her voice. I wanted to invite Michelle on this walk with us because I want you to know that this is available to you when

Speaker 1 you finally take back control and you stop letting overwhelm run your life. Holy shit, Mel.

Speaker 9 I just listened to your podcast on procrastination and it changed everything. You're the first person I've heard talk about money anxiety.
Oh my god, in a way that resonated with me.

Speaker 9 And you know what? I paid a credit card bill today that was six months late.

Speaker 9 I was in freeze mode and when you said that on the podcast, I burst out crying. I mean, it was like a gut punch.

Speaker 9 I paid that damn bill this morning and all of a sudden I realized I have more time on my hands. Like I was sitting there wondering what I was supposed to do.

Speaker 9 I had energetic time because I'd been thinking about this bill for six months. I've been torturing myself and holding myself back from my greatness.
It's like five, four, three, two, one.

Speaker 9 I mean, what if it doesn't have to be hard? What if I can do the damn thing?

Speaker 9 Thank you so much, Mo.

Speaker 1 I'm really forever grateful. Oh.

Speaker 1 Michelle, I'm forever grateful and I'm really proud of you. And the thing I want to really highlight, because I can hear the energetic freedom.
I can hear how light you are.

Speaker 1 And what I want to point out is until you do the damn thing, you don't realize how much

Speaker 1 thinking about something and avoiding it and feeling overwhelmed by it, how much it's robbing you of energy.

Speaker 1 I relate to that because I've gone through periods of my life where I didn't pay my bills because I couldn't pay my bills, but I thought about my bills all the damn time.

Speaker 1 Overwhelm is torture. Feeling like you're stuck in a vicious cycle where you gotta do more or you gotta move faster or you gotta put this, it's just pressure and it's keeping you stuck there.

Speaker 1 And so now you know the truth.

Speaker 1 You can focus. You can prioritize.
You can use the rule of three and just focus on doing the important things.

Speaker 1 Not everything is important. And when you stop acting as if it is, you will able to get done what needs to get done.
See, overwhelm goes away the minute you start to take control.

Speaker 1 And that usually happens, honestly, with a simple pen and a blank piece of paper. That's it.

Speaker 1 Do the brain dump. Pick three things.

Speaker 2 Tell yourself, that doesn't fucking matter today.

Speaker 1 Remind yourself that anything that is an emergency bubbles its way to the top. And always ask yourself, how can I make this easier? How can I take the pressure off? How can I do the damn thing?

Speaker 1 And just pick one of those three and get started.

Speaker 1 54321, pay that bill, make that call, write that next paragraph, roll out that yoga mat, pick up that guitar, or for me, write that eulogy.

Speaker 1 And then on the plane ride home, log into Shutterfly and see if you can find all of those photos that used to be stored there. Do what you've been avoiding.

Speaker 1 Follow the rule of three and give yourself a fucking break if you're feeling legitimate overwhelm because you have a choice over whether or not it's your lifestyle anymore.

Speaker 1 And for crying out loud, stop telling yourself those four lies.

Speaker 1 No, you can't handle it in your head. No, rushing won't make you fit it all in.
And no, everything's not of equal importance. And no, you don't need to do more.
In fact, you need to do a lot less.

Speaker 1 You just need to do the things that really matter to you. And when you do that, you, my friend, are going to get your life and all of that energetic time back.
And I so want that for you.

Speaker 1 I feel better. I hope you feel better.
I wish you were here so I could give you a hug. You know, after a great walk with a friend, you give each other a hug.

Speaker 1 You're like, okay, when are we doing this again? Are we doing this? Yeah, you know, when we're doing this again,

Speaker 1 we're doing this on Thursday.

Speaker 1 And between now and then, I want to make sure I tell you: I love you,

Speaker 1 I believe in you,

Speaker 1 and I believe in your ability to really focus on what matters to you

Speaker 1 and go create a better life for yourself. All right, I'll see you Thursday.

Speaker 1 Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1 It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

Speaker 1 Stitcher.

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