How to Find Your Purpose: Stop Searching and Do This Instead

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Speaker 3 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an unbelievable episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 8 Okay,

Speaker 11 you are in for an incredible masterclass on purpose, success, vision, intuition. My name is Mel Robbins.

Speaker 3 I'm a New York Times best-selling author, and I am so excited that you're here because today I am going to introduce you to a woman that I profoundly admire who went from being a waitress at Denny's to solving a problem that she had in her own life.

Speaker 12 and creating a cosmetics company in her living room and growing it to a

Speaker 7 game changer in the cosmetic industry.

Speaker 22 She ultimately sold It Cosmetics.

Speaker 23 Yep, It Cosmetics, that incredible mega brand.

Speaker 25 She sold that sucker for $1.2 billion, that's a B, billion dollars to L'Oreal in cash.

Speaker 27 And she went on to become the first female CEO inside of L'Oreal, the first one in 100 years.

Speaker 7 She has appeared on QVC over a 1,000 times.

Speaker 21 She has built the largest cosmetic brand that they have ever launched. Not only that, but she has donated more than 40 million in products and in cash to survivors of cancer.

Speaker 7 And she is one of my favorite human beings of all time.

Speaker 13 She wrote the book, Believe It!

Speaker 7 And it is an instant New York Times bestseller.

Speaker 21 And today, Jamie Kern-Lima is here as my friend and as the professor in the topics of drive, purpose, success, meaning, giving back.

Speaker 26 There is so much I can't wait to dig in with you, Jamie. Thank you for being here.

Speaker 30 Mel, thank you. Thank you for having me.
This is going to be fun and real and raw. By the way, I love purpose professor.
I'm like, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.

Speaker 30 Cause it's one of our biggest life questions. How do I find my purpose?

Speaker 30 But I just want to say, Mel, something really important to me that I didn't want to leave here without saying, but everybody listening needs to know this.

Speaker 30 You are one of of the rare human beings that is the same off-air, behind the scenes in your everyday life, as you are in all the public things.

Speaker 30 You and I have both met so many celebrities and so many people with millions and millions of followers, and it's very rare they're the same.

Speaker 30 And I just, one of the things I love so much about you is you are even more funny, even more intelligent, and brilliant, and kind, and raw, and real

Speaker 30 in real life. And I'm just grateful to be here for you.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 30 Okay. Just that.
I think the episode's over now.

Speaker 12 No, we got to go back in time because one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on is because the entire mission of this show is to empower and inspire you listening to us right now to create a better life, whatever that means for you, to take the simple steps that sometimes feel impossible to pursue your dreams, to improve your health, to create greater connections, to believe in yourself.

Speaker 7 And Jamie truly is not only the professor of purpose, but her life story is a demonstration in cultivating belief, belief in your ideas, belief in your intuition, belief that things will turn out.

Speaker 23 And so I want to go back in time.

Speaker 6 and talk about how you started as a waitress in Denny's.

Speaker 6 and then from waitressing at Denny's pursued a dream that you had of being on television.

Speaker 12 And as a fellow former waitress, I would love to start there.

Speaker 30 Yeah, waitress at Denny's, full uniform, name tag to prove it. I forgot they had uniforms.
Full uniform.

Speaker 15 What was your favorite thing on the menu?

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 30 I love the pancakes. You know what? Just like simple.

Speaker 30 It's so funny how our steps are ordered, I think, in life. And so often I remember being a waitress at Denny's.
I remember feeling, and maybe someone listening to us can relate to this right now.

Speaker 30 You have this feeling inside of you like there's something more I'm supposed to do, but you don't know what it is yet. And you doubt.
it might be possible.

Speaker 30 And I remember being waitress at Denny's and just feeling like I have these big dreams, but not quite knowing like, how do I believe I'm worthy of them yet?

Speaker 30 At the same time, Mel, the kitchen at the Denny's I worked at was a disaster. Like they would take an hour to get pancakes out.
So I learned to talk to people so that they wouldn't leave.

Speaker 30 They often did leave,

Speaker 30 or they'd throw like a dime and a penny on the table and leave.

Speaker 31 As your tip is if it's your fault if the wood were.

Speaker 30 But it's so funny how, you know, years later, when I ended up launching my own business, I'm like, oh, I've got to get the operations right

Speaker 30 or nothing else matters. You know, it's just those little things we learn along the way.
But yeah, after that,

Speaker 30 I thought my whole life I would have a talk show. I watched Oprah in my living room growing up.
So I thought for sure I would share other people's stories with the world. So I went into,

Speaker 30 you know, did all the jobs, saved up all my money to pay through, pay for school and

Speaker 30 push grocery carts in the grocery parking lot, sliced meat in the deli, all those jobs, and then found myself in what I thought was my dream job, working in TV news. And I thought, this is it, right?

Speaker 30 And what I didn't realize was I was about to enter this huge season of setback in my life,

Speaker 30 of self-doubt. I have a skin condition called rosacea.
And for me, it started getting really red, really bumpy. And I would be anchoring the news live, thinking like, you know, okay, this is it.

Speaker 30 This is it. And I started hearing in my earpiece from my producer, there's something on your face.
There's something on your face. You need to wipe it off.

Speaker 30 You need to, and I was live on television, right?

Speaker 30 And I would glance down during the commercial break and I saw, oh, the makeup is breaking up on my face and these big red bumps are coming through.

Speaker 30 But so often in life, the seasons that feel like setbacks are actually setups for what we're called to do.

Speaker 31 Okay, stop right there.

Speaker 38 Did you hear that?

Speaker 37 The seasons

Speaker 1 of your life that are setbacks

Speaker 39 are often setups for what you're called to do.

Speaker 7 I want to just make sure everybody heard that. And I want to take a highlighter and also highlight something that you said

Speaker 41 about being a waitress at Denny's.

Speaker 42 And it's this, you said our steps are ordered.

Speaker 35 So can you explain what that means, particularly to somebody who's listening who may feel like, I know I'm meant for something greater.

Speaker 7 Why the hell am I at this step?

Speaker 40 And this does not feel like it is like on the path of where I'm supposed to go.

Speaker 32 So what do you mean by the fact that our steps are ordered? Yeah.

Speaker 30 I believe, you know, everything in life

Speaker 30 is happening for us, even when it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 13 Can we just, what do you mean happening for us?

Speaker 43 So to somebody that's like really in it, James.

Speaker 30 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 30 Let me frame it around our topic of purpose, right? So often people feel empty because they feel like, oh, my purpose needs to be some job.

Speaker 30 It needs to be my job or it needs to be this, this grand thing I haven't figured out yet.

Speaker 30 But for those of us that have accomplished a goal we always dreamed of, we get to it and we're like, oh, this isn't it, right? It's never, in my opinion, purpose is never this big goal necessarily.

Speaker 30 Purpose is so often when we're able to serve the person we once were

Speaker 30 or serve in a way for something we've gone through. And here's what I mean.

Speaker 30 I think our purpose can be like, oh, wow, I went through a really freaking hard season in my life. And I now am actually realizing I'm born to be a generational cycle breaker in my family.

Speaker 30 That is an incredible purpose, right?

Speaker 30 When I actually just take a minute and say hi to someone else who's lonely, maybe it's in the coffee line at Starbucks, maybe it's the neighbor down the street, whatever it is, you feel in your gut a sense of fulfillment, a sense of alignment when you're doing something in your purpose.

Speaker 30 And I think that the big mistake people make is they think it's this end goal, right? A lot of times when people hear my story, Denny's waitress builds billion-dollar company.

Speaker 30 They think my purpose was to be some big entrepreneur. It wasn't.
It wasn't. What was it? In the journey of how I did it,

Speaker 30 I took this massive risk, right? Taking my makeup off on national television when I was told not to

Speaker 30 and being brave enough to be seen and helping other women realize that they're worthy and enough exactly as they are, seeing them as who they are. To me, that is my purpose.
And in doing that,

Speaker 30 it just a byproduct of that with it cosmetics is we built a company with millions and millions and millions and millions of customers.

Speaker 30 And what's wild is 5% of our customers actually have skin issues, like I do. 95% don't.
It's just that they felt seen and connected with something that spoke to their soul, right?

Speaker 30 For me, being willing to say, here I am exactly as I am, no makeup and, you know, all my skin issues.

Speaker 30 I think people connected with that, that feeling of, of, oh, I'm enough exactly as I am.

Speaker 36 You know what else I think is

Speaker 32 a really important part of your story?

Speaker 16 It is waitressing.

Speaker 28 It's pushing carts in a supermarket.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 18 It's working in the back house of a restaurant.

Speaker 7 That's my story too.

Speaker 15 helping my best friend on her paper route,

Speaker 15 bussing tables.

Speaker 6 And I think when you work in retail or you work in a service job

Speaker 6 and you feel at times invisible, you start to realize how important it is to treat everybody with respect and kindness, that there is no work that is beneath you.

Speaker 16 And when you can bring that level of service to the job that you have right now, even if you hate it, even if people treat you like garbage.

Speaker 49 Even if

Speaker 7 the back of the house is not getting those pancakes out on time and people are angry, If you can bring a sense of grace and service and just humility, I think it changes how you show up because you don't ever forget what it's like to be treated like shit.

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 15 Because somebody was mad that their pancakes weren't out on time.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 30 Yes. And also you and I have had this experience where we've truly gotten to see and be almost every type of person and every type of environment.

Speaker 30 And so now it's like, whether it's me building a business or you building one of the top shows in the world, one of the top shows in the world.

Speaker 30 I feel part of that was like, oh, we understand who's listening and watching you right now. I understand who real people are who bought my products.

Speaker 30 And so when you mentioned steps are ordered, it's like, you know, no matter.

Speaker 30 where you are in your life right now, what you're going through, I believe every piece of it, whether it's, oh, someone just, you know, cut me off in a parking lot and screamed at me, or, oh, whatever it might be you're going through, all of those things are happening for you, I believe, so that you're amassing this toolbox of understanding

Speaker 30 and getting strong enough and equipped enough for the purpose you step into. Amazing.

Speaker 50 So professor of purpose, Jamie Karnlino, right there, that's your takeaway, number one.

Speaker 32 The steps are ordered.

Speaker 52 Believe in that.

Speaker 7 And this moment is helping you.

Speaker 16 It's giving you something.

Speaker 48 So that is one major tool that you used along the way.

Speaker 7 Let's go back to that moment because I think you were 28 years old, right? When you're sitting on television in Seattle.

Speaker 7 You are a local news acre, you're living the dream, you're on your way, and you are now starting to have this nightmare happen

Speaker 51 where your rosacea

Speaker 3 is breaking through on camera in front of everybody, the makeup that they put on you.

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 4 And you've got people in your ear telling you, there's something wrong with your face.

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 22 And you're realizing, holy cow,

Speaker 37 the makeup that they've put on my face cannot cover the rosacea and the skin issues that I have.

Speaker 36 So what do you do in that moment?

Speaker 30 Well, the first thing I did was start freaking out, right? Thinking thoughts in my head like, oh, am I going to get fired? Are viewers changing the channel right now?

Speaker 30 Like, am I costing the company ratings, right? So it was this.

Speaker 51 Do you feel those moments when you could feel like the makeup kind of like disappearing?

Speaker 41 Like there were moments when I used to be a commentator for CNN.

Speaker 52 I was pre-menopausal, where I could feel the hot flash coming.

Speaker 30 Yeah. I didn't feel it until they said it in my ear and in my earpiece.

Speaker 30 And then what would start to happen was I would get so nervous and stressed out because they kept trying to cover it during commercial breaks. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears.
So

Speaker 30 what I remember is like anchoring the news live. And sometimes you need to be happy, tell this happy story, or you're serious, tell it.

Speaker 30 And I just remember my heart beating in my ears, hoping people weren't turning the, you know, changing the channel. And it started this thing where I, you know, would spend what, you know, it's funny.

Speaker 30 I was, I was, um, anchoring the news. And people think when you're doing that, you must have all this money, but you really don't get paid much at all.

Speaker 30 And I took my little paycheck that I had and started spending it on department store makeup, professional artistry makeup, drugstore makeup. I couldn't find anything that worked.

Speaker 30 And I had this idea one day, like, oh, if I can't find anything that works for me, there's probably a whole lot of other people out there that feel like makeup doesn't work for them.

Speaker 30 And it was sort of this idea where I was like, if I could figure out how to make something that worked for me, it'd help a whole lot of people. And that was my knowing or this, this, this gut feeling.

Speaker 30 But then my head, Mel, was like, oh, but you got no money, you got no connections, you know, no one in the beauty industry, you're unqualified. So I sat in this place, right?

Speaker 30 And I just want to, we're talking about purpose. I had this gut feeling like I was supposed to go for this thing.

Speaker 30 But then my head was like, oh, but here's all the reasons why you're not qualified to do it. Plus, you're in your dream job, right? And I sat between those two.

Speaker 30 And it wasn't until I had this big, big aha moment of why I needed to do it that pushed me over the edge. Okay, so what is the aha moment? Yeah.
So I realized one day, I'm like, this makes no sense.

Speaker 30 There are thousands of makeup companies out there. How does nothing work for me? Right.
Then I had this moment where I realized I've never seen a model with bright red, bumpy skin selling makeup.

Speaker 30 Like you always see these photoshopped, airbrushed models. And I realized, Mel, like, wow, my whole life, I've actually loved those beauty commercials.
And I love seeing the magazines and

Speaker 30 I always aspired to look like them, but deep down inside, they always made me feel like I wasn't enough.

Speaker 30 And I had this moment. I was literally on the news set when this happened where I was like, wait a minute, what if it's not just about launching a makeup product?

Speaker 30 Like, like, what if I could actually figure out how to do it, which I had no idea how, and I had no money.

Speaker 30 It was like, what if I could actually launch a product that works for me and what if i actually put real people as models like every age shape size skin tone skin challenge what if i use them as models call them beautiful and mean it for every little kid out there who's about to start doubting themselves and every grown woman who still does and that deep source of pain from how i was feeling not enough and what could i do about it that in my opinion is one of the strongest ways to find your purpose it's what has just destroyed you or hurt you that you've maybe made it through.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 30 And how can you now use that making it through to help someone who's going through it?

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 41 That's like a mic drop moment from our professor of purpose, Jamie Karnlima.

Speaker 12 So I want to make sure nobody's left behind. Yes.

Speaker 13 And there was billions of dollars.

Speaker 53 worth of wisdom that you just dropped, but I got to hear a word from our sponsors.

Speaker 35 So just hit the pause button and we're going to continue this conversation when we come back.

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Speaker 1 Oh, baby. Absolutely.
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Speaker 3 Welcome back.

Speaker 11 I'm Mel Robbins.

Speaker 22 I'm here with the founder of It Cosmetics, the billion-dollar brand that Jamie built from scratch on her own and then sold to L'Oreal.

Speaker 7 She is giving us a masterclass today on purpose. And so I want to try to unpack it for anybody that is listening to this and you have this sense that you're made for more.

Speaker 34 So one of the things that I heard is look in your life and see

Speaker 32 what problems or frustrations or things that you're struggling with that feel like a setback.

Speaker 35 And Jamie gave you the example of the rosacea on her skin and her inability to find something that actually could help her solve this issue of being able to cover it up so that she could do her dream job.

Speaker 21 And that setback is a setup for something new.

Speaker 7 And then get out of your own sort of selfish or self-loathing or the self-excuses and the self-pity and remind yourself that there are 8 billion people on this planet now.

Speaker 19 There are other people that are dealing with this.

Speaker 32 And that if you can figure out how to put your energy into making this better for yourself and you bring other people into the fold with you, you now have something that's worth working on because it helps you and it's going to help other people.

Speaker 4 And I also want to point something out that Jamie will not tell you, but I sure as hell will, and that is

Speaker 42 that this was

Speaker 42 about

Speaker 32 14 or 15 years ago.

Speaker 7 So we're talking 2007, 2008, correct?

Speaker 29 In my opinion, Jamie Kern Lima

Speaker 42 is the reason why we have this real beauty movement.

Speaker 36 There always has to be the first person and she was it.

Speaker 7 So when you look around the internet and social media and you see people doing naked faces, that was not something people did in 2007.

Speaker 6 It was all airbrush.

Speaker 19 It was all perfection. That was the beauty standard.

Speaker 7 And so you've got a woman who is sitting in Seattle, who has no experience and no money, deciding that she is going to not only figure out how to create a makeup line for people who have issues with their skin.

Speaker 36 but that she's going to do something nobody has ever done, which is put real normal people like you and me

Speaker 11 into her campaigns when she finally gets this figured out.

Speaker 14 And she's going to show people what her skin actually looks like in order to sell it.

Speaker 9 I mean, that was a revolutionary idea.

Speaker 7 She was the first.

Speaker 36 And I'm telling you this because you could be the first.

Speaker 36 You have something that you can solve and you could be the first to change the way that people think about an issue.

Speaker 3 And so, Jamie, let's pick up the story because how do you go from this aha moment, like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, to

Speaker 16 doing something? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Because I think some of us have aha moments, right?

Speaker 19 Yep.

Speaker 30 And then we doubt them.

Speaker 30 Yes, because we doubt them. We doubt him.
We think like, oh, someone's already done it. Yes.
Or, oh, whatever.

Speaker 30 First of all, if you're out there right now and you think, oh, you have an idea or, or a way you want to show up in the world or, or, or someone else you, you know,

Speaker 30 you want to help, but you think, oh, someone's already done it.

Speaker 30 Literally, there's only one of you in the entire universe which by definition means no one has ever done it the way you're going to do it so when i launched this say that again jamie for the people that are like whoa whoa whoa kids calm down uh i'm awake jamie just touched up and i was doing my bush say that again talk about the fact that this matters this is huge because i think the biggest reason we talk ourselves out of things is we think oh someone's already done it yeah someone's already done it before you know who must be smarter than me or more talented or more whatever it is than me.

Speaker 30 And what I have learned and then proven, and I want to tell you too about all, I'm going to get so excited.

Speaker 30 Mel, because no, when you do this thing, like don't be shocked then when there's millions and millions of rejections and people don't get it, right? Because it's never been done before, right?

Speaker 30 Oh, yeah. Because there's only one of you.
There's only one of you doing it the way you're going to do it.

Speaker 30 But, but just to recap that, there is literally only one of you in the entire universe, right?

Speaker 30 And so if you are going to show up to this world authentic, that means whatever you do, if it's authentic to you, it's actually by definition, it's never been done before. Right.

Speaker 30 And so when you show up that way, don't be surprised if not everyone gets it right away.

Speaker 30 Or, you know, in my case, all the experts I put on pedestals all said no, that this idea of how I wanted to connect with women, they thought it wouldn't work and they thought I wouldn't therefore make them any money.

Speaker 25 So, but can I ask you a question real quick?

Speaker 14 How did you go from the aha?

Speaker 50 to starting? So what did that look like?

Speaker 51 Like, cause I think like if you're in this space where,

Speaker 37 you know, let's just use an example.

Speaker 21 You have this thing about catering, that you just can't get it out of your head.

Speaker 7 You want to do these events.

Speaker 37 You want to, you've never actually done this because you had never

Speaker 37 done anything with makeup.

Speaker 44 You had no idea what you were doing.

Speaker 21 Yep. You have an idea.

Speaker 3 And you have an aha moment.

Speaker 13 What was the first thing that you did to start to make this real?

Speaker 30 So leaning on that, why I had to do it and why I felt like it was going to be part of my purpose was a big thing that helped me actually take the risk, quit my job.

Speaker 7 Wait, you quit your job because you had an aha moment?

Speaker 30 Yeah, it was deep. I was like, if I had...

Speaker 22 What did it feel like?

Speaker 30 It felt like,

Speaker 30 it felt like if I didn't do it, I would wake up the rest of my life with this pain in my gut, this longing knowing I was created for more.

Speaker 30 It felt like if I didn't do it, I would have the pain of regret.

Speaker 30 And if I did do it, I might have the pain of failure and maybe the pain of embarrassment and then maybe the pain of, oh, wow, that wasn't, that doesn't feel like it went how I thought it was.

Speaker 30 You know, I knew it was this big risk. I knew I was leaving what I thought was my dream job.

Speaker 23 Why did you have to quit your job?

Speaker 31 Just curious.

Speaker 30 It was literally from day one, I was all in. Like it was, I dove all in.
I knew if I was going to do this, I needed to just go all in on it.

Speaker 30 I do not recommend this, but I started working like 100-hour weeks from the beginning. I was so freaking passionate about it.

Speaker 30 Like, I couldn't stop thinking about what if I can actually figure this out. What if I can literally, because it became a big thing.

Speaker 23 So, did you have any savings? Like, do you have a little bit of savings?

Speaker 22 You didn't pay yourself for the first three years that you did this.

Speaker 30 First three years. So, basically, my husband and I wrote this business plan, right? Quit our jobs, dove all in in our living living room.
We poured all of our savings into it.

Speaker 30 I thought, if I can figure the product out, it's going to be huge.

Speaker 33 Right.

Speaker 30 And then I realized like, oh, being an entrepreneur or launching a dream is not always that easy. We poured every penny we had into it.

Speaker 30 And once we actually created a product, and we were scrappy, if you want to know how.

Speaker 4 You can create a product.

Speaker 7 Like, are you in your kitchen buying stuff at the grocery store?

Speaker 22 Or how does this even work?

Speaker 23 Right.

Speaker 30 So it's researching how are makeup formulations made? Who makes them? What are the FDA regulatory compliance?

Speaker 30 All the unsexy stuff I know nothing about, just diving into the research phase of how does this happen. And then what I learned is that manufacturers are makeup companies' closest held secrets, right?

Speaker 30 Like closest held secrets. They won't disclose who they work with, but a lot of these big manufacturers work with all the top brands that you see or a handful of them.
Gotcha.

Speaker 51 So are you saying that all of the brands and top brands that you see are basically manufactured by a handful of companies?

Speaker 46 Yes, handful of companies.

Speaker 30 And then some do it in-house as well. Gotcha.
So what I did was scrappy. I walked into a Sephora.
I wrote down the name of every single brand in there, went home. You know, I had no money, right?

Speaker 30 Cold call every single brand and saying like, oh,

Speaker 30 I'm looking for a really great manufacturer. Could you let me know who you manufacture? And then they hang up on me.
You know what I mean? One after another, after another, after another.

Speaker 30 And I got this really small brand in a totally different kind of positioning where the girl who answered said, oh, here's who we use. They're in New York City.
blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 30 So that was my first manufacturer. Reached out to them, had a meeting in person, had no money, poured this idea out to them.
They took a risk making me samples.

Speaker 30 And that's how it started was just really being scrappy and trying to figure it out. All of our money had went into the product development formula and the advisory board of the product.

Speaker 30 And I thought, okay, now we have a product that works for me, right? This was after hundreds of formula iterations. I thought that that was going to be it.

Speaker 28 So is this like year one or year two?

Speaker 7 Like how long did this take?

Speaker 30 Yeah, it took a good first year to get that product. And then what I started doing was sending it to everyone I thought was just going to believe in me instantly.

Speaker 30 So I sent it to Sephora and Ulta Beauty and all the department stores and all of the online retailers, QVC, which is, you know, live television shopping channel.

Speaker 30 And I thought, oh my gosh, this is going to be huge. Every single one of them said no after no, after no after no.

Speaker 30 And to your point, it became three years of not being able to pay myself, three years of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of no's of crying myself to sleep at night.

Speaker 46 Were you and your husband like fighting like crazy?

Speaker 38 Like, you should go back to work, you should, but why do we do that?

Speaker 50 Like, were you like doing that?

Speaker 30 You want to know what it was? We still believed in it, but we weren't sure how we were going to make it. It was like friends and family that were like, uh, wait, you quit your job.

Speaker 30 Are you sure you should have quit your job? Or wait, you still haven't made any money? Like, it's been three years, right?

Speaker 30 So, you hear all of this, the voices get so loud um the loudest though were my own self-doubt you know sometimes we take a chance and go for something because our gut is telling us to do it and then all of a sudden you face all this opposition and you start to question is my gut wrong is my knowing wrong and there were so many times where i would literally get this another brutal no from you know sephora or qvc or whoever it was and i would just literally cry myself to sleep um i would pray about it and be like god I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this, but nothing is going right.

Speaker 23 So let's just pause in that moment.

Speaker 21 Hold that thought.

Speaker 38 We got to take a short break for our sponsors.

Speaker 7 And when we come back, we're going to pick this amazing conversation up with my friend, Jamie Kern Lima.

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Speaker 3 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins.

Speaker 14 I'm here with the founder of It Cosmetics, the billion-dollar brand that Jamie built from scratch on her own and then sold to L'Oreal.

Speaker 7 She is giving us a masterclass today on purpose, believing in yourself.

Speaker 21 So, Jamie,

Speaker 36 your story is incredible, woman.

Speaker 21 You have left your dream job.

Speaker 18 You have gotten no after no after no after no after no.

Speaker 14 How do you stay connected to your intuition in a situation like that?

Speaker 7 What tool do you have or what advice can you give to somebody who's having trouble hearing

Speaker 35 what the right decision is in that kind of situation?

Speaker 30 Yeah. So I think that intuition is like a muscle that we build

Speaker 30 over time. And I think it's a lifelong journey that, you know, to really learning how to hear it and to trust it.

Speaker 30 And one of the greatest tools I think is to go back, think back to times in your life where maybe you had this gut feeling to do something and everyone around you said, don't do it.

Speaker 30 So you listen to them, you didn't trust yourself. And then think about what happened, right? And then similarly, go back to a time where everyone was like, oh, uh-uh, no way, no way.

Speaker 30 And you're like, but I love him. I don't think he's lying.
I think his phone really did break five times every weekend. He didn't disappear his phone.
Like, right.

Speaker 30 Think about like that situation when everyone was telling you something and you didn't listen, or even your gut was telling you, right? And you didn't listen.

Speaker 30 And you think back to those times and you start to develop pattern recognition

Speaker 30 of how it felt in moments in your life when you trusted yourself or didn't and what happened. And you get better attuned to what that feels like.
So what does it feel like for you in those situations?

Speaker 48 Like, can you describe what it feels like for you when you're like, yep, nope, that's a no.

Speaker 35 And what does it feel like for you when you're like, I'm sticking with this? Yeah.

Speaker 30 Often it's the tiniest of feelings in my gut, right? Some people describe it as like a still small voice. I pray about it.
I ask God to give me the answers and I try to live the answers.

Speaker 22 Do you feel the answers that God gives you?

Speaker 15 Like, is that what happens for you when you do this?

Speaker 30 Like right now, when I look at you, right? Like, I know you're a beautiful soul, right? I just know it. You know it.
You feel it. Like, I feel like you have good, like you're good.

Speaker 30 You know what I mean? It's a feeling, right? And we get these feelings, but so much around us is so loud, you know, and we just learn over time.

Speaker 30 And by the way, not to go, this could be a whole other episode, but especially as women, from the time we're young, we learn not to trust ourselves.

Speaker 30 We walk in to our parents fighting and we go, is everything okay? They're like, everything's great. Everything is great.
Right. To protect us, we start to learn to doubt ourselves.

Speaker 9 Tony. Right.

Speaker 30 But you know, or, you know, especially as young girls, you learn to make decisions by consensus often with your friends.

Speaker 35 And making other people happy.

Speaker 30 And making other people happy.

Speaker 30 People pleasing. We're rewarded for pleasing everyone else and almost ignoring what we feel.

Speaker 30 So if you're someone who's an adult right now going, I don't even know how to hear my own gut or trust myself. That's why we've been trained out of learning how to do it, right?

Speaker 30 So it takes intentionality and really deciding, oh, you know what?

Speaker 30 I'm going to put in some time, even if it's five minutes a day, just to thinking about moments in my life where I trusted myself or I didn't.

Speaker 30 And if you don't remember any of them, start now.

Speaker 36 You know what you just inspired me to think about?

Speaker 14 I don't even know if it's possible to do this, but imagine if you could go through the rest of today

Speaker 18 and only make decisions that align with what you truly want.

Speaker 56 If you don't want to go to that party tonight, don't go.

Speaker 51 If a friend asks you something and you feel obligated out of guilt to lend them that thing, don't actually lend them the thing.

Speaker 22 Eat what you want to eat tonight for dinner.

Speaker 48 Don't just go to wherever your friends want to go.

Speaker 6 I think that would be a real eye-opening experiment if you were to do that.

Speaker 30 And you start building that muscle, right? Some people don't even pay attention to what they actually want to eat for dinner. They're just like, what sounds good to everyone?

Speaker 30 But to your point, when you start paying attention, then you also start building that knowing of hearing your own knowing.

Speaker 40 Do you think it's possible to discover

Speaker 10 your unique purpose in life?

Speaker 41 If you are not connected and listening to your intention, intuition, I mean.

Speaker 30 It's way more likely. And you're going to actually discover more than one purpose often if you're really tuned in to your intuition and you're intentional about it.

Speaker 30 But what I'll say for someone who feels like they can't hear their gut, but they still want to find their purpose.

Speaker 30 A friend of mine says that you're best positioned to serve the person you once were.

Speaker 30 Right. Trent Shelton, our friend, says one day the things you're going through right now will be the things you made it through.

Speaker 30 And what I would say to someone listening right now is

Speaker 30 look at something in the past that has broken your heart, that has caused you grief, that has been something that you care deeply about, whether it's positive or negative that you've gone through, something you care deeply about, or maybe pain you've gone through, something you have made it through.

Speaker 30 I believe Often when we go through the hardest times in our life, it's for one of two reasons. What are they?

Speaker 30 It is to either equip us with the strength we need to carry the weight of our success that's to come, to carry the weight of our purpose that's to come, or we've gone through these horrible, unspeakable times, things we would never want to happen to us again in our life, because we're actually going to get our greatest source of fulfillment and purpose by one day helping someone else who's going through them.

Speaker 28 I love that saying that you're best equipped to help the person you used to be.

Speaker 30 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 7 So let's go to that moment, Jamie.

Speaker 28 You're three years in.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 11 You've burned through the money. Yes.
You have been told no by everybody.

Speaker 10 And even though you have leveraged all of the steps that were ordered along the way and like an amazing Denny's waitress, you can talk to anybody.

Speaker 24 You can hustle.

Speaker 23 You can figure it out.

Speaker 21 You have nothing but closed doors in front of you.

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 7 And a ton of product and no money. Yes.

Speaker 12 What is the turning point?

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 11 Why did you not give up?

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 30 So two big things happened. The first was in the form of a crazy painful rejection.

Speaker 30 So I thought, no, so we got a call from a big potential investor and very famous for launching all these sort of unknown brands and making them big products. We all buy in grocery stores.

Speaker 30 And, you know, and I thought, and they gotten a hold of our product.

Speaker 30 And I thought, like, oh, if they invest in A, I'm not going to go bankrupt, B, like they could, we can leverage their clout to get in these stores that keep telling me no like i had this whole scenario planned out that was like this pretty woman moment right where i was like oh he's gonna save the day and so we started taking meeting after meeting and we it got down to the final meeting with this huge investment firm it was in person my husband and i actually flew to the meeting and the head guy was about three feet from me yeah and his whole team was there who was awesome i just presented our whole future product pipeline and he says you know you should be so proud of this product you've created it's really really good But it's a no.

Speaker 30 We're going to pass on investing in it cosmetics. And I was like, okay, can you tell me why? Because I'm so used to hearing no.
And I was like, okay, even though really I was devastated.

Speaker 16 Well, yeah, because this was supposed to be the meeting where they're like, let's do this.

Speaker 30 And I was so hopeful and I was so desperate.

Speaker 30 And he got very quiet. And he says to me, do you want to know? you know, do you, I said, I said, can you tell me why? And he says to me, do you want me to be really honest with you?

Speaker 30 And I said, yes, please. And he got really quiet.
And he's like three feet from me in person.

Speaker 30 And he says, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight.

Speaker 30 And when he said that to me, and this is why it was such a big moment for me, when he said that to me.

Speaker 30 First of all, a lifetime of body doubt and self-doubt. Like I remember it flooding my body all at once.
And when I looked at him, I actually felt no anger toward him.

Speaker 30 I felt like I was almost like staring my own fear um straight in the eye but when he said those words to me mel and this is what this is when we talk about purpose and intuition he said i just don't think women will buy makeup for someone who looks like you with your body and your weight the second he said that i felt this feeling in my gut like i can remember it like it was yesterday this like strong feeling that said he's wrong Like I felt it, right?

Speaker 30 And I didn't know how I was going to prove it, but I felt that feeling. And what I realized later, when I look back at that moment, this guy, this dude gave me a no,

Speaker 30 but God gave me a knowing in that moment, in that moment.

Speaker 30 And I believe every one of us has had someone tell us we're not the right fit or no, or you don't have what it takes. Sometimes we're the ones telling ourselves that.

Speaker 24 I don't love you anymore.

Speaker 30 Yes, right.

Speaker 30 But if you get still and you learn to hear your knowing, I believe which one you listen to, if you listen to the no, all the no's, all the rejections, all the self-doubt, or you get still and listen to your knowing, whether that's from your own intuition, from your creator, from the universe, whatever speaks to you.

Speaker 30 But we all have it. We all have it.
And I believe

Speaker 30 our life and our purpose

Speaker 30 and our entire destiny comes down to which one we listen to. Do you listen to the no or do you listen to the knowing?

Speaker 3 Okay, I promised a masterclass.

Speaker 42 That right there

Speaker 6 is worth a billion dollars.

Speaker 14 In life, are you going to listen to the know

Speaker 37 or are you going to listen to the knowing inside of you?

Speaker 56 That's it.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 18 As somebody who loves you and as your friend, when you shared that story with me and hearing you tell it again right now,

Speaker 34 I literally go, I'm going to kill that motherfucker.

Speaker 2 I go, I have that, my knowing goes, oh yeah.

Speaker 8 Oh yeah.

Speaker 44 You think, okay, okay.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Okay.
Let me, let me show you.

Speaker 7 Like it's that, like, I get that sort of mojo thing going when somebody says no like that at a moment like that.

Speaker 35 It's like, I'll show you.

Speaker 7 And I guess I just got in this moment, sort of this wake up call that my knowing often feels like, I'll show you.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 35 You missed out.

Speaker 16 You'll be sorry.

Speaker 35 What does yours sound like?

Speaker 30 And it's almost always true. That's almost always always true, right?

Speaker 30 What does yours sound like? I mean, in that case, I was devastated and at the same time had this strong, it was just a piece. Honestly, in that moment, it was a piece.
He's wrong.

Speaker 30 And that didn't make sense in my head. Why? Because I had had three years of hundreds of rejections.
And this is the thing, right?

Speaker 30 Jay-Z says the genius thing we did was we didn't give up. That's like one of my favorite quotes of his.
In that moment, everything told me to give up, Mel. I mean, it was hundreds of rejections.

Speaker 30 And now it felt, what felt like my last hope of desperation told me something totally different.

Speaker 30 No, because not only do I not believe in anything you're doing necessarily, but I actually just think you're personally not the right fit. Women just won't buy makeup from.

Speaker 30 It was just like, oh my gosh, all of these no's everywhere. And I want to share that because

Speaker 30 You know, it's easy for someone to go, oh, wow, she built a billion dollar company. She must have just got lucky.
Or maybe she just had so many connections.

Speaker 30 But really what it comes down to sometimes, in this case, that big moment for me, do you listen to the no's or you listen to the knowing? Right.

Speaker 30 And I made that decision that day to trust the knowing, to trust myself. I kept feeling like I was supposed to keep going.
I didn't know how, right?

Speaker 35 And what do you do when you don't even know the next step?

Speaker 39 So you got this kind of, you know, jerk who's like, yeah, I'm not going to buy it because of your body type and this, that, and the other thing.

Speaker 24 You're like, yeah, you're wrong, motherfucker.

Speaker 56 What do you do next?

Speaker 30 And so the next right step, the next thing that feels right when you can't even see how the hat is. It's hard.

Speaker 3 How do you even determine what the next right step is?

Speaker 30 Yeah, you just get, for me, I just get still. I pray.
You know that. I pray.

Speaker 30 And I just, but whether for you, you know, listening, it's prayer or it's the universe or your intuition, when you get still, all you can do is try to listen. Right.

Speaker 30 And try to live that answer, whatever it is, and take that next right step. And I just felt, I just had this knowing I was supposed to keep going.
And even when it didn't make sense.

Speaker 30 And, and, you know, I remember crying myself to sleep. I remember writing in my journal,

Speaker 30 Know Your Why, then Fly, Girl, Fly.

Speaker 30 And I read those words every day till I didn't need the reminder.

Speaker 30 I would Google stories of people that had gone through thousands of rejections who no one would know that they went through them because they're so successful today.

Speaker 30 Or, you know, and I just kept trying to sort of build this toolbox of things I could lean on.

Speaker 43 How did QVC come about?

Speaker 33 Because

Speaker 43 you

Speaker 37 built it cosmetics and it became because of you

Speaker 7 the most successful beauty brand on all of QVC.

Speaker 21 You did over a thousand appearances.

Speaker 35 So how did you even get onto QVC? Because that in and of itself

Speaker 7 is no small feat.

Speaker 30 Well, you know, their head guy of beauty, who's like a legend, had said no to me many times. No, you're not the right fit.
And I happened to be at this big beauty expo.

Speaker 35 And was this before or after this guy was like, no, we're not investing?

Speaker 4 After.

Speaker 39 after after so she has now gotten three years of no's yeah they're almost out of money her intuition is knowing that she's gonna fly girl fly so she is still showing up to a beauty expo yeah where i want you to understand in the business world it's like going to a convention where everybody that you have ever fooled around with who has then broken up with you is attended.

Speaker 13 So everybody that has said no to her, you know, she walks in and it's like, oh, here's this chick again, the it chick, right?

Speaker 30 Yep.

Speaker 31 The it cosmetics person that has been sending me the stuff and calling me, and we have told her no, do not make eye contact.

Speaker 30 This describes it exactly. Everyone you fooled around with who broke up with you and they're like, oh, don't make eye contact.

Speaker 24 It's that. You're bad at this chick again.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 With the skin.

Speaker 24 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 33 So you're at this thing.

Speaker 39 You've been told no by the big, big, big, big, big person.

Speaker 45 It's been three years.

Speaker 23 So we're talking like 2011, 2012-ish.

Speaker 30 what do you do so i uh so you you get this three-foot table right it's a huge convention there's 6 000 women at this convention they're walking up and down and it's every beauty brand in the world are they buying it for their stores or no so what it is it's it was this big um cosmetic executive women award show okay you get a three foot table you're demonstrating your product you're hoping that someone who walks by either wants to carry your product in their stores or all the press is there they cover your product and when i got there I saw QVC had this huge booth in the background and you're not allowed to leave your table, right?

Speaker 30 I couldn't afford to get kicked out.

Speaker 30 But I just kept having this feeling like, okay, I've called them a million times. They've told me no forever, but I've never like met anyone in person, right?

Speaker 30 So I kept trying to sneak away from my table. And every time I got over there, the buyers would be mobbed with people.

Speaker 30 I eventually got over there, made my way to one of the buyers, introduced myself, poured my heart out.

Speaker 30 Like was, I remember sweat just dripping through my clothes because I was freaking out down to no money. Yeah.
I'll cut a real long story short, but she gave me her card.

Speaker 30 Um, and uh, you know, it's like when someone says, Oh, DM me on Instagram. You don't know if they mean they really mean it.

Speaker 30 Then you're on your Instagram checking your DMs and you're like, Oh, they still haven't replied. And I thought, is that what it's going to be like? But she actually meant it.

Speaker 30 And I flew out, had a meeting with her. We got a yes, my first big yes for one shot on QVC.

Speaker 30 And what it meant, Mel, was I was going to get this 10-minute segment live on the air, live in front of 100 million homes. And I either had to sell enough product to hit their sales goal

Speaker 30 or not come back.

Speaker 30 We were only doing one to two orders a day on our website.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 45 One to two orders a day, everybody.

Speaker 6 Yep.

Speaker 39 After

Speaker 45 almost four, yeah, three years of this.

Speaker 30 Yeah. Oh, this is barely keeping the the lights on.

Speaker 44 And so now you get this, you get your shot.

Speaker 7 Like there are those moments in life.

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 47 You're at bat.

Speaker 30 Yep.

Speaker 53 And you got to be ready for those.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 35 And so

Speaker 16 put us right there with you.

Speaker 30 What happened? Yeah. What happened was I was about to learn one of the greatest life lessons I've ever learned to this day.
Here's what I mean by that. So I found out I get one shot

Speaker 30 and I had to sell over 6,000 units of our concealer in this 10 minute window to hit their sales goal or not come back, which was about like $130,000 or $140,000 of product in a 10-minute window.

Speaker 12 I also want to point out to everybody,

Speaker 12 that's 10 years of sales on her website at the current amount.

Speaker 37 So in 10 minutes, everybody,

Speaker 15 she on live television has to move.

Speaker 38 10 years worth of volume she was selling on her website at that time.

Speaker 37 In one shot.

Speaker 8 In one shot.

Speaker 38 And she'd she'd never done this before.

Speaker 23 I realized you were a television anchor, but this is a totally different thing.

Speaker 30 Well, QVC, it's, I mean, you know, it's unlike stores where you can walk in and there's thousands of products in one space. They're one minute of airtime can get one product.

Speaker 30 So you're competing with the volume of like Apple iPhone or Dyson Vacuum. You have to hit these highest sales goals.

Speaker 30 And what I quickly learned was the offer was consignment, which meant I wasn't guaranteed to be paid for it.

Speaker 30 I had to figure out how to get a loan to cover the cost of manufacturing 6,000 units of product, shipping it in, going through legal, going through QC, going through all of it.

Speaker 30 And then I learned if I go on air and it doesn't sell, I have to take it all back

Speaker 30 and therefore go out of business, right? So you should never, ever, ever accept a purchase order. You can't afford to lose ever.
But at this point, it was like, I don't know what else to do.

Speaker 30 This is it.

Speaker 30 This is it. And so here's what happened.
We went to 22 banks that all said no, and they probably should have.

Speaker 30 The 23rd bank, which was California Bank and Trust, gave us a loan that covered our very first

Speaker 30 purchase order and a little bit more. So I took the little bit more.
We hired third-party consultants. I'm like, I'm going all in.
I want to do the best 10 minutes I could possibly do.

Speaker 30 I want to have no regrets. And they all told me the same thing,

Speaker 30 which is. If you want a chance at making it, here's what you need to do.

Speaker 30 You need to use this type of model to demonstrate demonstrate your product, which is flawless skin, early 20s, all the same skin tone. And I'm like, okay,

Speaker 30 but that's inauthentic. That's not why I'm building this brand.
I'm like, what if I put models in their 70s and then, and someone with hyperpigmentation and someone with acne?

Speaker 30 And what if I take my own makeup off on national TV and I could prove live how the product works? And they were mortified. And here's the thing, Mel, they wanted me to win.

Speaker 30 Like they were giving me the best advice that they know how.

Speaker 7 Did Did people say, wait, you can't take them on the air?

Speaker 51 Or was there any like, were people like, oh, she's got, this is, this is going to be terrible?

Speaker 35 Like, what was that like when you walked in?

Speaker 56 Did they even know you were going to take your makeup off?

Speaker 30 Yeah, I let them know I wanted to. And QVC was great.
They want everyone to be their authentic selves. It's just this has never been done this way before.
Okay.

Speaker 30 And I wish I could say it was easy for me to just go, I'm just going to go with my knowing. But the truth is I flew out there a week early, Mel.

Speaker 30 I sat in a rental car in the parking lot, cried every day. I actually second guessed myself.
I'm like, if I do it, maybe I'll do it their way first. Then I'll make money, then I'll do it my way.

Speaker 30 But I know that you can't fake authenticity and authenticity alone doesn't automatically guarantee success. But what I do know is inauthenticity guarantees failure every time.

Speaker 40 Okay, everybody stop. The professor classes in second.

Speaker 30 Did you hear that?

Speaker 11 That inauthenticity, being fake.

Speaker 40 Trying to do something everybody else's way, because that's just, you're too insecure to do it your way, that never guarantees success.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Authenticity, your knowing, your special

Speaker 37 spin on things. Yeah.

Speaker 16 That is the pathway to purpose and success.

Speaker 49 And so after a week of crying in your rental car in the parking lot at QVC,

Speaker 47 you are like, I'm going with the knowing.

Speaker 30 I'm going with the knowing.

Speaker 44 And so tell us about that first appearance.

Speaker 35 You're standing there on a television set.

Speaker 17 There's a bazillion cameras.

Speaker 43 The lights are bright.

Speaker 22 You got your models there.

Speaker 4 You're taking the risk of your lifetime on live television in front of a hundred million homes.

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 26 You are doing something that has never been done on television before.

Speaker 30 Yeah, I remember literally I wore two pairs of spanks Mel, not because I cared how I look, but like I was so freaked out. Like my hands were shaking and I was sweating through my clothes.

Speaker 30 So I went on double spanks under my dress. And I remember the moment the camera went live, right? And there's a big countdown clock on the floor that started at 10 minutes.

Speaker 30 And by the way, a minute or two before I went on to the set, I learned you're not guaranteed your 10 minutes. Why?

Speaker 30 If you are a minute or two into your cell and you're not hitting numbers, they know by the second.

Speaker 30 Your clock, you might think you have eight minutes still to go and your clock will jump to one or jump to two minutes left.

Speaker 23 Because your product's a flop.

Speaker 30 Yep, exactly. And you're a flop.

Speaker 16 So you literally are racing against the clock to be successful out of the gate.

Speaker 22 So what did you do to like hook everybody?

Speaker 23 Did you take your makeup off right away?

Speaker 30 What did you do?

Speaker 30 So I, first of all, I go out of the, you know, i go live i remember it's like 959 958 95 and i'm like and i remember i had practiced in my bathroom mirror right so many times if i had known the high five habit then i would have been way more confident but i was practicing in the bathroom mirror this demonstration a million times on my wrist how our concealer doesn't crease and the best two selling concealers crease and i'd done this demonstration like this where i show it and they all start to crease so i'm holding my wrist up trying to do this as we go live but my hands like this now and it was never like shaking when I was doing it a million times.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't bend everybody.

Speaker 39 Like she was so

Speaker 2 society ridden that she's sweating through her spanks.

Speaker 23 And her wrist will not bend.

Speaker 7 So she cannot demonstrate that her product won't crease.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 30 And the host grabbed my wrist and was like, thank you, sugar. And she took over.

Speaker 30 And then I remember my bright red bare face before shot coming up on national television.

Speaker 30 I remember walking over to our models, real women, all shapes, sizes, skin tones, skin challenges, calling them beautiful, meaning it.

Speaker 56 So, when did you take your makeup off?

Speaker 26 When she grabbed your hand and said, Thank you, sugar.

Speaker 30 Yeah. Yeah.
Did that waste your suck? Or were you like, I was like out of my body.

Speaker 37 So, do you, did you like just then take your makeup off?

Speaker 30 Well, they did a whole bareface before shot of me for that show. I have taken it off live a million times since.
The first show, it was like, yeah, bareface before shot, and then the after.

Speaker 30 I remember we were, gosh, six or seven minutes in. I didn't know how we were doing, but I knew we weren't cut yet.

Speaker 30 And then it got down to like a minute left. And the host said,

Speaker 30 the deep shade's almost gone. The tan shades almost sold out.
And I was like. freaking out.
And I remember literally right at the 10 minute mark, this giant sold-out sign came up across the screen.

Speaker 30 And I start crying on national television. Oh, I love you.
They cut from me and went to like Dyson Vacuum or something.

Speaker 30 And I remember my husband came rushing through the double doors of the studio and he's like has his arms up and I'm just sobbing and I'm like, real women have spoken.

Speaker 30 And I'm just like crying. And I thought he was going to give me a hug or be all excited.
And he just looked at me and he's like, we're not going bankrupt.

Speaker 2 And I was like,

Speaker 30 and I just, that one airing, which was September of 2010,

Speaker 30 became five more that year, then 101 the next year. And then I did 250 live shows a year myself, direct live on QVC year after year.
So we built the biggest beauty brand in QC's history.

Speaker 30 And the only reason that I share that is because it was was years of no and you're not the right fit.

Speaker 30 And what I love for anyone listening who needs to hear this is no one can tell you you're not the right fit. No one.
And you can get all the no's in the world, but you have your knowing. And

Speaker 30 by the way,

Speaker 30 I believe this, Mel. I believe even when you trust your knowing and then it seems like it was wrong and things don't go your way over and over and over.
Like I look back at those moments, right?

Speaker 30 I really wanted that investor to invest in us. Thank God he didn't.

Speaker 30 When I say everything's happening for us, what I mean is like, if he, I was so desperate that if he would have invested in us then, I probably would have given him the majority of the company for probably almost no money, right?

Speaker 30 By the time many years, six years later, after that day, six years later, when L'Oreal bought.

Speaker 30 this little company I started in my living room for $1.2 billion cash, Paulo and I were largest shareholders.

Speaker 30 And I look back and it's like, oh, gosh, thank God all the no's happened when they did, even when they sucked, even when it felt like it wasn't fair.

Speaker 30 And I can look at that in many scenarios. Sometimes we don't have some big positive outcome, but we learn a purpose through a no,

Speaker 30 right? We learn a calling through a no. We learn a lesson.
We build strength. We build resiliency.
We appreciate the beautiful moment so much more when we've gone through the tough ones.

Speaker 37 So have you ever seen that investor since?

Speaker 30 I have not seen him.

Speaker 16 Of course, I asked the petty question.

Speaker 48 I'm like, have you ever like seen him to like twist the little knife in there?

Speaker 30 So, so I heard from him one time ever again, and it was six years later, the day that L'Oreal announced the deal. So, because they're a public company, they announced,

Speaker 30 you know, that they had acquired at Cosmetics, maybe the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand in their 107-year history. They did the big press release.

Speaker 1 So, that's kind of surprising.

Speaker 27 107 years, L'Oreal, a makeup company.

Speaker 15 It took them that long to have the first female CEO of a brand.

Speaker 30 I hope they have many more now. That is my prayer.

Speaker 30 But so, so they announced it, right? So all of a sudden it was a homepage of Wall Street Journal, the press everywhere.

Speaker 30 And that was the first time and only time since that I heard from that potential investor. And what did he say? He said, congratulations on the L'Oreal deal.
I was wrong.

Speaker 30 is what he said. And wished me the best of luck.
And

Speaker 19 that's a big deal to admit you're wrong.

Speaker 30 It is.

Speaker 30 And

Speaker 30 so when you speak about petty, so what I did say to him was, thank you. But what I wanted to say, like,

Speaker 2 what did you want to say?

Speaker 30 So in that moment, here's what I thought about. I thought about,

Speaker 30 do you remember the movie Pretty Woman where like she goes in the store and they wouldn't help her? And then she goes back. Remember when she goes back? Yes.
So I wanted to say to him, big mistake.

Speaker 30 Huge, huge.

Speaker 30 I could give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake um but i didn't i wouldn't have wanted to be him in that situation you know we probably would have been one of the most successful investments in his firm's history so i always say rejection is god's protection so often you know there's another one everybody rejection is god's protection yeah it's a good way to frame it and i think when you look in the rearview mirror you know that all the rejections you faced especially in relationships, were there to protect you.

Speaker 16 I think the true thing that you've taught me through your story and through the example that you continue to set, Jamie, is that true power and grace and grit

Speaker 52 and belief

Speaker 29 is about seeing that in front of you.

Speaker 12 not behind you.

Speaker 53 That the rejections that you're facing right now, that you can look ahead and realize it's protecting you in this moment.

Speaker 7 After doing something so extraordinary,

Speaker 12 and you also have made a huge difference in women's lives around the world because you are extraordinarily philanthropic. $40 million worth of product and monetary donations

Speaker 38 to people that are struggling with cancer.

Speaker 35 What is next for you?

Speaker 40 Because

Speaker 47 you are right now

Speaker 15 in the middle of figuring out on this next leg of the journey called life,

Speaker 20 what your purpose is

Speaker 47 and what your next thing is going to be.

Speaker 26 What tools are you using, or how are you thinking about it?

Speaker 6 So many people, particularly after the last three years,

Speaker 12 have had a profound life change thrust on them.

Speaker 46 And they're looking ahead at an open road, wondering

Speaker 12 what their purpose is going to be, what they're going to do.

Speaker 28 Can you just speak to that person for a minute about how you're going about figuring it out?

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 30 So one thing I just want to

Speaker 30 remind everyone to, Mel, because I think people put so much pressure on themselves that their purpose has to be their job or their next job. And a lot of times we can be doing a job that's fine.

Speaker 30 And maybe for family reasons, we need that health coverage and we need that paycheck. And your purpose can be found in the things you do outside of that, right?

Speaker 30 There's a lot of ways to listen to that knowing and your gut. And then when it feels right, you know, that's aligned with who you're born to be and how you're born to show up in the world.

Speaker 30 And so for me right now, you know, there's that famous thing, just because you can, should you, right? There's a big part of me now with all these, you know, could I go launch a bunch of businesses?

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 30 And what I feel drawn to is literally, because here's the deal. Yes, I've built a billion dollar business.
Yes, I have other companies I invest in.

Speaker 53 You also are married and you have two beautiful children.

Speaker 30 Yes, a two-year-old. Two years.

Speaker 26 So you're incredibly devoted to your family.

Speaker 30 Well, and here's the thing is like, that's all part of my story.

Speaker 30 But when I look at my real story, meaning the part that ties deeply to my purpose, like my real story is a girl who went from not believing in herself to learning how to.

Speaker 30 And so when I wake up in the morning and I think about the things I've done so far, the things I hope for my kids for and how I built a billion dollar business, it was really through

Speaker 30 seeing women, helping them see themselves and believe in themselves and believe they are worthy and enough. And that's what fires me up every morning.

Speaker 30 So when I think about what I'm stepping into next,

Speaker 30 you know, I wrote Believe It, my book about how to go from underestimated to Unstoppable, donated all the proceeds. I'm donating all the proceeds throughout 100%.

Speaker 30 I funded leadership.

Speaker 3 Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 17 Let's just underscore that.

Speaker 35 So she writes, a New York Times bestseller donates all the proceeds from the book.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 7 So you're kind of in the soup of knowing that this is the area where you want to focus the impact, but it's still a fuzzy target, so to speak, as our friend Dean would say, it's a fuzzy target.

Speaker 10 If somebody kind of has a sense that there's something more, but they don't quite have their, they haven't had that aha moment yet that you had almost 14 years ago sitting on that television set.

Speaker 13 I'm going to make makeup and I'm going to bring real women and I'm going to show my skin and I'm going to solve this problem.

Speaker 44 I'm going to make people think that they're beautiful because they are beautiful no matter what their button. And you did it.

Speaker 43 You did it but if you're in the soup

Speaker 30 and you don't have the vision yet is there an exercise or something that you would recommend that we all do while we're waiting for that clarity and that epiphany to strike yeah two things one waiting for it to be perfect can be the lowest vibration biggest excuse uh number one reason why people just never try and never get started so i think it's rare to ever have complete clarity like this is exactly perfect for and that's why, you know, I think two things.

Speaker 30 I think just taking a step and seeing how it feels is good, tuning into your knowing. I also think you mentioned our friend Dean, who was saying it's a fuzzy target.

Speaker 30 You know, he was saying something to me recently about, you know, almost like when you're about to aim a bow and arrow and you're about to let go of the arrow.

Speaker 30 He's like, you can aim and turn it and twist it a few times before you let go of the arrow. It's okay to wait a little bit and just make sure you're going to aim at the right thing.

Speaker 30 And, you know, so this year, for example, I've kind of been doing that. I've been saying, how do things feel? You know, I have the gift and blessing of being here with you right now.
How do you feel?

Speaker 30 Feels amazing.

Speaker 7 Well, like you, and maybe this is one of the reasons why

Speaker 38 we have become such dear friends in such a short period of time.

Speaker 16 And I often say on the show that I truly believe that the best years of your life and the best friendships that you'll have are on the road ahead.

Speaker 7 But a lot of the reason why we connected so profoundly, even though we are different in many, many ways, is that

Speaker 16 it goes back to the Denny's waitress.

Speaker 53 Like at my core, I am still the waitress making money waiting tables at the Red Rooster Tavern on Scenic Drive in North Muskegon, Michigan.

Speaker 15 Same as you, stalling because the fryer has now broken and the fried perch is not coming out.

Speaker 46 And I'm talking talking to the tourists from Chicago and I'm treating everybody kindly. And I know that

Speaker 10 all I want to do is impact

Speaker 6 people's lives that are just got their head down and they don't feel very seen or heard.

Speaker 12 And I want to make them know that they have it within them to tap into this incredible power inside them to create whatever they want in life.

Speaker 28 Yes. And it starts with believing

Speaker 7 that you can and having somebody like you on who has has demonstrated that is really important for people to hear.

Speaker 30 You know, on that topic of friendship, I love so much that you are the friend that people need to your audience. And I'm honored to be the friend for this episode with you to everyone.

Speaker 30 And so honored to be part of that. Thank you.

Speaker 12 I think one of the things that I've learned, and it took me a long time to learn this, is that there is so much success and happiness to go around.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 32 when you lift other people up

Speaker 53 and you reach out for help, that

Speaker 28 your success comes faster and it's richer.

Speaker 30 Yes.

Speaker 6 And it goes back to purpose.

Speaker 35 It goes back to that knowing and staying connected to your intention and this unique thing that you have to give to the world.

Speaker 7 It is not only your responsibility in life

Speaker 35 to stay connected to your knowing.

Speaker 35 It is your responsibility to advocate for it because only you have seen it in your heart and mind.

Speaker 18 Of course, your family says no.

Speaker 12 They don't even know what you're talking about because they only know the person that you've been in the past.

Speaker 26 Of course the investor is going to say no.

Speaker 35 Why? Because they only know what they know.

Speaker 27 Your knowing is yours.

Speaker 21 And you have to stay connected to it and you have to keep describing it or advocating for it or explaining it to people so that they can see it too.

Speaker 28 And it's not until you demonstrate what you see in your own heart and mind by continuing to walk toward it, continuing to talk about it, continuing to believe in it, that it will become a reality.

Speaker 21 And that's why people say no,

Speaker 7 because it's your knowing,

Speaker 35 not theirs. And so in a weird way, a ton of no's or a lot of friction or bumping up against things as you're trying, and you can't understand why don't people get this?

Speaker 6 Why isn't this working?

Speaker 16 It's because it's your knowing, not theirs.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 15 amazing you're just the freaking best and in case nobody else has told you i want to just make sure that we end by saying that i love you

Speaker 30 i know jamie does too yeah i love you also and um and you're worthy of your greatest hopes and your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world and and your purpose and worthy of grace you know the grace that you want to give yourself on this journey and we're all in it together that's the beauty and power of your show also Like we're all in it together.

Speaker 33 We are. Yeah.
We are.

Speaker 43 Well, we believe in you. So get out there and do it.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 5 one more thing.

Speaker 51 It's the legal language.

Speaker 45 This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1 It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

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