The Moth Radio Hour: Pride 2021

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Speaker 4 This is a Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host and frequent moth storyteller, Alastair Bain.

Speaker 4 It's June, Gay Pride Month. Most Pride celebrations involve a rather fabulous parade that creates visibility, community, and support.

Speaker 4 In this hour, a mini Pride parade of LGBTQI Plus stories from around the world.

Speaker 4 I'm from the Eastern Shawnee tribe of Oklahoma.

Speaker 4 Many Indigenous nations here on this continent that we call Turtle Island have a long history of loving and respecting the people amongst us who express unique gender identities.

Speaker 4 It's an honor to celebrate Pride with all of my relatives who are LGBTQI plus, Two Spirit, or however you choose to define your unique, beautiful, amazing self.

Speaker 4 All of our families, friends, and allies too.

Speaker 4 Let's get our Pride celebration started with our first story from Meg Farrell, told in New York City where WNYC is a media partner of the Moth.

Speaker 4 Here's Meg.

Speaker 2 I wrote him a letter. I wrote my dad a letter because at that point our relationship had been crumbling apart.
And with each year, we became a little bit less us and a little bit more him and me.

Speaker 2 So I wrote him a letter and I told him, I'm gay.

Speaker 2 And I'm not telling you this just to tell you this. I'm telling you this because I don't know who you are anymore and you don't know who I am anymore.
And what I really want is a relationship.

Speaker 2 We hadn't always been this way, but to understand this, you got to understand my dad's a bit of a complicated man, like most of the best people are.

Speaker 2 And he grew up in an outline of a family that never fleshed out into a full story. And he's a reclusive engineer.

Speaker 2 And when he remarried my stepmom, they moved off into 163 acres in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina. His little slice of heaven.
But when we were young, when I was young, I don't know about him.

Speaker 2 When I was young, it wasn't this distant. I was his shadow.

Speaker 2 I played the perfect doting kid. My dad was the smartest dad.
He could tell you the name of any star pattern in the sky.

Speaker 2 And my dad was the strongest dad because one time our Dodge minivan broke down at an intersection and he pushed us to safety in a parking lot. I'd factored that to be three to four tons.

Speaker 2 And my dad was the kindest dad because one time he pulled over and he ran through traffic on a highway to rescue a turtle that was stranded.

Speaker 2 And so I played the doting kid and he played the parent. In seventh grade, he built me a motorcycle, and he paved a figure eight in a field, and he let me speed through it, top three miles.

Speaker 2 I was always a cautious kid.

Speaker 2 And he taught me how to hit a bullseye from 50 feet away with a bullet or an arrow. And he taught me how to properly chop and store wood.
This might sound like survival training, but it was bonding.

Speaker 2 Because this was just something that we did. He didn't build my sister a motorcycle.
He didn't shoot at targets with my stepmom. And he certainly didn't teach the dog to chop wood.

Speaker 2 So I wrote him a letter and I said, I want us back. I want this relationship back.

Speaker 2 And I mailed it to him. And a week later, my stepmom got it and she called me and she said, this is great.

Speaker 2 Not dumb gay, but that I wanted a relationship. And she's like, your dad's not here.
He'll call you the second he gets back.

Speaker 2 A week later, he called me.

Speaker 2 And 10-second phone call, he said, I love you, and we'll talk about this next week when you come to visit. And we never ever talked about it again.
And so, once again, I acted like the kid.

Speaker 2 I took the role of the kid. And I got so mad.
Because even though I was 23 and I was really secure that I was an adult, like even more secure than I am now.

Speaker 2 Because as you get older, you start to realize all the complications of being an adult and it starts moving further away from you.

Speaker 2 But that time I played the kid and I played mad and angry and hurt and I vowed to myself, because I'm passive-aggressive,

Speaker 2 that I would never contact him again.

Speaker 2 And I didn't for 11 years. We had four times of contact during those years.

Speaker 2 My sister's graduation from law school, her bridal shower, when he called to tell me his mother died, and when he called to tell me he had a massive heart attack.

Speaker 2 And then it happened.

Speaker 2 I couldn't play the kid role anymore. I'd asked my girlfriend to marry me, and we'd started talking about all these adult things: wedding, marriage, kids.
Do we want kids? Should we have kids?

Speaker 2 Am I going to be a good parent? All these things you think about as an adult. And I started thinking about parents, and I thought, is my dad going to come to the wedding?

Speaker 2 Is he going to walk me down the aisle? Is this stranger going to attend one of the most intimate things of my life?

Speaker 2 And then I thought about roles, roles that we play: sisters, parents, friends, mothers, some given to us and some we seek out.

Speaker 2 And I thought about my dad again, and I thought, maybe he was never meant to play the role of a parent. I mean, this was the 70s.
Like, that's what you did.

Speaker 2 You got married, you had kids, you bought a house, you wore bell bottoms. Any one of those could be a mistake.

Speaker 2 He wasn't given the freedom that I've been given to be me.

Speaker 2 And then then

Speaker 2 I thought more, and I thought more about these roles, and I thought about,

Speaker 2 with this new lens of being an adult, how I had come out to my dad. I came out to my dad four years after I'd come out to myself.

Speaker 2 And at best, I gave him a day, and at worst, I gave him a moment to react positively to something I had taken 1,460 days to process.

Speaker 2 Was that fair?

Speaker 2 So I invited him to my wedding, and he sat next to my stepdad, who never was good at playing the stepdad role, because he was always a dad.

Speaker 2 And so their two dads sat,

Speaker 2 and I walked down the aisle on my grandfather's arm, and I couldn't see anything but pride in both of their eyes.

Speaker 2 And yeah, maybe my dad was not meant to play the parrot role. But maybe he's playing the best he can.

Speaker 2 And maybe that's okay.

Speaker 2 And maybe because I'm okay with that, I'm a little bit closer to being an adult.

Speaker 4 That was Meg Farrell. To see a picture of Meg, her wife, and two kids, visit them.org where you can also share this story.
Meg is a Portland, Oregon-based storyteller, comedian, writer, and mom.

Speaker 4 She says that she's still working things out with her father, and now that she has kids, she understands how complicated it is to be a parent.

Speaker 4 Next, a storyteller from the London Moth Slam talking about his young adulthood in Nigeria. Here's BC Alini.

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 6 this wouldn't be

Speaker 6 your usual first time. You know, it's not like the first time you had a kiss or the first time

Speaker 6 you had your prom party or the first time you met your boyfriend or the girlfriend. But this was my special first time.
I was 18

Speaker 6 and

Speaker 6 two weeks before then

Speaker 6 my friend came back and came to my house and informed me that they've been to this party and that I needed to be there. And I was like, what's it about? They said, well, you need to see for yourself.

Speaker 6 Before this time, I've practically experimented with being heterosexual.

Speaker 6 You know, I was 18, I was growing up.

Speaker 6 Everybody around me, I got a girlfriend. I think it was the coolest thing to do.
So I need to have a girlfriend.

Speaker 6 Despite the fact that for two years, I never did anything with my girlfriend.

Speaker 6 The first time I kissed her, I had a feeling I actually passed out.

Speaker 6 So it wasn't really like, it wasn't really my fault day.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 6 when my friend asked us to say, okay, you need to be at this party.

Speaker 6 They know I need to be at that party because they knew quite well the secret nobody knew.

Speaker 5 So it was fun.

Speaker 6 We went. I got dressed.
They came to my house. We were excited.
We took a cab and we went to this party.

Speaker 6 Now growing up in Nigeria

Speaker 6 isn't funny. And if ever you be damned that you have feeling for men, you're in trouble.
So I had to deal with that fact by having girlfriends.

Speaker 6 So do you understand where my girlfriend didn't come from? And why I couldn't kiss a girl? And so we went and we got there.

Speaker 6 and lo and behold we walked into this club and the first person at the door I had no idea if it was a woman it was a man

Speaker 6 I'd never heard of the word drag before so I was a little bit confused and so there I was

Speaker 6 in this big headgear high heels that does not really look like the kind of high heels women we wear. So I was a little bit confused what was going on here.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 I felt like, you know, I know my mom, she goes out every weekend to parties. I know my sisters, they don't really dress this over the top.

Speaker 6 This must be some kind of different types of women. Oh, I am actually in a party with aliens.

Speaker 6 And so

Speaker 6 we got in, and I saw so many people amazingly dressed. And I was like, my God.

Speaker 6 Where really am I?

Speaker 6 And then my friend turned to me and said, we've actually brought you to a gay party.

Speaker 5 I was like, gay?

Speaker 6 Do you think we don't know?

Speaker 6 And I was like, really?

Speaker 6 I've never been, you know, I've never seen this kind of party before. And they said, just relax, enjoy yourself, and you'll be fine.
And there, the party started.

Speaker 6 And I saw for the first time men kissing men. And I was like...

Speaker 5 Wow,

Speaker 5 what is going on here?

Speaker 6 This is not right. This shouldn't be happening.
And then, you know,

Speaker 6 you know, in my quiet,

Speaker 6 how will I put it now, confused state, walk past me, this very cute guy. And I think I had my gay moment just about that time.
And I kind of looked at him and was like, wow.

Speaker 6 And my friend said, do you think he's hot?

Speaker 5 I said, well, he looks okay.

Speaker 6 And he said, don't worry. We'll get you some drinks.
By the time you leave here, we will know whether you are actually straight, gay, or a little bit confused.

Speaker 5 so

Speaker 5 they

Speaker 6 they got me drinking and possibly 30 minutes into my second drink I was kissing the guy

Speaker 6 and

Speaker 6 it wasn't long I was dancing on the table

Speaker 6 and I did not actually stop there I found myself on the table dancing with a drag coin

Speaker 6 Now, when I came in, I was straight.

Speaker 6 When I got there, I was a bit confused. Because I have no idea, okay, what really.
By the time we were leaving at 4 a.m., I was as gay as gay can be.

Speaker 6 But the most important thing that happened to me that night was the fact that I crossed the Rubicon.

Speaker 6 I stopped lying to myself.

Speaker 6 I stopped trying to kiss girls. I stopped deceiving girls.
And I started being real to myself. That actually I can be gay and I can be proud of who I am.
And I never look back since then.

Speaker 6 Thank you very much.

Speaker 4 That was BC Alimi. He is a renowned researcher, public speaker, and community builder.

Speaker 4 Alimi was the first Nigerian to come out on national television, which led to threats on his life. He moved to the United Kingdom and has been fighting for social change ever since.

Speaker 4 I'm grateful to leaders like BC, who have worked tirelessly to advance the rights of people around the world. To see pictures of BC Alimi, go to themoth.org where you can also share this story.

Speaker 4 When we return, more fabulous pride stories, two of them from our high school slams, when the Moth Radio Hour continues.

Speaker 8 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

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Speaker 4 This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Alastair Bain.

Speaker 4 Next up, two stories from the Moth's High School program, where we send instructors into the classrooms to help students find the best ways to craft and present personal stories.

Speaker 4 Hearing stories from the next generation of the LGBTQI plus community made me think back to my first Pride parade. It was in a small Midwestern college town in the 1980s.

Speaker 4 I believe there were 12 of us in that parade. I was the goth kid.

Speaker 4 who was not on board with wearing all of those bright rainbow colors, but nonetheless proud in a more subdued, androgynous, vampire kind of way.

Speaker 4 We were outnumbered by counter-protesters two to one, but we marched past all 24 of them and afterwards the parade committee,

Speaker 4 which consisted of one guy named Paul, thanked us for our bravery with a barbecue in his backyard.

Speaker 4 This next story is about a much bigger pride celebration in New York City. It comes from Bethany Sintron, who told it at the New York High School Grand Slam.

Speaker 4 Here's Bethany.

Speaker 9 I'm a little nervous, I'm be honest.

Speaker 9 So I was a 15-year-old bisexual feminist who was figuring out who she was.

Speaker 9 I was always open about who I was, so if anybody asked, I was straight up and I told them.

Speaker 9 But like, I never really felt like I had this space to sort of be who I was. It was always like sort of suppressed and just very like

Speaker 9 minor.

Speaker 9 And I remember telling people, and they always gave me this look, like, well, you don't look gay. And I never really knew what that means.
Like, what does it mean to look gay?

Speaker 9 But

Speaker 9 I remember finding out about the Pride Parade in New York. For those who don't know what the Pride Parade is, it celebrates the LGBTQ community.

Speaker 9 And I remember finding out about it, and I was so happy. I was like, here's my space.
I'm going to go there and I'm going to have so much fun. It looked great.

Speaker 9 Like, it's one of the biggest Pride Parades in the U.S. So it was just, I was so excited to get there.
And I,

Speaker 9 so. I remember trying to get there, but like, something coincidental will always happen.
Like, it would just start raining, and my mom was like, you're not going to go outside.

Speaker 9 You're going to get sick. Or it was my cousin's like graduation party, and like we had to like throw him a party.
We didn't even get him any cake, which kind of sucks so I was there like for what

Speaker 9 and

Speaker 9 we also or like my friends didn't want to go with me so like I would have to go alone like whatever friends they like ended up not going so I was like I didn't want to go alone I was too nervous

Speaker 9 so I ended up not going and it just didn't it didn't seem year after year it didn't seem like I was gonna be able to get there

Speaker 9 I remember in junior year I joined the Gay Strategy Alliance in my school and I ended up becoming president of it and I as president I proposed that we should go to the Pride Parade together.

Speaker 9 And it was just like, I was like, oh yeah, we just go together. It's going to be great.
We're all going to have fun. Like, it's funded by school, whatever.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 9 everyone's like, yeah, let's go. And we created group chats.
We had like messages. We had Facebook events.
And it just seemed like it was going to happen. Like,

Speaker 9 I was ready to go. And it's like, The Pride Parade is in June.
So like April came up, May came up. And then finally, it was June.
And all of us were like super excited. June 25th was our day.

Speaker 9 And I remember June 12th. I was sitting in my room, and it was, my dad always used to

Speaker 9 play the news in the living room, and it would just be playing, and I would be listening, not really listening, but kind of just in the back of my mind.

Speaker 9 I remember hearing like a live report in Florida. So I got up and went to listen to it with my dad.
And

Speaker 9 I saw that it was the Pulse nightclub shooting. It was a gay nightclub in Florida, and 49 people were killed in a hate crime.
And I just remembered feeling terrible.

Speaker 9 Like, we're so close to this date, and someone, like, just goes and kills people in cold blood. And I just felt horrible.

Speaker 9 And I already knew what was going to happen. This was going to be my thing, this thing that was going to prevent me from getting to the Pride Parade.

Speaker 9 So I went through my, the next few days, I went through my messages and my Facebook events and people were dropping out. It switched from going to not going.

Speaker 9 People were like, oh, something came up or my mom said I can't go anymore. Or some just flat out said like, I'm not going because I'm afraid it might happen here.

Speaker 9 What if someone uses that as motivation to attack the biggest pride parade in America? And I just,

Speaker 9 it was, it was, again, I wasn't going to go. And I felt so disappointed because I knew that I was going to go away for college.
I wouldn't be in New York. So I was going to miss this event.
And

Speaker 9 I just, it was just another year of me not going. And I went to my mom because my mom is my best friend, and I told her, like,

Speaker 9 I was just crying to her, and I was like, mom, I like feel terrible. I just really wanted to go.
And this is, I'm not going to go. And I'm just so frustrated.

Speaker 1 She says, relax.

Speaker 9 If no one's going to go, I'll go with you, because no one's going to prevent you from loving who you love. And it was set.

Speaker 9 June 25th, it was me, my mom, and my three close friends. And we were on the train going to the Pride Parade.

Speaker 9 We watched the colors of the dull colors of like just the streets in the city transform into like these magical rainbow colors.

Speaker 9 And there was like people boarding, and they had like rainbow outfits, like crazy outfits, like frilly, like puffy, everything. And it looked, it was just great.

Speaker 9 They were making their own way to the Pride Parade. So I was getting more and more excited getting there.
And I remember we got to the streets of Manhattan, and it was packed.

Speaker 9 Like there was, it was like impossible. Like there were bars everywhere.
You would have to walk three blocks down just to get to the block that you were like right by.

Speaker 9 And it was like, I remember going from, I had my own like rainbow outfit. I had like a rainbow star trooper shirt.

Speaker 9 I had a flag that I wrapped around my neck, like a cape that I bought for like $15, which I realize now is really expensive for a flag.

Speaker 9 I had a rainbow bandana and it was just like, I was so excited. I went from the back of the crowd to the middle of the crowd to the front of the crowd.

Speaker 9 Next thing I know, like, I'm giving high fives to people in the parade. I'm seeing like all these big floats.
I'm getting like stickers and fans. And it was just like great.

Speaker 9 I was having so much fun, and I just wanted to scream, like, take that homophobia.

Speaker 9 And I remember taking a whole bunch of pictures on my way back from the

Speaker 9 Pride parade. I was on the train and I was looking over at the videos and the pictures.
And I saw like this whole idea of looking gay.

Speaker 9 There were so many different kinds of like body types, hair types, like everything, skin color. And I just realized that there was no particular way to look gay physically.

Speaker 9 Looking gay was showing like support for what you believe in, showing support for your friends,

Speaker 9 showing just like being there and being confident in your identity. And I realized that that day we were all proud to look gay.
Thank you.

Speaker 4 That was Bethany Sintron.

Speaker 4 Bethany said that she made wonderful friends at that first Pride parade and they've met up each year since. She's looking forward to when they can all gather at Pride again.

Speaker 4 Since telling the story, she graduated from DePaul University. Congratulations, Bethany.

Speaker 4 Next up is Jake Haller. He was also part of a high school workshop.

Speaker 4 This story was told while under quarantine on Zoom, so you won't hear any audience reaction, but there was lots of love and applause when he first told it to a room full of people. Here's Jake.

Speaker 5 Hello.

Speaker 10 So when I was younger, explaining myself was very common.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 I hated that.

Speaker 10 When little kids came up to me on the playground and asked me, are you a boy or a girl?

Speaker 10 I just ran away.

Speaker 10 It was a mix of

Speaker 10 not knowing how to answer this question and not wanting to answer this question.

Speaker 10 When they asked me if I was a boy or a girl, I didn't know how to explain to them that I was a little girl that like liked Tinkerbell. when all the other girls like liked Peter Pan.

Speaker 10 I didn't know how to explain to them that I had a boy side of the closet and a girl side and I picked every morning what I wanted to be.

Speaker 10 I didn't know how to explain to them that when they called me little boy, I like how it felt, but I needed to correct them and they needed to call me little girl.

Speaker 10 When I ran from these questions, I

Speaker 10 just wanted to be me. And I did that for a while.

Speaker 10 But one day I was walking home from sixth grade and I walked into my house and

Speaker 10 Alex was sitting on my bed

Speaker 10 on my couch. And Alex was my sister's, sister Nanda's friend from high school.
And he was just automatically cool just because he was in high school.

Speaker 10 But it was even cooler when I sat down on the couch with him and we talked about skateboarding. and my likes and dislikes and he really found interest in me and I just felt amazing.

Speaker 10 But when Alex left that night and Ananda asked me how I liked him, what I thought, of course I told her he was awesome.

Speaker 10 But she continued to explain to me that Alex was born a girl and Alex lives fully now as a boy and she explained to me what this word meant and she explained this word transgender to me.

Speaker 10 As soon as she told me what was possible, I grabbed the word and took it. Fireworks went off in my head that instant and I realized what was possible.

Speaker 10 I found this word that might just be the answer to all the people's questions. I found the word that finally described me.

Speaker 10 So I grabbed this word and ran to my room and only one night of that word bouncing around in my head, I knew it was mine. You see, it's different for everybody.

Speaker 10 Some people find the word and then find themselves. Some people find themselves and then they find the word.

Speaker 5 But for me,

Speaker 10 I just needed that word and I needed that push and I needed the right moment to tell the world and this was it.

Speaker 10 So the next morning, I barged into my sister's room and told her I'm like Alex.

Speaker 10 I told her that I wanted to live as a boy. I told her I wanted to go by he him pronouns.
And Ananda grabbed me and hugged me and embraced me.

Speaker 10 And she told me she loved me. And I told her that I couldn't wait any longer.
I needed to tell my mom that night. So she sat me on her bed and we got everything in order.
We made a list of names.

Speaker 10 We made a list of next steps. We did research.

Speaker 10 And in that moment, my heart was so full because

Speaker 10 I knew we were building me to be the person I was always meant to be.

Speaker 10 I knew these were big steps in my life.

Speaker 10 So as that night came along I grabbed Ananda's hand and marched down the stairs and I sat at my mom's desk and Ananda sat right down next to me.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 I looked in my mom's eyes and I told her, her, I'm transgender.

Speaker 10 I want to go by he, him pronouns. I want to use the name Jake.

Speaker 10 And in that moment, I looked in my mom's eyes and,

Speaker 10 of course, I expected fear.

Speaker 10 I expected her to be caught off guard.

Speaker 10 But I looked in her eyes and all I saw was pure love.

Speaker 10 I saw a mother looking at her son.

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 10 all the memories came flooding back to me.

Speaker 10 I remembered her every now and then checking in on me and asking how I felt in my body.

Speaker 10 I remember all the conversations about the LGBTQ community and how she would constantly tell me it's okay for everybody to be who they are.

Speaker 10 I just felt pure love in that moment and I knew that that was my label.

Speaker 10 But my experience with that label and that word transgender did not stop there.

Speaker 10 As I grew up and as I got more settled with myself as a trans man,

Speaker 10 I found myself hiding.

Speaker 10 It felt like I was right back on the playground.

Speaker 10 I felt the need

Speaker 5 to

Speaker 10 prove myself as a man so much I was hiding myself.

Speaker 10 and that's how I felt until very recently

Speaker 10 but I took a step back

Speaker 10 and

Speaker 10 I thought about all my experiences and I realized

Speaker 10 I love the feminine parts of me

Speaker 10 I love my experience as a little girl I've loved my experience as a trans boy

Speaker 10 those experiences have made me the strongest man I could be because I had the strength to do that.

Speaker 10 I love that I'm not your normal man,

Speaker 10 and I love that women have made me the man I am today.

Speaker 10 I love and I hate the word transgender because I love it for helping me,

Speaker 10 but I hate it because it's not the only thing that defines me.

Speaker 10 I am who I am, and my label is not a box.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 4 That was Jake Haller.

Speaker 4 And this applause came from when he first told it live because we wanted him to hear it.

Speaker 4 To see an incredibly cute picture of Jake as a toddler with his two sisters, visit themoth.org, where you can also download or share this story or any of the stories you've heard this hour.

Speaker 4 Over the years, I've enjoyed hearing stories from my friends about their journeys to define identity.

Speaker 4 I've found that each person's path is unique, but happily, many of us arrive at the same destination of learning to love ourselves.

Speaker 4 Growing up, it seemed like people had a lot of questions about my identity. Was I a boy or a girl, gay or straight, and what was my ethnicity or race?

Speaker 4 Trying to answer with the check only one box on this form, please, type of responses that people seemed to want was like trying to achieve a culture fit shopping suits on a clearance rack.

Speaker 4 In my late 20s, I began thinking more about my identity as an Eastern Shawnee person. I began connecting with the the urban Indian community where I lived.

Speaker 4 In the larger society, I was used to always being an outsider, but as I began hanging out in the native community, I was surprised that people seemed to want me around, and I made good friends who taught me so much.

Speaker 4 There was an elder in the community that used to always call me grandson, and one day he asked me to help him run some errands.

Speaker 4 Afterwards, he invited me to go have a meal at our favorite diner, and as we ate, he began to talk about people from his tribe, who were not man or woman, but their own unique gender, and how they have been respected and loved as warriors, healers, leaders, and artists, both in the past and still today by people who know traditional ways.

Speaker 4 When he finished telling me all of this, he paused and then said, I see who you are.

Speaker 4 The tone of his voice made me believe he did truly see me and saw me with love and respect.

Speaker 4 It was a new, extraordinary feeling, and it encouraged me to heal and grow and learn to love myself and others in the years since.

Speaker 4 My hope for each and every one of you is that you find a space in which you feel nurtured and loved for exactly who you are, so that all of the talents and gifts you bring to this world can blossom.

Speaker 4 When we return, our final story from a Portland, Oregon legend, a drag performer who's been at it for almost 60 years, that's next on the Moth Radio Hour.

Speaker 8 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

Speaker 7 The holidays are just around the corner, and this year my parents are coming to town, which means it's time to get my apartment parent-ready.

Speaker 7 Thank Adult who who totally has it together, as evidenced by her impeccably decorated space.

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Speaker 11 What's up, world? It's Von Miller, Super Bowl MVP, chicken farmer, and now host of Free Range. This is a show where I go off the field and off the script.

Speaker 11 We're talking what's hot in music, film, trending news, and everything blowing up your feed.

Speaker 5 If you love football, you'll feel at home.

Speaker 11 But if you're here for the vibes, the internet deep dives, the conversation, this is your podcast.

Speaker 11 Join me every Wednesday, follow and listen to Free Range with me, Von Miller, everywhere you get your podcast.

Speaker 4 You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Alastair Bain.

Speaker 4 Our last storyteller is someone I consider to be an elder of the LGBTQI

Speaker 4 community.

Speaker 4 He has a career as a female impersonator and cabaret owner that spans over six decades. Here is Mr.

Speaker 4 Walter Cole, aka Darcell, at the age of 90, telling his story in Portland, Oregon, where we partnered with Literary Arts. Here's Walter.

Speaker 5 Roxy invited me to a masquerade party. He said, You will go ahead and drag, and I will paint you.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 I went to his apartment. I walked in, and Max Factor had spilled all his makeup all over this table.

Speaker 5 All the colors of the rainbow, sponges, q-tips, brushes, ready for me.

Speaker 5 He said, sit down

Speaker 5 and I'll put the base on.

Speaker 5 He rubbed me so hard, he said, stop. I said, stop, it hurts.
He said, I'm getting rid of your wrinkles. I don't have wrinkles.

Speaker 5 He finished. He said, now close your eyes.

Speaker 5 Open your eyes. Look left, look right.
He's putting paintbrush all over my face. He said, now open your mouth.

Speaker 5 Okay, put your lips together.

Speaker 5 You're finished except for the eyelashes. I've got eyelashes.
Not like these.

Speaker 5 He picked.

Speaker 5 Liza Minelli would kill for those lashes.

Speaker 5 Put them on. He said, you're ready and you look gorgeous.
He handed me a pair of

Speaker 5 fishnet hose, you know, with holes in them.

Speaker 5 A French cut that cut clear up to here, but ruffles in the back.

Speaker 5 I swear it was a three-foot wig, black wig with roses in it. He put the wig on.
He said, you are now a flamingo dancer.

Speaker 5 I felt fun.

Speaker 5 It was fun.

Speaker 5 Here I was, 37 years old in my very first dress.

Speaker 5 We went to the Hoyt Hotel. I got in the car, but I had to take my wig off because it wouldn't fit.

Speaker 5 I had it in my lap the whole time. We got out of the car, and I quickly put my wig on, and I walked in that hotel ballroom like a peacock, proud and happy, and very, very sure I was looking fabulous.

Speaker 5 And I walked to the mirror on the wall, a

Speaker 5 four-length mirror. I stopped, I took a look,

Speaker 5 and I said, Walter,

Speaker 5 what the hell have you done?

Speaker 5 That was a

Speaker 5 long cry from a little kid who was called Sissy Boy

Speaker 5 in Linton, Oregon,

Speaker 5 and bullied by everybody in school. I went to Lincoln Grade School,

Speaker 5 Lincoln High School,

Speaker 5 and I met a wonderful gal named Jean.

Speaker 5 We dated through high school.

Speaker 5 We graduated at the same time in 1950. And in the 50s, if you had money when you graduated from high school, you went to college.
If you had no money,

Speaker 5 you got married.

Speaker 5 We got married. We got married in the First Presbyterian Church.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 Jean lost her mother when she was a child, and I lost my mother when I was 11 years old. After the reception, we took all the flowers over to the graves of our mothers.

Speaker 5 We started a life.

Speaker 5 a normal life. We did all the traditional things.
I worked, she worked.

Speaker 5 We bought a house.

Speaker 5 I went into the military,

Speaker 5 came back.

Speaker 5 We had our first son. Our son was born in 1955, Walter,

Speaker 5 and my daughter, two years later, Merity.

Speaker 5 I did it all right.

Speaker 5 I thought

Speaker 5 I was happy.

Speaker 5 And then I felt, no,

Speaker 5 I am not happy because I'm lying and cheating to the woman I love.

Speaker 5 One afternoon I tell children in school, I sat her down.

Speaker 5 I said, Gene,

Speaker 5 I'm a queer.

Speaker 5 I like men.

Speaker 5 She said, why didn't you tell me this years ago? And I said, because I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be normal, live a normal life.

Speaker 5 But it's impossible.

Speaker 5 I didn't leave the house because I didn't want to leave my children.

Speaker 5 One evening,

Speaker 5 I walked into a bar called Doll and Penny on Third Avenue.

Speaker 5 And at the bar,

Speaker 5 was a handsome young man with a smile from ear to ear. I went over, I put my hand on his knee and said, I'm Walter and I have a bar down the street.

Speaker 5 He said, he was Roxy and he worked at the Hoyt Hotel. I said, when are your shows? He said, every night, five nights a week,

Speaker 5 eight o'clock. I'll be there tomorrow.
He said, oh, sure.

Speaker 5 Well, I was there the next day.

Speaker 5 In fact, I was the next day for three months.

Speaker 5 We had coffee after the show.

Speaker 5 I took him home. We talked.
I took him home,

Speaker 5 drove him home. And for three months, this happened because I knew,

Speaker 5 I knew that this was, I wanted something more than being, to be a one-night stand.

Speaker 5 I knew that this man is the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

Speaker 5 I left the home, I left my home. Roxy and I got in an apartment.

Speaker 5 told

Speaker 5 Gene the whole story

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 we did wonderful things together and he worked at the Hoyt Hotel, but the Haunt Hotel closed and he had no job. So I'd come over to the bar with me and

Speaker 5 you can work with me.

Speaker 11 He came over.

Speaker 5 He said, let's put a show on.

Speaker 5 I said, what kind of a show? He said, a drag show.

Speaker 5 I said, okay, but it's not going to take me two hours to put the makeup on like last time.

Speaker 5 We didn't have a stage. We used a four by eight banquet table

Speaker 5 with a home stereo system.

Speaker 5 And our spotlight, it wasn't really a spotlight. It was a slide projector on top of the popcorn machine.

Speaker 5 Roxy did

Speaker 5 Roxy did V D Poka on roller skates on that table and didn't fall off.

Speaker 5 Drag Queen joined us, Tina Sandel. She could do Proud Mary better than Tina could do it.

Speaker 5 I did Barbara Streisand.

Speaker 5 Of course, we all did Barbara Streisen.

Speaker 5 Roxy said, you're going to have to have a name if we're going to keep this up. I said, well, how about

Speaker 5 find one? I don't know,

Speaker 5 you don't want to call me Walter anymore on stage. No, you gotta have a stage name.
So he said, I, well, you your

Speaker 5 dress is too gaudy. You've got too much jewelry on, too much makeup, and too much blonde hair.
You can't be a Mary or an Alice.

Speaker 5 I think you should be French. He worked with Denise Darcell in Vegas.

Speaker 5 He said,

Speaker 5 Darcelle, not Denis, Darcell.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 we added a couple letters to it, and I stuck with me, Darcel.

Speaker 5 One night,

Speaker 5 a reporter from Willamette Week came to see our show.

Speaker 5 She wrote an article with pictures about the best kept secret in Portland, Oregon. That was it.
The doors opened

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 we were doing shows to the world.

Speaker 5 One afternoon,

Speaker 5 Roxy and I were walking downtown and

Speaker 5 we met Jean and Marity.

Speaker 5 My wife and my daughter.

Speaker 5 I didn't know how this was going to go and I got really scared. And I took a deep breath and a cordial conversation for a while, then we parted.

Speaker 5 Three weeks later,

Speaker 5 three weeks later, Meredith called me and said, Your mom, mom wants to invite you, wants you to invite Roxy to

Speaker 5 Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 5 I was getting my family back.

Speaker 5 Getting my family back,

Speaker 5 Gene,

Speaker 5 my family was back.

Speaker 5 I had Roxy

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 we were doing our shows.

Speaker 5 Had I not told Gene my secret,

Speaker 5 Had I not found Roxy,

Speaker 5 I would have never,

Speaker 5 I would not be doing six shows a week

Speaker 5 at 87, 88 years old.

Speaker 5 As a matter of fact,

Speaker 5 there wouldn't have been a Darcelle.

Speaker 5 Roxy

Speaker 5 died

Speaker 5 October last,

Speaker 5 but we had forty-seven years together

Speaker 5 of much happiness.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 4 That was Walter Cole, aka Darcell.

Speaker 4 Recently, I was able to speak with Walter from his home in Portland, Oregon.

Speaker 4 How is the relationship with your family today?

Speaker 4 You became friends, or your wife became friends.

Speaker 5 Yes, with my family, my immediate family, we couldn't love each other any more than we do. I mean, we travel together.
We, in fact, my great-grandson was a year old Sunday, and we had a party

Speaker 5 at my granddaughter's house. And all of the son-in-laws and the grandchildren-in-laws, and we just love each other.
And they come to the show a lot. I think they're very proud.

Speaker 4 That's wonderful. And I just love Darcel.
And I'd like to know how you feel

Speaker 4 when you are on stage as Darcelle.

Speaker 5 I'm very privileged that I can still go on stage. I have difficulty walking, but I have a rhinestone walker.
It's just beautiful.

Speaker 5 And it also lights up.

Speaker 4 Ah, that's wonderful. Darcelle has become a legend not only in Portland, but across the world.
And what's your relationship like with Darcelle?

Speaker 4 How would you describe her if somebody wanted you to tell them who Darcelle is?

Speaker 5 Overjeweled, overpainted,

Speaker 5 hairdo

Speaker 5 for days, and hopefully a snappy wit.

Speaker 4 And so what are Darcell's plans for the future?

Speaker 5 Well, I'm 90 years old. My plans for the future are tomorrow

Speaker 5 or just afternoon.

Speaker 5 I can tell you one thing, you have to be happy.

Speaker 5 If you're not happy with your job, with your companions,

Speaker 5 with your family, if you're not happy,

Speaker 5 what's the sense? We'll go through this life one time. I wouldn't change one day of my life for 90 years.
Not one day.

Speaker 4 And before we end, I'd like to ask, does Darcelle have any tips for us

Speaker 9 on

Speaker 4 fashion life anything else

Speaker 5 be who you are find out who you are

Speaker 6 and

Speaker 11 go for it

Speaker 4 that was walter cole

Speaker 4 how have you celebrated pride so far this month Perhaps this hour has been the only chance you've had and I'm glad you could join us. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how you celebrate pride.

Speaker 4 It only matters that you remember to carry that sense of pride and love for who you are with you throughout the year.

Speaker 4 That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time.
And that's the story from The Moth.

Speaker 8 This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, Catherine Burns, Jennifer Hickson, and Alastair Bain.

Speaker 8 A regular moth storyteller and writer from Denver, Alastair also hosted the show.

Speaker 8 Co-producer Vicki Merrick and associate producer Emily Couch, the stories were directed by Meg Bowles and Larry Rosen, with additional education coaching by Catherine McCarthy.

Speaker 8 The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin-Janess, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Cluche, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Gladowski, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Caza.

Speaker 8 Sadly, Walter Koe, aka Darcell, passed away in 2023. Moth Stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.

Speaker 8 Our theme music, By the Drift, other music in this hour from Chris Dirksen, Anat Cohen, Sister Sledge, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Van Kruker, Bill Frizzell, and Thelonius Monk.

Speaker 8 This hour hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

Speaker 8 Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer Leah Rhys-Dennis.

Speaker 8 For more about our podcast, for information on pitchingness, your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

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