The Moth Podcast: Moon Landing Anniversary

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3, two,

one,

zero.

That's one small step for man,

one

scient leap for mankind.

I should have said

the poet

so beautiful.

Welcome to the Moth Podcast.

I'm Leland Melvin.

I'm an author and moth storyteller.

July 20th marks the 55th anniversary of the moon landing.

And to celebrate the occasion, we'll be sharing three of our favorite stories that are all about space travel.

Our little intro now might have given it away.

Now, there's something very, very special about space.

Staring up at the night sky and imagining what it would be like thinking about the vastness of the universe or staring back at Earth from the space shuttle Atlantis, thinking about the vastness of our human experience.

And by the way, full disclosure: I've been fortunate enough to do both because, in addition to being an educator and moth storyteller, I've also been to space twice as an astronaut.

The first story we're sharing is from Michael Massimino.

He told this at a New York City main stage where the theme of the night was around the bend.

Here's Michael live at the the moment.

In 1984, I was a senior in college and I went to see the movie The Right Stuff.

And a couple things really struck me in that movie.

The first was the views out the window of John Glenn's spaceship, the view of the Earth, how beautiful it was.

on the big screen.

I wanted to see that view.

And secondly, the camaraderie between the original seven astronauts depicted in that movie, how they were good friends, how they stuck up for each other, how they would never let each other down.

I wanted to be part of an organization like that.

And it rekindled a boyhood dream that I had that had kind of gone dormant over the years.

And that dream was to grow up to be an astronaut.

And I just could not ignore this dream.

I had to pursue it.

So I decided I wanted to go to graduate school and I was lucky enough to get accepted to MIT and I went up to MIT with the intention of following this dream of spaceflight.

And while I was at MIT, I started applying to NASA to become an astronaut and I filled out my application and I received a letter that said they weren't quite interested.

So I waited a couple years and I was graduating from MIT and I sent in another application a second time a few years later and they sent me back pretty much the same letter.

So I applied a third time and this time I got an interview so they got to know who I was and then they told me no.

So I applied a fourth time

And on April 22nd, 1996, I knew the call was coming, good or bad.

And I pick up the phone and it's Dave Leitzma, the head of flight crew operations at the Johnson Space Center in Houston.

And I say hello, and he says, hey, Mike, this is Dave Lietzma.

How you doing this morning?

And I said, I really don't know, Dave.

You're going to have to tell me.

And he said, well, I think you're going to be pretty good after this phone call because we want to make you an astronaut.

13 years after that, it's May 17, 2009, and I'm on Space Shuttle Atlantis, about to go out and do a spacewalk on the Hubble Space Telescope.

And our task that day was to repair an instrument that had failed.

And this instrument was used by scientists to detect the atmospheres of far-off planets.

Planets in other solar systems could be analyzed using this spectrograph to see if we might find a planet that was Earth-like or a planet that could support life.

And just when they got good at doing this, the power supply on this instrument failed.

It blew.

It wasn't working.

So the instrument could no longer be used.

And there was no way really to replace this unit or to repair the instrument.

Because when they launched this thing and they got it ready for space flight, they really buttoned it up.

They didn't want anybody to screw at this thing, whether you were on the ground or whether you were in space.

It was buttoned up with an access panel that blocked the power supply that had failed.

And this access panel had 117

small screws with washers.

And just to play it safe, they put glue on the screw threads so they would never come apart.

You know, it could withstand the space launch.

And there's no way we could get in to fix this thing.

But we really wanted this capability back.

So we started working.

And for five years, we designed the spacewalk.

And we designed over 100 new space tools to be used.

Great taxpayer expense.

Millions of dollars.

thousands of people

worked on this.

And my buddy Mike Goode, who we call Bueno, he and I were going to go out to do the spacewalk.

I was going to be the guy actually doing the repair.

And inside was my friend Drew Feustel, one of my best friends.

He was inside.

He was going to read me the checklist.

And we had practice for years and years for this.

And they built us our own practice instrument and gave us our own set of tools.

We could

practice in our office, in our free time, during lunch, after work on the weekends we became like one mind he would say it i would do it we had our own language and now's the day to go out and do this this task the thing i was most worried about leaving the airlock that day was my path to get to the telescope because it was along the side of the space shuttle and if you kind of look over the edge of the shuttle it's kind of like looking over a cliff at that point with 350 miles to go down to the down to the planet and there were no good handrails when we're you know When we're spacewalking, we like to grab onto things in our space gloves and be nice and steady.

But I got to this one area along the side of the shuttle, and there were no good handrails to grab.

I had to grab like a wire or a hose or a knob or a screw.

And I'm kind of a big goon, and when there's no gravity, you know, you can get a lot of momentum built up, and I could go spinning off into space.

And I knew I had a safety tether that would probably hold, but I also had a heart that I wasn't so sure about.

So I knew they would get me back.

I just wasn't sure what they would get back on the end of the tether when they reeled me in.

So I was really concerned about this.

And I took my time and I got through the treacherous path and out to the telescope.

And the first thing I had to do was to pull off or remove a handrail

from the telescope that was blocking the access panel.

And there were two screws on the top and they came off easily.

And there was one screw on the bottom right and that came out easily.

And the fourth screw

is not moving.

And my tool is moving, but the screw is not.

And I look closer and I realize it's stripped.

And I realize that that handrail is not coming off.

Which means I can't get to the access panel with these 117 screws that I've been working about for five years.

Which means I can't get to the power supply that failed.

Which means we're not going to be able to fix this instrument today.

which means all these smart scientists can't find life on other planets.

And I'm to blame for this.

And I could see what they would be saying in the science books of the future.

This was going to be my legacy.

I realized this.

That my children and my grandchildren would read in their classrooms.

We wouldn't know if there was life on other planets.

But

Gabby and Daniel's dad,

my children would suffer from this.

Gabby and Daniel's dad broke the Hubble Space Telescope and will never know.

And through this nightmare that had just begun, I look at my buddy Bueno next to me in his spacesuit and he's looking at me like,

don't look at me.

Bueno was a rookie and his job was to basically hand me tools.

You know, this was my job to fix this thing.

And then I turn and look into the cabin where my five astronaut friends, my crewmates are in there, and I realized nobody in there has got a spacesuit on.

They can't come out here and help me.

And then I actually looked at the Earth.

I looked at our planet and I thought, there are billions of people down here, but there's no way I'm going to get a house call on this one.

No one can help me.

And I felt this deep loneliness and it wasn't just a Saturday afternoon with a book alone.

I felt

I felt

detached from the earth.

I felt that I was by myself and everything that I knew and loved and that made me feel comfortable was far away.

And then it started getting dark and cold because we traveled 17,500 miles an hour.

90 minutes is the one lap around the earth.

So it's 45 minutes of sunlight and 45 minutes of darkness.

And when you enter the darkness, it is not just darkness.

It's the darkest black I have ever experienced.

It's like the absence of light and it gets cold.

And I could feel that coldness and I could sense the darkness coming as we were going to enter.

And it just added to my loneliness.

And for the next hour or so, we tried all kinds of things.

I was going up and down the space shuttle, trying to figure out where you know, where I needed to go to get the next tool they wanted me to get to try to fix this problem, and nothing was working.

And then they called up after about an hour and 10 or 15 minutes of this,

they said they wanted me to go to the front of the shuttle to a toolbox and get vice grips and tape.

I thought to myself, we are running out of ideas.

I didn't even know we had tape on board.

I'm going to be the first astronaut to use tape in space during the space.

But I follow directions.

So I get to the front of the space shuttle and I open up the toolbox and there's the tape.

And at that point I was very close to the front of the orbiter right by the cabin window and I knew that my best pal was in there trying to help me out and I could not stand to even think of looking at him because I felt so bad about the way this day was going the way it turned out not like what we had thought about but all the work he and I had put in and I couldn't even stand to think of looking up at him But I realized that he's actually, and through the corner of my eye, through my helmet, you know, just aside there, I can kind of of see that he's trying to get my attention.

And I look up at him like this, and he's a little bit above me in the window, and he's just cracking up, smiling, and giving me the okay sign.

And I'm like, is there another space walk going on out here?

And I really can't talk to him, because if I say anything, the ground will hear.

Houston will hear with the control center.

So I'm kind of like playing charades with him.

I'm like, are you nuts?

And I expect him, I didn't want to look because I thought what he was going to do, instead of giving me the okay sign, I thought he was going to give me the finger.

Because I'm thinking he's going to go down in a history book with me.

But he's saying, no, we're okay.

You just hang in there a little bit longer.

We're going to make it through this.

We're in this together.

You're doing great.

Just hang in there.

And if there was ever a time in my life that I needed a friend, it was at that moment.

And there was my buddy, just like I saw in that movie, the camaraderie of those guys sticking together.

And I didn't believe him at all.

I figured we were really, we were out of luck.

But I said, at least if I'm going down, I'm going down my best pal.

And as I turned to make my way back over the treacherous path one more time, Houston called up and told us what they had in mind.

They wanted me to use that tape to take the bottom of the handrail and then see if I could yank it off the telescope.

And they said it was going to take about 60 pounds of force for me to do that.

And Drew answers the call and he goes, 60 pounds of force.

And they call me Mass, short for my last name.

He goes, Mass?

I think you've got that in you.

What do you think?

And I'm like, you bet you.

Let's go get this thing.

And I get back to the telescope and I put my hand on that handrail and the ground calls again and they go, well, well, Drew, you know, you guys are okay to do this, but right now we don't have any downlink from Mike's helmet camera.

I got these cameras mounted on my helmet so they can see everything I'm doing.

It's kind of like your mom looking over your shoulder when you're doing your homework, you know?

And they go, we don't have any downlink for another three minutes, but we know you're, you know, we're running late on time here, so if you have to.

And I'm saying, let's do it now while they can't watch.

Because

the reason I'm taping this thing is if any debris gets loose, they're going to get all worried and it's going to be another hour.

We'll never fix this thing.

We've been through enough already.

So I'm like, let's do it now while mom and dad aren't home.

Let's have the party.

So I'm like, Drew, I think we should do it now.

Drew's like, go.

And bam, that thing comes right off.

And I pull out my power tool, and now I've got that access panel with those 117 little bitty screws with their washers and glue, and I'm ready to get each one of them.

And I pull the trigger on my power tool, and nothing happens.

And I look and I see that the battery is dead.

And I turn my head to look at Bueno, who's in his facesuit again, looking at me like, what else can happen today?

And I said, Drew, the battery's dead in this thing.

I'm going to go back to the airlock and I'm going to swap out the battery.

And I'm going to recharge my oxygen tank because by all this moving around, I was getting low on oxygen.

I needed to get a refill.

And he said, go.

And I'm going back over that shuttle and I noticed two things.

One was, that treacherous path that I was so scaredy cat sissy pants about going over, it wasn't scary anymore.

That in the course of those couple hours of fighting this problem, I had gone up and down that thing about 20 times.

And my fear had gone away because it was no time to be a scaredy cat.

It was time to get the job done.

And what we were doing was more important than me being worried.

And it was actually kind of fun going across that little jungle gym that I had back and forth over the shuttle.

And the other thing I noticed is that I can feel the warmth of the sun.

We were about to come into a day pass.

And the light in space when you're in the sunlight is the brightest, whitest, purest light I have ever experienced and it brings with it warmth and I could feel that coming and I actually started feeling optimistic.

And sure enough the rest of the spacewalk went well.

We pulled, got all those screws out, new power supply, buttoned it up.

They tried it, they turned it on from the ground, it all was working, the power supply was working, the instrument had come back to life.

And at the end of that spacewalk, after about eight hours, I'm inside the airlock getting things ready for Bueno and I to come back inside.

And my commander says, Hey, Mass, you know, you've got about 15 minutes before Bueno is going to be ready to come in.

Why don't you go outside of the airlock and enjoy the view?

So I go outside and I take my tether and I clip it on a handrail and I let go and I just look.

And the Earth, from our altitude at Hubble, we're 350 miles up, we can see the curvature.

We can see the roundness roundness of our home, of our home planet.

And it's the most magnificent thing I've ever seen.

It's like looking into heaven.

It's like paradise.

And I thought to myself, this is the view that I imagined in that movie theater all those years ago.

And as I looked at the earth, I also noticed that I could turn my head and I could see the moon and I could see the stars.

and I could see the Milky Way galaxy and I could see our universe.

And I could turn back and I could see our beautiful planet and at that moment it changed my relationship with the earth because for me the earth was always a kind of a safe haven you know where I could go to work or be in my home or take my kids to school but I realized it really wasn't that it really is its own spaceship and I had always been a space traveler And all of us here today, even tonight, we're on this spaceship Earth amongst all the chaos of the universe whipping around the Sun and around the Milky Way galaxy.

A few days later, we get back.

Our families come to meet us at the airfield, and I'm driving home to my house with my wife and my kids in the back seat.

And she starts telling me of what she was going through during that Sunday that I was spacewalking.

and how she could tell listening, watching the NASA television channel,

how sad I was, that she detected a a sadness in my voice that she had never heard from me before.

And it worried her until she heard me say, for the love of Pete.

And once she heard that, she knew everything was going to be okay.

It's a line from Little Rascals.

Anyway,

so I thought, you know, hey, I wish I would have known that when I was up there because this loneliness that I felt, really, Carol was thinking about me the whole time.

And we turned the corner to come down our block and I could see my neighbors are outside.

And they've decorated my house and there's American flags everywhere and my neighbor across the street is holding a pepperoni pizza and a six pack of beer

two things that unfortunately we still cannot get in space

and I get out of the car and they're all hugging me I'm still in my my blue flight suit and and they're hugging me and and saying how happy they are to have me back and and how great everything turned out.

And I realized, oh, my friends, man, they were thinking about me the whole time.

They were with me too.

The next next day, we have a return ceremony, we make these speeches.

These engineers who had worked all these years with us, our trainers, the people that worked in the control center, they start telling me how they were running around crazy while I was out there in my little nightmare all alone.

How they got the solution from the Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland, and how that team that was working on that Sunday figured out what to do and they checked it out and they radioed it up to us.

And I realized that at the time when I felt so lonely, that I felt detached from everyone else, literally like I was away from the planet, that really I never was alone.

That my family and my friends and the people I worked with, the people that I loved and the people that cared about me, they were with me every step of the way.

Thank you.

That was Michael Massimino.

Mike is a former NASA astronaut, a Columbia University engineering professor, and New York Times best-selling author of Spaceman, an astronaut's unlikely journey to unlock the secrets of the universe, and also Moonshot, a NASA astronaut's guide to achieving the impossible.

Now, Mike appears regularly on news programs and documentaries, and is a much sought-after, inspirational speaker.

He inspires me because we call him the Rodney Dangerfield of astronauts because he's always got jokes to tell and he's a super, super funny guy.

Up next is Kathy Olkin.

She told this story at a Boulder, Colorado main stage where the theme of the night was high anxiety.

Here's Kathy live at the mall.

So it was the 4th of July this past summer.

And I was really looking forward to a day off.

I had been working super hard hard for a long time.

I was working on NASA's New Horizons mission to Pluto, and there were always something to do.

But I was going to take the 4th of July off.

So I slept in, I read a little.

Later, I decided to check email.

Never check email on a day off.

There was a message there.

from the mission operations manager, Alice Bowman.

My eye immediately went to it.

It said that the spacecraft had gone safe.

That's like the worst possible thing that could happen.

I couldn't believe what I saw in the message.

I'm like, how could this have happened?

It was gonna be a simple day,

a day off.

You see, I had been working on this project.

for more than a decade.

In 2004, I had relocated my family from California to Boulder, Colorado to work on this mission.

This was a life, once in a lifetime, opportunity.

I'm an astronomer, and I had been spending decades looking at Pluto through ground-based telescopes.

And it's just this fuzzy dot.

There's not much, you can't make out any surface details.

We kept looking through these ground-based telescopes, even through the Hubble Space Telescope.

It's still just a fuzzy dot because Pluto's really far away.

So

we move, my husband starts telecommuting for his job, we move our three-year-old and our five-year-old, we're here, we're settled, all we need to do is build a spacecraft, test it, launch it, and fly it three billion miles to Pluto.

We did.

It worked out.

We built a small spacecraft, about the size of a baby grand piano, and we launched it on the largest rocket we could get, an Atlas V.

It's about 20 stories tall.

So you've got a small rocket, or small spacecraft, big rocket, and what you get is the fastest spacecraft ever launched.

It's going at 34,000 miles per hour.

To put that in perspective,

When the Apollo astronauts went to the moon, it took over three days.

For New Horizons, the spacecraft passed the moon in just nine hours.

We were flying.

It's an unmanned spacecraft, so I mean that figuratively.

There's no one on it.

So we've got nine and a half years to go from Earth to Pluto.

So we've got a lot of time on our hands.

We think about what data we're going to collect, how we're going to do it, and we make contingency plans.

So plans in case something goes wrong.

We considered more than 200 different scenarios.

What do we do if this breaks?

What do we do if that goes wrong?

We had this huge binder full of contingencies.

So I find myself on the 4th of July.

It's just 10 days before our closest approach to Pluto.

You see, we can't stop and orbit Pluto.

We don't have enough fuel to slow ourselves down because we're going really fast.

So we can't stop.

We just have to go right by and take the best images we can as we're flying past.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

We have to get it right

at this time.

And the spacecraft has gone safe.

It's called home, which is basically saying, help me, I'm broken.

So I rush over to the mission operations center.

I settle in in the situation room.

This is a conference room right outside outside the Mission Operations Center.

You can see the operations people through the window, but they like to keep the scientists a little separated so we don't get in the way.

So I settle in, I'm sitting with my colleagues, we're starting to get information back, and interestingly, I'm starting to feel calm.

That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is relaxing because I've been working with these people for more than a decade and everyone knows what they need to do.

We all know what our responsibilities are and how to make this work.

You see we have three days to get the spacecraft back in working order.

By July 7th we have to have it up and ready to start executing those commands so that when it flies by Pluto we get the data that we've been waiting more than a decade for.

So

we start to get information back, but it takes a while.

It takes the signal four and a half hours to travel from Earth out to the spacecraft.

And then it takes another four and a half hours for it to come back so we can hear what the spacecraft had to say.

So it's like a really slow conversation.

Imagine you say hi to someone, then you go watch three football games,

and you come back and they say hi.

So that's the kind of data rates we're getting.

We start to find out what went wrong.

We had over-taxed the computer on this spacecraft.

Remember, this computer is 10 years old.

My guess is that none of you use a

computer that's 10 years old on a daily basis for really important things.

But we planned for that because we sent two computers.

So we overtaxed the prime computer, and before it crashed it started up the backup computer and said call home.

Okay, good.

It's working kind of.

So

now we're on the backup computer.

We kind of know what went wrong and we've got a big question in front of us.

Do we try and get back on the prime computer or do we fly through closest approach on our relatively untested backup computer.

You see, the whole time we've been flying across the solar system, we'd never turned on the backup computer.

The last time it was on was on the ground when we were testing it a decade ago.

So we make the logical decision to switch over to the prime computer.

But we're worried, because if we really messed it up, it may not start.

And we're getting short on time.

We've been in the situation room for three days.

People are taking naps in the conference room.

There are pizza, many orders of pizza are coming in, being eaten.

So we don't have a lot of time left.

We send up the commands to switch over back to the prime computer.

And then we wait.

And we wait nine hours.

I find myself nine hours later back in the situation room looking through the glass window at the operations people, hoping this works,

When I see people start cheering and erupting, and cheers and excited, and I hear Alice Bowman's voice over the intercom: We are back on the prime computer.

Everybody was so elated.

I let out this huge sigh of relief.

I didn't even realize I had been holding my breath.

It was amazing.

We managed to get the spacecraft back in working order.

Everything was going right, and we had four hours to spare.

It was outstanding.

We start going back to our main sequence, and we start getting data.

It was absolutely stunning.

Views of Pluto like we had never seen before.

I couldn't believe the beauty and the details that were awaiting us at Pluto.

We would have never expected the unusual terrain we've seen.

We saw a heart-shaped glacier made out of nitrogen and carbon monoxide ices.

At the edge of the glacier, there's huge mountains, mountains as tall as the Rocky Mountains, made out of water ice.

Pluto has a large moon named Sharon, and on that moon, there's a deep canyon, deeper than the Grand Canyon.

All of these wonders awaited us.

As I had previously looked at Pluto through our ground-based telescopes, they were there, and I just couldn't see it.

It was miraculous.

We had accomplished our objective of transforming Pluto from a fuzzy point of light to a complex, rich geologic world.

Thank you.

That was Kathy Olkin.

Kathy is Vice President, Infrared Missions, and Data at Muillen Space in Mountain View, California.

She is the mission scientist for a satellite system to detect and monitor wildfires across the globe.

Now, previously, her research focused on the outer solar system, specifically planetary atmospheres and surfaces.

She also mentors the next generation of engineers and scientists through programs like FIRST Robotics.

And if you'd like to see the amazing photos that we have of Pluto now, thanks to Kathy and her team, we'll have links to them on our website.

Just go to themoth.org slash extras.

It's absolutely extraordinary, the leap from our blurry photos from the 90s to these high-definition pictures that we have now.

One of the coolest things about space exploration is getting to share what we learn with everyone on Earth.

It's so easy to think of these huge projects, whether they're landing on the moon or Mars, or taking crystal clear photos of Pluto, as impossible.

But we want to show that these are doable, that they are in fact mission possible.

These young engineers and scientists can dream big, become explorers, and accomplish the previously unimagined.

And it's educators, engineers, and scientists like Kathy and Mike who help spark that curiosity.

The final story we'll be sharing is from, well, it's from me.

I told this story at an Austin main stage where the theme of the night was leap of faith.

Here I am, live at the moth.

I was peering into a 30-foot deep

5-million-gallon pool.

I was an ASCAN.

That's NASA speak for astronaut candidate.

And I wanted to see if I had the right stuff.

We were training to do a spacewalk in this 5-million-gallon pool.

and I was in this suit that looked like a cross between the Pillsbury Doughboy and a Michelin man with a helmet on.

They start lowering me down into the pool.

I get to about 20 feet and I realize that this little styrofoam block that costs about $2

that's in my helmet is not there.

That's used if you're the kind of person that needs to squeeze your nose to clear your ears Well, you can't reach your hand in the helmet so you press your nose against this to clear your ears.

The technician forgot to put mine in.

At 20 feet, I tell the test director to turn the volume up in the headset.

From that point on, I hear nothing but static, like

and white noise.

They start raising me out of the pool, and I look at the connection to the pool deck.

which is a yellow cable, and I think maybe that cable is actually kinked and they're going to fix it when they bring me up to the top top of the pool deck.

I get up there, they take my helmet off.

The doctor, Rich Mikulski, starts walking towards me, and he's just moving his lips, and I'm thinking, why is this guy playing with me?

And he gets to me and he touches my right ear

and he pulls his finger back and there's a river of blood just starts coursing down the side of my face.

At that point, I realize that something's kind of wrong, right?

And as a scientist and an engineer, you know, there's usually a very simple solution to problems.

And so we just have to figure out what it is and fix it.

They take me to the showers,

and my head starts to violently turn.

I fall to the ground and I violently throw up.

They rush me to the hospital, the Houston Medical Center, and they do a battery of tests.

And the next thing I know, I'm rushed into the OR and the world-renowned surgeons are now going inside my head, into my ear, to look to see if there's anything that they can see that caused this problem.

As I wake up from the anesthesia, I see three doctors' faces that don't look good at all.

They couldn't figure out what happened to me.

I'm laying in the hospital bed, and the only way I can communicate with the outside world is through these yellow legal pads.

I can still talk, but I can't hear anything, and I get these notes written to me.

And at one point, there's a note that says,

you will never fly in space.

One of the yellow legal pad notes comes to me from a friend, and it says,

Remember what Jeanette said.

And I'm thinking about this note.

And if you back up four days before this accident, I was in Virginia, and this woman sought me out to tell me that something was going to happen to me.

No one's going to know why this happened.

You'll be healed of this.

You will fly in space.

And you'll share this story with the world.

I'm like, okay,

thank you.

So at this point in the hospital,

that note is the only hope I have to hold on to.

I get released from the hospital at about the three-week point, and I'm still, you know, severely hearing impaired in my left ear, but now I can start hearing things.

And as I lay in my bed at home in Houston, Texas, and the air conditioner handler kicks on, I have earplugs in and noise-canceling headsets because my brain is starting to rewire itself to hear again.

It feels like ice picks are going to the side of my head.

My hearing gets better and it's, I'm functional, I can talk to people, I kind of hear what they're saying.

And NASA's trying to figure out what to do with me.

They don't want to release me.

They are trying to find a job that I can do that doesn't require diving or flying or doing something that requires hearing because I'm truly medically disqualified by NASA standards.

So they put me in the robotics branch, which is basically playing a big video game where you have hand controllers, you have a monitor, and you can like run the robotic arm into the space station, but it doesn't hurt anything.

You can just fly it around like a video game.

And then they asked me, since my parents were both educators, they asked me, do you want to go to Washington to work in this new program called the Educator Astronaut Program?

And I agree, and I fly to Washington.

And this program, we're trying to inspire children to nominate nominate their teachers to become astronauts.

And I have to tell them that it's a round trip, not a one-way trip for your teacher.

So you're not getting rid of your teacher.

They're coming back home.

And so we're doing this program,

and Space Shuttle Columbia is launching off to the cosmos.

And I'm there in DC.

We're kicking off this program.

And I decide to drive from Washington, D.C.

to Lynchburg, Virginia on Highway 66.

And my boss, who is

new to NASA, she says,

what does it mean when the countdown clock for the Columbia is now starting to count up?

I knew at that point that something was seriously wrong.

And I did an illegal U-turn on 66.

I started back to the headquarters and I turned the radio on and there were eyewitness accounts of large pieces of debris falling over the West Texas sky, looking like a meteor shower.

And I got to headquarters and they dispatched me to David Brown, who was one of the mission specialists.

I went to their parents' home that was outside of DC in Washington, Virginia.

And when

things like this happen, we go into this mode where we take care of our friends and our family.

And I get to the home, and I knock on the door, and I go in, and David's mother, Dottie, is there, and I hug her, because I'm there to console them.

I hug her, and we both start crying.

I make my way over in the living room to David's father, Judge Brown, who's in a wheelchair.

And I reach down to hug him.

And he looks up at me with the same sparkling blue eyes as David.

And

he says to me, with tears in his eyes, he says, My son is gone.

There is nothing you can do to bring him back.

But the biggest tragedy would be if we don't continue to find space to honor their legacy.

He's already thinking about the legacy of his son, and I'm medically disqualified, and I'm trying to figure out how I will fly to honor that legacy.

I am torn.

I'm trying to figure out what I will do.

A few days later, we fly in the NASA jet to the different memorial services.

We take off and we land.

And I notice to my right there's a person sitting next to me on every flight taking notes.

His name is Rich Williams.

And as I descend in the airplane, I squeeze my nose and I clear my ears like I usually do, even though I don't have any hearing in my left ear.

And

when we go to the services and I'm trying to figure out what my next steps are because this education program is over, so I'm ready to transition back to Houston to figure out what I'm going to do as a semi-deaf astronaut.

And Rich Williams calls me in his office and he says, Leland, I've been watching you.

I believe in you.

Here's a waiver for you to fly in space.

And so I fly back to Houston, I go to flight medicine, and I wave this waiver like, you know, I got some ice cream, I got some,

and I hand it to the flight docs, and I soon get assigned to a mission in 2005.

As I'm sitting there, three and a half hours before launch,

I'm thinking about

David's legacy.

Three, two, one liftoff.

Space Shuttle Atlantis is now careening to the cosmos.

We're shaking, we're rattling.

The screens are pretty much unusable because our heads are moving so fast from the buildup of Gs.

The solid rocket boosters get jettisoned after two and a half minutes, and the shuttle is turning.

And six and a half minutes later, we are now floating in space.

I undo my five-point NASA certified seatbelt and float over to the window.

And we're currently flying over the Caribbean Ocean and I almost need new definitions of blue to describe the hues that I see.

I exhaust my vocabulary with azure,

indigo, turquoise, cerulean, navy blue, light navy blue, dark navy blue.

I'm trying to figure out ways to describe these colors and I need about 20 more definitions to do that.

My job is now to install the Columbus Laboratory, which is a $2 billion

tinkeratory piece of hardware that goes on to the space station.

I use my robotic skills to safely install it.

And next,

the commander of the space station invites us over to break bread.

She says, you guys bring the rehydrated vegetables.

We'll have the meat.

And so...

We float over with this bag of vegetables

and we get to the Zarya service module.

It's like someone's home.

You can smell the beef and barley cooking.

You were watching the planet go by at 17,500 miles per hour.

Going around the planet every 90 minutes, seeing a sunrise and a sunset every 45,

breaking bread with people we used to fight against.

The Russians and Germans are on this mission.

And it's like a Benetton commercial, African American, Asian American, French, German, Russian, the first female commander

sharing a meal by floating food to each other's mouths,

all while listening to Sade's spooth operator.

This is the moment.

This is the surreal moment where I have this cognitive shift.

I get this thing called the overview effect or the orbital perspective.

And I look out the window.

We're flying over Virginia, my hometown, and my my family's probably breaking bread down there.

And five minutes later, we're over Paris where Leo Eihart's family's breaking bread, and Yuri's looking off to Russia.

This is the moment, the moment that changes me.

I remember what Jeanette said.

I remember what David Brown's father said.

We honored their legacy.

Thank you.

Well, everyone, that's it for this episode.

Now, from all of us here at the Moth, we hope your next week is...

Okay, guys, I was told to say this.

I'm not this cheesy.

I hope your next week is out of this world.

Leland Melvin is an ex-professional football player, a chemist, engineer, educator, and the author of Chasing Space, an astronaut's story of grit, grace, and second chances.

He's traveled off-planet twice on Space Shuttle Atlantis to help build the International Space Station, and now shares his life story to help inspire the next generation of explorers to pursue STEAM careers.

This episode of the Moth podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger.

The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Marina Glucce, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant Walker, Leanne Gully, and Aldi Caza.

The Moth would like to thank its supporters and listeners.

Stories like these are made possible by community giving.

If you're not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at themoth.org/slash giveback.

All Moth stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.

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