Secret Santa: Jeannie Colon and James Gordon

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Welcome to the Moth Podcast.

I'm Suzanne Rust, curator at the Moth and your host for this episode.

We're going to be doing something a little bit different for these next two stories.

And to do that, We're going to need you to hide your small children.

Don't worry, both of these stories are PG.

We're just going to be spilling some holiday secrets if you catch my drift.

I'll give you a couple of seconds to find the pause button on your smartphone or speaker.

Okay.

Kids out of the room?

Great.

Because this episode we're going to be talking about Santa with two stories that expose one of the most loving betrayals of all time.

Normally, we don't air any stories that reveal that Santa Claus doesn't exist, just in case kids might be listening.

But on this episode, we decided to showcase stories all about Santa and the secret behind him.

The real secret Santa, if you will.

First up is Jeannie Cologne, with the story about how that first Santa betrayal can really sting and stay with you.

She told this at a New York City community showcase where the theme was, where the heart is.

Here's Jeannie Live with me.

I have many fond childhood memories growing up on Hunts Point Avenue in the South Bronx.

It was a melting pot of multi-generational

first

First-generation kids like myself of Puerto Ricana growing up in the hood.

It was a community

that was

built

around people from many walks of life, no judgment,

and during a period of time where the Bronx was burning.

But I didn't care.

It was my safe haven, and it was the village that raised me, and I loved it.

It was a time of

wonder years for me, of innocence, of curiosity, and of certainty.

I just absolutely loved

my community, but guess what I loved most?

I loved Christmas time because guess what?

Santa was coming to town.

Woohoo!

And I couldn't wait.

I couldn't wait for Santa to come and bring me all the things I had on my wish list.

Christmas time was also a time of family gatherings, and my parents always hosted Christmas Eve.

And so, this particular Christmas, I had just turned seven and I learned how to ride a bicycle without the training wheels.

So, guess what I wanted?

I wanted a big girl bike.

I wanted all the bells and whistles, and I was a good girl, and I wanted my bike, and I knew Santa was going to bring it to me, right?

The day would start

with the aromas of the Latin cuisine permeating through the air

during Christmas holidays of arroz con gandules and pasteles

and pernil,

and the table dressed up with temble

and flang

and coco negro.

I have curls, Shirley Temple curls, black and red plaid dress with a velvet sash, white stockings, and black patent leather shoes.

And I

was prancing around so pretty and waiting for my family to come and tell me, oh my God, Gina, you look so beautiful.

And maybe I'd get five bucks on the side, right?

I would help my mom, because I was a big girl, I was seven years old.

I'd carry all the coats and put them on my bed.

because let's get real, who's got closet space big enough to house 25, 30 coats, right?

Nobody.

Doesn't exist.

So my coat

was, I mean, my bed was the closet.

And as the day or the evening progressed,

I'd sit and watch my dad, my uncles, my aunts, my grandparents, especially my dad and my uncles, singing off

to the Latino Navideño music, playing off the record player while he played the guitar and my uncle played the guido.

And I noticed that every time they drank a cup of milk, they were getting happier.

I didn't like milk because my mom used to trick me to drinking the milk and it was milk of magnesia.

Not fun.

But I figured, okay, maybe they like it.

It was so endearing to watch my grandparents

watching their kids and watching them sing and have a great time.

And of course, I thought I could hang with the adults, but I'm seven, right?

So I get tired and I crawl into my bed underneath the coats and I fall asleep.

I'm thinking, yes, I'm going to sleep.

When I wake up, it's going to be daytime and Santa's going to bring me my bike.

I get up in the middle of the night.

I'm half asleep.

And before I cross over to the living room, I see the front door open.

And guess what I see?

I see my parents bringing in a silver bike, a cherry apple red bike, and a midnight blue bike.

And I was stunned.

The next thing I hear is, shh, lo vaza desperitar.

Shh, you're going to wake them up.

And I didn't know how to feel at that time.

I was filled with disappointment, shock.

And in my little mind, I'm thinking, why would my parents lie to me?

And I was so hurt.

I forgot that I had to use the bathroom and I crawled right back under the coats.

And I forgot about it.

And I never told anyone about it.

But now, here it is, 20 years later.

I'm a mom.

And my preschooler comes home and tells me, oh my God, mommy, I'm writing to Santa.

I have a Christmas wish list.

I've been a good girl, mommy.

Do you think that I'm going to get everything on the wish list, mom?

And at that moment, I'm at a crossroads because I had decided years ago that I would never lie to my kids.

the way my parents lied to me.

But as I look down at my precious little girl with her beautiful brown eyes looking up at me, I make a decision to lie.

Yes, Mamita.

Oh my God, you've been such a great,

you've been such a good girl the whole year that you're going to get everything on the wish list.

I wanted to create that magic and how can I disappoint her?

And at that point, All I kept thinking was, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to deal with this at some point.

Like, is she going to hate me for lying to her?

All right, I'm not even going to think about it now.

I'm just going to go with the flow.

Right?

Three years later, she's seven

and she has older cousins.

And all she hears is that,

oh, why don't you ask your mom?

Oh, my mom is getting me this, my dad's getting me that.

And she's like, wait, wait, what?

Isn't it Santa?

She does her due diligence.

And she comes to me one afternoon and tells me mommy i have something to tell you and i say what she says i know that you're santa

oh oh my god what do i do i'm busted that's it i'm caught in a lie what do i do what do i tell her is she gonna hate me

And the next thing, she wraps her arms around me and hugs me and tells me, I love you so much, mommy.

Thank you so much for fulfilling my dreams of giving me all the gifts on my Christmas wish list.

And at that point, I think that I realized that it wasn't about the lie or the betrayal.

It was always about love and creating that magic and that curiosity and that wonder that we as children want something magical to believe in.

And my parents did it out of love.

She was wiser than I was at seven years old.

That is for sure.

So now, 20 years later,

I have a grandchild.

I'm a grandmother.

And my beautiful little granddaughter comes to me and tells me,

Mima, Mima, I have a picture of Santa.

I wrote him a letter.

I've been a good girl.

Do you think I'm going to get all the toys on my wish list?

And I look at her with love

and I say, yes, Mamita, you're going to get everything on that wish list.

Thank you.

That was Jeannie Cologne.

Jeannie is a dedicated wife, proud mother of two beautiful daughters, and grandmother to two amazing grandchildren.

She's a community leader and advocate, working with the Release Aging People in Prison campaign, fighting for policy changes in prison and other social justice issues.

Besides being passionate about her advocacy work and her family, she also enjoys sharing stories about life experiences.

I must have been about five when I started to grow a little skeptical about the whole Santa situation.

I was a practical kid and I remember thinking, we didn't have a chimney in our New York City apartment, so how was he getting into the place?

Through the window?

Did he have a key?

I wanted to believe, but I also wanted answers, and my parents weren't cooperating.

I crept out of my room one Christmas Eve to see what I could see when suddenly I heard a sound in the kitchen.

Oh my god, was he having his cookies and milk?

Full of adrenaline, I went running back down the hall, right back into my bed, a believer, at least for a few more years.

Our next secret Santa story is from James Gordon, who told it at a Chicago Story Slam where the theme of the night was appropriately joy.

Here's James live with the mom.

James, what are are you doing on Saturday?

Nothing?

Good.

I need you at the West Pullman Park District all day, so don't make any other plans.

That was my friend Angel Simmons.

And when Angel asked you to do something, you never said no, because she rarely asked for anything, but she was always given.

She was that person.

And when I said, okay, cool, she looked at me.

She said, James, you're not going to look at me?

I said, no.

Here's the thing you got to know about me.

My friend Angel has gray eyes that sometimes change color to green.

I always avoid looking at people straight in the face who got eyes like that because I always figure they got some voodoo or some witchcraft or some shit with them.

One time, one time I was rehearsing lines for a play and right in the middle of rehearsing the lines, I looked at Angel and they changed and I forgot all the rest of the shit.

I couldn't remember anything.

So I didn't.

So I said, okay, cool.

What are we going to be doing?

She says, we're giving out toys to kids.

I said, okay, I love volunteering and stuff.

Cool.

I'll be more than happy to do that.

That was on a Thursday.

Friday, 10 o'clock at night, I get a call.

James, I got a huge favor to ask you.

I'm like, oh, okay, what's up?

Our Santa dropped out.

I said, what?

She said, our Santa dropped out.

I said, okay.

She says, would you be Santa?

I said,

you know, I'm black, right?

She says.

She says, yeah.

Yeah, she said, James, would you do it?

I said, oh, okay, yeah, fine.

That's no problem.

And I got off the the phone, and the next morning I said, ma, I'm going to play Santa today.

My ma says, wait, you know you black, right?

I said, I know.

Ma, you black.

I know.

I know what I am, ma.

Okay.

I said, but she, Angel asked me, so I'm going to go do it.

So I get to the park district.

The event doesn't happen until like three o'clock.

I get to the park district like 1.30 and I'm there.

And Angel's got like three or four Santa outfits.

laid out.

None of them fit me.

They're like, because the other guy was much bigger than me.

He's like about 30 pounds and a little taller.

None of them fit me.

So they're sloppy as shit.

So they got pillows and they're putting the pillows up underneath me.

It felt like, and I would say it felt like Project Heat, but most of y'all wouldn't know what I was talking about when I said that.

You wouldn't.

That's a good thing, but you wouldn't.

You just wouldn't.

But just imagine.

No, just imagine downtown Chicago.

It's 100 degrees and the humidity is whatever it needs to be.

It's hot as shit under this Santa Claus suit.

And I said, okay, we're going to have a lot of kids.

She said, no, we shouldn't have a lot of

And I said, Okay, cool.

So I'm getting acclimated to the suit.

I'm drinking plenty of water because, like I said, I'm sweating profusely.

It's three o'clock.

They said, You're gonna sit in this chair, you're gonna take pictures.

Kids are gonna sit on your lap.

And all that.

I said, Okay, cool.

There's no problem.

All right.

So she said it wasn't a lot of kids, right?

So I'm sitting behind this curtain.

So curiosity says, Go look outside, Jim, and see what's going on.

You ever been to to Great American Six Flags?

That's what that shit looked like when I looked out the curtain.

It was a million kids out there all lined up, jumping up and down.

I was like, oh, oh, oh, shit, what did I get myself into?

And I'm looking out, I'm panicking a little bit, because it's hot as shit underneath the Santa Claus suit.

And so they opened up the curtain and it got dead silent.

Every pair of eyes was trained on the guy in the chair in the Santa Claus suit, and it was my black ass that was sitting right there at that time.

So the line starts, and the kids are coming up.

Hey, Santa, I want such and such.

Hey, I want to play stadium.

And it's going along really well.

And then some of the kids have colds, so they're sneezing and shit up.

So I'm like...

So one boy comes running up.

He's got to be like 11.

He's wearing glasses, dark, reminds me.

of me at that age.

He runs up, he says, hi, I'm Bernard.

I said, hey, Bernard.

He says, my friends call me Bernie.

I said, okay, Bernie, how are you?

He said, we're friends, Santa.

I said, yes, we are.

He said, okay.

And he hops on my lap.

And I said, what would you like for Christmas, Bernie?

He doesn't say anything.

He reaches up and pulls down my beard.

He says, Santa,

you're black.

And I said, yeah.

And Bernie says, just like me, I'm black too.

I said, yeah.

He said, so if I wanted to be Santa, I could.

I said, you can be whatever you want to be.

You want to be Santa?

He says, no, I don't want to be Santa.

He said, I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

I said, okay, that's cool.

He said, but that's not all.

I said, well, what else do you want to be?

He says, Santa, don't laugh.

I want to be Batman.

Unbeknownst to him, Batman is my favorite superhero all time.

I'm like, oh my God.

And I hug him.

I'm like, yes, you can be Batman, Bernie.

He hops up off me.

He says, thank you, Santa.

And he takes two steps away and he comes back.

I said, what's wrong?

And he hugs me.

And he says, I love you, Santa.

And I said, oh.

And the rest of the day went and we were done.

I finally got out that hot ass suit.

And Angel said, you make those kids so happy today.

You made them so happy.

That was two years ago.

This Saturday, I donned the Santa Claus suit again.

And the thing about it is, I hope I bring some happiness to those kids,

but it's me

feeling elated about putting on that suit this Saturday.

Thank you.

That was James Gordon.

James is an internationally award-winning author and poet, champion storyteller, and critically acclaimed actor.

He's a member of ACT Pack Dark.

That's it for this episode.

The Moth would like to thank its supporters and listeners.

Stories like these are made possible by community giving.

If you're not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at themoth.org slash giveback.

From all of us here at The Moth, We hope that Santa brings you some wonderful stories this holiday season.

Suzanne Rust is the Moth's senior curatorial producer and one of the hosts of of the Moth Radio Hour.

In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for the Moth stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events.

This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Solinger.

The rest of the Moss' leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Marina Cluchet, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant Walker, Leigh-Anne Gulley, and Aldi Casa.

All Moz stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.

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