The Moth Radio Hour: Hesitations

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Speaker 3 From TRX, this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Jennifer Hickson.
In this hour, hesitations, giving pause, that feeling of not so fast, or maybe tomorrow instead.

Speaker 3 We'll hear stories about school, dating, competitions, and in our first story, job obligations.

Speaker 3 Teresa Tims told this live in Alaska at the Atwood Concert Hall, where we partner with the Anchorage Concert Association. Here's Teresa.

Speaker 4 It's New Year's Eve and I'm at church.

Speaker 4 This is the worship service that people come to on New Year's Eve if they don't want to drink, they don't want to party. unhoused neighbors would come to this service for safety.

Speaker 4 I was there because I was the pastor.

Speaker 4 I had chosen the short stick, so I ended up at this service on New Year's Eve.

Speaker 4 So there I was getting everybody together, getting ready to do the liturgy, and this couple walks in and they are overly dressed. She has on this fitted ball gown and he has on a full tuxedo.

Speaker 4 They stood out.

Speaker 4 And after that service, they came back Sunday after Sunday. They would sit together.
She eventually joined the choir. He asked me to baptize him, and I did.

Speaker 4 But one particular Sunday, they came up to me so excited, you know, all hugged up, and they said, Pastor T, we want to ask you a question.

Speaker 4 Will you marry us?

Speaker 4 For those who do not know, pastors do not like weddings. We do not want to spend our Friday and Saturday with you and all of your family drama.

Speaker 4 Weddings are actually the cacophony of mama, bridezilla, drunk brother, stepmom, stepdad don't get along. The kids running around.
No,

Speaker 4 no. But before I could get my no out, they said, Pastor T,

Speaker 4 Our wedding will be in Hawaii and we will pay you all expenses. Fly you first class.

Speaker 4 yes yes yes I would love to do your wedding I had never been to Hawaii never flown first class all the way from Washington DC so I was there I made a vacation out of it I get there and it's 4th of July weekend and this wedding is what a wedding is supposed to be.

Speaker 4 The bride is adopted from Korea. Her adopted family has this estate overlooking the waterfront in Hawaii.
It is magnificent.

Speaker 4 Everyone is making a fuss over the bride and I am there as the pastor, but also I am there as a newly divorcee.

Speaker 4 I don't know if I believe in this type of love anymore. I don't know if I believe in all of the oohs and ahs, but as the bride is walking down the aisle, I have a little bit of hope.

Speaker 4 I'm be able to see that these people really do love each other and I've seen their love grow Sunday after Sunday over the last couple of years.

Speaker 4 So the wedding is done, I'm feeling good, and then I do the other thing that I typically do not do. Confession number two.

Speaker 4 Pastors hate wedding receptions. You know what happens at a wedding receptions? People pull you to the side and they want you to solve the family drama.
It's out now. You are the pastor.

Speaker 4 So they want you to pray about something. Somebody wants to confess something to you, or somebody wants to take you in the corner to show you something weird.

Speaker 4 Like, I typically do not do wedding receptions, it's alcohol, and people, no.

Speaker 4 But I was in Hawaii, so I danced, and I put, I took that robe off, I was free.

Speaker 4 We danced until four

Speaker 4 in the morning.

Speaker 4 Because I had made a vacation out of this trip, I was walking around the streets in Hawaii the next day, soaking up the sun.

Speaker 4 And then when I looked around, I realized that Hawaii is for lovers, for families. That's where people went to honeymoon and family vacation.

Speaker 4 And that love, that type of family, romantic love was not something that I held anymore.

Speaker 4 And so I took my broken heart back to the hotel room with some takeout and chocolate covered macadamians and pineapples and I was eating and crying and watching something on the TV.

Speaker 4 And I was like, girl, if you don't get out of this hotel room, you are in Hawaii.

Speaker 4 So I was like, okay, I need to do something. So I go downstairs to the hotel lobby and they have that kiosk with all of the brochures of what to do while you're in a place.

Speaker 4 And I looked and I found one that said, hike Diamond Head Mountain.

Speaker 4 It was like a beginner's hike, easy, anybody can do it. I was like, all right, you know, I can do it.
So

Speaker 4 I'm from Mississippi. I ain't never been on no hike before.
I don't know what to pack. I packed some water bottles, lunch, a basket, some scissors, rope.
I don't know what you need on a hike.

Speaker 4 I put my hair up. I had these long dreadlocks.
I put my hair up, you know, put on my sandals. Here we go.
I took public transportation to Diamond Head Mountain. I get there and, you know, I'm going.

Speaker 4 We hiking, feeling good. And then like five minutes in, reality set in.
Three things were against me. Number one, it is 4th of July weekend and it is hot as hell.

Speaker 4 I am sweating so hard that like chocolate drops are following me behind

Speaker 4 and I'm hiking and I'm breathing.

Speaker 4 Number two, that pamphlet lied. This was not no beginner's hike.
This was, I was going up the rough side of the mountain. And these fitness enthusiasts were running past me like gazelles.

Speaker 4 I wanted to trip them. Like, I am struggling here.

Speaker 4 The third thing that was against me was that at the time I was literally 250 pounds heavier than I am now.

Speaker 4 So I'm carrying all of this weight and I'm sweating and I'm hot. I'm having labored breathing and it is, this is, ain't no beginner's hike.

Speaker 4 So I'm going up and I'm trying to get to the top. I'm slowing down.
I'm out of water. The sun is beating.

Speaker 4 And I get to the point of the hike where the path is narrow. I'm waiting on the side because I just can't physically do it.
And I was like, girl, do not fall out on the side of a mountain in Hawaii.

Speaker 4 This is not the place.

Speaker 4 I get to the almost to the top and there's a tunnel that you have to go through.

Speaker 4 And then my heart started palpitating and I was having like anxiety and I was about to turn around and I was like holding up the line, trying to breathe and I was embarrassed and I was ashamed and I was like, you know what?

Speaker 4 I can say that I made it this far. And this strange couple, I never, they, I didn't know them, they came up to me and they said, what if we go with you?

Speaker 4 If you put your hand on my husband's shoulder and I put my hand on your shoulder, We'll guide you through the tunnel.

Speaker 4 And step by step, we entered the tunnel and I felt claustrophobic. It was pitch black.

Speaker 4 And I'm sweating and I'm breathing and then there was this coolness inside. There was no light, but there was no sun.

Speaker 4 And we're shuffling through and I'm breathing.

Speaker 4 And before I knew it, the light was coming in through the tunnel. And as I exited, it felt as if I had been born again.

Speaker 4 Like this sense of accomplishment that I did this thing, and the view was so worth it.

Speaker 4 I'm all in my fields, I'm crying, people are cheering for me. Like, I move over to the side with my book bag full of all the stuff, and I'm like crying.

Speaker 4 I'm taking selfies, people are taking pictures with me. Like, I have a whole congregation on top of the mountain.

Speaker 4 I'm sitting down on the ground with this book bag,

Speaker 4 and the next thing I know, I let my hair down and I just start cutting my hair. I'm like crying and just cutting lock by lock of my hair.

Speaker 4 Before I left DC, I read somewhere a quote from Coco Chanel that says, when a woman cuts her hair, she is ready to change the world.

Speaker 4 And I sat on the ground and I'm cutting and I'm crying and I'm cutting and crying. And my congregation is starting to get concerned.

Speaker 4 They're not really sure about this and

Speaker 4 there's not a lot of melanated people on their mountain either. So they're like, we don't know what's going on.
But there was this freedom and I put my hair in this basket.

Speaker 4 And as I turn around to go back through that tunnel down, I was not afraid. I was ready.
I was confident. I was like a tiscot, a tasket.
I got hair all up in my basket.

Speaker 4 I was ready.

Speaker 4 I felt like one of the gazelles going down. It was amazing.
I get on the bus, I get back to the hotel, I look in the mirror and I looked a hot ass mess. There was no mirror on the mountain.

Speaker 4 My fro was all raggedy and crooked.

Speaker 4 I straightened it out.

Speaker 4 And as I looked in that mirror, I saw myself. I saw me.
I wasn't hiding behind any hair. 11 years of hair I had grown.
And it was me,

Speaker 4 me.

Speaker 4 And then I did another badass thing.

Speaker 4 I slathered my body down with whatever banana boat sunscreen they had in that bathroom. I put on a two-piece swim suit.

Speaker 4 I took my basket of hair and I sachet through the hotel lobby without a cover-up on

Speaker 4 And I walked out and there was this huge rock right on the edge of the water. And I walked out to that rock and I put that basket of hair in the Pacific Ocean.

Speaker 4 And as I watched that basket float away, what I knew is that in that basket was not just 11 years of locks. It was 11 years of compromising.
It was 11 years of bad love.

Speaker 4 It was 11 years of not having boundaries. 11 years of settling, 11 years of turning around, 11 years of not seeing myself.

Speaker 4 And I was free.

Speaker 6 I was free.

Speaker 4 A year later, back in DC, my life radically changed.

Speaker 4 And on a Sunday, A year later, that couple stood before me, but this time, they stood before me so that I could baptize their baby girl. And they named her Grace.

Speaker 4 I went to Hawaii to do a wedding. I cut off my hair.

Speaker 4 But a year later, and all of these years later, I've been overwhelmed by amazing grace.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 3 That was Teresa Tim's. She's kept her hair short ever since that haphazard cut on the mountaintop.
She gets it done professionally these days. Teresa is a dean at Princeton University.

Speaker 3 Her hike at Diamond Head Trail was a starting point. Teresa continues to climb mountains, run races, and she has completed two half marathons.

Speaker 3 Teresa has also officiated many more weddings, and it seems that her faith in marriage was restored because she ultimately found love and got remarried.

Speaker 3 To see a picture of Teresa in Hawaii on the Diamond Head Trail, visit themoth.org where you can also download this story and others in this hour.

Speaker 3 Coming up, a kid with Tourette's syndrome navigates elementary school and a woman turning 60 tries internet dating when the Moth Radio Hour continues.

Speaker 10 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by PRX.

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Speaker 3 This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jennifer Hickson.
In this hour, we're hearing about reluctance. Our next story was told by Ryan Rowe at the Philadelphia Grand Slam at Union Transfer.

Speaker 3 Here is Ryan.

Speaker 6 Thank you guys.

Speaker 11 So I was five years old when I was down at the children's hospital in Philly and I was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome.

Speaker 11 Now if you don't know much about Tourette's, it's a nervous system disease that causes someone to twitch uncontrollably. It can either be motor tics or verbal ticks, for instance.

Speaker 11 My tics as a kid were mostly

Speaker 11 doing things with my mouth. or kind of twitching my head like that.
And I also had verbal tics, like I would grunt and, you know, just make noises

Speaker 11 a lot like that.

Speaker 11 And when you're diagnosed with Tourette's, there's not a lot that doctors can do for you.

Speaker 11 They gave me some pills that can kind of calm the ticks a little bit, and they had a lot of side effects and they didn't work all that well.

Speaker 11 And they also gave me a DVD with the title, I have Tourette's Syndrome, but Tourette's Syndrome Doesn't Have Me,

Speaker 11 which is way too long of a title.

Speaker 6 Like,

Speaker 11 it doesn't fit on the poster, it doesn't flow.

Speaker 11 And I remember watching this DVD, and on this DVD there was another five-year-old with Tourette's, and he said, Tourette's makes you a marked man.

Speaker 11 And me as a five-year-old watching this thought,

Speaker 11 that's way too profound a thing for a five-year-old to be thinking.

Speaker 11 But in a lot of ways he's right.

Speaker 11 When you have Tourette's, especially as a kid, you feel like you have this scarlet letter. It's often the first thing that people notice about you and make judgments upon.

Speaker 11 And it's really hard to have any sort of confidence in your own voice when you have this kind of looming cloud of embarrassment and self-consciousness.

Speaker 11 And I grew up in a small enough community where, you know, there was teasing and things, but eventually all the kids knew me and they were used to it.

Speaker 11 And unfortunately, the people that I really had a problem with were teachers. Because usually every year the same thing would happen.

Speaker 11 My parents would meet with our teacher and they'd tell them about my disease and they'd say, well, it'll probably be fine, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Speaker 11 And then at some point throughout the year, there would be a breaking point where the teacher no longer had any patience with me. All the support was gone.
The mood around me changed.

Speaker 11 All of a sudden, I'd be getting called out in the middle of class in front of people. I'd be sent outside to, you know, sit out right by the door and listen into the class.

Speaker 11 A lot of teachers would pull me aside and just directly to me, not even to my parents, tell me that they think I should be homeschooled or I should join the kids in the special needs class.

Speaker 13 And

Speaker 11 as a kid, this is heartbreaking because

Speaker 11 You feel with everything else that you have to deal with, you know, not just in school, but out in public, and there's constantly stares at you, you feel like the one person who should really have your back is your teacher so when I didn't feel like I had that support it was very frustrating but I did have one really great teacher when I was in fourth grade my teacher was named Mrs.

Speaker 11 Bragg now mrs. Bragg had been teaching for over 30 years she had seen everything there was nothing that could faze her and

Speaker 11 At one point, we were doing a project called Famous Pennsylvanians, and it's actually really neat. Each of us was assigned a a famous Pennsylvanian from history and we would

Speaker 11 research our Pennsylvanians and then dress up as them and do presentations and it was really a neat thing.

Speaker 11 And I was assigned Roberto Clemente, who if you don't know is a famous player for the Pittsburgh Pirates. And I was really excited about this.

Speaker 11 I had tons of fun reading about him and researching him and dressing up as him and things. And one day we were in the school library and it's quiet in there.

Speaker 11 And I was just having one of those really bad tick days. I was really loud.
I was really embarrassed, but there was nothing I can do about it. There's no way I can control it.

Speaker 11 And I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room staring at me. And just as the frustration in me was building, Mrs.
Bragg calls me out into the hallway. And I thought,

Speaker 6 well, there it is.

Speaker 12 You know,

Speaker 11 I should have seen this coming. This is what happens every time.
I broke her.

Speaker 6 This is...

Speaker 13 And

Speaker 11 I came out into the hallway and she looked down at me and she said, you know, Roberto Clemente also had Tourette's.

Speaker 6 And I said, really?

Speaker 11 And she goes, yeah. He actually Twitched just like you did.

Speaker 11 And he would have trouble during interviews and things and but he never let that stop him. He worked really hard, he ignored others, and he became one of the best at what he did.

Speaker 11 And that meant the world to me.

Speaker 11 It was like I had never heard of anyone successful who had my disease. And so just for a moment, I felt like I was normal.
I had hope for the future.

Speaker 11 And it really meant the world to me when she told me that.

Speaker 11 And for years after that, Every once in a while, I would have one of those aggravated tick days and I would think back to that and I'd think, what would Roberto Clemente do?

Speaker 11 He would work hard, he would ignore others, and he would never give up.

Speaker 11 And then just a few years ago, I was thinking about that and I thought, you know, I've never actually Googled that.

Speaker 6 So I go to Google,

Speaker 11 Roberto Clemente Tourette's.

Speaker 11 There There is nothing

Speaker 11 that says he ever had Tourette's or anything like it.

Speaker 11 She completely made it up just to make me feel better, and it's one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.

Speaker 11 So now, every once in a while, I still have those days where I feel self-conscious, but this time, I think to myself, what would Mrs. Bragg do?

Speaker 11 She would work hard, she would ignore others, and she'd never give up on me. Thank you very much.

Speaker 3 That was Ryan Rowe. I caught up with Ryan over the phone to talk about what he's up to these days.
Mrs. Bragg is the hero of your story, obviously.
Can you tell me a little bit more about her?

Speaker 12 Sure. Mrs.
Bragg was my fourth-grade teacher, and she was just wonderful.

Speaker 12 I mean, you know, my story of her being very sympathetic to me, whereas a lot of teachers would have been very harsh on me, perhaps, you know, it's just one of many stories that a lot of other students I know have about her just being extraordinarily kind.

Speaker 12 And I think with her experience, like she was teaching for a really long time at that point.

Speaker 12 You know, she had just seen so much that she knew that what kids really need is just a friend. They need an advocate in their teacher.
And that's what she was.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'll say that move was very creative. The Roberto Clemente move she played.
That was, I don't know, I've never heard of another teacher doing anything like that.

Speaker 12 Yeah,

Speaker 12 when I think back on it, I think in that moment where she saw that I was frustrated in the quiet library and she saw that

Speaker 12 I was feeling insecure about other people looking at me, you know, Ryan, more than anyone right now, needs someone to tell him that it's okay, that he matters, and that he is not weird.

Speaker 12 It just meant so much to me, and it meant more than

Speaker 12 anything else she could have said.

Speaker 3 It was just the perfect thing. So, Ryan, how did the rest of school work out for you?

Speaker 12 So, after fourth grade, luckily I was able to stay in public schools for the rest of grade school. And I still had

Speaker 12 some teachers that were really kind about my disease and some that weren't. But luckily,

Speaker 12 when you develop Tourette's at such a young age, usually as you grow older, the symptoms start to die down, and that's what happened. And so then I went on to college and now I'm in law school.

Speaker 12 And I'm also volunteering with different Tourette Syndrome

Speaker 12 charities and associations as well, just to try to help kids who are like me, who are struggling in school.

Speaker 3 That must be so cool for them to hear you.

Speaker 12 Yeah, absolutely. I think being able to show these kids that, you know, I had what they had, and yet I was able to still soldier on and find advocates and find success.

Speaker 3 So are you ever tempted to use the Roberto Clemente line on anyone?

Speaker 6 Not exactly.

Speaker 12 I wonder sometimes. But no, I haven't used that on anyone.
Maybe I should. Who knows? I feel like nowadays kids are quicker to Google things.

Speaker 3 Yes, definitely.

Speaker 3 And And how does Roberto Clemente figure into your life these days? Do you think of him often?

Speaker 12 Yeah, I still think of him all the time. You know, I'm a die-hard Philly sports fan.

Speaker 12 I love the Eagles and the Phillies and the Flyers and the Sixers, but I'm also a big fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates ever since fourth grade.

Speaker 3 Aw, because of Roberto.

Speaker 3 Is there anything else you want people to know about Tourette's?

Speaker 12 We're trying our best to control it. And it's like any other disability, I guess.
We just want to be treated normally. We just want to be treated with patience.

Speaker 3 That was Ryan Rowe. At the time of this recording, Ryan is a student at Villanova Law School with hopes of becoming a trial attorney.

Speaker 3 Although his tics once made him terrified of public speaking, he's now a regular at the Moth Story Slam in Philadelphia, and he relishes the idea of arguing cases in front of a jury.

Speaker 3 In his spare time, he he volunteers with a local group that supports young people with Tourette's.

Speaker 3 Our next story was told by Linda Grosser at the Story Slam at City Space in Boston, where we partner with public radio station WBUR. Here's Linda.

Speaker 9 So I'm walking down Newberry Street on my lunch break, and there's this older woman just ahead of me. And then I stop and I'm I'm gazing in the window and she stops.

Speaker 9 And as I look at her reflection, I realize it's me.

Speaker 6 Oh my god, when did I get so old?

Speaker 9 I mean, I was always the baby in the family. So whenever I get to one of those decade milestone birthdays and you think about what does that number mean and where am I in my life.

Speaker 9 Anyway, later that night, I am sitting in my third floor apartment, just feeling completely sorry for myself. I'm divorced.
I have a dent in one breast from cancer surgery.

Speaker 9 And I am full of self-judgment. Where am I in my life?

Speaker 9 And who is going to want me?

Speaker 9 But I did not want to be alone. So I had no choice.
When I put up my online profile, I lied.

Speaker 9 I took four years off of my life.

Speaker 9 Off of my age.

Speaker 1 And then I really got out there.

Speaker 9 I learned how to swing dance. I learned how to sail.
I read a lot of Pema Chodron. She's this Buddhist nun.
I am lovable. I am good enough.

Speaker 9 But oh my God, dating

Speaker 9 in midlife. First there's George.
I really liked his profile. And then I get to the bottom.
Message me if you are under 40.

Speaker 9 And then there's Lyle.

Speaker 8 Lyle was tall, sexy.

Speaker 9 We had something going. And then I find out he is dead broke and he starts to stalk me.

Speaker 9 And Stuart. We talk.
We decide to meet.

Speaker 9 I go into Panera's.

Speaker 6 Oh crap.

Speaker 8 That is Stuart over there, but he looks so old.

Speaker 9 And of course, I justified my lie because my pictures were current.

Speaker 9 Well, this was my dating life. It happened like 16 times, except there was only one stalker.

Speaker 9 I was disillusioned. I did not like lying, but I was not ready to be honest.
So I took my profile down and I say, I'm just going to go to meetups. You don't have to give your age.
You just show up.

Speaker 9 And that was working really fine until it was the fall and I for the first time ever I am approaching a dreaded milestone birthday

Speaker 9 and I realize Linda like it or not on November 28th you are gonna be 60 oh god

Speaker 9 and I'm thinking Well, if I have to be 60, I am going to go out in style and have a really big party.

Speaker 9 So now I'm at my friend Deborah's. I'm in her foyer, and I am surrounded by 25 of my most beloved family and friends.
I see Jerry and Richard in their tuxedos because I wanted the attire to be fancy.

Speaker 9 And Janet and Mike are standing by the punch bowl where they squeezed 50 limes to make my favorite drink, Cosmopolitans.

Speaker 9 And my kids, Taylor and Spencer, they made a dance mix, they brought the weed.

Speaker 4 the outpouring of love,

Speaker 9 I was walking on air.

Speaker 9 And it was just

Speaker 8 incredible because that party changed me.

Speaker 9 And I decided that that number, my age, just did not define me. And I let go of my own ageism.

Speaker 9 I'm back at home and I say, okay, I'm ready for the truth. I grip my teeth I put my profile back on and I put on my true age

Speaker 9 I go out to a meetup that night in Democracy House in Harvard Square it was a Latin band and

Speaker 9 I met a guy I think his name was Mark and we chatted and I liked him he didn't ask for my number

Speaker 9 I was disappointed okay no big deal

Speaker 9 I go home. Next morning, now I'm getting these emails from the dating app.
And I open open this one profile. The guy is cute, he's 63, he dances, he sells.

Speaker 9 And now I'm looking, he looks kind of familiar. Oh my god, this is Mark, the guy from last night at the meetup.

Speaker 9 So I read his message: Dear Linda, I was really glad to find and read your profile this morning. When we met last night,

Speaker 9 when we met last night,

Speaker 9 I thought you were too young for me

Speaker 9 well I knew this 60 year old body was gonna be just fine

Speaker 9 and I was gonna give that mark man a chance thank you

Speaker 3 that was Linda Grosser I asked how things turned out with Mark and she wrote, we had some wonderful years together, Dancing to Latin jazz and swing, traveling, sailing, cycling, cooking, and laughing.

Speaker 3 Linda added that they did eventually break up, but she said that's a whole other story and that they are still good friends.

Speaker 3 To see a picture of Linda at her 60th birthday party with her sons, visit themoth.org where you can also download the story or any of the stories this hour.

Speaker 3 And while you're there, maybe you'd like to pitch a story of your own. Perhaps you found found love on a unique path or during a wild adventure or on a dating app.
We want to hear your pitches.

Speaker 3 You can pitch us a story right on our site or call 877-799-MOTH. That's 877-799-MOTH.

Speaker 3 In a moment, an author suspects that writing about jigsaw puzzles will be a bore until he finds a way to piece it all together. But um bump, couldn't resist.
Sorry.

Speaker 3 That's when the moth radio hour continues.

Speaker 10 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by.

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Speaker 6 PRX.

Speaker 3 You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jennifer Hickson.
We're hearing stories about people doing things that they were pretty sure they wouldn't like. Our next storyteller, A.J.

Speaker 3 Jacobs, is typically enthusiastic about his work.

Speaker 3 He's an author, journalist, lecturer, and human guinea pig who experiments with things like spending a whole year trying to follow every single rule in the Bible, or practicing radical honesty, or reading the entire encyclopedia.

Speaker 3 His latest book is The Puzzler, and this story takes place while he was reluctantly prepping for what he knew would be his least favorite chapter. Here is A.J.

Speaker 3 Jacobs at College Street Music Hall in Hartford, Connecticut.

Speaker 6 I, all my life, I have loved puzzles, all kinds of puzzles. Crosswords, riddles, mazes, you name it.
They are my great nerdy passion.

Speaker 6 But there is one kind of puzzle that left me cold. Jigsaw puzzles.
They always seem more like a chore, like loading the dishwasher.

Speaker 6 Plus, I found them kind of anticlimactic. You know, you get to the end, you put in the last piece, and you're like, oh, look, it's three kittens on a beach towel.

Speaker 6 Exactly like the three kittens on the beach towel on the cover of the box that I've been looking at for three days. Surprise.

Speaker 6 So I didn't love jigsaws, which was fine.

Speaker 6 But then a couple of years ago, it became a problem because I am a writer and I signed up to write a book about puzzles.

Speaker 6 And I knew I had to have a chapter on jigsaws. They are the prototypical puzzle.
So I began, as I always do, with Google, and I type in jigsaws, and I click and I click.

Speaker 6 And on the seventh page, there's a very interesting entry.

Speaker 6 It is the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships. Now, I did not know that competitive jigsaw puzzling was a thing.

Speaker 6 I mean it seemed to me the best part of jigsaws was that you could take your time, they were kind of relaxing.

Speaker 6 So it seemed a little weird. It seemed like, you know, like a

Speaker 6 world series of napping or

Speaker 6 a meditation cage match. It didn't make sense to me.

Speaker 6 But there it was.

Speaker 6 There was in a few weeks in a small city in Spain was the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships. So on a whim, I fill out the application

Speaker 6 and I send it and I figure this is the first in a long series of trials. I'll be weeded out.

Speaker 6 Next day my email pings, congratulations, Senor Jacobs.

Speaker 6 You are officially captain of Team USA

Speaker 6 in the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships in Spain.

Speaker 6 So my reaction is, holy mierda,

Speaker 6 this is not good.

Speaker 6 It's not the Olympics, but still, I'm representing my 300 million fellow Americans. And I am vastly underqualified.
I haven't finished a jigsaw puzzle since I was eight years old.

Speaker 6 My only skill was I filled out the application and no one else did.

Speaker 6 So first I need to assemble my team.

Speaker 6 I had signed up for the four-person event. So

Speaker 6 I walk into our living room and there's my wife and two of our teenage sons.

Speaker 6 And I say,

Speaker 6 who's ready to do their patriotic duty?

Speaker 6 And they are,

Speaker 6 they are less than enthused,

Speaker 6 but they agree reluctantly, as long as they don't have to wear any kind of uniform. I'm like, no problem, that's fine.
All right, next, I need a trainer.

Speaker 6 So I call up this woman named Karen Cavett, who has a very popular YouTube channel devoted to jigsaws. And Karen, she's great.
She schools me.

Speaker 6 I'm like, okay, so you start with the edges, right? And she's like, oh, no, not necessarily. If it's a very colorful puzzle, you start with the colorful inside and work your way out to the edges.

Speaker 6 I'm like, oh.

Speaker 6 Then I say, but you always sort by color, right? She's like, not necessarily.

Speaker 6 Sometimes if it's a big blue sky,

Speaker 6 you should sort by shape instead of color. So I'm writing this down.
I'm like, this is gold. This is gold.
This is going to get me the championship.

Speaker 6 So next,

Speaker 6 it's time for training. I dump, on the next day, me and my son are at the dining room table.
I dump all the pieces out. It's a puzzle of a Dr.
Seuss painting of a bunch of fish in a lake.

Speaker 6 So we're sorting, we're sorting, and I see two pieces that look like they might fit together. So I take the Audi and I put it over the innie.

Speaker 6 and I press down and I feel that soft click and I'm like wow that feels good

Speaker 6 so then I do it again I see two more and I'm like oh some more dopamine

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 6 I was like these these were meant to be together

Speaker 6 and in physics in high school I remember they taught us the the second law of thermodynamics that Everything tends towards disorder.

Speaker 6 But here in my apartment,

Speaker 6 order is having a little victory over chaos, and it feels awesome. I also realize I am an easy convert.
I am a cheap date.

Speaker 6 I mean, I hated Jake Saws all my life, and here, after 10 minutes, I'm hooked.

Speaker 6 A few weeks later, we're on a red-eye flight to Madrid.

Speaker 6 Team USA, that is.

Speaker 6 And I'm fantasizing, like, maybe

Speaker 6 we're the Cinderella story of this. You know, we're like the 1980 U.S.
ice hockey team, Miracle on Ice, or Miracle on Cardboard, or whatever they're going to call us.

Speaker 6 We land, we take a two-hour train ride north, and we arrive bleary-eyed at the arena.

Speaker 6 But there is no doubt we're in the right place. There are hundreds, thousands of jigsaw fanatics, jigsaw tattoos everywhere, jigsaw jewelry, jigsaw themed clothing.

Speaker 6 And I should say here that Team USA is also wearing jigsaw themed t-shirts, which I know I told my kids they wouldn't have to, but this is my first international world championships. How?

Speaker 6 You know, I'm not going to wear themed t-shirts. So I had designed them myself.
They were a jigsaw piece with the American flag colors on it.

Speaker 6 And if that wasn't enough, there was also a motto in Latin that said, e pluribus unum pictura. Out of many,

Speaker 6 one picture.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 6 My sons said

Speaker 6 if this appears on your social media

Speaker 6 We are going going to begin legal emancipation proceedings. And I was like, all right, I get it.
You don't love it.

Speaker 6 We're shown to our table, and we're right next to

Speaker 6 the Turkish team, which is four women.

Speaker 6 They have long skirts with a jigsaw pattern. One of them has her hands clasped and her eyes closed, and she's saying a prayer.

Speaker 6 I also say a secular prayer, which is that please don't let us fight over who gets to put in the last piece, which is something we've experienced.

Speaker 6 My wife, Julie, is doing leg stretches like she's about to run a 5K.

Speaker 6 And she's like, I can't believe how nervous I am. And I'm like, I'm nervous too.
My hands are so clammy. I'm worried that the pieces are going to slip through my fingers.

Speaker 6 The announcer comes on stage and he says, okay, here are the rules. You have eight hours, eight hours to do four puzzles.
The puzzles range from 1,000 to 2,000 pieces. Oh, thank you for that all.

Speaker 6 Three, two, one, begin puzzling. So we grab the first puzzle.
It's of a safari scene. And I look around and I'm immediately stressed out.
All the other countries, they came prepared.

Speaker 6 They have their jigsaw equipment. They have razor blades and knives to rip off the plastic on the box.
And we got nothing. So we have to open those boxes with our fingernails, like barbarians.

Speaker 6 So we do it, we pour them out.

Speaker 6 It becomes clear that the monkey is going to be a problem. It's the same color as the tree.
And my wife starts trash talking.

Speaker 6 She's like monkeys you used to be my favorite animal don't make me hate you monkeys and i love it because she is so she was reluctant at first but now she's all in so much so that she has pledged not to go to the bathroom for the full eight hours which is unprecedented

Speaker 6 so we start making a little headway on the rhinoceros I spot this piece on the floor

Speaker 6 and I pick it up I'm like, that could have been a disaster.

Speaker 6 So I'm feeling okay. I look around.
I don't feel okay anymore. All the other teams are much farther ahead than we are.

Speaker 6 And the Bulgarians, their hands are moving so fast, it looks like I have a video on double speed.

Speaker 6 But There's nothing we can we can't cheat because there are dozens of proctors in yellow vests wandering the floor. And one of them takes a special interest in us.

Speaker 6 He comes over and he starts chanting, USA, USA, USA.

Speaker 6 And I'm like, gracias,

Speaker 6 that's our country. And

Speaker 6 maybe,

Speaker 6 maybe

Speaker 6 he's cheering us on. But we are so far behind.
I'm pretty sure he was mocking us.

Speaker 6 Which reminded me, like, you know, I am in danger of humiliating my country. So we keep going.
Three and a half hours later, there's a hubbub on the other side of the arena.

Speaker 6 All these people are crowded around a table. They've got their cell phone cameras out.
I say, what's going on? And the Bulgarian guy says, well, that's the Russian team. They're almost finished.

Speaker 6 I'm like, finish the first puzzle? He's like, no. Finished all four puzzles.
It's been three and a half hours.

Speaker 6 And I had heard before the tournament that the Russian jigsaw team was a force to be reckoned with.

Speaker 6 And I know what you're thinking. There's no evidence of doping.

Speaker 6 So get that out of your mind.

Speaker 6 But a few minutes later, there's an even bigger roar. And four women emerge from the scrum.
And

Speaker 6 three blonde women and one brunette. They've got the Russian flag draped over their shoulders.
They bound onto stage. The announcer says, Champions of El Mundo.

Speaker 6 And they are beaming, and we are slack-jawed. We're like, How did that happen? But I say to my sons, keep puzzling.
It's all we can do. Keep puzzling.

Speaker 6 We keep going, but every five minutes, there's another roar. Mexico finishes.
Japan finishes.

Speaker 6 Finally, at six hours and three minutes, Team USA finishes our first puzzle.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you clapped a little too early. We finished our first puzzle.
It's something. So we high-five each other, and we grab the second puzzle, which is even harder.

Speaker 6 It's all red, so red fingernails and red fire trucks. And before we know it, The announcer says, tres dos uno, hands away from the table, it's over.

Speaker 6 And we look at each other and we shrug, shrug and we laugh. My wife goes to the bathroom.

Speaker 6 Not there, she runs to the bathroom. I meant to say.

Speaker 6 Just a little bit later, they post the results on a TV screen. And I jostle my way to the front to try to see where we are.
And I look at it, and I look down and down and a little more down.

Speaker 6 And there, right near the bottom, is Team USA.

Speaker 6 But, this is important, not at the bottom. We thank you.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 We beat, we beat one of the hometown Spanish teams. So we were not last, we were second to last.
And to me, that was a huge victory. And coming in second to last wasn't even the best part of that day.

Speaker 6 The best part was that Team USA was there.

Speaker 6 We were in the mix in this community of people who were passionate.

Speaker 6 They were united by their love of uniting little cardboard pieces.

Speaker 6 And after the tournament, there were hugs. The Turkish women gave us jigsaw-shaped cookies.
The Russian team gave us a teddy bear, which was their mascot.

Speaker 6 And I know that world politics is very complicated. It can be ugly.
The pieces don't always fit.

Speaker 6 But here in this arena in a small town in Spain, for just a moment, we transcended that thanks to jigsaw diplomacy.

Speaker 6 So at that moment, it could not have been clearer that I was wrong. Jigsaws are not a waste of time.
Jigsaws are magic. Thank you.

Speaker 3 That was A.J. Jacobs.
Despite coming in second to last, the founder of the tournament asked AJ to help create the USA Jigsaw Puzzle Association.

Speaker 3 The following year, Team Jacobs was unable to attend, but six American teams competed, and two of them placed in the top 10. And so, America has been redeemed.

Speaker 3 AJ's book is The Puzzler, One Man's Quest to Solve the Most Baffling Puzzles Ever, from crosswords to jigsaws to the meaning of life.

Speaker 3 To see a picture of the original Team USA, AJ, his wife Julie, and their two sons, visit themoth.org, where you can also find a shareable link to the story.

Speaker 3 That's it for this episode. We want to thank all of the storytellers in this hour, who would all probably agree: just try it, you might like it.

Speaker 3 And here's hoping you'll join us next time.

Speaker 10 This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, Katherine Burns, and Jennifer Hickson, who also hosted the show and directed the stories in the hour.

Speaker 10 Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. Additional Grand Slam coaching by Larry Rosen.

Speaker 10 The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin-Janess, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Cluche, Leanne Gulley, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Caza.

Speaker 10 Moth stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift.

Speaker 10 Other music in this hour from Jackie Mito, Corey Wong with Bayla Fleck, Gaucho, and Hermanos Cutieris. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.

Speaker 10 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by PRX.

Speaker 10 For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

Speaker 5 The moth is supported by AstraZeneca. AstraZeneca is committed to spreading awareness of a condition called hereditary transthyroidin-mediated amyloidosis, or HATTR.

Speaker 5 This condition can cause polyneuropathy like nerve pain or numbness, heart failure or irregular rhythm and gastrointestinal issues. HATTR is often underdiagnosed and can be passed down to loved ones.

Speaker 5 Many of us have stories about family legacies passed down through generations. When I was five, my mother sewed me a classic clown costume, red and yellow with a pointy hat.

Speaker 5 It's since been worn by my sister, three cousins, and four of our children. I'm so happy this piece of my childhood lives on with no end in sight.

Speaker 5 Genetic conditions like HATTR shouldn't dominate our stories. Thanks to the efforts of AstraZeneca, there are treatment options, so more patients can choose the legacies they share.

Speaker 5 This year, the Moth will partner with AstraZeneca to shine a light on the stories of those living with HATTR. Learn more at www.myattrroadmap.com.