Risqué Business: Whitney Connolly and Caroline Woodward

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Welcome to the Moth Podcast.

I'm Michelle Jalowski.

You probably won't be surprised to learn that we hear a lot of different kinds of stories at the Moth.

We listen to all the stories that get told at each and every one of our open mic story slams.

Sometimes the stories are the perfect fit for broadcast and we say, let's put this on the radio immediately.

And then sometimes the stories are wonderful, but they're a little risque.

So we're like, can we air this?

Is it too racy for radio?

But as it happens, we also have this podcast that you're listening to right now.

This episode, we're going to be playing two stories that just happen to be kind of spicy.

Don't worry, nothing untoward happens.

The stories are just a little bit salacious.

So if you're listening in your car with your kids, you might want to wait till you're at home.

But if you are at home or listening on headphones, well, we hope you'll enjoy this.

First up is Whitney Connolly, who told this at a Boston Story Slam in 2022 where the theme of the night was cravings.

Here's Whitney, live at the mall.

So I get divorced and I'm living by myself for the first time in my entire life.

Not completely by myself because I have my dog Bella, but we're both a little bit lonely and we're both kind of looking for a little comfort and

a lot her because we had two dogs and when my ex left he took one with him and so she was sad and I was sad and I didn't think I was in the place in my life to get another dog but I thought I could probably handle a cat so I went to the local animal shelter and I was like hey I want a cat and they brought me upstairs to the cat room and the staff there was great and they were telling me about all the different cats they had and they just kept coming back to this one cat named Lily who that's funny because my cat growing up was named Lily and they just kept saying she's amazing but she's been here a really long time we're not sure sure why it might be because she's a little bit old it might be because she's a little bit fat and I was like I don't care about either of those things I said I'll take her and when we were filling out the paperwork I was like do you think she'll get along with my middle-aged golden retriever and they said we think so but we don't really know anything about where she came from

and so we're getting ready to take her home and this one staff member who is really attached to Lily is kind of telling me how to introduce a dog and a cat and like get this baby gait and put them on either side.

And she's giving me all this advice.

This other staff member comes over and I can tell they're nervous.

Like they love this cat.

She's been with them for six months.

But I take her home and about a month after I've had her,

I wake up one morning and at some point in the night, both the dog and the cat, Lily and Bella, have gotten into this bed with me.

And I look over and they're spooning like dog, big spoon, cat, little spoon, like dog arm over cat.

And I'm like, holy shit, this is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

So I jump out of the bed and I take a picture with my cell phone and I immediately text or email this picture to the entire staff of the animal shelter.

And I'm like, look how cute this is.

Like Lily's doing great.

She's getting along great with Bella.

Things are wonderful.

I also very generously tell them they can use this picture when they do a promotion about adopting senior cats.

And

I send it to the entire staff and I forget about it.

And I go to work on Monday and I work this office job and I'm like, oh, that picture, that would be a great desktop background and so I email it to myself and I put it up on my big screen instead of my little phone screen and when it's big I realize that in the background of this picture of my very cute dog and cat spooning is the other thing I bought to comfort myself after my husband left

and it's purple and it's phallic

and it is very much in the background of this picture that I sent to the entire staff of the animal shelter.

And I realized

I am living my most embarrassing moment.

It's happening.

Like I'm like in it.

And this is, I'm racing to take this picture down off my screen in my office.

And I'm also realizing I need to call my cousin because my cousin loves nothing more than somebody's most embarrassing moment story.

And she had also two days before lost her best friend.

And it was a tragic death of a young person.

It was not foreseen.

And I know that she's hurting.

And so I'm like, I'm not good with people who are grieving or people who cry.

I'm the one who's like, there, there.

But I'm like, I know this will cheer her up.

I can call her.

And so I call her, and she answers the phone, and she sounds beyond broken.

And I'm like, Amanda.

My most embarrassing moment just happened and I have to tell you about how I send a picture of my dog and my cat and my purple personal comfort item to the entire staff of an animal shelter.

And she is cry-laughing into the phone.

And she says, Thank you so much for telling me I haven't laughed in days.

I really needed this.

And will you come to the wake with me tomorrow?

And I say, Of course, I'll come to the wake with you.

So the next day, I put on my black and I go to the wake, and it is just this sea of devastated people.

This is not someone who lived a long life.

This is not somebody who had a long illness.

This was very devastating and very tragic, out-of-the-blue loss.

And I go inside and I sign the guest book, and I hug Nick's sister and I hug Nick's parents and I tell them how sorry I am and I am just in a sea of people who are broken and I go outside to find my cousin and she's standing with a group of her friends who I know peripherally through her

and I walk up to them and as I'm approaching I realize they're not crying and then I realize they're laughing and then I realize that as I approach and they notice me, they're laughing harder.

And then I realize that my cousin has taken my gift that I gave to her and given it to this whole group of people that I barely know and I want to be mad at her because this is my most embarrassing moment but they're laughing and as I approach they're patting me on the back and they're saying Nick would have loved this story like Nick would have just thought this was the funniest thing and thank you for cheering us up with your most embarrassing moment And I say, no problem.

And so the gift I am giving all of you tonight is if you know somebody who's having a really shitty day tomorrow, you can call them and say, last night I went to this thing.

And this woman told us a story about how

she sent a picture to the entire Cape Ann Animal Aid of her purple personal comfort item.

So you're welcome.

That was Whitney Connolly.

Whitney lives with her family in Massachusetts where she attends as many Boston story slams as possible and continues to lean on humor in the the face of tragedy whenever necessary.

You can hear more of her stories at whitneytellstories.com and you can donate to the Cape Ann Animal Aid Shelter at capeannanimalaid.org.

And if you want to see an edited version of the picture Whitney was talking about, visit our website at themoth.org slash extras.

Up next is a story from Caroline Woodward.

She told this at a Burlington Story Slam in 2017 where the theme of the night was voyage.

Here's Caroline live at the moth.

so a few years ago my husband and I decided to move to Sao Paulo, Brazil to teach in an international school there and we brought our children with us because they can learn languages faster than adults can and because they were really little they couldn't live independently.

So we

brought them and it was good that that we brought them because there were many times when my daughters had to translate for us and they really did pick up the language really quickly.

So my friends and I,

in the international teaching community, you just make your friends really fast and you're all expats and you just bond really, really quickly.

So my girlfriends and I decided that because we're all in Brazil, that of course we have to get a Brazilian, not the man, but

the job.

So

we decide to do that for the cultural experience because we're so evolved.

And

we go down,

the salon is across the street from our apartment complex.

And

my daughters call the salon, they call the

stylists, beauty doctors, because they wear white coats and they look very professional.

And it's very sterile and professional-looking.

And I felt confident that this was going to be a good experience when I went with my friends.

And then after

understanding how personal the experience would be, I decided that I wouldn't do it.

and

didn't.

But my friends did.

And I kind of regretted not having done it.

I regretted it for a long time, like months.

I didn't want to be impulsive and just, oh, they did it.

I want to do it.

So I waited and I decided, yeah, I'm going to get it done.

I'm going to just go do it.

I'm in Brazil.

Get it done one time.

Just experience it.

So

I took my three-year-old for support and

helped me translate.

And

I disrobed and

was modestly covered.

And my daughter, who was three at the time, Lucy is standing beside me and I'm in the

I'm relaxed and

when the beauty doctors lift the

lift the sheets, they gasp.

and

they're very concerned and their brows are furrowed and they start to chatter to Lucy, my daughter, in a very frantic kind of way.

And Lucy, it's too fast, even though she's speaking very well, it's too fast for her.

So she's looking at me very, very nervous, knowing that something terrible must be happening down here.

And nothing was really happening,

except that they hadn't seen this kind of masterpiece.

So they were chattering away, and I was growing more and more anxious.

And I keep saying, Lucy, what are they saying?

Lucy, what are they saying?

Is it a cyst?

Is it some sort of growth?

I don't know.

I don't really explore a lot.

And so I keep asking her, what is it?

What is it?

What is it?

And she, at the time, she was wearing glasses and

she's looking at me and she's saying,

Mom,

they say you have to do it.

You have to take it all.

You have to take it all.

And

I'm caught in a place where I realize she doesn't belong here.

And she's here.

So

I'm trying to explain to her that I've made this mistake in judgment and that I will not be having any...

medical procedure happening that day.

And

I'm telling her to please translate to the beauty doctors.

No, No, no, no.

And they're putting so much pressure on me.

I feel like I've got to do something to get them to be quiet.

And so I say, okay, just a little, a little trim, just a little, like, keep it like, just tight.

I like the ecosystem the way it is.

Keep it functioning.

Just tidy it up a little bit.

It's fine.

And Lucy is able to translate this, I think, pretty well.

But they come back at her.

They're putting pressure on my daughter.

And she's saying things to me like, Mom, you have to do it for your husband.

He loves you.

He loves you so much, you have to do it.

I know.

And again, I'm stymied because she doesn't belong here and I shouldn't have had her in this position.

But I seize the moment and use it as a teaching opportunity and let her know that I could make this decision or a different decision.

And without going into too much detail with her, I just let her know that I look great the way I am and nothing needs to be trimmed and we're out of here and that's what we did.

Thanks.

That was Caroline Woodward.

Caroline is an international educator.

She and her family lived in Brazil, Qatar, Thailand, Malaysia, Maryland, and Massachusetts and now she's back home in Vermont.

Caroline's stories are unusual as she often makes unusual decisions.

That's all for this episode.

From all of us here at the Moth, we hope you have a story-filled and slightly risque week.

Michelle Jalowski is a producer and director at the Moth, where she helps people craft and shape their stories for stages all over the world.

This episode of the Moth podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Solinger.

The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Catherine Burns, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Jennifer Birmingham, Kate Tellers, Marina Cluche, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Leanne Gulley, and Aldi Casa.

All moth stories are true as remembered by the storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

The Moth Podcast is presented by PureX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at purex.org.

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