Fatherhood: The Moth Radio Hour

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This is the Moth Radio Hour.

I'm your guest host, Roy Wood Jr.

You might know me from stand-up comedy or, more recently, CNN, but most importantly, I'm a Moth alum.

For this show, our theme is about fathers.

Look, we all have a father, father, but did we really know them?

I think the interesting thing about parents is whether they are present in your life or not, they will have an effect on you.

And I think that's what a lot of these stories are about.

My father passed when I was 16.

I didn't get to learn everything I wanted to learn from him.

And I didn't really realize it until I had my own son.

And I started reflecting upon the values and lessons that I've gleaned in life.

And I was in awe at how many of them I did not learn from my dad.

And I started, you know, kind of writing down who these people were and what I learned and trying to give myself a little bit of a blueprint to how to raise my son or what to instill in him.

And the longer I looked at the list, the more I felt like that list and those stories needed to be a book for him.

And then I was like, oh, if it's a book for him, It could be a book for everybody.

So I have a book now, The Man of Many Fathers.

And it's a collection of life stories from my interactions with various people.

You know, some on drugs, some

high dignitaries.

But at its core, it is about the mentorship that I received, whether I realized it or not.

And that's what we're talking about today.

We're going to hear stories by fathers and about fathers, patriarchs and single dads and stepdads.

Our first story is from C.J.

Hunt.

CJ told this story at an Open Mic Moth Story Slam in New Orleans, where we partnered with New Orleans Public Radio.

Here's CJ.

Some of the best memories in my life

all come from this period of time that I remember as the bachelor days.

They went like this.

I'm six years old, and

I'm cruising down the highway in the passenger seat.

And in the driver's seat is my best friend and bachelor buddy, my dad.

And we're moving our lives from Boston to New York.

And for the whole four-hour drive, we're looking at each other.

We have the tape deck turned up and we're singing, ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world.

Dung go, doom, go, do, go, do, go.

Hard to get by, just upon a smile, girl.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

We played that tape T for the Taylor Man so much that summer that we actually broke the tape.

That was a thing that would happen.

And then there was our anthem, Against the Wind.

We were running against the wind.

We were young and strong and still running against the wind.

Yeah, Bob Seeger fans.

That's it, that's my whole story.

And but that was our anthem.

That was the soundtrack to the bachelor years.

And

the place that we were moving on Long Island, our house wasn't ready.

And because our house wasn't ready, we spent our summer in this little cramped Brooklyn Heights apartment.

And in that place, we lived like two 22-year-olds would live.

We had no cookware.

We had like one pan.

and two mugs out of which we would drink instant soup like as our meals.

We had no furniture except for this inflatable bed that we would share every night.

And each night we'd have to blow it up, but we'd have to take turns to make sure no one passed out.

We'd be like, your turn, your turn, go, go.

And the best part was we ate cereal whenever the hell we wanted.

You want Captain Crunch for dinner, son?

Done.

Like that was our...

That was our life.

And like two bros moving into a new apartment would make a point of surveying the town,

their block for bars, we would cruise our entire neighborhood to draw a mental map of every toy store and comic book store in a 10-mile radius.

Because in there was something more valuable than women.

Action figures.

So six-year-old me and my father would burst into these places like two robber barons, like

everybody free.

Me and the boy, see, we're looking for the new Green Lantern action figure.

Yes, the white one.

Yes, the one with the light up ring.

Hand it over, put it in the bag, and we'll be on our way.

And then

he'd put me on his back

and we'd be gone like that.

And that's how I remember that summer.

New action figure in hand, on my way to Captain Crunch dinner,

riding on the back of my father.

The two of us.

Now it was just the two of us

because my mother had just died

just a couple weeks earlier.

Diagnosed with lung cancer in December,

she made it just far enough to see me turn six.

And then the summer began.

And when I look back on that time, I'm struck by the dichotomy between what I remember as these golden, wonderful bachelor days and the actual harrowing truth of what was happening.

It was just two guys,

one of whom who had just lost his mother,

and one of whom who had just lost his wife.

It's like finding an old cassette tape that you made.

And you love this thing.

And you dust it off years later and you realize that there's a B-side on there that you've never even listened to.

Against the wind.

We were running against the wind.

And I realized that

our soundtrack

was actually my dad's morning songs.

Or the songs that he used to make sure that he could keep going in the day.

I think about,

I must have thought a thousand times about that summer on his back,

but just now as I'm getting older, am I starting to think about the story of the person who was doing the carrying at the time?

I wonder if he was scared.

I wonder how he knew what to do when everything started falling apart.

I wonder where in our little apartment he would go to cry so I couldn't see him.

And I wonder how he was able to turn what should have been the most devastating period of my life into something I remember as my best days.

Just taking pieces of rubble and making a world for me right on the fly.

So now that I'm a real bachelor,

drinking far more mug soup than I care to admit, I often wonder what kind of man will I become.

Then I realize

I already know.

CJ Hunt is a writer and director who created the Emmy-nominated documentary The Neutral Ground.

In addition to hosting the Moth Main Stage, he's also been a director for The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

He lives just a short bike ride from that old Brooklyn Heights apartment.

CJ still makes regular trips home to visit his dad, his loving stepmother Marge, his brother Steve, and the growing collection of action figures standing guard on his dad's desk.

For photographic evidence of that, go over to themoth.org.

Also, if you ever meet CJ's daddy, don't shake his hand.

That man got a hell of a handshake.

He will break a bone.

Stop shaking hands so hard, Brother Hunt.

Our next story comes from the Moth Education Program's Story Lab, which creates space for young storytellers to craft and share true personal narratives.

Bailey Richards told this story at a high school Grand Slam in New York City.

Here's Bailey live at the moth.

So, so, let me paint the picture for you.

I grew up in Bedstead with my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother, my aunt, my brother, and

yeah, and my poor brother.

He was the only boy, but he turned out pretty well, so it's okay.

So one day, my mom taking care of everyone, as she usually did, was doing her usual routine of taking me to school.

And I noticed immediately a new construction site across the street from the school.

And when we were walking past, I noticed this guy, the sunniest guy you would ever meet, fully decked out in construction gear, the vest, the boots, the pants, you would think like straight out of like Farmer's Village or something.

But every time someone would pass him, he would greet them, bow, and wish them a good day.

And when we got there, this was no different.

And he greeted us, bowed, and wished us a good day.

This continued for the next couple weeks.

And till one day, I noticed that the doors of the construction site were open.

And when I saw this, I was so amazed.

I was like, oh my god, this looks like a castle.

Like, I want to go in here so bad.

And when he noticed this, he asked my mom if I could go in.

And my mom said yes, thankfully.

And I got to go in.

Now, mind you, this is a multi-story building, dust, like the walls were barely built.

So to me, six-year-old me, all the way down here, this was a castle.

Like, I was amazed.

I did not want to leave.

And this was the first time that I can remember where I just felt so small.

And this was a wonderful thing for me to feel at such a young age.

A couple months later, we're moving out of our house and I see this guy again at the deli.

And this is the first time I remember catching his name, which was Reggie.

And the next day he agreed to help us move and the next day he showed up bright and early,

doing all the hefty lifting, taking us all the way to Jersey and going all the way back to Brooklyn, even though the trains in Jersey are horrible on the weekends.

And the next couple months he started coming around a lot more and I was like, okay, this is my mom's boyfriend.

And he would stay up watching the flash with me at all hours of the night and would play video games with me and do martial arts and at a certain point I realized I really don't want this guy to go anywhere.

And like he read my mind, he came into my room one night and was like, I'm never going anywhere.

You do not have to worry about that and I would really appreciate it if you called me dad.

So from that moment on, he was dad.

And a couple months later, right before my eighth birthday, we were walking by a lid store and I remember wanting a pink Yankee cap so bad.

But my dad was like, you cannot get a colored Yankee cap until you get the original.

So I sucked it up, being almost almost eight years old and got the original not knowing this would become one of my favorite articles of clothing for the next couple years.

And every time we would go out to sell CDs, which is what she did, he would put on his cap and I would put on mine and we would go out and people be like, oh, is this your daughter?

Is this your daughter?

He'd be like, yeah, or as he called me, his goomie, and I was his goomie.

And a few years later, or more like a year later, I was,

my parents were getting married.

And a few nights before, I would lay up thinking, is forever really forever?

Like, can anybody really keep a promise that long?

Like, is that even possible?

But, and the wedding came, my parents were crying, they were laughing, they were dancing, everybody was eating food.

And at the end of the night, my dad brought me down to the basement, eerie as all hell.

Would have thought it was straight out of a horror movie.

There were spiders everywhere, but I was pleasantly surprised.

And my dad sat me down and was like, I'm not going anywhere yet again.

And that you never have to worry about that.

Like, forever, it really is forever.

And I'm going to be your dad forever.

Katanao, he is teaching me how to to make homemade remedies to fix my colds and staying up with me, encouraging me to learn new songs on my guitar.

And from that promise he made at that basement, he has stayed here.

In fact, he's in the audience.

That was Bailey Richards.

Bailey was 15 years old when they told this story and at the time of this recording is a senior at Landmark High School.

Bailey is an avid music listener and player.

As a music enthusiast, Bailey spends most of the time jumping from instrument to instrument, trying to convince others of the greatness it holds.

That's very amazing, Bailey.

I can only play two chords on a piano.

I don't even think I can still do that.

The night of the show, Bailey said Reggie didn't know what the story was going to be about.

Reggie said, quote, when I realized that you were talking about me, I was proud of you.

I was proud.

I was happy.

I felt lucky.

I felt thankful.

In a moment, a man meant to be a father and a woman who meets her idol when the moth radio hour continues.

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

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This is the Moth Radio Hour.

I'm Roy Wood Jr.

Our theme is fatherhood.

You know, dad, the man

that you love, but all you do is stress him out, and he comes home quiet and doesn't say anything.

And then eventually you become a father and realize why he wanted the bathroom to himself because it was the only place he knew peace.

Okay, maybe I'm sharing too much about my own life.

Our next story was shared at a Story Slam in Atlanta, where we're supported by Georgia Public Broadcaster.

Live from the moth, here's Eldon Smith.

I was riding down one of those long country back roads when I found myself reflecting on the past few months.

It had been a rough year.

I had lost my job.

I had ended a long-time relationship.

And I was just going through a lot of changes.

My one silver lining was sitting in the back seat singing along to our favorite CD,

Kanye West's 808s and Heartbreak.

In that moment, I was in my happiest of places.

I was put on this earth to be a dad,

and the one thing that would for sure remain constant was the relationship I had with my son.

So as we pulled up to his grandmother's house to say goodbye for the weekend,

I walked in the house,

I set his bags down,

and I told her, I'll see y'all Sunday.

She said, okay.

I kissed him on the top of the head and I told him, it'll only be two days.

We did our secret handshake and I walked out the door.

Sunday came around and this was the first time I felt something was off.

I called his grandma and I told her her I was on the way to come get him.

And she said, he's not here.

He was gone with his cousins, but as soon as they got back, she would call me.

I thought this was weird.

I was about an hour and a half away.

And I thought to myself, why couldn't she just call them?

Tell them to bring him home.

His dad was on the way to come get him.

But this was still at a time where not everyone had cell phones.

So I said, yes, ma'am.

Just call me when he gets back.

The day went on, and I still hadn't heard from him.

So I called her again.

I said, I wanted to come get them before it got too late.

And she said, I don't know where they're at.

They should have been back.

But as soon as they get back, I will call you.

Frustration growing.

but not wanting to stare at a pot.

I said, yes, ma'am, while thinking that she had absolutely no consideration for how late I'd be on that road.

While waiting on her to call, I received a phone call from an unknown number.

I answered, and it was his mom.

And the first thing she said was,

Elden,

he's here.

I said, you're home?

She said, no,

he's here.

I said, where?

And she said,

London with me.

I said, what?

She said it again.

She said, he's here in London with me.

Her, her mom, and her best friend had colluded to get my son on a plane into London without me knowing.

In that moment, I felt like I had literally lost.

everything.

With the vitriol I unleashed, I wanted to burn every bridge she and I could ever cross.

This was a level of disrespect I didn't know existed.

I didn't deserve this.

I was fully committed to my role as a father.

And I didn't even get a seat at the table.

I called an attorney and they told me pretty much what I had already knew.

That in the state of Georgia, if you weren't married, then you had no rights to the child.

And she could do whatever she wanted to do.

His only advice was, if you want to see your son,

I wouldn't piss her off.

I could still smell the smoke.

It was two years

before she and I even talked again.

And because he was six years old,

she would make the phone calls, but when I answered, he was always on the phone.

I tried to keep it positive.

I asked him, was he having fun?

I told him to be a good boy for his mom.

I told him I loved him,

but I never told him I missed him.

I didn't want to put that kind of weight on his heart.

It would be two and a half years before I saw my son.

And the first time he came home when he got off that plane, now he was almost nine.

And those two years felt like 10.

He had changed so much physically.

And I knew his young mind was changing as well.

But the one thing I hoped that had remained was the bond we had.

So when I went for that handshake and he met me in return and it was solid,

I knew then, no matter space, time, or circumstance,

the bond between a father and son could never be broken.

Thank you.

Eldon Smith.

Eldon was born along the storied banks of the Mississippi River in Faraday, Louisiana.

Raised in a military family, Eldon's upbringing spanned continents from Karlsruhe, Germany, to Fairbanks, Alaska, before he finally rooted in Augusta, Georgia.

Eldon's son still lives in the UK, but Eldon tells us:

I'm grateful to be able to have a great relationship with my son.

The distance never changed that bond.

To see a photo of Eldon and his son, Caleb, visit them off.org.

The next story was also told at an open Mike Moth event, this time in San Francisco, where we partnered with public radio stations KALW and KQED.

Here's Harriet Jernigan.

It was 1994, and I was in charge of the poetry section at the Midnight Special, this bookstore in Santa Monica.

that was known not only for its leftist politics, but also for its celebrity clientele.

Everything from Chevy Chase to Octavia Butler to Frank Zappa.

And I got to meet a lot of celebrities, but after a couple months, I was cool.

I was cool.

I used to laugh at the rookies who would sit there and swoon over the rich and famous.

So stupid.

After all, they were only people.

But

there was one celebrity I would like to have seen, Maya Angelou.

She had just written on the pulse of morning and read it for the inauguration of Bill Clinton and she had blown up.

People were buying her books in droves.

But what really chapped my ass was when somebody would come in and say,

I don't know the author and I don't know the title, but it's about a bird.

I know why the caged bird sings.

And I thought, if she'd only come in, if she'd only come in I could see it so clearly in my mind she would come in and I would make this devastatingly insightful comment and then I'd make this mad witty remark and we'd sit there and cher laugh

and we would nod knowingly and that would be the beginning of a beautiful lifelong friendship

And then

it happened.

My coworker rushes to the back, to the poetry section.

She's here.

She's here.

Who?

May Angelou.

She needs a poem.

She needs the poem and it's not up at the front.

I mean, come on.

This is your chance.

Get up there.

I looked around the corner.

And there she was, surrounded by a swarm of people who were asking for her autograph.

Holy shit.

This was it.

This was the seminal moment.

This was the do or die.

And I looked at my coworker and I screamed, I'm not ready!

And I ran to the break room and I locked myself inside.

He's banging on the door.

He's like, come on, what is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

She's up front.

This is your chance.

Go, go!

Go away!

I wailed in the back.

About 10 minutes later, he comes back.

He says, you can come out now.

She's gone.

And I came out and I walked the gauntlet of how could you's and the shaking heads.

And with my tail between my legs, I went outside and lit a cigarette and crouched down against the wall of the building and proceeded to beat myself up.

After a couple of moments, I look up and lo and behold, there

she is.

She is wearing a t-shirt, sweatpants, and fluffy pink slippers.

And all of a sudden I realize I am getting my second chance.

So I pop up like Jack in the box, throw down my cigarette, and I run up to her and I realize, holy crap, she's like six feet tall.

She's huge.

And she's looming over me and she's waiting.

And I realize, this is it.

This is it.

And I go, Dr.

Angelou, I just want to tell you.

And after I finished blubbering, she gave me a hug and she moved on.

And I went and hid in the back of the store for the rest of the day.

So like any self-respecting 23-year-old woman, when I got home from work, there was one thing I did.

I called my daddy.

I said, Daddy, you won't believe what happened today.

And he said, you know, it happens to a lot of people.

I'm sure she understands.

You know, you'll know what to say the next time.

Just forget it.

But I couldn't.

I really couldn't.

But about a year later, after the shame had finally burned off, I got this package from my dad, and there was a book inside.

And it was a little gift copy of her latest poem, Maya Angelou's latest poem, called Phenomenal Woman.

And I opened it up, and inside, there was this letter from my dad to Maya Angelou.

And he had said, About a year ago, you had an encounter with a young woman

at a bookstore.

And unfortunately, she became speechless and could not tell you that she is one of your greatest fans and she considers you a role model.

And would you be so kind as to sign this book and send it back in the self-addressed stamped envelope that I've included?

And I opened it up and on the title page it says, to the poet, Harriet Jernigan, I join your parents in wishing you joy.

Maya Angelou, August 13th, 1995.

I looked at that book a thousand times that night.

I opened it up again and again and again, and I looked at that inscription and those 14 words just to make sure they were there.

And when I took it to bed with me that night,

I held on to it like a brand new shiny red bicycle that I'd just gotten for Christmas.

Thank you.

That was Harriet Gernigan.

To see a picture of the letter her dad wrote to Maya Angelou and the autographed book, visit them off.org where you can also download this or any of the stories in this hour.

Today, Harriet teaches writing and rhetoric at Stanford University and has been telling stories in the Bay Area and beyond for 10 years.

She's also the founder of First Person Story, a live storytelling workshop that moves voices from the margins to the center.

She lives in San Francisco.

In a moment, more stories involving fathers.

A teenage girl attends her first homecoming dance, and a comedian gets a coveted spot on the Johnny Carson Show when the the moth radio hour continues.

The moth radio hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

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Truth or dare, how about both?

This fall, the moth is challenging what it means to be daring.

We're not just talking about jumping out of airplanes or quitting your job.

We're talking about the quiet courage to be vulnerable.

The bold decisions to reveal the secret that changed everything.

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You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour.

I'm Roy Wood Jr.

We've been talking about fathers.

You know your dad.

That guy that's resourceful, you know?

If you don't have a screw, he can use a hammer.

If he doesn't have a spatula, he can use a piece of cardboard to flip the burgers on the grill.

A resourceful man, your dad.

Like the time the power company came and cut off the power at your house because your dad didn't pay the bill and your dad didn't have the money, so he called the power company back and said that we have someone in this house on life support.

And if the battery dies, we're going to sue the city.

And the power company comes and turns the power right back on.

They don't even come in the house to see if there's really somebody in the house.

Why would somebody be on life support at a house?

I feel like I've shared too much.

Our next story is from Alyssa Ladd.

Alyssa told this story at a Moth Grand Slam in Texas where we partnered with Houston Public Media.

From the Resilience Theater, here's Alyssa.

So my senior year of high school, I was hanging out with this boy quite a bit.

And we weren't dating, but I was hoping maybe it would turn into that.

We met at church so we did very wholesome things when we hung out.

I'd been to family game night.

His parents and siblings loved me.

We took his little sister a trick-or-treating but I still didn't know if he liked me, liked me

until one day he called and asked me to homecoming and I thought it is it's all finally happening.

He could have asked anyone.

Like we didn't even go to the same high school so I felt really special.

I felt like it was confirmation that he liked me back.

The day of the dance comes and usually my mom would have been the one to meet my date and take the pictures and help me pin the corsage.

But she's out of town this weekend so it's just me and my dad.

And so he's the one who helps with the pictures and the corsage.

And I get to the dance and I start feeling very self-conscious because I don't go to the school.

I don't know anyone there but my date.

And he keeps leaving me to go say hi to his friends and I'm trying to be understanding because like his school and all.

But he's so oblivious to how awkward it is to be left standing alone.

And then I see him dancing with a girl.

I'm like, it's fine.

And then he's dancing with her again and again.

And meanwhile, no one's asking me to dance because I don't go to the school and no one knows who I am.

But I'm trying, you know, I'm getting...

My feelings hurt.

I'm feeling kind of embarrassed, but I'm trying to outwardly play it very cool because I don't want to seem needy to him because already I know that that's like the worst thing you can be as a woman is needy.

So I figure the dance is almost over and there's three couples.

We're going to go bowling afterwards.

So once we leave here, she'll be gone.

It'll just be me and him and the night can really start.

But he comes back over to me to get ready to go and he brings her with him.

And he said, oh, she's going to come bowling now too.

No, that's not how this works.

Like, you don't get to pick up a second date halfway through the night.

Like, why am I even here?

Why did you invite me?

Like, screw you, I'm leaving.

That's what I would probably say now, but that's obviously not what I said.

When I was 17, that's not emotionally where I was at.

Where I was at was sitting...

seven of us in his mom's suburban driving to the bowling alley with my new rival just cheek to cheek here.

And to make matters worse, she was a freshman and I was a senior, so it was just like really embarrassing.

But I start getting in my own head and I'm thinking, what does she have that I don't have?

Maybe if I was skinnier or if my hair was more like this, and I just go down that rabbit trail.

So I'm not in a good headspace and 0% of me wants to be bowling right now.

But I thought it would be pathetic or I would look weak if I went home early or if I started crying.

And so I decided I'm going to win the night.

And I'm going to win the night by staying here and making you feel awkward about holding hands in front of me and be just so confident that you can't,

that I win.

Finally, curfew comes around and he drives all of us back home.

I mean his mom's suburban and I put my key in the door very quietly.

I think my dad's probably long asleep by now.

But I get inside and he's awake and he's been waiting up for me to hear about the dance.

And I can't get any words out.

I just start sobbing out what I've been holding in all night.

And my dad just puts his arms around me and he pulls me to his chest and just lets me cry there for a while.

And I remember thinking, I don't remember the last time I cried in my dad's arms.

So he's holding me to his chest and my ear is to his chest and I hear his heart pounding and getting faster.

And then I hear him sniffle.

And I kind of look up and there's just tears streaming down his face.

Just seeing his little girl crying, he didn't even really know why, made him cry.

And I heard a parent once say, having a child is like having your heart go walking around outside of your body.

And I'm not a parent, but in that moment, I knew that to be true.

I knew my dad loved me, and my dad was proud of me.

He told me those things all the time.

But in that moment, I felt that so deeply.

I was overwhelmed by how much he loved me.

And so now I've pretty much forgotten about my date and how unloved I felt all night.

And now I'm just crying because of how loved I feel and how much I love my dad.

And because my dad is older and wiser and not like an emotional 17 year old girl, he can see things more clearly.

And he tells me, There's nothing wrong with you.

That guy is just a dick.

And that really helped.

So, homecoming didn't exactly turn out the way I'd planned.

I'd kind of hoped the night would end, like, I don't know, in the arms of my date.

Instead, it ended in my dad's,

but

I've never felt more loved.

That was Alyssa Lab.

Alyssa lives in Houston and loves her dog, all forms of art, the weirder, the better.

And she also loves her neighborhood community.

Alyssa is a big believer in doing things for the story and finding joy in ordinary things.

As for a follow-up, She never talked to her date again, but in true millennial fashion, he still likes everything she does on social media.

Men,

what is wrong with you?

Stop it.

Stop liking the post of women who aren't interested in you.

You're being weird.

I mean, when you look back at it now, maybe her father's wise counsel of, quote, sometimes a guy is just a dick, still holds true.

Our final story is by Anthony Griffith.

He told it way back in 2003 at the U.S.

Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen.

It is one of the most beloved moth stories of all time.

Anthony is a comedian, but the subject matter in his story is intensely emotional, and some listeners may find this story upsetting.

But all of you will find it unforgettable.

Here's Anthony Griffith.

Charles Dickens' classic tale, Tale of Two Cities, starts off with the phrase, it was the best of times and it was the worst of times.

In 1990, I moved from Chicago with my family to LA to seek my fame and fortune.

In a couple of weeks of being there, I got two important phone calls.

One was from the talent coordinator for the tonight show,

offering me to have a spot as a comedian on the tonight show.

And the second call was that

my daughter's doctor had called up to say that her cancer had resurfaced.

A year prior, she was diagnosed with cancer, and we fought it, and it went into remission, and now it's back.

For that next year, my life was pretty surreal because it's like two different personalities.

During the day, in order to keep my daughter at home with me, I would have to learn CPR and

how to work a heart monitor and administer medicine and all these technical terms and take her back and forth

to get her platelets and blood and check up on her.

And at night, I would go from club to club.

with the talent coordinator and I would work on my set

and try to perfect it.

And I would meet veterans like George Wallace and Seinfeld and Roseanne.

And I thought that everything was great because we had beat the

cancer before we could beat it again.

And this was the first time that I was going to be in front of millions of people on the tonight show.

And

the first time on the tonight show, I was extremely nervous.

All I could think about while I was backstage being introduced was, don't mess up.

Just don't mess up.

Whatever you do, don't mess up.

And the curtains open, and there's 600 people and the cameras and Johnny's over there and the band is over there.

And I don't know what I said for the next six minutes, but I got six applause breaks.

And the great part of that night was that I was going to my car and I met Johnny who was going to his car.

And it was just a private moment between us in the parking lot of him saying, you were very funny.

You're extremely funny.

Start working on your second tonight show

because I want you back.

By the time I got the official call for my second tonight show,

my daughter,

my daughter was admitted to the hospital.

If you don't know about cancer, when it comes back, It comes back hard.

It's like beating up a gangbanger for the first time, and then it's coming back, and he's coming back meaner and stronger, and he's coming with his friends.

So, in order to compensate for that, you have to raise the chemo, and you have to raise the medicine, and you have to raise the radiation, which is difficult for an adult.

An adult, but she was only two,

so she's bald, which she doesn't mind because every kid in the ward is bald, and she thinks this is part of life,

and she can't keep her food down

and there's

there's

you're not prepared for this there's no books there's no home ed class to teach you how to deal with this

and you can't go to a therapist because in the black world, a therapist is taboo,

as reserved for rich white people.

So you're trying to figure it out.

What did I do?

Maybe it's something I did.

Maybe it's something my wife did.

Maybe my doctor diagnosed it erroneously something.

But at night, I still have to be a comic.

I have to work on a tonight show because that's what I'm going to do.

I'm a clown.

I'm a clown whose medical bills are raising, who's one step from being evicted, who's one step for getting his car repoed.

And I have to come out and make you laugh because no one wants to hear the clown in pain because that's not funny.

And

my humor is

becoming dark and it's biting.

And it's becoming hateful.

And the talent coordinator is seeing that there's a problem because the NBC is all about nice and just everything is going to be okay.

And we're starting to buck horns because he wants everything light and I want to be honest and tell life and I'm hurting and I want everybody else to hurt.

Because somebody is to blame for this.

So I buck up and I suppress my anger and I form and develop a nice cute routine

for the second tonight show

and I get applause breaks,

and I get asked to come back for a third time.

And I'm perfecting my third set,

and the doctor asked me to come in,

and I know something's wrong because even the doctor is crying, and doctors don't cry.

And he said that we've done all we can.

There's nothing else for us to do.

And I said, how much time does she have?

And he said, at the most,

at the most,

six weeks.

And I should plan for that.

And I'm thinking, how do I plan for that?

I haven't planned to buy her her first bicycle.

I haven't planned to walk her to school.

I haven't planned to take pictures of her on her prom.

I haven't planned to walk her down the aisle to get married.

How am I going to plan to buy her a dress to be buried in?

And I'm trying to keep it together because I'm the man and I'm the man of the house and I don't want to cry, but it's coming.

And I'm trying to tell my way, tell myself, Tony, I'm trying to beg the world to just give me a chance.

Just give me a chance.

Just let me take a breath.

Just stop just for a minute.

I want to call my parents and tell them what do I do.

I don't know what to do.

I'm a grown man and I don't know what to do.

And a man, a voice in me comes up like Densdale from Training Day.

Man up, nigga!

You think you're the only one losing kids today?

25 kids walked in here with cancer, only five walking out.

This ain't no sitcom.

It don't wrap up all nice and tidy in 30 minutes.

This is life.

Welcome to the real world.

And he was right.

So I bucked up

because that's what I'm supposed to do.

And on my third tonight show,

by that time, my daughter had died,

and I had six applause breaks that night.

No one knew I was mourning.

No one knew that I could care less about the tonight show or Johnny Carson.

In 1990, I had three appearances with the legendary Johnny Carson

and a total of 14 applause breaks.

And I would have given it all if I could just have one more day sharing a bag of french fries with my daughter.

It was the best of times.

It was the worst of times.

Thank you.

Anthony Griffith is a comedian and actor who won an Emmy Award for his performance in the television drama, Our Father.

He oscillates between stage, film, and television.

At the time of this recording, he is co-writing a stage dramedy with McClinton Neal titled A Glass of Hope.

He's also writing a new book, Fighting for My Soul, which is an urban supernatural Christian thriller.

In 2019, Anthony and his wife Dr.

Bridget Travis Griffin released a book titled Behind the Laughter, a comedian's tale of tragedy and hope.

The book picks up where his moth story left off during one of the most trying times in his life.

Anthony continues to speak and perform at events for faith-based communities, senior groups, and disability organizations, carrying forward his mission of bringing hope with humor.

I hope you've enjoyed this episode of the Month Radio Hour, where we talked about dads, and I feel like we learned a lot about fathers from our storytellers.

We also learned that if your dad tells the power company that there's somebody in the house on life support and they can't cut off the power,

the power company will send somebody back to the house a day later to see if there's actually somebody in there on life support.

And if you don't let them in the house, they cut the power off.

I feel like I've shared too much again.

That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour.

I've been Roy Wood Jr.

We hope you'll join us next time.

Your host this hour was Roy Wood Jr.

Roy is the author of the upcoming book, The Man of Many Fathers from Crown Publishing, and is currently the host of the CNN show, Have I Got News for You?

He lives in New York City.

This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Jennifer Hickson.

Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch.

The stories were directed by Leah Tao with additional Grand Slam coaching by Michelle Jalowski, Education Program Coaching by Casey Donahue with instruction by Diavian Walters and Eric Carrera.

The Moth leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Kluche, Sarah Austin-Janes, Jordan Cardenale, Kate Kellers, Suzanne Rust, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Patricia Urenia.

Special thanks to Unlikely Collaborators for their support of the Moth Education Program.

Moth stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.

Our theme music is by The Drift.

Other music in this hour from Dexter Gordon, Bob Seeger, Adrian Legge, Lambert, Pino Palladino and Blake Mills, Blue Dot Sessions, and the Westerlies.

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer Leah Rhys-Dennis.

For more about our podcast, for information on Pitching Us Your Own Story, and to learn all about the moth, go to our website, themoth.org.

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