663: Formula Zero Edition

Speaker 1 Get ready for Malice, a twisted new drama starring Jack Whitehall, David DeCovny, and Carise Van Houten.

Speaker 1 Jack Whitehall plays Adam, a charming manny, infiltrates the wealthy Tanner family with a hidden motive to destroy them.

Speaker 1 This edge-of-your-seat revenge thriller unravels a deliciously dark mystery in a world full of wealth, secrets, and betrayal. Malice will constantly keep you on your toes.

Speaker 1 Why is Adam after the Tanner family? What lengths will he go to? One thing's for sure, the past never stays buried, so keep your enemies close.

Speaker 1 Watch Malice, all episodes now streaming exclusively on Prime Video.

Speaker 3 I earned my degree online at Arizona State University.

Speaker 3 I chose to get my degree at ASU because I knew that I'd get a quality education, they were recognized for excellence, and that I would be prepared for the workforce upon graduating.

Speaker 3 To be associated with ASU, ASU, both as a student and alum, it makes me extremely proud. And having experienced the program, I know now that I'm set up for success.
Learn more at ASUonline.asu.edu.

Speaker 4 Warning, this podcast knows some people are offended by profanity. It just doesn't give a shit.

Speaker 2 This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile and by The Socialism Safety Net, a capitalist program that makes sure that people who are scared of socialism don't have to worry about all those government services.

Speaker 2 The Socialism Safety Net. Get the fuck off our roads then.

Speaker 2 And now, the skating atheist.

Speaker 5 I have observed white suburban mothers use their own wealth-based status to ostracize other moms and help their girls achieve social dominance in middle school.

Speaker 5 This link between maternal and female juvenile rank has also been observed in baboons, making it obvious we did indeed evolve from filthy monkey men and women.

Speaker 2 It's Thursday. And it's November 13th.
And it's Sadie Hawkins Day. All right, maybe you tell us it's Thursday for once.
I have no illusions.

Speaker 2 I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Heathen Wright.
And from Zoron, Mom Donnies, New Jersey. He owns it too, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and way across Georgia.
This is the Scathing Atheist.

Speaker 2 Oh, this week's episode: Religion Scores an F for feeding hungry babies. Nee Millen mmms would like to buy a vowel, and also about 990,000 moms.

Speaker 2 And Don Ford will be here to help us go through Jesus's mail some more. But first, the diatribe.

Speaker 2 Well, if you know anything about my luck with astronomical events, you'll already know that it was cloudy as all shit the other night when the big solar storm made auroras visible as far south as Florida.

Speaker 2 I did see some lovely photos from just west, north, and south of me.

Speaker 2 East of me is mostly just ocean, but I'm sure if fish could take fucking selfies, they'd be taunting me too with all the cool shit that they saw.

Speaker 2 Now, for listeners who don't know u.s geography or are listening in archives i should point out that i'm talking about a crazy solar storm that left the northern lights visible way further south than normal like further south than i can ever remember them being visible and they're saying that they're going to be even more visible tonight that i mean that is tonight is the the night that we're recording this not the night after it comes out but i don't know that i believe them either way because they're forecasting for clear skies where I live.

Speaker 2 But of course, when you see something like that, or in my case, hear about other people seeing something like that, you can't help but reflect on how fucking weird that must have seemed to our ancient ancestors.

Speaker 2 I mean, like all natural phenomenon fucked with our ancestors, right? They had no more explanation for earthquakes, thunderstorms, and spiders than they had for auroras.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure in places where those were regularly visible, prehistoric people just incorporated them into their myths and their religions and shit and satiated themselves with the same just-so stories that placated everybody before we had science.

Speaker 2 But what about when shit like this happened, right?

Speaker 2 What about when a phenomenon slipped from its normal geographical bounds and suddenly a hurricane blows inland to the mountains or a long dormant volcano wakes up or the aurora slips south of the Mason-Dixon line?

Speaker 2 What did ancient people do then?

Speaker 2 What terrible portent would a person assume if their demon-haunted worldview suddenly had to incorporate a curtain of mile-high green and red lights suddenly dividing the heavens?

Speaker 2 You know, some people will act like we lost something by moving on from that state of terrified ignorance, as if the only byproduct of these beautiful omens would be wonder and curiosity.

Speaker 2 As if nobody in those prehistoric days would have looked up at this unprecedented aerial display and gone, yeah, we should probably set an old lady on fire about this, huh?

Speaker 2 Of course, there are still plenty of people out there that live in this state of prehistoric ignorance even today.

Speaker 2 People who reject or ignore the scientific explanation and still choose to live in that same demon-haunted world. And those people still look up at an aurora and ask, what does it mean?

Speaker 2 And if you try to say, it means that charged particles from the sun are colliding with the gases in Earth's atmosphere, suddenly you're an asshole.

Speaker 2 Now, this kind of shit, it comes from one of three places. The first is arrogance.
Some people genuinely need to make a fucking aurora about them.

Speaker 2 Right? Either it's an omen about their life in particular, or it's a riddle that they need to solve.

Speaker 2 But either way, they have a personal connection to the light emissions from those charged particles, damn it.

Speaker 2 And how dare you cheapen that with prosaic answers that that are at once simple and profound and would, if you take a fucking second to think about it, be way more poetically inspiring than whatever ghostly veil your imagination could have come up with.

Speaker 2 The second place, of course, is intellectual laziness.

Speaker 2 If there's a knowable answer that you don't understand, you have to either pretend that there isn't or admit that you're not all that fucking curious.

Speaker 2 And who wants to admit to themselves that they don't really care about the mysteries of the universe if there's going to be math?

Speaker 2 The third place, though, is the most dangerous. It's the kind of forced ignorance that builds walls between itself and knowledge so that none of those damnable facts can chip away at their God.

Speaker 2 It's the kind of regimented stupidity that needs at least a couple of tangible, visible mysteries to hide their God inside of. And those people can range from pitiable to violent, right?

Speaker 2 Because fucking wars are fought to enforce enough ignorance to make room for gods.

Speaker 2 But here's the thing. If you think that knowledge cheapens your experience of a thing, it can only be because you're viewing it through a bargain basement worldview.

Speaker 2 The real answer is always so much better than God did it. And if you're willing to fully comprehend both the explanation and its implication, your life only grows richer for them.

Speaker 2 You don't need to scrounge at the bottom of some theological bin for your wonder. Charged particles are a wonder.
The sun is a wonder. Earth's gases are a wonder.

Speaker 2 Light and color are two endlessly fascinating wonders if you give a shit to understand them. The northern lights Lights aren't a single wonder.

Speaker 2 They're an amalgamation of wonders, each of which could fill a lifetime with marvels if you dug deep enough into it and let yourself admit their truth wherever you found it.

Speaker 2 They're talking about your Jesus.

Speaker 2 Joining me for headlines tonight are the wordplay and surreal to my gallows, Heath Enright, and Eli Bosnik. Fellas, are you ready to balance the humors?

Speaker 2 You asking us to follow that joke with anything but a standing ovation is cruel and unusual. Punishment, no illusions.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I've got some bows to take, but quick reminder: we are in the middle of our mostly annual fundraiser, Vulgarity for Charity.

Speaker 2 There will be more roasts on the upcoming episode of Cognitive Dissonance and more to come on later episodes here. Stick around and we're going to tell you more about the fundraiser a bit later on.

Speaker 2 But first, a word from this week's sponsor, Mint Mobile.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, the self-cleaning toothbrush too. I can just rinse my regular one.
Hey, guys. What's with all the pother?

Speaker 2 Sorry, pother? Yeah. Yeah, it means commotion or fuss.

Speaker 2 Ah, he's back on this again. Okay.
Well, it turns out Heath hasn't used any of my Christmas presents, like, like ever. I said I was sorry.
I just don't need an AI-powered belt sander, for example.

Speaker 2 Okay, the guy at Home Depot said that was market standard. I don't sand stuff.
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But have you actually tried it? I sure have. I switched to Mint Mobile when they first became a sponsor.

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All right, Noah. I'm sold.
Where do I sign up? Don't get them socks.

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Speaker 2 Okay, to be fair, the socks I got, Heath, were infrared. Why?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 And now, back to the headlines.

Speaker 2 In our lead story tonight, social media has its downsides, accelerated polarization, increased oppression, the fall of democracy, the death of knowledge, but it does have a few upsides.

Speaker 2 Foremost of which, of course, is the way it empowers the average person to make a fucking point.

Speaker 2 And we were reminded of that over the last few days as TikToker Nicolae Monroe went viral for calling up random churches to ask if they could help her feed her imaginary starving baby.

Speaker 2 And the churches went viral for telling her no.

Speaker 2 Over and over

Speaker 2 and over. They said no so many times, she had to admit that she upped the number of calls she made so that she could get a couple of yeses.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So this devastating social experiment started off as a effort to emphasize the real-world consequence of choking off federal food assistance programs.

Speaker 2 One of the common responses that you get when you point out how, you know, babies are going to go fucking hungry is that they could just get help from food banks and churches.

Speaker 2 So Monroe decided to test that hypothesis. She called a random church in her area.
She told them, hey, you know, my baby ran out of formula yesterday and can you help?

Speaker 2 And they said, no, but here's the number for a food bank. So she called another church and another and another and they all just kept giving her the same fucking answer.

Speaker 2 And keep in mind that she told them her baby hadn't eaten since yesterday. Yeah.
That's a dying baby, people. Babies can't do Yom Kippur fasts.
That's a dying baby.

Speaker 2 Also, it doesn't matter if the baby's dying or not. There could be a baby in the background of the call being like, I'm a dick as fuck baby.
I want a Zeppelin. You should still help the mom.

Speaker 2 Still give them some formula. Yeah.
Right. Right.
So Monroe continued to run this experiment calling church after church. And not all of them told her no, right? But the overwhelming majority did.

Speaker 2 She did have some luck when she called mosques and buddhist temples and had a lot more luck with historically black churches than with white ones and by the way as often as not the sticking point seems to be that she was not a member of the church right other times though it was that just they just weren't actually in the habit of helping people in any way okay but credit where credit is due to Appalachian peepaw guy

Speaker 2 she calls this one old motherfucker and he he has no idea what to do but he just instantly says yes he asks her what flavor she needs. Like, I'm sad religion isn't true just so people

Speaker 2 can't get a dap from Christ when he dies. You know what I'm saying? Are there flavors? Yeah.
There's flavors, apparently. Apparently.
You want chocolate? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That thickest fuck baby has opinions about the flavor. Yeah, I know.
Yeah, yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
Cool.

Speaker 2 I am looking forward to Charles Murray's book about the bell curve of white Christian ethical deficiency. Yeah.
Just, you know, asking the honest questions about the data in that new book.

Speaker 2 Clearly, obviously. We'll see.
Now, of course, there's been plenty of criticism of Monroe's methods, mostly by shitty people, right?

Speaker 2 Some people try to defend the churches by pointing out that they're directing her to church-run food banks, which is sometimes true, but only sometimes. But it's not like

Speaker 2 they don't transfer her fucking call, right? They pass her on. They're like, you're not my problem.
I give money to something else.

Speaker 2 And all of these motherfuckers are getting the same tax breaks because they ostensibly help people in need. Right.

Speaker 2 And that completely ignores the staggering number of churches that explicitly told her that membership is a prerequisite to assistance. Fuck off.

Speaker 2 Okay, I think we found the new system for charities getting tax breaks. It's a secret shopper.
Yeah. TGI Fridays.
You got a card.

Speaker 2 If you don't do charity for the starving child, you're not a charity and you pay taxes now. There you go.
That's the rules. Sure.

Speaker 2 Now, others, of course, dismiss her findings by saying that the church receptionists can tell that she's lying, right?

Speaker 2 As if like a one-at-a-time baby formula canned theft by deception is some epidemic plaguing the food assistance spaces.

Speaker 2 Suffice to say, their defenses of their church's charity policies remind me a lot of their defenses of their assertions on cosmology as well. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And look, even if it was true and their receptionists were all fucking Marlow the Magnificent Mind Reader and they knew she was lying. Why would you roll the dice on that?

Speaker 2 Is the formula black market so glutted and are your coffers so empty that you wouldn't take the chance when the downside is, I will remind you, a dead baby? Okay.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'll allow for one question on the phone there. Like, okay, what's the name of the baby?

Speaker 2 Desk phone hat? That's way too slow. No, absolutely.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, you're giving them the formula if they passed one test. Right, right.
But here's the counter argument for this.

Speaker 2 Like, right, forget about asking, like, what would a secular charity have done? Because we already know. Ask, what would you have done?

Speaker 2 Right if some fucking stranger called you from just like they just randomly picked a number and for some unfathomable reason you answered an unknown caller.

Speaker 2 And that person told you that she like needed a can of baby formula, that her baby was starving, and that for the price of what, 30, 40 fucking bucks, you could help.

Speaker 2 You know, then they're not asking you to put the money in a fucking PayPal account. They're asking to like meet it a Starbucks that you were already going to.

Speaker 2 I mean, I get that there are people out there who are in a spot where they absolutely couldn't spare 40 or 50 bucks or whatever. But setting those folks aside, every fucking one of you would help her.

Speaker 2 And you don't bill yourself as the goddamn alternative to a government-funded social safety net. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And in Mobius Striptease News, if you were to ask me what my favorite kind of story to report on for our radio program is, I would, of course, tell you it's anything bad happening to Ryan Walters.

Speaker 2 But of course, folks like Walters, Greg Luck, and R.I.P. Matt Powell last only for a brief, shining moment in our national attention.
Matt Powell died, guys. He died.
He did.

Speaker 2 It's a race car bed accident. Let us manifest.

Speaker 2 He crashed into a chip. He never lets us come.
You try and do a nice shout out. I try and manifest.
Hate being the new kind.

Speaker 2 But I would tell you that if it isn't the famous, famous people who we hate on, it is when Christians build a big, dumb, expensive, and possibly impossible thing.

Speaker 2 The Ark Encounter, a flat Earth proving rocket, or... In the case of this week, a giant Mobius strip made up of over a million bricks.
It's like a metaphor of trying to argue with us, guys.

Speaker 2 All right. So a Christian guy ate a gummy and watched Loki.
Got it. 100%.
Yep. Yep.
It's only one edge and one side. Yeah, it's one edge and one sideband.
It's a ribbon and you twist it.

Speaker 2 Exactly. So first off, big thanks to the one and only Stormy Dean for telling us about this story, along with the excellent pun.

Speaker 2 Stormy, when we build a monument to you, it shall be formed out of every helpful email you've sent us to scathingnews at gmail.com. And it shall dwarf the Colossus of Rhodes himself.

Speaker 2 Scathingnews at gmail.com. Back when he was extant.

Speaker 2 Pretty easy to dwarf him nowadays.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the Eternal Wall of Answered Prayer, which ironically will not be. So you couldn't think of something tall that exists now.
Like any tall thing. Statue of Liberty.
Can I tell you?

Speaker 2 I really went through it and all of them felt vaguely jingoistic was my problem.

Speaker 2 I thought of Statue of Liberty and I was like, I don't want people to think I like the Statue of Liberty. And then I had to check it with myself about that.

Speaker 2 I know this is a good question, but I feel like I'm supposed to hate America right now. Come on, we're allowed to like South Park again.
We're taking patriotism back on our team. Fuck that.

Speaker 2 No one's going to cut all of this. You're welcome.

Speaker 2 That's a great message. We should be taking back patriotism.
Fuck yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the Eternal Wall of Answered Prayer, which ironically will not be built by just wishing it into existence, will be built between the M6 and the M42 near Coleshill, Warwickshire, and is planned to be around 51 meters or 167 feet tall.

Speaker 2 According to the project leaders, each of the million-ish bricks represents a story of Jesus answering someone's prayer. Yeah, now the key is to wish for relatively likely stuff, guys.

Speaker 2 Who said wishing for a second side and a brick he can't lift? Get the fuck out. Come on.
Ruin our thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so work on the structure began last week after more than 20,000 supporters raised over 40 million pounds for the project. What? Yeah.
Oh, here's the thing, though.

Speaker 2 They still need another 5.7 million so that the giant messed up zero can be surrounded by 10 acres of green space and contain a visitor center that they say will attract 250,000 people a year.

Speaker 2 That's way better than buying formula, guys.

Speaker 2 Okay. If it's a go-kart track, I'll check it out.
You can get on a Monia Strip and do the thing. Right.
And if it like cuts itself down the middle and doubles the track and now it has,

Speaker 2 that's that's pretty fucking cool. Oh, come on.
Yeah. But Eli, you say, did someone manage to make the loop somehow dog whistly and racist? Why, yes, they did.
So glad you asked.

Speaker 2 Former Leicester City FC chaplain Richard Gamble had this to say at the opening ceremony. Quote, The team has a chaplain.
Apparently. And he also handles miracle memorial Mopius trips.
Yes, right.

Speaker 2 He's doing great for Leicester City.

Speaker 2 Oh, you've hurt them. You've hurt them bad.

Speaker 2 Quote, I am delighted we are creating a monument that will share a million stories of hope and that people will be able to discover Jesus who listens to and answers prayer.

Speaker 2 This is the moment to build a landmark of hope, a lasting testimony to the power of prayer, preserving the Christian heritage in our nation. End quote.

Speaker 2 Adding, quote, you don't see any fucking Muhammad Mobiuses around here, do you?

Speaker 2 Okay, but fun fact, one of the earliest known uses of a Mobius strip came from a Muslim engineer in like 1206 who designed a chain pump with a Mobius strip for the drivetrain.

Speaker 2 And that's way before the German guy, August Mobius, put his name on it. Ancient Andrew Cuomo was like, there's no way that's going to work.

Speaker 2 That chain is going to break and then this falls into the water. So yeah, this is obviously a big, stupid thing that might not even get built.

Speaker 2 A hallmark of these projects is that religion often just, you know, takes the money and runs.

Speaker 2 But this giant waste of time, effort, and resources is an excellent reminder that if you have not donated to vulgarity for charity yet we are about 39 million pounds behind beating these motherfuckers so you know dig deep everybody yeah dig deep dig deep and in tuck your face news with apologies to heath and right tucker carlson would really like us to talk about something other than him platforming a nazi for a softball interview so we started talking about that demon that attacked him in 2023 again he offered new details of the attack that he just remembered because well Because you know how your memory of events gets sharper the longer ago they were.

Speaker 2 It's like that. Sure.
Oh man, I saw this story and I was just hoping the demon came back for another round. Yeah.
Hey, Tucker, literal demon again.

Speaker 2 You should think about platforming and what it means. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Just ethically, I'm a demon. So quick reminder, because we can never ridicule this story enough.

Speaker 2 Tucker Carlson claims that in February of 2023, a few months before he got fired by Fox News for failing to maintain the journalistic standards of Fox News, he woke up in a bed filled with his own blood with scratches on his ribs from a demon hovering over him going, gotcha.

Speaker 2 He's such a stupid liar. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He wouldn't go public with a story until about a year later. Coincidentally, at the same time, he was looking for a new audience even more credulous than the one he just lost on Fox News.

Speaker 2 I would pay good money to see the crumpled up test scripts for the other audiences he was thinking about going for, right? And when I opened my eyes, Moses was hovering above me with a

Speaker 2 hanukkah candle and a bag of gold

Speaker 2 and then my good friend nick fuentes was like drew gross from the top bunk we have gods together and i learned to be extra christian that day he exactly part of the script but so but the new bit is that apparently this was accompanied by an angel attack I guess.

Speaker 2 In an interview with fellow Fox News outcast Megan Kelly, he explained that the day before the demonic attack, he was on the phone with his brother talking about like somebody he really hates when he was overcome with a sudden feeling of empathy and understanding, which he attributes to angelic intervention because nothing in the natural world can make Tucker Carlson give a fuck about anyone else.

Speaker 2 Okay, that actually tracks that. Yeah, no, I don't know.
You have no idea what those feelings were at first.

Speaker 2 I'm a terminal heart erection. What's happening?

Speaker 2 No, it's worth noting that even a lot of conservatives are mocking him for these claims, which he's encouraged.

Speaker 2 He told Kelly, quote, I'm not embarrassed at all, all, and I don't care if I'm mocked, end quote, adding with his eyes, implied, quote, anything to get him to stop talking about Nick Fuentes and implied, quote, and as to the veracity of the story, he pointed out, quote, I don't get anything out of making it up.

Speaker 2 And then upon a panically realization that he just admitted he made it up and regrets it, he added, quote, and I'm not making it up. End quote.
I'm not, though. I'm not.

Speaker 2 This has nothing to do with the Wells case.

Speaker 2 I know that's a call-forward listener, but I promise it's a good one. If you listen in a specific order,

Speaker 2 have all the clues. Here's how insane the conversation has become in the Republican Party right now.
People like Tucker and Megan Kelly can't decide what to think about platforming literal neo-Nazis.

Speaker 2 And the voice of reason last week was Benjamin Shapiro on that topic. Being like, listen, I believe my wife about that thing.
Remember with the thing, but even I wasn't fooled by Nick Fuentes.

Speaker 2 What are you idiots doing?

Speaker 2 right so yeah so there you have it tucker carlson was attacked by demons nothing else could explain how he got scratches that there's no proof of from a bed that he shares with four large dogs but at least we know that angelic and demonic experiences are paired like fucking proton anti-protons right yeah and we can summarize that the reason that there's no evidence for either is that at some later point they touched each other and disintegrated yeah that must have been it all adds up and on that note we're going to take a quick break to tell you a little bit more about Vulgarity for Charity.

Speaker 2 Hey, podcast listener, just chiming in real quick to remind you that this year for Vulgarity for Charity, we have currently raised $51,000 for recovering from religion.

Speaker 2 But you might be thinking to yourself, what does recovering from religion actually do? The RFR mission is to offer hope, healing, and support to those struggling with issues of doubt and non-belief.

Speaker 2 Escaping religion is as easy as changing your mind for some, but for others, learning how to live with questions, doubts, and changing beliefs is a journey.

Speaker 2 At Recovering from Religion, they're intimately familiar with that path and they're there to help. Their passion is connecting people with support, resources, community, and most of all, hope.

Speaker 2 Resources like their 24-hour call line and chat line, their peer support groups, and their weekly RFRX talks. We could not be more proud of raising $51,000 so far.

Speaker 2 But we know that Recovering from Religion has so much more incredible work they could be doing with the right funds, and you're making that happen.

Speaker 2 So whether or not you want us to roast someone, consider donating at recoveringfromreligion.org. Oh, but don't like forget to give us the credit.

Speaker 2 You got to click on Vulgarity for Charity at the top of the page and fill out the form. Plus, if your company does donation matching, Recovering from Religion is an amazing place for that to go.

Speaker 2 You could make Walmart give money to atheism. How fun is that? Once again, that's recoveringfromreligion.org.
They do great stuff. And by association, so do we now.
There it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I felt it was going south when he told people to give us credit.

Speaker 2 yeah i did great i didn't even say i wanted to daryl okay i didn't say it a man wrote the bible a horse was smart if it's a legitimate raid

Speaker 2 cooking can be fun hey i'm proud of a man this weekend

Speaker 4 turns out that noah isn't the only one in this house that has to hate read ross dalfitt

Speaker 4 But when I saw that there was an opinion piece in the New York Times titled, Did Women Ruin the Workplace? I knew I was going going to have to dive in.

Speaker 4 Now, to be fair, even the Dingbats at the Times realized pretty quickly that they needed to rethink the phrasing of this.

Speaker 4 After a presumable mountain of creative suggestions about where they could stick that fucking headline, they replaced it with a slightly less offensive version.

Speaker 4 Did liberal feminism ruin the workplace? And the subtitle is, and if so, can conservative feminism fix it?

Speaker 4 And I know what you're thinking. Fuck you.
And well thought, I might add. But you're probably also asking, what the fuck is conservative feminism? What would you even be conserving?

Speaker 4 Well, for the answer to that, you could either hate read 25 pages worth of transcript between Ross and two self-avowed critics of feminism named Helen Andrews and Leah Labresco Sargent, or you could listen to me tell it how hard it can go fuck itself.

Speaker 4 See, the primary contention in the whole stupid discussion is the idea that feminism feminized the workplace.

Speaker 4 And in a stereotype reinforcement that early Disney cartoons would be proud of, they go on to define feminized workplace as timid, emotional, gossipy, and of course, too woke.

Speaker 4 And this, sound the Claxons, please, puts America at a disadvantage against more ruthless, reed-sexist countries.

Speaker 4 But ultimately, it doesn't matter what the argument is.

Speaker 4 If your starting point is that women, or feminism, even could ruin the workplace, then your starting point is that the natural inhabitants of the workplace are men.

Speaker 4 That women are some kind of foreign aberration that the workplace has to absorb rather than just other people it has to accommodate.

Speaker 4 There's no way to start with that question and have a non-sexist discussion unless the answer is just no.

Speaker 4 And let's not pretend that these idle musings don't have real world consequences.

Speaker 4 Right before before we were set to record, I saw a story about this douche nozzle in New York who's suing his former employer for not accommodating his refusal to work with women because it was religious sexism.

Speaker 4 The asshole in question, Paul Estapa, was let go from his HVAC job because he insisted on following the Billy Graham rule.

Speaker 4 That is, he refused to be alone in a room or van or work site or whatever with a woman.

Speaker 4 And despite the fact that the only woman working for the company was a lesbian, he fussed and fought about it and refused to do his job if there was going to be lady bits around.

Speaker 4 Now, he rightly got fired.

Speaker 4 The company disputes the fact that this was the reason, or at least the sole reason, and I'm inclined to agree, if for no other reason than the guy sounds like a Class A asshole and I'd be tempted to believe any negative thing they said about him.

Speaker 4 But regardless, we should all be offended at the idea that businesses should accommodate a personal belief with such an obviously sexist outcome.

Speaker 4 Like, how the fuck is a woman in this job supposed to get ahead if she's excluded from calls just because somebody else's sincerely held misogyny?

Speaker 4 Anyway, just a reminder that questions like, do women belong in the workplace are about as productive as rehashing the questions about race and IQ.

Speaker 4 It's antiquated bullshit that only serves to reinforce harmful stereotypes and hurt real people.

Speaker 4 And as tempted as I am to say that means it has no place in the New York Times, that's kind of been their thing since about 1851. So what do I know?

Speaker 4 Anyway, on that reminder, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, turn the volume up.
We have a new mayor-elect in the greatest city in the world, and his name is Zoron Anna. What are the guys talking about?

Speaker 2 It's the newest, the greatest Christian breakout.

Speaker 2 That's right. The next mayor of New York City is going to be Zoran Mamdani.
Anna? What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out.

Speaker 2 And his middle name is Kwame, Anna.

Speaker 2 That's right. It's a Muslim guy, and Christian nationalists are having a freak out.
I mean, to be fair, everyone with bad political opinions is having a freak out.

Speaker 2 The Christian nationalists are a circle within a circle at this point. The Washington Post editorial board's latest is about how his mom dresses him funny.
It's pretty sad.

Speaker 2 So, most of the Christians in this particular freak out are actually running super late.

Speaker 2 Mom Donnie easily won the Democratic primary back in June, and that's when New York City picks a mayor most of the time.

Speaker 2 The competition was Andrew Cuomo, some fucking rich guy from Westchester, backed by Wall Street Super PACs, who said his favorite bagel order or breakfast sandwich is bacon, cheese, and egg on an English muffin.

Speaker 2 Horrible. The correct answer is bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel, obviously.

Speaker 2 But bonus points for everything bagel. Yeah, everything bagel is the correct answer.

Speaker 2 Not toasted, Zoron.

Speaker 2 Not toasted.

Speaker 2 Toasted, communist fuck. Wow.
Should be toasted. Islamophobia.
We'll get to more of that. Eli's starting it already.
Cool. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Well, that.

Speaker 2 war criminal, Andrew Cuomo, got in a big snit after losing the primary, and he decided to run as an independent in the general, acting as a spoiler to a delightful grown-up human being who wears a karate beret named Curtis Sliwa, the GOP candidate.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay, guys, look, I know we shit on third-party voters on this show, but not if you voted for Curtis Sliwa, we don't.

Speaker 2 Okay, without Curtis's votes, Cuomo comes within two percentage points of the mayor. Curtis Sleewa is a hero, a hero who got hit by a car on national television well no okay so eli i'm as

Speaker 2 up for you know measuring the heroism of republican candidates by how often and how hard they get hit by cars but to be clear cuomo was the third party uh candidate here he was he was but we need curtis sliwa representing the republican party on every national debate stage on

Speaker 2 just he makes them so much more fun so momdani's had to deal with some crazy bigotry from the start of his campaign.

Speaker 2 That includes constant demands that he condemn Hamas approximately like once a minute for his entire campaign or else people freak out. A demand that other candidates never seemed to be getting.

Speaker 2 It was weird. So weird.
And other mayors refuse to do. Interesting.

Speaker 2 Looking at you, Baltimore.

Speaker 2 Of course, he also dealt with very specific bigoted comments from prominent Christian nationalists.

Speaker 2 I'll start with a Christian nationalist with backing from Donald Trump, but who claims to be a Democrat. His name is Andrew Cuomo.

Speaker 2 Despite being a breakfast terrorist who belongs in fucking Gitmo, Cuomo recently did a radio appearance and agreed with the host that Zoran Mamdani would cheer another 9-11 attack on the city.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is rich coming from a guy who did a 9-11 of grannies a day with his keep them in their rooms and don't let them smooch COVID policy.

Speaker 2 Well, and look, to be fair, 9-11 attacks have historically been great for New York mayors. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 And New Yorkers. So what?

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. Next up,

Speaker 2 we have GOP Congressman Andy Ogles, who said, quote, Zoran Mamdani came to America for one reason, to turn America into an Islamic theocracy, end quote.

Speaker 2 which is pretty ambitious for a seven-year-old Zoran moving from Uganda with his family in 1998. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Ogles is also part of the push to investigate Momdani's immigration status in hopes of invalidating the election and possibly deporting him.

Speaker 2 Donald Trump alluded to the same idea back in June following Momdani's primary win. And on November 3rd, the night before the election, Andy Ogles posted a video of the 9-11 attack.

Speaker 2 It was a compilation video with planes hitting the Twin Towers. And he wrote, wake up, New York.

Speaker 2 Podcast listener, Heath has included a picture in our notes of a white family all holding guns in front of a Christmas tree. Heath, I'm assuming that's Andy's card.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And that is insane, but more importantly, to the child in the picture not holding up a gun, the only one wearing a Christmas hat and holding a Christmas book.

Speaker 2 Do you want to come live at my house? I feel like you need an escape. This kid is blinking in a still photo somehow.
Right. He's holding the Christmas line.

Speaker 2 He's like, you guys are doing a a bit about conservatism, I don't believe. This is a gnome book I enjoy.
Yes, right.

Speaker 2 And look, I get why Bamdani and his family don't recreate this picture, but man,

Speaker 2 so the rise of Zoran Mamdani, it's going to be fun to watch.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking excited, especially the part with all the Christian fascists in a panic because they want a clear wall of separation between the Muslim church and state.

Speaker 2 Also, the panic from everyone who thinks democratic socialist means a Bolshevik revolution just happened in New York City.

Speaker 2 So big thanks to, well, everybody voted for Zoran, but also big thanks to Donald Trump for being the literal most hated New Yorker in history and endorsing Andrew Cuomo. Right.
Amazing.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 so grateful. Condemn Hamas real quick, Keith.
Real quick, condemn Hamas.

Speaker 2 Say you don't like Hamas.

Speaker 2 Pausing. Too long.

Speaker 2 And in Deco Log Jam News, if I told you that a state attorney general was suing somebody for following the law, your response would probably be, who is Ken Paxton pretending persecuted Christians now?

Speaker 2 Because you're a savvy listener that's been paying attention, and Ken Paxton is a perpetually powering down electric monk with a faulty logic gate and an even faultier illogic one.

Speaker 2 So to answer your very savvy question, He thinks one of his own high school districts is persecuting Christians by refusing to violate the First Amendment with his state's bullshit 10 commandments requirements.

Speaker 2 yeah i have no choice but to summon dark universe ken to fight myself over this issue he has a mustache where my comb over is

Speaker 2 now to be clear the school district was facing the choice of being sued by either the state or first amendment watchdogs so i'd have i i would imagine they made the decision based on which two had the better claim to legality or which one had the obvious moral high ground or i don't have given ken pax's reputation maybe the one with one that had the least inept lawyer but one way or the other, the Galveston Independent School District voted not to put up a deck log poster donated by a theocratic logmaker.

Speaker 2 And that was enough to earn them a lawsuit from their own state. Yeah.
What's important is that either way, Texas's drastically underfunded schools are going to...

Speaker 2 foot the bill right it's a win-win for not knowing things and that's that's what really matters hey didn't we send them a poster with like a qr code it goes to the ten commandments landing page for eliable fuckyourdad.com or something like that to be able to

Speaker 2 put that on give them a poster now of course we we've been covering this 10 commandments law in texas for a while now but it's easy to lose track amid all the other similar laws around the south so quick reminder that parents and teachers from 11 texas school districts sued the state about this shit and the judge in that case issued a preliminary injunction before the school year started telling schools not to follow the state law until the lawsuit was resolved but importantly that ruling only affected the 11 districts involved in the lawsuit so the other 1196 were left in legal limbo, not really knowing whether following or ignoring the law would ultimately be more expensive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. I haven't been told whether or not the murders I did were legal.
You got to check on the

Speaker 2 exact same thing.

Speaker 2 And look, as fast as the descent into theocracy is at this point, I feel like I have to remind everybody that at least right now, it is still illegal to put 10 commandment posters in classrooms, right?

Speaker 2 That's why Republicans are still pretending that they're putting them up for historical reasons. Promoting a religion with taxpayer money in public schools is still against the law.

Speaker 2 Now, I don't doubt that the Supreme Court will change that the first fucking chance they get, but they haven't done it yet.

Speaker 2 So, Paxton is literally suing this school district for obeying the fucking law. Yeah,

Speaker 2 as long as John Roberts and Amy Coney Barrett are the sensible swing votes in the right direction, we'll be fine that we've been hoping for. Yeah,

Speaker 2 and finally, tonight in squeal of fortune news, there are a few things one can truly count on these days.

Speaker 2 The beauty of a sunset, the Democrats' uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory no matter the odds, and of course, that no matter how silly a take you find on the internet, somewhere, somehow, 1 million moms are outraged about something even dumber.

Speaker 2 Hey, grandma. The indelible digital imprint of history says that when fascism tore down the walls of democracy, you were yelling about a soap commercial that implied the word shit.

Speaker 2 If that's true, why do we feed you still?

Speaker 2 Exactly. So first off, big thanks to

Speaker 2 big thanks to Karen for sending atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com. For the very first time, Karen, you may have lost the lottery when it comes to names.

Speaker 2 Society has decided mean you're a bad person for no reason, but

Speaker 2 you have won the lottery in our hearts. So if your name is Karen or Adolph, feel free to send us atheist news to redeem yourself at scathingnews at gmail.com.
It feels like Adolph was for a reason.

Speaker 2 No need to

Speaker 2 Karen to Adolph here. Condemn Hamas.

Speaker 2 Adolph never condemned Hamas. Interesting.

Speaker 2 Right. So if you're unfamiliar with One Million Moms, they're a Christian group that gets offended on behalf of themselves.

Speaker 2 And despite their name, there are fewer of them than Heath's Twitterer followers.

Speaker 2 So, you know, if you're out there and you want to start Heath's Twitterer follower moms, by all means, have at it, I guess. Yeah.
And we'll complain about my grievances, which are manyfold.

Speaker 2 Yes, we will. Okay.

Speaker 2 What are those grievances? Yeah. Were you going to name

Speaker 2 one?

Speaker 2 I'm actually feeling kind of happy right now. Just come back to me.
I'll have it. Got it.
Okay. Good.
Get asked and answered. Anyways, I went through the airport and it was everybody.

Speaker 2 I just got to watch rich people freaking out. I got delayed for like nine hours.
It didn't matter. I was just having fun watching people freaking out.
I can confirm that podcast listener.

Speaker 2 He was so casual. He was like, yeah, no, I had an extra dinner.
And I was like, oh man, that sucks. And he was like, no.
Why? No,

Speaker 2 it's super fun.

Speaker 2 The lounge gave me a free Lafroig. It was the best.
God damn it. Anyway, the subject of their ire this week was none other than the wheel of fortune for the implied swearing in their new segment.

Speaker 2 What the fun? Why, that's only two letters away from the most grievous of swears. Yes.

Speaker 2 In their letter accompanying a petition that now has over 12,000 signatures, OMM says, quote, it is not the show it was.

Speaker 2 With this implication of the F word, this is unnecessary in any program, especially one marketed for the entire family.

Speaker 2 Parents will have to explain to their children that the prime time program they were once allowed to watch is no longer a clean show.

Speaker 2 Prime time?

Speaker 2 Wheel.

Speaker 2 Wheel has deliberately chosen to include controversial categories instead of wholesome ones. One million moms finds this highly inappropriate.
Okay. Okay.
We have two types of people in the world.

Speaker 2 Wheel of Fortune people

Speaker 2 and Jeopardy people. That's me.
One of those groups is very sad and embarrassing. I won't say which.
Also, before the moms try to claim, oh, no, we're actually both types of people. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 Anyone who calls it wheel is way too much of a fan.

Speaker 2 Very telling. I call it wheel.
I also, I don't like the way that they perpetuate the stereotype that vowels are more valuable than the other letters.

Speaker 2 That kind of elitism has no place in modern linguistics. Ooh, important.

Speaker 2 They conclude.

Speaker 2 OMM concludes, quote, wheel producers do not care what children hear. Everyone knows kids repeat what they hear.
Insinuated profanity in any show is extremely disrespectful to families.

Speaker 2 Wheel should maintain its original design. Wheel needs to know that parents disapprove.
TV shows should never change. Somebody dig up Chuck Woolery, goddamn damn it.
Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So this is obviously very silly, but what matters is that in a world where snap benefits are running thin, churches are caught not feeding starving babies, and a game show kids only watch when they're home with the flu is implying the F-word,

Speaker 2 that, that last thing is what requires our undivided attention. Yep.
Yep. And with our impending doom thus encapsulated, I suppose we can wrap up the headlines for the week.

Speaker 2 Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Doomanji.
And when we come back, I'll figure out what's been scratching at this closet door the whole time. Mom, Donnie.

Speaker 2 We both said the things we support.

Speaker 2 So, who did you choose to date? Oh, well, Invisigal. Obviously, Invisigal.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 You can't date anyone Info. Hey, guys.
You ready for Bible Peace Theater? You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it? We sure are.

Speaker 2 Don, how did you get here? Oh, Eli put a book of Simpson's quotes and a scientific calculator in a summoning circle. Yeah, nope, that'll do it.
Yeah, so where were we? First Corinthians.

Speaker 2 And we're going to pick up with some more homophobia.

Speaker 2 Hey, Paul, you still working on that letter to the Corinthians? I sure am. There's so much here.
I'm probably going to have to write two of these things.

Speaker 2 Like, did you know gay people can't go to heaven?

Speaker 2 Yeah, man, you told us already,

Speaker 2 and you already told the Romans. Okay, well, I'm gonna say it again here: gay guys and effeminate men, too.

Speaker 2 Wow, well,

Speaker 2 so uh, being effeminate will keep you out of heaven. Oh, absolutely.
It's like I always say: meat is for the belly, and the belly is for meat, but both will be destroyed.

Speaker 2 That's not really anything,

Speaker 2 barely a sentence.

Speaker 2 Can I say say, a lot of this letter feels stolen from Andrew Dice Clay? Well, he is a very young and relevant comedian right now. Sure.
That's true. He is.

Speaker 2 Hey, Paul. Hey, guys, what's up? So, with the last couple of chapters, we're kind of worried that people are going to think that you hate sex.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 No, I don't hate sex. I think everyone should be married and have all the sex they want.
Oh, good. Because we were worried for a second.
Unless, like, they don't want to have sex because

Speaker 2 of how gross it is. And then they should not.
And you never know about Satan, right?

Speaker 2 What? Uh, sorry, what about Satan? And you know, I'm not married and being not married is actually really awesome. So I would say like if you're a widow or you're not married,

Speaker 2 you should just totally not get married. Sorry, so everyone who's not currently married should not get married.
and if if married people want to

Speaker 2 they should stop having sex yeah yeah yeah you don't seem to have a uh

Speaker 2 great relationship with sex there paul yes i do i'm a book at the bible and my opinions are normal and cool

Speaker 2 hey uh paul we got another question for you sure guys what's up yeah so jesus reversed a lot of the stuff that was in the old testament like circumcision and food rules and notably slavery.

Speaker 2 Did he do slavery?

Speaker 2 We have a bunch of verses we're putting to pretend about slavery. Got it.
Sure, sure. So?

Speaker 2 So, we were wondering what people do now. I mean, should circumcised people, like, uncircumcise themselves?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and are slaves free?

Speaker 2 Oh, no, definitely not. Everyone who was a slave should stay a slave, and nobody should uncircumcise themselves.

Speaker 2 Got it.

Speaker 2 How would that even work? Oh, so you take the mouthpiece of a trumpet, right? You know what? That's gonna be where you're starting. Hey, you know what? Forget I asked.
Man,

Speaker 2 I mean, I still want to know. Thank you.
It's a fun fact.

Speaker 2 Hey, Paul.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 So, got a little bit of a deep-cut question for you here.

Speaker 2 You know, sacrificing animals to God.

Speaker 2 Sure, absolutely. Right.
So, at this point in history, there are quite a few people who interpret that to mean kind of just cooking the animals, you know, like for dinner.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, it's definitely not that. Why would anybody think it's that? Well, you obviously haven't met any Jews.
Okay, well, no, you can't just eat the meat you sacrifice to God.

Speaker 2 I am an atheist and I renounce God right now. Okay, fine.
You can eat the meat. Just don't upset any weaklings when you do it.
Huh? Okay, so like, like vegans? Don't upset vegans?

Speaker 2 I mean, the Aramaic is closer to the hungry. Okay, so I can upset vegans.
Yes, you can upset vegans. Back in.
Christ is Lord. Nice.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I saw Jesus, okay? We fucking hung out, me and Jesus. All right.
We hung out. We were buds and we did stuff together.
Like we would go to parties and

Speaker 2 yelling. He would be wine and he'd be like, yeah, nuts.

Speaker 2 Not clear who this is really for. I believe that.
That's

Speaker 2 four two.

Speaker 2 How long has he been going?

Speaker 2 Well, like

Speaker 2 for four chapters. And then he let me know.

Speaker 2 I always imagine the epistles to be these historical

Speaker 2 foundational church doctrines.

Speaker 2 And they're just like

Speaker 2 a list of some dudes' enemies. Some dudes' enemies.
Tell me about it.

Speaker 2 You know, they say, like, you know, the best way to make an atheist is to read the Bible, but what are the Christians getting out of this?

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, I guess they're pretty supportive of the bigotry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. I don't think I could keep that.
That's why it's so important not to let moderates cape, right? I was totally. You know, as an adult.
He slipped into NYU. We should stop him.

Speaker 2 We gotta stop him. Yep.
Yep. Yep.

Speaker 2 I don't want to buy any more strawberry yogurt.

Speaker 2 Thanks for agreeing to take a lunch break, Paul.

Speaker 2 No problem. I feel like I might have gotten a little wrapped up there for a couple of chapters.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe a little.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Hello, gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming.
Paul, um,

Speaker 2 you sure we're supposed to be eating with this guy? He um, he worships devils. Yeah, no, it's fine.
It's not a big deal. Really? Oh, I'm serving lamb.

Speaker 2 Very rare.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm 90% sure this dude sacrificed these lambs to a to a bad god. Bad god, yeah.
And now he's tricking us into eating. It's fine.
Is it fine? Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
Don't ask, don't tell.

Speaker 2 That's what I say.

Speaker 2 Wait, you want the official position of the Bible to be don't don't ask, don't tell about eating meat sacrificed to other gods? Yeah. And it is great, by the way.

Speaker 2 I mean, they drew devil horns on the plate in sauce. It's like

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 Okay, but what if we didn't wipe with our hands at all? Well, what do we wipe with then? I don't know. Like

Speaker 2 a piece of paper. Ew, gross.
No, I mean, you would throw away the paper afterwards. Hey, guys, quick question for you.

Speaker 2 I'm sort of going over the divine org chart that I'm laying out in the letter to the Corinthians. Yeah.
What's up? So, Christ owns man, man owns woman.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't love it, but it's the Bronze Age, so sure. Right.
But this is where it gets tricky, right? Because man is made in God's image, so he should probably not pray with his head covered.

Speaker 2 But because woman is made for man,

Speaker 2 she should pray with her head covered.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And if she doesn't cover her head when she prays,

Speaker 2 she should have her head shaven.

Speaker 2 That feels like you're further uncovering.

Speaker 2 Exactly. No, because it's unnatural for men to have long hair.
Have you seen Jesus? No, because, you know, because of the angels? Okay, totally lost by that. What are you talking about? Yeah, me too.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm going to keep working on it.

Speaker 2 Okay, guys.

Speaker 2 I know I was a little lost with the hair stuff and the angels earlier, but I am on a fucking roll. Check these verses out.
Uh, love is patient, love is kind, right?

Speaker 2 Like, everyone is gonna read that at their wedding. Their wedding, are they? Yeah, it literally says, Beareth all things, believeth all things,

Speaker 2 hopeth all things, endureth all things. I mean, you got a lot of eths in there, man.
A lot. Oh, you guys are crazy.
People are gonna love this. How about this? How about this? Listen to this.

Speaker 2 When I became a man, I put away childish things, for now I see through a glass darkly.

Speaker 2 Wait, what?

Speaker 2 You know, like, like through glass?

Speaker 2 Does one see darkly through glass? Well, not Etruscan glass. They make great glass.
Okay, okay, man. Look, this poetry stuff is obviously better than the homophobia, okay? And the hellfire.

Speaker 2 And the hellfire, right. But I don't think it really has any, like, you know, solid content to it.
Yeah. Okay, well, I think it's going to sell a billion pillows.
Well, if pillow sales is the goal.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it is.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Okay, you guys, I got it. Is it more poems? No, no.
I wanted to write down some unofficial speaking in tongues rules. You know, just in case unbelievers ever see us speaking in tongues.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Uh, how does that work?

Speaker 2 Eli, what are we doing in a doodle do? Am I going to get the bens? No, no, no, no, guys, guys. Paul is having a doodle-doo about non-believers, so we are in the in Paul's doodle-doo.
Draw me a maze.

Speaker 2 Am I here? Yeah, Don, you're here. Oh, is it because we hang out? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, buddy. Oh, yeah.
Anyways, we're going to be late for church. Come on, let's do the thing.

Speaker 2 All right, everybody.

Speaker 2 As ordained in the Bible, we have one

Speaker 2 speaker in tongues today,

Speaker 2 and I shall be providing the translation. Shalalala Malala Gala La La.

Speaker 2 Uh, hey, everyone. It's me, God again.

Speaker 2 Still no cures for diseases, but I just thought I'd drop by and say hi.

Speaker 2 Uh, I don't know if you guys are caught up on Louribus, but I'm just having trouble attaching, you know.

Speaker 2 I mean, no spoilers, but who am I supposed to be rooting for here? Because I'm not rooting for the main character, and I feel like the show wants me to agree with her, and I just don't.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I'm gonna give it a chance, and obviously I loved Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, but it all feels, you know, very hot take right now. And

Speaker 2 very well, we now we shall have a luncheon.

Speaker 2 Did you do this whole doodly-doo to say that you don't like Pluribus? I didn't say I didn't like it. I said I'm not connecting.
Well, I like it. I didn't say I didn't like it.
Felt like you didn't.

Speaker 2 Okay, what's next? Wait, who... Who are we? Paul and the apostles.
We doodly-dood out. Very obviously.
Did you even check the map? I mean, it's right. I was just asking, anyways,

Speaker 2 I don't want women to speak in church. Men will go to church, and then their husbands can educate their wives at home.
Uh,

Speaker 2 I'm not sure how that's gonna work.

Speaker 2 Hey, honey, you headed out? Yep. I'm gonna be late if I don't go now.
No worries. Just don't forget your salvation, okay? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Don't forget your salvation. I got it.
Yes, it's fine.

Speaker 2 Okay, I got that little salvation bowl by the door, so you can just grab it out of the salvation bowl, and then when you... Oh, I know where the bowl is.
Thank you. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 Just want to make sure you have it. I do.
I do. Thank you.
Thank you very much. All right.
I love you. I love you.
All right. I love you.
Bye.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Not in your bag. No problem.
No, no problem. I'll bring it down to the car.
No, it's not a problem at all.

Speaker 2 I was just taking a bath. Give me two seconds.
I'll get out of the bath. I'll get a towel.
I'll get the salvation out of the... No, it's not a problem.

Speaker 2 And I will hurry. Yes, I will.
I will hurry. I know.
I know you're going to be late.

Speaker 2 Okay, guys. Last things, things, and then I think I'm going to start a new letter.
Sure, what is it?

Speaker 2 People come back from the dead. They do?

Speaker 2 See, this is what I'm talking about. If Jesus didn't come back from the dead, then our whole religion is fake, you guys.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, that's true. Therefore, people can come back from the dead.
Okay,

Speaker 2 are you sure that isn't a power that you want to give to, like...

Speaker 2 Just our God?

Speaker 2 What? No, no, that would be silly. I mean, if people don't come back from the dead, then why do we baptize them after they die? Sorry, have you been baptizing the dead?

Speaker 2 No, not in the Bible, not one single time. But for some reason, I'm now talking like I do.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, okay. Been in that.
Hypothetically, if someone points out that people, you know, don't come back from the dead, you know, with a dead person.

Speaker 2 What do we do? Oh, we just tell them it's like a seed. You know, a seed needs to die before it can grow.
Okay, well, that's definitely not true.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, it's not even in the, like even in the now times, we're aware that that isn't true. Guys, it's a metaphor.
For what? Wrongness?

Speaker 2 No, what I mean is when you come back from the dead, God might give you a different body. Like

Speaker 2 reincarnation? No, I'm saying like we don't die, we just change.

Speaker 2 Oh, like a conservation of energy thing. No,

Speaker 2 no, like into different bodies. Okay, Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So to be clear here, in the last chapter of your letter to the Corinthians, which you have mostly spent spelling out bigotry that Jesus never mentioned, you want to point out that the dead can be baptized, raised from the dead, and that some of us won't die.

Speaker 2 We'll just shapeshift? Shapeshift, yes.

Speaker 2 How?

Speaker 2 Well, if you want to know that, you're going to have to tune in for my next letter.

Speaker 2 I feel like you're not going to answer that question. Or will I?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And on that note, we're going to give Paul a month to take a big breath before he rants to the same people some more. And you can catch up with that on the next installment of Bible Peace Theater.

Speaker 2 Before we dissipate, I want to let you know that if you need more me and your life, I recently did a long sit-down with the Recovering from Religion folks on their RFRX Talks podcast.

Speaker 2 If you didn't catch the live stream, I believe you can still watch the video and the podcast episode is going to be out soon.

Speaker 2 Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

Speaker 2 If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic, debuting at 7 Eastern on Monday, and even a new episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend Godiful Movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our Half Sister Show's Citation Needa debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday.

Speaker 2 There's an extra sibilant in there somewhere. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Obviously, I can't clock out until I thank Heath Enright for being timeless, Eli Bosnik for being timeful, and Lucinda Lusions for being time-honored.

Speaker 2 I also want to thank Don Ford for being on time, right? That's a time thing.

Speaker 2 I want to thank Audrey for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, nothing quite like suburban parents to back up the filthy monkey lineage, right?

Speaker 2 But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, or I'm sorry, the people who are tied for best people with all the vulgarity for charity donors.

Speaker 2 Elizabeth Roberts, something stupid, Tiamin, Evan, Nora, and Recovering Goth.

Speaker 2 Elizabeth and Robert, who are exciting enough to charge up particles for an Aurora in a pinch, something Tiamin and Evan, whose intellects are even more vast than those glorious ribbons of iridescence that I didn't get to see last night, and Nora and Recovering Gothu are so hot that if you missed seeing them because of some fucking clouds, you'd be really upset about it for at least 24 hours.

Speaker 2 Together, these seven savory secularists saved us from a life of toil and labor this week by giving us money to do this shit.

Speaker 2 If you'd like to do that, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheists, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.

Speaker 2 And if you'd like to help, but we haven't earned your money just yet, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media.

Speaker 2 And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson Hills.force and our audio engineer is Morton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.

Speaker 2 If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com.

Speaker 2 So you do your work down there and listen to people fuck kind of close to you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This content is can-credentialed, which means means you can report instances of harassment abuse or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creator accountability network.org the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle and thunderstorm LLC copyright 2025 all rights reserved It's finally happened.

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