E535 Joe Gatto

Calling all Call of Duty fans, the iconic map, Verdansk, returns to Call of Duty Warzone.

Starting April 3rd, you'll be able to drop back into Verdansk, experience all the chaos, and relive the thrill you've been missing. not only will you get the classic battle royale experience we all know and love

but verdansk is back with gameplay updates and the return of Verdansk-era weaponry. That's right, you'll experience Verdansk like never before.
Smoother movement, stunning visuals, and new mechanics. Whether you're dropping in solo or teaming up with your squad, it's time to come home

to Verdansk. So download Call of Duty Warzone for free and drop into Verdansk on April 3rd.
Rated M for Mature. Some new tour dates coming up.
Sioux Falls, South Dakota, La Crosse, and Green bay wisconsin, Moline, Illinois, Colorado Springs, Colorado, Casper, Wyoming, Billings, Missoula, Bloomington, Indiana, Columbus, Ohio, Champaign, Illinois, Grand Rapids, Lafayette, Louisiana, and Beaumont, Texas. Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R and thank you so much for the support.
Today's guest has been entertaining humans and taking care of dogs for most of his life and we're lucky to have been on the receiving end of some of that. You know him from Impractical Jokers.
He has a new stand-up comedy special out on YouTube called Messing With People, as well as a new children's book called Where's Barry? I always enjoy my time and grateful to sit down with just a light of the world. Today's guest is Mr.
Joe Gatto. Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing just've been singing I've been singing I've been singing I've been moving This place is awesome I've never seen this place It was awesome Oh, you haven't been here before? Yeah, I've never been here before Oh, wow It's nice Fantastic Yeah, sometimes you just forget where you've been or where you haven't even been, you know? You never know where you haven't been Yeah, that's true, huh Yeah It's true Good to see you today You brought a little buddy huh Yeah Spumoni Oh wow One of my pups One of the gato pups And how is It's a man or woman This is a woman It's a woman This is a woman Okay Yeah this is Spumoni And how is she doing She seems okay Yeah she's doing alright Last time we spoke okay and she's good she's uh she's one of my travel pups she just comes on the when i'm not flying a lot and i'm just on one or two and driving she'll come with me you know yeah yeah she's not a great flyer but she loves to chill and uh yeah she seems very calm in japan they were uh giving pills to a lot of those dogs and so they could take good cool photos of you see the ones with their tongue hanging out? I know those.
I have a lot of those kinds of dogs because I have a senior dog rescue and all their teeth are out. Yeah, they just hang out.
That's weird. I didn't know they do a pill-induced tongue out.
Yeah, bring that up if the Japanese were – They wanted the tongue out, so it made them really thirsty or just – yeah. Yeah, I think it just- Nicotine the mouth a little bit? It just like, you know, like that, yeah, like- Just gives you the right- Like they lived in Baltimore, kind of, you know, like some of these Baltimore hitchhikers.
Bring that up if they were- Dropping tongues out in- Japanese pilling up the dogs. There's a supplement.
No, no, no. We're the Japanese giving pills to the dogs.
That's all right. That's a pretty good prompt.
Yeah, you're just looking at medication. You're just looking at dog pills.
They hide a lot of the good shit on people. Yeah, you got to dig deep sometimes.
They come back for it. That's not going to be on the first lot of the good yeah that's something you gotta dig deep sometimes they come back for it that's not gonna be on the first results no yeah that's true man we gotta learn to go deep dude sometimes the way that google finishes you or do you ever find that like when you put in something and the way the search engine finishes what you started is more interesting than what you were looking for he's just oh what is this and you click that yeah that's really weird yeah and all of them it's always like gay it's like dead gay yeah it's all that stuff yeah yeah dude that shit's always ridiculous man good to see you bro good to see you it's been a minute man yeah it has been a minute last time we saw each other we were both in the same city on tour and we got some pizza yeah in Milwaukee yeah in Milwaukee and a pizza took forever forever I went I went back and got it.
I think,

I think we left and you just went,

yeah,

you went back later that evening.

I was like,

let me get this later.

We ordered these pizzas and they gave it to us.

Yeah.

They owed us some pies,

man.

Yeah.

Oh,

those people were,

they did not want me to give it up.

And I'm like,

well,

if you don't want to give out the food,

then don't be a restaurant.

Right.

Right.

Right.

This is your thing.

This is what you do.

Yeah.

Like I was back there.

He was eating. So he was back there eating to the one guy yeah whenever we saw him um congrats man you got a new special out a special out yeah your first special first special wow messing with people yeah it's uh really excited about it it's out on youtube and uh i was it was great man i toured with it for two and a half years and you know how it is you don't want the content to just to go away i'm super proud of it yeah so i put it out there it's great was it um when you guys Come here, Simone, man.
I toured with it for two and a half years. And you know how it is.
You don't want the content to just to go away. I'm super proud of it.
Yeah. So I put it out there.
It's great. Was it, um.
When you guys taped it. Was it in trouble? Come here.
Spawny. Come.
Come on. Good girl.
When you guys taped it. How many tapings did you do? I did two.
Yeah. Two in one night.
I did the Paramount in Huntington, Long Island. And it was, uh, it was fun, man.
Like it was the first one, you know, you get a little nervous. Like it's all.
And I wasn't used to, the jib almost knocked me out like four times because I'm very physical on stage running around, you know?

So I ran to like the side and the jib was like right there.

It almost got like knocked out, but it was good.

It was really cool.

Yeah.

And the jib is like the camera.

That's the camera that's on the arm.

Yeah.

On the arm.

Yeah.

Oh, you forget, right?

That's for everybody at home.

Yeah.

Just because some people don't know, you know, some people don't know what's going on.

Yeah.

There you go.

Right there. That's it.
Yeah. Did of the other uh jokers come out uh yeah they came to

the taping um sal came to the late taping i think and then the next i was working that week and then

q came out and stuff but yeah it's good they come and see me we i see them when they're on the road

it's yeah it's fun we try to give each other the support you know how it is have you gone to one of

their shows like because because you do you still do the touring show with them or no? No. Right.
No. So I did.
They just wrapped up their last tour and I came out on stage there. And then when they did Radio City, I popped out.
That was really fun. That's cool.
When I came to Radio City, it was so cool. It was really great.
The place exploded. Wow.
It was really nice. Yeah.
Yeah. Have you missed that aspect? Because they just came out with their last, their, the 11th season, right.
Of their show. Yeah.
Of jokers. Yeah.
They're doing that now. Uh, they just wrapped shooting that one.
I think they got another one, but, uh, yeah, I mean, you know, you miss it. You're missing with your friends.
The hardest part for me is like, it's appointment friendship now, right? Like you got to think about like, you used to see each other all the time. Oh, and now it's like, you know, like I feel like I, you know,, I haven't seen you in front of right.
And when you see them, it's like they're working together or doing something. You're trying to find a time together.
So that gets a little tricky. Yeah.
You know? So, but everybody always asks, are you still friends? I always tell people, I would, no, I hate those guys. Like I'll just say stuff to mess with people.
Do you like them? I'm like, no, we don't talk anymore. I was saying for a while that salad slept with my wife.
That's why I left. It was so fun.
He's gotta stop saying that someone's gonna believe you yeah but uh yeah it's uh it's good we're still we're still boys yeah just trying to see each other gets a little tricky yeah i think that just gets trickier as you get older too like just being an adult it's like everything gets like more appointment that's why i miss like i it's like you never know when you're in like high school and college and stuff like that, that those are going to be like the greatest times because everybody is just there. Yeah.
Yeah. Everybody's, you're going to bump the bump into factor of a college campus, right? You might just bump into somebody on the way to the calf or something.
Yeah. That's totally different because you're all enclosed like a community.
It's like a cult almost like you're living on this, you know, the stockade. Yeah, dude, dude that's one thing it's like but you don't realize that when you're there like i remember whenever i was like graduating high school whatever i was like thank god i'm graduating but then you don't realize that like 10 years later you'd do anything to go back and have one big full day of high school yeah for sure you but there was some people you were looking forward to get rid of too that was the bad part right that's the other side of it like you're like i cannot wait till i don't have to see this person again like the rotc guys are were really at our school were very they kind of acted like they were like a gang sort of or whatever you know like those guys with the wooden guns you'd see them after school or whatever yeah and they wouldn't even have like the part of the gun that like had the bullets in or something they would just have like it's like a glorified It was the right shape of a stick.
Yeah. And it would be running around.

Yeah. And it would be running through the halls.
Like, yeah, like yelling different quadrants at each other and shit. Doing this stuff.
Hand signaling. You're like, guys, I'm getting to algebra.
Get out of my way. Yeah.
I didn't, we didn't have RTC at our school, but we definitely had different cl clicks because i went to an all-boy catholic high school so all-boy school definitely had like a different type of like click yeah setup kind of thing where you had your jocks and your mathletes which i was a proud leader of were you yeah yeah math guy yeah so i was like geeky but i was a bowler we talked about this just quickly i'm uh i was on the bowling team and stuff so it was like a different thing but then humor like once once people found you were funny in high school and you're with all dudes i think it's a different thing i think it's like oh you know and then people like want to be around you and having fun so once my humor started coming out it was a different animal that was so much fun yeah dude being funny and i that was like them yeah i think that's what it was too because Cause you always had an audience around. You always had like, everybody was right there.
So you could make so many jokes and references and like, you'd see each other in the hallway in between classes. And that was the weirdest thing.
Cause you had like one second where you were passing your buddy in the hallway and you got to just. You got a drive by.
Yeah. I was known for pratfall in high school.
So I used to pratfall into my Spanish class every day. And Mrs.
Lonzo, my teacher, always thought it was this guy, Mike Irving, that was tripping me. And she would always give him detention on it.
He was like, dude, you have to stop, stop. It wasn't me.
And I was like, oh, he tripped me, you know, like that. So when I got my diploma, my mom knew that I was big.
And my mom was always like, you know, you have to be respectful. So I'm getting my diploma and everybody's like trip, trip, trip.
Like they all want me to fall on stage. And my mother like threatened my life.
She's like, if you trip on stage, you're done. You're done.
I was like, I can't make my mom mad. So I don't get it.
Then I surprisingly get an award. I got an award.
They were like, they were giving out these awards and one of them was, you know, some of the, and I look at my father and he goes, and I went up and I went, when I went to get the award on stage, I bid it and I like fell off the stage. The place went absolutely nuts.
It was so funny. I was like, that's the reason why I won that award.
So I could have my moment. That's class, bro.
Yeah. I love that.
That shit was so much fun, man. Yeah.
You think about just, do you have friends from high school anymore? Yeah. Yeah.
That you touch with yep i still got actually a pretty decent amount i've always done a good job of like trying to call and connect every now and then just see what's up you know with folks but or from definitely from high school and uh yeah so i keep in contact pretty decently with some of them who's your oldest friend my buddy do you have somebody like from my buddy scott from where we was like in second grade or whatever oh wow this went to his wedding he had a destination wedding oh yeah we're on the same page you mean a forced vacation for you it is yeah and then some people can't be there you know and then they feel bummed out about it because somebody had to miss it and then both people feel bad yeah there's there's two different you know schools of thought about it you know but because the other school of thought is what like it's like you're making a memory for everybody that can make it and you're making it more of like an event and you're spending your money you might as well get this big memory out of it instead of being at a you know a hall in queens you know and spending all this money. But for me, I, we almost did it,

but I just, at the end of the day, I feel like it's a lot, it's a big ask.

Yeah. Yeah.
Did you ever renew your vows?

So after we got back together, my wife and I, we were thinking about doing that. And then we-

Did you guys get divorced or no?

No, we just got separated.

You got separated?

Separated for two years. And then-

Oh, wow. That's a long time.

Yeah, it's a long time. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah.
I had never lived alone. so i was 47 years old for my first time living alone and did you get an apartment an apartment yeah no if you look if you and your wife get separated you have to get an apartment you can't get a house you can't get a house though you're in the dollar you're like you're getting there no that's what that was actually the reason kind of like why we got back together was I had put a bid in on a house because it was like, okay, this is not happening.
And I was like, I'm a grown man. I'm not going to live in this apartment.
I needed a yard. I had my dogs.
I'm like, I just didn't want. There was a fire drill in my building.
I'm outside at 1130 in my robe. And so I was like, are you Joe from impractical? I'm like, get the hell.
Like, this is my life right now. So I was like, yeah.
So I put a bid on a house and I didn't get it. Could you imagine you're going to the fire drill of your building and Joe is there in his bathrobe? I was like- With how many dogs? Two dogs in my arms? Like Cruella Joville? You're just out there with a fucking million pups? So it was like, yeah, so it was rough.
And then, so then I put a bid on a house and I didn't get it. And then I was like, I had to look at another house.
And I said to her, I was like, oh, what about, I was like, I'm looking at this house. It wasn't too far from the kids.
And she just went, do you want to get back together? And I just instantly, I just went, yeah, do you? And she goes, yeah. And that was the first time we said it out loud.
We both weren't thinking we were going to. We reflected on it after.
And it was just that moment. And we just, we were in a, I was doing a dog event in the city and we were waiting in a hotel room for the dogs to be ready.
She was napping. I was working.
And then we just started talking for like four hours. Wow.
And I said, okay, let's give it a couple of months. I'm not going to move back home.
Let's make sure it sticks. Make sure we want to do it.
And it did. All worked out.
So then I came back home, but living alone was like so weird. I didn't even like hang stuff on the walls.
It was so sad. It was like those white, freshly painted sheet rock.
You know? Yeah. Like I hung like one picture and then I was like, i don't even know if i like that there you know it's just like you felt like you had to went on wayfair and i bought a bunch of like discount furniture and i go to the house there's all the nice furniture you're like hey at least let me come back and shower yeah you get that good loofah wow and what did you right after you're going to do that.
Did y'all go eat somewhere or something? We did. We had dinner that next, uh, that, well, we always, I, I always went to the house for dinner.
The kids didn't know any sort of disruption. So that was always good.
I was always at the house having dinner, family dinner. I was always still very involved.
The kids didn't really know anything because at the time they're nine and seven now. So they were between, you know, six and and eight or whatever and the next night we went to one of our favorite restaurants in town uh and we just had a nice date night and it was nice and then we went away just the two of us and for a night up at this farm in upstate new york and just all worked out you know it was a lot of conversations yeah a lot of hard stuff you got to talk through a lot of forgiveness and talking about you know i think the biggest thing always is in any relationship you always especially what your significant other you always think it's your soulmate you know what they're thinking and you just don't like people as well as somebody you just have to say it so we just started talking i just opened up everything you know dude the craziest thing is how hard it is to say stuff even if like you're, you're married.
It's like, and they would rather you probably say it so you can get to the next part, but we just hold the fucking words. Yeah, and then you get mad that they don't know what you're thinking.
That was the funniest thing. I used to say that to our time.
I said, you get mad because I don't know what you're thinking. I have no, I'll admit, I don't know what you're thinking.
I'll never know. So that's like the biggest thing I found in relationship is really as we starting to like get through it again, it's like, just say what you're feeling.
Life's too short, man. Just say what you're feeling.
Just say, I wish your legs were longer. Longer.
Just get longer legs. How'd you know? Did she tell you that was the thing? She's like, Joe, I wish you were five.
I wish you were six foot, man. You had longer legs.
No, I, yeah, I don't know. I mean, that shit's all this stuff's complicated, man, but awesome then congrats so that feels good then yeah so you got the family back on track got back on track baby i'm a dad i'm a real dad like which is nice i feel really tight with the kids good partner it's all it all feels good now yeah yeah and creatively i'm doing everything that's good you know it feels nice to be able to dabble in different stuff and did you oh your kids came to the special because i saw them you give them like a hug for you on stage yeah they gave me the microphone before oh they gave me the mic one you gave a hug and one you gave a high five yeah i gave the high five to my son he was super he was super nervous so he was like yeah he's cute he's she is like me dude she's comes out for a bow she loves it all like she's all about it my son is a little bit more of a wallflower but he really likes to laugh and to make me laugh and we do like fun oh there that's the that was a thing um so yeah that's the kids so the uh yeah yeah mark yeah he's my he's my tour manager he's on tour with me but then yeah this is my my my daughter and my son there uh it's really excited i gave him a little oh you give him a hug sorry yeah i mean you, you gave him a hug.
Sorry. I didn't mean you didn't.
Yeah. Yeah.
I love my son. Don't try to, I already see the clip show.
I love his son. I'm sorry.
Starting to start your drama. I was trying to remember that.
Yeah, dude, Jiggy was there. That's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's with me all the time. He's on my new tour with me.
He's my feature. He comes with me the whole time.
Hell yeah. He's great.
He's so funny. He has one of the best has one of the best stories i don't know if he turned it into a show into a stage bit it's like he met a girl on an airplane right so he's on an airplane he's sitting next to like this beautiful brazilian brazilian girl he said and like the plane kept getting delayed or whatever finally they get them all off the plane and it's like midnight they're not gonna leave till the next day and the girl's like you can come stay with me or whatever you Finally, they get them all off the plane, and it's like midnight.
They're not going to leave until the next day. And the girl's like, you can come stay with me or whatever.
Or at least she could have said goodbye in Brazilian. That's what he meant.
But that's how he took it. Yeah, yeah.
She's like, why is this guy in my car? He's following her out of the airport. Her grandmother comes and picks her up, right? So now they are all, he the this girl he just met stay at the grandmother's house and they just had it was like a big studio so they're sleep in one bed all together and they watched um i can't i think they watched saving private rock which is a real warming romantic story it's like the house in like charlie and the chocolate factory where everybody sleeps same room, in the same bed.
It's all the old kid and all the parents. Oh, yeah, with Grandpa Joe or whatever.
Grandpa Joe is there, yeah. That's hysterical.
And then, yeah, because I think he thought he was going to go to this kind of romantic night, and then he just stayed in there. And something else occurred, but it was pretty unbelievable.
But, yeah, that story is great. He met the.
Oh, yeah. So that's good.
And they, oh, he said that they had popcorn and then, yeah. And then I guess they all fell asleep or whatever.
He, oh, could you imagine being somebody who came home from work and that's where you see they like, what they, where they pick up this straggler he came in. He's the best to go on tour.
He's just a bundle of joy and joy and like energy he's just so positive and fun like we click really well on that but he gets like we make fun of him because uh steve burns on the road with us a lot too and we love to watch him eat when he's hungry because he literally if you he doesn't know you're watching him i'm not even kidding theo he'll go like excited to eat and he'll be like doing them and he moves his hands and you just watch him he's just like a little kid for the first time I'm like apple pie like it's so funny I'm like dude you're a grown adult man you have a child like what are you doing he gets so excited yeah yeah he's classic man he's so funny yeah his energy is some of the best energy to be around yeah for sure for sure yeah what's gonna oh D dikembe mutombo died you see that no did he yeah oh no when he just died brain cancer 58 that's young that is young 58 dikembe mutombo hall of fame finger wagging center yeah he did that thing with the big finger yeah he kind of gave uh i wonder if after he did that is that, is that when they came out with those finger things or not? No, I think those were where number ones. I think that's where that comes from.
Oh, I see. But I think people started using it as it wasn't intended.
Yeah. This was not for this.
This was for this. We're number ones.
And I was like, no, no, no, no. No, you're not.
Yeah. Yeah, dude.
He had that. That was wild.
The finger wag, yeah. That's funny how that becomes like your thing.
Yeah. Yeah.
But then you have to do it all the time. Right.
People are waiting for it. Yeah.
People are always like taking photos and people are like, can you do the. Yeah.
Could you do this? Yeah. It's like me getting yelled Larry.
What do you get asked the most, you think, when people want to take a picture with you? Or like when people see you, what is like the thing that they. What's Bobby Lee like? Yeah.
So you get time right yeah tell me about bobby lee is he real is it real they'll say they'll call him an it and i'm like that's crazy uh are they referring to bobby i don't know some body people don't believe in like people of the orient but uh and also look at the guy i mean there's yeah you know for sure there's definitely 50 shades of cheswan right here so there's a lot going on uh then after we got to interview trump i get asked about that oh yeah for sure just what it was like to be there or something we got to go up to bed minster new jersey that was nice up there yeah i think i talked to you when when i saw you there was just the rumblings that you might have been able to sit with them and i think you told me you were like dude it's crazy i might be able to do it so that had to be a wild experience yeah it was crazy yeah that took a long time to come together i imagine it wasn't like a it was kind of on and off and then it was just on yeah you know but it was definitely interesting don't think don't think uh i didn't notice you put on a suit jacket thanks dude you threw on a jacket yeah i appreciate it i think it's been at two funerals And one presidential interview

I'll tell you that dude

It's a famous jacket

So it's on it's way up

There you go

Yeah Dikembe had that thing

Dude which finger

Which finger is used for different stuff than most

Do you think this is for

Yeah this is always good

And this is always bad right

This is good

This is bad

This one is

So yeah if this is bad

This is never good

This could be bad with a thumbs down

Yeah

I think every finger has a personality

Kind of for sure. Yeah, right? So you could use this for that.
This is probably the most useless, right? The ring finger. Well, unless you.
When you were a little kid, this came in big because you were like, I'm not giving you the finger. Oh, that's true.
You would hide it. Yeah, you'd hide it like, oh, I'm just kidding.
But this one is also the ring finger. So it also is like.
Signifies. claimed you yeah you're locked in claim yeah your own yeah this this is for hitchhiking too used to be hitchhike the thumb has the most versatile i think hitchhiking you're the best kill them yeah kill them right murder this is this is a murder indicator straight murder what are we doing here yeah yeah this is the first thing i, by the way.
That was a parenting hack I heard from somebody. Thumbs up.
Teach your kids, because a lot of times your kids are like far away if they're scared or something, teach them to give me a thumbs up if they're okay or a thumbs down if they're not. Because if you can't see them or if you only see them, you can't hear them.
Yeah. So I had my daughter on top of like this huge slide down where I was by a playground.
And I was like scared for her life. I'm like, okay.
And she was like, and then like okay crazy yeah oh and then you do this thing right this thing that means help me I'm being I'm taking called Liam Neeson right that means like that's what that means yeah this is like this is the thing like if somebody goes yo there's like the wink back in the day like something's up if somebody does this to me I'm waving back I'm like you're so cute it's like a puppet show yeah I'm leaving dude Dang brother Yeah I can't believe that man I can't believe that we only get five fingers Have you ever been so mad that you double barreled somebody With a double like F you Like that's a different level of Getting somebody angry that they're like I need both hands Well if you do this this and then You're a wreck too at the third If you hit them with that i've only done that once i don't like to talk about it these are just predecessors you know what i'm saying that it's the big finale yeah that is the big finale the double guns i call that right i wonder if in every culture that means if every culture people that's like world like all over like if you were in like the jungles of zimbabwe or something and you you saw and you were angry at some dude some guy popped out and surprised you he thought you were a like a um warthog yeah warthog or something he tries to stab you with his stick or whatever and you'd be like ah you didn't get me and then he high fives it you're like wait what does this it's good he's like got you the high five and stuff too like all those gestures they all come from somewhere which is so weird right the high five is kind of crazy if a dude was like hey man yeah hit it that was good that was good yeah just smack my hand smack my hand that's because that feels not even that cool just when we did it now felt weird right yeah because it was it was very soft you got to really do it yeah glenn burke a former outfiel for the Los Angeles Daughters, is accredited with inventing the high five during a game against the Houston Astros October 2, 1977. Wow.
So I'm only one year older than the high five. Wow.
When he ran toward home plate and raised his hand, agreed a teammate who had just rounded the base after a home run. Wait, so why did I give it to him? Who's a teammate? Because he just had his hand up.
He was just doing a hand in the air. The guy who high-fived Glenn Burke.
Oh, is Glenn Burke the guy that did it? That's crazy. One guy was a white supremacist, and then he came by and said, you know what? He ran into it.
He was waving to his grandmother in the stands. He's like, hey, mom.
He's like, hey, your whites are so am I. Let's do it, bang.
And he just said, let's make it happen. That's crazy.
That is crazy. The high five, dude.

Yeah.

The fist bump, it seems.

Do you ever get the aggressive fist bump

where somebody just fights your fist?

They don't know how to,

they just punch you in the hand?

Yeah.

Because you meet a lot of people, right?

You don't always want to be touching people and stuff, right?

You're like, oh, fist bump.

Sometimes you'll do fist bump if it's a lot of people.

And then people just come in you and hit you hard?

Like, they just punch your hand?

Oh, yeah.

Sometimes people will keep pushing against your hand.

Like, punch your back.

Yeah.

You trying to move me?

What am I doing? Yeah. But, yeah.
And have, a lot of people have sweaty, wet hands now. Yeah.
It's a thing. Oh, it's gotten way worse.
And when I was a kid, everybody's hands were dry, right? Like, you know, sometimes you'd see like some facial sweat or somebody with like, who never shaved their neck. They'd have like a lot of sweat and hair on their neck or whatever.
But you didn't see people's hands just, you know. Shopping.
Yeah. The worst is when you're done with it, now this is your sweat that I have on my hand.
What am I going to do with it? Am I going to ruin my pants? Am I finding a piece of furniture? Like you have to figure out where to put it. Yeah.
They don't give you any direction that's like, hey, here's some wet me. This is your problem now.
This is some wet me that you have to deal with. One little wet me.
Dude, somebody said that Pharrell, the singer, had really dry hands. Dry? Somebody told me that once.
I remember that. That he wasn't sweaty? Or was it dry to the fact that you felt it? It was like sandpaper.
Yeah. Like, wow.
Oh, yeah. Very dry hands.
It could be from mixing those albums or whatever. Gets calluses.
Yeah. That could be it.
He works with his hands. Yeah.
That's a good point, man. This episode is sponsored by PrizePix.
Do you love firing on sports? Well, PrizePix is the best daily fantasy sports app for you. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5.
You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed.
You can fire on all your favorite sports like the NBA, NFL, UFC, and many more. What I like about PrizePix personally is that instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players.
Each player has a set projection and you either choose more or less than that set projection. If you're smart with sports and you know what players are going to perform on what nights, PrizePix is the best app for you.
I played this weekend on some of the NFL games and I won. I won something.
First time users download the PrizePix app, use code Theo and PrizePix will instantly give you $50 on your first lineup of $5 or more. No strings attached.
Put in $5 and instantly get a free $50. This episode is sponsored by PrizePix and we thank them.
Today's episode is sponsored by Morgan & Morgan, America's largest personal injury law firm. For over 35 years, they've been fighting and winning for the people just like you and me.
They've won so many cases, they've racked up more than $20 billion in recoveries for their clients. That's right, billion with a B.
And because they've got your back, I'm excited to announce that they're offering one lucky listener $2,000 and two tickets to WWE's Royal Rumble. Entering the win is easy.
Just text TPW to 4, the number 4, The People. That's TPW to 484-373-6742.
Or click the link in the description below if you're watching on YouTube. That's right.
No no purchase necessary this sweepstakes is open only to natural persons who are legal residents of the 48 contiguous united states including the district of columbia who are 18 years of age or older sweepstakes ends 10 31 2024 for entry and official rules visit morgan wwe.com void where prohibited what a day man uh what else is going on those storms dude it's so heartbreaking i know i know i had a show in evans that i had to reschedule no did you yeah i was i went i got my one off in savannah and then went to the evans won the place you know the power they didn't have power't have power in the, uh, theater. Evans, Georgia.
Yeah. Evans, Georgia.
Oh yeah. It's been, it was tough down there.
And then, uh, they were like, you know, we don't have power. I was like, we're not gonna do comedy by candlelight.
Like what do we have to do with the reschedule? It's so, but down there, the people are so like equipped to handle it and be like, it's such a community when stuff like that happens down there it's crazy like because we were there and there was people going driving over to be like oh we're just going to go get they had like family and whatnot i was talking to somebody at a restaurant they were like yeah we gotta go pick up my aunt like they just like know what to do and they're just ready for it it was yeah people in the south are really dialed in with their families you know being close with your family is like it's one of the main things yeah you know and everybody has a truck everybody wants to help out everybody has a truck yeah that's so different down you know down there everybody's got yeah kenny he's got it call tim he's got the you know cousin tim's got it he's got the truck people like i don't know one person with a pickup truck in new york yeah i don't know one person people are like i'll fucking help out right now what do you need me to do everybody knows cpr or knows a fireman that says he knows CPR. And then when he has to prove it, it's a problem.
He's just blown in this guy's face. I was in a situation where somebody was choking on, I had to, I jumped into action.
Our tour manager, our tour manager had this, we didn't know he had this. Where were y'all eating at? No, he was signing – we were doing the settlement down at the – we were in the hotel ballroom, one of the things at the hotel.
We had a little room, and he was signing the check to pay us for the weekend. And he had this condition when he coughed, he would lose his breath and just like pass out, but we didn't know that.
So we started coughing, and he talking through it. Right.
So it's me, Sal and Murray and he's coughing. He's like, and he just goes, and he just shuts down.
And so I'm sitting next to him on one side, Murray's on the other. And Murray just starts shaking.
He goes, his guy's name was Jeff. He's like, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
So I hopped up and I was like, all right, I got to do something. But I didn't do the highlight.
I did like an over the shoulder, like seatbelt. Like, and I just started like shaking him, trying to wake him up.
Sal ran over and it was at the Hoyt Sherman, near the Hoyt Sherman theater. And he ran and grabbed the phone that was connected to the bell desk.
And he was like, call 911 instead of calling 911. He yelled at the phone and I'm hugging him.
And then all of a sudden he just came back to life and he's like, oh, and I'm shoulder and he goes did it happen again and we're like what are you talking about dude yeah so i had no skills the only person that had any skills was q because he was a fireman and he was in bed so we couldn't even help hey that's typical fireman dude if there ain't a fire dude i'm asleep put a hot dog in my jaw and i'm going to sleep yeah so i'm i'm not equipped for any of that emergency stuff yeah that's scary dude we had a um one time me and my buddy scotty uh the same guy i was talking about earlier we'd eaten some lsd right and uh and we were children man and so we went uh we got to the waffle house you know and we were so excited you know it was like 4am we're at the waffle house and there was and we were laughing so hard dude we we had the giggles so hard and they had a um gay gentleman working there right and we never seen a gay gentleman you'd heard about or seen drawings of like a guy like grabbing somebody's wiener something see somebody chisel that into like a tree or into like a side of a bridge or something but we'd never seen like a gay gentleman in the wild yeah yeah in the wild dude and in the wildest place on earth bro the fucking halfway house that has a waffle maker you know so we're in there dude and he's like being real like he had like as much gay as you could have inside of somebody like in for his frame or whatever and you could just see it kind of bubbling out of his shoulders every now and then you know and uh we were laughing so hard my buddy scott like he when he laughs he kind of does like this choking thing so the guy thought that my buddy was choking, dude. So he comes around.
To save the day. Yeah, starts doing that.
My buddy Scott's a little guy. Starts doing the fucking homick on him, dude.
And I am laughing so hard. I'm laughing so hard.
I remember I had to beat my feet against each other because I needed to get more get more sound out of it more energy yeah yeah yeah dude he fucking seen a gay guy do the highman maneuver bouncing your little friend around thinking he's saving the day yeah yeah it was just like spumoni on your lap you know so that was so that was like a crazy thing that happened like the first time anybody ever choked by us or something I've seen people successfully do it and it's so weird that people don't know what to do oh it's beautiful when people do it well when they do it well and the piece of the chicken bone just comes flying out or whatever and then everybody just starts clapping like it's like the plane landed it's like everybody's like yeah like that's so weird to take a lap because you just saved this guy because he didn't chew his filet mignon, you know? Yeah, dude. We had, what was happening? Oh, dude, I was at a hotel in Hawaii, and a guy starts choking at the breakfast bar, and it was a nice breakfast bar.
They had, like, cereal, fruit. Assortment of different styles of eggs.

Scrambled, hard-boiled.

Yeah, they had a couple of,

they had those little,

the big silver things you have to open up

and see what's in it.

Oh, surprise.

They want to keep you guessing.

Yeah, it's like,

Aloha, what do we got here?

And then there's like two of them

that just have smoke coming out.

There's just like warm water.

There's water in it.

They're like,

oh, we're bringing it back out.

We're bringing the ham out.

Yeah, you're like,

I don't think that anything

was ever in here, but they make it look like it was. You're scooping the water out thinking it's something out.
We're bringing the ham out. Yeah, you're like, I don't think that anything was ever in here,

but they make it look like it was.

You're scooping the water out thinking it's something exotic.

Like, I'm getting out of the water in the hot water.

Oh, God, I'll have another.

Honey, give me another bowl.

Give me a bowl of that pineapple hot water.

That's great.

So this guy starts choking,

and they bring out one of those divider things

where you just can divide a room

with one of those. And they bring that out

because there's all these tables right there just eating.

And so they bring that out

and one guy keeps eating and people

are like, quit fucking eating, dude.

You don't fucking... You don't eat in front

of a possible death situation?

Like seven feet

over, you can hear this guy

struggling for his life, dude.

Right.

And this guy's chomping on his cornflakes over here.

And Magic Johnson was there, dude.

So at a certain point, and this took a long time.

They were trying to revive the guy.

Yeah.

And so at a certain point, everybody starts looking at Magic Johnson, like fucking do

something, Magic Johnson.

You're magic.

Yeah.

It's in your name.

Like just, yeah.

Go double dribble on

his heart or something do that right yeah cross over his arteries right do something you can tell him you can't fucking pat him on the back in a special way yeah at least give him a hug or something and so it got so crazy and then nobody would eat dude because they they were really like boom raging into him and beating on his chest or whatever.

And then... and then nobody would eat dude because they were really like boom raging into him and beating on his chest or whatever and um and then finally i they took him out of there i don't i i he didn't make it i know that but so that was his last breakfast it was last breakfast but at a certain point we'd all sat there and then somebody has to take the first bite and the guy with the cornflakes is who's laughing now i didn't miss a step i'm ready to go yeah taking the first bite in that situation is rough yeah it just broke my heart man and i was like i told my day i was like we're not doing do not eat first yeah yeah somebody else let magic eat first.
I think everybody looks at Magic Johnson in that situation. And I think ceremoniously he should be like, let's eat.
It's like your dad at Thanksgiving when he's like, okay, we could do it. I've done carving.
We could eat. Yeah, that kind of thing.
He puts it out. But that was crazy, man.
So yeah, I mean, it's crazy because you're in the guy who is magic himself and he could do nothing. Yeah.
You know, I think it'd be worse if there was a real magician there. Like if David Blaine was there and they're like, dude, make the chicken bone and his throat disappear.
Like make it come out of behind his ear or something, you know, keep pulling those rags out until there's a piece of chicken. That's right.
And he's got the bone coming out, right? Yeah, I think that'd be tough.

Yeah, dude, that flooding stuff,

it makes me so sad.

And it doesn't seem like there's much you can do.

You can donate, right?

Like I've reached out to a couple of friends to find ways to like do a type of event or something

because it looks like it's really bad.

Yeah, yeah, they got, it came in hard.

Came with the coast, the other side too, right?

It came in-

Asheville, North Carolina.

I mean, look how beautiful that area is too yeah man and they had alligators too did you see those I've seen an alligator yeah you have but did you see them at this I haven't seen them there no there we go alligator surprise during a hurricane like it's not bad enough now you're gonna have alligators rolling up to your porch yeah oh that's tough man wow that's a damn gator baby well and they had two alligators at the mall too they found that by like an aeropostale or whatever they make them into purses i have no idea but but also it's like alligators never, the mall, if you're an animal, you never even get to go to the mall. So this is your one shot.
Like I'm going to go and see what's on the sail rack. I got these little arms.
I got to keep myself warm. Props to this guy for seeing that's an alligator.
I wouldn't have known that was an alligator, right? That looks just like another piece of debris. I'd have just gone missing.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, an alligator at the mall.
Like, do you have a really long medium? You know? I need... You have a tailor? Because I'm going to need it.
Then they go into Lacoste and they think they get a discount. Like, my face is all over this place, man.
Come on. Come on, guys.
I did a... They can't even get up to the counter at like Panda Express, you know?

He forgot his wallet and the car's got to go back.

He forgot his wallet, but then he realizes that his tail's made out of one.

See an alligator trying to get on the escalator, that'd be a good time.

It's like a slave flat, wiggling out.

It takes up 16 steps.

Yeah, alligators are crazy.

And we're joking, guys. Obviously, there's a lot of people that are struggling over there, but we're just trying to bring some laughter to it.
For sure. That's the worst.
Have you been involved in a big – it's like a tragic environment like that? Like, were you guys in New York or during 9-11? 9-11, yeah. Yeah.
I live in Staten Island during the time, but I was – New York came together in a way that day there for sure., I think 9-11 is the closest I've come to some sort of tragedy like that. It's always tough, but I do find always, and people always say this, people come together when it's that.
I find that so true, don't you? About human nature shines brightest when it's tragedy, when it's wrapped in tragedy. I think people just come together in a real way and be like, we've got to tackle this thing, you know? Yeah, let me help.
Let me grill something. Let me help.
I got a truck. I got a- But even like you said, like you could donate and all this stuff.
I feel like people just really just like come and do stuff, even if they're not there. You know what I mean? It's like just, it's really cool that people do that.
And grill. It's cool that people will grill for.
Oh, yeah. Let me get a thing to grill for you guys.
Isn't that the thing too? Like it like it's always people send food right even like in a personal tragedy like i remember when my when my uh my father passed away and they were like people would send food to the house and my mom was the one that cooked and it was like she's like no i still got this but do you know how to like to pay the electric bill you know it's so funny uh but food is always such a thing of like, we got to feed these people, right?

It's just the thing that people don't want people

to have to worry about.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is amazing that the ways that people come together

and help each other.

Even like when you look at people donating organs and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Are you an organ donor?

Yeah, I am.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would definitely.

I wouldn't do it to somebody.

These are not good.

Really?

This is a used car. This is a lemon law law when it's like taking like we got you a kidney and they're like from who like i'm like ah shit who else you got yeah if you put it if you if you put your ear up to the kidney they can hear uh mer just giving one kidney what to say to the other kidney yeah yeah i think everything is just like i think if it's not my eyes you don't want it it's like he's got a nice set of eyes give his eyes get the eyes yeah yeah the organ donor thing is that's so selfless too but that's so smart if you think about it like i mean you're not gonna use them what are you gonna do yeah we're gonna do but then i think part of you wants to always feel whole it's like you want to be like okay i want to know that when i'm laying there dying i'm still able to like chill or relax or think or whatever right because imagine that's the deal like you that's how it all comes down to it you're still thinking you're laying there and you don't realize it because we don't know what happens you're just thinking that some guy just stole your leg in the back of a college you didn't go to like this is crazy how to get there yeah it's crazy that'd be pretty wild man yeah so with the new tool where you go to

so now now you have to start with the building the new material and stuff yes I got the new tour now let's get into it it's been really fun I was uh I head off for the summer to hang out with the fam and the kids and stuff which is great so I finished this in March the Messing with People tour and now this new one just started in September. And it's cool.
It's real fun. You know, as a comic, you're nervous about it.
You're trying to build it and whatnot. But then when you get what your ideas are.
I'm a storyteller. So I just like figure out what stories I want to tell.
But I'd always talk about sitting alone. Like I was stuck with my thoughts so much where I was thinking about how you end up the person that you are.
So my let's get into a tour really is like about how did you end up like this?

Cause I started as like a real, we were talking like a geeky kid.

Like I used to make tests for my father, like open up the encyclopedias.

He would come home and I would have a multiple choice exam from him after his

10 hour day trying to sell life insurance door to door.

I'd be like pop quiz, bitch.

Get out of here.

You don't like that.

And now I'm this.

So I was always thinking about that.

So I just like tell a lot of stories and think about your life. And it's really, it's been really fun.
I like this one a lot. I like this one.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's funny to see how you'll evolve too. And like how your brain will start to think up things that are like a little bit more, you know, just more personal or, you know, like how you get out of just telling jokes and try to like share something, you know? Yeah.
It's kind of fascinating. I think how that kind of works out.
You feel like you share more. I mean, you've taught, you talk so much, right? You talk so much with the podcast and everything.
Right. Do you feel like, do you think about after you, because people get to know you in a real way on when you're, this is you talking.
So do you feel like that you have, people know, you know, way different way than they would like five years ago, if you were just doing standup, you know, does this podcast open up a completely different part, right? Yeah, I think so. Cause we talk about a lot of, I mean, yeah, we, cause sometimes we talk about stuff that's personal or like, you know, I was kind of like a late bloomer, I think, in dealing with like a lot of stuff from when I was young.
And so I didn't even know that I had still had to deal with, you know, I didn't even know what was going on. So I think I've learned about a lot of that stuff, like even a second, the past five years.
And so we'll probably try to share kind of like candidly, or sometimes you're talking and you just learn something as you're talking. So like things like that have happened a pretty good bit.
Cause a lot of times you get busy with work. And then one of the times that I would sit down and kind of be with myself was when i was podcasting so you'd just be sitting there sharing and thinking and then yeah sometimes you kind of get into some stuff that's pretty personal and then um yeah people will come up and say they man i could relate to this yeah that's a cool part thanks for talking about this or that i love that yeah that's that's what's really cool too.
But I've always been associated with a group. So, right, so for the past four years, it's now just me by myself.
So it's a little different where you're not, you know, your opinions are like your own or your feelings are like your own or whatever. You're not like lumped into a category of just what everybody, and you get to, they get to know me.
People who started with fans of like Jokers are like fans of me, which is, it's really, it's a cool evolution, which are, I really like. And you do that.
Was it hard to make that? Was it hard to like, were there moments where it was like, man, it's tough to do my own thing or. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think the, well, you're part of such a great legacy. I like, I know it's like playing with three Tom Brady's and then now you're like, yeah, I'm going to go be my own Tom Brady.
No, I'll just, I'll do what I was, but I Brady I'll play flag football I'll see how I can do but I think it's the best part about it was like I was part of that and I don't shy away from that because you find people like when they talk to you like oh you know I love Jogger and they're like afraid to talk to me about Jokers but I'm like that's my like I mean I'm so proud of that you know it was a decade of my life 300 episodes like it's not something that I shy away from and even in like my stand-up the show i was me so if you watch the show and liked me you're gonna like me when you see me because it's the same guy i wasn't being a character i wasn't playing an actor so there's just like some benefits to it which is cool and it's part of my personality yeah you know so i don't mind it but it is cool to be able to try different things you know like i want to write a kid's book i wrote a kid's book i wanted to do the stand-up thing you know i've been always wanted to be a filmmaker so i've got some scripts like and i never had time for any of that stuff right that's cool um is this their last season is it uh i think they are they're going to go back into production to finish their last season as of now but you never know i think they'll make they might get renewed again i don't know yeah but i think they'll let them go till they don't want to anymore yeah you know yeah it's like it's uh it's just so good like why oh yeah i mean some of my first fans were you guys as fans you know from going on the jokers cruise and getting to meet people on there and then like um fans that we'd have for years you know and that still are yeah thank you man you got it man yeah loyal fandom they really are oh dude yeah i get them come out to the shows it's funny too because you see them they see me by myself now and they're like wow you were really funny I'm like thanks like were you expecting not to be like yeah but it's interesting for people to see you in stand up it's a totally different world by yourself 60 minutes talking oh yeah dude that was the biggest thing for me not being on stage with other people oh yeah you're like you just like yeah you take it for a second and there's nobody there i'm like just look and sometimes people make you the craziest thing dude this uh somebody made me this they brought this oh this weekend it's a real taxidermied rat that is the record that is if you open it up it's very real it was real yeah at one point that is that's super cool man pretty cool man I got somebody who up, it's very real. It was real.
Yeah, at one point. That's super cool, man.
Pretty cool, man. I got somebody who made me, it was very interesting.
He made me and him this weekend. He made us Funko Pops, but he made himself as well.
And it was me with my biggest fan. He made himself.
And we're both holding teddy bears because my new kid's book, Where's Barry? And he's like, hey, you don't have one of you with the bear. And I was like, how'd you know I had any?

I was like, am I Funko Pops?

And it was just like, yeah, he made me see it.

There's a captive fat belly one there

for me in the show that I had pretty famously.

And he made me one, but he made one of himself

and he gave me a two pack.

And he's like, now we can be together.

Will you be best friends?

I'm like, all right, yeah.

But it was so cool.

I love that.

Yeah, that's funny, man.

Yeah, it's funny.

All the things like just little things

that people make that are like, you talked about on a show or like moments that affected them or something like that you know it's pretty cool but even like you're saying it's like when people get together there's a sense of you know when people want to do something for one another you know like when people want to help out whether it's a um a storm whatever it is you know for sure. People want to like kind of latch in, you know?

But yeah, they gave me that rat, baby, and that thing.

That is insane to think.

First of all, to think of it, then execute that,

that's really cool.

I know.

And if you can't see it at home, it's in a little... Like a little...

Like a protective...

Aquarium.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a small, like eight-inch diameter round aquarium that's about a foot high. imagine like the brain that they kept for Frankenstein they had that jar, it's the same thing and it's got a rat in it and he's wearing like a fancy gown he has a scepter, has some flowers dude, in New York they just put out they have a rat problem there yeah, huge you're welcome that's You're welcome.
That's what they get for fucking being know-it-alls, dude.

I'll send more.

You'll send more.

You think you got it under control?

Look out.

Here come more.

I'll send more.

So now they're trying a new tactic against me.

The war on rats could soon shift from trash to a new target procreation.

Rat birth control could soon roll out in New York City.

Little rat condoms? Yeah. Give me a minute honey she's like you got a dick like a mouse he's like shut up i'm a rat i'm a rat new york city council on thursday will vote on a bill that would introduce rat contraceptives to the city's rodent fighting arsenal if the bill passes city officials will two rat-ridden zones to place the contraceptives and then monitor whether they reduce rat activity.
How do you do that? The pilot program will last- Perverts. Yeah.
Setting up some voyeurism going on. It's just right outside of the Kraft cheese plant.
The pilot program will last 12 months, dude.

Unbelievable.

And now rats are going to be hearing that other rats

are on birth control and go over there and trying to smash.

Yeah, they're going to be like, yeah, it's no risk

rat smashing.

It's insane. I've walked

down certain parts of the city and you just

it looks like the sidewalk's moving. It's insane.

There's just

moving. It looks like an ocean.
There's just moving. It's insane.
There's just moving.

It looks like an ocean.

There's just waves.

It's crazy.

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

The build of Flacco's Law is focusing on mitigating the risk of rodenticides on other animal populations like birds.

So what does that mean?

Well, it has a reverse effect on birds.

It's like Viagra.

So the pigeons are just going to be pounding away.

Yeah.

Because how do you know what's going to eat it?

Right?

Because if it's just on the floor, like birds are going to eat it, right?

Pigeons eat the same stuff rats do.

Oh, so they can't poison them because they said other animals will eat them in those

animals.

Like if owls, it says.

Oh, gotcha.

So that way they can't poison them. So they have to try this.
They have to they have to try birth control unreal dude they don't want to get rid of the owls yeah so now they're going to be on so now big pharma is basically animals are on is your animal in any uh drugs no no she's she's free and clear we have some animals at home the older ones that are on some sort of things and whatnot And what do they get on blood thinners or whatever? They give them, it depends if they have. Trazodone's a big one for dogs if they're nervous.
Like a lot of dogs, we have a couple dogs that get nervous during thunderstorms and whatnot. It's like a calming thing.
You could give it to them before they fly. She doesn't need it.
She's good. But like some dogs, Trazodone is like a big one.
Yeah. They get that Trazzy in them.
I'll pop a little Trazodone, dude. You feel a little nervous? Yeah, just take some Trazzy, man.
They're just all they it's so funny because they get it like dehydrates them too so they'll just be like laying there panting with their eyes half closed and then like you clearly see yeah that's that's a big one for them but they get some kidney medicines the old one all my old ones just so i have so my rescue is all senior dogs so i get them when they're all jacked up really yeah so it's- You ever get any of the ones that are in the wheel to little chariots? I did. I got a couple of Roman soldiers.
Yeah. Yeah.
We said, they're going to live. We're like, no, no.
We're going to make it. We had a couple of those.
Yeah. Thumbs up.
Yeah. So that's- Wow.
Yeah. Like Michigan.
That was my first senior. The one on the fourth there.
The one more- Yeah, that one. So that was my first senior dog and had no teeth, the tongue hung out.
That dog's not on that Japanese pill. That's just how it lives.
Yeah, sure. Looks like Biden, dude, that one.
A little. A little bit, yeah.
So that's what was our first senior. But now we get these seniors and they were all jacked up.
And where do you get them? Do you go meet somebody? Do you guys meet at like a Howard Johnson's or something? Like how do you pick them up? A Panera. Grab some lunch.
We get them from kill shelters in New york sometimes or we get owner surrenders a lot of them have when they're this old like older people die and nobody can take care of the dog it's like you know it's this they've had this dog so the dog is like 12 13 years old and they're like could you take it so we do a lot of owner surrender work we try to find new homes for them and your wife likes. She does.
That's her thing. She started, really started it.
Oh, really? That's her day-to-day kind of thing. She like runs, runs it all.
And, you know, we have come together to work it out now that it's our thing, which is fun. And do y'all pet every dog every day, you think? We have volunteers too that come and help out.
Come and pet them? They come and pet them, come and play with them. We have an adoption center in town where people come through.
Yeah, right there.

That's the adoption center

we just opened up last year

and people could come through

and hang out with the dogs

and pet them a little bit.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if you ever want to see these,

yeah, these are some of our VIPs right here.

So if you ever want to come through

and pet a dog

when you're in New York, buddy,

I got you.

Oh, I'll come on.

I'll fucking,

I'll rub one out.

They're fun, man.

I mean, I'll pet the dog.

No, no, we heard you.

That's insane, dude. I mean, look.
Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life? Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression.
Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve.
Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.
Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that.
Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors.
To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www.valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching.com. Thank you.
Dude, I remember the first time I ever saw a dog inside somebody's house right i was at my buddy scott's house and they had a a golden retriever came around the corner in his house dude and it was beautiful it was one of like the it had the most beautiful hair i'd ever seen on a man or woman or anything that was it but it was a long-haired yeah google long-haired golden retrievers oh like the wisps like it yeah like it goes back when they when they run it bounces like those things yeah yep it was like it had like it looked like pam anderson dude it came out of the water slow yeah i was like just shaking its hair off yeah the droplets slowly flat out like damn so you must have been inside the home you're like what the hell is going on I couldn't believe what was going on I was like how did this What is this first of all This really beautiful pony I thought it was It was pretty big And then how did they get it inside Because in our neighborhood it was just dogs outdoors Biting Just like ruining your fucking birthday Because you had to get stitches or something My next door neighbor had So we had a a little mutt uh midnight her name was she was a mix between schnauzer whatever and then my next door neighbors had uh a full doberman pincher her name was ninja and they kept her they had to keep her outside so she had an outdoor pen and my dog was like would go under the fence and they would like hang out and he was like afraid like there huge, like, yeah, like that. Like one of those big, you know, like in the movies, those big, like German looking, yeah, like those dogs.
Right. Like big scare.
And I had this little mutt and they would just hang out. It was the oddest couple and they hung out, but they had to keep that dog outside.
They didn't bring him inside. So when Jason came over my house and my dog was inside, he's like, oh, you get to play with it like on the couch.
He's like, this is so weird because you play with his in the dirt, like in the backyard, you know? Wow, dude. Yeah, I guess having that much dogs brings you a lot of joy.
The other day I was sitting at a meeting and somebody's dog came up and even when I petted it, it makes you feel good, you know? Endorphins, yeah, yeah. It's great for sure.
You don't have a dog? No, I'm going to get one as soon as I get. I think after this year coming up, late in the year, I'll kind of take a break from touring for a while and then get a nice pet.
If you want a messed up one-eyed one, you call your boy. I'll take care of you.
And what are some of the tougher things about dealing? Oh, research has shown that simply petting a dog lowers the stress hormone cortisol. That's for truth.
That's true. When I have her on the road with me, I sleep so much better.
Really? Yeah, for sure. they said a new study just came out that i had just seen too that it was if a dog uh hearing a dog breathe with you is like kind of lowers your uh makes you go into a deeper REM cycle you know which is cool and i have eight dogs that sleep in my bed so i'm you over like joe od yeah yeah i get I get like three hours sleep and I'm set for like two weeks.

Wow.

Yeah, they have a lot of people.

Oh, benefits of sleeping with your dog.

Decreased sleep, so you don't have to sleep as much.

Eases insomnia.

Comfort.

Yeah.

Promotes theta brainwaves.

Wow.

I get them thetas up.

Do you?

Yeah.

Yeah, rush theta.

Yep.

And then lowers blood pressure, sense of security. Yeah.
Warmth. Come on.
Now they're just fucking. Now they're just throwing in buzzwords.
It's like decreases loneliness. Yeah.
Because you're not alone. You can sleep with a cat and it decreases loneliness.
So that's nothing to do with a dog. Oh, that's beautiful, dude.
Yeah. I wouldn't like to give me a couple puffs and do like a little Iditarod or something.
That's something I'd always love to do. An Iditarod with dogs? Is be in the Iditarod, man.
Yeah. Because there's a parade, I think, the day before the Iditarod.
Look up Iditarod parades if you can. And all the dogs go through the town or whatever and you get to see them all.
That's cool. Yeah.
And look at the ones with on that's mine those are fancy yeah i think they're sponsored by nike i'd have them i'd have mine and some fucking yeezys out there homie you know what i'm saying my uh when we used to have the dog in the city we used to put these little balloons on their feet because the city's gross oh you know and then you have these dogs and they and their paws are like porous you know so we my dog used to walk these little balloon shoes. They were literally like, dude, dude, dude.
Yeah, that's him. Exactly.
That's it. Look at those.
What, those fresh paw belugas? Look at those right there. The third picture.
Yeah, that's it. Let's zoom up on that a little bit.
Something to those guys. Wow, New York Fashion Week.
Oh, they did Yeezy inspired sneakers for dogs. Wow.
Unreal. How unreal.
Some people have too much freaking money. Too much money, yeah.
Yeah, but he said Mark Cuban on here. That guy has a crazy amount of money.
Some people are billionaires. Isn't that crazy, dude? That's so nuts.
That's so nuts. Can't even imagine.
Yeah. And then how do you even- $5.7 billion is what Google's telling us.
That's a lot of money. Well, you would think at some point you wouldn't want to try and make any more money, I guess.

Right, yeah.

But is it that you're just so good at it that your money's making money?

Right, because people say,

why wouldn't you stop?

He's like, I did stop.

I'm just, my money's making money.

What do you want me to do?

It's out there.

Musk is like,

you think he's out there being like,

let me clock in?

His money is just making money.

You know what I mean?

That's true, dude.

Yeah, it's not like he just has to drive over to work in the morning bye honey i gotta get to the office like you are the office you can do whatever you want yeah wow yeah i think that's a big part of it it's one of the problems well i'll never have to worry about yeah i think i felt like you think at a certain point you would just want to do helpful stuff and not making more money but then i guess if you want to do helpful stuff you still have making money to do it maybe. That's part of the thing.
Yeah, I think Bill Gates talked about that, right? When they were talking about like the Bill Gates Foundation or whatever. And he was like, people are like, oh, you could just give all your money away.
He's like, yeah, but what do I do when all my money's given away? I need to make money to give away the money. Like it's part of it all, you know? It's just cyclical.
You got to keep putting money back in the bank to give it out. Yeah.
Yeah. You a charitable fella? Yeah, I think so, man.
Yeah. We do.
Trying to start a foundation and start doing more charity stuff. Oh, cool.
So did you ever do something like that? Yeah. Well, I started my nonprofit for the dog.
It's like a real nonprofit. Last year we did it.
Oh, sweet. So I got a Pops and Friends like a registered one now.
So that was our thing. But I give to like we we do a lot of animal mostly animal stuff i think i do but i also work with a couple other foundations in new york but i i like it but you get tapped a lot to be like the celebrity like at the events like you have to i've hosted so many like things like you end up hosting and like doing you know the uh charity drives like the auctioneer and stuff like that.
Like Whamaraners for narcoleps or whatever. It's always crazy shit.
You're like trying to get out there and you have to auction off this like, you know, this trip to Hawaii for these people and you're running around like auctioning and trying to pit people against each other. So it's fun, but I could see that being a cool, that's a cool part of it.
I do a lot with Howard Stern does the North Shore Animal League. That's the big- North Shore Animal League? Animal League is on Long Island.
It's a big part of it i do a lot with howard stern does the uh the north shore animal league that's the big um north shore animal league is in on long island it's a big dog foundation there and they do their cat rescue with them so i've done a couple events with the dog with them and it's so funny just to be at these big events yeah that's oh yeah and they're uh and see as many dogs as you can so many yeah i try not to take them home oh yeah so cute yeah i think um Yeah, I think I have a goal. I want to start.
I want to make kind of like a half house, but I don't know what it's going to be for, really, like an addiction place. So we started a group that meets online on Tuesday afternoons.
That's a Zoom meeting. And it's like intimacy disorder, sex and love addiction, all kind of stuff like that.
But then, it's on, it meets online. Yeah.
Once a week. Yeah.
That's pretty good. And then, I mean, it's awesome.
What am I saying? It's pretty good. It's cool.
You see guys start to turn their lives around and stuff. That is awesome.
Yeah. But then we want to get like, eventually make like a center, you know, but we'll see one step at a time.
For sure. For sure.
Like right now, all the dogs live in my, like at my house. Like I want to eventually make like a center you know but we'll see one step at a time for sure for sure like right now all the dogs live me my like at my house like i want to eventually have like a little motel yeah i want to definitely like a motel six bed and breakfast oh yeah take over that one in seattle did you see that there's a uh somebody made a white house um homeless people just making their making houses they're like literally a lot of them aren't even homeless anymore.
They're making houses. Making their own homes? Just in parks.
Yeah, just like, okay. Building? We're building a home.
Yeah, look at this guy. Built a freaking white house somewhere.
Oh my. Look at that.
Near downtown Seattle, the Soto White House. That's it.
He built, he made that. This guy built a fucking...
With the fence and everything. So, it's crazy that suddenly...
Get out there and build it and they will come, man. You just do it.
You solve your own problem. This guy built his own...
Look, he's like, stop filming my house. He came out to get the mail or something.
It even has an address on it, number back and look at it again he gave himself his own ad if he gets mail there that'd be amazing what that is amazing yeah that's pretty impressive actually oh it's unbelievable a lot of stuff people are doing there's so many great um a lot of homeless people are just taking on ways or or like they're in they're in between homeless and not homeless you know i'm saying that but they're finding like a way to make it work i mean there's people building all kinds of like small businesses and stuff that just out on the street you know there's a lot of the barterings up right it's going back it's taking like a step back inside that community where it's like you know help each other out yeah i'll treat you soap for nails or whatever like that yeah yeah yeah it's getting human ones no i'm good even got some nails i'm trying to build this white this White House Yeah, that's changed a little bit Yeah, but it's interesting to see How that community like starts Sticking together Yeah, it's the same thing, man Oh, yeah Because you see how much people They're usually like in big groups Like if you go down to like Some of those areas We were just in Vancouver And they have a street there. I can't remember the hatching or something.
Hastings. That was it.
Yeah. And man, we went down there at night, but they're still like all in groups.
Somebody's got the grill out and somebody's like, it's like a tailgate. Somebody's a jets fan or whatever, you know, but yeah, but it was just like out there, everybody working together.
cooking up a drug somebody's you know yeah they're all that that's that's like a sense of like people are busking they're trying to make some money you know i watched somebody the other day play tears in heaven on a vacuum cleaner down there so it's a real talent is what i'm saying get down to hastings in vancouver you want to find the next Justin Bieber. You got a tear coming out of your eye and the carpet's clean.
Yeah, it's great. How can you lose, brother? You can't lose.
But that's what I'm saying. There's so much skill out there in a lot of these communities, and they're working together, you know? Yeah.
You want to cut the AC on a little bit? It's a little warm in here, do you think, or no? You fine? I'll take some AC if you got it. Okay.
I was in the ice bath.

Oh, really?

Earlier.

Yeah, I was in an ice tub or something.

Yeah.

It gets...

And then you're so cold, you don't know what's going on.

How long do you do it for?

I stand for 10 minutes.

10?

Yeah.

I've never done it.

I did a cold plunge in a spa once, and I was like, this is not for me. But people love it.
You're more that warm boy, huh? I'm more that warm boy. I love a good sauna, steam room.
At night, do you sleep in bed with your dogs or not? Yeah. Yeah, I got eight of them in the bed with us.
Oh, boy. I don't know.
There has to be like an Amy's Law or something. It's like, huh? What is it? There has to be some sort of...
Yeah, this is pretty close to it, actually.

Yeah, those are my...

And do they all...

Do they get...

There's Spamoni...

Oh, no, Spamoni's not in this picture, actually.

That's Biscotti, my favorite on the top.

Do they all have to pee at the same time,

kind of like a women's basketball team or whatever?

They hold it for 10 hours.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah, they go to the bathroom at like 7 o'clock.

We take them out, and then at 5.30, they're up,

and we take them down.

Wow.

So at 5.30, you got to take them down. Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, yeah.
Even in the winter. That's why I sleep so good.
I get that four hours of ready to go, baby. Yeah, even in the winter.
In the rain. Oh.
The rain's rough. Rain's worse than winter in the rain.
But we have a run so they could go by themselves. I don't have to like walk them, thank goodness.
But yeah, that's tough when it's in the rain they don't want to go outside yeah yeah what's um what's some what's a crazy gift that somebody brought you guys one time did anybody go more of it's the tattoos like you get this too right people tattoo themselves i saw this one this woman just tattooing our faces on themselves and stuff this woman on her upper thigh gave like the the a caricature version of the jokers like of each of us like around her thigh and it just said and i was like that's for life like it's great like that you sign people like they put their tattoos on you that's crazy i started doing this thing where i i started people asked me oh could you sign me so i could you make a tattoo i said can i just draw you something instead i said because i feel like that'd be so i just draw a heart with like a paw that's a heart i was like this is important to be cool that you do that. So, but yeah, like, see, this woman has her name all written on all of us.
Wow. That's all of us.
She finally got all of our signatures. Yeah, she got Sal there.
Who held out? Just help the lady out. I think the last one was, I think she had to meet Q, I think it was.
You can tell by the placement. Like she met Sal early.
Sal's right in the middle of the arm, you know? Yeah, Sal's got the Sal. Look at Murray's always in the back creeping.
But yeah, people get our signatures a lot. But then people get interpretive stuff too, where there just be a bowl of mashed potatoes.
They're like, look, I got scoops-keed potatoes on me. I'm like, dude.
I'm like, thank you. I guess that's very odd.
All because of a joke you made, you know? So that's really weird. But we've gotten like, I get a lot of of fan art of like drawings like i see you notice you have some drawings and stuff too i get some drawings and some of them are just like really really well done and it's like wow and then you just get some that are like that's really bad oh yeah it's like horrendous or interesting a lady this week gave us a painting and it had a rat and an open vagina on it the rat It was very like a vaginatic or whatever it was yeah something in heat or whatever yeah gotcha gotcha and uh well you gotta send that thing to new york solve that problem real quick it was crazy dude it was just like it was a really neat painting too but it was definitely wild man um yeah i'll have to put the picture on the youtube if we can i don't even know if we can put it up i had this woman who took a picture off my instagram of me and my daughter it was a jewel and she made a jeweled painting of it so she used like jewels just different colored jewels and she made me and my son and my daughter oh it's beautiful and it was i framed it and i put it in my office it was really cool i get some really cool stuff.
It's so funny because they're so talented. And I can't, could you draw?

I can't draw for sure.

I'm so unartistic.

So I'm like taking a backbite.

I'm like, wow, this is really, really nice.

Oh, yeah.

If our teacher tried to get me to draw,

I'd accuse the teacher of touching me or something.

I'm like, dude, we're shutting this down today.

I didn't have, we had art history.

Oh, yeah. Which is silly in high school.

Like we didn't even have like art.

Our art class is art history.

Bro, is there anything worse when you think it's going to be art, dude, and it's art history, dude? You get in there and you're like, where's the art at? And they just give you a fucking book about Stonehenge. You got to read.
And you're just out here reading about art. Reading about art is the worst.
It's the worst thing. Let me read about me read about art instead of doing it yeah even if when you're at the gallery or something you see the little thing with the name like i'll read only like a third of that little card that has a guy's name it's like tell me what his inspiration was oh god i do like i do like going and sitting amongst art i feel inspired by it yeah i like taking a look but i don't the things about it.
I don't know anything about artists. Yeah, I don't know.
I could pretend about some stuff, but I don't know that much. It's like some stuff I know a little bit.
Do you have any art? Yeah, I got a nice piece of art. This lady- Tell me the history of it.
This lady is an artist out of Louisianaisiana and i saw her in hawaii and i bought a piece of art that she had oh that's cool yeah corp corkowski corpowski can you look it up corpowski laura corpowski maybe um maui artist laura lori kaprowski wow yeah yeah she had some really cool art man um i like that so you saw it at a gallery you got them yeah yeah i got it and uh it spoke to you as they say yeah it just makes me feel like i don't know you can feel when somebody puts something into something you know for sure yeah yeah but she had some really neat things and she was from louisiana and we met each other in hawaii and so i was like oh this is like a cool sign or whatever yeah uh there's a i did um i was in san diego for comic-con and who's the guy that drew uh bugs bunny mel mel blanc right so they did uh they did uh the old warner brothers lot used to have Bunny stop sign. So Bugs Bunny would be standing there with a stop sign when you pulled into the lot.
And he did 50 versions of it. And I bought one of those.
But it's huge. It's the size of like this.
So I actually mounted it inside a sliding door in my house. Oh, so it stays in there? Yeah, it stays in there.
I was like, that's a really cool thing. It's signed by him and stuff.
He only made like 50 of them. And it wasn't that expensive.
And then I went back a couple years later to Comic Con again. The guy was like, you said about that Bugs Bunny, right? I said, yeah.
And he's like, it had gone up exponentially. No.
And I was like, really? He's like, yeah. So some things, I didn't get in for the game.
I just love Bugs Bunny. Yeah.
Grew up with it. So I was like, I was like, that's really cool that actually it is something.
But now it's a door in my house. I'm like, I can't.
If i have to sell the door yeah it's that stop sign right there thugs bunny stop it a lot yeah i remember seeing that on the shows a lot that's it yeah so chuck jones that's it chuck jones not mil chuck jones i'm trying to think of other things that uh anything else i got another piece of art um i don't know if it's a piece of art or whatever it's just like there's some other nice things That people have drawn us that That are up in the studio In Los Angeles Yeah Some other stuff Yeah But yeah it's amazing man People like The other night two kids gave me These little bracelets That they made I love that Yeah They make the bracelets Yeah That's cool That bracelet culture Because Taylor Swift She did something right there with that I mean everybody's giving out bracelets i love that you get them all the time so i get bracelets from the kids and i actually bring them home and my daughter loves them my daughter will like keep yeah if it says yeah yeah i have i have a pretty good collection or like different like rocks or something people give you rocks but then somebody brought me their molars one time they'd gotten taken out somebody brought me what's the story behind for a reason or just wanted to give it to you uh i can't even remember what it was yeah i have oh it was crazy people have brought me um like a box that smelled so fucking bad dude opened it up and it just there was nothing in it and it just smelled fucking horrible like it's hot soup water from Hawaii. Probably the fuck.

Just what?

It's terrible.

I've gotten some weird stuff too,

but a lot of people just like to bring me food

because I'm known for being a sweet tooth kind of guy.

So people bring me in cannolis and pastries

and donuts and stuff.

That's awesome.

But I'll never eat.

I made you these cookies at home.

I'm like, I'm not eating these.

It's like in a Saran wrap.

It's still greasy.

I'm like, I'm good.

They're like, eat one.

I'm not going to'm not eating these. It's like in a Saran wrap.

It's still greasy.

I'm like, I'm good.

They're like, eat one.

I'm like, I'll eat it later.

Make sure you do.

Yeah, it's so weird.

It's like tracking devices in it.

Oh, I had a guy bring me 10 hits of LSD one time.

He's like, I know you're sober, but here's 10 hits of LSD.

And I was like, this could go.

Do you know how sober means?

Any direct.

This could go.

This could go poorly. But yeah, a lot of times just some super neat stuff yeah it's crazy and then just people like adding to your world of your podcast or of your show or of you guys podcast which is kind of fascinating yeah what else is going on dude oh I saw that uh the spacex they're going to pick up the those the astronauts that got stranded you see that oh i did not so two astronauts got stranded right you knew that part on the international space station and for the stranded astronauts the arrival of their ride home perhaps an an additional reason for Butch and Sonny to celebrate.
The SpaceX rescue mission was launched from Florida with just two astronauts on board. The other two seats kept free for the extra passengers when it returns to Earth in February.
It is a coup for the company, but an embarrassment for boeing which is still trying to work out why thrusters on its own starliner capsule failed as it docked in june leaving the test pilots marooned lots of cheering here in the room there you go so so they called it they called an uber they called an uber they're like can you come get us. They called Uber X.
Uber X. Dude, they, so yeah,

Elon's, They called an Uber? They called an Uber. They're like, can you come get us? They called UberX.
Dude, so yeah, Elon SpaceX is going to pick up these two stranded astronauts, bro. Imagine being just stranded out there.
That's insane. Imagine you think you're going home.
You're supposed to go home. And then they're like, no, it's going to be from June to February.
It's going to be seven more months, eight more months. Dude, dude i mean there's got to be nine more months nine months they have enough do they have enough food packets of oatmeal today they kind of have enough i bet they pack like a head but like surely seven nine months more yeah that's a full baby being born like that and even the person who packed it up was probably like they're not gonna be out there that long yeah.
Let's take some of this oatmeal home. 100%.
They don't need this much of this oatmeal. You think they need 80 jars of applesauce? Give them 68 to let them know the difference.
Meanwhile, they're up there like... Licking the spoon.
We just had 12 more jars. God, dude.
But yeah, Elon's going to get them. I actually tweeted at him the other day to see if they would let me um i wanted to interview the oh go would be sick dude they're sending the owner go pick him up would you take that risk you think if they said you could go no definitely not definitely not that's a big risk it would feel yeah but that would be that's a one in a bajillion thing nobody else would ever say they did that you know and picked him up who'd they send did they send people that were equipped to do it or was it i don't know i hopefully they sent ben affleck because he's working on the drill well i think he could just him and bruce willis is who i want to send right they got they got that work work experience willis is already he's out of space currently i think he's he's has dementia right now yeah which is basically free outer space you know what what I'm saying? He's just there.
And I'm just joking, Bruce Willis. Yes.
But no, Sunita Williams and Barry Wilmore have been stranded on the ISS since June after the Boeing spacecraft suffered thruster failures. SpaceX rescue flight will not return until February.
Oh, wait, it arrived already though. So they already picked them up.
No way. But arrived just after 10.30 p.m.
on Sunday.

Oh, so they already picked them. They're there.

That was really them picking them up.

They're in today.

They're in.

But the ride back, they're hitting some traffic.

It looks like the Waze map is telling them that they're going to be hitting some traffic.

Okay, so they got them.

So halfway there.

So coming back must take so much longer then.

Yeah.

Yeah, how'd they get there? So quick. That doesn't make sense.
I guess so. Let me see.
When did they leave to go get them? NASA confirmed in August that the two will return to Earth and will not return until 2025 with SpaceX now in charge of rescuing the astronauts on a crew dragon flight. But what's the plan if they don't send SpaceX? What's the plan? How do they get these guys home? They put their homes out the side.
It's like, oh, my God. A crew situation? Like, come on, stroke, stroke.
Take me to the river, right? What is the plan? What is Boeing's plan? Oh, that's crazy. If Elon doesn't bail them out like that.
That's crazy that there's a delay. Yeah, but everybody's flights are getting delayed now.
That's the crazy thing. You're equating a Southwest flight being delayed.
It's still a flight. It's true.
I guess I'm a favor. Everybody's having trouble, dude.
Nobody's above it, man. Yeah.
We're all just human at the end of the day. Nobody's above it.
But yeah, I wanted to get to interview the two astronauts, podcast with them. Yeah.
But. They'll come.
You think so? You can get it. I mean, it would be interesting.
Yeah. If they're fans, yeah, sure.
If they're just, they don't have anything, if they don't have anything to do also, you know? I mean, their job's done. They never have to work a day again in their life, right? They're done.
They get some sort of pension. You kidding? You're, name a bigger hero.
You went and saved two people from space. That's, that's, a real-life movie plot.
But that's working for NASA. That's working for the government, man.
Dude, you work at the post office. They barely give you a fucking, you know.
That's true. Some guy was stalled over on McDougal.
They couldn't pick him up for three weeks. Where's Jim? Oh, his car broke down on McDougal.
We'll see him in March. Yeah.

So let's don't put it past the government.

First of all,

if the government said,

Hey,

I want to take you and a buddy to space.

I'd be like,

fuck no,

dude,

you guys can't even decide on a correct price of stamps.

All,

all expense paid.

You guys are going to space.

Thanks.

I'd be like,

dear God,

no, but everything's become privatized. Now.
That's just how everything is, you know? Yeah. Yeah, even rescue missions, apparently.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's crazy. It's like it used to be everything was kind of like the public things were rocking, you know? And then now it's like.
Not. Yeah.
It's just going home. It used to be the Postal System.
Now it's Amazon. You know, it's just like everything's everything's kind of, or a lot of things have become more that way.
What else is going on with you, man? Sorry, I feel kind of tired today. Do I seem tired? No, you're doing great.
Really? Am I boring? No. Okay, good.
You're doing great, dude. I've been trying to fast a lot, and so I think it's slowing my energy down some.
Yeah, you look good, though. I feel pretty good.
Where are you in your weight loss journey or your weight gain journey?

Are you like trying to do something?

No, I've just been trying to fast just to like see if it helps my brain get like more like.

Sharp?

Yeah, just sharp and just like they say it can like reduce inflammation and stuff like that.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

But then you find yourself like suddenly you can't think or anything.

Right.

You get cloudy.

Yeah.

But maybe it's just part of the process. Do you drink caffeine? Do you drink like like coffee and stuff or no i've been off of it for a little bit yeah yeah so i do a cup of coffee you do it's it yeah i do coffee i i had a cup before i came here that's why i'm so bright-eyed i normally have one early in the more earlier in the morning but i didn't get get one i was i was kind of late getting it but i got one in the afternoon, and I realized it woke me up a little bit.

So that's good, yeah.

Oh, yeah, dude.

One time I took 30 days off a coffee, man, and I felt wide awake, dude.

Did you?

Yeah.

I felt like rocking, bro.

Really?

Yeah.

I think for sure, I also like the taste of it.

There's some people that don't even like the taste of it,

but I enjoy a cup of coffee.

There's some people like, oh, I need my coffee when I wake up

because it's got to wake me up. I never drink it to wake me up.
I drink it just because I wanted i enjoy a cup of coffee yeah there's something like oh i need my coffee when i wake up because it's gotta wake me up i never drink it to wake me up i drink it just because i wanted to like i enjoy a cup of coffee and that's a warm beverage yeah it's nice you know yeah there's something nice about it something kind of romantic about it a little bit by the fire cozying up what else is happening dude what else is going on joe i got uh lots man you know i got my kids book came out. Where's Barry's really fun.
Yeah. And what's it about? So you did it.
You had another kid's book a few years ago. I had a book.
A cookbook. It was a photo book.
Photo book. The Dog Father.
My love of dogs, desserts, and grown up Italian. Yeah.
And I was still wearing COVID. I had taken pictures of my dogs because I'm a photographer.
I'm a photographer too. And I had done a bunch.
But my Where'sry book just came out and uh oh that's it's like a legit book which is cool got published by penguin no way yeah yeah congratulations and that's uh spumoni's actually in the book too but that's uh my son and my childhood bear he animated for me so that's really cool to see that happen you know and what happens with barry what's he dealing with what is it. So my son and at remo he lost his bear in his bedtime so he's having a little bit of a meltdown you know and that's like the worst catastrophe for any parent so he has to go find it but in reality it's based on a story my son is beside himself at night and he's like i can't find it and i was like all right well where'd you put it and i had to teach him how to like calm down and trace your steps he had, he was decided in real life to play hide and seek with it.

And he hid it under a pot in the kitchen,

like in a cabinet,

I never would have found it ever.

So I had to like calm him down and he went and found it.

So I wrote this book up and I sent it over.

And the guy that did it,

Luke flowers is awesome.

He's a huge jokers fan.

He put a bunch of jokers,

like a Easter eggs in it,

which is really cool.

Um,

nice when I got the first,

uh,

things,

but it's,

it's a really good book.

I mean,

I like being a part of bedtime.

I think it's pretty fun.

You know,

um,

Thank you. like Easter eggs in it, which is really cool.
Nice when I got the first things, but it's a really good book. I mean, I like being a part of bedtime.
I think it's pretty fun. You know, I read it to my kids, my kid, my son, I went to their school, got to read it to the school, which was fun.
Yeah. So my son's like, he's like, I'm in a book, you know, it's really cool.
Was he excited when his dad came to school or not? Yeah. Yeah.
He's super excited. They love when I get to come to school and do stuff, but they come on the road with me too is cool they're gonna come on the road with me uh next week actually there'll be two weeks they'll be with me um and they're gonna come hang out on the road which i love i love to get to take them out yeah yeah yeah it's fun they you know they love coming on stage at the end and bowing like they did at the end of the special it's really fun but they just like to be like room service you know it, you know, it's like, it feels like a king, which is fun.
They get to see these towns, which I like too. They get to go to different places.
You know, I like to not be, you know, shelter. I want them to see the world and stuff.
Yeah. We were just in Milwaukee.
Milwaukee was a really amazing city that I didn't know it was like that. Oh yeah.
Milwaukee is great. Bro.
I had no idea. and then there was another city that we were just in uh springfield missouri springfield missouri yeah yeah it's a sleeper yeah yeah it's a fun one yeah and yeah yeah i don't even remember where else jesus yeah but it's not that's like my favorite part about it is like when you go to these little towns two years ago i wanted to perform live comedy i wanted to perform wanted to perform live in all 50 states.
So I did it. I checked off all of them.
My last one was Fargo, North Dakota. You ever been through there? Yeah.
Which is a cool, such a cool little town. And then you get to all these little towns.
I love that about going down Main Street. You see all their little stores.
Oh, yeah, little things. Bob and pops.
Every street's got like a candles and bullshit kind of store, and they got their coffees. And you just walk around i love that that's so cool yeah that is awesome oh yeah just a simple fact to get in to see certain places man like we got to go through

like uh eastern oregon um and that was just do you ever do the coast drive did you ever do that

drive on like the pacific coast highway i've never done it oh no yeah that's really fun oh wait i've

done it down by california but i've never done it all the way up yeah so my wife when she was when she was still my girlfriend.

I picked her up.

She lived in,

off near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near,

near, near, near, near, near, near, near, near, near, highway i've never done it oh no yeah that's really fun oh wait i've done it down by california but i've never done it all the way up yeah so my wife when she was when i she was still my girlfriend i picked her up she lived in uh off near seattle this town in seattle so we took her from seattle and i drove her down to her parents in san francisco oh so that was such a pretty drive and then when i lived in la i never did it all the way but i've connected each piece you know but it's really cool it's it's like movie sets it's unreal yeah that's pictures of it. America is a beautiful country, man.
Yeah. There's so many cool spots.
Yeah. We just saw some Mennonites too.
We were in Little Rock, I think. And we saw some Mennonites outside of there.
Bring up a Mennonite. There you go.
Was it creepy? No, they were cool. It was just.
Did you see them at night? No. They disappear, right? I don't know what they're up to at night.
Well, we saw some, yeah, lit up ones. We saw some daytime ones.
Daytime Mennonites. It's my favorite time of midnight.
Nighttime Mennonite, that's kind of creepy. Yeah, that's like a major like trope in horror films, right? It's like that type of life.
Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy.
I could never do that. What are people feeling is there a lot of do you see a lot of political stuff up in staten island is it like long island yeah not really i mean i i feel like it's polarized everywhere yeah you know but i kind of steer clear of that stuff i don't i don't really try to put my opinions on people because i don't know much about anything you know i'm gonna make going to make their own thing.
Do you find yourself getting in the mix a lot? No, I think so. Like, it's like, it's hard for me to talk, think about it and talk about it at the same time.
Sometimes it's like, and I don't know when to like kind of put my thoughts in. Like this year we started having just different people on, like, like we had some politicians on and then we had like, like even last we had Mark Cuban on, and we talked about some political stuff, but sometimes it's hard for me to, like, think and share what I want at the same time, you know? Right, yeah.
Because some of those conversations, it's not as fun, you know, it's just, it's not as fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And then you want- That's why people don't really talk about politics, you know, because it's like, it's a divisive in nature.
Yeah. You got to pick a side.
So, yeah, you want to be respectful, too, of what somebody thinks, but at the same time, sometimes it's like you don't want to about politics you know because it's like yeah it's a divisive in nature yeah you got to pick a side so yeah you want to be respectful too of what somebody thinks but at the same time sometimes it's like you don't want to get into like a rebuttal and then it's like you know so it's just some of that it's kind of like a learning curve even with doing podcasts and it's like how do you get into conversations with people also when they have more knowledge than you do too about stuff or they're learning and contributing or they think they have more knowledge you know because then you feel like well i think something but i may not know a fact on it but it is how i feel you know and like when to speak up when people try to talk you out of feelings that's like the worst thing ever when you feel a certain way about anything you know and they try to like disprove how you feel about something like i feel like that's wrong well blah blah and i hit you with all these like facts which some were probably made up you don't

even know and it's like okay but i still feel that way yeah yeah yeah what are you trying to talk me out of you know exactly dude yeah um that's an interesting thing there what else is happening in the news what else is going on man you read the news when you wake up how do you get how do you get your news uh that's a good question yeah

probably tick tock yeah websites um that's it really stuff that comes across your radar yeah kind of like that are things that i'll see kind of over and over again dude you see that snake that's head got bit off and it still bit itself ring it up

watch this

they cut the snake's head off right

that's that's head got bit off and it still bit itself? Bring it up. Watch this.
They cut the snake's head off, right? Yeah. That's its head at the bottom.
That is insane. And so, yeah, that's from Satan, dude.
You think it's having a bad day and then it just gets worse. Oh, bro, look at that.

It bit, its head was a foot away from the end of its body.

It taps it and then there you go.

And then the other end of the snake curls over and touches the head just reflexively.

And it just opens its mouth and instinctually just chomps down on itself.

And now the snake is like, not only have I lost my head, but now it's biting me. Look, I've tried to do some things to myself.
That's the talent right there. In junior high or whatever.
But this is kind of crazy, bro. Do you have a fear of anything? Are you afraid of snakes? Oh, snakes make me very nervous.
That makes me nervous. I'm not really afraid of snakes.
That clip changes my opinion. Well, it makes me feel like they're directly from Sate And also huge corporations make me very nervous.
That makes me nervous. I'm not really afraid of snakes.
That clip changes my opinion. Well, it makes me feel like they're directly from Sates and also huge corporations make me very nervous.
Snakes and huge corporations are your two big ones? And sheer evil. Yeah, those are tough.
Those are tough. Yeah, and genocide also makes me nervous too a little bit.
And we're talking in no particular order. Yeah.
I don't want people to... All three of those things make me pretty nervous.
Yeah, nervous. Sometimes you see animals pull off some stuff and you just can't believe that they're real with stuff.
You ever see these falcons? They're like 100 feet out of the water and they see a fish and they just dive, get it out of the water and just come up and have lunch. It's like I missed a turn on the way here and I have GPS.
you know what i mean it's like crazy it's crazy what some of these animals could do but biting yourself with your head off that's oh yeah that's bonkers that's some diddy shit yeah look at that these are these are nuts they just die and they go underwater they can't and they can't breathe them they're just diving and going he's like boom i'm just gonna grab this fish right out of the water oh if you could train a falcon to do that and you showed up like at a bass tournament everybody's there with their rods you're just there with the little helmet on it go ahead maximus time to eat yeah in 30 minutes you go you're done i love birds you're done for the day you do i love birds man if i could have a falcon i'd have a falcon i have a falcon. I had an African gray parrot for a minute.
No way. Oh, the best.
Maximus, his name was. It was a little bird I had.
He was so fun. Yeah, those guys, they're super smart.
And are these the ones that can read and write or no? Yeah, they're the most intelligent of the parrot. Yeah, they've got that red tail.
They're really fun. But I didn't teach it how to talk because I only taught it to go like that because they live to 80 years old.
I don't want 80 years old to like, hello. I don't want 80 years of saying hello to this bird.
So I didn't teach it how to say anything. Oh, dude, come on.
So I'm like, what am I going to do? I'm going to be answering questions? That's like having a toddler or whatever. You don't teach him anything.
It's a bird, though. He liked his life for a while.
It was great. And what happened in the end? I moved, I ended up moving to LA and I didn't have an apartment or anything and I was living with a friend so I couldn't bring a bird in a bird cage with me.
Oh yeah. So I ended up, there was this bird rescuer that worked out with the Bronx Zoo and she came over and took it and interviewed her and she was really nice.
They got a good zoo in the Bronx? A lot of union work, a lot of union animals. A lot of union animals up there.
It's clean. A lot of union animals.
Yeah, the Bronx Zoo is like one of the biggest ones. Wow.
They do a big thing at the holidays too. I think all the zoos do it where they light up and do that like at night thing.
Oh, yeah. And it's really, really cool.
Animals at night or whatever. Like, yeah.
When I went to Australia, I did the weirdest thing. They had the nocturnal animals.
They changed their clock on them. they make they're all indoors in this facility right there's like these mice and whatnot and they change their clock because they are supposed to be asleep at night that they make it sun at night inside this building it's sun up and then during the day they make it night in this building so isn't that a war crime i think it is i think these mice are like hey they get if they ever get out in the wild it's not gonna do it but it's great you walk in it's like you're walking through't that a war crime? I think it is.
I think these mice are like, hey, if they ever get out in the wild,

it's not going to do it.

But it's great.

You walk in,

it's like you're walking through the prairies at night.

I think it was in Sydney,

the Sydney Zoo or wherever I was.

And it was crazy.

Like you walked in

and it was like you were walking through

and they had all these mice running around,

all these different owls, bats.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be able to be a night animal, dude.

No, you're too lazy.

Well, it's just too risky out there. Something like attacks in the dark or something.
Something OEC is better than you. Yes.
That's tough. Yeah, dude.
And if you can't see that good and it's nighttime or whatever, and you're like, I'm an animal or whatever, you're done. These scary movies, too, where people run through the woods at night.
No. I'm going to stay here until the sun comes up up and then I'll figure it out.
Yeah. Like trying to run through and stuff.

I can't do that.

Yeah.

Like they said

it was Friday the 13th movies.

They were like that.

Yeah.

Did you ever watch those?

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I did.

I like some horrors and stuff.

Yeah, that's it.

Nocturnal house.

The Taronga Zoo

Upper Nocturnal House,

Australia.

So see that?

That's the indoor.

So they totally change it.

It's broad daylight outside.

You walk into night.

It's these crazy squirrel things and all the Australian animals are animals are all batshit crazy they got some weird animals over there well even if you think about like it's funny because if you looked at he like say if you walked into the forest or whatever and they had you saw a bear in there right but he was drinking um you know he's sitting there drinking like 20 cups of coffee and smoking cigarettes. And it's like on his computer all day.
You'd be like, something's wrong with this fucking bear. The other bears are just having fun, scratching their backs on trees, dude.
You know, eating berries or whatever. And he's just over there like, you know.
Got to get this report to corporate. Like this bear's got something wrong with him, right? It just shows you what sick animals.
We are just like humans. We've gotten kind of sick, you know? Bear appears to carry a laptop computer at Montana Roadside.
Never mind, dude. This guy, he was like, dude, I got to give Theo a story.
Wow. People get stupid around bears, though.
They always want to pet them. Yeah.
it's got to be the number one animal attack yeah there's always a video in the background the kid's like touch him down and people think they're scarier than them they're going oh meanwhile the bear rips the head off like it's so dumb don't be a wimp dad dad puts a bike helmet on and goes to fucking talk to the bear. It's okay.
And he puts his hand out.

It's like, oh, oh.

Like, what are you doing?

The bear's like, I'm going to eat you, you dumb human.

It's so stupid.

People get so ballsy or so scared of bears.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah, dude.

I don't know why people think bears are friendly.

Because they look cute, right?

But the people are like, oh, they're friendly.

But nobody goes up to lions and tries to pet them.

Lions are cute too, right?

But they're not as, bears have been commercialized as being so cute.

The Berenstain bears, right?

Right, you got it.

The teddy bear.

Yeah, the teddy bear.

You stole it.

Bear grills.

Yeah.

People approach them like that.

It's going to bite you off.

People just bear spray them all the time. No, no, no.
Give them a finger to a bear. He's like, you're not going to eat me today.
Dude, that'd be the best you see a bear, like in a Hakeem Olajuwon jersey somewhere. Or in a Nuggets jersey.
And the bear is going, I'm going to eat your ass. Yeah, dude.
Nature's crazy, man man do you think that we are we're like divinely separate or do you think that we're just part of nature do you think I think there's I think we're I think we're part yeah it's it's hard I think we are part of it but I'm not sure I think we fit in in a different way we think we fit different way than we do. I think it's like, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.
We're not in charge of half this shit. Yeah, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.
Yeah, 100%. Like, we have to put these animals in cages to control them and stuff.
And we're like, where the dominant species? Like, yeah, really? Let them out of the zoo and see what happens. I think it's crazy that way.
Yeah. I love animals, though.
Yeah, man. I think I wish I would spend more time Running my We had this Neuroscientist on And she was saying that Yeah being around animals Being around horses Horses are big Even just if you have A big family And you all sleep together In the same house That it creates more Like Feelings of like Low stress You know Yeah Horses are used a lot In therapyine therapy, what they call it, where you like hug a horse and go to a ranch for like a month.
Yeah. Those are big.
They think it's like a horse hugging. That's the thing.
I didn't make that up. That's real.
But then it can escalate too. I married this horse.
I found love in Arizona. You'll end up in one of those donkey shows or whatever.
How does equine therapy help trauma victims? That's a good question. Equine therapy is an excellent option for trauma victims who have a hard time opening up about their experiences or who feel overwhelmed, anxiety, or panic.
Equine therapy provides a unique environment in which individuals are able to heal their invisible wounds in a way that is intuitive and fun. It's fun.
Therapy could be fun, man. This is a website, I think, trying to sell something.
Is there actually, can you find something that's a little bit more information, just like the actual information, please? I'm curious about that. Yeah, there's a- Because how do you do it? So it's basically just kind of like you're around, because they're low-stress animals.
You have to be calm around a horse, so you have to yourself down i think that's part of it so i think that's that that does it but it's it's weird like you see these people like they're laying down with the horses and just petting them and they're you see what the problems they're dealing with it's crazy oh yeah i met two alpacas outside of a lowe's outside of uh uh parks outside of park city what were they picking up some they're picking up some two by fours I don't

now I don't know outside of Park City. What were they picking up?

They're picking up some two-by-fours.

No, I don't know what they were doing.

One of them named Macaroni, I remember that.

That's great, love that.

I'll have to put that video in of it.

The movement of horses can improve motor function

and core strength.

No.

The psychological effects of equinistice

that they have become from the horse's ability

to recognize human emotions and provide an intentional response. Intentional response.
Okay. So if you're freaking out, they'll just come over and be like, look, it's okay.
I'm a horse. Improves self-esteem.
I'm okay. Yeah, man.
I think my brain just feels slow today. Do you ever have slow days? Do you take days off sometimes? I just got off the road too for a few days and it was just-'s always the hard one yeah you think yeah i think when you get back to settle in it's it's nice you're trying to readjust because your clock's off too right because like you're having that high of doing a show at night meeting all those people and doing everything right so it's a little different you know you don't get that at home yeah yeah what time you normally go to bed if you're at home if i'm at home by 11 oh really yeah what about you i go better probably around one no way 1 a.m 12 1 yeah joe that's late yeah i probably should get more sleep but i like i said i sleep hard with these dogs i get a good five hours i'm raring to go i'm a napper though sometimes i'll shut it down for 20 i like I like a good cat nap.
Oh, yeah. I'll grab a nap.
You nap? Yeah, dude. I like a nap.
I think nap is the best. I think they're the best.
Could you nap for longer though? Like if I go over like 25 minutes, half hour, I'm like, I slept. Like I need to go to sleep.
Like I can, you know? My dream is to take an alarmless nap, dude. Wake up when the body says it's time.
Yeah, dude. Blackout curtains.
God starts pulling blacked out curtains yeah maybe the ac's on i like ac on ear plugs in fan on yeah one of those vietnamese water fountains playing in the back or whatever of course water dripping directly on my forehead in the center like i like all i like to be like a pow that's it? Oh, I want, yeah. Do you do ear? I want somebody that's just slid me a small tin of beans around 8 p.m.
That's the only food. Maybe little paper cuts on your foot.
Yeah, dude. Did you do ear, do you do like? I'll do earplugs, yeah.
Earplugs, yeah. Dude, I'll wear earplugs now so now it's till like 11 a.m.
It's like, there's just too much noise in the world. I don't want any of it.
I don't care.

Oh, wow.

I've heard so much of it.

Put the earplugs in.

See people.

They don't know.

Oh, yeah.

Talk loud to them.

Like,

God,

neighbor's loud.

Yeah.

Theo's got his ear.

It's going.

Do you have them in now?

No, I don't.

I don't.

All right, good.

But I'll put them in a lot, dude.

That's good, though.

It'll shut you down. What else do I do? What's something else That I like to do a lot Oh I used to sleep In a neck brace When I was young To try to make my neck longer Do you ever do anything like that Stretch it out Yeah No I didn't sleep In a neck brace But I had It's hard It's pretty hard to do Did you ever have braces Growing up.
Yeah, so I had braces. I was the last one that I got.
My doctor totally threw this thing where he had the headgear thing. And because I was the last one in the family, he was milking it.
He didn't want the gattles to be out of that orthodontic game. So I had to wear a headgear for like...
I had braces for five years. And he was like, you have to wear the headgear when you sleep.
And I was like, you know what? I don't want to wear it for five years and it was like you had to wear the headgear you know when you sleep and i was like you know what i don't want to wear for five years i'm just gonna wear them all the time so i just used to wear it like 24 7 i would have the headgear on like an air traffic controller i would just have the like peace thing yeah similar to that that's a little that's a little bit yeah could you google like 1980s like that's's like, keep your mouth open thing. Yeah, that thing.
Yeah, like the headband thing. Still do the same thing, basically.
So, bro, early braces was crazy. When you saw somebody with that shit on, you'd be like, what are you a part of? I know, I'd go to school like that.
Yeah, what culture you did? Because I didn't want to wear braces for so long. Oh.
Yeah, it was weird. That's the that's the only thing i really did but that was because i wanted to get be done with it sooner that might be me actually that picture right there that third one that guy third one there that guy trouble dude yeah he's like i don't want to do this yeah those things were crazy dude all yeah like what were the first braces ever i wonder what did they look like the first teeth braces i don't know, besides the silver things they would glue to your teeth, right? They put it on with the adhesive to the front of your teeth.
That's what I had. The exposed ones kind of like 2d has right there.
Yeah. And then they put the ones with the, uh, little, uh, rubber bands underneath here.
You have to bring back the overbite. But then the big one was when they went to a clear front, clear one.
So they were trying to fool you that it was clear. Egyptian mummies were found with metal bands around their teeth and archaeologists believe they used cat gut to tie the bands together to move them.
Primitive orthodontic appliances were also found with early Greek and Roman artifacts. Really? They were getting in that straight your teeth game early.
But imagine using cat gut. Cat gut your tongue.
That's probably where it comes from. We thought it was gut.
It's cat gut your tongue. And we're solving mysteries here.
You got cat gut tongue. Look at this shit bro.
Oh my god. Oh they like drilled through the teeth though.
That's not right. They shouldn't have done that.
That doesn't seem correct.'t seem correct horrible ideas this is also who knows if this is a reliable website it's 123dentist.com they might have put this up together in Canva in the back and just like threw together a graphic that's the crazy thing about news nowadays you don't know what's news and what isn't I mean it's crazy you don. You don't know what is real, what isn't.
You can go down a rabbit hole. You can, and even the real.
You find something gets disproved on the next page. And the real news channels, they're not even serving you news.
No. So it's like, what the fuck are they? They're opinions.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's why I asked you where you get your news from. And you said TikTok.
Yeah, dude. Which is an insane answer if you think about it.

TikTok, rumors.

What my neighbor says.

Oh, for sure, dude.

Whispers at the coffee bean.

People things yell out during sex

or whatever, anything.

Did you hear about that?

Yeah.

I heard it from Doreen, my neighbor.

Yeah, dude.

Trust me, every now and then

when Hank's home early,

she leaves her window open

and you'll get the real scoop.

She's yelling, SpaceX is saving the astronauts.

Like, God, when do you guys come already?

I'm pretty sick of hearing this.

Earpods.

Dude, what about all that Diddy stuff, man?

He's going to go down, huh?

Did you ever meet him?

I never met him.

Never met him, no. We're asking everybody now.
In New York, he was you ever meet him i never met him never met him no we're asking everybody now in new york he was always around but i never i i never met i mean that was you know i'm only in the public eye for a decade now he's been around forever i never really ran i know him seeing him though is kind of crazy seeing that all that happened you know i to me it's crazy i wonder if say he does have tapes or information on like other people, right? Other people, yeah. I wonder if they are going to use that to get people to support different, like I wonder if the government is going to use that to get people to support different- Agendas? Agendas, political agendas.
Like that's what I wonder. It's like, okay, this this tape won't come out we need you to support this candidate or we need you to support this bill or policy or something yeah i mean it's not beyond comprehension right i don't think so yeah i mean there's definitely stuff that people are afraid to have out there for sure i mean you know he famously said that he's got tapes and stuff and everybody knows, so.
And then imagine if you were ever even there. Yeah.
Even if you were just eating an hors d'oeuvre really hard. Before you realize what's going on, you're just having some deviled eggs.
And you turn to your left and you're like, I should leave. But they already got you on camera.
Deviled eggs, you know? That's rough. A couple four eggs and a baguette in your mouth or something.
And people are like, this guy don't know that would be oh yeah that's right i mean it's gonna be interesting how it shakes out for sure i think it's gonna be that's gonna be a long time coming out though right that's not gonna be like a i think it's gonna go on for a while yeah they gotta drag that drag that out for sure yeah yeah um what else is going on this is a you're such an interesting fella i am you are yeah do you feel that because you are one of the most interesting people to sit down with i love every time we sit down dude i love it really i just feel like i yeah i feel like my brain is a little bit off today kind of it's actually it's been good i just sometimes feel a little bit like i don't know like you got too much sleep you didn't get enough sleep i don't know yeah you know it's a mixture it's been good. I just sometimes feel a little bit like, I don't know.
Like you got too much sleep, you didn't get enough sleep. I don't know.
Yeah. You know? It's a mixture of both.
Maybe you need a nap. We got to tie you up and drop some water on you.
We okay. Get you in some sleep.
Yeah. Did you ever go do one of those military shows abroad? Like military tours? No.
No, I didn't. I wanted to.
I never did that. Have you? Yeah, those are pretty cool.
Was it cool? Yeah it cool yeah yeah yeah it's because you get to go to places you never would even think that we have like military presence and you're like oh my gosh we're in this place and like suddenly you're performing and there's just like people you know do you get like the military escorts and all that stuff too is that like when you get when you're going on the way there i had a girl offered a bj to me once in a blackhawk that That's not that kind of escort. I meant like they take you.
Not like a girl who's in the military offering. Yeah.
I know who you're talking about now. No.
This girl, but she had like, oh my God. Yeah, I just remember.
In a Blackhawk. Yeah.
Blackhawk down. Yeah.
She was Blackhawk down, man. Well, I don't know what she was into.
She was Whitehawk down. But she, yeah.
And I didn't do it. I think I got too nervous.
She also had a big, huge pimple on her neck, and it made me nervous, too. Yeah, that's not going to do it for you.
It just made me so nervous. I was like, you know.
Did you have one necker piece? I don't know. Some weird shit you haven't heard on the T's.
So I don't know. That shit, man.
But then, oh, one time there was another time on a military I think it was an Air Force base. They were doing like runs in the morning and some girl came by my room in the morning and um I don't remember what it you know I don't exactly remember what happened but it was all above board or whatever yeah yeah but uh some above board they would love to on the basis yeah she was probably a little late for work two minutes late for work but still yeah yeah she was just a couple minutes i'm not gonna brag she was yeah 80 seconds late for work a minute 30 at most yeah i hear that um what's been something that you didn't expect about heading off in a stand-up comedy like did you expect it would be different do you expect it would be like the challenge of it like i know you've always been on stage and been a performer yeah the challenge of it for sure like to have to talk for 65 minutes like you know and do all that and just put it together that way that was really like the crafting of the hour was such a it's such a really cool thing to do you know and being aware enough to be like this isn't as funny as the other stuff this has to go that was such a weird thing like the editing of the hour you know is like where you think this is going to be a great part of it and then you go and just some other stupid thing that happened and you're like oh wow this is so much funnier than that and it becomes a big piece of it like a year into the tour i found a different story and i just was like oh i gotta pull this out this is not as funny as other stuff.
That was pretty cool. I never really experienced that because you think you have it.
You're like, oh, this is a great hour. Then you have something like, no, this is a great hour.
I just had my son and I had a story about my, in the new special, Messing With People, I had a story about my son going on a Star Wars ride and he didn't really, he'd never been on a ride and he never saw Star Wars He's five years old. And he thought he got abducted by aliens.
So he legit, he started screaming, I want to go back to Earth. And it was so funny.
And I was told Steve Byrne that story as we were driving. And he's like, dude, you got to try that in the hour.
He's like, that's funny. He's like, got to tell that story.
And I was like, what? And that night, we were driving that night. He's like, just tell it.
Just start telling it. And I told it.
And then I just started in Belt, like working it out and figuring out what a punch is wearing it was it's such a cool part but i had never really talked about my kids at all and that was like that's a really cool piece to add to the puzzle and a really cool way to do it to do it yeah let's see just a just a bit of it big star wars ride any other star wars fans up in here i got to go on that star wars ride that they built and if you don't about it, they spent like hundreds of millions of dollars on this ride. It's basically a movie set.
It's unbelievable, but it's also an immersive experience, which means everybody who works on the ride is in character. They play a character.
So when the ride starts, you're in the woods with all the rebels and they're moving you down the line. Thanks for joining the fight.
You go through the woods, a big alarm sounds and they go, the first order's coming. We got to get you out of here you turn the corner there's this humongous spaceship the doors open you get in with these big led monitors all around you these 90-inch tvs and you take off into outer space a battle begins you get sucked onto the death star and the next time the door is open you're on the death star face to face with 100 animatronic human sized stormtroopers with their guns pointed at you and And I was like, this is the coolest thing ever.
Are you kidding me? This is so cool. What a cool experience for me.
Not for my five-year-old son, who's never seen a Star Wars film or been on a ride. That's good, dude.
Wow, that's hilarious, dude. Yeah, when you take it back and think about that yeah I think like he's gonna think he was abducted like later he's gonna be on like a Netflix documentary be like I got sucked in his face and they sucked on my butt why is it that everybody is taking his face? Everybody gets there and probed.
Everybody.

What is so interesting about our assholes?

I don't know.

And we can't even see them, dude.

That's the scariest part.

That's right. If all the information is there and you can't even see it,

that's the shit that just like,

what are we fucking doing out here?

That's why they're the higher intelligence.

They got all the secrets we keep in our assholes.

Yeah, dude. Meanwhile, we look at dogs like, look at these idiots.
They're all like reading each other's QR codes. Oh, that's the devil's QR code right there, dude.
That's true, huh? And you know no two assholes are the same. It's just like your fingerprint.
Same exact thing. I don't know if that's true really i it's the 11th fingerprint

yeah maybe google the 11th fingerprint see what it says i think i you know what it seems possible but i don't know if that's a fact but also how do you prove that you got to know everybody's asshole print yeah what is the rarest fingerprint type Well that's not it

Arch

Yeah

Arch holes

Yeah

The arch holes by his asshole print. Yeah.
What is the rarest fingerprint type? Well, that's not it.

Arch.

Yeah.

Arch holes.

Yeah.

The arch holes.

11th fingerprint.

I'll use the numbers.

I think you have to write it out.

E-L-E-V-N-T-H.

Yeah.

It's going to be one, two, three.

Dentist is going to tell us what to learn.

Oh, they're fucking hiding the truth again.

That's it. Here it is, man.
We got to ask your neighbor. Get the real news.
Yeah. Wake up Spamoni.
Yeah, come on. She's doing great, man.
Thanks. Oh, she's doing great.
Joe Goddard, you got the new special, Messing with People. Yep.
It's out now on YouTube. It came out September 17th.
Yeah? 13th? September 17th, yeah. September 17th.
Yeah. You have your new children's book, Barry.
Where's new children's book barry where's barry where's barry came out and then i got uh i'm on tour now on my new hour let's get into a tour and where is the um where's barry what ages is it for it's four to eight it's a picture book yeah beautiful man or people who just one day want to have children you know if they don't have kids now it guarantees that you'll procreate, actually. Really? Yeah, it's on the back flap.
It's the opposite of the thing for the rats, so that's why the rats can't read it. If you play it backwards on a record player, it says that.
You get flackered. Yeah, thanks so much, man.
I appreciate you guys. Shows coming up in Memphis, St.
Louis, Indiana, Akron, Oklahoma, Texas. Yeah, I'm in Atlantic City, October, I think 19th.
Yeah, October 19th. Wow, you're doing a lot of shows.
Yeah, yeah. So I just kicked off the new tour.
So you know how it is. You get out there and do it.
Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah.
Well, dude, thanks so much for all the entertainment over the years, man. You're the best.
Yeah. It's always so great to see you.
It's been awesome. And thanks for the nice gift.
You gave me a nice, like, it's like a, it's almost like this, it's like a counter puzzle thing that you had sent to my room when we were in Milwaukee. Yeah.
It was just thoughtful. It had like a funny note on it.
But yeah, thanks for all the thoughtful humor over the years. Congrats on the new special, man.
And yeah. And you also have the podcast.
Yep. Two Cool Moms.
Two Cool Moms with Steve Byrne. With Steve Byrne, yeah.
You'll find that wherever you get to your podcast. Thanks so much, Steve, for hanging out.
You're the best. I appreciate it.
Love you, buddy. Love you, man.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground

I'll share this peace of mind I found

I can feel it in my bones

But it's gonna take a little bit