13 - A Story About You.

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Speaker 7 This is a story about you, said the man on the radio. And you were pleased because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio.

Speaker 4 Welcome to Night Vale.

Speaker 6 This is a story about you.

Speaker 11 You live in a trailer out near the car lot next to Old Woman Josie's house.

Speaker 9 Occasionally she'll wave at you on her way out to get the mail or more snacks for the angels.

Speaker 10 Occasionally you'll wave back.

Speaker 7 You're not a terrible neighbor as far as it goes.

Speaker 12 At night you can see the red light blinking on and off on top of the radio tower, a tiny flurry of human activity against the implacable backdrop of stars and void.

Speaker 9 You'll sit out on the the steps of your trailer with your back to the brightness of the car lot, watching the radio tower for hours, but only sometimes.

Speaker 3 Mostly, you do other things.

Speaker 7 This story is about you.

Speaker 13 You didn't always live in Nightvale.

Speaker 6 You lived somewhere else where there were more trees, more water.

Speaker 18 You wrote direct mail campaigns for companies selling their products.

Speaker 3 Dear resident, you wrote often, finally, some good news in this dreary world.

Speaker 9 At last, a reason not to kill yourself.

Speaker 14 Then you would delete that and write something else, and it would be sent out, and it would not be read by anyone.

Speaker 3 You had a friend, and then a girlfriend, and then a fiancé,

Speaker 9 the same person.

Speaker 17 She cooked dinner sometimes, but sometimes you cooked.

Speaker 3 You often touched.

Speaker 3 One day you were walking from the glass box of your office to your old Ford probe and a vision came to you.

Speaker 8 You saw above you a planet of awesome size lit by no sun.

Speaker 3 An invisible Titan, all thick black forests and jagged mountains and deep turbulent oceans.

Speaker 3 It was so far away,

Speaker 3 so desolate and so impossibly, terrifyingly dark.

Speaker 21 And that day, you did not go home.

Speaker 23 You drove instead.

Speaker 22 You drove a long time and eventually You ended up in night vale

Speaker 24 and you stopped driving.

Speaker 22 You have been haunted ever since by how easy it was to walk away from your life, and how few the repercussions were.

Speaker 26 You never heard from your fiancée or your job again.

Speaker 20 They never looked for you, which doesn't seem likely, or maybe it's that in Night Vale you cannot be found.

Speaker 8 The complete freedom, the lack of consequence, it terrifies you.

Speaker 8 You have a new job now.

Speaker 26 Every day except Sunday, you drive out into the sand wastes, and there you find two trucks.

Speaker 3 You move wooden crates from one truck to the other while a man in a suit silently watches.

Speaker 23 It is a different man each time.

Speaker 24 Sometimes the crates tick.

Speaker 3 Mostly they do not.

Speaker 17 When you are done, the man in the suit hands you an amount of cash, also different each time, and you go home.

Speaker 8 It is the best job you've ever had.

Speaker 5 Except, today,

Speaker 28 it was different.

Speaker 13 You moved the crates, the man in the suit, a stranger, watched.

Speaker 22 But then,

Speaker 34 As had never happened before, the man in the suit received a phone call.

Speaker 8 He walked off at some distance to take it.

Speaker 7 Yes, sir, he said, and no, sir.

Speaker 26 Also, he made hawk shrieking sounds.

Speaker 11 It wasn't terribly interesting.

Speaker 9 You moved crates.

Speaker 3 But then an impulse, an awful impulse came over you.

Speaker 14 And for no other reason than that you are trapped by the freedom to do anything in this life, you took one of the crates

Speaker 24 and put it in in your trunk.

Speaker 34 By the time the man came back from his phone call, you were done with your job.

Speaker 23 He gave you the money.

Speaker 21 It was nearly $500 today, the second highest it had ever been, and you drove home with the crate in your trunk.

Speaker 17 When you got home, you took the crate into your trailer and left it in the kitchen.

Speaker 8 The crate did not make a ticking sound.

Speaker 29 It made no sound at all.

Speaker 27 Nothing made a sound except you breathing in and breathing out.

Speaker 10 You cooked dinner.

Speaker 25 You always cooked dinner.

Speaker 3 The red light on the tower blinked on and off in your peripheral vision.

Speaker 9 A message that was there and then wasn't, and that you could never quite read.

Speaker 13 You wondered how long it would take them to miss the crate.

Speaker 17 You did not wonder who they were.

Speaker 23 Some mysteries aren't questions to be answered, but just a kind of opaque fact, a thing which exists to be not known.

Speaker 36 Which brings us to now,

Speaker 7 to this story, this story about you.

Speaker 17 You are listening to the radio.

Speaker 23 The announcer is talking about you.

Speaker 23 And then you hear something else, a guttural howl out of the desert distance, and you know that the crate's absence has been discovered.

Speaker 24 The crate

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 34 it sits that's all on the kitchen floor.

Speaker 3 That's all.

Speaker 10 It's warm, warmer than the air around it.

Speaker 26 It smells sharp and earthy, like freshly ground cinnamon. And when you put your ear against the rough, warm wood, you hear a soft humming, an indistinct melody.

Speaker 14 It does not appear to be difficult to open.

Speaker 10 All you would need to do is remove a few nails.

Speaker 39 You do not open it.

Speaker 34 You decide, instead, to go to the moonlight all-night diner and have a slice of pie.

Speaker 12 The wind is hot, like always,

Speaker 23 and smells like honey and mud.

Speaker 9 Night is your favorite time.

Speaker 29 Daylight brings only a chain of visual sensations, none of which cohere into meaning for you anymore.

Speaker 8 Life has become out of focus, free of consequence.

Speaker 16 As you drive, you turn off the headlights for a moment.

Speaker 8 In that moment, you feel again above you, not even far away now, that planet of awesome size lit by no sun.

Speaker 3 An invisible Titan, all thick black forests and jagged mountains and deep turbulent oceans.

Speaker 24 You see nothing but the faint moonlight on your dashboard, but you know the planet is out there.

Speaker 35 yawning in the unseen spaces.

Speaker 40 The moment passes.

Speaker 12 You turn your headlights back on, and all you see is a road, just asphalt, just that.

Speaker 14 And you pass a man waving semaphore flags indicating that the speed limit for this stretch is 45.

Speaker 3 The moonlight all night is radiant green, a slab of mint light in the warm darkness. You squint when you see it, like it hurts your eyes, but it does not hurt your eyes.

Speaker 17 You park near the front door.

Speaker 33 A man rolls by on the ground, his eyes bleary and sightless, whispering the word mudwoom

Speaker 13 over and over.

Speaker 32 But you don't have the money to tip him, so you go inside.

Speaker 20 You order a slice of strawberry pie, and the waitress indicates through words and movements that it will be brought to you presently.

Speaker 6 The radio speaks soothingly to you from staticky speakers set into a foam tile ceiling. It is telling a story about you, your story, at last.

Speaker 29 A man slides into the booth across from you.

Speaker 16 You recognize him vaguely, although he looks considerably considerably different now.

Speaker 19 It is that man who appeared to be of Slavic origin, but who dressed in an absurd caricature of an Indian chief and called himself the Apache Tracker.

Speaker 40 Except now, it's difficult for you to miss, he has actually transformed into a Native American.

Speaker 32 You wonder if the pie will get there soon.

Speaker 40 The Apache Tracker smells of potting soil and sweat.

Speaker 10 He leans across the table and touches your hand lightly.

Speaker 23 You do not pull the hand away because you know that there will be no consequence for any of this.

Speaker 23 Vivos pos nostie,

Speaker 7 he says.

Speaker 22 Oni i dyut.

Speaker 37 You nod.

Speaker 16 He taps the table.

Speaker 15 Then, bringing his thick eyebrows together and pursing his lips, he leans down and taps the ground.

Speaker 18 You nod again.

Speaker 17 I think my pie is here now,

Speaker 9 you say unnecessarily, as the pie is quite visibly placed in front of you.

Speaker 23 You did not order invisible pie.

Speaker 16 You hate invisible pie.

Speaker 3 He looks at the pie for a long time,

Speaker 25 and then lets his breath hiss out slowly through his nose.

Speaker 3 Ol ni pre diut, snizu, pirogi, ni pom ogut.

Speaker 3 He leaves.

Speaker 3 What an asshole that guy is.

Speaker 3 You finish the pie and ask for the check.

Speaker 3 Check, please,

Speaker 14 you say, whispering it into your drinking glass as is custom, and then lifting the tray of sugar packets to find it, filled out and ready to be paid.

Speaker 23 You drop a few dollars onto the check, place it back under the sugars, wait for the sound of swallowing, and leave the diner. The waitress nods as you leave, but not at you.

Speaker 10 She nods slowly and rhythmically, to music only she can hear, her eyes riding the curved line of neon lights above the menu.

Speaker 10 As you start the car, the man on the radio says something

Speaker 8 about

Speaker 3 the weather.

Speaker 3 There, once was a time the meeting, all even quiet wise beyond our ears. Now we're old and it just seems we're getting dumber.

Speaker 3 There was full of crime we could repeat the list of both our ears. Mr.
Music lets us know that we're not getting any younger.

Speaker 3 My mother would not be proud of my mouth. I can't get a sense out of Abby's sex and just sounding like a sailor.

Speaker 3 Every time I go home for the holidays, I tell her how it's meant. Full of perfect

Speaker 3 means I have failed her.

Speaker 3 But you don't know, no, you can't go where I've been.

Speaker 3 And I don't know, no, I'll never get where I'm going.

Speaker 42 And every day I hear somebody say something like, Yeah, I just got back from trying to backpacking and giving the moon to children.

Speaker 42 I have never strayed too far away from this East Coast rider stay. And my heart rims envious,

Speaker 42 I kill them.

Speaker 42 And I am running out of time to do the things I used to say. That I was put on this earth to my God in this heaven.

Speaker 42 Seems that I believed in something then.

Speaker 43 Dear Lord, what happened to my head? Now the days divide so fast, I have no time to let them sink in.

Speaker 43 But you don't know, no, you can't go where I've been.

Speaker 43 And I don't know, no, I'll never get where I'm going.

Speaker 43 And you don't know, no, you can't go where I've been.

Speaker 43 And I don't know, no, I'll never get where I'm going.

Speaker 43 Thank you.

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Speaker 31 The crate is in your kitchen, where you left it, and you get down on your knees to embrace it more fully.

Speaker 22 It has grown warmer, even hot.

Speaker 27 It still is not ticking.

Speaker 31 It had taken you no time to get back home.

Speaker 3 Now that you think about it, were there any other cars on the road?

Speaker 3 Where did all the cars go?

Speaker 23 The man with the semaphore flags, explaining the speed limit, he wasn't there either.

Speaker 3 Your heart pounds.

Speaker 31 Without allowing another stray thought to wander through your mind and delay you, you grab the crate and throw it in your trunk.

Speaker 29 You turn the ignition and your car radio comes alive with a pop, just as the announcer says that your car radio comes alive with a pop.

Speaker 3 Where to now?

Speaker 10 You don't know, but you go there anyway.

Speaker 4 A pair of headlights, a pair of eyes, and two shaky hands speeding through the silent town.

Speaker 13 Behind you, you see helicopter searchlights sweeping down onto your trailer.

Speaker 21 There are sirens.

Speaker 23 A purplish cloud hangs over the town, glittering occasionally as it rotates.

Speaker 3 The whole works.

Speaker 19 You drive past the moonlight all night, still aglow and full of people slowly eating what sounds good only late at night, and Teddy Williams' Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fomplex, which has taken to not only locking, but barricading its doors at closing time.

Speaker 4 You pass by City Hall, which, as always, is completely shrouded after dark in black velvet.

Speaker 29 Moving farther out, following the pull of the distant uncertain moon, you pass by the car lot, where the salesmen have been put away for the night, and Old Woman Josie's house, where the only sign that the unassuming little home could be a place of residence for angels, is the bright halo of heavenly light surrounding it.

Speaker 23 and the sign out front that says, Angels Residence.

Speaker 16 And the town is behind you, and you are out in the scrublands and the sand wastes.

Speaker 29 By the road, you see a man holding a cactus in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.

Speaker 8 He shakes both at you as you pass and howls.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 you are alone.

Speaker 25 Just you

Speaker 38 and the desert.

Speaker 24 You stop the car and get out.

Speaker 27 Pebbles crunch in the sand in response to your movement.

Speaker 39 The radio murmurs behind the closed doors of the car.

Speaker 23 The headlights illuminate only a few stray plants and the wide, dumb eyes of some nocturnal animal.

Speaker 19 Looking back, you see the bulge of light that is your night veil.

Speaker 11 The purple cloud, now floating over the heart of the city, reaches its tendrils in and out of buildings.

Speaker 39 You hear screams and gunfire.

Speaker 35 You open the trunk and lay one hand on the crate.

Speaker 38 It pulses with some kind of life.

Speaker 13 Still no ticking, though.

Speaker 3 You look back.

Speaker 38 Several buildings are on fire.

Speaker 21 Crowds of people are floating in the air, held aloft by beams of light, and struggling feebly against power they cannot begin to understand.

Speaker 9 The ground shifts like it was startled.

Speaker 37 It's so quiet when it finally comes.

Speaker 15 You see the black car long before it arrives.

Speaker 23 It comes to a halt nearby, and two men step out.

Speaker 23 You don't run.

Speaker 3 Neither do they.

Speaker 38 How did you find me?

Speaker 3 You ask.

Speaker 12 Everything you do is being broadcast on the radio for some reason.

Speaker 29 That made it pretty easy, says one of the men, the one that isn't tall.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you say, I see that now.

Speaker 7 You have the item?

Speaker 29 The man who is not tall asks.

Speaker 13 You say nothing.

Speaker 23 The man who is not tall signals the man who is not short, and he walks past you, looks into your trunk, and nods.

Speaker 13 Even easier, says the man who is not tall.

Speaker 31 There is an unexpected click.

Speaker 13 One of the rear doors of the black car has opened, and your fiancée has stepped out.

Speaker 30 Her eyes are wet, like it was the night you left.

Speaker 3 She does not appear to have aged, but then you can't actually remember how long it has been.

Speaker 30 Could it have been last week,

Speaker 28 or was it ten years ago?

Speaker 28 Why?

Speaker 32 She says,

Speaker 3 Why?

Speaker 3 Why?

Speaker 33 You don't know what to say.

Speaker 37 The man who is not short steps up to you, puts a knife against your throat.

Speaker 27 Nobody says anything.

Speaker 29 Your fiancée shakes her head.

Speaker 3 Her eyes are empty, broken, gushing.

Speaker 13 The radio is saying all of this as it happens.

Speaker 3 You hear it dimly through the car door.

Speaker 30 You can't stop smiling.

Speaker 3 All at once, the consequences.

Speaker 23 All at once you are no longer free. It's all coming back around, all at once.

Speaker 30 Life, bleary, washed out, snaps back into focus.

Speaker 36 The red light on the tower still blinks in the distance and every message in this world has a meaning.

Speaker 39 It all makes sense and you are finally being punished.

Speaker 38 You can't think of a time you have ever been happier.

Speaker 19 Your fiancée abruptly gets back into the car.

Speaker 23 Neither of the men seem to notice her.

Speaker 40 One opens the crate with a couple quick taps and pulls out of it an intricate miniature house.

Speaker 16 The hours that must have been spent building it, every detail is accounted for.

Speaker 27 Inside the house you think, you see for a moment lights and movement.

Speaker 12 Undamaged, says the man who is not tall.

Speaker 39 You beam at him.

Speaker 9 The knife presses harder against your throat, but it doesn't hurt.

Speaker 23 Your eyes wander up, and you see above you the dark planet of awesome size perched in its sunless void, an invisible titan, all thick black forests and jagged mountains and deep turbulent oceans, a monster

Speaker 3 spinning, soundless, forgotten.

Speaker 43 It's so close now.

Speaker 30 You see it just above you. Maybe, even if you tried very hard,

Speaker 3 you could touch it.

Speaker 40 You reach up.

Speaker 6 This has been your story.

Speaker 36 The radio moves on to other things.

Speaker 18 News, traffic, political opinions, and corrections to political opinions.

Speaker 4 But there was time, one day, one single day,

Speaker 2 in which it was only one story,

Speaker 8 a story about you.

Speaker 9 And you were pleased because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio.

Speaker 3 Good night, Nightvale.

Speaker 3 Good night.

Speaker 45 Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Joseph Fink.
The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Speaker 45 Original music by Disperition. All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparition.bandcamp.com.

Speaker 45 Russian translation by Daniel Mirsky. Spasiba, Daniel.

Speaker 45 This episode's weather was You Don't Know by Mount Moon. Find out more at mountmoon.vancamp.com.

Speaker 45 Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio.

Speaker 45 Check out welcometonightvale.com for more information on this show as well as our touring Nightvale live show. And while you're there, consider clicking the donate link.

Speaker 46 You're a peach.

Speaker 3 Literally.

Speaker 45 Today's proverb. I'd never join a Penn 15 club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Speaker 46 I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

Speaker 5 And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director. You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

Speaker 46 We love movies and we come at them from different perspectives.

Speaker 5 Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

Speaker 44 He's too old.

Speaker 46 Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

Speaker 4 It is.

Speaker 46 Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them.

Speaker 5 We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, From Greece to the Dark Knight.

Speaker 46 We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks. We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

Speaker 5 And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

Speaker 46 So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

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Speaker 47 Hi, we're Meg Bashwiner. And Joseph Fink of Welcome to Night Vale.

Speaker 48 And on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the golden age of television.

Speaker 47 To do that, we're watching the IMDb viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows.

Speaker 48 The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost. The episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat.

Speaker 47 And also, the really good episodes, too.

Speaker 48 What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like, for example, is it really a bad episode, or do people just hate women?

Speaker 47 The best, worst, available wherever you get your podcasts.