273 - Horror Recs

Welcome to Night Vale has a lot of really amazing merch, and it's all at welcometonightvale.com.

And you click on store, we've got t-shirts, leggings, blankets, stickers, posters, mugs, bags, holiday carts, throw pillows, blankets, etc., etc.

Oh, ugly Christmas sweaters, whatever you need.

Even if you've been to our merch store before, it's different now.

We're constantly taking down old things and putting up new things.

So if something looks pretty dope to you, get it soon because who knows if it'll be there for long.

I'm really right now, I just got a bunch of stuff.

I'm really enjoying my mutated vegetable tea towel designed by Jessica Hayworth, my University of What It Is sweatshirt, and of course, my Moonlight All-Night Diner coffee mug.

Plus, we have dozens more things for you or someone you love for the holidays or just on a lark.

Go to welcometonightveil.com and click on store.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

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Hey, all, it's Jeffrey Kraner with some big news.

Renegade Games has shipped out copies of the new Welcome to Night Vale tabletop role-playing game to all of our backers.

Next up, the game goes on sale to the public on September the 9th.

Ask your local game store about it or get it online wherever you buy your tabletop games.

If you've always wanted to enter the world of Nightvale, get ready to dive in.

There's no knowledge of RPGs necessary because the game comes with guides, pre-generated characters, pre-generated adventures, all co-written by Nightvale co-writer Bree Williams to help get you started.

And if you're super RPG experienced, you'll know exactly what to do.

My other co-writer, Joseph Fink, his nephews played their copy last week and said they really, really loved it.

They made up their own campaign, which involved the Glow Clouds child being bullied by the son of Marcus Fanston, which honestly sounds like a pretty good Nightvale plot.

So be like Joseph's nephews, get the Night Vale game and start exploring our town with us.

Also, we're hitting the road in about a week.

The cast and crew of our newest touring live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest, will be on the East Coast in September.

The plot?

A masked killer stalks the carefree partiers at the annual Murder Night celebration.

Who would ruin Murder Night with Murder?

So join Cecil Baldwin, Symphony Sanders, Disparition, Musical Guest, Adult Mom, and me.

We're in State College PA on September 9th, Philly on the 10th.

The 11th, we're in D.C., Richmond, Virginia on the 12th, Asheville, North Carolina on the 13th, Durham on the 14th.

Then we're in Atlanta on the 16th and closing out in Tampa on September 17th.

Just go to welcometonightvale.com/slash live for all tickets and info.

And hey,

thanks.

Don't make me angry.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

I'm very annoying.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, as some of you may know, I'm a real horror buff, which is a term for people who like to watch horror movies in the nude.

And I regularly get requests from people who are looking for good horror movie recommendations.

I want to feel fear, they say to me.

Please, they say.

I want to look at a screen and be scared of it.

I want to trick my adrenal system into thinking I'm about to die, but I'm not actually about to die.

I'm just watching TV.

Well, today's the day.

I'm going to run through a few of my favorite horror movies.

Should you wear clothes while watching them?

Well, that's up to you.

But first, An update on Steve Carlsberg and his shipping company that has a total monopoly on moving goods in and out of Nightvale.

The company uses the men who are not tall and men who are not short, formerly of Labyrinth, and their secret knowledge of moving stuff through weird and wild space.

Steve calls this company Steve's Moving Stuff with an exclamation point.

Yeah, he's not great at branding, honestly.

But he is now a multi-millionaire, strolling into the last bank of Nightvale where he used to work as a lowly employee, now with bundles of cash and checks to deposit in his account.

He says he's not sure what to do with that money, and I told him to give it to me.

And he laughed.

And I said, why are you laughing?

I'm serious.

Give it to me.

I want it.

And he said, oh, Cecil, you card, and slapped my back.

I'm glad things are going well for him, but I really would like that money.

On a personal note, I'm fortunate that the lawsuit involving Esteban at Witch Camp was so amicably settled, and I hope we are all very welcoming to the new bear family in town.

The bears were promptly sedated and caged by a commando team from the Knightville Zoo.

I'm sure they love their new home.

which features luscious concrete floors, a beautiful flickering bear bulb, and an exciting crowd of onlookers gawking at them at all hours of day and night.

But Carlos is concerned about Esteban's behavior since the camp.

He has been

a little withdrawn, scrying a lot, and pondering orbs.

Carlos wants us to try sending him to a science camp to see if we can

balance things out.

If any of you have ever dealt with your child being straight up a little witch, let me know what you did about that.

I'm going to start my horror recommendations with something obvious.

The ring.

Yes, it's a popular one, but if you're the type that wears socks while watching horror and you want to scare those socks off, then this is the movie for you.

The ring is the story of a cursed videotape.

Everyone who watches it gets a phone call in which someone whispers, seven days, to them.

And then, seven days later, a little girl crawls out of their television and kills them.

However, and here's the fun twist: no one has a VCR anymore.

And so, the little girl hasn't been able to crawl out of a TV for a while, and she's getting bored.

So, she tries to get a fad going to use VCRs again, you know, a throwback thing.

VHS has a warmer texture, she whispers with her dead voice to people as they sleep.

Digital is cold and lifeless, while VHS reminds you of safe childhood mornings.

Unfortunately, this backfires on her when people revive Betamax instead, and she never gets to leave the TV again, which is a terrifying fate for her.

I saw the ring when I was 14 years old, and I'll tell you, you, I didn't sleep right for weeks.

I was just so sad that the girl couldn't come out of the TV and be friends with me.

More soon, but now, real estate listings.

If you're like me, it's fun to hop on Zillow sometimes and look at the houses near you.

and their increasingly absurd asking prices due to the fact that we basically stopped building houses in this country in 2008.

So, let's see what we have here.

Oh, oh, this is lovely.

It's a two-bed, two-bath for a pretty reasonable price.

Now, to be clear, it consists of exactly two bedrooms and two bathrooms and no other rooms.

Also, none of the bedrooms or bathrooms are connected to each other.

They're in four separate structures at different addresses.

But you know, 1.8 million isn't bad for that.

Okay,

here's a one-bedroom condo, listing price under a million, so that's a rare find.

Now, there is an HOA, and the HOA does do Shirley Jackson's The Lottery once a month, which is why condos are always opening up in that building, but this newly renovated kitchen is to die for.

And you might.

Next, we have a four-bed, three-bath home, vaulted vaulted ceilings, open kitchen, dead-eyed children crawling around to the basement, stunning views of the Black Chasm, new HVAC throughout.

Uh, oh, listing says it's not for sale, they just wanted to brag.

Finally, this is a nice little starter home.

Only 400,000 and it has updated appliances and an enclosed porch.

Now, the location isn't great.

It's It's hundreds of miles from Nightvale, past the sand wastes and the scrublands, deep into the arid nowhere that surrounds us.

But hey, working from home is a thing, right?

This has been Real Estate Listings.

This next horror movie is a classic.

Some might even say it's the classic.

That's right, I'm talking about John Carpenter's Halloween.

Filmed on a shoestring budget with an unknown cast, Halloween redefined horror forever.

It's the story of a young orphan whose Captain Kirk mask gets bleached until it's unrecognizable.

In a fit of rage about his ruined mask, our hero goes through town, meeting locals and family members he hasn't seen in a while.

In the end, he has an argument with his sister and then leaves town.

Halloween is something of a coming-of-age tale, and also there's a part where a guy gets pinned to a wall with a knife.

So I guess it's also a little bit of a screwball comedy.

Today's show is sponsored by Dick's Auto Mall, out on Route 800, just past the man who is always on fire.

Seeking a Jeep on the cheap?

Want a Ford you can afford?

Look no further than Dick's Auto Mall, which is right by the man on fire.

The man is standing by the highway.

The flames melt his skin, but he never quite dies.

He screams at cars that pass.

His screams sound almost like words, but they cannot be deciphered.

Some nights we go out and stand in the glow of his flesh and try to understand him, but we never quite do.

We're always close, but never there.

Some of us think that one of the words he's saying is obligation or possibly seagull.

One of those two, for sure.

Maybe.

All to say, pass by the eternally screaming and burning man and you'll be at Dick's Auto Mall.

Our prices can't be beat, at least not by any place you'll be able to get to in this remote area.

Good luck shopping around.

Dick's Auto Mall.

We also think the Burning Man sometimes says the name Annabelle, but it's also possible he's saying Anvil.

This has been a word from our sponsors.

I asked some of you at home to call in with your own horror favorites.

Here they are.

Hey, sweetie.

It's your favorite scientist, Carlos.

I guess I didn't need to say my name.

Anyway, um,

okay, so you know I'm not much of a horror guy.

If I want to feel scared, I just think about my child living in a planet totally reshaped by climate change.

But if I had to pick one.

Ooh,

it's a tough one.

Oh, I got it.

Love actually.

Uh, it's Dana.

We haven't talked in a long time.

So it was certainly interesting that your first communication to me in years was a note written on the back of a 7-Eleven receipt that just says, Witch horror movie, with the H capitalized for some reason.

Anyway, it's the Purge 2.

Let me know if you want to actually talk sometime.

This is Dib, the sentient patch of haze, and I'm here today to present an ad from.

No ad?

You want to know my favorite horror movie.

Oh, sweetie, I don't work for free.

No, no, no.

A good day to you.

Cecil buddy, it's Tamika.

I'm kind of in the middle of some intense CrossFit right now.

I'm doing the one where you push a tire for hours and I'm hundreds of miles out in the desert now.

No idea where I am or how to get back.

There's a cute little house here though, and it has a for sale sign.

Anyways, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Personally, I love vampire movies, so you know that I'm all about that sequel to Brokeback Mountain where they're both vampires.

Thanks everyone who called in.

I thought it might be fun to have a little history lesson.

Let's learn together about the history of famous maxims.

We all know the phrase, take one for the team, and we know what it means, to steal one dollar from a bank in order to help a local sports team.

But where does it come from?

Well, this is an interesting question.

It used to be that baseball teams were formed on a conscription basis, due to it being a boring game that no one wanted to play or watch.

And so, an army was formed, and this army would march from village to village, village, and at each village they would steal one young child for a life of baseball.

When the army approached, the terrible thunder of their boots filling the air, the whisper would go out through the terrified town that they had come to take one for the team.

So, now you know.

Another fun saying, A penny saved is a penny earned.

Okay, we all know this one.

It's about cheating on your taxes.

But where does it come from?

To learn about this, we have to go back to the ancient days of 1983.

Back then, there was an elderly man who lived by the old Nightvale Hospital, across town from the new Nightvale Hospital.

This man was known as the penny man.

And if you brought him a penny, he would pay you a penny.

Not the same penny, no.

He was paying you for the service of bringing him a penny, and his rate for that was one penny.

He was tough, but fair.

His face was scrawled with dirt, and his eyes squinted into yours like he was staring into the sun.

At night, he would wander from house to house, knocking gently on the windows and groaning, so you would know that everything was okay and you didn't have to worry.

The penny man loves you so much, and he is sorry for what he must someday do.

Finally, the saying, a rolling stone gathers no moss was apparently, originally, a sex thing.

So that's where that comes from.

Well, back to my wrecks.

Of course, you can't talk about horror movies without talking about iconic horror movie themes.

Who doesn't think of Jaws when they hear that duh-dum?

Or Norman having a weird time in the shower whenever a bird goes

near you.

But I'd say my favorite horror movie theme, and you'll know it right away.

It'll bring to mind almost an entire movie, a sort of a Proustian moment, but scary.

Anyway, my favorite horror theme is this one.

You so far uncovered

the water level

You are not lost.

You are not lost.

And I could hardly heart

inside you in the

words.

Tell your mother

that should love her.

But if you don't know

your

sister,

You feel

at

home,

spikes fill your throat,

and you

don't love

it.

But it's there for you

there,

winter

rings

in the privacy

of

your place,

mine

where the monsters are

to

be.

One

and

one

of melon,

water melon,

water melon,

water melon,

water melon.

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

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I'm almost out of time on today's broadcast.

Soon, the woman at the end of the long hall will climb up her staircase and switch the radio tower off for the night.

And then she will slink away again down the staircase to wherever that staircase leads.

None of us will ever dare to find out.

So, before that happens, let's get into my absolute favorite horror movie.

I know what you're thinking.

Cecil, what is it?

Is it Psycho or Nightmare in Elm Street?

Or that home video we all received of the guy eating his own hand, which definitely was a bummer to watch, which we all did, the entire thing, without looking away for some reason?

No,

those are all great, except for the video of the guy eating his own hand, which was traumatizing.

But my favorite horror movie is the one about someone who is going about their day, listening to a man tell them a story.

They don't know this man, not personally, but they like his voice and they like the stories he tells.

Maybe they've been listening to this man for years.

Maybe they just found him.

But here they are with headphones or laptop or car speakers listening to the man talk.

They are now not merely themselves.

They are also a listener, defined by their own passive action.

And then

the man's voice is cut off with a hiss and

But we do hear the man again a little

but something is different

something is wrong

his voice sounds distant like the listener is hearing him through a thick wall or a gap in reality

the man tells the listener that he is looking at

them.

The listener cannot see the man

not yet.

The man is tapping his long, dirty fingers on his leg and humming a melody that is older than humanity.

His eyes are like holes with no bottom and his teeth click

like a spine breaking.

The listener is looking frantically around for the man, and indeed the man is getting closer.

Perhaps the listener hears a soft squeak in the floorboards, the sound of movement through headphones, the rustle of something lurching to life in their back seat.

But the listener will not see the man, not until the man wants to be seen.

That's the bad news.

The good news is the man wants to be seen very,

very

soon.

I love that movie.

It's called Heat, and it stars Robert De Niro as the listener and Al Pacino as the man.

Ooh, it's so spooky.

You have to watch it.

You have to.

No, really, you'll get in a lot of trouble if you don't.

Please, don't make me report you to the authorities.

Stay tuned next for the third act of a horror movie, where things really start to fall apart.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Kraner, and Bree Williams.

Sound design and production by Disparition.

The voice of Carlos is Dylan Marin.

The voice of Dana is Josica Nicole.

The voice of Tamika is Symphony Sanders.

The voice of Deb is Meg Bashwinn.

The voice of Nightvale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Dispirition.

All of it can be found at disparition.net.

This episode's weather was Watermelon by Clavicle.

Find out more at the link in our show notes.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Nightvale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at NightvaleOfficial.

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But mainly check out WelcomeTonightvale.com, where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.

Today's proverb, bedroom tip.

Try incorporating ancient rights and chance to spice things up.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies, and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-sees, and in case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

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Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.

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