Mom's Car: Monica Padman

Hello, and welcome to Mom's Car.

Today, we have the Duchess of Duluth, Monica Lily Padman.

She joins Aaron and I today to really educate us on all the fun-to-eat places in Los Felos that we're not stopping at.

Please enjoy Monica Miniature Mouse Duchess of Duluth Padman.

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You know what's funny is I always donate my clothes to Salvation Army, but then I buy them.

Then I buy someone else's.

And I love the thought that someone's going to like my t-shirt that I don't like anymore.

They will.

Yeah.

Sustainability.

Right.

Then I get someone else's.

Do you get a picture of a beach or something?

I'm like, yeah, I like this.

No.

One person's trash is another person's treasure.

They say that.

That's what I'm famous saying.

I have a weird experience where it's like, I'll give away a bunch of stuff and it's nice stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've given Jordans to the Goodwill.

Sure.

And then I have this weird desire that I hope they know that it was expensive or a $350 sweater.

It's important to me that they know they got something that's normally $350 for $2.

It's not very Buddhist.

It's not very Buddhist.

And why does it matter?

But can you relate to that?

I do.

Yeah.

You go like, oh, I'm giving this $1,800 purse to Goodwill.

I sure hope they know what they got.

Yeah.

Or it's kind of fun for someone who has no idea and really just likes the way it looks.

And lucky them, they got a $28,000 purse.

And maybe that's the best case.

They don't even know what they have.

And then they're walking around with a Burka bag.

And people are like, oh my God, I love your bag.

Where did you get it?

Those are hard to get.

That would be cool.

Where's our first stop?

Well, we just kind of drive around money and then it'll tell us.

Look, it's lunchtime.

Oh, it's a good one.

time for them prime time prime time

we're just gonna ride until we get a dingles yeah and sometimes we just kind of post up at sunset junction and wait i've told you a lot about this this has broken a lot of my assumptions oh yeah my first assumption was like oh food delivery is pretty pricey this is a cute restaurant i like to go to sometimes the foodie yeah what's it called lupiette it's french and on the inside you feel like it's christmas time in europe oh and the food's delicious yeah it's good.

Do they have a French onion soup?

Do they have French fries?

Do they have French fries?

I don't think they have any of those things.

They have French dressing?

Oh, my God.

What if everyone in there was French kissing?

Who if you are invited to French kiss your waiter?

This is kind of fun because I kind of feel like while we're waiting, I can just tell you all the places I like.

I already anticipated this.

Yeah.

Sincerely.

But what's counterintuitive is like, okay, yeah.

People without a lot of money are using delivery service.

I thought I was going to be delivering to a bunch of rich people.

Not the case.

Secondly, I would think, oh, I'll go hang out with all the restaurants I eat at.

Most of the times we get a dingle, it's a weird duck restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard.

Wow.

What's the most tempted you've been to eat one of the items?

We picked up Lucifer's one.

Yeah, that smells real good.

I can tell you the most untempted I was.

Actually, they were both with joy.

Well, Jackie, too.

Was it Jackie?

Yeah.

There was one that smelled like a pile of garbage.

Oh, yeah, that was what Jackie.

Yeah, yeah.

It was assholes inside of a bag.

Like bleaking assholes.

Oh, God.

And then...

Someone got the asshole sampler.

Yeah.

Then someone else fucking ordered a bunch of pole ducks.

I was like, oh, I'm like, I'm going to stop thinking about that duck in that bag.

Was it cooked or raw?

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

But we were confused because they don't sell duck wings.

Like they sell chicken wings.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they take the wings off, but they give you the feet.

There's no trace of the wing anywhere.

Oh my god.

Oh, they get it out of it.

It might be like bad luck or something.

Yeah, it probably is bad luck.

Okay, so we're going to do a moral dumbfounding question, which we like to do.

And then a listener question.

Okay.

Let's do a listener question.

Guess what else?

You would think that we'd be busy because it's lunchtime.

Well, we're not.

It's the slowest time of day lunch.

It's the only second slowest to dinner.

They're trying to figure out what is the sweet spot.

That's interesting because I do think here in LA, people don't have regular jobs, so their eating is off.

They might eat lunch at 4.

They had breakfast at 11.30.

Dinner at 9.

There's no real lunch hours here.

What's the hardest time to make a reservation, though, at one of your restaurants?

Ooh, that's a good question.

Seven?

Yeah, probably seven.

I like to get a 5 p.m.

I like to be in and out by 7.

Really?

Yeah, I like an early bird.

We do that, too.

It's better that way.

What are the advantages?

It just takes less time to get your food.

No, you can just go to bed early.

Oh, oh, right, right, right.

You can get in your bed and watch the pit or ER.

Or both.

Oh, I love this store.

The pit.

A max.

Medical drama.

Oh, no, no, no.

With No Wiley.

He's so hot.

No Wiley.

He's still so hot.

He's so hot.

Yeah.

He went from cute to hot.

Oh, what if we run into him on our drive?

I hope so.

I hope we're delivering a big duck drill.

Oh, yeah.

A big armless duck.

I would only eat duck with him.

He probably knows about the wings because he knows about anatomy.

He probably grows wings in a garden.

Okay, we're going to hang for a minute.

I'm going to hang for a minute.

All right, Monica, you're going to love this one.

This is from a listener.

To move or not to move.

Hey, Vulner Boys.

I'm a 39-year-old Vulner Boy living in the South, and I'm very inspired by both of y'all's willingness to show your emotions.

I'm writing because I've been considering making a move to a bigger city where women would be more attracted to my sensibility.

Oh.

It's a hard decision to make because I've planted roots in my hometown, but I can't seem to find love here.

I don't think it's anything physical.

I'm six foot one, athletic.

Not that I believe them, but many people have compared me to Ben Affleck.

Is this it?

What?

Is this a me cute?

What?

Hold on.

Oh my God.

My last girlfriend would get uncomfortable when I would cry during movies.

This is a joke.

Or when we would have a disagreement.

I tried to rein it in, but I just can't.

I'm wondering if you guys think it's time to try another city.

I'm very drawn to LA because of the food and outdoor lifestyle.

I'm a shameless sun worshiper, but New York is great too.

It's my favorite city to visit.

I'd probably live there, but I tend to get nauseous from all the commotion

and tend to vomit a lot while I'm there.

Oh, oh, and I can't imagine there's anyone out there looking to care for someone who is always throwing up and crying.

Please help.

You wrote this, Dex.

You wrote this.

You did this.

Oh, I'm embarrassed because I believed it until the very end.

Good, that was my goal.

He said a couple things where I'm like, that's too much.

The Ben Affleck thing, I'm like, I might tip it.

But the fact that he said, not that I believe them.

Is your basement flooded for this guy?

I'm actually so sad that this person isn't real.

Oh, my God.

I was like, I want to write a fake question for Monaco.

I couldn't think.

You know, there's a lot of different ways to go.

Cities into my pants.

He gets nauseous.

All the commotion.

Brian and Pukin.

I vomit a lot.

I doubt anyone wants to care for me.

I was like,

New York is not a city for him.

Oh, I'm so sad.

You know what's funny?

As I was writing it, I also had this thought.

This could offend you, but I was like, Even if this was real.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even if this was real

100% real.

Yeah.

I was like, I don't know that Monica would jump at this.

But I was.

You were jumping.

I was.

I was like, oh my God, this could be such a fun, crazy circle, big twist.

I meet my husband for your show.

Delivering food.

Special.

Really?

You're just tricking me.

I might need a frame that.

I can't imagine if there's anyone out there

looking to care for someone who's always throwing up and crying.

But try to imagine your heart is that it's dead real.

Are you actually going to like send him an email?

Yeah, I think we would here devise a plan.

And we'd be up for it.

Yeah.

6'1

Ben Athlette.

6'1 athletic Ben Athlete.

I was toying with the idea of saying when I said that I've put down roots here.

I was gonna say, I have a pretty successful pottery shop.

He would fill in the blanks and think he makes really cool coffee cups.

Oh, like trinkets that I love.

Yeah, like mugs and

stuff.

So okay, so this was a good test.

This is like you creating my perfect man.

Everything you think you want and here it is.

Will you pursue it?

I mean, I didn't love the part that he couldn't rein it in when he was crying a lot.

I do want him to be able to rein it in a little bit.

That was a little bit of a red flag.

You could build on that.

I can't believe I didn't get it when you read, I'm a shameless sun worshiper.

I got so nervous because I was looking for you outside and I said, were you sun worshiping?

I was like, oh shit, I shouldn't have said that.

I just wrote that.

That's going to tip it.

Did you write it just now?

On the toilet before we left.

I thought of it last night and then we got home so late, I didn't do it.

And then, as you know, I took a nap before work.

I feel sad with myself because you're right.

He sounded great, but when he threw up in New York, I was out.

Because you love New York so much.

He can't, I mean, that's embarrassing.

But he loves it still.

Yeah, he just

throwing up.

He just needs you to care for him a little bit.

I think you're confused about my desire for

care about anybody.

That's not what it is.

That's your own proclaimed.

No, no, no.

They have to be sick.

Yeah, he's very sick.

No, he's cool to come on.

He's a baby.

he's weak yeah that's a weak that's the problem with vulnerable where is the line yeah like you're free to cry

and vomit if you have a sickness flu yeah i love that but if the commotion sometimes makes you yeah don't mention anything no get through it

shove your feelings right down no he can talk to me about it we can discuss it but just don't throw up on the street it's not in the street it's just he's like oh i think i need to stop back at the hotel.

I can't stop.

I'm on a mission there.

If I would have said I love shopping, would that have been too much?

I love shopping for luxury goods.

People are always mad at me because I spend so much on luxury goods, but I can afford it and I don't have kids.

But I want them.

But I am toying with Buddhism, so I might say goodbye to all those, but probably not.

I mean, in real life, who do you think is my my perfect partner?

If you really had to create him, who you really think would be a good partner for me?

Not who I would want.

Oh, man.

Like a famous person?

It could be that or just creating the characteristics.

That's really hard.

I always just go to whoever I love.

I would go, oh, you and Nate would have so much fun married.

You and Aaron would have so much fun married.

Yep.

I just end up thinking whoever I'm in love with would be a great match for you.

Yep, that'll work.

That'll do.

But it is weird.

If I had to pick, oh, except.

Yes, three dollars.

Three dollars.

Don't worry about it.

We're only going to go downhill from here.

No.

Yeah, we're going to barbecue and rice.

Have you ever been here?

No, I haven't.

Not yet.

Maybe this will tempt your palate.

This could lead to a list of to-dos for you, Mike.

Yeah.

My problem is I get stuck in...

Ruts.

Like, I know what I like, and it's hard to go somewhere new, and I know I could be going and getting something I love.

We're different that way.

This is your hobby.

It is.

It's something I enjoy finding new places and new.

I have trouble with this.

You do?

You're a creature of habit.

Yeah.

Well, it's kind of counterintuitive because in life, I'm safer.

I'm a creature of habit.

I like safety.

You watch the same thing because you know how it ends.

You like knowing how things are going to go down.

Right.

But in exploration of cities, that's where you let it out.

Yeah, that's where I get kinky.

Yeah, that's your kink.

Eating tasty food.

I'm so kinky.

Yeah, I gotta find a guy that loves kinky.

I am kinky because I was down for all the vomit for a second.

Only for a second.

I'm not crying.

Only if he's sick.

Some crying.

Controlled crying.

Crying if it's...

Except for once, he couldn't reel it in.

That's too many times.

Once is enough.

I do think it's really tricky.

I think we're telling boys.

Have the full range of emotions that women have, but I don't know women have caught up to that.

But can I tell you something?

If my girlfriend was also so overwhelmed by New York that she threw up everywhere, I can't go to New York with her.

True.

That's just a person thing.

Right up there.

Oh, oh, on the corner.

Oh, world-famous barbecue rice bowl.

Yes.

So what happens now?

Yeah, Aaron runs in.

Grabs the rice.

I don't think it'll be far because it was only three bucks oh my gosh this man is eating it yes and he's wearing a muay thai shirt oh i shouldn't be pointing oh he and matt might know each other from muay thai i wanted to ask him if he likes his food i was going to admit to you that when you're talking about your watch thing

the cartier watch i wanted right that was too much money yes i was not judgmental but also i didn't want you to buy a watch that expensive really yeah because i want you to save your money and invest it

you know, so they say.

That's funny.

That might be because you,

well, a few things.

One, you feel paternal, but two, and I want to relieve you of this, I think since our job is together, the money, if it runs out, it's on you to make sure I still have some or something.

Is that a part of it, maybe?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, but it's not, just so you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess that's none of my business.

All to say, I had had the same exact moment the day before.

I just recently was like, I got to sell, and I'm going to, I got to sell some of these fucking vehicles.

You are?

Yeah, I got to get rid of some of these motorcycles.

I don't know what car I'm going to get rid of.

I have too much crap.

I got to get rid of it.

Buddhism.

Yeah.

And then I met my dad, Tom Hansen, for dinner at Katsuya.

Uh-huh.

And he was in a brand new.

AMG GT.

This is so sexy.

Two-seater sports car in that silver, that Mercedes silver.

That's from the Goldwing that you love.

It's so sexy.

Oh, wow.

And at first, I was like, who cares?

I'm not that interested.

And then he was getting in it and I said, do you like it?

And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's good.

I go, is it fast?

He goes, yeah, yeah, it's fast.

I said, it's not as fast as the wagon, right?

That AMG wagon that we both had.

And he goes, oh, it's way faster.

I'm like, no, the wagon's supposed to be the fastest.

And he goes, no, this thing has a nine-speed and 600 and some horsepower.

And I was like, oh, fuck.

Hearing those numbers.

Yeah, you wanted it.

I like your watch.

All of a sudden I was like, I got to have this car.

If I can have this car, why wouldn't I have this car?

I know.

It took over all my thinking.

And I was like, you cannot buy another car.

I don't care if you have a billion dollars.

You're not allowed.

Because all you do is worry about it and don't use it.

Right.

The watch,

you're going to wear it sometime.

I know.

Well, actually, the watch was an interesting thing because when I was talking to Ana and Jess about it, Anna said I could buy it.

Okay.

So I was like, I'm going to buy it because Ana said I could.

Yes.

And she's reasonable.

Yes.

But then she said, but what you can't do is go on your walks wearing it.

Oh.

And I was like, fuck.

That's true.

Monica, I do better at this normally.

I don't know why.

I'm so engaged in your story.

I tell good stories.

You do.

You're one of the great storytellers.

That's actually true.

On paper, your stories are boring.

And they're riveting.

No, I'm telling you, they're absolutely riveting.

But on paper, if it was a pitch to a studio and you're like, here's the situation: this woman cannot stand these people that hang out on the sidewalk when she's walking.

They would go, No,

there's no story there, but there is a story.

You just haven't heard Monica tell it.

That's true.

So she said, You can't go on your walks with it.

And I was like, That's right.

I can't.

I would feel so scared

on my walks wearing a $30,000 watch.

But then I will never wear it.

The point is that I would wear it as a daily watch, but that includes my wogs.

Yep.

Aaron, I almost bought a 30,000.

I'm getting it.

Yeah.

I didn't.

I didn't buy it and I'm not going to.

I've decided definitively I'm not going to.

But Dax, you own some expensive watches.

I have one expensive watch.

And that's kind of how I feel.

I could have one expensive.

Yeah, but you're not going to like this.

But I personally don't really have a ton of faith that that Cartier watch is going to accrue value.

I don't think there's a good enough history of Cartiers doing that.

My one really expensive watch is one of very few that has just gone up every year for 25 years.

Right.

So that one, I really did feel confident that, oh, I'm just getting this and in a pinch, I can definitely sell it and probably make it.

But these are lies we tell ourselves.

You're right.

I'm never going to sell it.

My kids are going to

probably find it in a box of shit when I die and they'll have no idea what it's costing.

And someone at Goodwill will buy it for $13

and I'll be beyond the grave going, I hope they know they have a fucking Rolex full news.

That's a panda.

Yeah, exactly.

No, none of it means anything.

You can like learn it, but you can't internalize it because I had the experience of going to my dad's house after he was dead and just you look around, you're like, none of this has any value anymore because there's no one here to care about it.

Yeah.

With the fires, we had to think about all of that.

What has real value?

What's meaningful?

What are we packing?

I'm packing a note that Delta wrote me when I had my seizure.

Yeah.

Like, that's what matters.

Yeah.

Aaron, did you have to clean out anything of your dad's when he died?

Yeah.

Did you take anything?

Yeah.

All his money?

All that money.

He had some things

from Vietnam, you know, like his dog tags and that.

That's cool.

Military ID that was fascinating to me.

We've arrived.

And by the way, Dax, can I say we're at someplace cute?

We are.

And is it Leavette Door?

It is.

I'm not even going to get to meet Kai, which I would love to because what a cool name.

Maybe I'll knock on the door.

Maybe I should just risk getting fired.

Oh, could you get fired that way?

Yeah, they could complain, right?

Oh, yeah.

I wonder what you'd have to do to get fired.

I think there's another delivery person.

Oh, you know what?

I'm guilty of that, having two deliveries at once from different places.

Oh, yeah, we've got a fire.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, and then there's a third delivery person behind us.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Is it really going to the same place?

This is very...

You should ask how many deliveries have you had?

What if the door finally opened and then just weeds

out of there because the person had the munches?

This is a delivery person as well.

Oh my god.

Please go to the same house.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Okay, well, we go three for three.

Oh, he's taking a picture just like I did.

Good, you did.

Good job.

I gotta know what this girl's gonna do.

Get out of there.

What if her ride's gonna take all that food to a second location

Back to the restaurant.

Where she bought it from.

Wow, that would be fun.

That would be an elaborate system as a you hate waiting for food, but you love eating at the restaurant.

So you get a post-mace to your house, then you Uber to the restaurant.

Oh, yeah, he's going to pick all that one.

Oh, that was groceries.

Yeah, grocery delivery.

That's probably the dessert ice cream and stuff.

Yeah, big tub of ice cream.

Oh, so you have your dad's dog tags.

That's cool.

Yeah.

I can't think of really anything else besides that.

The only thing I took is all my dad's AA coins.

Right.

Oh, yeah.

And you gave me one, which I have, by the way.

That's really sweet.

Yeah, in fact, I owe you probably three more.

Can I have one?

There's no five-day coins.

They don't make a coin for five days.

I like this street a lot, so I go to this place, LE,

right there.

What do they specialize in?

Oysters, seafood.

It's very cute.

They have a happy hour.

Oh, man.

Well, yeah, aphrodisi, yeah.

Go ahead, they get all horned up.

I've never experienced that from oysters, by the way.

I'm such a perf.

There's nothing fucking grosser than oysters to me.

And I've stared at them on a menu for like 10 minutes thinking,

it'd be worth it to feel really horny.

Which is so weird because unless you can do something with the horniness, why do you want to feel?

I do want to feel horny, even if I don't have an outlet that is weird

I do you like being horny yeah like being horny yeah you do even if you can't

I mean I guess you can always masturbate I don't get horny to masturbate oh I do oh that's awesome yeah don't you when you go to a hotel or anything yeah yeah you're right I do as soon as I walk in the door actually

yeah

as I've said before

I eventize it I get bare naked right I use lotion which I never ever use.

And I make a warm towel for myself before I start that I put on the nightstand.

Oh, man.

I do everything short of putting music on.

Sure.

And light candles.

I pour a big bath for myself.

Fucking sense.

Have either of your wives walked in on you masturbating?

Oh, wow.

Or girlfriends, I guess.

Yes.

That's a great topic, Monica.

Girlfriends have.

And did it go poorly?

No.

Did they join in?

One time Ruthie was like, well, she was like real busy.

You could tell.

And I was like, not busy.

Yeah.

Well, you're getting busy.

Yeah.

I was busy in a different way.

She's like on a meeting and I was making money.

Yeah, making money.

For the family.

I was jacking

at noon

during the workday.

Primetime business hours.

Most people are getting paid.

She was like, all right.

Yeah, this is really weird because I'm obviously so open.

And I, of course, am not saying I don't jerk off, but I am embarrassed to be caught jerking off.

Right.

I could see that.

Are you embarrassed or no?

You love it.

A little bit.

No, I don't love it.

No.

Look, I'm somewhere in between.

You know, I always think how sexy I am when I'm jerking off.

I know we've discussed that.

So, like, yeah.

So, I guess I kind of want to get caught, but

it depends where I'm at in it.

If I'm just starting, I want to get caught by someone that doesn't know me that's attractive because I think in that moment, yeah, that I would look sexy too.

Of course, it would just be terrifying.

Sure.

But I don't really want someone that knows me to walk in.

Right.

Like, what are you doing?

I'm giving you a creep.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Ding, ding, ding.

This is where I get waxed.

Oh,

you want to pop in?

I do need to pop in.

You could could hit two birds with one stone.

We'll just bring all the equipment in.

Isn't it cute?

It's a store up front.

Wow.

That's quite a job.

Just one pussy after another you're seeing.

I know.

Oh, God.

There's no male waxers, right?

I've never seen one.

Would you allow a gay waxer?

A gay man?

A gay man.

No.

A gay man.

No.

Because he could just be acting gay.

It's not even about the sexuality.

Like if we were.

I mean, that's what we're doing.

We put on a hole.

I hate to say that everything is about the sexuality when I'm

anywhere.

Well, no, because if it was a gay woman, I wouldn't care.

It's something about a man near my vagina that I don't want unless I've decided I want.

But it is interesting because, yeah, it's so weird.

I would, of course, rather have a girl wax me than a man.

Yeah, I would never have a man wax me.

Really?

Like the notion of pulling my pants down in front of a strange man and then him applying wax all to my mom's pubis.

I way rather have a woman.

But it's kind of for the same reason.

It's because men might lose control at any moment

and behave horribly.

Pretty much just a woman to do her job.

Even if they kept it together, God knows what's going on.

Yeah, inside their mind.

And they're like, click, click, click, click, click, click for later.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Taking their time.

It might take longer if a a guy's waxing you.

And he's really getting in there.

Yeah, you're really taking his time under the guise of being thorough.

Also, taking your time is the last thing you want.

You want that done so fast.

You want to keep walking, basically.

Take your pants off and never stop moving.

It's awful.

I'm considering getting laser, but I'm also scared of that because it's so permanent.

It's so permanent.

And then, yeah, what if this guy from the South

likes grass on the field before he plays ball, people from the south tend to.

Well, they're notorious for it.

They don't really care, right?

Don't most guys just kind of take what they can get.

I like both.

Yeah.

Both are very exciting.

I know.

I think for our generation, it's specific, though, because I grew up looking at Playboy.

That's the first time I saw women naked.

Right.

And they all had hair.

Yeah.

Booge.

It represented like womanliness.

That's a mature, fertile woman right there.

not a baby yeah and so i very much have

that seared into my head i don't know what gen z's relationship with it yeah good question i can tell you my children think pubicare is disgusting and it is yeah it objectively is pretty cool but i like it too i did too yeah i remember when we were 20-ish girls started shaving and that was kind of you're right newer thing because i do remember but it started with just a strip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The strips.

Maving strip.

This and then that.

And I know that was exciting for people.

It was new.

Yep.

And I remember at one point I commented on a certain girlfriend's, I was like, oh, no, there is no shaving going on.

And you're like, oh, really?

Don't you want that?

And I'm like, oh, no, I will.

I love those.

Yeah, you like it wild.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess it's wild.

It's kind of wild.

There's something primitive about it.

There is.

That's a great way to say it.

Is it making a comeback?

It is, it seems.

Basing that on, like, I'll see movies and girls are having some bush and they're younger and I think, oh, cool, it's coming back.

Yeah, I think there is sort of this train of thinking that's like, if you are removing all your hair, why are you trying to be like a doll or a baby?

That's weird and probably not what you want.

So some people think that.

Well, there's a tactile appeal to it when it's completely bare.

Yeah, I mean, that's sweet.

That's like a cheeks, someone's cheek.

Not a baby's, but an adult woman's cheek.

Yeah, we got to be careful to say not a baby's cheek.

Yeah.

If you walked in on your girlfriend masturbating,

would you be upset?

Like, you were in the house.

Oh, like, why didn't you let me?

Exactly.

Why didn't you just decide to have sex?

No, I would just be so happy they're horny.

That's kind of all that I think is cool.

Like, oh, good, you're horny.

You'll want all kinds of things.

Sure.

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Okay, we're going to take a real question now.

I promise I didn't write this one, but I did go through them and think what ones would Monica and I debate about.

My husband started TRT a few years ago because of low testosterone.

This led him into the world of bodybuilding, podcasts, etc.

He started.

You wrote this one too?

No,

he started bodybuilding and has been at it for about three years.

I hate it.

I love that he has a thing he does that makes him happy, but I can't get past the connotations and the vanity of it all.

I know it's completely my issue, but it's weird going from a man who didn't give a shit about this world to a pre-workout-loving, meat-and-rice-eating, stringer-wearing bro.

For context, we are 41 and we've been married 12 years.

Have two boys, seven and nine.

I do a lot of running and sometimes triathlon, so this is not against working out, it's specifically bodybuilding and how involved it is.

And I cannot let it go and be cool.

And that was from Kate Merahue.

Kristen Bell,

aka Kristen Bell.

She changed a couple of details, but I hear her in there.

Gosh, this is tricky.

I mean, I get it.

I think what she's feeling is how I would feel, which is I don't even know you anymore.

That's what's underneath it is I thought I knew you.

You didn't care when we got together.

You were this person.

And now you're changing.

That's scary in a relationship.

I agree.

That is kind of inherently scary because who are you?

But then the real personal thing is, and does this different person still like me?

And do I like this new person?

Yeah.

So there's probably like two different things.

Is she repulsed by muscles?

That's an issue.

And is no longer physically attracted to him?

That's one issue.

Let's just pretend that's not the issue for a second.

So this new person has this new pursuit and I didn't even know they had it in them.

And then what else is next?

You're unpredictable now.

Exactly.

And it's kind of scary.

The things I think are

perhaps not fair are the pieces she uses to build the argument instead of like what the very vulnerable thing is that's going on.

It's like, I don't really buy vanity as a thing.

Everyone's vain.

It's like, what version of vain are you?

I don't know if I buy the vanity part.

I think that's an easy thing to, it's like a moral sin to be vain.

Right.

But it's also bullshit.

We're all vain.

We're all looking in the mirror.

We all care how we look.

We care how we dress.

Anyone who does triathlons, they get it.

They're into challenge.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So like, I want this challenge.

I want to rise to this thing.

I've set for myself this goal.

So that should be relatable.

I don't see any difference between bodybuilding and doing triathlons.

I do,

because there is a kind of culture around it.

It can be, not always, but it can be kind of broy and douchey.

And it kind of sounds like that's sort of what she's saying.

Like the podcast, he's like really immersed.

Exactly.

Like he immersed himself in this culture.

More than just he wants to be fit, but he wants to be one of these types of guys.

If I'm being dead honest and I was her, I'd be kind of embarrassed to be moving through the world with a bodybuilder as my partner.

Yeah, me too.

Just truthfully, I don't think I would love how it reflected on me or what people would assume.

Like, oh, she likes Jersey Shore meatheads.

So that's something to contend with.

Is it about, you don't like how it makes you look, which is very complicated.

I'm not willing to say it doesn't matter.

Back to the thing we were talking about earlier with my southern gentleman, that it's really hard for men, for my soulmate, and that it's hard for men to walk this line because we are asking now for men to be feminine and masculine and this and that and all the things, and that's really hard.

There is something about caring

so much

about your body

that it almost feels effeminate.

Oh yeah, this is what Aaron's original criticism of

me being obsessed with my body at a young age.

It's like, that's what girls do.

Right, right.

Like girls are obsessed with looking a certain way.

Yeah, having a flat stomach.

And it felt very feminine for Aaron, right?

Am I supposed to be a little bit more?

A little bit, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I get it.

I think in many ways, Aaron was way more attractive having a belly than me not having a belly because I thought about it.

Anytime anyone's just fully consumed, there's something a little unattractive about it.

I don't know.

You'd have to actually know how it's affecting you.

Is he unavailable because of this pursuit?

Is he not present as a dad and as a husband?

And so there's a theoretical version where he has this whole thing, but it has no impact on her.

He's squeezing in these trips to the gym on his lunch break at work or whatever he's doing.

He gets up so early.

If it's not affecting you

and you just really have a lot of judgment about it, I'm in an interesting place in this conversation because obviously I work out a lot.

Yeah.

And I take testosterone.

I don't listen to bodybuilding podcasts.

Yeah.

I love bodybuilding documentaries.

I would never want to look like a bodybuilder.

And I guess for me, it's kind of like,

why would you care if I'm pursuing this goal of this body, but I'm doing every single thing I've always done.

It has had no actual impact on our relationship other than just you don't like the idea of it.

She made it sound like he went from doing nothing, sitting on his ass kind of thing.

She seems to exercise and do her thing.

She's probably wanted him to take part in something together with her.

And instead of going for a walk with her, he fucking went this route, spends maybe less time there.

If you're a jealous person as well, it'd be hard to not make the conclusion like, well, if you're putting all this time into your body, you're going to to want someone to appreciate it.

I know we got to ride.

Where are we at?

Where are we going?

You know this place?

What's it called?

Oh, it's 600 feet from here.

Oh, this is amazing.

Vietnamese.

Vietnamese.

Of course.

I just think in a situation like this, you have to spend almost way more time thinking about all the ways you're affected by it to really figure out.

Really, what is the core issue so that you can address it.

You just can't go and go like, I don't like that you go to the gym.

Yeah, but I do think back to what i said at the beginning i think it's more about identity in her head she's probably worried that he's taking on this new identity and it's not one that she would have maybe chosen to be with sure and now she's in it she has two children with this person yeah that's also probably a piece of it if i had kids well and if you have boys are they gonna want to be just like dad exactly and then what are we telling them about what our bodies should look like and what's important that gets complicated so i think she's probably struggling with now I'm married to this type of guy.

12 years later, a big life change like that?

That's big.

Yeah, but let's just say for a second, it was that she's just nervous.

He's changing.

She doesn't know what she's going to have and if he'll be around.

And she could say that and leave bodybuilding out of it.

So it's just like, I'm afraid of change.

You're a different person.

I don't know about saying that because then he'll say, I'm not, I'm just a bigger person.

Just him.

I'm just jacked.

But you could comfort someone and go like, honey, this in no way leads to me wanting anything different in life.

Like, I still very much want you.

I still love our kids.

You could address that and reassure that.

But if it's just a simple request to stop doing this thing you love.

I mean, look, as we have learned on this trip, I love eating.

I love going places.

I love restaurants.

And if I was married to someone and that's what we did, like we went out, that's part of our life.

That's part of our fun.

And then he decides to become a bodybuilder.

He can only eat protein shakes and chicken breasts.

And that is affecting my life.

That's affecting the relationship.

Like what we do together is totally shifted.

That sucks.

See, that to me is defendable as a topic to bring up.

You go, like, we used to do this and I enjoyed it so much and now we don't.

So how do we fix that?

Right.

As opposed to just like, you quit bodybuilding, that'll fix itself.

You got to address the specific things that are coming up that have changed that.

are not working for you as opposed to just the theoretical umbrella of bodybuilding.

Bodybuilders, am I right?

Oh my God, they're all the same.

They're all big.

I'm trying to make it an equivalent, like if Kristen all of a sudden decided showers are bad for you.

Well, she has decided little things, like she decided, I'm not shaving my armpits or my legs anymore.

Right.

But you didn't care.

And she didn't consult me.

And it's in a sanctified space that I can't even bring it up because it's under the umbrella of feminism, kind of.

of course she can do what she wants yeah she doesn't have to participate in this pageantry so men like you more and I agree with that so what am I gonna really say and I don't care enough would it be my preference that there's scraggly hairs coming out of our arms all these suckers trying to find parking for their delivery I hope we meet some other delivery people when we drop down yeah I hope this person also ordered a dozen yeah I really wanted to be to my house one of these times like my sister just to do for the children.

Yeah, so this is a good example, but also like, what if it was more extreme?

Because you didn't care enough about it.

Yeah, I don't really even care.

But you would probably

go, like, oh, I don't know that I would do something stylistically or aesthetically and not ask her.

Like, I wouldn't go get a nose jab and get a tiny nose before I ask her.

I would feel about that.

Of course.

You didn't ask her when you started to bulk up.

Because also, kind of,

you did.

Yeah, I said to her, hey, you know, I've always said if I got a Marvel movie, I would get a trainer, I would do all the shit to do it.

And I've been kind of waiting as an excuse for that to happen.

And it was during COVID and I was like, I'm never going to be in a Marvel movie.

I won't have no excuse.

If I want to experience it, I just am going to do it.

What do you think about that?

So right there is probably this is a different scenario.

This dude probably didn't ask her.

So she felt left out.

Like she was

or a part of this huge decision.

And she said, I don't care unless I notice that you start acting differently, like more aggressive or something.

I want the right to pull the plug on the whole thing.

And I was like, yeah, great.

And then that hasn't happened.

And then in my defense, what happened in those pursuing four years was like, you have Atiyah's book coming out.

Like, it's just more and more science is now on my side that a good muscular body is going to be healthier metabolically.

And it's probably a great decision as you decline that you're starting with more.

So now it all worked out.

So I got lucky in that the popular wisdom of the day happens to be that, yeah, being strong is a good thing.

Because I could see her saying in the absence of that, okay, you did it.

Now what?

Yours is you for the rest of your life.

You're going to work out six days a week.

But she too likes to work out.

She's like now taken on some of it too after you.

And reading out lives.

Right.

But I mean, you kind of brought her into that space, I think, and she's decided to take some of that on.

But what if she decided she wanted to become 400 pounds?

Right.

Should people make that decision?

No, but for the sake of this, I'm willing to pretend that she makes that decision.

That one's tricky.

But I guess this bodybuilding thing is not too dissimilar.

There is a weight of muscle that's unhealthy.

You start cannibalizing your organs.

That's a well-known condition.

But I would, of course, have on my side, I would be able to say, at this BMI index, scientifically speaking, you're shaving 20% of your life off at the end.

And we want you to stick around.

I don't know that that would be entirely honest.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like, you could mask it as hell.

Yes.

But the difference.

And I think people do do that.

They're not really being honest about the real thing that scares them and they just mask it under that.

Well, which I like that this woman is not saying that.

She's not like, and I'm worried it's unhealthy.

She's like, I don't like it.

I think you're right.

I just think it's more of who is this person?

Yeah.

And even more scary, she might be okay with this version.

It's just what's next.

Yes, where will it go?

Yes, this kind of unknown fear of like, well, I thought I could have predicted how this person would have done when he was 16.

Oh, nine.

We're approaching them.

Boy, this city is full of delivery folks.

UPS.

Oh, that's all that's happening around here.

It's like there's one legion of people in their house and the other legion of people is out delivering stuff to their houses.

Meet at Dora.

You are meeting them.

Okay, I'm going up to 507.

I'm going to climb five flights of stairs.

This is what I was telling you about, Monica.

They don't ask you how in shape you are.

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

And not everyone can take five flights of stairs.

No.

What's the weird line to get in the place?

I know.

This is exciting.

I'll take a dime bag and a

lot of going out there, right?

I might come out with a lot of stuff.

God, you got to be brave to be a food delivery.

Well, luckily, I am.

Yeah.

Oh, look, they met him right outside.

Oh, he didn't even have to climb the stairs.

He has climbed a few stairs on these trips.

I'll give him that.

Oh, my God.

They were standing right there.

Tell us about her.

She said, for Rachel, I said, Rachel B.

And she said, yep.

And I said, here you go.

And she said, thank you.

And then she looked at me a little bit weird.

Okay.

And then she went inside.

And she's like, we should have printed.

Handsome.

Are you a bodybuilder?

You've been working out.

Your wife is so lucky.

I've been looking for a man who knows how to build his tidy shirt.

I'm going to go left here, too.

This is where we pick up some action.

The places you don't think anyone goes to.

This is near where you told me about the tire guy.

Oh, yes, exactly.

John.

John.

John.

Oh, right up here.

American Tire Centers.

So to put a bow on it.

Yeah.

What's your final recommendation?

Mine is to just really explore what's going on maybe a little more.

Forget for a second whether you have a good argument, whether it's a stupid activity or not.

Right.

Let's say it is.

But I think just trying to really figure out what the key fear is that's happening and then share with your partner what your fear is and give them the opportunity to comfort that.

And if that doesn't work, then I guess we're dealing with something else.

Divorce.

Divorce.

I think it's a conversation that you have, you're vulnerable, and then you say, I'm scared that you're changing and I don't know if it will stop.

Maybe you agree to some kind of boundaries.

I don't know what that looks like, but like you touring for shows doesn't work for our family.

Or if it's too much time, or if he's really into bodybuilding, he's probably on real anabolic steroids.

And I don't know if his temperament's changing, you know.

Yeah.

I mean, also, look, listening to all these podcasts, not to be a hypocrite, but

it changes you.

Yeah, people have gotten sober from our podcast.

Yes, and that's a beautiful thing, but your mindset can fully change when you are listening to something non-stop.

And so I understand a fear of like, that's all you're consuming.

That's scary.

Maybe there's a boundary of like, can you just promise me that you'll diversify some of the things you're listening to?

Oh, guess what?

We're close to.

Tabaskin Robbins.

It's really a bigger question of like, how much autonomy do you have in a marriage?

Yeah, I know.

Which is hard.

Kristen could write in and it would be a very easy to defend position where she'd go, my husband's into racing motorcycles.

We have a family.

My girls love their dad.

I don't know why he needs to risk his life doing this.

And that's such a legitimate

scared.

And that's a really legitimate fear.

And then I would have the opportunity to go like, well, look, they don't die riding motorcycles.

Could I get paralyzed?

Maybe, but I've been doing track days for 19 days.

No, no one's died at a track day that I've been at in 19 years, nor have I got hurt.

It's a track day, but not on the street.

You could get hurt.

I have been hurt, but yet my defense would be like, This is who you met.

This was my passion.

And I didn't false advertise.

And it's really important to me.

I get so much spiritual action out of that.

It's part of who you are.

You're asking me to really give up a big chunk of who I am.

I have an airsuit, so when I crash, the thing will inflate.

That's an improvement.

You know, like what things am I doing to be safe?

I've stepped down from a thousand to a smaller bike.

I did do things, not even with her asking, but post-accident.

I did some things.

Yeah, I don't think you can ask someone to change fundamentally for you.

I do think it's different if you're mid-marriage.

Yes.

Like she didn't sign up for this.

Right.

But also people are people.

They get to, you know, make decisions about their life.

Yeah, in a dream world, you get to try a lot of different things in life.

And they might seem scary or out of character, but I think I certainly want to do as much stuff as possible on my little trip.

Agree.

Change is good sometimes.

Yeah.

A real hard one is when people get sober.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Those relationships are impossible.

I've noticed.

Yeah.

Especially if you use together.

Yeah.

Brie and I had definitely had other issues, but that wasn't easy.

Yeah.

We had been drinking together for 19 years.

I mean, 19 years, nine years.

And all of a sudden, I don't drink when we go out to eat.

And then even worse, what was true to me was I didn't mind if she had two glasses of wine, but if she had three glasses of wine, we're having a different experience.

Yes.

And it sucks that I had to go join this version of it.

It just sucked for both of us.

It's not fair to her.

And for me, I don't want to be at dinner with someone who's a little drunk and isn't going to remember much of it or is feeling overly emotional, which hasn't been warranted without alcohol.

Right.

There was people who have written in about that.

Oh, really?

Oh, God.

I mean, I tend to think in that case, even though you're right, it's not fair, but if I was married to someone and they got sober, I would have to change my lifestyle.

Maybe not be completely sober, but know that I care about this person's well-being and me drinking a ton around them is maybe not the best.

In my defense, I was like, go out with your girlfriends and get hammered.

If we're going to spend the evening together and one of us is a little drunk and the other is not, it's just.

Not fun.

It's not terribly fun for me.

Yeah.

It's a tough situation.

That's the definition of a sticky sitch.

That's the cats cat's tutu, as I say.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

I say that a lot, right?

Yeah, and I don't get it.

Yeah, no one does.

You just don't wear tutus.

No, it's catch-22.

And then I used to say catch-2-2 because that sounds funny.

And you still actually know what I'm saying.

Okay, yeah.

Like, oh, that's a real catch-2-2.

Yeah.

That sounds fun.

Yeah, that's cute.

But then over the years of saying catch-2-2, it became cat's tutu.

Which sounds like a kitty cat's tutu.

Exactly, and that's not a thing.

That's not a thing that they do.

They don't wear tuttu.

That's not a thing.

Although they definitely wear tutus on Instagram.

Yeah.

But most don't.

Oh my God.

Our phones are going to be just lasted with cats wearing tutus now that we hope.

I would love to see that.

Although I have a hunch if they existed, you and Kristen would have already sent.

You know, I'm on a text chain with Kristen and Aaron.

An Instagram

damn chain.

And these two

so much.

I can't tell you how many.

And I'm just like, I'm not sure why I'm on the text chain.

Like, you guys do not need me on this.

Just enjoy your team.

We do send a lot to each other without you as well.

Oh, you do, okay.

But I think it's become we both think you need to see.

And I'm sure you don't.

You don't feel the same way.

But it's also really funny to me some that I know when she's sending something, I'm like, this is really funny she put it on the one with the X because I fucking hate it.

I don't hate it.

It's hard for me to watch them.

I'm like, oh, it's another animal don't They're like minutes long.

Maybe three minutes before the animal does something interesting.

Aaron, you sent me a funny DM the other day of a picture of, what did it say?

Like, Monica, let me in your pussy or something.

Oh, yeah.

I found a gem.

I forgot about that.

Yeah, it was such a good gem.

What was it?

Let me look for it really quick.

It says, let me in your pussy.

Put me on that chain.

This one I'd love to see.

Oh, it says, Monica, let me eat you out.

Let me eat you out.

I don't know if it was like a tag or something like that.

Yeah, someone graffitied that somewhere.

Oh, well, Monty, we love you.

Thank you.

We love you guys.

This was fun.

This is fun, right?

Yeah, I'm glad we delivered some tasty treats to people.

Did we make two or three deliveries?

Two.

Two.

Okay.

Okay, great.

How much money totaled today?

Let's see.

No, we're at $4.65.

Oh, my God.

And we spent an hour and a half.

We were working it.

I wonder if the gal, Rebecca B, though, will go inside and then give me more of a tip.

I hope not.

Oh, because she knows it's you.

Yeah.

What if she gives you $1,000?

I'll drive back to her house.

Yeah.

Give her $1,500.

That would be a good trick to fuck with me.

I still got that.

Oh, maybe next season, you guys, you can get the things.

Yeah.

And then when you drop off the food, you leave like $100.

Just leave everyone the cash.

If enough people watch this, they'll commit to that

all right i love you

man

what a day guys