Reese Witherspoon

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Speaker 1 Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dak Shepard, and I'm joined by Monica Padman.
Hi, we are keeping the

Speaker 1 powerful gal train a chugging. It's so cool.
What a fall we've had. It's true.
We're gonna throw Brie in there, too. Oh, great.
Yes. Reese Witherspoon.
I'm not going to say my German pronunciation.

Speaker 1 You'll have to listen to the fact check for that.

Speaker 1 Reese is an award-winning actor, producer, and author. Legally Blonde, The Morning Show.
Big Little Lies, Cruel Intentions, My Favorite Movie Ever. Election.

Speaker 1 Sweet Home, Alabama. She's got a novel out right now.
that she co-wrote. This Girl Can't Stop.
Gone Before Goodbye.

Speaker 1 And yes, she teamed up with best-selling author Harlan Cobin, who as we discuss in here, has got like 57 shows on Netflix. He's like the most prolific person ever.

Speaker 1 And the very fun part about the audiobook is that she reads it. And of course, she brings all of her talent to bear on it.
And it's wonderful. I recommend it.
Please enjoy Reese Witherspoon.

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Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, let's hug. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Good to see you. I feel like I have done this podcast, but I haven't.

Speaker 1 You have not done this. I did something with you and Chris.

Speaker 2 That's right. You did this.
That wasn't this. That wasn't this.
That was called Shattered Glass. That was on Zoom.
That was a hooray women podcast.

Speaker 1 Hooray women. This is a hooray men podcast.
We celebrate all the achievements of men historically. We love men.

Speaker 1 I am raising two of them. Yeah.
I know. I want to talk a lot.
It's so sweet. Will you flash your watch at me for one second? Are you a watch guy? I love that watch.
It's really good.

Speaker 1 It's got a good story. It does.
What's the story?

Speaker 1 Let me think I'm going to want to tell this story.

Speaker 2 We can always cut it after this.

Speaker 1 It was like somebody didn't want to pay me. Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah. And I was like, there's this really cool watch I want.
And it's so dumb because what they should have paid me. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 But I was like, I love this watch.

Speaker 1 And I would never buy this for myself. And that's a great thing.
That's more fun than the amount of money maybe you should have got that would be sitting in a bank account at some point.

Speaker 1 So in a weird way, it is more valuable. You know,

Speaker 1 accumulated interest, net present value, cash.

Speaker 2 Dax bought me a car. Not that exact situation.

Speaker 1 But similar. Similar.
I'd offered her a bonus and she turned it down. Well, there was

Speaker 1 a lot of things. There were some interviews.
Let's just say,

Speaker 1 sure, sure. I did not probably phrase any of it all correctly.
But then she's like, no, I don't fucking want this bonus. And I was like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, well, if I just drop a car off, what's she going to do? She's not going to go through the pain in the ass of returning the thing.

Speaker 2 That's true. And I didn't.
It's still my car. And she loved it.

Speaker 1 That's a great car. Somehow I did.
I love this car. You're a car guy, though, right? You love cars.
I am a car guy. Well, you went to our car.
I figured that out when I saw your station wagon.

Speaker 1 I was like, that

Speaker 1 is.

Speaker 1 Were you horny beyond?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. It didn't do anything for you.

Speaker 2 Closed. The shop.

Speaker 1 It only makes dudes horny, unfortunately. That station wagon with the wood paneling.
Yes, because it has a 700-horsepower engine in it. If you were hearing it run, you'd be like, what is that?

Speaker 2 I will give it to you that a lot of men who come through this attic and garage have commented on the cars, have commented on Dax's muscular body.

Speaker 1 Which, again, women don't like, but men like. There's all these things I do, and I'm not sure why, because only men like it.
That's not true. That's not true.

Speaker 1 It's mostly true. What are you eating? Nicotine mint, and then I have a spray as well.
Were you ever a nicotine person?

Speaker 1 I tried really hard to smoke, and it was just a big fail. Why? What went wrong? They're pretty easy to operate.
No, I couldn't breathe it in. I couldn't.
I was just a ding-dong. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Why are you the cutest human?

Speaker 1 Hand it to her on camera, please. I want the world to know, and I want her to unwrap it.
People would know. Your most popular guest always.

Speaker 1 What is this? It's sourdough. Please unwrap it and smell it because it's smelling.
I mean, I can smell it.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I'll see you at the other place.

Speaker 1 Okay. Thanks for the break.
Take me. Call me.

Speaker 2 Sourdough. This is a real Taylor Swift move she just did providing sourdough.

Speaker 1 She's no dummy. She's no dummy.
They call her the Taylor Swift of the acting world.

Speaker 1 I don't have no idea. She's so loved.

Speaker 1 She's so loved. She is loving.
She is loved. And she's just so talented.
I know.

Speaker 2 She has the voice.

Speaker 1 I know. The voice.
She can do it all. It's maddening.
Is it maddening? It is. When you live with someone who's dramatically better at everything than you, it can be maddening.

Speaker 1 But you have your own skills.

Speaker 1 I can lift heavier things. No, you're hysterically funny.
You're an amazing writer. You're great on camera.
You make.

Speaker 1 Difficult people look great. Oh, thanks.
Wow, that's great. You can make an introvert talk about their lives.
That's good. Okay, good.

Speaker 1 Nice comedy. I'll take it.
And you're good with research. I was like, oh, God, what are they going to dig up?

Speaker 2 He is very good with research.

Speaker 1 But you should know where this starts. Hold on.
Am I supposed to smell the bread?

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's smell it. Let's take a look at it.

Speaker 1 And look at the top. This thing turned out.
Oh, it's pretty. Oh, my God.
He's like a prop department. I'm just like a butter and some flaky salt

Speaker 1 and a radish. A radish.
No, we're out on the radish. The little like tomato and matzo.
Oh, whatever.

Speaker 1 I'm excited. If she and I were ever friends and had to spend time together, we just have a crafternoon.
We just craft. Oh, she would love that.
What's your favorite kind of crafting?

Speaker 1 You're almost finding it irresistible to not make a sweater out of that little yarn right now. I'm going to make a little flower.

Speaker 1 I do pay by numbers. I do watercolor.
I do picture frame making. I do chocolate bonbon making.
Like when you stuff a little chocolate.

Speaker 1 You like make a shell, you create a ganache, then you cap it, then you decorate it. I love that.
It's a process.

Speaker 2 You could get into jam. I could get really into jam.

Speaker 1 Not with the soccer schedule I just learned about. Yeah, I just need to do it.
You're not going to do a damn thing out of it. I'm going to travel for soccer.
I want to have a lake house.

Speaker 1 I want to be that American lake house person. And my kids' travel soccer schedule is real intense.
Now, I don't want to be a dick, Reese. Okay.
But is there any party when you see that?

Speaker 1 Because you just told me it's like a 32-week schedule. Parents are going to relate.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And that's just. There's just collective outrage.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Why is it like that?

Speaker 1 That's 65% of the year, which is too much to be doing anything for starters. Is there any part of you that's like, are we going to try to go professional? Because if not, this seems really excessive.

Speaker 1 I understand what you're saying. I see where you're going.
Like, does my kid have an opportunity to be like D1 in college? There we go. D3.
Fuck it. D.

Speaker 2 Any, any way in.

Speaker 1 No clue, but let me tell you how smart my kid is. His EQ is off the charts.
He goes, you know, mom, how old were you when you did your first movie? He did his research. 14.
He's like, I'm 13.

Speaker 1 Sakar is acting for me. Did your mom take you to acting classes? I was like, yes.
He was like, how many? I was like, two or or three a week.

Speaker 1 Okay. And I was like, That's your dream, buddy.
I get it.

Speaker 2 But then, did you show him your net worth? And you were like, Is soccer going to get you this?

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 you know what?

Speaker 2 You couldn't.

Speaker 1 Cristiano Ronaldo is doing a lot better than me. I'm just letting you know.
I just heard today that he's got a billion dollars. This morning, I realized that he's doing better than me.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. That's fair.
He had the moral high ground on this debate.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start with how excited I am that you're here. Genuinely.
Do you know? I was on a 7 a.m. flight this morning to Nashville, which is now my spiritual headquarters.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I cannot be there enough. And I'm taking a motorcycle trip out of Nashville and riding for some days.
And Monica's like, hey, Reese is available this day. And I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 I'm going to Nashville with Aaron.

Speaker 2 I said, no, you're not.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be dead honest with you. You're probably among maybe three people I was willing to change my flight for.
Thank you. Yes.
That's how excited I am to have you.

Speaker 1 Dude, we should have just done this in Nashville. We should have had Monica come with us.

Speaker 2 I would think that. That would have been plan B.
But it's fun to have you here. This is our sanctuary.
I know.

Speaker 1 I love it. I wanted to do Nashville.
That would have been really fun, actually. Did you see the whole little setup in the barn? It looks like this, but like blue, maybe? Yes, correct.

Speaker 1 Is that what colours? Yes. Good job.
I mean, I was impressed. Rob did it.
Rob did the whole thing, and he did it in five minutes. That's amazing.
You should try to steal Rob from us.

Speaker 1 If I were you, I would make a play. We've been talking.
Okay. So, Rhys, you're born in New Orleans, but you do grow up in Nashville, yeah? My dad was in the military.

Speaker 1 So I was born in New Orleans, so we moved to Germany. And I grew up on a military base in Wiesbaden, Germany.
To what age? Five. Do you have any memories of that? Yes.
I went to German school.

Speaker 1 I spoke German.

Speaker 1 You did. And I spoke Spanish.
And I spoke English, obviously. Did you retain any German? No, but a lot of Spanish.
And then language, I think because I was exposed so young is not. hard for me.

Speaker 1 There's no wolf.

Speaker 1 I just don't feel intimidated by it. I'll throw myself out with some bad Spanish, some really rusty high school French.
When you travel in Europe, do you try to...

Speaker 1 Yeah. And do your kids go like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 just fucking speak English. Please.

Speaker 2 No, I think the locals appreciate the trying. If you just go and you're just speaking English, I don't think they like that.

Speaker 1 I disagree. If they speak English at a nine and you speak Spanish at a two, it is very inefficient for them to get through your two Spanish.
They're like, well, guys, let's just do it.

Speaker 1 I do English very well. Let's just do that.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Right? It's selfish. Yeah, I don't want it to be the thing you practice on.
But if you do it joyfully and like laugh at yourself,

Speaker 1 I like to do that too, to my wife's chagrin. I like to just find a few words and blurt them enthusiastically, as were in other countries.
Bomissimo.

Speaker 1 That's not even a word in Italy, but that was a word I thought. I speak Italian, but I only say, capisco solo poco italiano.
But that doesn't mean anything, apparently. Doesn't the Italiano must.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just know pronto in ciao.
Pronto, ciao. Because when they pick up the the phone, pronto, ciao bello.
It's just fun. I know.
I love it too.

Speaker 1 I took my son on a solo vacation, just mom and kid, to Italy this summer, and we had the best time. We were joking around.
He learned Italian on Duolingo and he just went hard at it. It was so fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those trips are so fun. Just the two of you.
And literally, we did almost nothing. We just ate pasta and jumped in the ocean and we just laughed.
Were you binging a show together by chance?

Speaker 1 Okay, yes. Because I did the same trip with Lincoln last year to Portugal to go see Taylor Swift.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 And we stayed at a great hotel and we had room service and then we were binging the Kristen Wigg show, the Palm Royale, perfect show for us.

Speaker 1 And then we rented a motorcycle and we ripped around the city. And I got home and I said to Kristen, I'm like, that might be the best trip I've taken with a woman anywhere ever in my whole life.

Speaker 1 I think that was the best one. Totally.
Does she love your jokes? And you guys are just so Sympatico. Yes.
Both my sons and my daughter.

Speaker 1 I've had great opportunities to take each one of them on solo vacations. It's really fun.
The whole time I was doing it, I was like, you know, she's doing this now, but this is a closing window.

Speaker 1 I got to do this now. It's not like when she's 19, she's going to be like, yeah, dad, let's go get on a scooter and rip around Lisbon.

Speaker 1 I mean, fingers crossed.

Speaker 2 Is this where you jumped off the cliff? Yes. Oh, that looks so scary.

Speaker 1 She jumped off. That would not have been for you.

Speaker 2 No, I would not. I would have.
passed on jumping off the cliff. Too scary.
But you have to impress.

Speaker 1 Because you're a son. I feel like if any of your kids go, I'll do it if you do it.
What am I going to do? Say, my mom didn't do it and I did. I agree.
I have to. I'd rather be dad.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's jet skiing. That is water skiing.
That is jumping off cliffs. That is snow skiing.
Yeah, I just pray my daughters don't want to start doing paragliding or something. I'll do it.
Wow.

Speaker 2 This is surprising because you strike me as someone who would not do something they didn't want to do. I'm not cautious.

Speaker 1 Okay. Have you sustained any injuries due to this lack of caution? This is kind of crazy, you guys.

Speaker 1 My girlfriend was dating an NFL player, and she brought him over for dinner and whatever he was talking about, you know, CT and serious stuff. And she's an actress and I'm an actress.

Speaker 1 And we both started talking about the amount of concussions we've had

Speaker 1 on set. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's not even talk about what predates set. It was like my rough and tumble childhood with my big brother who was like, you do it first, sister.

Speaker 1 I'll do it set.

Speaker 2 That's where it comes from.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're a little, sis. Yeah.
Dad says that. I had probably like three pretty big concussions as a kid.
And then on set, probably three or four.

Speaker 1 Just really quick, ironically, your father's a head and neck. Oh, he's an ear, nose, and throat.
Oh, he's an ENT. So I take back your research comments.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going to sue Wikipedia because it said he was a head and neck. No, he's not a head and neck.
He's earn those and throat. So he would work on people's vocal cords in Nashville.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But back to Germany. What were the German memories? Like what pops out? Going to German Montessori school.
It was a really great environment for learning and discovery.

Speaker 1 And then every Saturday morning, my mom would give us a dollar and we could walk down to the German candy store and buy gummy bears.

Speaker 1 She was a nurse. This is confusing and not interesting, but she was a nurse in New Orleans.
When we went away to Germany, she didn't work, but she was like so bored around the house.

Speaker 1 So she did one day a week at a Wedgwood China shop.

Speaker 2 Like selling it?

Speaker 1 Selling China. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then when we came back to america in 1981 she went back to nursing she has a doctorate degree she's a doctorate she taught nursing at tennessee state university pediatric nursing pediatric yeah one of them was right yeah she taught at tennessee state university and then she was a labor and delivery nurse at vanderbilt whose personality do you have more mom or dad i think i'm a really interesting blend of the two because my mom is just pure happiness and joy just mrs santa claus happy and loves children animals.

Speaker 1 And then my dad is more academic and very nerdy and studies. And living in his head a bit.
Serious.

Speaker 1 Yes. My dad is one of those people who's so smart.
He got perfect score on his SATs, perfect score on his MCATs. He graduated with honors from Yale.
Why did he go the military route?

Speaker 1 Couldn't afford to pay for medical school. Also, it was the time when men were getting drafted.
He got drafted, but he deferred because he had to finish medical school.

Speaker 1 And then he signed up for seven years and the GI Bill paid for med school. My grandparents didn't have enough money to pay for Yale and for med school.
So he got it all paid for. That's great.

Speaker 1 And so after Germany, then you moved to Nashville? Then we moved to Nashville. And he was going to go specifically to work on singers.

Speaker 1 Well, I think he was trying to figure out what kind of specialty he was going to do, but he developed that idea in Germany. And he thought that's a good practice to get in in Nashville.

Speaker 1 Did he have any famous clients? Did he work on Whalen Jennings vocal cords or anyone that I'm obsessed with? One of his clients is living, and I can't say, but you like lose your mind.

Speaker 1 And I wasn't supposed to know, but she told me. She was like, you know, your dad fixed my vocal cords.
And I was like, oh, what? But George Jones. Oh, George Jones.
George Jones. I met his children.

Speaker 1 Ozzy Osborne. Yes.
It sounds like he goes after the real rough stuff.

Speaker 1 I only remember this one time. My dad got called.
Emergency. Ozzy Osbourne had to do a concert in Nashville one night.
And my dad had to go to his hotel room to help him because he had vocal strain.

Speaker 1 No kidding. And he was like, I met Ozzy Osborne last night.

Speaker 1 That's great. That's kind of cool.
So I would say very, very academic and intellectual and loved cars. I've spent every weekend of my life at either the Gun and Knife Show.

Speaker 1 Bill Goodman's Gun and Knife Show. I sell trade.
Don't you dare miss it. Or NASCAR.
This is why you hated my station wagon. I'm not hated.

Speaker 1 I don't hate it. I've just been on the side of the road with that thing that doesn't work.
That's right. And I just swore to myself I wouldn't live like that.

Speaker 2 TSD.

Speaker 1 We always had some variation of a 1976

Speaker 1 Cadillac Eldorado. Oh, lovely.
He had four of them when I was growing up, and we were always on the side of the road fixing it.

Speaker 1 But we were always at a car show or a gun show or a knife show. And did your brother take to all that stuff? Were they able to bond on that? I loved.
My brother can fix a Harley BMW.

Speaker 1 He could fix any of your cars.

Speaker 1 Bring him over to the barn. I think he'll appreciate what was happening.
Who'll lose his chicken? Okay, who loses chicken? That's a new one for me. Roll back.

Speaker 1 You know what you're doing over here.

Speaker 1 Is he a brainiac as well, your brother? He's really, really smart. Engines and how things work.
He can't fix anything. Wow.
H-VAX. Oh, my

Speaker 1 God. Wow.
Yeah. That's so nice.
Follow him over to the house. He fixes everything in my house.
That's useful. Okay, so going to school, who were you, Rhys? What kind of kid? I know what's happened.

Speaker 1 Okay, please. Just fix my hair.
I don't know what you're saying. He looks nice.

Speaker 1 Now I'm self-conscious. No, no, you shouldn't.

Speaker 1 I just got, I'm now nervous. She's going to say something.
I'm now directing the bat.

Speaker 2 He did that to Jennifer Anniston's hair, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Yeah, funny enough.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I've only fixed hair like twice in the last week.

Speaker 2 I was so nervous when you went up to her hair. I was like, her hair, that's a scary thing to touch, but you did it.

Speaker 1 Because it's like a national treasure. Her hair is like insured by

Speaker 1 boys.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's like Guinness Book of World Records terrorists.
What if I would have gone to touch Aniston's hair and then guys bust through the garage on Rappel? Like the security team came in.

Speaker 1 I was nervous nervous for you. She does have grid hair.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
So what kind of kid were you? Very academic, but also in my head, like fantasies and make-believe. And I was a loner.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, yeah, were you popular? I got popular in junior high and high school, but I was like, oh, I better learn to make friends. And you joined the cheer team for that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was a cheerleader for six years. That was really fun.
Were you lonely or you just preferred to be alone? No, I wasn't lonely. I had these stories in my head.
I was writing and creating.

Speaker 1 I always had a video camera. So I was the girl who was the yearbook girl, the videographer.
And I'd be like, guys, this is going to be so cool. We're going to remember this moment forever.

Speaker 1 We got to do a time capsule. We're going to bury this in a box in my backyard.

Speaker 1 I was that person. You were on fire to be on planet Earth and get it all done.
I was Diane Sawyer and I was investigative journalist and I was. I was a producer, even back.
I was producing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I didn't know I was producing. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
So you went to an all-girls high school, school, yeah? Yes, that I loved. Right.

Speaker 1 So let's talk about the benefits of that because I'm already seeing them very clearly displayed at my daughter's all-girls school, which is we went on that campus for the tour.

Speaker 1 I was like, my God, this is awesome. I've never seen so many outgoing girls that are just out loud, so confident.
This was not my school experience.

Speaker 1 Immediately was like, oh my God, I wanted to go here so bad. So that's kind of the upside.
What were the upsides for you of that? Growing up in the South is a historically kind of patriarchal place.

Speaker 1 So it was important that there was this carved out place for us to express ourselves, to not have to present or be evaluated.

Speaker 1 The metrics for our success were not about popularity or being homecoming queen. Yeah, that's there was an aspect of that because we could participate at the boys school, but it was opt-in, opt-out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, who were you cheering for? The boys school where my dad went, my brother went out. But it wasn't like I was there all the time.
I love community and groups of people and I love teams.

Speaker 1 When I was reading about you a lot over the last few days, there's one little inconsistent thing with you by your own admission, which is you have this incredible confidence professionally and in business and running things and being a leader.

Speaker 1 And then you've admitted to having kind of a lack of confidence romantically young. When I read that, I'm like, that's incongruous with what I would expect.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But I do wonder, is that maybe the one price you pay for going to an all-girl school? You just kind of woke up with a lot of options, but you had no experience. I have my own theories about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to hear it. I don't think it's about girls' school because I had lots of dates and I had really great, healthy relationships in high school.
The transition to college was tough.

Speaker 1 I didn't have money to pay for college. So I had to work in the movie business and make money.
And I was like constantly in this shuffle. Am I a college student or am I trying to be an actor? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cause I thought it was going to be maybe a doctor. I thought acting was a hobby.
Had you only done Man and the Moon at that point? I'd done Man and the Moon. I did this Disney movie.

Speaker 1 I did like movies of the week. You weren't certain that that was going to be a viable career quite yet.
No, and I came from parents who were in the medical business.

Speaker 1 They were like, that's just a hobby to pay your bills. Right.
Yeah, that's what I was curious about because did they not think some of that stuff was vapid, like being in pageants and stuff?

Speaker 1 We didn't do pageants. What was the 10-state? Oh, that was mock trial.
Oh, it was a mock trial. I went mock trial.
Yeah, very smart. Yeah.
Middle Tennessee best witness or something. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Senior year. Okay, okay.
I was a belligerent witness.

Speaker 1 You are.

Speaker 1 Which actually has shades of legally blonde. I'm like, oh, that's so true.
I never even thought about it until now.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you went to Stanford. But had immediately this, like, I don't relate to anybody.
It was a big culture shock. Everybody was in tech.
It was early internet days. People were coding.

Speaker 1 I was like, what are you doing? I don't understand. And I was this artist and I was trying to make short films there.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's a different environment now, but there weren't people starting film societies. There was me and this one kid, Brian.

Speaker 1 And me and the one kid, Brian, and this girl, Liz, that I like hijacked on my floor, who was in the psychology major. And I was like, let's write a movie.

Speaker 1 And Brian was like, yes.

Speaker 1 But it was the three of us. I was like, this is not working.
Is Brian on top of the world somewhere? We've lost touch with you.

Speaker 1 Brian. Brian, we love you.

Speaker 1 He was awesome. And I was like, you, me, we're out of here.
Oh, my God. We are raising psych broad in the mix, too.
We need the the dark force.

Speaker 1 I do remember him and I walking past the computer lab where everybody was like coding. I was like, coding? What's up for?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Idiot. Was your kiss in Man in the Moon your first real-life kiss? No, I kissed a boy in fifth grade at the roller skating rank.
A wonderful.

Speaker 2 Picturesque.

Speaker 1 What would you give yourself as a roller skater out of 10? Eight. Nice.
Yeah. You could shoot the duck and go backwards and dance proficiently.
I mean, slowly. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Counts.

Speaker 1 So how do we decide to leave Stanford? Wait, wait, I want to hear Monica's take on why I had bad relationships in my 20s. I didn't even hear your theory.
Yeah, we didn't hear you. Well,

Speaker 1 I'm open to any and all theories. I don't think it was girl school.
Great. So what's your theory? You're a girl dad.
I think that this is important. Girl dads need to hear this.

Speaker 1 It's so, so important what you say to your daughters. You write on their mind.
with a sharpie. It's not a dry erase board.

Speaker 1 So what you give them, the tools of self-confidence, self-worth, what they're looking for in a partner, what they want in their 20s versus their 30s, you get a lot of that from your dad.

Speaker 2 Yes, that is correct.

Speaker 1 Okay, you'll be relieved to know my mantra since I've had them is, okay, they're going to date me. So what am I going to be that they go out and try to find? That's right.

Speaker 1 So if they want to talk to me, I got to drop everything and like look in their eyes and listen to them and take them seriously. That's beautiful.

Speaker 1 And give them my time because I want whoever they're with to drop every fucking thing and listen to them. Well, I like that you're emotionally vulnerable too.

Speaker 1 They learn a lot from parents who don't pretend to be perfect, who also say, hey, look, I've had my issues. I've messed up, but what I am is consistent.
And that's what you need in your life.

Speaker 1 Somebody who cherishes you, loves you, doesn't harm you. I mean, it's that explicit.
Yeah. Yeah, that's a really obvious point now that you bring it up.
It's actually very poignant.

Speaker 1 So, Captain Obvious. I always say to people dating, you're looking for a 10, but are you a 10? Do Do your own.

Speaker 2 Like, exactly.

Speaker 1 I got X one.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Are we really judging people on an appropriate spectrum? We want somebody who's extremely funny, completely self-made, not arrogant, but self-confident.

Speaker 1 He's got to be funny. He's going to be smart.
He's going to have a good job. He's got to like his mom.
He's got to have a great family.

Speaker 2 He's got to be masculine, but emotional. Yeah, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 What are we talking about?

Speaker 2 It's a lot. I know.
It's too much.

Speaker 1 Good luck, everybody. You're also going to need to meet a human.
Correct. And he's going to have to deal with your quirks and wrinkles.

Speaker 1 I think the thing that's that's upside down, I think about this a lot in terms of Kristen and I, which is they want to meet someone that's perfect for them.

Speaker 1 And if you were to do that somehow, which is not possible, the only trajectory is down.

Speaker 1 They get less perfect. As opposed to, I meet this person that's not perfect for me.
They have a few things that I find irresistible.

Speaker 1 And then through this many years together, it just gets better and better and better. And I like her more and more and more.
And she likes me more and more. And we grow more towards each other.

Speaker 1 If you're trying to start at perfection i'm not even sure where you're going if you start with yeah this is pretty good i think we might be able to make this work you're kind of on this wonderful journey upward and i just think people have it a little backwards of what the trajectory is supposed to be no that's so true because it's almost like you're making this relationship and it's a work in progress yeah because i'm a work in progress when she met me

Speaker 1 too i you know yeah and you're not fully cooked

Speaker 1 so i'm still making pretty major mistakes i'm fighting guys at stoplights and stuff like i've got some growth ahead

Speaker 1 Yeah. And she's developing and growing and expanding.
What do you think your girls should look for? Can you help out the ladies out there? Imagine your daughters were in their 20s.

Speaker 1 Let's just talk about 20s. Yeah.
What characteristics in a 20-year-old guy should they be looking for? In mid-20s. Let's talk mid-20s.
I'm just, we'll be projecting my stuff, right?

Speaker 1 So my mom was incredibly ambitious. She was on fire to devour the world.

Speaker 1 I cannot be with people who are not on fire to devour the world. It's just such a bone killer for me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If my girls bring home a guy who's just on fire for something, I don't need him to be succeeding at it, but if he's pursuing something passionately and he has purpose, I think that's probably the most I would want.

Speaker 1 And then ideally, I would hope that they had had a really powerful mom. I think if you have a gangster mom, you probably are going to be able to let my daughter shine and not be threatened by that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that's the big thing is having a partner that allows you to be you. That's so true.

Speaker 1 And not squash whatever shine you have.

Speaker 1 Right now, there's a feeling of, I got this. I'm taking the world.
I don't have to take crap from anybody. I'm going to negotiate my own salary.
I'm going to start my own startup.

Speaker 2 It's because of you. You're someone to look at.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to blame Taylor Zwift. But it is.
It's a very confusing time for young people because all of the historical identities are being shaken up dramatically.

Speaker 1 And I don't think people know how to find their footing in that. I will also say men don't know where they fit in the diaspora.
Oh, yeah. I had a makeup artist in New York last year.

Speaker 1 She was super beautiful. She's probably like 35.
She lived in Brooklyn. She was from Ohio.
And I'm asking her how she likes Brooklyn. She goes, Well, I like it, but I don't like it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, what don't you like about it? And I'm sensing something. And I'm like, is it hard to meet guys here? And she goes, yeah, I cannot meet a guy here.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at her and she's beautiful. And I go,

Speaker 1 Are you telling me guys are not coming up to you when you go out to eat or go to a bar? She's like, No dude comes up to me or any of my friends anymore.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, Okay, this system is really fucking broken. Something's wrong.
Dudes need to be going up to girls and asking for numbers. Can I tell you? I have a theory about it, please.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It all has to do with rom-coms and sitcoms. Do you know how there's been like the past 10 years?

Speaker 1 I would even say past 15 years, this decline in the making of rom-coms or like legitimate big movie stars being in rom-coms.

Speaker 1 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

Speaker 1 If you dare. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay.
Bonnie, I can't believe it's almost the holidays. You know what that means, right?

Speaker 2 I sure do. My annual holiday gift guide.

Speaker 1 Yes, I love when you break out your gift suggestion.

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Speaker 1 I'm entirely reliant on it.

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Like one of my more recent ones, this, I'll give it to you now ahead of time. Okay.
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Speaker 1 That easy. What about for people who don't live locally?

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Speaker 1 Pay the Apple way. Terms apply.

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Speaker 1 It's not just rom-com movies, but I also think the rom-com television show. The television show that you watched when you were 11, 12, and 13 that made you imagine and visualize dating skills.

Speaker 1 I like that girl. I'm going to ask her out.
Oh, what if she says no? Okay, well, my favorite character on the television show did that. Everybody hates Chris.

Speaker 1 Chris asked out the hot girl and she said no. But the other girl, she really likes him and he can't tell.
So I've been watching these shows with my 13-year-old boy. Like Goldberg's is a great show.

Speaker 1 Everybody hates Chris is a great show. Young Sheldon is a great show.
It's not just young Sheldon. There's two other teenage characters who are dating.

Speaker 1 Shows like that, where they're learning about relationship and romantic dynamics.

Speaker 1 Well, and the thing that you pointed out that's the most important in there for a boy to hear is, oh, right, everyone's terrified. I'm so scared to ask a girl.

Speaker 1 And then you go like, yeah, you're going to ask 25. It's a numbers game.
And when someone's going to say yes, like someone needs to tell you, everyone's equally afraid of it and you just got to do it.

Speaker 1 And it's a muscle. It's kind of fun.
And you're in the game. Yeah.
And then every once in a while, you get a great friendship.

Speaker 1 Or I don't know what it is, but I do think these 10 to 15 years where the internet started, social media started, and then we stopped, we started kind of going, rom-coms are cringy.

Speaker 1 But it was actually where we learned social dynamics from Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

Speaker 1 Talking on the phone. What dude can talk on the phone now? I don't think any kid can talk on the phone.
Witty banter. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it is so fun. Make the first move.
Yeah. I know.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 But that's part of the thing. Women also have to not just sit and say like, well, no one's coming up to me.

Speaker 2 If they see someone they like, we can't be like, I want to run the world and also you come up to me. We got to do both.
Okay. So do you? I don't do anything.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm horrible. Are you single? Yes.
Okay. Do you ask guys out?

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 1 So why who are you talking about? I'm preaching girls. Am I not taking your office?

Speaker 2 That's why I can say it because I'm bad at this.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, I'm going to give you a job.
A task? Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 In the next three months, I want you to ask out three different people. Wow.

Speaker 1 The Reese challenge. And I'm going to give you my phone number and you're going to text me each time you did it.
Oh, wow. You have a life coach.

Speaker 1 I didn't expect you to get a life coach out there. I'm going to say

Speaker 1 I'll give you a script if you want it. Okay.
I know this is a little forward. I've never done this before.
I just noticed that you might be single, but I have noticed you a couple of times.

Speaker 1 And would you ever want to just get coffee with me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 See, Reese, I've been giving her the same advice, but it didn't go down this way. And now I'm giving it out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now I have to take it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to hold you accountable wow i will do it i will you promise i promise i will do it you're looking at me in the eye i know and now i feel really trapped i really do have to do it we said it publicly gonna jump off the cliff and you're gonna be okay

Speaker 2 okay i'm gonna hit you with no i'm gonna let you enjoy this this is very this is a big i know i'm like i feel really scared the other day i was at a event and there was a guy there and he did start talking to me and i was like oh he's cute and then the event started and i stepped aside and I was like, I'm just going to leave.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't, I don't know what's going on.
I know.

Speaker 1 I know. I don't know.
I have so many problems.

Speaker 2 I have so many problems. Maybe it's the thing you talked about.
Maybe it's the permanent Sharpie. It's still there.

Speaker 1 Well, I think you have to rewrite it yourself.

Speaker 2 Well, I was going to ask you that.

Speaker 1 I was like, did you get to get over it and rewrite the rule? And you did that. I had massive amounts of therapy.
And you were able to really help. I had a great therapist.

Speaker 2 I do have a great therapist.

Speaker 1 That's good. All right.
I'm going to hit you with a couple more dynamics. So I think the rom-com one is really good.
Here's what I think.

Speaker 1 You have a lot of these societal problems. Men

Speaker 1 historically will date hierarchical, socioeconomically, status. They will date laterally to themselves and below.
They got no problem. You see guys all the time, an attractive woman.

Speaker 1 She didn't get out of high school. He doesn't give a fuck.
Doesn't make any money. He's there.

Speaker 1 And they can do that because historically, men grew up looking at their mother who didn't work, but they loved their mother blindly.

Speaker 1 The ladies grew up looking at their dad who was out working and being a breadwinner. So unfortunately, women, this is statistically, this isn't my opinion, this is the data.

Speaker 1 Women like to date laterally or above. Financially.
Financially, status-wise, everything. Now, there's this huge shift happening with.
boys and girls, which is girls are going to college at 63%

Speaker 1 to boys 37. So if you have a system where women are only going to date above themselves, but they are above all of the dating pool, we're fucked.
Everything's got to evolve.

Speaker 1 Now, I think what's going to help a little bit is increasingly, there'll be lots of girls who grew up with dads who are stay-at-home dads. They'll inherit the thing that many boys my age inherited.

Speaker 1 And rightly so, women got sick of being hit on by shitty fucking dudes who were bothering girls out of their league. That was a good complaint.
But guess what?

Speaker 1 If you don't want that shit to happen, then you got to start hitting on guys. If we're going to evolve, everyone's got to pick up their end of where this seesaw goes.

Speaker 1 So it's like, yeah, dudes need to lay off women and employees and people out of their league and not harass people.

Speaker 1 They should still go up to girls and ask for their number, but girls got to pick up that big hole in this system, which is someone's got to have somebody out. Or we're not going to have tickets.

Speaker 1 If girls and women are going to have all the money, status, and positions, then they got to start being willing to get with dudes who make 30 grand a year these are all things that have to happen to counteract the things that i do agree with and sign on to right the dudes if they make 30 000 a year they have to be okay with the woman making more and having a lot and that's where there's still a discrepancy that's their work to do and again i do think As these future generations are being exposed to a family dynamic where it's like, dad didn't make what mom did.

Speaker 1 Mom was the breadwinner. Mom was away on business.
You know, then the dude's not going to have as much problem when he meets a woman that has that similar passion.

Speaker 1 In the same way, that was the gift my mom gave me. My brother's the same way.
My brother likes gangster women and that's how it is. Great.
Is he single?

Speaker 1 He's married for 30 years. Yeah, three adult children.

Speaker 1 Anyways.

Speaker 1 55.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got a few strikes against them. Let's just say.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to talk about your career for a second. Fear and freeway right out of the gates.
How do we get those here at Stanford?

Speaker 2 I was a senior in high school.

Speaker 1 I graduated and I went and did fear. I took a gap year.
And then I think during that year, I made freeway as well. And freeway changed my whole life.
In many ways, right? Fear did you.

Speaker 1 Because you were terrified that you couldn't pull that off. It gave you some confidence.
Well, Freeway, it's a take on Little Red Riding Hood.

Speaker 1 And I'm Little Red Riding Hood and Kiefer Sutherland is the Big Bad Wolf. And it's a sort of fantastical satire.
Her mom's a drug addict. It's very 1996.
Very fringe of society.

Speaker 1 But at the time, we had like Natural Born Killer, we had California, like that was the vibe. Seatherstone produced it.
Does that say it all? Perfect. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
So I got chosen to do that part.

Speaker 1 I played this little redneck girl who has this real country attitude and she shoots Keith Solid a hundred times and it played at Sundance.

Speaker 1 And I thought it was the most serious drama of my life playing this character. And people laughed their asses off.
Oh, people were like, oh my God, this is so funny. And so that's when I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 I'm funny. You did not know prior to that.
I didn't know I was funny. Do you identify as being funny in your social groups? Well, now I am because I worked on it.
I played straight really well.

Speaker 1 And I had this intensity about figuring out these really odd characters and playing them very straight and not a blink of self-awareness in any of them. Fear is fun or not fun? Is it fun?

Speaker 1 It wasn't fun, but it made a lot of money. Yeah, it was very popular.
But then was that confusing?

Speaker 2 If you're like, the experience sucked, but it didn't.

Speaker 1 No, I never wanted to do a movie where I played terrified ever again. Yeah.
And I haven't. Since.
I just don't do that well. That's not me like, oh, God, what now? It's not my internal.

Speaker 1 I'm not here to play those characters. Yes.
Okay. So the thing I hate most in life is if anyone were to pity me.
How do you feel about being pitied? Pitied for what?

Speaker 1 Well, to me, like playing that character, I wouldn't like either because I don't want to be weak. I don't want to be scared.
I don't want to be fragile. I'm not any of those things.
And I have a plan.

Speaker 1 I have a backup plan and I have three more plans after that.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of characters I play. Yeah.
Okay. When you do election, do you have a sense? Because that's kind of early in the Alexander Payne world.

Speaker 1 I felt myself turning into the character for a second.

Speaker 1 You went there right away. My mouth started doing a weird thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you bring up the character, I can't. Alexander said his favorite thing is that I go,

Speaker 1 You're a rabbit.

Speaker 2 For the listener, a twitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was a mouth and nose twitch. I TMJ for two solid months afterwards because of how hard I clenched my teeth in that character.

Speaker 1 And all she would do was wiggle her nose when she was mad.

Speaker 1 I'm so angry, but I'm not going to show anybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But my nose betrays me sometimes. When you read this script, were you able to understand that it was going to be that? Yes.

Speaker 1 And my boyfriend at the time told me, he was like, you have to watch Sis and Ruth because this guy's a genius. And that was Laura Dern.
And if you haven't seen Cis and Ruth, just do yourself a favor.

Speaker 1 It is such a satire of living in America. And Ruth is a drug addict who gets pregnant.
And then two sides of the whole abortion fight just fight over her and her unborn child.

Speaker 1 And I know that sounds very serious. It's deeply funny.
I'm so excited. It would remind you of, do you remember More Perfect? Did you ever listen to More Perfect? It was a spin-off of Radiolab.

Speaker 1 Every episode is about a very historic Supreme Court decision that has been made. They give you the kind of history of the Supreme Court.
It's fascinating. It's really good.
It's phenomenal.

Speaker 1 And it talks about so often the plaintiff that they're going to use to challenge some law in court. They're not a great plaintiff, right?

Speaker 1 They want to challenge the sodomy law in Texas, but the two guys that they're using, like, they're the worst. You know, they can't get these guys in shape.

Speaker 2 It's just the opportunity to bring it to court, but it's like a crazy thing.

Speaker 1 Like, they're not showing up. They're hammering all the time.
And he's like, I wasn't fucking like, yes, you were. and you got to stick with this.
Yeah, that's so funny.

Speaker 1 So, yes, the citizen reads very much. That she becomes the mascot for people, and she's not a good mascot for either.
She is not.

Speaker 1 I can either sign, and then she like disappears, and you're like, Oh, and you find her half in pain.

Speaker 1 And Laura Dart is so perfect.

Speaker 1 But anyway, I saw that movie, and I was like, Oh, okay, now I understand tone. And I went in as the character to the audition, read the script, went in.
Alexander was there, and he said, Hello.

Speaker 1 And I said, Hello.

Speaker 1 And he said, Okay, would you like to read? I said, No, I'm not going to read today. I'm the perfect person for this part.
And you're either going to cast me or not, but that's up to you. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 You really took a big swing. He was like, What? I was like, It only makes sense.
I'm the perfect person. I've always been born to play this part.

Speaker 1 And you're either going to cast me or not, but either win or you lose. And it's up to you.
And I was like, Thank you.

Speaker 1 You didn't even read the sides.

Speaker 1 Oh, my goodness. Wow.
Had you run this game plan by anybody? No, I did the whole thing in character with him. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 And he was like, wow, I thought you were really amazing at sentence.

Speaker 1 I was like, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
I worked very hard in that part.

Speaker 1 Wow. I've never, ever done that ever in my whole life.
That is crazy. Despite the TMJ, was it fun to play? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So fun. Because you're on Hint.

Speaker 1 You're on hint. When you go crazy and you're tearing up the signs.
It was so fun. And Alexander would come up with the most fun stuff.
He'd be like, rip the posters like you're an animal.

Speaker 1 He'd show me like Kirasawa movies.

Speaker 1 Like the samurai warrior slicing through the enemy. And then I go into the bathroom afterwards, after I've torn down the posters, and I look at my hands.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I want you to look at him like Lady Macbeth, like out, out, damn, spot. And like, scrub your hands as hard as you possibly can.
I was like, this is my favorite direction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're waiting for Tracy to just explode on screen. Yeah.
She might blow up from all the tension she's holding.

Speaker 1 And he's like, when you're watching Matthew Broderick count the boats, stalk him like a panther and go up to the door and look at it like you're a mom panther watching prey in the wild.

Speaker 1 It was the greatest direction. That's incredible.
I also like the kind of twist on what you're expecting, which is you're calling the teacher you've had an affair with, he's a fucking pussy.

Speaker 1 If you would have kept his fucking mouth shut, it's like the opposite of what the trope is. Yeah, it's so

Speaker 1 iconic. Is she serious? Yeah.
I know. When it came out, people were like, oh my God, she's a monster.
And now, and A.O. Scott did this whole review of it five years ago.
Maybe she wasn't

Speaker 1 a child who was groomed by her science. I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's really shifted. It's so interesting.

Speaker 1 And Maddie Broderick's character is complicit. Sure, sure, sure.
She doesn't report it and goes, hey, don't fuck with my friend. I'm also going to destroy your life.
It's so petty and human. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 We had so much fun. Okay.
Now, I didn't know this. You hosted SNL the very first episode back after 9-11.
Yes. How do you not try to get out of that? What was that whole thing?

Speaker 1 I would give that zero stars. Do not recommend

Speaker 1 the opposite of citizen holes. Zero stars.
I was coming off legally blonde. I wasn't supposed to be the season opener.
I was supposed to be the second episode.

Speaker 1 And the first episode, they canceled it because of

Speaker 1 obvious. And then Lauren Michaels called me and he said, I really need you to show up.
I really, really need this. Rudy Giuliani is going to be here.
All the firefighters are going to be here.

Speaker 1 Paul Simon is going to see. I just need you to come out and do something a little light and tell America that we got to laugh again.
We've got to get back the national spirit.

Speaker 1 How old are you at the time? 23 or 24.

Speaker 1 24.

Speaker 1 I also had a baby. I had a one-year-old.
I was a new mom. I had this biggest movie come out that summer.

Speaker 1 But if you know me, if I tell you I'm going to do something, I mean, there has to be a real disaster for me because that's part of my southern and military ethics. I would save 9-11 without anything.

Speaker 1 You mean a personal disaster? An even bigger disaster to them.

Speaker 1 Well, Lauren said, if you don't want to do it, it's okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you felt a responsibility.

Speaker 1 But if he said, if you want to quit. Yeah.
And I'm like, quit. Quit.

Speaker 1 Me? If you want to be a quitter, no one will care. Yeah, that's how it does sound.

Speaker 1 But we did it. And it was good.
And it was Amy Poehler's first show, Seth. Oh, really? Wow.
Well, I think we know that.

Speaker 1 I think we've talked to Seth Meyers and Amy about that, that their first shows were the first show. 9-11.
Oh, wow. Can you imagine? No, no.
Crazy. Talk about trial by fire.

Speaker 1 Was it out of body or were you present? No.

Speaker 1 Completely left my body. Yeah, yeah.
And did not go again for 15 years. And that's not their show's fault.
It was just too much responsibility for a 24-year-old girl. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Next thing is Walk the Line.
What about Cool Intentions? You have sequels. Yeah, I mean, I'm going by Legally Born and two sequels.

Speaker 1 Mostly Walk the Line interests me a ton because, of course, I'm obsessed with June and Johnny. I was like everyone else when you started singing in the movie.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, damn, she's going to sing. She's going to June Carter it.
How terrified were you for that? Had you done any singing? Growing up in Nashville, I did some singing training.

Speaker 1 I wanted to be a country music singer first. Okay.
And my mother let me take all these country music lessons and it was really fun. So I had done some vocal training.

Speaker 1 I went to this performing art camp for 13-year-old kids in New York and the Catskills. So you would at the very end audition for a musical.
You would do singing, dancing, and acting.

Speaker 1 and then they gave you a report card basically and three experts would evaluate you and they were like your dancing can go on the shelf okay right we got better okay we got better and then

Speaker 1 your singing it's okay not great your acting's off the charts okay so you need to focus on that and it was actually really helpful because you could have been pursuing the wrong yeah so when james mangold said do you want to play june carter and i was like sure yeah i mean not the part where she's part of the carter family and he was like no no i want you to sing.

Speaker 1 I want the thing for them not to be on stage and everything. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me see if I can do it. And so I trained for five months.
I did it every day. Then we recorded the album.

Speaker 1 And Joaquin and that band worked so hard. You were singing with Joaquin during these five months? We were all in this one house, T-Bone Burnett's house, working every day.
How fun was that?

Speaker 1 So fun and nerve-wracking. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but also fun. Yeah.
Wow. Okay.
I know Joaquin a little bit. Sweetest, biggest human heart hanging out of his chest, kind of.
Do you have that feeling about him as well? He was different then. He was.

Speaker 1 But he's still a sweetheart. He was just in character.
He was. The whole time.
Yeah. And how do you deal with that? You called him JR.

Speaker 1 You asked JR how the concert was last night. And you asked JR what he was doing last night.

Speaker 1 And really quick, would he tell you a fake thing that happened last night or would he say what actually happened? I don't know. And JR went down to Arby's.
He would talk like that. Yes.

Speaker 1 What confuses me about it is, okay, so you're Daniel Day-Lewis and you're playing Abe Lincoln. But you also have a wife back home, and you call her on the phone.
You're like, hold up.

Speaker 1 Does he call his wife and he's Abe Lincoln? But we're pretending Abe Lincoln lived in an era where there's cell phones. I get really confused.
You know how people do magical reality movies?

Speaker 1 You have to understand the rules of magic. That's what I'm asking for.
What are the rules of methodology? No clue. That's what I want to know.

Speaker 1 So when you're asking JR, like, hey, JR, what did you do last night? And he's saying, I shot up my Cadillac. Are we in Imagination World or did he shoot up his Cadillac last night? Imagination.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Don't know.
Imagination. But you know, some things were true and then other things I don't know if were true or not true.

Speaker 1 And then when he would ask you, did you feel compelled to act like you or June Connor? Like, oh, I went to the

Speaker 1 I went to the premiere of uh, I'm trying to think what movie would have been out back then. No.

Speaker 1 And also, JR was in JR's world. I'm making this sound so crazy.
And we talked every day, and I would act like June towards him. So you know how June's sort of exhausted by him all the time?

Speaker 1 I'd be like,

Speaker 1 what'd you do last night, JR? I heard you were out with everybody in Memphis. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you, yeah, you are probably,

Speaker 1 you better be careful. Their daddies have shotguns.

Speaker 1 That's what I say stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It probably helped.

Speaker 2 Methods seem crazy, but I get why people do it.

Speaker 1 It worked. He's phenomenal.
Oh, my God. He's so good.
He's so good. It's impossible.
You want to just cry the whole time. You too, though.
I know.

Speaker 1 When you get on stage and you let it rip, I wanted to scream. It was like an actual story.
I have another theory. Ooh, we love your theories.

Speaker 1 I think women make movie stars.

Speaker 2 Women make male movie stars?

Speaker 1 Yes? Yeah. If you respect the woman that is looking at this man, like you hung the stars, you are the guy.
You're him.

Speaker 1 The quality of the level of the woman that is opposite of you is what makes a man a movie star.

Speaker 1 I'm saying that in context with Walkline, because I remember I saw it when it was done. He was Joaquin then, and I called Walk, and I go, dude, I make you look.

Speaker 1 And I was being funny.

Speaker 1 But I still kind of mean it. You and I are really good together.
And he was like, well, I'm not seeing it. I won't watch it.

Speaker 1 I'm a sorry regular. God.

Speaker 1 I'm not Johnny anymore. I saw it two years ago.
We were streeting the shit. He goes, I finally saw the movie.
And I go,

Speaker 1 you did. And he goes, yeah, Rennie made me watch it.
I was like, what did you think? He goes, it made me look really good.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 1 I love that theory. Listen, you're so right.
And it's even in real life. Why does America like me

Speaker 1 85% of it is, oh, this woman we love and trust a lot loves him? All the scary stuff, the addiction, and the motorcycle. Well, this very trusted source seems to think he's just fine and safe.

Speaker 1 I feel that way too. Thank you for acknowledging that.
Oh, it's a thousand percent what's been going on.

Speaker 1 And then, by the way, I validate her in a weird way because for the people that are like, oh, she's a goody goody and she's perfect, they're like, well, no, this scumbag's with her.

Speaker 1 She must have some naughty, you know. You're trying to be be funny, but you're not.
No, no, no. This is really a dynamic that's happening, which we're both totally fine with.
It's fantastic.

Speaker 2 It also happens in day-to-day, I think in anyone's circles. If a woman who, yeah, you respect or like or think has high standards is dating someone,

Speaker 2 then you're like, oh, there's probably something to this guy.

Speaker 1 It's the anointer from the status thing that we just see. A woman can anoint a man.
Yeah. And a man can anoint a woman.
So you guys had some expert on about status and anointing.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's what I'm talking about. Titanic without Kate Winslet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 Who doesn't like respect and admire Kate Winslet? She comes in in that voice and she's like, my last words are about my love. I think cemented him as one of the biggest movie stars of all time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And look, he's very, very talented, but I'm just saying there's a role for the way women

Speaker 1 make men seem on film.

Speaker 2 A thousand words. I think I love this theory.
I think it's great.

Speaker 1 I think that's bulletproof. Would you say some of these guys are maybe a little different off screen?

Speaker 1 Is that fair? This is my complaint all the time when we're watching something, Chris and I. I go, hold on.
Why is she with this guy? Or

Speaker 1 why is he with this woman?

Speaker 1 I've just lowered my assessment of him or her based on this fucking loser they're with.

Speaker 1 And I think every movie star guy should really think hard about what makes you look young or virile or hot versus what makes you look substantive. And I think it goes for guys in the real world too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does some women make you look respectable or substantive or deep, or does it make you look like your insecurities hanging out? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It takes all kinds. I'm not a thousand percent.
I'm sitting here casting judgment on

Speaker 1 men who date younger women. This is not a moratorium on what I think about dating.

Speaker 2 No, totally.

Speaker 1 I don't want to feel judgy.

Speaker 1 It's not that. But I will say, like, I will leave a dinner party and go, that guy has a really cool wife.
He must be pretty cool. Oh, a thousand percent.
His wife is awesome.

Speaker 1 Similarly, if you're a super high status, beautiful woman and your partner is an intellectual, I'm like, that's awesome. You had your pick of the litter and that was your pick.
I'm double in on you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I agree. It goes all the directions.
Yeah, I think it's really smart. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The last three podcasts I've done, people ask me a lot about dating and marriage and relationships.

Speaker 1 And I'm just so curious because every format that I listen to other people be interviewed, they don't ask them the same amount of stuff. Or is it just because I talk about it a lot?

Speaker 1 Well, let's be clear. We're going to rewind the tape.
I actually haven't asked you about dating. It has come up very naturally.

Speaker 1 Yes, because you brought up how a woman can validate a movie star, which then led quite naturally into in real life. Cause I said, yeah, that has happened to me in real life with Kristen.
Oh, I see.

Speaker 1 And then we're talking about who do you date and what does that say about you? And then we're just here. But then we talked about my early relationships and why.

Speaker 1 Is it because I went to girls' school and you're dating? I'm just saying, this is not calling y'all out or anything.

Speaker 1 I literally i'm curious yeah

Speaker 1 because i did this interview with this podcast and then the next week they had on a very famous older actor they did not ask him one thing about being a dad they didn't ask him one thing about dating 75 of my questions were about being a mom and i was like

Speaker 1 is that the most interesting thing about i mean it is it's a part of your life it's not everything though i don't know but are we more inclined to ask a thousand percent and i don't have any problem talking about it Do people ask you about being a dad?

Speaker 1 No, they didn't ever. They're not interested.
See, I would would like for you guys to ask more guys.

Speaker 1 We talked

Speaker 1 about men. If I get any heat, it's because I do talk to dudes about having kids all the time.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 2 And we talk to men about relationships. I think what is happening is the more open somebody is, the more we are.

Speaker 2 wanting to talk about those more intimate conversations like romance and dating and dads, all of these things.

Speaker 1 And I guess historically I've been through a lot and people know it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm turning 50 this next year and people grew up with me and it's a beautiful thing that they were like okay when she was 14 i was 14.

Speaker 1 there's this historical context and we're like oh i had a girlfriend and we broke up and she got divorced so i fit in their timeline yes and can i tell you a hundred percent what my intentions are my curiosity about the lack of confidence in dating I don't need to know who you dated.

Speaker 1 I don't want to know anything juicy. I want to know how you didn't have confidence in there.
That's an interesting. How I didn't have confidence.
Yes. Like that interests me.

Speaker 1 If anything I'm interested in about your public stuff is like you played June Carter and this is a woman who is like, I don't give a fuck if you think I'm nasty because I've had different husbands.

Speaker 1 You got to play this woman who owned it in a time which was much harder, I imagine, to own. Yes.
And there was a religious overlay too. Of course.
And she's in Nashville.

Speaker 1 Like there's a lot going on there. Yeah.
And so that's of great interest to me.

Speaker 1 The religious judgment piece too is really interesting as I find a lot of women from from the Southeast kind of challenging their ideas of happiness and what is acceptable, what is not.

Speaker 1 As social moraes are changing, their faith is still intact, but they want their faith to include a more tolerant, acceptant version of Christianity. Yeah.
This is great.

Speaker 1 And I wanted to do this more towards the end, but here we are. So I have loved so much the summer we spent in Nashville for so many different reasons.

Speaker 1 I've talked about it ad nauseum on here, but one thing is I've been here for 30 years. It has its values.
Detroit had its values and its virtues. No one's got a monopoly on good things.

Speaker 1 Everything is trade-offs. I met 60 people probably this summer, talked to them.
I never once had one person tell me what they did for a living. I love it.
I fucking loved it.

Speaker 1 And then we get to a fun moment. where it clashes for me.
I'm out to eat with our two best friends there and I fucking love them. You know them now.
I do.

Speaker 1 She said it very kindly, but she's basically like, they're kind of shook with how our daughters will talk back to us or to anybody because it's very un-southern, right?

Speaker 1 Down there, everyone's like, hi, Miss Kristen. Hi, Mr.
Dax. Yes.
And there's value to that. There's something I appreciate about that.

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, your kids will let it rip. They seem to have no kind of respect is what she was saying.
Ooh, okay. And feeling a little entitled.
And I said, you're dead right.

Speaker 1 They do talk back and they are not respectful.

Speaker 1 I can understand where that seems completely unruly, but I want you to know what I'm prioritizing, which is when they're 19 and their boss is a fucking creep. I want them to talk back.

Speaker 1 I want them to be disrespectful. I want them to always advocate for themselves, whether I think they're right or wrong.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I'm willing to deal with this thing that is embarrassing at a restaurant for y'all, but I can deal with that. I can handle that because I want this other thing for them as women.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I understand. And she was like, yeah, that's pretty good point.
Then we start exploring. Yeah, there is a price to pay.

Speaker 1 So all these things are trade-offs and you're just trying to figure out like, where do I want to land in here? And what piece do I want to steal from what thing?

Speaker 1 I think it's great that you're able to try something on, you know, try and assimilate to a different group of people. I don't have this overlay judgment of political assignment to good or bad.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But my question was, you have moved back to Nashville. Yeah.
So what things since you've landed, are you like, oh yeah, I miss this so much?

Speaker 1 And which part of you are like, well, I've been somewhere else for a while. I'm like having to adjust to this.
A lot of different stuff. I enjoy it because I grew up there.
So I know the back roads.

Speaker 1 I literally know the fastest way to get to anywhere. Yeah, yeah.
I know where the good frozen yogurt shops are. I know where they make the best chocolate pie.

Speaker 1 So it's all those creature comforts of being in your hometown. I feel like the artistic sensibility there is open source.
So if I know a great bass player, I'm going to tell you who they are.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have a singer-song and writer and I can you come and add on. It's not gatekeeping and closed doors.
Super collaborative.

Speaker 1 So I find as an artist, even though I'm not a musician and I don't participate in that part of it, I find for my artist friends that move there in the music world, they're like, oh my God, everybody's so welcoming.

Speaker 1 Yes. And they'll be honest, like, I don't have time, but I can find somebody for you.
And most people are just good people. Most people just put their pants on.

Speaker 1 go to work, pick up their kids, try and pay their bills. Everyone's suffering, but I just do feel like the temperature comes down there because the cost of living is so much lower.

Speaker 1 Even though people there will be like, it's insane. Yeah.
And it's our fault too. It's growing.
Yeah. It's California's fault.
It's actually you and Kristen.

Speaker 1 It's much.

Speaker 1 It's singularly us. You were the tipping point.
You keep promoting it. Sorry.
I thought about it. But the parts that are hard, I don't know.
None. Not really.

Speaker 1 My whole family's there. It just makes my life easier.
Yeah. And how nice is it to have for your youngest son that network so present? Really great.

Speaker 1 Two sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. And I think it's been really good for our family.
Okay, I want to talk about Gone Before Goodbye. Yay.
You wrote a book. Yes, I wrote a book.

Speaker 1 And you wrote it with Harlan Coben, who I was ignorant on. Do you know Harlan Coben? No.
International best-selling book, but has nine shows on Netflix. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Nine shows. Writing the number one last year called Fool Me Once.
Oh, wow. He's this amazing, prolific writer, but also the world's nicest human.
He's a master at what he does, twists and turns.

Speaker 1 And I met him at a conference nine years ago and I just kind of been watching his work and all sent him like, hey, I loved your Netflix show. Just stayed in touch.

Speaker 1 And his wife, she worked at Columbia in Ned School. She was the head of admissions and she's a pediatrician and we just became friends.

Speaker 1 And I had this idea about a female surgeon falling into this world of private wealth and private surgeries. And I called Harlan and I was like, I have kind of a crazy idea.

Speaker 1 And I pitched it to him and he was like, this is really good. Oh, good.
Good, good, good. Yeah.
So we wrote it together. What's that process like? How do you write together?

Speaker 1 I had about the first hundred pages in my mind already worked out and I had defined the character and everything. And then he helped me.
I didn't know what was going to happen in the middle.

Speaker 1 And I didn't know how it was going to end. And we just sat down and started brainstorming.
So probably every other week, five hours. You would get together in person.
Yeah. And then he'd write.

Speaker 1 a chapter, send it to me. I'd say, she doesn't talk like this.
She would talk like that. He kept saying she was hot.
Like every person would say, she's so hot. You're hot.
You're hot.

Speaker 1 I was like, why is everybody calling her hot? Why does that matter? Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 So we got it down to one. Like one person saying she was hot.

Speaker 1 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

Speaker 1 If you dare.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so the book is following Maggie McCabe. And yes, she was a military surgeon.
Yeah. Not today.
Like my dad.

Speaker 1 But she has lost her medical license. Yes.
She's in a bad situation. She's in a bad way.
She started taking some pills and got a little sideways during a surgery.

Speaker 1 So she's kind of fucked because she can't do the things she's great at. She's being sued for malpractice.
She's lost her medical license. She's down on her luck.

Speaker 1 And she gets approached at an event from an old colleague. Someone who knew her mother and says, I have an offer.
He's a plastic surgeon.

Speaker 1 She said, if you come to New York, there's going to be somebody in another room. And I'm going to look the other way if you want to take this offer.

Speaker 1 And so she gets hired to go to Russia to work on an oligarch and his girlfriend. Oh.
Secretly.

Speaker 1 And she gets stuck in a crazy, almost Jason-bourne-type world. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But also, it's also believable, right? Because there are people with kind of unimaginable wealth around the world. And discretion is the number one value proposition.

Speaker 1 Well, I interviewed a lot of surgeons that do this. And that was where a lot of the ideas came from because...
They work for NGOs. They go to Africa to work on people.
The world starts in Africa.

Speaker 1 Right. The world of private surgery is actually really happening.
It's very real. Businessmen in China will pay.

Speaker 2 It actually started.

Speaker 1 I was reading a Reese Book Club book and in it was a Chinese businessman paying his way to the top of the donor list at UCSF. And I was like, does this happen?

Speaker 1 And I asked the author, she's like, that happens. Do people get transplants of organs in other countries and you don't know where the organ came from? 100.
Of course. So that's part of it.

Speaker 1 And then part of what was really fun too is I got to research longevity clinics in Dubai. Oh, in Dubai.
So I talked to some people who go go there once a year, and there's the blood oxygen stuff.

Speaker 1 So I imagined a world where one of those longevity clinics kind of grafted with a doctor's without borders and some unethical stuff started happening with refugees that were treating.

Speaker 1 You start to see it and it gets very complex. Yes.
And my character starts to uncover some really sinister stuff. And you're also embroiled in this crazy opulent world.

Speaker 1 Extreme wealth where the rules are off.

Speaker 2 This sounds so intense and so

Speaker 1 fag. How

Speaker 2 fun? I was like, you had to, I'm sure, do so much research to understand this world.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I've talked to a couple tattoo artists.
They too find themselves in these crazy situations, these famous ones. Like, oh, I tattooed this chic in a 747, just the two of us flying to wherever.

Speaker 1 Crazy kind of situations like that. Did you talk to anyone who had a insane, like, I did a facelift on a helicopter? Yes.

Speaker 1 On a military plane on someone who did not want his enemies to know he was under anesthesia.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Crazy stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's an interesting biker thing, too. Her father-in-law is a biker and he comes in and his network of people across Europe comes.
That's a really important part of the third act. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So it really is kind of like a movie. Fun.
Oh, big time. It's really fun.
And what's most fun about it, I listened to it. Oh, cool.

Speaker 1 And you and Chris Pine, who I didn't even know you guys were friends, it makes sense. You did that movie together.
I thought I didn't like him. Oh, I thought I didn't like him.
He's a little shy.

Speaker 1 I also worked with him. I was really friendly to to him.
And then I saw him in a bathroom. I was just like, yeah, that doesn't like me.
I don't know if I like him. Were you being sensitive?

Speaker 1 Were you being sensi pants? I'm very sensitive. Yeah.
I'll be the first to make up a story. Do you want people to come to you, or would you prefer you go to them? I'm happy with either.

Speaker 1 I was very engaging with him, and he was, by my assessment, I was like, he wasn't interested. That's fine.

Speaker 2 Frax needs a lot of approval. So if he's not getting it back, something's, you know, then I go straight into like, I'll start writing a story.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, so he hates me. Why does he he hate me? And I just try and figure out, like,

Speaker 1 were we ever? Did I ever?

Speaker 1 There's so many assumptions. Yeah.
Where's the four agreements? Is it on this show?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 All my friends are just telling me about it. Please.

Speaker 1 I'll just say we interviewed him and I completely fell in love with him. And then we went to the motorcycle track together.
And I did, yes. And now I

Speaker 1 adore him like crazy. Oh, good.
A lot of my favorite people are people I thought. I love that.
Look at you being open-minded to challenge your own assumptions.

Speaker 1 That's the least I can do because I make so many.

Speaker 1 But you guys read the book. Yes.
He plays my husband. He's so good.

Speaker 1 He's so good. I mean, I don't want to bag on other.
I listened to a ton of books on tape throughout the year. We don't really ever get A-list actors doing it.

Speaker 1 It's a significant bump in the experience. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 1 Thank you for saying that. Yes.
It's like listening to like a great radio show from the 30s. Well, we have performers now doing this.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm sure you want people to buy the book and read it old-fashioned, but I'm going to really recommend do this book on audio. It's so fun.

Speaker 1 I am so happy if anybody consumes it in any possible way graphic novel yeah are you so proud of yourself writing a book is a huge deal thank you i am really proud of myself because i was scared out of my mind this is scary and i did it anyway and i was like i'm friends with so many authors and this is gonna be so awkward they're all being so lovely and even if they hate it i say tell me you love it because i can't handle it that's great just just tell me you love it but we had jennifer anison on and we asked her how's that this year like two weeks ago

Speaker 2 and then we asked her how you two were different. And then we said we're going to ask you.
I don't want to see how these compare.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I'm like, what did Jen say about me?

Speaker 2 She said lovely stuff.

Speaker 1 We've known each other so long and we are very different people. But opposites attracted and you know, then adventure is a natural thing.

Speaker 1 She's really warm and welcoming. She's like a big host.
Come over. She's very warm and friendly.
I think I'm more nerdy. She said you're Tracy Flick-like.

Speaker 1 I'll just cut to the chase. She said, You're studious.

Speaker 2 You're a straight A student.

Speaker 1 I'm a straight A student. If there's a challenge, I'll take it.
But hopefully, I'm not so rigid. I used to be really rigid.
I think my edge is softened. Life does that to you.
But Jen, I will say,

Speaker 1 I've known Jen 25 years, 26 years. You had a little baby in your dressing room.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's always been really lovely and nurturing and warm and friendly and kind and has been through her own stuff. Oh, yeah.
And also has reason to be a little guarded. Yes.

Speaker 1 I've cried in one of our interviews because I was like, I just think people are so unfair sometimes that they think they know her and make assumptions.

Speaker 1 Well, they want her to play a certain character they've designed and any deviation from that cannot be computed. She's not who people think she is.
She's not holding on to old things. Right.

Speaker 1 She's not pining for Brett.

Speaker 1 She's doing great anyway. At her 50th birthday, one of the biggest testaments I can say to what a wonderful person she is.

Speaker 1 People from her teenage years, people from her 20s, people who work in her home, every ex-husband, ex-boyfriend was there.

Speaker 1 She just is like a high spiritual integrity person. She's not a burner of bridges.
Correct. Are you a burner of bridges? No.
I have really good, clear pathways with people.

Speaker 1 It wasn't always like that because I didn't have the words in my rigidity. And I'm softened.
I've had a lot of shit happen to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think you suffered the most or people around you suffered the most when you were really strangleholding things? I don't know. Probably me, but I never held grudges.
I'm just not that person.

Speaker 1 What I said to her, and I'll say to you, the cool thing about the morning show to me is there's been a lot of different ways in which you and her have moved forward the possibilities for ladies.

Speaker 1 But one that still seemed to be not being addressed was, and the example I gave when we talked to her was somehow everyone was like, yeah, we can figure out how to get Brad, Pitt, Clooney, and Matt Damon in Oceans 11.

Speaker 1 I mean, they're all going to get a fortune. But there was this kind of paradigm where it's like, there's one leading gal and there's only room for her and her paycheck.

Speaker 1 And it's going to kill us to even give her what she's worth. There's no way we're giving in a second person.
And I think that was like one of the other remaining doors that needed to be broken.

Speaker 1 And I think it's pretty rad that you guys use your combined leverage to go like, no, this is bullshit. And I guess you had started it with big little lies.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, no, me and Nicole Kidman are going to be in this. Nicole and I decided to do that together.
You didn't meet on it. You had already been friends.
No, we knew each other.

Speaker 1 I must tell you, it was pretty funny from our point of view because you were looking at lake houses. And I brought her with me.
And you were like, can we look at your house?

Speaker 1 And we're like, yeah, yeah, go crazy. We'll get it unlocked.
And then the person we had sits like, yeah, and then Nicole Kidman's over.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's like it's all going down over there.

Speaker 1 Who's next? She's my really good friend. And we're neighbors too.
So we toodle and sometimes do errands together.

Speaker 1 Well, it was very revealing. I'm like, this is so cute.
You've driven 40 miles from your house to go look at our house. And somehow Nicole's also going to join you.

Speaker 1 And it's really telling of what friendship you have. She and I just like toodle around together.
It's like you do in high school. Like, what are you doing? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go look at this thing. Sure.
I'll come. That's a very girls do forever.
Sometimes Laura During comes with us too.

Speaker 1 We all end up in the same place. Like Shaylene and Zoe and Durren and I all just had dinner.
Okay, good. We just kind of reconnect.
And our kids join in too.

Speaker 1 We have a ton of girls and my son comes and there was a special alchemy on that show. I'm Big Little Live.

Speaker 1 And it felt like a watershed moment too for women connecting over their deep personal relationships and what women's conversations were really like in their inner lives.

Speaker 1 Oh, I found the whole Nicole Kidman storyline. We just had Alexander Skarsgård.
Oh, yeah. By the way, I fell so in love with him.
Oh, my God. Oh, he's good.

Speaker 1 Chilling. Captain Playful.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Captain Playful. How top of being gorgeous.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that storyline. I was like, oh, wow.
I've never been in that relationship, but I feel like that's the real version of it. I felt like I learned something.
It felt so real. In big little lies.

Speaker 1 The storyline between those two. Yeah, for sure.
I was like, oh, this is how it works. I see the trap of it.

Speaker 1 Haven't you ever had a friend who suddenly goes through a breakup and says, hey, by the way, I want to share with you XYZ dynamic that you had no idea. I've never had that moment.

Speaker 1 A guy would never tell me that. Really?

Speaker 1 No. If a guy told me he was beating up his girlfriend, I think he would know that would be a line for me.
I would be judgmental. Yeah, but he would say it in a different way.
I lost control.

Speaker 1 I crossed the line. I'd be like, yeah, my mom got beat, so you can go suck a dick.

Speaker 1 You can go get another friend.

Speaker 2 They're in denial, too. I don't think a lot of them think, oh, I need to reveal that I've done this bad thing.
They've decided it's not a bad thing because you can't live like that.

Speaker 1 But the complexity of the cycle I got. Oh, this is a cycle.
This is like a high and low. This is a dopamine deficit.
This is sexual.

Speaker 1 Is it? It's also like, is this sexy? I bet those orgasms were bar none. I bet that's the height of that.
I think that's what you're playing with and why it's heightened. And then the lows are equal.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I get it. I didn't really even understand it, but it just felt so authentic where I was like, somebody got consulted and someone understands this.

Speaker 1 That was interesting because that was like Nick and Alexander were doing that together. The rest of us were in the biggest comedy of our life.
Like Dern and I were like killing it.

Speaker 1 I was like, Durn, I was blowing up my ad looks yesterday. It was so funny.
She goes, Girl,

Speaker 1 I was like the momzilla yesterday, and it was awesome. And then I was like, but I'm a little worried about tone.
She's like, don't worry.

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, I talked to Nick. I think some dark shit's in there.

Speaker 1 Nick is like rocking in the corner and like can't speak. And I was like, are we in the same show?

Speaker 1 I don't even know this is going to be on the same network at this point. I know, but it works.
It's great. It worked.
It really worked.

Speaker 1 Okay, my final question for you is, because we're comparable ages. Yes, you're invited to my 50th birthday party.
I can't wait to go. I'm a great attendee.
I'll entertain lots of people.

Speaker 1 I heard you say acting is a little less interesting and for good reason. And I share that sentiment.

Speaker 1 Can you compute or do you entertain or fantasize, is there a world in which you could devote yourself with passion to something that wasn't productive? Well, I'm working on that.

Speaker 1 So I have a hobby and that's chocolate making.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, bot-bots.

Speaker 1 Every instinct in my body wants to try and turn it into a business.

Speaker 1 Yes. And it's just my hobby.
Could you retire?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 I'm 49. Yeah.
But you've been working since you're 14. So you kind of, you know.
Yeah, but I'm finding new outlets. So this writing a book, being a novelist, I could see myself doing this for a while.

Speaker 1 I have more stories in my head with this character. Let me ask you this.
Could you love yourself and have self-esteem if you weren't productive? Do you think you have to be productive?

Speaker 1 So you and I need to go like get coffee and stuff.

Speaker 1 Maybe you you could help. Well, I'm wrestling with all the same stuff.
And I think it's an internal drive. Sometimes I'll stay in the shower as we're crying and go, I wish I could turn it off.

Speaker 1 That's my hunch. So if you just want to do it because you love it, Monica, let's go.
I'm a cheerleader. If you have what I have, which is like, I have to be spectacular for you to love me.
100%.

Speaker 1 That needs a dressing, right? Or at least I know for me, it needs a dressing. And somehow

Speaker 1 retirement, that's the challenge in some sense. It is.
And I'm working on it. I am a work in progress on it.
And now at least I'm seeing it. But you're right.
It's tied to my self-worth.

Speaker 1 And I feel like sometimes people see the achiever a certain way and it's really easy to judge. And I'm not saying like, boohoo, I'm an achiever because it's one of the socially acceptable vices.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Because it is a fucking addiction, like all others.

Speaker 1 You regulate your mood by this thing. I recognize it and I'm getting to a healthier place.
Okay, Reese, I adore you. We've been wanting you for so long.

Speaker 1 Thank you for doing that. I'm truly flattered.
Long time listener, first time guest. I save my compliment because I know it'll make you uncomfortable.
I save it for the very end. You're hot.
Nope.

Speaker 1 You're hot. And I asked Kristen if I could tell you this.

Speaker 1 So throughout our 18 years together, when she has had these big victories and she shined, which she has so often, the go-to for me is always, I'm like, look at you, girl.

Speaker 1 You're fucking Rhys Witherspoon. Oh.

Speaker 1 Our whole relationship. Every time she scores a touchdown, I'm like, girl, you're fucking becoming Reese Witherspoon.
And she's so flattered by it. That is really a lovely compliment.

Speaker 1 And it's the truth. Thank you for saying that.
Yeah. And I feel like one day I'll be Kristen Bell.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I don't think that's true. We're destined to be friends.
I'm so glad it finally happened this year. I like it.
You're pursuing

Speaker 1 it about you. We're stoking the little flames.
We're being gentle with each other and kind of dancing around. Like, do you like me? Do you like me? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Do you you want to come to the operating? Do you want some bread? Yeah, you want some bread.

Speaker 1 Okay, girl. All right.
Well, I adore you.

Speaker 1 Good luck. Everybody, check out Gone Before Goodbye.
I recommend listening to it. And then, of course, season four of the morning show is on Apple Plus right now.
Tune in before it ends.

Speaker 1 Binge it, catch up. It's fantastic.
There's a lot of drama. Reese, be well.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Stay tuned for the facts, check, so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Cute shirt. And appropriately, I have an update.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Dodgers. Yes.
Yes. How long have you had that shirt?

Speaker 2 Okay. I've had it for a long time, but it's my first time wearing it.

Speaker 1 You've just been waiting. I keep forgetting.
You're like, if they get into the World Series a second time,

Speaker 1 I'll bust out my Dodgers Blue.

Speaker 2 Well, you know,

Speaker 2 I have a lot of school spirit

Speaker 2 and I am brand loyal.

Speaker 2 And I am brand loyal to the Braves.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 that is my number one team.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 But I know people don't like this, but I like it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I feel like I'm allowed to have a number two team.
Yeah. Um, because this is my city.

Speaker 1 I know. I mean, this gets into a much bigger, deeper philosophical conversation, which is like loyalty in general.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sometimes on here saying, you know, I don't think loyalty should come at the expense of the truth.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You have things.

Speaker 1 Or honesty. I have some things.
Yeah. Mostly my baggage from having to be loyal to adults that maybe didn't deserve loyalty.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But just unrelated to sports, car guys, they like to declare themselves. I'm a Chevy man.
I'm a Ford guy. I'm a Mopar guy.
Yeah. And so regularly I'll post a picture of one of my cars.

Speaker 1 And I am loyal to horsepower. Right.
That's my elite.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Yeah.
And so I'll post a picture of my 454 SS pickup truck and the Mopar guys will be like, bow tie sucks.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 You know, and I'm like, guys, this is a radical truck and you know it. Yeah.
And then I'll post a picture of my Mopar Hellcat. And the bow tie guys are upset.
And then a Ford Raptor. They don't.

Speaker 1 So they don't like that idea. And I do that with motorcycles and cars.
And it's very disruptive.

Speaker 2 I think it, yeah, it is. It is interesting and philosophical because I, when I hear that, I'm like, yeah, duh.
Like, you should be able to like whatever car you like.

Speaker 2 But I have no, I i have no feelings about cars so it's easy for me to say that yes when i have feelings about things

Speaker 2 i do

Speaker 1 i do have a stronger reaction feelings yeah uh yeah so sports teams i get heat because i mean the red wings are my team yes i grew up they were the bulls i mean they were just insanely good and they're my team yeah but i fucking love a a maple leaf sweatshirt they're so good looking that blue with the leaves on it.

Speaker 1 I love the color. I'll wear that in a post, and my Detroit friends are very upset.
Yeah. And look, I like the Rams, but if it's between them and the Lions, I'm going Lions.
So I like the Rams. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I like many teams. And then if they face each other, I will have a priority.

Speaker 2 Yes, that's how I feel. I feel like I can definitely be a huge, huge, huge, huge Dodgers fan right now, which I am.

Speaker 1 The biggest. The biggest.

Speaker 2 But if they were playing the Braves, sorry, I'm a Braves fan.

Speaker 1 That's okay. See, my argument is that's okay.
And in a world in which we think that in-group, out-group, and tribalism is

Speaker 1 to cause for a lot of our current ailments, I think a little less of this

Speaker 1 is probably better. Enjoy a lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 You can enjoy a lot of stuff, but also be really loyal to

Speaker 1 your teams.

Speaker 2 Don't ever say roll tie.

Speaker 1 I mean, are the Maple Leaves, uh they're called the maple leaves toronto maple leaves okay also that's like sorry it's just so canadian so canadian of course so cute and they must be among the raw what the first five yeah they're originals they're an original 16.

Speaker 1 oh wow so and they hate that detroit calls itself hockey town oh because detroit calls itself hockey town well and there's up all over the city hockey town and like will arnett who's from toronto is like you hockey town and you didn't invent you know they're mad but that's because he is also very American.

Speaker 2 He's Canadian. I know, but I know, but like, that's his American side being like, oh, hockey town.

Speaker 2 Because what, you know, in our pod, Matt is Canadian and he has a bunch of friends who are Canadian and they're all on these chats and stuff.

Speaker 1 About the Blue Jays.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And all of the Canadians are like, good job.
When we win.

Speaker 2 And then like, you know, Charlie's doing like a suck it meme, like gift to them. And they're like, no, we're happy for you guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's just so, it is so American to be like, yes. And I, I definitely fall into that.
I love winning. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's fun and just has to be kept within reason. Yeah.
Because, okay, my updates were I went to the Dodgers game last year.

Speaker 2 Yes, you went to the World Series.

Speaker 1 Game four, the World Series. And my brother had just flown in an hour before.

Speaker 1 And his, his, it's a bucket list for him to go to the World Series. Oh.
And then my sister, Carly, as Rob will attest, is a baseball junkie.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 So I took those two.

Speaker 1 And this type of game, and in fact, in all disclosure and transparency, was why I was there, which is when there's these big games, those teams like to have celebrities in the crowd for the television.

Speaker 1 They got more cutaways. It's a bigger event.
Yeah. So I got invited.
Yeah. And that would anger people.
I was thinking this whole thing through.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, there's someone sitting here that's like, that's such bullshit that that guy would get a free seat when he's not even a hardcore fan. Sure.
And that's a very legitimate point.

Speaker 1 Unless you're the Dodgers and you need cutaways. Yeah.
And you're like, yeah, but I need cutaways.

Speaker 2 It's all fine. People can be annoyed that I'm always defending my tall poppiness.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm like, I always have the argument prepared for when I get confronted. Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess the question is like, what you're going to say no to go to a fun game?

Speaker 1 And then it goes to me. Like, why would I say no? Right, exactly.
Because I didn't go to every game. Yeah.
And I am a fair weather fan. And there's another thing.

Speaker 1 That's another thing. Like fair weather fans really anger really hardcore fans.
But of course. But why, of course? I'll tell you why it shouldn't be.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Fairweather fans are where the bulk of the viewership comes from, where the bulk of the money comes, where the both, oh, we got a picture.

Speaker 1 Oh, good. I don't even have to blatantly name drop.
That's a friend of the pod, Chris Pine. That's his buddy Tyler, who's smiling.
He was a great guy. I talked to him a bunch.

Speaker 1 And that's our most sexy member of Suits. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 And he's in all Toronto stuff, and he's friends with Kevin Zeekers. And he was there to support the Blue Jays.
And I was thinking,

Speaker 1 what game is it safe? Like, this is safe. We're up one game.
All right. You're wearing all the Toronto stuff.
Yeah, but it's scary.

Speaker 1 And if it's game seven and we lose that game and you're walking out of the Dodger Stadium, which is known to get a little riff-raff-y,

Speaker 1 I was like, I'm going to have to walk with this guy tonight. You're going to protect me.
Given the outcome of the game. Yeah.
Because we lost pretty-handedly. Damn.
But this isn't.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Other friend of the game.

Speaker 1 These two were there. Flea and Brad Pitt.
What a combo.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, now I'm upset, Brob.

Speaker 1 Everything was good until you showed me that picture.

Speaker 2 I mean, I mean, do down compare.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 You're with beautiful Chris Pine.

Speaker 1 So this trip to the game was cute boy alert. I was coming in today to give a cute boy update.
Okay. Okay.
So Patrick Adams is right there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When he crossed and we chatted and I looked in his blue eyes and then he left, I said to Carly, wow, he delivers in real life, huh? And Carly was like, it's unbelievable. He's so gorgeous.

Speaker 1 And by the way, that was our second helping of it because on the walk in Monica,

Speaker 1 I see a very fucking handsome guy. One of the most handsome guys I've ever seen in my life.
It's Austin Butler.

Speaker 2 Oh, he is excited.

Speaker 1 And I have this vague sense that we have,

Speaker 1 well, I know because D'Anofre was staying at the house for a week and I know he just worked with him. So we were talking about him.
He's like, he's a great fucking kid.

Speaker 1 So I had the balls to, as he turned, I immediately waved at him. And then he immediately came over.
We started talking. Nice.
He's so gorgeous in real life. It's insane.
Carly was like.

Speaker 2 He saw that tower once. You did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he delivers, right? Very. And he's a big boy.
He's tall. Yeah, he's tall and he's got wide shoulders.
And then I saw today some because he said, oh my God, we're both friends with Duffy.

Speaker 1 My friend Duffy, who was ding, ding, ding, Brad Pitt's trainer, who clearly is now Austin's trainer. Yeah.
And he's the Navy SEAL I always talk about. Yes.
So then we're talking about Bod.

Speaker 1 So then I looked up his Instagram today and he's got a shirtless photo. And my God, ladies, go over to his Instagram.
He's, he's looking insane.

Speaker 2 He doesn't need help. People are looking at his Instagram.

Speaker 1 Oh, and then my brother, he hears Duffy DeCastro. So then my brother says to him, oh, are you stunty? Like, meaning, are you a stunt man? Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 To Austin. To Austin.

Speaker 1 You know what? I love that. Mind you, everyone.
I love that. And I say,

Speaker 1 Dave, he's Elvis.

Speaker 1 And then my brother goes, Oh my God, you are Elvis.

Speaker 1 I love that movie. I saw it twice.

Speaker 1 Let's it rip. That's nice.
It was hilarious. And then my sister was like fucking hyperventilating with how hot he was.
Oh, my.

Speaker 2 It was exciting.

Speaker 1 It was an exciting.

Speaker 1 So exciting. It was exciting for the whole family.
And then Sean and Edward were two rows behind me and threw a napkin at my face. Fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was very

Speaker 2 great time.

Speaker 1 It was. I felt popular.
Oh, that's not Shauna.

Speaker 2 That's Connie Britton.

Speaker 1 That's Connie B.

Speaker 2 God. Lots of people for lots of pod mates.

Speaker 1 Everyone was there.

Speaker 2 That's really cool.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
Yeah, it was a real CMB scene.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we did lose.

Speaker 1 Too many stars there. Yeah, they need to dial it back a little bit.
And you know my insecurity, like the whole way there. I'm like, I know we're in this suite that the MLB has.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I'm going to be in the, you know, I'm going to be like row nine in this thing. This is what I'm thinking the whole way.
I'm like, I'm not going to see the game.

Speaker 1 They're going to, oh, shit, Chris Pine's here. He'll be right up front.

Speaker 1 But also, also, again, though, the comparison.

Speaker 2 You, as a admittedly fair weather fan,

Speaker 2 zero loyalty, was invited to stay to go in the MLB suite. And you're like, oh no, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm insecure that I'll be on the last row of whatever this already

Speaker 1 rarefied group is. Exactly.
Yes. It's very human of me.

Speaker 2 It's so human and it's interesting. It's hard.
It's hard. We're all comparing

Speaker 2 no matter where we're at.

Speaker 2 Except maybe Brad.

Speaker 1 It is all funny. It's very funny.
It's very funny.

Speaker 1 You want me to admit the grossest thing? Yeah. Yeah, this is disgusting.
Yeah. Because I get

Speaker 1 insecure. This is what it is.
Yeah. And so when I am talking to a famous person and someone yells my name, I'm grateful.

Speaker 1 Like I was talking to Chris in front of the bathroom. Yeah.
And a dude walked by and he's like, what's up, Dak Shepard? And I was like, oh, that's, I'm good.

Speaker 1 I'm glad Chris knows at least some people know me.

Speaker 1 That's not that gross. Pretty gross.
Well, no. I'm like grateful for it.
I'm like, oh, good. He saw that I'm like, some people know who I am.

Speaker 2 I mean, it just makes, the only thing that it doesn't make sense about that is like.

Speaker 2 He knows who you are. It's not.

Speaker 1 Of course he does. But in my insecurity, he doesn't think anyone knows who I am because it's nonsense.

Speaker 2 Because he came on our show. So he obviously.

Speaker 1 But he thinks like our show is this like cute thing and he's a movie star. Okay.
And he feels bad for me that I got invited to the Dodgers game.

Speaker 2 But do you feel?

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to be very clear. These are like 7% preoccupations.
They're actually not running the show at all. Yeah.
They're like just, they're faint thoughts that cross my head. And then I CBD pop them.

Speaker 1 I pound them down.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's all you can do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and but and but then also when someone yells my name while I'm talking to them, I'm grateful that the person yelled my name. Yeah, look, so I'm not like vain and thin-skinned, still, you know.

Speaker 2 I have that. Like, if I'm at an event or something,

Speaker 2 I do like if someone comes up and says they're a fan of the show,

Speaker 2 because it does, yeah, makes you feel like you deserve to be there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's getting it's like getting you over your imposter or something.

Speaker 2 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

Speaker 1 If you dare.

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Speaker 2 Similarly, I went to an event this weekend. A gala.
I went to a lunch gala.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 We know I love galas for the Rape Treatment Center and Stewart House that's connected to UCLA.

Speaker 2 And it was hosted by the cast of the pit.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 2 Which is very exciting. Yeah.
But like, so Molly sent me the thing and she was like, oh, she, she's connected to that organization.

Speaker 2 and she was like maybe we should go to this and I was like yeah absolutely great cause I love gala and I love galas and I love the pit so so three for three I don't like right but the other two are really good that's right that's right so I you know we bought the seats and whatever

Speaker 2 but I was not expecting it to be what it was. It was big.
It was like big. There were a lot of people there.

Speaker 1 CNB scene, kind of like a Dodgers game.

Speaker 2 I guess it, I didn't expect it to be a CNB scene.

Speaker 2 And, um, and it is what so weird what goes on in your head. Cause like, I was like, I'm gonna have to go to this thing on Saturday, but then I had, cause I also, we did a live stream for Beth Stets.

Speaker 2 I was like, but I gotta leave early. I like, I gotta go for a minute, but then I gotta leave.

Speaker 2 Um, and I was kind of preoccupied with that. I was like, oh, it's on the west side.
Like, I have to drive over there.

Speaker 1 Sure, sure.

Speaker 2 Then we get there, and I was like, oh, shit, this is like an event.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 and then, yeah it is it's so gross it's so gross because there was like a line a talent there was there was a carpet yeah

Speaker 2 and there was like a line for talent and and then a gen gen pop line right to get your tickets or whatever and so you know we were walking around like where do we go and i was like oh i guess we're in this line okay uh-huh gen pop yeah we were in gen pop

Speaker 2 and and i was like and i was like we're not talent she

Speaker 2 She was like, you are. And I was like, I'm not.
Like, talent is invited specifically and like meant, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 to sell tickets.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like, you know, then we're walking by the carpet.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm seeing the cast of the pit. They're doing, you know, little interviews.

Speaker 1 You're like, I won't hate if someone grabs me and says, are you going to do the carpet? Yes, yes, of course.

Speaker 2 But also, no, because I wasn't.

Speaker 1 I didn't like prepare. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I saw ding, ding, ding, friend of the pod, Max Greenfield.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 2 And he was in, of course, the little talent area.

Speaker 1 He's not in gender.

Speaker 2 And I was like looking and I was like, oh, Max is here. And then I was like,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to go say hi to Max because he doesn't even know who I am. And also, I can't even go into the talent area because I'm not talent.

Speaker 2 This is all bad. Let's, I'm going to go get a mimosa, you know?

Speaker 1 So then like we went and it's amazing you leave your house. I'm thinking of the birthday party you went to at all time.

Speaker 2 Oh God, that was horrible.

Speaker 1 As soon as you're like, oh my God, just get out of here or get a drink or get out of here. I know.

Speaker 2 Thank God I was with Molly. So we were just, then we were just like there to have fun.

Speaker 2 And then we're walking in

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 Max is there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he sees me.

Speaker 1 He's a very good boy.

Speaker 2 And he's a very good boy. And then we start, of course, chatting.
He was like, oh my God, I saw Dax yesterday. This is so fun.
And switching you guys out. And we were all chatting.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I felt better.

Speaker 1 And then I felt dumb for feeling better. Like, you felt mad at you, disappointed in yourself.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is. It's like, oh, I hope people see I'm talking to Max.
And it's like, she belongs. She's like, she knows him.
She belongs here.

Speaker 1 It's the greatest movie of all time. You can't buy me love.
He knew if he dated that popular girl, everyone would like him. And he was right.

Speaker 2 They already liked him. But they knew it.
Well, I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 You haven't seen it. It's one of the greatest.

Speaker 2 And I love Patrick Dempsey.

Speaker 1 You love it. He's at his absolute cutest.
Yeah. That's the movie that made him a star.

Speaker 2 I know. You love, you love that movie.

Speaker 1 It was the best movie.

Speaker 2 But I, anyway, and then, yeah, it's all so dumb. It's so stupid.
And then we sat down at the table.

Speaker 2 And this was so sim. This was so strange.

Speaker 2 These two women come up to me.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 And said, hi,

Speaker 2 you just had my best, you just had our best friend on your show,

Speaker 2 Jen.

Speaker 2 I was like,

Speaker 2 Jen Aniston, yeah, and and she was like, Yeah, and I was like, Oh my gosh, and she was like, I came up on the show. I was like, Oh my gosh, you're the friend with the podcast,

Speaker 1 Dre.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, you met Dre, yes, Dre, Dre, and Kristen.

Speaker 2 This, this woman, Chris, Kristen, and they're best friends with her. And she was like, Yeah, and she shouted my podcast out.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Oh my gosh, how crazy! Yeah, yeah, truly.

Speaker 2 And we're all sitting at the same table. Yeah.
But also what was so funny is I was like looking at her and I thought, you look like Carl. Like you look like her.
You talk like Carl.

Speaker 1 Like me and Aaron, when people are like, are they brothers?

Speaker 2 You do this. You start melding and you become one thing.
And it was really, it was, it was wild. And it's like, who was who first or not? Or you just like, you're, you become just one

Speaker 2 meld.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Aaron and I have had that forever.
Yeah. We're girls that are you twins? And we're like, we don't look alike.
Right. But our thing is so.

Speaker 2 Vibe becomes one thing. I think Callie and I are the same.

Speaker 1 Yes. And you guys definitely don't look alike.
No. No.
But you do have like, if I just squint and I picture the halo and aura around you two, it is identical. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's a shoppy, it's a shoppy, sparkly pink aura that you guys both have.

Speaker 2 Shoppy? Shoppy. Yeah, because we shop a lot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's just like two little girls that got to go shop

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 permanently as adults. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like a fairy tale type. You and Callie are when you're together, it's a well, it's like when Aaron and I are together, but it's like when a lowly girl from America finds out she's the princess,

Speaker 1 you know? Okay. And they go over to England.
All of a sudden, now they live in royalty. Oh, wow.
Yeah. And that's you guys.

Speaker 2 Because we've stumbled upon.

Speaker 1 Because you used to go to the outlet stores and stuff. Yeah.
And Malla, Georgia. Yeah.
And try to like get as much as you could for a buck 20. Yeah.
And now it's like the reins are off.

Speaker 2 Now it's Brentwood Country Mart on Black Friday.

Speaker 1 Yes. And it's in stone.

Speaker 2 And it's what?

Speaker 1 The shopping dates are in stone. They're

Speaker 2 holidays. Yes.
It, yeah. It's, it's, it is funny.
I notice it too. Like the way

Speaker 2 we, the jokes, what we,

Speaker 2 the cadence of the joke, like very specific.

Speaker 1 So you act differently when you're around her.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 1 And I bet she acts differently around you. And I bet you guys are both joining your fused identity.

Speaker 2 Yes, I guess.

Speaker 1 Which is like you're much more, I don't want to say laid back in a negative way, but you're very laid-back with her.

Speaker 2 Huh, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have a confidence

Speaker 1 and a laid-backness, I think, when you're with her. You're kind of just like in playful, I'm in playful mode.

Speaker 2 Very play, it's very playful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're not taking much seriously. You're not good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then also, she's who that's who gets all the information about me

Speaker 2 with no reserve and vice versa.

Speaker 1 What I feel when I'm with Aaron, which is kind of a, I think, a healthy feeling, and particularly back when Aaron still drank and hung out in Detroit all day, every day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Our politics were different.

Speaker 1 Right. Like, I just think we would be on different ends of many debates.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh.
But when I'm with him, when I even consider that I have an identity that would be like, I'm liberal or I'm this, seems really laughable.

Speaker 1 Because it came after, you know, it's like I got old enough to even identify with these things. They came so much later that they feel weirdly fraudulent in a healthy way.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 1 Like whatever kind of identity I have in the world. Yeah.
It just seems laughable when I'm with him.

Speaker 1 Cause like he just knows me inside and out as the little 11-year-old before I had all this artifice right actor

Speaker 1 yeah all this stuff yeah and I like that yeah I do too I do I like that too like he was a biker going to outlaw bike events and getting in gnarly things and he had some identity as like an outlaw biker for a while

Speaker 1 but I'm like

Speaker 1 but get real like the rest of the world seeing yeah oh dude that guy is scary and he's a biker right And I'm like, no, that's just kind of this funny thing he's been doing for six years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

Speaker 1 Well, that's not him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's a goofball.

Speaker 1 That's all he really is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe he was a goofball then there, too.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he was the funniest member of the Outlaw Bikers, but there was definitely a much different.

Speaker 2 You felt like he was trying on his identity.

Speaker 1 No, I think it was quite authentic to him. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He was a great fighter and rode motorcycles and was drunk all the time so it's a pretty good fit yeah um and his aspirations were like what's the next ride and the next party and the next throwdown yeah um but those are all late yeah add-ons for him yeah

Speaker 1 yeah that's true the go-dodgers by the time this is out i'm afraid who knows what will happen and it's funny because they they walk otani every time and the people next to me are like so mad

Speaker 1 and i go, bro, what would you do if you were on that team? Like, of course they're walking him. They're acting like that's like an ethical thing.
Oh,

Speaker 2 you know, why is why?

Speaker 1 Well, because they want to see him hit. Right.

Speaker 1 But they don't even give him a chance to swing. They announce we're walking him.
Oh. And he just goes straight to first base.
He doesn't even have an at-bat.

Speaker 2 That is weird.

Speaker 1 Because why waste all the pitches? Why waste any of it? Like, they're just, they can declare now to keep the game moving fast. Oh.
We're just going to walk him.

Speaker 1 Well, they don't want want him at a home run they don't want him at a home run because he's hit he hit two who decides both teams decide no no the the the the coaching staff on the the blue jays blue jays they decide we're gonna walk them oh we're not gonna risk does he get to say no i wanted i don't want to no oh so they're so mad because our best hitter is not hitting it yes i see and they want there to be an ethical dilemma about it i see but it's just a strategy.

Speaker 1 It's a strategy. And I was like, bro, would you pitch to this dude? He's the only guy on our team that's hitting home runs.
Yeah, exactly. Why would they?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, if it's a rule of the game, what can you do?

Speaker 2 You know, what can you do?

Speaker 1 They're using the robber. I was just about to say.

Speaker 2 It's part of the game.

Speaker 1 Do you think I'll have a role in

Speaker 1 Sellers of Catan?

Speaker 1 For people who don't know, Sellers of Catan has been bought as a property that's getting turned into either a television show or a movie or a series of movies.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I was pretty much first one in on the celebrity side.

Speaker 2 I want to be in.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm a celebrity. You can be too.
I know. I'm going to be brick.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 2 I call it wheat.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't that be terrible if they're like, we got to make the

Speaker 1 what do you call them? Not the supplements.

Speaker 1 Those are the four things you can get. They're called the commodity.

Speaker 2 The

Speaker 1 commodities. Resources? Resources.
Oh, shit. What if they decided to anthropomorphize the resources? That would be the worst.

Speaker 2 Well, you'd be ore.

Speaker 1 I would.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because like strong, strong, rock-like, although you'd be competing with the raw.

Speaker 1 It might be brick. I think brick.
Oh. Ore doesn't seem colorful enough.
It seems underground and not light enough. But brick is both strong

Speaker 1 and vibrant.

Speaker 2 Okay, but brick is a little dumber.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know? Yeah. I think ore is

Speaker 1 more wizardy.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So wheat, brick, ore,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 1 something green. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're not going to get cast. We don't even remember.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. I couldn't remember resources.

Speaker 1 Lumber? No. Yeah, wood, brick,

Speaker 1 wheat, and ore.

Speaker 2 Who, what am I? I guess the only one that's that's kind of feminine is wheat, but I'm not wheat.

Speaker 1 I think you're wood. Really? Yeah, brown trunk.

Speaker 1 Wood's great. It's a life force.
You can't poo-poo wood. Wood's the greatest.

Speaker 2 I know, but I just don't feel like it's me.

Speaker 1 And the two best resources are brick and wood. I know.
That's how you win the game. P.S.
If you haven't played.

Speaker 2 But I just, I'm not wood. You know, wood is.

Speaker 1 Try to say something about wood because I guarantee there's a version of wood that would betray that statement.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think wood's bad.

Speaker 1 But even what, what are you going to say about wood?

Speaker 1 Because wood's everything.

Speaker 2 But wood is like, I don't think I'm a tree. Like trees, although I am a Virgo, double Virgo, and Virgos are very grounded.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Wood is ground. Trees are grounded into the earth.

Speaker 1 I think it might be helpful for you to say what you're not the most. And I think wheat, you're not the most.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 why?

Speaker 1 You can be honest,

Speaker 2 it's flimsy and it's white, yeah, white and blonde.

Speaker 1 It looks like a blonde, yeah. It is, it is with the hair blowing around, yeah, and convertible.

Speaker 2 I would probably cast like um

Speaker 2 uh Anya Taylor Joy, the woman from Queen's Gambit.

Speaker 1 Oh, smart. I'm going Sydney

Speaker 1 Sweeney. She was at the Dodgers game.

Speaker 2 Oh, she was?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Nice. Yeah.
Um, wheat is like

Speaker 2 they could tip over.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm sorry.
I'm not, I'm not done with the Dodgers. Oh, okay.
Great.

Speaker 1 Like, she was there. I saw a photo today.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I mean, it's an appropriate sentence for me. And it's still a great sentence.
Okay. But boys love me.

Speaker 1 And girls don't. Like, if I would have met her, A, she wouldn't have stopped.
Like when I made eye contact with her and waved, she'd have been like, hey, and then kept moving. Okay.

Speaker 1 Whereas Austin was like, oh, yeah, this guy's got bigger muscles than me. I'll talk to him.
Okay. Right.
Well, you've observed that.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yes.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to poke some holes.

Speaker 1 Okay, but boys in general, just because of these new muscles.

Speaker 2 It's not because of that.

Speaker 1 She wouldn't have stopped to talk to me. She'd been like, where's Brad Pitt? I heard he's here.
Okay.

Speaker 1 No. What's the matter?

Speaker 1 What's the matter?

Speaker 2 Okay, because all this is not exactly correct. Okay.
Men are very interested. A lot of men are interested in your muscles.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 That is 100% true.

Speaker 1 We've observed it. Yes.
And it's so fun for me. That's why I love them.

Speaker 1 I keep them forever. I like these young men who want to talk about my muscles.
I love it.

Speaker 2 Okay. And you can, that's great for you.
Yeah. But I actually, I don't think it's the, I think muscles is like an easy thing to

Speaker 1 talk about.

Speaker 2 Like with a lot of women, not all, but with a lot of women, like, oh my God, I love your dress. It's like

Speaker 1 in.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But it's not, it's not why they're talking to you.
And it's also like, I think men

Speaker 2 want friendships. Like they want to meet new men and women want to meet new women.
Okay. So there's just a draw.
You're going to be.

Speaker 1 She doesn't want to meet me. I don't know.
Maybe she's dying. I think we agree, though, that she doesn't want to meet me.

Speaker 2 Maybe she's an arm cherry.

Speaker 1 I think she's really young and doesn't know who I am, which is totally understandable and fine. fine.
And then I think boys end up knowing about me because of the motorcycles and

Speaker 1 again. I think,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't.
Also, why do they have to know you to want to talk to you?

Speaker 1 Because they're at a very crowded place where everyone there wants to talk to them. Very naturally, they're doing a lot of sussing out of who they're going to stop and talk to.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're on the move. Right.
They got to keep it moving. And of course.

Speaker 2 But maybe they're just like, I am not

Speaker 2 talking to anyone

Speaker 2 unless I know them.

Speaker 2 Like I've met them and I would really be able to have a conversation because, I mean, even David Chang, lest we forget.

Speaker 1 Well, that was a horrible. Yeah, that was all your.

Speaker 1 You just spun out. You guys, you agree.
You really spun out. And then also.
The fact that you were so mad at me that at the Emmys, when I met Noah Wiley, I did not tell him what a fan you were.

Speaker 1 You were upset. Yeah.
And now you are at this thing with Noah Wiley and you didn't even introduce yourself.

Speaker 2 Of course not.

Speaker 1 So look at you wanted me to do something that you want to do for yourself.

Speaker 2 Because you have, you are a famous person.

Speaker 1 I have muscles is why you want to talk to me.

Speaker 2 You are, you are at the Emmys

Speaker 1 as an actor

Speaker 2 and talking to another actor.

Speaker 1 Plus one, but go ahead. Okay, I didn't want to say that.

Speaker 2 Listen, Noah Wiley almost sat at the table. Okay.
And then

Speaker 2 he didn't, he got moved. And I was sad about that because I would have talked to him if he was at the table.
Yes. And I would have said, I'm Monica.
I think you're going to come on my podcast.

Speaker 1 You know, it would have been great for you to say. What?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Hey, I saw you on the hayride last year.
Cause we already know.

Speaker 2 I'm not willing to lie. Okay, that's fair.
You know, I just, I'm not.

Speaker 1 So I would in that situation.

Speaker 2 I I know you would, but I'm not going to lie. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So back to your strategy.

Speaker 2 I would say, hi, I'm Monica. It's really nice to meet you.

Speaker 2 I think you might,

Speaker 2 oh no.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 I'm doing a bad job.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you should have stuck with the hayro. No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 I'm going to, I'm going to, I would say,

Speaker 2 I think we're, um, oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm good at talking to people. Okay.

Speaker 2 I would just say,

Speaker 2 hey, I think you're so hot. I had a dream about you last night.

Speaker 1 There we go. He would be all ears.
If you bring up work to him in any capacity, he's probably going to be like, oh, oh, no, he wouldn't because that's him.

Speaker 2 Then he knows my, I'm relevant. I would say you're.

Speaker 1 He said, oh my God, I had the hottest dream about you two weeks ago. We literally did have a dream about him last night.

Speaker 2 That is, it is weird that we, it is weird.

Speaker 2 But okay, no, I

Speaker 1 want to hear it, and I'm not even him. I would say, hey,

Speaker 2 I'm Monica. Really nice to meet you.

Speaker 2 I think we're scheduled.

Speaker 1 We're like working on

Speaker 1 a hard time transitioning to my podcast.

Speaker 1 Armchair Expert with Dex.

Speaker 2 I think you guys have chatted.

Speaker 2 So I definitely pull you in.

Speaker 1 Right. So if you're going to pull me in anyways, just go, hey, I think we were both on Dex's

Speaker 1 hayride last year. No, that's a lot.
Then you can talk about Halloween.

Speaker 2 I don't want to.

Speaker 1 I want to. Then the other thing will happen.
Listen. Start with some sugar and then ask him to eat.

Speaker 2 Listen, I think my way was going to be great. Because he'd be like, oh, yes, I'm trying to come on.

Speaker 1 Are you willing to wear a body wire for this next? Yeah. Okay.
Cause I want to hear you. It's the transition into, I think we're trying to schedule you that you need to workshop a little bit.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Monica.

Speaker 2 Nice to meet you. This is my friend Molly.

Speaker 1 Were you on the hay ride last year?

Speaker 2 Oh, I know.

Speaker 1 You were not. Well, now you're going to lie lie the other direction.

Speaker 2 I don't want you to know me from that.

Speaker 1 I already know you from my success. Okay, maybe.
I mean, look, try it. Try it.
Try it. I'm going to try it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And when he comes on, let's ask him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, we're on. We'll make him.
We'll make him.

Speaker 2 Now he's definitely not coming on because this is.

Speaker 1 We might have just lost him.

Speaker 1 But do you want to do some vaccs? Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 2 Okay, Rhys.

Speaker 1 Reese.

Speaker 1 Reese Witherspoon. That's right.
Do you think in Germany they would call her.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do it because you're already nervous.

Speaker 1 Rhys Witherspoon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably. It didn't even sound German.

Speaker 2 Well, it sounded,

Speaker 1 what is it sound like Steven Dubna?

Speaker 2 No. Okay.

Speaker 1 That didn't sound anything. I do hope because Stephen, because I posted that clip.

Speaker 1 I hope enough people in Stephen's life, because remember I said, just pay attention. And in three years, when we meet, let's just notice it.

Speaker 1 But now I hope people who have heard that will start saying will start saying that to him.

Speaker 1 I think that would be so funny.

Speaker 2 That's funny, but then that's not a good experiment.

Speaker 1 It's a terrible experience because I've tainted

Speaker 1 the experiment, yeah, yeah. Wiespoon.

Speaker 2 I think it sounded German when you said it.

Speaker 2 Please, um, do you want to do it again? You sure you don't want to get another one?

Speaker 1 I'll want to as soon as you start talking, but I'm not gonna. Okay, yeah,

Speaker 1 that's gross.

Speaker 2 Um, now I want In-N-Out because you brought In-N-Out up, but now I want that, Really good.

Speaker 2 And I want a martini.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 2 And I want

Speaker 2 not a cigarette.

Speaker 2 Anna texted me recently and said,

Speaker 2 you teaching me how to drink. I think you teaching me how to drink martinis is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's.

Speaker 2 I just want you to know that she said that.

Speaker 1 I know. It's really flattering, but it's not what I want for her to be the best thing you taught her.
Well,

Speaker 1 I mean, you don't get to pick what the best thing is that I taught her.

Speaker 2 I've taught her so much.

Speaker 1 I just love Anna. So whatever makes her happy, I'm happy.

Speaker 2 She's doing great. It's not like drinking martinis is affecting her life poorly.

Speaker 1 She's thriving.

Speaker 2 She's very active and thriving.

Speaker 1 She's fit, playing a lot of sports.

Speaker 2 Exactly. She's also a social butterfly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I agree that I think the martinis

Speaker 2 are probably the best thing that's ever happened to her.

Speaker 1 You really broadened her horizons. I did.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Reese. Reese.

Speaker 2 I bet Reese likes a martini, actually.

Speaker 1 I don't know if she does.

Speaker 2 We didn't ask. She mentioned high noon at one point.
So I think she drinks whenever she wants.

Speaker 1 I think she drinks responsibly.

Speaker 2 I just don't think she drinks martinis. Like that's a specific

Speaker 1 endeavor. Very metropolitan.

Speaker 2 You mean cosmopolitan, but not.

Speaker 1 Well, that's an other drink. So I thought it it would get confusing.

Speaker 2 I know. I've never had one of those.
Cosmo?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Even though you love Sex in the City?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but actually maybe because of it, I'm like,

Speaker 1 oh, wow. So you do have a bit of me and you.

Speaker 2 I have a lot of you and me. I know.
And you have a lot of me and you.

Speaker 1 I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know.
But like, I didn't like friends because everyone liked it. You're like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that part's stumbling.

Speaker 1 Right. But the fact that you love Sex in the City, but you didn't want the Cosmo is interesting.
It's like there was a line.

Speaker 2 I guess so. Yeah.
There was something about the Cosmo that felt like...

Speaker 1 Posery.

Speaker 2 I guess. But I will say, when I was watching...

Speaker 1 Seems like you would love one. I think I'm going to have one.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 No, you're not. And I don't know why there's something about that drink that doesn't seem appealing to me.

Speaker 1 Pink? Isn't it pink? Yeah, but does it have crayon?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Rob, can you look up if it has crayon? Yep.

Speaker 1 Can you look up if it's good in combating ETIs?

Speaker 2 Because, you know, vodka crayon was my original drink.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was, but you got sick on it.

Speaker 2 So, yeah. Or I just got sick of it.
And I was like, so anything pinkish, I think might be crayon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is cranberry juice.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So that's a no for me. Okay.
Dog.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 How much is Chris Ciano Ronaldo worth?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe a bill. It says 1.4 billion, but we know we can't fully trust the internet on net worth.

Speaker 1 We know this. Well, we know this.
Yeah. I know this personally.

Speaker 2 Exactly. So, so i but that's what it says according to the

Speaker 1 highest paid athlete currently uh yearly between his it says he's the first billionaire footballer i feel like sports you can get a little closer because the salary's public true making 208 million euros in 2026 just from his salary salary that's noble they have to speculate a lot on all the endorsement deals exactly

Speaker 2 um okay so you said bellissimo isn't a word in italy it is a word what does it mean um it means very beautiful gorgeous stunning

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 1 maybe my confusion is i rarely say it correctly

Speaker 1 perhaps it's bellissimo i think so bellissimo

Speaker 1 i don't i don't see why it's a beautiful word it's a nice word yeah you want to give it a shot no

Speaker 1 I'm okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, you said Wikipedia said that her dad was, you're, you're going to sue Wikipedia because it said her dad was a head and neck. Oh, yeah.
And he was ear, nose, and throat.

Speaker 1 ENT.

Speaker 2 But actually what it says is that he was.

Speaker 1 I know it's a tough word. This is one of the hardest words I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Odorhenalaryngology.

Speaker 2 Odorhenalaryngology.

Speaker 1 Game of Thrones. Odor.

Speaker 2 It does sound like that.

Speaker 1 That's horrible.

Speaker 2 And abbreviated to orl

Speaker 2 or l head and neck surgery or ear nose and throat or

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 2 so you don't have to continue

Speaker 1 either or yeah i draw my lawsuit wikipedia breathe easy i would be getting some of my money back because i do donate to them often otolaryngologist oh odor

Speaker 1 odidor

Speaker 2 I guess this goes back to when you said the thing about prescriptions and why aren't they like this?

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is like that.

Speaker 2 Like, why is that word like that?

Speaker 1 That at least, I hate it. It at least, it definitely has a Latin origin.
Yeah. Those words definitely in Latin mean head and neck.
Right. Right.
Yeah. Zalgians is a totally made up word.

Speaker 2 That we know of.

Speaker 2 We don't know.

Speaker 2 Okay. So she said she won a mock trial.

Speaker 1 award. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I tried to look up the award and I couldn't find it.

Speaker 1 But it was the count, the 12 County Nationals or something.

Speaker 2 She said it was like Best Witness or something like that. But

Speaker 2 in my looking it up, there was on the Tennessee Bar Association website,

Speaker 2 it said,

Speaker 2 The Academy Award-winning actress Rhys Witherspoon is perhaps the best-known Tennessee mock trial alumna.

Speaker 2 She participated as part of the Harpeth Hall Schools team in the early 1990s, although her online biography does not mention this important milestone. Exclamation point.

Speaker 1 They're very upset about that.

Speaker 2 Hopefully this episode, they'll be really pleased.

Speaker 1 Yeah, say it again. Say the name of the joint again.

Speaker 2 Well, that's from the Tennessee Bar Association, but it's the Tennessee mock trial.

Speaker 1 Okay. And the Hemphorth.

Speaker 2 She went to Harpeth Hall

Speaker 2 school, I guess, or she was a part of the Harpeth Hall school's team.

Speaker 1 Harpeth. That's a puky word.
Harpeth? Harpeth.

Speaker 2 It doesn't bother me. It sounds like

Speaker 2 like a harpist.

Speaker 1 That sounds nice, but I'm thinking, like, I sat down in this scene and there was like a little bit of harpeth on it. Ew, right.
It almost sounds like harpies. Or oh, it all circles back to herpes.

Speaker 2 You thought herpes was cute, though.

Speaker 1 It is kind of cute in its original form.

Speaker 2 Harpeth, because it kind of sounds like hair lip. It kind of sounds like carpet, but like gross carpet.

Speaker 2 My lip just shut off.

Speaker 1 Fell off.

Speaker 2 I got some harp it.

Speaker 1 It's a shame. That was one of your

Speaker 1 really strong features.

Speaker 1 Someone wrote in the comments on Bree's episode. Wow, definitely round features.
Oh,

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 2 she's well endowed.

Speaker 1 Right. Is that why? Well, no, I think they weren't talking about her face as we always do.
She is well endowed, but I thought. Well, now I got to rethink it.

Speaker 1 I thought that's not what they were saying. Well, that is.

Speaker 1 She would actually love it. So now I don't care.
Now I'm doing a two 180s. I'm back to a 360.

Speaker 1 Girls,

Speaker 2 the stats around girls and boys in college. Girls are going to college at 63%.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is what, sorry, this is what you said. Oh, yeah.
You said girls are going to college at 63% and boys at 37%.

Speaker 2 Okay. In recent years, a higher percentage of girls and boys has entered college with rates around 65% for women versus 57% for men among recent high school graduates.

Speaker 2 This trend has been consistent since 1996.

Speaker 2 Consequently, women now make up a larger share of of the total undergraduate student population, approximately 58%, compared to men who are about 42%.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I was off by 5%.

Speaker 2 Okay, the Four Agreements. She brought up the Four Agreements at the very end.
That's a very big

Speaker 1 book that people love.

Speaker 2 It's self-helpy.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you've heard about it.

Speaker 1 I've heard it. I'd never read it.
People are. I, of all the genres.

Speaker 2 It's not for you as much.

Speaker 1 Self-help is the least consumed for me. I don't know that I've ever read Yumin One.
I tried to read Eckhard Tolle's book and I just

Speaker 1 put it down in the introduction.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I get that. It's interesting, though, because we have

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 2 self-help,

Speaker 2 that category bleeds into so many other things that we do like. It's interesting.

Speaker 1 Well, right, because most self-help books are built on the shoulders of psychiatry and social sciences. And I guess the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is the ultimate self-help book.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. It's to help yourself, not kill yourself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a pretty important one.

Speaker 2 How often, do you guys at meetings ever like read out of it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, in general, like if you go to a public California, now all states have different traditions. Like meetings in Michigan, where I grew up, I prefer.

Speaker 1 You would gather as a big group. They would read

Speaker 1 all the like preamble stuff, the tenets, the traditions.

Speaker 1 And then they would break up. There would always be 12 tables.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And each table was a step. Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 1 So if you felt like you really were feeling powerless and you needed to work a first step or you were having a hard time letting things go and, you know, you could kind of pick what step.

Speaker 1 And then, and then that was generally should be the starting. point of a share or the topic.

Speaker 1 I love that. And every every meeting, at least that I went to in Michigan, was all share meetings.
Here in LA,

Speaker 1 the vast, vast, vast majority of meetings are speaker meetings. So you go there and they always, always read how it works.

Speaker 1 Seldom have we seen a person who's thoroughly followed our path. You know, it's a whole explanation.
There are some that are constitutionally incapable if they can't be honest with themselves.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. It's, I think, page 58, and you read three or four pages.
And then at the end of that, you're reading all 12 steps out loud. Okay.

Speaker 1 Then a speaker will get up and they'll do what in michigan we would have called an open talk and they'll speak for like 30 to 40 minutes oh whoa they'll give their whole story what it was like what happened and what it's like now oh and at the end of that

Speaker 1 very customary here in la

Speaker 1 Then people can come up and do two or three minute shares, but there's only like 10 minutes left for that or 15 or 20, depending on how long the person's

Speaker 1 the main speaker share was. I only go to share meetings.
I go to only men's meetings and we sit in a circle. And yes, we generally read some part of the book.

Speaker 1 Whoever has to read that night can just randomly open the book or maybe they wanted to, they wanted to remind themselves of a certain thing. So yes, you do hear the book.
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 Public means you don't hear a lot of the book. You mostly just hear how it works.
Wow.

Speaker 1 In the event that it's someone's first meeting.

Speaker 2 Right. That makes sense.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Huh. Cool.

Speaker 2 And do you guys take turns who's reading?

Speaker 1 We should. We do a bad job at that.
Mostly my friend gets fucked because he hosts the meeting and he generally

Speaker 1 occasionally. And when I'm feeling generous, I'll go, I'll read.
Because generally, if you read, you also have to share first.

Speaker 1 And it kind of blows sharing first. What's really fun is to hear like eight people share and then it just conjures up all these memories and thoughts.

Speaker 1 And then by the time it gets to you, it's like you really had a lot to stew on to share. Yeah, that makes sense.
But if you're just cold out of the gates, it's harder. Huh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And as you're reading it, most of us, it's harder for us to hear it when you're reading it than just hearing it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 So you're still worried about reading out loud. Yeah.
So then you're supposed to have some kind of thought about what they're reading, but you didn't really hear it all that well.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of, I'm actually, I'm very impressed that you guys stick to that, even though that sounds like an annoying part, but it seems like an important part.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have no religion in my life. Yeah.
And like clearly religion has worked for 3,000 years for a reason.

Speaker 1 And there's something very soothing about the tradition of, all right, now I'm hearing someone read this thing. And yeah, it's actually quite nice.
That's great.

Speaker 1 There are passages I hate because the book has all how to get sober. And then the back of the book is all personal stories.
Some of them are fantastic, and some of them I hate.

Speaker 1 Some of them are like they're religious zealots. Right.
And really, Jesus just got them sober somehow. I don't, you know.

Speaker 2 How many pages is it?

Speaker 1 It's a big fucking book. I bet it's 430 or something.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Rob.

Speaker 1 I heard one key hit. I thought, well, maybe he's already checking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, interesting. Well, the four agreements

Speaker 1 are:

Speaker 2 one, be impeccable with your word.

Speaker 2 Two, do not take anything personally.

Speaker 2 Ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 1 I mean, I wasn't taking it personally.

Speaker 2 Do not take anything personally as a good one. I like that.
I mean, it's very let them, actually.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's really hard.

Speaker 2 Well, oh, God, do I like that? Because some things are personal. If someone says you are doing something, yeah, then that's personal.
But again, I mean, it's not about you, actually.

Speaker 1 It's actually not.

Speaker 2 It's not about you, but I think it's okay for you to say, like, don't talk to me that way. Right, right.

Speaker 1 But it's, there's a big difference between don't talk to me that way and being emotionally affected. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 Or taking that on as truth.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's interesting. Okay.
So four is always do your best.

Speaker 1 Those are the four agreements.

Speaker 2 Will you read them quickly? One, be impeccable with your word. Two, do not take anything personally.
Three, do not make assumptions. And four, always do your best.

Speaker 1 I don't think I heard don't make assumptions.

Speaker 2 Oh, maybe I didn't say that one. That one's

Speaker 1 that's a that's a big pothole for me. I make a lot of assumptions.
Assumptions

Speaker 1 make an ass out of you and me. That's what they say.
That is what they say. Do you want the book length? Yeah.
So the original edition was 432 pages, which you said 430. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 But the fourth edition is 576. 576.

Speaker 1 Wow. It's a big book.
That's why they call it the big book.

Speaker 2 That is a huge book.

Speaker 1 Too big of a book.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I think that, let me do it one more quick, make sure I didn't skip.
Oh, she brought up CTE.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to say that.

Speaker 1 You should get a tattoo that says CTE.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. All right.
I love you. Love you.

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Speaker 5 Mom and dad, uh, mom and mom, dad and dad, whatever, parents, are you about to spend five hours in the car with your beloved kids this holiday season?

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