Chelsea Handler Returns Again

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.
Hi. We have a returning guest today.
We do, but on video this time. Yes, first time on video.
She's so radical. Oh, I love her.
I've adored her for decades now. Chelsea Handler

she's a

commercial We do, but on video this time. Yes, first time on video.
She's so radical. Oh, I love her.
I've adored her for decades now. Chelsea Handler.
She's a comedian, a television host, six-time New York Times bestselling author and advocate. She has written Life Will Be the Death of Me and You Too, You Gone to Be Kidding Me, Lies That Chelsea...
These are all great titles. Yeah.
Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me,elsea bang bang in her new book i'll have what she's having which is really really good and very introspective and it was a great jumping off point for lots of tasty conversations he's just the best i guess we should say although i don't it's not it's not too prevalent but just in case people are confused We recorded that Wednesday as the fires were starting. Just starting.

We just had high, high winds and an inkling of things were going to happen. Exactly.
Much worse later that day. Yeah.
So if we sound trivial or. Yeah.
If it's like, wait, they're kind of talking about it, but not really. Yeah.
That's why. She also has a great podcast.
Dear Chelsea. Check that out.
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See full prescribing information, medication guide, and boxed warning regarding severe low

blood pressure and fainting in certain settings at addyi.com slash pi or call 844-PINK-PILL. Chelsea, it's really, really nice to see you.
It's been a minute. It's been some years.
I've seen you guys, but I've seen you guys on my podcast. Yes.
So it's very refreshing to be on your podcast once again. I imagine your last book would have been the last time we had you.
Maybe it was for some TV thing. It doesn't matter.
What's really fun. I don't know if you care about numbers, but I turned 50 a few days ago.
Oh, happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes.. Thank you.
Yes. Your birthday, 225, 25 turned 50.
I can't imagine a more symmetrical thing to happen. Do you like that kind of thing? I do a little bit because 25 is a good solid round number.
I was born 225, 75. So for this book, when we were talking about a release date, they were like, is there any way you would release this on your birthday? Because that's a really good window.
Yeah. When they look at other books that are coming out to see what's your competition.
Who are you up against? I have no idea. I don't get into that shit anymore.
I'm like, you know what? I don't have to waste time. Whatever happens, happens.
I'm not attached to the outcome of anything. Not too much.
Within reason. Within reason, exactly.
But I was like, you know what? Let's blow it out. It's my 50th birthday.
Let's release the book on my 50th birthday. My new Netflix special comes out March 25th.
Wow. I was hosting the Critics of Choice Awards this week, but they just got postponed to January 26th.
So lots of 25, they just postponed them. For a year? No, no, no.
You said till 26th. You mean January 26th.
January 26th. Okay, I was like, you can't post it.
Don't have a big event. January 26th, February 25th, March 25th.
It's just going to be all the 25th. That's where I'm going to schedule all my releases for things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I figured, you know what? I'm going to be 50 this year.
I want to make it a huge celebration. Right.
What are you going to do? Well, my book's going to come out, so I'm just going to have a big book party combined with a birthday party in New York. I'll have a party in Whistler.
Maybe I'll have one in LA. You should.
I mean, I might as well just go for it. The year's been off to such a banging start.
I have to kind of make up for it, you know, societally. You are comfortable throwing a birthday party.
It doesn't give you any anxiety. Funny you say that.
I had a big banger when I was 40 and I remember walking through my house and seeing all the people that were there. And I was like, wow, this is awesome.
They made this big birthday video, all these tributes from all my friends. And I remember thinking, this is probably as good as it's ever going to get.
It's only downhill from here. But now that I'm 50, I'm like, I can't not celebrate that.
So I'm going to just have little parties with my people around and make it an annual celebration and not to an annoying degree. You know what I mean? I'll finance it.
I'm not going to have people buying me gifts. Absolutely not.
If anyone wants to give me anything, they can write me a card. I appreciate words more than gifts.
That's my love language. I hadn't planned on getting you either, but now I'm going to write you a card.
I think you are planning on getting me something. You just didn't know it yet.
I think my birthday gift request from you would be to not have to get you anything for your birthday. I'll consider it.
So Polar was on and kind of tried to talk me into doing a dance party 50th birthday party. She had done it.
It was great. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I love dancing.
But my birthday's on the 2nd, the day after everyone has quit eating and quit drinking. And they've just been with people for way too long for two weeks.
It's just not a great date. So objectively, I think I'm right.
And I'm like, I just don't think it's a good date. And then I was like, is that just me being insecure? No one's going to have fun.
Cut to, so I don't have a big party. We go to Mexico with another family.
On my birthday, four of the eight people have Corona and I'm caring for the children. And so I was very confirmation biased.
I was like, yeah, what if I had planned this big old birthday party and now I'm with a bunch of sick people. So I made the right call.
I like that you're still calling COVID Corona. It was norovirus.
Noro. I meant to say noro.
Noro, norovirus, I see. But wait, if I had called COVID corona, you'd be upset? I would just be like, why are you calling it that? It's out of date.
Like it is out of date. COVID is out of date a little bit.
Yeah, I agree. Don't you think? I went to New Zealand and Australia this summer.
I was touring. My cousin Molly, who's my favorite travel buddy.
Well, she was until we went on this trip together. And she was insisting on wearing a mask because we were going to New Zealand and Australia.
And she has a young child. And she's like, we're gone for two weeks.
I don't want to get Leah sick. I'm like, Leah's not here.
Leah's at home and you're not going to be home for two weeks. So if we're going to get sick, that was the time.
I'm not wearing a mask on a 14 hour flight. I don't want to.
It's over. And she's like, I need you to wear a mask.
I don't want you to get me sick. And I'm like, oh my God.
So I put a mask on. Right.
That's very nice. I wouldn't have expected that from you.
I was just presenting till she fell asleep. Okay.
And then I take a drink of, I have a cocktail. Forget what it was.
What is your flight cocktail? I usually don't actually drink on planes, but she was making me so annoyed. Yeah.
It's also, you're on that flight for a day. Yeah.
It was like a party cocktail. Like I'm taking a sleeping pill and I'm having a cocktail and I'm going to be out for 14 hours.
You need to build events into that. Right.
I want to remind you of what life used to be like for you. So I forget I have my mask on.
So I take a sip of my vodka, orange juice. It spills all over my shirt, all over my face mask.
Then I go to the bathroom because I'm trying to clean up. I still have my fucking mask on and I'd sit down the toilet, pull my mask down in some sort of transference thinking that's my underwear and pee right up in my underwear.
She fucked up your entire outfit. An hour into this flight and I'm fucking ruined.
I've peed on myself. I have fucking vodka and orange juice over my shirt and I look at my cousin.
I'm like, fuck you. Like, I don't even want to be on a trip with you again.
You turned me into a six-month-old. This is all because of this mask.
Everything's damp now. I felt like a real hot mess on that flight.
We were going down to Nashville a couple years ago. It was at the tail end of COVID, Corona, pick your verbiage.
And we were going to see our friend Huey, who's a God-fearing Republican. I love him.
He's hysterical. He's a great guy.
And he goes, just wanted to give you a heads up. We can't wait to see y'all, but don't wear them fucking masks down here.
It's just not going to go very well for you. And when we got there, I was like, that was sage advice.
Yeah. People don't like that.
Now I understand mask deniers and all of that stuff. How effective were they? I don't know.
Maybe they had a point. I'm not ready to go back to that.
And if there were another pandemic, I would just park myself somewhere. I think it's okay to take on some new information.
Everyone was scared. We did the best we could.
And also some things have been learned and maybe a lot of things weren't necessary. Possibly.
Okay, so back to 50, because everyone's asking me. At some point, I feel like I should have a great answer.
I'm with you. I was just saying to my girlfriends, I'm like, guys, can you give give me some good sagacious words or advice to throw around because it sounds so lame to be like i'm sexier than ever you hear these sound bites of people turning 50 i feel more alive you're like god this is so lame sexier than ever but is it true yeah i mean i'm having a lot of sex yeah that's great libido's thriving hot sex definitely a sexual awakening you become older woman, you know, 40s, 50s, because you don't give a shit anymore.
You don't care what position you're in. You don't care how your body is looking.
You're not in that 20 year old phase where you're lying down horizontally to make yourself look thinner. One thing I didn't hear that I thought was good is that you get to this age and you're not preoccupied with the past and you're not preoccupied with the future.
You are more present and living in the moment because you understand that all of that shit doesn't matter the way you thought it used to matter. You know when you obsess over stuff that has already transpired and that's a waste of energy? Yeah.
And you're also worried so much about how things are going to go or shake out. And you realize you've gotten yourself this far, everything will work itself out.
You have a pretty good bag of evidence that you keep landing on your feet and things keep working out. Like at some point you'd have to go like, yeah, I'm blessed for whatever reason.
It keeps working out and I need to not spend the rest of my time here convincing myself it's not going to work out because look at the fucking data. That's helpful.

I don't have a satisfactory answer either.

It's like, I still feel 12 years old.

I've yet to ever feel past 12 years old.

So mentally, that's how I feel physically.

I probably am in the best shape of my life.

I'm not having the hottest sex in my life.

I've been with someone for 17 years.

But wait a second.

You don't feel, as a father of two girls

who are now probably almost teenagers, right?

10 and 11.

Okay, so you must not feel like a child as a father to that age. Well, I guess what I mean when I say I'm mentally 12 is at 12 years old, it occurred to me, I had a moped, I'm mobile, the world's mine.
I can go out and tackle it. I just got this excitement at 12 that I get to do whatever the fuck I want while I'm here.
That enthusiasm is still where it was at 12. And that's kind of how I'm tackling my day to day life.
I keep waiting for me to wake up and be like, I just want to sit in my jammies all day. I don't feel that way at all.
That's what I mean. Now, am I more mature and am I more patient and all these things? Oh my God.
Yeah. And especially have kids and be with someone for a long time and you will learn patience but your adventurous spirit is what still keeps you young I'm on fire to be alive on planet earth right so the thing that has been occurring to me and it's way more philosophical and hard to explain is I was watching little women with my 11 year old in Mexico City on this trip and I'm telling her you know that gorgeous mansion they're in there's no toilet inside.
As pretty and great as that looks, those people had to cross the yard and go shit in a box in 1886. There's no indoor plumbing.
And as I'm saying that, I'm like, I thought that was a thousand years ago, but I'm 50. So that's really just two more of my life's ago.
Oh my God, time is so much shorter than I thought. I'm tripping out on how recent everything was because now relative to me, I've lived for half a century.
Me plus you is the Great Depression. That's bonkers to me.
That's what I'm like swimming with. Does it make me recalculate how I think about the past in some weird way? It's your examination of time.
How long are we actually here for? What does that really mean? What other shit is going around that we don't know? And how many other matrices are there? What else is happening? Also, another thing that you come to is the acceptance of you're never going to fucking have answers to these questions. Everything is conjecture.
Everything is kind of like whatever you want to believe in, go for it, but there's no proof of anything. So you kind of are like, I guess I'll just go with what I know.
The best conclusion I've reached from this kind of new calculation of time is it makes me mildly optimistic, which is I know my life's pretty fucking short. And in my lifetime, you smoked in the car with a baby in the backseat and that was groovy and you were drunk.
And they weren't wearing a seatbelt or in a car seat. No.
And there's major Jim Crow segregation still happening. So as daunting as all the problems are, it's like, my God, the thing does move pretty quick.
And we were without toilets three of my lifetimes ago. So it's like, chill a little bit.
This is a pretty new experiment. And it's going pretty good.
The things do happen very quickly. And the dissolution of things can also happen very quickly.
I was reading this thing that if you can stay alive through the next 20 years, you'll be able to extend your life to live till you're about 150 because of the technology that they all have developed. Knock on wood.
Knock on wood. Who the fuck wants to live to 150? First of all, I can't afford to live till I to 150.
Who wants to live that long? That's interesting. We could be our own trust funders.
We could figure out how to, at some point, just coast along. I know.
I just cashed out my Bitcoin because I realized I had a big windfall. Well, not a big windfall, a windfall.
Can I be nosy and ask what you bought it for? Because what is it, like 60,000 or something right now? It's funny. I was at this restaurant in Whistler and I was talking to the server.
He came over to our table. It was my first time this season seeing him and I know him.
I said, how's your year been? He said, so much has happened. I became a homo this year.
And I went, oh my God. And so I said, wow, I could have told you that last year.
I could have saved you a year. And he's Australian.
He's got this Australian accent. And then he comes back and he's like, it's beautiful.
It's up on this street. And I'm like, oh, homeowner.
And he said, yeah, I had a big Bitcoin windfall. And I was able to purchase a home.
And I said, oh my God, great. I said, so are you gay? And he said, gay, who is that? I said, oh, nevermind.
I thought I heard something. I guess I didn't.
So then I got home and I'm with this guy and I said, I have a Coinbase account that I got from Christine Simons. I think she used to do Kristen's makeup alongside the day.
So she used to do my makeup on one of my talk shows in 2018 or 19. She told me to invest and she's not someone I would ever take financial advice from, but she was so passionate about this Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin.
Her forecast was that in 2025, it was going to pop. So I bought like $20,000 worth.
Wow. And I, after my meeting with the homo homeowner, I went home and I was like, homosexual homeowner.
I was like trying to get on my Coinbase account, which of course I don't know the password. I don't know anything.
This is what's prevented me from ever getting it. I can't get into my fucking iTunes.
How do I find this information out? So the next morning I my cousin, and she's like, let me ask your business managers if they know anything about it. I was like, I think there should be some money in there.
She's like, oh yeah, they have this account. It's at $133,000.
So off of $18,000, I made almost $115,000, something like that. And I was like, that's fucking awesome.
Yeah, would you be opposed to kicking Christine 5K for that tip? It hasn't occurred to me. Okay, well, I planted a seed, and if you don't do it, it'll gnaw you.
Well, but I am seeing her husband on a ski trip soon, so maybe I'll kick him something. You can buy him a drink.
Well, he's staying at the house I rented, and I'm paying for the trip. I would do that anyway.
But yeah, you're right. I will send her something.
That would be fun. Thank you, especially since it's on the record now.
But also you are, this should be said publicly, one of the most generous people in this city. That is the truth.
And I don't think people know it. But every time I'm at a gala, you might not be there, but your name is up there having donated an enormous amount of money.
And I notice it. And I always think, man, Chelsea.
That's really nice. Thank you.
It's really true. I like to share my good luck.
Well, you have a quote in the book that says to have had and not shared is somehow worse than stealing. I mean, you wrote it.
It's not you who said it, but do you recall putting that in your book? I mean, I've always shared, even when I had no money, I like to share. When I was waitressing, I would take everyone out to dinner and they'd be like, who the fuck do you think you are? Like some mafioso from New Jersey? And I'd be like, yeah, who cares? I'll get this money back at some point.
I'm going to get this money. I knew I would be okay at some point.
Living in Los Angeles and being around so much wealth and so many people and seeing how precious certain assholes are about materialistic things is pretty shocking, especially when we're experiencing these fires and all of the things that we're experiencing. It's pretty gross to be so attached to something that is fungible.

I was thinking that last night because the Palisades have completely burned down. And I was

like, think about the amount of sweaters and shoes, like the stuff that just is gone all of a sudden.

And we do, I do like, oh, I want this and I want this and I want to look like this. And it's

Thank you. And the stuff that just is gone all of a sudden.
And we do, I do, like, oh, I want this and I want this and I want to look like this. And it's so stupid.
Yeah, it's so stupid. I have a couple of houses.
I have my friends stay there. I want my friends to enjoy my house.
I want my family. I want strangers to enjoy everything that I have.
I love when my house is used and being broken in. And that feels homey to me.
My friend was like, how can you let anyone stay at your house when you're not there? I'm like, because I'm not an anal retentive bitch. I don't care if something gets ruined.
That's replaceable. It doesn't matter.
Obviously with the fires, you're talking about major life stuff. But during the fires, another friend called me and she goes, I got all my shoes out of the closet.
And I thought, that's what you're going to save? Because when the fire started, my house is in a fire zone. And they said, what do you want us to take? Do you want us to get the art off the walls? And I just thought, just let it burn.
If it burns, it burns. I can't have that kind of attachment to things.
Everything is replaceable. That isn't a human being or an animal.
Are you trying to turn me on with this hamstring? Are you seeing my hamstring? Yeah, it's pretty muscular. It's popping.
Yeah, it's popping. You look lean.
Oh, thank you. Are you leaner? Perhaps.
Again, I don't know what time you saw me because I've gone on this weird journey where it's like I wanted to get huge. I got huge.
I was big, big. So now I'm, I think, my resting where I'll be.
I think this is nice. This is where we stay.
Too big is too big. Don't you think on men? Yes.
She was vocal about that, yeah. Yeah, not for me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had that babe Nicholas Holt on.
He is a great body. He's so gorgeous.
He's so gorgeous. I mean, he's so fucking gorgeous.
He's as attractive as Pedro Pascal and then the other one, Paul Mezcal. Paul Mezcal is nice.
Yeah, very nice. And he beefed up for Gladiator.
But he laughed and I did go, I mean, I can acknowledge that's what girls like. He looks athletic.
He doesn't look like a fucking meathead. I have a Russian nephew who literally is growing sideways.

He's like 5'10". Like his wingspan is

longer than his actual body. I'm like, you

look like a giant. First of all, you look like

you're from New Jersey. And second, you look like you're

Russian. So those two things are not

going to attract anything. No.
You're one

strike away from being completely unfuckable.

You want it to look natural.

Like they just naturally ended

up looking nice. But not

when you look and you immediately think, oh, they're trying so hard. We've long discovered this and hashed this out, which is guys do this for guys.
And girls do it for girls. What does Kristen think about your body size? What does she prefer? I'm completely invisible to her.
I mean, we've been together for almost two decades. She's even figured out how to not hear my voice, which is so loud.
I get it. I know it's happening.
Okay, so you have a seventh book. This is your seventh? This is my seventh.
It's hard. It's time consuming.
I've been writing a memoir for two years. Oh, you have? I like the way you say memoir.
I'm not sure how to say it, so that was my best stab at it. Thanks for making fun of the dyslexic in the room.
Please continue. It was actually better because sometimes you say memoir.
And I do think this got closer. That sounds right as well.
Yeah. It can take a long time to write a book.
This one probably was the longest it took me because it started out as one thing. I was dating Joe Coy and we were so public and so in love that my editor reached out and was like, it's so fun to see you this way in this light.
We would love to see you write a book about falling in love. It's so sweet.
It's so unexpected. Can we take one second on that? I was among those people.
I don't actually get swept up in anyone's thing. In fact, most times I don't like seeing it.
I was so delighted about that. I mean, genuinely, I thought, oh my God, I just love this.

And I hope this is a thing forever.

And it feels very right.

You seem so happy.

You know, I was.

I liked the pairing a lot.

It felt very mature.

Is that a weird way to say it?

In many respects, it was mature.

And it was so nice to feel that way and to not be embarrassed about sharing it.

To get rid of all of that kind of protective stuff.

To appear eager is like the worst thing ever, right? Yeah, yeah, right. So when you fail, it's extra embarrassing.
Yeah. I'm seeing all that.
I was kind of overjoyed with the whole thing. Thank you.
That's sweet. And then I was really, really kind of sad, and then I was curious, if you're comfortable, why didn't it? In the book, I talk about it, and I don't really get into the details of exactly what happened, only I'm more mature than I was before in relationships.
And I don't want to throw anyone under the bus that I loved at one point. And I did really love him.
I did not want to break up with him when we broke up. I felt like I had no choice.
I felt like it was a decision between having a relationship and being full on or choosing myself and my sanity. Sanity is an overstatement, but I would have compromised my own value system.
Like when Jane left Ted. Not quite like that.
You know, that story is fucking awesome. Yeah.
Let me digress for one second. Do you know that story in her book where he's flying her out to Atlanta? They're breaking up and she gets off the plane and his new girlfriend walks on the plane and sits down in her seat.
The doc on him is so phenomenal. I love Ted Turner stories.
I've read his book. I think he might be my favorite of all those characters.
I mean, impossibly charming. And he also bought her a ranch after that in New Mexico.
And he always thought she was going to come back. He's always like, come back to me when you're ready.
When you accept this kind of relationship. Yeah.
I liked that story too. Let's go back to...
What I thought was a mature, healthy relationship and what he thought was a mature, healthy relationship were two different things. And I would have had to compromise everything I stand for.
I wasn't willing to do that. We had a couple of instances where it was obvious that we had different ideas about togetherness and the amount of time we would spend together and

the expectations of me as his girlfriend, which to me were very outdated, old fashioned and not going to work. The biggest takeaway from that relationship was A, that I was able to be in love in a vulnerable, mature, healthy way.
And that when I realized it wasn't going to work out, I was able to end it in a healthy, mature way

and not divulge all of the stuff and the ugliness that may have happened in between because I didn't want to focus on that. I knew then that I'm capable of accepting love, that I'm capable of being in love and being vulnerable in that way.
And they made me want more of it. That's great.
So that was like a huge takeaway. I didn't for one second doubt any of my decision making.
And I want to say also, I love the green in here, you guys. What if that's all you wanted to say? Yeah.
And I want to say, I love the green in here. He got me at a point in my life, because I had known him obviously for many years earlier because of Chelsea Lately.
He got me at a point in my life where I needed to be reminded of my strength and my power of who I am. And he re-instilled that in me because I had kind of lost interest in my work and the job and what am I doing? It was in the book, you lost your confidence, which is so scary.
Destabilizing. Yeah.
And I would imagine too, for you, your defining characteristic is almost self-assured Yeah. Right.
That's the attractive thing is like, oh, this bitch ain't afraid of anything. Watch her go.
Well, it's your core. It's your foundation.
And so if that thing has a crack in it, it's going to be extra scary. If you destabilize a semi-stable person, it's not as big of a crack or a fall.
If you destabilize a very stable person, it's almost like an earthquake. You have no experience in previous tools learned.
So it was anathema to me. I was like, what's this feeling? I don't like it.
I don't like it. I don't like it.
And I had a couple of instances where I got that shaky leg syndrome when I was standing up publicly speaking. You were giving a speech at a women's conference.
Yeah, like eight o'clock in the morning and Brian Grazier had booked me on it, asked me to come and speak. And I was speaking

and my leg just started shaking. And I remember being like, what is this? The more you focus on

something, the bigger it becomes. And I had to sit down and I remember just sweating.
It was a panic

attack, but I had never experienced anything like that in my life. My favorite part is when you're

telling the story in the book, you tell the organizer, they say, are you okay? And you're like, oh yeah, I had a really bad fever today, but I didn't want to cancel. Turn myself into a hero.
You start shooting your Netflix show shortly thereafter and you decide you can't really even stand during the monologue. You need to go sit behind the desk for the monologue.
Eventually, I think someone told me about beta blockers and that nipped that in the bud because you take those for like a week and then it gets it out of your system. Kristen uses them every time she performs.
They're great. So that was okay.
But obviously, if you're having those issues, something deeper is happening. And I think that's what happens at some point between 40 and 50.
That's why they call it a midlife crisis, because you do have to do some introspection at that time in your life if you haven't done any before. Yeah.
You're in a business too that devalues your age and wisdom. And so then that becomes a new thing.
This business is so toxic in the sense that there's a desperation around everyone. You know, everyone wants to remain relevant and everyone wants to be seen or thought of in a certain way.
It's an infection and you get the infection and then that starts fucking with your confidence. And if you have success, success, success, and then you have something that's not successful, it's almost like you just don't know what to do with that.
You can't handle the idea of you not being successful. Well, for me, I can't speak for you, but also there's a voice in my head from day one.
It's like, the ride's going to be over soon. It ends for everyone's going to end.
And then, so one hiccup is like, yep, here it is. The ride's over.
I knew it was going to be over. I was waiting for this.
This is my downfall. Lose everything.
I can't afford my house. I can't afford this.
Where's the money coming from? And then when you are able to work through all of those ugly emotions and thoughts about yourself, you get to the other side. What you're saying about turning 50, you're like, I have enough data to understand that I belong right where I stand.
And that voice is not the real voice. And it's your job to quiet that voice and get in touch with the real voice of who you are.
You and I are on a really parallel journey. So I entered therapy about the exact same time in a real, real way.
And by the way, our therapists are telling us very similar things as I'm reading your story. I just can't shake this financial insecurity.
It's like it doesn't matter how much I squirrel away. I'm still panicked.
And the more I get, I kind of am even more panicked. And I recognize it's insanity, but it doesn't have any effect on how I feel about it.
And he said, well, I'm not even going to suggest it's not going to all go away. What I'm going to say is, don't you recognize you're the type of person who can tackle problems as they arise? How could that go away from you? That's the thing that can't be taken.
And you have shown you have that skill set. So yeah, if something comes up, guess what? You're the dude that can handle that.
That's kind of true. I might let that in just a little bit.
Isn't it funny that we need someone else to tell us that? Someone who doesn't even really know us has to be like, hey, you're the reason you got yourself here. We don't trust ourselves.
If we try to say it, it's not a trustworthy source. I want every young person to feel seen.
I want every young person to feel confident. I want to infuse that because I know I have a lot of that.
And for the period of time where I wasn't sure of it, it was useful to get to the place to understand, oh, this is real confidence. This isn't just bravado.
This is better confidence than what I even had before, because now I'm calm about it. I'm not trying to show off.
I know what I can handle. Yeah.
I mean, it's all cliche, but I guess cliches are cliches because they're so fucking true. You know what I mean? It's like there is light after dark.
It's your job to find optimism in the dark, I think, as human beings, especially with all the shit that goes on in our country and the last decade. It's been so crazy.
And when you talk about time, you're like, did every generation feel this way? People talk about how the 60s and 70s were so great. It's like, well, yeah, but the racism was way worse than it is now.
So how can you say that was great? Yeah, it's what you want to focus on. It is what you want to focus on.
And one of the biggest things to remember is there's this book I love reading called Letting Go by David Hawkins. Have you ever read that? I haven't.
Oh, you should read that. Okay.
It's metaphysical. It's deep.
There can be famine. There can be war.
There can be devastation. And really, there are people who survive and thrive in that.
Not because of it, but in spite of it. They are able to look at their lives and be like, I'm going to figure out my way how to live through this in a powerful, positive and fruitful way.
I'm going to make the most of this, even though the situation around me sucks. And I think that's really powerful to remember.
Just because the world is on fire doesn't mean that you have to be on fire. Yeah, I saw this dude speak a few months ago and he had a slideshow presentation and his thread was kind of optimism.
He showed a picture of Dresden in World War II. There's nothing there but rubble.
He's like, we wiped this city off of the face of the earth. Here it is today.
Here's London here. Here's Rome after this.
He's like,'s like yes we create great catastrophes but we always come back yeah if there's anything to know magically we do rebuild you can't point to the city that got leveled that stayed level and i was like yeah much bigger shit has gone down that we have recovered from and it was a cool message now what was my favorite story in the we're kind of talking about it. It starts with the shaky legs and it starts with this period of kind of questioning yourself.
And then this is great. I just want to flag one moment.
You have a girlfriend over who's crying for three hours at your house because she got a terrible haircut. And at one point you say to her, listen, you can't be one of these people who is so consumed with the way they look.
It's fucking hair. And as you're screaming it, you have gotten CO2, Lazic, and you can't leave your house for 10 days.
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What do women want out of sex? I mean, it's different from men, right? Well, I'm not a man, so I guess I can't really speak to that. But for women, it's definitely about pleasure and orgasms, of course.
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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. But you went through this phase where you kind of started shutting up a little more and listening a little more.
And it was even scary to the people around you. And I want you to tell me about that and what's on the other side of that.
I look at therapy now that I'm out of it. I mean, I have a therapist, but that was a very intense two-year period when I did go to therapy.
And I look at therapy as like, you know how there's the school year and then the summer break. The summer break serves as a time to absorb everything you learned in the school year.
So you go to therapy, and my intention was never to be in long-term therapy. It was like, I want to go incrementally.
I didn't know it was going to be two years. If someone had told me that, I probably would have been like, fuck off.
I'll just figure out how I'm going to get through this life without therapy. Well, if it's two years for normal people, I'll have this handled in four months.
Exactly. Like, let's fast forward this track.
But you go through therapy and then you have all this information. You have to absorb all the information that you've gleaned and then you have to apply it.
Yes, practice it. So you have to put it into your life.
And I didn't want to be one of these codependent people who was calling my therapist anytime I had a decision to make. I needed to know how to trust my knowingness and my intuition and the things that I have naturally, organically, that we all have.
So the period after I was done with therapy, I was so kind of confused about all the things that I learned about myself. So when he was like, you know, you don't have to insert yourself.
You don't have to be the life of the party. These are not your responsibilities.
People aren't just hanging out with you because you're fun. And it's like, well, a lot of them are.
You know what I mean? A lot of people are hanging out with me because I was fun. So going to places and really withdrawing and being quiet and still and not drinking and not imbibing and stuff that I would normally imbibing because I just really wanted a better view of the things.
People were like, what is your problem? You are boring. And that would fuck with me.
Yeah. Were you like, I was right the whole time? I was like, oh God, maybe I am boring, but I had to stick with it because I don't know what's on the other side of this.
And then eventually you realize you take all the things and the self-awareness that you gained and you apply it to the best parts of your personality so that you come out as a better version, like a 2.0. You're like, okay, I got this now.
But that's a process. That was like two years after therapy where I finally clicked back into who I am.
I was vacillating back and forth, like auditioning new versions of myself to see which one was real. Okay, am I being real right now or am I being performative? Am I acting like I'm listening or am I listening? You know, like all of that shit.
Am I formulating my next incredible joke? Yeah, exactly. I remember being in school as a young girl, third grade, and I would just be waiting for the moment that I could insert myself to make a funny joke.
I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Five seconds, I'm going to say this. You're like a running back looking for a home defense.
Yeah, like I want everyone to know I'm funny. And as soon as I say this, they're going to know.
And then I'll be the funny one. Yeah.
And in your mind, that'll be permanent. But no, five minutes later, you got to remind them.
Yeah, that's like a hamster on a wheel. Yeah, it's exhausting.
And so I had to really recalibrate all of that stuff. And now I'm so glad I went through that.
But if somebody had told me it was not a two-year process, a four to six- six year process, really from start to finish, that would have been not appealing. You were saved by your ignorance.
Absolutely. I have a thing where if the vibe isn't high, then I need to make it high.
Because what will happen if not? Because it's boring. This is a good example.
I have my nieces for a week. I had two of my nieces and my cousin's daughter.
She's 13. And my two nieces are 19, 22.
And we skied a lot. We had dinners at home.
We went out to dinners. There was plenty of action.
And then the downtimes at the house were also nice because there was a nice balance. We'd ski, then we'd come home and we'd watch something appropriate, like a family porn or something.
And then on the last day, we didn't ski. Everyone was kind of tired.
We were leaving for Vancouver that night and it was just a very mellow vibe. Perfectly fine.
But after about three hours of that, I was like, I'm going to have to step up the energy here. If they weren't there, I would have gone into bed and just made it a TV day for myself.
I was just kind of tired. But I was like, if I don't create the vibe, the vibe isn't happening.
So then I was like, okay, girls. And we ended up having a great day.
We drove to Vancouver. We had a fun time.
We had my dog. We went out to dim sum.
We did all this fun stuff. But that's what I do.
If I feel like I'm in the mix of something that isn't going well, there's a responsibility to raise the bar. So I do too.
But I think for me, under that is some fear that if I let this vibe continue to be this way, something bad's going to happen. If there's a lull at a dinner and no one's talking, I will be the person to start the conversation.
And I'm always like, wait, don't jump in, let someone else take it. And usually no one will.
Because you're there and I'm there. But also maybe they like it.
You said if it's not going well, but that's your version of it. But I'm like, well, wait, I need everyone to have a good time around me.
It has to be a great report when you get back to your parents. Like, oh my God, I had the best time with Chelsea.
Of course you did. I didn't think that good of a time was possible.
Yeah. I mean, my biggest compliment is when people are always like, you're fun.
I want to ski with you. You want people's takeaway to be like, oh, that was fun.
So to have to put that to rest and be like, no, no, no, it's okay. You don't have to be the most fun person.
It is a battle. Yeah, it's hard.
It's so funny because that's your identity marker of what you think is the most important. I don't care if people say I'm fun at all.
That would not be the thing I chose someone would leave my house and say. And they won't.
That's probably not the thing they're going to say about me. You want them to say you have great taste? No, God, no.
I'm wondering. I think I would want that was an intimate time.
Oh. Not like sexually.
No, no, I don't think that. Okay.
We had a real time connected. Absolutely.
I value that. And to piggyback on what you were just saying earlier, like I do value that.
I value that when I get that from people and I value that when that's my experience. But if there's someone that is more fun than me, I have a friend in Whistler, her name is Ange.
There's a chapter about her in my book actually, because I decided somebody needed to tribute her. She's crazy.
She's wild. She's fun.
And she's always the center of attention. And I love being around her because she guarantees a good time.

But you can trust her. I can trust her with the reins because I know she's got it.
And that brings me a lot of comfort because I don't have to work at all. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's fun.
Do you have that? Our friend Jess, if he's there, I'm like, oh yeah, it's on his shoulders and he'll deliver. It is so funny because when I first met Jess and I would say I probably felt this being around you at first, where I'm like scared.

I'm scared of that energy a little bit. Yeah, no, I think a lot of people are.
It feels unpredictable. People tell me all the time they're scared of me.
But I don't think that anymore. Of course, within minutes of knowing you, you don't feel like that.
But when someone is so on and good at being on and good at being funny. Yeah, people get intimidated for sure.
They're intimidated. Especially even my friend Ange.
People are like, oh, it's too much. And I'm like, it's only too much if it puts you off balance.
Well, that's actually a gift because I have been listening to someone that's too much. And I've gone, oh, yeah, that's how you sound a lot to people.
I'm pretty forthcoming with the crack smoking and the fights and the crimes and the sex. And I think I've established the bar that, you know, it's fine.
But then I'll be around someone that's above my comfort zone. I'll go like, it's good to experience this.
I know what they feel like. This is too much.
Yeah. In the woman up story, you talk about at least taking a break from weed at some point.
I always like to check in with your drug and alcohol. I know, I know, I know.
I love it. Okay, good.
He's always waiting for me to get sober. I want to make sure you don't ever feel like I'm curious in a judgmental way.
At all. I look at you and the way I worship Jack Nicholson.
I'm like, that guy's still banging rails at that age and he kept it on the track? Is he still banging rails? I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't say that Jack Nicholson has kept it on track.
Have you seen him recently? Wolf, that motherfucker's 80-something. It's not like he's crushing it at 80-something.
He doesn't look like Clint Eastwood. He looks like a gremlin.
I haven't seen him. I did see a photo of him.
Still, it was a decade old. He was probably in his 70s.
And it appeared that he had a Coke donut on his stomach. I don't know.
It looked like he had the devil's dandruff all over his nose at a red carpet. I don't know.
That's just my assumption. Maybe he was doing his vitamins that way.
But he fascinates me. I'm like, it's hard to go that hard and keep it on the rails for that long.
You mean on the rails as in alive and eyes open. He's not in jail.
He hasn't had to go to treatment. People that work with him aren't put out by being around him.
He's a high functioning party animal. Yes.
That blows my mind. So I have the same curiosity about you, of course.
So I always like to check in on it. And then I saw the woman up story and I thought, well, now I'm invited to ask you about it.
My relationship with drugs and alcohol. Well, I don't really do cocaine.
I have done plenty in my life, but I don't know when the last time I've done cocaine was. Probably when fentanyl came on the scene.
But I'm always open to drugs and alcohol as long as you don't lose your shit. As long as you are not sloppy, gross.
I can go out to dinner and have a drink. I can go out to dinner and have three drinks.
I can go out to dinner and have no drinks. The times where I've overdone it or where I've acted badly, like the Jane Fonda story.
Yeah, I want you to tell that. I was definitely on drugs at that party.
I don't remember what drugs, probably Coke or who knows, something that would make me angry. So probably Coke because any other drug that I would use wouldn't do that.
And that was probably 20 years ago, 15 years ago. To me, it sounds like your alarm bell is like when you recognize it's habitual.
You're doing it mindlessly and it's just happening. You didn't really even decide to do it or not decide to do it.
Mindlessly and as a default where you're partying all the time, you got to reel it in. Otherwise you're going to have to give it up and I don't want to have to give it up.
So in the times where I have to take breaks, you know, drinking mindfully is a completely different philosophy than going out to a bar and not thinking. It's just like eating mindfully.
You're like, do I want another drink? Not really. Or do I want another drink? Okay, great.
Do I feel in control of myself? Do I feel like I'm getting too buzzed? Am I too drunk? Where am I assessing it? Like mindfully doing anything. So that was a big help when I went through therapy, identifying why you're doing something, when you're doing something, and is it habitual? And is it something that you are able to stop easily? I'm always kind of in check with myself.
I get very grossed out, and this could be projection, by people who are not able to control their drug and alcohol intake. I get icked by that.
It makes me feel very unsafe because I'm pretty solid. I don't get wasted.
I have been, of course. There are times where I get drunk, but that's not really what I do anymore.
Do you think as you're getting older, it's getting less? It's less appealing. Yeah.
And the call to it is maybe quieter. It's not a default.
Whereas before it's like, oh, we're going out to dinner. I'm going to have two or three drinks.
Now if you go out to dinner, you're like, do I want to feel like that tomorrow? If I'm preparing for something, I don't drink. I want to be healthy.
And if I need mental clarity, I won't drink for a while. Or if I'm alone, I don't really like to do that.
I'm more of a social drinker. I don't sit at home and drink by myself.
I will smoke pot by myself. The pot thing is really interesting.
Obviously, I think it's way better than someone drinking habitually. We know it's much better for you.
But I do think the one thing to watch out for with weed is that it is so innocuous. It's not like you're ever going to embarrass yourself on it.
The red flags don't pop up. And I think it's easy for it to become, as you're saying, just like a default thing you do mindlessly.
Well, I think with any drug, listen, I also microdose mushrooms, acid. I do everything like that.
I love that stuff. The thing about weed is is A, the high you get when you smoke it sporadically versus the high you get when you smoke it daily are two completely different things.
It's like doing Coke for the first time and then you're doing it every day for six weeks. It's not the same thing.
You're not getting that same high where you're chatty and you're fun and it's a great time. So the same applies to everything.
Same applies to alcohol, same applies to weed. So for weed, you get stupid.
And I've been down that road. When COVID, I was locked in my house for like three weeks.
I'm like, great. I get up, do mushrooms, smoke weed, read books.
I was like, this is a fucking great party. Remember nothing.
And then I'd be going to the refrigerator like 14 times in a row, waiting for something new to arrive. Or for the ingredients to somehow magically combine with each other and make some amazing dish.
But it's self-evaluation. You're like, I'm feeling pretty stupid right now.
I'm feeling pretty forgetful. I'm abusing weed.
Forget it. And so now I have to take a break.
Now, if I smoke weed, it's at night before I go to bed. You kind of always have to be aware of what you're taking in.
If you don't ever want to have to give something up, if someone said you could never drink again, I would be so bummed. Yeah, I know.
But it's not insurmountable. I would be like, okay, well, can I do anything else? And if they said, no, you couldn't do anything else, then I would be like, well, this fucking blows.
Until I said in my AA voice, you don't have to do that forever. You just have to do that today.
And if you think about not doing any of that stuff today, that's not a whoop. And then tomorrow, if you go, no, it's only a whoop when you think I'm never doing it again.
The finality of it is the mountain. Today is no big deal for anyone.
You're going to have to do shit today and that's fine. You can get fucked up tomorrow.
Great. Then tomorrow I go, you're not getting fucked up today, but tomorrow, that's how you can get 40 years of it.
But yes, I've had guys go like, you know, am I not going to have a beer with my son when he turns 21? And I'm like, A, you don't have a son yet. B, sure.
You can have a beer with your son when he's 21. But he's not today, right? The things we think we're going to miss.
It's like, when I retire, I'm not going to be able to pop some champagne. It's like, no, fine.
When you fucking retire, you don't even have a job yet. And it's also an unhealthy attachment to things.
You have to test yourself. If you're someone like me who could easily go down the road of abuse, you know, we do these bike rides in Mallorca and I like, I have lots of friends that come and stay at my house and we do these massive bike rides, right? We go to these long, beautiful lunches and we all drink sangria and then we get on our bikes.
We ride back to my house and it's sometimes two, three hour bike rides, right? They're on e-bikes. So don't get, I don't want people to think, yeah, I don't want people to get too horny.
One day I remember being like, I've been here for a month and basically this is what we're doing every day. Well, maybe today I'm going to go to lunch and not have sangria just to see if that's going to be an issue for me.
And then you go and you do it and you're like, OK, that's good. You have to kind of be conscious about your intake of drugs and alcohol if you're someone who likes them.
And I like them. I want to respect them.
I'm in the exact same boat. I am currently not drinking Monday through Thursdays.
When you say anyone can do one day, that's not true for me because it does become habitual. It's a habit.
That is actually the part that's hard. Once I've hit two weeks, I could never drink again.
Yes. Why can't I just go right now and have a glass of wine and doodle around in my journal? I want to be able to do that.
Why can't I do it? You know, it starts becoming a whole. What's ironic is you start feeling controlled by the absence of the thing that's actually controlling you.
It is a mental loop. You feel controlled by not being able to do something.
But even the notion that you would have to do that would imply on some level you're already controlled by it. Look, I'm the biggest pro drinking.
Everyone should do it until they can't do it, in my opinion. And the other side of it is everyone thinks habits are so hard to break.
I really disagree. I think you can create a new habit and people say it's 28 days.
I think you could create new habits in three to four days. If you're not an addict, if you're an addict, then yes.
If you've never meditated before in your life and you're like, okay, I'm going to meditate for five days, five minutes every morning, that's it. On the sixth day, you're going to want to meditate.
It's much quicker than people think. We're so powerful in our choices and decision making.
You also just learn about your unique makeup. So for me, people will go, how often do you work out? And I go, seven days a week.
And they're like, that's crazy. And I go, sure, it is.
But it's harder for me to work out three days a week than it is seven days a week. Because if I have a day off, I don't want to work out the next day.
If I don't have a day out, I don't even think about it. It's like, I wake up and I go to this thing for an hour, and that's what I do when I wake up.
But to give me a day off, I don't want to work out the next day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I don't have a day out, I don't even think about it. It's like I wake up and I go to this thing for an hour and that's what I do when I wake up.
But to give me a day off and then I start fearing having to do it again, that's way, way harder for me. And that's me.
That's how I work best. My sister was here a few weeks ago and we were out to dinner with her friend and we went to this restaurant and they only served beer and wine.
And I hate beer and I hate wine. I only like cocktails.
And so I was like, all right,'ll have a ginger ale. And my sister's like, what? A ginger ale? She's like, I haven't seen you order a ginger ale at dinner since we were kids.
And I was like, I don't like beer and wine. I'm not going to just drink anything.
I don't need the alcohol bad enough to consume something I don't like. She's like, I just always thought you want, you know, and I'm like, well, yeah, but not like that.
I don't have to shove alcohol in my system to get through the dinner. So it's funny the way you are perceived and the way you perceive yourself also.
I understand everyone knows I party and I drink. I'm very outspoken about it.
But to hear it from my sister in that way, I was like, yeah, it's fine. And she's like, oh, that is funny.
I thought you would just be desperate and have to have a glass of wine. Scratching yourself.
Force it down. Pacing in between bites.
There are a couple of stories I want to get to from the book before we're out of time. I think Jane Fonda one's great because backstory.
We interviewed her about a year or two, a year and a half ago. A couple of years ago.
As you would expect, I just fell insanely in love with her. Yeah.
I'm like, if I were single, I would marry you and be with you till the end. I'm in love with you.
But you have a little story about her confronting you. And I thought that was a really cool thing to share.
And it made me like her, of course, even more. She confronted me with regard to what we're talking about, overdoing it with drugs and alcohol.
I was at one of her birthday parties. She summoned me to her house, kind of.
And we had dinner. It was just the two of us.
You knew you were in trouble because the email was curt. It was like, get over here, basically.
Yeah, and I was like, okay, it's Jane Fonda. I have to go to her house.
And she told me, your behavior was really bad at this party. You offended a lot of people.
You had a very dark cloud of energy around you. You kind of ruined the party.
Yeah. Oh, geez.
And I had just started therapy, so luckily I had just enough information to know not to defend that. Not to be like, well, it was because of this or because I took this or it was because of this person.
There were no excuses. All I had to do was say, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
It was mortifying that she said this. But in that moment, I also just respected her so much for taking the time to sit down with me and tell me.
She's also saying I love you. Yeah.
Because if I didn't, I don't need to have this awkward fucking conversation. Yeah, she could have blown me off and never hung out with me again.
Yeah, if you're one of the many people I know and you're a piece of shit, you're just not coming to my party again. Yeah.
She has to care about you deeply to go through that. Thank you so much, A, for telling me this.
You will never have to talk to me again about this. This is going to be, the first time is going to be the last time.
And to this day, we still talk about it because she's in the book and there's a chapter at the end of the book, which is kind of like a full circle moment where she asked me to fly from Whistler to this event that she did. And it was disruptive to my whole winter, but I was like, I have to show up for this woman.
I owe her so much. A, as just a woman, I owe her so much.

And B, because of what she did for me,

because she set the tone for me in my relationships with my friends moving forward,

because I wanted to be what she was to me, to other women.

I wanted to tell people the truth,

even when it's hard,

even when it's a difficult conversation,

there is a deficit of truth in this industry and this town

and the way that people communicate. And I want to be the person that when you ask me a question, I'm giving you an honest answer.
Even if it's hurtful, not just doling it out unsolicited. Well, I think you can really delineate whether you're doing it because you love someone, want to help them, or you want to shame them.
And if you want to shame them because you're actually just resentful that you fucked up my party and now I want to shame you, that's not truth that we need you to have. Yes, right.
But hey, I love you. You're better than this.
Let me remind you of that is very pure. It was a light bulb moment and I'll never forget it.
And it really shaped the kind of woman that I am in the woman that I've always wanted to be was somebody who isn't full of shit, who isn't going to lie. And she, I wanted to be upfront and be direct.
I find that to be one of the most attractive qualities in other people when they can be direct, not squirrely. And I remember I left her dinner that night and I was so horrified.
And I went to my girlfriend's house. She had been with me at the party and she's like, don't fucking listen to Jane Fonda.
That's what she said. She goes, why are you listening to her? I go, I'm going to listen to Jane Fonda.
I'm even going to argue that the gift is that I'm guessing she might've been the only person that could have told you this. Yes.
And she might've known that. She's fucking awesome.
We were campaigning with her a few months before the election. We went to Albuquerque and that worked out great.
Good job guys. Thank you.
Thank you. I was with Connie Britton and she and I flew and Jane was like, can you come and do this for her climate pack? We're going to Albuquerque.
And I was like, of course. And then we got the flight and she's like, okay, it's Southwest flight.
And I'm like, Southwest? I was like, wait, what? I was like, why are we, are we, is Jane flying Southwest? Can you imagine getting to your middle seat and Jane Vaughn is there? And I'm like, Connie, are we flying Southwest? And she's like, I think we have to. Jane's flying Southwest.
And I was like, okay. I was like, all right, you know, I'm going to be a team player.
We get to Albuquerque and we're staying at an airport, something, or other Hilton. And I was like, oh, I don't know about this at all.
And Connie's looking up these resorts. She found this boutique hotel out in Albuquerque.
And she's like, what about if we stay here? And I was like, well, I don't know. Can we do that? Can we just get the room for Jane and just tell her we're leaving? And I was like, I don't think we do any of this.
I'm like, I think we just suck it up and we go and do whatever Jane wants. I would love if you all checked into the shitbox though and then put her in her room.
Good night. See you in the morning.
And then went to the thing. And we fly out of Burbank out of the Southwest Terminal.
I'm like, what the fuck? And then I'm thinking, if she's going, we get there and every single fucking person is coming up to Jane Fonda. I can't believe what a badass she is.
She just fucking does this shit all the time. And she's 87? 89.
Is she 89 now? Yeah. Oh, she just turned 89.
Do you know that she makes like 200 phone calls a day on behalf of her climate pack? I'm always in awe of her. I can't think of anyone I respect more, actually.
Yeah, I'm with you. She might be the greatest of all time.
But I respect her in that story, but I really respect you in that story too, because you were able to take it. And I think 9.9 people out of 10 could not take it.
Like you said, you had to kind of fight the urge. But most people are not fighting the urge.
They are defensive and they are also justifying to themselves a million reasons why she's wrong. And then they live the rest of their life saying, why are you listening to Jane Fonda? So I respect you.

for being able to.

But I also want to make this point about that interaction

is if she had gotten me

just a month earlier,

my reaction would have been

what you're talking about.

The timing was perfect

because I had just started therapy.

So I had enough of a kernel of self-awareness to understand that defensiveness means usually that you're wrong. Right.
You're right. You don't have to defend yourself.
I don't get defensive when someone says I'm too short. Exactly.
There's another story in the book where I talk about the same thing. Like I got fired from this temp job because I was temping when I came out here to try to make ends meet.
I can't do any sort of office admin. I can't even transfer a phone call.
I am a Luddite through and through. And I was temping and this guy called down to the front desk and was like, who the fuck is that bimbo at the front desk? Let's get rid of her.
And I'm like, that would be me. Oh, they called you.
I was like, I'm her. And you're absolutely right.
I shouldn't be here. This is not my forte.
I'm not going to ever work in an office. I am never going to succeed at this.
And I also wanted to go to Starbucks and get a Frappuccino. I couldn't wait to get fucking fired.
And there was one at the bottom of the building. On that day where that guy talked to me in that way, I was in such a state of hopefulness and optimism about the future, even though I was in my early twenties and I was broke and I had nothing going on career-wise.
I was just kind of hustling, trying to get by and figuring out what my in was going to be into the entertainment industry. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I had some ideas.
And I remember leaving that day and being like, he's right. I don't belong here.
And this is just more of an affirmation. I'm headed in the right direction.
I can cross this off my list. That was another example.
If he had caught me two days earlier where I wasn't feeling optimistic, where I wasn't feeling hopeful, where I was unsure of myself, I could have left that office in tears and been like, I'm worthless, I'm useless. I can't even do this.
The mercurial nature of us as human beings on the days where we don't feel strong and sure of ourselves and confident. Those are the times to remind ourselves that this is a moment and that that strength and that confidence and that self-assuredness is just around the corner and probably going to reappear very shortly.
Yeah. How did you find yourself at dinner with Woody Allen and what did you ask him? I blame Katie Couric for that.
And Katie Couric's version of the story, which is so funny. We were at some dinner in New York.
Katie was like, come with me to this dinner. And this was probably 15, 20 years ago too, probably longer.
I don't know. So we go and there's all these men at this table and I don't know anyone.
And then there's two seats across from me and we're waiting and I'm on the end of the table and I'm waiting to see, not waiting to see who's going to be there, but just those were the two empty seats. And I see Woody Allen and Soon Yee walk in and I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that.
He's going to be my table mates. There's no way.
I cannot kiss ass. I cannot be fake.
I mean, I can a little bit because I've lived in LA for now 30 years, but I prefer not to

be.

I was kicking Katie under the table and I'm like, this isn't going to go well.

I'm going to say something.

I know myself.

I have outbursts.

I don't know when they're going to happen.

I'm as surprised as the next person when they do happen.

I'm hearing it sometimes at the same time you are.

I'm also going like, when are you going to shut up?

And she was like, can you not?

And I was like, well, no, I definitely am going to say something.

And she said, okay, can you wait?

I don't disgusted by him and his daughter bride. I even asked him about Annie, confusing it with Annie Hall.
I was like, so what was it like directing Annie? And he was like, I didn't direct that one. I was like, yeah, but you know about it, you sick fuck.
And then it was like the first time I had ever had to employ patience. It is a virtue.
I was like, let's see if I can do this. And I waited until the end of dinner.
And then the server went around and plated all of our desserts. It was blackberry cobbler.
I'm like, I'm going to get you now. And he went and took a bite of his blackberry cobbler.
And I leaned in and said, so how did you two meet? To him and Suni. And the whole table just was like.
But he was laughing, of course. He spit out.
Yeah, he was chewing. I'm surprised he laughed.
And then Katie's like, okay, it's time to go. First of all, I want to say I slept like a fucking baby that night because I was so happy that I didn't leave that dinner.
Got home and I was like, I can't believe I just sat there and smiled. Because you would have felt like you were co-signing.
Exactly. There are enough people in Hollywood who are fine with Woody Allen, and I'm not.
Side note to that, though, I have been challenging myself to say, no, my silence doesn't necessarily mean I'm co-signing on things. Because I'm the sheriff everywhere.
I'm trying to be like, no, you're not complicit in everything just because you didn't fucking confront it. This binary option you've given yourself is a little bit of a story.
Well, again, that was pre-therapy. There were no options then.
It's like, if I don't say anything- No, you're either complicit in this- I'm a rapist. Yeah.
But when Katie told the story, I think she told it in her book, she said, Chelsea seemed to have forgotten the Woody Allen and Suni connection because she leaned in and asked them how they met. Katie, you think I fucking forgot? Like I didn't forget.
The whole point was to call him on it. I know.
Well, she knows now we've discussed it. Okay.
Another question I had, cause I'm imagining you experiences. We're both 50.
We've been both doing this now employed shockingly for like 25 years or I don't know how long for you, but for me coming up on that, I occasionally see some people that remind me of myself coming up that are younger than me. And I have this insatiable compulsion.
I want to grab their ear and go like, Hey man, fucking stay on the horse, but relieve yourself of these couple things. Do you feel a compulsion when you identify someone that's got a similar vibe that you do that's younger and coming up? Do you want to kind of help them avoid the seemingly unavoidable traps of it all? When I'm needed and asked for that, I'm always available.
You're generous. Always.
I don't insert myself or feel like it's necessary for me to guide them because I think everyone's kind of iteration is so different. But with a lot of those girls that are coming up, if they need to lean on me, of course, I want to help anyone.
I don't even have that great of advice. My advice to everyone is to be the fuck who you are and do not try to become anything that you're not.
Authenticity is your main ingredient. If you are going to have a strong point of view and a strong sense of yourself, you are going to be limitless.
I guess there's just things that I wish I was able to have missed along this journey. And I just wondered if there's some potholes that you feel implored to tell these young gals who do have a point of view.
Yeah, one of my best friends is a CEO of a big organization and she always has mentors and she's always grown up with mentors. Whenever we travel the world, she has a huge job and I go with her to a lot of things and she'll be like, oh, this is my mentor.
And I'm like, mentor. I never had a fucking mentor.
I wish I had a mentor. But if I look back at my career, I don't know that I would have listened to anyone.
I didn't listen to fucking anyone ever. I've never had a mentor either, but that's my failing.
I never humbled myself enough to ask. Exactly.
I also thought it felt opportunistic. I also thought anyone that I was a drag on wouldn't want to be around me.
These were all insecurities. In confidence, I now have a couple mentors and I'd say Jane's your mentor, but you had to be big enough to have a mentor at some point.
It's an interesting question. And I wonder what I would have changed had I had anyone advising me.
But again, I think with all of these personalities, you really do have to have a strong sense of who you are and what your gut is telling you and your intuition and your intuitiveness. You have to understand what you're after.
I never had a clear goal of what I was after. I just took opportunities or said, yeah, I think I'll do this now.
And I just was lucky a lot of times, but I don't know if it's luck, if it's really, you're dishing out what you have to offer the world. And it repeats itself several times.
Yeah. And also when you do have failures, that is a good thing.
It doesn't feel like a good thing when it happens, but it always ends up being a good thing. Yeah, your first story is like eating shit at the Montreal Comedy Festival.
Yeah. Which is your first huge opportunity.
And I thought my life was over. Zach Galifianakis walks me to my room and he's like, you're going to want to be alone now.
Like I was supposed to blow the festival up. I was like 26 or 27 years old.
And I was it girl and I was the new comedian on the Just for Laughs festival, new faces, and I was going to crush it. And I ate my asshole.
Like I ate shit. Like I had never, and I thought for sure, because I was so young and so immature and so not successful yet, that that was it.
That I would never, ever have another chance. And then three days later, I had a development deal at NBC.
So that's how quickly my luck changed. And in this industry, as we all know, you can fall down flat on your face and you can be fine a week later.
It's another great book. You're a great writer.
It's called I'll Have What She's Having. It comes out on the most auspicious date of the year, 2-255 25 on your 50th birthday.
Chelsea, I adore you. It's always

fun. I hope we do it a dozen more times.

Also podcast. Podcast, Dear Chelsea.

Special comes out March 25th on Netflix.

It's called The Feeling. The Feeling.

Vegas Residency. Vegas

Residency. How does that work? Have you already begun that?

Uh-huh. I perform once a month for

the next two years. Amazing.
Oh, just once a month.

Once a month at the Cosmo Hotel at the Chelsea Theater. I'm performing inside myself once a month.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha're like, do you want to do a residency? I'm like, um, this is the schedule. And they're like, actually, this is the schedule we had in mind.
I was like, that's even better than what I had in mind. Is it the same date every month? No, it's just different.
Okay. People should go to chelseahandler.com slash book.
chelseahandler.com. You can find everything you need.
You'll be able to navigate to all these different... I'm always updating my website, you guys.
Yeah, yeah. You were in the car when you pulled in.
I'll probably do that as soon as I leave here. I adore you.
I'm going to carry your hamstring compliment well into the evening. Yeah, keep sitting like that.
Sometimes I wear shorts. For the next time you're with Jane, she'll like that too.
We've talked about the body parts we appreciate about men. Hamstrings is one of the main.
Yes, definitely. Hamstrings.
Boys, work those fucking hamstrings. Forget the chest.
All right, adore you. Come back.
Thank you, guys. Love you.
Love you guys. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up.
They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Lamont Jones's world is shattered when his cousin dies in custody just weeks after entering prison.
The official report says natural causes, but bruises and missing teeth tell a different story. From Wondery comes Death County PA, a chilling true story of corruption and cover-ups that begins as one man's search for answers, but soon reveals a disturbing pattern.
Lamont's cousin's death is just one of many, and powerful forces are working to keep the truth buried. With never-before-heard interviews and shocking revelations, Death County PA pulls back the curtain on one of America's darkest institutional secrets.
This isn't just another true crime story. It's happening right now.
Follow Death County PA on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Death County PA early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
What if your mind could trick your body into feeling sick? Or even worse? In Hysterical, I investigate the bizarre medical mystery that unfolds in a high school in upstate New York. It starts with one girl developing strange, violent symptoms, and then another, and then another.
Rumors begin to swirl. Is it something in the water, inside the school, or is it all in their heads? Hysterical is my search for answers, and along the way, I uncover surprising connections to unexplained incidents around the world, events that challenge everything we think we know about our bodies and our minds.
Named Podcast of the Year at the Gambies, Hysterical is a mind-bending, unforgettable ride. Binge all episodes right now, exclusively and ad-free on Wondery+.
Start your free trial of Wondery+, in the Wondery app, or on Apple Podcasts. Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

Hello.

Hi.

We just completed.

Easter egg.

We just completed a big interview.

We're not going to say.

We're going to be so elusive.

Should we have pretended I just came from an event?

You dressed up for this guest.

Yeah.

And the last time you did that was. I think I've only worn a suit one other time.
I thought it was Bill Gates. Yeah.
Yeah. Remember, I won't wear a suit

for Letterman when I get invited to his dinner party. Oh, yeah.
Remember? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Very

mixed message. We just finished recording an episode that will be out in a few weeks.
So you

have to wait. You have to be so patient to see who I wore a suit for.
Who did Dax wear a suit for? And. Is that your very favorite top? It's new.
It's new. Yeah.
And is it the one you're feeling most bullish? Like, I guess what I'm asking is, did you save it? I consider wearing it yesterday. Good.
Because we had also a great interview yesterday. Yeah, really, really fun yesterday.
And so I was considering wearing it then, and then I decided to hold off for today. I mean, obviously, we'll talk more about that episode on that episode.
It was a big one, and it was a long time coming. Oh, I have an update.
Okay. So, yeah, we recorded yesterday.
And when I went to go in the sauna after work. Yeah.
I took off my clothes in the kitchen and put on my bathing suit. Sure.
Because it was downstairs and I want to go upstairs. And as I took my pants off, I realized, oh, you're wearing two pairs of underwear.
Oh, my. So, yesterday in that interview, I was wearing two pairs of underwear oh my so yesterday in that interview I was wearing two pairs of underwear oh interesting this may not shock you it was the same mysterious pair of underwear the elephants the elephants so the elephants are highly there's something going on this pair of panties so what had happened was the night before I took

off my pants yeah and I had worn boxers that day okay so I hung up my pants on a hook in my closet

and then in the morning I was like scrambling to get ready take the girls and I put on I grabbed

a pair of fresh panties the elephants put them on their snug and then it's got into my pants

not even realizing the boxers were still in there from the day before oh my you didn't even feel it didn't weird is that bad i did have a slight memory of the time i went to the bathroom i kind of was like oh i'm wearing boxers i can use the barn door no i'm not i'm wearing my elephant panties i think i had felt the barn door boxers and then was like, no, I'm wearing elephant. You second guess yourself.
You should always trust your gut. I blew past it.
And then it was just a fun discovery. Wow.
Like, have you ever worn two pairs of underwear on accident? I don't want to say never because I don't want to seem like above you. Prude? Well, I just don't want to act like so superior.
Actually, you don't want to seem loose. I think it's prude to wear a couple pairs of underwear.
But also it's like. Something perverse? It's like you're just a mess.
I think that's more what it was on that given day. It's just a mess.
You don't even know what you're doing. I don't know how many pairs of underwear I'm wearing.
Yeah. That was a fun pop out though.
And that second time those undies have been a pop out. I wonder what's next.
I wonder what's next too. I'm excited.
Do you mind if I take a quick pause and order a coffee? Oh yeah, please do. That sounds fun.
I need it. Yeah, me too.
Well, our adrenaline was high. Yeah, that's what it is.
Okay. I'm ordering from cookbook.'s a great place sorry about that you just got very hungry and thirsty had you eaten breakfast i had an apple okay i that's i don't like apples yeah okay but i was at cookbook oh my gosh i went to cookbook to Cookbook.
This morning? No, this weekend. Okay.
It's a really, really cute market here in Los Angeles. It's kind of like McCall's.
Oh, okay, great. Love McCall's.
I decided I wanted to go there to replend my spices. Okay.
Because you thought they had gone bad? I've been in a real, real spring cleaning moment. I don't understand how all you women are all synced on everything you're doing because this is exactly what christen's been doing i bet all the other women in the pod have been doing it too it's the new year i think at the beginning of the year you feel like you want to shed okay you just want to get rid of a bunch of stuff start clean and minimal um really quick i wonder if that's geographical because of course in michigan you do spring cleaning.
Right. Which makes sense because everything's going to be fresh and you want everything to be fresh.
But in a city with no seasons, you have to just arbitrarily go, okay, first of the year makes sense. Yeah.
For me, it's always first of the year. It's like we got to start anew.
Do you ever say start anew Because that's a thing people say. That's old timey.
Okay. Have you heard that joke? It's like a little too real this year, but LA does have seasons.
It has two, fire and awards. Oh, okay.
So I went to cookbook to replend my spices. Yeah.
And I got a little carried away in there because everything's so cute yeah and fun and bespoke a word you hate i don't hate bespoke if you recall i thought our guest didn't like it i don't like atelier right but i thought you were adding bespoke to the mix i was just saying it's similar but people don't overuse bespoke too much i don't think they people are using bespoke to seem fancy or maybe they are i was just saying it's similar, but people don't overuse bespoke too much. I don't think people are using bespoke to seem fancy.
Or maybe they are. I was just now.
Okay. Well, I'm open to changing my opinion on how I feel about it.
Okay. Well, they had these little apples.
And they were so little. But not those little baby ones people have.
Not like Yodi. Not like Yodi.
More like a Calvin. Okay.
Yeah. And I thought they were so cute.
So I got a few. And then I also bought this new nut butter from there.
And it's so good. What kind of nut is it made from? Almond.
Oh, okay. But it's from a farm.
It's jarred there. Very bespoke.
I'm sorry. I keep putting it in the gutter, but nut butter does sound weird to me.
Yeah, because it sounds like duck butter. And nuts, like butter from the nuts.
Yeah. Yeah.
So anyway, I ate an apple today. And you loved it.
How big is it, if you were to describe it? It's bigger than a ping pong ball. Is it like the size of a tangerine? Yeah, probably.
Or a little cutie. More in the cutie, but more round.
Uh-huh. Okay.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, cuties are often squashed. They're more oval.
Exactly. So you have to think of it round, but yeah, that's size.
That's a tiny apple. There's three bites.
I know, it's so cute. Aren't you into the core too quick? I have to cut it up.
I don't like the sensation of biting into an apple. Okay.
So I cut it still into quarters. Okay.
I almost eat apples exclusively for that sensation of biting. Does it hurt your teeth? I love it.
I feel like it's cleaning my teeth. Well, I have heard, or maybe you told me.
My mother always said, if you don't have a toothbrush, eat an apple.

An apple a day.

Keeps the dentist away.

That's right.

And the doctor, apparently.

Very healthy product.

Yes.

So you loved it and you ate just one and you were satiated?

I ate one with some of the nut butter.

Oh, okay.

That helped. I'll just say I'm hungry now.

Mm-hmm.

I'm hungry now.

Post adrenaline dump.

I have a couple of housekeepings.

Okay, great.

We have a new fun game.

Yes.

Explain it.

I kept calling it the armchair map.

And I was, I was saying, oh, it's kind of like a detective's map where one thing leads to another. And the way it works is there's a quote from somebody.
So at this point it will already have been out. So people probably already seen it, but this past week had a quote from Sam Richardson on Alison Jones.

Uh-huh. That's where the riddle is.
Yeah, that's where it's a fun riddle and a fun game.

And it's on stories. So you can like click and click the people.
I think

it's going to be fun. And then the last thing

you can click to a link to find out the answer.

Exactly. Oh, incredible.

You don't have to listen to the whole episode, but it will go

directly to that spot and you'll hear the

little clip. Yeah.

And then next week I'll start

with that person.

Uh-huh. And then every week we're

going to just snake through that little

Thank you. little clip.
Yeah. And then next week I'll start with that person.
Uh-huh. And then every week we're going to just snake through that little catalog of ours.
This could be a huge challenge for you to try to eventually knock out all 860 guests. I know.
I'm excited. That's going to be tough.
I'm going to do it. We might have to start dropping some in inorganically.
We're not doing that're not doing that oh but i decided to name it um this is for our real hardcore listeners who really get it get us armchair lacuna because you know lacuna my favorite word even you don't know no i mean i know that you like that word but i have forgotten what the meaning of lacuna is. It means basically a missing gap.
A missing gap. Yes.
Because like there's a lacuna in science. Oh.
It's like that's the missing gap in science that people need to fill. The missing link, we would say in science.
Sure. And this is a missing gap game.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
So it's going to be called Armchair Lacuna. Get it.
Every time you say it, I know I always say Lacuna Matata because that's what it makes me think. It's going to be called Armchair Lacuna Matata.
That would be great. I'll sign off on that.
And that's from Yuval. Yuval taught us about Lacuna and now it's my favorite word.
We got, I got four electric motorcycles. Cool.
For the for the family nice we took our inaugural ride through the neighborhood yesterday it's really fun i don't think there's a moment where the similarities and the differences are so stark between lincoln and i and mom and delta okay mom and delta ride the exact same way. And it was, it's very comical.
It's very fun. You make fun of them? Never.
I'm very supportive. I'm so happy that they're willing to join.
Yeah. They both get spooked pretty easy.
Oh, sure. They're going much slower.
I would be spooked. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a lot.
Yeah. Yeah.
And they're fast. Yeah, that's scary.
I was very proud of Delta.

She's almost not tall enough for it.

Oh.

She's got to be on her tiptoes when she stopped.

Oh, boy.

She had a couple episodes, but she really bailed out perfectly and everything was hunky-dory.

Okay. But Lincoln's like popping wheelies and riding super fast.

Well, she's popping wheelies, but her feet fit.

That's not really fair.

Also, she just, we're so similar in this domain.

Sure.

Yeah.

But it was incredibly fun.

My bad mood broke.

Good.

Yeah, it was almost like a fever.

I'd love to hear that.

Like a fever breaking.

Yeah.

I think it broke yesterday.

In our inner, well, in our meeting.

In our meeting, I could tell.

Yeah, we had a company meeting, which we've never had.

Just insane.

If you think about it. But we had Emma on Zoom Zoom and it was the three of us in here.
Yeah. And it was instantly really fun.
Good. I felt that you had released something.
Yeah. Emma just really makes me smile, too.
Oh, that's nice. She reminds me so much of my two girl cousins.
And she had a stupid dog on her lap she did yeah wow yeah emma gets credit for that that's a that's a hard one to swallow it's a hard pill to swallow i'm not giving her credit for it i'm saying the whole meeting was so fun okay but i get a bang out i don't ever see emma i know and when i see her i'm like oh that's right. Emma's delightful.
She is. She's an absolute delight.

I love her.

I love her.

I love her too.

I love her first.

And then I just had a spring in my step the rest of the day, which was very nice.

Good.

Yeah.

Still going a bit early.

That's okay.

I like it.

I hope I can keep it going.

It's also because it's dark early still.

And apparently six more weeks of winter because of Pugwani.

Oh, it didn't go our way. No.
Paxawana. Yeah, something like that.
Yeah. Paxawani.
Do you think people ever really believed it? I never believed it until now. Okay.
Now everyone's talking about it like, yeah, it's bad. What is he? He's a chipmunk? No, he's a groundhog.
And if he sees his shit. Punxsutawney.

Punxsutawney. Punxsutawney.

You're right. I only know that

because of the great movie

Groundhog's Day. I've never seen it.

You haven't?

Oh, Monica.

I know. It's one of those

that just, my Indian

parents. Well, here we go.

What's the first movie you ever saw in the movie theater? I think 10. And will you look that up, Rob? Because I know I was wrong about Scarface.
I was actually eight. I was the old age of eight.
So I shouldn't have been so traumatized by the chainsaw butchering scene. Sure.
This came out in 1979. There we go.
So that's Bo Derek naked on a beach. In 1979? Yeah.
You were four? My Papa Bob took me to that. I tell you, my Papa Bob just took me to any movie he wanted to see.
Well, sure. Because I was his buddy on the weekend.
And he'd be like, we're going to... Quo Vadis was the movie theater.
Quo Vadis. Oh, wow.
And it was a shrine to movie theaters, like a tiled exterior, which I had never seen. They let you in? Well, sure.
It wasn't NC-17. Was it R? Oh, yeah.
But I think my Papa Bob went to see Bo Derek naked. Of course.
And brought me. He's your grandpa.
He's my sweet grandpa. This is just reminding me that I had a teacher in high school.
This is how much things have changed and how inappropriate this was, but yet had no problem saying this. Yeah.
In probably 10th grade, he was explaining, it was like a religion class, and he was just explaining that Judaism doesn't have a hell. Right.
Like Christians have a hell. Right.
But Judaism doesn't have a hell or a devil, even though it's Old Testament.

Right.

Okay.

And he said, that's why Jewish women were more sexual.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

I mean, that was in a class.

There's so many things that are problematic.

One is that isn't true.

There's nothing to substantiate that.

That they're more sexual.

Yeah.

Maybe he hooked up with one Jewish girl and blew his mind.

And he was like, why is this girl so?

And he had to tell his whole class about it.

I'm very excited. isn't true there's nothing to substantiate that that they're more sexual yeah maybe he hooked up with one jewish girl exactly his mind and he was like why he had to tell his whole class about he had to figure out why he's like oh it's mostly because she's not afraid to go to hell and then i'm gonna i'm gonna tell everyone now that's true so i'm gonna teach that to these children wow he also told a gay joke out loud oh yeah you want to hear the gay No.
Even if you cut it out? Sure. He said, what's the difference between a gay man in a freezer? What? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Oh, my God. In class.
That was the joke? Yeah, in class. Wait, how old? What grade? 10th or 11th grade.
Oh, my God. That's like more than a gay joke.
That is also sexual. This guy is perverted.
No. You know what it was? He had teenage sons.
He had like an 18 and a 20-year-old son. I think he was hearing their jokes and he was just repeating them to us.
For someone who's awfully spidey sensed. Yeah.
He does. I have it.

You have it.

I have that about him.

It's an anal sex joke. Really?

Yeah.

The joke could have been,

what's the difference between a freezer and women who have anal sex?

That would have been very,

I think you would have lost everyone at this setup.

He is extremely sexual.

I don't think he's that sexual, but...

All the...

You have to admit, this is...

One of those things is wild.

Two, that's a pattern.

I had him several times, though, over the years.

I think it was spread out by a year or two.

Still.

I don't know why I'm defending him.

Well, I liked him.

He's a very nice guy.

That's why.

He was one of these fun teachers, you know, that you're excited to go to his class. Yeah, most of the...
What? He's talking about sex. Maybe this is a teaching moment for people.
All right. Most of the people you think who are molesters...
Right. ...are not like...
They're this creepy old creep in the corner. Like, they're good at grooming and getting people to think they're charming.
And it's interesting. See, I have a totally different point of view, which is like I'm outwardly perverted and then I'm not secretly perverted.
I think it's more Cosby who's like lecturing people on propriety and he's secretly. I think that's more.
Okay. That's my money.
Interesting take, but grooming is very specific and it's someone who's just like a creep in the corner is not going to be good at groom. Well, some of them may be, but I think you're right in that.
Groomers are like gregarious and outgoing and flattering and kind, but I also don't think they ever do anything sexual or talk about anything like that. I do.
I do think that's true for the most part. They try to come off as like, I'm the one guy who loves being around 13 year old girls, but for no real reason.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You can't be like coach of a 13 year old soccer team girls and make pervy jokes.
it's off the table. Yeah, no.
Right. We agree.

Yes.

It's the super g-rated friendly supportive guy that's the groomer that's building trust and confidence with the parents like michael jackson like i'm a child i'm not even sexual god yeah Right. But also, I think it depends on the age.
Yes. When they're like 13 or 14 or 15, 14 or younger, if they said something sexual, that's obviously a teacher would be like, I mean, a parent would be like that person has to be fired immediately.
Yep. But once you get into that 11th, 12th grade.
Yeah. Where we're kind of adults.
We're having sex. Exactly.
A lot of the students are having sex. Then grooming becomes a different game.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Now there was a groomer at my school, but he was like everyone's best friend and he didn't make any pervy jokes. He did not to you.
You weren't the one he was grooming. I know.
Did someone tell you? Oh, I know what I want to say. Okay.
We always try to shine a light on great TV shows we love. Documentaries, books.
Yeah. I want to shine a light on Chappelle's monologue.
Oh my God. On SNL a few weeks back.
I've watched it four or five times. I watched it multiple times too.
It is so great. That just made me think of him saying, I'm ugly.
It's such a good monologue. It's like incredibly funny.
And then it's impossibly poignant at the end and it's a little risky it's all it's him it's it's everything that makes him so great yeah um in just yeah one one 10 minute thing it's so good because Chappelle you know I know there's issues right people have with things he said, and I don't agree with everything he said. But if you hear him interviewed, and it's rare, he's religious.
You know, he is Muslim, and he is very into being good. Yeah, mindful and thoughtful.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
and obviously in comedy that gets put on a shelf but then you hear it as this like very subtle through line he'll pop that in his spirit it comes out yeah and in this monologue he he comments on trump's bringing up that people are eating dogs. The Haitians are eating dogs and cats in Ohio.
And he says, you know, I'm from there. He's not like I'm from there.
And that was really bad. Right.
But he's just he said like that annoyed me because I'm from there. And that's not what happened.
This is what happened. Yeah.
And then he tells this very sweet and he's not trying to be self-congratulatory. It's like on its way to a joke, but he just slips in that he went to those restaurants.
Yeah. He said, if it's safe for me here, it's safe for you.
Every day to eat and support those businesses. And like, obviously, I don't think that's the part people are necessarily taking, but it is what I took.

That's like the best monologue I've ever seen, I think.

It was incredible.

And then he pulls it all the way back around to empathy.

Oh, God.

Really, really, really something.

That's why I hate poor people.

They can't see through their own pain.

That's so funny.

Yeah. I highly recommend watching that.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. Well, that's a ding, ding, ding.

Oh.

Because stand-up, comedian, Chelsea.

Ah, yes, yes, yes. Chelsea.

We love, fucking love Chelsea.

She's so fun.

She's so fun.

She is so smart.

She's getting better and better, too.

Every time we talk to her, it's like.

Exactly.

Yeah.

That seems to be her goal in life, is to just, like, get better at all things. Yeah.
And I just adore. I really adore.
I adore it too. Okay.
The Critics Choice Awards. She said, oh yeah, we recorded on the Wednesday of the fire.
So things Tuesdays when the first of it started. So Wednesday, it hadn't gotten crazy, but it still did.
The Eaton fire started Tuesday night. So it was like all starting, but we didn't know how intense everything was going to get.
And so she said at that point, even the critics choice awards were pushed to the 26th because of the fires. But since then, they've been pushed to February 7th, which is Friday.
No, which is it was Friday. Yeah.
Congratulations, everyone who won a Critics' Choice. Oh, speaking of that, we have a playlist out of all the award-nominated people, guests that we've ever had.
Which is now getting volumous. It's a big list and we did grammys critics choice sag oscar golden globe um do you see cynthia revo sing on the grammys by chance she played with herbie hancock oh they did a sinatra song oh cool it's pretty wild.
She's the best. Yeah.
She's on there. Yep.
She's on the playlist. But yeah, so just the nominees for this year who we've had on.
And we got a lot. We have a lot of them.
My girls are getting old enough where they have like interests that I didn't introduce them to. Yeah.
I mean, I guess it's been going on for a while, but this was the first time that like Lincoln needed to watch the Grammys. Oh, cool.
And that shouldn't be anything. I got feels I don't know.
There feels like some tension parentally. Oh, tell me.
Well, I think because I'm watching her get enamored with celebrity. OK.
On some level. And they've kind of been inoculated to that with actors because they have met a lot of them.
Yes. And they're not that impressive.
Yeah. So I get a knee jerk like, you know, worshiping celebrities, a weird thing.
That's like, this just goes through my mind. And then I go, I always watch the Academy Awards.
Like in Michigan. It's insane.
None of my friends understood. I remember Aaron and I were one time out drinking for the day.
And was like we got to find a bar that's showing absolutely why do we need to sit and we found this fucking shit hole bar in south line and i made them put on the academy awards no one in there wanted to watch it yeah and i was like yeah i wanted to watch that and i liked it even then you wanted to see that's interesting you act like you well i was 19 i had, or even 20, maybe I'd already moved to California. Oh, okay.
But yeah, I was interested in it and I wanted to see it. And so I quickly talk myself out of anything.
I don't know why it even crosses my mind that it's just like, it's just weird to see them get excited about like celebrity culture. Well, that's funny.
I have responses to please hit me one is i yes i grew up watching the oscars the golden globes really those two yeah but i i had to watch it there was no option and i was young doing that yeah um for my whole life only until I mean, ironically, I stopped once I kind of got here and started knowing people and stuff. I was like, I don't necessarily need it.
Although sometimes it's fun. It's a fun thing to do.
It's a fun party. But I think it's incredible to want to aspire for something and to see this this thing that's hard to have and want it.
I agree. And also, I'll tell you where I came to once it was playing in the background and I was like making dinner.
I was like, actually, if there's any award show I'd want them to watch, it would be the Grammys because you're actually seeing them do their talent. Sure.
They get up and perform. Every two seconds, there's an incredible performance.
Yeah. Like, you're not watching the actors act.
Yeah. I mean, there's some clips.
So I'm just saying that one is way more, you could argue, is way more celebrity culture because you're just like, oh, here's those people in movies. I don't get to see them in real life yeah whereas like of course you should watch the grammys they're performing and you love these songs and this music oh my god thank you i needed that thank you thank you it's skims you were at choir the whole time the Grammys was on, yeah? Not until that.
You saw some of it, right? Yeah. Yeah, we saw Cynthia Rivo singing.
Fly Me to the Moon. Fly Me to the Moon with Herbie Hancock.
Yeah, I did. They were incredible.
Also, she pulled a U. Did you see that? I'm sorry.
What? Cynthia, I need you to be on mic, but Cynthia pulled a U where we cut to Taylor Swift and Cynthia is like sitting next to her in like a half chair because she couldn't get to her seat. And it's what you did at the Golden Globes with Cynthia.
This is sort of like armchair map. Did Cynthia manifest that like I manifested at the Golden Globes? I think so.
She's paying it forward. She is paying it forward.
Whose tail are we going to sit next to? Oh my gosh. Me, I hope.
That was, to date, one of the best moments of my life. People don't know Kristen at the Golden Globes didn't make it to her seat in time after commercial, right? Right.
And then they cut to Cynthia and Ariana, and Kristen's just in the middle. Well, sort of.
I had been down chatting. So there's like tiers.
Okay. Kind of like farming.
Yeah. And it's very...
Segregated. Yep.
The movie people are in the center pool, and then the TV people, the TV actors, and then the people who actually make all the stuff and are responsible for all the projects. The workers.
The reason everyone's there. Are on the outskirts.
And I was in the middle row, the middle tier. And I went down to go talk to Ben and Melissa.
And I lost track of time. This isn't going to shock anyone.
And I ran down because I think you were probably watching the game or something. And I ran down and.
Well, we ran down together. You just got a little sidetracked.
I made it back in time and you like the door was slamming and Indiana Jones. Is that correct? Yeah, we both went down together because I remember passing you and thinking, oh, she's going to she's going to be down to the wire on this one.
I think the band's queuing up. The band was queuing up.
And then the lights went down and Nikki came out on stage. And I was, I just went like this.
Right. And for the listener, she just ducked.
Yeah, she did a duck down. And I already couldn't barely sit in that dress.
Oh, yeah. And I ducked down and then I just kind of like, I don't know.
You scooted. Army crawl? Yeah, a little bit trying to go to my seat.
That would have been great if they would have cut to you truly army crawling. And then they'd go, that's why we don't let you in the center circle.
That's right. And then Cynthia saw me sneaking past her chair and she goes, what on the earth are you doing? And I was like, I got to get to my seat.
And she was like, no, come, come, come. And then Ariana was like, here, share my seat.
And then I sat there and then over the course of the next five seconds, they both took my hands. I know.
And I was in the center of the finger holding. I know.
From the Wicked Press tour. And I was like, just taking it in.
And then when I came to, I clocked that Nikki Glaser had started to do a wicked bit. And then my smile from like enjoying this fangirl moment went to, oh my God, they're about to cut to them.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
and then I just whispered into their ears. I went, I'm so sorry.
And they almost, I feel like my memory is that it was at the same time. They both turned to me and they go, we're so happy you're here.
Oh my God. Is it implanted? And see, Cynthia's got my hand and then Ariana had, I was crossed because Ariana had grabbed the other hand.
The whole thing was just a dream. You look like you're really hanging on by a thread.
And you're interlocked arms with Ariana. And holding hands with Cynthia.
And holding space for Wicked. Which your Christmas tree was Wicked.
It all circles back. You did manifest it.
You came up. I missed it, obviously.
I couldn't see it because I was in the nosebleeds. But you came up and you were so shook.
And you were like, it happened. Well, because I love to love things.
And I think people might assume that if you're in this business and see projects happening around you, that they just become mundane. They do not.
And I was so into Wicked, so into Wicked. I feel like I'm a Comic-Con fangirl just waiting to manifest a moment like that.
This circles back to what we were talking about before you entered, which is that Lincoln was watching the Grammys, and Dax was saying that at first it was kind of like irking him that they i have this dilemma do you have this at all like she had turned it on on her own and she was watching it and my knee jerk was like oh i don't want her to get obsessed with celebrity culture i didn't say anything and i came to like no i loved the academy awards like it's a thing but it's just weird that i have this knee jerk of like, well, I don't want her to be obsessed with celebrity culture. Well, anytime there's an unhealthy avenue in a want, I think we get concerned for our kids because you may do that when she turns on an award show.
I do that when they start to eat a candy bar. I go, oh, I really hope that.
Well, because it's a fine line. It can cross over, but as long as it stays in the line, then you can, you should always hope that you have some joy for it.
Within 10 minutes, I was like, oh, no, I'm fine with it. It's great.
And look how happy she is. But I just had this thought of like, oh, I don't want her to worship these people.
Well, here's, but she also specifically watches the Grammys over anything else because she loves to sing. She's obsessed with music.
She's obsessed with learning how to sing, doing plays at her school. So she wants to see all the singers.
And there's a way you could view that, that she's obsessed with this craft. She wants to see the best singers.
So it's okay if she's obsessed with them. I thought you were going to say something totally different because you're such a known contrarian um and that you would have this opinion i thought were you irked at all about how much of the firefighters and the la fires were featured on the grammys i don't know if i'm allowed to answer but boy do you know me.
I mean, yeah, obviously. Every single interview was about it.
I, I, I, yeah, I, I get worried when I think I'm witnessing pandering or, um, virtue signaling. So it's interesting because I am so fucking grateful for the firefighters.
Like truly in my heart, I'm so i'm so grateful for them they're fucking awesome and yet i did feel uncomfortable with every single conversation it just felt like if i were in the rest of the country i would feel like was everyone given a script that's all they can talk about let me ask you a couple follow-ups does it change your opinion that they raised $7 million during that show? I think it's great that they raised $7 million. What is the alternative? Not featuring any firefighters and not raising $7 million? Oh, I don't mind that firefighters were there and I don't mind that they donated the money of the show to it.
It was that every Every single interview on the red carpet was about it in the way that interviewers were being very saccharine about everything um it started to feel a little disingenuous i guess that's my main but i didn't say one word out loud but i read uh there was an op-ed in the la times and let me start by saying like i do respect everyone's opinion and they're all allowed to have their own opinion. But I just in my bones vehemently so disagreed with this because it said the Grammys were trying to give credit to the firefighters and ended up using everyone involved in the fire as pawns, basically.
And I sat there and I thought, was that true? Let me think about it. Let me read a little bit of this.
And after reading it, I thought, what is the alternative? What is the alternative? That they don't mention the LA fires at all and that they don't raid $7 million? Or let me give you an even crueler alternative, that they have a charity event with no Grammymy artists no celebrities whatsoever that nobody's watches and then 100 is raised and i'm like so clearly gonna choose the utilitarian outcome there but it did make me think that about how saccharine it can become and you don't want anyone to feel like they're used as pawns but there is no alternative and i for one liked seeing how much they were saying thank you for seeing our area yeah and um that's why i never said anything out loud i would have never brought up my opinion i didn't know that thing was written but like everything it's just what is your childhood and when people i'm triggered by people who are broadcasting how good they are, I'm nervous. I think they're deceptive.
Yeah. What for the actual firefighters themselves? What is getting exploited? If I needed to find a motive, I would say someone's like, look how good I am.
I'm so concerned about this. And I'm so yeah, that's like bragging, I guess.
Right. Just like virtue signaling.
I think it triggers whatever baggage I have about religious people growing up. Sure.
They were so pious. But there is a hypocrisy there.
That's what's triggering. Right.
Yes. And so that's what I'm saying.
Like, none of it is true. Yeah.
It's just my knee jerk is like this feels a little too grandstandy. as i thought the religious people who were very pious in preaching their purity and i thought they were all full of shit and they were full of shit but i think this one these people everyone in the city is not full of shit when they are saying this fucking sucked where we appreciate these firefighters the city's sort of in sham you know everyone here is real the Grammys because musicians are known to have things like band aid you know all the we are the world like they're known to band together and raise money for causes with their art way more than actors are but it's a natural thing to think I mean we've talked about it because Kristen's going to host the SAG Awards.
Oh, sorry. All she does is virtue signal.
It's like, pull it back. She's hosting the SAG Awards, so we've, of course, had these conversations.
What are we going to do? How are we going to do it? I said don't invite any actors. Just invite firefighters.
That'd be a hot room. Oh my God.

I'm going to push back a tiny bit on virtue signaling.

I also don't like it.

I also have a lot of experience in the philanthropy space,

which I've been in since I've been 25 years old.

And let me start by saying,

never is there bigger egos than in the philanthropy space.

For sure.

But as we've learned,

Cricks?

Yeah, they're here they're

here to stay there's nothing we can do okay garage door um as we've learned that emotions are contagious which is proven yeah and we are chimps and we watch our alphas dare i say without virtue signaling, kindness, compassion, empathy, giving, generosity might not travel at the speed it travels unless people talk about it. And there's obviously a fine line because you want to do it with humility.
And it needs to be genuine. It needs to be genuine.
That's the main. It just has to be real.
It's like anything else. Like there's great people in AA and there's fucking terrible people in AA and there's great people volunteering and there's people just trying to get a pat on the back.
So I always, though, I hope, you know, I'm grateful that people are the way they are. I'm glad I'm very grateful.
Not everyone is cynical like me or not even cynical, skeptical. And i'm glad that i'm skeptical because you guys need me sometimes and this is a time where we need the really optimistic helpers and i know to shut up and get out of the way and not share my opinion when i'm watching it so it's like i don't think one's bad or good i think i'm one thing and you're naturally this way and you're naturally that way and there's a time for me when the guy comes to the door selling you steaks, the deck steps up.
You know, another time that I sit, sit down and shut. I have needed a lot of your guidance over the years and yours, Monica, because I'm so like just ready to wear my heart on my sleeve and be like and just believe any story without a second thought.
And I've needed both of you to talk me off a ledge a couple of times of like, does this really seem like the best use of your time or use of your money? Yeah, I'm grateful. Will this really impact anything? Right, right, right.
Think about the impact. Yeah.
I mean, the defeatist in me is like when they raise money, I'm like, this is a two253 billion issue. What is throwing any amount of money other than the government and these huge insurance companies? Like we're making all these people on the ground, try to offset this thing that is so enormous.
You know, there's missing a very, very key component of participation and feeling linked to the solution the solution yeah so if somebody in the middle of minnesota can donate ten dollars yeah that my this is what my aunt calls it to my mom you actually steal her blessings if you're not allowing her to do that or him you're you need to let people participate you need to let you need to let people participate yeah and be a part of the solution and it's actually self self-esteem comes from esteemable acts yeah track your story i listen i'm as i i want to say a million times i'm so happy everyone's not like me i think that is a big point that no one really talks about it is not it's important for people to feel like they're contributing because otherwise they're like well then what does it matter i don't matter can't do anything yeah so you actually need to give people opportunities to feel like they have an impact we don't need a single more person like me.

I'm just going to be honest about who I am, which is, you know.

No, no, we do.

You're a very valuable member of this household.

It's every few months.

You have a lot.

I've learned a lot.

Something needs lifting.

Something needs wrenching on.

Someone needs an electric motorcycle ride.

I just brought that up in the fact check.

I was saying we went for our first all four people family motorcycle ride. I hope that's all you said.
I said that I don't know if the similarities between the four of us are more pronounced ever than you and Delta on a motorcycle and me and Lincoln on a motorcycle. It's like the starkest it gets, I think.
Delta and I are both on the verge of tears the whole time. Yeah, sounds scary.
Just reading through it. And the cortisol jolts are so strong.
Although I did, I didn't do it. You did a great job.
And I hope, I was very supportive, wasn't I? Yes, you were very supportive. Yes, and I even yelled at Lincoln when she was making fun of her mom.
The whole time. It was really fun.
Okay, I'm going to leave you. I love you.
I love you. Love you.
Thank you for bringing my coffee. Well, she tried to drop a controversy bomb right on my lap.
People are going to be mad at me. Well, okay.
It's your fault. Real quick, because we're going to wrap this one up fast.
Just a few facts for Chelsea. Okay.
So it got pushed to the 7th. Bitcoin today.
I wonder if it went up the stock market took a shit with all this tariff oh yeah war stuff oh it did not it is at 97 274 you said she got a co2 lasik you meant laser that's a facial procedure to make your skin look young and fresh i hear everything always promotes collagen production that's what i always hear sure my posture is bad is a fact oh and you gave me some back exercises to do i did them once you did them is your posture all better it's pretty good right now do posture all better? It's pretty good right now. Do you have shoulder pads in? It's not good because it's also- Does that have shoulder pads? No.
Oh, wow. Do my shoulders look huge? They look back and powerful.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Okay. Well, I also put my jeans smell.
Your jeans smell? Yeah. They just smell like they haven't been washed because they haven't because I learned you don't really have to wash your jeans.

But I think you do have to wash your jeans because they start smelling.

You don't have to wash them.

You do have to pull your underwear out from the night before.

Or you'll end up wearing double panties.

That's fair.

That we can do.

Double panties MCO.

All right.

Well, that's that.

That was all the facts.

Yeah, for Chelsea.

All right.

Love you.

All right.

Love you. All right, love you.
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