Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hi.

Today we have sporting event disasters.

They can go disastrous in a lot of ways.

You can jinx them.

I can jinx them, as just happened.

Yep.

Carrying the burden of that.

You'd be inclined to think maybe these are really only about sports.

Right.

But these go in some turns.

We have some twisty turvies by the end.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

It's true.

Or I guess I would think they're all fights that broke out. We only have one fight for you.
Yeah. Yeah.
But buckle up. Buckle up.
Please enjoy Crazy Sporting Event Stories. We are supported by Discover.
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Hello, are you able to hear me?

Oh, beautifully.

And what a lovely, inviting sweater you're wearing. Cute.
It's very cozy. Where are you? It looks like there's files everywhere or lab results.
These are actually contact lens fit sets. I'm at work, so I'm tucked away in the back office.
Are you an ophthalmologist? I'm an optician, but I work in an optometric clinic where we have an optometrist. Kaylin, can you tell us why there's so many names for this? There's an optometrist, an ophthalmologist, and what did you, obstetrician? What did you just say? That's an OB.
That's an OB, okay. We all cover kind of different scopes within the same field.
So obviously all eye-related. The ophthalmologist is your medical doctor who specializes in ocular health.
Optometrist is the eye doctor who does your eye health exams and refracts your prescription. And then the optician, I would compare it to like the pharmacist.
So we will edge lenses or fit contact lenses. And does the ophthalmologist, would they perform a surgery on your eye? An ophthalmologist would, yes.
Ophthalmologist. Is that what it is? Ophthalmologist, yeah.
Yeah, it's spelled with a T-H, but I usually drop the H. Yeah.
Maybe it's a Canadian-American thing. I know you're right.
I've heard it said that way, but it just was weird to me that everything's opta, but then we go optha. Dax is dyslexic.
You've heard me complain enough about the product. So you're obviously in Canada.
And did this sport event take place in Canada? And now I regret not wearing my Maple Leafs sweatshirt that I wear quite often. This did happen in Canada.
The story took place late 2012. I'm in Manitoba.
So if you follow hockey or know anything about the NHL, we earned back our NHL team,

the Winnipeg Jets in 2011. Why had you been booted? In the late 90s, the Jets were moved to Arizona.

It's a small market here. It's tough to support the teams.
So this all started when my husband at the time and I bought a new truck and the dealership that we purchased it from had a promotion to be entered to win a trip to the Super Bowl. Not a huge football fan, but that sounded really cool.
And depending who you ask, we were robbed of those tickets. Oh, I would describe it as there was some shady going on with the draw.
But ultimately what happened was the dealership as a we're so sorry about that gave us two of their corporate tickets to a Winnipeg Jets hockey game. Oh, that's weird.
Okay. It's a little bit of a bait and switch.
But it sounds like from your perspective, you'd rather go to a hockey game anyways. Definitely.
But the Super Bowl is a big deal. It is a big deal.
That's the thing with these dealership sweepstakes. Somebody's buddies can always win, I think.
I don't know what happened exactly, but there was a big to-do about it. We get these tickets to go to a hockey game.
At that point, it was a very hot ticket, and I was about six or seven months pregnant at the time. So we were really excited for a night out before the baby comes.
We had great seats and there were a couple of really strong looking men that were sitting behind us. Funny that you had mentioned the Leafs because it was Winnipeg versus Toronto.
These three or four guys were in Leafs jerseys. Is that a mean team? There's no mean Canadians.
This is on a sliding scale. I kind of feel like Canadians might think of the Maple Leafs as a lot of Americans think of the Yankees.
They got too much money and they got too much upper hand. Is that fair? Speaking for myself, I think that's very fair.
I don't know that I'm quite comfortable speaking for all Canadians. Oh, no, you should.
You should. This is your opportunity.
They were rowdy. They were having a really good time, had a couple drinks, but they were not bothering anybody.
We also had noticed that sitting beside us were a couple of small, slender, really young guys. They just didn't really appear to be interested in the game at all.
They didn't spend a lot of time in their seats. They would come and go really frequently.
Towards the end of the game, the Jets are down by one goal and you can just feel that energy. So on the ice, the fans are really into the game.
There was a lot of tension. The two younger guys that had been sitting beside us finally returned for probably the last five to 10 minutes of the game.
I'm dying to know what they were doing when they weren't in those seats. Sexual.
Were they powdering their nose? In Canada? Exactly. It's a little hard to get that up there.
They don't do that there. Well, they do it everywhere.
No, they don't do it there. In the last couple of minutes, these two guys beside us would turn around and just were aggressively chirping at these big Maple Leaf fans standing behind us who would often say things like, we're just cheering for our team.
They were very intentional about not provoking. They were de-escalating.
They were doing their best. What noble men, big, big noble men.
The tension kept building until the buzzer went. And within a couple of seconds, one of the younger guys sitting beside us pushed the closest guy to him that was in the row behind.
So they pushed up. For people who've not been in a lot of fights, this is the worst imaginable situation.
You do not have high ground. You have low ground.
Much easier to punch down with your weight on somebody than to punch up. Okay.
So ill-advised plan from the get. These guys sitting behind us, I don't think people typically pick fights with them.
They weren't going to back down from that fight. At that point, all hell broke loose.
There was pushing and shoving, which turned into fists and boots. One of the people beside us ended up getting drop kicked down the stadium seating.
Oh, boy. It was one of the most intense and violent scenes I've ever seen in my entire life.
And you're pregnant and you're one foot away. What's your husband's reaction? He was between me and them.
He had his back to me. Something that I think is of note is that I am not a violent person.
I'm a little bit smug in the fact that I've never been involved in a fistfight or physical altercation with a stranger or really anyone. Oh, you haven't lived yet.
No, he doesn't share that. The opportunity has literally landed in his lap.
He's got to be kind of conflicted because common sense is you would go to the side of your team that you're both rooting for, but clearly the transients are assholes. You know, do I help the Maple Leafs guys who are my opponent or these knuckleheads who have started this? Right.
A bit of a moral conflict here. That's true.
This became a crowd brawl. There was probably over a dozen people.
Oh my God. Against these three Leafs fans.
Wait, they were all against? Oh no. no well they have because they're wearing the out group jersey very bad they were holding their own oh and so when i talked to my ex-husband about this he said you know i was prepared to jump in and help if they needed it i don't think they needed it one of them had balance, fell forward onto our seats below them, and his arms were pinned under his body.
And I watched this brute of a man wiggle out of his jersey with the agility of a gymnast. Oh my God.
Stand up now shirtless. Oh, perfect.
And continue throwing punches. People always wonder when you watch a fight, within seconds, people have their shirts off.
You know they didn't stop to take it off. There is some bit of magic there.
And where are the Mounties? The Mounties are minutes away. Oh my God, trotting over.
A brawl in this situation is really uncomfortable to me. And especially because I was pregnant, I felt really defenseless.
I wasn't able to hold off a crowd of angry men who were fighting. Or even make your way speedily out of the crowd.
So where we were sitting was in a section next to the entrance where the Zamboni gets onto the ice. There was only one way in and out of our section, which was through this brawl of people.
I tried to remind my husband at the time very gently by putting my hands on his arms, I'm still here. Please think of me and your unborn child in your decision-making from here on out.
And he showed a lot of great restraint. He ended up not throwing a single punch, did not get involved.
There was blood. There was people whose foreheads had gashes opened.
It was really gruesome. Finally, a security officer arrives to our section and just goes, I don't have a radio.
I need help. Can you imagine being that guy and stepping up to like 15 full grown men fighting, thinking, oh my God, my job is to make peace right now i don't get paid enough for this

exactly eventually police arrived and broke up the fight they hauled off the guys that they thought were responsible we got out of there unscathed which was really nothing short of a miracle like any true proud canadian when the adrenaline wore off i wrote a strongly worded letter to venue. And I let them know that I just thought it had been mishandled.
And I didn't hear a thing. I thought maybe I would get an apology or maybe I'd be lucky and get tickets to some other event.
Some free shit. Maybe even some Super Bowl tickets that I'm angling for.
Yeah, but it all came full circle. A couple months later, I received a phone call from our local RCMP officer who just confirmed that I was home and let me know he was going to be paying me a visit that day.
He served me with a subpoena. So my name got brought into this case because I had emailed.
Okay. Did you feel any responsibility to tell the police, hey, the two transients started this? Like these three guys were kind of stand up dudes and they're on an unfortunate situation.
Before we left, we actually did pull aside some of the employees at the venue and said, you've got the wrong guys. So I wasn't thrilled to be subpoenaed in this trial.
The Leafs fans in this case had been charged with assault. Oh my God.
Ultimately, I did receive a phone call from the prosecutor who, when they interviewed me, and I said, I'm probably not your girl. So my understanding is that they did settle out of court, but I was not asked to show up.
So probably they reduced the charges. That feels unjust.
Yeah. I don't like that.
They're just trying to cheer. to cheer you know i gotta be honest in my many many situations and crowded bars where this kind of thing happens it's not your stereotype of who starts it's not the big guy general it's the little motherfucker who's got to prove something he and his buddy who feel little they gotta pop off they just had sex in the bathroom they just did some blow in the bathroom.
They're upset. Feeling themselves.
Don't judge a book. It's very messy situations.
Well, I'm glad you got out of there without catching an elbow or something. I feel very fortunate.
That baby that was in my belly is now an 11-year-old hockey-loving kiddo. He is a goalie, so he's delightfully weird and we love listening to armchair expert we listen in the car when we're on long drives and i feel like i'm raising the next generation of armcherries oh please he told me last night he goes mom can you tell them my favorite episode was with mark rober what's his name? That's Arthur.
Arthur, thank you for listening, Arthur.

You must be a very bright boy.

Well, Caitlin, thank you for that.

That was a great story.

It was wonderful meeting you.

You guys too.

Thank you so much.

I've appreciated this.

Okay, take care.

Opto.

Optomologist.

No, but she was an obstetrician.

Yep.

She was an OB.

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Hello! hello hello background katie yeah it feels like we're joining you on a set almost this is my meditation slash creative closet yeah it does look like you could definitely shoot a scene from that 70s show in there as well that That's kind of what I was going for. Oh, good.
You nailed it. This was perfect timing.
A couple weeks ago for the new year, I was working on a vision board and it kind of took a life of its own. And it became a wall and then became a whole closet.
Oh, my God. Awesome.
And then really quick, the curtain, it seems to be like James and the Beanstalk type foliage. James and the Giant Peach.
Just a tapestry. It has a bunch of mushrooms, just a lot of imagery.
Okay. So you had a sporting event story.
Where are you at really quick? I'm on the Eastern shore of Virginia. My story didn't take place here, but this is 2005-ish.
My parents get divorced and I'm going back and forth between their houses. Can I ask what age you are? 10, 11, a perfect age for divorce.
So going back and forth every weekend, two very different houses. I'm at my dad's house and he's a lifelong Celtics fan, just basketball fanatic in general, but specifically the Celtics.
So he passes that on to me and that's kind of our bonding thing

and so whenever i'm at his house every other weekend all we're doing is watching the celtics talking about the celtics learning about the celtics he had these instructional tapes specific to larry bird that's what a adolescent girl wants to do right is like watch these instructional dvds of Larry Bird, like talking into the camera.

And if you want to imagine the house from Animal House. listen girl wants to do, right? Is like watch these instructional DVDs of Larry Bird, like talking into the camera.

And if you want to imagine the house from Animal House,

rugged frat house vibes meets Celtics fan

meets like Deadhead sort of deal.

He has this big open dining room

and there's no dining room table.

He's nailed a basketball net above the door frame.

You were 10 or 11 and he's what, 13 or 14? I was like, how young is this dad? Yeah, exactly. No, he acts like that.
He would totally own that. He was like 40 when he had me.
So he was the type of dad that's a lot older. Oh, right.
So he's like my age now. Fast forward to 2010.
And for Christmas, he's gotten us tickets to go see the Celtics. Oh, wow.
And Kevin Garnett is there now? Yes. It's the same team, essentially, as the 2008 championship team.
So the big three, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce. And Shaq's on the team.
Wait, Shaq was on the Celtics? One season only. Wow, what a great window you got in there.
No shit, you're dealing with three of the top 40 players of all time right there. This is a big deal.
So we're flying to Boston. It's the night of the game.
Typical boomer energy. Dad wants us to go to dinner before the game at the oldest restaurant in the country.
It's a seafood establishment. Oh boy.
So I actually decide to not get seafood. I get a burger.
Something tells me you're going to be grateful for that later in this story i'm not sure about that maybe now for getting to tell you guys the story but at the time this was a bait and switch we thought it was going to be a bad seafood but it's a bad burger it might be a bad burger okay okay okay flash forward again it's the fourth quarter of the game we're courtside baby oh wow we're behind home bench. The energy is electric.
It's a close game. It's everything you could ask for.
And then I turn and look at my dad and my face goes green. And I'm like, dad, I think I got a puke.
Oh, no. Not great timing.
And so something you don't think about with the closeness of the seats is that the bathroom proximity is going to be a major problem. That's the trade-off.
And so I'm booking it. As soon as I say that, he's like, do what you need to do.
So I just start like, I'm sprinting up the stairs. All I can think about at that time is, oh my gosh, my jumbotron debut is going to be me just projectile vomiting over all these people.
But I made it. I'm going

into the hallway of the bathroom and just kind of start spraying vomit down the mirrors, down the

sink. Oh boy.
Oh boy. You really let it rip.
I called my dad yesterday to get some more details.

He was trailing behind me as I'm running up and I'm sure he stopped and like wanted to check the

scoreboard first before he took care of me. And he said that he could smell what was happening before any vision.
Oh, no. Oh, God.
I asked because I felt like you guys would want the details. I'm like, what did it smell like? I'm glad you got this detail.
And he just said it was just out of this world. Oh.
He can hear it. Women just screaming.
Bloody murder. Just like something horrible happened.
Yeah, yeah. And you're 15.
So you've passed the threshold where you'd be a little kid that they'd feel bad for. You're a woman enough that it's just fucking disgusting.
Yeah, I guess I hadn't thought about that aspect of it. I didn't get as much sympathy as i would have yeah right if you're 11 people have been like oh sweetie are you you know but if you're pushing five foot two people are like fuck this this gross bitch exactly she's probably drunk and then he finally gets up there and he sees women fleeing the scene out of the entrance and exit.
It's like mass exodus of the bathroom. While this chaos is happening, my dad thinks to go to the merch stand.
Oh. She's probably going to need another Celtic sweatshirt.
So I'm like decked out. This story is filled with twists and turns because even when he said go.
Yeah. I thought, oh, he's going to hang back and watch the game.
But no, he's behind her. And then he's like and then he's like fuck i'm gonna hit this merch stamp no that's to get her a shirt you have a good dad i do he's thinking of me but he's really thinking of himself because he's like i need to get back to the fucking game probably spent a lot of money on those seats he wants to be good so bad that's that tension he's a great dad so he gets me the sweatshirt and it was funny him telling me yesterday he was like i felt so bad for you you had been through so much i got you the most expensive sweatshirt they had so that was him like recapping the like demon exorcist moment was over and he kind of peeks his head in hands me the sweatshirt he's like you know we should probably get back to the game it close one.
And there's only a few minutes left. We should book it back to the seats.
Soon as you're changed out, you're ready. New sweatshirt on, but I had really, really long hair at the time and it's just cake, but you know, that's not a priority right now.
We have a basketball game back too. So I do the walk of shame down all those steps at that age.
I'm already really anxious and thinking everyone's looking at me and judging me all the time anyway. But I know that they were.
I was acutely aware walking down those steps that everyone's like, that's the girl that was running to the bathroom. And you can smell me.
But we made it back. They did lose.
Well, I think you got lucky because food poisoning for me, it's certainly not just one trip.

That was kind of what was weird about it.

That's what they have perfected over the time they've been in business.

They know how to give you just a very cute.

Just a quickie.

So I don't really know what the lesson and all that is.

Maybe get the type of food that they specialize in.

Yeah, there you go.

You should have gone seafood.

I'll take that. I guess that's a lesson.
Cautionary. Clutching at straws, but sure.
Well, Katie, it's lovely meeting you. Yes.
Can I just tell you guys really quick? I'm a therapist and I started listening to you guys in 2020. I just started grad school at William & Mary.
I was going there for clinical mental health counseling. And you have to kind of like pick a specialty when you start.
And I had originally picked family therapy, quickly lost interest in it. And I was like thinking about changing to addiction.
I have a lot of family experience with that. I'm like, I think that's what I should do.
But I was unsure. And someone in my cohort had told me about Armchair.
I was commuting from the Eastern shore to Williamsburg. So it's like almost three hours.
I listened to you guys nonstop. And the first episode I ever listened to was day seven.
And that was literally life-changing a sign. I thought that I should specialize in addiction.
And I did. And how's that going? Do you like it? We're tough.
That's the funny part. So I got out, I started working at a practice specifically for addiction, and it ended up being more prescription drug addiction, which is heavy, heavy stuff, because it's usually co-occurring with all the other substance use.
So I will say, it was a little much for me. Yeah.
Yeah. It's not for everyone.
Like when you you're like my man oh my god i love him that family experience stuff was being activated so needless to say i did resign quickly from that but i have my own practice now and i see everything and i do some substance use i do a lot of eating disorder stuff too so still in the addiction realm but i just wanted to thank you guys well thank you yeah i appreciate that sorry on behalf of all of us it was a great learning experience and it got me to what i'm doing now yeah wonderful all right well nice meeting you take care what is the beanstalk jack and the beanstalk jack and the beanstalk and james and the Beanstalk and James and the Giant Peach. And James and the Giant Peach, you know, was originally going to be James and the Giant Raspberry.
Really? Yeah, I just heard this. What's his name? A doll? Roald Dahl.
Roald Dahl. You know I have an original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Did he write that? Yeah. What a prolific.
Oh, yeah. Mother scratcher.
What an imagination. He was veryer what an imagination very into him i wish you could remember the details of why he moved it to peach yeah oh it's in the paradise show oh wow that's why i know that a peach makes more sense because i don't know because i grew up in georgia because for me it's more.
Because I grew up in Georgia.

Because for me, it's more relevant.

Yeah, it should have been a cherry.

Oh, it might have been Michigan's cherry.

You would have remembered if it was a cherry.

I think it was.

No.

Now that I think about it.

Hi.

Hi.

Your shirt says, in my wonder.

Wonder garden. My family and I own an indoor playground.
Ah, where at in the country is this? I'm in South Florida. Oh, nice.
South Florida. Didn't it snow in Florida? It did.
I just saw that in North Florida, they have eight inches of snow already. Yeah, that's wild.
It snowed in Georgia. It's one thing to get a dusting every 10 years, but to get eight inches in Florida is wild.
I know. Not to say I have powers.
Well, go ahead. But when I got home for Christmas, my dad picked me up from the airport and I was like, I wish it would snow.
Oh, you do. And it has not snowed there in so long.
And he was like, yeah, that's not going to happen. And then in his mind, he was like, oh, but I'm going to do it as soon as you leave.
So sorry, or you're welcome. Yeah, there's not a single snowplow in the whole state.
That's what's funny when it happens in these places. There's just nothing.
You just have to sit there and wait for it to melt. Okay.
So Emily, please tell us about your sporting event story. So this takes place in about 2005.
I went to college down in Miami. At the U? I did.
Best 30 for 30 ever. To be honest, I'm not a huge sporting person, which makes this even funnier.
I started dating a bartender at one of the dive bars that we used to frequent all the time. The most fun part about dating him was his roommate worked for the Miami Heat.
And his roommate was actually the guy who was in charge of the Jumbotron. Oh, wonderful.
Super cool. And we got to go to the games all the time.
And I wasn't so much into it for the sporting of it, but really for the social aspect. So it was coming up on Valentine's Day, which is also my birthday.
His roommate came home one day. We were at their apartment and he was like, listen, I have this really cool idea.
I wanted to see if you guys would be game for it. We're going to have you guys come to a game and we're going to do like the kissing cam, you know, when the jumbotron pans around and lands on different couples and they kiss.
And he's like, but when we land on you guys, Matt's going to propose and you you have to say no but you have to do it like super dramatically slap him in the face slap oh my yeah he was like really roll your eyes slap him in the face and it'll be hilarious and people will love it and everybody will laugh he has a terrible opinion on what the outcomes of these things will be. He doesn't understand love.
Yeah, tell me about it.

People will cheer.

They'll be delighted that a guy got turned down and slapped in public.

It's going to be a blast.

You're foreshadowing this story.

Okay. So I was young and stupid and I was like, sure, I'm game.
That sounds so fun. Yeah, you're going to be on TV.
That's what I was thinking. You might be on the news after this.
We even went a few days early to block the whole thing and meet with their AV team. They're like, okay, this is where you're going to be seated.
And this is the camera angle. So you guys have to play to the camera.
Just kind of a peek behind the curtain. They planned this shit? Well, I think they knew on occasion.
Well, they certainly planned this one. Yeah.
Wow. Okay.
That morning, I'm getting all dolled up because I'm going to be on TV. And I'm so excited.
The game starts. At one point, the roommate came over and kind of gave us a nod.
Like, okay, it's going to happen soon. So be on the ready.
Are you nervous? Strangely, I don't think I was because I was young and stupid. and I really saw this as your big break.
I would have been in the exact same state of mind. I couldn't wait for this to happen.
This is my nightmare. It comes up on the screen and they start kind of panning around to all these different couples and they laugh and they kiss and everybody's cheering.
And then it comes to us. and just as we rehearsed he stood up and he got down on one knee and he even had like a fake ring

box and they laugh and they kiss and everybody's cheering. And then it comes to us.
And just as we rehearsed, he stood up and he got down on one knee

and he even had like a fake ring box.

And he like presents this ring to me.

And I tapped into my high school drama club training

and I really went for it.

I made a choice that I was going to go for like disgust, you know?

So I'm looking at him and I'm like, oh, no. And I'm rolling my eyes and pew.
What I wasn't prepared for was everyone in there to completely turn on me. They didn't just start booing.
The place erupted in the loudest sea of boos. I don't know how many people fit in one of these arenas, but thousands upon thousands.
Yeah, I think around 50,000 we could safely say. All directed their hate at me, screaming, boo, boo.
Oh, fuck. Not 1% of you had forecasted that this might happen.
So you're completely ill-prepared. I thought I was going to be a star.
You were the hero. Yeah.
And I was the villain. Then were you like, they made me do it.
I thought Mariam. I thought it was over.
But no, throughout the rest of the game, they kept panning back to us. Oh, no.
At least three or four other times And every time all over again

It was like a running joke

The whole place

They hated me

I even went to the bathroom at one point

And this group of old ladies

They were so mean to me

And they were like what's wrong with you

Why won't you marry him

He's too good for you anyway

Holy shit

Now I hate all these people

I started hysterically crying

That's a lot of bad energy toward you. It was so awful.
And thankfully, this was 2005, so there weren't cell phone videos like there are now. Yeah.
So I never had to think about it again. I never had to see it again.
I was begging them to leave. He was like, no, we can't leave.
We have to stay. And then after the game, we meet up with the whole group and they're laughing and applauding us.
And wasn't that great? Wasn't that the best? And I was like, did you guys just experience the same thing I experienced? Because he became the golden boy. Everyone in the place loved him.
The sweetheart who had his heart on his sleeve

and got turned down by this bitch.

It's very Munchausen-y.

Yeah, every gal in that arena wanted to marry him all of a sudden.

Ask me. Ask me.

You should have been like, he abuses me.

He saved me with my sister.

Yeah.

I can totally see that being on the news at 0 five. I didn't hear about it if it was.
Did the roommate expose himself as always knowing that was going to happen in his celebration of how great it went? If they knew that I was going to be the butt of this joke the whole time, nobody clued me in to it. I was just completely taken aback.
What do you mean everyone hates me? I'm supposed to be the star here. And at one point I even tried to say like, it's a joke.
It's a joke. And they were like, no, no, no, you can't do that.
Oh my God. It's a little bit of hubris.
It's a little bit like you went in quite cocky and then you did get taken down. Tell me about it.
Yeah, it's pretty Greek tragedy-esque. It is.

Oh, my God, Emily.

How long did it take you to recover from that experience? Thankfully, I was 19, so probably by that night I was fine. Yeah, which you had 17 natural lights.
You were right back in business. Yeah, I was fine.
But I did break up with that guy afterwards, and then we lost our connection to go to the game. Whatever.
Fuck him. He he was a bad guy i don't think it was safe for you to be at those games anymore to be honest i don't think so either i was like public enemy number one in miami who knew i love that the grandmas were confronting you in the bathroom they were the worst ones they were so evil i couldn't believe it oh wow what an experience yeah that's really something very memorable Well, Emily, thank you.
Thank you so evil. I couldn't believe it.
Oh, wow. What an experience.
Yeah, that's really something.

Very memorable.

Well, Emily, thank you.

Thank you so much.

I've been like a day one arm cherry and my sister Eden and my best friend Esther

and I always kind of recap each of the episodes afterwards.

Shout out Eden.

Shout out Esther.

Two E's.

Yeah.

And three E's.

Triple E's.

I love that. E cubed.
Yeah. All right.
Take care,'s. Triple E's.
I love that.

E cubed.

Yeah.

All right.

Take care, Emily.

Love you guys.

Thank you so, so much.

Bye.

I think that happened to the best person imaginable.

Yes.

Like you would have.

I can't even imagine.

Well, let's be clear.

You would have never been in that.

A hundred percent.

I would never have said yes.

But let's just assume.

Oh, if the arena was booing me, I would still be under the covers. Like, for real.
I have to pee. That made me have to pee.
Okay. Made the impossible possible.
Hello. Hey.
How's it going? Great. You want a fake name, which I'm always excited about.
Is your real name George or your fake name George? My fake name is George. Yes.
Okay. I might intermittently call you Yorgo, the Greek pronunciation of George.
Just look for that. Where are you? I'm in LA.
I'm in Calabasas, Woodland Hills area. Okay.
And you have avoided? Yeah. You're all right over there.
Yeah, we're okay. We were surrounded by the evacuation zones.
I've got 10 month old twins. So we evacuated for their air quality.
That was our first time leaving with the baby. So it was intense.
But other than that, we're safe. We're back home.
Everyone's happy. So it's good.
Okay, good, good, good. Okay.
So you attended a sporting event. I like to think you might be liable for something if you want a fake name.
There's a criminal element, but luckily it's all okay in the end. All right.
Let's hear it. Yeah, hit us.
I went to UCLA. This is at a UCLA football game.
UCLA versus USC. Oh, perfect game.
At the Coliseum or at the Rose Bowl? It was at the Rose Bowl. Okay, so the year before, UCLA lost to USC 50 to zero.
Oh my. We usually always lose.
So this year, this was our chance. It was at the Rose Bowl, so it's packed.
So we're at the student section. Incredible game.
It kind of goes down to the wire. Three minutes left.
It's getting clear we're going to win. At the UCLA student section, there's no assigned seating.
You can make your way to the front if you're there early. So I was front row with my three friends.
And then everyone just starts chanting, of course, rush the field. Oh yeah.
Rush the field. So this is like, okay, the entire student section is about to rush.
I'm front row. So it's my duty to go first.
Do you have a painted body? I did not have a painted body. Just classic UCLA gear.
And did it cross your mind to take your shirt off before entering the field? Because that seems customary as well. I did not cross my mind there.
Okay. Let's rush the field, rush the field.
But then two minutes before they line up the SWAT team, I swear they are like in riot gear lining up and signs start showing like, do not rush the field i'm like you know rush them you're balancing a lot here what do you do 10 seconds the clock's ticking i make eye contact with one of these SWAT guys and he's just looking at me like don't do it i remember i just look at him like i am doing it three. We win.
Everyone's about to follow.

Here we go.

We're rushing the field.

I'm front row.

We go.

Nobody follows us.

It's just me and my three friends.

Oh, no.

No one joins.

UCLA's a little nerdy.

Well, I was going to say, I can't even believe they were fucking shouting rush to the field because when I went, it was a snooze fest and I never went back.

Yeah.

USC versus UCLA kind of gets hyped up.

So I was like, this is our moment.

But no one goes.

I make it about three feet. I basically jump into the arms of the SWAT brigade.
So I get tackled immediately to the ground, put into this crazy arm bar. There's a great picture I think they sent you.
It was captured by the press. Oh my goodness, I can't wait to see.
Oh, no, you're not joking. The man has you in a jujitsu arm bar.
He's got his legs over your chin. And you're screaming.
Yeah, you're clearly in a ton of pain. So you could tell that this guy wanted to be a member of this SWAT team.
He's just the security guard. This was his audition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like found in Google results.
Like if you just Googled like UCLA versus USC fan for years, this was a while ago. Oh my God, you were the rowdiest fan that's ever been at UCLA.
We get escorted to go to the Rose Bowl detention center, but the game just ended and there's no like secret tunnel here. So they escort us to this detention center.
Basically, it's on the other side of the stadium. We're just walking through all of the fans leaving the game hyped up.
We just won. I'm in handcuffs and I look at the woman who's escorting me like, this is my moment, please.
I'm so sorry, but can I have five minutes like celebrating with people? She's sure what wow this is mixed messages overly aggressive arm bar jujitsu move and now they're gonna let you celebrate a little bit this whole walk i'm giving people high fives but i'm handcuffed so i'm giving them with my head we go to the detention center area i'm with my three friends and it kind of gets serious now we're in fake jail but they're telling us now you're going to real The head honcho is like, no one's rushed my field in 20 years. Wow, that's just more feathers in your cap, if you ask me.
Exactly. I didn't make it very far.
But then I remember when I did get tackled, I got kind of hit in the stomach with a baton a little bit. So I realized that and I start like screaming in pain, like I need to go to the hospital.
Oh, God. You're smart.
I feel bad because my three friends also can't do this ruse. It bizarrely works.
All of a sudden, I'm in an ambulance being taken to the hospital. This is insane.
Oh, you didn't even have to walk back to your car. This is kind of working out perfectly.
This is smart. You got a police escort out of the stadium, and now you're getting a ride out of the game.
I feel really bad, though, because my three friends, they spend the night in jail. Oh, my God.
They took them to jail for that. Yes, scary big boy jail.
Wow. Pasadena jail? That's true.
They said it was scary. Yeah.
Yeah. Well.
I go to the hospital. I'm there for like five minutes and my cousin picks me up and I go to the after party and it's like.
Go to the after party. This is so great.
Then like a couple of weeks later, I get a notice in the mail that like I have a court date. Pasadena courthouse.
I think it's going to be like a parking ticket. Like there's some sort of fine.
But I show up and they're like, you're being charged with inciting a riot. Here's your public defender.
No fucking way. Inciting a riot.
That has to be a felony. Yeah.
No, I don't think it was a felony, but it was a misdemeanor. I didn't end up getting charged with it.
I meet the public defender. She's giving me the rundown.
And then all of a sudden we're talking with the prosecutor. I'm like a 19 year old kid.
Just like, I thought this was a parking ticket. They're debating my sentence.
They're doing the plea bargain like right in front of me.

Oh my goodness.

The big debate is should I do 100 hours of community service with the city or with UCLA?

So my public defender gets it to UCLA and that's my punishment.

100 hours community service with UCLA.

The next day I go to the UCLA community service office and I tell this guy my story.

He was this really cool guy, almost like a hippie energy.

And he just laughed it up.

And he said, that's ridiculous. If you sell 10 of these pamphlets, we're done here.
Oh, wonderful. They're like 12 bucks each.
I go back the next day with $120 check. He signs me off.
And you just bought them yourself, I'm assuming. Yeah.
Yeah. It's absolutely zero hours of anything.
That's what it sounds like. Still probably a net time save.
At any point, had you told your parents what was happening? Definitely at some point I called them. My parents are pretty relaxed.
They thought it was funny. This story became kind of lore.
So actually my future wife was at the game. She was a UCLA student as well.
And she was there with her father and her father, huge football fan. He was pissed why no one rushed the field.
So he was going on to my wife like, why did anyone rush the field? Like they should have done it. They should have done it.
My wife, who I was friends with, was like, I knew this one crazy guy that did.

And he thought that was so cool.

And then years later, when we started dating, he was fired up to learn that, like, I was

that guy.

Oh, yeah.

You got some cred.

Yeah, you got kind of a red carpet into that.

Nice.

You're in a sim for sure.

There's no questions.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Yorgo, what a blast meeting you.

Great story.

Before we go, my wife and sister are the most diehard archery ever. Oh, get them in here.
Here we go. Hi! Biggest fans ever.
Oh my god, you have a Ted Seeger shirt. Thank you guys so much for what you do.
We love you, and we've been listening for years and years. They finish each other's sentences about your episode.
It's the weirdest thing. Yeah.
They're not even finishing their thoughts. They're just like riffing back and forth.
They don't harm their language. That's very flattering.
Enormously flattering. Because you guys are all very beautiful.
Yeah, beautiful and smart. Well, like most armchairies, if I'm being honest.
It's true. Yeah, pretty consistent.
We've just been dreaming. Well, very nice to meet all of y'all.
And that Seeger shirt looks incredible on you. Don't ever take it off.
Okay, I won't. All right, take care.
Bye. Bye, my name is Papa.
What did he say? Are you tearing up? He makes me think of your friend Robbie, even though I've never met him. Oh, Robbie doesn't look like him at all, but they're both smart and sports fans.
And like great personalities. Yeah.
He looked like Rob McElhaney. Oh, sure.
A little bit. Yeah.
A little bit. A little bit.
A little bit. That was fun.
Yeah, that finished strong. Sports.
Go sports. Go sporting team.
Love you. Love you.
Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song. Oh.
Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show.
So here I go, go, go. We're going gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairs we'll get some suggestions on the flyer rindish on the flyer rindish enjoy follow armchair expert on the wondry app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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