A 3AW Christmas Special 9 - Part 2

Speaker 1 A listener production

Speaker 1 part two, motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 No, very grim news there, but uh

Speaker 1 we uh

Speaker 1 it's important to lighten the load because you know you're all at home

Speaker 1 uh this Christmas time with your hams

Speaker 1 with your batoki ham, of course. Of course, your batoki hams, huge supporter

Speaker 1 of us and have been for 400 years. Yes, they have, and they make a ham like no one else.
They're brine. I show up at 3RW at this time of year and I get that boot right open as I put that big

Speaker 1 Batockie ham. They give me a tour of the factory.
Oh, you started a cassette. A few months ago,

Speaker 1 and let me tell you,

Speaker 1 it's trendy out there now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Never have I seen a brine.

Speaker 1 It's thick. Good brine.
As that incredible brine.

Speaker 1 I do a thick brine. Oh, they're

Speaker 1 Brown?

Speaker 1 Brian Brown. I got a tour of it.
Brian is white. Brian Brown, one of the great Australian film actors.
Brian Brown, yes.

Speaker 1 Why isn't he in movies anymore? Well, he's still in a lot of them. That's one.
He was just recently in Cocktail. Oh, I thought.
Back in 9 in 1986, that's not that long ago.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, he's made the jump to the US, hasn't he? Yes, he's become a Hollywood movie star. He's kept his Australian accent, which I think is wonderful.

Speaker 1 Yes, he's also a f my favourite film with him, The Thornbirds. Ah.
Now, you're talking about a tour. I recently got a tour from...

Speaker 1 Rachel Ward. Not Rachel Ward.
No, she didn't give me a tour. No, I was saying she's in that Thorn Birds.
Ah, yes. Christopher Plummer.
God rest his soul. Christopher Plummer, a wonderful actor.

Speaker 1 Yes, he was good. A wonderful actor.
So I recently got a tour of the

Speaker 1 War Memorial, their new wing up in Canberra.

Speaker 1 He was obviously the star of Breaker Morant.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely. And I loved Breaker Morant, a story of a gallant Australian hero.

Speaker 1 That is the only layer I consume that film on.

Speaker 1 And you went to the War Memorial. I think it is the best museum I've been to in the world.
And obviously, Jane and I have been to the Louvre.

Speaker 1 And have you been to the new wing they're building?

Speaker 1 Fantastic new wing of the.

Speaker 1 Yes, so

Speaker 1 Brendan Nelson has done a great job as the curator of the War Memorial.

Speaker 1 Very classy, big fucking figure. I thought it was Kim.
No, no, no, Kim's on. Kim's on the ball.
And listen,

Speaker 1 I've had my public spats with Kim. I obviously don't agree with everything he says politically.
He throws throws like the rest, better than the rest of them, I'll say.

Speaker 1 I've always said to my friends, before you judge Kim, have a beer with him.

Speaker 1 And I have to say, Kim, you know, he stands by what he believes in, and you can have a debate with him, and he doesn't try to do this and that.

Speaker 1 You throw all the punches, you'll stand on his two feet and take it.

Speaker 1 I went to the war memorial. Brendan gave me a tour.
Brendan and a friend of mine, I got a connection, friend of mine. I'm, of course, on the board of Lockheed Martin.
And

Speaker 1 a friend of mine from the board got me in contact with Brendan, and we got a tour, and it's just wonderful because you see, you know, it's obviously very respectful to the fallen soldiers down the front, but up the back you see the

Speaker 1 big airplane until you see the artillery and really feel that power passion of war.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now Vlogheed Martin I think is one of the best defence uh defence uh factory and you know engineers in this country.

Speaker 1 Now obviously before Media Watch comes at me again I will acknowledge on air that I am on the board of Lockheed Martin. Now last time I may have forgotten to mention that when I talked about them.

Speaker 1 The death machines of war is

Speaker 1 death machine

Speaker 1 before

Speaker 1 weapons of mass destruction reigning upon people of the world, he's on the board of that. And I don't think there's a conflict of interest.
Absolutely. Not at all.

Speaker 1 And from time to time, I talk about my opinions about Lockheed Martin. I don't think I need to disclose that every time.

Speaker 1 But apparently, according to the ABC's media, what I do, what you do in your personal time is your business and shouldn't be anywhere.

Speaker 1 I think people have a problem with the board of the War Memorial, whether it's the Honourable Tony Abbott or Kim Beasley or Dr. Karen Bird or, you know, Sharon Brown or Lorraine Hatton or Glenn Keys.

Speaker 1 Keys, yes.

Speaker 1 Now, I've got a question for you boys.

Speaker 1 Obviously,

Speaker 1 we have leftovers on Boxing Day and watching the cricket have some leftovers. How do you like to enjoy your leftovers?

Speaker 1 If there's any left after my grandkids have gotten tucked out with all of it, but uh

Speaker 1 greedy guts, greedy guts, yes, but they're growing, you know. They are growing, they do need to eat.

Speaker 1 You know, we make sure they're ready for cricket, you know, this win this summer. You know, our youngest lad, Daniel, a fast bowler for Q, and he does great.
He's doing fantastic.

Speaker 1 Yes, but what I would have a ham sandwich, I think. What would you have, John? You know, I don't mind a bit of a turkey sandwich.

Speaker 1 We've started doing turkey in the American style in the last couple of years. Well, it's been dry.
Do you find it dry?

Speaker 1 Well, we did, but then uh my wife obviously uh found a way to uh she puts the butter and I don't know, about butter under the skin or something like that, and it's it quite gists.

Speaker 1 Butter under the skin. Yes, and keep that meat moist.
A bit of gra I heat up the gravy and I eat eat that sandwich. It's very lovely.

Speaker 1 Use a stove top for that gravy, or you're putting that in the microwave oven. I don't know.
I'm watching the cricket. My wife does all of that sort of thing, but I am

Speaker 1 you know, warm.

Speaker 1 I'll use the barbecue. I'll hit up the barbecue.

Speaker 1 I'll do that from time to time.

Speaker 1 See, this is important to know as well. These are just echoes of a man who once lived.
Yes, to be very clear, if you missed last episode, I died 10 months ago.

Speaker 1 These are just echoes in a cavernous space of a man who once roamed this earth.

Speaker 1 Now it's dormant.

Speaker 1 I live on here on the station, on the program, but my corporeal form died 10 months ago. Lives on another plane.
I attended the funeral. Very sad time, I think, in all of your lives.

Speaker 1 I, of course, wasn't there. I was there only in body, but not in spirit.
What is it like? Public Memorial Piafanaeum Theatre on Burke Street. Oh, that's lovely.
That's lovely to hear.

Speaker 1 What is it like existing in the space in between?

Speaker 1 Well, to be honest with you, I don't know. I don't know what's happening outside that.
This is your studio. These are things he has said or once said.

Speaker 1 For he is no longer a part of this mortal realm, Chris.

Speaker 1 By memory, feeling and words whispers i worry that if a life well lived i think if we try to analyze it too much

Speaker 1 uh this this this this

Speaker 1 sort of soft supple grasp i have

Speaker 1 this final remaining connection i have to this earth which is this program will slip away i i don't want to analyse it too much or find too much why i think that will risk me losing this connection all i can say is I wasn't at the funeral, my body was.

Speaker 1 I don't remember. You told me earlier Anthony Kalia performed.
That's lovely to hear. I don't know if there's an afterlife.
I don't know what's happening outside of the walls.

Speaker 1 Not even the walls of this studio. I'm not in the studio.
I'm in your earbuds. I'm in your car radio.
I'm on this program. That's all I see.

Speaker 1 I saw your dead yellow body on that bed, and I can confirm you were cold to the touch. You're a beautiful open cast.
You are gone.

Speaker 1 There is a part of me that wants to know when you leave this studio, were you in here with me? But I don't think there's an answer to that question.

Speaker 1 I think all we know is I live here on the radio. There's very few certainties we have on this brief,

Speaker 1 brief moment on this hurdling rock that is.

Speaker 1 And one of those is, one, we will all die and we will all leave. And the other is you better

Speaker 1 head to the top level of Chadston if you're, if it's December 23.

Speaker 1 Because there's not a lot of car parks there at this point because Christmas is that time when we all start running from to and fro. Do you think there were enough car parks before the immigration?

Speaker 1 Well, I think I remember going there in 2008

Speaker 1 and had ample parking for days. And, you know, we would, you know, show up at peak hour at a midday and had to find a park easy.

Speaker 1 But now we had to, we, me and Jane went there the other day to pick up toys and trinkets and we ended up saying no we're going home and what do you put it down to the Christmas rush or

Speaker 1 or how many people we let into this country

Speaker 1 I think it's I think I think that's the honourable Albanese and the Premier of Victoria have a lot to answer for with that absolutely with migration and the way that's been and

Speaker 1 it's just a damn shame it's a shame damn shame now listen I was uh recently and I went on a holiday to Bali. It was one day.

Speaker 1 Probably not a day.

Speaker 1 Maybe a holomonth for me.

Speaker 1 A holiday is what I mean. I thought it would be a little too long.
No, it was my... I wrote that down for volume six.
What's that? For volume six of his joke book. Oh, his joke book.

Speaker 1 I love the joke book, by the way. Thank you.
Had me cackling in it. What was your favourite joke? My driver said to me, Why are you cackling? And I said, Graham's got another joke book.

Speaker 1 And he said, Oh, I'd love to read. I said, I'll give it to you once I'm done.

Speaker 1 They're getting thinner every year and more pricey. I see them at Dimmick's.

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah. Well, you know, the cost of printing is going up, and you have to make a pretty penny.
Oh, I've got a jug for your drug book. What did you just say?

Speaker 1 That books are getting thinner every year. Yes.
Much like posh spice.

Speaker 1 Very good.

Speaker 1 Victoria Beckham. I believe that's that.

Speaker 1 That's posh spice. Oh, that's a real name.
Have you ever had a Victoria Bitter?

Speaker 1 Well, of course. In my younger days.
The Golden Draft. Now it's all

Speaker 1 Kahi. Yes, these Japanese music.
Japanese music. Yibisu.

Speaker 1 Yes. What's a Yibisu? Ho garden.

Speaker 1 Nice Yuzu lemonade. Yeah.
What's a Yuzu lemon?

Speaker 1 130.

Speaker 1 What do they call it? 138? The kids are doing it.

Speaker 1 190. 196.

Speaker 1 I don't understand. It's called a 196.
And then it says strong zero. Well, make up your mind.
What number are you? Hard-rated. Hard.
Hard-rated solo. Yes.

Speaker 1 I accidentally thought, I said I'd have a can of solo, and then I accidentally had a hard-rated solo. I was on the couch for days.
I had a

Speaker 1 went go-have a solo the other day. I ended up having a solo energy.
I was awake for a week and a half. Why are there so many solos? What happened to the old days when you'd

Speaker 1 want a pop squash so you'd get a solo? And you knew what you were getting. Yes, now it's

Speaker 1 some sort of solo, dare, ice, coffee combination.

Speaker 1 Energy solo and alcoholic solo.

Speaker 1 Lime, they put lime in there. Too many solos.
Too many solos, and that's what's wrong with this goddamn country.

Speaker 1 If you're just joining us, it's Christmas. Yeah, much like SummerSlam, for the first time ever.

Speaker 1 For the first time ever.

Speaker 1 The 3AW podcast is over two nights.

Speaker 1 We just had too much good stuff with this solo business.

Speaker 1 It's very easy for you to say. I remember you've been dead.

Speaker 1 You haven't had to go to the shops and try and buy a can of solo and you're picking this one here and that one there. I remember, sorry, no

Speaker 1 opinions on it though. I remember waking up on September 11 in or September 12 in Australia and watching those towers fall in New York City and

Speaker 1 thought the world would never be the same and I opened a can of solo and I could chug it down fast because it had that wide berth.

Speaker 1 And it was low on Fizz, I believe. Low on Fizz.
Back in the day when you went to the shops, when you went to your Safeway

Speaker 1 and your Bylo, and you bought your solo, you knew what you were getting. Yeah, there was one solo.
There was one solo, and none of this lime. Or this sort of low-sugar solo.

Speaker 1 Energy, I need not that from my solo.

Speaker 1 I need a pub squash I can set my watch to. What do you think about this new sugar-free sprite at McDonald's?

Speaker 1 I don't care for it at all. I want to get it.
This is where you are in 2025, driving around Chadston. Can't find a carper with a sugarless sprite.
A sugar-free? I call them taste-free.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely. Where's the taste going? I've not tasted anything.
I've had no taste since I was 65. So for me, there is no discernible difference between sugar-free sprite and sugar sprite.
But

Speaker 1 I want the one I had the other day.

Speaker 1 I'm on diabetes and I'm always in the the Warringle private, you know, getting updates. And the nurses there can never find the bloody vein.

Speaker 1 They can't. There's one good girl down there.
There's one girl who knows how to do it. And the other girls will fiddle around and prick and prod.

Speaker 1 And they never find the vein. Never find the good vein.
And I have a good one in my left arm. And Jane says to them, look, there's a good one in the left, and they won't listen.

Speaker 1 There's one good girl, but when she's not working, you're stuffed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's bloody terrible.

Speaker 1 I've got a little dog.

Speaker 1 So tell me what you think about Christmas boys. I love Christmas.
Christmas is that. Can you call it that? I don't have to say happy, merry holiday or something.
Well, have you heard about this?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have to say.

Speaker 1 Can't even have the nativity scenes. Have you heard this?

Speaker 1 They've got the nativity scene in Melbourne.

Speaker 1 They have that up, and they've had that up every year. But apparently,

Speaker 1 it's not diverse enough. Well, no, it is the right level, and there's never actually

Speaker 1 diverse enough. Make maybe Jesus

Speaker 1 a goat or something. I don't know.
They're just not happy with it. Well, you know, they want to do this now.
I know. The school children, that it is mandatory.
I've heard a number of accounts.

Speaker 1 I had a couple of callers on my show. Well, that's enough to go by.
Just some people saying random shit. That's enough to go by.

Speaker 1 Two callers on my show say they knew someone who knew someone. Yeah.
Who there are public schools on our taxpayer dime

Speaker 1 public schools I wouldn't know none of my children went to public schools public schools on my dime that are saying children have to pretend to be cats and dogs transgender yeah but instead of gender cats and dogs they're pissing and shitting into little box

Speaker 1 trays I heard that I heard that on 3AW before yes have you heard this and make you can do it I've heard it yeah they said it this morning have you heard this no so they're making children.

Speaker 1 This is the sort of woke culture. They got cats and dogs shitting on the mate.

Speaker 1 The children are shitting on the cats and the dogs. Because I'm okay for dogs and cats and

Speaker 1 defecating

Speaker 1 in the garden. But they want.

Speaker 1 They bring in the trays. Now, this is, we haven't had, we asked for comment from the,

Speaker 1 I'll explain what happened, then I'll talk about the comment we got.

Speaker 1 So I've had two callers into my program who personally haven't witnessed it, but they've heard about it on the internet. You've heard a couple of callers.
On 3AW, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 This is true. Well, I've extended it a little bit.
Actually, I'll just say the truth. Yeah.
That apparently, at public school,

Speaker 1 this is not true. The 3AW thinks this is happening.

Speaker 1 Apparently.

Speaker 1 This is outrageous if it's true. The LGB, if it's true, and the fact that it sounds believable to me

Speaker 1 is bad enough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even if it's not happening, it's worse enough that I could believe it could be true.

Speaker 1 So apparently,

Speaker 1 according to 3AW about six months ago,

Speaker 1 children at public schools

Speaker 1 identified as cats and dogs and the public school teachers and the other children in the class were forced to acknowledge that identification and those cats and dog children were were allowed to defecate in kitty litter trays at the back of the classroom.

Speaker 1 That's true, which in no way has it been proven true. It's a disgrace.
It can't possibly be true.

Speaker 1 But I believe it. So we got a statement here from

Speaker 1 we got in touch with the public school, the peak body of public schools in Victoria. What did they have to say?

Speaker 1 Well they said unequivocally there's nothing of the sort that has ever occurred at our schools.

Speaker 1 We've never heard any reports of the sort. But if it had.
But then why? Where there's smoke, there's fire. And I would argue where there's kitty litter in public schools, there's children

Speaker 1 identical. No, but

Speaker 1 they've confirmed. But if there was.
But if there was.

Speaker 1 Well, and you say that. Believable.

Speaker 1 When there's smoke, there's fire. Now, there is no smoke.
No. But if there was smoke.

Speaker 1 But there are fireless smokes. You tell me it's not true.
They say it's not true. They say it's not true.
And

Speaker 1 with supporting evidence. Right.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 if. But if.

Speaker 1 To the people listening to this in their 80s with their cold, rock-hard, falling-apart hearts, if that can get a high heart rate out of them, then surely there must be some truth and magic to that.

Speaker 1 Yes. Surely.
And I mean, you're listening here and we are the arbiters of truth to a whole generation of people. We are.
And we're telling you that

Speaker 1 I've had someone call in and two people call in.

Speaker 1 But then also I've seen Maya window which I love to take the grandkids to the Maya window

Speaker 1 yeah always if you don't mind a line that's right but it's a part of all part of the tradition yes it is

Speaker 1 I don't mind a line or waiting at all but this year it's woke themed. What is that? I heard someone call in and say it's woke themed.
Well apparently each window is woke.

Speaker 1 Now I called Maya and they said that's not true but uh the fact that someone called in is worrying enough. Yes.
Yeah, they said no it's just based on some

Speaker 1 thing that is willing to pay for half of it. Barbie.

Speaker 1 But apparently, this year, every woke, you know, so you go to the first window.

Speaker 1 Woke this, woke that. So Maya Windows, of course, for the listener who doesn't know, of course, you all know because we only go out to Victoria, but Maya Windows, Meyer.
Rural South Australia. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, and rural. We do go out to them, so we will explain the

Speaker 1 north parts of Tassie. Meyer is one of the two leading department stores in the city, along with David Jones.

Speaker 1 And Daimaroo, I believe. No, they've disconnected.

Speaker 1 That's

Speaker 1 a Japanese shopping centre. No, it's not.
No, they've redone it. Oh, I do all my shopping at Daimaroo now.
It's a true blue. Aussie clock.

Speaker 1 No, they've changed it to Melbourne Central. You haven't shopped for 20 years.
No, no, no. Before the house.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the Maya, instead of the clothes every Christmas for the last hundred years, they've put on a little story. Sort of like a Disney animatronic sort of thing.

Speaker 1 I remember a great year, it was full of Barbie dolls. Well, this year.
Christmas pudding. Yes.
This year,

Speaker 1 each window is a different type of woke. My God.

Speaker 1 You're joking. Well, you were the one that said it to me.
I heard it. You just told me about this.
Well, I heard it too. I'm just hearing this.
You're telling me.

Speaker 1 And you're telling me I'm hearing this at all. Well, you've heard it from two of us.
Wow. Wow.
Wow. Wow.
Well, I will confirm. May have confirmed that's not true.
But yes, if it were true,

Speaker 1 I'd be making myself sick. Well, I don't know how woke what woke.
I don't think any of us have actually decided what woke means. No, but I know it's bad.
You go to each window.

Speaker 1 My understanding, how I imagine it plays out, is you know how you've got the 12 stages of Christmas on the days of Christmas. Probably woke, you know?

Speaker 1 So, oh, this one's about this kind of woke, and the next one's about that kind of woke. I imagine it's 13 days of Christmas now, the 13th being

Speaker 1 woke. What happened to people working for a living? I got now they're woking for a living, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. It's good, yeah.

Speaker 1 People getting just sort of given jobs or expecting handouts, these kids coming through union now. They walk out and put their hand out and say, Put that money in that hand.
But

Speaker 1 whenever I would never have expected that in my life, no, no, it's sort of we all expect, you know, I go, people who just want expects a job.

Speaker 1 I dropped out of high school at the age of 13,

Speaker 1 and I walked into the office of

Speaker 1 Channel 9 now. I said I'd like a job.
They gave me the job and I was working for only 15 cents a year at the time.

Speaker 1 And how long did it take you to save up to buy your first home? Well homes were 15 cents then. Right.
So it was, I had to get a loan of 15 cents. I paid it off.
You worked hard.

Speaker 1 You worked very hard. I worked very hard.

Speaker 1 To ever think that I would expect anything that would be given to me is absurd. Absolutely absurd.
Next thing you know, they're going to be putting avocado and toast in those Maya windows.

Speaker 1 Now they're trying to tax me. Spend their money on.

Speaker 1 They're trying to tax me. Have you heard this? No.
For every dollar you make over a billion dollars, they're trying to tax over 30%.

Speaker 1 Insane.

Speaker 1 I've worked hard for my billion dollars.

Speaker 1 Well, my father, when he was the head of the Liberal Party and, you know, and was the president and the owner of the

Speaker 1 Calton Football Club

Speaker 1 and who organized this job for me.

Speaker 1 He said he would have rolled over in his grave had he known that they would be taxing like that.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 that's where the money comes from. What's the incentive to make money?

Speaker 1 I just think a lot of people now, they come after the Liberal Party and they say, oh, this, that, the other. And I say, well, the Liberal Party used to be a broad church.

Speaker 1 And I believe it should return to that. It used to be a broad church.

Speaker 1 And this is what happened is

Speaker 1 they got together and they said, you know,

Speaker 1 that small business owners, small business owners, people that are... carols by candlelight.
Yes, but I do just want to say about the Liberal Party.

Speaker 1 Small business owners and people that believe in small government and vicious racists, they used to come together at a broad church.

Speaker 1 We can cut that if you want. No, I like that, but what are you singing at this point? Yes, I believe you told us you wouldn't give us a bit of a teaser and reveal.

Speaker 1 Or would you like me to sing some of it now? I'd love to hear some of you. I'm going to do it

Speaker 1 in front of me.

Speaker 1 This is a breaking news. You'll hear this on Channel 9 on.

Speaker 1 Make the screen big for me. Channel 9, you'll be hearing this on December 24th.

Speaker 1 And sing along if you want to, boys. As John, who's dead, sings Felice.
Feliz Navidadre. Oh, lovely.
Feliz Navidadre. Beautiful.
Yeah, it'll be great. Feliz Navidad.
Prospero anoi evisidad.

Speaker 1 Gorgeous. Beautiful.
Feliz Navidad.

Speaker 1 Lovely.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad. Beautiful song.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad, Prospero an Ivalis Navidad. Fantastic.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 Beautiful voice. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Fantastic. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas

Speaker 1 from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 Yes. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Fantastic.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 Absolutely stunning.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad. Awesome.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad. Incredible.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad Prospero. I know y Felicidad.

Speaker 1 Christmas.

Speaker 1 Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad.
Feliz Navidad.

Speaker 1 Say

Speaker 1 I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. Well, you too, John.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. Oh, yeah.
Surely miss. I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 It was gonna be great.

Speaker 1 I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. We'll be asking your widow out to you.

Speaker 1 Why don't we join in? I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 In other words,

Speaker 1 absolutely.

Speaker 1 I believe that means wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 John, Velisna Vidad. Graham.

Speaker 1 Belize Navidad. Everybody.

Speaker 1 I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 One more time.

Speaker 1 I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 Get those candles.

Speaker 1 Get those candles up. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 Pelis.

Speaker 1 Say Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 Palise Navy Dad. with those kids' presents.
Palis Navidad prosper

Speaker 1 Lao Poker Face by Lady Gaga.

Speaker 1 Are you gonna do that as well? Yes, yes, I'm going to do that.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 genre.

Speaker 1 It's quite a change in genre. Are you going to do this as well at Carol's? Or? Yes.
Or is this just for my mama?

Speaker 1 My mama.

Speaker 1 Ma ma ma ma

Speaker 1 I don't know this one. Mama ma ma ma ma.

Speaker 1 This is from the one that

Speaker 1 I wanna hold him like they do in Texas, please. What? Fold em, let him hit me, raise a baby stage.
What is this? What is this? A love game intuition, play the cards of spades to start. John.

Speaker 1 And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 I'll get him hot, show him what I've got. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 I'll get him hot, show him what I've got.

Speaker 1 Can't read my, can't read my, no, he can't read my poker face.

Speaker 1 She's got me like nobody.

Speaker 1 Can't read my, can't read my. No, he can't read my poker face.

Speaker 1 She's got me like she's got nobody.

Speaker 1 Pa-pa-pa-poke-face. Pa-pa-poke-face.
Stop it there. Yes.
Now, I'm not performing that at the... That was just for a bit of fun?

Speaker 1 Well, that came up next on the karaoke options on the YouTube, and I thought it'd be fun to give it a single. Yeah.
Well.

Speaker 1 Well. Well.
This will be my last time. I feel every episode we do, I feel...
slightly less in contact with this earth. So I do want to say I think this is my last time.

Speaker 1 I think maybe I held on so I could do a Christmas with the two of you. And we appreciate it, John.
John Graham,

Speaker 1 as you know, in my will, I put in place and I talked, I knew I was going to go.

Speaker 1 And I put in place a succession plan with the producer. So next year,

Speaker 1 of course,

Speaker 1 you'll be joined by my protege, John.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 young John. He's very young.
He's only 93.

Speaker 1 I imagine next time you tune in, if you only listen to the Christmas episodes, I'll be very established. He'll be very established then, and you'll be old friends.

Speaker 1 Would you like me to drift away and introduce new John like a Doctor Who episode? That would be lovely. All right.
So he's now, as we watch in the 3AW studios in Docklands. The

Speaker 1 transparent blue ghost of John as he fades away into the nether world. Goodbye.
Goodbye. With you.

Speaker 1 Say hi to Yoda for for me, mate. I say hi to Yoda for you.
Played by the wonderful Frank Oz.

Speaker 1 But now it's time for me, John.

Speaker 1 I'm John. John.
Hi. Hi, John.
How are you? Hi, John Graham. I worked with you in 1958 as a rogue, as a cadet reporter.
Yes, and I was actually under John for a time, but also you, John. Yes.

Speaker 1 And now it's an honor to be here. Well,

Speaker 1 you're a bit of a young whippersnapper here, John, and so we've got a couple couple of things to show you and tell you, and we're excited to

Speaker 1 show you the ropes. Now, I'm

Speaker 1 with 12 months. I'm a little bit different to John.
You'll hear my voice is slightly different, my opinions are slightly different. My age is slightly different.
But I endeavour

Speaker 1 to tell the truth

Speaker 1 and to live on the memory of John.

Speaker 1 But it's a new era. You look the same, of course.
I look exactly the same. They sound very similar.
Sound very similar.

Speaker 1 The gap between me and John,

Speaker 1 the years of age difference, the difference of... is maybe discernible to

Speaker 1 Johns like me.

Speaker 1 But to anyone from the outside, I'm

Speaker 1 very similar. Yes.
And to all of you at this magic time of year, we wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 At least they didn't replace another woman.

Speaker 1 May that Christmas period be a magical one for you. Get that well-needed rest, but more importantly, spend that time with family and friends.

Speaker 1 And to you and your loved ones this Christmas, we wish you a merry one

Speaker 1 in the shadow and grace of Christ and in memory of John. Good night.
Good night, everyone.

Speaker 1 You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonnerClub.com.
See you next week.