S4: EP 1 — One of the Good Ones

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Speaker 20 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity? They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 21 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 28 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 29 Learn more at don'tsleep on osa.com.

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Speaker 35 Hey guys, before we dive into the episode, we have exciting news. Betrayal is coming to Substack, which is an online community.
We're calling our Substack Beyond Betrayal.

Speaker 35 A place where we dive deeper into the stories you hear on this show.

Speaker 35 Please consider joining our community to gain access to exclusive content, engage with me and subjects, as well as connect with others who have experienced betrayal. Just head to betrayal.substack.

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Speaker 36 I'm ashamed to admit, I loved you. That's what makes this hurt so bad is because I cared so much about you.

Speaker 36 My family is the most important thing in the world to me, and it still is. But now there's just one last member of it.

Speaker 36 I cared about you more than anything. I looked up to you.
You were an inspiration to me.

Speaker 36 You ruined my life. You ruined my baby sister's life.
And you ruined my beautiful mother's life. That's what hurts the most is because I genuinely cared so much about you.

Speaker 35 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal Season 4, Episode 1.

Speaker 35 One of the good ones.

Speaker 35 Hi everyone. I'm excited to be back for season four of Betrayal.

Speaker 35 It's just incredible how much this community has grown And I wanted to take a moment to give you my most heartfelt thank you for supporting this series, as well as our weekly series.

Speaker 35 No matter how you found betrayal, I'm really happy you're here. Now, for the next several weeks, we will be focusing on one story.

Speaker 35 A story that we learned about only because a woman named Caroline and her daughter learned about us.

Speaker 35 By the way, some names have been changed to protect privacy.

Speaker 32 My name is Nicole. My mom was driving me up to school.
It was my first semester of college, so me driving up my freshman year. It's an eight-hour drive.

Speaker 35 Nicole's mom, Caroline Berega, was the driver.

Speaker 37 I had said, you know, I'm tired of listening to different music. My daughter found the podcast, and so she was like, oh, look at this, this is rated like super high.
Let's listen to this.

Speaker 37 And so I said, okay. And so after we started listening, we were both just locked in.

Speaker 37 And

Speaker 37 after just a couple episodes, I was fighting back tears and I said nothing to her and she said nothing to me.

Speaker 37 And then finally, you know, she broke the ice and she looked at me and she said, you know, mommy, this could be our family. I said, I was thinking the same thing.

Speaker 37 I was thinking the same thing.

Speaker 35 That thought stuck with Caroline enough to motivate her to send us an email.

Speaker 35 And before we knew it, my producer Carrie and I found ourselves in Colorado Springs, where we met Caroline Berega at her home.

Speaker 35 Caroline is a mother of two who works in law enforcement. Her house is beautiful with vaulted ceilings in a cozy suburb of the Springs.
If one thing stuck out to me, this was a forever home.

Speaker 35 She was warm, welcoming, and not alone. Little did we know we were guests of a special night Caroline does with the people closest to her.
It's called Supper Club, and they do it every Sunday night.

Speaker 35 They drink wine, crack jokes, and unwind before the start of another week.

Speaker 35 These friends never miss a supper club.

Speaker 8 Do you want another one of these?

Speaker 32 Me? Okay, okay.

Speaker 35 We were complete strangers, and the night could not have felt more comfortable.

Speaker 32 I got that.

Speaker 32 There was a few who wished us well.

Speaker 35 After dinner, Caroline gave us a tour of the dream home she built with her husband of over 20 years.

Speaker 35 She showed us trophies and ribbons from her kids' sports careers. There were instruments and elementary school art projects.
And there were family photos smiling at us in frames all over the house.

Speaker 35 This was a happy home of a happy family. But when we looked a little closer, we realized that many of the photos weren't of Caroline's family at all.

Speaker 35 They were actually stock photos, the kind you get when you buy a frame at the store. It became overwhelmingly clear Caroline had deleted parts of her life.

Speaker 35 Actually, just one part of her life. The most painful one.

Speaker 35 Caroline had removed all traces of her husband, her now ex-husband, Joel Kern.

Speaker 36 Would you please state your full name with the spelling for the record?

Speaker 34 Joel Kern, K-E-R-N-N-J-O-E-L.

Speaker 35 Joel was a decorated member of the Colorado Springs Police Department. He had taken an oath to protect and serve the community.

Speaker 36 How long have you been employed by CSPD?

Speaker 34 25 years.

Speaker 35 But on April 11th, 2022, Caroline discovered that the only person Joel was serving was himself.

Speaker 37 I'm at work and I see a notification on my phone. What's our house cameras?

Speaker 37 And I look and I see it's Joel and he's dragging up the trash cans.

Speaker 36 Will you be answering all of our questions concerning this matter truthfully today? Yes.

Speaker 37 And so I just sent him a quick text and I said, hey, what are you doing home so early? And he didn't respond.

Speaker 36 Tell us, why do you think those allegations against you were brought forward?

Speaker 37 And then I sent him another text. Joel, is everything okay?

Speaker 37 I see like the three little dots.

Speaker 36 I'll ask you specifically, have you ever uploaded WhatsApp on your work cell phone phone number?

Speaker 37 And he responded back,

Speaker 37 know everything's not okay. I fucked up the worst I've ever fucked up in my life.
You're going to want to divorce me.

Speaker 35 Season four is about truth. It's the foundation upon which trust is built.
So what happens when someone manipulates the truth?

Speaker 35 What happens when a person or an institution believes that they are above the truth.

Speaker 35 For Caroline, her husband's lies lies completely undermined her sense of reality.

Speaker 35 It's been a hard few years for Caroline and her family. Before we sat down with her, she looked to her daughter for strength.

Speaker 37 She was very sweet and said,

Speaker 37 You are brilliant, resilient, and beautiful, and you deserve to tell the truth of the story.

Speaker 32 You deserve to let people know what we went through.

Speaker 37 And that's all the permission I needed.

Speaker 35 Nicole always felt a deep kinship with her father, Joel Kern.

Speaker 32 I really idolized my dad. I thought we had similar personalities.
We had the same humor, same kind of confrontational style.

Speaker 35 And for Joel, it wasn't just a job. It was part of his identity.
During Nicole's childhood, he rose up the ranks in the Colorado Springs Police Department.

Speaker 35 And for most of her life, he worked unusual hours.

Speaker 32 My dad did work nights for the majority of my life. And so most of the time, I would only see him like during dinner time.

Speaker 32 I was kind of proud of that in a way because he was serving our community. And I

Speaker 32 was really

Speaker 32 happy to see him and all of his cop friends and

Speaker 32 like spending most birthdays at the substation and all that.

Speaker 35 Substation was a new new word for me. It's another word for precinct.
Caroline made sure not to skip celebrations just because Joel worked at night.

Speaker 35 She brought the kids over and they celebrated birthdays and holidays at the substation.

Speaker 35 So Joel wouldn't miss out and the kids would have their dad at milestone events.

Speaker 32 I did maybe idolize him more than my mom. just because my mom was constant throughout my life.

Speaker 32 I wanted his connection just because he wasn't really there for a lot of the daily events with my brother and I.

Speaker 35 Joel's career was always the family's priority. When he had to miss the kids' sports games or recitals, it was for good reason.
Their dad was on the side of justice, integrity.

Speaker 35 And this didn't happen by accident. Caroline and Joel designed their life around his career.
In fact, the day she first laid eyes on Joel, he was in uniform.

Speaker 35 It was 1998 and Caroline was fresh out of college, starting her first full-time job as a domestic violence advocate.

Speaker 37 I was told from my employers that one of the things that would be required of me as a component of my training for the position would be to complete a ride along with the Colorado Springs Police Department.

Speaker 37 So I showed up at the substation and I'm all 22 years old, freshly graduated, just celebrated my birthday. And I meet this police officer and his name was Troy.

Speaker 37 The first part of what we were going to do for the evening is that we would sit in the lineup room and I would be able to listen to a police lineup.

Speaker 35 When Caroline says lineup, she's talking about the briefing officers receive at the start of their shift. It's when the sergeant gives out updates and assignments.

Speaker 37 As lineup's getting ready to begin, this person walks in. He's very tall and very handsome and just looks kind of discombobulated.

Speaker 37 He's carrying a radar gun and a clipboard while still trying to balance this coffee mug.

Speaker 37 And everyone's kind of giggling. And the police sergeant said, well, I guess we can start lineup when Joel finds his seat, everyone.

Speaker 37 And I'm staring at him and I admit I was just awestruck. He was handsome and young.
And when he sat down, I could see him turning back around and staring at me.

Speaker 37 And you know, I get flushed and I look away, but the times when I would look over and we caught eyes,

Speaker 37 there's no other way to put it. It was electrifying.

Speaker 35 There was something happening between them. Caroline didn't know it then, but that night would alter the trajectory of her life.

Speaker 35 And since we're going to be talking a lot about the Colorado Springs Police Department, I'll refer to it as the CSPD from now on.

Speaker 37 And then as lineup finished, Troy came back to me and he said, okay, are you ready to get going?

Speaker 37 And before we were leaving the lineup room, Joel came kind of hurriedly over to us

Speaker 37 and he said, Troy, don't forget I'm your partner tonight. And Troy just kind of let out this sigh.

Speaker 37 And then he looked at me and he said, And this is Joel, clearly trying to insert himself to get himself introduced to you. Joel, this is Caroline.

Speaker 35 The ride-along was routine, but it was a long night. When they returned to the substation, caroline was ready to get home

Speaker 37 and as i'm approaching my car joel kind of almost running out comes out to me

Speaker 37 he was like hey i just wanted to say good night to you i know that you're new in town so i wanted to give you my business card and let you know that if you ever needed to be showed around town or if you wanted a tour of the city let me know And I said, I don't need to be shown around this town.

Speaker 37 I grew up here, so I have no need for a tour guide.

Speaker 35 Caroline was playing it cool, but he gave her his number anyway.

Speaker 37 I just took the business card and got in my car. I drove home that night, and my mom was waiting up for me.
She was like, oh, I'm just so relieved you're home safely. I've been waiting up.

Speaker 37 I couldn't sleep. How was the evening? And the first words out of my mouth before anything were, I met the man I'm going to marry.

Speaker 37 And my mom sat there in silence and then she stared at me and her next response was, Jesus Christ, it better not be a cop.

Speaker 37 And I just started laughing.

Speaker 37 I went to bed and I fell asleep for a couple hours. And when I woke up, I rolled over and I had Joel's business card on my nightstand and I picked up the phone.

Speaker 37 This is 1998.

Speaker 37 I used my parents' landline,

Speaker 37 called his work, and I left a voicemail for him. I said, hey, it's Caroline.
I don't need a tour guide, but if you ever want to get together sometime, let me know.

Speaker 37 And within 20 or 30 minutes, my parents' house line rang. And after I said hello, the first words out of his mouth were, what took you so long to call me?

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Speaker 5 Spills, stains, and kid chaos.

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Speaker 7 Our sofas are fully machine washable, inside and out, so you never have to stress about messes again.

Speaker 8 Made with liquid and stain-resistant fabrics, that means fewer stains and more peace of mind.

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Speaker 20 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity? They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 21 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 28 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 29 Learn more at don'tsleep on osa.com.

Speaker 30 This information is provided by Lily, a medicine company.

Speaker 35 Joel wanted to see her that night, but she had plans. It was Caroline's turn to cook Sunday dinner for her family.

Speaker 35 To her surprise, he was down to show up at her parents and bravely dine with her mom, dad, and two older sisters.

Speaker 37 He was a trooper with it. I mean, he was very coldly greeted by my parents.

Speaker 37 My sisters were incredibly amused by the fact that I had just met this person on a ride along and I was inviting him over for Sunday dinner. And so, you know, they were giddy and giggly about it.

Speaker 35 Joel and Caroline were skipping a lot of steps. This would typically be date 10, not date one.

Speaker 35 But it felt right having Joel there beside her. And from that moment on.

Speaker 37 We became inseparable.

Speaker 37 And I should clarify, I mean inseparable as we could be with regards to his schedule. He worked four days on and had three days off.
And the four days that he worked on were 10-hour shifts at night.

Speaker 35 But when they were together, it was like the beginning all over again.

Speaker 35 Caroline and Joel made the most of the gorgeous landscape in Colorado.

Speaker 37 We enjoyed driving up to see the leaves when they changed and going on different hikes and driving through different passes and going to different mountain towns.

Speaker 37 We were both young and, you know, you're in love and attracted to each other.

Speaker 35 They had met early in the summer of 1998. And in the fall, Caroline had planned to go to graduate school a few hours away in Boulder.
But Joel wasn't about to let her get away.

Speaker 37 When it came time for me to go to graduate school, Joel had said to me, my career is established and you have so many connections here in your hometown. Why don't you just stay?

Speaker 37 And we had a little bit of a negotiation where I said, well, I'm not going to dismiss graduate school. This is something that I'd like to stay and pursue.
I'll enroll at the local university here.

Speaker 35 Here's Caroline's best friend, Deborah.

Speaker 38 We started hanging out more because we played on a recreational volleyball league together. And Joel was a part of that.

Speaker 35 Deborah is, as Carolyn says, her ride or die. They met back in their 20s at work and they even have a nickname for each other.

Speaker 38 It's Sally. We're like, if we ever go to jail, we'd be cellmates.

Speaker 33 Our little partners in crime.

Speaker 32 And so we call each other Sally.

Speaker 35 Deborah knew Joel from the beginning of their relationship.

Speaker 38 You know, they were always great together. I looked up to them as a couple.

Speaker 38 She was very attentive to him. He seemed attentive to her.
He was great.

Speaker 38 There was like two different Joels. There was work mode, Joel, who was very serious, took his job seriously.

Speaker 38 And then there was Joel outside of work that loved to hang out, loved to, you know, have a drink here and there.

Speaker 38 And we just always had a good time.

Speaker 35 Caroline loved him. Her friends and family had grown to love him.

Speaker 37 They were dating for a little over two years when we were getting ready to go out somewhere. I can't even remember where, what we were going to do.

Speaker 37 And I went upstairs to, you know, get my shoes on or get a coat or whatever. And I turned around and there he was with a ring.

Speaker 37 And that's how we got engaged.

Speaker 35 The engagement was simple, but planning the wedding wouldn't be. Caroline was Catholic, but Joel wasn't.
That meant they couldn't get married in her church.

Speaker 35 But then Joel did something extraordinary that surprised Caroline.

Speaker 37 Joel said, I'll convert for you. I just thought, oh my God, thank you.
It just drew us closer together and just made me feel that much more loved and special that he was willing to do that.

Speaker 35 Once Joel was confirmed as part of the Catholic Church, he and Caroline prepared for the sacrament of marriage.

Speaker 37 We needed to do premarital counseling with our priest.

Speaker 37 The counseling was actually something that was extremely relevant and beneficial. I mean, there was a litany of discussions that were had, and one of the discussions surrounded infidelity.

Speaker 37 And so I told him, I just want you to know that I will work through and do anything for you.

Speaker 37 But I have two rules. Don't ever lay a hand on me and don't ever cheat on me.

Speaker 37 Anything else I commit and promise to, I will work through.

Speaker 37 And he said, I agree.

Speaker 37 And we had

Speaker 37 a mass of 150 people on a Friday evening.

Speaker 35 Three years after they met, on July 27th, 2001, Caroline and Joel got married.

Speaker 37 He invited a childhood friend to do a reading and she was excited to be part of the ceremony.

Speaker 35 Love is patient and kind.

Speaker 39 Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude.

Speaker 37 And it was just so beautiful. Just so beautiful.

Speaker 39 Love bears all things, believes all things. hopes all things, endures all things.

Speaker 39 Love never ends.

Speaker 37 So around June of 2002,

Speaker 37 I was at Target one day. I was in the book area and wanted to get a nice journal.
And I passed by this book, What to Expect When You're Expecting.

Speaker 37 And

Speaker 37 it was just kind of this moment of,

Speaker 37 when was the last time I got my period?

Speaker 37 And I started looking at the book and I was giggling to myself and I thought, I should probably take take a test. And I was pregnant.

Speaker 35 She took the test while Joel was sleeping, but she wanted to share the news with him right away.

Speaker 37 He sat straight up in bed, stared at me for a second, and then he said, this is what you want, right?

Speaker 37 And I said, I do.

Speaker 37 What about you? And he said,

Speaker 37 yes, of course. Of course I want to be a dad.

Speaker 35 Once the shock wore off, they were both really looking forward to having a baby.

Speaker 37 You know, we told our parents right away, and everyone was just so excited for us.

Speaker 35 Caroline threw herself into preparing for motherhood, and Joel began to focus on providing for his growing family.

Speaker 37 It was important for him at this point to advance his career because he wanted to be able to provide the best he could for me and our child. And if we had other children.

Speaker 35 During her pregnancy, the couple made an agreement that Joel's career as a cop would be the centerpiece of their life.

Speaker 35 It was a sacrifice for the betterment of their family and for the entire community.

Speaker 37 There were occasions where his work impeded some factors with me being pregnant.

Speaker 37 He missed doctor's appointments and would call and say, I can't make it because I'm at work still.

Speaker 35 Caroline experienced some lonely days, but the couple was working for the future.

Speaker 37 Our son was born and thankfully healthy, beautiful baby boy.

Speaker 37 Joel stayed home just a couple days and went right back to work and was very adamant that he wanted to focus on his career and making sure that he showed that he was someone who was worthy of being promoted, especially now that we had a child.

Speaker 35 As for Caroline's career, it was more flexible. She isn't an officer herself.
She asked asked us not to disclose her exact job title.

Speaker 35 We'll just say she works in the justice system and collaborates with law enforcement. So Caroline had the utmost respect for the work her husband did.

Speaker 37 I knew what I was getting into.

Speaker 37 I knew when I married a cop that I was going to be alone at night, that we agreed he would have the ability to make more money and that I would be the person who would support it because I had a more flexible schedule than him.

Speaker 35 Two years after their son was born, Caroline and Joel welcomed a baby girl.

Speaker 37 Our daughter was born in 2005.

Speaker 35 And then they saw their sacrifices start to pay off.

Speaker 37 11 days after our daughter was born, Joel was promoted to the rank of sergeant.

Speaker 37 Being a midnight sergeant was his focus for many, many years. We would have dinner together as a family, and then he would leave for work by 8 p.m.
And then I was home with the kids at night.

Speaker 35 Despite the difficult hours, Joel embraced fatherhood. As the kids grew, Joel and Caroline brought them along for all their outdoor adventures.
They even got an RV.

Speaker 37 We would go on biking trips together and hiking trips together and camping trips together.

Speaker 37 You could see

Speaker 37 he just enjoyed being around the kids and watching them live these moments and experiences through their lens.

Speaker 35 From those early days, Joel encouraged their son to get involved in his community. Here's their son.

Speaker 41 He was a leader all throughout my Boy Scout career until I became an Eagle Scout.

Speaker 35 They even traveled to Florida for a scouting trip.

Speaker 41 Going key to key and snorkeling on shipwrecks and seeing all the sharks and the sea wildlife was probably the most memorable.

Speaker 35 And Joel found ways to bond with their daughter, Nicole.

Speaker 32 I'm really big into lacrosse. I've been playing lacrosse my whole life.
He was the one that always took me to my lacrosse games, my lacrosse practices.

Speaker 35 Both kids enjoyed the benefits of their dad being a cop because they had access to exciting experiences.

Speaker 41 Getting to see the jail cells or the armory or the police motorcycles.

Speaker 35 Then there was Joel's police car.

Speaker 41 Getting to play with the sirens and then getting older, being able to go on police ride-alongs and all that.

Speaker 35 The car was a symbol of their dad's power and authority, of his values, his service.

Speaker 35 Despite Joel working nights, their family thrived. Both kids were passionate about sports and became competitive athletes.
And they were focused, hard-working students.

Speaker 37 Things just really felt like they were on this great trajectory.

Speaker 41 The saying was that the current family doesn't accept mediocrity, which is half joking, half not.

Speaker 35 After eight years working as a sergeant, Joel was tapped for an important assignment.

Speaker 37 He actually

Speaker 37 was given an opportunity to become a sergeant for internal affairs.

Speaker 35 Internal Affairs is a department that investigates complaints and allegations of misconduct against its own officers. The new job meant Joel would work regular business hours and be home at night.

Speaker 37 I craved being able to have him at home. It wasn't so much a matter of that I needed or wanted help.

Speaker 37 It was a matter of wanting to have the normalcy to sit together and hold hands in the stands at the kids' games, to be able to not have to rush, to be able to actually have a meal at the kitchen table, falling asleep with someone at night.

Speaker 37 being able to get ready together in the morning. Simplistic activities like cutting up the vegetables for dinner together and cleaning up together and talking together.

Speaker 37 It was just this time to finally exhale and have some time together as a family. It was just so welcomed.

Speaker 35 She craved that companionship.

Speaker 35 When Joel moved to internal affairs, he began sharing more about his work with Caroline. Every industry has its good and bad operators, but some of what Joel revealed was disturbing.

Speaker 37 I started to hear about people who engaged in some pretty concerning, immoral, and unsavory acts while under the guise of a police officer.

Speaker 35 It was eye-opening to see how discipline worked at CSPD, what conduct could get you fired, and how honesty could save your job, even for very serious offenses.

Speaker 35 Caroline was proud that Joel was well-liked and respected. Here is a retired CSPD officer.
He asked that we call him Dan.

Speaker 40 He was always pretty cheerful. I actually always appreciated after he got promoted how he treated his officers and stuff.
Yeah, he treated him really well.

Speaker 40 And I think he set good expectations for them and seemed to generally care about the cops that were working for him.

Speaker 35 His family beamed whenever he was honored for his work, especially his daughter.

Speaker 32 I was very proud that my dad was a police officer.

Speaker 35 She remained proud, even as the public's relationship with law enforcement faced a watershed moment.

Speaker 32 There were riots in my town in 2020, and my dad was constantly out

Speaker 32 working.

Speaker 32 And,

Speaker 32 you know, during that time, I was really proud of him just because I saw the sacrifices that he was making.

Speaker 35 These were the George Floyd protests that were shaking the nation to its core. The mountain town of Colorado Springs was no exception.

Speaker 35 Dan was working for the department then and recalls the experience.

Speaker 40 For us, it was pretty substantial. I mean, we had a good week or so of several thousand people out in the streets.

Speaker 40 It got actually fairly hairy at times as far as just the potential for violence to really get set off.

Speaker 35 Caroline and Joel wanted their community to know that while they supported the police, they did not accept the kind of policing that led to George Floyd's death.

Speaker 37 Joel was a police officer who absolutely disagreed with what occurred to George Floyd and made sure anywhere we went socially or publicly known that he did not believe how that circumstance and situation was handled.

Speaker 35 Even though she supported the protests, she was scared for her husband's safety. He had to work the front lines.

Speaker 37 People were throwing frozen water bottles or rocks, and he would say, oh, look, look at this bruise that popped up. This was from a frozen water bottle.

Speaker 37 We had friends who they knew that he was working long hours and would hear from me that he hadn't been home for 16, 17 hours, and they were bringing food over and checking in on him, letting him know that they were praying for him, that they knew he was one of the good ones.

Speaker 35 That's what they all thought: that he was one of the good ones.

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Speaker 35 Caroline knew Joel was one of the good ones. She had seen it with her own eyes.
Joel was her rock during one of the hardest moments of her life.

Speaker 37 I describe for you just how close I was with my parents. Joel was with me and my family when my dad passed away in 2011.
And then

Speaker 37 in

Speaker 37 2016, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

Speaker 37 My mom was scheduled to go in for just a routine appointment in December of 2016.

Speaker 37 And I had a court obligation with my job, and I couldn't attend the appointment. And said, you know, should I cancel it? Should I get coverage? My mom said, no, no, no, it's just routine.

Speaker 37 And maybe I'll ask Joel to go with me and then I can take him out for a lunch date.

Speaker 37 And I was sitting at my desk at work anticipating that I would get an update. And Joel called me and he said, hey, are you alone? And I said, yeah.

Speaker 37 And he said, I got to talk to you about your mom's appointment.

Speaker 37 And so I said, okay,

Speaker 37 is everything okay?

Speaker 25 He said, no.

Speaker 37 And he said,

Speaker 37 all of her labs came back really concerning. And at this point, the oncologist says there's just really nothing

Speaker 37 that

Speaker 37 they can do for her

Speaker 37 and your mom doesn't want to try anything else

Speaker 37 and I just walked out of work and I drove to my mom's house and

Speaker 37 she was laying in bed

Speaker 37 he was sitting next to her holding her hand

Speaker 37 and she died February 1st, 2017

Speaker 37 and he was there for those last moments.

Speaker 37 I remember that night laying next to him, and I said,

Speaker 37 you and the kids are all I have now.

Speaker 37 And he said, we're going to be together till the day we die. We'll be grandparents.
We have these two great kids.

Speaker 35 The same mother who once said, don't tell me you're marrying a cop, had come to trust him, to love him.

Speaker 37 One of the pieces of my mom passing away

Speaker 35 was that

Speaker 37 she left him in charge of all of her affairs.

Speaker 37 So he handled my mom's estate for her.

Speaker 35 Joel stepped in again when Caroline was faced with an uncomfortable decision.

Speaker 37 I inherited different things, and one of them was a specific rental property that I just did not want.

Speaker 35 Caroline asked for discretion here, but I will say this. The property had a lot of dark history in her family.

Speaker 37 I said, I don't want this. I hate this place.
It has bad memories. It's always been a problem in my family.
I don't want this rental property. And he said, it's passive income.

Speaker 37 I'll handle everything about it. You don't need to worry about it.

Speaker 35 He stuck to his word and took charge of the rental property. And take note: the rental property is important because it's going to come back later in Caroline's story.

Speaker 35 Actually, almost every anecdote you've heard up until this point will too.

Speaker 35 Soon after the loss of Caroline's mother, another exciting career opportunity came Joel's way. The CSPD public information officer was retiring, and Joel was offered the position on a temporary basis.

Speaker 35 This role meant he'd be the face of the department, handling media relations and serving as the spokesperson. Here he is, giving an interview to a journalist.

Speaker 36 Is it like during this time of the year that homicides kind of picked up?

Speaker 45 I don't think there's any science per se on when a homicide would occur because for the most part it's an intimate violent crime where often committed by somebody that you know.

Speaker 37 Joel would be the person at different crime scenes or at different organization or events where he would give the speech on behalf of the police department.

Speaker 35 Joel loved being the CSPD spokesperson and he loved the recognition.

Speaker 37 He would light up if we were in the grocery store or if he was outside mowing the lawn and one of the neighbors would point out or someone would randomly point out, oh my gosh, I saw you on TV.

Speaker 35 Their home office was almost a shrine to Joel's accomplishments with newspaper clippings and plaques. He even jokingly referred to it as the Love Me Room.

Speaker 35 They were all proud of him. Plus, the job meant he was on the day shift, and that meant more time together.

Speaker 35 Once the temporary role as public information officer ended, Joel tried to get as much experience across multiple departments as he could. It was the best path to leadership.

Speaker 35 Eventually, his hard work was recognized, and before long, he was up for the rank of lieutenant. This was a promotion, but it came with a drawback.
He would be back on the grueling night shift.

Speaker 35 at least for the time being.

Speaker 37 And just as I did with him when he was trying to become a sergeant, I mock interview questions, read over his promotional book, took a look at all that stuff.

Speaker 37 And in 2017, he was promoted to lieutenant.

Speaker 35 Then a year later, in 2018, Joel was offered the role of public information officer. But this time, it would be permanent.

Speaker 37 He came home and we were both excited because he was selected for it.

Speaker 37 About two weeks later, he came home early in the morning and was just acting very strange.

Speaker 37 And I asked him, what's going on? He said,

Speaker 37 I had a falling out with the chief. And I said, you had a falling out with the chief of police.
And he said, I had a falling out with him.

Speaker 37 And he's taken away my opportunity to be the public information officer.

Speaker 35 And I'm like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 9 What happened?

Speaker 35 Eventually, Joel revealed something that shook Caroline.

Speaker 35 He'd been grappling with reoccurring memories of a childhood trauma. It was something she'd known about, but she didn't realize it was interfering with his work.

Speaker 35 Joel explained how the stress had built up, leading to an explosive confrontation with the chief. With Caroline's unwavering support, he agreed to start therapy.

Speaker 35 Caroline found Joel a counselor experienced with first responders and PTSD.

Speaker 35 The PIO job? It was a loss, but Joel's mental health was the priority. And later the same year, Joel was given another daytime assignment overseeing special events for the department.

Speaker 35 The job had its perks. He organized the motorcade with the Secret Service whenever the president or vice president came to town.

Speaker 35 And for Caroline, it meant more time together as a family and more quality time with her husband. And for a while, Joel seemed well.

Speaker 35 Then one night they attended one of their son's sporting events together. Joel was distracted and despondent.

Speaker 37 He became extremely withdrawn and very agitated. And so this is about 2019.

Speaker 35 Caroline was concerned. He was obviously in distress.
Their son just turned 16 and started driving.

Speaker 37 I said something to him and his commentary was, it's because I can't get out of my head that he's driving and he could be in an accident like he said to me you know i think of all the kids who i've seen in accidents who've been killed and i can't stop thinking about it i can't stop thinking about it and so he's telling me this and i was mortified

Speaker 35 police officers are the first responders to a lot of disturbing situations so it wasn't a surprise that joel experienced this type of ptsd These moments were tough, but they were infrequent.

Speaker 35 Caroline looked for the joy in their lives and made it a point to celebrate all the good they had.

Speaker 37 Our son graduated from high school. Our daughter had her 16th birthday, and

Speaker 37 we celebrated 20 years of marriage.

Speaker 35 They wanted to celebrate big with a family beach vacation. Here's Caroline and Joel's son.

Speaker 41 I took my best friend from home and then my family, family friends. We all went down to Mexico.

Speaker 35 Joel and Caroline were devising a plan of their own for their anniversary.

Speaker 37 Joel and I had talked about renewing our vows, and

Speaker 37 he suggested we keep it a surprise. He said, Let's not tell anyone.
Let's, you know, get everyone together somehow on the beach.

Speaker 32 It was a surprise when I saw my mom in that long dress.

Speaker 32 I remember like tearing up because when I was growing up, I never ever saw my dad cry and so he started like tearing up and you know his voice cracking a little bit when he was just talking about how the first time he proposed to my mom

Speaker 32 it wasn't the best proposal and so this was a redo he said and he like got on one knee and gave my mom a new engagement ring. And so,

Speaker 32 you know, I started tearing up because I never saw my dad kind of express his emotions like that.

Speaker 35 Caroline shared some photos with me. She looks stunning in a long white dress with a low back.
In one shot, her son walks beside her on the beach and her daughter holds flowers.

Speaker 35 The kids look so proud of their parents.

Speaker 32 She did look like a bride, so

Speaker 32 it was cool to see her all dolled up.

Speaker 35 Their son can still picture it.

Speaker 41 It was a proud moment for me because I walked my mom down the quote-unquote aisle,

Speaker 41 more like a sidewalk to the beach.

Speaker 35 The ceremony left their family and friends feeling an afterglow long past the trip. But less than a year later, in March of 22, Joel's mental health took another turn for the worse.

Speaker 35 Caroline was terrified. She had never seen him so upset or vulnerable.

Speaker 37 And I said, you know, what's going on? And he says to me, Caroline,

Speaker 37 I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. Like, I can't stop thinking about so many things.

Speaker 35 He was having horrifying, intrusive thoughts that wouldn't stop.

Speaker 37 He's crying and I'm crying. He was sitting on the couch and I'm sitting there and I'm kneeling in front of him.
And I just said, quit.

Speaker 37 Just quit.

Speaker 37 You know, you've done this for over 25 years. Just quit.

Speaker 37 We'll figure it out.

Speaker 37 I can't stand seeing you like this. I don't want you to feel like this.

Speaker 35 The job must have been weighing on him for decades, and it was all coming out now. The couple had heart to hearts.
Joel opened up about his parents, details he'd never shared before.

Speaker 35 They started talking about the future, about what life could look like if he changed careers. Caroline didn't care what he did.
She just wanted him healthy, happy.

Speaker 35 Then on Sunday, April 10th, Joel did something no one saw coming. It rocked his family in the best way.

Speaker 37 Our daughter wanted to go to church. He never went.
And as our daughter and I are getting ready, he emerges and says he's going with us. And our daughter said, Daddy, are are you serious?

Speaker 37 You're really going to go to church with us? And he said, yes. And so

Speaker 37 we go to bed that night.

Speaker 22 Next day, I love you.

Speaker 37 I love you.

Speaker 37 I'm proud of you for making all of these committed changes for yourself.

Speaker 37 I know. I feel really good about it.
Let's keep talking about it. I love it.
Sounds good.

Speaker 37 Kiss him. Goodbye.

Speaker 35 She thinks about that moment often because it was the last time she understood her world.

Speaker 37 And as I'm at work, it's about 1.30 in the afternoon. And I'm in an online meeting and I see a notification on my phone.

Speaker 37 And so it's our house cameras. There's someone detected at the front door and in my driveway.
And I look and I see it's Joel.

Speaker 37 And he's dragging up the trash cans. It was trash day.

Speaker 37 And I thought, that's weird. Wonder why he's home.
And so I just sent him a quick text and I said, hey, I'm in an online meeting. What are you doing home so early? And he didn't respond.

Speaker 37 And I'm watching him. I'm watching him pull up the trash can.
I'm watching him pull up the recycle.

Speaker 37 And then I think to myself, where's his take-home car? You know, I don't see his take-home cop cart. And then I sent him another text.
Joel, is everything okay? How come you're home so early?

Speaker 37 And so I see like the three little dots, the ellipses just kind of bouncing on my phone screen.

Speaker 37 And he responded back, no, everything's not okay. I fucked up the worst I've ever fucked up in my life.

Speaker 35 I've ruined our lives.

Speaker 37 You're going to want to divorce me.

Speaker 37 I stared at that text for several seconds. And then I said, what is going on? What is going on? And he wouldn't respond back to me.
And I said, I'm going to leave work.

Speaker 37 Please tell me what is going on you have me terrified

Speaker 37 and then he texted back

Speaker 37 i was caught receiving oral sex from two women in my cop car i lied about it during an internal affairs investigation i am now pending termination

Speaker 37 i just sat there at my desk and i gently closed my laptop

Speaker 37 I didn't excuse myself from my online meeting and I didn't tell anyone I was leaving work.

Speaker 37 I kept my composure until I could walk outside, and I was on a street corner headed to my car, which was parked in a garage, before I just started breaking down.

Speaker 37 And I called him, and I remember just tears streaming down my face.

Speaker 37 And I said, What did you do? What did you do?

Speaker 37 And he just kept chanting, Carolyn. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 35 This season on betrayal, the good guy Joel appeared to be was all a facade.

Speaker 37 Based on that information, tell me what happened that you believe was the basis for the allegations.

Speaker 45 I would say that, you know, it wouldn't be something that I'd want my wife or kids reading, obviously.

Speaker 36 Did part of you know deep down that this was wrong? Yes.

Speaker 32 The momentary

Speaker 36 times you had these encounters,

Speaker 36 did it make you feel good?

Speaker 35 Thank you for listening to Betrayal Season 4. If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team, email us at betrayalpod at gmail.com.
That's betrayalpod

Speaker 35 at gmail.com. Also, please be sure to follow us on Instagram at betrayalpod and me, Andrea H.
Gunning, for all betrayal content, news, and updates.

Speaker 35 One way to support the series is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. Please rate and review Betrayal.
Five-star reviews help us know you appreciate what we do.

Speaker 35 Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison.

Speaker 35 Betrayal is hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Carrie Hartman. Also produced by Ben Fetterman.
Our associate producers are Caitlin Golden and Kristen Malkuri.

Speaker 35 Our iHeart team is Allie Perry and Jessica Krinechek.

Speaker 35 Story editing by Monique Laborde. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio.
Editing by Tanner Robbins. Voice acting by Caitlin Golden.
And special thanks to Caroline and her family.

Speaker 35 Betrayal's theme is composed by Oliver Baines. Music library provided by My Music.
And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 42 Then the space hamster flew his hot air balloon all the way to the bottom of the ocean.

Speaker 3 Where did that story come from?

Speaker 32 Book?

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Speaker 19 This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something.

Speaker 20 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity? They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 21 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 28 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 29 Learn more at don'tsleep on osa.com.

Speaker 30 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

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