Chelsea Handler: Getting High as Fuck (FBF)

Speaker 1 Hi, daddy gang. It is your father.
I am so excited that Call Her Daddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family.

Speaker 1 I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week.

Speaker 1 If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit seriousxm.com/slash podcasts plus to start your free trial today.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Domino's.

Speaker 2 I love

Speaker 1 Domino's. If I'm going to treat myself, I'm getting myself a Domino's pizza, okay? Because Domino's gets it.

Speaker 1 Their specialty pizzas are loaded with toppings full of flavor and the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank.

Speaker 1 Try the new spicy chicken bacon ranch pizza, grilled chicken breast, creamy ranch, smoked bacon, jalapenos, provolone, and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella and finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce.

Speaker 1 You guys know what to do. Order Domino's specialty pizzas today.
Order now at dominoes.com.

Speaker 1 Bet MGM has exciting ways for you to bet on pro football, and new customers can sign up for Bet MGM using bonus code CHD to unlock their welcome offer and score up to $1,500 back in bonus bets if they don't win their first Bet Daddy Gang.

Speaker 1 Get involved this football season.

Speaker 4 BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms.
21 plus only.

Speaker 4 This promotional offer is not available in Michigan, Mississippi, New York, New Jersey, Nevada, Ontario, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, or West Virginia.

Speaker 2 Gambling problem: Call 1-800-GAMBLBLERL.

Speaker 4 Available in the U.S. for New York, 877-8-HOPENY or text Hope NY-467-369.
For Arizona, 1-800-NEXT UP, for Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-BETS OFF for Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023.

Speaker 4 Subject to eligibility requirements, rewards, or non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Yves St. Laurent's iconic Lieb Collection.
Lieb's Vanilla Couture is Liebes' first ever limited edition fragrance.

Speaker 1 It's sweet yet bold with rich vanilla caviar, rum, liqueur, absolute, lavender, and orange blossom. Find it now at Sephora.

Speaker 2 What is up, Daddy Gang?

Speaker 3 It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. I haven't smoked in so long.
I always just take edibles.

Speaker 3 You better not then. Well, I'm going to.
You better keep your shit together.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to be able to ask you a question. It's time to fucking prepare this interview for you.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be fine. Okay, but we only have one later, so don't hog it.
Well, I guess we can just, we'll just start. Fuck it.

Speaker 5 My name is Chelsea Handler, Chelsea Joy Handler, and I'm at Alexandra Joy Cooper's house. And we're recording her, Who's Your Daddy?

Speaker 2 Fuck her. Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 5 Call Her Daddy's podcast.

Speaker 5 And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me

Speaker 5 about hating you the first time I met you.

Speaker 3 That is not true.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you were.

Speaker 2 This is what happened. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 Why don't I tell my version and then you can go?

Speaker 3 Okay, go ahead. Yeah, you go first.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. You guys know I'm obsessed with Airbnb, okay? It has been a part of my life forever, okay? Number one, I want a hot tub.
If I can get it, I'm going to get it, right?

Speaker 1 And that's where Airbnb comes in. Also, if I have the opportunity to bring my dogs literally anywhere, I'm bringing my dogs literally anywhere.
Boom, Airbnb. Do you get what I'm saying, Daddy Gang?

Speaker 1 When you are going on a girls trip, when you are going out with your man and you want to find a nice place to stay, boom, Airbnb, booking Booking a stay at Airbnb is the best way to make your holiday travels very memorable because you get to explore not only a new city, but a new space in that city.

Speaker 1 I love staying like a local, okay? I want to immerse myself in it all. I want to get the groceries.
I want to cook. I want to do all the things.

Speaker 1 And if you want to go somewhere, but don't know really where to go yet, let Airbnb make the decision for you.

Speaker 1 My best advice is to utilize their guest favorites feature, which is a collection of the most loved homes on Airbnb. Boom, you cannot go wrong, Daddy Gang.

Speaker 1 So before you start booking flights and dinner reservations, take a sec to find the right place to stay.

Speaker 1 Airbnb has options for all kinds of travelers from extended families to couples looking for an end-of-year getaway. It's always the first thing I lock in.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 Okay, Daddy Gang, we all know Uber Eats has the best selection of local restaurants, but did you know they also eat when it comes to a whole range of delivery services?

Speaker 1 You didn't listen, this might be a lot to take in. So let me break it down for you.
Uber Eats isn't just for locked in salad bowl lunches or pre-gaming with Ty, okay?

Speaker 1 When you can't make it to the store, you can just basically get anything you need delivered straight to your door with Uber Eats. Right now, you could be checking off your whole shopping list.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. There are so many times where I am in the middle of a meeting and I'm like, oh my God, I just remembered that I needed to get this before the weekend.

Speaker 1 Or, oh my God, I bet Henry and Bruce would love a new toy or love a couple treats. Boom, order it.
Oh my gosh, I wish that I had more paper towels.

Speaker 1 I just remembered I'm, or oh my God, I've just realized that I'm out of toilet paper. Boom, boom, boom.
Your everyday life things, Uber Eats has you, okay?

Speaker 1 Get grocery, alcohol, and everyday essentials in addition to the restaurant food you love. So in other words, get almost.

Speaker 1 almost anything with uber eats order now for alcohol you must be legal drinking age please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region.
See app for details.

Speaker 5 So I came over to your ridiculous house that had no parking. That was so, and again, today, no parking.
So I went over to this house that you said, don't worry, this isn't my house. Like I care.

Speaker 5 And then you told me to lie down on a couch like I was about to get examined by a gynecologist.

Speaker 5 And so I had to put my feet up like a little girl in nursery school and sit there and be interviewed. And I was like, who is this person?

Speaker 5 Because my PR team was like, You have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. She's the it thing.
She got some ridiculous deal, and you have to go do an interview with her. I go, Sure, no problem.

Speaker 5 And then the whole time, you're like, Do you hate me?

Speaker 3 Oh, okay, first of all.

Speaker 5 It's just so annoying when people say that. I'm like, Do you hate me? Oh, that's all people say to me: do you hate me?

Speaker 3 Because just to be fair, I'm a big fan. I was so nervous.
I was shitting my parents.

Speaker 5 Well, now I'm a big fan of yours.

Speaker 2 Oh, thanks. I know.
The roles of Switch.

Speaker 3 Okay, question.

Speaker 3 Where did you park today?

Speaker 5 Well, funny you say that because I was driving myself today because it's raining and I don't trust anyone to drive in the rain, even my driver.

Speaker 5 I'm like, listen, buddy, I actually think it's fun to drive in the rain in LA because everybody's such an idiot. Pussies.
And I like the rain.

Speaker 5 So I tried to park on the street and then there were about 40,000 signs that were deterring me from doing that.

Speaker 5 And then I saw Alec, my publicist, and I said, can she please open the fucking gate to her garage or driveway so I can park in the driveway and then he's like oh it's not open and I go no it's not so did you park in the fucking driveway yeah so you have a fucking parking spot yeah well that's typical for a guest when you invite them over you want to know

Speaker 3 I'm gonna tell you the truth of what happened

Speaker 3 why am I going like this I've already stoked yeah bring your I'm not gonna like sit like a hobbit sitting like this the whole time we're like hey okay listen to this last time we recorded which was almost a year and a half ago.

Speaker 3 Excuse me. It's okay.
Hawk year long. You did that to me on your podcast.
You were just coughing my face, and then I got COVID after it.

Speaker 5 Oh, I just got COVID too. You gave it to me.
No, I got it on Christmas. Oh.
I had the flu. I was getting over the floor.

Speaker 2 You had monkey pox.

Speaker 5 I had monkey pox. And well, yeah, a couple of other things.

Speaker 3 Okay, listen to my side of the story. I'm sitting waiting for you, shitting my pants.
I hate this.

Speaker 5 I hate that you would feel that way.

Speaker 2 I was just nervous. I knew you were.

Speaker 3 You're Chelsea fucking handler. So it's like one of my first big interviews.
And so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden my assistant at the time is like, Chelsea handler's there.

Speaker 3 And I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway because I had a driveway and I moved my fucking car for you.

Speaker 5 By the way, don't add like I had of a driveway. I have a driveway.
That's so cool.

Speaker 3 I am so privileged. I have a driveway.

Speaker 3 Fuck you.

Speaker 3 So then I walk out and at the time, none of my team could be there. So it was all virtual.
I walk out and I'm looking for Chelsea. And Chelsea's nowhere to be fucking found.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, can you call Chelsea? Like, have her team call her. Like, she's not in front of my house.
Your high ass was three houses down, parked in front of another fucking house.

Speaker 3 I walk up to Chelsea's car.

Speaker 2 Also, everyone. Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 5 That's everyone just. I was high back.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 3 Everyone picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Handler for the first time and have her on your show.
Like, I'm all of you watching, shitting my pants. And I find this woman in a car.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, is that her car? I go to the window and I knock.

Speaker 5 Was it a Subaru outbag?

Speaker 3 And you open the door, and I just get hit with a bunch of just like absolute paraphernalia. And I'm like, and you're like, hey, where am I?

Speaker 2 I'm like, hi, I'm Alex.

Speaker 3 So nice to meet you. I think you thought I was the assistant.

Speaker 2 You're like, I'm going to a show.

Speaker 3 My show, bitch. And then we went in.
And then I wanted to make you cozy, but you were a fucking dress and you were a slut and you were like sitting like this.

Speaker 3 And I was like, we need to, so it all went well. And you, it went well.
Yeah. But I did ask you if you knew who I was.

Speaker 5 You didn't even know where you were. I didn't know where I was.
You think I knew who you were? But I know who you are now.

Speaker 5 And it's very, it makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about me in that way, in that regard, because I'm just, I, it just makes, I don't know, I become shy.

Speaker 5 But I'm glad that we're friends now. Me too.
And I respect you. I want you to know that.
And I'm really like impressed with everything that you've done.

Speaker 5 So now that you have my attention, we can have a more prosperous interview. Total wrong use of prosperous.

Speaker 5 Like, what am I, like, I work in a, like, we've had a prosperous, like we've yielded prosperous um grains this harvesting that's what i almost sounded like i i really appreciate your attempt to integrate the word um prosperous yeah yeah i know that was you sound smarter than me so well what what does that mean though you know

Speaker 3 like watch yourself i mean we did your podcast the other week that was fun oh yeah that was fun that was really fun and now we're here congrats on your new netflix doc not doc doc. Special.

Speaker 5 It's a stand-up special. I know it's a special.

Speaker 3 I said doc. Sorry, now I'm already hiding.

Speaker 5 I'm a doctor, first of all, and you should know that. And all your viewers and listeners should also know that I am a doctor.
I'm a farm-to-table gynecologist. And I perform all sorts of,

Speaker 5 I can do so many things medically. I prescribe medication, drugs.
I've injected about four or five of my friends with Ozempic because I realized I didn't want to use it because it's silly.

Speaker 5 Like I, it's, you know, for heavy people. I had people coming over to my house and I was was like, okay, I can see you at one.
I can see you at two.

Speaker 3 Can you believe the amount of people in LA that are using it?

Speaker 2 Everyone is on OzEpic.

Speaker 5 I have someone that's going to backfire. Something bad is going to happen.

Speaker 5 It's a miracle. It's too good to be true.
You can just make people who've struggled with their weight their entire lives thin. It's a miracle.

Speaker 3 You know what's fucked up, though, is I have someone in my life that needs it medically and it's completely sold out.

Speaker 5 Tell her to come over to my house. I'll inject her tomorrow.
What time does she free? I can, I'll open up.

Speaker 2 I will inject her. Do you have it at your house?

Speaker 5 I have a semaglutide. Well, so so my doctor, my anti-aging doctor, just hands it out to anybody, right? Oh.
And obviously now I can't say her name, but she, I, I didn't even know I was on it.

Speaker 5 I went to dinner or uh, I went, she said, oh, if you ever want to drop, because I said, she goes, if you ever want to drop five pounds, this is good.

Speaker 5 And I came back from a vacation and I injected myself with it. And I went to lunch with like a girlfriend a few days later.
And she's like, I'm not really eating anything. I'm so nauseous.

Speaker 5 I'm on a Zemphic.

Speaker 5 And I was like, I'm kind of nauseous too but I had come back from Spain I thought I was jet lagged I had been gone for like a month and uh white privilege and I was and I was like oh I I'm nauseous too and then I'm like but I'm not on a Zempic and she's like are you sure and I'm like well what is it I go I'm on semaglutide and she goes that's just what it is

Speaker 5 you look fucking great no I'm not on it anymore I stopped taking that's too irresponsible I'm an irresponsible drug user but I'm not gonna take a diabetic drug for like I tried it yeah and I'm not gonna going to do that.

Speaker 5 You're not going to do it anymore. No, I don't.
That's not for me. That's not right.

Speaker 3 This is just, we're starting essentially the episode with just like disclaimers.

Speaker 5 I'm on it right now.

Speaker 2 You're not a fucking doctor.

Speaker 5 No, I'm not a doctor.

Speaker 3 But go to Chelsea's house if you want to get on a Zempic.

Speaker 5 Yeah, make an appointment with

Speaker 5 Alexandra.

Speaker 3 Okay, so your Netflix special.

Speaker 5 Revolution. Sorry, Revolution.

Speaker 3 What is the joke that people are loving the most?

Speaker 5 I think my brother,

Speaker 5 my brother telling me that he had to have children, I said, what to my brother? Like, Like, why are you even a father? You know, you're not very good at it.

Speaker 5 And my brother's turned into quite an asshole as he's gotten older. And

Speaker 5 he was like, Chelsea, I have to think about, I had to think about my legacy. It's like,

Speaker 5 who is behind you? Abraham Lincoln? What are you talking about?

Speaker 5 Your legacy. You think people are thinking about what's going on with you after you're dead? I'm like, no fucking way, buddy.
No one's thinking about what you're going to leave behind except for you.

Speaker 5 You know, I'm like, your legacy is that you're my fucking brother.

Speaker 3 When I saw that clip, let me be so clear, I clipped it and sent it to my fucking brother. I'm like, don't you fucking forget it.
I said it to my whole family. Yeah, like it's it's a good one.

Speaker 2 The whole thing is amazing.

Speaker 5 Well, thank you so much. It was a really fun special to shoot.
Like, I love it. It's very hard for me to watch myself in anything.
And when I saw it, I was like, oh, this is great.

Speaker 5 Like, I was like, yeah, it worked out. You know,

Speaker 5 even when you're confident, you're insecure, you know, it's all, you know, it's all one big hot mess all the time.

Speaker 5 Like, I was confident yesterday.

Speaker 5 what happened but yeah it was fun to do that because my brother had seen my set I was running it for like a hundred shows and so my family had seen me and at various times and my brother's like oh you sure do a lot of material about Simone with the sun and the moon and I looked at him and I go would you like me to do some material about you no problem So then I incorporated that trip.

Speaker 3 That must be so terrifying to be related to someone that does stand-up comedy because it's like you're you're at the crossfire and you're just like, just wait for your turn like it i i would be terrified i'm sure my siblings are terrified that i talk about them on the show but i don't really but like if you want me to i will and then i can't promise obviously what's going to happen i've made a lot of mistakes doing that like talking about people without their permission

Speaker 5 yeah and i think that would be a good piece of advice actually for you to really think about that because i i definitely like you know if i didn't think it was a big deal for somebody i just assumed they didn't it wasn't a big deal and like some people are really sensitive can you give us an example?

Speaker 5 Oh, God, there are so many. I mean, where I've just kind of told someone the truth that couldn't handle the truth and not in a mean-spirited way.

Speaker 5 Like, I want to be honest with you because you're a woman, and I want to be honest and loyal to women. And I'll always tell you the truth.
I'm never going to lie to you. And people don't like that.

Speaker 5 It's abrasive. And I know, I own it.
It is abrasive. It's like not welcoming, you know?

Speaker 3 So you have to watch yourself a little bit more.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, just be a little bit more mindful, just in a nice way, like not to be a cunt. You know what I mean? Like I'm a cunt and I have to sometimes remember that other people are not like me.

Speaker 5 They are very sensitive to criticism or even like, you know, and it's an invasion of their privacy. My family has no choice.

Speaker 5 I mean, they just don't have a choice. Like they understand, I'm not going to abuse you, but I'm going to call you out.
I'm never going to lie.

Speaker 5 I mean, they say I lie about everything, but they're wrong. But I've crossed that line before.
Of course. With my family members, and I don't cross that line where it's, you know,

Speaker 3 spirited I get that okay fair your ex directed the special and he did it while you guys were dating then you guys broke up and the special came out how has the breakup affected the way that you feel about your special oh like sweet

Speaker 5 You know, it's sweet. It's like one of my favorite moments of my career.
And I got to share it with somebody that I was like, you know, madly in love with. It's super sweet.

Speaker 5 It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done.

Speaker 5 Like in terms of, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet, but.

Speaker 3 Why did you guys break up?

Speaker 5 Well, I just don't want to really comment on it any further because it turns into a headline. Get it.
And I'm not promoting a breakup from six months ago. Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 I'm here to talk about all the other things I'm doing. And I understand people are interested, but it's just like

Speaker 5 it's run out of gas. I get it.

Speaker 3 I respect that answer.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Dominoes.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's the thing: you know, listen up, okay?

Speaker 1 When you're treating yourself, that doesn't have to mean a spa day or buying something expensive.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's as simple as great food that you wanna just indulge, but it doesn't break the bank, right? Okay, Q Domino's specialty pizzas. Boom.

Speaker 1 They are loaded with toppings full of flavor and honestly feel kind of luxurious for pizza night. The new, are you guys ready for this?

Speaker 1 The new spicy chicken bacon ranch pizza is domino's spiciest pizza yet.

Speaker 2 I love this.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is my go-to. Okay, grilled chicken, breast, creamy ranch, smoked bacon, jalapenos, provolone, and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella and finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce.

Speaker 1 Are you kidding me? Or you can try others like the People's Pizza Deluxe and the extravaganza or the mitzvah, all packed with flavor. Daddy Gang, you know what to do.
I'm eating dominoes.

Speaker 1 I'm doing it. Boom, boom, boom.
And so are you. Order dominoes specialty pizzas today.
Order now at dominoes.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing, Daddy Gang. You know, I love the outdoors.
I love it.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 1 And I love it until I don't have service. Okay.
I'm like, ooh, this hike is so gorgeous, Matt. My dogs are so hot.
Wait a second. Daddy Gang, I'm here to tell you, we are going to be fine.

Speaker 1 Now, even if you wander into the middle of nowhere, T-Mobile has us connected because they have T-satellite. Yes, you heard that right.

Speaker 1 Like picture a random trail, zero bars, but still texting the crew chat like, yeah, I survive. Send wine.
Like everything's good. Woo.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The new Google Pixel 10 automatically connects to T satellite when you're off the grid and has early access to T Satellite ready apps like Google Maps, Google Messages, and even Find Hub so you can stay connected in places you didn't think possible.

Speaker 1 Be the girl in your friend group that actually has the service, okay? That is why I love T-Mobile and that is why I am T-Mobile till the end. I got Matt and I on that plan and boom, we're thriving.

Speaker 1 You've heard before that you won't believe what you get with magenta status, but now you won't believe where you are with it either. Check it out at t-mobile.com/slash magentastatus.

Speaker 3 So you're single now?

Speaker 2 I am.

Speaker 1 How is it going?

Speaker 5 That's funny.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 5 I have a, listen, I have, I have like a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last few years when I've realized like

Speaker 5 the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around. I've actually meaningfully spent time by myself to see what was up with myself.
Right.

Speaker 5 And I've really genuinely enjoyed getting to know me.

Speaker 5 And I have a lot of respect for that time where you are out of a relationship or right before you're going into a relationship to really be mindful of that time and the space that you have so that you can show up in like a really good way for any relationship you're in.

Speaker 3 And to know when to take a time out, a lot of people don't seem to know that it's time to take a break isn't that so that i feel like that period everyone has that moment of like oh my god i hung out with myself for so long and i actually for the first time fucking enjoyed it and i got to know myself and i was like oh this isn't this isn't bad like maybe i don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled i feel like everyone goes through a period of their time where they're like i'm so comfortable with myself i don't even want anyone unless they're like great to add on to my life yeah well i think you have to always set your standards where you want people to meet them.

Speaker 5 Like, if you don't have any self-respect, which so many people seem to suffer from, like, you know, what do you think you're attracting? Other people who are going to disrespect you.

Speaker 5 Like, when you think highly of yourself, you attract a higher vibe. That's just the way it is.
And, like, it's better to have a high vibe. Like, I've been low vibe.
I know what that's like.

Speaker 5 And it's infective or like infectious. No, it's infected.

Speaker 2 We're infected by STAs. We're at the doctor.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 my vocabulary is everything, and it's just far boo-boo-boo.

Speaker 5 Okay, it's invective, is what I meant to say. And yeah, so it's like, it's good to just like get to know yourself.
Like, I went to, I remember going to Whistler.

Speaker 5 I bought this ski chalet on FaceTime because I was so scared Donald Trump was going to get re-elected. And I went to Whistler.
I got into Canada.

Speaker 5 They were so strict with the quarantine because they wanted, they think Americans are disgusting and they don't want us there. So I got a work visa.

Speaker 5 I got everything so that I could go to Canada Canada and ski. Like all I cared about.
I flew my dogs and I there. We get there.

Speaker 5 We get down. We land in Canada and we land.
I had chartered a private plane. I can't tell this story.

Speaker 2 Why? Because this is illegal. This is, oh.
It's illegal.

Speaker 5 You can air all of this, but I'm not going to continue this story. What happened was illegal, okay? And it wasn't because of me.

Speaker 3 This is the best fuck. This is so classic.

Speaker 5 This is so classic. You have no idea.
You know what happened? So I get to the airport and this guy is like, oh,

Speaker 5 they're turning planes around Canada. I mean, in Vancouver, you know, we could get turned around.
I go, well, who are you? And he was like, I thought he was a customs agent.

Speaker 5 And he had me on the phone with customs. I was talking to them about my work permit.
I'm like, I did everything by the book. I hired like an immigration person.
Like, this is going to get me in.

Speaker 5 What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't think we're going to get in. I don't think we're going to get in.
And then finally, I realized he was the pilot.

Speaker 5 so I had been listening to this fucking pilot telling me that I had to call this person and this person and show my paperwork and I go wait what are you you're the pilot why do you have you have no jurisdiction over what's about to happen right now just like you're flying the plane let's go and he was like I can't we can't go up there and I go look at me I need to get to Vancouver you're gonna fly this plane to Vancouver.

Speaker 5 And if we get turned around at the border, then that's on me. And then unfortunately, I have to fly all the way back with you.

Speaker 5 So I promise you, I am going to get into fucking Vancouver. And then we got there and the customs guys came on the plane and they were like, welcome, Chelsea.
We missed you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you got in easy.

Speaker 5 Oh my God. Yeah, because Canada's awesome.
And they know that I'm, yeah, I support them.

Speaker 5 They just want to get along with everyone.

Speaker 3 So you left out the illegal part.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, good. You know what's really interesting is when you said, I can't tell you.

Speaker 5 But I really want to tell the story.

Speaker 2 I want to hear it.

Speaker 5 So it's very, I'm having a difficult moment right now because it's such a good story.

Speaker 3 But I can't. But we want, we want you to.

Speaker 5 This is what I mean about getting people in trouble. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I can't do it. We're not going to do it.

Speaker 3 When you were about to say, but like, if you want to do it. No, we don't want to do it.
You can tell me after.

Speaker 5 I need something to, is this my drink?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Pour your water.
You know what's interesting?

Speaker 2 Pour your water. Pour your water in your glass.
I should have done that. I thought like I was in nursery school for a second.

Speaker 3 Pour your water. It's interesting when you just just said that about, like, oh, I can't tell this story.
You were saying, like, I chartered a private jet and you said, oh, I can't tell this story.

Speaker 3 I thought, because you're like a successful woman, and I guess we just always get shit on, you were going to say, I can't tell it because it's coming off as too, like, privileged rich dick.

Speaker 5 Well, I'm not going to lie. I did fly.
I mean, yeah, I do charter private planes, not all the time, but yeah, I'd love to fly privately all the time.

Speaker 2 And I like the honesty.

Speaker 3 I mean, I am. Now we're a little.
Are you high?

Speaker 5 Yes, very high. I'm very stoned.

Speaker 3 Me too.

Speaker 5 I'm i'm trying to focus and especially with you it's very dangerous territory because you're like i saw you could

Speaker 3 you think you could get in there like i can see what you're doing and i'm like no bitch i saw your face when i asked you about the relationship and immediately your demeanor went from like i'm just out at alex's house to

Speaker 3 well

Speaker 3 And then you were like, fuck, I don't want to talk about this. I had to ask.
I wouldn't be doing my.

Speaker 5 But we're having such a good time. Why bring something like that up? You know what I mean? It's like, wait, what?

Speaker 3 Because the people want to know. I know.
I have to be half-friends, half-family.

Speaker 5 Well, obviously, I'm going to have to fuck somebody else publicly pretty quickly to get everybody to move on to the next conversation.

Speaker 3 You do. Do you have a pattern with a specific field that they're usually in?

Speaker 5 Oh, everything. I mean, I've dated every, I have dated the most random people.
There is no type. I've dated, look at the people that I've dated.
There's none of them have anything in common.

Speaker 5 And I look at them all and I'm just like, you know,

Speaker 5 what's the connection?

Speaker 3 And you haven't found it.

Speaker 2 No, I haven't.

Speaker 5 I don't know. What do you think it is?

Speaker 3 I feel like you're a very like at the moment, you'll maybe you're looking for something and you need it and you go into it with that person and then you leave and you're like, I didn't fucking need that.

Speaker 3 And then you meet someone very different. You're like, maybe this is what I need.

Speaker 3 But you're all you need, sweetie.

Speaker 5 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 5 Okay, can you write that down in my notes section? Do you have my notes section?

Speaker 5 Alex, what was that? You're all you need. And then put it in quotes

Speaker 5 And then write, call her daddy.

Speaker 3 I think that's the worst advice I ever gave.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that was stupid.

Speaker 2 That was fucking stupid. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, let's talk about settling, okay?

Speaker 2 Because you're single.

Speaker 3 We all have a friend who is either settled and we're like, oh, well, fuck them. That sucks.
Or they're on the path to settling because they'd rather be in a shitty relationship than no relationship.

Speaker 3 What advice do you give to women who feel like being in a bad relationship is better than being alone?

Speaker 5 Oh, I don't know. That's really hard for me to even understand.
I think that's how could you be doing that? That's like you don't have any self-respect, and you could be so much happier.

Speaker 5 Like, that's so desperate. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like they need to, they need to get on the path to being comfortable being alone because then you'll see, like, well, just don't settle for anything.

Speaker 5 Like, why? You don't have to settle for anything. You have to raise your game, and then everything meets you where you are.
You, I mean, people think about things ending or

Speaker 5 like

Speaker 5 I don't know like breakups and stuff like it's always a good opportunity everything is a good opportunity the good experiences and the painful ones and if you didn't have painful experiences you'd be really fucking boring The only difference is now everyone shares every experience, you know?

Speaker 5 So that used to be different. Like most people wouldn't be like talking like I talk and be open.
But I've always been open because I'm not trying to hide anything.

Speaker 5 You know, if I'm doing, like I talk about whatever I'm, what's going on with me. If I'm into therapy, I talk about that.
If I'm into drugs, I talk about that.

Speaker 5 If I've been to rappers, I talk about that. You know, like, I'm not, there's no mystique.
Like, I'm not trying to, like, keep anything away.

Speaker 3 You should go back to some rappers.

Speaker 5 I know, I should.

Speaker 2 I'm in the mood for a good rapper.

Speaker 5 That would be fun.

Speaker 2 Huzzo.

Speaker 5 Oh. Let's line it up.

Speaker 3 You are due for a good rapper.

Speaker 3 I mean, 15 is like iconic. So I feel like the only person I could top him is like Lil Wayne.

Speaker 5 You see that happening? Me and Lil Wayne?

Speaker 5 That's funny.

Speaker 5 Or what about like

Speaker 5 I don't know. Yeah, what am I in the I think I need to go somewhere I haven't been before.
Where haven't you been? Like in an adventure.

Speaker 3 You know? Have you ever dated a doctor?

Speaker 5 No, but I would love that.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I would love that for you.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 3 What about the pilot? Was he single?

Speaker 5 You think I was interested in him? After the way he behaved at the airport?

Speaker 3 But you know when sometimes you fight and then you like realize that no?

Speaker 2 I I don't like that.

Speaker 5 I'm not trying to fight.

Speaker 3 You weren't the girl picking on the kids in like class, the cute guy.

Speaker 5 I want to know about your relationship with your boyfriend.

Speaker 2 I want to know. Yeah, I do.

Speaker 5 Who's interviewing you?

Speaker 2 I'm interviewing you.

Speaker 5 What's the dynamic there? Because I have to tell you something. When I saw you at the Amphar event,

Speaker 5 I was surprised to see that you had a long-term boyfriend. Like, I kind of judged you in a way,

Speaker 5 not in a bad way. I just judged you as the type of person that wouldn't be in a long-term relationship.

Speaker 2 Why? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Explain. Get to the details.

Speaker 5 I'm just now asking myself that very question

Speaker 3 because i was i was like oh yeah i mean what does he do he produces movies okay and he knew your friend uh

Speaker 3 who gave us the mushrooms

Speaker 3 we were at a really nice gala and chelsea and her friend were indulging and offered my boyfriend and i some chocolate mushrooms which i highly recommend for any gala I really love that for you because I was like, oh, like, I've never done mushrooms.

Speaker 2 I've never done mushrooms. Oh, really?

Speaker 3 I was like, I don't feel like at Amphar. It's the first place.
And Chelsea's like, oh, I'm going.

Speaker 2 And I didn't even know you were fucking hosting.

Speaker 3 She was going up and like, she was like giving a full speech. Two seconds later, after I see she's on fucking mushrooms, Chelsea's on stage at Amphar being like, hello, everyone.

Speaker 2 I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 I wouldn't be in a fucking hole cradling myself.

Speaker 2 Well, I gotta try mushrooms.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I know. Well, you're pretty amped up to begin with, so I don't know.

Speaker 2 Maybe I should chill it down.

Speaker 5 Yeah, maybe, because you would be like, you wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up on mushrooms.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would hate myself.

Speaker 3 Well, also, I'm having to to interview you. When I'm high, I'm usually silent, but I'm having to like, really? I'm forcing myself to speak.

Speaker 5 Don't you think it's more fun to be high and social? I mean, I love to be high alone too, but I like being high and social.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I think I'm really more of a high alone.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm more.

Speaker 5 What do you do? Like, do you play games or something?

Speaker 2 Or like, are you playing Fortnite?

Speaker 3 I'm playing my Xbox and jerking my boyfriend off. No.

Speaker 5 Are you on a tour on Atari? Do you play Atari?

Speaker 3 What the fuck is that? No, I'm by myself watching like a movie.

Speaker 5 Like a normal movie. Yeah, yeah, that's, I mean, that's me every night.

Speaker 3 Maybe if I ever do mushrooms, I'd do it with you. No, then you'd probably never be my friend.

Speaker 5 Oh, no, no, let's not do that.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving on. Why do you think you're so normal?

Speaker 5 Because I like normal. It's more interesting.
I think normal is very interesting. Because nobody's really normal.
I mean, nobody's really boring. Everybody has something going on.
Fairly. You know?

Speaker 5 I mean, some people are really annoying. And so it's hard to figure out what that something is.

Speaker 5 Or, you know, know, you don't have the patience to even deal with finding out. But everybody has something to say.

Speaker 5 And like, people's pasts and their childhoods, like, I find everybody to be pretty interesting.

Speaker 2 I agree.

Speaker 5 Like, I could talk to anyone and just interview them all day long.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying, I do like that about you, that I feel like you're like somehow living a seemingly normal life and like you're pretty fucking famous.

Speaker 5 Well, I mean, I'm flying privately with my dogs to Canada, to a house I bought on FaceTime.

Speaker 5 And so, like, obviously, it's not that normal. I like to have things outside of just my professional career.

Speaker 5 It's taken over a lot of my life for a lot of many years, and I really needed a time out also

Speaker 5 to be like by myself. And now I'm ready to rumble again.
Like, and when I'm in the mood to work, then everything works. It's easy, you know?

Speaker 5 So, I had to really arrive at a moment where I got it back and I'm hungry and I have ambition. Because for a couple years, I really did not give a shit.

Speaker 5 I was like, I'm just going to go to Spain and hang out at my, you know, other house.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 5 That we have to edit out. That we have got to edit out.

Speaker 5 Fuck no.

Speaker 3 Do you know how that goes back to what I was saying, like, oh, the private plane. Do you know how few people are

Speaker 3 have self, like you're self-made, you've come up, you've made it on your own.

Speaker 5 Self-made? My father was a used car dealer.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 No, like you. I'm going to finish up.
You're goddamn. So do you know what I mean? Like, I think you have the right to, I'm kind of sick of people being pissed when people.

Speaker 5 I don't lie or pretend you're not, whatever.

Speaker 2 I'm not like,

Speaker 5 you know, I'm not going to even say anybody's name that I could think of, some wealthy millionaire. No, I just have a really nice life.
Yeah. I'm not like a, you know.

Speaker 3 And you're not going to hide it.

Speaker 5 No, and I, and I'm in love with Elon Musk. Okay, let's talk about that.

Speaker 5 That's the most fun thing that's happened.

Speaker 1 That's your next man.

Speaker 5 I can't stand Elon Musk.

Speaker 3 That's your next guy. Would you ever go on a date with that man?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 When does this come out?

Speaker 3 February 1st.

Speaker 5 Okay, so I'm about to host the daily show. I'll be about to host the daily show.
I specifically asked the EP of the daily show if we could roast Elon Musk physically.

Speaker 5 I'm like, he is such an asshole that we're allowed to actually go after

Speaker 5 looks.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 5 Because he's so

Speaker 5 repugnant of a person. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 3 And what did they say? No.

Speaker 5 No, they were like, let's go for it.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's nice. We're going to do it.

Speaker 3 Okay, this will be fun for you you while we're high.

Speaker 3 I think I just ashed on that chair.

Speaker 2 It's fine. Oh, no, it's I didn't.
We're moving offices.

Speaker 5 Alec, would you mind grabbing me some lip balm? I feel like I'm about to swallow my tongue.

Speaker 3 That's why I was so. I think I've now been just talking to you like this.

Speaker 5 I like the way that you twitch around while you're talking.

Speaker 3 You're like, I can't, I can't.

Speaker 5 You're like, start talking. I don't know if you're mimicking what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Are you saying that?

Speaker 5 Yeah, you have a tick.

Speaker 2 Do I?

Speaker 3 I'm trying to get cozy. These chairs, when I'm wearing real.

Speaker 5 By the way, this is a great.

Speaker 2 You haven't moved at all.

Speaker 5 This is a great episode.

Speaker 2 This is great. It's flowing.

Speaker 5 It's awesome.

Speaker 2 We're vibing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're going to have to do this once a year.

Speaker 2 Once a year.

Speaker 3 So listen to this. On your show, we did like, let's answer some questions.
I figured I could give you some topics, and I want to hear your take on them. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's fun, right? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I mean, we'll see.

Speaker 3 Okay. What is your take on posting your significant other on social media?

Speaker 2 You're like, stop talking about that.

Speaker 5 No, I like doing that. I've never done that before.
So that was fun for me. It was funny.
Like, I knew how annoying it was, but like, I liked it. You did.
Because I've never been public like that.

Speaker 5 And I felt that way. And it, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So why not?

Speaker 3 It was kind of cute. It was like very

Speaker 3 unexpected.

Speaker 5 Well, and it's also sincere because I'm not, you know, full of shit. I mean, if I'm doing that, I mean it.

Speaker 3 What do you think about when people get nervous that their partner won't post them on social media?

Speaker 5 Like, that's annoying.

Speaker 5 Anything that you're arguing about with social media is annoying.

Speaker 2 End statement. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Absolutely. I also, yeah.

Speaker 3 Put that in my notes. Right.

Speaker 5 Chelsea Handler.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Anything that you argue about.

Speaker 5 And then what was the other quote we came up with earlier?

Speaker 5 You only know what you can do. No.

Speaker 3 It was like, you only know what you can do. I said, you only know.

Speaker 2 No, I said, you only.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 5 need sweetie. You're all you need.
That's the title of this episode.

Speaker 2 You're all you need.

Speaker 5 You're all you need, sweetie.

Speaker 3 I didn't say sweetie.

Speaker 5 Do you get nervous when people come over to your house and you have to interview them?

Speaker 5 Aside from me, like, are you...

Speaker 3 No. I don't know why.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but nothing in me gets like nervous.

Speaker 3 I get the only nerve I get is to make sure that I like do a good job and I give my audience like an entertaining episode.

Speaker 3 Obviously, if I'm having to talk about some like serious shit, I actually like get off on that. I'm like, let's go.

Speaker 2 Like my breakup? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So why the fuck did you?

Speaker 3 You're like, please stop. Yeah, I was excited, but then I'm swerving, right? I'm being respectful.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yeah, right.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But like, if you want to give undertones.

Speaker 5 What the fuck is going on over there?

Speaker 5 Yeah. My God.

Speaker 5 I'm like, are you, what's happening?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, that looks nice. That's a nice color.
What is that?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Sounds like you just ate it.

Speaker 5 I did. I swallowed it.
Okay, you're tasting. That's how you put lipstick on.
You didn't know that? That you just put it in your mouth and swallowed it.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Dominoes.

Speaker 2 Okay, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 You know, listen up, okay?

Speaker 1 When you're treating yourself, that doesn't have to mean a spa day or buying something expensive.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's as simple as great food that you want to just indulge, but it doesn't break the bank, right? Okay, Q Domino's specialty pizzas. Boom.

Speaker 1 They are loaded with toppings full of flavor and honestly feel kind of luxurious for pizza night. The new, are you guys ready for this?

Speaker 1 The new spicy chicken bacon ranch pizza is dominoes' spiciest pizza yet.

Speaker 2 I love this.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is my go-to. Okay, grilled chicken, breast, creamy ranch, smoked bacon, jalapenos, provolone, and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella and finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce.

Speaker 1 Are you kidding me? Or you can try others like the People's Pizza Deluxe and the extravaganza or the mitzvah, all packed with flavor. Daddy Gang, you know what to do.
I'm eating dominoes.

Speaker 1 I'm doing it. Boom, boom, boom.
And so are you. Order dominoes specialty pizzas today.
Order now at dominoes.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing, Daddy Gang. You know, I love the outdoors.
I love it.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 1 And I love it until I don't have service. Okay.
I'm like, ooh, this hike is so gorgeous, Matt. My dogs are so hot.
Wait a second. Daddy Gang, I'm here to tell you, we are going to be fine.

Speaker 1 Now, even if you wander into the middle of nowhere, T-Mobile has us connected because they have T-Satellite. Yes, you heard that right.

Speaker 1 Like, picture a random trail, zero bars, but still texting the group chat. Like, yeah, I survive.
Send wine. Like, everything's good.
Woo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the new Google Pixel 10 automatically connects to T satellite when you're off the grid and has early access to T satellite ready apps like Google Maps, Google Messages, and even Find Hub so you can stay connected in places you didn't think possible.

Speaker 1 Be the girl in your friend group that actually has the service, okay? That is why I love T-Mobile and that is why I am T-Mobile till the end. I got Matt and I on that plan and boom, we're thriving.

Speaker 1 You've heard before that you won't believe what you get with magenta status, but now you won't believe where you are with it either. Check it out at t-mobile.com slash magentastatus.

Speaker 3 Okay, what are your thoughts on reigniting friendships with people you've had a fallout with?

Speaker 5 Oh, that's a good one for me because because I have a lot of friendship endings. And like, yeah, I always go from people, like I go from group to group to group and I do that a lot.

Speaker 5 Reigniting, yeah, with the right people for sure. Yeah.
Because, you know, you do grow up and like whatever you fought about or disagreed about, you know, you mostly forget about.

Speaker 5 And then you're just like hanging on to the energy. So I definitely believe in reignition.
It reignition.

Speaker 5 Reignition.

Speaker 5 Do you see? I mean, I keep looking at the camera every time I say what does that sound?

Speaker 5 Every time I I say miss,

Speaker 5 stop it. Every time I missay a word, I look into the camera.

Speaker 3 It's been like multiple times.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 5 And it's so not me because I'm so like vocabulary. Like I read everything and I care about fucking words.

Speaker 3 Yeah, try to convince us now, but it's not.

Speaker 5 I'm really smart, you guys.

Speaker 3 We can tell.

Speaker 3 Why do you think you're bopping from friend group to friend group? What does that mean?

Speaker 5 Oh, I mean, I've done that my whole life. I've been multiple friends groups, not friend group to friend group, just having relationships end.
Got it.

Speaker 5 You know, and not being, I don't think that's a bad, that's such a bad thing either. You know, like people move on, people grow apart, some people grow back together.

Speaker 5 But I don't think friendship, like, I think it's an evolution. Everyone has their own evolution.
And if you're not on the right kind of frequency, you're not. I don't know.

Speaker 5 I just think people have like fantasies and like they're romantic. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Your acts. People want to see something play out.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think, and people are really, you know, one of the cutest things was like people would come up to me, like screaming or us on the street like oh my god you've renewed our like my faith and I love and I believe I'll be in love now and I believe that everyone has their person.

Speaker 5 I was like I believe it too. Yeah.
I mean if I fell in love like that like I'm I mean then anybody can.

Speaker 2 Do you think you can fall in love like that again?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Now that I'm open

Speaker 5 I'm in bloom.

Speaker 2 I'm just like with Elon Musk.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm having Elon Musk's baby. I'm actually having triplets.

Speaker 3 What is your take on when people post crying videos on the internet?

Speaker 5 Well, I mean, I think when it first started happening, it was interesting, but now it's like too much. Right.
I don't like the internet.

Speaker 2 I'm scared of fucking.

Speaker 5 I'm like, I just don't, I just, it feels like it's a black mirror. Yeah.

Speaker 5 You know, I just feel like we're living through black mirror and at any moment, the world is going to implode because people are just fucking crazy. Everyone's crazy.
Everyone's hooked up to a device.

Speaker 5 Things, people aren't normal after the pandemic. It's just, the world's on fire.
I mean,

Speaker 5 I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but we are about to blow up.

Speaker 2 It's not looking good. It's not great.

Speaker 5 Better to be in a good mood about it, I guess.

Speaker 3 Right, like go down smiling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't want to go down.

Speaker 5 Living in fear. Write down, don't live in fear.

Speaker 3 And write down, go down smiling.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Write below, don't live in fear.

Speaker 5 Okay. We should come out with our own dictionary of phrases the quotes that we're spewing this episode are are going to be really hard for me to come back from

Speaker 2 football oh

Speaker 3 i know i'm not into it i i'm not into football i wrote these being like we're gonna be this is like the upper section no i was saying i was writing the take on like it was gonna be an upper section we're like we're in black mirror we're literally gonna die everything's falling apart well that's a real fun topic by the way so thanks for bringing that up no i need to I'm drinking

Speaker 3 next. Dry January.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Seriously, you want to talk about Harvey Weinstein next? I mean, why not just fucking...

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 3 Dude, are you doing Dry January?

Speaker 5 Dry January? No, I'm not drinking because I'm hosting the Critics Choice Awards, but this will air after that.

Speaker 3 Wait, what? Why aren't you drinking before that?

Speaker 2 Just so I look great. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's more for the looks.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Not for the feel.
No.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I tried it. I lasted four days.
Then my boyfriend and I, the other night, I was like, have a fucking drink.

Speaker 5 It's so fun to drink. Don't overdo it so you don't ever have to give it away.
You know, just don't ever overdo it so you don't have to stop doing it. One of my boyfriends once said that to me.

Speaker 5 That's a great bit of advice.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'll keep that one.

Speaker 3 What is your opinion on adults who go to Disney World with their partner and like they don't have kids?

Speaker 5 Oh, definitely against it. That's so stupid.
I don't understand. When I was insulted as a child going to Disney World, I was like six six years old and I was like, oh, really?

Speaker 5 I'm supposed to believe that there's a bunch of grown mice running around trying to take photos with us that are also in a good mood.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 5 I'm like, I thought Disneyland was a sham when I was six years old. I went off on my father.
I was like, I don't want to come back to this place. I'm like, it's a joke.

Speaker 5 I'm like, this is like Valentine's Day. I mean, I couldn't believe.
And they don't have alcohol there. Even at six, I was looking for a cocktail.

Speaker 5 I was like, I can't survive this place without a drink.

Speaker 3 I love this answer. Also, my next question was going to be your take on Valentine's Day.
I think we covered that one.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 5 You can't ask that, be asking that question to people.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 What do you think about Valentine's Day?

Speaker 2 Do you know how many people love it?

Speaker 5 You can't be asking that question.

Speaker 3 What if I was sitting here? How about this? What if I was like, oh, wow, Chelsea, like, I really like Disney World and I also really like Valentine's Day?

Speaker 5 I wouldn't give a shit.

Speaker 3 You would just be like, yeah, it fucking sucks.

Speaker 5 Yeah, stop talking about it, please.

Speaker 5 It's like people who talk about Burning Man. I don't like to hear about that either.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Do you ever go to Coachella?

Speaker 5 I went once, but I wasn't there. I just was with the A's off, so I was like backstage.

Speaker 2 I didn't go.

Speaker 3 Another relatable moment. Yeah, I feel like that just is awful.
Burning Man. Have you ever been to Burning Man?

Speaker 5 No, no, I'm not down with that. I don't want sand blowing in my face while I'm tripping on whatever drug I'm on.
I want a sand, you have to wear like a gas mask.

Speaker 2 It's so ridiculous.

Speaker 5 I mean, if people show me pictures, and I just,

Speaker 5 it just seems like someplace you go to have an affair, right?

Speaker 5 And then, like, have communal living or something.

Speaker 5 That's what my

Speaker 2 face is.

Speaker 3 Um, okay, when I was bringing up, have you ever been a burning man?

Speaker 5 Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 3 Things like that, concerts like that,

Speaker 3 whatever that is, that's not a concert. I'm terrified of concerts.
I can't, I just don't want to do it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I feel, I mean, I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go to concerts.

Speaker 2 I guess terrifying was a little aggressive.

Speaker 3 I just would prefer not. I want an assigned seat.

Speaker 3 What would you feel if you saw someone get proposed to in the middle of Disney World?

Speaker 2 What would I do?

Speaker 5 I love that after I tell you that I will never go to Disneyland World, you ask me. The next question is, when I'm there,

Speaker 5 what I'll do if someone is proposed to? I like proposals. I think that's sweet.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I do. I think that's sweet.
Like, I mean, in Disneyland, obviously that's ridiculous, but whatever. I don't care enough about any of it.

Speaker 3 Would you be upset if someone proposed to you at Disney World?

Speaker 5 Well, nobody would do that.

Speaker 2 Right. You wouldn't even go.

Speaker 5 No, I wouldn't go.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't go.

Speaker 2 They try to propose.

Speaker 5 They're trying to propose to me, but I refuse to go to Disneyland, so they can't propose.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. So you're okay with public proposals?

Speaker 5 Well, not for me. I mean, I don't want that, but they can have it.
But yeah, if you want, a lot of people like that stuff. Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Really? Yeah. The same girls that want to talk about Valentine's Day

Speaker 3 want to get get publicly proposed to.

Speaker 5 Well, not everyone wants publicly, but everyone, like, I mean, not everyone, but most women want to be proposed to.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just mean like in public.
Yeah, right. No, that's like at a sporting event.

Speaker 2 I would say no.

Speaker 3 No, even if they were the love of my life.

Speaker 5 No, no, definitely not. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 Absolutely not. How do you feel about shower sex?

Speaker 5 Oh, no. I'm not into it.

Speaker 2 Me either.

Speaker 3 Last time I did, I got a yeast infection.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeast infections are the worst. Worst.

Speaker 3 Okay, what do you think about nepotism babies?

Speaker 5 I couldn't give a shit about that.

Speaker 5 Everyone is so bored. Like, obviously, if your parents are both actors, you're probably going to be an actor.
It's so stupid.

Speaker 3 It pisses me off so much. I'm like, why do you care?

Speaker 5 I'm in every industry that, like, anyone with, yeah. Sorry, I interrupted you.

Speaker 3 No, no, I interrupted you. I wanted you to keep going.
You're being funny or I don't have much to say.

Speaker 5 Oh, I mean, it's just ridiculous. Like, obviously, you know, if your parents are both fucking rappers, you're probably going to be a rapper.

Speaker 5 I mean, it's just unbelievable that people are so bored and that this is a topic of conversation. It's so lame.

Speaker 3 I agree. Like, when you and Elon have children, it's not.
Elton.

Speaker 5 Our first baby is going to be called Elton, okay?

Speaker 3 Elon and Chelsea with little Elton. Obviously, Elton's going to be swinging the big black platinum card.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Well, by then, we won't even use credit cards.

Speaker 3 Elon will figure it out.

Speaker 5 First of of all, it's going to be a late, it's going to be a

Speaker 5 middle life to elderly pregnancy. Oh.
Because I'm 47, so the baby might take a little bit longer to cook. So let's give it like a three-year window.

Speaker 5 I'm not really good at cooking anyway, so I'm sure mine will be a little bit off.

Speaker 3 I think scientifically that just actually made actually quite a lot of sense. What my question is, is this.

Speaker 5 I don't believe anything we're saying makes sense.

Speaker 3 I don't think any, I don't know even what I'm saying. I think nepotism babies, you're so right.
What do we want them to do? I've been seeing that.

Speaker 5 Right, right pay a fine right literally what are your thoughts on kids sitting in first class if they're not annoying that's fine yeah but parents paying for their kids to fly first yeah i mean i would put my kids in coach me too middle seat motherfucker i'd say i'd say that now but maybe i wouldn't they're gonna be flying on the pj yeah yeah how they're just not coming

Speaker 3 they're not coming on you'll send them to disneyland yeah they go to disneyland every every other weekend how do you what kind of traveler are you like are you an anxious traveler Like, when you're at the airport, like, what's happening?

Speaker 3 I'm trying to picture you.

Speaker 5 No, I'm not, I'm not anxious.

Speaker 2 You're not.

Speaker 5 Not at all. Traveling is relaxant, actually.
I love it. Oh, really? I like being on planes.
I mean, you know, I don't like being going to the airport, but I like being on planes and I like reading.

Speaker 5 I read lots of books when I'm on planes. I never can get on the Wi-Fi, so I don't have to worry about being involved in any of that.

Speaker 5 So I'm like away for four hours and I like either watch something or I read it.

Speaker 5 Like the other day, I was flying somewhere, somewhere Philadelphia to Vancouver and I read an entire book, this book called The Great Alone by Kristen Hannah and it's like 600 pages and I read it in one flight and I was like, fuck yeah.

Speaker 5 And then I read another book the next day because I was like, oh yeah, I want to read another book because you forget how great reading is. So good.

Speaker 5 Like it's just so good to be lost in a book that has nothing to do with anything you'll ever experience in your entire life. And you get smart.
Every time you read a book, you get smarter.

Speaker 5 Like you understand another world or you have a glimmer into that.

Speaker 3 Back to airport. Sorry, I'm swerving back.
What is the biggest sin someone can commit on an airplane?

Speaker 5 I have a barefoot on their

Speaker 5 bare feet. It's disgusting and it should be illegal.
And I want to make a video for all airlines because it's like, it's not fair.

Speaker 5 People, my DMs are filled with bare feet on planes. People send them to me.
Like 30 people a day send me a barefoot on a plane or in an airport or on a train or on a bus.

Speaker 5 One flight attendant DM'd me and told me that a guy brought mussels onto a plane and he had the shells and he put them in a plastic bag. He was eating mussels on a plane next to a person.

Speaker 5 Like there are rules that need to be said out loud.

Speaker 5 And I found out, Catherine, you met her, she's my co-host on my podcast here, Chelsea. Catherine, who I love,

Speaker 5 until she revealed that she travels to the airport with a dozen hard-boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. I almost stabbed myself in the vagina.

Speaker 5 I could not believe her. And I looked at her and then I looked at her husband and said, what do you have to say for yourself? She's with you and you didn't say anything about this.

Speaker 5 He's like, she loves eggs.

Speaker 5 And I was like, hey, guys, you can't do that ever again. You can't bring 10, 12 eggs.
You can't have any hard-boiled eggs when you get on the plane. Eat them if you like them so much.

Speaker 5 You can't bring those on a plane. And she was someone who would also have seen someone with a barefoot and been like, gross.

Speaker 2 So, does she still work with you?

Speaker 5 Yeah, she still works with me, but it's caused a chasm.

Speaker 3 It hasn't been the same since.

Speaker 5 Well, I just have to keep an eye on her now because I don't know what other shenanigans she's up to that she thinks is cool.

Speaker 3 I think that's a cardinal sin.

Speaker 5 It's pretty v

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Try to say the word. Go ahead.
I can't.

Speaker 2 I can't say it.

Speaker 3 I can't. We're going to say volatile?

Speaker 2 Nope. No.

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 3 It was a V.

Speaker 3 No. And it wasn't vagina.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 5 No. Not.
Yeah, well, there are other words besides volatile and vagina that start with a V, Virginia.

Speaker 2 Okay, listen.

Speaker 2 I need to recalibrate my brain.

Speaker 2 How about this?

Speaker 3 Ready for this one?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm ready.

Speaker 3 You're known for being very honest. What's the hardest thing you've had to tell someone?

Speaker 5 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 All the time.

Speaker 3 But like a hard one where you actually struggled a little bit and like clenched and then released.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 3 Before just releasing.

Speaker 5 I mean, nothing that made me like clench. It's never that hard.
I mean, there have been harder ones, but nothing where I...

Speaker 5 Things I've put off that I was like, I'd rather hope that this disappears so I don't have to address this.

Speaker 3 Like, and does, and does it usually include you or are you just like a bystander witnessing for like a friend or a family member?

Speaker 2 Both. Both.

Speaker 5 Yeah, if it's about someone else, I tend to be a little bit more hot

Speaker 5 about the defense of that person. Yeah.

Speaker 3 As opposed to it being about you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Like I'll put up with a little bit more than I'll let my friends put up with, I think.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll be friends one day. I need someone to.

Speaker 5 Stop threatening our friendship. You know what? You've been like this ever since.

Speaker 3 I'm saying I want you you to be my friends.

Speaker 2 We are friends.

Speaker 5 We are? Well, yeah, we're friends now.

Speaker 3 I just wanted you to say it.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 5 stop fucking threatening it. It's so annoying.

Speaker 3 I want you to defend me.

Speaker 5 Just now we're in a friendship.

Speaker 3 I can flow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I get all nervous. It's exciting.

Speaker 3 Okay, listen to this one.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying that to Bibles whole time because I can't read.

Speaker 5 Okay. I was with Jennifer Hudson at the talk show and she was like, they had the blue cards right behind my shoulder.
And it was so funny because I remember it reminded me of doing a talk show.

Speaker 5 Like, I did Jay Leno the first time, and he was like talking to me like I was that lamp behind you. And he'd be like, Yeah, so what'd you do for this summer break? And you're like, Hello.

Speaker 3 At least I'm making eye contact, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 Well, people are much better interviewers, but yeah, but back in the day, I'd be like, Hi, Chelsea. How are you doing? You're like, I'm over here.
What personality type complements yours the best?

Speaker 5 Strong and confident.

Speaker 3 Good answer. What's an insecurity you've dealt with?

Speaker 5 Someone checking my phone.

Speaker 3 Can I tell you a fucking story?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 3 When we were doing your podcast,

Speaker 3 I we remember we got asked a question and there was a girl being like, I went through his phone. He's got prostitutes.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 it was a big story, but your answer immediately, I like noted it that you were like very adamant, which of course it's like not good to look at someone's phone, but you were like, I could tell there was something personal about how you were like, don't fucking check his phone.

Speaker 3 I also wanted to be like, Chelsea's like, let's ease up on her a little bit.

Speaker 2 You're like, you don't ever check someone's phone. I could tell though.
I was like, is this something personal going on?

Speaker 3 And I could tell someone had checked your fucking phone because the way that you answered, I could tell it was coming from personal experience that it's a huge violation of privacy and you were frustrated about it.

Speaker 5 And I've also checked someone's phone. I've been that person when I was younger and I've done that.
and that is no way to behave.

Speaker 5 It is not dignified and you're gonna find whatever it is you're looking for. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Did you find out the person checked your phone or did they tell you?

Speaker 5 It was revealed to me.

Speaker 3 Because they had something to confront you about.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 Isn't that interesting though? Because that dynamic, I've done it also. I've checked someone something, but it's so interesting because who's in the right though?

Speaker 3 Because it's like, no, no, no, it's almost like null and Boyd, whatever you're bringing up. Because you checked my fucking phone and went to the bathroom.

Speaker 5 Right, right, right, right, right.

Speaker 3 So anything you're saying, I could have fucked Elon yesterday. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 5 No, but also, if you're looking, you're going to misinterpret almost everything and think, I mean, I know I did that. I had a boyfriend where I was so, he was cheating on me, by the way.

Speaker 5 And I found plenty of text messages to confirm it. Like, that's my own problem.
You know what I mean? I should never be in a situation where I have to look at someone's phone.

Speaker 5 My friend was joking yesterday, and she said,

Speaker 5 she was looking through her daughter's phone and she goes, I have to read her phone every night after she goes to bed. And I go, oh my God, but as a mother, I totally get it.

Speaker 5 But as like a lover, it's really pathetic.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, because do you think you were giving vibes?

Speaker 5 No, no, I was up to nothing ever, never.

Speaker 5 I don't have the personality to be a liar or a cheater. I don't have the, I barely have the energy to be in one relationship.
I am very into being alone, as we've discussed.

Speaker 5 So it's very hard for me to even give that up.

Speaker 5 you know what i mean but i tried and that was a good example i'll do it again you know but um

Speaker 5 i don't remember what i was even talking about doesn't matter you're just you're doing great yeah you're doing great yeah write that down you're doing great you're doing great sweetie i think that's a chris jenner line so don't quote me on that um okay i'm gonna by the way those chris jenned did chris jenner send you that pajama her pajama set i'm not on the list well you need to get yourself on that list

Speaker 5 yeah she sent me this silk pillow it's like the softest thing i've ever slept on put in a good word word for me now that, you know, we're close.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Give her a little, like, she's a nice girl.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 Well, I just forwarded her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her on Instagram. So she's.

Speaker 5 It was. This girl, Anna Roizman.
She's really funny.

Speaker 3 Call up and be like, oh my god, by the way, the Caller Daddy Girl is nice.

Speaker 5 All right. Yeah, I'll definitely mention that the next time I bump into Chris Jenner.

Speaker 3 What is an irrational fear you have?

Speaker 5 That everyone hates me.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I can get like that where I think the whole, like, like, oh, everyone thinks I'm bad or not, or too difficult or whatever.

Speaker 3 I can confirm that's not true.

Speaker 5 Oh, that's really very sweet of you. But, you know, while everyone's listening, I want people to know that those thoughts that you have about yourself are like, they happen to all of us.

Speaker 5 And we all have moments of insecurity, no matter how confident you may think I am listening to this or that, or you are, or whatever, whoever in your life you look up to and admire.

Speaker 5 Know that, like, you know, we all have that voice in our head that tells us we're not as good.

Speaker 5 We're not, da da da and then the other voice is the real voice is like when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable and that you bring something to the table that nobody else brings like listen to that voice that was really wise Chelsea oh really love it

Speaker 3 I thought that was very yeah it's like relatable to every single person listening

Speaker 2 yeah good um this was pretty fun i know

Speaker 5 this is our top the out of the two times we've hung out this is my favorite time i think this is good i think oh three times we saw each other at the amphar thing so that's like you know but this is my favorite time so we'll do this every year i'll come every year

Speaker 5 yeah oh yeah definitely you should be getting high all the time anyway good today what's next for you um in the next minute not like right now i know you're driving home in the rain i'm gonna host the the oh i'm gonna host the daily show for a week so fun yeah

Speaker 5 i am i am i'm thinking that i would i'm really interested in uh getting back into the late night game and that is the perfect vehicle for me.

Speaker 5 And if everything goes the way that I think it's going to go, you know, that might be a more serious conversation.

Speaker 3 I can speak for everyone. We would fucking love to see you on television again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I'm in the mood.

Speaker 3 Well, if she's in the fucking mood, it's going to happen. Chelsea Handler, thank you so much for coming back and call her daddy.

Speaker 5 Oh my god, call her daddy. Woo!

Speaker 2 Dude, that was fucking great.

Speaker 5 It was. That was really good.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Tinder. When is the last time you had a real crush? I'm talking real, okay?

Speaker 1 I'm talking a checking your phone every three seconds or getting butterflies in your stomach when you get a Tinder notification from them kind of crush.

Speaker 1 Yes, those crush feelings are happening on Tinder. There is no pressure to take things too seriously.
Just like flirt and vibe with people who actually get you. How incredible.
What a concept.

Speaker 1 There are so many heart-melting stomach fluttering potential matches on Tinder waiting for you, Daddy Gang. What are you waiting for? Explore all the possibilities for yourself, Tinder.

Speaker 1 It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

Speaker 1 Everyone that listens to this podcast knows the way that I feel about Hidden Valley Ranch, okay? It has been in my life through and through since honestly, I feel like I came out of the womb, okay?

Speaker 1 And I am so excited for Thanksgiving because obviously I am going to have Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning a part of my ingredients, okay?

Speaker 1 Hidden Valley Ranch tastes amazing on so many of your favorite foods. You might already love enjoying Hidden Valley Ranch with wings and pizza, but there is so much more flavor to explore, Daddy Gang.

Speaker 1 Adding a ranch twist to your favorite dishes will make Hidden Valley Ranch the star of your holiday table. And I know for a fact because I have been doing it, okay?

Speaker 1 Hidden Valley Ranch spinach dip made with the Hidden Valley Ranch dip mix. It is an easy-to-make classic that's sure to impress guests at your holiday gathering.

Speaker 1 Like, girls, get the Hidden Valley Ranch spinach dip. I am telling you, you are going to be the star of the night.
You want to make something about yourself?

Speaker 1 Boom, you use the Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning also because that is, it can be versatile. You can use it over many different courses, but it is guaranteed to just taste so delicious.

Speaker 1 So you you know the drill, daddy gang. Find your favorite Hidden Valley Ranch products at walmart.com slash hidden valley.
Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Life Lock.

Speaker 1 This time of year, most of us are checking off our holiday gift lists, but Identity Theft has lists too, and your personal information might be on them. Protect your identity with Life Lock.

Speaker 1 Life Lock monitors millions of data points every second and alerts you to threats that you could miss. If your identity is stolen, Lifelock will fix it guaranteed or your money back.

Speaker 1 Make this season about joy, not identity theft with Life Lock. Save up to 40% your first year at lifelock.com/slash daddy terms apply.