How to Love Being Alone

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Hello, Daddy Gang.

Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy.

I am currently in the Unwell Studios in New York City.

It is a Sunday and it's actually very rainy and cloudy outside.

So I'm channeling this gorgeous cozy energy sitting with you.

I'm like, I'm the bitch that like wants it to be fall, even when summer starts.

And I feel like it's now finally becoming fall.

We're in September.

So I'm happy Sunday morning for this Cautlin do do do do do do do do

every Sunday's fat this day

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I have something I want to do that's a little different today, which is I have been reading a lot of different articles and think pieces on Substack.

If you guys don't know what Substack is, it's...

how I would describe it is a healthier, more feminized version of Reddit and Twitter.

It's like a happy place for women, and it's people are kind and nice over there.

So I've been loving it.

And I found this one article that I saved that I kind of just wanted to read today with you guys and then dissect it a little bit and talk about it because I think I really related to it when I read it.

And I hope that you also do too.

So the article is called The Art of Enjoying Your Own Company by this guy, Hasif.

He has a lot of great articles.

You can check him out.

And basically, this entire article isn't about being okay alone.

It's about learning to love it.

So here we go.

We grow up believing that happiness is something shared, that joy is incomplete unless someone is clapping for it beside you.

That every outfit, every meal, every plan is a little sad if no one else is involved in it.

No one teaches us how to sit beside ourselves without flinching.

No one teaches us that alone doesn't always mean missing.

Sometimes it means returning, returning to yourself.

Enjoying your own company begins where people pleasing ends.

When you stop molding your identity around who's watching, when you realize your value isn't being proven in conversations, plans, or relationships, it's already there.

It's already you.

And suddenly your own presence doesn't feel like a punishment.

It starts to feel like a place you want to come home to.

But let's not lie about it.

This kind of ease doesn't happen naturally.

It has to be built.

And the truth is, at first, it sucks because the first stage of being alone is never joy.

It's detox.

But once you cross that terrifying threshold, you realize

being with yourself was never the backup plan.

It's the relationship you were always meant to come home to.

It's the whole damn point.

And from that place, everything changes.

You stop reaching out just to be chosen.

You stop shrinking just to be liked.

You stop tolerating one-sided conversations, performative friendships, or breadcrumbed love, not because you've become colder, but because you've become warmer to yourself.

Enjoying your own company is not a chapter.

It's a foundation.

It's the garden you built so that when love arrives, it feels like sunlight, not oxygen.

Oh my God.

Who are we on Caller Daddy?

If you showed me this clip seven years ago, I would have been like, that has to be AI.

That is AI, right?

I'm not reading a gorgeous, essentially poem that is uplifting our brains and our minds and our souls.

Yeah,

we're growing, daddy gang.

I hope that was as inspiring as it was for me when I was reading it.

I felt so connected to this piece because I think

I have been feeling, and I go in waves.

And I've always said this, and I know everyone watching does too.

Like you go in waves with how much you feel comfortable being alone.

You also go in waves with how

obsessed you are with social media and the scrolling culture and how much you're partaking in it.

And I just think this piece, which I kind of really wanted to dissect, is like that concept of the detox that this person wrote about.

I cannot agree more that it feels so lonely.

Like, I think when people come on a podcast or write a book and they're like, you should want to be alone.

You should love yourself.

No one really talks about how uncomfortable it can really be in the beginning to lean into enjoying time alone, Daddy Gang.

Again, because I think in this generation right now, it's actually.

kind of deemed weird if you're alone or you're not on your phone or you didn't see what they posted.

What do you mean?

How did you not see it?

And it's like to be kind of detached and present.

it's, it's a whole thing that no one talks about.

And it's not glamorized.

It's actually kind of poo-pooed because if you're not socially in the know, then what?

You're a loser.

And I think this detox is hard because you're essentially going against the grain of your family or your friends or your peers.

And that feels taboo, right?

But in reality, I think it's so fucking healthy.

And I think sometimes it can drive you to feel small when you start to kind of like isolate yourself.

And you're like, okay, I'm not going to open social media.

I'm not going to reach out to my friends.

I'm going to have a Friday night alone.

And I think why sometimes when you detox from feeling like you need to constantly be in the know with the friends and on social media and you can't just be alone, you feel so small in those moments because you're faced with your reality.

When you're alone, you have to

do something.

And most of the time doing something in that silence is look inward.

When you're watching a movie, even sometimes you'll self-reflect.

How can I relate to that person, right?

But then sometimes we just pick up our phone and we need double stimulation and it's like, no, pause.

What is this eliciting for you?

What is this piece of art making you feel?

Like we have to start to think about how we're feeling about ourselves or what's been going on and what's our family trauma.

And are we in a fight with our friend?

And why did we get in a fight with our friend?

And is our boyfriend treating us like shit?

And then this whirlwind of emotion hits us when we're alone and we're like, no, no, no.

I'm going to go back on TikTok and scroll.

This is too much.

It's too much.

And I think what I love that this person wrote is like this detox really includes sitting in silence with that uncomfortability and pushing through because the end result is actually you are building this most beautiful relationship with yourself where you're actually working on the one relationship that matters the most in your life, which is the one that you have with yourself.

I also loved how

they talked about, you know, like how we feel this need to be perceived and we live in this culture understandably that's like, you know, pictures or it didn't happen.

And we curate our perfect Instagram stories to prove to others that, you know, we're, we're not alone and we want to get validated.

Or even if you are alone, you're not alone because you're going to get validated by all your followers that, oh my God, that picture of your matcha is so fucking cute.

And it's like, drink the matcha maybe once out of 10 times.

Let's start with that.

And don't post it.

Maybe it tasted actually better.

Maybe you actually enjoyed your time more at the cafe than instead of having your head in your phone.

I think I've realized, and especially with my job being on social media, sometimes it's like

retraining our brains, daddy gang, that we do not need this like constant external validation.

How incredible when you start to just validate yourself.

And I think a lot of times, again, we weren't taught this when we were younger.

It's like, what do your friends think about you?

What did your teacher say about you?

What are your parents saying about you?

Like, how many likes did it get?

And it's like, how do you feel?

How do you feel about yourself when you wake up in in the morning?

How do you feel about the walk you took or the book you read?

And if you're constantly looking for people's commentary and their validation on it, you are essentially stripping yourself of any autonomy over your life.

And when you start to be back in the driver's seat of your life, you start to realize you're such a more confident person.

Yeah, maybe you have to go through the detox and trudge through and be like, holy fuck.

I never spend alone time.

I'm so disconnected from my emotions.

I'm so addicted to my my phone.

Like the other day, I was so annoyed with myself.

I was sitting in my bed and I had

about

two hours in between a bunch of meetings that I was having in New York City.

And I have been exhausted.

A good exhausted.

Like I'm busy.

I've got a bunch of meetings, but I was exhausted.

And a part of me was like, I should take a nap.

I should take a nap.

This is probably going to be way more advantageous for me and my soul and my career and the rest of my day if I just take a nap.

And then I naturally, what do you think I did?

I started scrolling instead.

And I'm scrolling and I'm scrolling on TikTok.

And I start to just have this like light tinge of anxiety, but I cannot stop scrolling.

And obviously, now having so many different conversations and getting through my job to have conversations with a lot of these different platforms, like this is the goal.

They're literally putting like crack into this app so you can't get off of it.

And I stop myself and I'm like, I just downloaded this book on my Kindle that I have been desperately wanting to start to read.

And I'm putting it off because I'm like, I'm going to be on vacation soon.

I'll just start it on vacation.

But I was like, Alex, put your fucking phone down and open the book.

I know once I open the physical book and I start reading this, I'm going to feel more fulfilled.

I'm going to feel enlightened.

I'm going to feel connected to myself.

I'm going to escape into this world that's like going to bring things up for me.

And I'm going to be learning something and I'm going to be interested and I'm not going to have that tinge of anxiety.

And it took me, I'm not kidding you guys, a full hour where I was scrolling, going back and forth in my mind.

And finally, I literally threw my phone across the bed.

I picked up my Kindle and I started reading.

I was in such a better mood and then I fell asleep.

And I woke up and I was like, oh my God, I would have, if I didn't put my phone down, I would have kept scrolling until my next meeting.

And I just feel like I'm constantly going back and forth.

And so I can imagine that's why I'm talking about it with you guys.

We are constantly being drawn into this social media world 24-7 that is trying to get us to engage and engage and engage.

And what it's really doing, and it's essentially making you dissociate from your own reality.

I'm watching these girls and their perfect life and all the things and the juices and the Pilates and the workouts and the trips and all the things.

And it's like, I know I have.

I have participated in that culture too, right?

We're all posting these great things that we're doing, but most of the time we're consuming it by sitting in our fucking fucking bed and feeling like shit.

So I think that validation, I'm constantly trying to check myself to be like, I'm going to find nothing within this app right now.

Put the fucking phone down, Alex, and read a goddamn book.

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Something I also was thinking about when when I read this piece was

kind of this PSA I almost now want to give.

And it got me thinking that

I would really urge anyone in the daddy gang listening, if you can, and I understand there's like a financial component to this, but if you have the ability at some point in your life before you are engaged and you go to get married, if you can live alone.

It is one of the best gifts that you can truly ever give yourself.

And again, I know there's a financial component and I want to be, you know, mindful of that.

I know sometimes that's not financially possible, but if at any point in your life before you get married, you have the capability to do that, I would highly, highly, highly recommend doing it.

Because what I found when I lived alone, in my opinion, is that alone time at first,

it can be disorienting.

Like I remember one of the first time I lived alone out of college was in New York City during the the pandemic.

And I was so excited to move into this place.

And the beginning was so fun.

I decorated it how I wanted it to.

I would spend hours online on Pinterest kind of creating this world, romanticizing in the herbal, um, like the herbal tea and the incenses and the candles and the throw pillows and the, you're like, oh my God, this is going to be the cutest, fucking, chicest thing ever.

And then you do it and you achieve your apartment and then you sit there and it's a Wednesday night and you don't have plans and you're not talking to anyone and

you're alone.

And the idea of this gorgeous apartment, I will be honest, I had a lot of moments where I was like,

I'm kind of lonely.

Like I'm just sitting here and I'm kind of lonely.

And the itch to just go and to hang out with someone or text someone or FaceTime someone always crept up on me.

And I would do that.

I would throw myself into that.

And then I got to a point where I was living alone where I I actually was able to be like, I am going to do a self-care night.

And I'm not going to post about it.

I'm going to be with myself in my amazing space that I've curated for myself and I'm going to enjoy it.

And so I would take a bath.

I would read a book.

I would watch one of my favorite shows.

I would, I'm going to say the J word.

I would journal.

I would do these things.

I would make myself dinner.

And all of a sudden, slowly, I started to fall in love with myself.

I know as corny and cheesy as that sounds, I really would get excited for my alone nights.

And I then started to get precious about it.

Sometimes I would even cancel plans.

And it wasn't because I was like too tired for work, just being like, I just need to be alone, but really I'm just going to scroll all night.

No, no, no.

It was because I had literally a date with myself where I was like, oh, I'm so doing my bath, my full shaving routine.

I'm doing my skincare.

I'm going to cook.

I have this new thing that I got at the grocery store.

Like, and it was was heaven, but it was so fucking uncomfortable in the very beginning.

And so living alone with yourself forces you to go through all of these waves of emotion.

You will feel loneliness.

You will will feel a little bit disconnected in moments.

And that is okay.

It's good because the opposite is you are never alone.

And you live and you live with all these people.

And then all of a sudden you go and you get married and you never be alone unless you make that alone time.

Again, you can live with people, but are you being alone while you're living with the people?

You can have alone time while you have a partner, but are you actively putting yourself into that position?

And so you have to look at it.

It's like this alone time when you are living by yourself or you are alone in whatever capacity that looks like for you.

The biggest lesson I learned while I was living alone is

when you are forced to be alone through difficult moments.

Whether it's something really horrible happened to you that day, whether you're struggling in your relationship and you're crying in your room, there becomes this resilience that you start to pick up because by while you're alone, and if you force yourself to try to handle things that maybe you in the past were able to run into your living room to your friend and be like, look what he just said, what do I do?

Or pick up the phone and call your mom or your friend or whoever.

All of a sudden, if you start to force yourself to be in those feelings, to actually start to have to work through, what is this bringing up for me?

Why am I so upset?

Why am I so hurt?

Why am I crying?

Why am I reacting this way?

You start to have to process all of these internal things that a lot of times externally on the surface you can solve with people around you, but it's still just a band-aid.

When you're alone, you're deep in your fucking soul and your core being like, how am I going to get myself through this?

And why is this so painful?

And that builds fucking strength.

And the more you get your reps in having to rely on yourself, not in an unhealthy way, because I know there's people that grew up and you had to rely on yourself.

I'm talking about finding the good balance of being like, oh, I fucking love myself.

I trust myself.

I know myself.

As uncomfortable as it is, that's when you're going to become the best version of yourself.

And to kind of wrap up and summarize all of this of why being alone is so helpful for your individual growth, I think the final point I want to make, Daddy Gang, is when you get to that point where you trust yourself, you love yourself, you know yourself because of the alone time you're spending with yourself,

you start to be more selective in your life.

And I have personally experienced this.

When you find that rhythm with yourself, you start to be like, I don't need to externally go to the dinner and find more friends and go to the thing and call people and be on social media and read these things and be all consumed by other than yourself because you're good with yourself.

So when you do invest your time, it's because you get to be selfishly like, do I actually want that?

Because I'm good with myself.

So this is an additive in my life where prior, you're going to fill this validation hole.

You're going to do this for validation.

You're going to do this because you're too afraid to be with yourself.

You're going to do this because you want to avoid being lonely.

You're not lonely.

You're just physically alone.

And I think a huge part that I realized is you really stop tolerating performative friendships.

I think every year that I keep getting older, I'm realizing like, I used to go to these dinners and I used to sit there and I would just be like, I don't feel as connected to this person anymore, but I have to go to the dinners, right?

And it's like, no.

Build off of the relationships that truly fill you up and are truly healthy and make you feel good and are reciprocal.

Like you get things from them, they get things from you.

Like you will start to be more selective, daddy gang.

And your time is all that fucking matters in this life.

How are you investing your time?

Stop wasting it on bullshit.

Stop wasting it watching some girl that makes you fucking jealous on social media.

Start building yourself up.

Start feeling more confident in yourself.

And that starts with you doing it on your fucking own.

You don't need your friend to tell you you're beautiful and you're pretty and you're successful and you're smart and you're all the things that you hope you hear from someone one day.

Tell yourself.

Embody it.

Be it.

And that is when you actually have true, true freedom because you're good on your own.

So

I also loved the line and we can end with that is enjoying your own company is not a chapter.

It's a foundation.

This is not a feeling that it's going to be quick and fun.

This is for the rest of your life.

People go through heartbreak.

People,

people lose people.

People die.

You move across the country.

You break up with friendships.

So much turnover happens in our lives, but the one constant is ourselves.

So you better be really fucking comfortable with yourself because while you're going through all the hardest fucking things in your life, if you're able to turn inward to yourself in a healthy way, not a coping mechanism way, not a hyper-independence way where you're just like, I have to do this on my own.

No, it's where like, oh, I got this.

Doesn't mean you don't need people.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't call your mom or your friend, but you're doing it because you're like, I have how I feel about this.

I want to get another opinion on this.

It's not, I can't deal with this on my own.

So I have to call this person.

No, no, no.

Get your shit together, daddy gang.

You are enough for yourself.

Lean the fuck in.

Okay.

I hope you like the TED Talk.

We are now going to do some questions because I have been, I don't know if it's time of year.

I don't know if it's because fall is creeping up on us, but I have been inundated with questions recently and I really wanted to do some TLC together and get you guys right where you need to be.

So let's go to France, bitches.

Here we go.

Question one.

Hi daddy, would love your thoughts.

I have been seeing a guy from Hinge for about 10 days.

We've had three long dates, sleepovers, no sex, but some hooking up.

He's followed me on IG, brought me a small gift, and made it clear he was really into me.

Last night, I asked if he was sleeping with anyone else and he said yes.

It stung, even though though we just started seeing each other.

Am I crazy for being upset and wanting to be exclusive already?

Or am I crazy for still wanting to date him after that?

Okay.

Being blunt, yes, you're crazy for wanting to be exclusive already.

You've known this man for 10 days.

I would go as far to say you don't know his middle name.

You don't know much about him other than there is a great initial spark, which is so relatable.

And I have experienced this before where it's like lightning in a bottle those first two weeks and it's so fun.

My thought is I have been there also where you're feeling in the moment there's such an incredible connection with someone that you're seeing.

So when you find out they're still hooking up with other people, it fucking hurts.

I don't care if it's irrational.

I don't care if it's you, you overthinking that you guys have this great connection.

Like it's normal to feel like that.

Like, fuck.

We've had the best dates.

We've had the best conversations.

Like, yeah, that fucking hurts to know that he was inside of someone last night.

Like, it fucking hurts.

What I will say is I actually really appreciate that he was honest with you.

He didn't offer up this information out of random on a date being like, yeah, this bitch I fucked last night.

You asked him, are you sleeping with other people?

And he was honest with you.

So I think you have to look at that where I have dated so many fucking men that they would never be honest.

And then I would find out like a year later that they were completely lying.

And then they actually went on to cheat on me.

So it was like, oh, you couldn't be honest before we were exclusive.

So why the fuck would you be honest while we were exclusive?

So points for him for being honest, even though it hurt.

Here's what I will say.

I think the only option for you is you could go back and be honest and say, hey, I have had such a fun time having these great dates with you.

I will be straightforward though, that when I did ask if you were sleeping with other people, I was kind of surprised by my reaction internally.

Like I was upset that you're sleeping with other people.

And I realize that's not okay because we are nowhere close to dating.

We've gone on three dates.

They've been awesome.

But I guess what I will say is I do really like.

our vibe and where this is going.

And so all I will ask moving forward is that you do keep that same level of honesty, honesty with me throughout the rest of us talking.

Because as much as it sucked to hear, it is what I needed to hear to like keep me in line.

And I think if I'll be honest, like you getting me that gift, it fucked up my head a little bit.

And so I just want to be honest where we're at.

I still want to talk to you and hang, but I was a little thrown off.

And hopefully his response is like, I am so sorry.

Also, I need to know what the gift is.

Like, did he buy you coffee?

Like, don't lie to me.

You're like, he got me the most incredibly delicious gift, Alex.

I'm like, did he buy you a fucking latte, you whore?

Like, you're like, yeah, he got me a fucking water bottle while while we were at walmart like no no if he's getting you like jewelry crazy but if he got you like flowers i actually think that's okay too like maybe he's just being trying to be a sweet guy the point is daddy gang is Beginning days of relationships are so fucking difficult because no two people ever move at the same speed.

One person is always going to catch feelings faster.

And so the way to actually have it be a potentially healthy future is you have to be so fucking upfront and honest and communicate, but also you have to also be self-aware and do the opposite in moments to realize you don't always have to be like, I really wish you weren't having sex with other people.

You can feel that, but maybe you can not say that after 10 days of knowing this man, because you may come off actually as the one that's trying to progress it too quickly and you're going to scare him away.

Let things progress naturally, even if it hurts a little bit knowing he's still out there Hooking up with other women.

Okay, next question.

Daddy, please help.

I'm 23 and recently started my first job as a nurse.

My manager is horrible and treats me like I'm a clueless child.

She talks down to me in front of patients, nitpicks everything I do, and clearly doesn't respect me because I'm young.

I know I should stand up for myself, but I have zero confidence when she's around.

How do I deal with the toxic boss without risking my job?

Okay, first of all, I want to validate you when you just said I have zero confidence when she's around like because I'm nervous to stand up for myself.

That is normal.

And I want to normalize that.

Like when people are like, oh, well, just

no, no, no, this person holds the keys to your career right now.

And so there is a power imbalance that is happening.

It is so fucking difficult to navigate these moments.

So I am sorry you're dealing with this, especially being a nurse.

You're trying to help people and the fact that your supervisor above you is treating you less than, it's not okay.

So

if you guys watched my Hulu documentary, I think it was actually really beautiful.

A lot of the biggest takeaways that you guys wrote in to me was, oh my gosh,

the gift that your mom gave you of teaching you to write everything down.

And I couldn't agree more.

Shout out to Lori Cooper.

My mom, my entire life, has always said, write it down.

You need to write every bit of information down the moment she makes you feel uncomfortable, the moment she's being rude.

You need to write it in your phone or a lot of times, if I'm being crazy, like legally, it's actually better to write it on a physical piece of paper,

but write it down.

And you need to be very specific.

every single moment because what's going to happen and I hate to say this is this is your career and someone is treating you unfairly in the workplace.

This is eventually potentially going to get to a case for HR.

And I know that's really scary, but because there's a power imbalance, unfortunately, you need to make sure you have ample enough evidence if there is going to be a dynamic change.

So, first is write everything down.

Secondly, I would say, I think something that we have to remember, and it sucks because sometimes we're not always met with the answer that we want because, understandably, other people are in tough positions because their job is lying too.

But share this with your coworkers.

I remember back when I was in college, a big thing that I struggled with when my coach was sexually harassing me was: I'm in a competitive situation, right?

My teammates who are wanting my position, and I'm wanting their position.

Like it was hard to open up to certain teammates, but it was easier for others.

And I'm happy that I did that because those people stood up for me in the end.

And

then some women didn't, you know what I mean?

And that's their prerogative.

But I think for you, find your allies.

You're not asking them to do anything almost.

You're just asking them to hear you out and to listen to you.

Because then when HR has to get involved one day, they will, you will say, this person and this person have, I'm, I'm, I've shared this with them and I've confided in them and they have witnessed it.

Just so there's some witnesses.

And when you're in the room and this woman is doing this to you, you can make eye contact with your coworkers and they can acknowledge, oh yeah, here it goes again.

So make some allies, share what's going on.

And then the next step I would say is,

I don't even, I wouldn't even say this is like giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but I think this is something that my parents have also instilled in me.

And as uncomfortable as it is, and as hard as it is, I want to vouch for you right now and validate you and say it's so fucking hard, but I think you should have a conversation with your boss.

And it's going to be uncomfortable and it's going to be awkward and you are going to feel emotional, but you need to advocate for yourself because this will only help you in the long run with your career and learning to have difficult conversations in power dynamic imbalances.

And her response to what you come with, that's on her.

We can't control if she's going to be inappropriate and rude again, but you can control yourself so that you can again write it down that you went and you asked for this woman to just treat you fairly and she couldn't do it.

And I had written down.

When I was preparing this episode for you, I thought something that you could say literally verbatim, because I know this is a very sticky situation is you could sit her down and say, hey, I just wanted to have a moment to just quickly check in with you.

So I think you need to approach this entire conversation and under the guise of feedback.

You are coming in and you're essentially going to say, I am always open.

to feedback, but I would appreciate if we could keep it professional and respectful when that feedback is being given, especially in front of patients.

Essentially, what you're saying is you're a fucking dumb cunt who's being absolutely unprofessional and I'm coming to you as your underling and I am literally trying yet again to be professional back to you and I would love if you could meet me there you dumb fucking bitch okay and when she can't do that or hopefully she does say I completely hear it and maybe she'll voice something I have found that and then maybe she gives you feedback and then you'll say totally understand I want to get better at my job but I just again I please would really appreciate if we could keep it respectful in our communication and appropriate.

If she cannot handle it, which I'm assuming she can't because people are in fucking power trips over power trips when they're in positions of powers like that, yet again, you will send a follow-up email to her.

And you will put in writing to your boss, I just wanted to thank you for your time.

Thank you for meeting with me and wanted to just reiterate that I am always open to feedback, but I would appreciate moving forward if we could, if you could keep it professional and respectful when you give me feedback, especially in front of patients.

You put that shit in writing, you put it in your HR box, and then the day that it continues after that, you then go to HR.

And it sucks, and it is

daddy gang, like it is

fucking everywhere.

It is everywhere.

And that is where when I did talk about this and my experience with this, I will say to you, it is not easy.

It is uncomfortable.

And it is

most of the times you

are not going to be believed.

And that fucking sucks to say.

But you, what are you going to do?

Continue to live in this hell?

No, you got to advocate for yourself.

And the worst fucking thing is when I've had literally friends have to leave jobs.

But at the end of the day, you need to choose yourself and you need to stick up for yourself because the more that this continues, your mental health will deteriorate and you need to protect yourself.

And I'm so sorry you're going through this.

So

fuck right back in.

And I really hope that this can be resolved because nobody deserves this, especially when it comes to your trying to do your job and pay your bills and your boss is prohibiting you from doing that to the best of your ability and in a safe mental capacity.

I fucking hate people.

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Okay, next question.

So my parents recently retired and are in their empty nester phase.

I know it's been a hard adjustment for them and I feel bad even saying this, but my mom has gotten so clingy.

She calls me multiple times a day and is always texting me and is constantly asking when I'm coming over to see them.

I obviously love her, but I think we need some boundaries.

How do I do that without hurting her feelings?

Girl.

Lori, I love you, but girl,

my mother and I, we now laugh about it, but we went through this exact same

thing.

And it is so fucking normal.

And I want to validate you and tell you I have been there.

And I know my mom wouldn't care about this because I know this is real life.

Like this is so fucking normal.

And here is how I think you could handle it.

Number one.

Not to like invalidate you, but it's like the best part of this is like your mom loves you to death and she just wants to talk to you and she clearly isn't reading the the room because she's bored.

She's literally bored and she wants to talk to you all the time.

And it's becoming overwhelming.

But with daughter or son and mother dynamics, it's fucking hard because when you get to a point where you are the adult trying to set boundaries with your parents, it can trigger them in a way that even if you're being so loving, sometimes they can take it the wrong way.

It can feel like rejection.

It can feel like you don't want to hang out with them at all.

Like they can just misinterpret what you're saying.

And sometimes, let's be honest with our parents, we

aren't as familiarized with like being the mature, mature one and being like, hey, I really need you to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They're the parents.

They are the ones that are supposed to be being mature enough to realize, hey, you're breathing down my throat.

So I can also validate you and saying like, this fucking sucks to have this type of conversation.

And sometimes it's not a one-time conversation is what I will prep you for.

Because when my mom and I went through that phase where it was mostly because I moved across the country, and I think my mom was feeling so disconnected from me.

And my siblings still both lived on the East Coast.

And I was the one child that she just like, I was busy and I was doing all these things.

And she would watch my life on social media, but then she kind of like didn't know what I was actually up to behind the scenes.

And she would always want to talk to me, talk to me, talk to me.

And so she would call me so often that then I almost felt this pit in my stomach where I was like, there's so much I have to tell her.

And I haven't talked to her in so fucking long.

I don't know where to start.

So, then I would put it off even more.

And then it would build up and build up and build up.

And she would feel rejected.

And like, I wasn't wanting to talk to her and connect with her.

And I would feel like I was like being smothered.

And it was too much.

And it was like more quantity over quality, just like nice, good conversations that we could both agree on when we were having them.

So here is what I will say now that I've proved that I can relate to you.

First things first, I think you need to have a conversation with your mom and you need to go over to her place or you need to FaceTime her and you need to basically say, mom, I love you so much and I have been thinking about it recently that I have this like,

I don't even know if it's guilt, but there's just like a pit in my stomach when it comes to our relationship right now.

And I want to clarify, it's nothing bad that we're both either of us doing.

It's, I'm realizing we're in this weird phase where our dynamic is changing.

And I know you're in your, you're empty nestering and I'm fucking busy and we're trying, we're not clicking right now.

And I love you and I always want to click with you because you are my mother.

But if I can give you any insight into how I'm feeling, I sometimes feel like

I love that you reach out, but when it becomes a lot, and I know you're probably not doing it to smother me, but when it becomes a lot, I get overwhelmed because I feel like I'm letting you down, that I can't pick up the phone every time you call.

And so what I was thinking is having an open dialogue about, let's reset the dynamic.

Let's be honest about you want to talk, I want to talk.

So when can we talk?

And let's set time or let's send a text every week being like, hey, my day or night is light on Wednesday.

Would that work for you for a quick FaceTime call?

Or could you do dinner on Wednesday?

And you guys find a time once every two weeks, or once a month, or once every week, whatever you're comfortable with, your cadence, everyone's different.

And ask her, would that work for you?

Because I want to tell you everything and I want to give you all the details, but I also want to be clear.

If I get busy some weeks and I'm not able to talk to you,

I really want you to know it is nothing personal.

I'm not avoiding you.

I love you, mom.

I'm just busy living my life as a woman in her 20s.

I've got my friends.

I've got my relationships.

I got my job.

I'm all over the place.

And you're my constant.

I love you.

But sometimes I can't give you all the updates.

If you meet your mother with that level of like, I love you.

And I'll be honest.

And I have talked about it with Lauren a lot of times where we would be like, I'm getting the ick.

I'm literally getting the ick.

Push through the ick and have a loving conversation.

Sometimes you want to be like, I literally can't even have the conversation with my parents.

They're annoying the fuck out of me.

This will get the dynamic reset, but you have to be the one to do it.

And I know it fucking sucks, but you will thank me in the long run because

I have never been in a better place with my mom.

We went through a lot of changes and it almost took us a year to come back to like center.

And I think a lot had to do with, you know, Matt became my primary person when we started dating.

I moved across the country.

My mom was no longer my primary person because my mom is my best friend and I would always call her about everything.

And all of a sudden I started calling Matt more.

And then I would talk to Matt more about things and I wouldn't call home as much and I didn't rely on them as much.

And then I built a friend group in Los Angeles and then I started being busy.

And to my parents credit, and we have to give all of our parents credit in this dynamic is When your life is falling apart and you're lonely and you're all these things, and I've had so many moments in my life where I'm moving into a new apartment after a breakup sobbing and I have no money and my parents are helping fund my life and they're helping me get on my feet or they're dropping everything in the middle of the night and driving into the city to help me with something or driving, whatever it is.

Your parents usually will drop fucking anything for you.

And we expect that of them.

But because it's a child parent dynamic, they can't expect that of us.

And I think that is a really fucking hard thing that I'm even mentally preparing for whenever I decide to be a mother.

It's like they give you 100 and you don't have to give them 100 back.

And as a parent, you kind of have to acknowledge that.

That's what parenting is.

They love us unconditionally.

And sometimes we're like, I need you.

I need you.

I need you.

Well, now I don't need you and I'm not going to call you for two weeks.

And they're like, oh, you need me when you need me, but when you have all the fun stuff happening, I only get the calls when you're going through a disaster.

That's parenthood, apparently.

Okay.

So I have all the empathy for all the parents out there because my mom and I have had a lot of conversations about the dynamic is fucking hard on both sides.

Let's acknowledge it.

Let's talk about it.

Put it out in the open instead of you having this pit in your stomach.

And I promise you, the pit will immediately go away.

Because when I had my conversation with my mom a couple of years ago, she met me with,

we cried, we hugged, and we were like, why didn't we talk about this earlier?

Literally, that's how it ended.

We were like,

and now we have this whole rule where we're like, never will we get back to that place.

We're just going to always talk it through.

Okay, next question.

Hi, Alex.

I need advice.

I have lived in New York for a couple years and made some really great friends, including my best friend.

Let's call her Kayla.

A couple months ago, my good friend from home moved to the city, and I immediately pulled her into our friend group.

She and Kayla really hit it off, which I love, but they started hanging out one-on-one without me, and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

I never said anything, but I just found out that they planned a trip together this summer and didn't include me.

I get they have their own friendship now, but how do I tell them that this really hurt me?

Okay,

Wow.

That

damn.

There's a lot to unpack here, but like them and the trip planning, like that fucking sucks.

And I'm really fucking sorry.

My first point that I think is important to touch on would be most of the time people's relationships with each other have nothing to do with you, right?

Like interpersonal dynamics are so specific between two people and friend groups of three are definitely hard.

But my gut would just say they are currently just caught up in this new, fresh,

exciting friendship and this feeling of their bonding over these new things and this dynamic.

It's an all fun and like you've been their friend forever.

They know everything about you and they're learning these things about each other and it's very fun and all the good things.

And so I would first say like, yeah, don't take that fully personally.

They are being inconsiderate for sure, but most likely they're not intentionally, I would, at the beginning of this, before we get to the trip, say that they're trying to exclude you in any way.

You want your friends to be friends with each other.

Like that's the dream, right?

That everyone gets along.

But it definitely can be frustrating, I think, when you get into those dynamics because you can't help but compare yourself.

Like it's normal to be like, oh, I hope they don't like.

love each other more than they love me.

And like, that's fine to feel.

I do think like, of course, it's a little immature because you should have confidence in both of your dynamics where it's like, that's lovely that they're going out to dinners but then we get to the trip and i think that is what changes this entire answer and advice because yes it's a little hurtful if they were going to some dinners alone but you guys are still always doing group dinners and you're doing individuals with them the trip is definitely something that i personally think you now need to address because before i'd be like oh they're just hanging out more alone like but they still hang no you need to address this i don't think you need to attack them per se

but i do think that you need to sit them down.

And I think you need to say something along the lines of like, hey, you guys know that I love you both.

And I am so genuinely happy that you two have become friends.

And

I think I have to be honest that finding out that you guys planned a trip without me, I felt really excluded and I feel

really upset and I feel really hurt by this.

And I wanted to just come to you honestly and just communicate and see, like, is there a reason that I was left out?

Because I'm feeling really hurt.

And I want to know if I did something to not warrant getting invited.

And as uncomfortable as that conversation is, I think you need to have it because there is a chance they're going to get defensive.

And if they do and they don't consider your feelings and you're like, well, we're allowed to like be friends.

Like, I can already see that coming.

They're like, we're literally allowed to, like, you, you're not like the ringleader of this.

We're allowed to like have, be friends totally.

But who the fuck in their 20s goes on fucking couple trips together as friends and leaves out the other fuck?

Like, it's more fun to have more girls if you're going somewhere.

Do you know what I mean?

So, if they do get defensive and they start to kind of put it back on you, I do think you kind of need to reevaluate, like, do they actually value your friendship or what are you missing here that they were so easily able to discard you and now lean into a new duo?

Um,

I think I can relate.

I had this in middle school, TBT.

Three are hard in a dynamic of friendship.

That's a really hard number if it's core, core, best friends, because it can always lead to someone slightly feeling left out.

But you have to remember: you have pre-existing relationships with both of these people, and they are still in this new excited phase.

So have the conversation, get in there if they're rude.

I think you have to reconsider the friendships.

I also think the last note would be, we got to look inward.

We always got to

look inward.

You know, Kayla's off with Rebecca, but what are you up to, Denise?

You know, maybe Denise, I don't know if that's your name.

Maybe you are being annoying as fuck.

And maybe you have been doing shit where, God forbid, they're bonding.

They actually don't even like each other, but they've bonded over their hatred for you.

That's the worst case scenario.

That's the worst case, but I just want to put it out there.

Look inward a little bit.

Obviously, I'm joking and being like drama, but look inward.

Have you been doing anything that they've given you light feedback on at dinner?

Is being like, oh yeah, like you're always so judgy, or like, oh yeah, you always cancel or you all, whatever it be, have they given you any inkling of things that they haven't been happy with you about that you think that they could be bonding over?

Because if they're bonding over their hatred and annoyance of you,

yeah, we're fucked.

We're fucked.

And we got to to rebuild, but you're gonna have to own it.

And in that conversation, if they're honest with you and they do give you constructive criticism of like, can we be honest back?

Like, we've been feeling XYZ.

You gotta take it on the chin.

And if you wanna work on that relationship, you have to take accountability.

And you need to say, I'm so sorry that I've ever made you guys feel that way.

I promise you I'm gonna own that, but I would love.

to work on our friendship.

And please, can we be more considerate?

Because like three is hard and i feel a little left out and i promise i'm gonna work on that and they'll be like okay

but

this is a tough one i'm really sorry thrupples are tough someone's always gonna be getting actually physically fucked and then someone to the left is gonna be actually just getting fucked because they're not getting the physical fucking do you know what i mean someone's always left out Okay, next question.

Hi, Alex.

A couple months ago, I found out that my boyfriend had been asking his ex-girlfriend for explicit photos.

What the fuck?

While he and I were together.

I literally hate men.

Okay, what else?

I made the decision to stay with him after that.

Okay.

Nothing that I know of has happened since then.

However, I looked up his ex-girlfriend on Instagram the other day and he liked her most recent photo that was posted one day ago.

Motherfucker, is this grounds for a breakup?

Am I being overdramatic?

It feels like a big deal to me, but it is just, but is it just stupid Instagram and it's just a like?

Yeah, girl.

They

okay.

Well, you know, here's the thing.

You gotta end it.

And you gotta end it.

And

I love that you're like, is it just a stupid Instagram night?

No, he was getting nudies from his ex.

That should have been the end.

But now the Instagram, like, it's gotta end because it's just disrespect through and through.

This man is taking a massive, giant dump on your face and you keep just wiping it off and being like, it's all right.

We'll get through this.

And it's like, he's like, God, she just gets back up every fucking time.

She's a warrior.

And he's just plowing you.

He's just plowing you.

And he's like, God, there's zero self-respect.

I can just fuck this bitch up and she just stays with me.

Okay, I'm sorry.

That's tough love, but like actually, we got to have a little bit of self-respect here because he has none for you.

So the only person that's going to respect you in this dynamic is yourself because your boyfriend clearly has no fucking respect for you.

So this is what we're going to do.

We're going to break up with this man.

He is showing you he doesn't like you.

He has zero, zero interest in ever stopping his inappropriate behavior.

Let me say this.

If your boyfriend is liking other girls' Instagram photos, you should not be with that man.

That's weird.

That's creepy.

And don't ever let a man just be like, oh, like you're so drama.

Like, what do you mean?

It's just a like.

A like means my wiener is hard.

So I'm going to poke you.

He's probably liking the picture with his weenie.

He's like, bink.

He's jacking off and it's like, hey, hey, give it a like.

Give it a like.

And then he's fucking sliding into her DMs and sending a disappearing fucking mode dick pic that he's just jizzed all over a fucking picture.

And you're like, it's just a, it's just a like, right?

You're getting brainwashed by men.

Likes mean.

I like your pussy.

I want to get in and around that.

And guess what?

He's already been inside of her because it's his ex-girlfriend.

That's what makes it even worse.

It's like he's like basically showing you.

He could, let me say this.

Men could try.

And if you're like in that part of your life where you're going to get gaslit like that, men can try and be like, it's just a like.

You're being so drama.

Fair.

It's his ex.

Like, there is no gaslighting of like, you're being dramatic.

No, no, no.

He has licked her labia, her lips.

He knows if she has an innie or an outie.

He knows the exact angle to her G.

Well, he may not know her G-spot because he may be like horrible at fucking.

That's besides the point.

He knows what her tits look like.

He knows the size of her nipples.

He knows what her belly button looks like.

He has come on her back, her chest, in her mouth.

He's come in her hair.

Okay.

They've gone to family dinners together.

Like, they've been in it.

But no, yeah, it's just a like.

It's just a like.

It's just a like.

It's never a like.

End the relationship.

Have some self-respect and move the fuck on because you are going to be 10 times happier because this is what I will tell you because I have been there.

I am no better.

I have literally been cheated on and I have stayed with someone.

And when I think back to that time, I was just so afraid.

I was so afraid to leave.

I was convinced.

There were so many things going on.

Your ego is not in check.

So you're like, I don't, what do you mean?

Like, I'm going to break up with him.

So you almost want to like, you want to convince yourself that you can make it work.

He already told you he doesn't want to make it work, but he's like, well, fuck, this bitch just keeps coming back.

Like, okay, I'll keep her around.

And she lets me cheat.

It's perfect.

No, self-respect, get out.

And I'm telling you, once you leave, you're going to feel like shit for two seconds.

And then you're going to be at a bar and you're going to see a fucking hot ass dude.

And you're like, yeah,

I can find better.

So end it, move on,

and never fucking put up with that shit again.

Okay.

That is it for this week's episode.

And oh yeah, look, wait, you guys, this is such a nice little closer to the person that just wrote in about you getting fucked over.

Now we go all the way back to the beginning of this episode.

We love a full circle.

You're going to be alone.

And what are you going to do?

You're going to listen to the beginning of this episode and you're going to learn how to be alone.

And you're going to be the hottest, baddest, most gorgeous bitch ever.

You're going to be so good at being alone.

You don't even need that fucking dirty, crusty ass little fucking loser ass bitch boy of a man.

So, Daddy Gang, I love you so much.

And being in New York City, it brings it out of me.

I love it here.

I missed the city and I missed you guys.

So, happy Sunday.

Every Sunday is Father's Day.

And you know the motherfucking drill.

I will see you fuckers on Wednesday.

Goodbye.

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Stay safe, Daddy Gang.