How to Handle the Holidays

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Hello, daddy gang.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to another cozy, cozy Sunday session with your father.

Speaker 1 I hope you guys are all having a lovely Sunday, relaxing, maybe getting ahead on some stuff. If not, no worries.
You're just hanging out with me. And yeah, I'm just going to jump right into it because

Speaker 1 here's the thing. We are heading into the time of year where everything is supposed to be magical.
Oh my God, the holidays? You guys literally so excited. Can't wait, right?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, oh my God, it's going to be amazing. Like we have Thanksgiving coming up and then right around the corner is Hanukkah and then Christmas and then New Year's.

Speaker 1 It is quote unquote supposed to be the best time of the year. Emphasis on the supposed to be, which is why I kind of like to do a yearly PSA episode around the holiday season.

Speaker 1 If you have been with me for many years, you know I kind of do this often because I think it can be very, very not only helpful for you, but also for me.

Speaker 1 This could also just be like a full episode where I'm just really doing this for myself and talking to myself and my family members, but hopefully this is relatable to you.

Speaker 1 I think it's important to do a little reality check around this time of year because we are kind of weeks out from all of the amazing, sometimes chaos beginning.

Speaker 1 And I feel like we can picture what our holiday is going to look like and we can easily get our hopes up. We think it's going to be like the Hallmark movies.

Speaker 1 We're going to have matching pajamas with our family.

Speaker 1 Although that may be a nightmare to some people, some people would like that, you know, big meals, presents, family time, laughter around the fireplace, hot cocoa, carolers.

Speaker 1 Like it's, you're like, okay, this is the time of year that I've been literally waiting for. Like, this is my Pinterest board.
Like, this is it, Alex. Like, I couldn't be more excited.

Speaker 1 And then we get to the moment that we've built up in our head and we're like,

Speaker 1 wait,

Speaker 1 why do I feel like low-key kind of disappointed and like a little letdown? Like, this is literally not what I was envisioning.

Speaker 1 It's because the truth is, is that this time of year can be so disorienting and it can be a letdown. On paper, it's supposed to be the most joyful holiday season.

Speaker 1 But for a lot of us, it can be one of the hardest times of the year. And I promise you're not alone in feeling that way.

Speaker 1 I also want to make sure everyone knows, I don't think that I'm saying anything revolutionary, but I'm making sure that for the majority of people who are a little bit fucking sad and depressed during this time of year, you're not alone.

Speaker 1 If you are someone who has a perfect family and you're like, what are you literally talking about? I do have the picture perfect life around the holidays. This may not be for you.

Speaker 1 I have a fucking seed stuck in my tooth and no one's in the room with me. So like, if there's a kernel in my tooth,

Speaker 1 no, it's not. And just pretend that you never saw that.
Let's just pretend. Imagine I get through the whole fucking episode and I have a bunch of blacks in my teeth.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you may be someone that this doesn't apply to, and that's completely fine.

Speaker 1 Anyways, for the other side of us that, you know, have struggled sometimes during the holidays, I want you to keep in mind, and this is just like a cozy reminder, every single advertisement, every Christmas song, every cozy movie, it is all designed to make you feel like the holidays are a time of just pure excitement and that everything is going to to be magical and perfect.

Speaker 1 But trust me, most people's holidays do not look like that. If you're the person sitting here being like, why can't my family be like the rest? Babe, you're actually, you're actually the norm.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You're actually not the outlier in this situation. You are 100% the majority because.

Speaker 1 The holidays can bring a lot of financial stress. It can bring loneliness.
It can bring grief or highlight grief, right?

Speaker 1 Whether you're missing someone, maybe you're feeling left out, or also just the more like common one, like you are so stretched thin with work and you're trying to keep up and then it's the holidays and it's like, oh my God, I feel like I am underwater.

Speaker 1 You could be dealing with family dynamics, travel plans, work deadlines. The list goes on, right?

Speaker 1 And somehow we are still expected to feel rested and joyful after all of the chaos.

Speaker 1 I just want to remind everyone, no one has a perfect family, no matter how good they may make it look. Everyone has something.
Maybe your family is the loud and chaotic family.

Speaker 1 Maybe they are cold and disconnected. Maybe there is addiction going on in your household.
Like everything going on in your family. just gets extremely elevated during the holiday season.

Speaker 1 And it can be so, so hard to, you know, go from building this up in your head of how excited you are to have a few days off of work and, you know, you think you're going to get to relax.

Speaker 1 And then your uncle says something offensive before dinner even fucking starts. And you're like, oh, cool, cool.
Okay. Love that for me.
God fucking damn it.

Speaker 1 Like you haven't even been able to catch a break for a second. And then it just all starts getting fucking thrown at you.
And you're like, oh, I forgot. This is what the holidays is actually like.

Speaker 1 Like when it comes to family, I think my advice, and I don't know if this is me being like pessimistic, but it's the honest truth is like, I've seen it enough. I've done this show for long enough.

Speaker 1 And I have so many people that always write in just being like, I was so let down.

Speaker 1 I think when it comes to family, it can be healthy to slightly, I'm just saying slightly, not completely, but slightly lower your expectations, right?

Speaker 1 Cause like, how amazing if you go and be like, this is about to be shit. And then it's like, oh my God, my grandma didn't make a racist comment.
My dad didn't get hammered. My mom wasn't a narcissist.

Speaker 1 My fucking cousin didn't like smack me in the head. Like there's so much beauty happening right now.

Speaker 1 It's almost better to go in like that than rather expect the world and literally just get fucking shit on.

Speaker 1 But I think also something as I've reflected with my therapist is like.

Speaker 1 Something about the holidays, obviously, is just so nostalgia core coded, right? And I think a lot of times when we think about the holidays, we feel like

Speaker 1 they should feel like they did when we were kids. And

Speaker 1 obviously, that's not going to happen. So, I think it can end up highlighting how different things are now than they were in your childhood, right?

Speaker 1 Circumstances change, people pass away, relationships end, families break up, parents get divorced, family dynamics shift throughout time.

Speaker 1 And to help us get through this, I just want to highlight like on normal days as an adult, you are not having to confront all of it at once, right?

Speaker 1 You are not in a room with all of these people and all of these triggers.

Speaker 1 It's piecemeal throughout the year, but then the holidays come and it kind of just slaps us in the face and it's like, God damn, my shit's so fucked. Like, no.

Speaker 1 And I think that is really when the sadness can creep in. You expect things to either look like they used to or you expect things to be different than they were.

Speaker 1 Like, how have we not grown as a family? How are we still fighting over the same thing that we did when we were five years old? Like, how is this happening?

Speaker 1 The overarching theme is the holidays most of the time do not live up to the expectations that we built up in our head, right?

Speaker 1 Like I said, I think the first step in surviving the holidays and actually having a chance to enjoy them is to stop trying to make them perfect.

Speaker 1 We cannot control what it's all going to be like, but we can control how we react.

Speaker 1 You already know what your triggers are with your family or the people you're going to be spending it with, right?

Speaker 1 Like maybe it's the way the energy shifts after your family has had that third round of drinks and everyone's always fighting or maybe your aunt who is always making a comment when you help yourself to seconds about your body, like you know what's going to come or maybe it's running into your hometown friends at the bar and like feeling left out and it's triggering you back to high school or middle school or whatever it be.

Speaker 1 My advice is as we get closer to all of this coming to a head, try to

Speaker 1 anticipate what that trigger is for you and recognize those things that year after year keep making you feel upset and just try to get ahead of it. Like literally just try to get ahead of it.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, I know this is going to happen. So one, how will I respond this year? And how will I respond in a way that will make my

Speaker 1 time happier and more enjoyable, right? And so maybe it's setting some boundaries, maybe it's breaking patterns, maybe it's breaking traditions. Like you have to decide for yourself.

Speaker 1 Every family is different. I could sit here for hours and just go through scenarios, but you, every single person listening right now, close your eyes.

Speaker 1 Don't do it if you're driving, but close your eyes. Even if you're at work, your boss is walking by.
Hold on, hold on, Ron. I need to lock in.

Speaker 1 Alex is telling me to locate the family trauma really quick. Hold on, hold on.
I'll get you the sales report in one minute. Okay, everyone, close your eyes.

Speaker 1 What is the thing that you know is going to trigger you for the holidays?

Speaker 1 It came to, you're like, babe, how do I pick one? You're like, Alex, which one should I pick? Okay, we all have it in our head.

Speaker 1 Now, for the next few hours, minutes, or days, start to just plan the shield around yourself of how you're going to try to not let that fucking ruin your holiday this fucking year.

Speaker 1 And I know it's really difficult to do because there's going to be circumstances that you cannot control, but I think just finding what works for you, right?

Speaker 1 It is okay to not have a perfect holiday and a perfect family that, you know, you see on Instagram, but news flash, like most of the people probably posting how happy their family is on fucking holidays on Instagram are the most miserable.

Speaker 1 Cause if you're really that happy, are you on your fucking phone? No. I know some of the best holidays I've had with my family.
I'm like, you guys, we didn't post. We didn't take a picture.

Speaker 1 We did nothing because we were playing board games and cards and whatever. And it's like, that's being present is

Speaker 1 a privilege during the holidays. Being able to be present and actually

Speaker 1 not wanting to be on your phone is a privilege because there's so much going on and so much trauma and so much baggage and history that it's really, really hard to just enjoy yourself.

Speaker 1 So just a little reminder, you know, and even if the people that are posting on fucking Instagram are actually happy, don't DM me. I'm trying to make everyone else feel good.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Try to just enjoy yourself, I think is what I'm going to try to just instill within myself and for you guys. And try not to let the romanticizing of this time of year let you down.

Speaker 1 I had you guys write in specific questions about how to navigate the holidays because that's literally what's about to consume our fucking lives.

Speaker 1 So, if you're ready, because I'm ready, let's answer some questions of the motherfucking week. Um, okay,

Speaker 1 let me get my let me get the questions. Hold on.

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Speaker 1 Okay, question one. Hi, Father Cooper.
My boyfriend invited me to spend Thanksgiving at his house and I'm meeting his entire family for the first time.

Speaker 1 I'm freaking out and want want to be sure that I make a good impression. What should I do? What should I wear? Please help me.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean, before we get into it, I think it's just like important to acknowledge that spending the holidays with a partner is a big deal and a big step in the relationship.

Speaker 1 Typically, I would assume that means you guys are getting more serious and you can see a legitimate future together, which is very exciting. I'm happy for you.
My advice is just to also go into this.

Speaker 1 Like, this is a good trial run to see how you would fit in with his family and whether or not you could picture being a part of each other's lives, right?

Speaker 1 Like you get to experience their traditions up close and you could really learn a lot about their family dynamic.

Speaker 1 And so something to keep in mind though, is like I just talked about, the holidays are a high stress, high tension time, right? So.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that they should be like the most insane family and like give them a break for it, but like their behavior, just keep in mind, may not represent what they actually are like around the day-to-day, right?

Speaker 1 Especially at the holidays, not every single interaction is going to be perfect. There will probably be some awkward or tough moments.
There could be a family fight.

Speaker 1 And so just remember to give both yourself and their family a little bit of grace. Okay, so now let's talk about the very basic steps of like how to make a good first impression.
And

Speaker 1 we can also get into actual conversations and interactions that you should be having while you're there.

Speaker 1 My first piece of advice: very simple, very basic, but like absolutely necessary: you need to bring a gift, okay?

Speaker 1 This does not have to be an elaborate, expensive situation, but you should never, ever, ever show up to someone's Thanksgiving dinner or someone's home, in my opinion, completely empty-handed when they are hosting you.

Speaker 1 Some safe and foolproof gifts are things like a cute scented candle, a fruit basket, a bottle of wine if the family drinks.

Speaker 1 Or since it is Thanksgiving, you could ask your boyfriend, like, hey, do they need me to cook anything if you're a cook?

Speaker 1 Sweetie, if you don't cook, I wouldn't use this as an opportunity to try to make a pumpkin pie for the first time. Maybe lay off.
Maybe this is where self-awareness kicks in.

Speaker 1 And it's like, maybe don't try to make the stuffing.

Speaker 1 Just bring a fucking candle. But if you do, maybe bake a pie.
Maybe that's something you're really good at and you could show off, right? Like bring a dessert, bring something extra.

Speaker 1 Literally anything that you walk in with is thoughtful, right? Like I said, it's a big deal to be included in someone's holiday. So I think just making sure you're constantly being like thankful.

Speaker 1 I know that sounds literally like you're like, I don't need to suck up to these people. Saying thank you a good amount of times gets you some high regard, sweetie.

Speaker 1 Now, don't be a fucking over-the-top bitch where they're like, Jesus Christ, we get it. You're fucking thankful.
Like, although that is what this holiday is about. So keep that in mind.

Speaker 1 I'm just so thankful to be with Marty's family today. And they're like, shut up, Christine.
And you're like, oh, fuck. Don't be annoying.
Like, too, try hard.

Speaker 1 You got to, you got to, that's the beauty of self-awareness is like find that middle ground, sweetie. And it ain't easy to find.
So you got to feel it.

Speaker 1 You got to really be in your body this Thanksgiving with your partner. Can we talk about outfits? Dressing for Thanksgiving can be a little bit tricky.

Speaker 1 I know personally, you know, I love to stuff my face. I'm going in for seconds, thirds, and many more rounds for Thanksgiving dinner.
So I personally would like to wear a pant that is elastic, right?

Speaker 1 There's no buttons, or if there's buttons, I'm unbuttoning them at the fucking table.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I feel like a lot of families aren't casual for Thanksgiving. It is kind of fun to dress up anyways, although I'm like, let's just do sweats.

Speaker 1 And my whole family's always like, no, Alex, like put on a skirt. I'm like, oh.

Speaker 1 But I do think you can kind of never go wrong with like a pant, a loafer, and a little cute sweater or like a skirt sweater combo. But overall, you do not want to feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 And a lot of families have a lot of traditions around this type of dress code situation.

Speaker 1 So if I were you, ask your boyfriend, like, can you tell me what your mom or your sister or any of like the women like usually wear?

Speaker 1 Or how about Actually, this could be a great conversation starter depending on how close you are. Do you know his sister? Does he have a sister?

Speaker 1 That would be maybe a good time to text her and be like, hey, like just wondering what you're wearing.

Speaker 1 But do not wear a crop top. Do not

Speaker 1 probably don't have your tits out, right? Like, it's just, it's just the things that you want his grandma to see.

Speaker 1 And, you know, to each his own. If you want to go clubbing outfit, do your thing.
I just wouldn't personally recommend it. This is a family gathering.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Keep it together, Janice.

Speaker 1 You and your boyfriend, I also would say, to set yourself up for success, talk to him about all the people that you're going to be meeting before you walk into this house, right?

Speaker 1 We got a lot of weird people.

Speaker 1 We got a lot of freaks in families and we love the freaks, but you got to know the freaks. You got to have, you got to, you got to get your bearings.

Speaker 1 And I would think it's nice of your boyfriend to not let you get your initial bearings while you're just out there raw dogging it alone, right?

Speaker 1 Your boyfriend should kind of be giving you that like the mean girls moment where it's like these people at this table are like this and this group is like this.

Speaker 1 Like, give me the lay of the land, John. Like, I want to know what I'm getting myself into.
Like, oh, Aunt Betty isn't invited this year.

Speaker 1 And oh yeah, Uncle fucking Jerry, he's probably going to make an inappropriate comment about your boobs and just stay strong, you know?

Speaker 1 And oh yeah, my dad will absolutely be tanked, but like just keep it moving. Oh yeah, and by the way, my Aunt Gertrude, she's definitely gonna fucking hit on you.

Speaker 1 And you're like, wait, you're Aunt Gertrude. He's like, oh yeah, a finger under the table may come.
You gotta just boundary that shit up, cross the legs, and you can, you can say something.

Speaker 1 You can say, Gertrude, Gertrude, yep, keep the fingers to yourself. Like, he's gonna tell you because he's been there since day one with these freaks.
He's been there.

Speaker 1 He's been there when one of them got the fucking, you know, DUI. He's been there.

Speaker 1 When the medics came because fucking Franny thought it would be fun to jump off the fucking roof into the snow and then broke her bones. This is,

Speaker 1 this is your worst case. And imagine if he's like, oh yeah, like my mom can just be a little talkative.
Oh, marry him. Okay.

Speaker 1 But most of the time, there is an Aunt Betty. There is an Uncle Jerry.
I don't know if there's an Aunt Gertrude, but you get what I'm fucking saying. Okay.

Speaker 1 So really try to get your boyfriend to give you the down low before you're in and around because that's the beauty.

Speaker 1 Then you can be like watching for all these dynamics, but you can be on guard you can be on motherfucking guard and you can kind of show up because you're like oh this one's trigger is this i'm gonna

Speaker 1 absolutely be good with this woman do you know what i'm saying like have a little bit of your repertoire stacked ready to go um but yeah i feel like it also is just like makes such a bad impression if you are not talking a lot.

Speaker 1 I get you can be shy, but you don't want to go in in there and like barely engage with his family because you're trying not to fuck up.

Speaker 1 And then they're going to be like, okay, like you literally brought a girl that's just like being fucking mew all night. Like you want to let them get to know you to a certain degree.

Speaker 1 So yes, share some things about yourself. Don't overshare because then they're like, Jesus Christ, she's obsessed with herself.
There is no winning. But this is what I will tell you.

Speaker 1 Talk, right? Talk, share a couple things about yourself. But this is the silver.
This is that little. This is, this is the actual sweet spot.
When you go to someone's Thanksgiving,

Speaker 1 all you have to do to be a winner is ask people about themselves. Tell me about you.
Wait, okay, so how? Okay, we, and you and Kyle are obviously cousins, right? Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 So we, and wait, so you guys grew up together? Wait, tell me. Oh my God, he, I think he mentioned that.
Wait, and so you guys went to the same, oh, you went to different schools.

Speaker 1 Wait, so did you have sleepover? Stop. Did you guys like do this? Like, have you guys been together for every Thanksgiving? Oh my gosh, what's your favorite memory?

Speaker 1 No way wait and so Kyle obviously um decided not to go to college are you in college oh you're in college okay cool like does he ever visit you you just

Speaker 1 you just

Speaker 1 you ask people about themselves and the narcissists everyone is oh they're gonna be like I am so obsessed with your girlfriend, Kyle. She is a delight.

Speaker 1 Now, if Kyle was like, tell me one thing about her, they'd be like, oh, now in hindsight, I can't really think about much because, well, and then it's like, oh, they talk about themselves the whole time.

Speaker 1 And you were just there to help them go through all of this Freudian stuff. They start trauma dumping on you.
Oh, lean in, Christine.

Speaker 1 Christine, when that family starts trauma dumping, now don't add to it and don't gossip, but just, oh, tell me more. Oh, God, that must have been hard.
How are you feeling? Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's it.
Okay. And then also, if you want to really be like, oh, you're getting a ring at the end of this, offer to help out in cleanup crew.
Oh, cleanup, crew, aisle 10. Boom.

Speaker 1 You start scrubbing a dish for this family. You're literally, you have now the choice.
If you want to marry Kyle or not, because his whole family is going to be like, Christine,

Speaker 1 through and through, top tier, top-notch, grade A bitch. Way to go, Kyle, because you never pick them right.
So, I mean, that was a long one, but you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 It's like, you are going to be fine, and you just have to stick to

Speaker 1 you got this. You're gonna be fine.
Um, okay, next question: Hi, daddy. I need your help.
My husband and I always spend Christmas with my family, and Thanksgiving with his.

Speaker 1 Christmas is extremely important to my parents, and we have tons of traditions we do together.

Speaker 1 But this year, my mother-in-law has decided she wants us to spend Christmas with them instead, and it's causing a ton of drama.

Speaker 1 My side of the family is upset, his side of the family is upset, and I feel totally stuck in the middle. What should I do? Oh, wow.
Okay.

Speaker 1 This is really difficult because I feel like this is one of the biggest things in families that can obviously cause

Speaker 1 conflict is deciding who's hosting, who's going. And I think as we get older, there's so many sides to each family.

Speaker 1 Like it's like, first it's your immediate and then one person gets married and then another. And there's all these different in-laws and all these extended families.
And it gets really confusing.

Speaker 1 I guess my question back to you would be like, what has changed that his family now randomly wants to start hosting Christmas?

Speaker 1 Clearly, this, it seems like there's been no drama and it's kind of been like this like perfect balance of like him Thanksgiving with them, Christmas with yours.

Speaker 1 And I guess I would just ask like, did something happen that made them want Christmas?

Speaker 1 I also would say not to be a dick because I think this is fair like okay well then if they get Christmas then you should get Thanksgiving right?

Speaker 1 Because it's like, now you're not going to take both huge holidays and his family just own them, right? Like there needs to be a trade-off.

Speaker 1 My biggest suggestion, though, when it comes to this kind of stuff is

Speaker 1 you need to just get on the same page with your husband. And I think what you can do is open it up to him of like, hey, I know that we've done Christmas with my family every single year.

Speaker 1 And I know your mom is pushing for this, your dad is pushing for this, but like, what do you, what do you feel about it?

Speaker 1 Because maybe he'll come to you been like honestly like i've been really struggling because i know how much we are already ingrained in this part of the family with your family and like this tradition but i would like to like have one of the christmases with my family which i think is so fair you just have to talk about it but then there also needs to be again a give and take so if you're if he came to you and was like this is something that like now in hindsight like i do want to spend a christmas with my mom or my dad or all those things and my siblings whatever That is, not only is that fair, that is so normal, right?

Speaker 1 Because it clearly you guys aren't merging. So I do then think that it's like, okay, then this is a conversation to be had about how can we then do something with my family for Christmas.

Speaker 1 I know that this sounds like a lot, you guys, but as you continue to grow your family outside of just your immediate and people are getting married and there's all these different in-laws, there needs to be sometimes two of things, right?

Speaker 1 Like maybe you're doing Christmas Eve and you're celebrating Christmas and then on Christmas, you're going to his family. Like it almost is kind of like how divorce works a little bit, right?

Speaker 1 It's like my family, your family. And it's lovely, obviously, if people can all come together.

Speaker 1 But realistically, if you have more than one sibling or in all these dynamics, everyone then, like my brother has in-laws now, right? Like Matt has siblings who have in-laws.

Speaker 1 So that all of a sudden there's all these different families. The immediate families coming together is not really a thing as much anymore.

Speaker 1 At least, like, I know in my dynamic, we have so many fucking people that you kind of have to pick and choose, like where you're going per

Speaker 1 just you and your couple, um, because all your siblings and everyone are doing a bunch of different things with also their in-laws. And you kind of have to see, can we coordinate? And if not, great.

Speaker 1 Um, sorry, this is getting so into the weeds. I know this is really difficult, but yeah, my advice would be you need to have a trade-off.
You can't now just give his family every fucking holiday.

Speaker 1 That's not fair. So, I get why your family would be upset, but I do think you don't now need to just leave your family high and dry.

Speaker 1 If this is something that would be fair to give your husband's family, then how are you guys going to make it up on your side of the family?

Speaker 1 Again, whether you do something with your family on a different day or whether you end up doing Thanksgiving with your family,

Speaker 1 it's really difficult.

Speaker 1 And I think it's going to be an ever-evolving process because then it's like, which family member has kids first, and then there's like the grandchildren, and it's like it is never ending.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, that is why it is kind of nice to be married to a man who is Jewish because I have all of the Catholic holidays, and then Matt's family gets all of the Jewish holidays, and it's like boom, and then there's Thanksgiving, which is always then now rotating, which is very fun.

Speaker 1 Um, okay, next

Speaker 1 Support for Call Her Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay, daddy gang, listen to me.
Let me set the scene. You are on a girls trip.
Everyone's dressed up. It's the perfect golden hour lighting.

Speaker 1 And somehow, it is impossible to get a group photo where everyone looks good, okay? One person's blinking, another hates their angle.

Speaker 1 And of course, the one where you look amazing is the one that your friends absolutely hate. So relatable.
That is where the Google Pixel 10 Pros camera comes in. This thing is wild.

Speaker 1 Let me explain it to you. Okay.
It has auto best take that automatically finds and combines similar photos into one where everyone looks great. I know.
This is literally a dream.

Speaker 1 So all of those blinks and lookaways are replaced with picture perfect smiles. And you know how you always take great photos of your friends, but they can't seem to take a decent picture of you.

Speaker 1 Well, the Google Pixel has a feature called Camera Coach that literally coaches you on how to take the best photo. Left, right, zoom in, step back.
It maps it all out.

Speaker 1 So when you ask someone to take a photo of you, you know it's going to look good. It's the girl's trip essential I didn't know I needed, but now I've got it.

Speaker 1 So yeah, get outside of your comfort phone and try the Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at googlestore.com.
Camera coach, results may vary. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 1 it's the shopping season, and I love to buy clothes and things and treats and gifts. And it's like, I get so giddy during this time.

Speaker 1 On one hand, yes, I'm a consumer, but I'm also a business owner, daddy gang, okay? And I have new merch on the block.

Speaker 1 And guess who is helping me make that happen and making everything go smoothly during the holidays? Shopify. Dear Shopify, thank you because you're basically Santa for the daddy gang.
Okay.

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Speaker 1 I am the oldest in my fan family and I feel like I'm the least ahead in life. I don't have anything close to my dream job.

Speaker 1 I still live with my roommates and even though all of my siblings are in long-term relationships, I'm still single.

Speaker 1 I'm really dreading Thanksgiving because I know everyone is going to ask me a million questions and make me feel like I'm a failure.

Speaker 1 I also am stressed because I'm going to be watching everyone in these dynamics and I'm just going to be alone. What should I do?

Speaker 1 It's so hard. It's so hard because, again, like

Speaker 1 what you're saying in this, which I have such empathy for, is like you're basically saying, I am aware that in comparison to my siblings and their lives, I'm at a very different point.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even say you're behind, okay? Don't say you're behind. You're just at a very different point, right?

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 you're probably not thinking about this Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday even. You may not think about this a lot.

Speaker 1 But a lot of times, obviously, like I said at the beginning of this episode, when you are experiencing the holidays in a way that is

Speaker 1 all-encompassing, which is most of us, you can't help but go down every rabbit hole of, oh my God, okay, so this one is in a relationship and they've been together and now they're going to be talking about wedding dresses and I don't want to be there.

Speaker 1 And so, like, you're being faced with the comparison and the

Speaker 1 you're also with your siblings who you've literally known since birth. So you're like, oh my God, then there's also the added element of like you being the oldest, but feeling like you're behind.

Speaker 1 Like, there are so many things that are triggering you understandably because of the

Speaker 1 dynamic of it being family. I think that it's really, really hard not to regress to how we grew up with our siblings when you're with your siblings in these type of environments.

Speaker 1 Like you have been together for Christmases. I've been with my siblings for Christmases for 31 years.
Okay. And I still will find myself with my sister and with my brother and with my parents.

Speaker 1 And we can try not to laugh about it.

Speaker 1 But inevitably, there are moments with my family where I catch myself and I'm like, oh my God, I'm acting like Alex, the 12-year-old who was annoyed at my brother for this.

Speaker 1 And we are regressing because that is like how we see each other sometimes with our siblings is still as children. Like you

Speaker 1 in your day to day, and again, I could be wrong, but it. It seems like you're so stressed because of the comparison, but probably in your day to day, you feel really good about yourself, right?

Speaker 1 Like there's a reason you're not with someone right now. There's a reason, right, where you're focusing, whether it's on your career or your hobbies or your friends.

Speaker 1 You are living your own individual life. And the time that you're feeling the most insecure about it is when you're comparing it to your siblings.
That is so normal.

Speaker 1 Like validating you, you're going to have a pit in your stomach. I get that.

Speaker 1 But if you can try to retrain your brain going into this, being like, this is the most heightened, because it's not friends. These are your siblings.

Speaker 1 You guys have said the worst things to each other in the world. You've gotten probably in the worst fights ever.
And you also love them more than anything. Sibling dynamics are so fucking complicated.

Speaker 1 And so a lot of times when you grow up, and I know I was like this with my siblings and we've talked about it,

Speaker 1 you can get competitive with your siblings, not in a way that you even want them to fail, but like your whole life, you're living with these people.

Speaker 1 You're watching their accolades, you're having dinners, you're like listening to what they did at school or how they did it, whatever. And so you're all gauging for your whole childhood.

Speaker 1 Oh, this one's doing this right. And this one's in trouble or this one's grounded.
You're all in this ecosystem that's so on top of each other.

Speaker 1 And then you go out into the world and you live your own life. And when you're put back into that, you go right back into that ecosystem and you regress and you feel like a child again.

Speaker 1 And I also think, again, I don't know your family, but something that I would give you as advice to leave you with this is, yes, you can try all the things of don't compare yourself to your siblings.

Speaker 1 Easier said than done, but don't. don't allow this one week or whatever it be to derail what you've been working for for yourself individually.
However, you could also say that to your siblings.

Speaker 1 Guys, I know, like, sometimes you have to use humor. Hey, everyone, we're starting the holidays off.
I just want to acknowledge that I know all of you are in relationships.

Speaker 1 I know all of you are like, whether you're married or your kids or you're whatever, and I'm the only single one. I'm going to say it, and I'm going to be the only one to say it.

Speaker 1 And we're going to not bring it up because I don't want, I can't handle it. I can't handle it this holiday, right? So, like, let's not talk about my dating life and don't ask me about it.

Speaker 1 Honestly, then your siblings may be like,

Speaker 1 Okay, Francis, like cool, don't care. Because no one really gives a fuck, no one cares, no one really

Speaker 1 cares, no one cares. But when you're in these environments, all of a sudden you're like, Uh, yeah, Francis, how's the dating pool going? Like, because people are just trying to have conversation.

Speaker 1 And if you kind of, you could almost do that and just be like, I'm not interested.

Speaker 1 If my sister or my brother did that to me, I'd be like, Okay.

Speaker 1 And then I wouldn't bring it up because it's kind of like, cool. So I'm sorry though.
I know that's

Speaker 1 dude, sibling shit is so fucking annoying. It's, it's not easy.
Um, okay, next. Every holiday and birthday, my boyfriend gets me the worst gift ever.

Speaker 1 It's honestly really upsetting, not because I'm being materialistic, but because it feels like he doesn't know me or my personality at all. How do I talk to him about this? Um,

Speaker 1 here's what I think. Sometimes with gifts, with partners, it's a really,

Speaker 1 there's, there's kind of two paths and there's no in between.

Speaker 1 Either, well, yes, then there's the people that get you fucking great gifts. But if someone is getting you not good gifts, they're either like really, really trying, right?

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh my God, babe. And he's like, look what I made you.

Speaker 1 And it's like you guys had gone to Paris for like your three year and he ends up like making this like god-awful, hideous Eiffel Tower thing. And he like made these little handcrafted things.

Speaker 1 And it's like the two of you in the Eiffel Tower kissing. And you're literally like, Legos.
But it's like, he tried so hard.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I spent like almost like an entire week building this thing for you that I thought you could put at your desk in your office or whatever. And you're literally like, oh my God, Steve.

Speaker 1 That is. Beyond gorge.
You're like, oh my God, Steve, Steve, Steve. Oh, my God.
I love you so much, Steve. Thank you, Steve.
Thank you for the fucking Lego set.

Speaker 1 And then he's like, oh, wait, do you not like it? And you're like, and you want to be like, of course I don't like the fucking Lego set, Steve.

Speaker 1 But then you like see on his like pure baby angel face and you're like, oh my god, this poor man actually thought I was going to like this. Like, but he, and it's a whole misunderstanding.

Speaker 1 And you're kind of like, oh, this poor man. And he constantly tries to do these really thoughtful things that just fucking flop.
That's one side. The other side that I see that I worry about is like

Speaker 1 when

Speaker 1 guys are getting you really bad gifts,

Speaker 1 I can't help but think like they're not listening to you. Does he understand what you like to do, where you shop, what you wear, what your favorite things are to do with your girlfriends?

Speaker 1 Like, is he engaged enough in your life and present enough and actually focused enough to understand what you like? Because a gift for a woman is not that hard.

Speaker 1 It's really, really, really, really, really not that hard. And I would go as far to say, it's probably actually one of the easiest things men can do for a woman is just get them a good gift.

Speaker 1 Clothes, jewelry, um,

Speaker 1 you know, a bottle of wine and a fucking romantic card, um, flowers, and a little bracelet and a card that is a love letter. Um, love letters.
You could literally give her love letter.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, that would require him to know how to read and write. Um, no, no, this, there is like endless.
Get her a gift card to Sephora. Get her, like, there's so much.

Speaker 1 And then men, it's like, do you want a, do you want a fucking fishing rod? You loser. Like, oh, well, I already got you a fishing rod.
Um, I got you a new golf set.

Speaker 1 I got you a new golf polo that I get the ick every time you wear it. Um, I got you a golf belt.
Um, I got you some Bud Lights and I got you new khakis, you fucking loser.

Speaker 1 like, then it's like, what else could a man need, right? Like a watch, I guess, for your 10th anniversary. Like we're really pushing it with men.

Speaker 1 There's not much to give because there's not much to them, you know? Women. Oh, the complexity.

Speaker 1 We are.

Speaker 1 We are.

Speaker 1 Range to range. We've got, we have literal range.
You could go so many different directions and it ain't that hard, right?

Speaker 1 So if your boyfriend is like really missing the mark when it comes to gifts, I guess I would ask you, does he know your middle name?

Speaker 1 Like, does he know you? Is he, is he, is he really in tune? Like, when you go to date nights, do you find yourself talking a lot at him and him kind of like glazed over?

Speaker 1 Or is he like, wait, but babe, I remember you said three months ago that you didn't like

Speaker 1 Veronica. Like, and you're like, no, that was Vicki.
And you're like, oh, my bad. Okay, wait, yes.
So it was Vicki. You got in the fight about this.
Does he know?

Speaker 1 And again, listen, there's sometimes Matt just glazes right over. When I'm talking about all the reality shows or the drama, for sure, they can tune some of it out.

Speaker 1 But to what extent is this man tuning you out? Because I think when it comes to gifts, sometimes it's like, oh my God, I know. Listen.
Shout out to my brother. I love you so much.

Speaker 1 He's really bad at this. And I've been really helpful to him.
I'm like, what is she like? And he's like, oh, yeah, she always wears. do I'm like, well, what color jewelry does she wear?

Speaker 1 And he's like, gold. I'm like, there you go.
Now let's go to the jewelry store and get her a gold fucking necklace. So it's like pretty basic.
It's pretty basic, pretty, pretty basic.

Speaker 1 I guess you could do this is if you're finding yourself being like, no, no, no, he really knows me.

Speaker 1 He just still sucks at getting gifts. You're going to make a shared notes app.
That's what you're going to do. You're going to make a shared notes app and you're going to say, hey, babe.
Hey, babe.

Speaker 1 Hey, babe.

Speaker 1 I love you, but I'm finding that I don't want you spending money on things that like I'm not going to use. And I love that you try each year to get me good gifts.

Speaker 1 But there are also things throughout the year I realize that like I never really would get myself, but I would like as a gift.

Speaker 1 And so I'm going to just start a notes app throughout the year, not just leading up to Christmas or birthdays or holidays, whatever, throughout the year.

Speaker 1 And every time you see something that you like, just throw it in the notes app.

Speaker 1 And so then he he can have a plethora of things that wouldn't let you down as he is going shopping on these glorious Canon events. Um,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's that's kind of my uh, that's my two cents. Let me know if you guys agree or disagree.

Speaker 1 Support for Call Her Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay, Daddy Gang, listen to me.
Let me set the scene. You are on a girls' trip.
Everyone's dressed up. It's the perfect golden hour lighting.

Speaker 1 And somehow, it is impossible to get a group photo where everyone looks good. Okay.
One person's blinking, another hates their angle.

Speaker 1 And of course, the one where you look amazing is the one that your friends absolutely hate. So relatable.
That is where the Google Pixel 10 Pros camera comes in. This thing is wild.

Speaker 1 Let me explain it to you, okay? It has auto best take that automatically finds and combines similar photos into one where everyone looks great. I know.
This is literally a dream.

Speaker 1 So all of those blinks and lookaways are replaced with picture perfect smiles. And you know how you always take great photos of your friends, but they can't seem to take a decent picture of you.

Speaker 1 Well, the Google Pixel has a feature feature called Camera Coach that literally coaches you on how to take the best photo. Left, right, zoom in, step back, it maps it all out.

Speaker 1 So when you ask someone to take a photo of you, you know it's going to look good. It's the girl's trip essential I didn't know I needed, but now I've got it.

Speaker 1 So yeah, get outside of your comfort phone and try the Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at googlestore.com.
Camera Coach, results may vary. Call her daddy is brought to you by Columbia Sportswear.

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Speaker 1 Let me tell you a little something, Daddy Gang, okay?

Speaker 1 I hate when I am out running errands and you've got this like warm, cozy winter jacket that turns into an oven the minute you step inside, but you dressed for the jacket, right?

Speaker 1 And instead of taking off your coat and lugging around, you're just sweating, babe. You're sweating inside of your jacket.

Speaker 1 But with a maze puff, you can just use the built-in back pack straps and free up both your hands. It's super soft and incredibly cozy, and it also just looks great.

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I am such a coat girl, but I also recognize I live in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 So I need something that is functional and can kind of go with me. I want to look cute, but sometimes it is literally so warm, but it's fall, right? So I want to put on a cute little coat.
Boom.

Speaker 1 Amaze puff is my go-to. Visit columbia.com to get your hands on an amaze puff jacket.
It's tough on cold, soft on you.

Speaker 1 Okay, next question.

Speaker 1 I have been unhappy in my relationship for a few months now, and I know it's time to end things, but it feels so mean to break up with someone right around the holidays.

Speaker 1 Should I hang on until New Year's or get it over with help? Oh, sweetie, this is like

Speaker 1 grade

Speaker 1 A Alex Cooper shit.

Speaker 1 I have

Speaker 1 ended

Speaker 1 so many relationships around the holidays. I have

Speaker 1 helped my siblings end relationships around the holidays and friends and friends have helped me end relationships around the holidays. Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 You think in your brain, oh, just wait through the holidays. Like it will just be more traumatizing to them to break up with them right before Christmas.

Speaker 1 And we already actually made plans for New Year's. And so I'll just do it after.
No, no, no, no, no. If there's anything, because I don't really believe in resolutions or the fucking, you know, Jan 1,

Speaker 1 let's reorg our life.

Speaker 1 What I actually do believe in with the Jan 1 resolutions is you are not going into this next year with bad energy.

Speaker 1 energy and you are not going into that next year with someone that you know for a damn fact you don't want to be with. And I'm also not letting you bring them in to the new year

Speaker 1 with a relationship that you're aware is over, but they're not aware. Cause guess what's not fair?

Speaker 1 You know, you know that around the holidays, they're going to be like, what, oh my God, for the new year, like we should go here. What, what are we going to do in the summertime? They're planning.

Speaker 1 You start planning. You know, you start planning for what's the next year.
2026 is going to be big. It's going to be big for us, babe.
This is a big year.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden, you're literally like, I am literally breaking up with you

Speaker 1 on January 1st. And you don't even know.

Speaker 1 You didn't even tell Christophe that you're going to end it. And you're fucking sitting there.
And Christophe is dreaming about the world with you.

Speaker 1 And you're literally like, only two more days till I can fucking get rid of this person. Like, not fair.

Speaker 1 Weirdly, I think the holidays are a fabulous time to break up with someone because the the holidays are depressing anyways.

Speaker 1 You know, we have all the like the Hallmark and the Ooh and the Ah and the rom-coms and the gorgeous and the, you know, you watch all the movies. But in hindsight, you know,

Speaker 1 shit's dark around the holidays. So let them just dig deep into the darkness and get broken up with and then be with their family.
And then their family is going to be like, F her, she's not shit.

Speaker 1 Like you were better than her.

Speaker 1 And let Christoph marinate in his sadness in the warm embrace in the arms of his family, not in the arms of you, the traitor who knows you're over it, but you're still like, Merry Christmas, babe.

Speaker 1 Let's watch Elf. And he's like,

Speaker 1 that reminds me of us. And you're literally like,

Speaker 1 you,

Speaker 1 you know, breaking up with someone during the holidays is actually the most selfless thing you can do.

Speaker 1 And I know some people may disagree with me on that, to hold hands as the carolers come by, we wish you a Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 And Christophe is looking at you with crystals in his eyes, like, that's my baby. That's my baby.
Can't wait to ring in the new year with her.

Speaker 1 Can't wait to have the most romantic mistletoe kiss later tonight. Can't wait to do all.
Can't wait for her. Oh, how about this? Can't wait to give her her gift.
I got her a Tiffany necklace.

Speaker 1 I got her a gorgeous bouquet of whatever.

Speaker 1 This poor man during the holidays, or this poor woman, when you're in a relationship,

Speaker 1 this is the most, it can be the most romantic time for couples.

Speaker 1 So, when you're privy to the information that you don't want to be in said couple anymore, girl, you got to let him go.

Speaker 1 You got to let him go so his mother or his father or his friends or his siblings or whoever it be can hold him and can watch movies with him and he can cry and drink eggnog and you know drink himself to sleep or eat himself to sleep or whatever he does to cope and then come gen one

Speaker 1 for someone who was broken up with during the holidays I think it's really nice and a refresh moment to be like okay come gen one I'm getting myself up and I'm gonna move on from that relationship so um

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're doing it.

Speaker 1 And anyone that's watching, Daddy Gang, you will be breaking up with that person that you know you don't want to be with and you will not be fucking dragging them through Thanksgiving and Christmas and making them give you gifts and you getting them a gift because then they're going to be like, yo, you literally bought me that and you knew that you wanted to break up with me, but you still went to the store and bought me the gift.

Speaker 1 It's always better. And if your excuse to why you can't break up with someone during the holidays is because you already have plans and you already bought the tickets and everything.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Nope. I refuse.
I refuse. No.

Speaker 1 You're not staying with someone just because you booked the tickets to

Speaker 1 Abu Dhabi and you've got this big trip with the group. No, you're staying home and you're losing money.
Or they can stay home once you break up with them if it was your friends. That kind of sucks.

Speaker 1 But no, it's better because what? Then you get to Abu Dhabi and your fucking tits are bouncing around and you're like, hey, Abu Dhabi.

Speaker 1 And then he's sitting there Abu Dhabiing with you and fucking bouncing his shit around too.

Speaker 1 And then you're going to cut him off by the knees and be like, oh, by the way, I'm breaking up with you right when you land then he's gonna have trust issues honey and this is where i mean we could do a whole episode on this because then you were living a lie and smiling in this person's face during this time and then they're gonna sit there and be like oh my god while we were caroling while we were watching the movie while we were baking

Speaker 1 this mother effer knew and still was a crazy bitch

Speaker 1 and went went through with it and didn't just tell me because guess what they probably wouldn't want to be with you

Speaker 1 marinating the sauces and making the dips and the appetizers with you if they knew you didn't want to be with them So give them a little bit of fucking truth and give them the chance to be like, Sayonara, I don't want to spend my Christmas with you cold-hearted bitch.

Speaker 1 So yeah, I think it's a little selfish to stay with someone during the holidays. And

Speaker 1 yeah, end it. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's it for today. I think we accomplished a lot.
I feel like this was good. And I felt like

Speaker 1 the honest truth that I said at the beginning, and I am saying this because I'm also saying it for myself, is like,

Speaker 1 do not let yourself

Speaker 1 over

Speaker 1 romanticize the holidays.

Speaker 1 That is only going to let you down. And I hope hope when I say that, I want you all to know that I am so

Speaker 1 happy for you. If you are someone who doesn't have strained dynamics or difficult dynamics or families with lack of boundaries or, you know, addiction or loss or whatever it be, like what a blessing.

Speaker 1 And I hope you enjoy your holidays as you should and you deserve. But to the majority, when I'm speaking,

Speaker 1 this is about to be

Speaker 1 up and down, right?

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that this holiday season, there's not going to be any happiness. It's just with the pressure and the weight.
It's similar to New Year's Eve. It's similar to birthdays.

Speaker 1 When you have these big hallmark moments, there is the idealized, romanticized version, and then there is reality.

Speaker 1 And I think the more that we go into these situations, just prepping ourselves, it will allow us to alleviate the pain and alleviate ourselves from feeling such a whole of like why don't i have that type of family that can do x last note and i don't know how many obviously people listening are going to experience this but if you're someone who's going to spend the holidays alone and

Speaker 1 maybe it's by choice maybe it's not by choice i can imagine

Speaker 1 that's really difficult because

Speaker 1 Or maybe it's not. Again, there may be some people being like, no, I'm literally choosing it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to pour myself multiple, multiple glasses of wine and I'm going to order my favorite food and have a great time.

Speaker 1 love that for you but there are some people that are going to go through it this year and just know just know and i hope this can help

Speaker 1 it feels so all-encompassing and my biggest advice to you number one stay off social media because although on normal days social media can maybe come as like this distraction to you and kind of like take you out of your real life you're going to be watching such

Speaker 1 fakeness on social media of just like perfectly curated pictures and families and all of it. It's going to potentially make you feel more alone.

Speaker 1 So what I would do is lean into things that you've wanted to do throughout the year, but you never got to do.

Speaker 1 Like maybe you've wanted to go to one of those like wine and paint classes or maybe you've wanted to go see a movie and go to the movie theater alone.

Speaker 1 Maybe you've wanted to buy yourself these really cute pajamas or things and you never did it. Buy yourself the outfit.
Take yourself on a date. Read a book, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like do things that are self-care almost that most people that are gonna spend a lot of time with family during the holidays are not going to feel rejuvenated.

Speaker 1 I feel like everyone always says, I need a vacation from the vacation. This is a very overstimulating time.

Speaker 1 So if you are someone that is going to be alone, use it to your advantage and pour so much time and love into yourself and invest in yourself.

Speaker 1 And then when everyone on January 2nd comes back to work and is like, oh my God, like I'm so tired, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 You're like, in in your, you don't need to be the person saying it out loud, but in your heart, you know, like, I literally pampered myself for the past few weeks. I've never felt better.

Speaker 1 And I'm really proud of myself that like, I was able to spend that amount of alone time and find joy within myself and didn't have to like.

Speaker 1 you know, scroll and watch people and then feel worse about myself and then go to bed with an ache in my, like, no, just focus on yourself. And that's that.
I hope this made you feel better.

Speaker 1 And I hope I know it was a lot about like how it's not going to be the best holiday season. Um, it can be again, right? It's in your control of how you approach it and being realistic with yourself.

Speaker 1 And I hope that allowed you to maybe do some self-reflecting before all of the fun and beautiful, but also crazy chaos begins. Um, I love you, Daddy Gang.
You are not alone, and just know that

Speaker 1 your father loves you. Okay, I will see you fuckers on Wednesday.
Goodbye.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Tinder. When is the last time you had a real crush? I'm talking real, okay?

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Call her daddy is brought to you by Roka.

Speaker 1 Okay, I recently Matt came home and was like, babe, we need to try this thing called Padelle. And it's basically like a version of pickleball, but it's this whole thing.

Speaker 1 And Matt's obsessed with it and he played it with his friends. And now he wants me to get.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll get on board.

Speaker 1 The thing is, though, is like, if I'm going to do a new hobby that requires me actually moving my body, I'm going to look cute while I do it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Roka makes eyewear for people on the move, the ones chasing life and wanting to look good doing it back by popular demand roca has relaunched their home tryout program don't just try them on try them out get outside move around sweat a little put their frames to the test in your real world and get a 30 gift card towards your favorite pair the float fit frames feel as light as air for all day comfort that i'm obsessed with that i want to be boom boom boom i want to be boom hitting these balls left and right and i'm like oh and my glasses are still on.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much. Also, prescription lenses are also available now through December 1st, up to 40% off-site-wide.
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