Shay Mitchell: Let Him Go, You Deserve Better (FBF)

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Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 2 Can we talk about this set?

Speaker 1 I know. I'm really happy about it.
There's so many things I have to change.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.
I see it because I'm a crazy person. Like, there's certain things I need to change.

Speaker 2 I would have changed, like, those one flower that were in your last set. I was like, I'm going to move those when I come over.
No, I'm not lying. Like, because I'm.

Speaker 1 It was bad.

Speaker 2 It was just the one flower arrangement that was always behind you and I was like I just want to move that when I go on her show I'm gonna this is insane this is beautiful you like it I love it good vibes I feel very serene isn't this like you want to tell me like all your secrets in this I mean yes that and the truth serum right here okay wait let's start Shay Mitchell welcome to call our daddy thank you shay made me a drink what is in this drink this is okay this is passion fruit anda but i made you a passion fruit spritzer so i actually got passion fruit before coming over here i'm just kidding i lied i got it delivered.

Speaker 2 I have two kids, okay?

Speaker 2 I love you, but like, thank you, postmates.

Speaker 2 So I had passion fruit, like the guts of it. I put in one whole one and then over ice and then just passion fruit ona.

Speaker 1 But like, it's honestly really fucking good.

Speaker 2 It's good, right? A little spritz.

Speaker 1 So I was told why I wanted you to drink. Why? I was told you were a lightweight.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's crazy. And if that was Kate,

Speaker 2 let's start.

Speaker 1 Okay, everybody listening, let me give you a little backstory. If you don't know who Kate Bailey is, actually, this is what I was going to say.

Speaker 1 The only reason it's appropriate the amount of times that we've canceled on each other is because we have a mutual friend. Shay and I have been like, we're going to do it this month.

Speaker 1 We're going to do that. I canceled on you.
You canceled on me. And I was like, it's good that we have a mutual friend.
Her name is Kate Bailey. Kate Bailey.
Kate Bailey is my publicist.

Speaker 1 Kate Bailey is your very, very good friend of how many years? So many. Obviously, we've met before, but like we haven't hung out.
Never. And I kind of feel like I already know you from Kate.

Speaker 1 Kate, every time she's with you, is like, Shay is the most fun, outgoing, life of the party.

Speaker 2 You're like, stop.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Keep going.
She truly, every time that she's with you, I feel like she's having the best time, unless she's with me.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, why are you, like, what makes you so fun? Like, what is your social life like right now?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. What is my social life? I don't know if it's necessarily like, I don't go out a ton.
I say that. And then I was just at a concert last night until one.

Speaker 2 I think think what it is, is like my perspective on things may be good. So even if Kate's stressed out, I kind of am the opposite.
I'm not stressed out.

Speaker 2 Or like I kind of feed off of people's energy and I like want to support you and you're like, I'm just, I'm like a real energy person.

Speaker 1 I can get that from you immediately because we were just joking. We're like, Kate's always working on her phone 24-7.
You're like, live in the moment.

Speaker 2 No, I'm super present. Like, I will be super present.
If we were out to dinner, unless there was something where I'm like, hey, I have my phone because of my kids. Right.

Speaker 2 But aside from that, I'm very big on living in the moment.

Speaker 1 So, another vibe I got from you

Speaker 1 is that before you met your partner, which we'll get into, I'm like, I fucking know Shay Mitchell was out there on the streets getting after it, dating, hooking up.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh!

Speaker 1 Tell me, take a sip. Yeah, you're like, okay, I'm going to chug this whole thing.

Speaker 1 What was your dating life like in your 20s?

Speaker 2 My dating life was, I think, I always always

Speaker 2 thought about my life in ways of like chapters to a book.

Speaker 2 I always kind of said yes to things so that I could have that experience and be able to like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, talk about it after. Like I do things for the experiential like aspect of it.
I get that. I want to add that to my chapter.
I'm like, oh, that'd be a fun thing. Oh, okay.
Fly here.

Speaker 2 Cool. Let's try it.
Or like, he does this profession. Let's see what that's like.

Speaker 2 But as long as I was in control and like, you know, it was my decision to do things and like I felt comfortable,

Speaker 2 I was good to go. You were good to go.
So I like, yeah. Do you have a type? Not at all.

Speaker 2 Not at all. I have zero type.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 Zero type. If you were to look at like the trajectory of my past, there is no type.
It's a vibe. I love it.
It's a vibe.

Speaker 1 It really is.

Speaker 1 Okay, what kind of vibe? What do you need, though?

Speaker 2 I need confidence, but not cockiness. And that is something.
I need

Speaker 2 somebody who is like respectful and like a good human. And that's like, truthfully, I feel like I've been in maybe like, I've experienced like a couple bad ones.
And that's it out of like a bunch.

Speaker 1 I'm curious if all of your exes were like having a text thread.

Speaker 1 What is, you're like, oh, God.

Speaker 1 Shay like loves it.

Speaker 2 She's like, oh, like,

Speaker 2 what am I saying?

Speaker 1 What do you think that they would be like saying about you? Like, was there any theme after relationships?

Speaker 2 She knew what she wanted. I think that would be like the group chat.
Like, she knew what she wanted. That's what I think everybody would say.
And I actually have really good relations.

Speaker 2 There's, you know, again, aside from a few, like, I really have awesome experiences from my past and they were great guys. We just weren't right for each other.

Speaker 1 We all know you. Like, originally, originally, you popped off pretty little liars.

Speaker 1 And I want to talk too lightly about pretty pretty little liars because I can imagine,

Speaker 1 I don't want to say you're like annoyed by talking about it, but that was 13 years ago. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So like I'm sure in every interview you do, people want to talk to you about it. How does that make you feel?

Speaker 2 A-okay. You know why? Because that's what gave me my start.
And I will never forget that. And I will never look down on that.
Pretty little liars was the biggest turning point in my life.

Speaker 2 I was doing bottle service before that. And when I booked this job, it changed my life forever.
And it gave me the opportunities and the experiences that I've had. And I owe everything.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I still talk to Marlene King all the time. And I'm like, thank you for saying yes and that callback, you know, and like it changed my life.
I could never talk badly about it. And I love it.

Speaker 2 And I love, you know, when they do the spin-offs. And I'm always like, that's amazing.
That's awesome. I love the fact that I was a part of so many people's lives.
And a really important part.

Speaker 2 Like for me, like watching the OC, like that was my thing, you know, gossip girl, that was my thing.

Speaker 2 So when people come up and they're like, I loved you, you know, I grew up with you. I'm like, that's awesome.
And the fact that I got to play the character that I did is like even more amazing.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, you have now played how many queer characters in your career?

Speaker 2 Almost all of them. Maybe I was just like meant to be, I'm like a vehicle to like tell their stories.
But I also feel like I have never also put myself in a category.

Speaker 2 I am not one, I don't love a label. I don't love a title.

Speaker 2 like I don't want to label my sexuality I don't want to label my relationship I don't like I never wanted to be a wife like I don't I don't I don't want to be put in a category why do you think that is I just want to be free like I just want to be me whatever that is and like right now I'm in a relationship with a man and I don't you that's cool and it's amazing but like in five or ten years I don't know

Speaker 2 could be you like I just I never know and I never want to put myself in a position where I feel like constricted. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you, had you ever kissed a girl before you took on the Emily role in Pretty Little? You had. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I had an experience before playing these characters. Yeah.
It wasn't like, oh, I'm playing this character. Let me see how this feels.

Speaker 2 And that was the thing when people were like, how do you know how to play this if you haven't been in a relationship with a girl? Like, what? How do I know what it's like to...

Speaker 1 like somebody loves like i hated those questions and that's what i would always get like how do you know how it feels or like how can you play this character if you're not a lesbian like what I don't know I know what it's like to like somebody it's the same shit right and I feel like we felt that in your character where like you are so confident in that role that I think it probably does help a lot of people watching you on screen being like I want to be like that I want to emulate that energy of just like confidence in still such a hetero world that we're in like

Speaker 1 it's still not completely accepted, which is so fucked. And for you to be like, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 There's so much stuff that I do that's not accepted. Like I really really obviously aren't, like, I'm not one to stand by tradition.
Like, let's talk about that. Okay.
Let's talk about that.

Speaker 2 My hands are freezing. I wish.
I, you know what? I should have told you. Sure.
Chug the whole thing. Let's chug it.
Chug it because

Speaker 2 let's do a little breakfast.

Speaker 2 That was a loud gulp. Wow.
I'm impressed. That's.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But you're not going to eat the pomegranate, are you?

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to pour more into it.

Speaker 2 I got it right here.

Speaker 1 Guys, I just knew Shay Mitchell, the media trained queen.

Speaker 2 Media train queen.

Speaker 1 That's what Kate said to me.

Speaker 2 Media.

Speaker 1 Oh, she's like, she's media trained. She will swerve your questions.

Speaker 2 I'm like, yeah, for the first 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 Then I'm going to sauce her up. That's like the complete opposite of what I'm supposed to be doing.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'll just get her a little drunk and then I'll ask her all the hard questions.

Speaker 2 I love it. I also did say, let's just tell everybody.
There was no question. There was no question that was, there was no topic that was off.
You did say that. Right.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You're welcome. Okay.
Wow.

Speaker 1 My hand is like koozies.

Speaker 2 Okay.

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Let's talk about your relationship. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What one?

Speaker 2 No, I mean like what kind? Like with games like you're

Speaker 1 just joking. You're slowly unbuttoning.

Speaker 2 I know what one.

Speaker 2 Your partner.

Speaker 2 Did you, when you were thinking about how you were going to ask me this, were you like, what do I call him?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you know what's interesting is I want to ask you,

Speaker 1 is the term baby daddy insulting to you? Because I feel like Nick Cannon really has put a little

Speaker 1 downer on that one for everyone. No one wants to be called a baby daddy anymore.
So it's insulting to you.

Speaker 2 It's not insulting. Listen.

Speaker 2 It's not insulting. No, because

Speaker 2 he's more than my baby daddy. He's not Nickan.
He's more than

Speaker 2 my baby daddy.

Speaker 2 And so I think that there is like a, I love the word partner. Some people don't.
Some people don't love it. Like, you're never going to please anybody.
So let's just get that out of the way. Totally.

Speaker 2 For me,

Speaker 2 I like the term partner. He is my partner.
He's my partner in a lot of things. He helps me with so much with my business.
Obviously, we're partners in raising our girls together.

Speaker 2 He's my partner in life that we're living right now and i like it how does he feel about the term partner i don't know if he loves it i don't know if he loves it you know sometimes he'll be on calls and he's like in my wife and i'm like

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 you know and i'm always like and not because i'm like like i want it like i'm like

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 1 why do you think that is Why I don't like the word wife.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't know.
I just like, I'm not. And he's not my husband.

Speaker 2 Like, i don't know your partner i love like i think like girlfriend is cute and like i we met when i was 19 and i love that like we weren't girlfriend and boyfriend at that point but i love the i love i love that like i'm like his i'm like his girlfriend like we are friends so you have two kids together two girls yeah but you met and you were friends first yeah i was 19.

Speaker 1 How did you transition from friends to relationship?

Speaker 2 It's been a lot of years.

Speaker 2 I met him him actually when i was doing bottle service at drake's birthday like drake's like 21st birthday in toronto we're from toronto so i was doing bottle service there and we met and um we didn't start dating right away like we were just talking we found out that we were neighbors and we started hanging out i'd go to his basketball games like we just started hanging out as friends and then you know we tried to like make it work in more than a friend way didn't we tried it a couple times didn't work and then we took some time apart.

Speaker 2 And then I think it was like four or five years or something. And then randomly, a mutual friend just kind of connected us together.
And it was like third time's a charm.

Speaker 1 So when you started getting serious and like even when you got pregnant, like did you have to have a conversation with him to be like,

Speaker 1 I don't ever want to get married?

Speaker 2 I think we had that conversation. Like even when we were friends, I think I always spoke about my feelings.

Speaker 2 And I will never say like, never say never about anything, but I just was never that girl of like who had a Pinterest board of her wedding. I never did.

Speaker 2 And my parents have been married for like 38, maybe even 40 years, and they've had an amazing relationship, but it just wasn't something that I wanted.

Speaker 2 I didn't feel the need to like, I didn't feel that a piece of paper and a big celebration and a ring would like justify my love. Like, yeah, it's more.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no.

Speaker 2 But I like that you're saying it because I was sitting here thinking, like, I think there are some people when they listen to that of you are like whoa like that must so interesting and like really crazy and I'm like if a man was saying that they'd be like oh we never thought he was gonna get married like okay dope I like that you're saying it though because it's really healthy to not just keep doing what the fuck came before us and not questioning it there is a trend because there's more people that aren't getting married now like since the 1970s I think it's like a the age is getting later on which I'm I love because I think similar to how we have to hit a certain age to drink and drive we are developing so much in our 20s and like we are learning who we are and when you get together and you're married you grow as a unit you know and sometimes that's great but sometimes it's detrimental to your own development totally and I think the reason why I've been very lucky to be in for the most cases, you know, great relationships is because I've always felt pretty secure and confident with who I was first before getting into a relationship.

Speaker 2 And I think that, you know, with marriage, sometimes you're more concerned about how you guys are both growing. You're trying to help him lift up.

Speaker 2 When at that point in your early 20s, you, you need to get your own self out and you need to like figure out yourself. That's not to say that it can't work in your 20s.

Speaker 2 For all of those people, I love it and amazing. But I feel like for me, it just wasn't necessary.
And that's not to say that I don't believe in something.

Speaker 2 I like, hey, I'd love to have a commitment ceremony.

Speaker 2 Maybe in like, I don't know, 10 years, whatever the like, if it ever happens, I could look at him and be like, hey, we should have a celebration because we just did that.

Speaker 2 Look at our girls or like in high school. And, like, we crushed it.
We went through storms and we are here and we are standing and we're like high five because we just did that.

Speaker 2 Like, let's make a commitment to this family and to raising these girls and our kids at that whatever.

Speaker 2 But like, I would be all up for that because sometimes I think the celebration happens before you've even been through some storms.

Speaker 1 You know, I fucking love it because it's basically you're saying, like, do whatever feels good for you. and like we can make up new shit

Speaker 1 take a sip matt works with drake yeah

Speaker 1 and when i think about that

Speaker 2 you know he goes on tour with him right he's on his like management team he like a lot of the creative is from him like he's like a creative genius truthfully so he's like in

Speaker 2 the world

Speaker 1 that is like he's traveling he's with all these people there's parties, there's girls around, there's a lot happening.

Speaker 1 How does

Speaker 1 it feel or how do you handle when he's like away and like at these parties and at these events and you're sitting at home with the kids being like, I wonder what he's doing?

Speaker 1 And I'm not talking recently.

Speaker 1 Take me back to like more beginning stages of like building trust around this type of lifestyle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, it is 100% hard. Like I can't be like, it's fine.
I don't feel a thing. No, it's hard.

Speaker 2 But it's hard because I care. Yeah.
It's hard because I love what we have. You know what I mean? So yeah, it's like, it's difficult.
But then at the same time, I'm...

Speaker 2 We just talked and they're away in South America and I'm like, are you having fun? What are you guys doing?

Speaker 2 Like, there's also that element because I feel like in the same way that I have with my friendships, like those are so successful because I trust them and there's communication.

Speaker 2 And not that it's the same, but like there's trust and there's communication with us.

Speaker 2 And it's not always perfect by any any means But there has to be trust and I can't think about other scenarios or like think about hypothetical situations if it ever were to come out or anything there's like deceit any of that then like i'll deal with it then yeah but i also can't live my life worrying about what he's doing he is living his own life we are two individuals that have come together and chosen to like have kids together and like have a family together but at the same time he is like doing his own thing and i love that for him.

Speaker 2 Like, he's having fun, he's crushing, and he's so good at what he does. And I love that he's with his friends, getting to work, and have fun, you know.

Speaker 2 Totally, so I love that, but like, as long as there is communication, once that is broken for me, then it's done, and that's that's a known thing that we have.

Speaker 2 So, as long as he knows that and I know that, like, I feel like we're good.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 dated an athlete.

Speaker 1 I love how he's singular, plural. I dated athletes in the past, and

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 found myself like in moments being the same as you of like,

Speaker 2 what do I give a fuck?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm fucking sitting here with my girlfriends.

Speaker 1 We're having a great time. Like, and he's going to do what he's going to do.
But then there are like the spiral moments. I remember I used to, if he was like in fucking Milwaukee or fucking Texas.

Speaker 2 Milwaukee. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They always would go to like the worst places, but that's when I know like you're desperate. Like you're going to find some type of like.

Speaker 1 So I would always be like oh they're if they're going out tonight I would like spiral and like look up like the bar that I knew they were at and then I would go to like the Instagram and then I would be like oh who's like at the bar and if they tagged anyone I would go to that girl's Instagram and like look for him in the background and then be like oh my god there he is like he's standing next to that girl like he's really close to that girl like what's happening and then I would text him be like hey like how's your night and like it's a normal like I always used to be embarrassed to admit that and I was like I was in love with this person.

Speaker 1 I was in a relationship with this person and I cared about this person. And I think jealousy and anxiety in relationships can be normal depending on like the level of it.

Speaker 1 So I'm wondering, like, because this is like a very public, touring-facing situation,

Speaker 1 how do you not spiral in moments? And I don't even mean now. I mean like beginning of moments.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, no, no, no, no, no, for sure. Absolutely.
I can't, I could not redeem it. I did the exact same thing back in the day.

Speaker 2 I would say for sure in my 20s, I fully get you. I could do the exact same thing.

Speaker 2 But it got to a point where I was like, okay, so if he did, then what? Or if anybody at that point that I was doing, if he did, then what?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'll be okay.
I'll keep it moving. And it wasn't meant to be.
But that is how I live my life. And once you think about it like that, I don't want that.

Speaker 2 Then if you can take him from me, then he's yours. I'm good.
And I can keep it moving, be there for my kids, or that's another story. But like, in terms of us, then our story ends.
And that's okay.

Speaker 2 I still have my life to live. I cannot live my life like I did in my 20s because I did do that.
And it's like, for what? I wasted so many sleepless nights for what? Did that change how we acted?

Speaker 2 No, you're going to do the guys, the girls, whatever. We're going to do what we're going to do, regardless if you're staying up at night, not sleeping, stalking an Instagram.

Speaker 2 He's still going to do what he's going to do. He's not going to be like, well, Alex is probably up looking at the club's Instagram trying to like, you know, zoom into this.
That's not gonna stop him.

Speaker 2 So like, what does that do? You just lose sleep.

Speaker 1 You're so right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm not gonna worry about it before it happens. If you do it, then we, we, we deal and I'll figure out like co-parenting.
But like, then it is. And I hope you're happy.

Speaker 2 And I genuinely mean that. I want you to be happy because I feel like when you truly love somebody, you want them to live their happiest life.
And I do.

Speaker 2 And if that's not with me, I don't want to force that.

Speaker 1 I love this energy too because I feel like I've said this on my show. It's like, I know there's so many people.
I always just say women because I know women listen to this podcast the most.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, hi, ladies.

Speaker 2 I think there's a lot of guys too.

Speaker 2 You think?

Speaker 2 You think?

Speaker 2 You have a video component to this. They used to.
They used to.

Speaker 1 It's gotten a little too sappy that they're like, okay, there's no more like full sex. Like you talking about like the dick going into the pussy.
Like I'm fucking out. I'm like, okay, perbs.

Speaker 1 I think I've had a lot of conversations on this podcast trying to win women right in being like,

Speaker 1 I'm so in love with this person.

Speaker 1 And I love your advice too, because I know Kate has always said, like, you are like almost like the friend therapist, like all your friends go to you.

Speaker 1 And I feel similar with my friend group of like, you have to almost like back out of it and look at it like from a third POV of like, what would you tell your friend?

Speaker 1 And I feel like a lot of women listen to this podcast being like, yeah, but Shay, like, I'm so in love with him. Okay.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I just have that like feeling almost every time he's always doing boys nights. He's always kind of like

Speaker 2 out and i just feel like i'm not fully a part of those moments and i sit at home but like when we're together our relationship is great but he makes me feel really insecure like what do i do like what would you be in love with yourself more then you need to love yourself more because i would tell my daughters like you shouldn't be doing that i don't want them having a million sleepless nights a couple are fine like it's healthy whatever we get it but like you shouldn't be feeling that way in a healthy relationship.

Speaker 2 And if you are, then maybe it isn't the right one. I don't want to constantly be living in a state of anxiety, wondering where they are, what they're doing.

Speaker 2 Like, I actually love the fact that he's traveling with the biggest person. And, like, you get to see all of that.
And if you still come back, then like, I'm the baddest bitch. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, that's what I feel like. And if I don't, then like, cool, go be with her.
And then I'll keep it moving too. Like, it just wasn't meant to be.
And I'm such a believer of that.

Speaker 2 I feel like that's why my perspective on life and different experiences, if I miss a plane, I was like, oh, there was a reason for that. Like, that is how I live my life.

Speaker 2 and let me tell you it's a lot more peaceful than what it was before I had this sort of like real realization about how it how it works for me and how it should be I love that advice too because I feel like it's like half the time more than half the time we have to look at it like it's actually not about him

Speaker 1 you're sitting there like why are you sitting there stressing why was I on my phone zooming so intensely like because I was bored in college being like this is better than the guys I could be dating here so like there's always if you break it down like I wanted to be with him because of the status and the money and the lifestyle.

Speaker 1 And I loved it. And I didn't want to lose it.
And I was willing to maybe look the other way. Cause like, I love that.
Now in hindsight, I'm like, that was perfect for where I was in that moment.

Speaker 1 I absolutely loved that moment in my life. Now I would never put up with that because I want.

Speaker 2 What's time you could be putting into building yourself? Like, A.

Speaker 2 Reading a book, educating yourself, going to the gym, hanging out with your friends, like doing other things.

Speaker 2 I think as you get older and the reason why I say like I did that all in my 20s, but like it changed when I was was 30, is because I realized how valuable every single day is.

Speaker 2 And I do not want to waste my fucking time stalking other people's movements. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, then I'm taking away my time and living my life and like spending quality time with friends or people that are here watching somebody else's move.

Speaker 2 They're going to do it if they're going to do it. And I can't stop it.
So, like, it's not healthy. We need to cut it out.
It's too short.

Speaker 2 I don't want to look back at my life dedicating so many of my like precious days to doing that.

Speaker 2 Amen.

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Speaker 1 And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll get on board. The thing is, though, is like if I'm going to do a new hobby that requires me actually moving my body, I'm going to look cute while I do it.
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Speaker 1 Here's the thing, Daddy Gang. You know, I love the outdoors.
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Speaker 1 Wait a second. Daddy Gang, I'm here to tell you, we are going to be fine.
Now, even if you wander into the middle of nowhere, T-Mobile has us connected because they have T-Satellite.

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Speaker 1 Be the girl in your friend group that actually has the service, okay? That is why I love T-Mobile, and that is why I am T-Mobile till the end. I got Matt and I on that plan, and boom, we're thriving.

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Shop now at Sephora. It's your mother.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a mother. Did you always picture you're going to have kids?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm. Yeah, I did.
Okay. I mean, I never had a set age.
I wasn't like, when I'm 26, I'm going to have. No,

Speaker 2 I knew that I wanted to experience that.

Speaker 1 When you think about, there's so many beautiful things that come with motherhood. Yes.

Speaker 1 But I feel like you're a good person to talk to about like, because you don't like to label things.

Speaker 1 You're like, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 When I think about

Speaker 1 mothers, there's a lot of pressure if you're not just dedicating your entire life.

Speaker 1 in other people's eyes to your children.

Speaker 1 Did you ever lose yourself in the beginning stages of trying to navigate like being a mother, being also Shea Mitchell, this like independent, successful woman that wants to have both?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. I remember when I was first pregnant with Atlas and I was like nine months.

Speaker 2 I was talking to my duel at the time and all of a sudden we're talking and I just started bawling and she's like, oh my gosh, are you so excited? I was like, no, a piece of me is dying.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be a mother. Like I'm now going to be a mom.
And she was like, okay, like that's amazing. I was like, no, I'm a mom now.
Like I am a mother. She's like, okay, amazing.

Speaker 2 Like not understanding. And I think what I had to come to an understanding with is that, yes, old Shea did, a part of me did have to be put to rest.
I am a mother now. I wasn't beforehand.

Speaker 2 Like, and it does change. There's a leaf that turns when you get pregnant.
And like from the moment you see that you are pregnant on that stick, it changes.

Speaker 2 And that life that you lived before is over. And that's okay because there's a new life, like there's a new chapter, like a new relationship.
And that's, it's fun and it's exciting. It's also scary.

Speaker 2 And, you know, at that, at that point, it was also a little bit lonely because like your partner won't understand. They don't go through the same thing.

Speaker 2 They don't understand the changes and the sacrifices that we make, especially being somebody who also, you know, was very active, like in my work and, you know, my social and everything.

Speaker 2 It was like, I have to take a pause.

Speaker 2 I can't be like I was fortunate to be able to act up until the point where I was like eight months but still I had to take a moment I had to take a break whereas he didn't and so that was really difficult for me when I was pregnant do you have advice for someone that's currently having a little bit of a difficult time finding

Speaker 1 their

Speaker 1 like regaining their identity after they just like gave birth now they've like their kids alive and well and they're like fuck who am I independent of being a mother?

Speaker 2 I think you need that time

Speaker 2 outside of your kids. I think it is so crucial.
I love my girls. I will do anything of course.
It is like having kids truthfully is like having a heart live outside of you like my heart beats in them

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 I also need to continue to do things for myself and for me to feel rested, for me to feel like, you know, I've done what I needed to do because then I'm a better better mother when I can come back back and like I feel good, you know?

Speaker 2 And I think that that's the thing. It is really hard, especially after, like I always say, I love a baby shower.
I think that's great, even though I did mine at like Magic Mic.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I also think there needs to be like...

Speaker 2 another like a postpartum sort of baby like a mama shower after because it's all fine and dandy when you have that celebration when the baby's in your stomach and like things are cool and there's a million beautiful flowers and friends and all of that around you there needs to be something after when you're in the postpartum, when you're in the bed by yourself or maybe with your partner,

Speaker 2 like in and feeling like a mess, feeling like if you're breastfeeding or you're feeding them with a bot, like you just don't feel your best. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There needs to be a celebration for you at that moment. I'm like, I want to start, you know, the mama shower, something where you have all your friends come.

Speaker 2 I needed a flower crown then when the babies were crying, when Atlas was screaming, when the house was a mess. I need that, like, you know,

Speaker 2 that kind of like group and party then.

Speaker 1 I actually love that too, because I, you're so right. There's such a celebration of like

Speaker 1 right before, like this is going to be great. And then like life happens.
And then life happens. And there's judgment.
Yeah. You're a very independent person.

Speaker 1 And I wonder what does independence look like for you?

Speaker 2 Um

Speaker 2 independence to me means that like

Speaker 2 This is like ASMR because I'm crunching these passion fruit. Is it?

Speaker 1 Are you hearing independence?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Independence means that like I can make my own moves and do what I want to do. And like when I want to do something, I do it.
I don't know. Listen, let me tell you something.
This is

Speaker 2 when I was

Speaker 2 how old? Driving age. When I got my first car, my

Speaker 2 parents got me a car. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I was so excited. Drove it around everywhere.
Me and my girlfriends had picked them up, you know, as you do. You're like, just got my license.
Let's drive to McDonald's.

Speaker 2 And then one day I came downstairs and I was like, where are my keys at? And I couldn't find them. And I was like, wait, hi, mom, dad, like, where are my keys? And he's like,

Speaker 2 you don't have your car today. I was like, wait, why? Is it in the shop? Are you getting it washed? Are you filling it up? Like, what's going on? He was like, you just don't have it today.
I took it.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, okay. So like, you want to drive it? Can I drive yours? Like, what's going on? He's like, no, I bought it.
I own it. It's mine.
You don't have it.

Speaker 2 And I was like, wait, what? You bought it. It's my car.
He's like, it's not your car. I bought it for you and I can take it away.
And I was like, I didn't even do anything.

Speaker 2 Then I'm like trying to think. I'm like, did I do something last night? Like, did he go through my, like, what is happening? Nothing had happened.

Speaker 2 He just took my car away because he wanted to prove a point that like he bought it and I didn't own it.

Speaker 2 And just because, you know, he had gotten me the car at that point, like he could also take it away. And I was so annoyed by it.
But then I also was like, you're right.

Speaker 2 He did buy it from, but like, this is so fucking annoying.

Speaker 2 And from that moment, I was like, I i don't ever want that to happen because i actually had to go somewhere that wasn't a drive-through and i needed my car at that time so i was of course you did

Speaker 2 you know i was like needed to go to the mall um so i was like i will never have that happen again i'm gonna own my shit and like that is what kind of clicked in there was a bigger message with that that was just really like i need to own my shit because nobody can take that away from me and everything just feels better when I like I did that you know and like I don't need somebody else to do that for me and so I've always been super independent when it's come to that.

Speaker 2 Like, if I want to go to dinner, I'm going to dinner. I don't need to wait for somebody to invite me or like, no, no, no.
If I want that on the menu, I'll order it because I bust my ass to do that.

Speaker 2 And I think there's such a power, and with that, everything just tastes sweeter. It feels better.
You rock it better when you're wearing that bag that you got.

Speaker 2 And again, gifts are nice, and I'll always take them. And I love that.
So, if you get that, like, good on you and amazing. However, I feel like independence gives you a freedom to live your life

Speaker 2 as authentic as you want it to be. Like, I can do things that feel right to me without any sort of hesitancy that, like, oh, so-and-so might not, or this may get taken away from me.

Speaker 2 Or if I act this way, I'll get kicked out. No,

Speaker 2 I don't want that. I never wanted that.
And I don't want my girls to ever do that. You will be independent.
You will own your own shit and you will always have it. Nobody can take that away from you.

Speaker 1 What you're saying is so empowering in terms of just like you can't then be that affected by anyone other than yourself when you have that independence.

Speaker 1 And I think it's so important for young women to hear because when I was dating professional athletes or rich guys, in the moment, it felt so like invigorating to me and I felt like alive and I felt so powerful because I was attached to someone powerful.

Speaker 1 And then if they ended it, I was on the street with nothing.

Speaker 2 Then you feel like back at square one again and you're like, but wait, like what happened?

Speaker 1 And you look around and you have nothing. And so it's like, I'm also not even talking about financial shit.

Speaker 1 Like, if you have your own shit in terms of, I know who I am, I'm stable with my fucking confidence and my personality. And you, if you fucking end it tomorrow, I'm still good.
I'm still good.

Speaker 1 And I can carry on. Focusing on your independence, recognizing your worth.
Because then when you fucking meet someone and you're like that, you're like.

Speaker 2 But having your own life outside of them, having your own friend group, having your own places that you go to.

Speaker 2 Like you are so much stronger when you're like two pillars holding something up than when you're trying to like conform to one. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Just like have your own life I think is so important. Totally.
And then you're stronger and then it like offers up more questions. Then I can genuinely be like, what did you do today? You know?

Speaker 2 Totally. There are different strokes for different folks.
Like again, this is just how it is for me. I've also seen it on the flip side where like it works.

Speaker 2 They work and they have the same friends and all that. And that also works.
I agree. This is just how it works for me.

Speaker 1 No, No, and I think that's like also, I love this job because I get to just talk to so many different people that it's like, there is no right answer for

Speaker 1 anyone. It's like you're going to find your own shit, but it's helpful to hear if some people are lost or just like kind of looking for guidance.

Speaker 1 Like you have a very specific way that you view life and the way that you view your worth and yourself and the way that you like to move. My question though for you is.

Speaker 1 If I think.

Speaker 2 You always know there's going to be something juicy with you. Like, well, this is ahead and like you're getting real comfy comfy now.

Speaker 1 No, I just like to ask this because

Speaker 1 sometimes it's helpful to humanize people in terms of you're so confident,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 what is your biggest insecurity?

Speaker 2 What is my biggest insecurity?

Speaker 2 Like, My biggest insecurity is, I mean, I can be in rooms. Like, just recently I was in Paris and I was around a group of people that were speaking so many different languages.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh my gosh, that is amazing. I feel like

Speaker 2 I could be spending more time educating myself instead of doing some other things. Maybe if I cut down some social media, I feel like I could be, I could have learned another language, you know, like.

Speaker 2 I get on myself sometimes for that, for education. So I'm like, okay, I need to work on this.
But then I download word of the day and I feel like, okay, I'm done.

Speaker 2 So I'm trying i'm trying um i i feel like that's what yeah i mean i think every day there's like different things of course i'm not like the most confident most secure person

Speaker 2 the reason why i sound like that is because i'm a big believer of

Speaker 2 saying things and and like manifesting and words being very powerful. You will never hear me say, oh gosh, I'm such an idiot.
Or like, oh, dumb me. I don't speak like that.

Speaker 2 I don't ever say like, I'm starving. I don't ever say like, like I'm very careful with my words because they are very powerful and I am a big believer of manifesting.

Speaker 2 When I was doing bottle service, I had a cork board in my kitchen, had Teen Choice Awards. I had Blake Ladley and Gossip Girl.
It had a white Range Rover. It had palm trees.

Speaker 2 A lot of that has come true. And I believe like working hard in addition to just manifesting, but I'm.
a very big believer of manifesting.

Speaker 2 And there's a difference with just saying like, okay, I will come into success. I will meet the love of of my, no, no, no.
You need to believe it and you need to own it.

Speaker 2 And if that at the beginning is called delusion, then let it be. Cause I was delusional when I was doing bottle service.

Speaker 2 But when I was rocking to your table, asking you if you wanted Kettleman or Grey Goose, I thought I was the biggest actress like playing a bottle service girl.

Speaker 2 And I walked with that and I walked in the snow in my eggs like to my office, to the bottle service place being like.

Speaker 2 bottle service place to the lounge being like i own this like no not today like i was an actress and i was living in the states and I was, you know, I felt it.

Speaker 2 So, like, delusional, manifesting all of that. I'm a big believer of saying and putting out there positive energy.
And so, I don't know what the first thing was that you were asking me. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, it may come off as being super confident and secure, but even like Rihanna, like that TikTok that I was going around where she's like, sometimes you don't feel confident.

Speaker 2 You just get up and you do it. You do.
Yeah. And you own it.
And you have that. Because if you do and other people feel it, then like you become that.

Speaker 1 How the fuck did you become a bottle girl?

Speaker 2 Bottle service? Bottle service.

Speaker 2 It was like a, I wasn't a good bartender.

Speaker 2 My memory wasn't good. So like bottles were easier.
I could like have my little thing. But like bartenders, it was like too many people asking me for too many drinks and I never got it right.

Speaker 2 Also, I wasn't a good waitress. Like I'd forget things.

Speaker 2 Hostess crushed. I could always offer up a smile and take you to your table.

Speaker 2 But bottle service was just, it was like fun.

Speaker 2 It wasn't fun. It wasn't fun.
I wasn't going to it. No, I actually wasn't going to do it.
I did it for one day and then I went to bartending.

Speaker 1 Dude, what was like some, do you have any memories of back in those days? Oh my God. How creepy?

Speaker 2 A guy slapped my ass and almost broke his arm. No, like I was not that person.
And then I charged you like crazy and I made so much money that night because that was not okay.

Speaker 2 I am not good in those situations. I'm not good being disrespectful.
Like, not that anybody is, but that, like, I will not handle disrespect.

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Speaker 1 here's the thing daddy gang you know i love the outdoors i love it i love it

Speaker 1 and i love it until i don't have service okay i'm like oh this hike is so gorgeous matt my dogs are so hot wait a second daddy gang i'm here to tell you We are going to be fine.

Speaker 1 Now, even if you wander into the middle of nowhere, T-Mobile has us connected because they have T-Satellite. Yes, you heard that right.

Speaker 1 Like picture a random trail, zero bars, but still texting the group chat. Like, yeah, I survive.
Send wine. Like, everything's good.
Woo. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The new Google Pixel 10 automatically connects to T satellite when you're off the grid and has early access to T satellite ready apps like Google Maps, Google Messages, and even Find Hub so you can stay connected in places you didn't think possible.

Speaker 1 Be the girl in your friend group that actually has the service, okay? That is why I love T-Mobile, and that is why I am T-Mobile till the end. I got Matt and I on that plan, and boom, we're thriving.

Speaker 1 You've heard before that you won't believe what you get with magenta status, but now you won't believe where you are with it either. Check it out at t-mobile.com slash magentastatus.

Speaker 1 I have heard through the grapevine, like Kate, hi. Um, you really are such an incredible friend.

Speaker 1 And I think, especially when you get to a certain age, like, I'm not going to say it's easy to be a friend in middle school, in elementary school, in high school, but like, there is something of that

Speaker 1 you're all kind of going through similar shit at that time. You're all in the same environment.

Speaker 1 And then when you get into your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and on, like, it is a motherfucker of like being selfish of your own shit, being there for your friends.

Speaker 1 Like, what kind of friend are you?

Speaker 2 I would have to say I'm a really good listener. I'm always there.

Speaker 2 Like if I hear like in high school, if a girlfriend, like a friend of mine had a bad relationship or some guy did it wrong, like don't ever talk to me again, that guy. Like do not come across me.

Speaker 2 I am a girl's girl. I love women.
I really do because I just, there's such a like beautiful sensitivity and vulnerability to women.

Speaker 2 and I love that and I and I see it like through all ages and now having two little girls like I see it in them but then I also see the fucked up part where I'm like we're watching these Disney movies and like everything is about like finding your heavily after happily ever after with like this prince and I'm like it doesn't have to be like that like if you don't want to end up with a guy you don't have to like if you don't want to end up in a relationship at all you don't have to like I'm like constantly doing this because I'm like hey like she only she loves this princess life which I want her to live but I'm also like this is kind of fucked up when I'm watching this like happily ever after doesn't mean you always have to end up with somebody.

Speaker 2 It doesn't always mean you have to have kids, you know? And so I always forget what I'm talking about. What was the genuine? Oh, what kind of friend are you? No, this is great.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So on the friend level, like I love, my friends are my family. They are.
And I have a very small group of friends. I have a lot of acquaintances.
I have a lot. I love people too.

Speaker 2 But I have a very small tight-knit of friends who I feel like have are my, they are my family and they've like just held me down.

Speaker 2 and why I feel like I can be the way that I am it's because I have such a solid support group of people you know and they are there for me no matter what and I feel that they are like that because it's a two-way street like I am there for them as well and if anybody needed me like any of my girl I will be on that plane I don't care I will be there for you because life is crazy and it's wild and sometimes you need me more than I need you and sometimes I need you more than you need me and so it's a beautiful relationship it's like a teeter-totter of like i don't know it's a teeter-totter like i just feel like that is how my friendship is with people women go through it in their 20s of kind of losing that friend group that maybe they had in school yeah and feeling like almost ashamed if they don't have like the big friend group and they don't have like all of like the big like can you talk about that a little bit of like the cattiness of women being like oh she doesn't have that many friends or like she doesn't because i have people writing all the time that are like i have two really good friends but i feel bad that i don't have like no babe you're blessed.

Speaker 2 You have two solid friends. Like,

Speaker 2 no, we do not compare ourselves to movies. We do not compare ourselves to other people.
You have no idea what's actually happening. A girl could have 15 solid friends.

Speaker 2 You don't know if they're all talking shit about each other. Like, if you have two solid friends, that's amazing.
And like, own that, you know, and be thankful you have that.

Speaker 2 I have my childhood best friends. And the amazing part is that I talk to them the least out of everybody else.

Speaker 2 My best friend, I talk to her like once every three months, and it doesn't even matter. I pick up, I talk to her, and she's like, cool, cool, cool, we got it.
Like, she gives me what I need.

Speaker 2 I give her what she, and I'm like, boom. Like, I didn't even talk to her for the past three months.

Speaker 1 And you do like your quick rundown of like, what's going on in your life?

Speaker 2 And that's it. I catch up.
I have no photos with her. Like, it comes time to be in her birthday.
And I'm like, I have no photos with her. Like, we never take photos.
Those are the best relationships.

Speaker 2 When you have the best night of your life, you're not taking photos. You forget.
And that's the same thing with your friends. It's like, yeah.
But I mean, I have a lot of photos with Kate.

Speaker 2 So, like, Kate, you're awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Kate's like the lowest of your friends. Kate's like, wait a minute, we have thousands of photos.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're

Speaker 2 periphery, bitch. You're not in the inner core.
But even with like my solid group of friends, I go to them for different things.

Speaker 2 Same with, like,

Speaker 2 fuck, title of this episode. But, like, I have different friends that I go to for different things, you know? And I think that's like a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 No, I love that you said that because I just at my engagement party, like, my

Speaker 1 three like best, best friends from childhood were there and then I was talking to my friend Kristen who has literally been there since I don't even remember what age and I was like I don't think we have more than like three photos together and we do the same thing where it's like every four months we're like hello and I'm like okay go and she gives me the rundown yeah and that is like I think should be more normalized like you don't need to talk to someone every fucking day.

Speaker 1 You don't also need to feel like you need 15 people around you because that also usually means like well who's your who's your one right everyone knows who their like best fucking friend is right or their three or their four best friends right I just think it's like important to normalize because like all these like I feel like women online are shaming of like she doesn't seem like she is friends of everything it's every literally everything trying to appease everybody that would be so exhausting no you're right if you are happy and you are good with your life and your circumstances regardless of if they go against the norm then like you're crushing it Tell me about a time that you had to end a friendship.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 I ended a friendship because I stopped respecting her.

Speaker 2 Truthfully, I didn't respect certain decisions she made. And I think once you lose a respect in any relationship, it's over.
And I don't know if that's the Aries in me. Probably.

Speaker 2 I follow this account that's like Aries Facts or something. And like every time they post, I'm like, fuck, that's so true.
That's true. Like, I am an Aries.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it sucked. We were friends for for a long time.

Speaker 2 And it got to a point where I just kind of like, you know, when you're like with a guy, you're dating a guy and you like see something that's so unattractive. It could be anything.

Speaker 2 It could be like, I don't know, his hands or like his hair in a certain place. And you're just like, and it's done.
You can't unsee it. Can't unsee it.
That was the same thing with this.

Speaker 2 I couldn't unsee this one part. And I just, it was over.
And I never looked back. It was, it happened.
And, you know, we had a good amount of years together as friends, but I had to cut it again.

Speaker 2 Life is too short. I have a very limited amount of time that I get to spend with people, and I want that to be quality over quantity.

Speaker 2 And you're either in or you're out. And, like, same thing with me.

Speaker 2 You know, who's to say, like, her life isn't better without me, but whatever. It's just, it wasn't meant to continue.
Yeah. And that's okay.
Yeah. People in and out of a lifespan.

Speaker 2 So it's like, look at seasons. That's the same thing with people.
Like, have them come in. You learn different things about each other.
And then you continue.

Speaker 1 And that's okay i love that too i feel like there's such like again stigma for women of like the bitchiness and like the friend loss and it's like i get so many questions about this all the time and i'm like if you had a great thing for a certain amount of time that gave you something in your life and vice versa and it ended

Speaker 2 That's okay. It's okay.

Speaker 1 Because I know then, like, then you go to a new part of your life where you have kids and you meet friends who are your kids' parents.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you're always going through new iterations of your life.

Speaker 2 And welcome it.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Like, exactly.

Speaker 2 Be open to it. Like, exactly.
The unknown is so exciting.

Speaker 1 No, I agree. Okay.
We needed advice. I figured I'd be like, okay, let's talk about some situations hypothetical.

Speaker 1 Okay, number one.

Speaker 1 What would you tell someone who opens up Instagram and sees the person that they're dating out partying at a club at 2 a.m. and they haven't heard from that person all night?

Speaker 2 I feel like we kind of talked about that. Yeah, but like, what's your boundary?

Speaker 2 Like, I have it, you know, for us, it's like, hey, I always just want to know when you're like safe in bed i don't need a photo i don't need a face time but like just a text you know like hey just and also we have two kids i want to know like around the area of what you're doing so i can be like if anything were to happen i don't want to be like i don't know where he is like tell me the country you're in you know maybe the hotel would help i don't need to know anything else but like like I need to know certain things.

Speaker 2 So it depends what your boundary is. Like, did you set it so you're like, hey, I want to hear from you and this amount of times? Or like, is it okay if they text you when they go to bed?

Speaker 2 Like, what's your boundary? So it depends on that.

Speaker 1 I agree with you because I think I remember in the beginning of dating

Speaker 1 Matt, he was like,

Speaker 1 you just have to send me a text when you get in bed. Like, I just want to know you're alive now.

Speaker 1 And at first I was like, that's being clingy. And then afterwards, I was like, oh, wait, I get what he's doing.
He's actually respecting. Have the best.
Hopefully, I just want to know you're safe.

Speaker 1 That's it. I'm like, what a great boundary.
That's it. But if you're so triggered by seeing him on the internet of like stalking him again, like I go back to that version of myself,

Speaker 1 that's your first

Speaker 1 real red flag to be like,

Speaker 1 why are you so stressed? Yeah. Because that's probably, you know, he's actually doing something shady.
Totally.

Speaker 1 I don't have a doubt in my mind, like right now, with the partner that I'm with, that I'm like,

Speaker 1 nothing. Right.
But when other relationships, I'm like, I knew. We always fucking know.
You always in your gut kind of fucking know. I truly believe it.

Speaker 1 If there's certain shit that they're doing, I think most of the times you do.

Speaker 2 But they're having the odd cases

Speaker 2 where some people may not have. And that's okay too.

Speaker 2 You know, then,

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, that's okay too.

Speaker 1 If you don't expect true, but I also think it's like having the confidence and the self-respect to, if this is bothering you so much. Tell him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Say it.

Speaker 1 It's like you're not being needy or clingy. It's like, if you're in a relationship and you're like, hey, babe, it really upsets me.

Speaker 1 I realize like I get so triggered and anxious when you're out and I don't hear from you.

Speaker 2 But like like think about what it is about that because just being out as a human, I mean I go out. I come back sometimes at two, four or six.
You know, so it's like

Speaker 2 what about that is bothering you? Is it that you think there's other girls there? Is it that he hasn't told you where he's at? Like like ask yourself and then have that conversation.

Speaker 1 And then if there's shit that it's like, well, because he does this all the time and he cheated once.

Speaker 2 Well, then that's right. And then reassess the situation.
But like just being out, I mean, we're humans.

Speaker 1 We got to go out.

Speaker 2 We got to go out. We can also like, I love it when I'm like, do you you go out there? It was like hot girl.
Like, I want you to see that. I don't want to keep you in a little room with blindfolds on.

Speaker 2 Like, every time.

Speaker 2 Please go out there and see.

Speaker 1 It's so healthy to have your partner go out. Like, every time Matt goes out and he comes home, I'm like, okay, tell me everything.
And I'm like laying in bed, like high. I'm like, oh, what happened?

Speaker 1 And he's like, this person was there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This person was there. And like, let me, like, even when we've been out, there have been girls that have come up and been like, oh my gosh, she's so handsome.
I'm like, thank you.

Speaker 2 Like, yes, absolutely. Because he doesn't wear a ring.
No. And you don't wear it.
But also, like, if you wore a fucking ring, does that deter anybody? Does that deter them? Does that deter?

Speaker 2 Like, no, it doesn't do anything. Sometimes it's more attractive.
Like, look, go out, live your life, be free. If you come back, awesome.
If you don't, we'll figure it out. Peace.
Peace.

Speaker 2 I don't have time for that anymore.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, let's say someone wants to approach their partner about an issue in their relationship that they're insecure about.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 What advice would you give them in approaching this topic? So you're going to someone, you're like, I'm fucking insecure about this. I want to talk about my part about it.

Speaker 1 They're nervous.

Speaker 2 Rightfully so. But also,

Speaker 2 I feel like I've had this so many times where I've been so vulnerable. And I'm like, I can't be anymore.
Like, he knows.

Speaker 2 And I think that's okay because the right person will accept it and take it and hear you.

Speaker 2 The wrong person might run from it and then let them run.

Speaker 2 It may seem like I'm like, let them go, let them free.

Speaker 2 But also like, yeah, because if it's the wrong person, why do you want to waste your time with them anyways?

Speaker 1 Dude, my mom always said it, and I remember in the early days of my show, I would always say this. My mom would always be like, and at first it was friends.

Speaker 1 Cause when I was younger, my mom would always say, like,

Speaker 1 why would you want to be friends with someone that doesn't want to be friends with you? No, what?

Speaker 1 Same thing with relationship, right? You're like, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you or doesn't respect you? It's like, well,

Speaker 1 answer the, you don't.

Speaker 2 You don't. But that's that's also why I like my whole thing.
And like, again, love it for everybody else.

Speaker 2 But like the whole concept of like, we need to have a bachelorette party or a bachelor party because this is the last night of freedom. Like, what? No.
You can have all of those nights.

Speaker 2 You want to go with Timmy, Tony, John, and Frank all day long. You can go.
Like, I'm not holding you back.

Speaker 2 That will never be the life that I live where you feel the need that like your last, like,

Speaker 1 I hate that. Dude, you're so right.
Okay, we need like a little teeth. Okay.
Tell us about some like

Speaker 1 drama you've ever had in a relationship. All of this is like, Shay's got it all together.
Shay's. No, it's not.
No, no, not in a bad way. Not in a bad way.

Speaker 1 But it's like, you are, you have this, you have it all together right now in terms of like

Speaker 1 how you think about shit. Give us your 20s.
Give us a fucking story about Shay not having it together.

Speaker 2 I've been in my 20s. Like, I think in your, like, again, it did really change for me in my 30s.
So I will say I feel like good now.

Speaker 2 But no, in my 20s, all my friends would be like, wait a minute, Sammy has been there with me through like thick and thin.

Speaker 2 And she knows those times where she's had to like sleep over and I'm like convulsing into a paper bag. I'm like, he did this.
Like I've had those moments a thousand percent.

Speaker 2 But sometimes I think I brought them on me because I'm dramatic and wanted to experience that. Like I don't know if I was listening to a song and I was like, I can't relate to this.

Speaker 2 Let's relate to this.

Speaker 2 And then I'd go out and cause shit because I was like, I'm telling you, that tattoo is white not because I wanted to get it for you to see I wanted to feel it like I am that person right where I want to feel it so like I wanted to cause shit sometimes and I would and that was just me experimenting at that age so like I had so much drama in my life and I would do things that would put me in like situations where I'm like oh that wasn't far but like let's see how it rides out you know and then that's gonna be a story to tell and yeah i did it because i wanted to be able to have that story no i get that.

Speaker 1 I relate to that in a lot of ways of just being like, do it for the experience.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're listening to a song and like you want to put your hand on the window when it's raining too and like sing out to it. Like sometimes I wouldn't feel that way, but I wanted to.

Speaker 2 So I would go and set that situation up for myself. You know, like it's like I did.

Speaker 1 That's so good. No, that's like, I relate to that.
And then on top of it, I then started a show where I did talk about my life. So I was like, I need a fucked up story.

Speaker 2 Like, let's go out.

Speaker 1 I get it. I think that's in a weird way.
I think it's healthy because then you do experience shit where you're like, I don't want that. I want this.

Speaker 1 Looking back on your single days, what's one piece of dating advice you can give my listeners straight from the Shay Mitchell playbook? Oh my God. Something you haven't said yet

Speaker 1 to all the single ladies.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I feel like...

Speaker 2 Listen, if Madden, like, I feel so happy with the way that everything turned out because, like, if we had been together from the moment that I met him,

Speaker 2 I don't know if I would be completely content and happy right now. I would have wondered, my mind would have drifted.
And that's not to say it doesn't drift. We're humans.

Speaker 2 But I got to live out a lot of it, of different experiences. And I had a lot of fun.
I loved that. I thought that these were the years where I will be able to do this.

Speaker 2 And you can still do it later on when you're married, blah, blah, blah. But like, it was fun.
It was fun to go out one day with this guy and then another with this guy. As long as I was in control,

Speaker 2 you know, like conscious control, all of that. It was like on my terms.
I loved it, and I thought there was nothing wrong because I learned so much about myself through each of these relationships.

Speaker 2 And that's what I loved. I was like, okay, if I date this person, I wonder how this would be.
Well, let's find out. Let's see how I can deal with his lifestyle.

Speaker 2 Let's see how I can deal being taken on, you know, in this way or like that. Like, I loved learning about myself through other people.

Speaker 1 I think that's such good fucking advice. And we almost can end on that one: of like

Speaker 1 when you are in your single part of your life, it's such an opportunity to get to know yourself better.

Speaker 1 And it's like, there's such a pressure, I think, for women to like settle down and have kids and start your life. And it's like, just make sure that you know yourself before you pick that person.

Speaker 1 And that's where, like, you're saying, and I feel the same way of like, I've gone through so many things that, like, I wouldn't have been able to be with my partner now had I not been through all that shit.

Speaker 1 So, like, sometimes you have to put yourself into weird fucking situations.

Speaker 1 Like, if you're sitting at home being like i haven't been going on dates like i've been kind of like put your like listen to shay like put yourself out there create a scenario even if you get the fucking story it's ending up creating a better version of yourself because you're gonna learn what you like you're gonna learn what you don't like and you're gonna be like invigorated to find the next story find the next thing for yourself so you can look back and be like holy fuck i lived it i did it and then when you find the right person there's no doubt in your mind it's the right person because you've been with so many different people in different settings.

Speaker 1 I don't mean sleeping. You've

Speaker 1 got so many people, but it's like, you know your shit of like, I don't like that, I like this. And you're like, you're a kid in a candy store of like, you know what you don't want.

Speaker 2 You know what you want and what you don't want. However, don't just date anybody.
Always have that self-respect.

Speaker 2 And that's why looking at my past, I can say, like I said, besides a couple out of them.

Speaker 2 I always had that respect. And that's important.
Don't just date a loser to date a loser. We don't need to experience that.
No, you always know the outgoing that.

Speaker 2 But if you can go into like a respectful relationship, hook up whatever with somebody, then do it. Experience it, explore it, and learn about yourself.

Speaker 2 Now's the time. Is that it? I don't know.
I feel like once we turn this off,

Speaker 2 she like keeps it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, keep rolling, J.

Speaker 2 Rowe.

Speaker 1 No, no, I do think this is in an odd way.

Speaker 2 But that is the thing. It's like, even like having two daughters, I always look at it like, what would I say to them? I like, yes, talking about even thinking about that right now.

Speaker 2 And they're so fuck yeah.

Speaker 2 But like, if you are going into a relationship and experience with like self-respect you know that that person has respect for you you are aware you are conscious you are all of that then I think there is like no harm in that you are learning about yourself through that and I love that I love I wouldn't take away the experiences that I've had and the other thing is I would never take away the experiences that my partner has had I don't talk shit about any of the people he's been with because all of those people that he was with made him the person that he is today.

Speaker 2 You know, and sometimes I'm like, well, wish you could have had a couple, like, you know, know, like there's like,

Speaker 2 but like, I never talk shit about that because thank you.

Speaker 1 The last thing that I would like to say is I feel like this episode also,

Speaker 1 it sounds easy, but no, it sounds easy and it seems kind of hard, but like it really is easy where you were kind of talking about if you're not being treated right, if you're not feeling right in a relationship, like

Speaker 1 If you're listening to this and you have a pit in your stomach right now because your partner is doing something, if you're questioning certain things, if they're not acting the right way, if they're not treating you right, like

Speaker 2 that's it. That's your answer.
That's your answer. Life is too short.

Speaker 2 And you only recognize that when you're in a moment where you realize that, which doesn't happen for all of us, but it's like, I don't want to wait for that moment if, you know, when it happens to be like, oh shit, I should have done this differently.

Speaker 2 Or why did I waste those days or those sleepless nights worrying about this? It didn't do anything. It doesn't do anything.
So live your life how you want to live it.

Speaker 2 Don't worry about somebody else because your worrying isn't going to change the outcome. It's not going to change the outcome.
I can promise you that. They don't care if you're worrying or not.

Speaker 2 Live your life.

Speaker 2 Do what you make you happy and do what you love. Like do what makes you happy.
I don't want to waste any more days. I did that enough in my 20s, like I said.

Speaker 2 But like for those listening who are in their 20s, save yourselves, learn from us. And like don't waste your days worrying about somebody else.
Let them be. God

Speaker 2 bless you.

Speaker 2 If you, what's that quote? If you love something, let it go. Let it come.
If it comes back, it's yours. That's the same thing.
Every day he comes home, I'm like, hey, there you are.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? But like, oh, you're back.

Speaker 2 Hey, you're back. Like, hey, can you put her to bed? You know what I mean? But, like, that's how it is.
And I, I think there's something so romantic about that.

Speaker 2 And, like, I always say, I think it was like Charlie Seron that said this in a quote: where, like, if you come home because you want to, not because you feel like you have to, or like, then you'd have to call the lawyers and do all.

Speaker 2 I think there's something so romantic about that. Like, we don't need anything else to, like, define our love or relationship at this moment.
We have two beautiful girls.

Speaker 2 We are very fortunate to have the life that we live and we recognize that. And if that ever were to change, then we'll deal with it.

Speaker 2 But, like, nothing that I can do, or especially like signing the paper or getting the, like, confirms that. We confirm it.
You confirm it in your relationship. And don't let societal.

Speaker 2 public pressures, parental, religious deter you from doing what you feel is right.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 1 Shay, thank you for coming and call our daddy.

Speaker 2 I mean, thank you for having me.

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