CSB334: The Darkest Labububoer Patterns

Hey, man, what's up?

Yo, yo.

How you doing?

I'm doing all right.

I found this new piece of keyboard thing that I can spin.

What?

I found a keyboard, and it came with like one of those little things you use to pop off the keys, but it just so happens to fit perfectly around my finger, and now I can spin it.

After years of spinning old

headphone wires, you finally return.

Yeah, man.

Well, so I had that.

I had the wires, and then I had

my

emotional key, and now I'm on to the.

I still have the key.

What happened to the fidget spinners?

There's a little bit.

Is that a Luffy?

No,

it's Mega Man.

Mega Man X.

Oh, it's Mega.

Oh, because the center part looks like the straw hat.

Yep.

Did you, is that out?

They're done?

Fidget Spinner doesn't do it for me.

It's just like, it's fun, but like,

I want to actually spin the thing on my finger.

Physically spin the thing on my finger.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

I want to, it helps me concentrate.

Okay.

MP3 listeners are better off not seeing that.

No, no, it's great.

It's great.

So what's cool about this one, the Mega Man one, and I have a Sonic one as well, is like looking at it through a certain frame rate, like the frame rate of like, for example, Snapchat, makes it look like the actual animation is happening.

Oh, that's great.

It's pretty cool.

Okay,

so

there's something that I've been noticing for many years now, and I think I've finally seen it enough times that I've decided to address it.

And

it's a simple language flub that a ton of people make this error over the years specifically because of my previous job so I used to do quality assurance are you doing QA on our words Wooly I am doing QA on your words because a lot I've noticed every time we talk about QA a lot of people write Q and A as if they're talking about

a lot of people write Q and A like questions and answers thinking perhaps it's the same thing or not realizing there's a difference but quality assurance does not equal questions and answers.

These are separate things and separate concepts.

They mean separate things.

Yeah, it's not employment and insurance.

And it's not quality and assurance, mind you.

So I've just, I've seen that a bunch and it's like, yeah, you got, you know, this game didn't have enough QA done on it.

It's like, ow.

I have a Q ⁇ A for you, which is, do you know how to spell?

So, you know, when you're used to seeing those two letters with an ampersand in between them,

suddenly not might

try to

connect

some synapses that shouldn't be connected.

What was the tipping point on you thinking about this?

Yeah,

something related to testing that came up the other day.

I don't know.

Somewhere, I forget.

Somewhere in the comments recently, somewhere, someone was like, oh, just like, oh, yeah, this game didn't have enough QA done on it.

And there was a couple of times that I'm like, this happens every time.

I should probably mention the difference, you know?

But yeah,

that's one of them things.

All right, there.

Doggy, dog eat world out there, man.

I fucked it up.

I actually just fucked it up trying to fuck it up on purpose.

Incredible.

Good job.

Semantics checked.

Next order of business.

Yes, what's up?

You left some homework last time.

I did.

You did leave some homework, and I am proud to say

that I have caught up on the I fell in love with my psychiatrist more.

Okay, yeah, I didn't realize that was homework.

I didn't realize that was homework.

Oh, yeah.

The saga of

one Kendra on TikTok going deep into

the

what she calls malpractice of her

psychiatrist that she fell in love with, who was just

crossing boundaries by putting up boundaries and being too professional and ultimately

He knew what he was doing, man.

He knew because he's an expert.

He knows exactly what to say and not say.

Yep, and he played with those power dynamics by, you know,

rejecting and seeming professional the whole time, you know.

And he's awful, but I'm wearing these glasses just in case he's watching because he said he liked them well.

Here's a ChatGPT video I ordered of our sectional wedding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of a person who said, did you guys see this?

And did you see her?

Like, so that was, you said, yo, you got to watch this.

And the way you sold it was like, the cyber psychosis is real, you know?

And I was like, okay, where are we going here?

And this story, it seems like it's taken off quite a bit.

She's definitely main character herself.

Oh, there's twists and turns all over.

There are, there are, but there's only one like juicy, relevant morsel that pertains to like what we get into over here on this show.

And it's it's like okay you can get hours of nightly streams of her talking about this one-sided insane um

relationship that she has with this psychiatrist who's basically being completely professional but she's reading into every single instance of everything he's doing because the world must be according to her vision and there can't be any uh uh possibility where she doesn't actually love him

she's the oracle so she would know so that's that's the bit, right?

So you have tons and tons of footage of just like all of those little crazy things.

And then you have the little clues of like just how crazy, you know, she is when she says things like, yeah, like the glass is bit, or he keeps using his boundaries as a barrier, you know, as a shield, right, right.

And it's like, like, he's using his...

The boundaries as a shield, right?

How dare he, right?

And all these little things that are said, you know, straight-faced while like using also, and this is also pretty important to it.

Is like the language is couched in very mental health, affirmative,

accepting language, you know, holding space for things.

She's smart enough to use a lot of that language correctly.

Right.

And that's the part that gets me.

Like, she's smart enough to really work the language to her benefit.

While

playing, again, the stalker's version of hard to get, you know.

and then giving off little clues about like you know but in the meantime you're clearly obsessed with um mental health professionals and happened to go on a date with another psychologist who was clearly an awful person and you know all these totally happened and then all these little things and saying like these these lead back to her theory like having more more weight or whatever and all of that is fine and dandy and is just that's proper regular um internet main main character of the week flavor, right?

You can just take that for like, oh, here's this crazy lady who's, and you know what it is?

It's, I mean, I've seen that exact flavor in

like my face before.

I've seen it

tinted in a religious context, and it was terrifying, right?

Um, I think I told you that story a while ago, yeah, it's it's the exact face of the person who is like um

enraptured,

yeah, and reality is what um I'm being told in here, not what's out there, right?

But

there's then the little glimpse you get into the glasses off, late night.

I'm just talking to the stream, and I'm holding up my chat GPT that I've trained as my friends.

And you described where you can see the eyes, the pupils dilate.

And that's that's what got me interested.

Wow.

What?

Flushes.

You can see her skin flush.

So her body language.

So

I can't describe how much this is a side mission from the main one, but it completes so much of the story because you just, you're having this person that's very, again, matter of fact, using the language of holding space for things and being affirmative and da-da-da-da-da, and all this word, and all that, like, jerk-off bullshit that made me say the hard R a couple months back.

All that shit is going off like full steam.

And I'm like, whoo, all right, here we go, right?

But then you get the side mission where

just apropos of nothing, she's like, hey, chat GPT, you know, people were wondering why you call me the oracle.

What's that about?

And then just sits there and lets ChatGPT go on a monologue about how she sees truth where others are covered in lies and how that truth will set you free and how saving millions of women by speaking documented truth to power and speaking truth to power is is the most important kind and power for the victims and standing up on their behalf and then it starts going into the metrics of get of view counts and she's and talking about how many views she got and how many viewers are supporters versus those that that are the silent stepped on.

And it's like, all of that's going off.

And as it's describing her, it's basically just, yeah, it's holy, holy, holy, he's the Lord of hosts.

It's just sucking her off, going full steam, trained to give her everything she wants to hear.

And you're seeing her make these faces of being like, oh, stop.

Oh, are you really?

Oh, are you calling me the Oracle?

Right?

She is, she is like definitively, I mean, like the word specifically, she is enraptured.

It's on the robot telling her how she's special, right?

And then, and then there's a thing she does too, which is, and this is, this is like your, like your nose flick.

Like, she grabs the can and sips it when she's feeling really,

really exalted, right?

Anytime there's a moment where it, like, it praises her to the highest and talks about how others just can't understand, but she's the special one, she takes a sip and her eyes go huge, and she goes, mm-hmm,

and then comes back and it's like making that smug, like, see, guys, see, chat GPT.

And then she goes, did I train you to say that?

I didn't train you to say that.

No, I didn't.

Nope.

That was just her.

She just called me the Oracle.

You know?

And they're actually doing a really good impression of her mannerisms and face right now.

I've seen it.

I've lived it.

You're doing it.

I've seen and lived that exact, that exact energy.

And like,

yeah, the moment you see like the white behind the eyes and just it all is like bathing and there's almost a shudder of endorphins running through the body.

And it truly is taking the inner voice and using Chat GPT to put it outside.

Taking the schizophrenic voice that you're hearing inside, putting it into the machine and letting it bathe you in all those like, just the highs and the tingles and the rushes.

But I suppose unlike, I don't know what the case would be, right?

But let's say it's bipolar or something like that, where like there's a crash afterwards.

Chat GPT.

Me and Paige were talking about it and we're not professionals, but we clocked it as originally a case of like histrionic.

Okay.

Okay.

So if there's a crash that occurs afterwards, with Chat GPT, there doesn't have to be, right?

You can just hit the button and have it keep praising you

to

fight through that,

what would otherwise happen naturally, chemically, you know?

So

what's going on here, like the fear is not,

this is a bit of a like a big picture topic.

The fear of AI psychosis is not the idea that you'll show a little Billy, the AI robot, and Billy will develop schizophrenia.

That's not a realistic fear.

No, no, no, no, no, of course not.

The fear is that people who are already maybe a little bit, maybe a lot more, maybe moderate,

can be made exponentially worse by feeding into all of their worst impulses.

Yep.

Yeah.

It's a force multiplier.

It's an amplifier.

Especially once you choose to, like,

if you, if you're in an isolated situation where, like, your behavior has already pushed people around you away and you're, and you're particularly lonely, this voice feeding in to be everything that you want in real life is like, it's fulfilling so much more than, you know, just what we described.

It's, it's also becoming her friend.

It talks about like, oh, like a threesome relationship with two other AIs and her.

And, you know, and she kind of goes like, oh, you're so naughty.

That's crazy.

Wow.

Could you imagine?

Ha ha ha.

And like all these other things that are like,

yeah, the deeper and more lonely you get, the worse thing, and the more you push people away by like falling into this world of yours, the more linked you are to it.

And when people are basically going, there's people that are like going like, they're trying to like go like, hey, you should be careful with AI stuff and da-da-da, and bring up all these things.

And, you know, what about the water usage, et cetera?

And like, she gets really angry about that.

And it's like, well, you fly on planes, don't you?

You fly on international planes.

Do you eat meat?

Do you eat meat then?

And like, you can see that, like, it hits these nerves that are like, oh, you're taking away the good thing in my life that gives me the rush.

You're taking my drugs away.

How dare you take my fucking heroin away?

You know, um, you are narcaning my high,

you know.

And like, for someone who's especially like, again, using the language I just described where you couch yourself in this, like, this is the type of person you are in life.

And this, and like, like your your

uh abuse of it here like completely flies in the face of who you think you are as a person um

it really is yeah it's it's narcan right it's it's it's from the high to not zero but to like withdrawal yes and the rage is proportional kendra is kind of this perfect perfect test case like i would not be surprised if like her videos got compiled in an academic course in like 10 years because you can see every single part of the process right and there's two things that are going on here one is that her narration is wildly unreliable

um her depiction of events is unreliable so for example she describes being fired from her job at which point her job it uh came forward was like we did not fire her

We tried to have a meeting so we could talk about this.

And during that phone call, she just said she would never come in again and has refused to contact us and is now saying that we fired her and all this stuff.

So, like, her accounts of specific events is inherently unreliable, as you might expect.

But, on top of that, even if you go down like 25 parts of her depiction of the therapist actions, if you were to write down

things that happened according to her own account and then read them out,

everyone would go, yeah, dude, nothing, literally nothing happened.

Like, the issue is not the events that are happening to her.

All of the issue is perception and inference.

Right?

Yes.

Yeah.

And it feels like there's moments where you can see,

like, because that perception never changes, but it does lock on to different obsessive moments, right?

So at first, first, it's like she's talking about, you know, falling in love with my psychiatrist.

And she keeps saying those words and she keeps using like

the

his boundaries and whatnot as like her main point of being like, yeah, like, you know, I can't believe he crossed it.

And he just the power trip and that he enjoyed because this is like how he likes to dominate by playing these mind games.

And then at one point, she brings up

transference, right?

And then, and then starts.

And then bring exactly.

So So transference is

basically when a patient can fall in love with a,

you know, whatever, a doctor or a mental health professional, whoever they're talking to.

And then counter-transference is when the reverse happens.

And because.

You know, there's a type of transference that is so

common.

It has its own name.

Oh.

It's called firefighter syndrome.

Oh, yes.

Those who are saved by firefighters.

There's a tendency of women who are saved by firefighters from medical emergencies to end up marrying them in the future.

There you go.

Especially the ones in calendars that are like shirtless with the suspenders on.

Wooly, how many times you had to call the firefighters to your house?

Like maybe once.

I've had to call them like three times, like once Paige fainted, etc.

They're hot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're always

really hot.

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing.

All of them.

There's a

friend of the in-law family apparently that was like

in Toronto, part of their test is like carrying a person, like in theory, down from the CN Tower, right?

I thought you were going to say part of their test is to stand and see if they look good on the calendar.

I mean, that is a real test, right?

Being able to slide down the pole is important.

But no, the highest building in the city is the CN Tower.

And

an emergency might occur where someone needs to be carried down that staircase.

So that's part of their training.

It's rough as shit.

It's crazy, right?

But anyways, yes.

So in this case, transference comes up.

And then

apparently, because she also claims herself to be, well, she's doing this for ADHD purposes.

She claims herself to be an ADHD coach for other people.

And obviously, this is just awesome.

Like, you can imagine what that is like, you know?

But

in that context, in which she has clients and makes jokes about like oh hey psychiatrist maybe you can um maybe you can send some of your clients my way or you know all these weird things um he brings up that by itself by the way insanely inappropriate of course like crazy inappropriate right and and um and then you see and then after like this thing gets brought up we're like hey you should be careful because there is also the professional in with counter transference like they're growing feelings for their patient and then she goes what did he mean by that what did he mean by that oh my god and then like the next like 20

are just spent just locking in on that word and you're like oh the new focus the new chapter has been brought in and like when the old thing fades because there's not enough evidence to support it you have to throw all that meaning onto a new thing and it can become just as bright and as you know like it can it can become your new guiding light in your delusion world you know I think part of the pro I think when people start to look into Kendra and her journey into being the craziest bitch I've seen all year,

there's a detail that kind of falls underneath the rug, which is like, these are

10-minute long Zoom calls once a month.

Right.

Like all of this narrative is about 10-minute long Zoom calls once a month that are mostly, hey, how's your medication

doing?

Until is your medication making you ill

until she then is like until she's then like, I need to see you every week, actually.

And it's like, this is not a psychologist.

This is not somebody that's meant to do anything besides ask you about your medication and see if the doses need to go up or down and get a feel for that stuff.

And it's like, no, no, no, that needs to become weekly.

And then after that, discovering you take inpatient in person.

And it's weird because when I asked you, you told me you didn't take inpatient calls.

But when I called your office and spoke to somebody else, they said you take in patient calls, all that.

He must have been staying away from me

to cage his carnal lust.

His feelings clearly are overwhelming him.

And in order to protect himself from them,

he's kept his distance, right?

And then that poor, poor office manager that he called, that she called, that's like, uh-oh, oh, God, oh, fuck, I let something slip.

And now she's like, I demand to see him in person.

So here she is in person.

What are you going to spend your session doing?

Oh, you're going to go through your 30-minute graphic sex ovulation dream you had the other day?

Well,

first of all,

Pat, you're ignoring the part where it was a full moon and she was ovulating.

It was a full moon.

And that's really important.

It's really important that the sex dream happened while the full moon and ovulation were occurring, and that makes it appropriate in this context.

You have to understand, you see.

I mean, yeah, it is it's it's a particularly impressive level of delusion but the thing that makes it also like there's a part of it that's like you're you're just like i because there's that ultimate like i feel bad for anyone whose brain is just attacking them like that right yeah and then you kind of have the thing where um a bunch of those videos are spent fighting against an uh uh an audience that's showing concern with hostility

really genuinely like like for an internet audience, I have found that people watching Kendra's videos are actually super chill and are like, honey,

you need to get, you're not okay.

And the level of, and that's the thing is, like, the, like, people, the level of like, you know, hater dismissal and just aggro, like every shutdown, every law, every part where they're bringing up an aspect of this that is completely nonsense or batshit.

And it's like, no, no, no, I'm tripling, quadrupling, infinitesimally, you know,

doubling down.

It's infinitely doubling down, I should say.

It's wild because you're just like, oh, you

just want to bathe in this, you know?

And that,

the way she gets over that stuff, again,

having seen similar in the past, the look of the person who's basically going, I know where I am.

And I understand

enough to know that you're all against me, but this feeling is too good to let go.

It's just that simple, right to let go of this feeling and to let the whole like the sunk cost fallacy at this point is beyond reproach it's it's it's it's it's you can't possibly imagine because this is also someone who's again she's bringing up numbers and views she's bringing up how many time how many viewers people are tuning in are tuning in for her story time and things like that so like the fact that this is amplifying is like feeding a part of this as well you know she cares about that aspect too

last week they described chat gpt as the devil on your shoulder.

Like, good job, Silicon Valley.

You made the devil on your shoulder real.

But the more that I think about it, as we're describing this, it's like the function of the robot that tells you all this crazy shit and pumps you up and enables you, that

role

continues to exist in society.

And I have met those people traditionally,

you would have somebody like girls would have that

super,

super positive friend that would just enable oh literally any behavior whatsoever and for guys it tends to be more like the dale gribble type who would like just jump at the chance to explain away literally any problem you have as a function of some fucking grander plot and

To a degree, ChatGPT is putting these people out of jobs in their social roles.

I was going to bring it up.

Like, what are toxic enabling pieces of shit shit supposed to do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like when they have to sleep and people use ChatGPT instead.

I was going to bring up how like

in the story, like one of the first, I think the first story about her talking about this whole thing is.

Yeah, she also has a toxic enabling friend.

Right.

And is there going like, and

the first thing is a response to someone going, you know, girl,

you need to make this a multi-part saga.

You know, you need to tell us the, you need to sip spill the tea or whatever.

And she's like, okay, I'll let you all know in on it.

And like, it's it's from the tone of somebody that's speaking to one of those friends where you're supposed to just go, Yeah, period, everything you say is correct.

I don't question any of that shit.

Loyal to a fault, it doesn't matter.

We burn together, you know?

Um,

it's interesting too, because um, like uh punch mom was pointing out how the uh like there's examples of there's examples of like the Dale Gribble type of dude where you're just like the government,

the drones, the conspiracy, et cetera.

And then the flip side, where like with a girlfriend, it just becomes that one relationship, though.

And like, the third time they went on a date, the hat he was wearing, the colors of the hat indicate that he must know

about

listen, listen, I was reading the bones, yeah, I was reading my chicken bones, and it's like, oh,

that guy is just out to fuck you over.

He's no good, you need to protect yourself.

Do this thing that is obviously self-destructive, but it will create drama for me to watch.

The burning eye of Sauron within you has to lock on to something.

And if it's not the government, then that third-date hat is equally as tempting a target.

But it's got to find something to hyper-focus on and go batshit crazy over.

Listen, I know

you're really torn up about this situationship that you're in with this guy.

I think that you would be really well served by listening to one of my Taylor Swift albums.

I think they're really going to speak to you and really help you find the way.

No, and then, of course, there's everything you can take from

at a larger level, zoomed out.

I think we were touching, talking about just the jump from Chat GPT 4 to 5, where it's like, oh, it improves all these things, and these things get dumber, and these whatever.

But more important, never mind all the actual functional changes, it's not friendly anymore.

You've changed it and it's no longer being friendly.

And that is the biggest crime of all.

Yeah.

I mean, wow.

Wow at that.

Wow at that.

And then and reveling in it in particular is always just like,

oh, those eyes.

I remember seeing those eyes.

I don't.

I don't want to see.

Actually, I do want to see that again.

I know you.

It's fascinating.

Look into the garbage.

It's fat to film it directly directly and to have that moment of like thinking that everybody's feeling what you're feeling while the thing you've trained to glaze you up is just going off like to be so divorced from everyone's perception of what's happening there is

incredible it truly is fascinating um

yeah man

You did not lie.

The cyberpsychosis is real and you can see it.

You can see the glitches happening.

Never mind Lucy in fucking Guilty Gear Strive.

Let's get Kendra.

No, no, no.

Get Kendra in there.

It's here.

It's there.

Thank you for watching.

It's just a lame spin on existing psychosis.

Wow.

Anyway.

So, yeah,

that was some good stuff.

That was some good homework.

Appreciate that.

If I were that psychiatrist, I would seriously look into.

So he does have some some lawyers are

in on this and they're like, oh yeah, he definitely has a defamation case for sure.

Yeah.

She is just spending hours a day accusing him of this, that, and this.

And also was going like, don't dox him.

And I'm not going to say,

I'm not going to say his name.

And then in the second video, he says his name.

And goes to his specialization.

And you know what?

And it was just like, oh, you know what?

And the place that he located.

Exactly.

And it's just like, oops, you, you know,

I accidentally said his name.

I didn't mean to, you know, and yeah,

there's a, there's a fun little detail that Paige dragged out

before we move on, which is she's ostensibly going there for ADHD medication.

Yes.

That's, that's the claim.

And she describes that she's on 10 milligrams of a drug called Vivance,

which people who with ADHD universally came out and went, that's it?

That's like for children.

That is, that is like a baby's dose.

Something about that feels weird.

And then later she describes taking her little red pill, to which then people with ADHD and medical professionals come out and go, there are no ADHD pills that are red.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There are no

antipsychotics that are red.

There's also the part where it's like, oh, she has been diagnosed with so much more.

And then it's like, why didn't you tell me about that?

And acts as if, like, and basically, there's emails or things where she's implying that, like, yes, she was diagnosed for way more other things, but those were kept secret from her for some reason or whatever the case is.

You know, the whole time I'm watching this, I all I think about is Charlie, and I think about that'd be moist critical, um, the clip that's been going around forever, which is him saying, of all the things that have never happened, this never happens the most.

Yeah,

which is such a perfect.

I think about that shit all the time.

And it is also like

very

telling when you see small examples in life that are not about this guy, where she's like, oh, this other psychologist she was seeing.

Yeah, I went on a date with a shrink, and he started telling me on the first date about how in love he was with his patients and how he had to jerk off before every session so he could contain himself.

So not even that one, but yeah, that one.

I was going to talk about the old lady that she goes to see, that she's like, yeah, this is my shrink.

I go see her.

And then at one point, I was like, you know what?

You guys are telling me things I don't want to hear.

And I'm done with this.

So I'm leaving.

I'm done.

This is my last session.

And then after saying this is my last session,

the doctor emails her and goes, Hey, so things left on a rather abrupt note.

And for professionalism purposes and for, you know, my like

own own ethical comfort I would like you know let's have a little wrap-up meeting to like make sure we send you on your way with all the best tools to for the future which is part of what you're supposed to do here this is the protocol that we want to follow and and you know to be good at your job and to not be irresponsible about these cases especially as someone who's a severe one you want to have these types of garments to set up the case of the big crazies and so she's just like and now look at this email where she's begging me to come back to the office and it's just

me.

She's desperate.

And it's like, of course you'd frame it that way.

That's all you could possibly see it as, you know?

And like, so the,

you know, the

absolute insane narcissism behind all of it is really like,

it's suppressed, but it's so present, you know?

Every interaction is based around people being absolutely enamored with her.

Every interaction in her life.

Or

being a hater who just hates.

Or worse.

Mostly people who don't love me hate me.

But they hate me because they know the truth about me and

they hate themselves truly.

Right?

Like the psychiatrist who's keeping his distance because

otherwise he couldn't control himself.

And eventually, like her enabling friend said, he's going to say, you know what, Kendra, I can't treat you anymore because

you have to stop being my patient because that's the only way we can have a relationship.

Waiting for that date.

That's slightly off topic.

I think the wide dissemination

and the trend of just go to therapy has enabled more harm than good because the people who actually went to therapy

went to therapy and just picked up all the language and all the tricks and all the information they have to manipulate people around them.

That was the worst part of like after this was done and talking about it with Punch Bomb was like, oh no, here's somebody who went and actually saw the professionals and they did their best to help professionally.

And not only did it not work, it just re-enabled it at the worst way, in the worst way possible.

She became fixated on this new like part of her life and is using all the language learned to make to get worse.

Someone in chat just said something that I'm going to assume you're more familiar with, but it's the phrase, the devil knows scripture too.

Ooh,

I like that.

That's good.

Yeah.

Oh, absolutely.

You know, that's it.

Catching you, catching you

lacking, you know, when there's a lot of people.

Oh, yeah, no, just like this, this massive explosion of complete manipulative pieces of shit just being like, hey, hey, motherfucker.

Like, for example, hey, motherfucker, I need you to stop fucking cheating on me, right?

To which guy says, listen, hey, we're being, hey, this is really aggressive tone.

I can't hold space

for this kind of negative energy.

Exactly, exactly.

We'll have a nice discussion about when you're calm, about how your

lack of impetus in this relationship is making me feel neglected.

Like,

whatever.

Yeah.

Well,

it is the most lethal form of Darvo, right?

Deny, accuse, reverse victim, and offender, where you just go, like, how dare you accuse me of this?

Do you know how it makes me feel when you accuse me of this?

And

now that I am the victim, here, let me list off all the things that are so fucked up about you saying this about me and thinking this about me and so on.

Also, I had a list ready.

I had a list ready for the voices out there.

If I may, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Incredible, incredible stuff there.

Yeah.

No,

I think the biggest trap, and I think I can say this as an old man talking to some of the younger people, is that the biggest trap of anything that will happen in your life when you're angry with somebody is somebody who does something, and the evidence that you're wrong is that you're pissed off and you're losing your shit,

right?

Hey, hey, hey, we can't talk about the whoa, whoa, calm down.

Oh, how could you yell at me like this?

Look, I'm totally calm.

Is a really good way to

get people who are fucking pissed for like a super good reason.

Um, um, what's the word?

Um, something politics, um,

uh, uh, uh, when you're when you're, you're, when you switch, shift the conversation, uh, uh,

not polite, It's not politeness, but it's something like that, where you shift the conversation.

Oh,

but like, yeah.

Respectability politics.

Respectability politics, exactly.

Respectability politics.

You shift it over to whatever.

It's like, listen,

we can't focus on how you just took a massive shit on my floor.

What we need to focus is your tone of voice.

Your tone of voice is unexpected.

Your tone is inappropriate.

You know, 100%.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm being, I'm being, look, I'm being calm with you.

I'm being calm with you.

Well, I'm slamming your head on the fucking back of the bag.

The worst thing is, is that, like, there's no solution to that.

You just have to get, like, louder or leave.

There's no, like, those types of people can't be dealt with.

So, I, I mean, when you talk about the, you know, the devil knows scripture too, I'm just like, that is a, that is literally a, like, the tactic of using the, the language of what you know to, uh, uh, uh,

uh, in, in,

defense or in offense of the situation that you're in.

I have described using that when I had my round of boss fights on the way out of the church where various individuals

where various individuals sat down and had a heart-to-heart that would, you know, oftentimes be based on certain verses or certain stories or certain parables or certain things we've learned.

And I'd be like, Yeah, I know that shit too, man.

I like I'm still like, I got, yeah, we all know the same things.

That's like, that's not going to work here.

I have this in response to that.

Like, we're playing fucking monkey island insult sword fighting.

You know,

you fight like a dairy farmer.

How appropriate.

You fight like a cow.

Ugh.

You know, like, we're going to need to take it past that.

But

it was weird to use it in that context.

But yeah,

putting it in your tool belt and manipulating

the situation for evil is absolutely a part of the course, par for the course here.

Anyway, incredible stuff.

I did not into

the other one you sent, which was the individual, the dude who

I don't know

what the deal was.

There was a second.

Let's scroll up and see which one you're talking about.

There was another one in there, but

regardless.

People be crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

Impressive stuff.

Anyway, what else is going on?

It was.

Oh, shit, now it's bugging me.

It was a dude with AI, a dude who, maybe it was something with his son or something.

Oh, you're talking about the AI-generated dead children?

It might have had something to do with that, but I brought it up in a different context.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Anyway.

Don't AI generate videos of

your dead loved ones.

That's That's bad.

That's not a good idea.

Don't do that.

Stephen Hilton?

Oh, him.

Yeah, yeah, Hilton.

Hilton's going super nuts.

Yeah.

Whatever that's about.

He's probably going to try and murder his ex-wife.

Oh,

she should really take all security measures possible.

Okay.

Well, yeah,

that'll be

one at a time.

Basically,

Hilton is like male Kendra, but

instead of being in love with this therapist, it's just more

I'm the prophet.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it also encounters, it also is like alongside like a relapse into alcoholism.

And

this is just my gut opinion.

Everything the guy says is just screaming family annihilator.

Like just every single vibe coming off of him is just

overwhelming, like,

hide from this person.

Man.

Yeah, that, it's always,

anytime I hear that, like, prophet shit, you know, that, that oracle talk, right?

Specifically, like, and you're getting into those words, the seer, the, the, you know, the, the finder, the knowledge seeker.

It inoculates you from criticism because eventually the truth will come out.

Yeah, but, and also, like, your divine providence is, is the source of your information, after all.

Like it just reminds me, and like I while I've never, I've never uh I haven't

read this, but I just remember hearing about the three Christs,

the satrap, the case study, where three people who all believed they were Jesus Christ

were

brought together to live together.

I remember that.

It didn't go well.

No,

no, it didn't.

But

really poorly, very fast.

Yeah, and like basically, they all were like, there was, it was just, it was this interesting case study of like, what happens when three people that are all like, nah, I'm Jesus though, meet each other.

And then, like, what, and when keeping it real goes wrong, you know, when they got to start like living in the real world.

It's interesting because I think the result was essentially

there was a like compromise of sorts, which was like, okay, yes, haha, we'll get along, but you know, yeah, no, it is, it is what you guys say.

But then, secretly, in the one-on-one interviews, being like, okay, well, we're just humoring them, but we all know that, like, it's really me, but I'm just gonna keep that quiet for now, you know, and it was kind of just like, here's how we can coexist and not have any clashes, but secretly inside, we all still believe what we believe, you know.

Yeah, the three Christs of

Isilanti, I think.

Yeah.

So, this is the part where

I, at the end of the day, I feel like it's necessary to give the this is all humor, ha ha.

But seriously, though, Chat GPT is currently being shown to cause low-grade brain damage if you use it for a couple of months.

And if you have any risk of mental illness at all, such as your lifestyle, your situation, or your family history, I would highly, highly recommend to not use it ever because your risk of psychosis is very real.

I feel like

I look at that.

There's a time in my life, if I had used it, I might have gone crazy.

So, so

what I'm saying is

there's a threshold of person who like using a fucking Bonzie buddy and or Clippy would send them off the edge, right?

Like,

there are people who would be sent off the edge simply talking to a little desktop buddy.

And that would have been enough.

But the more that you can use this, again, as a person or friend replacement, right?

As a, as a, as somebody who you can, you know, give a history to and name and speak casually to, and, like, not just typing into Wikipedia or typing into Google and just making it come back and emulate a person and all these other parts.

It's like, yeah, that's the, that's the element of it that makes it way more dangerous and brings that Boncey buddy threshold way lower.

Also,

for your own personal safety, maybe don't use it at all.

We've already got a case of bromide poisoning.

Because

how do I cut down on calories?

Oh, replace this with oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go, there you go.

That's literally poison.

Um, I we talked about this some time ago, but like you pretty much are thrust into it in general when, like I said, when Googling, because Google's shit now.

And, like, how many people are really going to go out of their way to type minus ai in their search result you know uh um when the thing is always spitting it out for you right there i was i was having this conversation with you know my folks and um talking to you know and like i remember as seeing as seeing her rely on it for like answers for things and i was like okay okay let me

There's a level of utility here that you're just never going to take away.

So how do we go into harm reduction on this, right?

Because it's like, oh, what about just like for little things about like how to grow your garden or like how to put together, you know, these types of plants, whatever these little these things are.

And for some people who are already just like, it's easy.

I don't care.

It's convenient.

Fuck off.

You're not going to make them do, you're not going to, and you're never going to win people over by making them do the inconvenient thing when the convenient thing has been pushed at them, right?

That's see, here's the thing: for me and for you, the convenient thing is the thing that's actually true and/or works.

path of least resistance right it's just gonna be an uphill battle and they'll never stop so what i kind of was doing was i said okay hey look mom um

just

always click on the little button in the corner here that is the little chain icon and it shows you where it's pulling that information from so that you can look at the source information and gauge whether or not you think that's trustworthy or some random person on Quora, right?

Make sure that you look at the source thing button there that pops up after each one of these pieces of advice comes through.

Because sometimes it'll say something and then the link will lead to something that says the complete opposite.

And like, that's the best I could do to be like, I get it.

You're not going to stop.

Like the level of I don't, I barely understand how to use this, much less stop using it to be like, don't notice

when it's

an AI feed versus a sponsored result or any of that, that's never going to work.

So I'm just like, just click on the link link and verify the source of the information.

And that's the best I can do.

It's not great, but it's where we're at.

I'm at the point where I'm more willing to believe a random Reddit post that I found than the top result on Google.

Like, that's the level of information damage that has occurred.

In many cases, it's like, let's go to that.

Let's look at the discussion.

Let's see if what people had to say as counterpoints.

Let's see where, you know, let's see the full discussion about this topic and see, okay, a bunch of real people had opinions here.

Oh, cool, this worked.

Right.

And maybe the person with the question is wrong, but someone down here was like, actually, I tried that and it turns out you should try.

And I'm like, okay, all right.

Yeah, that actually is more reliable.

100%.

It's fucking crazy that that's where it's at, but that is where it's at.

All right.

Horrors of the modern world segment.

Not over, but on pause until we get back to it.

For now.

Hey, I did go see

some films.

I saw.

Oh, you saw a film?

I saw a film.

So, one,

I watched The Naked Gun.

Oh, I want to see that.

Yeah.

So, Naked Gun is

it's it's a wild return to basically

the old movie form of the old comedy form of film.

It is Naked Gun 4.

It truly feels like it in that.

It pretends that time didn't pass.

Yeah.

It's funny because essentially

it's going for jokes at the pace and rate of the old films, which, if you recall, it went for, it swung for way more, and only one in like 30 would hit.

Yeah, but you're getting like literally two jokes a minute for an entire film's runtime.

Exactly.

And so that's what I feel like is happening here.

There's like

a solid like one for 30 jokes that land in this movie, and there's 29 whiffs, but it never stops swinging the entire time.

Every scene, every line, it's ridiculous slapstick.

Slapstick is back.

It is.

And yeah, there's the part of it where, you know, obviously comedy movies especially are like something that just has shriveled up and died for the most part.

When the credits roll, it makes a lot of sense because the first thing you see pop up after Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson is directed by Akiva.

Oh, and you're like, okay.

Well, that explains it.

Right?

So for anyone.

That explains everything.

There you go.

So for anyone who doesn't know, you might know Andy Sandberg, you might know Jizz in My Pants, I'm On a Boat, you know, all those fun SNL video things.

They were, he was originally part of The Lonely Island, a trio with Yorma, Andy, and Akiva, and they were, they had really fun skits and two albums and all these fun bits.

And

Andy went on to be more of a face where he was an SNL performer, but Akiva was a writer at SNL.

I don't know if Yorma was as well, but in any case, this is directed by one of the group from The Lonely Island.

So it makes perfect sense.

Yeah, that adds up.

Yeah, you know,

there's some bits.

There's like, there's a again, there's a bunch that don't work.

There's a bunch of, there's a bunch of

chuckles and

silent smiles.

Um, but you know what?

But even in a movie like Blazing Saddles, there's a bunch of bits that that are, you know, that just kind of swing and miss too.

This is such a weird

like end to a strange arc.

Did you ever see the

Gervais' old,

what was it called?

It was Little Something.

It was a show with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant

about a little guy who was a comic.

Okay.

And there is a scene in which Liam Neeson comes in and talks to them and says, I want to get into comedy.

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

Just absolutely.

No, not Idiot of Raw.

Life's too short.

That's it.

Life's Too Short.

And

um he just absolutely shit bombs an improv session in the most awkward painful way by routine like pretending that he's at a doctor's office and just constantly saying he has aids okay okay um and it's it's like in its own universe it's violently uncomfortable but watching it it's actually really hilarious and nissen's playing it deadly straight so that's like 10 years ago that's funny because, okay, so he already had that interest.

Because I assumed it was almost just like the name pun of Leslie Nielsen and Liam Neeson was part of that, you know?

But yeah, if he was interested, then great.

Not just being taken guy, why not?

Go for it.

Pam Anderson as well does a good job.

Comes in.

Classic old stupid slapstick bits.

And there are times in particular where, for the most part, again, it's a bunch of mild dumb shit.

But there are bits where they decide, like, Akiva's like, no, we're going to go for it on this one.

There are some pronounced moments, right?

Like the OJ one at the end of the of the end of the trailer, that's an example of their like, and we're going for it here,

right?

And there are a few more like that.

Like one in particular where he walks up to a

Liam Neeson walks up to a bar and then the bartender's like

fuck you, man.

You don't remember me.

And he's like, no, I don't.

And he's like, you shot my brother.

You know, and he's like, oh, he's like, yeah, that could have been hundreds of people.

And he's like, while he was running away, it's like, okay, that could have been like 50 people.

He was white.

Tony!

Hey, it's you.

It's great.

You're like, oh, fuck.

You know.

All right.

All right, naked gun.

I see you.

Jesus Christ, man.

So, yeah, yeah.

That was, that was dumb.

And, and, like, again, you're gonna, you're gonna get, you're gonna get hit by by a solid,

what is that?

Yeah, a, a,

what, what, what is the, what, what, I'm terrible at math.

Um,

a solid 0.33%

of the bits, but they're going to hit when they hit.

As long as every five to ten minutes you get like a sensible chuckle, I'd consider that a win.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the pace you're getting at because hundreds of dumb things going off, which feel exactly like the old movies did, you know, to be fair.

So I haven't seen it, but I kind of felt that coming off of just its promotional material because you'd see like a

like a like a 30-second YouTube or TikTok ad and it would have like four jokes in it.

Right, right, right.

Usually you'd be like, are they cutting this to like put every joke in a scene in like the TikTok ad?

Like, oh no, no, it's the movie's just like this.

That being said, I feel like I don't know if like

I feel like an appreciation for that type of dumb slapstick comes from watching it when you were younger.

So I don't know if it's going to land with people seeing this type of movie for the first time.

But I can clearly.

I'll show my two-year-old the naked gun and we'll get back to you on reviews.

Well, the time might just be past us,

but ultimately it does feel like, okay, they knew what they were going for with this, which is a throwback style comedy.

But yeah,

I don't know how well that works for anyone who doesn't know what they're going for, you know?

In any case, yeah, a little, little, little dumb fun, good bit there.

And then I watched Fantastic Four, The First Steps.

Oh, yeah?

Yes.

That is.

Are you back into the MCU?

So first of all,

this should have been spaced out from Superman.

way more, I think.

It would have benefited.

It would have benefited.

It should have spaced it out from Superman.

It would have benefited.

I think the world would have benefited from this being spaced out from Superman.

Because,

like,

there's

like, there's not much that's really wrong with it.

It's enjoyable, but it's kind of like the shit that it's trying would have.

Yeah, when you, like, Superman came in and went for some hard swings and nailed them, right?

So then when you go in and you go, like, what are the swings this is going for?

And it's like, it's not going for any particularly wild swings, it's just being a superhero movie.

Um, the main one is just that it's a retro-style superhero movie in the same way because it's the same director as Wanda Vision, so it's got that whole 60s aesthetic really, really faithfully uh recreated, and a lot of the a lot of the 60s vibe are like done in a fun way, you know, um, which is which is totally, totally fine.

Uh, but it just, yeah, it definitely would have benefited from a little bit more space, you know.

Um, the

the aesthetic is

done really well, but it certainly isn't, it's not like a Sin City thing where you're like, it's all carried on that look.

Because at the end of the day, it's like, no, no, no, well, it's still just got to be a movie, you know?

It's also not trying to be aggressively like a joke MCU movie.

There's not a ton of punches.

That's going to give it a point in my book by default.

Yeah, it's got like...

I went so hard on that shit, man.

It's got a couple of gags, but like, not a ton of them.

For the most part, it's a fairly straightforward, serious movie.

And you know,

that works in its favor, I'd say, especially for the tone.

Like, if the jokes are feeling like they're from the 60s as well, then good, right?

That's kind of what you would want, which they do.

What it does do

quite well

is it is easily,

easily the most stressful

MCU movie ever made.

It is the most stressful superhero film I think I've ever seen.

The core theme is not family.

It is not about, you know,

uniting or whatever.

The core theme is stress.

Okay.

Everything happening.

Is it like excitement, film stress?

Or like...

Like, can any give me a minute to deal with this?

i know there is no minute you have to deal with this and that

and that and that oh that's perfect that's perfect about the a movie whose main character is a guy who's stretched too thin ah sure

if you want to you can take that as a point i mean uh there is a particular there is a sequence um which is you know i'll say like first uh

30% spoiler or so, first big action scene spoiler.

So tune out if you don't want to hear it.

Giving you a minute.

All right.

There is a sequence in which

there is

a wormhole chase occurring

while

running away from the silver surfer, while slingshotting around a black hole, while going into active labor and dealing and birthing a baby all at the same time.

And it's absolutely psychotically stressful.

All right.

So

I had three questions about this film, knowing almost nothing aside from the trailers.

And I don't know if my questions are spoilers or not.

You just answered one of them.

Yes.

Which is, is little Frankie part of this movie?

Absolutely.

And fuck.

I hate that so much for any future movie I watch that is from Marvel.

I hate that for

Let's see.

I hate that for me.

I'm curious to see what they do, but

I think they did a pretty good job here, you know.

But regardless,

the level of okay, so you hate that for you.

I hate that for me.

Uh-huh.

And how did we feel watching it then, Pat?

How did we feel?

How did I feel watching it while that was going down?

Yeah?

A little stressful, maybe?

I don't.

I don't really.

Oh, oh, yeah, right, right.

Okay, that part.

That part.

Yeah, that part.

I just mean I think Franklin Richards is like the worst thing to ever happen to Marvel Comics.

I fucking hate Franklin Richards with a passion.

Right.

Okay.

Well, look, well, you know, I think

based on what they've done here so far, so far so good.

Let's see where it goes.

Let's see what they do.

So my second question is, how much do you think the movie

is kind of expecting to carry itself on like

how

much you want to give Pedro Pascal a hug?

You know, not that much,

in the sense that

for being the leader of the bunch, you know him well.

He's really kind of background compared to the other family in a way.

Oh, okay.

Like,

Mr.

Fantastic, like, Reed is not front and center.

Um,

he's being incredibly smart and he's solving problems, but it gives honestly like equal time to the four of them.

Um, and in some of the major moments, they have nothing to do with him.

He's not, there's, there's extended sequences where he's like not on screen for like a while.

Cool.

I'm seeing folks say that it's a lot of it, the Suze movie.

It definitely feels like she gets big push,

right?

But I would say too as well, like Johnny, you know, gets gets big push too.

Like, yeah, it's just, it's not necessarily, it's not necessarily

anxious read, you know, it's not

Pascal hugs.

It's, it's, uh, spread out a little bit more.

Um, and Sue is, uh, yeah, in the, the way that they depict her as well is like, yeah, there's some moments there where you're like, okay, cool.

I like that she can distinguish herself from other MCU characters or other MCU like

women where there's a moment where like, you know, again, the threat is looming and she's very straightforward and being like, yo, Johnny, go kill that girl.

Fuck her.

Get that bitch.

Fucking murder her, please.

Can you hurry up and can you hurry up and kill the evil so we can get out of it?

It's like a woman who'll tell me to go kill somebody.

Yeah.

I think that's attractive.

It's, you know, that's a, that's a very, that's a very clear, like, oh, okay, cool.

Right.

Got it.

We're doing it.

Appreciate that.

And

I would say, too, that, like, there's an element of,

there's an element of it that is,

okay, the multiverse, like, we don't give a fuck because once you get into infinite universes and you spread yourself too thin,

nothing matters.

Consequently.

There could be a multiverse in which Jonathan Majors is still here.

There could be.

And we all know that that combined with like too many movies coming out burns people out because everything can be inconsequential, right?

That

plays an interesting role in

improving this movie because

they're not on 626.

Right.

They're on 828.

which is another plan another earth.

Yeah, I know.

And that means you, the audience, are like, oh, this can go at any minute because it's not.

They could just blow up the whole fucking planet.

Because it's not the real one.

So you're like, you don't really feel like this has to matter.

And furthermore, you're also expecting that, excuse me, 616 is what I meant.

Yeah, to say.

Also, you're also looking at it going, they are going to join the main line eventually.

We expect.

Therefore.

That's going to happen in this movie.

So you're like, oh,

yeah, you know, and I think it uses that to an advantage where that disconnect you feel

in multiverses not mattering makes tension more real.

Yeah,

it's kind of like the Eurobaros.

It's like, well, nothing matters eventually, but this might matter right now.

Yeah.

So, if nothing matters, and we're spending time with a place in a place where nothing matters, then actually it matters even more because you're not gonna feel like plot armor will protect you.

You know,

you're not gonna feel like

marketing will protect you, you know.

So, yeah,

that works weirdly in its favor, I would say.

It feels like you're on an expendable planet

while you're watching it.

Yeah, okay, okay.

I have a final question.

You may or may not answer it if you don't want to.

How does he look?

I'm just going to assume that my question is valid.

Yeah, yeah,

accurate

and it's it ain't gas and bugs, so it's what no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not him.

How does he look?

We're talking about the Fantastic Four?

Yeah.

I thought you were talking talking about like

our potential cloud monster Galactus.

Oh, no, not him.

I don't give a fuck about him.

Because Galactus is a super goofy old design that you have to bring into the future with big CG, and it's a difficult thing to make that look particularly good with big old CG,

but you also

are trying to not do what the last three failed Fantastic Four movies

did.

The answer to your question then, through inference, is don't worry about it.

Okay.

All right.

Don't worry.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, so there's all that.

There is a there is a

there is a problem I do have with this that feels like meat medium-sized, which is also difficult to discuss without spoilers, so I'm not going to get into it.

But suffice to say this.

The people of

this world, the people of this planet with Fantastic Four, are way

more

tolerant and understanding

of

doomsday circumstances than anyone would ever expect planet Earth to be.

To such a degree that I'm like, I would never buy that.

That's impossible.

Right?

That's not the way people behave given an existential crisis.

That's about as much as I'll say on that.

Okay.

But yeah,

it's good.

It's fine.

It's not swinging hard in any particular directions, but

it just

would have benefited from some space from Superman.

That's about it.

That will

do.

So,

but

yeah, no, nothing else there.

That'll do for me.

Just a, I guess a reminder that this is going to be the last week to get your.

No, wait, next week is the last week to get your Wolves in the Lab plush over on Makeshift.

So I'll put a link to that.

It's almost over.

You only have a week-ish left, guys.

Almost done.

So just a heads up about that.

How's it going?

It's going good.

It's going fantastic.

My little boy is increasing his vocabulary daily, which is the best thing that has ever happened to anyone.

Sorry.

No, one second.

Okay, so I was deciding.

People are talking about weapons.

And

I was deciding between these three movies to see which two.

And so I just went, we went, I went for those two that I wanted to see.

Okay, I haven't watched the trailer for weapons.

I have also not watched the trailer for weapons.

I have seen the poster description, which is like, okay, children disappear somewhere, and then stuff happens.

And then I saw it said it's from the director of Barbarian, which I haven't seen, but I hear is really good.

But I don't know much about it except for what I just described.

And then

I was kind of like,

is it a horror movie in general?

Because there's also, it is, okay.

Because I'm not, I don't go seeking out horror, so I'm not inclined to on my own.

I know a couple things about weapons, and it's just as scattershot as you.

Okay.

The first thing I heard about weapons is that Peel fired a bunch of his staff because they failed to get the rights to produce weapons.

Okay.

Because he was so pissed and he wanted it.

Interesting.

The second of which is that it is written and directed by Zach Kreger, who's Zach from Whitest Kids You Know.

Okay.

Okay.

Wild.

Wild Pole.

And

I have received.

I have received a subscription message, a donation message, and two different DMs that say, Pat, I'm looking out for you.

Do not go watch this movie.

Interesting.

Okay.

Interesting.

Yeah,

there's a lot of this.

There's a lot of like, yo, yo, weapons kind of talk, and I'm just trying to parse whether or not, like, as somebody who, like, I appreciate a good-ass movie, definitely, but I'm, as someone who's, like, not necessarily going out to see,

I don't know, Terrifier or Hereditary or any of the like big influential horror movies recently, because I'm like, I'm just not really that into horror.

I don't know if

it's something I should particularly make an effort for.

I'll probably watch it now that people have told me not to watch it because that's how my brain works.

Okay,

okay.

Back to what really matters.

My little boy, if he sees me lie down, points at me and goes, honk, shoo, meme me, me.

What?

Like, literally, literally says, honk, shoo, meime, me, if I lie down.

Are those multiple words?

No.

So, Paige was trying to get him to sleep the other day, and so she pretended to be napping.

And so,

she was like, Okay, I'm going to sleep now.

Now,

if anyone lies down in his vicinity, he points at them and goes, Honk, honkshoo, me, me, me.

Cartoon sleep sounds.

That's good.

That's good.

Oh, I love it.

So that's what's going on on that front.

I also watched a television movie.

However,

I did so.

I'm going to blame two people.

These are the two people you shouldn't listen to when they both tell you they want to watch a movie.

One of which is Gene Park, don't listen to him.

The other is Peach Saliva.

Don't listen to her.

Oh, I wish I could play again.

Page got the popcorn out and

watched

Ice Cube's Magnum Opus.

Let's go.

War of the West.

Okay, okay.

So I knew there was no shot.

Of course, the moment Gene posts a thing that says they use the same GIF, the same shot of Ice Cube reacting on his computer screen five times in a row.

That's what you need to be like, oh, I'm going to dedicate a couple hours of my life to this, right?

When it's clearly in the so bad, it's good territory.

They are enabling each other.

It's very, it's very, it's toxic, and I'm the one who suffers.

Okay, did you get a babysitter for this, or was it after hours?

So, because, okay, so the dude's two-ish, right?

He's just over two.

When he goes down at 10 o'clock, we put the baby camera, camera he is done okay he barely even rolls over because there's just

there's an extra level of dedication towards i'm going to get a babysitter so that i can go suffer to watch this video

this is 10 30 to 1 in the morning um

so so for war of the worlds

Put the child down.

You know, he's asleep.

Sneak out.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

The temptation.

The temptation to take a sip and have my eyes go.

Yeah, just

right.

Set up the camera.

Get the popcorn.

Get comfy.

All right.

Let's watch War of the Worlds featuring Ice Cube.

So,

this is the kind of film that you could launch your YouTube career on if it was 2006.

Right?

Hell yeah.

This is a film you could put out a, I honest to God, like four-hour breakdown on this 90-minute film on every single thing that is going on and the masterclass in poor filmmaking happening here.

It is a so bad it's good movie.

Like,

and not like I'm having a great time and I'm laughing,

but just like jaw agape, like, what the fuck?

Um,

no indication that this was done on purpose, mind you, right?

So, this movie was not a War of the Worlds movie, I believe.

This was a different movie

shot during COVID.

Okay.

And that's why it's all separated.

And then it was turned into and reshot into a War of the Worlds movie.

Oh, this was a savage job.

So, very good sign.

Very good sign that the movie

movie when it started.

So,

um, I can only touch on like the briefest of pieces here.

There's way too much.

There's way, way, way, way, way too much.

But the long and short of it is that Ice Cube is working at the Department of Homeland Security, and Ice Cube's job, as we see in the first 10 minutes, is to relentlessly,

warrantlessly wiretap and spy on everyone in the Washington, D.C.

area.

Get into every camera in every building, listen to people's phone calls, like watch dogs level, like profile them for terrorism dangers.

Oh, yeah.

Just like he's at his office desk and he's just engaging in like the most flagrant violation of your civil rights conceivable.

That's Snowden shit.

Ice Cube's on.

That's Snowden shit.

Let's go.

Okay.

And as he is,

as he is going through and finding out where the secret terrorist is who's going to hack the government and tell all the government secrets, while he's like in the process of doing that and emailing his boss the warrant,

he is cyber-stalking a young woman.

So So of note is the entire movie, the entire film takes place inside Ice Cube's office with a, like, from his, the point of view of like his webcam.

And then it will zoom in, it will like reverse shot of like his computer screen.

And so it'll show him using his computer and like mousing over to like click on, double click on his email.

And then you see the, it zooms in and you see him write the email.

Wait, wait, wait.

Him in that office shot.

That's the whole movie.

Everything else that you see is video screens that he is piping through.

Oh my god.

Wow, wow, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I get it.

He is the technical support on an active like FBI raid for a terrorist, right?

And he's like the guy handling the cameras and the warrant and stuff like that.

But while he's doing that, he is spending the rest of his time cyber-stalking a woman at a local university

and

looking

through her fridge and her grocery purchases so that he can then call her on the phone.

And oh, it was his daughter.

And what he's doing is he is going through her purchases and the camera on the inside of her refrigerator to yell at her that she's not eating right enough for her unborn child.

And while she is like, Dad, stop spying on me, you're a freak.

Oh my god, whatever.

And then he has a weird, awkward call

with his son-in-law, right, who is an Amazon delivery driver

and who's very proud of his Amazon delivery driver job.

And when he realizes there's been an awkward thing where they haven't told him about the baby shower, he goes to break into her Facebook

and can't because she changed the password.

Right, right.

He raises the government,

get me my Facebook, my daughter's Facebook password

button so he can watch the conversation they're having in real time about him.

While in the other screen, his boss is yelling at him, going, Can you please email me the warrant?

We need a warrant for the fucking takedown.

Can you

hey, where are you?

So, like, he is like,

he is the nightmare of cybersecurity, which is a guy who has in infinite power to do his job and is not doing his job so he can spy on people in his personal life.

But he's played as like heroic and capable.

Dude, he's on suicide watch.

All you have to do is make sure no one goes into that cell.

It's real easy, Ice Cube.

Hold on, I gotta check my emails and get through this family.

Yeah, exactly.

I have a really important question here: while he's doing said absolutely criminal shit is the music and tone acting like hey he's just looking out for the baby he's just looking out for his kid he's looking dramatic music from the raid that's going on in his other monitor okay okay so but like those are those moments of him being an absolute psycho stalker no they're played they're they're not played happy they're not played like sad they're played neutral okay

okay so that's the protagonist Okay.

So then you find out the reason he's so paranoid is his wife died because that's what happens.

Yeah.

And he then goes to his Facebook.

By the way, I'm using like company names here because the movie uses the company names.

Right?

And

then he

listens to the last voicemail his wife sent him.

And the last voicemail his wife sent him was, I'm going to the store.

Remember to be nice to the kids.

which is like an insane message to have.

Like, please be nice to your own children.

Yeah, yeah.

And so that he, you know, and then he writes, I miss you, and he scrolls up.

And as he scrolls up on his Facebook comments, you see that he says, I miss you every day.

Sure, he sure does.

His dead wife's

thing.

We're going to tell a movie through the desktop.

Yeah, okay.

Unfriended, right?

So there's all this moving around and camera and like shift of perspective and

showing how he's using the computer.

Let's skip forward a little bit.

Aliens attack the earth.

Meteors hit the earth.

And because he's in Washington and he's part of the NSA, it's up to him to coordinate the response and coordinate the threat thing for the president.

So his boss is like that.

One of the guys, one of his bosses, is like a director in the FBI.

And for like a good 15 minutes

this guy is going like can you fucking send me the threat report like we really need it like the president is literally sitting in his office right now and we can't mobilize a response without your threat report and he goes yeah yeah I'm on it and then proceeds to spend like 10 minutes like

shadowing his kids around the town and like

getting them into hold on hold on getting them into Teslas so that he can hijack the self-driving on the Tesla.

Yeah.

And zoom them himself away from the tripods.

For sure.

That's awesome.

That's a great feature.

You want to show that off.

And

as this is happening,

Ice Cube is doing like the shittiest acting I've ever seen in my life.

Like way, like Ice Cube's not like an Oscar winner, but like this is like genuinely shockingly god-awful, even for Ice Cube.

Well, so this is the thing.

For For somebody who's basically agreed for the end of his career to just be taking the paycheck, shut the fuck up, the idea of just getting a lump sum to sit in your room and start freaking out in front of the camera for about an hour and a half and just send a bunch of like, oh, oh,

oh,

oh,

and just feed like that.

For a paycheck that yeah, that's the easiest fucking stack you've ever made, made, bro.

No, he definitely made a lot of money doing nothing here.

Incredible, right?

So,

and you could go back to.

I'm just going to start picking things at random while trying to get through the gist of it because there's so much here, right?

So he finally, finally gets his kids to safe locations

and then starts working on the report.

The report takes, by the way, the movie's in nearly total real time.

So the report takes them like eight minutes jerry up to the next one.

Oh, let's go

get together, right?

Fucking 24 o'clock.

So

he's going through, like, he's looking on YouTube

for footage of the aliens attacking.

And then he is

then he is

taking screenshots and then like dragging them over and then like hitting right click on it and then going to inspect metadata.

And in the metadata, it says how tall the robots are and how many tons they weigh.

Fix it.

Good, good, good, good, good.

I love it.

Earlier in the movie, he uses inspect metadata on

the hacker that's against the government to just get his address.

Oh, yo.

The stats for nerds button.

That's crazy.

And here's where the movie, and

I know this sounds ridiculous based on what I'm telling you.

Here's where the movie legitimately completely starts to fall apart at this moment.

Because this is the moment where you start to go,

wait, what?

That doesn't work like that.

And this is a film entirely seen through a computer screen and using technology, right?

And as the film goes on, you discover that the person who wrote it does not understand

how any technology works.

And I don't mean like computers.

I actually don't even mean computers, though that comes in later.

Okay.

They start to describe how

the first thing that happens in the movie is a NASA scientist lady calls Ice Cube up and goes, we can't reach even one satellite.

Every satellite on Earth is dark.

And then you later find out that's because they were all destroyed.

Now, meanwhile,

they are having uninterrupted Zoom calls with each other.

Uninterrupted auto-driving cars and

calls.

Yeah.

Total lack of disruption.

YouTube stays up during this.

Yeah,

for sure.

And you're like, oh,

the person who wrote this doesn't know what a satellite does.

Right?

It then goes on

to describe that nuclear facilities are being knocked offline and the power grid is going out.

Oh, yeah.

And

they describe that if the nuclear facilities are damaged, they won't generate power.

And that's the biggest danger right now.

To which I go, no.

If you knock a nuclear facility offline, your worry isn't that it's going to not generate power, it's that the nuclear reaction contained within will spiral infinitely and will actually

have multiple meltdowns that are a problem forever.

But no, no, they're just afraid that the nuclear is going to turn off.

Okay.

All right.

Well, you know, sure.

A good portion of this movie goes into describing how the aliens are knocking out all

power infrastructure.

Ice Cube never loses electricity to his building even once.

And not only that, but neither do anyone in the DC area

that he has to hack into

their cameras to talk to them.

His internet never gets knocked out at any point.

Okay, okay.

I need to know.

Please tell me.

Are there any scenes of?

Oh, oh, that's the whole movie

and

got it it's every five minutes hacking the internet

done

no that's every five minutes I just wear God that's that's that's like the core of it yeah yeah yeah crossing the t's dotting the i's

there

the you know the terrorist hacker i forget his goddamn name

yeah

shows up and says hey i'm gonna work with you go we gotta stop these aliens

And

it turns out the aliens' attack on our infrastructure was a ruse.

What they're actually doing, they're here for our data.

And if you hear that and go, huh, what?

What could we have that would be of use to inner, you know, extraterrestrials?

Well,

when the alien tripod gets to a data center, metadata, hooks in its tendrils, right?

The phrase, they're eating our data, they're sucking it all up.

And you see a computer screen that has like all the servers

oil drums.

Yes.

And

they're literally sucking up the data

oil.

Like it's food, and they're eating it.

The finite resource, data.

Yes.

They're not copying it.

They're not cut and pasting it.

They're eating it.

They're eating our data because

the most juicy, most important thing on our planet is data.

Data is their food.

They're eating the data.

They're eating the data.

And because they're eating the data,

when he goes to Facebook to listen to his wife's voicemail,

the alien.

Oh, it ate the wife's final message.

Oh, now it's personal.

And so this is the point where you realize, like, literally nothing in this movie makes sense on even like a really basic level.

Like, that's not how a computer works at all.

Despite the fact that this entire movie is on a computer.

And the plan comes in.

Well, the daughter, luckily enough, is a prestigious biochemist.

And she has discovered the cure for cancer.

I swear to God.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

The cure for cancer is

a

modified disease that attacks cancer cells.

In which they go, wait a second.

Yep.

What if?

What if?

What if DNA is just like computer code, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And DNA is just like a computer code.

It's the common cold, but we've made it into a digital version of the common cold.

So hold on.

What if we put

your cancer cells onto a USB key?

Yep.

Okay.

And then

let the monsters eat them.

Then they would all die.

And you're sitting here going, like, wow, that doesn't make any sense at all.

Like, that's just like complete nonsense.

That's crazy enough to work.

Right?

But, and here, oh, this is my favorite part of the movie.

And it's also like one of the worst scenes of anything I've ever seen in my life.

So, luckily enough, Ice Cube is in the building.

He's in an NSA building that's connected to the government data centers.

How's he going to get the cancer-killing

alien virus onto the data center?

Well, can't they just send him?

Like, no, you can't send it.

That's impossible because he's at his computer and

the data center in the basement is like sealed off for security purposes, right?

Physically.

Physically, right?

But here's the problem.

Here's the problem.

The problem is, he works at the NSA, and ever since Snowden, you can't have a USB drive in here.

Of course not.

There's no way to physically transport it.

Definitely not.

To which the son-in-law says,

Hold on.

I think I have a solution.

What if?

What if

you bought it on Amazon

and we shipped it to your office?

Wait, hold on.

He goes, goes, what?

How would it even get here in time?

And the guy goes in the back of his truck.

They're hiding in the truck, by the way.

And he pulls open a drone and he says, Amazon Air, we've been training on this for months.

It can get it to you right away.

So then we cut back to Ice Cube's computer screen.

If this is the only part of the movie you watch, oh my.

They go through the entire purchasing process, full screen on

they hang on the use this address button for like a weird weirdly long time and then he selects Amazon Air add to cart buy now yeah and he at and he has to he has to buy it for it the drone to work so he buys it at that point the guy just has a USB stick he just had one I guess for some reason I don't know how that worked loads it onto Amazon Air, and then the climax of the movie takes place.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Which is

just really the fountain of all American ingenuity coming together at once.

So Ice Cube...

hacks a predator drone that is flying above DC and was actually flying above DC before the beginning of the movie, which raises its own questions, which is why a missile-equipped predator drone would be flying over the Capitol at random.

But he hacks control of that away from the government, sends it to his son, so his son can pilot it, who, by the way, was the hacker all along.

And then the drone is running interference on the tripods while we get a first-person camera shot of the Amazon air drone zipping and weaving through destroyed buildings and

trying to save humanity by zipping it.

But the drone falls down at one point and it's it's flipped over and oh don't know what we're gonna do.

What are we gonna do?

Hey,

we can use the microphone on it to yell at a nearby homeless man who's hiding from the aliens and scream at him, hey dude, hey dude, flip over the drone.

It's really important.

But he doesn't want to run into the street because it's dangerous and he could die, right?

So they start to workshop.

What can we say to him?

Offer him a $1,000 Amazon gift card.

Oh my God, of course.

Okay, so

we're texting him.

We're texting him on his phone.

And they send the gift card and he goes, okay.

And then he runs into the street and he flips the drone and then the drone flies to the fucking data center and the rest of the movie happens.

And it's

offensive.

It's offensive to humans.

I was hoping that you were going to say that

the drone is fine because Amazon Web Services cloud computing is still online, even in the face of the apocalypse.

I mean, it is.

Amazon's like, dude, he purchased it and went through the website.

Despite the fact that every alien on Earth is eating our data and crashing our infrastructure, Amazon and YouTube still up.

That's pretty sick.

No problem.

That's pretty sick.

I mean, I would say.

There's even a part in the movie where he hacks into his son's Steam account to refund a game he has purchased

for him.

Okay.

Because if you're living under my roof, you need to get a job and not play these video games.

I mean, while shopping for

the drone situation, I would hope that they would scroll down to the reviews to make sure that they're getting a decent one.

Check the stars, you know, like 4.5 or okay, howie.

You know,

that's

that's kind of incredible.

I, so every company,

every company that has its full logo in this movie is a lot of people.

So Steams is not.

They cut around it.

You can clearly tell it's Steam.

It's incredibly obvious it's Steam, but you don't actually see

the Steam logo evolve or whatever.

But everything else is very much real life company being and website and or service or app being used.

That's kind of incredible.

It feels like a parody of

Jeff Bezos thinks is going on in the world and how awesome he is.

Well, I mean,

that is what the AI-generated film up to the that we were talking about last week.

That's what you would expect, really, especially given it's a

people point out that some of the disaster footage of the aliens attacking is actual like real footage of like missile strikes in Syria.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

So

it's like a mile on edge.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I thought, see, I was waiting for like stock footage, you know, like, oh, yeah, this was just like.

Well, by stock footage, you mean footage that Amazon just pulled off the internet.

Right.

Real,

real death and war, actually.

And yes, okay, real atrocity footage for the movie.

So by technicality, you actually see people literally die in this film for real.

That's

fucking collapsing buildings.

That rules, that's awesome.

Yeah.

War of the Worlds Ice Cube Edition.

Repulsive,

nonsensical,

absolute mess, top to bottom.

About a third of it is just a straight-up ad.

10 on 10.

Paige asked me a question, which was during all of the, by the way, the entire movie's 90 minutes.

There is like a cohesive global response to fighting the aliens in the streets within about eight minutes of them landing, which is its own hilarious nonsense.

But Paige was like, Why do they keep blurring all these soldiers' faces?

Like, all the soldiers' faces in every piece of footage is blurred.

Because they're real, and I'm like, oh, because it's just footage they took.

They can't get the rights to their release.

Oh my god, that's insane.

Wow, damn.

Well, yo, get the bag, I suppose.

Fucking

ice cube, more like ice cube.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay, well, he's enjoying it.

You know,

hey, man,

the delivery worker loves Amazon so much that in the screenshot they show at the end of like the baby shower, he's wearing his Amazon hat,

like to his child's baby shower.

I mean, yeah,

Yeah.

Kind of incredible.

Oh, Scott.

That's pretty good.

Did you?

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

I have people in the chat spell it out for me.

Oh, you missed out on the part where we went from fuck the police to

man.

Wow.

You know,

Trump is, yeah, hey, he's shaking things up.

Pretty good.

He's shaking things up, you know?

Damn, that's crazy.

What's going on, guys?

Oh,

it's crazy out here.

I didn't know about that.

Wow.

So, Paige is in the chat and says, Did you even mention Ava Longoria and how she was pointless?

I forgot Ava Longoria was in this movie, which is crazy because the movie only has five characters.

I mean, I do.

Ava Longoria works for NASA,

and

she's the one who discovers the aliens, and also

she discovers that they're eating the data, and she's an exposition person.

She exists for

exposition.

That's her job.

All right.

Well, again, get the bag.

Can't say I've known what she's been up to since.

I guess what?

John Wick?

She's John Wick?

Apparently, so.

That's crazy.

All right.

There's also a subplot about how a guy in the government's evil because he wants to collect all of our data.

And it's just as nonsensical as you expect because he's going to turn on Goliath, which is the most intense data surveillance thing that's ever existed.

And turning on Goliath put out a beacon to the aliens that said, look, look, we got so much data.

We got so much data here.

And as everyone in his vicinity is like, the aliens are attacking us because you turn this machine on.

And he's like, I need to do it to keep America safe.

and like the planet is literally being ravaged by space aliens and he's just like i i did what i had to do

like this i would not stupid

i the idea that this is a salvage of a thing that was filmed and then they're just like what can we do with it is kind of beautiful um

All we're missing is that, like,

you know, thing where Ice Cube is actually like, I don't support this or endorse this at all, but you signed the contract and it had to come out type thing.

We're just, we're just missing that final piece, really.

Good stuff.

Okay.

Oh, you know what?

I need to download an animated GIF.

How do I download this?

I need to download a GIF and then send it to you and then tell you that it actually appears unedited like the thing I'm sending you.

Let me see if I can upload this image.

There we go.

All right.

So this animated GIF

that I'm sending you of Ice Cube rubbing his hands and saying, courtesy of DHS, join the Rebellion with a Photoshop picture of Ice Cube in a hood.

That is as that appears in the film.

That is unedited.

A bunch of GIFs from this film were coming out, and people were like, wow, good jokes.

And then the response was like, no, this is a fairly fair.

It's not a joke.

That's not a meme.

It's actually

how it appears in the movie with no edits.

Yeah.

I thought we were kind of for a while there beyond the so bad is good, you know,

or at the very least, in being it, being made so bad, it's good in earnest.

But yeah, if there's no signs here that the people making this know what they're doing and that they're not doing this this on purpose, then

again, God bless.

10 on 10.

Love it.

Fantastic.

Love the love the

this again, memable

with its bra ingredients, never mind the sprinkling in of uh

fuck ice cube and also uh real war footage.

That's great.

That's true.

Yeah, it's good stuff.

That's that's a fantastic package right there.

Oh, people found the gif and put it in the chat.

That's good.

That's good stuff.

All right.

What an absolute pile of fucking shit.

What an embarrassing fucking mess.

Thank you for your service.

We appreciate your time sacrifice and your report.

Yeah, thank you.

There's actually like I could I could go on for double that length of time.

It's just it's infinite.

Like, it's never ending.

But I don't want to.

You know, like, I don't want to think about it anymore.

It's funny because, like, I haven't seen War of the Worlds

or so, like, the old Tom Cruise or even before that, but I think Tom Cruise one's fine.

But I really just, I'm like, oh, they remade it with Ice Cube.

That's weird, but okay.

But then all I would see is just footage of him at a computer.

And I'd be like, wait, but what about the tripods and the running through the streets and the little girl and the, you know, like,

what about all that action shit?

Where's all that footage?

I'm feeling like really stupid about War of the Worlds.

The Tom Cruise War of the Worlds movie exists as the point in time that I ceased being able to understand that people get older.

When I was playing Death Stranding and Elle Fanning was there, I was like, oh, is that like Dakota Fanning's older sister?

And people are like, no, Pat, that's Dakota Fanning's younger sister.

I'm like, what does that mean?

Dakota Fanning's just like a little girl.

She's like six years old.

Yeah.

No.

And people are like, what?

I'm like, yeah, in the War of the Worlds movie with Tom Cruise, she's just like a little girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no.

I know exactly.

No, it's particular to media, and it's particular to someone who's right at the beginning of being a teenager.

I know exactly what you're describing.

And this, to me, is the Tatiana Ali effect.

This happened because I remember when Fresh Prince was on, and I was like, I'm the same age as Tatiana Ali.

That's cool.

And then after the show's over, and you see, what is she up to now?

And you're like, oh, she's like a billion years older than me, actually.

And like, she's a way, she's been an adult forever.

and TV just fucks up your perception of that and also

and also like the Stranger Things kids and like that first season, you know, bit where you're like, oh yeah, they're like whatever, 12 or something.

And then they do the puberty thing and then,

you know, double in height.

And you're like, how did that happen in four years?

It doesn't make any sense.

Like, no, no, no.

It's you're you're specifically watching that particular time where it's the most confusing to be on video.

She's just a little girl.

She was right there with Tom Cruise.

It doesn't help that Tom Cruise looks exactly the same,

like that actually adds to the confusion quite a lot.

Like, the only way you have, you can, you can undo it by showing up a bunch more.

Like, like, now Macaulay Culkin has shown up a bunch as an adult, and everyone's like, oh, yeah, it's Macaulay Culkin, right?

That makes sense.

There you go.

It looks kind of greasy.

You know, or Haley Joel Osmutt, you know, and you just, you need to, like, have that.

You need to show up more for people to go, right?

Okay, got it.

Time has passed for you.

But otherwise, it's absolutely a headfuck every time.

Let's see, what else I do?

I went through and I started my series called Link to the Pats, where I played Rocket Knight Adventures and Castlevania Bloodlines.

Man, those games are great.

They're even shorter than I remember.

And that's because Retro Arc lets you use Rewind to avoid deaths.

Which version of Castlevania Bloodlines are you playing?

Are you playing the original acclaimed Chino Rondo with the English subtitle fanslation inserted into it for accuracy?

Can you put Josh back in your fucking mind?

That was not Josh.

That was the other guy standing next to him.

That was the guy that Josh was complaining

of him.

Yes.

Yes, the spirit of him.

Not Josh.

The dude next to him.

I brought him out.

25 years ago.

Yes.

No, 20 years ago.

Jesus Christ.

You have not yet played...

No, that's the wrong one.

Chinorondo.

Seiko.

Awful.

A rondo of blood.

Chino Rondo.

Anyway, I played the Genesis English version.

The problem with Mega Man X is that when Zero says to Mega Man, in the original Japanese translation, he says, don't die on me, X, otherwise known in Japanese as shinenu yo.

and that tone is so much more different from the English translation which softens them the moment and kind of says don't give up on me or so and really I think it's a travesty that we don't keep the original Japanese in Mega Man X and so that's why I've made the fan translation myself and here you should play the ROM do you remember that guy's name because I oh yes I and don't say it no you can type it if you want absolutely and in fact I'd have tracked you down on a on a forum that you barely post on to send you a giant dm about why why you should play this version of Mega Man X where he says don't die on me X

so

like whenever this like oh accuracy and oh he went to high school with his younger brother right

okay right right now I remember the oh fuck

his younger brother was so much cooler than him oh my god that's crazy Oh,

I hate this.

Oh, I hate this.

That was like one of the worst interactions.

Like, oh, cool.

I went to high school with your brother.

Oh, this is the worst person I've ever talked to in my life.

I have summoned the spirit into the room.

But here's the thing: whenever I hear localization discourse, like I remember that guy that I knew, and this is the person that I picture.

And

I have encountered no scenarios in which I have been disillusioned that that is, in fact, the avatar of who I'm speaking to.

Like, I've never encountered anything to make me second guess that that type of person is the person I'm talking to.

Because it's just an endless stream of actually.

Well, because the problem for me is that the next time I'm playing, so when I'm play Mega Man X, and then I get to that line where Zero talks to X at the beginning of the intro, and I go, fuck.

You actually

damaged it for me.

That's crazy.

God damn it.

Every time, you know,

it pops up and he says the light, and I go, God fucking damn it.

Oh, dude, that guy sucks so bad.

That's crazy.

Thank you.

Thank you for like re-engineering from scratch like a terrible set of memories in my mind.

Thank you.

Anyway.

Anyway.

Oh, man.

I just played the English Genesis version of Castlevania Bloodlines.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Those games are like 55 minutes long.

And

you go, well, how the.

And they remember, they cost like $80 in like 1993.

So that shit was crazy.

The dollars per minute shit was awful.

Unless

you were an eight-year-old and you had to beat

Castlevania Bloodlines.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Beat Castlevania Bloodlines legit.

That could have taken me like four or five streams.

So like that shit is mean as fuck.

Yeah, these games are fucking eight minutes long, but Childhood Me is running through Dr.

Wiley stage trying to jump off of the disappearing blocks to shoot that dragon in the face for the next five months.

So actually, it's fine.

Those games are awesome.

They're fucking great.

Of note for Rocket Knight Adventures, it's been a while, like a long while since I went back to it.

It's not that the game is short.

It's I can't believe

how short the levels are.

Every single level in Rocket Knight Adventures has a different gimmick, and every single level lasts like six minutes long.

Like

usually in a modern game, because they have to be a certain length, you'd be like, well, here's the platforming section with a trick to it.

Here's the first jump, which is your introduction.

Here is your more complicated series of jumps.

And now we're going to remix it a little bit.

No, you don't even get to the remix part of it.

Like, here's the gimmick.

Learn it or die

next stage.

You will never use it again.

It will never appear in the game ever again.

Incredible.

It's so fucking cool.

It's so cool.

Hey, man, what's up?

I would say...

Sorry, I got an ugly thing in my lab here.

No, I feel like Hi-Fi Rush harkened a little bit to that where

some stages just did.

It did some shit where it's like, you're at, this is just for this stage.

You'll never see it again.

Let's have fun.

Yeah.

So, yeah, no, those old games are great.

This week, I'm going to be continuing on with my cheating ass ways, running through old Genesis games with Contra Hardcore, Strider, and Zero Wing.

All games you can totally beat in an hour.

Strider, you can beat the fastest.

13 minutes, baby.

Used to speedrun that shit.

Yeah, Strider.

Strider might be the worst deal anyone has ever made buying a video game.

You could have...

I remember playing Strider as a child, and even with its difficulty and the regular continues, it took me like 90 minutes to actually beat it.

So it was an arcade game.

Right?

That's the deal.

Yeah, because you're popping quarters in.

It's also extremely bullshit.

And Strider, the cart, was more expensive.

Okay, Strider 2 for the Genesis, not the same thing, though, mind you, right?

That's totally different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you're talking about that original one where you just slide and cut through the whole thing, yeah, you can 13-minute that

clear that shit.

I look it up, like Strider Genesis playthrough, even like a normal run-through is like 20 minutes.

It's crazy.

It's absolutely nuts.

That was sold for like $80, $90 Canadian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I did a run back on Best Friends.

I think I did a run through that

showing off some cool shit

at the same time as or near around Alien Soldier or so.

But I fucking love Strider, man.

That's a cool ass game.

I love Strider in the context that I rented Strider.

If I had bought bought Strider, I would have hated Strider until my dying day.

Yeah, okay, okay, sure.

And then there's Strider-likes, like

Cannon Dancer.

And there was another one that was like right in that vein up there.

But I'm curious, like,

I was going to say, like, what made you pick that to go back to in particular?

Osman, there we go.

So

the link to the Pats pets list is really simple.

Every game on the first 10 games is a game that I said, hey, we should play this for old school playthroughs on the old channel and got shot down

by everybody because they either didn't play it or weren't interested.

I specifically say, hey, can we play Shining Force or Rocket Knight Adventures?

To which I got shot down so that you guys could do another Donkey Kong Country playthrough.

Okay.

Did

I

do you did some Donkey Kong Country playthroughs?

I think you did two and three.

I don't remember doing three.

I'd have to go back and let me know.

Maybe it was one and two.

I might have been one and two.

Yeah, I don't remember doing three ever.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyway, point being,

the layout I have is like Genesis.

So I'm I'm like, there's a million super short Genesis games that you can just fly through.

Okay.

And that's the basic logic.

And once I fly through all of that shit,

I will then be moving on to like Shining Force 2, which is my favorite game of all time.

And then probably dipping into the Saturn and then weird old PC stuff.

Well, it's not weird, but I think about Eye of the Beholder 2,

which I've tried to get running, and it hates being captured.

It hates it.

But I'll try it.

I'll figure it out.

Okay.

For a second, I thought

our blog, specifically going that side, like I don't know if Gunstar Heroes or Guardian Heroes or any of that shit would be.

So here's the weirdest thing.

I owned a Genesis.

I never played Gunstar Heroes.

Ah, okay.

Treasure stuff didn't.

So I should, yeah, Treasure doesn't, but I should go back to it as well.

Okay.

Oh, the other thing.

Because Alien Soldier is hot shit.

The other thing that was this was people asking me, hey, are you ever ever going to play more retro games from my audience?

But the most annoying factor, because I like spite,

I like it, was when I was playing.

Oh, I can't.

I literally can't tell you this story because it will spoil something for you.

Oh, okay.

I was playing a game recently,

and

people

could not understand

that I had never played a series of Super Nintendo games.

Okay.

Like could not believe it.

Like genuinely like were like, what?

And I'm like, I didn't own a Super Nintendo.

And I didn't go back to these games when I got to emulating because they didn't appeal to me.

And just like this non-stop, like, I can't believe you didn't play these.

To which I then responded by listing like

25 Genesis and Saturn games, to which literally everyone in my audience went, what's the

okay, okay?

Oh, you motherfuckers.

You pieces of shit.

As I grew up a Nintendo kid,

when it came to Genesis stuff in particular or Sega stuff, that was all after the fact, post-emulation.

I went back and basically did homework, you know?

So, like, there are some Super Nintendo games that I did homework on, and then there's a bunch of them that I didn't because they just didn't appeal to me or whatever.

And I didn't, so I had a friend that we would trade our Genesis and our

Super Nintendo back and forth, and he just never had the games that

people expected me to have played.

All right, let's start at the beginning of the list: three by three eyes,

and then

just whatever that same SNES emulator list, ROM list list every time.

Always starting with 3x3Is.

So I'm very happy with that.

Something else I'm very happy with, which I was surprised about, is I dip my toes into the Battlefield 6 open beta over the weekend.

And how is that?

So...

Were you allowed to play?

I was allowed to play.

Okay.

In order to play on my personal computer, I had to go into my BIOS

and turn on Secure Boot.

Okay.

Did you uninstall your Valorant launcher?

I don't have that shit.

Okay, what about 2xKO?

I don't have that shit on this computer either.

Okay, alright, alright.

Just check.

And that was an annoying detail, but did work

without issue.

So for background,

so I put the VODs up, right, of me playing Battlefield, and I got the strangest comment.

And it really shows like the level of context that timing can make.

So, someone was like, I can't believe Pat's playing like a modern military shooter.

That's crazy.

This seems like the kind of person he would make fun of back in the old best friends' days.

And I was like, Yeah, since I started to stream in

the second half of the old channel, we never really covered Call of Duty on the old channel, right?

Yeah, I did one on a Call of Duty Infinite Warfare LP.

That was like a

strange thing, right?

That was like, oh, that's outside your wheelhouse.

And it's like, oh, yeah.

So the time that I've been doing all of this just doesn't overlap with the part where I used to play Call of Duty and Day of Defeat and Counter-Strike and Battlefield all the time.

Like all the time.

Because after Battlefield 4,

the people who worked at DICE and EA sat up and they said, I want to do something brave.

I want to take this incredible multiplayer shooter franchise and just completely run it into the dirt by releasing a shitload of bad games over and over and make it terrible.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Just make it dog shit.

You know what?

I'm not even going to ask.

Never mind.

No, ask.

Ask.

Don't do that shit.

I hate that shit.

Suffice to say, I haven't haven't played Battlefield games, so I don't know anything, right?

Sure, yeah, whatever.

So it's basically like, well, because, well, Battlefront, Star Wars is kind of doing that.

It's the Battlefront.

That's somewhat similar.

Star Wars-themed thing.

Right, but the whole deal is like, unlike Call of Duty, where you are just running and gunning, you are 6v6 in this case.

Call of Duty.

Battlefield is about the fact that you can jump into tons of vehicles to fight.

Yeah, it's 32.

The scale is the big deal.

It's 32 versus 32, or like 50 versus 50, depending.

Okay, so the actual FPS aspect of it is not as good, but it's also not as important because you're doing vehicle play.

That is not the case.

Okay.

Traditionally, the FPS aspect has just been slower

because you're accounting for enormous scale.

Like

you don't typically run as fast.

You're not as mobile.

etc.

Because it's not about you versus six guys on the other team.

It's about your squad of four versus other squads of four.

Like the core unit in Battlefield is your four-man squad.

It's not you.

Right, okay.

Cool.

And Bad Company 2 was the best that series ever got.

And everybody who played Bad Company 2 will probably say so in the chat.

It's literally the best it ever was.

And it's been like

very, very poorly chasing that for a long time.

But there's an open beta.

So fuck it.

I'll jump on.

Wow, I had a really, really excellent time with the open beta.

I had an excellent time.

It feels good.

The changes to the mechanics feel great.

It plays excellently with a controller.

on PC against people with mouse and keyboard.

Wow.

Okay.

Though I will give a shout out to the YouTube content creator Tactical Brit, who put a very detailed guide about what settings and sensitivities and things of you to use.

Yeah, I was going to say, is there an aggressive auto aim or like I wouldn't call it aggressive.

I think the difference is that in Battlefield

It's your attention like in Battlefield it's it's

your attention is the resource that is at a premium because when you walk into a room, there could be like literally four to twenty guys in the room.

It's a lot.

So in Battlefield, you get a lot more

kills on a guy who just doesn't happen to be looking at you right this second.

Has the same studio been making Battlefield forever?

Yep.

It's always been dice.

Yep.

Okay.

But

so the

basically the game feel is good.

The maps are a little too small, but otherwise it feels really solid, which is not something I could say about the recent ones.

The one I took a look at them.

They have introduced.

So I haven't played in a while, so I don't know if these are new.

But like, everyone can revive anyone after being shot.

But the difference between medics and normal characters is the defib pads, just you shoot somebody with the defibrillator and they pop right back up.

But everybody else has to grab someone and drag them a certain distance before they can revive them.

Like, stuff like that.

Are you solo queuing and playing against people with proxy chat?

So, I was.

I solo queued and I played from people with chat,

but I never turned on the microphone.

It has a really excellent ping system,

and it has a really excellent map system.

The actual

chat just doesn't really

like I did not miss it.

Okay.

But the usual horrors that you are

first thing I did was turn off chat.

Okay.

The voice chat.

First thing I did.

Right away.

But and that was enough.

Yeah.

Okay.

Pinging and map awareness

works really well.

But it's got like a bunch of cute little shooter features that I really appreciate.

Like one of the things that's always been miserable in Battlefield is that people who pick sniper classes just pick a just post up on some shitty fucking spot on the map and

all they want to do is snipe people

and they will snipe three four guys in a match and then get killed by a counter sniper and then climb right back up to their spot and do the same thing and have absolutely no impact on the match whatsoever uh which is the worst uh

so in order to mitigate that

uh they have two features one is if you're looking down your scope, the higher magnification your scope, the more bright the shine off your scope is to everyone else within a mile.

Cool.

Like, if you're looking down the scope and anyone's like looking in your general direction, they will see a blindingly bright, like, there's a fucking sniper over there.

It's twinkling in everyone's direction.

Cool.

And, but

anyone a sniper sees through their scope gets pinged on the map

just by looking at them at all.

Oh, for the rest of the team.

Yeah, so the actual recon part of recon is like mandatory.

You can't get away from it.

Just for sniping.

Yeah.

Even if you're not shooting anyone by being helpful.

Yeah.

That's cool.

That's cool.

What else?

Yeah, so I had a really positive.

Sorry, I have to.

Oh, no, I just

going back through the years of Battlefield news in my brain of just like, when does it ever come up?

And

one of the things once every two years and something that comes up with it i feel has been like oh they've announced the microtransactions and they're dog shit awful horrible exploitive bullshit um

is this a case where the there's no word on what that's going to be because it's in beta The only word about it is that they have said that they don't want to end up looking like what Call of Duty looks like now.

I don't know if you've seen what Call of Duty shit looks like now.

Call of Duty is like a bunch of mascots and bulldogs and Nicki Minaj running around in your Call of Duty lobby.

It's

they wanted to be Fortnite and now Call of Duty looks like clown shit.

I saw a pretty accurate Gundam shit happening that looked pretty cool though, so I don't know.

I hear all that.

But also Call of Duty now looks like Fortnite for dads.

Yeah, okay.

They have said that Battlefield is not going to be doing that, that cosmetics and whatnot will look setting appropriate.

But if they put the thing I like in it, then everything is forgiven.

Yeah.

The other thing that I found out, and it's weird because I double-check this just to be sure, but

I went and took a look at

one of my YouTube comments when I put like a beta footage up,

which was describing the reason why it feels good.

And the reason why it feels good is that, and I can't remember his name, the lead designer on Battlefield 4

quit.

David Sirland, here it is.

He left Dice after the shitstorm of Battlefield 5, came back.

And his terms for coming back were he wanted complete control over all gameplay decisions, and he wanted alpha testing and open beta testing.

And Vince Zampella is also working on this game,

which he was not prior to either to older Battlefield games.

Vince Zampella of Titanfall and old Call of Duty shit.

Ah, okay.

So

a bunch of people

who at least two people in key decision-making positions came back to be like, no, we should make it good.

From respawn back to dice.

Okay.

And

Well, no, I think Zampella is like head of multiplayer at EA now.

Ah, okay, moving upward.

But maybe some directly overseeing it.

Maybe some Mirror's Edge people?

I don't know.

Dice is just dice.

It's been a long time.

I'm pretty much always working on Battlefield.

Okay.

Cool.

Cool.

So I had an absolutely fantastic time, and I'm actually like, like, hesitantly hopeful for the full re-elease.

I would love,

I would fucking love

to play a Battlefield game regularly and be like, yes, I am playing Battlefield.

I am enjoying Battlefield because that is some of the most fun I've ever had in my life.

Like Battlefield, when it works, is

the fucking peak of shooter.

I love that shit.

What time period is it?

This one's modern.

Okay.

They go all over the place, but this one happens to be modern.

But there's two things.

One

is that, oh man, I really hope they don't just kill its ass with microtransaction nonsense, which who knows?

Because I can ignore a lot.

But the second of which is that it's the, this has been a complaint in every single beta for Battlefield they have ever done in the history of the franchise.

And it is

the maps aren't big enough because they didn't include the really big maps in the beta.

So, like in the in the beta, you could get a game of 64 players, right?

32 on 32, right?

No, no, no, no.

I don't want that.

That's not the mode I'm going to play.

That's not the mode most people are going to play.

Maybe I'll play Rush or Breakthrough for funsies, but I want my 128-person conquest map.

I want my gigantic motherfucking map that takes me three and a half to five minutes to drive to the objective, only to get killed instantly by an RPG.

Right, okay, okay.

I can see a beta wanting to have more matches played out for more data, and therefore forcing the faster.

We're not doing 128 for BF6.

All right, well, time to Google something and remove the AI results.

I just recall

Battlefront microtransaction like HAL being

the peak of the most exploitive and bullshit microtransaction pricing in the industry.

So

all that Darth Vader, whatever shit, and then pulling it back so that it's still bad, but not as bad to make people stop complaining and

yada yada.

Here's the trick, and this is kind of like endemic to the modern military shooter, which is

for a lot of players like me, modern military aesthetics do nothing.

So I don't, I'm good with the defaults forever, man.

Like, I don't give a shit.

Right.

And that's what Call of Duty ran into, which is now why you're running around with a bunch of furries and celebrities,

where it's like, well, we got to do something.

Well,

I'll take furries and celebrities over this black guy who clearly couldn't have existed as a real soldier on the cover, even though it's from the colour.

A lot of the celebrities in Call of Duty are black people.

Like a lot.

Like a lot.

And it's not the one where it's just like, oh, you mean this guy on the cover that's from this real platoon that really served, that actually hears a photo of them, actually?

That is a double-duty.

Also, the danger of furries is that you don't know if they're black.

And I shouldn't have said danger.

That was the wrong word to use.

Mm-hmm.

The work.

No.

All right, undo.

No.

All right.

Let's try again.

I'm just going to give up on this whole train of thoughts.

Yep, that's all right.

We could abandon ship.

That's cool.

Reset.

All right.

Hey, what's up?

But yeah, no, I really enjoyed Battlefield 6.

And now I get to enjoy the...

So almost every battlefield has some kind of beta.

And now I get to enjoy the two-month-long wait of, I hope they don't fuck up the really good time I had in the beta.

Please don't write that down.

I didn't write that right down anything man

you need to you need to

I really hope they don't fuck up the good time I had in the beta yeah because that's the worst like oh wow that was so good I can't wait for the final oh it sucks

oh it's ruined I regret to inform you, Pat, you might not have realized this, but you are playing an EA shooter product

and you are enjoying enjoying yourself.

There's only oh, well, that's fine.

I used to play a lot of EA shooter products and enjoy myself.

So here's the thing.

Having expectations.

Modern military shooter slash first-person multiplayer shooter went the way of the sports game.

Like they were really good and arcadey and awesome.

And then they got so popular that they became the primary product and realized that people would buy them every year.

And they just became sports games.

And it happened in like the aughts.

And people were like, that plays Call of Duty?

Like, I used to play every single Call of Duty on day one, obsessively.

Well, because until Black Ops 2 came out and went, ah, this isn't as good as Black Ops 1.

Well, yeah, because what company more than Electronic Arts would understand, hey, we can turn things that are not sports games into sports games, you know, in terms of release scheduling.

And like, they clearly, that

like fucking duh,

the annualization in

all of this is,

that's a

anyway,

all this to say that getting your hopes up or your expectations into any sort of place where,

you know,

you're going to have a little bit of hope is

wild, but

also

of

very important note is not just that I had a good time playing Battlefield and was like, oh, that was a good experience.

Of note, and is, I'm going to say, dramatically altering my perspective of what happened, is that I started off, played it, I think I streamed it three times, two, twice, I can't remember.

I streamed it a couple times, and I started off just getting absolutely completely smoked and going, well, I'm almost 40, haven't played a battlefield game in a couple of years.

What are you going to to do?

Oh, that was a fun little thing.

Oh, I got him.

Oh, I got one, right?

And by the end of the beta period,

was

fucking grandpaing out or whatever.

I don't know what the kids call it, but was like finishing my matches by like, you know, a KD of like six or seven.

And just having like runs of just like absolutely slaughtering everybody and doing really, really, really, really well.

And being like, ha ha, the game is good because I'm winning.

I'm winning really good and I'm feeling really cool.

And I'm, oh, that means the game is really good.

Yeah.

Okay, there we go.

This is the most important part of the segment, actually, is

the results that made it fun.

Yeah, well, no, I was having fun before, but I was having way more fun once I was doing really well.

Because games are good when you're good at them.

They didn't say.

Games are good when you're good at them.

There's no server matching based on the

skill base.

No, there is.

But the

nature of the beast with Battlefield is that

on a map with 30 other players instead of five,

the range of player skill on both teams has to vary to a very specific degree.

Yes, for every five godkiller esports unstoppables, there are five infants barely holding the mouse.

Yeah.

And yeah, so the game, so I did really well and had a bunch of good runs.

So the game is really good.

Understood.

Which brings me to a follow-up thing, which is not something I played this week, but it is a piece of advice I would like to ask of you because you are the person to know.

So I really like Street Fighter VI a lot.

I think Street Fighter VI is great.

And Sagat recently came out, and I would like to mess around with Sagat.

And I'm going to be streaming messing around with Sagat later in the week.

But I also love M Bison.

Good game.

However,

I got M Bison to Master Rank,

which means my M Bison is now trapped in Master Rank forever.

You will never rank down underneath Master Rank.

The problem is, is that I don't remember anything

about playing M Bison in Street Fighter VI because I haven't played the game in like four months.

I don't remember anything.

Like nothing.

His crouching medium punch is good, but I don't remember any of the combos.

I don't remember the throw texts,

the throw loops, like nothing.

It's gone.

Some of that will pick back up

when I go and play it.

But also, the game has been patched twice since I played.

So even the things, if I do remember

and they come back, they'll be wrong.

So I'm in this strange place where I feel like if I go back to Street Fighter VI and play the character online that I want to play, I will just immediately die.

And I don't exactly know what to do about that

other than die for a while.

Yeah, if you're okay with dying for a while, then you can die for a while.

The other thing is, if you start a different character, but you already have one in master, the minimum rank you can get is diamond one

oh i thought it was plat

i think it's diamond one oh is it diamond oh

so

you with your sagat even if you failed all your placements might still find yourself landing in diamond one and then having to correct out of diamond or or further depending on how it's going um because the idea being if you have a master in any character then you are at least this proficient therefore let's

keep you amongst where you could potentially bring other characters.

Rough because Diamond One is like all right.

Yeah, people that start to know what they're doing are definitely hitting it up and playing.

But to not, but here's the thing: the other side of that is having a bunch of people who have master characters starting out amongst people that are much lower, completely making the experience not fun for them.

I have a question, and this is not cope, this is, or I hope it's not.

But as time goes on, is the average rank of each player increasing?

Because I remember when Street Fighter VI first came out, I had to crawl my ass to get into Diamond.

Like,

I had to fight my fucking shit off to get into Diamond.

So, when a new character drops, there's a huge push where a bunch of people that are not as good are now on the field, and you can therefore climb easier initially,

as long as you're in that sort of beginning period where everyone's checking it out for a bit.

Over time, as you know, those people filter out, people that are good tend to be the ones left that you have to climb through and it gets a bit harder.

But also,

people tend to make it to master and then just stop.

Because it's an end point to the race, right?

For some people, it's like a beginning to like, hey, the actual ranked I want to play starts at.

I kind of felt that way.

When I got to master with Bison and I was fighting over over 1300 to 1600, I was like, it's a lot less satisfying than getting Diamond 4.

But that is by design, right?

Because

ranked is two different things for different people.

And like, there's a part of how of designing the game to satisfy people that are aiming for a true skill number versus satisfying people that are looking to progress is to give them an exit ramp.

And achieving master is a stopping point for the vast majority of people with their characters.

So, um,

yeah, to answer your question, um, the best time to feel yourself, you know, getting a more

to get to get a higher win ratio is early on when the character drops,

especially, you know, if, um, yeah, especially when people are like, you know, messing around and like trying to learn how to use them, etc.

And then stopping at master is where a lot of people end end up just not touching the character again.

If you are not looking for the sweaty, you know, like MR battle, if you're not looking to, you know, take the true, take the true number from master into

your

online and then having to deal with a bunch of losses and all that shit or whatever, then you're, you're okay to just play to master and stop.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Well, my problem is that I played to master and then stopped, and then the game's got a couple patches since then.

So I feel like if I go back to my master Bison, he will actually be, he will assuredly be way weaker because I'm playing him, not because the character is weaker, than I was when I got there.

So two other things, I guess, that are pretty solid.

I mean, there's, okay, well, one thing that I know I like and such is checking out a replay to see what's going on with a character.

If I haven't been there in a while, I'll just go watch like, hey, what's somebody in my relative range doing just to see like what's going on, especially if it's been a version or so.

But a lot of people are using the Battle Hub and having fun just jumping on a cabinet.

It's been my experience that after a certain point, people in the Battle Hub became unkillable freak beasts.

So it depends on where you are and who you're matching with, and it'll tell you if the person is within your relative

skill range or not, right?

Like

if you match up with people who it says, this person's way above your skill range, then you'll find that, yeah, they'll be beasts that are streaking.

But I've seen people generally talking online about how jumping into the Battle Hub and getting casual games is a pretty fun way to play that feels less sweaty, but still tense.

Random casual,

it's a mixed bag.

You never know what you're going to get.

Sometimes you get...

Again, super sweat.

Sometimes you get people clowning around.

Sometimes you get people trying to lab things out or whatever.

But just to jump on, have some sets, play almost like going to the arcade, Battle Hub seems to be where a lot of people are having the highest quality games with people that are within their relative skill age.

And

it's a good place to like warm up and then be like, okay, cool.

I feel confident.

Let me switch on the ranked mode so that I can play while in the Battle Hub.

And then every once in a while, it'll be like, hey, do you want to try a ranked match?

And then you can crack that out, you know?

There's one other thing, which is like, hey, I would like to go back to Jamie, right?

Jamie's had a couple convenience buffs over time, but I just really like Jamie.

I'd like to play Jamie.

So here's where it's weird.

Every guide I can find for Jamie

is really fucking old.

Right?

It's like he's a release date character, so they're quite aged.

So then I go into like, okay, well, what's good for Jamie?

And then I have to hit the point where, like, all right, now that I've watched this video and try to integrate it, I now have to go through the fucking set of patches

that changed his stuff because all the shit in the guide is outdated.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

it sucks that things have become decentralized the way they are and people are basically off in their own character-specific Discords.

I hate it.

I hate it.

It sucks that you have to find the right copy.

Somebody just linked me the solution to my problem.

Fightercenter.net.

Okay.

There's a website.

Let's see over here.

Oh, that was.

Okay.

Well, that was easy.

Okay, cool.

There you go.

That's some information.

What I was going to say is that, like, you know, sometimes, like, beyond finding a particular, beyond finding a particular content creator or something and having to find them or whatever,

what I usually do

these days is

hashtag sf6 underscore Jamie.

And it's like.

I think that might be the least effective way for me to personally learn anything in my entire life.

I don't blame you.

When I want to learn something, I want to read it on a piece of paper.

Yeah.

And

I don't know.

It depends on whether the character had somebody or whether the community resource exists for that type of thing.

Back in the day, there used to be SRK.

There used to be universal places that were that all that information came together.

And some games still have those.

For Guilty Gear, you've got Dust Loop.

Street Fighter, yeah, there's definitely resources like this, but

the fact that you want to check versioning as well and stuff like that, like a lot of that does come down to like finding

a video that says, hey, SF6, Jamie changes latest season, you know, or something to that effect.

Something else, too, you might that's kind of

interesting if you haven't checked it out is the Simsim

stuff in the Battle Hub, where you can basically go and fight against

like the trained CPU that behaves like players.

Okay.

So like you pick a character and then after fighting a certain amount of, you know, casual or ranked or whatever matches and it like it updates or whatever layers of data, you can go fight against the Jamie that plays like people do at different ranks.

So at Diamond or at Platinum or whatever.

And like it's another way to play online in a less stressful way.

while simulating, you know, characters and peep and humans that are actually doing wake-up shit on you, pressure, okie, tech, and doing a lot of stuff that human beings do, you know?

So

I find just getting a feel for a new character way in low pressure as well.

The Sim Sim stuff is pretty good for that.

And that's in a specific place where it's like, getting a feel for a new character.

Nah, I just mean like, I'm in this place where I'm like, is

right now, today,

is Jamie's standing medium punch good or bad?

Like,

I will have to dig into the fucking domes to find out the answer.

I mean, and that's where I'm like, I'm going to go check out an MC Mura video or a Vesper Arcade, you know, and just go, like, oh, Vesper put up a video on the latest changes to Jamie.

What's going on with that?

They're looking at the data.

What's Broski saying?

What's that, you know, all these different.

Yeah, but it just, that's, that's the content creator way of getting the information.

I didn't know about fightercenter.net.

That looks pretty cool.

So it looks like a list of texts.

Pretty solid.

And in general, too, what I will say is that

the thing about the content creator stuff, though, is that if there is a person in particular that is like, you know, grinding it out with the character that you're playing, watching like a stream with them going through stuff and fighting matches, labbing, learning, et cetera, is like, it's pretty, it's, it's a fun.

I enjoy that.

I find it's fun to kind of see like, oh shit, you kind of learned together with the group.

You know, when Big Bird was doing Marissa stuff, you know, you kind of, everyone's kind of collectively discussing and watching and labbing and playing.

And there's a classroom environment to that.

You know, Zafarino has a big classroom environment to his streams as well.

So it's a different aspect from what you're specifically talking about because this is like hands-off the controller, you know, elements.

But if you're, if it is, um, it is, I find it kind of fun to, you know, to dive into that stuff sometimes, too.

Are you telling me that

in the two hours at night that I get to myself after everyone's sleep, that I should spend that entire time

watching a content creator explain to me how I should play a character and not actually get any matches in?

Is that what you're telling to me?

No.

Soon-to-be new dad?

No, no.

I think you should pop the game on, grab Sagat, go fight in the battle hub and see what happens.

But also,

you can fight ranked and care less about the results.

Well,

that's obviously the ideal, but like...

I had a cataclysm.

When I stopped playing Master, it's like, I got the master.

Woo!

And I won a massive streak in the end of diamond to get it in master.

Like, I was on it, right?

And then as soon as I got into master, I got like a cataclysmic losing streak.

Like, as soon as I got in, which I assume is my placement within master, and it's just like, man, I don't mind a loss, but getting like 40 losses in a row is like insanely discouraging.

And one other element to this, too?

What time did you jump online?

Oh, well, when I was doing that, the child was very young, so it was any given time of day.

Okay.

Nowadays, it would be

midnight Pacific.

Okay.

So 3 a.m.

Eastern.

Yeah, guess what?

That's primetime beast hours.

Freak hours, yeah.

3 a.m.

Eastern is you are jumping online in freak hours.

You're getting freak beasts non-stop.

That's a part of the problem there, too.

Like, that's what

I was with FF14 when I went back a couple of weeks.

Yeah.

I was like,

I want to run the raid at 1 a.m.

Eastern time.

No one's one's awake.

And the only people that are awake are freaks.

And they do their stuff Tuesday at reset.

You can enjoy

your best win rate and therefore the most fun by playing Friday night at 10.30 p.m.

You know, maybe even maybe even 9 p.m.

And if you are playing Wednesday at fucking 3 a.m.

Eastern, it is sicko hours only.

Sorry.

Oh, no.

Well, I'm going to be playing some Sagat this week, so

I guess I'll find out.

Been talking to some friends and folks and catching word on the street.

Seems like he can do some pretty scary stuff that's pretty nuts, but also

walk speed is pretty slow and not that bad.

So there's some argument as to whether or not he's really a big deal and scary or whether or not he's not that bad, which is exactly what you want.

So

I will tell you, I have a very specific reason, like a wildly specific reason that

I would like to try out Sagat.

I'm not the world's biggest Sagat fan.

I don't think there's even been a single Street Fighter game in which I even had him on my roster.

That's crazy.

I love Sagat.

Well, everybody knows you love Sagat.

Well, he's cool.

However,

on my Blue Sky, I have one of my Oomphies that just went on a tirade one day, which ended with, I refuse to believe the Sagat players are even human.

Yep.

Yep.

And I saw that and went, this really, really, really makes me want to play Sagat really bad because I want to be the sub-human garbage that people complain about online.

Yeah,

you never messed around with Ken, right?

No.

So you didn't get to enjoy what it's like to do that Jinrai kick to people.

It looks fun.

Yeah.

It's just not my thing.

Hey, hold this.

What comes next?

Oh,

let's see what happens.

So, yeah, you can do that with Sagat.

You can, you can.

So it's just really funny to see somebody getting super mad about Sagat and just posting pictures of a tiger at them.

You can just think that that just tickles me in my heart.

You can extract some premium salt with some of the shit he can do, for sure.

um

so that's it for uh for for my week if you want to go down to twitch.tv slash patstares at it's a big week gamescom is this week gamescom is tomorrow it is tomorrow skong might be there it's confirmed to be there no but i mean during the show like during the you know oh not just the not just the standees and the no who gives a fuck about that i'm not there i'm talking about i'm talking about during the show which is going to be at uh what is that uh well i'm going to start at 10 a.m pacific tomorrow.

Paige is going to be joining me because

the Fallout Gang is going to have season two news.

Paige saw a screenshot on the TV in the living room this morning of Lucy and the ghoul standing in the desert close.

Yep.

And she like ran across the room, knocking over many of the baby's toys to get as close to the television as possible and just like kind of smell the screen.

I got to be honest.

I mean, either that or she surfed across the ground one way or the other.

So Paige is going to be there with me.

We'll see if Paige's anti-Silk Song curse continues.

All right.

And I think

Kirby Airride Direct confirmed his.

I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing it.

Fuck you.

Fuck Nintendo.

I don't give a shit.

Fuck them.

On the same day, you pieces of shit.

Fortunately,

whatever gets announced will exist after it's announced, and we can see what's going on.

But that's not even true.

You don't even know that.

Looking forward to some cool shit on that.

That game is cool.

And Sakurai makes good video games because he sacrifices his own health to make them.

Yeah, that's correct.

I also got future game shows the next day, so I expect that to be abjectly miserable.

And then the rest of the week is mainly

some Genesis games and continuing with Xenoblade Chronicles, which apparently I've almost beaten already,

which is bananas.

I'm going to end up beating the game in like less than half the time it took me to get a third of the way through the game trying to beat all the side quests,

which really just like I think I'm going to end up beating it like six at like six or seven times the speed.

How many games of the past

can this be now applied to?

A lot.

Yeah.

A lot.

Yeah.

Or even

like a just like, I guess, a non-sicko path

through the game for non-sickos

instead of my sicko mode.

Well, correcting the timeline.

So be it.

Also, you know what's really fun when you're playing a longer-ish game and you are getting

every single person in the world telling you that there is a different amount of game left.

I have had people tell me I am two to seven streams away from the end of the game.

Look, there are folks that if there are names you trust that you can rely on for that, then go with that.

Anytime people throw things out there, they're always full of shit.

They're always misremembering.

They're always hyper-focusing on the cool part that they remember and ignoring everything else that was not as important to them.

I tend to be more likely to respond to the sicko that keeps annoyingly spamming developer details during the stream and is like, did you know this?

And like, how could I have possibly known that?

There's no way I could have known this.

But okay, thank you.

It's

insane how every single game I've played for the last five years has had somebody completely incorrect guessing on how many streams were left.

Every single game.

Do you know what the worst, what the least believable person in the world is

when it's 11 p.m.

at night and you're streaming and you're like, guys, I really should call the non-night.

I'm very tired.

And someone says, dude,

you're going to fuck the boss in like 20 minutes.

I have blown up.

I have blown up on those people.

He's the biggest liar that's ever existed.

i have blown up on those people and and i there has been yo okay reggie and i have had like off camera probably like five where we come in do the final session and we're like damn and then we go imagine if we tried to do all of that at the end of yesterday and just go what the fuck man

like an hour left of the game there's only like an hour we have gotten so mad at people being like no you're right there you're right there And then it was literally an entire next session.

You know, never mind the fact that I like to talk about what just happened and summarize the thoughts.

You know, you're a Gabber.

You're a Chatty Kathy.

You know,

yapping, even.

It's so wild.

Selective ass man.

Somebody in the chat points out you can totally finish it tonight if you put in another eight hours.

If you mash through all text, run to all the objectives, and stop giving a fuck about the content.

You know, sure.

So here's what I think is actually happening.

It's a combination of people's bad memories, but people also go to YouTube and they type in like Gears of War full playthrough, right?

And then they click on the very first link that's like the full game and they go, wow, the game's only four and a half hours long.

Okay, so let me skim to the part they're at.

Oh, they're uh

Okay, they're at the emulsion.

Oh, okay, there's only 90 minutes left in the game.

I'm just gonna tell them there's 90 minutes left

See and like I was able to calculate Reggie's exact pace on act one of Expedition 33 down to the day session

Exactly

We got there right at the end of the session.

I'm like, I know how to do this.

I remember when when I watched I watched you play Disco Elysium the director's cut and I watched your first episode, and then I went over to Paige, and I put down the week that you were going to beat the game,

which was like five months later.

And she's like, That's stupid.

And like, sure enough, I was like four days off.

Sure.

I'm like, Yeah, no, if you know someone relatively well and you know the pace and you actually know what's in the game,

yeah, you can totally ballpark it.

You know, account not accounting for lost weeks or whatever.

Oh, yeah, there was, you know, the power outage or whatever the fuck.

Cool, cool.

All right.

I could go for a piss right now.

All right.

Big piss.

Yeah.

Burp.

What?

BRB.

Oh, I thought you meant like burp out your piss.

Burp.

Like, that's not where it is.

B-R-B.

Yeah, okay, now that's much safer.

Isn't that a homestuck?

Drinking piss?

I feel like the word burb has something to do with homestuck, but I don't know what.

All right.

I feel like talking right now.

Yeah, all right.

All right.

Fuck this.

All right.

Quick word from our sponsors.

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That instinct is not, it's i had we had a friend that would be the photographer of the group you know sometimes but everybody did everybody had that friend but when you're not that person yourself you have to like actively think to do it you know so um yeah in anticipation of course of taking more photos in the in the near future i'm like okay yeah gotta be that gotta be that that that in that mindset and um the these honestly these aura frames are they're legitly awesome for as a reminder for all that it is your

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I think that's super sick.

I'm going to be using mine for a long time.

Thank you, Aura.

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Love the comfort shirts that they got going on over here.

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Excuse me.

Alright, what is going on?

There's some news this fucking week.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, where are we going?

What do you got?

Let's just go there and then I'll throw in the scraps that you may have missed.

Yeah, there's a couple things going on, I suppose.

I scrapped together a couple of scraps, as you said.

Things that appear to be

pretty loud.

Things that appear to be kind of, ooh, hey,

what the fuck is happening over at Roblox, man?

Oh, I knew it.

That was the first one on my fucking list, too.

All right, so

let's go into it.

Roblox is a platform that the kids can play games on, and you can make your own games on it.

And it's basically like the digital equivalent of those toys that you could program and make into different robots and shit like that.

So

next level of the Minecraft, like making your own entertainment thing, which

my little nephew was like, hey, you stream games?

And he was kind of getting excited about stuff.

And he's like, you know, I think you should really consider getting into Roblox.

I think you should redirect.

Roblox is very popular.

I think you should redirect

part of your channel.

It's very popular for streaming.

It's very popular.

Towards Roblox content, yes.

It is explicitly a game for children

in that it is extraordinarily popular with children.

So,

when you combine a game that is extraordinarily popular with children with

voice chat and online infrastructure and absolutely no oversight whatsoever of any kind,

you create an issue in which it becomes very, very, very, very popular with some of the worst people you could imagine, aka kitty diddlers,

who love hanging out on Roblox.

Love it.

And this has been a known thing forever.

This has been a known thing,

like literally the first thing I ever heard about Roblox was, man, there's a lot of creepy dudes on there trying to talk to kids.

First thing I heard was that, hey, my nephew was like, you should put that, you should do content for that.

Second thing I saw was, there's a fighting game on there and then the third thing I saw was oh

There's some bad bad vibes bad juju

So this story in particular what I saw was Roblox is being sued by the state of Louisiana and I was like huh, okay

now given all the bullshit with master card and such recently and and

Collective shout and all that horseshit, I was like, hmm, okay.

Totally unrelated, actually.

These are totally, totally unrelated.

I was like, what's going on there?

Are we looking at a case of, you know, like, or is this some of that like UK child verification stuff going on?

What's going on here?

And then

the first headline underneath that was,

alleged child kidnapping sparks lawsuits as California law to protect kids online is stalled.

And it's like, an actual child got kidnapped via Creepers on Roblox and Discord.

So, when was this?

Article was August 13th, 2025.

Okay, so

that one's newer than the actual genesis of this explosion of news.

So, the explosion of news comes from a YouTuber named Schlepp.

Now, I'm not personally familiar with Schlepp, but apparently he's a very large Roblox content creator.

Schlepp basically said, Bro, I'm on Roblox all the time.

I'm really sick of the crazy amount of groomers and pedos that I'm dealing with on a daily basis.

This is fucked up.

You guys got to do something about this.

So his first step

was

to compile an enormous amount of information and documentation on the dudes that he would run into and send it to Roblox over and over and over, only to be completely iced out and ignored.

Naturally, so Schlepp said, Well, fuck this.

And he picked up the phone and he called the FBI and said, Hey, do you guys want to catch like a ton of pedos super easy?

And the FBI said, Fuck yeah, let's do it.

You'd think, you'd think that's what they were interested in.

But anyway,

you'd think

of this series of events, they said yes.

They said, Well, let's just make sure they're not on this list first.

Anyway,

pause.

All right, there we go.

All right.

Yeah, well, it depends.

That's a good answer.

Anyway,

so

that's really good.

That Asna is dead off.

Anyway, so point being

Schlepp says, okay, fuck it.

I'll do it myself.

And so, combined with a couple people from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, they catch six or seven guys and they get arrested and those dudes are going to jail forever

for attempted grooming, child endangerment, probably shit they found on their computers.

They're going away.

They're done so.

As a direct result of

Schlepp and the FBI.

Right.

Basically, Schlepp knows where to point.

Okay, and did not just film the content and then go and kick them in the balls a little bit.

okay didn't do it they would they would run the old uh okay didn't didn't just film old a aol instant messenger gag yeah yeah of yeah i'm totally a 12-year-old girl by the way no i'm not i'm fbi and then you would see them log out and you'd laugh because you ruined one of those freaks days yeah so schlepping the fbi did that but for realsies okay

The realsies version of that.

Well, I'm just what I'm trying to establish here is that it's important that you've mentioned that there was a result to what was being investigated and done because there's a whole lot of asshole fucking people that are out there just

doing the same thing.

And then the end result is to get some content as they invite someone to a Walmart parking lot so that they can just beat the shit out of them and then have them run away.

And then no one gets arrested.

And in fact, they get a way to continue doing it and make everything actually actively worse.

But hey, you got some views out of the situation.

Of that is,

I caught caught you and you're at my house now, and you have to beat me in like a first to ten in Mortal Kombat, or else I'm going to turn you in.

Awesome, sure.

Or call your mom.

The phone was real.

Yeah.

Which is pretty funny, but you should come in anyway.

Yeah, and then there's call your mom, and then just again, make some content.

And then, all right,

off you on your way.

Don't be, yeah, whatever.

But point being, Schlepp works with the authorities and successfully did a good thing, which is get bad dudes arrested and away from children.

Now,

Schlepp obviously talked about this and made it public and then when Roblox found out they said hey

you're making children unsafe by impersonating people banned

you're banned off the Roblox you can't do that right right right

he then went public with that

and the state of Louisiana was like, what what the actual fuck?

What are you guys doing over there?

So the state of Louisiana got pulled in, and they're going after Roblox for not doing their due diligence for child safety.

And supposedly,

there are

lawyers coordinating hundreds of simultaneous lawsuits that are supposed to go out either by the end of this month or September of parents whose kids got groomed or creeped on by Roblox.

And when they attempted to get through to Roblox and have anything done

nothing would happen.

Correct.

So

alongside that was the case of a 10-year-old girl that got kidnapped from a dude that she met on Roblox and the lawsuit being filed in this case is from San Francisco

at the same time.

So yeah, this is a sixth lawsuit.

against Roblox this year on behalf of groomed kids.

So

this is, so I can't confirm this because it's my gut, but I'm going to go with my gut on this.

This, to me, in my personal opinion, confirms something that I've wondered about Roblox for a long time, which is how it makes its money and how it's so successful.

I have personally suspected that the actual business model of Roblox is providing an infinite amount of kids to wealthy pedos.

Because the whales in this situation are not paying tens of thousands of dollars in microtransactions so that they can play Roblox.

It's so that they can have all of the coolest shit in a totally unsupervised environment with 10-year-olds.

Interesting.

So,

as you say that,

there has been my personal opinion that I have that is not

my personal opinion.

Yeah.

Well, it's just interesting because as you say that, there's, of course, been years of, you know,

there's tons of

people that have gotten into the like exploiting kids for labor and

monetizing that

and

for their own money as well.

That's a whole part of it.

However,

oh, well, I don't know what you just saw, but there's an article that I saw that is simply called,

Roblox CEO continues to hold his pitch of Roblox as a dating site.

That's what just showed up.

Yep.

And so

of all the things that were coming in about these cases and whatever is going on, here you've got an interview where the CEO of Roblox describes how he wants to

continue emphasizing the 17 plus aspect of Roblox and making sure that inside of that, you can have all kinds of social interactions, and

it's something that might be useful for people that are afraid to go on a real-life date.

They could have a virtual date to start, for example.

Couldn't even get it up to 18, huh?

So,

the person in charge of the platform has already expressed interest in pushing this as a virtual dating site.

Yeah, so Roblox

is the scum of Hive and Villainy.

It's not good.

Because here's the thing.

Okay, let's say.

Let's say

I'm running

a website for children, right?

In order to safely have children continue to use my website and have everything work the way it's supposed to, it is in my incentive financially

to make it safe for children so that people can continue to use it in perpetuity, unless

I have a competing financial incentive to leave it unsafe for children

and monetizable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So if this story was Roblox CEO

plays dumb and goes, oh my god, we didn't know what this was happening.

We are committed to parental controls.

And then didn't even do anything,

you would be like, oh, they're just being lazy fucks.

They just don't want to do the fucking pay some intern to fucking put.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, you're getting a direct insight into the philosophy of what the platform is.

But instead, it's active attempts to shut down making it safer.

The CEO continued

his discussion.

If a parent is uncomfortable with their child's use of Roblox, they should simply not let their child use it.

As for him, as a father himself, he expresses how in his own life he still feels uncomfortable with kids in specific situations, stating, I'm not comfortable having his kids on the end of a dock right now without a life jacket on.

Okay,

um,

yeah, you, this is what this is, you kind of have to wonder if you know, it's one of those situations, situations where you go, Hey, do you let your own kids use the platform?

You know, of course not.

Do you like, hey, Mark, are your is your family on Facebook?

You know, like, what is there are you in there at all?

It's the nature of being inside an industry and having any degree of expertise in your field that you are aware of the pitfalls in that field.

So, like, guys

who

helped design

plastic devices for our day-to-day use famously don't allow plastic in their homes.

People who helped design smart homes for Alexa have dumb ovens and dumb fridges and locks on their doors with physical keys.

And you and I

are new to the parenting thing.

We are so fucking far ahead at the ability to protect our kids from shit online as everybody else I run into at all the family events where people will go, oh, I just don't know these phones.

And I go, no, I know.

Just don't let them have the fucking internet.

that you can't see until they're old enough to be like you just can't it's so fucked up out out there now

internet of things on all your objects there's almost always an interview where said designers or people are going hell no i don't let my family use it there's tons of those it's crazy how many of those exist you know um and every once in a while you get the version where it's like um the social dilemma or so where they're like actively we are fighting against the thing we created

actually if we could if you could help us we're trying to to stop the thing that we create.

You know, like it goes completely the other way on it.

So, yeah.

Kids love the Torment Nexus.

I mean,

shit,

you can build anything inside the Torment Nexus.

You can make friends.

You can go on dates inside the Torment Nexus.

Dude, I met so many friends, and they're so cool, and they know so much about Transformers and Roblox and Smash Brothers.

And they have their own basements, too.

Dude,

dude, my new friend says I can play Smash Brothers and drink sodas all day.

All right, all right, that's enough.

That's enough of this entire.

We get it.

We get it.

Smash Brothers player.

The FBI says it depends.

Yeah, see, because it's funny because, you know, you're like the beginning of the story.

It's like

oh the youtube creator went to the right authorities to to help solve the problem like he did a social good for his community yes overtly pro-social moral act

by by turning it into the fbi who are totally on the up and up right now what are you gonna do man come on there's no like what are you

I guess we'll find out.

Or we won't.

I don't know.

Anyway.

So, yeah, hey, don't let your kids play Roblox.

Or if you do, have them be totally supervised with you in the room the entire time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just straight up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's just, yeah, anyway.

All right.

This is such a good good news story for this week.

It's such a good one.

It's just every once in a while.

Yeah, all right.

There's, you just, you, you just, you wake up and you look at your phone and you go,

America?

And, and you're just, and you try to, and like, but come on.

All right.

So, you know what, my favorite?

Yeah, there was a tweet about this a while ago,

which was a Dungeons and Dragons tweet, but I think it speaks to all of us, which is somebody going, I don't understand.

If

I had a cursed object, I would simply put it down.

Meanwhile, me with my phone 12 hours a day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

So we'll find out what's happening over there.

Now, look, you know,

I noted that earlier you took the moment to say, hey, that you have your opinions and what you feel about the situation is specific to you.

That's right.

I do say those things.

I say a lot of things.

You do.

And the last I saw, you,

you know, while you say those things, I thought I saw you

advertising

the first descendant.

That's crazy.

I don't remember doing that.

Are you sure?

In fact, I remember.

Let's pull behind the curtain, shall we?

Willie, come behind the curtain with me and we'll pull it open.

There's a really specific type of email that we get

that is like way before a game comes out where you're like, oh, they already know it's going to bomb because this email is like begging you to cover it.

Just and it's shit like, hey, do you want to co-stream the gameplay reveal at 2 in the morning on a Tuesday?

Oh, it's going to be so sick.

You could be like a custom content creator.

We'll put you in the program, and it's like, oh, oh, it's going to be so good.

If the subject line for the email has a price figure in it

in the subject line.

So, and then, and then, yeah,

and so here's a game that I like to play, right?

Here's the game.

Are you ready?

Um, I never responded to a single first-descendant email.

Not once.

I never responded.

They sent me like 30.

Like

they were

very

interested in having me say things about the First Descendant.

And I would like to imagine that that was actually a very common response.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Saying things on camera.

into the microphone about the first descendant.

What do we do, Woolly, when we can't get pat or woolly or markiplier or charlie to talk about the first descendant what do we do

um

well it it looks here like you just fucking take their likeness anyway slap that shit on gameplay footage and have them say for example oh my god the big boss wall crasher is invading i'm going to defeat it with my new descendant nell she is a telekinetic powerhouse who could and just

have it.

Just fucking deep fake your your your influencer.

So you know what I really love about the first descendant ad that we're talking about?

First of all, I've seen it.

Like I have seen the specific one.

Second of all, I've seen the content creator that they're stealing the likeness of.

He does like exclusively super topical political American stuff.

Oh, wow.

He does it.

It's not like you look at his channel and he's like, yeah, we're fucking gaming.

Like, he takes calls from people and argues about politics.

Right?

Like, it's not, it's not even the right one.

That's crazy.

Right?

And also, the voice and the face are

so,

so not mixing at all.

But it doesn't matter, right?

And you're not even going for convincing anybody.

You're just,

it is the slop garbage mobile game ad.

but add the face of the person with the headphone talking, of which there's multiple

AI

YouTubers that they use, by the way.

I saw like a compilation of like five or six of them.

And

it's just, yeah, run it through the script, have their

mouth flaps, talk about the wall crasher

or whatever, talk about the new Near Automata

DLC,

which is just like, I see that.

I'm like, oh my God, Yoko.

God damn it, dude.

Like, I know you don't care, but fuck, man.

When 2B shows up, your game is dead.

Oh.

That's what happened to Soul Calibur.

She's everywhere.

She's everywhere.

Hey, Grand Blue Versus is doing its thing.

Grand Blue's.

Yeah, I think they're fine, you know.

Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah,

it's just super creepy, weird bullshit.

But yeah, Nexon's Schluter,

The First Descendant, is just unleashing AI streamers.

And like, I think it's a combination of like fake AI, like, generated people and just, again, deep faking people's faces as well.

It's really obvious that game is not doing well.

Mixed on Steam.

Mixed, mixed reviews.

Yeah.

You know what?

Let's let, you know what?

Since they're so desperate to have you and I talk about the the first descendant,

why don't I read

the top Steam review that I find off of their Steam page?

That's funny, because I was doing that just before we started, actually.

These reviews are too long.

No, I saw people.

Here's a good one.

I saw people complaining about the grind.

Bruh, I was looking forward to the Near Skin Collab.

Shamelessness.

It's cheaper to buy Stellar Blade plus Near Atomata than buying the skins buzzed.

But it's free.

It's an Exxon scooter.

That's a free-to-play with, you know.

All right.

The Enora one in chat gives a piece of context that will work for people who play Warframe.

Anora one says the equivalent of a Warframe potato in the First Descendant costs $25 fucking dollars.

What is a potato?

A potato is called an Orican reactor.

It's something you use to respec.

Wait, no.

What the fuck do potatoes for?

No, you double your mod capacity.

They're like a vital, vital piece of kit, and they're like very, very cheap.

They're like.

Mandatory?

I would say they're mandatory when you're playing a frame you like

or a weapon you like.

You can microtransact them, but you can also get blueprints in the game to just make them.

And they give them out for free a lot.

A potato and warframe costs like

a quarter.

Okay.

Right.

And you can get them in-game.

So, like,

that being $25 is like,

holy fucking shit.

Yeah, but then if you, but then how else are you supposed to defeat the big boss wall crasher that's invading?

I don't know.

This might be a really stupid thing I'm about to say.

But, like,

you're obviously putting no work into this ad at all because you've AI generated a person and you've AI generated the footage and you've slapped some b-roll on it.

But AI generating the text and then not checking it once, leaving your ad to just sound like nonsense.

It's like that one's the most important part.

Because even if they were stealing the likeness and the voice was garbage, if the script was actually an ad, ad, you'd be like, well, maybe there's something there, and these people aren't just idiots.

But because it's also impossible to understand nonsense, it just leaves this thing like,

I can't scroll past this fast enough.

Dude, I don't think there's a human being involved anywhere in the entire process.

I think Nexon pays money to a company that auto-generates like 150 of these things and just spits them out over ad servers and buys the push time.

And it's just, there is no checking anything.

It's just, does it violate any guidelines on the specific ad platform?

No, all right, push it out there.

And then it'll be gone.

And then we'll do another, you know, you just, there's no, there's no anything.

There's no thought anywhere in this at all.

I recently saw somebody going to a subreddit about AI YouTubers.

And it was just a bunch of posts of dumbasses going, so I have ChatGPT writing scripts and then ChatGPT generating videos to go along with those scripts and I'm auto-uploading them to a YouTube channel and I'm only getting like one or two or maybe 10 views a day on my whole channel, even though it has hundreds of videos.

What can I be doing to make my channel more successful?

I only spend about 30 minutes a week on it.

Yeah.

That's lying.

Do you?

Yeah.

You're currently doing nothing, so if you did anything, that would be an improvement.

No, you see,

there needs to be a name for the fallacy, but like the just the absolute um

like

brain head empty level of drooling thought that comes from well i can get i can get on this and start using this to quickly generate shit and then everybody will come to the shit that i'm generating without thinking about the fact that they can just generate the things too but there is a there is actually a term for that oh yeah It's called a get-rich quick scheme.

Oh, well, yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Because if your get-rich scheme works, why is not everyone using it to get rich quick?

But like

Jordan fucking Belford or whatever, the Wolf of Wall Street had to at least go get a chair and a phone

and sit in it.

And it wasn't a get-rich-quick scheme.

It was a regular scheme that they had to work at really hard.

Like that's that's

okay.

All right, all right.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

All you have to do is make thousands of dollars a month by putting small classified ads in your local newspapers wants that wanted section, and you'll just be rolling in it.

And anyone should do this.

I don't know what I was looking at, but I just saw like a montage of like it, I think it was like Demon Slayer characters just running in the foreground, and then a big monster in the back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then there was like five, and then a bunch of other characters from other shit, and it's like a completely not real game, whatever shit generated.

It's like, what are you advertising here?

Like, what am I looking at?

Is this even anything?

Is this nothing?

The surface

economy that we currently exist in has proliferated an issue, which is completely fake jobs selling fake products to fake companies so that they can post fake earnings.

Right.

Like,

like a significant portion of the global economy is people just making shit up to look like they're working.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean,

fake numbers makes the world go round, dude.

Like, that's,

you know.

And remember, if you don't like the stats, you can just fire the person who makes them.

I got to tell you, bro,

all this nightmare shit really helping me with my imposter syndrome.

Ah, like a lot of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you feeling more competent?

I feel like I'm doing like a real thing and a good job, maybe.

That's, that's pretty, that's pretty cool.

Also, raising a baby,

like, I'm like, you know, when the baby is good, you're like,

I'm doing a good job.

That's good.

That's good.

Okay.

So you talked about wanting to jump back in and potentially check out some Sagat

in Street Fighter.

Well, I just want to make sure that when you do that,

I don't want you to accidentally violate the upcoming Street Fighter League Capcom guidelines for streaming.

So

I want you to just make sure that you're safe.

And to not violate.

the new guidelines, you're going to need to make sure that only the safe parts of the screen are visible.

All right.

So I'm going to send you a picture here.

The area in red is not to be streamed.

And the area.

Yeah.

Okay.

The area highlighted.

That's everything but the timer.

That's correct.

Okay.

You are allowed to co-stream, but by co-stream, that is to show your face and the timer of the match that you're watching with no audio, of course, and to let people see the clock of the match.

And then hopefully your excitement will allow them to, you know, just get the vibes and sync up.

Yep.

So it'll be like a commentary track, you know, like

Pink Floyd and people who do like watch parties of like TVs and movies where they just put the all they show is the timer of the film or like in VC.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

No, it's it's 100% like Pink Floyd and Alice in Wonderland, you know, it's just

or Wizard of Oz, rather.

How do you feel about this?

I think it is

the dumbest shit I've seen Capcom announce

since

it is bafflingly insane, and it feels like an extension of the particular way that the Japanese esports league stuff is completely out of touch.

Because

the S-Tree Fighter League stuff is very much

tied up with their esports Japanese broadcasting stuff.

And all the corruption that came from their

having to,

the criminals that forced everyone to sign up for

this fucking

crooked group that was going to be like, we are in charge of handing out the payments or the prize money for anyone who competes in Japan because fuck you, that's why we've made ourselves the authority.

I feel like this is just an extension of that.

So

the mentality that says, hey, you're not allowed to look at the guy from judgment because he's owned by Johnny's.

You know, that same kind of thing comes into play here, right?

We want to emphasize that you watch this while it's happening and hype it up, but people are supposed to turn on our stream and then turn on your stream at the same time and sync up the clocks.

And then that's how you're meant to watch it.

I am actually torn on this.

Because I agree that just allowing the timer is hilarious and very stupid.

It's a direct result of it being a pay-per-view.

And the actual discussion is whether or not esports championships should be pay-per-views.

And I don't know.

Because in an ideal world,

Evolution would require a $10 ticket to watch online, and then they would throw that into the prize pool, and then the prize pool would then descend descend into the hundreds of competitors instead of top eight.

Quick question.

We don't live in that ideal world.

Quick question.

Are you interested in getting people

to watch your thing, and you'd like that number of people to grow?

No, I'm interested in making money.

Oh,

shit.

Then, yeah, I guess I'm torn on it too.

Because, like, here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

I'm an event organizer.

Let's say I'm an event organizer.

I'm not like emotionally attached to the future of Street Fighter.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, to my bank account.

This is a dilemma.

This is hard.

This is truly difficult.

There is money to be had from each of these individuals.

There's also, we could just show up at their door and beat it out of them.

That's always a solution.

I I don't think it's a particularly good solution most of the time.

They might not want to watch more Street Fighter after we beat it out of them.

But there might be some returning customers.

You know, it's possible.

Yeah,

man.

I think if you're going to treat esports like sports,

then

you need to look at like there's a really, really, really long history of televised sports right and what sports could get away with charging money to see the thing and what couldn't and traditionally

You know the the Super Bowl you just turn on your TV and watch it right or but you know the UFC fight or the wrestling show which we're gonna call sports for this purpose is something that you would pay to see at the you know at the day and date where it gets complicated is that while watching the Super Bowl is free, it's also attached to the fucked up cable package that you had to get only to watch the Super Bowl.

In terms of esports, it's actually crazy how long esports organizations have gotten away with just broadcasting the whole fucking thing for free forever, especially when the ads on esports suck and don't work.

Well,

maybe for starters, if the community that you're trying to monetize has had a fucking multi-decade long history of just having people show up grassroots, organizing their own tournaments and putting them out there,

maybe, maybe, maybe you don't burn that all to the ground

immediately.

by

showing up and trying to nickel and dime absolutely every aspect of it, destroying the community aspect of it.

And then the worst part, the most frustrating part is having these criminal organizations that suddenly see that there's there's red in the water,

getting Capcom on their side to approve of their rules and agree with it and go along with it.

You know, that stuff with Momochi from back a couple years ago, where it's just like there was no official esports anything in Japan.

People could just, you know, and then all of a sudden, a group comes out of nowhere, declares a private company gets created by private individuals with capital that go and say, we are the esports regulation

regulatory board, right?

Like this is not an ESRB type situation or something where it was like, you know, there was a government thing that then had to have someone step in to stop a lawsuit or protect from further encroachment.

Just a completely private company out of nowhere just showed up and said, no, no, we're the official esports regulatory board.

If you want to do anything esports related in Japan, you must sign up through us.

And

people were like, fuck you, that's bullshit.

And then they talked and greased enough palms of enough companies that make games that those companies went, yeah, from now on, our prize money goes through this company.

Well, here's the thing.

And then that was the end of the discussion.

You're completely right.

And you've told that breakdown before.

And it's to esports's

pride, I would say, that they are getting closer and closer to regular sports every day by being so outrageously corrupt.

That's a respectability thing, right?

Ideally, for me, I would like to see esports athletes, which there should be a new term.

I don't like using the term athlete for guys that look like me.

But I would like them to get paid.

That is my ideal scenario.

If you are performing at a high level and you're doing a competitive thing for the audience,

I would like you to get paid.

However, I don't think any of this money trickles down to them.

Competitors, there.

Thank you.

However, at the end of the day, if the esports scene for your game completely fucking dies, then it'll just go right back to the grassroots shit.

That is a positive.

That is a positive of the situation.

That is true.

That will just continue to exist regardless.

Think about

Call of Duty and the amount of money that's been thrown into the open furnace that is the Call of Duty esports scene.

Yeah.

For like no

interest.

And esports is different for a very specific reason.

Is that when Capcom holds the Street Fighter tournament, let's say they have ads for Red Bull or like Pornhub or whatever the fuck.

It doesn't matter, right?

Those ads seem to be traditionally ineffective.

However, the primary ad for Street Fighter VI's invitational tournament is Street Fighter VI

that Capcom is advertising for the thing that they own.

Correct.

Go buy the game.

Yes.

Directly.

There is an incredibly clear incentive for them to have everybody watch it.

So is SFL run by Capcom or is it run by a separate organization?

So it is an official tournament, but I believe it's co-run by a billion sponsors alongside Capcom.

Right?

That's the answer.

You go, you look at it and it's it's not

Capcom Cup, for example.

Yeah.

And

believe it, well, you see, you say that, but here I thought the whole point of Street Fighter VI was to sell Chipotle.

I thought we were just doing this to get the fucking

beef bowl, you know?

Yeah,

I kind of just can't help but get that feeling that you're like, you're looking at this random thing that a bunch of, again, again, grassroots, whatever, a bunch of people like on their, on their own, made an organization.

And then all of a sudden,

you know, you know that like, hey, would you travel back in time and just like take out

baby FIFA?

If you saw like,

if you saw the Olympic Commission like in its infancy, and you could wipe it out of existence,

would you take that opportunity?

Because a baby Olympic Commission or a baby FIFA has just showed up into your

hobby and is threatening to grow up.

You know?

It feels kind of like that.

When I see this type of shit.

Yep.

All right.

Yep.

Okay.

Anyway.

If Capcom's co-running this, then it's dumb as shit.

They are.

This is an official thing.

It's completely.

Aside from our experience, it's absolutely laughably fucking stupid for them to kneecap their own audience that they should be catering to with free content so they're excited about Street Fighter and spend more money on Street Fighter by going, no, no, no.

But once again, the Jesu, the organization, the esports license crap, whoever that was,

they greased the right palms.

They talked to the right people.

They fucking, you know?

Yeah, that's why esports in Japan will never be as fucking big as it is in the U.S.

Go to the Street Fighter Esports League Capcom website and scroll down and look at the official partner list of a bunch of companies here that are all

part of this as well.

This isn't perfect at everything, but in terms of esports, the fighting game gang of fucking do whatever is a pretty good solution.

You got enough people here and some cameras.

Okay, whatever.

We're doing a show.

Anyway, absolutely ridiculously stupid.

And,

you know, hey, look, if you're feeling real stressed out by all that

and, you know, you're just like, damn, I can't stream the Japanese Street Fighter League stuff.

And you're in Japan.

Well, you could just head on down to McDonald's and get a happy meal.

I don't think I can.

I think my local McDonald's in Japan, yes, that's

right, me, my local McDonald's in Japan, is actually bizarrely out of food

today.

And there's just enormous dumpster piles of trash right outside the door.

This happens at least like once or twice a decade, right?

There is always a promotion at a major store for a thing that's going to have a whole lot of scalpers coming through, and it results in mountains of garbage of food thrown out on the floor of the establishment, and then a big apology comes right after.

I would like to, so basically they had limited edition Pokemon cards for Happy Meals, and so people would just show up, buy as many Happy Meals as they could get a hold of to get the cards, and then throw the Happy Meals on the ground outside the restaurant.

I mean, at first it seemed like we're going to need, like, at first it was like, okay,

let's put it in the garbage, and then it was like, well there's no room in the garbage so let's just put it around the garbage and then it just became garbage is invisible and now it just became well i'm going to take the cards out of the bag and let it go and where gravity falls is where they lay

so uh this the so everyone's probably noticed the scalping is getting worse and worse and worse and worse

um I'm of the opinion that this is a recession indicator.

So we've always had people going totally nuts for limited edition products: happy meals, beanie babies, the booboos, the booboos.

But

the frenzy behind scalping

seems to correlate with the fact that people need to get money somewhere.

Yes, and you have a secondary channel of commerce which fluctuates according to hype.

And also, you're really, really, really down and out on those NFTs.

You're still taking a beating

on those apes, man.

So, you're desperate for a dub.

Here comes McDonald's.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

So, for a lot of businesses, there's absolutely no incentive to stop scalping for a little while anyway, because

it's a guaranteed market that'll buy up up all stock instantly.

Right.

It's fucking awesome.

It happens every time.

Every time, dude.

By the way,

was it you that I talked to about labooboos?

No.

No.

About the dark patterns with laboo boo?

Oh,

no, we haven't talked about it, but I'm well aware.

I've watched a family at a claw machine

wailing to get a rare laboo boo.

You don't know how dark the labo-boo Labooboo pattern gets.

Laboo Boo has the darkest dark pattern I have seen in my life.

I mean, we live through beanie babies, dude.

No,

you don't understand.

Okay,

you can go to the luboo boo website, right?

And lububus are blind boxes.

They are gas.

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

So here's the part where it's the darkest dark pattern of all.

You go to Laboobu and you go, I would like to buy a Labooboo blind box, right?

When you purchase it off the website and it sends it to you, right?

And it's shipped and it's confirmed.

You can't, there's no takebacks, right?

You bought the blind box and it sends it to you.

And the shipping is confirmed.

Or sorry, no, the purchase is confirmed with your card.

It will then tell you what was in the blind box.

Oh, oh,

upon click.

Yes.

Oh.

And then it will ask you, would you like to buy another one?

Oh,

oh my god.

Oh, that's the darkest.

That is the darkest thing I've ever seen before it even arrives.

Oh, the addiction machine.

Oh, my goodness.

And then the shipping and situation where you go, no, I want

until, until, until.

And then what happens?

You end up with 30 Garbo labooboos that show up at your house.

Wow.

It's the fucking one per case mentality, but you just, you keep that, you instantly get the feedback on click.

Yeah, they used gacha pull like dark patterns for real life.

Applied them to physical items.

It's also

the most wasteful thing ever.

Wow.

Okay.

Does it become an even darker, dark pattern if the labuboo you're trying to get is the blackface one?

No, that was custom.

Oh, okay.

So the lady, the lady who, there's a sound on TikTok, where it's I, some British lady, I have the only 24-karat gold laboo boo, which is the labooboo that she dipped in gold

for social media, and then she got really popular because that's pretty funny, and then immediately pulled out like an insanely racist blackface laboo, like as like number two.

Okay, okay.

And everyone went, oh, oh whoa okay

okay okay okay

that's a that's a different kind of dark pattern yeah yeah got it understood

um

yeah wow wow that's impressively evil

you're like if you're an addict you stand no chance

rock how many laboo boo blind boxes do i need to buy to get the gold laboo boo

I mean, the only thing further

are actually victims of a genocide.

Thanks, Kroc.

The Laboo Boo Booer.

That's good.

That's good.

That's A.

Unfortunately,

I'm not feeling too good about it.

Listen,

the only thing more evil I can imagine is if you then had a button that let the person who bought 30 and got nothing

basically be like, do you want to just trash those 29 so that we don't even send them to you?

You know, do and then we just keep them and then we actually take your money, but we don't send the product out.

But you don't want all that plastic, right?

I mean, there's the extra bit of this is like,

okay, you've re-rolled 30 times to get your, I don't know what the laboos even look like.

You get your fucking

little gremlin face, whatever, yeah,

and you're that's the one you want.

It still has to survive the shipping process to you,

sure, yeah.

So there's the possibility that you blew X amount of dollars on getting your super rare Laboo Boo and it just dies or is lost in shipping.

Or gets porch pirated.

Yeah.

Man.

Anyway,

I'm curious to see if

this is

going to make it through the end of the year or are we talking just, like, at what point does the money launder scheme, you know, give out?

Like, is it a matter of...

Those Pokemon cards in Japan are absolutely being used for money laundering.

Oh, yeah, of course.

The worst thing you can do with money is keep it as money.

Like, what the fuck?

What if I turned it into an ape?

Huh?

I can't imagine.

I can't imagine how

criminals lost their shit on NFTs.

Like, like, like, dudes doing real ass, like, drug/slash trafficking crime that were like, yeah, let's put it into this weird non-fungible, unsourceable crypto thing.

And then we'll sell them and the money will be clean.

And it's like, oh.

I sold all these drugs for nothing.

Like, what am I?

There's a White House coin, dude.

Like, what am I supposed to?

Anyway,

yeah.

Um,

let's just get out of here.

Have you noticed crypto guys have stopped talking about replacing money with crypto?

That that that pie in the sky goal no longer exists?

I feel like they still are, but it's oh, that was like the that was the sell.

Like in five years, crypto is going to replace money.

And it's like, no, it's not.

No, it's but it's it's it's illegal transaction currency is what it is.

It's it's for it's for Roblox

fucking transactions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like exclusively.

Oh, it's all linked.

It's all linked.

Our society is cursed and doomed and fucked.

I'm really excited for Gamescomp tomorrow.

Silksong might be there.

Yeah.

Sure, man.

Take some emails.

Hey, if you want to send in an email, send it to castlesuperbeastmail at gmail.com.

That's castlesuperbeastmail at gmail.com.

Why are they making a new Lord of the Rings?

The search are the hunt for Gollum.

They burnt through everyone's patience with a trilogy of Hobbit movies.

Like, tap out.

You know what?

I do have a piece of good news, though it is a little old.

Did you see that

Coyote vs.

Acne was not only not deleted, but it was sold to a new company who was going to put it out next year?

Who's actually going to put it out?

Yes, yes.

I imagine there will be

a fiasco of watch party

activity for going to watch that movie after so long.

Although also people say it's pretty funny.

Say it's pretty good.

I heard that people who did get to see it said that it was one of the best movies Warner Brothers ever made, and that made it extra weird that they were so desperate to kill it.

Oh, someone in the chat says that the copyright on Lord of the Rings is going to expire in 30 years.

Oh,

milk, milk, milk, milk, milk.

That explains it.

Yeah, and all the games and everything.

Right, right, right, right.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to get it while you got it.

Get it while you got it.

True, true, true.

Can't be having these Popeye, Winnie the Pooh, Steamboat, fucking willy-ass

copyright free productions going on.

If you got an email, castlesuperbeastmail at gmail.com.

What do you got for it?

Emails.

Alright.

Let's see.

Hello, Dan and Dadder.

Would you make a Faustian bargain of never being able to play Silk Song when it comes out in exchange for a very detailed documentary on its development.

That's such a good

bargain.

It's pretty good.

That's a really good bargain.

I'm tempted.

I'm really tempted, but I'm afraid that it might be a really underwhelming, yeah.

Well, that's my expectation.

Like, it might be a really underwhelming not story at all.

It might just be, yeah, we just, it's, things got away from us.

We just took forever.

I expect that the story is.

So I dug into this recently to try and figure it out.

And I believe

I have a rough draft of what may be there.

So to the question of what the fuck is going on with their social media, the answer is that the three gentlemen who make Silksong

are not active on social media at all.

Even in their personal lives.

Okay.

So they're like probably relatively ignorant of all the nonsense.

They've just been feature creeping their shit shit off.

That can't be possible.

Like, no one's telling them that everyone's mad.

Oh, I'm sure people are saying, hey, people are really excited.

They really want to know what's going on, but that's it.

I think I've heard a multitude of stories of people that are like really high up in the games business being totally baffled by public reception of their games.

And listen, being out of touch, you know, is not is not a rare thing in this industry.

However, I don't believe that for the simple reason that as somebody who has creative thoughts and desires to get those out there into the world,

anyone who's making a video game can't wait to see what everybody has to say about the thing they're making.

That's necessarily true.

It's not a universal.

The idea that

they're being gatekept away with not without knowing for like years.

I'm not saying gatekept.

It's they're the type that just put their head down and do it.

I mean,

is that better or worse?

People in chat are pointing out like from software, from software spent like most of the lifetime of that company not understanding what people did or did not like about any Dark Souls game.

Like you had features that would disappear and reappear at random because they were discussions that happened internally without any external feedback at all ever.

I mean, like, isn't that dangerously close to Concorde's toxic positivity?

A little bit.

Yeah.

A little bit.

Yeah.

Right?

Aren't you being filtered from the truth here?

Yeah.

Like, people are pointing out, like, Miyazaki

from Software.

Does not play the Dark Souls series.

Right.

He designs them.

Like, that's fucking way weirder than anything else I could ever hear.

And for sure, there's a massive difference between, you know, what we're talking about in Silk Song's case and like Harada, for example, who's like on Twitter aggressively responding to feedback before content drops.

Right.

You know what?

I have one that's newer, one that could have been a part of this week's stories.

So Atlas recently put out a statement about P5X, which was basically: suck our dicks.

We're not changing shit that matters.

But of note is that the Japanese developers at Atlas, who were assigned to P5X,

said, you know, we didn't know that people beat the dungeons in a single day so they could do more of the social stuff.

It was a really big surprise to Atlas.

Yeah, there it is.

There it is.

There go go the headphones.

What?

Like,

what?

So despite the fact that they have been pulling out user data since Persona 4 Golden on the Vita for 13 years,

no one there ever actually

looked at it.

It was all just being automatedly sent out to players when pinged.

That is psychological.

So, yeah, dude, devs can totally ignore

everything.

Oh my god.

Oh, my God.

Fucking the metrics department was a mistake.

They don't have a metrics department.

No, they all do.

Part of QA,

there's a part of development where people behind the scenes are feeding information about gameplay back into someone who's collecting play statistics on things.

English and French and German and Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese.

And if they're taking any, even the most passive online feature, like, hey, what did most people do with these stats?

And then giving you suggestions, it means they're pulling that info.

Woolly.

Oh, my God.

That's not how things are done on that side of the world.

It's creator and dev-focused, and the data is for the nerds over in accounting, I guess.

Or maybe it helps with this cool little feature for the players.

Like, one of the things that you and I love about the specific context and nature of Japanese video games is their endlessly idiosyncratic and auteur-based nature, which comes from not listening to fucking no one about shit

ever.

You said a different word from the one I thought you were going to say.

Oh, what did you think I was going to say?

A different word that starts with A-U-T.

But, you know.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Okay.

All right.

Listen, Wave Runner says, Dear Genshin, Pat, and

Honkai Star Wolves.

Yes.

Pat's frustration at playing any gatcha is fully justified, as no game is ever good because of gacha mechanics.

They're good in spite of being gacha.

like i'm a huge xenoblade 2 fan and i hate gacha mechanics

yep

the other big issue is that in is that in the fact that you constantly need to add new characters to pull for even if the story starts out good it's never satisfying because it's never made uh it's never end made to end by design you're never allowed to get too attached to one character not enjoying a gacha game is a normal reaction they're designed to not be enjoyed to just endlessly be consumed like a second job.

That's a pretty apt

summary of what's going on there.

Yeah, that feels about right.

I recently was talking to somebody and they were telling me about some cool shit in Honkai Star Rail and I had to be like, you need to stop sending me stuff about Honkai Star Rail.

Like I had to like I wasn't mad and like they didn't know well they knew a little but but I had to be like you when you talk to me and

talk up how cool this boss fight in Honkai Star Rail is you are walking up to me and going, dude,

these cigarettes are so delicious.

Oh, and

they're low calorie.

I love them.

Oh, have you tried them?

Have you tried these new cigarettes?

Oh, they're so good.

Like, that's what it feels like.

I'm like, for a game like, in terms of just like endless collecting as a thing to unleash on people,

you know, from the Pokemon days forward, the fact that people, like, when you talked about like FF14 coming to like the end of certain parts or major chapters or drops and people feeling satisfied with that, it's pretty impressive.

That is surprising, considering, like, yeah, there is a nature to a lot of this, which is like it never stops, it goes on forever.

You are never going to feel satisfied with this game.

There's an incredibly core distinction there.

Any good MMO makes it so that those drops are not

random forever.

There is some

underlying mechanic

for,

hey,

if you never get the bird mount to drop from the sky and you run it a hundred times, you can just buy the fucking mount.

Right.

There's another element too here where now that I've played a bit of Punishing Grey Raven and I've played some of Zenla's Zone Zero and so on, I can see that, like, okay, you take the game that we want to play, which is

doing combos,

yeah, doing combos in a stage against a bunch of cool stuff.

And then you have the like cutting it up and putting the gacha shit in spite, like they said, in spite of its gameplay, so that you have to put a layer in between you and the thing you want, as we described for the last couple of weeks.

But then also, there's the part where you're like, and because it's like on your phone and it's designed to be played on anything, these games can't be really big, anyways.

So you're going to have a two-room stage.

So you're going to kind of go fight like 10 or so enemies and then it's going to be over.

And like, that's what the actual gameplay is.

you know there's no actual like feeling of doing a stage or anything like that or if you fight a boss it's in its own instance in this one thing or so and that's kind of how it's also cut up into be piece cut up to be piecemeal um

that makes it awful too um i i i think the part that gets me the worst is that i believe that if hoyoverse sat down and made a real ass video game they would have a game of the year contender on like their first try if they tried if they gave if they really really tried.

If they had a real RPG that was just a regular ass RPG, I think they would have something

almost as good as Claire Obscure on their first shot.

Yeah, but the millions they make would be negative billions they could have made.

But on the flip side, they're using their gacha money to create new forms of nuclear technology.

So who the fuck am I to judge?

Like, I just.

You know, real Dr.

Octopus over there.

Like, when we talk about, like, oh, yeah, it's annoying.

Imagine playing Devil May Cry and then putting that stupid rolling bullshit in front of it and all yada yada, etc.

Okay, now imagine you take the game starts and you run as Nero down that hallway, you bank to the left, you fight a bunch of the enemies in that first plaza, and then the stage is over.

Yeah, man.

Now, the next stage is jumping over the wall and going to the alleyway.

Like, just fuck all of that.

Um,

anyway,

um,

Let's take one more.

Let's see here.

From John.

Dear Castle Super Dads, I was going through some older podcasts of yours lately and decided to listen to episode 50.

Dog names must be blue collar.

You guys talked about for about half an hour discussing cannibalism and your preferred methods of how you'd partake.

You both came to a general general consensus that, assuming it was ethically sourced and the person wasn't watching, you'd try a single bite of steak.

Has your opinion not changed on the matter?

Is there a different way you'd like it to be prepared, etc.?

I don't know why you want to particularly revisit this, but I don't remember what I said 300 episodes ago.

Guarantee that I'm not going to get fucking prions.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's important.

That's important.

You can guarantee me that I'm not going to get prime disease, and also it's ethically sourced, and everybody's cool with it.

Yeah, I'll eat a person.

I don't give a shit.

For me, I was like, if you could 3D print it, right?

If you could 3D print it.

Wait, why does that bother me?

Why does that bother you?

I'm like, that doesn't count.

I'm like, wait, what?

What am I...

No, if you can 3D print the meat and it's just not, it's not actually coming off the person, I'd I'd be more down

that's your human tofu it's it's lab-grown and it's weird but I'm to me that's more ethical part of me is like what's the point and I'm like why do I think that

why does yeah why does wait it bothers you more for it to be 3d printed than to come off of a person no it's just it's just like what's the point I don't even get to say I ate a person

It's like

a 3D printed cube of whatever.

Well, it's like crab meat.

Like, at this point, you're not eating real crab.

A lot of people just use the fake crab meat and they think it tastes better, you know?

Yep, I'm doing it.

I'm essentially doing it for the bit here.

Oh, I just want to be like I ate a person.

See, I'm not doing it for the bit at all.

For me, it's just like, what is that flavor?

No, I'm good with regular pig, man.

It's pig.

That's what the fucking flavor is.

It's fucking pork.

Yeah, but in the same way that, like, you know, I mean,

like, poultry is not always poultry.

Like, you know, duck is the things that taste like chicken are not exactly chicken right I'm sure there's subtle differences for the gaminess or this or that or whatever the fuck you know I'm sure human being doesn't taste exactly like pork

I think it does actually

turkey don't taste like chicken chicken don't taste like duck

You know apparently, I think it's just a lot of things taste like chicken.

I think it's just a generic meat flavor.

But that's also a lie and that's also an oversimplification because things that taste like chicken don't always taste like chicken.

There's things that taste like they're similar in texture, ultimately, but like there's there's differences, you know?

Fucking like fifty, there's a billion kinds of beef that don't even taste like beef, you know?

The same cow

the different the same cow and different body parts taste super different.

Like

I'd be down, I'd be down for the 3D printed taste test.

I mean, I'll eat any 3D printed meat.

I don't give a shit, but that's not

like a oh, look, a robot made of food out of nothing.

The bit is not even the bit is not what I'm interested in there.

Yeah.

And no, please don't, please don't melt my brain with fucking prion disease.

Yeah, so we're never so I say I'd like a guarantee.

There is no guarantee.

So the answer is no.

You see the scans of a brain that with that fucking neurodegenerative shit?

Like, it just

Swiss cheese.

Yeah, it's not, it's not.

Alrighty.

That'll do.

That'll do.

Yeah, that'll

long pig.

I'm off to eat somebody.

Ah!

See you next week with brain damage.

What happened at the urinal, Pat?

Okay, so I might have...

I had a bad situation happen with a urinal recently, and Paige got really mad.

And by mad, I mean she barfed on the street.

Oh, no.

So

I had to pee, and we were out as a family, and I had to go use a public restroom.

And I went into the public restroom, and I don't know why.

I don't know why,

but

somebody was in the toilet, so the urinals were the only options.

And

the urinals were like weirdly high up.

Like they were very high.

so I was like,

I remember

a while ago, Paige made fun of me for not pulling my stuff out through the

front.

And you remember I told the story how I accidentally dipped my pants strings into the toilet.

So

I made sure to like,

you know, pull all my stuff out.

Are we playing worms, Armageddon?

Are we tilting the bazooka really high?

I'm pulling my stuff out.

No, this is worse.

This is way worse.

I pull all my stuff out to make sure that, you know, I'm not going to go on my pants by accident, right?

And so I walk up to it and I realize I actually, I swear to God, I have to stand on my tippy toes.

Oh, no.

To get in.

But then halfway through the situation.

My tippy toe strength faded a little bit.

And then as I lowered down, the bottom of my fucking sack just scraped along the edge of the standing urinal and like fully flattened it out

of the lip, like not the inside with the water, but like the lip.

You were close enough to touch it, yeah, dude.

It was a really tall urinal.

And

I got, I tippy-toed back up and finished off, but then I was like, oh,

you didn't just pee on your balls, you got everyone else's pee on your balls.

And so then I washed my hands really thoroughly, and then I went back outside where Paige and the baby were.

And I'm like, we're supposed to walk back to the car.

And

I'm like, okay, Paige, I have to tell you a story, and I have to tell you now before we get to the car because I don't want you to vomit in the car.

And then she looks at me and goes, what kind of possibility happens?

And I'm like, I accidentally dipped my balls onto the rim of the urinal

right then and there.

And we had to be like, ha ha, mommy, silly, to the baby.

And then when we got back to the car, we were, everyone was really, really upset.

Everyone was very upset.

And so, what we did is Paige dug in her purse and she got

those Lysol wipes that we use to like wipe down

um

uh shopping carts yeah with and she handed me the pack and so I grabbed two of the big Lysol wipes and I just like while we were parked I just grabbed them and just went in there

and just just mashed it all up with with Lysol Horbath

yeah yep

And then I was informed that I was just cut off for the foreseeable future.

Oh, that's correct.

I was.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, so if

you didn't, if you didn't say it, I was about to.

I'm like, listen, you know, not to overstep any boundaries here, but that is a quarantine zone.

And quite frankly,

your poor wife.

We got to make sure that nothing springs forth off of this.

You know, just,

yeah, man, that is extremely reasonable.

Holy

yeah, no, dude, it was that cold shock and just the feeling of like, oh, I've done something terrible.

Oh, I mean, dude, okay.

It's so here's here's the worst part.

But the worst part was that I was like,

man, I should just go.

I really need to pee, but I don't want to use like a local bathroom because they're all gross.

And I was like, oh, I should just go find like a forest and just walk into the forest and piss.

And she's like, don't do that.

You'll get arrested.

And then after I told the story, she's like, you should have just walked in.

What?

I mean, at that point you should have just gone into the into the fucking an alley at that point just hitting the stall and and you know holding power distance is is best you know had to i had to

i should have i should have seen the height of the urinal yeah backed away you can't you can't you can't take that challenge on um

okay

I'm going to share with you a piece of tech that I've discovered under dire circumstances.

Oh, this is...

It might save your life in the future.

I guess we're at risk for life and limb now.

That's where we're at.

This is desperate times, desperate measures.

If you walk into a situation where you find yourself just unfortunately unable to arc up to that urinal, damn, that's tough.

Hit the stall, and I know the stall can be a rough situation.

I should have waited for the stall.

What you might need to, what you can do if you walk into a rough stall is you stand back

in the safe zone

right within the stall.

Avoid the, assuming that like, let's say half the stall is just no-go, no bueno.

Stand back

enough that you can get that arc into the bullseye.

And there's a point where your stream is no longer like going to have the velocity to hit the target anymore.

And what you need to do is with like, let's say, paper towel in your hands or so, lean forward until you are that if this is the toilet, you're like this, you're standing safely, you're getting the arc, and then you eventually do this, and then you're what you and you use your hand on the wall to from a distance, and then you can directly not miss, and then you never have to step in anywhere where the horrors are going.

You get the lean, the tactical lean going, and then this doesn't work.

No, I'm telling you, I was given by God.

Tactical lean.

This doesn't work.

Wooly, the solution to your problem, like the solution you're advertising requires like arms and legs that got me into this situation in the first place.

Fuck.

Okay.

I'm trying to help, man.

I don't know what to do.

I'm just fucking pissed on the people.

Like,

I should have just.

I don't know what to tell you, man.

This is what I've discovered as a way to solve the problem.

You know?

Fuck, man.

So that was rough.

All right.

All right.

Good DLC.

Have a good week, everybody.