Bonnie and Clyde

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Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is is the internet and that's how it works now.

I'm Eli Boznik and I'll be putting the criminal in this quartet tonight, but I'll need some partners in crime.

First up, the Fenn Fatales based on flowing locks alone, Noah and Cecil.

Yeah, I knew crooks were supposed to know about locks.

I got confused.

Sorry.

You have written here, femme fetal, which sounds like an issue between a woman and her doctor, actually.

You'd think that, but now it's a state's rights issue.

No, it's definitely.

It depends on where you live, but yeah.

And also joining us tonight, the brawn in the sense of both strength and paper towel usage, Tom Curry.

Yeah, some might say, I have a real bounty of both.

Now, before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons.

Patrons, you're the half of the enterprise that greases the wheels and makes the whole grift go off without a hitch.

If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show.

And with that out of the way, tell us, Cecil, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today?

Bonnie and Clyde.

Ooh, and Noah, I assume you picked this story because you and the subjects went to high school together.

You ready to give us the inside story?

Okay, so here's the sad thing I realized when I saw that you'd written that as the intro.

I'm now old enough that I can no longer even say, Eli, I'm only X years old when you do that.

You've been doing that so long that I actually got old.

I aged you.

I'm your portrait of Dorian Gray in so many ways.

In so many ways.

I never got old before I knew you.

That's true.

So who were Bonnie and Clyde?

Bonnie and Clyde were America's most famous criminals back when that wasn't a reference to the presidential administration.

And that was actually a pretty hard list to make it to the top of since their crime spree took place in the heyday of episode 235's very own John Dillinger, as well as Babyface Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd.

And it was made all the more unlikely by the fact that unlike the notorious bank robbers that I just mentioned, Bonnie and Clyde's robberies mostly consisted of shit like grocery stores and diners.

For the last time, even if it says million-dollar bacon on the diner menu, it's not actually worth a million dollars.

Okay.

So they get you.

So they get you.

Exactly, Cecil.

You cannot put a price on bacon.

Yes.

Yes.

As a cardiac patient, let me agree with you emphatically on that, Tom.

Your insurance company can put a price on bacon.

Yeah, they do.

They do, actually, yeah.

But so to understand the phenomenon of Bonnie and Clyde, you need to understand the era.

Their crime spree took place in the early 30s, right at the height of the Great Depression.

This was a time when people were even more all cops or bastards than they are now.

So Americans didn't have much trouble at all making heroes out of cop killers who stole money from rich folks.

And only rich folks had bank accounts or even money at all at that time.

You know, like we live in really weird times, right?

Because like Robin Hood was like an early form of populist economic revolt, you know, a representation of stealing from the rich to give to the poor.

And

now that's an app you can use to buy stocks.

And so was a real drug and soylent is actual food.

We're not learning the right lessons, guys.

Right?

So it's also important to remember that this was a very sexually repressed era compared to today, but cultural attitudes were shifting.

So this was like this unique sort of sexual estuary culturally where like an unmarried unmarried couple riding around and sleeping in the same car was still salacious but not quite scandalous.

So it was like exactly titillating enough to capture the repressed imaginations of what would be downright puritanical people by modern standards, but it wasn't so controversial that newspapers had to shy away from talking about it.

Yeah, guys are reading their paper.

Look, I understand driving around the country murdering people in cold blood for their petty cash.

But sharing a bed before the wedding night?

Why won't they think of propriety?

That's exactly right, though.

Yeah.

So, so Bonnie Elizabeth Parker was born in 1910 in a nowhere-ass town in the middle of Texas.

She grew up loving the spotlight and she was convinced at an early age that she was going to be a big star, which was a long shot for a kid born into poverty in the middle of nowhere.

But hey, you know what?

She managed it in the long run.

She got half a citation-needed episode and a couple of blockbuster movies by the end of it.

But her fame didn't come from her acting shops or her poetry, but rather from her breathtaking lack of a moral compass.

So the same congressional qualifications as Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Okay, fair.

Yes, absolutely.

I'd love it if you wouldn't compare the two.

So

in her sophomore year of high school, she met the love of her life, Roy Thornton.

So the first love of her life.

She and Roy got married the week before her 16th birthday, but, and brace yourself for a heartbreaking shock here, that marriage didn't work out.

He was prone to long absences, hard drinking, and occasional criminal activity, the latter two of which led him to a five-year stint in prison for bank robbery.

The two never actually divorced, but they were estranged by January of 1921.

So the marriage made it just over two years in any real form.

Yeah, okay.

So for all those idiots that hand-ring about modern divorce rates, maybe consider the only reason it's higher now is because like we bother to do the paperwork.

Yeah, right.

Yes, exactly.

That's so much of it.

So meanwhile, you got this broke-ass son of a gas station owner by the name of Clyde Chestnut Barrow.

And if you think Chestnut is a silly middle name, by the way, you would be joining Clyde in that opinion.

He spent most of his life trying to convince people that his real middle name was Champion,

which is also silly, right?

But in a cooler way.

So Clyde Champion Barrow was the fifth of seven kids born into the Barrow family, which eventually settled in the West Dallas slums.

Now, of course, then as now, the economy kind of trapped people in the class they were born into, and that meant that Clyde's prospects were pretty low.

He could follow his dad's footsteps and sell scrap metal and service cars for a pauper's wages, or

he could do crimes and be rich.

And I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm making excuses for his criminal tendencies, but that it's kind of undeniably true when you look at the circumstances that people like him grew up in.

Okay.

I'm not saying that if I could do crimes and get rich, that I would.

But I am saying that if anyone out there knows of any good crimes to get rich, we have an email address, DM me.

Tom, if it makes you feel better, I think what you do now will be illegal for most of the future.

Yeah, but it's not now

yet.

So, yeah, right.

Technically.

They're going to be listening in the back office.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I get the two things at once, Eli.

Don't limit me.

Okay.

So now, Clyde chose the latter option.

He liked fancy clothes way too much to do oily work, so he settled into an early life of crime.

This was made far easier for him by the fact that his older brother, Buck, had sort of paved the way for him, showed him the criminal ropes as he was growing growing up, so to speak.

Clyde was first arrested in 1926 at the age of 17 for failing to return a rented car.

His second arrest came in the same year for possession of stolen turkeys.

Police sketch artists just tracing around their open hand.

Adding a beak.

Is that him?

Is that it?

The police lineup is like Jim Perdue and Jenny Oak and hamburgler and then this guy.

The hamburger guy's typecast because he looks like the fucking hand.

It's ridiculous.

Hamburger helper.

I forgot about that fucking guy.

He was the best.

God.

He was like the Butch Pillsbury man, right?

That's right.

Exactly.

We're making biscuits.

And Hamburger Helper would be like, so your mom is poor.

Every time he goes to work, it's a hand job.

Oh, my God.

All right.

No, so, okay.

So, Clyde did get a few legit jobs early on in his life, not hand jobs, which was like job jobs.

Uh, but I've taken away your ability to edit that bit out.

Sorry, Cecil.

Um, but he supplemented his income through the occasional turkey theft or holdup or car theft or safe crack.

It got to the point where he was one of the Dallas cops' usual suspects.

So, like, basically, anytime a crime happened, they would go get him, shake him down, see if he had anything to do with it.

Needless to say, this made it hard for him to keep a job, right?

Cops keep picking you up in the middle of a shift.

It doesn't much matter if they charge you or let you go afterwards.

We're talking about early depression era, so like plenty of people are ready to take your job the instant you're an inconvenience to your foreman.

All right, three strikes, chestnut.

That's a turkey for you, which you probably also stole.

So, in January of 1930,

someone out there loved that.

Oh, God.

I love that.

I was standing.

See, I knew they were out there.

They were on this very hamburger helper guy.

Probably could ball.

I bet.

Yeah, 100%.

Somebody pissed this ball over here.

I don't got kids of my own, but I'm pretty close with my stepkids.

Three holes, lots of options.

So in January of 1930, I did not expect that the hamburger helper guy's sexual proclivities would make it into my essay about Bonnie and Clyde, and I should have known better.

I should have known better.

What about our 10-year relationship thought donation?

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

So, okay.

So it's January of 1930 when Clyde meets the lovely and vivacious Bonnie Parker through a mutual friend, and the two fall in love at first sight.

Their romance, though, hits an early snag when he was arrested shortly after they met for car theft.

He was convicted and he was sentenced to five years in prison.

Now, Bonnie pledged to wait for him, but he had a better idea.

He convinced her to sneak a gun into the prison for him, which he then used to escape.

Clyde, your dame brought you some kind of hammer?

It's all the wrong shape, though.

Gals, am I right?

Here you go.

So he gets out along with a friend and he promises that he's going to send for Bonnie as soon as the heat dies down.

And maybe that's what he intended to do.

Maybe it wasn't, doesn't much matter.

After a week on the run, he and his accomplice are picked up again and they're sent back to prison in Texas.

But this time, Clyde finds himself in the worst prison farm in the entire shithole of his state, a place called East Ham Prison Farm, that was generally reserved for like, you know, violent criminals, murderers, lifers, that kind of shit.

This would probably be a good time to point out that Clyde is about five foot six and he weighs 125 pounds.

Okay, terrible place, I'm sure, but if he just does the taxes for the screws, then, you know, he might not.

Andy Dufrayne was at least tall, right?

So while he's at East Ham, Clyde will earn two new titles, rape victim and murderer.

Yes, those two are related.

So with apologies for temporarily sucking all the humor out of the story, Clyde was repeatedly sexually assaulted by an inmate while he was in this prison farm.

And another inmate, a guy that was serving a life sentence who also hated the shit out of the rapist dude, agreed to take the rap for it if Clyde killed him.

So Clyde somehow acquired a length of pipe and he stoved that motherfucker's skull in with it.

Afterwards, the lifer stabbed the lifeless body a few times with a shank and then he got a couple of years added to his already life sentence for it.

Why are you guys wearing matching teamwork makes the dream work t-shirts?

Why did you think you needed to do some of the stabbing?

We would have just believed that you couldn't.

Right, I could have just handed you this hype

that makes that.

Well, they won't notice his caved in skull if we poke him a couple of times like a baked potato

apparently i don't i don't even think that makes it into the coroner's report tom that they just were like oh no he was stabbed a bunch of times also all this stuff

what's the thing that happened last that's probably what killed him right yeah yeah he committed suicide with this pipe

so okay so while he's in prison Bonnie is going back and forth between devotion to Clyde and frustration at his absence.

So keep in mind, she's still dealing with an absentee husband, technically, technically, who was in and out of jail.

So she's familiar with how relationships like that can go.

So within a few months of his stint there, she finds a new boyfriend and she stops writing to Clyde altogether.

The other woman in his life, though, his mother Cumi Barrow, never stops writing.

And she's not just writing to him, she's also writing to the governor about getting him paroled.

Texas prisons were so wildly overcrowded at the time that any concerted effort to get anybody paroled for any fucking crime had at least some chance of success and cumi was trying damn hard okay so audience when you look at the way this word is spelled the only thing you can see is come okay so i'm just saying it's spelled cummy

so all the podcast we're going to take a vote here so all in favor of pronouncing it cummy aye yep okay eyes have it uh so here's my joke with cummy

she started a whole movement to get her kid out of jail they called it cummy get it

Excellent.

That's not the joke I was excited.

I was going to do a different one.

I said that's picturing the warden staring at her name on the paper and being like, ma'am, I'm willing to parole your son right now if you promise I don't have to say your name.

I'm with Cecil.

I was one of the eyes and I mean.

All right, so, but eventually Clyde decides he can't wait for the governor or for his sentence to run out.

Now, Easton was notoriously hard to escape from, and pretty much everybody who tried wound up dead.

So Clyde wasn't going that way, but there was another way off the prison farm, and that way was to get too injured to farm.

Can't put you in a work camp if you can't work, right?

So while they're out chopping wood one day,

suspense builds, suspense, builds, suspense, builds.

Clyde convinces somebody to chop off his big toe of his right foot.

Jesus Christ.

They also get a little of the second toe because what are the odds?

There's been a fucking ninja to just hit one.

Now, that almost certainly would have been sufficient to get him moved off of this prison farm, but we'll never know that because a few days before he did that, the governor ceded to Cumi's letter-writing campaign and granted him a pardon.

They just hadn't finished processing the paperwork yet, so he didn't know about it.

Just not get in here, you're gonna laugh.

Well, not that.

Well, Clyde, since you've really towed the line while you're in here, we're going to let you dip a toe back in a regular society.

You can tell which of us has the most kids, Kenny.

So Clyde ran straight to Bonnie when he got out.

Oh, he didn't run.

I mean,

he'd be on crutches for months.

And even after he got off of him, he didn't do a lot of running.

But he limped straight to Bonnie.

And when she saw him, all that internal conflict from the past months melted away and she realized that Clyde would always be her true love.

She fell into his arms and the two embraced, which was super fucking awkward because her boyfriend was there.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, he was in the fucking room.

But he slinked away rather than fuck with a dude so prison-hardened that he intentionally parted with Toes

and he made room for the legend that Bonnie and Clyde were about to become.

All right, well, monogamy has ruined yet another love story.

So while I draw a triangle for the rest of the cast, once again, we'll pause for a little apropos of nothing.

Say, Clyde, you sure got a pep in your step today.

What's the story?

Getting a visit from my best gal.

Oh, Bonnie was her name, right?

You betcha.

Right this way, prisoner.

There's my gal.

Quick, stick it in!

Doll, I told you, this ain't a conjugal visit also there's glass but you know just smush it through the holes.

I I don't I I I I can't never fucking mind you fucking none Anyway, how is it in here?

Oh darling.

I miss you something terrible.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

So here's the thing you ever own a house with like copper pipes

No, well if you don't run the water they start to rust.

You know what I mean?

Okay, so how's the escape plan going?

I don't know.

Can you sneak me another one of those guns?

Nah, I'm keeping graham crackers in there.

Yeah, what?

What about your pardon?

You might have any luck, Cummy?

Not so far, but look, I know it's desperate, but perhaps

perhaps I could cut off a toe.

It might be a little small.

I might be able to flick the bean with it, but if you want to plunge the clunch, you're going to need the whole foot.

You know what I mean?

No, no, no, not for that.

I mean to get me out of here.

Oh, yeah,

that could work too.

Oh, look, the clock's ticking.

So get out by next week.

I can't be responsible for my fucking actions, all right?

Hi, what's next week?

The carnival comes in town ever to flip upside down and catch loads like a game of flip cup.

Please

don't.

Well then I'll see you next week, Tozy.

Yep, yep, I'll see you next week, hon.

Hey, podcast listener.

I'm Tom Curry.

And I'm Cecil Something Italian.

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Most people, man.

They do?

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And we're back.

When we left off, our dynamic duo was finally together.

What hijinks did they get up to, Noah?

Yeah, murder, mostly.

So you can imagine that in the lead up to their infamous crime spree, Bonnie had probably dreamed a bit about the adventurous life on the lamb that the two could have.

It's safe to say that their inaugural crime didn't live up to expectations.

It literally ends with them barging in on a farmer, demanding the keys to his car, learning that he doesn't own a car, and stealing his donkey instead.

Oh, you do not want to know where the keys go on the donkey.

That's all I'm saying.

Hey, hey, they didn't intend to steal it.

They were just going to burrow it for a while.

So after he was released from prison, Clyde and a friend of his named Ralph Fultz decided that they were going to raid Easton Prison Farm and break out all the prisoners, especially that guy that took the fall for Clyde when he killed his rapist.

They figured all they'd need to do that would be some really big guns.

And this was a time when you could buy a fucking machine gun from Sears.

So all they needed for that was money, which they figured they would raise by knocking off a series of gas stations and corner stores.

Now, if you're thinking to yourself, why not just steal some Tommy guns from Sears?

Don't worry.

They would think of that eventually.

Okay, and before we all get too high and mighty, remember, you could still buy an AR-15 from fucking Walmart until 2015.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, but they had fully automatic.

It's not, yeah, it's not.

We're not standing there.

Now

were pulled off the shelves for lagging sales, by the way.

Not because anybody said you can't sell those here.

Now you got to go to two different online stores to get an AFC.

So, yeah, so Clyde and Ralph pull off a few robberies with Bonnie taking an increasing role until she's a straight-up partner in crime.

And, of course, Clyde isn't exactly quick on his feet with the missing toe.

So, his job is usually to drive the getaway car, which he did in his socks, apparently, because with the missing toe, he had a lot of trouble driving with shoes on.

It's a floppy part.

Kids these days in their special accommodations, am I right?

He's still way more nimble than anyone wearing Crocs, though.

Just want to

be way comfortable, though.

But fairly early on in this series of robberies, shit goes wrong.

Well, I mean, shit goes wrong on the very first robbery, hence the donkey theft, but shit goes wronger, and the trio find themselves in a spot where the cops are right behind them, Fultz is too injured to move, and Bonnie's too slow to get away.

So Clyde realizes his only chance is to escape by himself and then come back and rescue Bonnie after she gets caught.

Now, if that sounds a lot like just abandoning his girlfriend and saving himself, that's because that's what it is.

That's that.

I already told you, Jack, there's not enough room on the door for both of them.

Yes, right, exactly.

So, so Bonnie gets arrested, and she has to sit in jail for a while while she's waiting for a grand jury to decide whether to indict her.

And ultimately, she and Clyde decide that she's got a better chance of just pretending she was a hostage than of him breaking her out of prison.

So she spends a few weeks in jail.

She writes a few poems.

She pines for Clyde and ultimately convinces a grand jury that she was an innocent victim of circumstance.

So she gets out, and pretty much right away, she rejoins Clyde for some more of that awesome crime stuff.

So this is where things start to get deadly for people who don't deserve it.

That is.

Clyde is the getaway driver for a store robbery where one of his accomplices shoots and kills the store owner, one J.N.

Butcher.

So Butcher's wife, who witnessed the murder, would later identify Clyde Barrow as one of the killers, which he wasn't.

Okay, so this was a misidentification.

He never even went into the store where the shooting happened.

And given his involvement, right, that's almost certainly not a coincidence.

More than likely, the cops already knew he was involved.

And so they told Mrs.

Butcher who to identify.

Further backing up that assertion is the fact that she also identified a former partner of Clyde's that was in Michigan at the time of the murder.

So, but regardless of the flimsiness of the idea, Clyde was treated by local law enforcement as a murderer from that point forward.

A murderer different than the murderer that he actually was.

But here's the thing about local law enforcement at the time.

They were fucking broke.

Okay, so we're in 1932 at this point, again, height of the depression.

So most cops didn't get a paycheck for their service.

Instead, they were paid in bounties for criminals that they caught and they also they weren't supplied with state equipment either so they're driving around in their own depression era trucks with their own depression era guns which they bought without paychecks and client meanwhile is stealing ford v8s whenever he can which is the fastest thing on the road back then and then when they finally get around to stealing guns they're stealing browning automatic rifles

So they pretty much always have the advantage of a faster car and a bigger gun than the cops.

Oh, the days of yore when every 10,000 person town didn't have an armored police tank.

Right.

The original SWAT teams were just guys slapping at criminals.

Who's that?

So predictably, this whole they have better guns thing would eventually cost a few cops their lives.

The first one was in August of 1932.

Clyde had just finished pulling off a pretty sweet robbery that Bonnie wasn't involved in.

So he and his two accomplices, they're driving around afterwards, just, you know, looking for somewhere to party.

They happen on a town that's having a little party.

There's moonshine at at this party.

This is, of course, during Prohibition.

So predictably they stop.

But when these fancy city boys with their nice clothes and their expensive cars start flirting with the local girls, the local boys get pissed.

Some cops try to intervene before a fight breaks out, and the barrel gang opens fire.

One cop dies instantly.

The other, far less instantly.

He's just grievously wounded and then dies of like cancer later or whatever.

It fucking sucks to die at the height of the Great Depression and then miss getting to live through World War II.

I know.

Could have been so much more awesome for you.

So much to look forward to.

Now, apparently, Barrow's a hard guy to get along with.

So he demands everything be done exactly his way.

And most criminals don't like that show.

So he mows through partners pretty quick, at least early in his career.

But eventually, he and Bonnie pick up this kid from back home named W.D.

Jones, who idolizes Clyde and has since he was a kid.

So he makes it into the Barrow gang, even if he is like comic relief levels of fuck up throughout all of his criminal career.

I heard he was the heart and soul of the criminal enterprise.

Now, and I should point out, by the way, the reason they're picking up a kid from back home is because despite being on the run for murder, Bonnie and Clyde still hover around their home area of Dallas, Texas.

They periodically come back to check up on their families and bring them gifts and money and shit.

Now, the families, for their part, know exactly where those gifts and that money is coming from.

But other than Bonnie's mom's perpetual entreaties that she, like, you know, give that nice podiatrist another chance or whatever, they're happy to take the spoils.

Son, another 360-pound wooden stand-up radio you shouldn't have.

So by the beginning of 1933, the gang is wanted for five murders, most of which they committed.

They killed the cop at the Moonshine Party, a car owner who caught them in the middle of stealing his V8.

Jeez, imagine dying over some bloody merry mix.

That's fucking brutal.

Well, it's either that or you drive diagonally, Tom.

It's one or the other.

Anyway, so there's those two, and then they killed another cop when they happened into like a trap that was set for a different criminal.

The other two were murders that they probably didn't have anything to do with.

But at this point, anytime that crime was unsolved in Texas, they were like, yeah, it's probably Bonnie and Clyde.

That reputation would go national in the spring of 33 after Clyde's brother, Buck, had joined the gang.

See, so Buck had spent some time in prison, then he got a full pardon without hacking any body parts off in advance of it, and he went straight.

He got married, settled into a simple life.

He did that for like three weeks, and he's like, ah, fuck this.

Clyde's thing looks way more fun.

So he and his wife Blanche decide to join Bonnie and Clyde for a little while.

Now, Blanche told later biographers that the plan was to try to talk Clyde into giving up his life of crime, right?

And that may have been what he told her the plan was.

But pretty much immediately, Buck and Blanche just joined the gang and made it five strong.

WD just sitting at the end of the booth at every restaurant, blocking the aisle.

Here we are.

The five

wheels.

So things get deadly again in April.

The gang is staying in a rented place in Joplin, Missouri, and they're apparently as suspicious as it is possible to be.

So pretty quickly, local cops respond to the 57, I think there are criminals living in this house complaints.

Well, I don't know, but pretty quickly, it took Clyde accidentally firing one of those automatic rifles into the ceiling before they actually showed up.

But eventually the cops did think, hey, we should check this out.

Now, the cops know they've got somebody.

They don't know who they've got, but they figure it's probably bootleggers.

So five cops get together.

They set up an ambush, but it's not a very good one.

So the gang shoots their way out, but they leave everything that they own back in the rented place.

So the cops go through it in the aftermath to try to figure out who they're dealing with.

In addition to plenty of identifying information, they also found a couple of roles of undeveloped film.

It was this film and the later decision to turn it over to the media that would really make them famous, right?

So in these roles of film, there were a couple of pictures that W.D.

had taken of the couple posing in front of their stolen car with their machine guns.

And several of these photos are super famous.

Arguably the most famous one, though, is one of Bonnie smoking a cigar, which was a downright vulgar thing for a woman to do at the time, right?

So much so, in fact, that despite being accused of murders she had nothing to do with, Bonnie would take every opportunity from then on to inform the press that she only did that for the funny picture.

She did not smoke cigars.

Yeah, I stick them in my hoo-ha for Clyde to smoke later like a respectable lady.

Hey, don't you compare him to Bill Clinton.

Yeah.

Now, of course, once they were on the national radar, everybody wanted a piece of them.

More and more reward money just keeps piling up, and the brand new Federal Bureau of Investigations has made it like its stated goal to route up all the famous criminals.

So instead of the incompetent West Dallas sheriff who'd been chasing them up to this point, whose name I shit you not was Smoot Schmidt.

They were suddenly being tracked by J.

Edgar Hoover.

So their notoriety hamstrung in another way that I find fucking hilarious, too.

So

in the media, they're always mentioned alongside these famous bank robbers like Dillinger and Pretty Boy Floyd.

But those guys, like when they robbed banks, as you'll remember from episode 235, they did so with like inside help and a network of safe houses and sophisticated logistics and all this shit.

And they'd come away often with like tens or even sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So when crooks that had read those types of stories signed up with the infamous Barrow gang, and then they knocked off a fucking Piggly Wiggly for $212, they generally didn't stick around.

Sorry, I'm just robbing these Piggly Wigglies to find a piggy for my left foot.

I just need to replace that piggy.

As the year wears on, things get worse for the gang.

They're trapped by another ambush in Platte City, Missouri.

And now they shoot their way out of this one as well.

But in the melee, Buck gets shot in the head.

It's a fatal shot, but not a right-away fatal shot, which makes it complicated.

Yeah.

His wife also takes some shrapnel in the eyes during this shootout that would fuck her up.

It would fuck her vision up for the rest of her life.

And shortly after all of that, Clyde wrecks their stolen car and rolls it into a river.

Now, everybody survives, but the car's battery spills all of its acid right onto Bonnie's legs.

Which is cover on the battery.

What kind of batteries are they drunk

at it in the car?

Yeah, eventually they did.

Yeah.

But in the meantime, it would fuck Bonnie's legs up so bad that for the rest of her life, Clyde had to like carry her in and out of restaurants.

Yeah.

And at this point, the entire gang makes up one competent criminal.

Again,

Clyde's the left leg, Blanche is the right leg, Bonnie's the eyes.

Yeah.

So, okay.

So now, as you might have guessed, this whole rest of her life thing, not a huge commitment.

Oh, shit.

In January of 1934, Clyde finally manages to pull off a much smaller version of the East Am prison break than the one he'd been dreaming about for so long.

He didn't manage to rescue the guy who took the rap for him on that murder, but he did get a few buddies out, and one of them joined the gang and then agreed to sell the gang out in exchange for a full pardon from the state of Texas.

Man, if you can't trust hardened criminals, who can you trust?

Right?

Yeah.

So for Easter of 1934, the NARC, this guy, Henry Methven, he convinces Bonnie and Clyde to take him to see his family for a little while over the holidays, right?

Unbeknownst to them, the cops had set up an ambush along the way on this one very narrow road that they'd have to drive down to get to his family's place.

So they drive down for the scheduled meeting.

They get to this broken down truck that's meant to like slow them down.

And then either Bonnie and Clyde both pull out guns and start firing at cops who hadn't even broken cover yet and they're just defending themselves, or

The cops just murdered the fuck out of Bonnie and Clyde the second they had the chance to.

Man, if you can't trust murderous jackboots of the state, who can you trust?

Right?

Yeah, exactly.

Now, either way, the two got the absolute shit killed out of them.

The bullet-riddled car is actually, it's on display in some casino in Vegas to this day.

And for his part, Methven did get that pardon from Texas.

But since he also murdered a guy in Louisiana and committed federal crimes, it was of limited use to him.

Sitting next to that McDonald's manager who didn't get his prize money for Luigi Luigi and hell.

First time.

First time.

Yeah.

Ah, we suck.

So, so Bonnie and Clyde's reign of terror ended on May 23rd of 1934, more than two years after it began.

Along the way, they killed 12 people, nine cops, three civilians, and despite a myriad of opportunities to get away, almost certainly get some amount of legiancy from the courts, especially after her legs were all fucked up, and still get out of jail with a significant chunk of her life left to live, Bonnie chose to stand by Clyde to the bitter end, despite knowing exactly how bitter that end was going to be.

And ultimately, she became way the fuck more famous than any actress or poet of the day.

And if you had to summarize in one sentence what you've learned, what would it be?

If podcasting never makes us famous, guys, there is another path.

I'm right with you, No Illusions.

I'm right with you.

Are you ready for the quiz?

Sure, why not?

All right, Noah, you keep alluding to the possibility of fame derived from poetry.

poetry.

Why?

A.

No, really.

Why?

Secret answer B, maybe you've heard of a little something called the Lee Bennett Hopkins award.

That's right, motherfuckers.

Pack in and arm up.

Okay, Noah.

I'm going to use the proper pronunciation of her name.

When Commey's petition finally made it to the Supreme Court, what was it colloquially called?

A, a nutcase.

Cecil, I was so disappointed.

I was so sad for you when I had to write into the notes.

It's pronounced cue me.

I'm so sorry.

See your answer beat.

It's pronounced cute me.

I'm so sorry.

How dare you?

Noah, if I do a one-answer question this week, is it A?

A three-beat so it's funnier.

God damn it.

I guess A is the correct answer.

I win.

No, actually, I win.

I I win.

I win.

I win.

That's how it works.

I'm the host next week.

So I win, and I decided I want an essay from Cecil.

All right.

Well, for Tom, Cecil, Noah, and Heath, I'm Eli Bosnick.

Thank you for hanging out with us today.

We'll be back next week.

And by then, Cecil will be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can train an AI on Cecil's Boston lady voice so you can have phone sex with it, or

you can listen to our other podcasts.

Up to you.

And if you'd like to keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com/slash citationpod or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com.

Cow Face, I'm home.

Oh!

Um, hey, Claude!

Wait a second, was one of those Carney jugglers in here?

No?

really?

Cause he left one of his clubs.

Two.

Two of his clubs.

There's more in there.

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