Fabio | Club Random with Bill Maher

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Not available in all states or situations. I can eat and then go work out or I can eat and then have big time shots.
You are truly Fabio. The first time I came to the United States, I was 13 years old.

Soon I got off the plane, I go like, oh, my God, I feel home.

Fabio?

Bill, how are you doing?

Good to see you, my friend.

You look like you're really Fabio.

How are you doing?

I thought maybe there was an AI version of you.

Well, actually, they're already trying to do AI, Fabio, and I'm like, oh, my God. Are you serious? I swear.
I swear. And you know what's crazy? They did like in this.
That's not like a hologram. Or is it similar? Like AI.
AI, like, yeah. And it speaks different languages.
And it's so, and I tell you, what's crazy? They did it like in 10 minutes, okay? And I couldn't believe how real it was.

I mean, this stuff is scary.

Well, where would I see this?

Where do they see?

I'll get you a link.

Well, let's not go that far.

I'm not saying I want to see it.

No, I don't.

I mean, that to me is scary.

It is scary.

And I'm sure they'll do it to me.

I mean, it's certainly going to be an issue in this presidential campaign.

Yeah, and I'm telling you, it's going to be a point.

You know, that's what Elon Musk and all the people are saying.

Hey, this thing is scary.

This thing, you know, AI can get to a point where it can outsmart the people.

Well, that's the fear.

Well, you know.

Of course, that's the fear.

Right.

That's the main thing.

But it will happen.

You know, there's no doubt.

It will happen.

You know, I just, my friend just gave me this movie called Colossus.

You can't see it online.

You have to buy the actual movie.

It's from, I think, 1971.

Eric Braden, you know Eric Braden?

Mm-mm.

Longtime soap opera actor.

He was on the show. movie.
It's from, I think, 1971. Eric Braden, you know Eric Braden?

Mm-mm. Long-time soap opera actor.
He was on the show for, like, 40 years. German guy.
You must have seen Eric. He was in the Rat Patrol.
Okay, okay. He's German with a slight accent, but he's the star when he was a leading man.
And it's, like, amazingly prescient because it means 1971. So the computer is as big as this room.
Right, right, right. Beeping lights.
But the guy invents AI. And it does exactly, they're talking about exactly what we're talking about now.
He assures the president of the United States, who they cast somebody who looks just like John F. Kennedy because it was only eight years after his assassination.
So, you know, Mr. President, the machine will never be able to outspick.
And then Russia comes up with one. Just the same thing.
And then the two computers get together and then they blackmail the whole world. And they do exactly what we fear AI will do.
Right away, take over and be the boss of us. Yeah.
And it's... It's crazy.
I don't know if you know, but just not too long ago, the Pentagon, they announced that actually the drone is controlled by AI. AI will make the decision to kill or not to kill.
Right. Okay, but if you look back in 2008, where Obama was the president, there was a major big mistake.
One of our drones killed a bunch of people. I think it was in Iraq.
And then came out. Then it was already controlled by AI.
So AI made that decision already in 2008. And the Pentagon just admitted now.
They're just doing it now. Or they would just love to blame it on AI.
Because trust me, we've broken up more than a few weddings in Afghanistan. I mean, you know, it was not just one time this happened.
Now, look, I've always been of the opinion that Americans are very naive about the threats in the world. There are really bad people in the world.
And sometimes you've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet. I'm sorry that weddings got killed, people at weddings got killed.
It's not right. But 9-11 wasn't right either.
And the idea that, you know, there are not people plotting against this and that we have to do something. Iraq was wrong to, wrong to invade a whole country with an army.
That wasn't the right way to do it. But you've got to do something.
Drones targeting terrorists is like the least awful option sometimes. And also Iraq was the cushion with Iran.
Because if you remember, my father used to be a top engineer, and we used to have, you know, Iraqi, and I remember growing up being 13, 14 years old. And you grew up in Italy.
Yes, Milan. Milan.
Is that really Italy? Well, pretty much right. It's not Sicily, okay? Well, I mean, I know enough about Italy to know that if Americans think the north and the south of America are very different, which they do, and they are.
Yes. Try Italy.
Oh, my God. Because Milan is nothing.
And they don't really want to be part of the same country. It's true.
It's true. It's true.
But you go like 30 miles away from Milan, and they speak a totally different dialect. Talking about dialect, it's like you get 30 miles each way, east, west, north, south of Milan, and it's a totally different dialect.
And the people are lighter, blonder. Yeah, we have a lot of, you know.
The men have very long hair. No, not all.
Look at you. You still got the fucking, that's all your hair? Those aren't extensions? No.
No. Can a man wear extensions? You know, it's.
I mean, without me. I mean, you know, it's like, come on, we still man-man.
I mean, probably we still the last of the Mohegan, you know, our generation. Well, we are, I think, like two of the very few men our age, 40,

who have never been married and no kids, right?

Yes.

And this is because we're homosexual.

No.

No, this is because... Well, I always say...

Very homosexual.

I always say to people when they ask about this,

if you're our age and you've never gotten married,

it's either for one or two reasons. You don't like women or you like them a lot.
Exactly. Right? And, you know, it's like, listen, we're smart and we're picky.
So we're not going to, you know, and when you're a successful man, especially living in Los Angeles, you have to be careful. No, there's, trust me, I know.
And sometimes women are sincere, but I mean, I have a pretty sharp eye now for like, especially like you say, we're older now. I know when a woman wants to be like a Beverly Hills wife and have the Beverly Hills wife life.
Maybe it's because they see it on, isn't there a show? Of course there is. I've never seen any of those housewives show because I feel like I might get sucked into it.

Oh, my God.

But, like, and they didn't need a show to tell them how to be.

They're pathetic.

What?

Those shows.

Those, you know, those shows.

You've seen them, you've watched them?

No.

But, you know, I saw clips and I'm like, oh, my God,

I can't believe people, they're watching this garbage.

I mean, come on.

See, if we had been led our lives differently, differently gotten married our wives would now be on that show run your show our wives would be throwing drinks in each other's faces yeah and look what we avoided i know i know it's great you know it's like i i love you know cars motorcycles and you know it's like and always we're like well fabio why you have to have all the scars. Why to have, you know, cars, motorcycles, and, you know, it's like, and always when you're like, well, Fabio, why do you have to have all these cars?

Why do you have, you know, because I go like, I like variety.

Maybe give you a hint.

Well, I could give a shit about variety in cars.

I have one car, I mean, I'm not a car guy, but I see your point.

And so you like variety so much, it even extends to the automobile.

Well, you know, it's like, listen, in life, life is too short.

You never know, right?

So I believe, you know, it's like you have to have the best in your life.

You know, it's like I understand.

You work, and then you have fun.

In life, you have to have balance, okay?

So a lot of people, they work too much, and they don't live life.

Right.

I love sure. You too.
I mean, you look great. And those books, you know, so interesting the way society kind of frowns on what those books are really selling.
Like, it's toxic. Like, if you really do the shit that the guy in the book is doing.
That's what I'm telling you. It's America.
America, they're very good in marketing and to sell fantasy. Think about Hollywood.
It's based on a fantasy, right? Yes. So the same.
You know, those books give people fantasy. It's healthy.
It's an escape. But the fantasy, that's where the hypocrisy comes in.
The fantasy that the women have in the books is sort of frowned upon in other quarters of life and media. Because it's a little like, I want to be taken, right? Right.
But, you know, the guy, didn't they call them bodice rippers? Because he's literally ripping off whatever the bodice is. I don't remember ever being with a girl who had a bodice, whatever it is.
But, you know, the fact that it was being ripped off is, that's a little, that's not in the Me Too catalog there. You're not supposed to rip things off.
But women do want something in men that they sometimes, I think, to their own detriment these days, root out of them because it's so all about we can't have any toxic masculinity and we certainly are toxic and have done a lot of bad things. But, you know, they still want to feel like they're getting fucked by a man and not a wimp or a boy or, you know, I mean, this political correctness is just not sexy.
No, you're right. It's not sexy.
And nobody ever came after you for being like part of this evil. No, no.
You know, it's like, you know, always treat women with respect on a gentleman, you know, and then takes two to tango, you know. So it's sometimes, you know, men and women that do stupid things and then they're gonna ban him the ass in the long run but you know it's like you know when uh you know all this stuff with the me too movement came out it was such a hollywood thing you know it's like where was the me too movement with all the women being raped down in uh october 7 in israel you know the course.
It's so, you know, nobody, no, you know, celebrity, no, no. None of the Me Too movement said a word about what happened.
No, and a lot of the dumbass, useful idiots defended it. Yeah.
Didn't spend one day in sympathy for the victims. Went right to Hamas.
Way to go, boys. It's unbelievable.
You know, and I tell you, all this, you know, to me, canceled culture is the stupidest thing. Because, you know, you have, you know, people.
I mean, you have civilization with thousands of years of cultures. And, you know, and then now they cancel culture.
I mean, these people, they chant from the river to the sea. They don't even know which river and which sea.
I mean, it's like you don't even know where Palestine is. You know, it's unbelievable.
And, you know, my father used to tell me, you know, they're always going to find out a cure for diseases. They never find a cure for ignorant people it's you know even you go education yeah look at the education people get today in colleges it's crazy i mean it makes them stupider but they certainly don't they certainly don't i mean i was a history major and i'm if i was king and took over the education system,

I would make everybody take a course.

I don't know what I would call it.

It would be something like you are here.

You know on a map when you're trying to find your way around a park or something, you are here

so you know exactly where you are in the big picture.

That's what they don't have.

They don't know like how old the earth is.

They don't know like how many people on earth. They have no perspective.
I have no clue. Where did I come from? How old is history? They would be shocked, I think, at all these things.
And it's very important to know, because they have no perspective. This is why they were able to have that attitude like, boy, people 500 years ago really should have known better.
Columbus was not politically correct. Yet nobody was then.
And you wouldn't have been either, you asshole, if you lived then, as if you're Nostradamus. And in 1492, you'd be like, taking slaves is wrong.
It wasn't wrong to anybody, including people of color in other parts of the world. And, you know, I was just reading about, was it the Mayans or the Incans? It was in yesterday's New York Times.
Chopping the heads off of children as a, you know, as part of a religious sacrifice. I mean, come on, man.
It's crazy. I mean, humans just, we grow up in stages, just like we do as individuals.
Right. But it's part of our, you know, it's like you have to acknowledge our culture.
And also, America was such a different country from the rest of the world because it was a melting pot of different cultures. You know? That is the beauty about America.
When you grow up in a country like Italy or any place in Europe or around the world, you're pretty much exposed to your culture. And most of the time, they tell you your culture is the best.
You invented this. You created this.
You know, it's like they pump up. Why did you come to America? I came to America because I was very fortunate to travel the world with my parents.
My parents loved to travel the world. So since I was like four or five years old, we went everywhere, all over Africa.
Because your father worked in the Foreign Service or something? No, my father was a top mechanical engineer. Oh.
And he was one of the first men to create assembly line. Oh.
So it was very, very successful.

Like Fiat?

Well, you know, the Fiat, they were, you know, some of Fiat.

Was that Milan?

Yes.

No, Fiat is in Torino.

Torino, right.

Torino.

But my father built, you know, some of the top assembly line

for Whirlpool, for Boeing.

So you saw America when you were a kid with your parents?

Yes.

And you just liked it and wanted to move here?

Let me tell you something.

I've been around the world.

You know, by the time I was 13, I was already

Thank you. for a ball.
So you saw America when you were a kid with your parents? Yes. And you just liked it and wanted to move here? Let me tell you something.
I've been around the world. By the time I was 13, I was already been around in many, many places around the world.
And I never felt home in Italy. I was always felt, you know, I feel like a fish out of the water in my country.
You know, I think the mentality, the Italian mentality is kind of like narrow. You know, it's like they still live on uh on a roman empire and it's like excuse me what have you done two thousand years from from that time until now you know it's like those bridges those those uh monument those buildings they're still there and they're still You build roads and bridges, then at the inauguration day, they collapse.
You know, it's like, it's crazy. It's crazy.
It's like, what have you done now? It's amazing the way the forces that collapsed the Roman Empire are very similar to what's Because, like, migration around the world is always such a key factor. You nail it.
You know, and I'm not saying, first of all, the barbarians who took over the Roman Empire weren't barbarians. They were just different people.
They said, any more than the people who were coming to this country, they're not barbarians either. But when people are on the move, I mean, the Roman Empire collapsed because the Huns, who were from north of Beijing, they were from north of China, and they fought with the Han dynasty.
And then they migrated westward, and then they put pressure on tribes that they were pushing out in Eastern Europe, the Visgoths and the Goths. Yes.
Okay. And then they moved into the Roman Empire.
So it was like when people are moving, it just puts pressure on other peoples and everything changes. And we, I mean, immigration is probably the biggest issue in this election.
Yeah. And in European elections.
I mean, Maloney in your country. Yes.
You know, that's how she got to be the prime minister. And she's the only one in the G7 who's popular now because she has a reputation as being tough on immigration and keeping Italy Italy.
And when you say that in certain quarters, that'd be, you know, oh, that's racist. It doesn't have to be.
It can be. There can be racist elements.
But other people, like the majority of people, I think, in some poll in this country said, there are times I just don't feel like I'm at home in my own country. They couldn't keep out the people who wanted to be there.
I mean, that's what a lot of people would say is going on in this country right now. We seem unable to keep out anyone.
And because the people coming through the border now are not just from Central America. Everywhere.
They're from China and, like, lots of people are saying, oh, you can get in through there. And I just feel like this is going to be Biden's undoing.
Yeah. And being, you know, America, you know, you have a lot of enemy.
So you really want to take care of your border.

Of course.

Because, you know, ISIS and, you know.

They caught eight ISIS guys last week.

Yeah, exactly.

And, you know, I guarantee you Hamas, they have a lot of cells in the United States.

And, you know, as well as Hezbollah.

So, you know, it's like you have to. Listen, if somebody wants to come in your house, you should come from the front door.
Right. Right.
Not from breaking the rear window, okay? Because when somebody breaks your window, it's because it doesn't have good intention. I came here legally.
So, you know, many times people, they go like, okay, Fabio, you're an immigrant. You came here.
But I came here legally. I went through the system, and I became an American citizen.
It's almost like you go to the bank, right, and you're waiting for an hour and a half at the bank, and you have to go and run your errands, and you're waiting, and all of a sudden, 30 people, they come in, and they pass in front of the line. Boy, I bet you there's a lot of chicks who are masturbating to your photos on the cover of those books who are listening to this going wow that guy can talk too well i'm not just a pretty face no no but women when women masturbate i feel like it's very different than we do and i mean we like we're very visual're very visual.
Women, they're not that visual. You know? Right.
That's why even, you know, porn, you know, with men, it's, you know... Yeah, it's porn.
Because we're very visual. We see girls, you know, working out of the gym or that...
Right. We already, you know...
Women's porn is almost a contradiction in terms, you know. It's almost the opposite of what porn is or what classic porn is.
Yes. And unless.
It's always the exception to the rule. And lesbian porn is just, I mean, how do you know when you're done? Yeah.
There's no finale to this show, you know. Talk about third act problems.
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Call 1-844-4OTESLA or visit Otesla.com for prescribing info, info about cost, and more. So what's your life like every day? I'm very curious.
I love life. I know, I can see that.
You get up in the morning? In life, you have to have balance. No, I don't like early morning.
I don't either. Oh, my God, I hate early morning.
What time do you get up normally? About 10, 30, 11. Me too.
I'm telling you. I'm telling you.
We're brothers from another mother. Soon, I mean, when the sun is that high in the morning, I'm just like a vampire, you know? Right.
I don't even know how. Well, there's only so many hours in the day, and I like the night.
I mean, one reason I created this atmosphere for this show is because I feel it's the only podcast that has a nighttime feel. Yes.

You know, like you don't see any cameras.

It's just you and I sitting in my little den of iniquity, smoking, drinking.

You know, that's, I mean, some people are just night people.

I've always been at night. My father worked nights and everything was just always on a late clock.

And I'm sorry, but just like a lot more fun things happen at night. At night.
When you're an adult, not when you're five. I get it.
I want more time to be in dirt. But I don't have that issue anymore.
I want more time to be in bars. Maybe not bars, but places, you know, out, restaurants, people, you know.
I mean, I i know there's some morning people that they can i mean they love the morning oh it's great you know i you know i always said you know i never got morning sex no i just i can't stand morning i mean what about morning sex morning what morning sex not between us i mean just no no well well you know depends you know if you have uh yeah i mean i've done it but it's like first of all i feel disgusting when i first wake up i mean i even when i see it in a movie when people wake up and kiss each other i'm like how can you kiss someone after eight hours of sleep i mean it's just it just but some people are not bothered by things like that it It bothers me a lot. That, like, I'm fastidious that way.
So, like, the idea that you could wake up after all that sleep and then just start, like, kissing, that's gross. And, you know, you're kind of, who knows what's in your eyes.
It's just, it's just, you know, it's better at night, night. You know, listen, you know, many times in the morning, you know, you know, it's better at night.
You know, listen, many times in the morning, especially when you're younger, you get up with a boner and then, you know, you have to take care of it. Yes, you do.
You know, it's always, you know, when I'm a person in age. I think that was Bing Crosby's theme song, you get up With a Boner.
Ba-ba-ba-ba. Yeah, I still get up with a boner sometimes.
But I don't have to put it in someone. It's the morning.
Can we just have coffee? Yes, the best time is after coffee and some breakfast. It's not going anywhere.
Right. But I mean, I've also, I must say, in the last, I would say, five years especially, really appreciate it.
Since I started doing, like, kind of a fast couple of times a year, and you get used to, like, not eating for, like, a stretch of hours, most of my life I just, like, went by the normal thing of three meals a day. And like, no, I don't have to.
Two is fine. And I really like the time of the day before I eat, because I just have more energy.
Food makes you. Oh, totally.
Totally. Yeah.
It's like, yeah. You know, normally I always say, have like a brunch.
Because by the time I get up, I have, you know, my breakfast, you know, and then some eggs, omelets, and so on. So I do my brunch every time.
And then I don't eat until, you know, the evening. But yes, of course, you know, it's like every time you eat, you get more energy.
You get less. Huh? You get less.
When they eat, you get more. From eating? Yes.
Oh, see, there we're opposite. Yeah.
No, to me, I'm like a wolf. I eat and I want to sleep at the mouth of the cave.
You know, it's like, because the body, most of the body's energy is taken with digestion. When you have to digest something, that's like, I never want to, like, fuck after eating.
You know what? It's fuck and then eat. It makes so much more sense.
It's so funny because in Italy they used to tell me that, oh, you know, you eat and then you, and I was like, no, I can eat and then go work out or I can eat and then have big time sex. Well, you are truly Fabio.
Really, you are truly the. I mean, it's a great, you know, to burn calorie.
I mean, now you got, you know, you fill up your tank and, you know, you're ready to go. You fill up your tank, but most people get loggy after food.
Most people get lethargic. Most people get sleepy.
Again, because all... Right, because you're digesting.
Because most of the blood goes in your stomach. I just want you just wants you to like you know sit down and do nothing while it does its job i mean i i'm using my first meal it's a kind of a shake but it's heavy with a lot of stuff in it and like i can guarantee a half hour after i drink that i will i will not be able to stay awake for just 15 minutes like, it will just kill me.
My body's just saying, you can't even be conscious now. We are just working on this now.
We are working on this thing you just ate, and then we'll wake you up when we're done with that. But we can't do two things at once.
So if you can do all these things right after you eat, work out, you're not even supposed to do that. I've been doing it all my life and it doesn't even bother me.
I've never told you as a kid you're not supposed to go back swimming in the ocean? All the time. And I used to be very stubborn.
I wanted to prove the point. I used to jump right in the ocean.
Really? Oh, I used to drive my parenthood. And it never killed you? Never.
Never? You're still alive. That's awesome.

So not to get too personal, but that's why you're here.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, it's like it's, and tell you,

the world is beautiful because it's colorful, you know?

And there is no such a, you know, everything.

There is exception to the rules, you know, in everything.

Apropos of what are you saying now?

Well, you know, there is always exception. I mean, it's like.
it's what what are we talking about on exemption to what on everything to what though i mean why are you making this point what's the exception what's i mean what's the rule that we have to make a thing about the exception i'm not but you know it's like it's like you were saying before you know like it's like oh you know people eat and then they can't Oh, I see. I see.
Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying.
Right? No, but, you know, it's like you were saying before, you know, it's like, oh, you know, people eat and then they can't work out. Oh, I see.
I see. Oh, okay.
That's what I'm saying. Right.
No, absolutely. It's different, you know.
Everybody's so different, especially about very personal things like that. That's why, you know, guys like us, I mean, we can sit here and chortle about, oh, we never got married so we don't have the divorce and all the horrible things that we think that happen with marriages, and awful things do happen with marriages, but also great things happen with marriages.
It's just based on who you are and your nature and, like, what works for you. People say, why are you anti-marriage? And I always say, I'm just anti-marriage for me.
I get it that it works for you. Right.
There are some people that are meant to be married, and there are some people that can't be alone. You know, there's a lot of people that can't be alone.
J-Lo. That's all.
I mean, I'm not picking on her, but that was all in the... I saw Dr.
Drew. I texted him yesterday.
I was kidding him about it, but he was on TMZ last night. And he would, because he had to be interviewed about J-Lo and Ben breaking up.
And, like, that was his thing. Like, some people cannot be alone.
Guys, too. I've known guys like that.
A lot of guys. Yes, guys who, oh, my God, they, like, were unhappily married for 20 years.
I know guys like this. And they would always be bitching, and every joke was about how horrible the marriage.
Right. It was like I was laughing at the jokes, but I would always be thinking, oh, but for you, that joke comes out of real pain.
But okay, if we're all laughing at it, I'll laugh at it too. But it made me think, I'm glad I'm not married.
So they're married for like 20 years, and they just can't get the courage to break off. They want to get out of it, but they've got kids.
The roots run deep, you know, all that kind of stuff. Money sometimes.
But they're miserable every day. And all the jokes are about how they never get laid, and they never get blown up.
And they finally, they just are driven to a point where they cannot take it for one more fucking second, and they do it. They get away.
And then they fucking marry the first girl who gives them a handjob. They break right back into prison.
It's true. It's almost like, you know, every single guy wants to marry a nymphomaniac.
And after a few years, you know, like the nympho live and you got the maniac. And the maniac stay, you know.
It's like, listen, some people, they're meant to be married. They find that really special person, that bondage.
And some other people, they're just people like me. And we're not, we're very, we are happy people.
We are happy to be by ourselves. I mean, number one.
Happy, smiley people. In life, you have to be happy.
OK? Well Well, you try. Yeah.
But the problem is with a lot of people, they always try, men and women, they always try, oh, I'm going to be happy only if I find the other person. No.
You have to be happy first. Be happy first.
Then you have to find somebody else who's also very content with their life, and then maybe we can share something. But, you know, if you're miserable and you've got another person, you're only going to bring the person down.
Or if you're happy and you marry somebody who's miserable, there's nothing you can do. She's going to bring you down.
Right. Well, you know what people usually use to make up for being happy? Liquor and drugs.
No. It's so sad.
818, kids. Well, I'm glad you're happy.
Oh, you know, it's like it's, listen, if you keep your life, you know, I always try to keep my life simple. You can complicate your life as much as you want.
Correct. If you complicate your life, then you're going to pay the consequences.
If you keep your life simple, it's much easier to have a happier life. OK, so put some meat on those bones.
What do you mean by keeping your life simple? What's keeping your life simple? Not getting married? No, I mean, what you really love. No, but that's a big part of simple.
It's like once you're not again, and again, I'm not knocking marriage because I think I know people would be miserable without their spouse. But it does.
Immediately, life is complicated because, first of all, you've invited the government, the legal system, into your life. You are now in a relationship, not just with your partner, but with the legal system of the United States.
So if shit goes sideways, the legal system gets involved.

That was always a very big red flag for me.

Yeah, but that's just in this country.

That's just in the United States.

In a lot of places on Earth, you know,

other countries are not that complicated.

What do you mean?

But, you know, in the United States, everybody knows. I mean, you know.
You mean it's easier to get divorced and stuff in other countries? Yeah. And also, you know, it's like another country, a lot of countries, they don't believe in suing each other.
They're like, you know, in this country, I mean, you know, it's like one of the first that they tell you is like, prepare to have a lawyer in your pocket because you need a lawyer for.

In Islamic countries, I mean, I'm quoting this from fairly recent times. Maybe this has changed.
So if it has, don't hate me on that. But certainly in this century, and I think still in many places, all that has to happen is the man has to say, I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee three times.
I'm not kidding about that. Oh, no, no.
Have you heard? That's like a law. Yeah, yeah.
I think that's probably still what happens in Saudi Arabia. They can have as many women they want.
That's a lot easier than Jacobi and Myers. Yeah.
You know. Yes.
And getting Saul Weinstein involved in your life and having his bills come everywhere. And I see why guys go apeshit.
I mean, I've seen this with so many guys who they go through the divorce. They think, you know, they set themselves up for life with the perfect wife.
And not only do they now have to pay these exorbitant legal fees of their own, they have to pay her lawyer. They have to pay the guy who's fucking them in the ass.
I can see why this drives them to the brink. And I've seen them.
Oh, yeah. And, you know, I mean, it's the kind of thing that can make you physically, and I think it has made people physically sick.
Yeah. That's it.
Relationships are wonderful, but they can actually, if they go badly, can make you physically sick. Or in Johnny Depp's case, just lose the tip of the finger.
I know. And, you know, it's like you've been around, you know, how many really people you meet, they're extremely happy with the marriage.
I mean, the majority, they're not happily married. I mean, everybody's miserable.
No, I know. I do this bit in my act, so I don't want to pretend that it's not a joke.
But I always say when people ask me why I don't get married, I say because when you ask people about a marriage, what comes out of their mouth, the first thing is always some variation of, well, it's tough. It's a lot of work.
It's never, yippee! And that is another, these are just red flags. And have you ever been engaged? Because I was engaged.
Never. Never, never even got that far.
When I was 29, I was engaged, bought a ring. I remember in New York City, I was living out here, but we went back to New York because the 47th Street Diamond District, you know, on the west side.
Okay. So, you know, that whole block, it's immortalized in the movie Marathon Man, Gypsy Marathon Man.
Yes. Laurence Olivier, Dustin Hoffman, classic.
And that's the end scene. And every shop is a diamond district.
And you can buy just the chip, you know, and I did. I remember it was one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars

to get just a little diamond and then you'd put it on a ring but you saved a lot of money doing it that way right so you know and uh you know then we lived together and it was just i used to call it it was a real italian movie it was duck and fuck you know we would we would fuck a lot and and then there would be fights.

And it's just there there is a level of uh drama that you will put up with or at least i would put up with at that age that i guess i just thought was normal that i would never put up with today ever like i just don't have i just wouldn't allow you don to have time and energy and also now at our age we set in our ways i mean you know and and we and what i think we prize at least for myself is two things comfort and acceptance that weren't there were comfort and acceptance were not number one and two on the charts when I was 25.

Maybe they should have been. But you're different.
And you have different goals and you have different feelings. And you just can put up with more.
I mean, a lot of what's great about aging is like weeding out things that you never like to begin with. And you don't have to put up with anymore.
You get wiser. Wiser.
And more able to just eliminate what you don't want, the clutter in your life or the things you never wanted to do. Right.
Like Christmas. You know, I did Christmas forever and now I don't.
Like, I don't hate it. It's just like I'm not doing anything for it.
I'm not buying you anything. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't have to get a tree. I do.
I mean, it's the same tree every year. It's not real.
It's lovely. I love a Christmas tree.
I love Christmas. Yeah, you know.
Don't make me do anything. And plus, you know, freedom is a beautiful thing.
And be able to, you know, sometime I go like, you know, let's make plants. What plants? I don't even know.
When I got up, I don't even know what I'm going to do. You know? I don't even know what I'm going to do.
What am I going to tell you? Let's do this. I don't even know what I'm going to do.
So when I wake up, I want to do whatever I want to do. That's exactly it.
That's, again, exactly how I feel. Like, I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Right. That's a tough thing to do in a relationship.
Exactly. I'm of the opinion that the word consider is the most important part of a real relationship because the word considerate comes from consider.
You just have to consider what the other person is doing almost always, especially if you live with them. Right.
You don't have to do something about it all the time. But you just can't live your life without thinking about what another person is doing at this moment.
And I think most of the stress in my life came from when I was in a relationship. And I had that to, it just doesn't suit me.
I'm a lone wolf. I'm the same way.
You know what the other word is? Compromise. I hate that word.
As a matter of fact, I cut him off from my vocabulary. There's no compromise.
I mean, what I want to do, I want to do. He's like, you know, that's the way it is.
Right. You know, compromise.
Why do I have to compromise? I had the, Alan Richson. You know who he is? He plays Reacher.
Yes, yes. He's got a very big career going on.
He was just in that big movie. Yeah, he was in the movie with Bruce Willis.
Yeah, he was doing great. And he was here, and he was telling me, and I love Reacher, and he was saying, by the way, you could play Reacher's dad.
That'd be a great part for you. Oh, see, I'm always helping people's careers here.
You'd be perfect, because he's big. You know, that's the whole thing.
There's a thousand Sasquatch jokes about him in the show. But he was telling me, he's like, yeah, wherever I'm on location, my wife and my kids come with me.
He he said I'm a lone wolf I'm like lone wolf I'm a lone wolf yeah you're wiping kids come with you that's not a lone wolf right I mean it's cool I'm glad you like it but that I mean this is a lone wolf and um it's actually hard to stay single especially if you are successful your life. I mean, you have to really work at it.
You know, I mean, somebody once shouted at me when I was on stage, how are you not married? I said, vigilance. You know? You know, sometimes people, you know, society, they categorize.
You know, it's like, you know, you get to a certain age a certain age, and you have to get married. Women, you're getting older, your clock is ticking.
You have to have kids. It's like, you know, there is no real rules in life.
I mean, it's like there are rules that society put, but you don't have to follow. We're lucky because we live in a place where there are no rules.
Yeah. That's why we love America with all its flaws, or at least I do.
Oh, it's the best country in the world. Even with all the shit.
Yes. There's a reason why they're trying to get here.
The reason why our problem isn't keeping people in. Yeah.
We're not building a wall to keep them. Right.
It's such a bad kind. You know, sometimes people hear on TV like, oh, you know, America's so horrible.
Right. And it's like, what the fuck? Everybody wants to come in this country because it's so horrible.
It's not like our diplomats are calling up the dude from Tajikistan and saying, listen, we both got the same problem. why don't we get together just informally, have a dinner, kind of spitball it, see what we can do about this? Because I know people are just flooding into Tajikistan.
And if we could just get your point of view, sometimes fresh eyes on a problem would really help. It's like, no, this is, and look, Europe has the same issues.
I mean, people want to get to, I mean, what I find cheeky, if I may.

Yes.

About some of the immigrants who come into places, all of them, but especially Europe.

This is more, our immigration is mostly Latin American, which is a culture which is, really does want to melt.

And is not that distant from us to begin with.

Spanish, English, you know, they're not that hard to learn, each other. Okay, immigration to Western Europe, a lot of it is Muslim.
It's from North Africa. Well, let's wait until we get to the end of this.
We went and jumped right to it's horrible. Okay, the people are not horrible.
No. The people aren't horrible.
The ideology. The ideology.
And it's very different. And some of them are very open about talking about a Europe in the future that is the civilization they came from.
That's what I find cheeky. You're leaving this civilization, which is very different than Western Europe.
Very different than Christian slash atheistic, whatever it is, secular, enlightened Western, Enlightenment Western Europe, okay? And then you want to, you're leaving the place that's very different, but then you want to come to this place and make it like the place you left. Exactly.
You know, I mean, if 51% of any Western European country was Muslim, they would be under some form of Sharia law. I love my moderate Muslim friends.
Moderate Muslims are great, but there's not that many. I'm with you in that.
You know, it's like whoever win. Yeah.
The more fundamentalists win. Right.
That is the challenge Islam has. They want to come in your country and, you know, they leave a country that we're actually kept in like, you know, animal in the cages.
Because in their country, I mean, they were miserable. And then they go to another country where actually they feel all of a sudden freedom and they have some kind of happiness.
And all of a sudden, they want to turn that country into the country like the one they came from. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's cheeky.
It's very cheeky to do that. It's one thing to come here and say, hey, we were from this other country where things are not good.
We don't really have a lot of freedom. We don't feel good about life there.
We don't feel like we have a future and our children, blah, blah, blah. So you're a shining city on a hill.
We'd like to come here and we'd like to be part of that. And thank you for having us.
And you know what we're going to do? We're going to contribute mightily. And that's what immigrants in this country have mostly done, contribute mightily, because they wanted to be part of it.
It's another thing to say, we're going to come over here, and then you know what would be great if we had a Sharia law, because that works so well in the old country. This is the issue that Islam at some point is going to have to deal with.
It is a supremacist religion. I mean, all religions are to a degree.
If you're telling everybody in the world, our guy is the guy, you kind of have to believe. They have no tolerance for anybody else.
Right. But there are degrees of that.
And they do not have tolerance. They don't have as much tolerance.
Not nearly. And it's more fundamentalist.
They believe the holy book in a way Christians, because it's an older religion, really don't. They don't.
The Bible says crazy shit too. But nobody takes it seriously.
But they do take it very seriously. Very seriously.
And they've shown it. That's why they've been beheading people from the time of Mohammed all the way to the modern day.
And nothing has changed. And, you know, when also, you know, Europe was invaded, you know, back, I think it was in 1400, from, you know, Turkish and, you know, the Arabs.
I mean, Europe was... Well, it was invaded way before that.
No, but I'm saying, but, you know, it's like then, the Europeans, they kicked them out, and the Muslims said, we will be back. Oh, they were.
They were at the gates of Vienna in 1529. Yeah.
And also in 1678. Did not get past...
But Vienna is the heart, not the heart, but close to the heart of Europe. I mean, and I've been in Vienna.
I was there in the summer of 2010. And at least in the summer, like, I would say at least half the women on the streets were in a complete black chatter.
Totally, totally. It's all over Europe, I can tell you.
A friend of mine is a federal judge in italy and he just retired because he told me fabio i mean i cannot believe where our country is today and i said why what's happening he goes like number one italian citizen they are fifth class citizen not even second class they're fifth class citizen meaning meaning then everything the government supply everything to the immigrant. Everything is for free for the immigrant.
The pension plan is pretty much gone. You know, you have old people, 89 years old, they go and collect their pension plan.
The government says, go home because we have no money. But in the meantime, they give free phone, free everything free everything three i mean this is this is a

similar complaint we hear in america but they're so but this has been going for many many many years in europe and they're to the point where like my friend who's a federal judge in italy said you know i can't take this anymore and i'm gonna retire i mean our police don't want do. In the middle of a major city, you will have 40, 50 people from Arab countries, from Africa.
This is a major, during the day, major square. They get around 40, 50 guys.
They get five or six women, and they rape them right down the street the police can be 10 15 feet away and the police don't want anything to do because if they get into confrontation then oh they're gonna if they beat up these people they're gonna be racist and and so on and and my friend told me it got to a point where law they don't not apply to these people, all the immigrants. They don't.
They can do whatever they want. Their jail system is full.
So these people, even if they commit crime, they get arrested. They get released the next day.
So they commit more crime. They get arrested, they get released the next day.
I mean, it's

like that, constantly, every day.

You turn the TV on, it's constantly,

you know,

a lot of gypsy, now

they're living in Italy. You know, the

women, the gypsy

women, they go on buses

and metro, they put a pill, they

stack a pillow under their,

you know, coat, and then

they go and start doing, you know,

wallet and purse and, you know,

Thank you. and metro, they put a pill, they stack a pillow under their, you know, coat.

And then they go and start doing, you know, wallet and purse and, you know, stealing money.

What's the pillow for?

They pretend to be pregnant.

Okay. Because in Italy there is a law and a cop cannot touch a pregnant woman.

So they put, some TV show put some camera on a metro, and they caught on video all these women, pregnant women, gypsy, stealing money left and right. So they called the police.
So the police wait at the stop. You know, when the metro stopped, they went in to talk to this woman and try to arrest this woman.
And this woman, they're hitting the cops. They're spitting on the cops.
They're calling the cop's name. And the cop says, nothing they can do because this woman pretend, even if they pretend to be pregnant women, because they're not, the cops, there's nothing they can do.
And these people, they get away with murder every day. I think sometimes people in this country don't understand that crazy woke shit also happens in other countries.
I feel like you could do a whole show about crazy woke shit in other countries. Oh, trust me.
Italy, France, England, Germany. I remember reading one about, it was England, and the kids, the ones who are so afraid of everything and need a trigger warning for everything that's going to upset them, They were someplace, wouldn't allow clapping anymore for a show because the noise, you know, the kids with the ASMR where they have to have soothing voices because everything causes anxiety, clapping.
So like when, but what about the performer, you know, and they're just jazz hands, just do this if you liked it. I mean, and you think, this has got to be an onion story.
This can't be real. I tell you, you should do it.
You should do it. I can put you in contact.
You can do some stuff in Italy. Stuff of this stuff happening here is unbelievable.
I mean, one of the cases, you know, three people from Africa, they broke into a house.

They put an older man and the wife.

They tied him up in the chair.

They beat him up for hours because they were looking for cash and jewelry.

The people, they didn't have no cash and jewelry in the house.

So they beat him up because they wanted,

they thought these people had cash and jewelry in the house.

So then they start looking from room to room to room in the house if these people have cash and jewelry. And, you know, this couple, they had a doberman and the doberman was in one of the room.
So when the three guys opened the door, the doberman came out and beat him all three. Right? They ran to the police.
And the police went and you know what they did? They find the steel, the bloody couple steel tied down to the chair. You know what they did? They arrest the dog.
Well, that's the moral I take from that story. Dobermans are racist.
This is like... But again, it's not...
We're not objecting to this because they're Africans. We love Africans.
We're objecting it because they're robbers. Exactly.
If you let too many people in the country with no plan for how they are going to live, of course, some of them are going to turn to crime. They want to eat.
They have to, and they want to survive. And of course, look, for eons in this country, that has been a way you advanced.
Scarface came over on the Mario Boatlift in 1980 from Cuba. And how did he get ahead?

Say hello to my little... Scarface came over on the Mariel boat lift in 1980 from Cuba.

And how did he get ahead?

Say hello to my little friend.

Yeah.

You know, and the mafia.

You know, I mean, that's how you get ahead when you're an immigrant in this country.

And you feel like it's almost your entitlement

because the country's treating you so badly.

It's like, you know what?

Then fuck you.

I'll get into crime. And I'll beat you with your own game and they often did the irish did it too and the jews bugsy siegel and um you know myrlansky and you know every every ethnic group that's treated i mean there's mafias of every mexican mafia we've been excuse me we've invented I'm saying it's no no I know I said the you know the godfather and yeah

I mean and mafias and Chinese. Excuse me, we invented this.
I'm saying, no, no, I know.

I said, you know, The Godfather.

And yeah, I mean, The Godfather is a great movie,

partly because it's so understandable,

especially in Godfather 2.

You know, when you see him coming to America

and why he does what he does,

that's the genius of great filmmaking, I think,

is we understand why he is who he is.

And he's not a bad person.

He does bad things.

But he's not a bad person.

Plus they got a little help from the Vatican.

Well, that's Godfather III.

That's another story.

What are you saying about the Vatican?

Oh, the Vatican is totally, you know. Were you raised Catholic? Yes, I was.
Are you still? No. How old were you when you threw it away? Eight years old.
Eight? My parents said, you know, you're like, you're an angel up to eight years old. Then you did your first communion.
And the next morning, you wake up and you were like. I remember first communion.
Yeah. I remember training for it, being traumatized by it, by the training.
We had to go after school for months to learn to this one day ceremony that was like, OK, you walk to the head of the thing and the old pervert fucking taps you on the head or sticks something on your tongue, or God knows what the fuck it was. I was once so, like, traumatized by this thought of going to catechism training that I rammed my head into something at home to get out of going.
So I had a bloody head. Oh, my God.
I know. No, I was like, you know, I was really good until I was 80 years old.
And then I have the first communion. And then the next day, I turned, like, into the Antichrist.
The next day. Why? My parents, they go like, what happened to you? You know, for three years.
Because my parents, they sent me a school at five years old. So in case I lost one year, I would be normally go to school at six.
Really? Six? Yes. Six? That's pretty late.
Six years old. In Italy, you don't go to school until you're six? Well, you go kindergarten first, and then you go at six years old, you go to school.
I think six, we were in second grade by then. Oh.
But, you know, Italy's different. Five years, then three years, and then five other years of, like, high school.
And then you go to college. So you do 13 years.
That's kindergarten and zone. So why do you think you never felt at home in Italy? What was it about Italy? I know they're mama's boys.
Yeah. 60 Minutes once did a story about all the grown-up Italian men who live with their mothers.
Mammoni. Yep.
It's, I'm telling you, it's like, you know, it's like, yeah, you live with your mom and they put everything. Why? Including, it's the mentality.
It's the old mentality. They get raised and the mother spoiled them.
I thought they were such macho, you know, loferios pinching asses. Not everyone.
Not everyone. So they pinch ass and then they go home to their mother? I know, but you know, it's like a lot of this guy, the mother did everything for them everything cooks for them that worship them and it's like so you know it's like even when they get married or they find a girl there we have we have people like that in america who like to um enjoy the the generosity of their mother's cooking and their mother's laundry service and and their mother's bed.
They're called millennials. Yes.
No, I'm joking.

Of course. They're called Gen Z.
But, yeah, but in Italy, it's like, see, here it's, I think, frowned upon. It's like, oh, come on, get out of the house.
You're in your mother's basement, loser. But in Italy, it's not because it's just the way of life, right? The way it's so used to it what do the women think of that they must be they must there's a major there was a major you know um confrontation and fight between the women and the mother and the mothers because you know of course you know the woman wants to be the first of course or if i'm your I'm your girlfriend, I should come first and not second.
And no one is ever going to do it as good as your mother. I'm talking about hand jobs, of course.
No, I mean cooking. Right.
And laundry and that. Right.
It's your mother. Right.
But, I mean, Christ. You know, there is a time you become a man and, you know, you cut the umbilical cord.
Exactly. And you go, and you do your life, you know? And a lot of, a lot of, when, I tell you, when I left Italy, all my friends would say, are you crazy? It's like, why are you leaving? You know, you have a very comfortable life in Italy.
You know, it's like, your parents are great. You know, your father had a big company.
You don't have to worry about it for the rest of your life. I say, I don't care.
I'm leaving because I don't like the mentality. It's too old mentality.
I've been around the world, so I have a world mentality. I've been in America many times.
And the only time I felt, I swear to you, the first time I came to the United States, I was 13 years old. And soon I got off the plane, I go like, oh my God, I feel home.
I felt that way when I came here. You know, I was raised on the East Coast, lived in New York, grew up in New Jersey, then lived in New York when I started my career.
So then I came out here, I felt like, oh, you know, it's not funny. We're animals.
We know where home is. You're right.
Same thing when you buy a house. Like, oh, yeah, I'm supposed to live here.
You're right. It's like it's not because you're born in that place.
You belong to that place. But you see the mentality.
They were like, if I be crazy, you don't even speak the language. How are you going to survive? I'm like, that's it? I mean, language isn't going to stop me.
Stop you? I'm sure not that you needed help getting laid i'm saying that i'm sure it was and you know women love american women it's like you could have been 10 times less attractive you are physically and it still would have been a great asset you still would have they british accents but especially italian oh it's it's just talk about a panty wetter yeah but you know it's like a lot of people in europe especially i mean in italy or france they they think it's like okay you know it's like i i don't speak english or my english is very limited how i'm gonna survive how i'm gonna make we going to find a job? You know, it's, they have that very close mentality also because you know what's the difference between European and American? Then I saw right away, in Europe, they always keep you, oh, you're not smart enough, you're stupid, you're this, you're that. They keep you low, right? And also they have tests along the way that if you don't pass like the baccalaureate in france you take it like when i think you're 16 your future is completely decided from that moment on you're either now going to become a tradesman or you're going to go to college and become something else that is what again, again, is great about America.
Exactly. Also because we don't, you can always reinvent yourself.
Exactly. In America, you know, they're like, oh, you know, I think I can do this, this, and this.
And America's like, okay, do it. Exactly.
Do it. You know, show me.
It's like they give, especially the young generation, you know, they give opportunity to everybody in Europe. In Europe, the mentality is so old.
And, you know, like the people on top, they're like, oh, you know, you're too young and too stupid. We're the old one.
We're the wise one. And we know what's better for you.
Okay? So we we're gonna tell you because you're too stupid okay to think for your own well we are the wise one and we're gonna tell you so did they have yeah but we just said that it was the kids who are marching for hamas who are dumb and stupid and we do need the older ones sometimes to actually do that it's it's it's it's it's a it's a mix you need the the energy of the young but let's not pretend that they are wiser now older people can do stupid things and they certainly can do corrupt things but in general i would rather have my fate in the hands of somebody who's lived. Yeah, definitely.

I mean, I'm talking about i wouldn't want a young doctor would you would you want a doctor who's 30 no you want an older doctor somebody who's right why isn't he did that i want a doctor who's seen it 5 000 times yes but you know it's you know, it's not so much that. It's like anything you do over in Europe from a young age, you know, it's like they...
Any dream you have, that's the beauty about America, any dream you have, you can... Yes, you can.
You can. Over there, it's like, no, we think you're smarter than everybody else.
You think, you know, like, they downgrade you. They make you like, no, you can do it.
You can't. Where here is like, show me.
That's the big difference between. So when I came to America, I was like, number one, America was, back then, was so far ahead of of Europe in technology.
I mean, I remember the first time I came to an American airport, it was like, oh, my God, this is unbelievable. You know, futuristic technology.
And my father was into, like, he was a top, top engineer. So I love technology.
And I remember he used to come to America also to see different kinds of assembly line. Because, you know, my father was the second or third man in the world to build assembly line.
The first one was Ford. He's the guy who invented Converse.
Okay? So then, back then, he was coming to America to see all the new stuff, you know, if there is some new stuff. But then, 20 years later, I said, Dad, why you don't go anymore to America? They go in technology.
Now we are more advanced. Really? Yes.
We are more advanced. Now they come to us.
Italy was more advanced than America? In certain fields, yes. In certain fields, yes.
That's not mostly where, I mean, America... Like, let's say in a national domestic, okay, there was a company named Zanussi then became Philips.
And it was at one point, you know, with MyFight Assembly Line,

they were making just a refrigerator, 13,000 refrigerator a day.

And, you know, at that point, there was no company around the world

that were making that kind of, you know, numbers every day.

And this company was selling a refrigerator, washing machine, dryers, you name it, all over the world. So back in the beginning, it was Whirlpool, but then Whirlpool came like, followed back in their, you know, they were not so advanced with their assembly line and conveyors.
And I'm telling you, it's like, you know, a lot of, the same. It's like all of a sudden, come on.
German engineering, you know. But Germany and Italy are so different.
But you know what? It's in a lot of field, let's say, because I grew up in that business with my father. Let's say all the wheels, all the most beautiful wheels in the world, they were made in Italy.
And so the German, they were buying all the Italian wheels to put them in German cars. And a lot of things, some stuff, they were like wings of jet fighter.
They were made of section Italy in Torino and then sold to the French and to the English Mirage, you know, the fighter jet. So there was a lot of thing in Italy back then.
They were like, I had some other country. It's manifest.
I mean, look at, you know, know why you think also the german they bought all the they bought lamborghini they bought uh you know i got a joke for you yes so what's it between heaven and hell uh in heaven the italians are the lovers okay the germans are the mechanics the british are the police the french are the lovers, the Germans are the mechanics, the British are the police, the French are the cooks. In hell, the Germans are the police, the Italians are the mechanics, and the British are the lovers.
Oh, that's funny. That was a good one.
Yeah. It's even more elaborate than that.
I couldn't remember it. But somebody wrote that joke a long time ago.
It was just genius. Like, it had five different countries involved.
And it was just like, oh, yeah. And hell, the British are the cooks.
That's what it was. That's funny.
But I was in Rome when I was 21, when I was, you know, the backpack Europe trip with no money and your college girlfriend, you're in love and you have no money.

That says it all about life, right?

Like, you know, you go through life and it's like, boy, could you replicate that experience at this age?

No.

No.

But things compensate.

I think we live probably one of the best time. You know? Definitely.
People have no idea how lucky they are. It is not corny or conservative to say you are lucky to live in this country and at this time with all its problems.
I mean, there's such a cognitive dissonance between privileged people always complaining about privilege. Like the most richest, whitest people are always like, Bill, what are we going to do? And I'm like, look around.
You're going to pay your $800 dinner bill for three people. That's what you're going to do.
Things look fine from here. And yes,

could shit go bad tomorrow? They absolutely could. But I'm not going to get nervous about

it until it happens. I just can't do it anymore.
No. You're right.
It's like people don't understand

how lucky, especially Americans, they don't understand how lucky they are. They do not.

They don't. They do not.
You know who does? The immigrants. That's why Trump is gaining with immigrants all the time.
He does better and the Democrats do worse. Because immigrants do not like the relentless negativity that is coming from the left about a country they work so hard to get to.
They don't want to see it shit upon.

We wanted to get, you know, imagine walking a thousand miles

or whatever it takes to get here.

You know why, Bill?

This place sucks.

Loser.

Oh, you want to get here?

Oh, well, I guess the joke's on you.

You're in shithole now.

No, we came from the shithole.

Exactly. Because, you know, immigrant, they saw that movie we came from the shithole.
Exactly.

Because, you know, immigrant,

they saw that movie before.

That's why they left.

Right.

You know?

So for us, it's like when we see all these policies,

like our ears stand up and go like,

you know what?

Uh-uh.

This is shit.

They pulled a long time ago in our country, and we saw what happened to our country.

Did you go back to Italy a lot? No. Never? No.
You must have old friends, no? They come here. Because they want it.
They want it. You see, this country has so much to offer.
And so when they come over here, they really appreciate it. Italy is a shithole now.
It's not a shithole, but it's in the G7. Oh, yeah.
Well, come on. It is still in the top ten of the world's economies.
Come on. They're all left.
These are facts. No.
These are facts. Why do you think, okay, that's why a lot of people in Italy now, they're going crazy because they move a lot of their company in Russia.
Really? Yes. To Russia? And Putin, I'm talking about big companies, some of the biggest companies, because tax, tax, tax.
You know, the government takes 75%. They want a 75 cents of every single dollar you made.
Italy has always had. Yeah, and no deduction.
They switch governments like I switch neckties. I mean, and they flirted with communism in the 70s.
Yes, I know. Italy was very, very close to being a communist country.
That would have changed a lot of things. To have Italy, one of the pillars of Western civilization, go communist.
Yes. The Red Brigade.
Of course. I'm sure you remember.
Was it in it? I lived during that time. You were in the Red Brigade? No.
No, no, no. But you know what? They were going around a couple of times.
Oh, I'm sure. I was going to school.
I had to dodge under the car, me and my friend. Really? Because they were shooting.
Right. No, it was crazy.
And you know, the Red Brigade, they got more. You know, it was like one of the, and then, you know, that politician, and then they find chopped up in the trunk of a car.
Right, yes. I lived all that stuff.
Right. So I remember, you know.
Well well i saw it down at umberto's clam house where well they they there was a lot of mafia oh yeah little italy in new york i remember when i lived in new york in 79 it was the picture on the front page of the daily news of you know with the cigar still in his mouth and the blood pouring out on the floor of the restaurant Was it Umberumberto's? It was someplace like that. It was just like a place I've been to and we all could be at any time.
And just, who was I? I think it was Carmine Galante. I don't know.
But the days of mafia rub-outs, those were good. Well, listen.
Let me tell you, but in, you know, the big company, they moved to Russia. Now Putin took all this company away from the English people, from the Italian people.
You know, because the Italian, you know, they can't build anything because you know, they get taxed so much. So the company that went on, you know, a lot of companies, the big one, they left and they opened their plan in Russia.
And now they're screwed because Putin said, oh, now they're mine. They took the company away.
And it happened to the English and it happened to the French. So right now there is no way you can do business in Italy.
You can open a business.

You can have a business.

As a matter of fact, look at them.

Except Ferrari, all the very prestigious company in Italy,

they all got bought by the Germans.

So Lamborghini, Ducati, I mean, you name it, okay?

They all got bought by the Audi, Volkswagen group, and they own it. So they do the engine in Germany, and they still do the bodies of the cars and wheels in Italy.
But otherwise, all the rest of the stuff is long gone. You're such an interesting guy to talk to.
Oh, thanks. All right, I got to go back to my real job.
But come back here some night. Definitely.
I would love to invite me. Even when the camera isn't on.
Definitely. We'll just do the exact same thing.
Yes. But, you know, us...
Well, we can go and party like the old days. We're the only two unmarried, childless.
You don't like kids either, right?

I don't mind kids from the other people. I mean, I can play with kids, but then, you know, it's like it's...
Yeah, I can't even do that. I know.
All right. Thank you.
I have my book for you, buddy. That was fun.
Anytime. Okay, I'm glad I got to know.
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