Andrew Schulz | Club Random

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Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 I would check that stat on Trump and AOC poll. I just made that up, but I think it sounds good.

Speaker 1 But it's a disingenuous argument. Why is it disingenuous? Because I just told you.
You said you can't live there, and I was like, here's another place. Because it's not,

Speaker 1 how are you?

Speaker 1 Man, you're funny on the Tom Brady run. Oh, thank you, brother.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 I feel like that was the

Speaker 1 beginning of the vibe change. Yeah, is that the

Speaker 1 like, I hate even using the term because it's so belabored, but is that the end of woke? No.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I just read a story. There's some,

Speaker 1 like there were so many stories like this in the last five years.

Speaker 1 Some book by some lady.

Speaker 1 Like it said, like the most benign thing, and of course, it's in the mouth of a character.

Speaker 1 She's just trying to say that, you know, how are you going to show someone is an asshole unless they act like an asshole and then they go after her and she of course

Speaker 1 a fucking apology and you know they took it out of the book I think they canceled her book contract and I just wanted to say I thought we were done with this shit yeah but we're never we're we're never gonna be done with that shit completely not completely especially as long as like people are afraid oh but I thought when I saw the Tom Brady roast yeah

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 that there was a that that was a

Speaker 1 a marker marker in the sand. And you know, like all praise to Kevin Hart for like pulling that off.
Cause like, I don't think a white guy could have done it, pulled it, pulled it off.

Speaker 1 He said a tone, and he said it was, oh, it was like okay to make fun of him. Well, and also to say things I haven't heard people say

Speaker 1 words on TV.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you could say any bad word, but you, but like, you know, I mean, I'm on CNN now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they don't, when they, when they said can we put you on cnn they're actually doing something interesting with that uh scott jennings guy i i call him lonely scott because it's usually like four people trying to gang up on him

Speaker 1 lonely scott

Speaker 1 but they put a guy who seems to be able to like i guess argue from the uh conservative side on the show yeah and they let him cook you know and i've they used to put like a dumb scott oh scott of course well you got

Speaker 1 well my

Speaker 1 look i love cnn I'm thrilled to be on it.

Speaker 1 I find it such an honor to be back on. Well, that they wanted me on CNN as well as HBO.
I mean, HBO I've been with forever, and I get that. Why, you thought you were a pariah?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just CNN is like a straight-up news organization. So to put me on there

Speaker 1 without censoring,

Speaker 1 I give them all the props in the world. But, you know,

Speaker 1 they are trying to recover

Speaker 1 something that was almost impossible to maintain in the era of Trump, which is how do you like just say it as it is, which is what they always did.

Speaker 1 There was people on the left, people on the right, Fox, MSNBC, we get it. CNN was down the middle.
But, you know, when the president does lie,

Speaker 1 you have to say he's a liar.

Speaker 1 And then you look like you're on the left.

Speaker 1 And they went too far with that. And now they're trying to correct that and get back to like just the place where regular person says can I just get like just tell me what's going on yeah you did uh

Speaker 1 you did something like during COVID that actually was like incredibly inspirational to us oh thank you and uh it was the piece about um what was it the like the Chinese flu do you remember that of course it was like I think one of our first ones that we did like every

Speaker 1 every

Speaker 1 what do you call it disease has been named after a place phenomenal and it was just like common sense logic it's so funny like to even hear that term common sense being used by the right now they're going exactly they co-opted it yeah exactly so uh

Speaker 1 but you put out this piece and this is how i knew that it really was impactful i got sent the piece by four different generations of people wow

Speaker 1 it was my wife's parents it was my friends it was like kids around like like younger that somebody works for me who's like like 20 or something like that and then it was yeah maybe something and i was like oh okay so this is cutting deep people need some sort of what i'm gonna put truth under quotes yeah but we're living in a little bit of a fantasy land and everybody's terrified to say something and the piece cut through and uh yeah it was super inspirational then we started doing these pieces and uh it i think uh yeah i don't know if that's

Speaker 1 so you call them your wife's parents you don't say my in-laws so isn't that weird my in-laws i don't know I'm not trying to be your shrink. I'm just saying,

Speaker 1 why would you avoid that term? Well, Well, they're my wife's parents. You know, they're not my parents.
I know. I'm just trying to start trouble.

Speaker 1 How long have you been here?

Speaker 1 How long have you been... Are you expecting a flood? Bro, I keep dripping everything all over the floor.
I mean, your pants. How much would it cost just to get that extra?

Speaker 1 You have a little bit more pants. Just to get that extra.
Am I getting steer tips from you? You're wearing a fucking baggy turtleneck. You're doing so well.

Speaker 1 Why would you not get the extra? How much would it cost? I mean, just that extra bit. That's a good editor of the old colour.
Come on to the spot.

Speaker 1 I guess it rained a little, but we're not going to need to.

Speaker 1 What bigger man was wearing that shirt before you put it on today, Bill? That's a sweater. You know, you're right.
I don't like sweaters, but it was cold here. Ben Affleck left it with the house.

Speaker 1 Celtic screen.

Speaker 1 How long have you been married? Three years. Three years.
Oh, so you're like almost a newlywed. Yeah, yeah, it's early.

Speaker 1 And how long did you go out before that? That's a good question. Another three, something like that? Right.
I think around that. I might be getting some of this off, but yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, we just had a kid. Kids like a year and a month old.
You have one kid. One kid, yeah.
Wow. Yeah.
What's that like?

Speaker 1 It was all, it's every single cliche you could ever imagine. Right.
Like, it's, you know, life-changing. No, no, it's literally every cliche.
And as a comic, you're like shocked.

Speaker 1 Because you, your ego is like, oh, I have unique takes on everything. And then the only emotional reaction you have is the exact cliche that every other person has said about a kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, everyone has said that to me. Like, if you had a kid, Bill, you would, you know, and I feel like I'm the first person who would look in the crib and go, not for me.
Still nothing.

Speaker 1 So you don't have kids for them. I mean, I don't want to hurt this kid, but I don't feel especially connected.
But maybe that would be wrong. I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 When it's your goo that went into a lady and then came out with like a mini you,

Speaker 1 I guess it's just, it's sort of an extension of yourself. Oh, your selfishness is perfectly aligned.

Speaker 1 It is, it's amazing how like my whole life I thought, and I'm not trying to discredit my pops, who's amazing pops, but like I thought he was doing all these things like against his will.

Speaker 1 Like he was just being there for me in everything and every single basketball game, whatever. And

Speaker 1 I didn't realize that he could also get joy out of it.

Speaker 1 And as a parent, do you get joy out of it? It sounds incredibly cliche.

Speaker 1 Oh, believe me,

Speaker 1 I've seen parents and I've seen the joy. And

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say I feel like I've missed it, but I'm also very cognizant of the fact that that is a type of joy that people have that may be a greater joy than anything I've ever had. Maybe.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you a story. I won't say who it is because

Speaker 1 I just won't, but it's somebody you would recognize, a name you would know, who was a known Lothario.

Speaker 1 Okay, and

Speaker 1 got married

Speaker 1 somewhat later in life and was telling me once, this is a while ago, but he had little kids and he said to me,

Speaker 1 we were in my old

Speaker 1 similar room to this, just a place to smoke and drink and be real. And he said, you know, I was wiping Cheerios off my kid's chin the other day.

Speaker 1 And I thought to myself, this is better than any fuck I ever had.

Speaker 1 And about

Speaker 1 and about two weeks later, the girl who I was with at the time

Speaker 1 called me almost in tears. And she said, Bill, you have to get.
And it was this guy from stop calling me. So apparently, it wasn't really bad.
But he was still trying to get after it.

Speaker 1 And it was my girl. No.
Well, I'm just saying,

Speaker 1 but true story. I'm not saying that.
I mean, it's weird that he's thinking about fucking while he's wiping Cheerios off his face. I'm just saying

Speaker 1 better than any fuck I ever had was someone undercut two weeks later.

Speaker 1 I just fuck your girlfriend.

Speaker 1 I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 Maybe at that moment it seemed like it, but, you know. I want to know who this good friend of yours is that's trying to fuck your girl.

Speaker 1 Oh, this was many years ago in a galaxy far away, and it could be anybody.

Speaker 1 And let's just leave it at that. But let them speculate.
But it was funny to me.

Speaker 1 But I'm sure there are other people for whom wiping the churios off the chin really is better than any fuck they ever had. And I feel sorry for those people because they obviously fuck badly.

Speaker 1 No, I'm kidding. Children are wonderful is what I meant to say.
Yes, of course. Of course.
So, but how does it change your life? Obviously, you don't get enough sleep, right?

Speaker 1 Are all those cliches true?

Speaker 1 yeah obviously but like life becomes just a little bit smaller so like so much of your life i guess in entertainment is like unfortunately dictated by

Speaker 1 you know what you think the perception of you is or have you achieved these things that you want to achieve and

Speaker 1 it is uh

Speaker 1 i would say equally as comforting now i'm coming from this place where like i've i've made a couple bucks i'm financially secure

Speaker 1 doing okay doing great doing okay so i care mostly about how my kid and my wife feel about me. And I can feel comfortable if life is good at home.
And I'm not as worried if, like,

Speaker 1 these people on the internet are saying crazy shit about me or this thing is happening over here.

Speaker 1 Immediately. Right.
Immediately. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you feel

Speaker 1 like it helps you

Speaker 1 say morally because something you might do if you didn't have a kid, you'd be more hesitant to do because I

Speaker 1 really

Speaker 1 stopped like doing drugs or whatever, like smoking and shit like that. I was never like a big cigarette guy, but like I'll have a bogey every once in a while.
And that's hardly anything.

Speaker 1 But I stopped doing it just because I'm like, I'm not about to have some like fentanyl in some drug that I'm. No, but like say you used to go to Diddy's parties.
Yes, of course, as we all.

Speaker 1 Did you go to a Diddy party? You must have. No, but I've had a couple of, you know,

Speaker 1 I used to run into him every once in a while. He was the most charming guy.

Speaker 1 He would always make you feel like, even though I didn't know him at all, for two minutes, he would make me feel like I was his best friend.

Speaker 1 There are people, Trump is like that. They say,

Speaker 1 you know, I met him a couple of, very similar, like, like charming. And like, you meet him for two minutes and you're like, wow, this guy really likes me.

Speaker 1 And he told me to call here and then you'd call him.

Speaker 1 It's all bullshit. It's like, why? I didn't ask for it.
I don't need to be your friend.

Speaker 1 But no, I never went to one of his parties. We didn't get to that level or any level.

Speaker 1 But like something like that, where like, oh, you know, I would do this, but I'm not going to because my child will read about it.

Speaker 1 Not that, but I'm like, I have no interest in going skydiving anymore. You know what I mean? Like shit that when you never do is fun and like exciting.
Like I don't need to do all that shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I guess I am like a little bit more like risk averse.

Speaker 1 Not maybe risk averse career wise, but like shit that I don't actually really care about. I feel like if I had a kid, I would be walking on eggshells all the time.
What? Constantly.

Speaker 1 Me.

Speaker 1 You mean you are? No, I'm saying like you would.

Speaker 1 I would, yeah. Meaning like the things that you say, like the opinions you have?

Speaker 1 The things I say, the things I do, you know, just, you know, I mean, I wouldn't want to get caught masturbating or anything that's benign, which is, I mean, that's a very benign thing.

Speaker 1 We don't treat it like it's a benign thing. Yeah, but it's pretty normal.
I mean,

Speaker 1 like, but for example, like no one would ever, if you were like upstairs and your wife said,

Speaker 1 honey, dinner, and you, you, I'm doing my taxes, I'll be right down. Nobody was, I'm getting out of this, I'll be right down.
Nobody says,

Speaker 1 honey, I'm masturbating. I'll be right down.

Speaker 1 Because they get insulted. Even though you should be able to say that.
But they get insulted. I feel like they're.

Speaker 1 Like, I think my wife would probably be like, well, why don't you just want to have sex with me? Like, I'm here. I don't think they understand that these are different things that we do.

Speaker 1 Wait, say that again? Like, I think the woman feels a bit of rejection when you're like, I would prefer to masturbate than just have sex with you.

Speaker 1 Well, she should.

Speaker 1 Well, shouldn't, right? Shouldn't she? I mean, sometimes you want a little alone time, you know, you want to have this experience with yourself.

Speaker 1 I like the question that people say to you when they're, when they, you know, if you go to strip clubs, they're like, why? What's why do you do it?

Speaker 1 And I'm always like, I don't know, must have something to do with the naked women. Yeah.
You know, I mean, yeah, I mean, I like girls. I don't think I need to apologize for that.

Speaker 1 But you think I'm asking you to apologize? No, no, no, no. But there are people who do.
That's the intimation. No, I would say that

Speaker 1 aside from regretting it, it's not having

Speaker 1 marriage or a kid is like the one thing in my life I'm so glad. that I stuck with.
You know, like I made a lot of stupid mistakes, as you do when you're not doing that.

Speaker 1 But that's that was, I had the right instinct on that from the beginning. For yourself, yeah.
I would not be happy with either one of those institutions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even though you don't know, because you never did. Yeah, and it's just a personal thing.
I mean, there are, I certainly know people who,

Speaker 1 I mean, not being facetious about it, they would be lost without their spouse.

Speaker 1 They would be,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 they just, this can't be, now some of that is codependence,

Speaker 1 but some of it is just real. They're just, some people really are happier with that one person and waking up next next to somebody.

Speaker 1 I mean, this Gene Hackman thing is very suspicious.

Speaker 1 His wife dies a week before and then he dies. Well, first they said the same day,

Speaker 1 but it's certainly around the same time, which is very suspicious, even if it's a week. You think he killed himself after that? Well, I don't know.

Speaker 1 First of all, I find it amusing that everyone's like, oh my God, a 95-year-old man is dead. What could it be?

Speaker 1 This great mystery. He's here one minute and then he's gone at 95.

Speaker 1 They certainly are intimating that it's some sort of foul play or suicide. And it's not uncommon

Speaker 1 for some spouses to die within close proximity. This does happen.
And sometimes on purpose.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, if she, what, you think she just died a week later? I think it's like, I can't and don't want to live without my spouse. Right.
And they're basically living for each other.

Speaker 1 And then when one of them goes, there's not as much of urgency to live. The branches of the tree have so intertwined that you cannot survive without the other.
So, I mean,

Speaker 1 if we're going to put the pro and con column for marriage, I put in the con column. No, that's pro.
If they, unless they die and then it's con.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they went to 90 because they were with each other. Then

Speaker 1 what if it happens at 60? How many old people do you know that are, how many like 100-year-old people were never married?

Speaker 1 Great question. I don't know.
I think you're the oldest single guy.

Speaker 1 Certainly not.

Speaker 1 I think you're the oldest dude that's never been married. There's lots of single people who have married.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Speaker 1 Oprah has never been married. But she's kind of, she's like gay married or whatever.
She's like,

Speaker 1 what is it called? Like domestic partnership. You're talking about Stedman? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not saying he's gay. I'm just saying they've been together like a...
Wait a minute. What are you saying?

Speaker 1 But they've been together like a gay couple where you get married and, you know, but without the

Speaker 1 how do you know what Oprah's relationship is like? Because she says that that's her boyfriend yeah so i'm just gonna believe it that when she says it

Speaker 1 still i mean i haven't seen him in a long time maybe i mean i mean whatever it is whatever she's doing i'm all for it i mean uh she seems happy yeah and uh so what do you think it is you think that he's like a beard for her no i i

Speaker 1 what's your conspiracy on i you know what my here's my theory on that in general people think that the people in show business yeah are always doing something way more exotic than they're doing dude do you i'm curious about your thoughts on this i don't want to say this guy's name but he had an interesting theory like and again i don't want to talk about like woke or whatever blah blah but he was like the over correction in hollywood oh totally he he said he chalked it up to

Speaker 1 this he chalked it up to weinstein and he's like hollywood started to feel as if the world viewed them as weinstein and that the two were in uh you couldn't just separate the two therefore they had to project this like extreme revision of what Hollywood could be.

Speaker 1 Are those connected or is this something that happened way before? Well, first of all, I would say it's unfair to say that Hollywood is Weinstein. The music industry, that's Weinstein.

Speaker 1 There's totally Weinstein. The music industry has no rules.
It's like rape

Speaker 1 is like a speeding ticket in the music industry. And I know they hate it when I say that,

Speaker 1 but it's just true.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. I mean, the Diddy parties, I mean, I'm sure there was bad frit going on there, but it's not like they were that different than stuff that people in that world, that industry.

Speaker 1 I mean, any woman like who goes after groupies, as we call them, I mean, you know, they're... They're very often the aggressors.
Do you get a warped sense of? That doesn't mean you can rape them.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, I understand what you're saying. But do you think that these people in the industry get like a warped sense of what they can or can't do to women based on the groupies? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Because it's so sexualized. And then it becomes normalized.
You're like, oh, I can't do this because every girl's trying to do it with me. You must have stories.

Speaker 1 So you agree with Trump grabbed by the pussy then? Is that what you're trying to say?

Speaker 1 So what you're trying to say is you defend Trump 100% with the grabbed by the pussy. No, no.
Got it. No, but that is not an unfair description.
of what goes on in the music industry.

Speaker 1 If you're a star, they let you do it. If you're a star, they sometimes want you to do it.
You know, not all of them.

Speaker 1 And that's the problem is that the guys get so used to no woman saying no and just being so aggressive that they just assume every woman is like that.

Speaker 1 And then once in a while, they run into one who's like, no, I'm an actual person. Yeah, I'm a human being.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't do that.

Speaker 1 But this is, I think now the girls are more privy to the fact that they can make way more money off a lawsuit than they can just sucking some guy's dick.

Speaker 1 So I think they're a lot of them, a lot of these like groupies that used to get the validation from just hooking up with the rapper.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of them have, you know, switched their switched their game plan a bit. And now they're like, wait a minute.
No, no, we got to either get pregnant or we got to catch a case.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I always find it amusing when like the female rapper, sometimes their big burn on somebody they're beefing with is like, I could take your mad.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking, how hard is that?

Speaker 1 To take,

Speaker 1 not even just in the music, music industry, anywhere, But I could take it. You're no kidding.
You can't take it. What a threat.
Yeah, exactly. I could suck my dick? Right.

Speaker 1 I'll, you know, dress all sexy and act all sexy and grab this Johnson. They got to say something like, you know, I could make your man listen to my day.

Speaker 1 I mean, the fuck you could.

Speaker 1 There's a good bit for you.

Speaker 1 You could do that as a bit. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Make you listen to my day. Yeah, that's impressive.
Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1 But you seem like you have a good thing going. No, things are cool, Nick.
I mean, things are cool. That's, you know, in a way, that's the best of both worlds.
If you can, you know, be

Speaker 1 in a relationship and be happy. Usually what the problem is that people get into relationships, it becomes stale, you know.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I always say you can see, you can literally see it in the tabloids. What they write is bullshit very often, but they can't lie about the looks on celebrities' faces.
I just saw, who was it?

Speaker 1 Oh, Kylie Jenner was at a tennis match. Oh, with Timmy Chalamet.
Right. Yeah.
And you can see he's over it. Yeah, it's just,

Speaker 1 you just, they cannot, you can't hide that part of it.

Speaker 1 I wonder if I wonder if them some of them don't even know they can't discern between the attention that they're getting from the media because of the relationship and the actual connection they have with the person.

Speaker 1 Because if you're in entertainment, right, a lot of these people like addicted to attention. It doesn't really matter what the attention is.

Speaker 1 And then you get into a relationship and there's all this buzz. And they start going, oh, maybe, maybe I really do like this person.

Speaker 1 Well, there was a a lot of buzz on those two before they even were in a relationship they just took it to another level no i'm not saying it was uh a relationship amplifies the buzz like you take both fan bases

Speaker 1 but they were huge to begin with i just find it funny i mean when i watch this video of of she's

Speaker 1 like just trying to get him to pay attention or he's watching this tennis match right and i'm thinking wow we just recognized this guy at the oscars he didn't win but he's recognized now as one of the great actors we can't wait to watch this guy for the next 30 years.

Speaker 1 Such a great actor, but he can't even convince us that he still wants to be with Kylie Jenner.

Speaker 1 This is an acting job that is too much even for him at that moment. Like,

Speaker 1 Olivia couldn't have pulled that off. Yeah, he's not being directed.
That's the problem. Right.
He needs to know he's on camera.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 he still couldn't do it because when it's over, it's over.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been with somebody that

Speaker 1 you felt even for a moment, wow, I'm really enjoying the time I'm spending with this person and I'd like to continue doing this for the foreseeable future?

Speaker 1 I did it many times and did it for the foreseeable future.

Speaker 1 And then when it, when it, when that flame burnt out, is it just this immediate conversation where you go, hey, I'm done with this relationship and I want to drag this on?

Speaker 1 Or you do like the classic thing that we all do, which is like, we're a coward and we just kind of like remove ourselves emotionally and hope they break up with us and then,

Speaker 1 right? Like try to be the good guy, even though we're the asshole.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know. You're talking about

Speaker 1 if we want to get out of it, as opposed to being dumped.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think a lot of us would rather be dumped when we're the ones that are, we want to be out of it because we don't want to break that person's heart.

Speaker 1 We still want to be the good guy, even though we're going to hurt that person. I mean, I've had it in the past

Speaker 1 one time I could think of, maybe twice,

Speaker 1 where

Speaker 1 I was kind of where you, what you're describing. I really wanted out of this relationship.
It was bad. But you, I just, you didn't want to hurt her.

Speaker 1 It just is hard. I mean, relationships are like wars.
They're easy to get into and hard to get out of. And this was Ukraine.

Speaker 1 You know, I just, I just, I needed to like fucking just give him the Donbass region, give her the Donbass region, and just whatever you want. You know what?

Speaker 1 I mean, when you're dealing with Putin, sometimes, not that I agree with that, but

Speaker 1 it's so funny. Like when I finally

Speaker 1 was

Speaker 1 pushed it to to the point uh and said you know this

Speaker 1 i could just can't do it one more day uh then like you know the second she's like well okay then you're like what

Speaker 1 don't reject me you know like you're not

Speaker 1 uh you know if they're not sufficiently it just it's it's more about

Speaker 1 it's it's more about ego

Speaker 1 i feel a lot of this so you need a lot you need love on the way out too that's selfish well no look i mean i i i believe in love and i've had it and uh know it well and have it now um but you have a you have a girlfriend right now well let's not get too specific we don't like to put what do you call it labels on a girlfriend right what do you call it like i call it partners i call it love you have love and that's the most important thing that's beautiful if you have love you know it's just a different way of your your life is just different asian girl It's just different.

Speaker 1 I mean, and, you know, I can be happy without it. I have been, you know.

Speaker 1 But it's just different. It's better.
You know, it is better. It's a dimension that you just don't have otherwise.
But, you know,

Speaker 1 it has nothing to do with marriage. I mean, people, many people are in loveless marriages.

Speaker 1 The trick is to keep love alive in marriage and even harder, lust. You know, that's really that in any relation.

Speaker 1 And that really doesn't have anything to do with the piece of paper that says you're married. That's just his time.

Speaker 1 right you know that's something you need though you really need the lust you need to be taken over i i feel exactly she needs to desire you crave you and vice versa i of the tiger you know you have i mean i can't live without that going with these asian references i've tried i've tried uh

Speaker 1 i've made that mistake before and thinking oh you know what it's what how many hours a week do you spend having sex you know it is it's not the majority of the time

Speaker 1 so why why put that

Speaker 1 i could be a hundred years old and spend one minute a week having sex. It would still be water flows downhill, and that's the direction it flows.

Speaker 1 And it's just pointless to try to stop it or prevent it or not think about it. I see that they make something now called a loyalty ring.
I'm not making this up because I just read it.

Speaker 1 We have a new rule about it this week: a loyalty ring, which can read a man's biometrics and tell alert the girlfriend or the wife

Speaker 1 that he's clear to balls

Speaker 1 that he's aroused yeah when he's not with you that's funny it's not funny to me no it's funny that like she's gonna learn that he's more aroused when he's not with her

Speaker 1 right that's just

Speaker 1 you don't want to know that you don't yeah

Speaker 1 it's some things you're better not knowing he's at the equinox gym steam room

Speaker 1 you're gonna learn some things about your husband that would be that's funny. I didn't take it in that direction, but that happens too.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's probably a net positive for society, though, marriage. Absolutely.
Are you kidding? That's the thing just children. So that's the thing that is tricky.

Speaker 1 Like, I think a lot of times people get, they react emotionally to these things. Like, you know, they might hear you saying that and they're like, oh, he's against what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 Not at all. Exactly.
Not at all. So there's a difference between wanting to do something for yourself, but acknowledging.
It's totally personal.

Speaker 1 Just let us all be who we are. I mean, it's so funny when people judge you or me for this

Speaker 1 being basically who I am, because of the same people who, if I was gay or trans, would be all like, we're born this way. We should, you know,

Speaker 1 like everything has to, and I agree with that. You are born that way.
Or if you're trans, you're actually not born that way. But whatever you want to do, whatever blows your dress.

Speaker 1 I think it's like your opinions are so strong that people assume you're trying to project those opinions on people who disagree with you. And you really don't give a fuck what they do.

Speaker 1 That's interesting. I really don't.

Speaker 1 But I don't know how it comes across. Because people aren't used to strong opinions.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I grew up in New York, so we have, we're very opinionated people with, and oftentimes with minimal information. And that's what makes the opinions so good, right?

Speaker 1 Like, I like someone who knows exactly how they feel about the world without researching anything. That's the most interesting person on the planet.
So it's like,

Speaker 1 but, but, but, yeah, I think that like we feel like it's encroaching on our lifestyle.

Speaker 1 yeah, well, you know what

Speaker 1 There's lots of things I do that have lost me fans and there's lots of things I do like that that have gained me like the most loyal fans and I think the best fans in the world the smartest yeah sort of most

Speaker 1 willing to have an open mind because you push them because you have to have an open mind or else you're gonna hate me because I'm gonna say something that is like not what I already believe.

Speaker 1 And my fans want that. It's like, oh, that's better.
Here's an ability

Speaker 1 that I haven't thought of. And if you're the kind of person, and I don't hate these kind of people, but, you know, I understand when they can't hang.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up, Flies? This is David Spade. Dana Carvey.
Look at, I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall.

Speaker 1 Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on video. Every Thursday, you'll hear us and see us chatting with big-name celebrities.

Speaker 1 And every Monday, you're stuck stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips.
Follow and listen to Fly on the Wall everywhere you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 There's that,

Speaker 1 there's that Jonathan Haidt book. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The righteous mind, it's called. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 And it was just really interesting to me, just this idea that like, and it makes sense afterwards, of course, where you're like, we're emotional beings, and then we retrofit justifications for our emotions with our brain.

Speaker 1 So knee-jerk reaction is how I am emotionally. And like once I started understanding that, you'd hear all these like dweebs like Ben Shapiro that are like, effects don't care about your feelings.

Speaker 1 It's like, it's the exact opposite, right? It's like the feelings don't care about your facts. Like you have to meet people where they feel things.

Speaker 1 If you're not meeting people where they feel things, you're going to completely miss them.

Speaker 1 Or you're going to be stuck in this little ideological bubble where you're constantly having to appease whatever they feel. And you can't like actually create anything authentically.

Speaker 1 I think that's mostly right that people want to believe this thing for whatever actual reasons uh feeling reasons emotional reasons their background their family their upbringing whatever and then they will find especially if they have a brilliant mind like ben does yeah he's a clearly

Speaker 1 very smart guy so they will find the reasoning to go back, but it comes from the feeling. I think you're right.
It starts at the feeling. I'm so cognizant of this all the time.

Speaker 1 I may be guilty of that myself, but I try to be the least guilty of that. That is exactly what I'm trying to do.
I'll give you a great example.

Speaker 1 I mean, nobody on the left has been a bigger supporter of Israel than me. Right.

Speaker 1 And believe me, they know that in Israel, and I appreciate that, and I wish I could come and visit them as they keep asking me, but that's just,

Speaker 1 I'm just, I'm almost 70. I'm not going overseas anymore.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But there's somebody who the Trump administration just

Speaker 1 is now.

Speaker 1 No, that is the reason. I was waiting for like, there's a war happening.
Oh, no, no, no. And you're simply just like, I'm not traveling.

Speaker 1 No, it has nothing to do with the war and everything to do with my urinary tract.

Speaker 1 Okay, so.

Speaker 1 Israel. I want you all to know that he is a gig in Minnesota in a couple of weeks.
No, no. I stopped doing that, too.
I quit at the end of last year.

Speaker 1 But so the Trump administration is right now deporting this guy who's a,

Speaker 1 I'd just say a Palestinian rabble-rouser, Columbia University, exactly what you think. Khalil something? Yes, Khalil something.
And he's right on the edge of like inciting terrorism. But no.

Speaker 1 Okay, if I was just going by emotions, yes, I think I love it that Trump is throwing this dirtbag out of the country.

Speaker 1 I will defend him to the death because I'm a free speech guy. You've got to be consistent.

Speaker 1 If I'm always on the right for what they're doing against free speech, which I am, and way

Speaker 1 always on the left, I mean, you said woke. I don't want to talk about woke.
I'm always fucking with the woke. The woke hate me more than anybody for good reason.

Speaker 1 Because when I stick the knife into them, when they deserve it,

Speaker 1 it goes right to the bone, which it should, because they don't believe in it either.

Speaker 1 So here's a case where, yes, emotionally, because I'm a supporter of Israel, I would like to see this guy out of the country. No, you can't just throw people out because you don't like their speech.

Speaker 1 Especially if you give them or you grant them some form of, I don't know if he had a citizenship, maybe the visa or something like that, but you're essentially giving this green card.

Speaker 1 He is a green card. So if he has a green card, you're giving them the opportunities to be an American, exist as an American for this amount of years.

Speaker 1 But if you have the green card, you do have the same rights as an American citizen. That's what I'm saying.
You were right.

Speaker 1 So we have to give that person those cards. We have to.
As annoying as that is. As annoying as it is.

Speaker 1 You probably should have looked into his resume before you gave him the green card. Because that's always what,

Speaker 1 and it's very hard to, I would say, not more than 20% of the people in this country can you get on that opinion.

Speaker 1 Everybody else is just always going to go right to defending the speech of the people they like. Yes, this is what we constantly do.
We're hypocrites, but like such hypocrites. But this is the thing.

Speaker 1 We have to like, this is where it gets frustrating, these arguments is like, if we know we're hypocrites, we can't cry about it. We have to meet people where they are.
Correct. Right.
So like,

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm sure you've seen on Twitter, like, everybody's talking about, you know, Israel. And like, it seems like there's waning support in America for Israel.
Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 So, so here's a, so an example, which you hear people say all the time, like, obviously the, the politicians have no clue how to communicate most of them.

Speaker 1 And they're just like, well, this is our closest ally. And then you get asked why, and they go, oh,

Speaker 1 they don't know, because they're just being told that they're the closest ally. Well, who is the closest ally in the Middle East? Regardless of what it is, it's like, I think.

Speaker 1 Well, that's very important.

Speaker 1 They're the closest ally in the the Middle East because they're the only country in the entire Middle East that anyone in this country, these fucking hypocrites, would even survive for a week in.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't want to live.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's true anymore. Like the UAE, I've been to

Speaker 1 UAE is not the Muslim world. If you're talking about...
But they're in the Middle East. That's where you're talking about.

Speaker 1 Okay, but you're talking about a tiny, tiny percentage of what typical life is like in 60 Muslim countries.

Speaker 1 You're talking about a little enclave that they carved out so Westerners could come and spend their money.

Speaker 1 We're talking about less than, far less than 1%

Speaker 1 of the way life is like. You would not want to live even in a moderate country like Jordan.
And your wife certainly wouldn't enjoy living there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You're making logical points. Well, these are factual points.
Yeah, sure, they're factual. They are.
Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's like I gave you another option that is true.

Speaker 1 Well, but it's it's I think matter of fact, I would even argue that life is more relatable to the average American in the UAE or in Dubai than it is in. Again, but it's a disingenuous argument.

Speaker 1 Why is it disingenuous? Because I just told you because you said you can't live there, and I was like, here's another place. Because it's not typical.
I said the entire Middle East.

Speaker 1 So if I, okay, so look,

Speaker 1 here's the thing. Here I am.

Speaker 1 If I say you have to move somewhere in America, and I'm going to throw a dart at a map with a blindfold on, yeah and

Speaker 1 could you survive anywhere else in America where that dart you absolutely could you could live in Salt Lake City you could live anywhere in America yeah if I throw a dart at a map yeah of the entire all 60 Muslim minority majority countries will you say you'll live in survive in every single one of them you couldn't in fact

Speaker 1 what how could I not I'm not a gay guy

Speaker 1 I could live in any single one of them you're in Kambala your wife would have to wear a head-to-toe burka that's on her

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 you're talking about me surviving you're like i could live very comfortably in every single country like again let's not move the goalposts you're asking if i could live comfortably you could live with yourself knowing that that's how women are treated in your world hate this moral argument like we give a about women around the world like no but this is like you said you'd be happy this is such a bullshit argument this is such a bullshit argument i didn't say happy i said i could live you keep moving the gold.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm sorry. Let's stay on what you say.

Speaker 1 I could live easily in every single one of the countries outside of the wars that are existing. But you're saying in peacetime? Easily? Easily.
Easily. You live easily.

Speaker 1 You could easily live in Kabul, Afghanistan. Is there war happening? Is the Taliban doing their thing? No war.
No war. So war's over.
War's over?

Speaker 1 I could kick it in Kabul for a month easy.

Speaker 1 Enjoying life. Now, am I doing stand-up every night? No.

Speaker 1 But could I take a little vacation?

Speaker 1 I don't know if you're kidding with me. I'm just telling you,

Speaker 1 I think it's... I'll give you two options.
Either you're kidding or this is stupid. Well, that's this pretentious aspect.
It's not pretentious. You're doing the thing that gets you.

Speaker 1 You are doing the thing. That you could live in Kubble and be happy

Speaker 1 or get by or you could be no big deal. You're doing the thing.
You're doing something that gets...

Speaker 1 It's not virtue signaling to say. I didn't say virtue signaling, but that is, if you don't agree with me, you're dumb is why Trump is elected.

Speaker 1 And this is what Democrats do yeah but sometimes dumb is dumb yeah but people are dumb so deal with that shit like you know what I mean like stop acting like everybody's dumb

Speaker 1 like this is the problem is like you have all these people that go to Ivy League schools and they're like we know better than everybody else and we'll just tell you what to do and you guys are all stupid and I know you feel like you want this but you don't really want this and if you disagree with me you're an idiot and then all of a sudden they go you know what you guys I'm voting for that one it's very simple yeah that's true too so we can't speak down to people if we know that they're going to react emotionally i guess what i'm trying to say is yeah even with the even with the like for example the israel conversation right so if i know people are reacting emotionally to this right

Speaker 1 who is the burden on if if we have this deep connection with israel which i believe we do right do is the i think if the burden is on israel to prove to the american people who definitely they rely on for support in this conflict I think that the burden is on them to communicate to the American people why it's advantageous to America to continue to support them.

Speaker 1 Like, and if they can't communicate a reason, you can't, you can't be upset at the American people for being confused about it. We have that same energy towards Ukraine.

Speaker 1 We go, wait a minute, they're getting how many billion dollars? Okay, over here, if eggs were cheap, I don't care about where you throw the money.

Speaker 1 But once eggs get expensive, I start going, where's the money going? $200 million going over there.

Speaker 1 So when economic times are very difficult here in America, or any country in the world, there's going to be some questions asking about where this money is going. As there should be.

Speaker 1 As they should be. I think it's a very normal thing.
And unfortunately for Jews, when economic times turn shitty in countries, people start looking and they go, I think it might be their fault.

Speaker 1 But why is that throughout history? Because there is an ambient,

Speaker 1 there's an ambient energy towards Jews. This is just my opinion, but it's an ambient energy to be.
It's so well put.

Speaker 1 What a great phrase. An ambient energy.
You're so right. Because it's not a bright light bulb.
Right. It's a small one.

Speaker 1 And it comes from the fact that most people don't know Jews.

Speaker 1 they've never met a jew they have no clue they think jews are like jerry seinfeld they have no clue that they're safartic jews they have no clue that there's these african like try being one in kabbal afghanistan it's probably difficult

Speaker 1 so like they just don't understand what it is right they've never met one right they only know the stereotypes and i think they kind of almost like lock up jews into the similar ilk as like the rockefellers or the vanderbilts They think they're these elitist people.

Speaker 1 I don't think Jews even realize that because I think Jews are not all Jews are going, yeah, yeah, we're rich and we have all this money.

Speaker 1 They're just going, I think a lot of Jews in the Northeast are looking at the Rocker Village and the Vanderbilts going, that's some pretty cool shit.

Speaker 1 I mean, Ralph Loren definitely was like, hey, that wasp stuff, that's pretty cool. I want to do that.
Right? There's like an envy of the wasps in the northeast from the Jews, I feel like, almost.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like they really, they admire it. Anyway, the average person is looking at them as like these elites that they can't touch.

Speaker 1 And I think that there's like religious teachings that see like this separatism. It's like they're not trying to proselytize.
Why don't they care if I go to heaven?

Speaker 1 Like my whole life is about trying to get as many people to go to heaven as I possibly can, but like they don't, they don't care. Like, what I think is just hard for them to get.

Speaker 1 And this ambient light that has this like kind of like these like negative stereotypes, they own or control. And when the economy's good, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't care if you're sending USA to do tranny plays in fucking Pakistan. I don't care.

Speaker 1 But the second I can't afford eggs, I go, no more tranny plays.

Speaker 1 And why is that group of people seem to have a lot of power? Right. And that light that's ambient gets bright.
That's not wrong. And you're right.
I shouldn't say stupid. Thanks, Michael.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, you're right. I get excited sometimes and I blame the pot.
But you're right.

Speaker 1 I can think it. Yeah, you don't say it.
I'm still thinking it, but you're right. I tell you.
I shouldn't say, no, you're right. I shouldn't say it.
I say this all the time.

Speaker 1 But you wouldn't survive in couple. Anyway,

Speaker 1 I say this all the time to people. Like, when we get into these arguments, like, like, I don't even want to talk about it, but like the trans shit is like a perfect example.

Speaker 1 Like, I was talking to this journalist and, you know, I was like, what do you think we disagree on? And he goes, ah, well, you know, some of the trans stuff or whatever. I'm like, well, what about?

Speaker 1 And he's like, ah, well, you know, the trans women in sports. And I was like, well, what do you think about the trans women in sports? He's like, honestly, I think it's a red herring that

Speaker 1 the right uses. And I go,

Speaker 1 you didn't answer my question. Right.

Speaker 1 And he goes, well, I mean, you know, I just feel like it's not really a talking point that really matters that much. And it's like, I said this, I go, listen.
If I say something that bothers my wife,

Speaker 1 I don't explain to her why she shouldn't be bothered.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 That I've done that for years and it drives her fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 I've learned that about women too. We learn that the hard way.

Speaker 1 We learn it the hard way. What we do is we go, okay, I'm sorry that made you feel that way.
Right. We meet them where they're feeling.

Speaker 1 And I feel like so much in the discourse, it's like explaining with facts why the other person is wrong instead of understanding what their experience is and just feeling.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, this honestly is what I've been preaching. I'm sure you know this.
But like on my show. That's why I'm here.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, Kid Rock was here a couple of weeks ago and he said, I want you to meet Trump.

Speaker 1 He said, I'm going to take you to the White House. So now we're going to do that.
That'd be, I think that's a good idea. And like, there will be lots of people.

Speaker 1 on the left who will be like, how dare you talk to this man? I was like, fuck you. You know, I'm not playing this game with that you mean girls play.
We're like, oh, you know what?

Speaker 1 You can't sit at my lunch table because I'm just not talking to you. Not talking to you, you lost the election.
Who the fuck do you think you have to talk to? You know, it's one thing if you win it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's another thing if you lose it.
You have to start talking to people. You have to talk.
And I see Gavin Newsom is doing this now. He's changed his tune.
He's got a podcast.

Speaker 1 And the first guest was Charlie Kirk. I thought that was, you know, I thought that was brilliant.
You know what I mean? And he mentioned me.

Speaker 1 He said, like, I take take my i'm i'm i'm noticing what bill does talks to both sides like is left-leaning but not afraid to criticize the people in on his team like we got to get more of this going there's they always this has to become the center this has to become a real center right now it's like it's a it's a few lonely islands that i need to like become a bigger fucking sandbar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, for real.
You're right. Like it needs to be normalized.
And I think

Speaker 1 yes. I think we're so,

Speaker 1 I think that Americans, we like bravery. You know, like we, we have very,

Speaker 1 what is it, high risk tolerance, meaning like we take risk. Like, I think it's kind of like in our DNA to take risk.

Speaker 1 Like all of our family, whoever came here from your family years ago, they left their entire family and they just moved here.

Speaker 1 So we just have the DNA of crazy people, really, that are like willing to risk it all, right?

Speaker 1 So when we see people that are afraid of of having conversations, I think there's like almost like a primal instinctual reaction to it. It's not American.
It's not American. And I think that was,

Speaker 1 I don't want to politicize this shit, but like, I think that was a little bit of a concern with Kamal on the campaign trail.

Speaker 1 You know, it looked like Trump was willing to talk to whoever. He was.
He was. Like his camp, when we spoke to him, they didn't give us any notes.
He's going to talk to me.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And think about it.

Speaker 1 Who's been meaner than me? I mean, only J.D. Vance.

Speaker 1 J.D. Vance Vance is the only one who said meaner shit about Trump than you.
Yeah. Well, lots of people have.
But like, I mean, you know.

Speaker 1 And he said, I have five pages of things. I asked my staff once, and I guess it's six now because it's been a while.
Like, just write down all the things he said in tweets and at rallies.

Speaker 1 It's five pages long. Crazy,

Speaker 1 low energy,

Speaker 1 ratings disaster. You know, like every bad thing that he just pulls out of his ass.
But I don't, I don't care. And he doesn't care.
He doesn't care either. He doesn't care.
And you don't go.

Speaker 1 It's all performative. Like, not on, I mean, look.

Speaker 1 No, you guys might feel it, but it wouldn't stop you guys from having a discussion with other because you're not pussies. We're not pussies.
It's very simple.

Speaker 1 It's like, are you a pussy or are you not? And I learned that once. I had my longest relationship way back in the early 90s, and her father was military.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he and I did not see eye to eye politically, but he liked me because I wasn't a pussy.

Speaker 1 That's my model for meeting Trump. It's like, you know, be respectful, which he deserves.
He won, not one, but twice. Like, funny, my girl said to me, what are you going to wear? I said,

Speaker 1 I'm not going to dress like the Lynn Scott. Not a fucking Lululemon outfit.
It's not going to be a black t-shirt. I'll just

Speaker 1 pull up looking like a yacht. It's not going to be a black t-shirt, man.
I am wearing a suit and tie. Absolutely.
Jordan Peterson gave me a suit.

Speaker 1 He sat here and he said, like, I want you to have a suit. And I, Jordan, I don't need, I don't like suits.
I'm not going to send you a suit. I'm going to wear that suit.
Yep, dude.

Speaker 1 The Jordan Peterson-approved suit. It's a good, I mean, I guess whatever.
It's a sign of respect. It's a sign of respect.
It's the White House.

Speaker 1 Even if you disagree with the person in it, you are respecting the law of the land. You are respecting the position in general.
And you also have to respect that, you know, the guy did win.

Speaker 1 It's more than half the country or whatever. I mean,

Speaker 1 I just, I keep saying it. I'm not going to hate.
You cannot like Trump. You can hate him.
You can't hate everybody who vote for him. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm not, I just, I said it in my last special. I don't hate half the country and I don't want to hate half the country.

Speaker 1 You know, it's just not where my mind ever wants to go for my own mental health is all this hate. So yes, I will talk to anybody.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's, it's, you know,

Speaker 1 it's an honor to be invited to the White House under any circumstances. Absolutely.
So, you know, also it allows you to have a platform with him where you can tell him the things you disagree with.

Speaker 1 Like any

Speaker 1 I think it's it's it's it's somebody who's saying that's generous. They were like

Speaker 1 to allow that to happen. Of course, but this is also part of American discourse.
It's very important.

Speaker 1 Like even the like I think he needs to do the White House correspondence dinner just because I think a very unique thing about

Speaker 1 like we humble our heroes. And it's a very beautiful thing about American culture, right?

Speaker 1 Is that we will make you beg for our support every four years you don't just get to be king that's why it was great when Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes we take the piss out of the big ones big ones the elites and we take the piss out of them and you saw the reaction right yes everyday people visceral it was visceral and I think it's important and that the Tom Brady roast kind of got back to that 100% here's this guy whose life is perfect he's got absolutely everything yes he's submitting

Speaker 1 yeah and that that but look that's the human interaction right i'm sure that when you got successful and like, you know, I get some success, like you realize, oh, shit, there are all these people that are like, they're hating on me for things that like aren't even true.

Speaker 1 And they're saying these things about me. It's like a compliment.
That also, that's a part of success. Like, that's, that's the cost of success.
It is what it is. That they care enough.

Speaker 1 You're not writing about them. Facts.
But it is, it is a beautiful part of American culture where we get to like hold, we get to put the heroes up on a pedestal and also humble them at the same time.

Speaker 1 And the thing about Trump doing is like, he's already done a roast. So it's not like he's afraid to do a roast.

Speaker 1 You know, so I think we got to get back to that. Now, you got to have some ground rules, though.
For ghosts? Yeah. I think it was just connected.
Don't say he's broke. That's it.

Speaker 1 I've heard that before. Don't say he's broke.
Just don't. Isn't that crazy? He's like, yo, talk about my kids.

Speaker 1 I'm a racist. Talk about

Speaker 1 cheater. I do that.

Speaker 1 Don't say I'm poor. Just do me poor.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Why do you think that he is able to connect to working-class people despite coming from money? He is them.

Speaker 1 I mean, he is that. Did you see The Apprentice, the movie?

Speaker 1 No, no, but I. May I suggest a date night with the wife? Yes, yes, please.
Please. It's such a great movie.
This is with Sebastian Stan, right? Correct. Who is brilliant in it? It's funny.

Speaker 1 I saw him as Tommy Lee. I didn't really love that performance or movie.
Yeah. But he is so brilliant as Trump.

Speaker 1 And it's a brilliant movie that was not given its due, even though both he and Jeremy Strong were nominated as best actor. Both of them should have been.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it was best supporting, but whatever it was. They were both brilliant performances, Jeremy Strong as Roy Cohen,

Speaker 1 who apprenticed Trump to be who he is.

Speaker 1 But of course, we're in such a politicized time that the people who just can't stand Trump hate that it humanized him. Oh, wow, it wasn't mean enough.
It wasn't mean enough.

Speaker 1 It's funny, the first half of it, before he meets Roy Cohen, it does humanize him because he's a human. So, like, it shows him when he was first like working for his father.
That's funny.

Speaker 1 And he's collecting. How dare you humanize a human being?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think he's a human being who has a narcissistic syndrome that makes it hard for him to be alive.

Speaker 1 Is a narcissist? Okay, so, well,

Speaker 1 not to that. That's a crazy idea.

Speaker 1 Nobody has been a narcissist to that degree, so please. I don't know if that's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. Well,

Speaker 1 it's good that we don't agree on everything and still can be friends. But anyway,

Speaker 1 the point is that in the first half of the movie,

Speaker 1 like it's here's how he started out in life. Like he was collecting rents for his father.
He didn't start out like, okay, so he's collecting rents. And, you know, when you collect rents,

Speaker 1 talk to people, like one person opens the door and throws hot water at him. Yeah.
Like people do that when you go to collection. So it's not like he started with the silver spoon.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 He did to a degree. But it just shows like he wasn't like everywhere.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, and then the second half, it's the opposite. The Trump people think that's too rough on him.
So everybody abandoned the movie.

Speaker 1 But for those 20% in the middle who are willing to just watch a piece of art for a piece of art, it's a fantastic movie.

Speaker 1 And it really gets at a lot of what's wrong with our discourse is that you can't just look at the movie. You have to make a political decision about it.

Speaker 1 And this is how, like, this is how I think people get caught up in, like, they don't even create based on their own opinions. They create based on the algorithm.

Speaker 1 Like, the algorithm teaches them what they want to do. So true.
Right. Because they see a video get like a lot of views and they go, ooh, I guess.
I guess this is what I want to do.

Speaker 1 And it's like, oh, no, no, you just never had an interesting thought by yourself. You're waiting for something to stick and you want attention, right?

Speaker 1 And it's like the people who made that movie actually had the bravery of going, I'm going to potentially piss off both sides that would support this. Yes, and what you're left with is 20%,

Speaker 1 right? Which is, I mean, I don't know. That's why I think it's, and what I said to you in the beginning, like, that's why I think it's brave when you're willing to piss off your base.

Speaker 1 I think it's very important. It is.
But what you get is the trust. Right.
How many people are trusted?

Speaker 1 People will trust you. Right.
Even if they disagree with you, they'll be like, but he's not grifting. He's not lying.

Speaker 1 It means the world to me. And when you meet people, there's a connection that they have with you.

Speaker 1 And then there's other people who are just, they're like, what I would say is more grift, where you go, I know what the base wants. I'm going to echo those sentiments.

Speaker 1 They're going to consume it because it makes them feel good. But the second that I disagree with them, they will abandon me.
I mean, Matt Taibi has written brilliantly on this.

Speaker 1 What is he?

Speaker 1 Well, he, I mean, he's a big media critic, and some of it, I think, goes over the top but his basic thesis and he's so true was that media at some point became a group of people who the way they run their business is

Speaker 1 first we ask how would the audience that we're servicing yep want us to interpret this story yep and then we give them that now of course a lot of them become brainwashed and they just already think that way

Speaker 1 um but yeah but that's not what media used to do it's not what it's supposed to to do. So it's so funny.
It's like

Speaker 1 there was a show on Fox called Red Eye. Do you remember that show where

Speaker 1 comics would go on it and they basically just, you could,

Speaker 1 you could just go and like, it was a great opportunity for a young comic and you make fun of different shit. Right.
And like, I was in. When was this on?

Speaker 1 It was on Fox, Fox News, like super late at night. Fox News.
Yeah. Greg Gutfeldt hosted it before he had his show.
Not Fox, Fox News. Yeah, Fox News.
Fox why I never saw it. Probably.

Speaker 1 But there was like, it was, it was a cool opportunity as like a young comic. You're like, oh, you're going to show me on a show.
And

Speaker 1 this does connect to what you were just saying. But

Speaker 1 I remember I would go on, and like, I was so naive, dude. Like, I grew up in New York City.
Like, I don't fucking know. Like, I thought that there was some,

Speaker 1 whatever.

Speaker 1 And every,

Speaker 1 I don't know, I thought that there was like a little bit of authenticity or purity to what we were doing. I didn't know that there was like an agenda, right? So I'm just on

Speaker 1 to the program, right? Or even to the network. Okay.

Speaker 1 so i'm going so i was so some story about like some random college in like oregon about like hey we're not gonna we're gonna have like a no white people on campus day or something but like some random oh i know the story you remember the story brett weinstein was the professor right who got lost a job for it right yes they had like

Speaker 1 i don't know it was officially called that yeah but it was basically no white people day because white people are toxic and so we can't have it's absurd ridiculous and then like i remember us talking about it and i was like, and I said on the show, and I was like, Swain, is this like kind of what we do?

Speaker 1 We just take like the most obscure, ridiculous, left-wing thing, and we just pretend that that's like what everybody thinks. That's what Tucker Carlson does every night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I didn't, you got, I'm, I grew up in New York City in a fucking dance family. My parents in a dance studio, like, is that right? Yeah, like, it's as Democrat as it could possibly be, right?

Speaker 1 So, like, I'm here and I'm seeing this, and I'm just like, what's going on here? And then everybody kind of looked at me like I didn't know what the shtick was.

Speaker 1 Like, it was like, like, you know, like, I broke the Kfabe or whatever they call it in wrestling.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 and I didn't get that. Like, sometimes you don't even need to communicate to the people on your network what they need to do.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's like in the ethos. When you're in the building, you want to get raises, you want to be rewarded.
So you start echoing the sentiments and reward the people that are echoing it.

Speaker 1 And then the other people fall in line. So no one explicitly has to tell you, these are our points of view.
You know, I said almost the exact same thing recently.

Speaker 1 And somebody who I mentioned in it got mad at me. Oh, Tucker.
No, I'm not going to say, but I don't want to make it a feud. And

Speaker 1 I actually apologize. I didn't want to, maybe I shouldn't have brought up specific names.

Speaker 1 But I was saying almost the same thing that you're saying, that like it's amazing how

Speaker 1 we just get kind of seduced by the people around us

Speaker 1 and the people, you know, who are providing the craft services, shall we say?

Speaker 1 Hell yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm eating your doughnuts. What am I going to be against the candidate?

Speaker 1 Come on. That's probably a good guy.

Speaker 1 You like my

Speaker 1 doughnuts.

Speaker 1 I want to buy a schmuck and I'm going to.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you fall in. That's like a human thing.
You just fall into it.

Speaker 1 It's, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm curious.

Speaker 1 It is like, it is a constant matter of vigilance not to. So that's why I so applaud the 20%.
I mean, I'm picking that number out of my ass, but it's probably close.

Speaker 1 So applaud them because it's not easy. I mean, I do it for a living.
It takes courage. It's okay.
I'm getting paid to do it.

Speaker 1 You're not. You're just doing it as a citizen.
That's what I and a thinker. I always say this, like

Speaker 1 whenever I'm going through something or somebody's trying to like position me in some certain way. And I have empathy for them doing that, by the way.
Like they see a headline

Speaker 1 and they don't understand the context of anything. And then

Speaker 1 their views about the world, they might see something like that. And they'll be like, I don't agree with this type of stuff.
And then they put that on my, and that's okay.

Speaker 1 I'm sure I've done that a million times with people. Sure.
It is what it is. It's a human thing.

Speaker 1 But I have, I have like a great appreciation to the people that will defend me

Speaker 1 despite what the idea about me might be because

Speaker 1 they get nothing out of it besides wanting to show support to someone they care about.

Speaker 1 Like you said, you get paid. Like we're able to do comedy and podcasts and shows.
Like it's really awesome.

Speaker 1 But the fan that's willing to take that on the chin, like they're at a family dinner and they're going, yeah, I was watching Bill. And they go,

Speaker 1 oh, you know what he said about

Speaker 1 that. So true.
They're incredible. Yes.

Speaker 1 The peer pressure. of

Speaker 1 work co-workers,

Speaker 1 you know, newsrooms have become kindergartens because it's the mob mentality of the newsroom. Many, I'm not making this up.
Many people have written stories about this.

Speaker 1 Like the newsroom at the Washington Post or the New York Times

Speaker 1 is such a mean girl's emporium. And if you step outside the bounds of what the group think is, I mean, we've seen this many times at the New York Times.

Speaker 1 Barry Weiss had to leave and she started the free press. Yeah, she's great.
I was like, yeah, she's great. Yes.

Speaker 1 And Nellie Bowles, her wife, the same thing, New York Times, and they just Pamela Paul, who I just was on real time the week before and loved her columns in the New York Times, which were not unreasonable at all.

Speaker 1 They were exactly where I am. I always agreed with

Speaker 1 leaning left, but unafraid to call out woke on nonsense.

Speaker 1 And she apparently couldn't survive there. I mean, that is a very bad place for media to be in.

Speaker 1 I think there's this tricky decision where it's like, hey, we can also criticize the administration when they do things wrong. Like they're in power now.

Speaker 1 When they weren't in power, I understand how you want to get them into power. So you're like, let's turn a blind eye to things that we maybe disagree with.
Now they're in control.

Speaker 1 They are the institution.

Speaker 1 We have to criticize them. This is part of.

Speaker 1 You won and you're in. You get the jokes.
That's it. You won, you're in you get the jokes

Speaker 1 well we'll see if he agrees at the dinner this is why disseminating this information and talking to the people you disagree with is really important very important because there's a lot of people myself included just uneducated people who will go with the trend that kind of makes me feel good as someone who pays a lot of taxes right i'm from new york i'm like yeah i pay all this taxes what am i getting at right and then i i need somebody to go and have a conversation where it's like i can never no story that i read anywhere do i trust fully I have to read a second story or a third about this subject before I feel like okay

Speaker 1 Now I got the full story. Why didn't you first assholes tell me the full story? Because people don't want the full story.
They really don't. They want to feel good.
Right. They want to feel good.

Speaker 1 Feeling good. And you know who knows that?

Speaker 1 These corporations, not even corporate, but these

Speaker 1 businesses that run these, you know. And masturbators.
Oh, God. Do they know it?

Speaker 1 We just want to feel good. Are we bad people? No.

Speaker 1 We're not bad people. No, I mean, you know, it's monkeys do it.
Dude, have you ever watched? Did you watch that Chimp Empire show on Netflix?

Speaker 1 No, but I'm a big fan of chimps, and I support their cause monetarily.

Speaker 1 I support them

Speaker 1 cause, yes. You put your money behind the chimps.
Yes, absolutely. The producer, one of the producers of my show,

Speaker 1 has a big charity for chimps. It's a big charity.
I met them tonight, right?

Speaker 1 No, no,

Speaker 1 my real-time show, my HBO show.

Speaker 1 And that charity, they have a big

Speaker 1 chimp foundation and a chimp reserve in Georgia. Oh, wow.
Where the chimps can be chimps. They can chimp it up.
You know, no tuxedos. None.
They get to let a rip out there.

Speaker 1 No tuxedos, no cigars, no riding tricycles. You got to watch this chimp empire show, and it's like.

Speaker 1 You kind of watch it and you're like, oh, this is too close to who we are.

Speaker 1 They're very close. True.
they're close. And then there's other things that, yes, like this idea of like having to maintain the alpha, right?

Speaker 1 Like, you also see how that's disruptive in terms of like creating any technology, like sharing any advantageous information. Like, there's this one dude who needs to show he's alpha.

Speaker 1 And every once in a while, he just fucks up everything in the neighbor. He's like a, like a drunk dad or whatever.
Just comes around. You're talking about a chimp now? Chip, yeah.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I need to show everybody I'm alpha. So he just starts fights with people, fucks shit up, and does whatever.

Speaker 1 And the problem with that is that you can't sit around and develop fire when you're worried that this guy is going to punch you in the back of the head every second.

Speaker 1 So everybody's just kind of like on edge, hoping this alpha won't start shit.

Speaker 1 Doesn't that describe, I'm sorry, but doesn't that describe today's administration? Talk to me.

Speaker 1 Talk to me. If you push back against me, if you push back against me.
This sounds exactly like what's going on now with the tariffs and everything else.

Speaker 1 And they're like, he's going to take over Greenland and we're going to invade Canada and everybody is just like is this alpha no no no just going to do some crazy shit I mean the stock market is down okay so over a thousand points I'm sure that affects you a little bit yeah I mean I don't know you have stocks I do have stocks I should know more about it but yeah

Speaker 1 don't panic it'll go back up that's what we hope yep but you know it does I'm sorry but it just when you said that I can't help but think that's exactly what Elon Musk, you know, brilliant guy.

Speaker 1 I have defended him many times more than most people have, but you know, I don't like that he, I don't like,

Speaker 1 I support that he took Twitter and turned it into something freer, but he just turned it into something really almost as right-wing as it used to be left-wing, which would be okay too, except that he

Speaker 1 very often retweets some of the worst stuff. Why?

Speaker 1 He

Speaker 1 had a great idea that, oh, I can go in with my Doge boys and find the waste. But the way he did it was very, I'm on the spectrum.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think there is that. And I think he is on the spectrum.
And it's probably harder to relate emotionally to things. I am a little bit more optimistic about the intentions of the administration.

Speaker 1 It doesn't mean it's going to work out, but I don't think that Musk is trying to get richer. No.

Speaker 1 He's definitely not. I've always defended him on that.
He does not care about money. Yeah.
I mean,

Speaker 1 he's got all the money.

Speaker 1 I think he thinks that this

Speaker 1 will help America.

Speaker 1 I've been with him at times, and he did not have a house. Yeah.
He was like staying in a friend's house. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 He will sleep on the couch or sleep at the Tesla factory as he did to get that going. I think

Speaker 1 he brags about we work the weekends. You know, he's a, let's have pizza at.
one in the morning and keep working and then sleep here.

Speaker 1 That's what he's an engineer. That's what turns him on.
And I respect that. I think it's important.
Right. But

Speaker 1 nobody

Speaker 1 put any sort of breaks on this. And to do it this way and to be, and to take such glee in the cruelty of it, the people who got letters that said, do something valuable with your life.

Speaker 1 Now, you can't tell me that that's. These are the things that are antagonistic and twisting the knife that I don't think is helpful for the discourse.
Horrible.

Speaker 1 But I will say that like, I think if there's one thing Democrats could learn, it's the importance of the American sentiment where it's like, Americans like abundance and we like hope.

Speaker 1 Barack sold us on hope and we will buy that every single time.

Speaker 1 I think America, I think that sometimes the Democrats are too like safe.

Speaker 1 They don't sell me on abundance. It's like Trump goes, we're going to take Greenland.
We're not even really going to take it. But he says it.

Speaker 1 And then Americans go, all right, that might be kind of cool. Right? Like, so Democrats, what is your build the wall? I think it is kind of cool as long as it's not by force.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if it's consensual, it's cool. Exactly.
But if you're growing up in Greenland, you don't want to be part of America. That's the slogan.
Greenland, we're not raping it.

Speaker 1 We're asking. We're asking.
It's consensual.

Speaker 1 It's a consensual thing. What I would tell anybody, like what I would try to explain to Democrats is like, you have to give us hope and abundance.
Like, I need a slogan. Build the wall

Speaker 1 is emblematic of something that people feel, right? So it could be as simple as like dollar eggs. Hey, if we get in power, we are subsidizing eggs.

Speaker 1 You will never have to worry about getting your kid eggs. It's a dollar egg.
That is a road you don't want to go down.

Speaker 1 You do not want to go down subsidizing food staples. It's what they do in third world countries.
That's what we do in America. It's what we do with the dairy industry.

Speaker 1 It's what we do with the rice industry. It's what we do with the

Speaker 1 corn industry. Like, of course, we've been doing it for years.
We do it further down the trail. Like, yes, on the chain, they do like grain and stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right, but not like at the, you're talking, it sounds to me like you're talking on the supermarket level. No, I'm talking about on the farmer level.
And again, listen, I the chicken.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about the chickens.

Speaker 1 But what comes first?

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 Does anyone ever really ask that question? Now we're getting into it. Does anyone ever really?

Speaker 1 It's more about like, how do you, how do you communicate to Americans that we want to meet you at your needs? And how are we going to say that?

Speaker 1 And how are we going to to say certain things that are going to penetrate the discourse.

Speaker 1 Americans don't have a fucking like Democrats don't have a slogan that tells like a hardworking but poor American that they're going to be able to get more. They had a slogan in the last election.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 free tits for prisoners. Okay, not a great one.

Speaker 1 Bro, that

Speaker 1 crushed. Dude, it was so funny.
That one commercial. I've been talking to the guy.
I don't know if he wants to remain nameless, but the guy who made the commercial, the Trump is for

Speaker 1 you. She's for them.

Speaker 1 And they open with, you know, Charlemagne. You know, Charlemagne, the guy, him and I do a podcast together.
Oh, I know you do. Yeah.
So, like, love him. He's amazing.

Speaker 1 Tell him I said hi. I absolutely will.
And every time he references me on the show, it really tickles me.

Speaker 1 Hey, I got to go home and watch Bill Maher. Oh, he watches you religiously.
Oh, I know. He has a lot of respect for you.
But he's the GOAT. He is like, to me, he's like a.

Speaker 1 Great reach, great influence. And also, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if this is fair, but a lot of times I judge people like based on like where they've come from and how far they've gotten in their life.

Speaker 1 You know, like, so to go from, you know, billionaire to like 1.1 billion isn't as impressive as to go from trailer park in South Carolina to one of the most powerful voices in is like

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 but we're talking about that. Like,

Speaker 1 just knowing how that kind of ended up happening is kind of funny, but like, how do, how do Democrats start communicating?

Speaker 1 Because say what you want about AOC's politics, she communicates to the people in her district that she wants to help them. Bernie communicated in a way that he wanted to help people.

Speaker 1 I think AOC and Trump polled the same in her district. What does that say?

Speaker 1 That says that those same people will cross the political lines to the people they feel are looking out for their best interests. So, how do Democrats start organizing in a way?

Speaker 1 I mean, I would check that stat on Trump and AFC polling. I just made that up, but I think it sounds good.

Speaker 1 Come on. You know what I mean? Like, I think, hey, I think it sounds good.
Hey, you know what? I love that Bronx district.

Speaker 1 I love the honesty, even when it's dishonest. No, no, no.
I think there is facts that they pulled very similarly. Well,

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 here's what did happen. Trump did very well in the Bronx.
You're right. Trump did very well.

Speaker 1 That could be a true stat, like a favorability rating. But that was one of the districts that was most shocking to leftists.
You're right.

Speaker 1 And they should learn, like, instead of, I think the knee-jerk reaction is to make the opposition radioactive. And it's like, guys,

Speaker 1 they like the opposition.

Speaker 1 The first thing Democrats have to do is stop the bleeding on the left, on the far left.

Speaker 1 Stop people from being able to go, you know, I don't really like Trump and he seems pretty bad with women and that doesn't sit well with me and the wife sure hates him.

Speaker 1 But you know what? At least he likes America. At least he thinks women are the only ones who can have babies.
You know, things like that.

Speaker 1 Those are the things that people go, I just can't vote for those people. They just seem crazy.

Speaker 1 They just seem like they are not tethered to reality, which is when you lose that contest to Donald Trump, who's also not tethered to reality in many ways, I mean, you're saying something.

Speaker 1 Dude, I wonder if like, and again, I don't know too much about like the Ilhan Omar's politics or whatever. Oh, but Elon Omar?

Speaker 1 Ilhan Ilhan or Elon Omar. You call her Elon Omar? I call her that because that's her name.
She's the representative from

Speaker 1 Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Ilhan, I thought it was, but I guess I think that like...
Whatever it is, I don't like her. So

Speaker 1 the point that I'm trying to make here is that like...

Speaker 1 Is she a representative of America or Palestine? Is my question. Well, here's the thing that's important.

Speaker 1 It's like, I think that she has the, and I don't even know if she understands this as privilege, but like, she has an identity outside of being American.

Speaker 1 Like, she, she has this separate identity from another country that has thousands of years of history, and that's baked into who she is. Some of us.
Where you would happily live.

Speaker 1 Well, where I would happily live. Like, and it would be so great.
And you know, she married her brother. And it is what it is.
So you could do that. I mean, if I had a sister, that, no.

Speaker 1 You can marry your sister. I don't know what you could do.
But the point is. You could do anything to a woman

Speaker 1 okay so let's just let put that right on the table

Speaker 1 so so the point i'm trying to make is like some of us only have america we only have this so when you attack this i'm going to defend it till the day i die i love america more than anything in the entire world it's the greatest country in the human existence is the greatest experiment in human existence and it has succeeded so We only have this.

Speaker 1 You have to find a way to communicate what you believe to be the shortcomings of America in in a way that doesn't make us feel like you don't love it. Totally.
My mom is an immigrant. She loves it.

Speaker 1 Like, you cannot tell my mom that she cannot, that I cannot achieve anything, that she cannot achieve anything in this country.

Speaker 1 It's one of the reasons why I think it's important to bring in immigrants because they remind us of the opportunities.

Speaker 1 And they're appreciative because they know what it's like in these other countries. And we don't.
We don't. Right.
Well, I do. You don't.

Speaker 1 Because of your UTIs. You won't even leave the country.
I don't have to. First of all, I have traveled.
And second of all, you don't have to travel to understand what's going on.

Speaker 1 Have you lived outside the country? No, but I read. I can read about what's there.
This is this Ivy League shit that's so annoying to me. Oh, reading.

Speaker 1 Yes. Stop reading so much.
It's gay.

Speaker 1 Now I say you're just fucking moving when you say these things. Okay.

Speaker 1 But in terms of living outside, like I've lived outside the country, and it's important to, I haven't lived in the Middle East, but living in Spain.

Speaker 1 There are little things that you'll appreciate that we have here that even in a major city in Spain that they didn't have, an AC unit. Exactly.
Like a little thing we take for granted. Totally.

Speaker 1 That we don't realize how amazing we have it here. Yeah.
And that's just the physical part of it. Yes, the technological part of it.
The toilets always work, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 But it's also, we do have free speech that they don't even have in Europe.

Speaker 1 I mean, in Europe, you and I both would get a knock on the door from the police in some countries. Germany, I mean, 60 Minutes just did a a story on this.
You would definitely get a knock on the door.

Speaker 1 I found on the door in Germany. Eye-opening.
Well, because if you say something.

Speaker 1 No, no, if you say something like

Speaker 1 really, I feel like mildly

Speaker 1 insulting about a political leader, they can knock on your door and like take away your... It's crazy.
They don't have the same

Speaker 1 tradition of free speech as we have here.

Speaker 1 They don't have a First Amendment. It is pretty awesome.
And we take it for granted. We do.

Speaker 1 So it's the physical part. It's that part.
It's also this part.

Speaker 1 We have this idea as with all our problems and all our shittiness, people have the idea here that tomorrow can always be different. You can always reinvent yourself.

Speaker 1 You can start something new.

Speaker 1 There's not other countries, including the Western European democracies, which are great countries, but in France, you take the baccalaureate when you're 16.

Speaker 1 You kind of, your life is kind of there decided at 16. Oh, really? Yes, you're either going to go on to be a tradesman or a professional of some sort.

Speaker 1 They're much more structured and strictured than we are.

Speaker 1 And this country is kind of like, okay, well, tomorrow I will be an influencer who eats my asshole.

Speaker 1 And you can make that work. I don't admire that you can.

Speaker 1 But people make shit work

Speaker 1 and don't have this idea that there's any cutting down of the tallest trees. Like everything is open.

Speaker 1 And there is a greatness in that. This is something that like you cannot underestimate.
When Americans lose, like every American thinks they're going to be a millionaire.

Speaker 1 The day they're born, they're like, I'm going to be a millionaire one day. And we run on that.
That is the energy that we run on.

Speaker 1 And the second Americans start to feel like that's not an opportunity for them, shit gets dark fast. Yes.
You need to do whatever you can to reinforce this idea that

Speaker 1 it's real immigrant mentality even though the people are born totally absolutely you can make it you can and that's what makes i mean i mean that was puts at the forefront of everything the reason why it resonates in people's minds is because it does happens you see retards become millionaires like actual people who are retarded because can become millionaires dude you know what i realize is like a lot of times i think the perception of comedians is that like we say something and if you're offended by it we're angry And it's like, you can react however you want to react to things.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't police your reaction. If you're offended, that's okay.

Speaker 1 But, and if, if I was talking to you and you're like, hey, that, that, that makes me feel uncomfortable with that word. I just won't say it around you.
Right. I don't care.

Speaker 1 Like, but that doesn't mean I won't continue to make a joke that might have it in it or say something with other people. But on a one-on-one level, like, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 Do you look through your social media and see what people are mad at you about? Yeah, I think I check. I also think it's like important to get like a litmus test.

Speaker 1 Like if I'm writing something, like if I'm writing my, my hour, right, I block out everything because I don't want to create for my haters.

Speaker 1 I feel like a lot of people fall in that trap of like, how can I appease the people that don't like me?

Speaker 1 I want to make something that I really believe in and I think is like honest and authentic to me. And then after releasing it,

Speaker 1 I think it's important to understand like how you're taken in the marketplace. Oh, do people think I'm this?

Speaker 1 There are people who think I'm like this right-wing MAGA lunatic because I had Trump on the podcast. I think that.
No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 But what a great segue to plug your special. No, no, I don't want to do that.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I do want to. Okay, okay.
Well, you know, you just said I spend my hour writing.

Speaker 1 I'm interested in that.

Speaker 1 You purposely write the special. You don't, it's not like just stuff you gather over.
No, I gathered that like this one was different. Like this one is, it's basically.
And it's called.

Speaker 1 It's called Life, but it's on Netflix.

Speaker 1 It's it's on netflix and uh and it's on now it's on now yeah and it's uh it's basically about me trying to get my wife pregnant and like uh i found out my sperm sucks you know science knows how to do that well we had to use science that's the thing right yeah so what'd you have to do turkey baster i had to do no we tried turkey baster yeah are you serious that didn't work no and uh don't do use one that you used with the turkey that's that's what the problem was

Speaker 1 yeah i used that and yeah my wife gave journalists came out

Speaker 1 But yeah, so it was just this story of us having to do it. And like usually the woman is the one that's obviously concerned about her eggs and these things.
But with me.

Speaker 1 Salmon, I was going to do that bit. Yeah, right.
You would never have kids. But I was trying to get a girl first.

Speaker 1 You're out there trying to fucking boycott. But you did finally get it done.

Speaker 1 But what was the problem?

Speaker 1 My sperm doesn't swim and it's shaped weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it always comes down to something silly like that. Yeah.
And I don't feel that that in any way affects your masculinity.

Speaker 1 I don't think that at all. I think you're just as masculine as the next guy if the next guy is Richard Simmons.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 dude, you want to know what's crazy, like emotional reaction?

Speaker 1 When, when, obviously, I had like whatever interactions with the, with the doctor about, but like, there was this like week or two afterwards where I thought that like primally, my wife would no longer be attracted to me.

Speaker 1 Like there would be this like instinctual thing that would happen. There is.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You may not think it, but it's absolutely true.
It's called the ick.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't believe in ick.

Speaker 1 I believe in it.

Speaker 1 You may not believe in the ick, but it believes in you. No, no, I don't believe in it.
I'll tell you why I don't believe in it.

Speaker 1 I think there's so much societal pressure on women to be married that they would rather be with a person

Speaker 1 that they don't like than alone. I think women are terrified of being alone.
Certainly that describes the world of yesteryear.

Speaker 1 I think women today, I think you're describing something that is a little in the past. No, no, I've don't know.
Not that there aren't many women like that still.

Speaker 1 There are, but I think way less than there was 25 years ago. Let's say maybe there is, but let's say hypothetically, some of them are still locked into these institutions.

Speaker 1 Obviously, like you grew up religious, right? Not you, but like someone. Catholic, yes.
Yeah. Some women grew up religious, right? That have like, they have strong family values in the religion.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Catholics, Jews, Christians, and there's this huge pressure to like get married and like start a family.

Speaker 1 And I think that that pressure that women have, men don't have it. Like our biggest fear is being with someone we hate.
Clearly you have it.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Clearly.

Speaker 1 I got a whole bunker. I feel like I walked the walk.

Speaker 1 If you can see this whole room, it says single. Like there's a swimmer pole behind me.

Speaker 1 Well, my tax forms are single. You know, I mean, I don't,

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to hide it, man. So, so, like, I think what happens is these girls end up in, they end up relating in relationships with these dudes that they actually don't like.

Speaker 1 And then when you don't like someone and you are with them, everything about them disgusts you.

Speaker 1 Because you know you settled. And that's a horrible thing to live with.

Speaker 1 That's the ick. See what I'm trying to say is it's women's fault.
No, it's very true. I mean, you said that there's societal pressure and religious pressure, family pressure.

Speaker 1 There's also biological pressure.

Speaker 1 It is just part of a lot of women's DNA.

Speaker 1 I should mate and take care of a man and be a nurturer and have children and nurture them and that's nothing wrong with that no it's beautiful and you can do that and still be a brilliant person yeah yeah but do it with someone that you like so that you don't have to do that yes but if you do but you know but you know people it's like a game of musical chairs at a certain point you you fear the music is going to stop and you're the one without the chair yeah so you're gonna you're gonna go for a chair And then that's the problem.

Speaker 1 You're married to a chair.

Speaker 1 That's not a fun existence. It really is.
It's not existent. It's not a fun existence.
So you got to hope you get it it right.

Speaker 1 And the older you get, I think the harder it is. Like if you're trying to meet somebody at 40, right?

Speaker 1 And you're meeting another person around that age, like you both have built these lives that are completely separate.

Speaker 1 Like the odds of you being able to connect to that person and all your little idiosyncrasies matching up, that's...

Speaker 1 One in a million. Well, I did it at 63, but that's all I'm going to say about it.
So far. So far.
Loved meeting you. Yeah, I love meeting you too, man.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 So flattered that you came out here to do this because I know you're busy and I know your career is on a fucking skyrocket. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 So the fact that you would come here and do this with me in my crib, I really appreciate it. Anytime, man.
This is so much fun. A real honor.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Dude, that was fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I really appreciate it. I really, I really mean it.

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Speaker 1 Crispy bacon, fluffy eggs, juicy chicken, and a buttery biscuit? That's the perfect breakfast. All right, let me try it.
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