Andrew Schulz | Club Random

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I would check that stat on Trump and AFC polling.

I just made that up, but I think it sounds good.

But it's a disingenuous argument.

Why is it disingenuous? Because I just told you. You said you can't live there, and I was like, here's another place.
Because it's not. How you doing? How are you? Man, you were funny on the Tom Brady run.
Oh, thank you, brother. Thank you so much.
I appreciate you having me. I feel like that was the beginning of the vibe change.
Yeah, is that the, like, I hate even using the term because it's so belabored, but is that the end of woke? No. Is that the night? Well, no, I just read a story.
There's some, like, there were so many stories like this in the last five years. There's some book by some lady, and, like, it's said, like, the most benign thing.ign thing and of course it's in the mouth of a character she's just trying to say that you know how are you going to show someone is an asshole unless they act like an asshole and then they go after her and she of course a fucking apology and you know they took it out of the book i think they canceled her book And I just wanted to say, I thought we were done with this shit.

Yeah.

But we're never going to be done with that shit completely.

Not completely.

Especially as long as people are afraid.

But I thought when I saw the Tom Brady roast that that was a marker in the sand.

And all praise to Kevin Hart for pulling that up. Because I don't think a white guy could have done it.
Pulled it off. He set a tone.
And he said it was okay to make fun of him. Well, and also just say things I haven't heard people say.
Words on TV. What? Right? Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you can say any bad word but you but like you know i mean i'm on cnn now yeah and they don't i when they when they said can we put you on cnn you're actually doing something interesting with that uh scott jennings guy i i call him lonely scott because it's usually like four people i'm trying to gang up on him it's lonely sc. But they put a guy who seems to be able to, I guess, argue from the conservative side on the show.
Yeah. And they let him cook.
And they used to put like a dumb—Scott. Oh, Scott.
Of course. Well, you got to— Well, my— Look, I love CNN.
I'm thrilled to be on. I find it such an honor.
To be back on.

Well, that they wanted me on CNN as well as HBO.

I mean, HBO I've been with forever, and I get that.

Why, you thought you were a pariah?

Well, I'm just—CNN is like a straight-up news organization.

So to put me on there without centering, I give them all the props in the world, but they are trying to recover something that was almost impossible to maintain in the era of Trump, which is how do you just say it as it is, which is what they always did. There was people on the left, people on the right, Fox, MSNBC.
We get it. CNN was down the middle.

But, you know, when the president does lie, you have to say he's a liar. And then you look like you're on the left.
And they went too far with that. And now they're trying to correct that and get back to, like, just the place where a regular person says, can I just get— Like, just tell me what's going on.
Yeah, you did something like during COVID that actually was like incredibly inspirational to us. Oh, thank you.
And it was the piece about, what was it, the Chinese flu? Do you remember that? Of course. It was, I think, one of our first ones that we did.
Like every, what do you call it, disease has been named after a place. Phenomenal.
And it was just like common sense logic. It's so funny to even hear that term common sense being used by the right now.
Exactly. They co-opted it.
Yeah, exactly. But you put out this piece and this is how I knew that it really was impactful.
I got sent the piece by four different generations of people. Wow.
It was my wife's parents. It was my friends.
It was like kids around like, like younger that somebody works for me who's like, like 20 or something like that. And then it was, yeah, maybe something.
And I was like, oh, okay, so this is cutting deep. People need some sort of,

I'm going to put truth under quotes,

but we're living in a little bit of a fantasy

land and everybody's terrified to say something and the piece

cut through. And

yeah, it was super inspirational. Then we started doing

these pieces and

I think, yeah, I don't know if that's

possible. So you call them your wife's

parents. You don't say my in-laws?

So isn't that weird? My in-laws? I don't know. I'm not trying to be your shrink.
I'm just saying, why would you avoid that term? Well, they're my wife's parents. They're not my parents.
I know. I'm just trying to start trouble.
How long have you been? Thank you. How long have you been? How long have you been? Are you expecting a flood? Bro, I keep dripping everything all over the floor.
I mean, your pants.

How much would it cost just to get that extra?

To have a little bit more pants?

Just to get that extra.

Am I getting style tips from you?

You're wearing a fucking baggy turtleneck.

You're doing so well.

Why would you not get the extra?

What could it cost?

I mean, just that extra bit.

I'm like the editor of Vogue coming onto this podcast.

You know, but I'm just saying.

Talking shit about my pants.

Yes, it rained a little, but we're not going to need to.

What bigger man was wearing that shirt before you put it on today, Bill?

That's a sweater.

You know, you're right.

I don't like sweaters, but it was cold here.

Ben Affleck left it with the house.

Celtics green.

How long have you been married?

Three years.

Three years?

Oh, so you're like almost a newlywed. Yeah, yeah, it's early.
And how long did you go out before that? That's a good question. Another three, something like that? Right.
I think around that. I might be getting some of this off, but yeah.
But yeah, we just had a kid. Kid's like a year and a month old.
You have one kid? One kid, yeah. Wow.
Yeah. What's that like? It's every single cliche you could ever imagine.
Right. Like, it's, you know.
Life-changing. No, no, it's literally every cliche.
And as a comic, you're, like, shocked because your ego is like, oh, I have unique takes on everything. And then the only emotional reaction you have is the exact cliche that every other person has said about a kid.
Yeah, I mean, everyone has said that to me. Like, if you had a kid, Bill, you would, you know, and I feel like I'm the first person who would look in the crib and go, Not for me.
Still nothing. So you don't have kids for them.
I mean, I don't want to hurt this kid, but I don't feel especially connected. But maybe that would be wrong.
I mean, I don't know. When it's your goo that went into a lady and then came out with like a mini you, I guess it's just, it's sort of an extension of yourself.
Oh, your selfishness is perfectly aligned. It's amazing how my whole life I thought, and I'm not trying to discredit my pops,

he's amazing pops, but I thought he was doing all these things against his wit. He was just being there for me in everything and every single basketball game, whatever.
And I didn't realize that he could also get joy out of it. And as a parent, you get joy out of it.
It sounds incredibly cliche. No, no, I, I, it's.

Oh, believe me, I've, I've, I've seen parents and I've seen the joy. And I wouldn't say I feel like I've missed it, but I'm also very cognizant of the fact that that is a type of joy that people have, that may be a greater joy than anything I've ever had.
Maybe. I'll tell you a story.

I won't say who it is because I just won't.

But it's somebody you would recognize, a name you would know, who was a known Lothario.

Okay.

And got married somewhat later in life and was telling me once, this is a while ago, but he had little kids, and he said to me, we were in my old similar room to this, just a place to smoke and drink and be real, and he said, you know, I was wiping Cheerios off my kid's chin the other day, and I thought to myself, this is better than any fuck I ever had. And about two weeks later, the girl who I was with at the time called me almost in tears, and she said, Bill, you have to get, and it was this guy from Stop Calling Me.
So apparently it wasn't really better. He was still trying to get after it.
And it was my girl. No.
Well, I'm just saying. True story.
I'm not saying who. I mean, it's weird that he's thinking about fucking while he's wiping Cheerios off his I'm just saying, better than any fuck I ever had was someone undercut two weeks later.
Trying to fuck your girlfriend. I was like, okay.
Maybe at that moment it seemed like it, but, you know. I want to know who this good friend of yours is that's trying to fuck your girl.
Oh, this was many years ago in a galaxy far away, and it could be anybody. And let's just leave it at that.
But let them speculate. But it was funny to me.
But I'm sure there are other people for whom wiping the Cheerios off the chin really is better than any fuck they ever had. And I feel sorry for those people because they obviously fuck badly.
No, I'm kidding. Children are wonderful is what I meant to say.
Yes, of course. Of course.

But how does it change your life?

Obviously, you don't get enough sleep, right?

Are all those cliches true?

Yeah, obviously.

But life becomes just a little bit smaller.

So much of your life, I guess, in entertainment is unfortunately dictated by what you think the perception of you is or have you achieved these things that you want to achieve? And it is, I would say, equally as comforting. Now, I'm coming from this place where, like, I've made a couple bucks.
I'm financially secure. Quite a few.
Doing okay. Doing great.
Doing okay. So I care mostly about how my kid and my wife feel about me, and I can feel comfortable if life is good at home, and I'm not as worried if, like, these people on the Internet are saying crazy shit about me or this thing is happening over here.
So it puts things in perspective. Immediately.
Right. Immediately.
Yeah. Do you feel like it helps you, say, morally, because something you might do if you didn't have a kid, you'd be more hesitant to do because I— Not at all.
Not at all. Seriously? No, I stopped doing drugs or whatever, smoking and shit like that.
I was never a big cigarette guy, but I have a bogey every once in a while. That's hardly anything.
But I stopped doing it just because I'm like, I'm not about to have some fentanyl in some drug that I'm... No, but say you used to go to Diddy's parties.
Yes, of course, as we all. Did you go to a Diddy party? No, but I've had a couple of...
I used to run into him every once in a while. He was the most charming guy.
He would always make you feel like, even though I i didn't know him at all for two minutes he would make me feel like i was his best friend yeah yeah yeah there are people trump is like that they say of course you know i met him a couple of very similar like like charming and like you meet him for two minutes and you're like this guy really likes me and he he told me to call here and then you'd call and it's all bullshit it's like why i didn't ask for i don't need to be your friend yeah but uh no i never went to one of his parties we didn't get to that level or any level um but like something like that we're like oh you know i would do this but i'm not gonna because my child will read about it not that but i but I have no interest in going skydiving anymore.

You know what I mean?

Shit that when you're younger is fun and exciting.

I don't need to do all that shit.

So I guess I am a little bit more risk-averse.

Not maybe risk-averse career-wise,

but shit that I don't actually really care about.

I feel like if I had a kid,

I would be walking on eggshells all the time.

Constantly.

What? Constantly. You mean you are? No, I'm saying like you would.
I would, yes. Meaning like the things that you say, like the opinions you have? The things I say, the things I do, you know, just, you know, I mean, I wouldn't want to get caught masturbating or anything that's benign, which is, I mean, that's a very benign thing.
We don't treat like it's a benign thing yeah but it's pretty normal i mean but like but for example like no one would ever if you were like upstairs and your wife said uh honey dinner and you you i'm doing my taxes i'll be right down nobody was i'm getting out of the show i'll be right down nobody says uh honey i'm masturbating i'll be right down because they says, honey, I'm masturbating. I'll be right down.
You know what I'm saying?

Because even though you shouldn't be able to say that.

But they get insulted.

I feel like they're, like, I think my wife would probably be like,

why don't you just want to have sex with me?

Like, I'm here.

I don't think they understand that these are different things that we do.

Wait, say that again. Like, I think the woman feels a bit of rejection when you're like, I would prefer to masturbate than just have sex with you.
Well, she should. Well, shouldn't, right? Shouldn't she? I mean, sometimes you want a little alone time, you know? You want to have this experience with yourself.
I like the question that people say to you when they, you know, if you go to strip clubs, they're like, why? Why do you do it? And I'm always like, I don't know. It must have something to do with the naked women.
Yeah. You know, I mean, yeah.
I mean, I like girls. I don't think I need to apologize for that.
Do you think I'm asking you to apologize? No, no, no, no. But there are people who do.
That's the intimation. No, I would say that aside from regretting it, it's not having a marriage or a kid is like the one thing in my life I'm so glad that I stuck with.
You know, like I made a lot of stupid mistakes as you do when you're young. But not doing that was the thing that you're happy about.
But that was, I had the right instinct on that from the beginning. For yourself, yeah.
I would not be happy with either one of those institutions. Yeah, even though you don't know because you never...
Yeah, and it's just a personal thing. I mean, there are...
I certainly know people who, I mean, not being facetious about it, they would be lost without their spouse. Yeah.
They would be, you know, they just can't be... Now, some of that is codependence.
Yeah. But some of it is just real.
They're just, some people really are happier with that one person and waking up next to somebody. I mean, this Gene Hackman thing is very suspicious.
His wife dies a week before and then he dies. Well, first they said the same day.
But it's certainly around the same time, which is very suspicious, even if it's a week.

You think he killed himself after he died?

Well, I don't know.

First of all, I find it amusing that everyone's like, oh, my God, a 95-year-old man is dead.

What could it be?

This great mystery.

He's here one minute, and then he's gone at 95.

They certainly are intimating that it's some sort of foul play or suicide.

And it's not uncommon. Yeah.
for spouses to die

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close close close close close They certainly are intimating that it's some sort of foul play or suicide. And it's not uncommon.
Yeah. For some.
Spouses to die within close proximity. This does happen.
And sometimes on purpose. Well, I mean, if she, what, do you think she just died a week later? I think it's like I can't and don't want to live without my spouse.
Right. And they're basically living for each other.
And then when one of them goes, there's not as much of urgency to live. The branches of the tree have so intertwined that you cannot survive without the other.
So, I mean, if we're going to put the pro and con column for marriage, I'd put in the con column. No, that's pro.
If they, unless they die and then it's con. Yeah, but they went to 90 because they were with each other.
They might have died at 70. Whatever happens at 60.
How many old people do you know that are, how many like 100 year old people were never married? Great question. I don't know.
I think you're the oldest single guy. Certainly not.
I think you're the oldest dude that's never been married. There's lots of single people.
Nah, nah, nah, think your oldest dude has never been married.

There's lots of

single people.

Nah,

no,

no,

no.

Oprah

has never been married.

But she's like

gay married or whatever.

She's like,

what is it called?

Like domestic partnership.

You're talking about

Stedman?

Yeah.

Not saying he's gay.

I'm just saying

they've been together

like a

wait a minute.

What are you saying?

But they've been together

like a gay couple

where you get married

and you know,

but without the law.

How do you know

what Oprah's relationship

Thank you. together like a, what are you saying? But they've been together like a gay couple where you get married and, you know, but without the law.
How do you know what Oprah's relationship is like? Because she says that that's her boyfriend. Yeah.
So I'm just going to believe it when she says it. Still? I mean, I haven't seen him in a long time.
Maybe, I mean, whatever it is, whatever she's doing, I'm all for it. I mean, she seems happy.
Yeah. And.
So what do you think it is? You think that he's like a beard for her? What's your conspiracy on her? Here's my theory on that in general. People think that the people in show business are always doing something way more exotic than they're doing.
I'm curious about your thoughts on this. I don't want to say this guy's name, but he had an interesting theory.
Like, and again, I don't want to talk about like whatever, blah, blah, blah. But he was like the overcorrection in Hollywood.
Oh, totally. He, he said he chalked it up to this.
He chalked it up to Weinstein and he's like, Hollywood started to feel as if the world viewed them as Weinstein and that you couldn't just separate the two. Therefore, they had to project this extreme revision of what Hollywood could be.
Are those connected or is this something that happened way before? Well, first of all, I would say it's unfair to say that Hollywood is Weinstein. The music industry, that's Weinstein.
It's totally Weinstein. The music industry has no rules.
It's like rape. It's like a speeding ticket in the music industry.
And I know they hate it when I say that. Yeah.
But it's just true. Yeah.
That's the thing. I mean, the ditty parties, I mean, I'm sure there was a bad fit going on there.
But it's not like they were that different than stuff that people in that world, that industry. I mean, any woman who goes after groupies, as we call them, they're very often the aggressors.
Do you get a warped sense of like— That doesn't mean you can rape them. No, no, I understand what you're saying.
But do you think that these people in industry get like a warped sense of what they can or can't do to women based on the groupies? Absolutely. Because it's so sexualized.
And then it becomes normalized. You're like, oh, I can't do this because every girl is trying to do it with me.
You must have stories. So you agree with Trump grabber by the pussy then? No, I agree.
So what you're trying to say is you defend Trump 100% with the grabber by the pussy. No, no.
Got it. No, but that is not an unfair description of what goes on in the music industry.
Right. If you're a star, they let you do it.
If you're a star, they sometimes want you to do it. You know, not all of them.
And that's the problem is that the guys get so used to no woman saying no and just being so aggressive that they just assume every woman is like that. And then once in a while they run into one who's like, no, I'm an actual person.
Yeah, I'm a human being. Yeah, you can't do that.
But I think now the girls are more privy to the fact that they can make way more money off a lawsuit than they can just sucking some guy's dick. So I think there are a lot of them, a lot of these like groupies that used to get the validation from just hooking up with the rapper.
I think a lot of them have, you know, switched their game plan a bit. And now they're like, wait a minute.
No, no, we got to either get pregnant or we got to catch a case. Yeah.
I always find it amusing when like the female female rappers sometimes their big burn on somebody they're beefing with is like i could take your man and i'm thinking how hard is that not even just in the music music industry anywhere but i can take it no kidding You can't take it. What a threat.
Yeah, exactly. You could suck my dick? Right.
I'll, you know, dress all sexy and act all sexy and grab his Johnson. They got to say something like, I could make your man listen to my day.
I mean, the fuck you could. There's a good bit for you.
You could do that as a bit. That's funny.
I mean, you listen to my day. Yeah, that's impressive.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Club Random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. 2025 is looking pretty dicey, to say the least.
There's a lot of confusion and uncertainty out there, and things are changing practically by the minute. As a business owner or a CMO, what steps you are taking to ensure your business survives and thrives with something very reliable? Why not utilize something stable for your marketing efforts and tap into the power of podcast and radio? In the U.S., audio reaches more than social media and digital combined.
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Discover how audio marketing can surpass your current strategies with new and innovative ways that sound better. Go to RadioactiveMedia.com or text RANDOM to 511-511.
Text RANDOM to 511-511 today. Message and data rates may apply.
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No, things are cool, man. I mean, that's, you know, in a way, that's the best of both worlds.
If you can, you know, be in a relationship and be happy, usually the problem is that people get into relationships, it becomes stale, you know? I mean, I would say you can see, you can literally see it in the tabloids. What they write is bullshit very often, but they can't lie about the looks on celebrities' faces.
I just saw, who was it? Oh, Kylie Jenner was at a tennis match. Oh, with Timmy Chalamet? Right.
Yeah. And you can see he's over it.
Yeah, it's just, just they cannot you can't hide that part of it i wonder if i wonder if them some of them don't even know they can't discern between the attention that they're getting from the media because of the relationship and the actual connection they have with the person because if you're in entertainment right a of these people are addicted to attention. It doesn't really matter what the attention is.
And then you get into a relationship and there's all this buzz. And they start going, oh, maybe I really do like this person.
Well, there was a lot of buzz on those two before they even were in a relationship. They just took it to another level.
No, I'm not saying it was... A relationship amplifies the buzz.
Of course. Like you take both fan bases and mix them together.
But they were huge to begin with. I just find it funny.
I mean, when I watch this video of she's just trying to get him to pay attention to her and he's watching this tennis match. Right.
And I'm thinking, wow, we just recognized this guy at the Oscars. He didn't win, but he's recognized now as one of the great actors.
We can't wait to watch this guy for the next 30 years. Such a great actor.
But he can't even convince us that he still wants to be with Kylie Jenner. This is an acting job that is too much even for him at that moment.
Olivier couldn't have pulled that off. Yeah, he's not being directed.
That's the problem. Right.
He needs to know he's on camera. I think he did, and he still couldn't do it.
Because when it's over, it's over. Have you ever been with somebody that you felt, even for a moment, wow, I'm really enjoying the time I'm spending with this person, and I'd like to continue doing this for the foreseeable future.
I did it many times and did it for the foreseeable future many times. And then when that flame burns out, is it just this immediate conversation where you go, hey, I'm done with this relationship and I want to drag this on, or you do like the classic thing that we all do, which is like we're a coward and we just kind of like remove ourselves emotionally and hope they break up with us and then you know right like try to be the good guy even though we're the asshole is uh i mean i don't know you're talking about if we want to get out of it as opposed to being dumped i mean i think a lot of us would rather be dumped when we're the ones that are we want to be out of it because we don't want to break that person's heart we still want to be the good guy even though we're going to hurt that person i mean i've had it in the past

one time i could think of maybe twice where i was kind of where you what you're destroying i really

wanted out of this relationship it was bad but you didn't want to hurt her it just is hard i mean

relationships are like wars they're easy to get into and hard to get out of and this was ukraine

Thank you. didn't want to hurt her it just is hard i mean relationships are like wars they're easy to get into and hard to get out of and this was ukraine you know i just i just i needed to like fucking just give him the donbass region give her the donbass region and just whatever you want you know what i mean when you're dealing with putin sometimes not that i agree with that but um but it's so funny.
Like when I finally was, pushed it to the point and said, you know, this, I just can't do it one more day. Then like, you know, the second she's like, well, okay then.
You're like, what? Don't reject me. You know, if they're not sufficiently, it's more about ego.
You want them to be a little hurt. It's more about ego, I feel, a lot of this.
You need love on the way out, too. That's selfish.
Well, no, look, I mean, I believe in love, and I've had it, and know it well, and have it now.

Oh, you have a girlfriend right now?

Well, let's not get it too specific.

We don't like to put labels on things. What do you call it?

It's not a girlfriend, right?

What do you call it?

Like partner or something like that?

I call it love.

You have love.

And that's the most important thing.

That's beautiful.

If you have love, you know, it's just a different way of, your life is just different. Asian girl? I mean, and you know, I couldn't be happy without it.
I have been, you know. But it's just different.
It's better. I mean, it is better.
It's a dimension that you just don't have otherwise. But, you know, it has nothing to do with marriage.
I mean, people, many people are in lovel in loveless marriages that's the trick is to keep love alive in marriage and even harder lust you know that's that's really that in any religion and that really doesn't have anything to do with the piece of paper that says you're married that's just his time right you know that's something you need though you really need the lust you need to be i do i feel exactly she needs to desire you crave you And vice versa. have the tiger you know you have i mean i can't live without that i'm going with these asian references i've tried i've made that mistake before and thinking oh you know what it's what how many hours a week do you spend having sex you know it's not the majority of the time so why why put that? I could be 100 years old and spend one minute a week having sex.
It would still be water flows downhill, and that's the direction it flows. And it's just pointless to try to stop it or prevent it or not think about it.
I see that they make something now called a loyalty ring. I'm not making this up because I just read it.
We have a new rule about it this week. A loyalty ring which can read a man's biometrics and tell, alert the girlfriend or the wife.
It's time to clear the balls. Empty the balls.
That he's aroused when he's not with you. That's funny, dude.
It's not funny to me. No, it's funny that she's going to learn that he's more aroused when he's not with her.
Right. You don't want to know that.
Some things are better not known. He's at the Equinox gym steam room.
That ring's going off. You're going to learn some things about your husband.
That would be, that's funny. I didn't take it in that direction, but that happens too.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's probably a net positive for society though, marriage. Absolutely.
Are you kidding? That's the thing. Just children.
So that's the thing that is tricky. Like, like, I think a lot of times people get, they react emotionally to these things.
Like, you know, they might hear you saying that and they're like oh he's against what i'm doing but not at all exactly not at all so there's a difference between like wanting to do something for yourself but acknowledging totally personal just let us all be who we are i mean it's so funny when people judge you or me for this being basically who i am because of the same people if I was gay or trans, would be all like, we're born this way. We should, you know, like everything has to, and I agree with that.
You are born that way. Or if you're trans, you're actually not born that way.
But whatever you want to do, whatever blows your dress up. I think it's like your opinions are so strong that people assume you're trying to project those opinions on people who disagree with you.
And you really don't give a fuck what they do. That's interesting.
I really don't. But I don't know if that comes across.
Because people aren't used to strong opinions. I mean, I grew up in New York, so we're very opinionated people and oftentimes with minimal information.
And that's what makes the opinions so good, right? I like someone who knows exactly how they feel about the world without researching anything that's the most interesting person on the planet so it's like but but but yeah i think like we feel like it's encroaching on our lifestyle and yeah well you know what um there's lots of things i do that have lost me fans and there's lots of things I do like that that have gained me the most loyal fans, and I think the best fans in the world. The smartest, sort of most willing to have an open mind people.
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There's that Jonathan Haidt book. Oh, yes.
The Righteous Mind, it's called. Yeah, sure.
You read it? And it was just really interesting to me, just this idea that like, and it makes sense afterwards, of course, where you're like, we're emotional beings. And then we retrofit justifications for our emotions with our brain.
So knee-jerk reaction is how I am emotionally. And like, once I started understanding that, you'd hear all these likebs like Ben Shapiro that are like, facts don't care about your feelings.
It's the exact opposite, right? It's like the feelings don't care about your facts. You have to meet people where they feel things.
If you're not meeting people where they feel things, you're going to completely miss them or you're going to be stuck in this little ideological bubble

where you're constantly having to appease whatever they feel.

And you can't actually create anything authentically.

I think that's mostly right,

that people want to believe this thing for whatever actual reasons,

feeling reasons, emotional reasons, their background,

their family, their upbringing, whatever.

And then they will find, especially if they have a brilliant mind like Ben does. Yeah, he's clearly a very smart guy.
So they will find the reasoning to go back, but it comes from the feeling. I think you're right.
It starts at the feeling. I'm so cognizant of this all the time.
I may be guilty of that myself, but I try to be the least guilty of that. That is exactly what I'm trying to.
I'll give you a great example. I mean, nobody on the left has been a bigger supporter of Israel than me.
And believe me, they know that in Israel, and I appreciate that. And I wish I could come and visit them as they keep asking me, but that's just, almost 70 i'm not i'm not going overseas anymore okay but um but there's somebody who the trump administration just just is now is now that's the reason that's i was waiting no that is the reason i was waiting for like there's a war happening oh no no no and you're simply just like i'm not traveling no it has nothing to do with the war and everything to do with my urinary tract.
Okay, so. Israel, I want you all to know that he is a gig in Minnesota in a couple weeks.
No, no, I stopped doing that too. Really? Yeah, quit at the end of last year.
Okay, go. So the Trump administration is right now deporting this guy who's a, I'd just say a Palestinian rabble rouser.

Columbia University, exactly what who you— Khalil something?

Yes, Khalil something.

And he's right on the edge of, like, inciting terrorism.

Right.

No.

Okay, if I was just going by emotions, yes, I think, I love it that Trump is throwing this dirtbag out of the country.

I will defend him to the death because I'm a free speech guy. You've got to be consistent.
If I'm always on the right for what they're doing against free speech, which I am, and way always on the left, I mean, you said woke. I don't want to talk about woke.
I'm always fucking with the woke. The woke hate me more than anybody for good reason.
Because when I stick the knife into them when they deserve it, it goes right to the bone, which it should, because they don't believe in it either. So here's a case where, yes, emotionally, because I'm a supporter of Israel, I would like to see this guy out of the country.
No, you can't just throw people out because you don't like their speech. Especially if you give them or you grant them some form of, I don't know if he had a citizenship, maybe a visa or something like that, but you're essentially giving these.
Green card. He has a green card.
So if he has a green card, you're giving them the opportunities to be an American, exist as an American for this amount of years. But if you have the green card, you do have the same rights as an American citizen.
That's what I'm saying. Right, okay.
So we have to give that person those rights. You have to.
As annoying as that is. As annoying as it is.
You probably should have looked into his resume before you gave him the green card. Because that's always what, and it's very hard to, I would say not more than 20% of the people in this country can you get on that opinion.
Everybody else is just always going to go right to defending the speech of the people they like. Yes, this is what we constantly do.
We're hypocrites, but like- Such hypocrites. But this is the thing, we have to like, this is where it gets frustrating in these arguments is like, if we know we're hypocrites, we can't cry about it.
We have to meet people where they are. Correct.
Right? So like, I mean, I'm sure you've seen on Twitter, like everybody's talking about, you know, Israel and like, it seems like there's waning support in America for Israel. Oh, absolutely.
So, so here's, so an example, which you hear people say all the time, like obviously the politicians have no clue how to communicate most of them. And they're just like, well, this is our closest ally.
And then you get asked why? And they go, oh, they don't know because they're just being told that they're the closest ally. Well's the closest ally in the middle east regardless of what it is it's like i think that's very important they're the closest ally in the middle east because they're the only country in the entire middle east sure that anyone in this country these fucking hypocrites would even survive for a week in you wouldn't want to live i don't know if that's.
Like the UAE, I've been to Abu Dhabi. The UAE is not the Muslim world.
If you're talking about Dubai. But they're in the Middle East.
That's what you're talking about. Okay, but you're talking about a tiny, tiny percentage of what typical life is like in 60 Muslim countries.
You're talking about a little enclave that they carved out so Westerners could come and spend their money. We're talking about far less than 1% of the way life is like.
You would not want to live even in a moderate country like Jordan, and your wife certainly wouldn't enjoy living there. Yeah.
Okay. You're making logical points.
Well, these are factual points. Yeah.
Sure, They're factual. They are.
Yeah. But it doesn't matter.
It's like I gave you another option that is true. Well, but it's, it's, I think matter of fact, I would even argue that life is more relatable to the average American in the UAE or in Dubai than it is in.
Again, but it's a disingenuous argument. Why is it disingenuous? Because I just told you, you said you can't live there, and I was like, here's another place.
Because it's not typical. I said the entire Middle East.
So if I, okay, so here's the thing. Here, if I say you have to move somewhere in America, and I'm going to throw a dart at a map with a blindfold on, and could you survive anywhere else in America where that dart? You absolutely could.
You could live in Salt Lake City. You could live anywhere in America.
If I throw a dart at a map of the entire, all 60 Muslim majority countries, will you say you'll live there? I could survive in every single one of them. You couldn't.
Hell no. What? How could I not? I'm not a gay guy.
I could live in any single one of them. In Kabul, your wife would have to wear a head-to-toe burka every...
That's on her. Okay.
You're talking about me surviving. You're like, I could live very comfortably in every single country.
Again, let's not move the goalposts. You're asking if I could live comfortably.
You could live with yourself knowing that that's how women are treated in your world. I hate this moral argument.
Like, we give a fuck about women around the world. But this is like...
Hey, you said you'd be happy. This is such a bullshit argument.
It's not a bullshit argument. I didn't say happy.
I said I could live. You keep moving the goalposts.
Okay, I'm sorry. Let's stay on what you say.
I could live easily in every single one of the countries outside of the wars that are existing. But you're saying in peacetime? Easily? Easily.
Easily. You live easily.
You could easily live in Kabul, Afghanistan. Is there war happening? Is the Taliban doing their thing? No war.
No war. War's over.
War's over? I could kick it in Kabul for a month easy. Enjoying life.
Now, am I doing stand-up every night? No. But could I take a little vacation? I don't know if you're kidding with me.
I'm just telling you, it's, I think it's. I'll give you two options.
Either you're kidding or this is stupid. That's this pretentious-ass shit.
It's not pretentious. You're doing the thing that you the thing.
It's not pretentious that you could live in Kabul and be happy or get by or you could be no big deal. You're doing this thing that gets.
It's not virtue signaling to say. I didn't say virtue signaling, but that is, if you don't agree with me, you're dumb is why Trump is elected.
And this is what Democrats do. Yeah, but sometimes dumb is dumb.
Yeah, but dumb yeah but people are dumb so deal with that shit like you know what i mean like stop acting like everybody's smart like this is the problem is like you have all these people that go to ivy league schools and they're like we know better than everybody else and we'll just tell you what to do and you guys are all stupid and i know you feel like you want this but you don't really want this and if you disagree with me you're an idiot and then. And then all of a sudden they go, you know what? Fuck you guys.
I'm voting for that one. And it's very simple.
Yeah, that's true too. So we can't speak down to people if we know that they're going to react emotionally.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, even with the, for example, the Israel conversation, so if I know people are reacting emotionally to this, who is the burden on, if we have this deep connection with Israel, which I believe we do. Right.
Is the I think if the burden is on Israel to prove to the American people who definitely they rely on for support in this conflict. I think the burden is on them to communicate to American people why it's advantageous to America to continue to support them.
Like and if they can't communicate a reason, you can't you can't be upset at the American people for being confused about it. We have that same energy towards Ukraine.
We go, wait a minute, they're getting how many billion dollars? Okay, over here, if eggs were cheap, I don't care about where you throw the money. But once eggs get expensive, I start going, where's the money going? $200 million going over there? So when economic times are very difficult here in America or any country in the world, there's going to be some questions asked about where this money is going.
As they should be. As they should be.
I think it's a very normal thing. And unfortunately for Jews, when economic times turn shitty in countries, people start looking and they go, I think it might be their fault.
But why is that throughout history? Because there's an ambient, there's an ambient energy towards Jews. This is just my opinion, but ambient energy towards Jews.
What a great phrase, an ambient energy. You're so right.
Because it's, it's not a bright light bulb. Right.
It's a small one. And it comes from the fact that like most people don't know Jews.
They've never met a Jew. They have no fucking clue.
They think Jews are like Jerry Seinfeld. They have no clue that there's Sephardic Jews.
They have no clue that there's these Africans. Try being one in Kabul, Afghanistan.
It's probably difficult. So they just don't understand what it is, right? They've never met one.
Right. They only know the stereotypes.
And I think they kind of almost lock up Jews into the similar ilk as the Rockefellers or the Vanderbilts. They think they're these elitist people.
I don't think Jews even realize that. Because I think Jews are not all Jews are going, yeah, yeah, we're rich and we have all this money.
They're just going, I think a lot of Jews in the Northeast are looking at the Rockefellers and the Vanderbilts going, that's some pretty cool shit. I mean, Ralph Lauren definitely was like, hey, that wasp stuff, that's pretty cool.
I want to do that. Right.
There. There's like an envy of, of the wasps in the Northeast from the Jews.
I feel like almost, I mean, I feel like they really, they admire it. Anyway, the average person is looking at them as like these elites that they can't touch.
And I think that there's like religious teachings that see like this separatism. It's like, they're not trying to proselytize.
Why don't they care if I go to heaven? Why? Like my whole life is about trying to get as many people to go to heaven as i possibly can but like they don't they don't care like what i think it's just hard for them to to get in this ambient light that has this like kind of like these like negative stereotypes they own or control and when the economy's good i don't give a fuck i don't care if you're sending us aid to do tranny plays in fucking pak I don't care. But the second I can't afford eggs, I go, no more tranny plays.
And why is that group of people seem to have a lot of power? Right. And that light that's ambient gets bright.
That's not wrong. And you're right.
I shouldn't say stupid. Thanks, man.
You know, I mean, you're right. I get excited sometimes and I blame the pot.
But you're right. I shouldn't say stupid.
Thanks, man. No, I mean it.
You're right. I get excited sometimes, and I blame the pot.
But you're right. I can think it.
Yeah, you don't say it. I'm still thinking.
But you're right. You shouldn't say it.
No, you're right. I shouldn't say it.
You're right. I tell this all the time.
But you wouldn't survive in a couple. Anyway.
I tell this all the time to people. Like, when we get into these arguments, like, I don't know if you want to talk about, but like the trans shit is like a perfect example.
Like I was talking to this journalist and, you know, I was like, what do you think we disagree on? And he goes, oh, well, you know, some of the trans stuff or whatever. I'm like, well, what about? And he's like, oh, well, you know, the trans women in sports.
And I was like, well, what do you think about the trans women in sports? He's like, honestly, I think it's a red herring that the right uses. And I go, you didn't answer my question.
Right. And he goes, well, I mean, I just feel like it's not really a talking point that really that matters that much.
And it's like, I said this, I go, listen, if I say something that bothers my wife, I don't explain to her why she shouldn't be bothered. Smart.
I've done that for years, and it drives her fucking crazy. I've learned that well with women, too.
We learn that the hard way. We learn it the hard way.
What we do is we go, okay, I'm sorry that made you feel that way. Right.
We meet them where they're feeling. And I feel like so much in the discourse, it's like explaining with facts why the other person is wrong instead of understanding what they're experiencing and just feeling.
You know, I mean, this honestly is what I've been preaching. I'm sure you know.
Yeah, of course. But like on my show.
That's why I'm here. You know, I mean, Kid Rock was here a couple of weeks ago and he said, I want you to meet Trump.
He said, I'm going to take you to the White House. So now we're going to do that.
I think that's a good conversation. And there will be lots of people on the left who will be like, how dare you talk to this man?

I'm like, fuck you.

I'm not playing this game that you mean girls play.

Yes.

Where like, oh, you know what?

You can't sit at my lunch table because I'm just not talking to you.

Not talking to you, you lost the election.

Who the fuck do you think you have to talk to?

You know, it's one thing if you win it.

Yeah, yeah.

It's another thing if you lose it.

You got to start talking to people.

Have to talk.

And I think that's a good thing. talking to you you lost the election who the fuck do you think you have to talk to you know it's one thing if you win it yeah yeah it's another thing if you lose it you gotta start talking to people have to talk and i see gavin newsom is doing this now he's changed his tune he's got a podcast and he the first guest was charlie kirk i thought that was you know i thought that was brilliant you have to mention me he said like i take my I take my, I'm noticing what Bill does,

talks to both sides, like, is left-leaning,

but not afraid to criticize the people on his team.

Like, we got to get more of this going.

This has to become the center.

This has to become a real center. Right now, it's a few lonely islands

that need to, like, become a bigger fucking sandbar. Yeah.
No, for real. You're right.
It needs to be normalized. Normalized, yes.
I think we're so... I think that Americans, we like bravery.
We have very, what is it, high risk tolerance, meaning we take take risk. Like I think it's kind of like in our DNA to take risk.
All of our family, whoever came here from your family years ago, they left their entire family and they just moved here. So we just have the DNA of crazy people, really, that are like willing to risk it all, right? So when we see people that are afraid of having conversations, I think there's like almost like a primal instinctual reaction to it.
Yeah, it's not American. It's not American.
And I think that was, I don't want to politicize this shit, but I think that was a little bit of the concern with Kamala on the campaign trail. It looked like Trump was willing to talk to whoever.
He was. He was.
Like his camp, when we spoke to him, they didn't give us any notes. He's going to talk to me.

Okay.

Who's been meaner than me?

I mean, only J.D. Vance.

J.D. Vance is the only one who said meaner shit about Trump than you.

Yeah.

Well, lots of people have.

Of course, yes.

I mean, you know.

And he said, I have five pages of things.

I asked my staff once, and I guess it's six now because it's been a while.

It's like, just write down all the things he said it's six now, because it's been a while. Just write down

all the things he said in tweets and at

rallies. It's five pages long.

Crazy, low energy,

ratings disaster.

You know, like every bad thing that he just

pulls out of his ass. But I don't care,

and he doesn't care. He doesn't care either.

He doesn't care. It's all

performative.

I mean, look. You guys might feel it, but it wouldn't stop you guys from having a discussion with another, because you don't give a fuck.
It's all performative. Like, not on, I mean, look.

You guys might feel it, but it wouldn't stop you guys from having a discussion with another because you're not pussies.

We're not pussies.

It's very simple.

It's like, are you a pussy or are you not?

And I learned that once.

I had my longest relationship way back in the early 90s, and her father was military.

Yeah.

And he and I did not see eye to eye politically, but he liked me because I wasn't a pussy. That's my model for, for meeting Trump.
It's like, you know, be respectful, which he deserves. He won, not, not one, but twice.
Like funny. My girl said to me, what are you going to wear? I said, I'm not going to dress like the Linskey.
Not a fucking Lululemon outfit. It's not going to be a black T-shirt.
It's a Linsky. It's a Linsky.
And it is not going to be a black T-shirt, man. I am wearing a suit and tie.
Absolutely. Jordan Peterson gave me a suit.
He sat here and he said, I want you to have a suit. And I, Jordan, I don't like suits.
I'm going to send you a suit. I'm going to wear that suit suit.
Yep, dud. The Jordan Peterson approved suit.
It's a good, I mean, I guess whatever. It's a sign of respect.
It's a sign of respect. It's the White House.
Even if you disagree with the person in it, you are respecting the law of the lands. You are respecting the position in general.
And you also have to respect that, you know, the guy did win. It's more than half the country or whatever.
I mean, I just, I keep saying it. I'm not going to hate.
You can not like Trump. You can hate him.
You can't hate everybody who votes for him. Yes.
And you have to understand why. I said it in my last special.
I don't hate half the country, and I don't want to hate half the country. Yeah.
You know, it's just not where my mind ever wants to go for my own mental health. Yeah.
Is all this hate. Yeah.
So yes, I will talk to anybody. Yeah.
And it's, you know, it's an honor to be invited to the White House under any circumstances. Absolutely.
So, you know. Also, it allows you to have a platform with him where you can tell him the things you disagree with.
Like, any... I think it's it's...
Somebody was saying that to me. It's generous.
To allow that to happen. Of course, but this is also part of American discourse.
It's very important. Like, even the...
Like, I think he needs to do the White House Correspondents Dinner, just because I think a very unique thing about it... Totally.
Like, we humble our heroes, and is a very beautiful thing about American culture, right? Is that we will make you beg for our support every four years. You don't just get to be king.
That's why it was great when Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes. We take the piss out of the big ones.
The big ones, the elites. We take the piss out of them.
And you saw the reaction, right? Yes. Everyday people.
Visceral. It was visceral.
And I think it's important. And that Tom Brady kind of got back to that.
100%. Here's this guy whose life is perfect.
He's got absolutely everything. Yes.
He's submitting himself. Fuck him.
Yeah. But look, that's the human interaction.
It is. I'm sure that when you got successful, and I get some success, you realize, oh shit shit, there are all these people that are hating on me for things that aren't even true, and they're saying these things about me.
It's a compliment. Also, that's a part of success.
That's the cost of success. It is what it is.
They care enough. You're not writing about them.
Facts. But it is a beautiful part of American culture where we get to put the heroes up on a pedestal and also humble them at the same time.
And the thing about Trump doing it is he's already done a roast. So it's not like he's afraid to do a roast.
So I think we got to get back to that. You did have some grind rules, though.
For the roast? Yeah. I think it was just— Don't say he's broke.
That's it. I've heard that before.
Don't say he's broke just isn't that crazy he's like yo talk about my kids i'm a racist cheater i don't say i'm poor just do not say the worst thing you could possibly be i know why do you think that he's able to connect to working class people despite coming from money? He is them. That...
I mean, he is them. Did you see The Apprentice, the movie? No, no, but I...
May I suggest A Date Night with the wife? Yes, yes, please. Please.
It's such a great movie. This is with Sebastian Stan, right? Correct.
Who is brilliant in it. It's funny.

I saw him as Tommy Lee.

I didn't really love that performance or movie.

Yeah.

But he is so brilliant as Trump.

And it's a brilliant movie that was not given its due,

even though both he and Jeremy Strong were nominated as Best Actor.

Both of them should have been.

Or maybe it was Best Supporting, but whatever it was. They were both brilliant performances.
Jeremy Strong as Roy Cullen, who apprenticed Trump to be who he is. But of course, we're in such a politicized time that the people who just can't stand Trump hate that it humanized him.
Oh, wow. It wasn't mean enough.
Therefore, you can't give him the thing. It's funny.
The first half of it, before he meets Roy Cullen, it does humanize him because he's a human. So, like, it shows him when he was first, like, working for his father.
That's funny. And he's collecting.
How dare you humanize a human being? I mean, I think he's a human being who has a narcissistic syndrome that makes it hard for him to be aogical. Wait, you think someone who ran for president is a narcissist? Okay, so, well, not to that— What a crazy idea.
Nobody has been a narcissist to that degree, so please. I don't know if that's true.
Yeah, okay. Well, it's good that we don't agree on everything and still can be friends.
But anyway, the point is that in the first half of the movie, like it's just how he started out in life. Like he was collecting rents for his father.
He didn't start out like, okay, so he's collecting rents. And, you know, when you collect rents for people, like one person opens the door and throws hot water at him.
Like people do that when you go to collect. So it's not he started with the silver spoon exactly he did to a degree but it just shows like he wasn't like everywhere where we and then you know and then the second half it's the opposite the trump people think that's too rough on him so everybody abandoned the movie but for those 20 in the middle it's Who are willing to just watch a piece of art for a piece of art it's a fantastic movie yeah and it really gets at a lot of what's wrong with our discourse is that you can't just look at the movie you have to make a political decision about it and this is how like this is how i think people get caught up in like they don't even create based on their own opinions.
They create based on the algorithm. Like the algorithm teaches them what they want to do.
So true. Right, because they see a video get like a lot of views and they go, ooh, I guess this is what I want to do.
Right. And it's like, oh no, no, you just never had an interesting thought by yourself.
You're waiting for something to stick and you want attention, right? And it people who made that movie actually had the bravery of going I'm going to potentially piss off both sides that would support this. And what you're left with is 20%.
Which is, I mean, that's why I think it's, I said to you in the beginning, that's why I think it's brave when you're willing to piss off your base. I think it's very important.
It is. But what you get is the trust.
Right. How many people are trusted? People will trust you.
Right. Even if they disagree with you, they'll be like, he's not grifting.
He's not lying. It means the world to me.
And when you meet people, there's a connection that they have with you. Yes.
And then there's other people who are just, they're like, what I would say is more grift, where you go, I know what the base wants. I'm going to echo those sentiments.
They're going to consume it because it makes them feel good. But the second that I disagree with them, they will abandon me.
I mean, Matt Taibbi has written brilliant on this. What is that? Well, he, I mean, he's a big media critic and some of it I think goes over the top, but His basic thesis he's so true was that media at some point became a group of people who the way they run their businesses first we ask how would the audience that we're servicing yep want us to interpret this story yep and then we give them that now of course a lot of them become brainwashed and they just already think that way.
Bro. But that's not what media used to do.
It's not what it's supposed to do. So it's so funny.
It's like, there was a show on Fox called Red Eye. Do you remember that show? No.
Comics would go on it and they basically just, you could just go and it was a great opportunity a young comic, and you make fun of different shit, right? And, like, I was in. What was this on? It was on Fox, Fox News, like, super late at night.
Fox News? Yeah. Greg Gutfeld hosted it before he had his show.
Not Fox, Fox News. Yeah, Fox News.
That's why I never saw it. Probably.
But there was, like, it was a cool opportunity as, like, a young comic. You're like, oh, I get comic you're like right sure and um this does connect to what you're just saying but uh i bet i remember i would go on and like i was so naive dude like i grew up in new york city like i don't fucking not like i thought that there was some whatever uh and every and i don't know i thought that there was like a little bit of uh authenticity or purity to what we doing.
I didn't know that there was like an agenda, right? So I'm just on here. So who's doing it? To the program, right? Oh, okay.
Or even to the network, right? Okay, sure. So I'm going...
So some story about like some random college in like Oregon about like, hey, we're not going to... We're going to have like a no white people on campus day or something.
But like some random... Oh, I know the story.
You remember the story. Brett Weinstein was the professor.
Right. Who got lost a job for it.
Right. Yes, they had like, I don't know what was officially called that.
Yeah. But it was basically no white people day.
Something, right. Because white people are toxic and so we can't have them.
It's absurd and ridiculous. And then like I remember us talking about it and I was like, and I said on the show, and I was like, wait, is this, like, kind of what we do?

We just take, like, the most obscure, ridiculous left-wing thing, and we just pretend that that's, like, what everybody thinks?

That's what Tucker Carlson does every night.

Yeah.

So I didn't, you got, I grew up in New York City in a fucking dance family.

My parents had a dance studio.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Like, it's as Democrat as it could possibly be, right?

So, like, I'm here, and I'm seeing this, and I'm just like, what's going on here? And then everybody kind of looked at me like I didn't know what the shtick was. Like it was like, you know, like I broke the kayfabe or whatever they call it in wrestling.
And I didn't get that like sometimes you don't even need to communicate to the people on your network what they need to do. It's like in the ethos.
you're in the building you want to get raises you want to be rewarded so you start echoing the sentiments and reward the people that are echoing it and then the other people fall in line so no one explicitly has to tell you these are our points of view you know i said almost the exact same thing recently and somebody who i mentioned and it got mad at me who talker no i'm not gonna say okay i don't want to make it a feud yeah and i'm i actually apologized i didn't want to maybe i shouldn't have brought up specific names right but i was saying almost the same thing that you're saying that like it's amazing how um we just get kind of seduced by the people around us and the people, you know, who are providing the craft services, shall we say. Now you all fall into it.
I'm eating your donuts. What am I going to be against the candidate? Come on.
That's probably a good guy. You like him, right? I didn't buy his donuts.
What am I, a schmuck? And I'm going to... Yeah, you fall in.
That's like a human thing. You just fall into it.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm curious.
It is a constant matter of vigilance not to. So that's why I so applaud the 20%.
I mean, I'm picking that number out of my ass, but it's probably close. So applaud them because it's not easy.
I mean, I do it for a living. It takes courage.
So it's okay. I'm getting paid to do it.
You're not. You're just doing it as a citizen.
That's what I... And a thinker.
I always say this. Like whenever I'm going through something or somebody's trying to like position me in some certain way, and I have empathy for them doing that, by the way.
Like they see a headline and they don't understand the context of anything and then their views about the world, they might see something like that and they'll be like, I don't agree with this type of stuff and then they put that on me and that's okay. I'm sure I've done that a times with people sure it is what it is it's a human thing right but i have i have like a great appreciation to the people that will defend me despite what the idea about me might be because they get nothing out of it besides wanting to show support to someone they care about.
Like you said, you get paid.

We're able to do comedy and podcasts and shows.

It's really awesome.

But the fan that's willing to take that on the chin,

they're at a family dinner and they're going,

yeah, I was watching Bill.

And they go, oh, you know what he said about that?

So true.

They're incredible.

Yes.

The peer pressure of of work co-workers uh you know newsrooms have become kindergartens because it's the mob mentality of the newsroom but many i'm not making this up many people have written stories about this like the newsroom yeah at the washington Post or the New York Times is such a mean girl's emporium. And if you step outside the bounds of what the group think is, I mean, we've seen this many times at the New York Times.
Barry Weiss had to leave and she started the Free Press. Yeah, she's great.
I was just talking to her. Yeah, she's great.
Yes. And Nellie Bowles, her wife, the same thing, New York Times.
And they just, Pamela Paul, who I just was on Real Time the week before and loved her columns in the New York Times, which were not unreasonable at all. They were exactly where I am.
I always agree with. They're leaning left but unafraid to call out woke on nonsense.
Yeah. And she apparently couldn't survive there.
I mean, that is a very bad place for media to be in. I think there's this tricky decision where it's like, hey, we can also criticize the administration when they do things wrong.
Like, they're in power now. When they weren't in power, I understand how you want to get them into power.
So you're like, let's turn a blind eye to things that we maybe disagree with. Now they're in control.
They are the institution. We have to criticize them.
This is part of— You won and you're in. You get the jokes.
That's it. You won, you're in, you get the jokes.
Well, we'll see if he agrees with the dinner. This is why disseminating this information and talking to the people you disagree with is really important.
Very important. Because there's a lot of people, myself included, just uneducated people who will go with the trend that kind of makes me feel good as someone who pays a lot of taxes.
Right. I'm from New York.
I'm like, yeah, I pay all this fucking taxes. What am I getting at it, right? And then I need somebody to go and have a conversation where it's like.
I can never, no story that I read anywhere do I trust fully. I have to read a second story or a third about this subject before I feel like, okay, now I got the full story.
Why didn't you first assholes tell me the full story? Because people don't want the full story. They really don't.
They want to feel good. Right.
They want to feel good. Feeling good.
And you know who knows that? These corporations, not even corporations, but these businesses that run these... And masturbators.
Oh, God, do they know it. We just want to feel good.
Are we bad people? No. Are we bad? We're not bad people.
No. I mean, you it's monkeys do it dude have you ever watched did you watch that chimp empire show on netflix no but i'm a big fan of chimps and i support their cause monetarily i support them oh really cause yes you put your money behind yes absolutely the producer one of the producers of my show um is uh has a big charity for chimps.
I met them tonight, right? No, no. My real-time show, my HBO show.
And that charity, they have a big... Chimp Foundation.
Chimp Foundation and a chimp reserve in Georgia. Oh, wow.
Where the chimps can be chimps. They can chimp it up.
You know, no tuxedos. None.
They get to let a rip out there. No tuxedos, no cigars, no riding tricycles.
You got to watch this Chimp Empire show, and it's like, you kind of watch it, and you're like, oh, this is too close to who we are. They're very close.
True. They're close.
And then there's other things that. Yes.
Like this idea of like having to like maintain the alpha right like you also see how that's disruptive in terms of creating any technology like sharing any advantageous information like there's this one dude who needs to show he's alpha and every once in a while he just fucks up everything in the neighbor he's like a like a drunk dad or whatever just comes around talking about a chimp now chimp yeah oh okay and, yeah. Oh, okay.
And he's like, I need to show everybody I'm alpha.

So he just starts fights with people, fucks shit up and does whatever.

And the problem with that is that you can't sit around and develop fire

when you're worried that this guy is going to punch you in the back of the head every second.

So everybody's just kind of like on edge, hoping this alpha won't start shit.

Doesn't that describe, I'm sorry, but doesn't that describe today's administration? Talk to me. Talk to me.
If you push back against me, if you push back against me. It just sounds exactly like what's going on now with the tariffs and everything else.
And like, he's going to take over Greenland and we're going to invade Canada. And everybody is just like, is this alpha just going to do some crazy shit? I mean, the stock market is down over 1,000 points.
I'm sure that affects you a little bit. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
You have stock. I do have stocks.
I should know more about it. But yeah.
Yeah, don't panic. It'll go back up.
That's what we hope. Yeah.
But, you know, it does. I'm sorry, but it just, when when you said that i can't help but think that's exactly what elon musk you know brilliant guy i have defended him many times more than most people have but you know i don't like that he i don't like i i i support that he took twitter and turned it into something freer, but he just turned it into something really almost as right-wing as it used to be left-wing, which would be okay too, except that he very often retweets some of the worst stuff.
Why? He had a great idea that, oh, I can go in with my doge boys and find the waste. But the way he did it was very, I'm on the spectrum.
Yeah, I think there is that. And I think he is on the spectrum.
And it's probably harder to relate emotionally to things. I am a little bit more optimistic about the intentions of the administration.
It doesn't mean it's going to work out. But I don't think that Musk is trying to get richer.
No. think he's definitely not that i've always defended him on that he does not care about money yeah i mean i've he's got all the money like yes i think he thinks that this actually will help america i've been with him at times and he did not have a house yeah he was like staying in a friend's house it doesn't matter he's he's a he will sleep on the couch yeah or sleep at the Tesla factory, as he did to get that going.
I think he brags about, we work the weekends. Let's have pizza at one in the morning and keep working and then sleep here.
He's an engineer. That's what turns him on.
And I respect that. I think it's important.
Right. But nobody

put any sort of brakes on this. And to do it this way and to take such glee in the cruelty of it,

the people who got letters that said, do something valuable with your life.

Now, you can't tell me that that's... These are the things that are antagonistic and twisting

the knife that I don't think is helpful for the discourse. Horrible.

But I will say that that's... These are the things that are antagonistic and twisting the knife that I don't think is helpful for the discourse.
Horrible. But I will say that I think if there's one thing Democrats could learn, it's the importance of the American sentiment, where it's like, Americans like abundance and we like hope.
Barack sold us on hope, and we will buy that every single time. I think that sometimes think that sometimes democrats are too like safe they don't sell me on abundance it's like trump goes we're gonna take greenland we're not even really gonna take it but he says it and then americans go all right that might be kind of cool right like so democrats what is your bill at the wall i think it is kind of cool as long as it's not by force.
Yeah, if it's consensual, it's cool. Exactly.

But if you're growing up in Greenland, you don't want to be part of America?

Greenland, we're not raping it.

We're asking.

We're asking. It's consensual.

It's a consensual thing.

What I would tell anybody,

what I would try to

explain to Democrats is, you have to give us hope and abundance. I need a slogan.
Build a wall is emblematic of something that people feel. So it could be as simple as dollar eggs.
Hey, if we get in power, we are subsidizing eggs. You will never have to worry about getting your kid eggs.
It's a dollar egg. That is a road you don't want to go down.
You do not want to go down subsidizing food staples. It's what they do in third world countries.
It's what we do in America. It's what we do with the dairy industry.
It's what we do with the rice industry. It's what we do.
Well, we do it on the corn industry. Like, of course, we've been doing it for years.
We do it further down the trail. Like, yes, on the chain.
They do, like, grain and stuff. Yeah, you're right.
But not like at the, you're talking,

it sounds to me like you're talking on the supermarket level.

No, I'm talking about on the farmer level.

And again, listen.

The chicken.

I'm talking about the chickens.

But what comes first?

You know what?

Has anyone ever really asked that question?

Now we're getting into it.

Has anyone ever really?

It's more about like how do you communicate to Americans that we want to meet you at your needs?

And how are we going to say that?

And how are we going to say certain things that are going to penetrate the discourse?

Americans don't have a fucking, like Democrats don't have a slogan that tells like a hardworking but poor American that they're going to be able to get more.

They had a slogan in the last election.

It was free tits for prisoners. Okay.
Not a great one. Bro, that crushed.
Dude, it was so funny. That one commercial.
I've been talking to the guy. I don't know if he wants to put a main name on us, but the guy who made the commercial, the Trump is for you.
She's for them. That's genius.
And they open with, you know, open with you know charlemagne you know charlemagne the god him and i do a podcast together oh i know you do yeah so like love him it was he's amazing tell him i said hi i absolutely will and every time he he references me on the show it really tickles me like you'll be like hey i gotta go home and watch bill maher oh he watches you religious oh i know and he has a lot of respect for you. I love it.
He's the GOAT. He is like, to me, he's like a- Great reach, great influence.
And also, I don't know if this is fair, but a lot of times I judge people based on where they've come from and how far they've gotten in their life. So to go from billionaire to 1.1 billion isn't as impressive as to go from trailer park park in south carolina to one of the most powerful voices and yeah is like anyway but we're talking about that like it just knowing how that kind of ended up happening is kind of funny but like how do how do democrats start communicating because say what you want about aoc's politics she communicates to the people in her district that that she wants to help them.
Bernie communicated in a way that he wanted to help people. I think AOC and Trump polled the same in her district.
What does that say? That says that those same people will cross the political lines to the people they feel are looking out for their best interests. So how do Democrats start organizing in a way? I mean, I would check that stat on Trump and AFC polling.
I just made that up, but I think it sounds good. Come on.
You know what I mean? Like, I think, hey, I think it sounds good. Hey, you don't look up that Bronx district.
I love the honesty even when it's dishonest. No, no, no.
I think there is facts there. They pulled very similarly in the area.
Well, I mean, here's what did happen. Trump did very well in the Bronx.
You're right. Yeah.
Trump did very well. That could be a true stat, like favorability rating.
But that was one of the districts that was most shocking to leftists. You're right.
And they should learn. like instead of I think the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the rating. But that was one of the districts that was most shocking to leftists.
You're right.

And they should learn. I think the knee-jerk reaction is to make the opposition radioactive.
And it's like, guys, they like the opposition. The first thing Democrats have to do is stop the bleeding on the left, on the far left.
stop people from being able to go, you know, I don't really like Trump, and he seems pretty bad with women, and that doesn't sit well with me, and the wife sure hates him. But you know what? At least he likes America.
At least he thinks women are the only ones who can have babies. You know, things like that.

Those are the things that people go, I just can't vote for those people.

They just seem crazy.

They just seem like they are not tethered to reality,

which is when you lose that contest to Donald Trump,

who's also not tethered to reality in many ways,

I mean, you're saying something.

Dude, I wonder if like, and again, I don't know too much about like the Ilhan Omar's politics or whatever.

Oh, Ilhan Omar?

Is that who you're talking about?

Ilhan, Ilhan.

Ilhan Omar.

You call her Ilhan Omar?

I call her that because that's her name.

She's the representative from Minnesota.

I think, whatever.

Maybe I'm saying it wrong.

Ilhan, I thought it was.

But I guess, I think that like.

Whatever it is, I don't like her.

So the point that I'm trying to make here is it like is she is she a representative of america or palestine is my question well here's the thing that's important it's like i think that she has the and i don't even know if she understands this as privilege but like she has an identity outside of being american like she she has this separate identity from another country that has thousands of years of history and that's's baked into who she is. Some of us.
Where you would happily live. Where I would happily live.
And it would be so great. And you know she married her brother.
And it is what it is. So you could do that.
I mean, if I had a sister, that, no. You can marry your sister.
I don't know what you could do. But the point is.
You could do anything to a woman. Okay, so let's just put that right on the table.
So the point I'm trying to make is like some of us only have America. We only have this.
So when you attack this, I'm going to defend it till the day I die. I love America more than anything in the entire world.
It's the greatest country in the human existence. It's the greatest experiment in existence and it has succeeded.
So we only have this. You have to find a way to communicate what you believe to be the shortcomings of America in a way that doesn't make us feel like you don't love it.
Totally. My mom is an immigrant.
She loves it. You cannot tell my mom that I cannot achieve anything, that she cannot achieve anything in this country.
It's one of the reasons why I think it's important to bring in immigrants because they remind us of the opportunity. And they're appreciative because they know what it's like in these other countries.
And we don't, we don't. Right, well, I do, you don't, because you would live in Kabul.
You haven't traveled because of your UTIs. You don't even leave the country.
I don't have to, first of all, I have traveled. And second of all, you don't have to travel to understand what's going on in other countries.

Have you lived outside the country?

No, but I read.

I can read about what's there.

This is this Ivy League shit that's so annoying to Americans.

Oh, reading.

Yeah.

Yes, stop reading so much.

It's gay.

Oh.

Now I see you're just fucking moving when you say these things.

Okay.

But in terms of living outside, like I've lived outside the country.

And it's important.

I haven't lived in the Middle East, but living in Spain, there are little things that you will appreciate that we have here that even in a major city in Spain that they didn't have. An AC unit.
Exactly. Like a little thing we take for granted.
Totally. That we don't realize how amazing we have it here.
Yeah. And that's just the physical part of it.
Yes, The technological part of it, the toilets always work, that kind of stuff. But it's also, we do have free speech that they don't even have in Europe.
I mean, in Europe, you and I both would get a knock on the door from the police in some countries, Germany. I mean, 60 Minutes just did a story on this.
You would definitely get a knock on the door in Germany.

Eye-opening.

Because if you say something.

I'm making.

No, if you say something like, really, I feel like mildly insulting about a political leader.

They can knock on your door and take away your.

It's crazy.

They don't have the same tradition of free speech as we have here. Pretty awesome.
They don't have a First Amendment. Yeah.
It is pretty awesome. And we take it for granted.
We do. So it's the physical part.
It's that part. It's also this part.
We have this idea, as with all our problems and all our shittiness, people have the idea here that tomorrow can always be different. You can always reinvent yourself.
You can start something new. There's not other countries, including the Western European democracies, which are great countries.
But, you know, in France, you take the baccalaureate when you're 16, you kind of, your life is kind of there decided at 16. Oh, really? Yes, you're either going to go on to be a tradesman or a professional of some sort.
They're much more structured and strictured than we are. Yeah.
And this country is kind of like, okay, well, tomorrow I will be an influencer who eats my asshole, you know, and you can make that work. I don't admire that you can, but people make shit work and don't have this idea that there's any cutting down of the tallest trees.
Like, everything is open, and there is a greatness in that. This is something that, like, you cannot underestimate.
When Americans lose, like, every American thinks they're going to be a millionaire. The day they're born, they're like, I'm going to be a millionaire one day.
And we run on that. That is the energy that we run on.
And the second Americans start to feel like that's not an opportunity for them, shit gets dark fast. You need to do whatever you can to reinforce this idea that it's really immigrant mentality, even though the people are born here.
Totally. Absolutely.
You can make it. You can.
And that's what makes, I mean, that was at the forefront of everything. The reason why it resonates in people's minds is because it does happen.
It happens. You see retards become millionaires.
Like actual people who are retarded can become millionaires. Dude, you know what I realized is like, a lot of times I think the perception of comedians is that like we say something and if you're offended by it, we're angry.
And it's like, you can react however you want to react to things. Like I don't police your reaction.
If you're offended, that's okay. Sure.
But if I was talking to you and you're like, hey, that makes me feel uncomfortable, that word. I just won't say it around you.
Right. I don't care.
But that doesn't mean I won't continue to make a joke that might have it in it or say something with other people. But on a one-on-one level, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
Do you look through your social media and see what people are mad at you about? Yeah, I think I check. I also think it's important to get a litmus test.
If I'm writing something, if I'm writing my hour, I block out everything because I don't want to create for my haters. I feel like a lot of people fall in that trap of like, how can I appease the people that don't like me? I want to make something that I really believe in and I think is honest and authentic to me.
And then after releasing it, I think it's important to understand like how you're taken in the marketplace. Oh, do people think I'm this? There are people who think I'm like this right-wing MAGA lunatic because I had Trump on the podcast.
I think that. No, I'm kidding.
But what a great segue to plug your special. No, no, I don't want to do that.
No, no, I do want to.

Okay, okay, okay.

But, you know, you just said I spend my hour writing.

I'm interested in that.

You purposely write the special.

It's not like the stuff you gather over.

No, I gather that, like, this one was different.

Like, this one is basically.

And it's called.

It's called Life.

And it's on Netflix.

It's on Netflix.

And it's on now.

It's on now, yeah. And it's basically about me trying to It's on Netflix.
And it's on now. It's on now, yeah.

And it's basically about me trying to get my wife pregnant.

And I found out my sperm sucks.

Science knows how to do that now.

Well, we had to use science.

That's the story.

Is that right?

Yeah, so it's about-

What did you have to do?

Turkey baster?

I had to do-

No, we tried turkey baster.

Are you serious?

That didn't work.

No.

Don't use one that you used with the turkey.

See, that's what the problem was.

Expert.

Yeah, I used that, and my wife gave jerks. Jirrits came out.
So, but yeah, so it was just the story of us having to do it. Like, usually the woman is the one that's obviously concerned about her eggs and these things, but with me.
Goddammit, I was going to do that bit. Yeah, right.
You would never have kids. About hours trying to get a girl pregnant.

You're out there trying to fucking boycott.

But you did finally get it done.

We got done.

What was the problem?

My sperm doesn't swim and it's shape weird.

Yeah, it always comes down to something silly like that.

Yeah.

And I don't feel that that in any way affects your masculinity.

I don't think that at all.

I think you're just as masculine as the next guy

if the next guy is Richard Simmons.

Anyway.

Dude, you want to know what's crazy?

Like emotional reaction?

When, obviously, I had like whatever interactions

with the doctor about, but like there was this like

week or two afterwards where I thought that like primally

my wife would no longer be attracted to me. Like there would be this like instinctual thing that would happen there is absolutely you may not think it but it's absolutely true it's called the ick oh I don't believe in nick I don't believe in you you may not believe in the ick but it believes in you no no I don't believe in it I'll tell you why I don't believe in it.
I think there's so much societal pressure on women to be married that they would rather be with a person that they don't like than alone. I think women are terrified of being alone.
Certainly that describes the world of yesteryear. I think women today, I think you're describing something that is a little in the past.
No, no. Not that there aren't many women like that still.
There are. But I think way less than there was 25 years ago.
Let's say maybe there is. But let's say hypothetically some of them are still locked into these institutions.
Correct. Obviously, like you grew up religious, right? Not you, but like someone.
Catholic, yes. Yeah, some women grew up religious, right? That have like, they have strong family values in the religion.
Yes. Catholics, Jews, Christians.
And there's this huge pressure to like get married married and start a family. Sure.
And I think that that pressure that women have, men don't have it. Our biggest fear is being with someone we hate.
Clearly, you have it. Right? Motherfucker.
Clearly. This guy got a whole bunker built.
I feel like I've walked the walk. If you can see this whole room, it says single.

There's a stripper pole behind me.

Well, my tax form says single.

You know, I'm not trying to hide it, man. So, like, I think what happens is these girls end up in relationships with these dudes that they actually don't like.

And then when you don't like someone and you are with them, everything about them disgusts you. It's because you know you settled.
And that's a horrible thing to live with. And that's the ick.
That's the ick, yes. So what I'm trying to say is it's women's fault.
No, it's very true. I mean, you said that there's societal pressure and religious pressure, family pressure.
There's also biological pressure. Yeah.
It is just part of a lot of women's dna i'm i should mate and and take care of a man and be a nurturer and have children and nurture them and that nothing wrong with that no it's beautiful and you can do that and still be a brilliant person yeah yeah but do it with someone that you like so you don't have to sit but if you do but you know but you know people it's like a game musical chairs. At a certain point, you fear the music is going to stop, and you're the one without the chair.
So you're going to go for a chair. And then that's the problem.
You're married to a chair. That's not a fun existence.
It really isn't. It's not a fun existence.
It's not a fun existence. So you've got to hope you get it right.
And the older you get, I think the harder it is. Like, if you're trying to meet somebody at 40, right, and you're meeting another person around that age, like, you both have built these lives that are completely separate.
Like, the odds of you being able to connect to that person and all your little idiosyncrasies matching up, that's one in a million. Well, I did it at 63, but that's all I'm going to say about that.
So far. So far.
I loved meeting you. Yeah, I love meeting you too, man.
Thank you so much. I'm so flattered that you came out here to do this because I know you're busy and I know your career is on a fucking skyrocket.
Oh, thank you, man. So the fact that you would come here and do this with me in my crib, I really appreciate it.
Anytime, man. This was so much fun.
A real honor. Thank you.
Dude, that was fun. Yeah.
I really appreciate it. That was really fun.
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