Charlie Sheen | Club Random with Bill Maher

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Speaker 1 What was the fine? It had to be 50 grand, right? Yeah, but with my salary,

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 1 Bus change. Bus change, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, first of all. That's a slasher movie? I mean, the guy had a knife and he was fucking slashing people.
Isn't that

Speaker 1 fit the criteria? Isn't that

Speaker 1 random?

Speaker 1 Charlie on? I'm here.

Speaker 1 Hey, pal. How are we doing? Boy, I don't see you for 15 years.
No, I see you twice in three weeks. Amazing.
Amazing. Yeah.
God, you look great. Likewise.
Likewise. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I know, but I didn't do what you did. This is true.
This is true. That's why it's so much more amazing with you.

Speaker 1 And like I said to you on the show, Abby, it's like the resilience of the human body is...

Speaker 1 I said this to Matthew Perry. It's a horrible memory, but it's so true.

Speaker 1 It's easy to die. It's also really hard.

Speaker 1 You have to really try. Yeah, you're right.
And you tried as hard as you can. And look at your skin.

Speaker 1 Really, you should look so much worse. Wow.
Don't you think?

Speaker 1 Yes, most likely. The way the body comes back.

Speaker 1 It's a miracle, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is an amazing organism, which is why I always, you know, if I can, we'll do something naturally. I'm not like anti-vax.
People say that.

Speaker 1 It's just like, if I can handle it with my immune system, I'd like to try that first. Sure.
Yeah. And then if I can't,

Speaker 1 I'll fucking put an ice cube up my ass

Speaker 1 like you do. When in doubt, that's your go-to, right?

Speaker 1 Would you like one tonight, Charlie? You know, not yet. Not yet.
Let's see where this winds up, you know?

Speaker 1 You need to know. It's just right there.
Yeah. You don't hate me that I'm going to have a snort.
Oh, gosh, no. I know.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that so much because some people, when they quit, they're pussies at assholes and they're like,

Speaker 1 and you can't either. I can't even be around it.
But how is that realistic? Like,

Speaker 1 how is that like, you know, getting sober or just putting down the bottle

Speaker 1 to live in the real world?

Speaker 1 What? I'm saying, like,

Speaker 1 the reason I can't choose not to do it anymore is because of where it takes me, right? Right. But I also knew that.

Speaker 1 when I quit and quit for good, that I was not going to be the guy that went around doing that exact shit. You know who I'm talking about, though.
It's very common. Oh, yeah.
And

Speaker 1 look, everyone's got their thing to deal with. I shouldn't be so harsh and judge it that way.
But it just, it's annoying. It's like, you know, I have problems too.

Speaker 1 You know, like, I need to masturbate a couple of times a day.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say, well, while we're talking, you know, if it's going to go on for a couple hours, I'm going to have to rub one out

Speaker 1 at some point. And you just have to understand that.
Of course. That's my emotional support activity.
That's fine. That's fine.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, but it, and it's even,

Speaker 1 there's certain people where even when they say, no, man, do whatever you want. I mean, there's no judgment, everything's fine.
You can still feel it. You can still see it in their eyes.

Speaker 1 They're still over there going,

Speaker 1 you know, like, like, just kind of. Right.
They're just saying that because that's. the line that they were given in the script of wokeness

Speaker 1 or whatever phase of that they're on. By the way, I had your

Speaker 1 erstwhile partner here,

Speaker 1 John.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yes.

Speaker 1 I saw that episode. Yeah, it was interesting.
It kind of took a turn, didn't it?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, is that a polite way to describe it?

Speaker 1 Look,

Speaker 1 I have a TV show. I did this because I wanted something different, and it is different.
Sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 The TV show I work on all week, and I work hard, and I make it, it's a different kind of animal, and I try to make it as perfect as I can. This, I just show up.
I barely know who's here.

Speaker 1 I'm totally wasted. You know, it goes where it goes.
Sure. It flows like the river, okay? Right, right.

Speaker 1 And to me,

Speaker 1 that's a great other way to do a show. And I mean, yes, we got along like drunk and disorderly.

Speaker 1 We did not

Speaker 1 meet, you know, perfectly. And I probably should have been, I don't know, more gentle, but he's very woke.
But I thought, you know, it always ends friendly. I hope he likes me.
I like him.

Speaker 1 You really do.

Speaker 1 I do too. I mean, I haven't seen him in years.
You should.

Speaker 1 But the memories I have of what we, you know, the time we shared together and the things we created together are fabulous.

Speaker 1 Have you two went on the road, like with the show, like Sunshine Boys or Odd Couple? I mean, wow. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's interesting. For the odd couple.
Yeah, he is. Because he's Felix.
Yeah. And you're Slavo.
Sure. Yeah.
Or do we flip those roles? Nah, Nah, that would be a force fit. Yeah, that would be

Speaker 1 a disaster. Let's file that under worst ideas ever.

Speaker 1 No, no, I had the worst idea ever years ago. What was that? With the torpedo tour.
So

Speaker 1 that box has already been checked. But second worst idea.

Speaker 1 Yes and no. I mean,

Speaker 1 no, only because I said it because, like, you were at the time a legitimate folk hero and yes, it went off the rails and you did it to, you know,

Speaker 1 once you had that status, I felt like you could have, the line opened up and you should have ran for a nice 25-yard gain, but you fucked it up after, but you did open a line there in the football analogy.

Speaker 1 It's hard to be a folk hero. That's what you were at that moment.

Speaker 1 Like people were like, this guy, maybe he's nuts, but boy, I am so connected to someone who is giving the finger to the establishment, who's like, just even if it was vague or weird or driven by ego, it didn't matter.

Speaker 1 It just, the feeling of it was electric. It was,

Speaker 1 and it was also

Speaker 1 cathartic

Speaker 1 to people who, you know, that, that that was a big appeal of it. Yeah, I think, I think it was that reaction to it that, that, that, that really fueled it in a way that I wasn't anticipating.
I mean,

Speaker 1 that thing could have gone on for a couple days and petered out. And, you know,

Speaker 1 thanks for tuning in but it it it kind of took on a life of its own no i'm telling you there is a separate category called folk heroes and like like like who were some of them like wild bill hitcock or you know them sure people like that people like i should be able to think of some off the top of my head but i can't but i know what i'm talking about sort of that the kind of person sometimes they're bonnie and clyde maybe okay bonnie and clyde were folk heroes that's absolutely true even though they were criminals

Speaker 1 the people in the depression were being fucked by the banks. Right.
And they were fucking the banks. Interesting.
So they

Speaker 1 the enemy of my enemy.

Speaker 1 Right. Could Lenny Bruce have been a folk hero during like all the censorship when he got arrested and that whole

Speaker 1 or did it not last long enough? Did it have legs? I think he was a folk hero, but not really because he appealed more to the intelligentsia. Interesting.
And the folk hero was more of the masses.

Speaker 1 Got it. You know.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But there's a trip that you say that because there's a thing I talk about in the book where, you know, the world I woke up into wasn't the one I said goodnight to six hours earlier. And I woke up into

Speaker 1 folk ballads and rap songs and people on the march, you know, and it was like this whole thing. I didn't really get a vote or get to influence or or

Speaker 1 dictate any part of that.

Speaker 1 It was just happening, you know? And

Speaker 1 it was a lot of energy to absorb and

Speaker 1 a pretty crazy wave to just try to

Speaker 1 navigate.

Speaker 1 You and Sean Penn have something in common. I know you were friends with him.
It's in the middle of the day. Yeah, I love Sean.

Speaker 1 You both have a very poetic way.

Speaker 1 I have letters from years ago that Sean, little notes, you know, we saw something he liked on the show or something. Before we were like really good friends.
Right.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I was like, wow, this guy, what a writer. And then he wrote a couple of interesting books, you know.

Speaker 1 And you really have a turn of the phrase. I mean, even before I read the book, I would see it when you would just talk.
Thank you. You know, it was,

Speaker 1 yeah, where does that come from? Your father?

Speaker 1 Probably, yeah, it probably started there. Yeah, it was a very, it was a very creative household to grow up in, you know.

Speaker 1 And then the other one, my second home was the Penn's home. Oh, really? And that's where, yeah, that's, you know, that's where a lot of it took place.

Speaker 1 A lot of the influences, you know, a lot of the colors.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 when I was a kid, we went to the Jersey Shore for like two weeks in the summer. That was like our vacation.
Okay. My father,

Speaker 1 El Chipo, bought a house. After there was a storm on the Jersey shore.

Speaker 1 The property? A hurricane.

Speaker 1 The value went down and he swooped up. It was literally declared a disaster.

Speaker 1 So he bought a complete two story, not fancy, but for $18,000. Okay.
All right. $18,000 in 1964.
It's amazing. It's a year before I was born.
Wow. Right.
Damn.

Speaker 1 And I wish I hadn't been born then because we had to clean it. You know, like we would rent it out for the summer.

Speaker 1 It was a moneymaker. But when we would take two weeks of a run.
So we went to the Jersey Shore. So I have great memories of, you know, life by the sea.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 But to live, like, you had life by the sea always when you were in Malibu.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to an extent.

Speaker 1 We're, you know, we're on a promontory called Point Doom. I'm sure you're familiar with the area.
And it's elevated above,

Speaker 1 you know, the beaches that Malibu is known for, like Zuma. But you didn't go into the water every day.
I didn't, no. Did he? No.
I know he's a beach surfer. Yeah, he was a surfer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But his brother was and wasn't. His brother Chris, who I adored, was my best friend growing up.
Oh, is that right? Yeah, sadly past it, like, Jesus. I know.
40. Yeah.
What was that from?

Speaker 1 I think enlarged heart that went

Speaker 1 undiagnosed or

Speaker 1 unobserved.

Speaker 1 That's why there's no God. You're here and you're fine and your skin looks great.
Thank you. And this poor bastard did nothing.
I know, I know. He just doesn't wake up one day.

Speaker 1 Well, he did have a, you know, he did have a run

Speaker 1 with the blow and the booze and like that. But it didn't affect him.
I mean, it's affected him in a way it didn't you. Yeah.
You know? It's just some of us just have a constitution.

Speaker 1 I think they're finding this gene, like they're calling it the longevity gene. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I think it's a lot in Ashkenazi Jews. Oh.

Speaker 1 You say it like. That rules me out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Father, I got to say,

Speaker 1 I've always been such a big fan.

Speaker 1 Has he ever been, have you guys ever done anything together?

Speaker 1 Have you guys wound up at a rally together or

Speaker 1 have you guys carried a picket sign together?

Speaker 1 For what? I don't know. Just some

Speaker 1 I don't go to rallies. Yeah, I mean either.

Speaker 1 I don't like either.

Speaker 1 I'm not dissing the people who do go, and rallies have done some great things. Right.
And some of it is just performative and bullshit. And I'm not good.
I tried the pussy hat on, Charlie.

Speaker 1 It just looked ridiculous. I'm not good in pink.
It's just not my color.

Speaker 1 But, you know, a cause, it's always good to have a,

Speaker 1 that's what you do.

Speaker 1 Do you have a, like a, like, so, you know, Jerry Lewis had the muscular dystrophy.

Speaker 1 I currently do not. Oh, see, this is what we need.
So this is the. Is there one you're aligned with that I can just kind of draft in mind? Are you kidding? I've got several of these.
Do you?

Speaker 1 Okay, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 But like, this is like the step, I feel, the final step of your rehabilitation. Wow, to align myself with a cause, yeah.
There's one that's dear to my heart. I think we could bring you in on

Speaker 1 hot tubs without borders. Just think about it.

Speaker 1 Borders. It's on brand.
It's got a great ring.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 What is the border part of a hot tub? You know, we don't ask questions.

Speaker 1 Is it where they're able to be imported? Is it where they're able?

Speaker 1 Here's the real one. This is

Speaker 1 sex changes

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 emotional support animals. Okay, all right.
I mean, I can get behind that. You know,

Speaker 1 what support does the emotional support animal get? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really good thing.
You know, like who drills the dentist cavities? Right, right.

Speaker 1 And then the animals can't really complain about what went wrong or what's going right, you know? So, yeah. Yeah.
So,

Speaker 1 you know, causes. I mean, but see, that's the thing.
John, as we were talking, got back to that. Sure.
John, you know, he's.

Speaker 1 Can I crack one of these?

Speaker 1 Of course. That's your beer.
That is my beer. Which is my beer.
Do you want to taste it or you don't drink beer? I don't drink beer, but I would love to taste it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I think it's pretty good. I think we came up with a pretty good one.
Sorry for the shameless plug in the middle of it. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 We're here to do shameless plugs.

Speaker 1 In fact, here's two. Watch me fucking nail this.

Speaker 1 Watch this. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 That's easily the best beer I've ever tasted. I love it.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Actually, it is. Okay, good.
It's so much more mild without the liquor.

Speaker 1 I never liked beer because it was too heavy. Interesting.
This doesn't feel heavy. Beer can be like a meal, right?

Speaker 1 I hated it. Always did.
And the people who drank it. Well, for me,

Speaker 1 it's interesting because there's this whole movement towards mock tail, you know. Thank you for the lovely review, by the way.
Oh, no, it actually is very good. That's so nice to hear.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And the mocktails don't taste anything like the booze they're trying to impersonate, right? Or emulate or something.

Speaker 1 And but the beer, the thing about the beer that's great is it's still beer, just with the booze extracted, you know? Yeah, I guess you have to like that particular

Speaker 1 sensation on your palate, on your tongue. I mean,

Speaker 1 I didn't never kind of did, but for people, look,

Speaker 1 if you want beer

Speaker 1 without the shitty taste

Speaker 1 that doesn't give you a big belly and doesn't get you arrested and stuff, this is the one. Wild, A? Wild as fuck.

Speaker 1 No, it's actually, I could actually drink one of these, and I've never said that about a beer. That's amazing.
And I really don't want,

Speaker 1 you know, with a lot of calories in there.

Speaker 1 This one is not

Speaker 1 70? That's

Speaker 1 pretty, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's more than that in what I'm drinking. Now, what was the tincture that was added?

Speaker 1 Was that something homeopathic or was that something like super groovy and cool? I mean, it looked really, because you did it so casually, just like

Speaker 1 I'm going to add this and then

Speaker 1 Jing. I drink it.
Jing. Jing is a way to add this little tincture to sparkling water, and you have diet soda without any chemicals.
Oh.

Speaker 1 So, you know, health, not that I am. Okay.
Are you sponsored by Jing?

Speaker 1 I'm just curious.

Speaker 1 Jing should blow me and send my kids to college, is what they should do. Sponsored.
I don't even have kids, but

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, every week people ask me, but also I like them. They're great people.
They're sincere and also, I think, talented and knowledgeable about.

Speaker 1 And I'm always looking for things. Look, I'm 70.
You have to. Really? Yeah.
Wow. You have to.
Whatever you're doing, don't stop. I'm doing jing.
Okay. Yeah.
Don't stop. I'm doing jing.

Speaker 1 don't stop anything you're doing. I feel bad.
Seriously, I mean,

Speaker 1 who has the right to say otherwise?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Every week I can't.
Charlie, you did a Vietnam movie. How the fuck did they burn down half of that country with these shitty lighters?

Speaker 1 Every week I bring it, and now it's just locked up. Now it's really mad at me.

Speaker 1 I wound up in rehab one year with the heir, this kid named George, to the Zippo throne. That's the whole story.
I I don't know where it goes. And I felt bad because he couldn't really even use

Speaker 1 the products properly.

Speaker 1 And he was the guy who was going to step in and run that empire, the Zippo empire. I wonder how George is doing these days.
They seem so reliable for everybody else. I'm like, what am I doing wrong?

Speaker 1 Can I take a look? Yeah, but now it's like,

Speaker 1 it got locked. Now it's just like, no, that never happened.
Oh, your flint. I mean,

Speaker 1 you put the flint in the back.

Speaker 1 You put the

Speaker 1 fluid, yeah. I mean, that's it.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 when's the last time you changed the flint?

Speaker 1 This one is obviously dead. I'm not going to send this to the flint repair shop.

Speaker 1 Let's call it George. But it wasn't.

Speaker 1 You figured it out by now.

Speaker 1 Did you used to have like a...

Speaker 1 a bowl in your house where you put like cocktail napkins with numbers?

Speaker 1 From girls? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hope from girls. I mean, we know what happened later, but I'm assuming girls.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that took time to get there.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 did I have a bowl?

Speaker 1 Like, no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 My thing was,

Speaker 1 it was a trip. I would sometimes collect, like out in, like a night out on the town, so many business cards, but then, you know,

Speaker 1 wind up so completely hammered, you know, ultimately make it home most of the time.

Speaker 1 And then I could sort of travel back through the night by going through the cards and just trying to remember where this person was and then what they do for a living, why I was speaking with them.

Speaker 1 And occasionally there were women's numbers on those cards. So it wasn't just as lame as that story was feeling like it was heading, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There are kids who are listening to this and going, what the fuck is a business card?

Speaker 1 I think a business card is still awesome. It's pretty cool.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had one made one year with just my name on it. And so I'd hand it to people and sort of get on the move.
It's very cool. And they'd be like, hey, and they think they had all my info, right?

Speaker 1 And all they have is Charlie Sheen, and it just said actor.

Speaker 1 It's pretty flexible. It's a real, you know, it's a flex.
It's kind of a dicky move, though. And it is a little dickish, a little bit.
It's a flex. Okay.
But it's one you earned. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And they were black and had a nice gold thing around it, you know? So

Speaker 1 I thought it through. I thought it through.

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Was your quest for fire achieved? Did you quest for fire?

Speaker 1 Did you solve it? I don't want you sitting here smokeless, man. No, no, no.
That's why we have the bits.

Speaker 1 They look like shit and they always work. Oh, gosh, they're reliable.

Speaker 1 Just like Gen Z. No, I can't.
Hey, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 What do you say? Is that like a Cigarillio or is that a

Speaker 1 pot? We were right here on my property. Awesome.
I say we like I'm out there with a hoe.

Speaker 1 What's your name? I'm in there with a hoe.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 right on my land. Wow, and you have to get like a permit for that? Or you just wave? It just wave to the drone and it flies over?

Speaker 1 How does that work? Well, it's just one plant, but, you know, is it a robust plant? And is it healthy? I think it's very good. Wow, did you name it?

Speaker 1 Because I have a plant and named it. Yeah.
It's just a little house plant. It's not a weed plant.

Speaker 1 I named it Doobie. Okay.
That's good. Yeah.
Mine is Otis. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Well, it's legal.

Speaker 1 It's 2025. Right, right, right.
Right. Right.
Okay. Good to know.

Speaker 1 We're in California. But if you plant a certain amount, then you got to get some kind of permission or something.
You got to talk to somebody. down at City Hall.
No, nothing like that.

Speaker 1 Just fucking grow away.

Speaker 1 Just dump seeds

Speaker 1 all over the lawn and let it happen.

Speaker 1 Is that how it goes?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I'm not, I probably should have thought these things through. I mean, I'm just curious.
No, I'm just curious. Now, are you,

Speaker 1 do you have a green thumb or do you have a horticulturist sort of vibe about these things or not even close? No.

Speaker 1 No, no. I'm a rich landowner.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. Juan Valdez, he looks at the beans individually.
He cares so deeply about them.

Speaker 1 No, I'm inside doing inside things and making business cards.

Speaker 1 You know, I used to, I have the same thing. People would give me business cards, you know, and sometimes

Speaker 1 I was drunk also, not like you, but I'd had quite a time when, I mean, Hollywood remembers, I was quite the terror there in the 90s.

Speaker 1 and made a lot of people who didn't, you know, I'm going to say enemies, but I didn't do myself any favors with the press. Got it.
You know,

Speaker 1 you know, that era when, as they say, you'd go to the opening of an envelope

Speaker 1 because you're new as being a star and it's like, oh, they're inviting me to this premiere and then you're sloshed with some bimbo.

Speaker 1 It's just a bad look. But, you know,

Speaker 1 you use these events to have dates, you know, to impress a date. Right.

Speaker 1 And then it was just bad. But I remember people giving me business cards.
And sometimes when I was in asshole mode, right as I was talking, I would go, oh, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 I'd start cleaning my teeth.

Speaker 1 Well, it is the perfect tool for that, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Talk about a dick move. Yeah, but, well,

Speaker 1 I may steal that.

Speaker 1 Don't. No, don't.
No, don't.

Speaker 1 This poor guy.

Speaker 1 But Cato could get away with that. Cato.
Because he would do it in a way that it was part of the thing. But he never would do that.
Right. Because he's a sweet guy.
Isn't he lovely? Yeah.

Speaker 1 A sweet guy guy from the Midwest. I know.
I need to reconnect with him.

Speaker 1 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 We were asshole buddies for a long time. I know.
I know.

Speaker 1 We spent a lot of time. He was my conduit to get to you after I saw your movie, and I was like, I need to sit with this man.
That's right. That is how we got connected.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 find me, Bill Maher.

Speaker 1 Bring him to me. And we met at the Pomo Lamp.
Yes. It was a lovely night.

Speaker 1 It was a totally lovely night.

Speaker 1 I didn't remember all that, but I probably, maybe I never knew all that. But yeah, oh, no.
Anyway, I sidetracked you. Sorry.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Sidetrack in this place with this shit.

Speaker 1 There's no tracking.

Speaker 1 We'd have to go the breadcrumbs back to, you know, we were talking about, I don't know, your father and John. We were at a protest.
We were at a protest with John Cryer.

Speaker 1 Well, let's talk about your father then, because I just loved your father.

Speaker 1 I mean, from the get, right? Right. From

Speaker 1 something he did, like a TV movie that was even before he was a movie star that I saw. Like California Kid or something like that.
Super cool or Pretty Boy Floyd. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 no, it was like a, you remember the movie of the week? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.
Those were events.

Speaker 1 Sometimes. I mean, sometimes they were like, there were the way in that era that they addressed issues.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 You know, that was you, not just a regular TV show, except we're all in the family, kind of changed that, but other people didn't really dare.

Speaker 1 Norman Lear had that kind of to himself. But if you wanted to address an issue, like I remember David Jansen as he was the Nightstalker, right?

Speaker 1 What? Wasn't there a show? Wasn't he? David Janssen was the fugitive. The fugitive, okay.
There was another show.

Speaker 1 Harrison Ford did the movie, but that's the fugitive is a great show.

Speaker 1 But he did a

Speaker 1 grabbing voice. Yeah.
And he and Angie Dickinson. Of course.
Yeah. She was a mainstay in that lane, wasn't she? She was a mainstay of my masturbation.
I mean, why not? I mean,

Speaker 1 right? I mean, that's the tip of the spear at the time, you know?

Speaker 1 No pun intended. See, the things that fall out, you can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, see. Yeah, you can't plant them.

Speaker 1 You don't need to be drunk to have fun. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 I appreciate it. Isn't it true, though?

Speaker 1 You think you need that crutch? Yeah, and you know,

Speaker 1 people who get drunk and high.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do with them, Charlie. You know,

Speaker 1 it's fine.

Speaker 1 The thing, the only thing that

Speaker 1 I think it's rooted in fantasy, the only thing I miss about drinking is the first hour. The first hour is the best hour in the known universe.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like Folgers for you. Remember the Folgers commercial? The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Yeah, of course. You would say vodka.
Yeah. Not Folgers.
No, no.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's just that it was that first hour when just everything just made perfect sense. And then didn't for those next couple hundred hours.

Speaker 1 We talked about this in real time, that the real

Speaker 1 evil of drugs is that they don't work as well over time, both in the day and long run. Yeah, you're right.
And your thing was, and it was a great insight, that

Speaker 1 when you were shitty to people, you weren't mad at them. You were mad at the drug for not working as it was earlier in the day, earlier in the week, month, and year.
Sure.

Speaker 1 And I know that same feeling. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a resentment like no other. Come on.
Yeah. Come on.
Yeah. You find a way.

Speaker 1 Not that we did heroin. Right.
We didn't. I didn't.
No, I didn't either.

Speaker 1 I think that's the reason I'm still sitting here. Right.
Because that's a drug I just drew just an embargo

Speaker 1 since I was a child. When I was like, I don't know, 11, 12 years old without even really even probably saw it in a movie and decided that's something I need to avoid this entire lifetime.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 I think it's something middle-class kids tend to do. There's just something about heroin.
It was marijuana was that way for my parents' generation.

Speaker 1 Like my mother at the end, when she was a widow the last 15 years, pot would have been so great for her. It would have solved all her problems.
Interesting. She didn't laugh enough.

Speaker 1 She was underweight.

Speaker 1 You know, she could have used a whole bunch of new friends.

Speaker 1 It would have solved all her problems. And I couldn't get her to smoke pot.
Wow, even just once. No, because World War II generation, it was just like, and I think for us, that was heroin.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like,

Speaker 1 it's just not what us middle-class kids do. You know,

Speaker 1 we're bad and we'll be bad and we'll think we're bad,

Speaker 1 but we just don't go there.

Speaker 1 It was such an other side of the tracks vibe to it, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Or just back alleys.

Speaker 1 But, you know, you can obviously, I mean, drinking. I mean, so you were drinking.
Oh, that reminds me. I was talking about David Jansen.
Right, right, I'm sorry. Issues.

Speaker 1 No, I want to get back to your liquor.

Speaker 1 David Jansen and Angie Dickinson, who I once had dinner with at Sue Menger's house and was so awesome. awesome.

Speaker 1 And everybody tried to get her to drop a dime on JFK because we kind of know that she fucked him. They were on Oceans 11 together.

Speaker 1 And she would, all these years later, and she would not do it. Wouldn't give it up.
Would not. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And would she deny it in a way where you could, was there a gleam? It was just so,

Speaker 1 it was classy. I don't know.
This was like 15 years ago.

Speaker 1 And we've sort of corresponded a little since. She's such a great lady, but it was just like, to me, so regal and so

Speaker 1 such integrity that all these years later, and this is like Sue Mengers, you know who I mean, the super agent Bette Midler did the show about it.

Speaker 1 She'd have these dinner parties, amazing people, always like some of the A-list, old guard, Hollywood, on the new list, A-listers.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you know, Angie

Speaker 1 was there one night and, you know, very high-level, gossipy people who you'd think you'd want to impress.

Speaker 1 And she was like,

Speaker 1 Uh-uh, you're not getting that out of me. Whatever me and JFK did is dying, going to the grave with me.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That was the vibe, or those are the actual words. No, no, no.
Where she was like, oh,

Speaker 1 we're not talking about the words. That's the vibe.
I don't know what she did. She was much classier about it.
Anyway, she and David Jansen did this movie of the week. And the issue.

Speaker 1 I think it was called something like a sensitive, passionate man.

Speaker 1 Something like that.

Speaker 1 As awful as that is, I think that was

Speaker 1 1975 or six.

Speaker 1 And he was a drunk. It was about being a drunk.

Speaker 1 And she's the wife. And he's got the house in the suburbs.
You know, and there's a scene where he comes home like it had

Speaker 1 a scene where he first of all is putting the vodka in the orange juice at the breakfast table in the morning. Right.
The kids don't know. And then passing out on the front lawn.

Speaker 1 I remember that scene and Angie coming. So they delivered like the clunky version of it, like the real, like there's just not the

Speaker 1 I was probably a teenager. I was impressed.
Yeah, sure. You know, it was like new to have like, wow, you know, this is serious shit.
I mean, this guy's a drunk. I mean, they did it in the movies.

Speaker 1 Days of Wine and Roses is a great

Speaker 1 movie about drunks. And Lost Weekend was 1945.
Wow. Ray Miland.
He's got the liquor in the chandelier.

Speaker 1 Did you ever see Days of One and Roses?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. It's all

Speaker 1 no, but I'm familiar with it.

Speaker 1 It's Jack Lemon. Yeah, I knew it was Jack Lemon.
And Lee Remick, who I think also fucked JFK.

Speaker 1 But she blabbed about it. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 No, but I think he fucked her, too.

Speaker 1 Any blonde actress, I think, in the day was... you know, just fair game for the Kennedys.
Right, yeah.

Speaker 1 But Days of One and Roses is a,

Speaker 1 I mean, you don't need it anymore, but you know, the famous scene is he and Leah, they're drunks, married couple, and they're loving it.

Speaker 1 But, you know, then they have to like, they lose everything and they have to go live with the parents because they've lost everything. Got it, okay.
And, but now they're sober.

Speaker 1 So, you know, it's like stay on the Sturt and Narrow.

Speaker 1 And they live with the parents, and the father has a greenhouse that he,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 is pride and joy, greenhouse with all his plants and stuff.

Speaker 1 And so they're doing fine, they're not drinking, and

Speaker 1 Jack Lemon hides a, at one point, a flask in the,

Speaker 1 I guess when he was just there and he was just getting, okay,

Speaker 1 and he hides it somewhere in one of the plants in the greenhouse. And they're doing fine and doing fine and doing fine.

Speaker 1 And one night they have one drink and then they want another and another and he want he want and he goes into the greenhouse to find that flask and he can't find it. He can't remember where he put it.

Speaker 1 And it's

Speaker 1 just destroyed. Wow.
Every planet. You need to watch this.
It's just because that flask for me is other things.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like crack? Like crack or like a bag of something or your bag, you know, pills, whatever.

Speaker 1 And something very small in a very large house with 10,000 places it could be is like a bad combination for for a guy who's who needs to get down like in that moment you know i've hid drugs in the house and forgotten where they were and had that moment i have had that i didn't tear my house apart but right it's awful isn't it i know you'd think you'd at the moment you were hiding it right be smarter and go okay

Speaker 1 it's in the the drawer with the stuff chicks left at my house right right yeah okay that's pretty specific unless there's 10 drawers like that i mean

Speaker 1 who knows, right?

Speaker 1 In your house. I mean, it depends how forgetful the girls are at that point, I think.
You never want to give back the wrong item. That's a great point.
You've got your panties. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Those aren't my panties. Yeah, I don't wear that color.

Speaker 1 That's just not dialogue. You want to hear.
No.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, you just want to.

Speaker 1 Bag it and tag it. Bag it and tag it.
Yeah. I mean, these are just tips for upcoming Mac artists, which by the way may sound terrible, but we need more Macing.

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Speaker 1 This country is

Speaker 1 in a very bad way, the younger generations, they don't have as much sex as our generations did. They don't.
They can't stand each other's politics, the men and the women. Right.

Speaker 1 They also grew up on the phone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it's hard to

Speaker 1 develop a relationship with anyone when you spend most of your time staring at your hand.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? It's like,

Speaker 1 and nobody looks up anymore. Nobody looks out anymore.

Speaker 1 And I see people crossing the street. If you stare at your hand, you'll wind up using your hand.
You know what I mean, right?

Speaker 1 It's the next logical thing, right? And also, I'm going to throw into that mix also,

Speaker 1 because they so like

Speaker 1 went bananas, not that it wasn't certainly justified, Me Too movement and all that, men got away with way too much. It's great that they're playing with five fouls now, But

Speaker 1 there is a fear, and this went on before me too, like college campuses, you know, for 20 years have had policies that,

Speaker 1 you know, almost, I think some of them had, like, you needed like written consent to go to like the next level, like second base, signing. Seriously.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I think that's not like the typical, but what I'm saying is

Speaker 1 as a college student, you could be absolutely prosecuted for having sex with someone just because they were drunk.

Speaker 1 Right. You know,

Speaker 1 it's very hard to police that delicate moment where friendship becomes physical intimacy. Somebody has to make a move.

Speaker 1 Something has to change to go from we are not touching each other. sexually to we are.
Right.

Speaker 1 And when you have to like sign for it first, it just, it is a bit of a movement. It's a bit of a buzzkill, isn't it? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But it's on the guys

Speaker 1 traditionally to make the move. Of course it is.
And it's always just been that way. And women, God love them, all they ever want in life is just to do it well.

Speaker 1 Just to make the move well.

Speaker 1 Just to make that transition. That is what a gentleman is.
Someone who can make that transition. It's not like they don't want to transition with you to intimacy.

Speaker 1 They have needs like we do, I've read.

Speaker 1 They just do it well.

Speaker 1 Don't do it clumsily. Don't do it scarily.
Right, right. Don't do it aggressively.
Don't be too much of a pussy. Yeah.
That's also annoying. Sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a show I watched called The Rehearsal. Did you see The Rehearsal? Do you know about this? I've heard of it.
What is it? Yeah, it's a guy that

Speaker 1 he builds

Speaker 1 scenarios for people to practice something they're afraid of in life.

Speaker 1 And he does a perfect replica of a situation, and they get to go through it until they finally can apply that and solve the problem

Speaker 1 that's, you know, with the person or that thing that they need to overcome. Who's the guy who does it?

Speaker 1 Nathan. Nathan.
Yes, he had that other show. where he solved people's problems.
I think that, yeah, that is. This is a little different.
It's a different one. He's the same guy.
He's very funny. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So funny. Yeah, really, really inventive, really smart.
Yeah. But also dry, you know, like low-key,

Speaker 1 almost sad, sack comic kind of totally.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we're the trip. There's just a thing in the second season of that where he can't get this one guy just to make the move to kiss the girl good night.

Speaker 1 And even if it's just on the cheek and the work he puts in to get this dude just to like be courageous enough. Yes.
And they practice it.

Speaker 1 And he can't even do it in the practice settings, in the rehearsal settings. And you're sitting at home yelling at the television like a moron, but hoping that that's

Speaker 1 the motivation that will finally get him to deliver a peck on the cheek. Charlie, I think we have found our cause, our charity.
Yeah, how about it? Really?

Speaker 1 I once gave a fake TED talk on my show about teaching guys game.

Speaker 1 They really do need someone to teach. Who better than Charlie Sheen? Just saying.
Just saying

Speaker 1 game. You know, like

Speaker 1 teach what you know, right?

Speaker 1 They tell writers to write to what they know.

Speaker 1 Now, they're going to say, well, Charlie didn't even need game, which is true. But I also remember from the documentary, Denise Richards saying.

Speaker 1 I was a little shy, a little bit

Speaker 1 old-fashioned. She said, he's not at all what people think.
Yeah, it was nice to hear that. Yeah.
You remember that? I do. Yeah, I remember it well.
And it it was very sincere.

Speaker 1 I mean, she was blubbering at the time. Right.
Yeah. Kind of got away from her, didn't it? A little bit.
Yeah. I feel like, you know, she obviously still loves you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is great. I mean, love, love is eternal.
Passion is often not.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, I always use the analogy of

Speaker 1 passion, sex, that's the ocean wave. It's exciting.
It pounds the shore. Love is the shore.

Speaker 1 That stays there. I like that.
I like that. The tides come in and out.
Sure. But the shore stays.

Speaker 1 And, you know, you, I think we both have had the experience of loving someone passionately, and then it morphs into something else. And do you think the moon has a role as well? The moon.
The moon.

Speaker 1 Because it controls the tides.

Speaker 1 Do you think there's something, or have I taken it to just a place where you're going to be? You think it controls my dick too? I mean, the moon. I wasn't drawing that exact connection.

Speaker 1 No, I think if someone has a nice moon, the relationship will last a little longer. But you know what?

Speaker 1 I always say there's only so many fucks in the can. And then you're.

Speaker 1 And that's just life. You know, I mean,

Speaker 1 I could gild that lily and pretend it's not so. But, you know, whenever these people get divorced in the media, the celebrities, and they're always like, what went wrong in the matter?

Speaker 1 Nothing went wrong. Right.
They're married 20 years. That's what went wrong.
Time. Interesting.
Time went wrong.

Speaker 1 Everybody gets tired of each other because they're on top of each other all the time. So how do you feel about married couples that still have like a date night

Speaker 1 like on like year 23?

Speaker 1 Please put a bullet past my tongue if I ever have to have a fucking date night. Okay.

Speaker 1 I cringe at those. I mean, they're cute.
And they're kind of,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I'd like to root for it, but I know how they're both feeling at that dinner. To schedule sex is just so gross.
It's like the worst perversion there is.

Speaker 1 I have been many times, certainly, not many recent years,

Speaker 1 thank you, Jesus, but in my younger years, I mean, the horniest times of my life, high school, college was awful.

Speaker 1 Early on in my career, living in New York, no money, no nothing, no prospects.

Speaker 1 I have many of those years, like very little sex, just really, just horny, masturbating. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Okay, I can get through that. It's like prison.
I can do that standing on my head if I have to.

Speaker 1 I can do the five-year stretch. What I can't do is the fake.

Speaker 1 What I can't do is,

Speaker 1 you know? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I never got married.

Speaker 1 Were you ever close to marriage?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Were we ever engaged? Yes. For how long was the engagement?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know. like a year.
I mean, it was just,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I've said this before on this show, but like there's bad things about being 70. But

Speaker 1 if I had the choice of being 35 with that stupid thing in my head at 35, I'd still pick this age. Interesting.
Because, you know, it just...

Speaker 1 I mean, a lovely person, but like, you just, you don't even know who's like the right person to marry sometimes.

Speaker 1 You just, you know, it's like it's a combination of lust and newness and somebody likes me and we're having a great time.

Speaker 1 And that's, you know, and then you don't really wait long enough to see if it's, and then, you know.

Speaker 1 Or the people wait and wait and wait and wait and everything's great or as great as it can be waiting that long.

Speaker 1 And then they do get married and it falls apart like inside of that first year or a couple years later or.

Speaker 1 Well, sometimes that's because men

Speaker 1 problematic, just that,

Speaker 1 men,

Speaker 1 they have a way of hiding in the weeds and then emerging.

Speaker 1 I've certainly heard this from so many women I know, you know, ex-girlfriends or just friends or whatever, but they have some story about some guy who was great, great, great, great, great, and then he became this completely different person.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's after the marriage because it's like, oh, we're married now.

Speaker 1 You can't go anywhere.

Speaker 1 Now we're married and I can, you know, and it's...

Speaker 1 Turns into a power control thing. Well, they just like they act,

Speaker 1 they can put on an act of being nice for a year, for two years, but it's not really who they are. They're not really nice.
And then when they have finally got the control,

Speaker 1 for whatever reason, maybe it's not marriage, but they feel in control, the woman is in love with them,

Speaker 1 Then they become this thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right, yeah. You know, we were bad in our way, but we weren't that.
No, we never revealed that

Speaker 1 we were going to be the guy

Speaker 1 that they fell in love with or got to know or got to, you know.

Speaker 1 We didn't pretend we were not bad. Right.
We were bad boys. Yeah.
But not like evil boys.

Speaker 1 And certainly not rapey boys. No.
Not, yeah. No, nothing like that.
No.

Speaker 1 What can you do? I mean, people are going to say, shit.

Speaker 1 I mean, you certainly have given them ammunition.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can't deny that. Of course.

Speaker 1 But like I said on the show, and I was so glad I said it, you know.

Speaker 1 Didn't some bad things, but not a bad guy. And I really appreciate that.
Nope. And I think so many people mention that to me.
I feel like they really, they think

Speaker 1 that nails it.

Speaker 1 People have come up to me in the street with that quote they should yeah because it does nail yeah no it's and it's and I think it also resonated because there's a bigger mood I think brewing in this country that we all have to have that attitude more we went a little Puritan there for quite a while yes we did I mean this is part of what I was arguing with John about wokeness and that over wokeness and they became the Puritans they became the people with the stick up their ass the people who were even more judgmental of course

Speaker 1 and you know yes people do some bad things we used to have a greater sense of grace after

Speaker 1 time served. And, you know, it just became very performative about we're the good people.
And it's very important to us that you know that, that we're the good people.

Speaker 1 And the bad people, they're, well, you know, nothing is too bad for them. And it's like, no, you know, we don't all want to be judged by our worst moments.

Speaker 1 Or in your case, moments. Right, right, right.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, racked them up, you know?

Speaker 1 But you were consistent. I was consistent.
There you go. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, when you did that Super Bowl ad, I was like, wow, that guy has a kind of a likability.

Speaker 1 You're talking about the Planters ad

Speaker 1 where I'm on the bus bench?

Speaker 1 Did you do another Super Bowl commercial, I should know it? I did not. What year was that? It was only a few years ago.
That was probably three or four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But I'm just saying, like,

Speaker 1 just want to like you.

Speaker 1 What's my line in that? Oh,

Speaker 1 I say, oh, and

Speaker 1 people say I'm nuts. Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which was smart. It was pretty good.
Smart ass. It was pretty good, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, the writers of that spot didn't come up with that.

Speaker 1 There was an assistant of mine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we'd done a few takes and whatever that line wasn't wasn't working. And he came up and just whispered in my ear,

Speaker 1 what do you think about people and people say, I'm nuts. And I'm like, I like it.
I like it. So

Speaker 1 it was Steve. These professionals are making an ad for nuts, right? Right.
And they, yeah, they missed the most obvious.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 His nickname was Cy, short for cyborg. And he, Cy whispered in my ear,

Speaker 1 really? Yes. Yeah.
And then I did that one. They were like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Use that.
Use that. And that's what wound up on the air.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was the,

Speaker 1 that was Tampa, Kansas City, correct?

Speaker 1 When Brady dismantled them. Oh, who the fuck remember? Kansas City was.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because

Speaker 1 it was Super Bowl 55.

Speaker 1 And because I can chart the Super Bowls because I'm the age of the Super Bowl each year. So I don't have to figure out all the fucking L's and X's and all that shit.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 What are we up to?

Speaker 1 This will be Super Bowl 60.

Speaker 1 Right, because you're going to be 60. I'm 60 now.
September 3rd, yeah. I had a 60th birthday party in this room.
Sean was here. Was it? Yeah.
He read a poem, or not read, recited.

Speaker 1 That he wrote for you for your birthday? No, no.

Speaker 1 No, but it went on for a very long time. Wow.
I mean,

Speaker 1 it was an amazing performance. It was like some like, you know,

Speaker 1 and hats off to the temporary man from the,

Speaker 1 you know, something that somebody wrote 200 years ago that shot him, something that showed a festive, yes.

Speaker 1 It's like, whoa,

Speaker 1 this guy. Yeah, Sean,

Speaker 1 he will deliver. No one is, I've said this publicly.
I wrote it, I mean, gave it to Maureen Dowd when she did a thing about him. Like, you could not

Speaker 1 come up with a script that is more interesting than his actual life.

Speaker 1 You know, the El Chapo thing and Katrina and the Castro and the

Speaker 1 Hugo Chavez.

Speaker 1 Just like, like, talk about a guy who walks the walk. Oh, yeah.
You know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And with the Haiti thing, you know,

Speaker 1 when all the media left and Sean was like,

Speaker 1 and then they were like, well, why are you still here? He was like, because I came here to get a job done and I'm going to stay till it's finished. And it was so noble.

Speaker 1 Not to always be shitting on the woke, but like when I think of some of these, and I won't mention names, but you know, people who think of themselves or even call themselves actorvist. I'm an actor.

Speaker 1 Is that a term now? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
So Barfy.

Speaker 1 So Barfy. Wow.

Speaker 1 Actorvist. Yeah.
There's only really. I'm going to ask my dad, does he consider himself an actorvist? Well,

Speaker 1 just as a joke. That's a different era.
But, I mean, but Sean

Speaker 1 is the one who really is. Oh, yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 He actually. He actually is on the rowboat.
He's actually on the dock in Port-au-Prince. He's actually with Castro.
Whatever the fucking thing is. He's the guy who walked to Poland

Speaker 1 to avoid a bombing run, you know.

Speaker 1 He walked from Ukraine to Poland until the cars were all either out of gas or backed up or both. And he was like, fuck it, I'm walking to Poland.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No script could do justice. You know, when he reads a script, it's like, but it's not as interesting as my life.

Speaker 1 Although I see he's got a big movie now.

Speaker 1 Did you see it? No, I wanted to. Did you see it? I have not.
No. No.

Speaker 1 So we can't talk about it. It looks pretty badass, though doesn't it it does yeah I mean it's carrying a very specific message I you know you know what I I

Speaker 1 so don't trust reviewers for good reason so I don't really know I know it's political which is great

Speaker 1 my my guess

Speaker 1 since it's about a sort of a revolutionary, is that we like him. It's Leo.

Speaker 1 He's the lead, so you know, and he's in a bathrobe, so he must be a good guy. I don't know, but I'm I'm not going to judge it.
I know Sean's the bad guy. Yeah, it plays a guy named Lockjaw.
And

Speaker 1 I mean, who else are you going to hire? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, if he, I would bet dollars to donuts he's going to win the Oscar for this. Probably.
I mean, but are they going to give him three?

Speaker 1 Did they give Jack three?

Speaker 1 Is Jack the only guy with three or does Daniel have three? Daniel, like I fucking know him.

Speaker 1 Daniel Day-Lewis? Yes.

Speaker 1 He's one word stat, one-name status, right? He is to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Although I'm making my way through on the recommendation of a friend who I have implicit trust, and we always had the same taste in movies, making my way through watching again, I hadn't seen it since it came out, There Will Be Blood.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. And I did not like it at the time.
I didn't either. Does it need to be revisited?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not like your normal movie watcher. I don't watch movies, especially long ones, usually all in a row.
I watch them on TV somewhere.

Speaker 1 And I always say to people who are like, what a way to watch a movie. I'm like, do you read a book in one sitting? That's a great point.
I don't need to.

Speaker 1 I remember where I was last night in the movie. I don't have to watch a three-hour movie over three hours.
And unless it's so compelling, like The Godfather or something, or Apocalypse Now. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, you. Well, you didn't do it.
No, I meant just thank you to the universe that you

Speaker 1 recognized that. God did it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I was there for eight months so it was kind of you know adjacent apocalypse adjacent you know that's so interesting that you were in the philippines right yes yeah but wait a minute but but uh there won't be blood because you might be sparing me a review of a repeat i'm not quite through with it i'm okay two hours into the nine hour version

Speaker 1 no i'm about 45 minutes from the end it's i think it's 245.

Speaker 1 okay i don't think any movie outside of that uh godfather and gone with the wind need to be and they could have taken an hour out of Gone with the Windows. Easily.
Easily. Easily.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I'm glad we kind of have it because it's so

Speaker 1 iconic. Sure.
I watched it fairly recently. It was pretty cool.
Does it hold up? You know, I watched it with someone much younger who hadn't seen it. Right.

Speaker 1 That's Hot Tubs Without Borders. That's what it is.
That's what it is. Okay.
And to see it through her eyes, I mean, it just, you know.

Speaker 1 So what's your, like,

Speaker 1 are you going to wait

Speaker 1 the final 45 minutes to like I am going to wait. Okay.
But I'm telling you, it's the bottom of the eighth. Okay.
And you're somebody and they're about six months behind. Got it.
That's right. Got it.

Speaker 1 Okay. I mean,

Speaker 1 bullpen's depleted.

Speaker 1 Scherzer got shelled in the fourth inning.

Speaker 1 That's right. Right.
Yeah. So I mean, yeah, they need your character to come in and

Speaker 1 throw gas because no, maybe, but it's...

Speaker 1 If it's going someplace, first of all, it's taking a long way to get there.

Speaker 1 Second of all, two hours in, all i get about it is that this is the biggest prick i've ever seen in movies which is you can make that character interesting but i i i don't see any arc like he's a prick in the first scene he's a prick two hours in i don't think he's going to get better he's bitter and nasty and just horribly shitty to everybody which makes them miserable and you see he's miserable too.

Speaker 1 Is that the big thing that being a shitty asshole makes you miserable too?

Speaker 1 Those are pretty easy dots to connect.

Speaker 1 Again,

Speaker 1 I'm missing so far. Okay.
But I haven't gotten to it. I remember the famous line, you're drinking my milkshake.
Right, right. I haven't gotten to that yet.
Maybe that's going to change it all.

Speaker 1 Something to look forward to, yeah.

Speaker 1 What if you were drinking a milkshake when he says it? Do you think that would change anything? This is lovely. I mean, this is a trip, you know?

Speaker 1 I said to you on your show, you thank you for this.

Speaker 1 This is funny. I knew I was going to do this.
This is cool.

Speaker 1 I said to you on your show, speaking of movies, though, that you definitely,

Speaker 1 I'm learning, can I give you a prediction? I'm a very good predictor. Sure.
I've got all my predictions, politics, right.

Speaker 1 In five years, you will be at an award show. Oh, wow.
You will be asked to leave. Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, let me finish. From the podium or before I

Speaker 1 was where you're ranting. Got it, got it.
No,

Speaker 1 in five years' time,

Speaker 1 you'll have made a movie that people are giving you an award for. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 They're going to want to

Speaker 1 work with, you know, people love a redemption story, and they also love somebody who has a lot of history that they can trade on. Right, right.

Speaker 1 I mean, not that you have to play your character from, in fact, it would be better if you did it against it, not all the way to the odd couple. Right.
But that's comedy. Yeah.
But drama. Right.

Speaker 1 You need to do a drama. I totally agree.
I totally agree. It's a serious movie.
I completely agree. And you can do it.
I mean,

Speaker 1 one thing John said I didn't agree with, and I thought he was brilliant, by the way, in the documentary.

Speaker 1 He was terrific, wasn't he? I love it when he said

Speaker 1 he called you an icon of decadence. I know.

Speaker 1 That's poetic.

Speaker 1 It's poetic to a degree, because it's pretty low-hanging fruit, isn't it?

Speaker 1 A little bit. Of course, but it's just said.

Speaker 1 It was phrased nice. It just says

Speaker 1 two words. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he said.

Speaker 1 But does he deliver that complimentary in a complimentary way?

Speaker 1 I felt his testimony was honest. It was.

Speaker 1 Look, I think you tortured him at some point. Of course.
Okay. Of course.
Oh, of course. Yeah.
Okay. So he...
I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of all that criteria. Right, she says.
Okay, so

Speaker 1 look, I remember I did a sitcom in 1991 with Sam Kinnison when he was a heroin addict, and I remember how much I hated him. How many episodes did you? 13.
Where can I find this? I hope you can.

Speaker 1 Seriously?

Speaker 1 Even if I promised just to watch it alone?

Speaker 1 In loose sweatpants?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was called Charlie Hoover.

Speaker 1 Tim Matheson was the star.

Speaker 1 And Sam was

Speaker 1 animated as a little devil on his shoulder. That was his character.
Oh, but then that's calling back to Animal House.

Speaker 1 Is Matheson in Animal House or have I gone Madden? No, of course he is. Yeah.
Yeah, but he's Otter.

Speaker 1 Right, but not his character, but the dude that played Amadeus. You're right.
Right? Right. Don't they appear on his shoulders? Yes.
Okay, so do you think they drew from that a little bit?

Speaker 1 A little bit? Hadn't put that together?

Speaker 1 That's totally what they did. Thomas

Speaker 1 Hulse. I could see the house's name.
Yes. Isn't that good? Right.
And by the way, what he's saying is something you could never put in a movie today with the debaucher because what he's talking about.

Speaker 1 On your show? On any Animal House. And just on your show.
What they're saying in Animal House. Right.

Speaker 1 Blue Mains Out is what he says. Of a passed-out girl.
Oh.

Speaker 1 That part I forgot. Yes.
You're right. Yeah.
Wow. That's bad.
And that's where we were.

Speaker 1 That was 1978? Yes. Because I saw it with Dave Anderson

Speaker 1 with Brown Dave from Westwood. And for the woke people who are now like flying over to Twitter to Blue Sky to say what terrible people we are.

Speaker 1 For this conversation? Or just

Speaker 1 in general? They just

Speaker 1 will not accept that people in general just used to be worse and we were all in on it. Right.
So just stop yelling at the past. We can't dig up these people who made the movie and yell at them.

Speaker 1 And everybody was in on it. We all just were there.
And yes, it was wrong. And then we got better.
And if you lived then, you would have been one of us. You wouldn't have been Nostradamus.

Speaker 1 I can see that in the future this will not be funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But you're right, that's where they rip that off from.
I think, okay, and it's interesting because I don't, I've never seen Charlie Hoover.

Speaker 1 Is there a play and the thing there with the, you know, what Hoover means in the dope space?

Speaker 1 You know, when a guy's hoovering lines, and it's Sam Kennison, and he was known to hoover some lines. I mean, I apparently didn't know anything about this show I was on.

Speaker 1 You know more about it

Speaker 1 25 years later than that. That one's a bit of a reflection.
I was completely in the dark about all that. That's probably what it was.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Was his character a Coke addict? No, his character was like the devil on a show. Oh, right, right, right.
They miniaturized him. Got it.

Speaker 1 But he was like on heroin at the time, and so he would like, we would be waiting for eight hours for him to show up. Oh, my God.
I saw him once in the makeup chair like this. Oh, damn.

Speaker 1 Wow. And, of course, it just not good morale for the set.

Speaker 1 But you were never in the scenes with him because he was in a green screen the whole freaking time? I was in the scenes with Tim because I was like his second in command. Got it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, I was like the friend he talks to.

Speaker 1 Did they start figuring out a way just to film all of Sam's stuff like for that episode in like four hours and just get it out of the way? I don't know. It was.
Because they should have.

Speaker 1 Then he could have been passed out at home. Right.
Right? I mean,

Speaker 1 well, you know, we're just trying to make the week, right? I don't know. I'm just saying, I have a, I can relate to working with somebody.

Speaker 1 who is making my life miserable. Gotcha.
So John,

Speaker 1 he had every right to be like fully like, I don't even want to be on this. Right, right.
I give him credit for being like, yeah, but there were also good times.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I also know he's not really the bad guy. It's the drugs and all the rest of this stuff.
And, you know, it balances out. And I got to give a guy credit for that.

Speaker 1 So I felt like his testimony was honest. It wasn't ass-kissy.
It wasn't at all, no. And it wasn't bitter, but it was like realistic.
Yeah. You know, and that's as good as you can do.

Speaker 1 And he's a bright guy. no, very bright.
Very bright.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'd be in the makeup room and, you know, and somebody would like be trying to think of something super random, some piece of trivia or something that

Speaker 1 nobody knew except John.

Speaker 1 He could pull things from every no, he's a really, really active,

Speaker 1 you know, very

Speaker 1 beautiful mind. Yes, but it does need deprogramming.

Speaker 1 But he sets it up with you. He He says, I'm a little woke.

Speaker 1 I'm a little woke. Oh.
Do you remember that? No, I didn't. And then I was like,

Speaker 1 dude, you false advertised the shit out of that one.

Speaker 1 What I remember him saying, which was just beautiful, it's a highlight of this whole series, was at one point he went, you know, next time you think of something super woke that really annoys you, I want this to be the face that you see.

Speaker 1 He said that? Oh, yeah. It's in the show.
Wow. I mean, it was...
Maybe he didn't make it that far. It was, yeah.
Wow. It was really funny.
Oh, gosh. It was maybe.

Speaker 1 But he was saying that as a joke, right?

Speaker 1 A joke

Speaker 1 like with so many good jokes with meaning behind it. Right, right, right.
But yes, it was not hot.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Wow.

Speaker 1 He's out there. He's carrying the flag.
I mean, he's out there.

Speaker 1 He's leading the charge. He's part, I mean, most of Hollywood.
He weighs in a lot with some Twitter stuff, you know? And I'm just kind of like,

Speaker 1 I don't, I stopped doing that. Oh, I never did that.
Yeah, it's good. It's good.
It's so corrosive. Yeah, there's things I see that even if something is just

Speaker 1 funny and I and I and I can add to that comedy. I still don't I don't try to build something and hit send.
I just

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 1 what are you getting from it?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's the only downside that could happen.
You're right. You're right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then it's also when it's something super political or something really bad is happening, you weigh in about how it should have gone or this is the, and it's like, what is that going to do?

Speaker 1 Whose minds

Speaker 1 are you going to change? You give a shit about what people think about your opinion on fucking UFOs. Whatever it is.
Right, right, right. You're entitled to it.
Right.

Speaker 1 And all they're going to do is shit on it because people have

Speaker 1 sad lives, especially the ones who are on Twitter all the time.

Speaker 1 If that's what you have to do, and you know, most of Twitter, like 90% of Twitter is from 10% of the people who use it. Like, like most of it is from the people who use it a lot.
Wow.

Speaker 1 So that's their hobby. So it's like crime.

Speaker 1 It's like? It's like crime. It's like

Speaker 1 very much like crime. Because they always talk about

Speaker 1 70%

Speaker 1 from 20% of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Oh, like in New York, they had some crazy stat of, because, you know, they throw people in jail and then they're out the next day.
I know. Like

Speaker 1 some crazy percentage. of crimes,

Speaker 1 some site of crime was like from 600 people who just over and over did like 80% of the

Speaker 1 stress. I know.
Wow.

Speaker 1 So if you're able to build statistics from that, you clearly know who the fuck they are, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, so why aren't, why, why not just take just that for those 600 people and just build a special place for them. And this is why it's so good.
We call it the 600 building. Right.
You know?

Speaker 1 That's good. I mean, that's very good.
There's our 600 building. Yeah, there it is.
And this is why Republicans get elected, because Democrats run cities and they don't do that.

Speaker 1 And it would be so easy to do that. But then there would be a certain part of their constituency that, I guess, wouldn't like that.
But everyone should like that. Yes, these are like career criminals.

Speaker 1 I mean, call me crazy. I don't think crime should be a career.

Speaker 1 Or be allowed to become one. A side gate.
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 1 a hustle. Right.
But a career criminal? I don't get it. And it is their career.
Interesting.

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Rated T for teen.

Speaker 1 Don't you think? Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 But people don't frame it like that.

Speaker 1 But you've played criminals, right?

Speaker 1 I've only played a few. Really? Yeah, yeah.
I haven't played that without any choice. Because you don't want to be...

Speaker 1 No, just

Speaker 1 never got the kind of material

Speaker 1 that was juicy enough or challenging enough

Speaker 1 or

Speaker 1 maybe elegant enough, you know, because the bad guy changed forever with Hans Gruber.

Speaker 1 Hans Gruber.

Speaker 1 In Die Hard. Oh.
The evolution of the elegant bad guy.

Speaker 1 Played by

Speaker 1 Rickman. Alan Rickman.
Yeah, yeah. Brilliant.
I mean, Academy Award-worthy. Right.
Always kind of looked like he was holding in a fart,

Speaker 1 but I do like him as an actor. Yeah.
Also in

Speaker 1 the famous Christmas movie,

Speaker 1 you know, the British, oh, it's a, everyone loves,

Speaker 1 I can never think of names when I'm stoned. You know, Love Actually.
There you go. I think Denise is in that, isn't she? She's in the very end of Love Actually? And has like a super memorable part.

Speaker 1 I've never seen it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 But people love her from that movie.

Speaker 1 Have I torpedoed this? No. She's in it.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you what the scene is. Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 it's... It's one of those movies that's sort of,

Speaker 1 it's ridiculous, but irresistible.

Speaker 1 So it's like 12 cast members. It's an ensemble.
It's a Hugh Grant? Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant joint.
Yes. Okay.
No, not a joint. He's just one of like six love stories.
It's called Love Actually. Got it.

Speaker 1 Got it. So it's just about love in all its many forms.
Hugh Grant is the Prime Minister of England. He's really Tony Blair.
I got it.

Speaker 1 And he falls in love just like Clinton did with the chunky chick who brings in the mail.

Speaker 1 That's his love story.

Speaker 1 Is that what the breakdown would read as when they were casting it? Can you imagine? The agent calls and says, can you play a

Speaker 1 chunky male woman?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 she's the answer, you know. Yeah, sure.
So, and then there's all these other love stories. And one of them is the British guy, and he's not getting laid in England.

Speaker 1 And he's, you know, I'm going to go to America and get laid. Okay.
And he like picks Milwaukee, I think, with a dart on the map, you know, and goes to Milwaukee.

Speaker 1 And of course, of course, in Milwaukee, three of the hottest chicks of their time

Speaker 1 fuck him the first night he's in town. Wow.
And one of them is Denise. Oh, damn.
Yeah, of course. Go get it, Dee.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, it's, it's,

Speaker 1 you never saw Love Actually. No, I know.
I know. Well, I'm building a list here

Speaker 1 with you. Watch it.
Days of Wine and Roses. Love Actually.
Maybe

Speaker 1 There Will Be Blood. Save.
Definitely Die Hard just because I thought of it again.

Speaker 1 Save love, actually,

Speaker 1 for Christmas with your kids. Seriously?

Speaker 1 Why is that so?

Speaker 1 Because they'll be...

Speaker 1 Because kids would hate it.

Speaker 1 Well, I live primarily with the boys now.

Speaker 1 Would Bob and Max like it, you think?

Speaker 1 Everybody loves love, actually. Okay.
All right. Good to know.

Speaker 1 Good to know. Like I said, it's preposterous but irresistible.
Okay. You know, it's

Speaker 1 you have to give yourself up to it. Right, okay.
You know, sure.

Speaker 1 It's not a great movie. It's a great time watching a movie.
I'm sold.

Speaker 1 I am completely sold. And then she's getting.
I should get paid for that. Well, but you're going to get paid

Speaker 1 from the podium emotionally from me. If that happens in five years,

Speaker 1 I make this promise to you on camera. I'm going, you're the first person I'm going to thank.
Are you cool with that? You don't have to promise me you should do that. Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 fucking with it.

Speaker 1 No, I'd be super honored. Okay.

Speaker 1 But not my parents first.

Speaker 1 You know, it could create a riff.

Speaker 1 No, you have to thank your father first, just because I'm such a fan of your father. I love your father.
Well, what if I tell him dad it was alphabetical? No. No? Okay.
Martin Sheen, are you kidding?

Speaker 1 I mean, just for apocalypse now, but then also, I mean, so many other great movies, and of course, The West Wing. You know, he just was that guy.
He was that guy.

Speaker 1 I mean, I can't, it's very rare rare when I see somebody do a part and I think, nobody else could play that. Now, could somebody else have played that part? Yes.
David Jansen, if he had been alive.

Speaker 1 It would have been perfectly fine. But it still wouldn't have been, because there's something in your father that is that idealistic Democratic president.

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, he did not have to play against type the way you didn't

Speaker 1 in your

Speaker 1 amazingly successful TV career. Thank you.
You know, it runs in your family. You know,

Speaker 1 you do great with,

Speaker 1 you know, part, I mean, you could play any part, I'm sure, but like

Speaker 1 that really works for you. Thank you.
I mean, people, like I said, people just sometimes just like somebody. I mean, you really,

Speaker 1 you're almost Trumpian in like, I could shoot somebody in the middle of Fifth Avenue

Speaker 1 and they'd still vote for me

Speaker 1 at the Academy Awards. There was a thing, there was something going on and I was getting yelled at by everybody for something, and then it like, then

Speaker 1 it got nice again, and Denise said,

Speaker 1 you could run a school bus of nuns off the road,

Speaker 1 over a canyon, into a fiery death, and people would forgive you.

Speaker 1 Because you were probably just avoiding a rabbit in the road or something, you know? So like the car that went over the cliff twice?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what about that?

Speaker 1 You're saying one of them could be a school bus one of them could have been a school bus yeah that's interesting that's i mean that's still a thing i don't i don't have and it's like at this point like would i keep that thing a secret

Speaker 1 yeah why did the car go off the cliff i i because it got stolen from my driveway twice yes wow yeah it's a trip i know and it sounds like them no i believe it yeah i i would why did they drive it off a cliff because oh just to get at you i don't think so.

Speaker 1 They didn't want to be, I think, driving all over town in a stolen car that would have been reported by then.

Speaker 1 So they used it as a mule to go around my neighborhood and rob all these different garages. So they were filling up my car with a bunch of stuff.

Speaker 1 Then they met the co-conspirator on Moholland, put all the junk in his car, and then pushed mine off the cliff. That's what I imagine happened there.
That's a good plot.

Speaker 1 But that's what happened. No, I know, but I'm saying,

Speaker 1 like in a movie. Oh, okay.
That's a good... I've never seen that in a movie.
But then in in the movie, what they don't know is about the guy in the trunk.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Then it turns into a thing. Was it the same car? Did they fish that car back out? They brought it out and it was totaled.

Speaker 1 But the interesting thing was, was that

Speaker 1 when the cops showed up six minutes after Mercedes called me and said, are you okay? Your airbag's been deployed. I'm upstairs smoking crack, right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 in a webcam, like waiting for

Speaker 1 my sweetest date to enter the room. And

Speaker 1 I'd never been in one before. The very first time, I'm like,

Speaker 1 you know, yeah, I'll pay 20 bucks for this experience, right? And waited an hour. And she was about to come in, about to come on, show up on camera.
And Mercedes calls.

Speaker 1 And then the whole thing started unraveling. So anyway, that's just a little backstory.

Speaker 1 That's the part I had to keep hidden at the time. Then the cops, they ran a flashlight over my entire body when they came to the door.
I was in a bathrobe, like sweaty, crazy fucking hair.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, no, I just got up to take a leak.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, my alibi was shit, but it was real. Right.
You know, I couldn't say, yeah, no, of course I'm awake. I've been up for four fucking days, man.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 they thought I'd gone over with the car and managed to get back up the hill in the dark, two miles down Moholland,

Speaker 1 get home without a scratch on me, jump into a robe and answer the door.

Speaker 1 So that part of it, the mechanics of that,

Speaker 1 the physical mechanics of that are impossible.

Speaker 1 I know, but whatever it is, I don't think anyone really cares that much what you did to cars. It's more people.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's more the people, Charlie, that caused the problem.

Speaker 1 And there wasn't anybody in the trunk. That was for our movie.
No. Yeah, I just want to clarify that.
It's like, you know, did you ever hold a knife to the throat of a Mercedes? No.

Speaker 1 Or a person. I know.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 She cleared that up.

Speaker 1 She did. Yeah.
She, you know, that says a lot that your exes stood up for you. That was pretty cool, right? I mean, Brooke,

Speaker 1 she was the one who we had dinner. You were with her when we did that.
That's who I brought to dinner. Yes.
Yes. And, you know, it's funny because

Speaker 1 she did stand up and say that that was bullshit. And I remember it was all over the

Speaker 1 press at the time. Yeah.
But I remember Christmas Day. Yes, Christmas Day.
Yeah. Aspen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Never liked Aspen. Me neither.
I've never been back. No plans to return.
Seriously, why? Why would I go back? Bad memory. And often,

Speaker 1 right? They served, so I was in jail on Christmas Day, and they served prime rib.

Speaker 1 And it was overcooked, but it was all right. I was pretty freaking hungry.
I hadn't eaten it for a couple days, right? And the guard,

Speaker 1 this is before they

Speaker 1 unlocked my door, right? They kept it locked.

Speaker 1 So he had, had,

Speaker 1 he was, he was dumping horseradish on his

Speaker 1 on his prime rib, and mine was dry. And I was watching that like his life right now is actually better than mine, you know? And he didn't offer to share.
And then I said, can you unlock my door?

Speaker 1 And he did. That was kind of cool.

Speaker 1 He didn't think I was going to bum rush him with a shib, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 John Cryer, if you're watching, I just want to say this story about prime rib being served on aspen, that's one for you. Yeah.
On the white privilege thing, okay? All right, good. Good, good.

Speaker 1 I've got to give you that one.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying you were all wrong. It's all wrong.
It's not.

Speaker 1 I was microwaved prime rib, so it wasn't like, you know, that special. Still,

Speaker 1 I mean.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's just a funny memory for me.
The guy was hoarding the fucking sauce and he's five feet away. You know, that's not fucking cool.
I've already been through fucking hell.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm all over the fucking news of some murderer. He's putting a little fucking sauce on my steak.
Come on, man. It's Christmas.
And

Speaker 1 they couldn't find a judge because they were all skiing. How about that?

Speaker 1 I see this as a Christmas story.

Speaker 1 I mean, Hallmark, if you're watching. If you're watching, yeah.
Lifetime, if you're watching. But isn't it Hallmark channel that makes all the Christmas movies?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lifetime does all the murder, all the murder, all the female murder shit, right? Right. Yeah.
I just see

Speaker 1 this scene.

Speaker 1 And I just see. Do you start close on the front room and pull out to me? Or do you start on the guard and pull back and reveal, oh, we're in a fucking jail cell.
Oh, wait, that guy looks familiar.

Speaker 1 No, damn.

Speaker 1 It's first of all, it's you in the jail cell

Speaker 1 trying to get the sauce on your thing. Right.
And then two weeks earlier.

Speaker 1 You got to do that. The Chiron.

Speaker 1 Always we go back in time. Absolutely.
How did I get here without horseradish? And two weeks earlier, it's, you know, you and

Speaker 1 two weeks earlier, it would have been John and I like on the set. Like everything was cool.
Well, why did you go to Aspen? Were you a skier?

Speaker 1 No, no, I've skied twice in my life and hated it both times. So why Aspen? Because Brooke was there, because her mom keeps a place there.
Oh. And she was there with the boys.

Speaker 1 I was working, and

Speaker 1 it was their first Christmas. and she said that I needed to be, you know, we both agreed I kind of wanted to be there, not that they're going to remember it or anything, but just for the photo or

Speaker 1 you know, for the album. And so I got to the airport.
I was taking a private, I know, keep going, John. Keep going with this story, John.
I never apologize for all the years I took private.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Good, good.
There's like 8,000 flights a day. Wow.

Speaker 1 I mean, not private, but

Speaker 1 commercial and commercial and private. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 It's it all just at that point. It's all just

Speaker 1 spending, yeah. When everyone stops, I'll stop.
Okay. But as long as everyone, I'm not going to pretend like this is going to make any difference.
Nothing.

Speaker 1 Like there'd be not one more polar bear alive. No, you're right.
If I went to Wichita to do my show, and I was always doing it to do stand-up. Right.
You know, so I mean, I was working. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And delivering goodness to the people.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's sincerely.

Speaker 1 That is what we are all about. Come on now.

Speaker 1 There are not more two guys who don't deliver goodness to the people. I'd like to meet them.
That's not what we're talking about, right? I don't think they exist.

Speaker 1 I don't think they do. My dad shows up at the airport unannounced

Speaker 1 as I'm walking towards the plane, and he says, don't go to Aspen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was in your tip. Yeah.
And I said, well, what are you talking about? It's the kid's first birthday. He's like, they'll never remember.
I just, I got a hunch, kid.

Speaker 1 You can't, you can't get on it. You can't get on that plane.
Was he always psychic like that?

Speaker 1 He thought he was with, you know, karate kid

Speaker 1 and platoon and other stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But, you know,

Speaker 1 it's interesting, you know, watching the documentary, there's things that I deal with on film. And that was just a couple of years ago that I'm like dealing with like so with such

Speaker 1 like, you know, intense,

Speaker 1 you know, made them a little more precious than they needed to be, you know? Like I was, I was backpedaling.

Speaker 1 I was leaning away from moments I should have just leaned into because now talking about all that shit in interviews and just being

Speaker 1 wide open with it, right? I kind of watched that. And I guess you could say, all right, well, that's the journey.
That's the progress. That's that's,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 this is the road you had to take to feel that way about it. So maybe it's better that there is a record of it feeling like that.
Would you agree?

Speaker 1 I would agree that life is not a destination, it's a series of journeys. Okay.
You know, I mean, there's a thousand song lyrics.

Speaker 1 I can't think of any at the moment, but I know, I just know there's a thousand of them that trade on that theme because it is a universal truism. Sure.
It is. Life is not a destination.
Right.

Speaker 1 Because you never get there. You don't.
You never get there. You don't.

Speaker 1 And it's funny that you think as you go through these decades, I mean, again, now I'm, you know, almost, well, I'm not quite 70, but like entering into the decade where you

Speaker 1 start with sevens.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. Yeah.
You think that, like, when am I going to get to the one where I'm not looking back and going, even five years ago, shit, I was doing that.

Speaker 1 And it never happens. Wow.
I think. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe when I get to be 100, I'll be like, I can't believe at 95,

Speaker 1 I was still worrying about about that crutch that I had.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know. But I doubt,

Speaker 1 having gotten this far, I don't think, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's amazing even in five years at this late age, how much you can look back and go, wow, I don't live that way anymore. So

Speaker 1 you're saying that me

Speaker 1 seeing myself

Speaker 1 dealing with those things like that and

Speaker 1 over here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's, no, I get that. i get that and in five years you won't be here no you know no the the the

Speaker 1 the old uh

Speaker 1 i don't know east some eastern saying and i don't remember what it the actual words were but the thought of it was you put your foot in the river and it looks like your foot is in the same place but the water that passed over your foot It's all the way downstream.

Speaker 1 So it seems when you look down that nothing has changed. Right.
It has.

Speaker 1 It's down there. Interesting.
Yeah. I knew that.
And that's what our history as a species is like. It's what our history as a country is like.

Speaker 1 It's, you know, I mean, just in our lifetimes, we can look back at, you know, years and times and ways we lived. And

Speaker 1 show business itself was very different. I mean, I...
During the pandemic, I watched every Colombo episode. Did you, really? This is the 1970s.
There's not a black person in the show. Interesting.

Speaker 1 Not a single.

Speaker 1 Like the cop who comes in and says,

Speaker 1 come in here, Lieutenant. Right, right.
That's it. Yeah.
Like it's a show with a white lead and then a white, a murderer who in every single episode is white. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's the 70s. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I went on a very short Colombo run about two years ago. Oh, really? Yeah.
Just was always curious about it because Sean Penn's dad, Leo, used to direct Colombo. You're right.
Yeah. That's right.

Speaker 1 I think he did.

Speaker 1 And I think, if I'm not mistaken, didn't Spielberg do the pilot of Colombo? Yes. Yeah.
And then another episode. Yes.
Or was the pilot the two-episode

Speaker 1 event?

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 You're right. Spielberg did something with Colombo.
That's where they cut their teeth. This is mid-seven.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it was a great show because it completely put on its head the idea of a whodunit.
You knew who'd done it.

Speaker 1 That wasn't the interest of the show. Interesting.
The first act before the commercial break, Columbo's never in it. You just see the murderer doing his murder.
Yeah. And then

Speaker 1 act two, Columbo comes in.

Speaker 1 And it's a great character played by Peter Fark, who did it, you know, fucking killed it. Brilliant.
And the conceit is always he's underestimated because the murder is always well-to-do. Right.

Speaker 1 These are rich crimes from rich people interesting yeah in privileged Beverly Hills right and he comes in in his raincoat and he looks like a befuddled buffoon and they underestimate him these people with big egos and big bank accounts right and this little guy in a raincoat fucks with their mind every time and slowly and figures out how they committed the crime and it's always something very abstruse that you could never have come up with on your owners.

Speaker 1 And that's the interest in the show.

Speaker 1 And it was a long, there were 90 minutes.

Speaker 1 Each episode. Yeah.
Wow. They were long.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, maybe too long.

Speaker 1 But still good. Right.
You know, right, yeah. But just the, it was a psychological

Speaker 1 drama. And I don't know if today's audience.

Speaker 1 They don't have the bandwidth. They don't have the patience.
They don't have the focus. Right.
You know, even movies sometimes come in at like 88 minutes.

Speaker 1 Not the one you're struggling through, of course, right now.

Speaker 1 I wish they came in at 88 minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's the rarity. I think they're always too long.
Well, but I mean, there are certain genres

Speaker 1 that are known to be a lot shorter, especially the slasher genre, you know. Oh, well, who you watch slasher movies? I grew up on them when they were great.

Speaker 1 They were great? Well, yeah, like Halloween is a great film. First one was.
That's a slasher movie? I mean, the guy had a knife and he was fucking slashing people.

Speaker 1 Isn't that fit the criteria? Isn't that

Speaker 1 the fucking poster is a knife with a pumpkin, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know. I feel like there was.
Yeah, you're right. You know, maybe there was more actual stabbing than slashing, but at that point, it's apples and oranges.

Speaker 1 You know, that's a great commercial. I don't know what the product is.
I don't either.

Speaker 1 Where there's a, it's making fun of those kind of slasher movies where the teenage kids always make the terrible decision. I think it's for an insurance company.
It's a Geico thing. Okay, must be

Speaker 1 a matter of time.

Speaker 1 It's actually really well made that commercial. And all the kids in it are terrific.

Speaker 1 Of course, they spend money on commercials.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they spend a lot of money on your Super Bowl, Adam. They did, yeah.
But the last line is the cute blind, but blonde saying, quick, run for the cemetery, right? No, no. It cuts to Leatherface.

Speaker 1 Yes. He's standing in a garage.
Behind him are all these chainsaws that are hung there. And the kids have made the completely wrong decision

Speaker 1 to let's run into the garage. And they cut to him, and the commercial is brilliant because of this actor, and he just doesn't take like

Speaker 1 these kids are making it too easy. No,

Speaker 1 that's a great moment. Right.
Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's just.

Speaker 1 But it does end with Run for the Cemetery, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 Well, I don't remember. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Whatever decision they make is the wrong one. They're running toward the danger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, between that and the final countdown, burrito in the microwave with Geico, those two, those that just put those

Speaker 1 on a time capsule, you know? You know, Mad Men certainly limbed that world well. Did you do the whole series? Did you start and finish? Of what? Of Mad Men? Oh, yes.
It did, okay.

Speaker 1 As it was going on, I love it. Okay, I got to it late, but then didn't get past season two.

Speaker 1 Just got distracted with other stuff. Oh, right.
No, I wasn't like, this sucks. I'm out.
No, this is fucking great. It's fantastic.
Yeah. It was great.
Oh, you got another one on your list.

Speaker 1 You're lucky. You're still watching that.

Speaker 1 How many seasons? Four or five? Oh, I don't know. At least.
Okay, so I'm halfway through. Oh, it was great.
Okay. It was great.
But,

Speaker 1 no, I mean, admen

Speaker 1 are super clever. Obviously, not the people you worked for where you had to write the online yourself.
There was that part. You're fucking idiots and missed them.
What the hell? Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Selling nuts, and they can't come up with a lot of people. You could buy it on 80 mile-an-hour fastball right down the middle.
Yeah, middle in. Yeah.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 I mean, I love baseball. I do too.
And I know you do. I remember when I was at your house in Malibu, the memorabilia collection.
It was pretty, it was unique. You still have it.
It's pretty unique.

Speaker 1 I don't. I don't know.
You saw it? No, I did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Time to just

Speaker 1 recycle it back into the base.

Speaker 1 What was in it?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 remember?

Speaker 1 I had a Williams 41 Road jersey, which is pretty rare.

Speaker 1 It's the year he hit 406, you know? And back then, they only had a home jersey and a road jersey. They didn't have like 20.

Speaker 1 I had Babe Ruth bats. Babe Ruth Bats.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had the Mookie ball, which is pretty cool. Mookie Wilson's grandma.
Yeah, the one that went through Buckner's legs. Yeah.
I don't think Buckner beats him to the bag.

Speaker 1 I really don't. Oh, even if he keeps it, I think if he fields it cleanly, he doesn't beat him to the bag.
It's interesting.

Speaker 1 No one ever says that. He never talked about that.
Wow. You know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what bugs me is they do talk about the game and they talk about it like it's a logical game and it's not. I've said this before, it's a game of luck, much more than the other sports.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Basketball, yes, occasionally a guy will shoot a kind of a bad shot and it'll go in.
But mostly it's a make-or-mislead. Right.
And they describe those as he sends up a prayer. Yes,

Speaker 1 and it's answered. Yeah.
Sometimes. I mean, there's Don Nelson's famous one that broke Jerry West's heart.
Right.

Speaker 1 Samson of the Rockets one year had one, you know, it clangs off the back iron, goes straight up, and then bounces it.

Speaker 1 Okay, but that's a rare. Very rare.
Okay. Football, same thing.
You can get a bad call from the ref, or, you know, it can bounce off a guy's helmet and into the defender's arms.

Speaker 1 But basically, when you do the right thing, you get rewarded. Baseball, you know, I'm watching these playoffs and like

Speaker 1 the guy,

Speaker 1 the pitcher for the Yankees and the Red Sox, they had both had like a rookie pitcher. And

Speaker 1 the Red Sox guy just had bad luck. And they don't talk about it like it's luck.
It is luck. The guy hit a grounder.

Speaker 1 If it was...

Speaker 1 Five feet the other way, it would have been a double play. Right, yeah, and you're out of the inning.
But it went through. And then they talk about it like it's foreordained.

Speaker 1 And like, well he's getting he's not getting beaten around no it's luck yeah and a guy stings it like hits a line drive right at a guy yeah and it's caught yeah and another guy bloops it and it's like well that's two hits in a row two shitty hits right right right shitty hits the guy just had bad luck yeah can we just be honest about the luck sure Sure, yeah, no, it is, I would support that.

Speaker 1 And I'm a student of the game. I've been watching it my whole life.
No, I know. I mean, there's nothing you you can do about it.
No. Except I would like a little more honesty about how much.

Speaker 1 From the announcers you're talking about. From everybody.

Speaker 1 About how much luck is involved in baseball. It's just a game where you just have to be lucky.
I mean, Aaron Judge hit the foul pole. I know.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's like, yeah, on a pitch that,

Speaker 1 did you hear the stat on that pitch? On an 0-2 count? Yeah. There was like 598 of them during the season.
Right. Right.
That were, and that were out of this, that were in that part of the strike zone.

Speaker 1 Very interesting. And that was the first one hit for a home run.

Speaker 1 I mean, I have a batting cage here. Oh, you do?

Speaker 1 Do you get out and take some hacks?

Speaker 1 I broke my finger, so it's been a while. Okay.

Speaker 1 I can grip the bat, but I will do it again. She must have played baseball growing up.
Yeah, I played Little League. Okay.

Speaker 1 Were you a middle infielder?

Speaker 1 I was a second baseball. I was also a pitcher.

Speaker 1 I love baseball. I was a pitcher and a shortstop, so we're like a double-play combo sitting right here, man.
That's pretty badass. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Or Alex Rodriguez and Jarek Dieter in 2008.

Speaker 1 We're tinkers to Evers to Chance, right? But

Speaker 1 sorry. No, no.
1930 gold. Oh, I know who

Speaker 1 Larry King named his children after them. Oh.
Did you know that? No, no. This kid is named Chance.
Damn. Okay.
And I think the other one, is the other one Evers?

Speaker 1 I hope it's not Tinker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a bit of a curse, isn't it? Wow. Tinker Tinker Kings.
I was like a, I don't know, a burlesque act.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think it could be, but I don't know. But like just hitting off the

Speaker 1 fucking pitching machine. Right.
Now, do you have a jugs or an iron mic? I don't know. Do you have the wheels or do you have the arms? The wheels down.
Okay, so that's a jugs machine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's always going to have a little bit of bend in it, right? Does it tailbone? Well, you can set it to curveballs.

Speaker 1 Right, but even the fastballs do tail a little bit coming out of a jugs usually.

Speaker 1 I don't even even have it certainly set at the highest speed. What do you hit at? Like 65, 70, 75?

Speaker 1 It doesn't say the speed.

Speaker 1 My guess would be 70 to 80. Okay, all right.
But

Speaker 1 it's amazing. And once in a while, like maybe the ball will be a little wet or something.
Right. And it'll like

Speaker 1 bean you. Oh, it'll come up back.

Speaker 1 It's embarrassing because I charge the mount.

Speaker 1 And both benches empty charge. I mean, of course they do.
You know, it's a big deal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 like I got suspended for three days.

Speaker 1 Donnybrook. I mean, come on, man.
Yeah, that's for myself. My own thing, I got suspended.
Yeah, I mean, as you should have done. And the commissioner had to get involved.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 how long was your suspended? We were appealing it. Okay.

Speaker 1 And what was the fine? It had to be 50 grand, right? Yeah, but with my salary, it's like, come on, wipe my ass. Bus change.
Bus change, yeah.

Speaker 1 That is awesome.

Speaker 1 No, but it's hard to hit a ball

Speaker 1 just off of, and you know what's coming. And where it's going to be.
Yeah. You know what's coming.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's still hard. Yeah.
And the thing you talk about, the luck, you know, even the greatest hitters will describe that, you know, a game, a season-changing home run. I guessed right.

Speaker 1 Right. On the pitch.
Yes. And the guys now are throwing 102, 103.
All of them. How do you, like, what is the, I mean,

Speaker 1 move the mound back. Only a foot.

Speaker 1 Maybe a a foot. I thought, I had the same thought.
They certainly lowered it in 1968

Speaker 1 after Karl Yostramski won the batting title with a 301 average. Interesting.
And we're back to the same. There's only seven players, only one in the American League,

Speaker 1 or maybe one in the National League, who had averages above 300 this year. Wow.
That's not the baseball that. the game started at.
No. I mean, do you know what Babe Ruth's lifetime batting average is?

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 it's like 342. Correct.
Yeah, right? Or something. How about that? Yeah.
Most people guess 242. Yeah, no, no, no.
Because they're thinking of today's slogan.

Speaker 1 No, he never struck out 100 times in a season. Also, he never faced black players.
He never faced Latino players. He never faced Japanese players.

Speaker 1 He never had to play at night. He never had to take a flight.
The mets were small and just fit just over your hand. Right.
Okay, so that's why.

Speaker 1 And the best team's very familiar with all of their pitchers. Right.
Right. But we also

Speaker 1 still

Speaker 1 once hit a grand slam while eating a pork job.

Speaker 1 Somehow that film magically vanished, didn't it? Yeah. They say it's a myth, but it's true.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's like the cold shot, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, you know, that's why I feel like debates about even steroids are so pointless because the game changes so much. Right.

Speaker 1 And it's a reflection of society. Sure.

Speaker 1 Certainly racially, it's a reflection of society. That it's just silly to compare, yes, Ted Williams hit 406 and he was maybe the greatest hitter ever, but he wouldn't hit 406 today.

Speaker 1 You don't think so? Are you kidding?

Speaker 1 Not everybody threw 100 miles an hour.

Speaker 1 It was like one guy, like Walter Johnson.

Speaker 1 You had to face him like whenever he pitched.

Speaker 1 Of course, back in those days, he pitched every other day. Pretty much.
Yeah. You know,

Speaker 1 both ends of a double header.

Speaker 1 Warren Spun

Speaker 1 and Juan Marischel once pitched both 15 innings.

Speaker 1 Of the same.

Speaker 1 You mean

Speaker 1 opposing each other?

Speaker 1 A 15-inning game. Neither one of them would come out.
It was 0-0, and then Willie Mays did something, and then they won 1-0. Wow.
Wow. What was the pitch count for both of them, like up in the 160s?

Speaker 1 In the 170s? Warren Spun was like 80 at the time. Wow.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 he could have been 40. I mean, it was, it was the 60s.
It was like at the end, 15 innings. Wow.
They don't even let them go five, seven. Seven.
You know, seven is like a complete game. I know.

Speaker 1 When I see guys getting pulled because of a pitch count and they got a no-hitter going,

Speaker 1 those are the moments when I just want to scream or strangle the manager. You know,

Speaker 1 we want to keep his arm fresh. Are your boys interested in baseball?

Speaker 1 Not really. No, they didn't get dads.
No, I mean, they understand, like, they'll watch playoff games with me and

Speaker 1 they'll see, you know, that it is, in fact, the most exciting sport. It is the sport with the most drama.

Speaker 1 I think if the situation...

Speaker 1 I mean, that's a hard sell

Speaker 1 to a lot of people.

Speaker 1 But there's no clock. I get there's a pitch clock now, but there's still no clock deciding how much time you have to

Speaker 1 achieve something.

Speaker 1 A lot of people would say the fact that there's no clock is something that diminishes drama. Right, but you know, full count, bottom nine, game seven, runner on third, down by a run, tie game.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? It's like there's. You got to really know, if you really know the game, it is that way.
Okay. But for us, it is that way.
I get it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 To a lot of the public, come on. I mean, basketball, there's just more running

Speaker 1 and action and physicality and football. Same thing, and there is a clock and it ends after an hour of play.
Right.

Speaker 1 And it's more violent. I mean, I get it why those sports

Speaker 1 do kind of, you know, in a lot of ways, certainly as far as ratings go, kill baseball.

Speaker 1 Baseball isn't still popular, but not on that level. Right.
Not the NFL. Right.
I mean, there's one show on television that still works, football. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everything else on broadcast television is a disaster. They got to figure out the halftime show.

Speaker 1 What? Football needs to the Super Bowl needs to figure out the halftime show. What do you mean figure out? Figure out, like, just

Speaker 1 you know, deliver something that

Speaker 1 the diehard fans really want, as far as musically.

Speaker 1 So you...

Speaker 1 Am I taking this as sort of a backhanded slight to bad bunny? Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 there's just, there's bands, there's acts, there's just people that I think are more germane to the experience of the game, of that moment, of that particular game.

Speaker 1 It's the biggest game in the universe that's played.

Speaker 1 You know, and I just feel like it.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure Mr. Bunny is wonderful.
I mean, it's a reflection on me that I don't know his work as well as I can, but I'm of a different era. I was hoping the half-time show would be Eddie Rabbit.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 that I'm watching. Because we won't, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, you know,

Speaker 1 I.

Speaker 1 What about Eddie Money?

Speaker 1 Eddie Money. What was his song? Love a Rainy Night.
Oh, Love a Rainy Night. And there was another one that was really huge.
I just can't think of it. You never had a musical career, right?

Speaker 1 You never tried to Bruce Willis it. No, no.
And I used to, yeah, and I used to listen to him sing at Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 1 Because I was part of that first wave of, you know, actors that got called to promote those things.

Speaker 1 And his gig was, there his deal was that he would show up but he got to play the the those venues with his band you know um and he wasn't he was a pretty good singer he's a pretty good singer but the music got they played it went all fucking night and like the fourth hour it's just like dude

Speaker 1 uh you know where what what is your set list

Speaker 1 you know um yeah so it i mean it did i mean I was friendly with him when he first came out here. Also, he used to love to hang out at the improv when he he was on moonlighting.
Interesting.

Speaker 1 Because he was a New Yorker and then the improv, I think, made him feel at home. It was more of a New Yorky place.
And he liked comics.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, we have some wonderful times. I have fond memories of him.
That always struck me as a little bit of like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 come on. You know, it's like, don't be greedy.
Yeah. You know, like, you're doing amazing as an actor.
You're killing it with Disney. Yeah.
Yeah. There's other people that kind of do that.

Speaker 1 It was a vanity project, but it's okay. You know, like somebody once said, I wish I remember who, I never remember who it was, said, when you first become a star,

Speaker 1 you get a year to act like an asshole.

Speaker 1 I think I may have taken two.

Speaker 1 How many did I get?

Speaker 1 I don't have a calculator with me. Yeah, no, I know.

Speaker 1 No, but you had lots of moments of, I mean, people remember those times, but, you know, look, I mean, somebody showed up on the set of Wall Street

Speaker 1 Platoon, you know, all your big ones, you know, all your great ones. I think,

Speaker 1 like, somebody showed up ready to do some real work. Sure, yeah.
You know, I mean, yeah, and prepared and focused. You know,

Speaker 1 I see there's a big, like,

Speaker 1 special. I think Kim Kardashian is doing it for Elizabet Taylor.
She's kind of like... Oh, yeah, so

Speaker 1 like, you know, I remember somebody saying when Elizabeth Taylor was certainly the butt of everybody's jokes, Joan Rivers was at the spear of that, tip of the spear of that one.

Speaker 1 But like she became a kind of a joke, you know, in her later years. And somebody said, yeah, but it wasn't a joke to get eight Oscar nominations.

Speaker 1 Wow. You know, somebody put in the work.
She took one home, I hope, eventually. Did she

Speaker 1 Cleopatra?

Speaker 1 Well, definitely not Cleopatra. No, okay.

Speaker 1 I don't think that that was either. The Monty Cliff film.

Speaker 1 It's probably Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's probably it. She and Burton were amazing.
Right. Okay.
I mean, another one

Speaker 1 similar to you and your father on certain projects where, you know, they played a married couple who had a love-hate relationship. So, like, I don't know if they needed to do a hell of a lot of

Speaker 1 research.

Speaker 1 Not a lot of research. No.

Speaker 1 I think think we just had to go action. Yeah.
And, you know, I don't even, but I mean, it's an Edward Alby play, Who's Afraid of Judier Wolf.

Speaker 1 It's, it's, you know, it's not for, I wouldn't show that to the kids at Christmas. Yeah, I'm not going to.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you, but if you haven't ever seen that movie, it's been years. It's been years.

Speaker 1 It's spellbinding.

Speaker 1 And George Siegel and Sandy Dennis as the other couple, you know, the B story sort of, this this other straight-laced couple that has to put up with this night with this crazy fighting

Speaker 1 sort of love-hate couple. It takes place in one night.
Yeah. Yeah.
I believe so.

Speaker 1 Interesting. It does.
Yes. You know,

Speaker 1 I think the movie of the week that you might have been trying to think of

Speaker 1 a bit ago,

Speaker 1 it might have been the execution of private Slovak. Correct.
Is that the one? Correct. Yeah.
Yeah. The execution of Private Slovak Slovak.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was a landmark. That was.
Yeah. That was about an issue.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was very important.
Yep. That's where we put important things in the movie of the week.
Yeah. Really? Yeah.
The only deserter ever executed. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's interesting because we just, when you start with that title, you kind of know what you're in for, right?

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah. It's not a rom-com title.
It's not the trial of Slovak. No, it is the...
Yeah. Yeah, there's no meat cute.

Speaker 1 There's no execution. Cute, no.
The executioner. No.
That's right. Yeah, and I think it's Gary Busey's first role that mattered.
I did DC Cab with Gary Busey. Did you really? Oh, I did.
Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 Gary's a trip, isn't he?

Speaker 1 And I say this with great affection because it'll get back to him. Right.
Like a literally insane person. I mean, yeah.
I mean, you look like Dr. Albert Schweitzer next to Gary Busey.
I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I mean, he is. Yeah, our kids went to the same school for a couple of years.
I'd see him at the events, and I'd see him in the parking lot, and I'd see him.

Speaker 1 I'd see him every day. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 He was always friendly and had something fun to say. He was friendly.
He just got sued for being too friendly. Yeah, I heard about that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a friendly guy. Oh, he's a crazy guy.
He's literally crazy.

Speaker 1 And yet, he was one of those guys, a little like you, who, even though he did terrible things, I couldn't turn him away.

Speaker 1 Like on DC Cab, I remember we were on location in Washington and the cast was out one night, like after a shooting in some place in Georgetown where we stayed.

Speaker 1 We all are trooping back to the hotel together. And then like, I mean, there's probably eight of us.
And Gary opens the door to his hotel room. We're all on like the same floor.

Speaker 1 And he lets in, I don't know, two or three people who he wanted, and just then slams the door. No explanation.

Speaker 1 Just slams the door. Like, you are not invited to this part of the evening.
This is where your night ends. Yeah, my night certainly did at that moment.
I mean, I can't unsee that. That's a trip.

Speaker 1 And it's like, it's so bad. It's almost like

Speaker 1 I almost can't blame him for it. It's like, how could you be that bad and have it be like a volition? It's just something in his brain.
And I've seen him like

Speaker 1 try to pick up my girlfriend. I mean, this is a very long time ago, while I was paying his part of the dinner chart.
Oh my gosh. You know, I mean, things like that.
That happened.

Speaker 1 I've seen him at a party on this property,

Speaker 1 put a joint to his lips while he was saying, without irony, that he I'm with Jesus now and I don't do drugs

Speaker 1 while he was smoking the pot. I mean, he is a crazy person.

Speaker 1 He also gave me a lovely housewarming gift that I still have in my house over there.

Speaker 1 And a great actor. Can I I ask what the gift was?

Speaker 1 It's like this

Speaker 1 bowl.

Speaker 1 It's colorful and like, it looks like it's something you would find in the market in Puerto Prince

Speaker 1 or, you know, in the Caribbean or something. Is it the bowl with the numbers on it?

Speaker 1 I mean, it kind of sort of needs to be, you know.

Speaker 1 No. No.
No, that bowl,

Speaker 1 that bowl was a long time ago.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, Gary Busey. So what did you, you worked with him on?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, I did a film my dad directed called Cadence and

Speaker 1 about a soldier who

Speaker 1 goes AWOL, gets stuck in a stockade, and he's the only white guy in there, and Larry Fishburne, Michael Beach, right? A couple of other really good actors,

Speaker 1 John Tolesbay.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Gary was the was the commander of the of the stockade. He was the sergeant, you know.

Speaker 1 And so we filmed with him um for a couple of weeks and it didn't it started it started going sideways well because it was his first job after the accident where he cracked his head yeah oh okay so he hadn't motorcycle accident yeah he shouldn't have been cleared uh for for work you know he was still kind of a fall risk at that point you know um sorry and

Speaker 1 yeah and and it didn't didn't go well so we had to um kind of

Speaker 1 give his walking papers you know and and dad then stepped in to play his role while still directing

Speaker 1 and did a great job, you know. I would say one thing to the people who were concerned about Gary after the motorcycle accident.
It could not have been any difference.

Speaker 1 Wow. Did not make it.

Speaker 1 Trust me, he was just as crazy before. Before the thing with the, yeah.
There was no, that

Speaker 1 only confirmed matters

Speaker 1 from the Gary I know. But again,

Speaker 1 a fine actor and

Speaker 1 a person not without charm. But it was sad because they had been friends since Slovak.

Speaker 1 Is that right? Yeah, and dad thought, okay, this is a chance to let him be a hero. You know, let him just step in and show that he's, you know, he's still

Speaker 1 got the gut. Your father didn't do the documentary, right? I wasn't.
No. No, because we watched it together.
We watched a rough cut with Andrew Renzi, the director. He did a fantastic job.

Speaker 1 Didn't he, though? The way he cut in. He was ridiculous.
The way he cut cut in the footage. Yeah, was mastery.
I mean, I just tell you, masterful. Masterful.
Yeah, really masterful.

Speaker 1 He was a lovely man.

Speaker 1 Really smart, really funny, really cool.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, we spent a year planning that thing and we've had to develop a trust with each other.

Speaker 1 It was really well done. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. But no, I will

Speaker 1 pass that along. He totally nailed it with that.
Yeah, he killed it. Yes, he did.
He really did. I think he's ready for fiction.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Like to do movies

Speaker 1 because he's only worked in the documentary space. I mean, I think completely different discipline, but maybe.
Sure, but as far as his, like, you know, his

Speaker 1 cinematic tools.

Speaker 1 Yes, he does. Oh.
Yes, he does. But

Speaker 1 yeah, so what the hell are we talking about before that?

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 1 Your father. My dad, yes, watching the dock.
Oh, yeah. And so he saw a rough cut of the first episode, like over a year ago and loved it.

Speaker 1 And told, Andrew told Renz, he said, I don't need to be in this.

Speaker 1 I'm in this. Right.
You've got

Speaker 1 beautifully.

Speaker 1 There's footage of him all through it. Yeah, all through it.

Speaker 1 His presence is,

Speaker 1 he's like one of the heartbeats of the show.

Speaker 1 And Renzi was like,

Speaker 1 I can't debate that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would have been good to spend 10 seconds to say that in the documentary.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah. Because it does leave the impression.
Oh, but wait, we hadn't had that experience yet. We would have had to have gone back into that diner

Speaker 1 and just shot that, just that five-minute session.

Speaker 1 What diner was that?

Speaker 1 Gosh,

Speaker 1 I want to say like Lucky's, but it's not Lucky's. Maybe it was Strikes.
Maybe I'm thinking of Lucky Strikes.

Speaker 1 It's one down in Hawthorne. Oh, wow.
Hawthorne. It's one they film a lot of stuff in.
I love it, diner. I do, too.
I do too.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm always having dinner in nice restaurants out here. And I'm not a foodie, so it's okay.
I'm not either. Right.
I don't give a fuck

Speaker 1 about food. And the food in nice restaurants is generally worse to my palate

Speaker 1 than diner food. Wow.
So, like,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say struggling, but

Speaker 1 yes, sometimes I'm struggling to find something on the menu that not only do I not want, but makes me angry.

Speaker 1 Wow, I mean,

Speaker 1 there's something in every description, like, and wilted lettuce, like wilted lettuce, and you're and you're saying that as a

Speaker 1 selling point, you're like, it's just like, there's something stupid. There's something stupid in every one of your dishes.
Wow. Stupid.
Right. Yeah.
Or trying to be cute. Cute, stupid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not too dumb.

Speaker 1 And fuck you.

Speaker 1 I'm an angry man. Maybe just name a dish.
Fuck you. I'm going to have the fuck you tonight.

Speaker 1 A restaurant called Fuck You. A restaurant called Fuck You.
There you go. Yeah, we'd be lined up around the block as our next

Speaker 1 venture after we get there. Do we figure out our

Speaker 1 cause? Yeah. Oh, I thought we figured it.
We did. I forgot.
What the hell was that?

Speaker 1 It's on film.

Speaker 1 Just, you know. I know.
Yes. That reminds me of when I first smoked pot, like in college, like you come up with the greatest idea and then a half hour later, like,

Speaker 1 whoa, we were going to make a trillion dollars and then what was it? It's just gone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 See, that to me is why I hope I never have to quit smoking pot.

Speaker 1 Why would you quit, though? I wouldn't. But I'm saying, like,

Speaker 1 what would, like,

Speaker 1 is there a human alive that could show up with something to, like, you know, some enlightenment to say something that would. Yeah, they could say your lungs

Speaker 1 oh i'm not talking about a doctor i'm just talking about like a buddy of yours

Speaker 1 okay okay a doctor is the best buddy you have yeah that's a good point

Speaker 1 when you're 70. yeah i i i rely on doctors too yeah doctors are doctors are important

Speaker 1 and and the things they say have way more purchase on our opinions or they should if we're smart yeah than what just your friend says yeah so yes they're so it would take them it would take a medical intervention to I, you know, I would hope,

Speaker 1 look, I've never been a hippie who says pot is

Speaker 1 health food. It's not.

Speaker 1 I've never been dishonest about it. Fortunately, I don't have your gene for addiction.
So like I never

Speaker 1 people think I'm doing,

Speaker 1 well, I take no credit. It's just how we're born.
Sure. Yeah.
Like I. It's the hand you drew.
It's absolutely the hand you drew.

Speaker 1 I was born this way. You were born your way.
Sure.

Speaker 1 say something. It's all right, whatever.
Um, I was born dead, but that's beside the point. Yeah, I was that was the joke I was going to go for, but I thought it might be too sensitive.

Speaker 1 I don't care, right? It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago, yeah.
You don't even remember it 60 Super Bowls ago, right? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I guess that was your halftime show. Yes, it was.

Speaker 1 Yeah, talk about

Speaker 1 worried about bad money. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 No, but uh, oh shit, what were we talking about

Speaker 1 About

Speaker 1 the weed stuff, about that you would never quit unless it turned into a thing, about doctors, about

Speaker 1 a smoked pod.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I hope I don't have to quit, but

Speaker 1 the reason I most would miss it is because of this, because of this kind of

Speaker 1 thing that goes on in my life and has since I was 20. I luckily did not start smoking until I was 19 or 20, which is good because I didn't do it to myself in my most formative years.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. Well, everything's still trying to find out.
I think I'm fully grown. Got it.
Which is great. Sure.

Speaker 1 But it has been a long time. And again, it's not health food.
I mean, I'm sure any smoke in your lungs is less ideal than no smoke in your lungs. Perhaps.

Speaker 1 But I vape, and vape keeps me from smoking cigarettes.

Speaker 1 But that's not the most ideal. The most ideal would do neither.
No, yeah, but I just, I have a thing about nicotine. I understand.
I like it in my bloodstream.

Speaker 1 But we're talking about about just the science. Right, right, right.
The science should say, like, I'm the same way. Like, you know,

Speaker 1 I just really look forward to this so much because it's the one night I allow myself a drink or two. Right.
But

Speaker 1 it would be better if I had zero alcohol. Alcohol is poison.
Zero poison is better than even a little poison.

Speaker 1 Right. It's true.
Okay. But it's worth the trade-off because it just brings me back to sixth grade.
Wow. You know, like,

Speaker 1 and I wasn't smoking pot in sixth grade.

Speaker 1 Right, but I mean, just like hanging out with some guy, some, you know, one of my friends, and we're going to come over and we're just going to like fucking, you know, shoot the shit and laugh about stupid shit and be stupid.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 that's what keeps me young or alive, at least. You know,

Speaker 1 when the days felt like weeks and the weeks felt like months, you know, we just had all the time in the world and the only things on our plate were the actual things on our plate, you know, the meals our parents cooked us, you know.

Speaker 1 No the simplicity no money well kid rock guys a line no money just time to spend

Speaker 1 Yeah youth. Yeah, I love his songs about being 17.
Yeah, they're just always

Speaker 1 his song all summer long. Oh, it's a fucking masterpiece.
I agree. Yeah.
He's got many. Oh, yeah.
Many great songs.

Speaker 1 And that to me is his special genius is connecting you to how you felt when you were 16. You're right.
You know, you're right. At the concert with the girl on your shoulders.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, like all those kind of memories. You know, I remember my first kiss.
You know, that's when it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, just

Speaker 1 connecting you to that feeling. And so does this, this kind of thing.
Yeah. You know, pot, just shooting the shit.
I love it. It's all.
I love it. I think people

Speaker 1 go on with their lives and they have kids and blah, blah, blah, and work and everything else and marriage.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if they still connect to

Speaker 1 the fun part, maybe not even the sex part.

Speaker 1 And it's like the things that

Speaker 1 you loved when you were young.

Speaker 1 You don't want to die before you have to actually die. You know, the old saying, don't let the old man in.
Right, right, right. Yeah, because

Speaker 1 he'll knock.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he'll start early.

Speaker 1 He has definitely knocked, my friend.

Speaker 1 He's like the woodpecker outside. I have a woodpecker.
Damn. Not to make this your problem.
Yeah, that's all right. But

Speaker 1 who are friends now right i can unburden myself of course i have a woodpecker yeah outside okay bedroom oh for real yeah oh like an actual fucking bird yeah not a like a wood-eating fucking bird yes wow that's not cool not a cock that's not cool i have a owl you want to trade

Speaker 1 does the owl wake you in the morning no because owls are sometimes 3 a.m

Speaker 1 and they then they

Speaker 1 yeah and they also have a uh

Speaker 1 they have a mating call that nobody ever talks talks about.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a dog

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 it's just like a it sounds like a sad dying dog. And it's a fucking owl trying to get laid.
It's like, what are we doing, you know? But you're not up at 3 a.m. anymore.
No, no. You used to be?

Speaker 1 No, I used to be. Yeah, no.
Sometimes I get up at 5. You know, I get up

Speaker 1 early. Yeah.
What? Yeah. What time do you go to bed? Like sometimes, 10?

Speaker 1 10? 11 sometimes? Yeah. Wow, the mighty have fallen.
I know. I know.
I mean, that's your, wow.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, living with kids and freaking, you know. So you live with two?

Speaker 1 Not right now. I live with Max.
You live with? Max, yeah. He's terrific.
He's great. But they're twins.
They are twins, yeah. You split the twins.
Well, he, uh, Bob is with his mom right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's splitting. That's right.

Speaker 1 Probably a good idea. But they're usually, but they, but no, they're very tight.
We all usually live in the same village. We're in this village together.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You live in the same village.

Speaker 1 We all usually live in the same city, very close to each other, but they're in Florida at a place for some spiritual enlightenment.

Speaker 1 Whatever that means.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think it's great to split up twins. I think they've spent enough time together.
I think it's a good idea.

Speaker 1 I mean, not that, I'm not saying being a twin is creepy. It's a little creepy.
I just think it is. I mean, it's just weird.
I grew up with identical twins named the Heaths, Kim and Steve Heath.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you weren't a twin. No.
No. No, no.
I'm saying, but

Speaker 1 to be one, you mean. To be one, I just think

Speaker 1 it's just got to be a very, very different life than

Speaker 1 normal people.

Speaker 1 Because it's just weird that there's this other you. Right, right.
It's just this other you. Like you, like right there.
Like right there. Yeah, like while you're sleeping right there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, what are we, what? And, you know,

Speaker 1 I mean, they, and you must have,

Speaker 1 as you go through life, because I've seen this story in the Inquirer many times of twins who got separated and then 40 years later, they reunite them.

Speaker 1 And of course, like they were doing the same things. They married the same kind of guy.

Speaker 1 They lived the same life. How does that happen? Because they're like two halves of a zygote or something.
Right, right, right. That's not the science, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Close enough.

Speaker 1 What about the two sisters? I think this happened in New Jersey

Speaker 1 that were separated for years and they decided on the same night. And I'm pretty sure, I'm almost positive this is a true story.

Speaker 1 they decided they were going to visit each other at each other's house and they were probably live you know 20 miles from each other right and they left at the exact same time in their cars and had a head-on collision with each other and both fucking died

Speaker 1 put your research department on that story I guarantee it happened it's so how do you like how do you if you're the parents if you're even just a buddy of that one of those girls how do you like what do you say at the funeral

Speaker 1 my bigger question is, how do you not laugh? I mean, at the funeral

Speaker 1 in life. I mean, at you, at saying this story.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I feel bad laughing, but it's just like too crazy. They had a head-on collision.

Speaker 1 But what does that tell us about the human psyche? I mean, for someone like me, a lifelong atheist, well, not lifelong, but long-time atheist, and,

Speaker 1 you know, someone who just, you know, doesn't believe mostly in the things that are not able to be proved,

Speaker 1 I mean, it just puts your mind.

Speaker 1 You just have to like sort of

Speaker 1 accede to the idea that there are things we just don't know and cannot know. Or maybe we will someday.
Sure.

Speaker 1 But like, it's just, but too many times you hear about stories like that that are just so weird. Like, could it be coincidence? It could.
But the numbers would have to be so astronomical.

Speaker 1 Like the age of the universe squared. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right? Well, we don't. I mean, the odds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that specific number, I think you're pulling out of your ass.
It's big. I've never done the math.
Well, we've got to do that.

Speaker 1 We don't know the age of the universe. Well, no, we really don't.
But we know we're in the Big Bang Theory. Right, right.
Well, times itself, right? 14 billion. Okay, times itself is.

Speaker 1 It's a lot. I didn't want to bring math into this.
I'm sorry. But yes,

Speaker 1 it's an astronomically unlikely event. So, you know, as Sherlock Holmes would say, if you eliminate the highly unlikely

Speaker 1 or the very improbable, what's left is

Speaker 1 the truth.

Speaker 1 You know, if you eliminate the impossible, what's left is the improbable, even if it's improbable. That's the way I should have said it.

Speaker 1 And that's what we have. We have something improbable, but, you know.

Speaker 1 I would say that, yes, the units, the age of the universe squared is the impossible. So what do we make of that? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Your instinct was to laugh.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 not because of the tragedy. It's not the irony.
Not the tragedy. The irony, of course.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know that there's a,

Speaker 1 I think, almost certain UFO heading toward Earth. Okay.
Have you been reading about that? Yeah, it's called the 3I or the 3.

Speaker 1 3I

Speaker 1 470 or something.

Speaker 1 This thing's maneuvering and changing colors and going against the flow of gravity and all kinds of unique travels.

Speaker 1 It is ordinarily you would think it was a comet, except that it's 12 miles long, which is longer than a comet. The light is coming from the front of it, which is not.
Which is like headlights.

Speaker 1 I mean, come on. It's like a fucking headlight.

Speaker 1 Okay, right. A comet would have the light at the tail.

Speaker 1 It also seems to have traveled close to other planets

Speaker 1 as if it has been doing a drive-by in the universe. Shouldn't it be pulled into those planets?

Speaker 1 I guess so. I mean,

Speaker 1 sort of that's

Speaker 1 also it seems to have started its voyage 8,000 years ago. Wow.
They say, which is about when we started using technology on Earth, which may have been what intrigued them to this.

Speaker 1 There certainly have been a lot of...

Speaker 1 instances in the last five years where even the military is saying we see things of a nature we can't we can't explain we can't explain or replicate or replicate yeah now it could be china having technology we don't i don't think that's the likely scenario it's possible everything's possible but i mean this thing is supposed to be here in a couple of months oh after its 8,000 mile journey wow

Speaker 1 that's quite the road trip

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 i mean what what what do you think is it's supposed to uh collide it's supposed to land it's supposed to Oh, it's not supposed to do anything, but it's just... Or it's been predicted that that's...

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, this is not just me. These are some Harvard physicists saying this.
Its trajectory. There is definitely something that is heading toward Earth.

Speaker 1 It could be a comet, but it is not acting like a comet or looking like a comet. So what is the conclusion? I mean...

Speaker 1 It sounds to me like a 12-mile-long UFO. Right.

Speaker 1 12 miles fits a lot of people in the Trojan horse.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.
I'm just saying I'm glad we're doing this now. You and me both.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 But I mean, are they giving us updates? Is there like a website people can go to and like?

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't want to be the one to start the panic. Okay.
But people will. Well, you started the panic in me.
I mean,

Speaker 1 no one knows if they have malicious intent,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 it is suspicious to me that this is happening now after this run-up of so many instances of where military people see things, and it is very often around a military base or something

Speaker 1 that they can't explain. And it's not like they're even trying to hide it anymore, the fucking aliens.

Speaker 1 They're getting very brazen about it. Broad daylight.
They shot at them recently and it bounced off. Wow.

Speaker 1 And then the thing, of course, disappeared like at the speed of sound. Yeah, Yeah,

Speaker 1 light speed, yeah. And, you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm just glad I caught up on those Colombo episodes.

Speaker 1 I got to watch those movies. And then I got to know you better.
Likewise. Likewise.
And, you know, doing this without an audience, I think, is

Speaker 1 such a pleasure with you. And I'm not knocking the audience.
Let me tell you. But there's something that happens.

Speaker 1 Yes. I designed it this way.
I don't mean to pat myself on the back. Pat it on the back.
When I said I'm going to do a podcast, there have been three billion of them.

Speaker 1 I said, I'm going to do it differently. I'm not going to have a microphone.
They all look like just talk shows to me. They just move the talk show to a different medium.

Speaker 1 And I don't think it's any more intimate than a talk show. There's nothing wrong with a talk show.

Speaker 1 But this is different.

Speaker 1 And it's because we don't see the cameras, we don't have the mics,

Speaker 1 and it's just us. And there's no agenda.
Even on the podcast, I see them with their cards. I know.
It's just like we've done for years. It's the 50s on talk shows.
I have a blue card.

Speaker 1 I have these questions. You answer my questions.
I pretend to laugh. That's not what we're doing here.
Not even close. Not even close.
I have something for you.

Speaker 1 It's the first one in starting to sell merchandise. Okay.
And this is the club random. You get the bag.
That's amazing. You get the t-shirt

Speaker 1 because, you know, who doesn't want to see Charlie Sheen with Bill Maher on his chest? I'm wearing that.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing that tomorrow.

Speaker 1 It's a hoodie. Oh, wow.
I mean, this is like

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 this is, you know, some of your friends who are still on crack.

Speaker 1 I know they get the shivers sometimes. This is very good

Speaker 1 when that happens.

Speaker 1 And then there's, here's the thing, the cozy for your beer. Yeah, amazing.
Oh, look at that. Beer cozy.
Yeah. Because you sell beer.
It's a very good beer. Wild AF.
It's the only beer I ever drink.

Speaker 1 All right. That's brilliant.
That's awesome. Thank you.
Thank you. My friend.
Thank you. You know, one more thing I have to tell you,

Speaker 1 that night we had dinner

Speaker 1 and you paid the check. Okay.
And you did it. You were like, you wanted to go.
And Brooke was, by the way, really charming. I remember I'd only seen her in the press before that.

Speaker 1 I was like, like, I don't know what to think of this, Jim.

Speaker 1 And then I see, like, I see why he likes her. She is.

Speaker 1 She's a nice spirit. Oh,

Speaker 1 so much fun. Just fun.

Speaker 1 Fun girl. Yeah.
And but, and you just were like, I think you were anxious to get out of there. Anyway, you, this is how long this, this, how long ago this is, this is like dinner for six.

Speaker 1 And with tip,

Speaker 1 I remember you put down $600 bills. Oh.
like right on the table. And ever since then,

Speaker 1 whenever I do it all the time, and I call sheening sheening it. Seriously.
Like we're in a diner or anywhere. And I just want to get out of there and I go, I'm just going to sheen it.
That's badass.

Speaker 1 Wow. I left that behind.
I just put the money down. It's like,

Speaker 1 sheen it.

Speaker 1 Pay more than they want. Sure.
Pay more than they're expecting. Sure.
But just cash and then time for money. Wow.
That's amazing. Honored.

Speaker 1 Honored. Thank you, Bill.
This is lovely. Oh, this is yours.

Speaker 1 This whole thing, this whole kitten caboodle belongs to you.

Speaker 1 Lucky motherfucker.

Speaker 1 This is literally, this is the first one like this? The first one. That's awesome.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Wow. Beautiful.

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