Don’t Sit Under The Walnut Tree

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Speaker 2 Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non-existent matters, and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments.

Speaker 2 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Bright, on November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 3 Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/slash call conan okay let's get started

Speaker 1 hi muntaser welcome to conan o'brian needs a fan i love it

Speaker 1 hey muntaser hi guys how are you hi conan okay there's a lot to talk about here

Speaker 1 first of all i want to make sure i'm saying your name correctly how do you say your name it's muntaser muntaser

Speaker 1 yeah exactly

Speaker 1 very nice to talk to you and i love uh looks like later hosen you're wearing

Speaker 4 yeah exactly I thought I should dress fancy for Conan. So

Speaker 4 this is my Lederhosen.

Speaker 1 Oh, very, very nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's

Speaker 1 yes, I do like it when

Speaker 1 my guests wear Lederhosen. I think that's well known.

Speaker 4 Actually, actually,

Speaker 4 there is another reason for

Speaker 4 me wearing my Lederhosen.

Speaker 4 I'm applying or trying to get the Austrian citizenship.

Speaker 4 So I have been wearing this for a month and running back and forth in front of the mayor's office

Speaker 1 because it helped yet.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 hopefully it will help at some point. Incredible.
Really?

Speaker 1 Well, that sounds like as good a plan as any, Muntasser, to get citizenship in Austria is to run back and forth of the mayor's office wearing later hosen.

Speaker 1 Muntaser, where are you from originally?

Speaker 4 So I am from Iraq

Speaker 4 and I fled to Austria nine years ago, 2015.

Speaker 1 How did you, can you describe how you said you fled to Austria from Iraq? How did you do it?

Speaker 4 I just took the longest hike ever and I landed in Austria somehow.

Speaker 1 Did you really tell, you told the Iraqis, I'm going on a hike. Don't worry about me.
I'll be back. Don't wait up.
Don't worry about the fact that I'm wearing 19 canteens.

Speaker 1 And Lederhosen. And Laterhosen.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to Austria.

Speaker 4 Actually, I got in with my Lederhosen. They didn't suspect me.

Speaker 1 You said this is just my...

Speaker 1 I'm into bondage. This is not Lederhosen.
I'm into bondage. Don't worry about it.
So this is, I'm impressed.

Speaker 1 You essentially walked all the way from Iraq to Austria. That's an incredible story.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so to Turkey, it wasn't a problem. I flew to Turkey.

Speaker 4 That went fast.

Speaker 4 And then from Turkey to Austria, I pretty much walked

Speaker 4 most or half of the way, let's say. And sometimes I got to use a train now and then or a bus.
But yeah. And a lot of times I just was hiking.

Speaker 1 Wow. So you arrived in Austria and you've established established yourself now you've been living in austria in linz for quite a while now yeah it's been nine years so the first few years um

Speaker 4 uh weren't that easy but uh i started studying here i've finished my bachelor and i'm teaching now in a private catholic school in my city

Speaker 4 I also train beginners swimming. So I teach swimming as well.

Speaker 4 And yeah, I teach physical education and English in a middle school.

Speaker 1 I have to say, Montaser, you're an impressive person. I think you deserve.

Speaker 1 No, no, you deserve a lot of credit because

Speaker 1 to be so young, to leave your country, you know, pretty much on foot, make your way all the way to Austria and then establish yourself, that's a feat. That's a real accomplishment.
Many people

Speaker 1 don't accomplish a quarter of that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you.
That's very cool.

Speaker 4 Thanks. Thanks, Thanks, Conan.
This is this means the world to me coming from you. This is like,

Speaker 4 yeah, this is crazy.

Speaker 1 Well, I've never done anything like that. So

Speaker 1 I think you're the one to be respected here.

Speaker 1 Tell me a little bit about your life now. What's going on in your life? Besides, I know what you do for work, and I know that you're applying for citizenship in Austria, but what's your life like?

Speaker 4 Well, it's not much. Austria is a pretty much small small country.

Speaker 4 It's not much going on. I've got a new apartment a few months ago.

Speaker 4 I've got an Austrian girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Oh, let's hear about your Austrian girlfriend. What about her? Yeah, I'd just like to hear about her.
Tell us about your girlfriend.

Speaker 4 Well, she is.

Speaker 4 Austrian from the Alps, from the heart of the Alps.

Speaker 4 We live in Upper Austria, between the mountains.

Speaker 4 She is five years younger than me, so she doesn't really think that I am cool.

Speaker 1 Just from a five-year age gap, and you walked across all of Europe.

Speaker 1 Keep in mind,

Speaker 1 keep in mind, he's wearing later hoses.

Speaker 1 He's wearing later hoses.

Speaker 1 We're getting snippets.

Speaker 1 So your girlfriend is younger. What's her name?

Speaker 1 Isabella. So Isabella is Austrian.
She's your girlfriend, and she doesn't think you're cool.

Speaker 4 No, no, not really. I'm still trying to convince her.

Speaker 1 Well, what do you think would help make you look cool to your girlfriend?

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 4 Conan, that was my next request is for you to come to Austria and maybe we could wear Austrian Lederhausen, go to a beer tent and impress and take my girlfriend with us so

Speaker 4 the girls will see my girlfriend girlfriend will see the girls going crazy at us yeah

Speaker 1 and then she will be like i should keep

Speaker 1 muntasser no muntaser oh no muntaser um

Speaker 1 i know people think i'm crazy and deluded and that's partially true but i'm not that deluded

Speaker 1 I don't think your beautiful young girlfriend from Austria.

Speaker 5 Maybe though, standing next to you, this is a kind of like she'll look and go, oh, he is pretty cool.

Speaker 1 You know, maybe

Speaker 1 it's always good to have friends with me here

Speaker 1 in the trenches

Speaker 1 firing their rifles into my side as I fight the good fight.

Speaker 1 Muntasser, Muntasser,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 I just want to make sure we get your plan straight. Your plan is you would say it again.
You would like me to come to Austria to help you look cool in front of your girlfriend? And what would we do?

Speaker 4 Exactly. That is my plan.
I mean,

Speaker 4 we could have another plan. As in,

Speaker 4 you are a powerful man. So you could come to Austria and convince the government to give me a citizenship

Speaker 4 if my Lederhosa plan doesn't go right.

Speaker 1 I have to tell you something right now, Muntasser. Your Lederhosen plan is not going to work out.

Speaker 1 Running around in front of the mayor's office wearing Lederhosen will not yield results.

Speaker 1 I don't know that I can do anything, but I do know this. Anything I do will be better than your later hosen plan.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the idea is

Speaker 1 maybe I help you get citizenship, but the main thing I'm interested in is young people in love.

Speaker 1 That's what I care about. And so does your girlfriend even know who I am?

Speaker 4 Yeah, she knows who you are. I

Speaker 4 introduce her to

Speaker 4 your videos, to your sketches, and

Speaker 4 she likes them, of course.

Speaker 4 I showed her your sketch of you and Andy Richter in Munich,

Speaker 4 where you were learning how to dance the Schuplattler.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Schuplatler. Yes, that's a very fun.
I love that video.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 she loves it as well.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 she's aware and she's then seen me in Laderhausen, which is good. I believe I'm wearing Laderhausen in that, and so is Andy.

Speaker 4 Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I remembered it being very tight and sensual.

Speaker 1 I kept asking them to make it tighter, and then there was a certain limit where they just stopped.

Speaker 1 Sona,

Speaker 1 it's very constricting.

Speaker 1 That's all you need to know. I don't need to know that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a little drawing for you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're good.
No, there's actually more. I can always

Speaker 4 go tighter in Austria. We go go tighter than the Germans.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. That's why I prefer Austria.
Tighter.

Speaker 1 So, Muntaser, I would be your wingman, is what you're saying. You're familiar with the American term wingman.
I would be your wingman. And

Speaker 1 by being your wingman, maybe Isabella would be more interested in you, think you were cooler. Is that the idea?

Speaker 4 Yes. So

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 4 She goes to music festivals that last like for several days. She's going to to a music festival in in next week, I think.

Speaker 4 Um they last several days and it's just loud and uh too many people and I would rather watch my beard grow for four days than be in a music festival.

Speaker 4 It's it's just the last place that I I would I wanna be at.

Speaker 1 So yeah,

Speaker 4 yeah, not not so much in common.

Speaker 1 No, I I'm with you, Muntaser. My daughter loves a music festival and they go on for days.
And I like some music, but when it goes on and on and on, and everybody's twirling around,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's not for me. I would rather be.

Speaker 4 Sleeping in tents and getting sweaty.

Speaker 1 And no, that's. That's not for you.
No.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 4 I go to the museum.

Speaker 4 I don't know. I go to...

Speaker 4 I like to climb trees and pick walnuts, for example. That is another thing I do.

Speaker 1 Gee, I don't see what the problem is with Isabella.

Speaker 1 She's got a boyfriend who likes to wear Tyrolean.

Speaker 1 You're from a fairy tale.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are a fairy tale man.

Speaker 1 You love to wear later hose and climb trees and pick walnuts.

Speaker 1 And she wants to waste her time at a Taylor Swift concert.

Speaker 1 No one likes that.

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Speaker 1 I got my golden retriever a facelift. We talked about it for a year.

Speaker 1 He was very unhappy. He wasn't doing well on social media.
So we had a little to nip and tuck. Yeah, it was a good time.

Speaker 1 No, I've never had that. It was a good time.
I never did that.

Speaker 1 Animals never had facelifts in my home. That's one thing where I will draw the line.
No facelifts for dogs in my home. Cats, on the other hand, need all the help they can get.
I lost my mind.

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Speaker 2 Don't miss Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, premiering on Hulu, November 21st. Filmed live at the sold-out United Center Arena in Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian's newest special features his larger-than-life presence, one-of-a-kind physical comedy, and hilarious everyday observations that will keep you laughing non-stop.

Speaker 2 Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non-existent matters, and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments.

Speaker 2 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, on November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

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Speaker 1 I'm worried about you, Montaser, because I identify with you. I'm a strange man myself.

Speaker 1 It's very rare that we end up with the cool girl. It's just, it's this tricky one, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But if you, if you come to Austria, maybe, and you do that, you will think, well,

Speaker 4 Conan is climbing a tree and picking walnuts. So that is probably cool.
I will get you a nice health insurance in Austria, a nice cheap one.

Speaker 1 And we will both be out. You have, Montaso, you have the, I have to say, you have the worst ideas

Speaker 1 for how to get citizenship and how to impress your girlfriend.

Speaker 1 You know, you're not calling brad pitt you're not calling any of these super cool people i'll get conan o'brien to pick walnuts with me my girlfriend will see that

Speaker 1 and then it's sex ahoy

Speaker 4 i'm just using her as an excuse for uh for you to come and pick walnuts with me yes well

Speaker 1 she doesn't exist does she yeah i don't think this girlfriend's real you'll keep saying she's just there around that corner um Look at his mug.

Speaker 7 Yeah, show us that mug.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, you got a Team Coco mug. My Conan.

Speaker 4 Team Coco mug. Conan, you are applauding, but I'm not sure if I got it from the official website.

Speaker 4 So you probably didn't get any money for this one.

Speaker 1 It's okay.

Speaker 4 My friend got it for me

Speaker 4 as a birthday present for one and a half dollars.

Speaker 1 So So it's called

Speaker 1 Muntasa, I bet if you put it in the wash once, it'll say world's best golfer on it.

Speaker 4 It was written Conan with a K.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Muntasir, I like you. I like the, you're still, you're a good guy.
You're a good guy. And

Speaker 1 quick question. This is important for me to know.
Do you and Isabella live together?

Speaker 4 No, no. Actually, I'm trying to convince her to come to

Speaker 4 my city and live with me because I've just got a new apartment.

Speaker 1 Are you in your apartment right now, or are you?

Speaker 4 No,

Speaker 4 this is my friend's room.

Speaker 4 I just

Speaker 4 am staying here because he has a nice headgear and a nice lash.

Speaker 1 It looks like a room that a Lego figure would live in. I thought you were waiting for an elevator.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 It's a dormitory. It's a student's

Speaker 4 students place.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 you have an apartment now, and you would like her to come live in the apartment. Does she like your apartment?

Speaker 4 Well, she I haven't decorated the apartment yet, but she lives in a very nice house with the lakes and the mountains. And here in the city, we don't have lakes or mountains.

Speaker 1 Oh, she has her own house or does she live with her parents?

Speaker 4 No, she lives with her parents still.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's tough. It's tough to get her away from that nice big mansion and come live with you in walnut tree.

Speaker 4 No, so yeah, that's that's true. That's the thing.
I have a new apartment, but I haven't decorated it yet. So

Speaker 4 yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you good at decor? Do you think maybe

Speaker 1 if you make

Speaker 1 them horrible? Okay, well, listen, maybe if you made the apartment look cool enough, right?

Speaker 1 That might, I mean, Sona, you jump in here. If

Speaker 1 a guy was trying to entice you to move in with him,

Speaker 1 would if

Speaker 3 if he made the space look cool enough would that entice you i think it would be more can i put my own stuff in there and make it cool myself

Speaker 3 but yeah it does make a difference if you put the effort in i think instead of you know like a an apple crate for your tv stand and stuff which i've seen yeah dated guys like that didn't love it yeah

Speaker 1 you dated guys that would just use like stuff from a construction site to make a bookcase

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 3 yes I did. Yeah, I did.
I was younger. It's okay.
It's okay.

Speaker 1 Everyone's done it. We've all been there and done that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we have. Everyone's done it.

Speaker 5 You got, for instance, a nice big bowl for your walnuts on the table.

Speaker 5 Like a fine bowl.

Speaker 4 I had got one actually on

Speaker 1 you. That's nice.
She said these are for your walnuts.

Speaker 1 And that's when you knew you were in love.

Speaker 1 I think what's important.

Speaker 1 Wentasser, I think what's important is

Speaker 1 you don't decorate your apartment the way you would. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I think that's very important. I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know either.

Speaker 1 I think he's going to be himself. You said, Sona, that's true.
It's important to ask her what she likes and maybe make the apartment yield to some of her aesthetic wishes. Is that a possibility?

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 4 how about you help me decorate my apartment according to your taste? No,

Speaker 1 okay, does she

Speaker 1 does she like Civil War memorabilia? Oh, no,

Speaker 1 yes, I think she does. Uh, I haven't asked her, but I will uh answer for her.

Speaker 1 She does.

Speaker 6 Conan has a Civil War memorabilia tree that he climbs up and kicks memorabilia.

Speaker 3 All three of you can go furniture shopping together, and then she can put in her two cents. But I'm nervous about you.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't be.

Speaker 3 Or even Montasser just doing it all on.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you would look at Montasser and look at me and be worried that we don't know what a woman finds sexy.

Speaker 1 I think you're out of your mind.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Montasser,

Speaker 1 I'm very impressed by you. I think your personal story is incredible.
And

Speaker 1 what you've done to single-handedly forge your life through a lot of hard work and taking some risks is amazing. You're a very impressive guy.

Speaker 1 So, I would do anything I could to help you with Isabella. I would try not to hurt things, I would try to just only make things better.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Conan. Thank you.
Um, I will make a whole list of things you can do for me to fix my life

Speaker 1 and everything.

Speaker 4 And I will send this to Team Coach.

Speaker 1 My career has taken some weird turns.

Speaker 1 I now just have massive to-do lists, and I rush around the globe running small errands. You're like the Mary Poppy.

Speaker 4 Well, you haven't been to Austria, so I have still.

Speaker 1 I've never been to Austria. I would love to go to Austria and I would love to meet you and personally shake your hand.
Because I think

Speaker 1 I'm lucky to have a fan like you, Montaser. You're a cool guy.

Speaker 4 Thank you. Thank you.
Well, I have been listening to you,

Speaker 4 watching your stuff

Speaker 4 for years since my beginning in Austria. and I watched thousands and thousands of videos, and I laughed at least 12 times.

Speaker 1 That's the ratio, that is the ratio, Montaser.

Speaker 1 At least, I said at least it's probably more. It's always been 3,000 to 12.
It's been the ratio,

Speaker 4 and yeah, there were some difficult times where your videos helped me a lot. And yeah I used to just be alone and giggle with watching your

Speaker 4 Conan Without Borders

Speaker 4 Jordan Schlansky stuff or yeah

Speaker 1 well you know what the important thing is now we know each other so

Speaker 1 I know you now Muntaser and I hope I get to know you better but I'm very lucky to have a fan like you

Speaker 4 Thank you, Conan. Thank you very much.

Speaker 4 I think it's

Speaker 4 the world to me.

Speaker 1 I think it's time you go and and waxed and oiled uh

Speaker 1 your clothing

Speaker 1 and your walnuts yeah all right well take care muntaser bye thank you thank you conan bye bye thank you guys

Speaker 7 Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonoma Obsession, and Matt Gorley.

Speaker 6 Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Speaker 7 Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Frost, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 7 Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.
Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

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