Matthew Rhys Returns Again

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Hello, my name is Matthew Reese.

And I feel ashamed about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Finally, an honest answer.
Oh, God, that felt good. I feel unburdened and light.

Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell.
Brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there. Welcome to Colonel O'Brien Needs a Friend.
I put a little pause between Conan O'Brien and Needs a Friend, kind of a dramatic.

You know what makes it really dramatic is explaining it.

I guess I had that coming. And you're fired.
Okay, fair enough. Sona, Matt, how you guys doing? Good, how are you? I'm doing okay.

It's a little bit of a follow-up.

The nation's gripped because recently I talked about my trip to the eye doctor. Sona Movesian took me there, filling in for David Hopping, who went to a Midwestern wedding.

Again, way too much backstory. Can I just say this is like a third installment in the ongoing Saga of your eye.
Went to Saga. I never say Saga.
Yeah, Saga is weird. I've never heard Saga.

What was that? And by the way, it was Bob's Saga. Okay.

Because you guys are right, and that's probably worth stopping for. And you're not assholes.

You're checking every box right now. Not assholes worth stopping for.
I don't know why I still work here. No, I don't either.
I was going to say in the saga

that it started with your eye pustule leaning on the mic, then your visit to the optometrist to do bits where you stayed for hours. And then now there's a lot of things.
I did so many great bits.

You do so many bits. In that waiting room.
Here's the thing.

You know, I have prescription glasses and they needed to make them a little stronger, but everything's fine.

Are my eyes leaking a bit? Sure, they are.

Just they're dry.

What I'm looking at right now, I'm worried about your depth of focus.

What about my mental focus? That's what you should be worried about. Because my brain is also leaking.
You're saying it, like, are my eyes leaking? Sure. Sure, they are.
That's not normal.

Yeah, oh, please. Ocular jelly is oozing everywhere.

No, and so it's very common

for people with my talent. It's just too much talent.
And this is how sometimes the eyes reject the talent.

Seeping out of you? Is that your talent? Yeah, the eyes. It's like, is there going to be room for eyes or talent? And I always hang on to the talent.

And so the eyes try to be the two great wits of all time. So work with iron eyes, Cody, but that's a whole other story.

Anyway,

back to the main story. They give me the drops I'm going to use.
Everything's fine. Me peepers are fine.
It's all good. And who needs eye jelly anyway? I always say.

So I'm about to leave. And this woman said, Hey, Conan, have you ever thought of contact lenses? And I said, You know, I've never, ever used contact lenses.
My distance is fine.

I just mean pretty much for reading. I need a little correction with distance, but really not much at all.
And she said, you know, once you get used to them, they're really handy.

And you wouldn't have to carry glasses around because you can forget them. And where'd they go? And did someone steal them? And let's put out a warrant.
So I said, I'll, well, sure.

And she said, yeah, they're so thin now. They really work great.
And she brought in some context and she said, I'll show you how to pop them in and pop them off. And I went, great.

Cut to a montage that lasts about 55 minutes.

Not that I was timing it or anything with Sona in the waiting room and the woman saying, no, no, you just, you just, and me holding my eyes open

and trying to jab it in there, but I'm, you know, I've got fluttery eyelids that are like,

and I've never liked people getting near my eyes. And she said, men are more prone to that than women.

We just, and I've noticed it in the makeup chair forever, whenever people get near my eyes, I grip the handles of the chair and I could crush them.

I'm just so freaked out by people going near my eyes. I kept trying and kept trying and failing and saying, I, and I came up against something I just couldn't do.
And I'm not used to that.

I'm not bragging. I'm a bad athlete and there's a million things I can't do.
But this I just thought, oh, I'll be able to do this. And I couldn't do it.

And when I was done, my eyes, both of my eyes were so red. Did you get them in? I got them in, and then I, it was time to get them out.
That was a whole process.

I, of course, doubled down on, I don't even know that I want contacts, but I am not losing this battle.

So I'm not wearing them now because I wanted to get my eyes out.

They said, give your eyes a rest for a couple of days because it looks like I went seven rounds with the champ i came out of there you saw my eyes you looked really stoned yeah you did you had like a glazed over look it looked really stoned yeah you were really having struggle my eyes were so red and i couldn't believe this is something people do all the time have you ever worn contacts funny you should say that because i used to wear contacts i hated them and when i went for the first time to try them on the optometrist was trying over and over to get them in my eyes and he finally put them down he sighed and he went i don't know how to say this but you have abnormally strong eyelids.

I was like, Of course, you know what? That's what I said. That's what the strength I have is eyelids and not like biceps.

But

when your wife saw you on the beach, she was like, Gee!

When I winked at her, strong eyelids there, mister. But I have astigmatisms, and I just can't handle them.
They dry my eyes out. I don't like them.
I do. I do.
So does Conan. Yeah.

He has an astigmatism, too. Check us out.

So, did you? Cool. But Sona, you got used to it.

And I wonder if me.

There's a microphone right in front of your mouth. Oh, my God.

You were doing an announcement on a cruise ship in a storm. Oh, my God.
You were telling people to get back into their cabins. Asked the lady a question.
I know, but she started to do this.

I'm channeling my rage. Eduardo.
I'm channeling my rage. Eduardo, be fair.
You don't have to answer. You can't.
I'm channeling my rage. I'm taking deep breaths and I'm channeling it right now.

Okay, go ahead. Tell your story.
Give it to him. Don't channel it.

I wonder if me telling you that I was able to do it when I was 12 may have contributed to you getting more kind of like, well, I can do it too.

Because I kept saying I did this when I was, I've been wearing contacts since I was 12. A girl of 12 can wear contacts.
Yeah.

You know, first of all,

I'm an ally of all women, and

I empower you, and I'm happy for you. Oh my god.

That's awful. What did you say?

Well, I want to say that I've worn contacts. You can back off the mic.

I've wear contacts, but but eduardo has a very special contact situation uh that i think might is this going to prove helpful to conan possibly maybe i think you guys are all wusses yeah but this but i say i do want advice i do want cool i do want advice and also i'm telling you this david hopping told me that his mother it like teaches people how to put yeah contact lenses in and out yes seriously this and that i'm gonna have a zoom with her but what is your advice so i wear scalero lenses which are the...

Brag?

Yeah, so it's a very specific type of scale. Is this a company owned by former judge Scalia?

How did you know? No.

It's for some of you. I use Ginch Burgos.

But I have to use this.

I hate you. I hate you so much.
That was good.

I hate you so much. Look at me.

Look at me. I wish we could do a thing where I pull a string and confetti comes down on me.
And I would do this. Fair fair.
He was wrong to assault you, but that was funny.

I have a plunger that I have to use to take out my body. That's the plunger.
You're calling us wussies? Are they bars?

I have to take it out with this because they're rigid gas permeable lenses that I have to take out. That's a really good one.
Also, so you have a little plunger,

which you use a little plunger for your eyes

and occasionally for a mouse's toilet.

But every now and then, Eduardo is sitting reading a paper at home and he hears, me, me, me, me, me, what's that, little fella?

Oh, really, huh? Well, that's embarrassing. And you have guests coming? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
I'll take care of it.

You're welcome, buddy. Anytime.

Just washing.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Happiness everywhere.
Anyway, I don't know. It's just one of those things.
I don't like to walk away from something. And so I'm going to double down on it.

You famously have said that you'll do anything in the name of comedy. So I think if you think of it in terms of you guys,

have Liza film you. Bring them in, and we'll do it here on the podcast.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah.
Okay. I'll do it.
Why don't we compete? We'll have some cases because you get very competitive. Yeah, we could compete.
Sure. I'll do whatever I'm told to do.
All right, you guys.

Onward and sideways.

My guest today won an Emmy for his portrayal of Russian spy Philip Jennings in the FX series The Americans. He now stars in the new Netflix series The Beast in Me.
I love this fellow.

Matthew Reese, welcome.

I'm going to come right out with it. Oh, God.

I developed an insane man crush on you. You've been on the first time you were on the podcast, it was, I believe, during the pandemic.
It was, it was. And you were virtual.

And I thought, I like this chap enormously, and I was a big fan of your work. Then you came in and did it in person, and my heart's been fluttering ever since.
Oh, stop, stop your giddy Irish ways.

Keep going. I can't.
No, go on, go on. Literally, oh, stop, but go on.
Yes, always. So many confusing signals.

You are an absolute delight. You're an imp.

Yeah, you omitted the CH before that, didn't you?

You are a Welsh leprechaun, if there is such a thing. Is there an equivalent in Wales of the leprechaun? They're called weprechauns.
Yes. Okay, they have weapons.
Weaponized leprechauns.

So I just, I was like, oh my God, I want to just go hang out with this man. Let's do it.
And I had, not just yet,

let's do this first. Sorry.
And then we can monetize it, and then you and I will hang out, and we'll spend the profits.

But I'm going to tell you a quick secret, which is that you were talking about a boat that you had purchased, that you you had fixed up yourself.

Yes, and you were uh floating this boat around the Hudson River, the East River, the East and the Hudson, and the harbor of New York, and you were driving it around, yes.

And so, I was intrigued, so intrigued by a conversation that I looked up a photo of you in your boat, yeah, and I thought, well, that's a handsome-looking boat.

And then I start doing a deep dive on the boat, and up popped a model, a replica of that same type of boat.

Yeah, popped up, and I said, I'm going to get that from my man crush, eat your heart out, Olephant, Matthew Reese. And so it popped up, and I said, I'm gonna get it.

And then I hit on the screen, it's quite expensive. Oh, yes.
And suddenly I lost my two messengers for this boat.

But part of me is thinking, I've got to scrape up the money and get you this model. It's a model of the boat that you have.

And I feel like, Adam, we have to scrape up the funds to make this happen. He's giving the thumbs up.
And you'll pay for it. Maybe always.

I'm asking there's no microphone on him. You'll pay for it.
and that's a nod. Yes, good.
I'll get this for you. Oh, no, surely we can start some kind of Kickstarter now.
Now,

a GoFundMe that begins right now. Can I tell you something? Yes.
People love it when celebrities start a Kickstarter

for a childish amusement that they will keep for themselves. Yes, yes, especially men because they will relate to it.
They said he needs that model. It's the model we've all deserved.

It checks a box within our emotional hearts. I want to connect with you, and I'm going to start by saying,

I adore your work, but Wales. Let's start with Wales because that's the secret to cracking this gentleman.
Wales. You are Welsh through and through.
I am. And

there's so much that I don't know about Wales.

I really don't, because

it's a mystery to me. I know that you don't use any vowels when you write something.
They were outlawed by the English in 1282. They stole your vowels.
Take their vowels. They'll learn them.

Yes, they'll drown in their own spit.

So I know that it's very important to you, and

the Welsh language is very important to you. It is.

Now, I did a travel show recently, and I went to Ireland and I appeared on a show where they only speak.

It's a soap opera where they only speak Irish. Yes.
And all my lines were in Irish. It was very difficult.
Yes. Is the Welsh language more difficult? than Irish? Is it similar at all? Help me.

I would say it's akin in many ways,

in its

difficulty level,

as to learning.

Ironically, for two Celtic languages,

they're very different.

Welsh is far more similar to Breton, northern France, and Manx in the Isle of Man.

If you see those languages, Cornish as well, you can see the similarities with the Scots and the Irish.

They share that similarity. But with regards to kind of hard guttural sounds, I think we're right there with the Irish.

Yes, it sounds like someone has thrown silverware down some stone steps when you guys speak. It's just clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, click, click, click, clang, clang.

I'll be taking that one home. Yeah, that's yours.

And I'll get you the model.

And this, you, it is important to you that Welsh is spoken in your home occasionally, is that right? You're trying to teach it to some of the children? I am. I am.

With varying degrees of success. But,

you know, Carrie and I have a nine-year-old son, and I spoke to him purely in Welsh from the moment he was born and continue to do so. Really? How's he doing in school? Not very well.
Not very well.

Yes,

his friends bring umbrellas and raincoats. He's been held back 15 times.
Yes, which is hard to do for a nine-year-old. It is, but he's managed it.

He's now at the point, and

it kind of kills me a bit, but obviously, when as conversations become more involved and more complicated, and I realize

if you haven't introduced more complex Welsh words early on, now, you know,

when I speak to him and I bring in a complex Welsh word, he'll just say, oh, just say it in mama's language. Yes.

And I go, oh, rats. So I feel the beginnings of starting to lose him, which sort of breaks my heart.
But not lose him. Lose him maybe for now.
I know it'll peak control for an ebb and flow.

My hope is, well, that's what I'm threatening him with, you know. As long as you're threatening your child, good things will come.
That's what I've said.

I've monetized it and I've threatened college with it and all kinds of toys in between. Christmas Christmas can be cancelled at the cancellation of Welsh.

And I'm curious, first of all, oh, you mentioned Christmas.

Christmas in Wales, one of the great

poems of all time.

And so

occasionally I fantasize about what would it be like to have Christmas in Wales.

Is it as romantic as I think it is, or is no, the reality is everyone just goes to Walmart and gets a Christmas tree like we do here. Yes, of course.

And, you know, you know, excessive drinking and kind of shouting mainly. And then no one can remember what happened on Christmas Day.
Is it true that your Santa is a terrible alcoholic?

Yeah, well, it's a raging one. A raging one.
But it makes for great frivolity on the rooftops. Yes.

But apparently there's only one Welsh Santa because all the other Santas refused to do Wales because, you know, it was. They won't go there.
No, they were like, give it to that drunken fool.

Yes, that imp. Yeah, it doesn't even have.
He lost his naughty and nice list a long time ago. He doesn't know.
You, you scoundrel, you'll get nothing. It was quite good.
Oh, it was quite good.

Only the irony is if you're given coal in Wales, kids are overjoyed. They're like, oh, look what have I got?

Shut that up, you assholes, England. Yes.
We'll have a warm Christmas after all. Yes, ha ha, let's cook on this.

You know, it's so funny. My first introduction to you really was your role in the spectacular TV show, The Americans.

And when I first spoke to you on the podcast, it was unsettling Because, I mean, the sense I get is that anyone in Britain or the United Kingdom is much better at doing an American accent than, of course, than we are at doing anything similar to your accident.

High accent. Whoa, but it is an accident.
It's a terrible accident. And leave me, by the grace of God, go I.

And a happy accident I will gladly admit to.

But I do, and I know if I said this last time, I do.

I do believe that the amount of American television we grew up watching and as young kids going out into the yard to play Starsky and Hutch or the A-Team or Air Wolf or any of those, you know, as kids growing up, whereas kids in America don't go out to the schoolyard to play Downtown Abbey, which is seemingly the only thing that I did.

Well, yes, of course. I was taunted and fetch me another pheasant, boy.
Yes, yes.

I used to always want to play Scrooge, you know. Yes, yes.
You, boy, fetch me the goose in the bushes from the window. I must have it.
Yes. I'm not playing Tiny Tim again.

Yeah, I was beaten roundly by everyone in my neighborhood but um i found this over the years that when i would talk to anyone who was from england scotland wales they just have such a great storytelling custom that it was always a fun interview yeah yes well i do you know i think you know what the celts do we we we viciously and proudly say we you know that the the the oral storytelling tradition handed down from the mists of time is still you know it is now the modern-day pub raconteur and that's yeah and that's who we've remained to be um i just want to go go back.

You know, Dylan Thomas sold the rights to a child's Christmas in Wales to an inordinate amount of people. As he was rampaging around New York, he was just saying, I have this wonderful little story.

I should like to sell you the rights. And they were like, oh, great, yes.
Harper's Bazaar bought. Everyone bought the rights to.
He sold it like 800 times.

800 times, which I thought was one of the greatest grifts of all time. In the time of kind of pre, you know, pre-computer management.
And famously, he passed

in a pub, I think. In the lapse downtown.
Collapse downtown right here,

outside the White Horse. Yes, the White Horse.
And then passed at St. Vincent's, yeah.
Yeah.

And I don't know if the White Horse celebrates that.

Well, there's still a lot of.

A famous poet died or got sick here and died. Yes.
Not many restaurants or pubs want that known. No, or can say it.

He's also on the mural at

Manetta Tavern. It is Waverly Inn.
He's on the wall there as well. But

he's still heavily pictured at the White Horse. It's worth a quiet pint of of Guinness on that.
They made a lot of money off of him, I suppose. They did.

Yeah, there's still a lot of Welsh tourists who pay the, you know, the pilgrimage, who make the homage and the pilgrimage there. When you belly up to a bar,

what is your lag or what is your pint? What do you like to have? Now, that depends exactly on the time of day and the time of year. 3:30 October, late October.
It's 3.30 in the afternoon.

Guinness is a light rain. Guinness? Guinness.
Incredible. Oh, I love Aguinis.
Yes. I love Aguinis.
How much did you get through in Ireland?

I did pretty well. Yeah.
I love Aguinis, and it does taste better in Ireland. I totally will say that.
I totally agree.

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Hey, holidays are upon us. They really are.
Yeah. I don't know about you, but holidays make me think of Miller time.
Yeah, me too. Really,

same with you? My favorite light beer. I look around, I see my friends, my buddies, my pals.
Yeah, your entourage. My entourage.
And I just, all the guys I used to play football with in my mind. Yeah.

And

in your mind. Yeah, I couldn't, didn't really play football.
But anyway, and I know, hey, man, it's Miller time. Yeah.
You know why? Why? Because it's a taste you can depend on.

You know what you're getting. That's true.
It's the holiday season. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light, so it's Miller time.
Come on. What are we talking about here?

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Millite, great taste. 96 calories.
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Just as Dickens wrote it. Celebrate responsibly.
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We're just talking about all things Welsh. I've taken it upon myself to do probably the Welshest of all Welsh things.

And I am going to do a one-man play about Richard Burton. Yes, I know about this.
Oh, you do. Yes, I do know about this.
This is, you're going to play,

and this is your return to the Welsh stage for the first time in how many years? 22. 22 years.
Yeah, yeah. That's got to be a little terrifying.
I am

now at this point. Sorry, I was trying to link it to the facts about the oral storytelling tradition, but I wasn't a completely different.
And then get us back to Guinness, please.

Well, Burton's the

first time. How are you going to get from Richard Burton to alcohol? I don't know.

Just give me a moment. You had a friend called Richard Harris.
Yes. You can come back in a week.
Yeah, yes. I've cracked it.
Yes.

So, yes, you're going back to the Welsh stage where you got your start. Indeed.
When you were about a wee lad. You're going to go back for the first time in 22 years.

What is your greatest fear that they just stare at you? There is that. Well, there's a number of things.

I was fortunate to play Dylan Thomas once in a film. And I realized when you go, especially to a place like Wales, where we have...

a few but select but incredible icons dylan thomas richard burton shirley bassie sean phillips rachel roberts we have these incredible performers actors singers everything but the nation itself has an incredibly personal relationship, an individual personal relationship with that icon.

So, your take on Dylan Thomas is wildly different from what everyone else deems it to be. So, a lot of people are like, I saw you, Dylan Thomas.
I don't think you got it right. You know, there's

that could be a that could be someone driving a bus, or, or my father in this case. Yes,

that's all dads. Yes, but he does drive a bus, yes, which is which is ironic.
So, so one of my great fears is that one,

I have this thing where I'm going, where I think all the people of book tickets are going to go, who does he think he is that he can play Richard Burton?

Now, that is a great, I would say, Welsh, I would go as far as say Celtic affliction as to who do you think you are, Syndrome. Oh, my God.

Yes, I mean, if that was an Olympic sport, we would podium every time. So, there's that.

Then there is the secondary version or level to that, which you go, when you do it, they go, well, that wasn't Richard Burton. That wasn't Richard Burton at all.
And also. I knew Richard Burton.
Yes.

We were in school together. Yes.
That's the problem: you're rubbing shoulders with people. You're performing for people who have a

personal, very strong connection with this movie.

This is what I've done to myself. The final performance of the tour is in the chapel that Richard Burton attended.

It'll be live-streamed to the Miners' Arms, which is the pub that he and his family drank in. And his family have been invited to the chapel to watch the final performance.
Oh, my God.

I think they've made it the final performance, so I can literally fall on my sword at the curtain call with an apology. I say, Sonny Jenkins is,

yes,

you know, Harry, do you know Harry? How do you care? It's about time. Yes.
So you are going to get, yeah, I mean, that's your fear. My money's on you.
Thanks for saying that. Thank you very much.

You are, I think, one of the finest actors alive, and I think that you will carry it off gloriously.

But I also fear for you

terribly.

Well, I'm very excited about another matter involving you, Mr. Reese.
If I can call you, Mr. Reese, Mrs.
Reese doesn't seem right.

Mysteries.

Histories, mysteries.

That should be your podcast. Yeah.
Where you talk about history that's not true.

I am a massive fan of the historian Mr. Robert Carro.
I've read all of his works. I've interviewed him.
I stalked him for a while.

I think he's just a treasure, as they say, national treasure. And one of his great books, maybe one of his greatest books,

if it's not the Lyndon Johnson series, The Power Broker about Robert Moses is one of the most amazing historical works in history.

I understand that you may be working on some kind of version of The Power Broker. We are.
We are working on.

Who is we?

Well,

maybe you're not allowed to talk about this yet. No, I don't want to get you in.
I mean, I do want to get you in trouble. Well, yes, but not for this time.

But remember last time, yes, you very kindly bailed me out. Yes, there's a select.
What can you say? Why don't you just say what you can say?

So, there is a select group of us who have approached a very well-known

streaming platform.

There are a few of us,

known criminals, who are conspiring. Yes.

But at the moment,

Mr. Dear Mr.
Carroll has

he doesn't have an issue with handing over the rights to the power broker.

Other agencies and publishing houses do.

So at the moment, it's in this stalemate

whereby I know the flex called Net are trying to work things out. Yes, and acquire the rights to the power broker.
It's been pitched. They do want to do it.

Is it possible then that you would play Robert Moses, the man who more than anyone

created the New York City that we know today? Yes, that's basically the fundamental pitch. Okay, I have no sway in this business at all.

I have a little bit of sway with Robert Caro, just because I think he knows me. I've interviewed him.
He knows I'm a huge fan and an acolyte of his.

But I would do everything in my power to make sure that you play. I think you'd be amazing.

And I think that would be just a terrific project.

Well, I certainly think it's a story and a book that needs to get made because the sheer scale and scope of it. But also,

Moses, as a human being, as an individual, if you read that play book, is

staggering.

It lays Shakespeare to the sword because you cannot quite believe the ascent of that man. And that man had more power than maybe anyone in American history, say the president, but he was able to.

It's unimaginable now. Yes.
But he could just say, I think this highway should go here, and all of these buildings in my way shall be destroyed. And these communities removed.

And these communities removed, and it would happen as if he were a czar. Yes.
And it was the way he understood power.

And that's a real Caro's obsession is how people accumulate power and how they use it and who are the masters at that. And of course the other one is Lyndon Johnson.

And it's just this thing that he writes about so well and he understands so well. That beautifully, beautifully put.
I'm very talented. You are, but it's the understanding of power.

I might be the Robert Moses of comedy. Ooh.
Yeah. I have laid waste to so many communities.

When I have a joke I want to do, I destroy communities and my whole tenements and buildings come down.

And then it's just a quick wordplay pun,

but people have lost their buildings.

I hope this happens. So do I.
And

I will pray on that tonight. When I kneel and I say my prayers,

it's all about my career. Of course.
Nothing about the family. No, think of the commission.

Yes.

I would love that. I would love that to happen.
So would I. So would I.
I'll make it happen. Okay, good.
You heard it here first. Yes, and you'll hear it here last.

Now, I want to to bring up one more Celtic thing, which is you have claimed that you have and that you have profited from in your career Celtic eyes. Oh, yes, yes.

Tell me what are Celtic eyes, what they are, and then I'll ask you my follow-up question. Well, actually, what I was going to say was an accusation, but it was more an inquiry.

You're not to accuse me of anything. No, I have a number of things I'd like to accuse you of, but we'll wait till we stop rolling for that.
Yes.

It was, I sat down at a dinner party in Los Angeles once, and a very, very dashing older kind of silver fox gentleman turned to me and he just went, Irish. I went, no, Scottish.
I went, no.

Well, then what are you? I said, Welsh. Oh, of course, the other Celt.
And I said, I'm sorry, what made you say that? He goes, Celtic lids. You've got Celtic lids.

He goes, I could really help you out. He was a plastic surgeon.

And what he was inferring was, is the sort of slight droop on the top of our eyes, which is, I think, you know, centuries being downtrodden makes you go, oh, I'm so sorry. You know,

genetically, it's... And the coal dust.
That does it too. It's everything, yeah.

It's having, it's both emotional and practical that you keep dust out of your eyes, but also you take your place, you know, in society. Yes.
And apologize for being there, more importantly.

Someone was going to try and fix your, you say lids, I call them peepers.

Jeepers, creepers. What's inside those peepers? Exactly.
Yes.

One of my favorite poems also.

From Dylan Thomas. Dylan Thomas is he did a lot of great stuff.
He does. He did.
Purple polka dot bikini was his. Yes, where the sidewalk ends.
Yes.

So

I'm fascinated that anyone would try and touch those eyes, because those are great. I would think they've been so useful to you in acting.
Well,

there's another moment when the Americans was finishing. I believe it was the New Yorker that wrote a very nice article saying that I was like, what is it called? The king of downtrodden tragedy.

And there was a photo of me. And I looked at the photo and I went, that's my resting face.

I'm not acting. I'm not doing anything.

That is what my face looks like. You can project whatever it is you wish upon that downtrodden face.
And if you bleed in some emotional music, it might give you something cinematic.

But at that moment, I was doing nothing. Yes.
Which that's all it does. Cuts you to the quick.
It fans the flame of your imposter syndrome. That's all it does.
All right.

This brings up my next question. Yeah.
First of all,

look at my eyes. Yes.
Do I have anything, is there any Celtic, anything going on in my eyes? My eyes are narrow. They're suspicious.
They're creepy. Yeah.

It's kept me out of film my entire life. What can we do? Help me.
Help me.

I did watch a documentary about Charlie Sheen the other day.

And he said there was this one time where obviously he was struggling with substance abuse, which isn't funny. But one thing he did, he realized he was falling asleep mid-take.
And did you know this?

Yes. And he asked for the cup of ice.
And he inserted an ice cube into his rectum. Yes.
And he said it gave him like... And it finished the scene.
And then they showed

in the documentary. And he's very present.
And aware. And I thought in that moment, I went, good God, he's cracked it.
My downtrodden lids, if I just give the old, you know, one up the chute, right?

And I'm gone. Bing! And like, all of a sudden, you know, you're right now you're doing it.
Look at me. I'm like, I could play Scarface again.
I'm like, oh, fuck you, Dave, right?

Right? It just gives you the zing.

So you're saying if I shoved ice up my ass, these eyes would open up. Oh, like

a...

I'm trying to think of something that opens up. Just

like a ball on Christmas Eve. There you go.
Now we're talking. So I,

let's call it pulling a sheen from now on. Oh, okay, good.
I think that's the way to do it. You need to pull a sheen.
Yes, I'll be back in a minute. Yeah, and then zing!

And then in you come.

You talked about imposter syndrome. Yes.
Everybody has imposter syndrome. Well, weirdly, with with this Richard Burton piece, it's the first one-man show I've ever done.

And the true great fear I have is that I will forget my lines because that's it. It's just like stand up.
It's just you and the audience. What I've started doing now is doing a run-through.

If I go wrong, is not stopping or correcting myself, is seeing how I get out of that. Because that will ultimately be, I think, the lifeline.
So that is an entirely new discipline for me.

Yes, I did a little bit on stage, but you're always with another actor who will help you catch you throw that.

They're your cue. 100%.
They're giving you, I mean, you're leading each other, but it's a dance, and now you're out there alone.

Yes, and I've forgotten my lines in the past, and another actor saved me. And for the first time, playing Richard Burton, going home after 22 years, I will do something alone.
And

what I'm intrigued is how do I, exactly what you say, how do I get out of those moments when it doesn't seem like I messed? I try and make it seem like like I have a suggestion. Yes.

If you're open to it, don't do it.

If you can get out of the play, I would get out. Yes.
I think you're a terrible actor. Yes, good.
This is good. This is good.
You shouldn't be on the stage. No.
Should I get my eyes done?

Yes, and immediately get your eyes done. Eyes, please.
Haze.

You should put a little thing in the program. Yeah.
A little message. Yeah.
And it says, you know, they always say this takes place

on New Year's Day. Yeah.
Richard Burton's apartment in 1968.

Okay. Was it 68? Yeah.
I just was making that date. Seriously, literally said at the same time.
Okay, so this is how good I am. I know.
Of course, I don't have a posture. Ganty's good.
Yeah.

So you should have a little thing that says, on this day, Richard Burton has a very bad cold. And then you come in, enter coughing.
Yeah. Then start your speeches, let the cough melt away.

But anytime you start to lose it a little bit,

Lord God.

Thinking. Thinking.
The whole time. Find it.
What's next? What's next? Find it. Find it.
Find it.

And then you'll find, yeah, that's it. The cough.
And people will say he'd never missed a line. Yeah.

And God,

he made me feel like he really was sick. Good God, that's genius.
That's the work of genius. Well, you should direct theater.
You know what?

No one's ever said that to me, and no one ever will seriously. But I'm going to take you up on that.

Quit everything I'm doing. What would be the Irish one-man show that you would want to do? Which Irishman...

Surely there's one about Harris you could do? Oh, my God. Well, I mean, first of all, the worst thing I could do in my career would be for me, an American,

you know, third-generation

Irish-American, to return to Ireland and attempt a true accent. Do it.
They would destroy me. Do it.
A true accent. Do it.
They would destroy me. Do it.
Was Harris ever on your show? Yes, he was.

How many times? He was on once, I believe. And I watched the interview recently because one of the problems with doing so much volume,

thousands and thousands of hours of television, four of them quite good.

I decided that,

oh my God, I remembered I got to speak to the great iconic Richard Harris.

And I have a very dim memory of it. And then I realized, wait a minute, I can watch it.
So I typed in Conan Richard Harris. He came up.
I watched the whole interview. He was spectacular.

And at one point, he finishes his story with great bravado and throws himself back in his chair, roaring, laughing. And his chair starts to tip over, and Andy and I kind of grab him and pull him back.

He was an absolute delight, everything you'd want him to be. And now you have this retrospective where, you know, when the greats die, you look back and go, now I'll watch me talking to him.

Yeah, but you know what's funny? I'm often, when I see those moments, I think, why is he there? Meaning, why is not why is Richard Harris there? Why is Richard Harris there?

Why wasn't it Peter O'Toole? No, why isn't it just me alone? Yes.

Why is Harris mucking it up? I could have done much better with that story.

Yeah, exactly. No, I just see myself with

a Richard Harris or a David Bowie and go, oh my God. It's that thing where you just are, can you lose him? Why is he there? But I'm sorry.

That's how we all feel. I know.
I know. Because the other person is legitimate and you are not legitimate.
Of course. And that's just the the way it is, and you have to accept it.

Yes, and we go through the world, you know, meeting these people and feeling like that. I also do think that the Celtic gene doesn't help us.
No. The English are much better at it.

You know, there is a thing, there's a true suspicion when you go back to, when I go back to Ireland,

and I love it there, and I love the people. But I know that if you've gone off to America, if your people went off to America and then you're coming back as a television personality in America,

you're asking for it. Of course.
You know, who the heck do you think?

30 fucking big balls. Look at him.

Exactly. And that's the attitude when they stamp your passport.

And everybody's hilarious. That's the other thing I've learned.
And you probably have this in Wales too, where I'll think, well, I've really been honing my craft.

And then I get off the plane and I get in a cab, and the cab driver's funnier than anyone I've ever imagined. Yes.
And that's why, and they won't forget a grudge. I was in Belfast.

We're driving along. I was going to do, they were having some thing for Game of Thrones that they wanted me to host.
It was during the last season of Game of Thrones, and they said, would you come up?

And I go to Belfast for the first time, and I get in a cab, and we're driving along. And then I notice

out of the side, I say, hey, it says Harlan Wolf. And I remembered in the way back in my mind, Harlan Wolf Shipyard.

That's where

they made the Titanic.

And I said to the driver, I said, that's where they made the Titanic. He went, that's right.
And I said, oh,

that ship didn't last too long, did it? And he went, he said, the English had sunk it. He said, it was in pretty fucking good shape when we gave it to him.

And I'm like, and he said it as if this was something that went down two days ago.

He's still got that ship on his shoulder. When we gave it to the English, it was fucking telling to read it in order to make her.
You fucking.

And so, I mean, it's just, I loved, I love the old wounds that are as fresh

oh my father still talks about 1282 you know when he's yes when the English killed off one of the last of the Royal Welsh family they're like well it all turned to shit then didn't it you're like what I suppose yes I don't know so everything after 1282 has been

all like this you know trying to block out the world

it's been crap oh ever since to say it's all been shite ever since it was flames it was golden age up until then Yes.

We were okay until the Bronze Age came along. Yes, they ruined it for us.

I must discuss briefly. The power broker.
Your lovely partner. Oh, yes.
She is a power broker. Is she a power broker? In every sense.
I am a mere porn.

Is that true? Does she control you? Sorry, prawn is what she calls me. Yes.

Are you a prawn? In many ways, shellfish to the nth degree.

I'm just curious. I watch, I'm going to give a quick shout out to the beautiful and talented Carrie Russell, who I'm entranced by the diplomat.
She is incredible in everything she does.

I was stunned to find out and still stunned that you two, because you're actors and you start in this series together, The Americans, you had to have a chemistry read. Yeah.

To have a chemistry read with someone who then later on becomes your life partner.

It's fascinating to me because I never had a chemistry read with my wife. Wait, what? And I think we should.
Don't

have an agent? Surely you have management. Dear God, what are they doing? Don't give them 10%.

I think if my wife and I had had a chemistry read, I wouldn't have children right now. The whole thing would have fallen apart.

You have nothing. So they've got to.
Get out of there! But it got me thinking

that everyone should have a chemistry read before. I mean, essentially,

that's what some people do.

The Catholic Church has some version of it

where they, you know, so you two should get together and have some conversations in the company of a priest. Yes.
But that's no chemistry read, let's face it.

Did you know in the chemistry read, we have real chemistry? No. No.
No, I couldn't. And I struggle a bit with the term chemistry read because, you know, I've done so many of them.

They go, well, they want you to do a chemistry read. And then you go, do you mean they just want me to act with another actor? Is that what they want me to do?

It's a silly term. Yes.

And then I think sometimes what they secretly do is in between the acting, they want to see if you're joking and having fun or you might like each other. Do you know what I mean?

And then if they might get on set, I don't, I honestly don't know.

I struggle a bit with the term chemistry because I'm always like, I can pretend to like that person in the room, and then hopefully they'll give me the job, and then I'll act my best in the acting bits.

But that's all pretty much I can do. Yes, she had to slap me in our chemistry read.
And the director said, one of the reasons he said, we cast you is because you took that slap so well.

And I went, I had no idea she was going to slap me. It was absolutely, I was reeling in shock that she did it.
It really hurts.

hurts oh i my ears were ringing they went god you took it so well i was like i it caught up with me like three days later yeah i had no idea that was happening so that you know there are strange happenstance like that where you go oh thank god i didn't go oh christ what you what are you doing woman is there tape rolling on this yeah

it's so funny to me the idea of your family being able to at any point yeah look at a tape of this is when our parents met each other and it's you getting the shit kicked out of you yes yes well they're like well that must that's like any Wednesday, really.

But also, but I forgot. Yes.
It's got days of it. Constant beatings.
Of course. Oh, there's that again.
Yeah.

But we'd actually met about 15, 16 years prior to that. Oh, wow.
And at a kickball party that Jennifer Gray threw in Los Angeles. And I'd ask.
Those are famous. Well, those are famous

debauched parties. Which is why I fought my way in.
I was like, God damn it. There's a reason they call it dirty dancing.
And I'm making my way in. It can't really mean kickball.

It must mean some other place. It's a kickball.
It's code. Yes.

So at the end of the party, I'd ask for her number and I'd then very drunkenly left a message on her. You know, back in the old days when it was

and she said some drunken Welsh idiot left her a message and that was me. So we kind of reminded ourselves of each other after that.

So I'd remembered that I'd met her many, many years earlier, but it wasn't the time and place for me to go, oh, guess what?

Do you remember that fateful night when I opened a beer with a key on my thumb?

And I was inebriated and had to walk home and left you a message all made of consonants, not a single vowel.

Well,

I remember that when we did our first podcast, and as I said, it was during COVID, and it looked like you were talking in a basement.

You were shrouded in darkness. Yes.

And

it looked so sad. And then in the background, this angel walks by with a hamper of laundry.
I know. And I was like,

and I put my creep glasses on and started filming.

Hey, Telegram, Miss Rassel. It won't work.
You're on Zoom. Yes.
Come in.

Separated by Zoom. All my creepy tricks won't work.

I want to talk about this new project. And there's a little strange, I have some connection to this project that you've done, The Beast in Me,

which is that early, early on, I've had this production company and the wonderful and very intelligent, wise David Kissinger said, there's this script that I found that's amazing. He brought it to me.

I read it. I think Jody Foster had seen it.
So Jodi came in and we just started talking about how amazing this script was.

We were doing our best to try and shepherd this thing along. But once people hear Conan O'Brien's involved, everyone flees.
That imposter. That imposter.
Yeah. Yes.
He's phoning it in again.

Is he wearing those glasses?

Did you get one of his telegrams? Yes. They're not real, you know.
He is.

And so

time goes by, and then I find out that, oh, wait, this is actually going to happen. But I wasn't sure.
For a while, we were thinking, who is going to play this part?

And then I find out it's Claire Danes. And then I find out that it's you.
And I had no...

No one would listen to me anyway, but someone did call me at one point and said, what do you think for the part, for the

second lead or the co-star of it? What do you think of Matthew Rees? And I was like, I

love that guy.

He's got to do this. I want to have my name in something that you're in.
And listen, I take no credit for anything. I'll demand money.
I'll make sure that I take other

piece that it hurts the production. Always.

Always.

Why I did it for bread. Yeah, exactly.

But no, I can take no credit for anything other than I loved this script a long time ago, and I very much wanted to see this make it. And

I hope my name was of some use. It may have harmed.
Well, no. And my 70% of the profits,

I'm ashamed. No, you shouldn't.
I'm ashamed of it. No, you've earned it.
You've earned it. And I thank you for the vote of confidence.
By doing nothing, I've earned it. Oh, stop.

It's the other thing that no one realizes,

the amount of years that go into development. So when people like you and Jodi Foster going, no, this should get made.
You know, thank God that you do. Jodi was a child at the time.
Yes,

she'd just done taxi drivers. She had done taxi drivers.

I was in fourth grade.

And I said, I think we should make this.

And no one listened to us because I was in Brookline, Massachusetts.

And she'd just done Bugsy Malone with Alan Parker.

Yeah, so, no, it was a long time ago.

People don't understand how long it takes. And the securitist roots, it's a musical for a while.
Now it's an animated series. series.

Yeah, no, no, it's very good. I was all going to be done with cats for a while.
Yes. Well, they haven't ruled that out.

But

it reminded me of,

I want to be careful with this, but it was, there's a sense of it being an old-fashioned thriller, which I haven't seen in a very long time, where a concept kind of is.

sometimes overpowering and overwhelming in certain productions these days.

And what I just loved was that you have two people who are basically intrigued with each other, and then therefore begins a very gripping and thrilling cat and mouse game.

It's old-fashioned thriller tension. And I love that about it because it's

when I read it, it did the same thing that it does when you watch it. You go, oh my God, how is this going to unfold? Yeah, that's how I felt reading that script for the first time.

The fact that Howard Gordon is

the brain behind this. Well, also, you know, when I said, when, obviously, it was Claire's project.

So when they said, you know, Claire Danes, Howard Gordon, you know, the Homeland team are back together. And as soon as you hear that, you're like, okay, I'm in.

And then they said, we didn't ask you. I was like, I know, but I'm still in.
Do you just crash meetings and go, I'm in? Yeah. And they go, who is that?

Yes. Stop saying that.
I'm in. Yeah.
Yes. You somehow got into this room.
You know, it's funny. I've heard you say

in, I think I've heard you say in more than one interview, oh, I'm not an A-list actor. I don't know.
I think of you. I think of you.
I don't know.

Maybe actors think about that more than anyone else, but I don't see why anyone wouldn't want you first and foremost for something. I was your money in the bank.
Money in the bank.

You're 70% in the bank.

What I want to start

is in Showbiz Parties, just going up to other actors going, what letter are you? What letter are you? A? Are you A? Are you B? Yes. But really, how many A's are there anymore? A-list.

What does that mean, truly? I don't know what it even means. I would say five.
Who are they? I don't know. I don't know.

Biz Klipler. Your goat.
Saz Maloney. Yeah.
Crazy. Saz Datarak.
Is he still around? Sheila McGee. Sheila McGee.
See, it doesn't mean anything to me. No, I know.
But who, like,

Meryl. Mel Streep.
A. Oh, Melstreep A.
Yeah. Harrison Ford.
A. No, he's following me.
Why? Because he's gone to TV. I think he's on radio now.
He's doing ads.

He's saying, go to that car wash. It's a good one.

If you need to land more, of course,

but it's very personal.

It's, you know, Meryl, it doesn't matter what your opinion is. She's up there.

And yeah, and Harrison Ford, yes. A.
He walks on screen and you go, oh my God, because you've grown up with these. Some of that, too, is longevity.
You've grown up with them. Yes.

You're still a young lad.

You need

Tom Cruise, another A. Yeah, sure.
People who basically, when they walk on screen, you feel safe or comfortable because you go, oh, we're okay now.

Right, but I think it's increasingly, increasingly maybe an irrelevant term. Everything's so fractured now.
Yes. We used to walk into the old movie palaces and buy our popcorn and

our sodi pop and we'd sit there and we'd watch the golden legends up on the screen. Those days are over.

We're watching things on an airplane. We're watching things on little screens on their phones.
I watch all the Academy-nominated movies on my phone.

And sometimes I think that's still too big and I crack the phone in half and I watch it then. Through one eye.
I thought, well, through one little, my squinty eye. Ah, yeah, which one today?

Yeah, exactly. I'll use the left for this one.
Oh, yes, it's one of the things. Oh, they do.
So yeah.

And also,

you know, we've read on Instagram what they've had for lunch. So, there's no mystery.
The mystery's gone. Well, that's why you should stop telling people what you've had for lunch.
Why?

People love it. I had an egg mayonnaise sandwich just before I came in.

I'm 30 seconds from a heart attack.

Stay off the egg mayonnaise. Sandwiches, for God's sake.
Damn you. You'll do as you're told.
Yeah, no, I won't. It's the devil's work.
And I love the devil.

I just want to rent a cabin with you so we can just yell at each other. Yes.
Nothing sexual. No? At first.
But then we're just yelling at each other. Damn you, I'll have your eyes.

You know, it's just you and I yelling at each other. It's basically munity on the bounty.
Yes. But we're all both vying as to be for who plays Captain Blythe.
Who's Blythe? Yeah. Damn your eyes.

I feel terrible for one man right now, and that's his name is Eduardo. Eduardo does all of.
I don't know if you can hear us, Eduardo. I hope you can.
Is he doing this?

He is doing all the mixing right now.

And I think his board is probably on fire. That's what we can smell.
Because you've got a Welshman and an Irishman screaming at each other

into these very sensitive microphones.

He'll have tinnitus for life. Exactly.

But he'll think of us. Yeah, and he'll know how to say tinnitus.
And most people don't. Oh, do you say tinnitus?

I don't even say it anymore because I can't pronounce things over the ringing in my ear. Do you have it? I have it.
I have it all the time. Yes.
What's that? I do.

I want to get, why did the ear horn go away? The old ear trumpet that comes out that people used to in 1920s, we used to go, eh? What?

Yes. I want to get one of those in my dotage.
And then it'll be selective because you can put it to your ear depending on who's talking

at what time. So exactly.
And with a hearing aid, people don't know.

But if I have a giant horn that I hold up to my ear, it'll be great because I'll be listening to someone else and then you'll start to talk and I'll put it down. Oh, and that's it.

That'll be the ultimate social tool. Yes.
The ultimate burn that what you're saying means nothing to us. It just goes down and it never comes up.
Slow horn down. Yeah, the SHD.

You got SHD'd by your... Oh, yes.
So am I coming back to your house tonight? What's happening?

Yes, I'd say we'll stop off somewhere for a few cold cold ones and then text Carrie that we're on the bottom. A few cold ones meaning ice for our ass.

Two five-pound bags, please. Would you like some ice? No, we brought her out.
Yes. We both blow on our thumbs and it comes shooting out.
Yeah.

Come on, David. Grow up.
It's not the first time. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

David's had to insert it most of the time.

Space me, David. No, Sheen me.
Sheen me with an IBS.

Sheen me. Do you have Mr.
Sheen in this country? The part of the spirit. I talked to him.
I talked to him on the podcast last week. Last week.
Yeah.

I don't know when this one, this one's coming out soon, isn't it? Okay. Yeah.
So, yes, I talked to the man. He's doing well.
Good. He's fine.
He's in good... Fine fetal.
Great. Yeah.
Good.

Your eyes just went dead because I was talking about another actor. Yes.

I was actually holding three Sheens in my head.

I had Charlie Sheen, obviously,

his wonderful father. Yes, Martin Sheen.
Martin. And then also Michael Sheen, a fellow Welshman who

is responsible for this one man, Richard Burton, because he's taken over the Welsh National Theatre and said, come and do something in Wales. Now I'll come and do it.

I admire you. Well, thank you.
I'd like to grow up and be you one day, only I'm older than you.

My wife today, she's in New York with me, saw that I had a little joy in my step today. And I said, I'm seeing Mr.
Matthew Rees, and I couldn't be happier.

You are hilariously funny, and you're a joy to be around. I hear you're a monster on set.
True. But I wasn't on set, so I don't care.

And I just wish you all good things. I really do.
Well, thank you very much. I appreciate those words enormously, especially coming from you.
Such a great man. Yes.
We'll elaborate on that. I'm sorry.

As a great man,

maybe the greatest man.

I was trying to get to that. Possibly the greatest.
I'll get sooner, sooner. Sorry, sorry.
The greatest man I've ever met.

Maybe the greatest comic of all time.

Well, that goes without question. Why it's written here?

Sorry.

We rehearse. Yes, I'm sorry.
What else am I supposed to say again?

It's all so embarrassing. Yes.

Go with the gods, old friends. Thank you.
Be well. Thank you very much, and a joy to be here as always.
So thank you for the invite.

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Last week, we were doing a state of the podcast, and it got sidetracked by Sona and the Brazilian Buttlift, which is not a new Indiana Jones movie, but it is a children's story.

It's a children's book coming out soon.

Sona and the Brazilian butt lift. Mommy, that's my favorite book.

This is part two. So, Adam, we interrupted you because you were listing our incredible actors on success.

And I got embarrassed, and we got off track. Lots of awards.

great guests and i was talking about how we've we've started doing full full lots of awards

major awards we started doing uh full-length video in may and numbers are great and again the concern was is it incremental audience or are we just taking people away from the podcasting now the interesting thing is on the history of the sort of the podcast delivery has been rss so you know what that has come no i don't when people have listened to podcasts in the past and use the podcast app, you're getting an RSS fee delivering you the podcast, and you have to subscribe to that, right?

So subscribers to the podcast will get the podcast every week. And we have built up a huge audience in podcasting over the past seven years on the podcast app.
People have subscribed.

The interesting thing about YouTube is we have a very large YouTube channel, over 9 million subscribers on YouTube. When we put unrelated to the podcast, completely unrelated.

That's Conan content from before you chimps.

That's very true that was built almost that was built on tbs content and and lots one man's dream well we're keeping them subscribed but the interesting thing about youtube is with the when we put a podcast video on that channel that has nine million subscribers about half of the views to our podcast video come from non-subscribers meaning that youtube has uh algorithmically suckered those algorithmically is exactly the word yeah youtube is serving our content to people who didn't subscribe.

Who actively dislike me? I mean, I doubt it. I think YouTube thinks that they're going to like this content.

And so it's sharing the content more and more, which is actually awesome because it's growing our

old legacy podcast is a very deliberate act. You know, you had to subscribe, then you get your podcast.
This is like we're growing our audience on YouTube because all these people who...

didn't already subscribe are getting fed the content and watching the content. So we're an invasive weed.

Best description I've ever heard of this podcast. Is Conan going to be like a YouTube personality, though? Should he be like, hey, smash that like button?

I mean, yes, we probably, the crazy thing is, and I, we talked about this a little bit on the last time, but like podcast, because podcasts are becoming so distributed so much on YouTube, as a billion people a month are watching podcasts on YouTube, which is a crazy number.

The sort of podcast world and the YouTuber world, Sona, that you're talking about, they're kind of merging.

Like podcasters and YouTubers are all part of this larger creator economy Wow, now and you're there, it's hilarious that no one has sat me down, including you, and talked to me about any of this.

I'm

this is what this is. I know, I know.
I'm

we can't sit you down unless there's a microphone in front of you, so you know, or a camera, turns out. Um, that's incredible.
You should become more of like a YouTuber, like do some pranks and like

unbox stuff. I'm gonna start unboxing stuff, yeah.
Um, Here, drink this urine.

I don't even know enough about YouTube stuff. I don't either.
Well, I will say, Conan, sorry to interrupt you, but

the thing that you've joked about a bunch now, which is becoming more and more true, is that you're back to hosting a late night show because not only is YouTube the number one destination for people to listen to podcasts, it's also the number one streaming platform now and the number one thing that people are watching on TV in their living rooms.

So you have essentially just gone back and created another talk. I've got a joke repeatedly, but it's so funny to me that I deliberately left late night after 28 years.

I loved it, I enjoyed every second. I said, That's good.
I'm going to go now.

I'm going to do my little podcast. I'm going to do my little travel show for HBO Max.

I hope they always call it HBO Max and don't start messing with the name. Uh-oh.
And then

everything, you know, that was it.

And I'll work on my body at the request of everyone. And then this.

Body. What? Well, people said you've got to fix that body.
That was the big thing I heard. I just don't like the way you worded it.
It's weird.

Body. Anyway, now we're doing this podcast and it keeps growing.
And people started to say things like, we should do some in front of an audience.

And if there's an audience, we should have Jimmy Aveno there and some band and other people in the band. It'd be really funny if you came out first and warmed up the crowd.

Now you should do a monologue and then call out the other guys and do the podcast. Hey, it'd be really good if we put this up on YouTube.
And now people are telling me, I love your show.

And I'm like, it's not a show. It's a little podcast.
But it doesn't matter to me. It's fun.
It's organic. We're having a blast.
I'm not asking. I'm telling you.

It's really enjoyable. And all joking aside,

you're not going to like this, but we have a secret sauce here with you guys.

It's a really nice environment. I never know what's going to happen.
I'd be miserable if I was here alone. And you guys are really funny.
And this is lovely. I'm having a really good time.

I'm going to tear into that.

Yeah. It's very nice of you to say.
Thank you. It's all led by you, boss.
There you go.

Yes. Oh, man.

You shouldn't have handed it back to me. You walk into this trap.
You were being sincere, so I was sincere. I was so sincere to get you to hand it back to me.

Yes, I lead the way, and it would never happen without me. Well, that's it for the state of the show.
Adam, this has been a good good pep talk. Thank you.
And also, thank you to Adam. His leadership.

Thank you very much. His leadership, his common sense.
Of course, Eduardo, always there working the knobs, guiding us. Thank you.

At the helm, taking care of us. Blaise, shouting into the microphone, things we don't need to hear.

Just what a lovely

fun group of people. It's a fun group.
It's a fun group. It's a highlight of my day, every day.

Did you hear anything about the advertisers mad that we talk still a lot about a lot of jizz and stuff? Like

they don't mind.

No, now we're getting yeah, now we're getting uh jiz only.

I was just gonna say, your sponsorship is jizz monthly. Yeah, so it's yeah, it's appropriate.

The magic. The gizzinator.
Yeah. If you shot some jizz and you don't know where it is, use the gizzinator.
We won the jizzy for best. We won the jizzy.

Wow. And you beat Jizz Taylor.
Yeah, yeah. And we've been invited to New Orleans Jizz Fest.

And trust me, you got to wear a raincoat to that thing.

Stand on the podcast, stronger than ever.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and Nick Liao.

Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com slash Conan.

And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two.

We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hayter, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more.

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