Bill Burr Returns Again

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Eat Sonic. Hello, my name's Bill Burr.
And I feel good about being Conan O'Brien's friend, but I feel this is a little red flag that might be a littleian. and a giggling, I don't know, We are gonna need friends.
You go from welcome to welcome to the show. I'm a professional broadcaster.
Yeah. Okay.
And I have a question, and this is a serious question, which is, can I become flexible at my age? I mean, physically flexible. And this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because I know people do yoga and stuff.
I am a particularly tight, tight-assed gentleman of a later vintage. You see me all the time trying to stretch it out.
Don't you, Sona? I think your body is capable of it. I don't think your mind is capable of it.
Be honest. I'm being very honest.
Sounds honest to me. So I think your body can become flexible if you work at it, but you're also so tightly wound, you're just like...
No, but you see me trying, right? I do see you trying. I do a a lot of like squats and bends and i'm trying and i was doing a um a live show with uh tigno terra once and she i was backstage just trying to stretch before i go out and she was had the microphone and could see me and was just calling me out in front of the whole audience like conan's doing these stupid stretches that will in no way it was hilarious of course she's hilarious i'm kind of fascinated with this idea that I think there's part of me that thinks because of what I come from, this very tightly wound, I don't know, Boston Catholic, whatever you want to do.
And then my own propensities that it's never going to happen. And then there are days where I think, no, I could do this.
I could do this. I could become a flexible person.
But then I think there's another school of thought. No, if you're not flexible at the age I'm at now, you can look it up by Google away.
I don't think that's true. And I'm sorry.
Do you want to be flexible just to be flexible or to what end? Is there a sport you want to play? I'd like to become a sexual athlete. Oh, dear.
A sexual athlete? No, no. What I would like to do is, yeah, I just, I don't want to stiffen up as I get older.
Unless you're wearing some, like, Yeah, and I'm bringing it up today because, as you know, I'm still displaced, whatever. Very fortunate to still have my place, but I do sometimes just pick clothes out of the back of my car and today i picked this stuff out and i realized i basically wore what you would wear to like a gym today which i rarely do i usually like to dress can you stand up yeah sure i think it looks like you're in the hunger games yeah yeah this is this my wife got these for my son he didn't want them them.
And I put them on. And then I realized.
Very uncomfortable. I know you should be.
There's this weird crosshatching. It looks to me like I'm on the set of Logan's Run.
The TV show from Or Tron. Right.
And this is not me. I never do this.
I think you're just missing a headband. Yeah.
But because I'm wearing this, I do feel there's a little bit of an 80s vibe. But also because I'm wearing this, when you wear clothes like this, you start doing stretches.
And it was on my mind because I started doing stretches today out in the main room where everybody is. And I got on the floor and other people.
RJ. RJ.
RJ, who works here at the podcast. He told me he's been stretching like on a professional level since he was five.
Yeah. He stretches an hour a day.
He stretches an hour a day. And, and, and here's the thing.
He can't stand. He's so relaxed and loose.
No, no. He's brought into work in a bowl, like, like, like gazpacho and And they pour him into his seat and he does his work.
But no, he's, he's very impressive. He's super physically fit.
And I think he's a black belt. Oh, yeah.
He's like a multi-degree black belt in Taekwondo. I take back my reaction.
You should. Maybe we should get him in here.
He's probably out there. Is RJ out there? Can RJ come in? Because I'm very impressed with RJ.
Yeah. And you know what? A lot of people work here.
Not impressed with a lot of them. I literally go around looking.
Is there someone here who I'm impressed with? Please. Have a seat.
Hi, RJ. Hey, guys.
So, RJ, I should be asking you this question. First of all, what is your actual position here at the show? So I'm Adam's executive assistant.
Right.

And I do a lot of stuff for basically whatever Adam asks for.

I just kind of do it.

That's the easiest way of saying it.

That's kind of sinister.

Yeah, that sounds...

So I saw you the other day

breaking into an ATM with a crowbar.

He asked for money.

I know, I know.

And he said,

I don't want to use a card. Anyone can use a card.
Use this crowbar. We were talking the other day.
You mentioned stretching. It's been in the back of my head.
And then today, before I know it, I'm on the ground, you're on the ground, and you're showing me these different stretches. And you did one where your hips basically just flattened out like a spatchcocked chicken.
And I was like, my hips will never do that. I would need an operation.
No, no, no, no. So we were doing frog pose and it just, it takes time.
The thing with flexibility is you can't force it at first. You kind of have to let your body ease into it.
And then once your body can ease into it, that's when we figure out how to contract muscles in a certain way. And then when you let it go, then you fall forward.
Sona will tell you, because Sona has spent many years observing me. She watches how I wash makeup off.
Oh, my God. She watches how I brush my teeth.
Jesus. And I could start a fire on my face.
Everything I do is, I'm going to say everything, but like quick and hard, like let's get this done. Yeah.
And there's a self-loathing involved in it. So stretching is the antithesis to all of that.
Yeah. And it's breathing.
It's a lot. And yeah, just being calm and patient.
And just kind of toes without bending your legs. If my, I'm going to say if I had an operation where my knees were removed and my feet were presented to me.

That's how I am.

No, I am.

My problem is, of course, I have a little bit of an unusual build.

Very long legs, shorter torso proportionally.

So, yeah, if I really lean for a while,

yes, I can get down there.

I can't even do that.

Well, you're a mess.

I mean, I don't want to.

Yeah, that's true.

I do think it takes time.

I think you get sometimes impatient.

You're like, I want to be flexible now,

but you have to just like take your time with it, maybe.

Can you be patient?

Here's my question is, RJ,

would you be willing to shift you away

from your responsibilities with Adam? Because whatever shit you're doing for him he can do for himself and you just become my full-time stretch guru yo that'd be great let's do it we'll both dress how you're dressing today yeah we'll do it oh really we'll both dress like that yeah like a I'm a guy from an early 80s space television sci-fi show. For sure.
Yeah, I do.

I'm... Oh, really? We'll both dress like a guy from an early 80s space television sci-fi show.

For sure.

Yeah, I do. I'm into this.
I want to try it. I want to try and become more flexible.

Yeah.

I want to evolve. This is something I'm saying as a serious thing.
I am interested in this concept that I can keep evolving, that I can keep changing in certain ways.

A lot of cool things have happened in the last 10 years that I didn't see coming. So why couldn't I become flexible? I agree.
Yeah. And I think you should definitely put the work into it and then be patient and breathe.
No, I want RJ to do it. I want him to do.
Is there any way that you can do all the stretching? I'm not involved, but then somehow, you know, I inherit all the benefits in the inheriting part. Probably not.
But I need somebody to be like my camera guy when I'm stretching. He is like full like past splits.
It's amazing. I know it's pretty incredible.
That's crazy. And and but also you started when you.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was really into martial arts.
The first thing I told my mom of what I wanted to be when I grew up was a Power Ranger. So then she got me into martial arts, and I just stayed.
I ended up doing that for a little over 20 years. To the point where you can take a Power Ranger now.
You can beat one. Let's do it.

Let's find a Power Ranger.

I think I just joined the evil side button. There's probably one

walking around Hollywood Boulevard.

Yeah. And you're just gonna

start kicking his ass.

Poor guy's gonna have like a fanny pack.

He's just trying to get money. He just wants a tip.

He just wants a tip so he can take a selfie with you.

Suddenly he's getting wailed on by this red bearded martial artist. Well, RJ, I'm very impressed by what you can do.
And I will try to learn from you. I will try to absorb.
You are now my, you are Yoda to my Mark Hamill in the second one of those things that later became. Luke Skywalker, Empire Strikes Back.

Let's just skip that.

It was the second.

Honor the text, please.

It was the second one, and then, but I guess now it's actually the 15th.

Well, I'm with you on that.

How's flexibility of personality going?

Nope.

Is that in play at all?

Iron Rod.

No.

Maybe we evolve into a nicer person.

Yeah.

Maybe that's what we're ever.

Who's going to listen to that podcast? I know. It's going to suck.
It'll suck. Hey, let's go see the new Don Rickles.
He's really nice to the audience. And he gives everybody some fruit salad.
Later. Don Rickles is broke.
Thank you, RJ. All right, guys.
Let's get into it. My guest today, that's right, RJ's a redhead.

I'm a redhead.

My next guest today, also a redhead, hilarious comedian,

whose latest special Bill Burr Drop Dead Years premieres March 14th on Hulu.

He's also making his Broadway debut

in Glengarry Glen Ross later this month.

I love this guy.

I'm thrilled he's with us today.

Bill Burr, welcome. You and I have, we have a special connection.
I really believe that. We're both gingers.
We both grew up. Unsightly from the Massachusetts area.
We're sort of the, we're the spice in the stew. That's what the gingers are.
We can't be next to each other. Like we're only allowed LA, LA County only allows us to hang out once a year and have a dinner.
There's only two of us that are allowed to be together. Two gingers from the Boston area that are incredibly, a weird mixture of bitterness, right? That has, I mean- I would have gone with anger first, but okay, we'll go bitterness, anger, confused.
I hide my anger, I think, or have in the past. Don't I hide it better than Bill? Oh God.
Oh yeah. But it's there.
Children, don't I hide it when I'm smacking you in the station wagon? We'll see with all my points or there will be a discussion afterwards but soda you've seen and and matt you guys have seen up close the beast right you've seen the beast we have but uh for many years on television i was a quote good guy but there was a bill burr inside me always always yeah i think there why do you gotta why do you gotta your anger on me? I had nothing to do with you and whatever happened to you. How do we know? How do we know? How do we know? We were in the same era.
I know you're younger than me, but I remember- Well, you were older than me and you were always taller. So, I mean, if anything happened, it was you.
You threw the ice ball at me or socked me down at Fitzy. Something happened.
Stole the stereo out of my fucking shitbox car. What do radio thieves What a radio thief student.
I don't know. I don't know what they do.
Take the whole dashboard out. Just walk around with this odd shaped iPad.
Does anybody got a 2023 Mercedes? Back in the day, you could steal a stereo and fit in everybody's fucking car another job lost to ai do you go to back to reunions and things like that a high school reunion i don't know if i told you this but i went back to one of mine years ago high school reunion and i was doing the late night show well-known person i go back and this guy comes up to me and he goes hey go on and remember the time that you and me busted into that liquor store down by the point and we stole all that booze, but the cops came and we both took off and you went left and I went right and you got all the booze and then you drank it yourself. And I'm listening.
I'm like, you have the wrong guy. I have never, I have never had a parking violation in my life.
I didn't drink when I, until I was like 26. He's got the wrong guy, but he inserted me into his story.
And I thought, I bet that happens to you. Unless, no, you were probably the guy that was stealing.
I don't understand how someone doesn't, was it that six foot four ginger or was, I mean, how many of you were out there? Right, yeah. There was that guy I went to high school with who looked like Jane Lynch.
I couldn't remember. I think I committed a crime with him.
No, I went to high school with, looked like jane lynch i couldn't remember i i think i committed a crime with him no i went to high school with uh i had a really cool grade like everybody like it was funny it was sort of like uh everybody by that by my senior year everybody was sort of collectively partying with each other so there wasn't like you know you had the clicks the jocks you had the the people that took woodshop the know, the burnouts or whatever. And then just the background people like me.
And then by the end of it, we all used to go down this place, Dan Road, which was this industrial park that was slowly being built, taking over the woods or anything. But they had like all of these dirt roads back there and these burnt up cars for insurance and shit.
We used to drive down there and drink. And every weekend, the party just kept getting bigger bigger and bigger and everybody was sort of high and drunk and just kind of got along with each other.
So I've only been to one high school reunion. I went to my 25th and I had a great time, but because I do stand up, like I go around and I run in a lot of people come out to my shows.
So I kind of have like this never ending sort of high school reunion, which is cool. When they hit me up or whatever me up or whatever i always always you know end up talking to them backstage and shit and then get freaked out about how old their kids are versus mine but you got young kids yep eight and four and a half wow okay my kids are in their late 50s children they have sciatica you started a little bit late too, and I'm still way behind you.

Yeah, you're way behind me.

You know, I watched your special- In many areas.

Yes, exactly.

Don't rub it in.

I watched your special, Drop Dead Years.

Loved it.

And I know it's coming out.

When's it coming out?

I want to make sure I get-

It's out now.

It's out right now.

Okay.

We're taping this a little beforehand.

We're taping this in 1974. 1974.
We're very excited about the Red Sox next year, the 75 Red Sox. It should be amazing.
And I'm glad that busing crisis is finally over. Oh, finally, yeah.
No more racism. No more racism in Boston.
And I'm looking forward to that story just sort of disappearing so Boston can move forward. Boston will be fine.
Yeah. No, but I watched your special and you talk about going to the funeral of a friend.
First of all, it's a very, very funny, I feel it's a redundant saying Bill Burr had a really funny standup special. Why is it so hard for you to say that about me? I said it twice.
I just root against you. You know, I root against you.
You couldn't even open your eyes, all right? I'm admitting he said something that was mildly amusing. This fucking bastard.
He's achieved some success. Another ginger from Boston.
There's only room for one. Just what I needed.
But I watched your special and it's fantastic. You talk about losing a friend and going to the funeral and of course you have some very funny observations about that but it it opens up you're it feels like you're you're opening up a little more in this special about your personal life and some of your struggles and it's uh it's it's fantastic oh thank you know i i kind of uh you know i was of that belief as most people that come from the East Coast that, you know, your your anger and shit is like your security blanket.
And then and it's it's made you who you are. It's why you're funny.
It's why you have character. It's all of this stuff.
And if you for some reason let go of this and actually enjoy life or maybe take responsibility for your actions and see how your behavior affects other people, for some reason, that's going to be like the undoing of you. Like, you know, there's a lot.
I don't know about how you came up, but like in stand up, there was a lot of stuff out there. Don't get married.
Don't have kids. Basically, don't find happiness.
That is the kryptonite to comedy. And I found that it's that's not true.
And it's really the opposite is is is once you kind of you know get yourself to a new place you can kind of revisit a lot of shit that you talked about with like a new like sort of point of view of it um so yeah no i'm i'm listen but believe me dude i i've only gone up like one flight of the empire state building that is my messed up personality so uh you know this is the the uh question. And it's one I've thought about in comedy, which is you can be funny or you can be happy.
And I really believed in that dichotomy. And I remembered years ago living in LA and stating that to least- Getting molested.
Doing the things you had to do to get a late night talk show come on it's out there now all right it's it's better when you say it say the name we all did what we had to do you know i'm here now it was a different time different time a lotches. You know what? No one wanted me on a couch.

Right?

I mean, let's just be honest.

Not even your therapist.

No one.

Yeah.

No one was like, I got to get me a piece of that Conan.

But featherless ostrich.

Why?

Why do I invite you back?

I don't know. It's not right.
know it's not right but to your point i really did believe that that was a choice you had to make and i was okay with being miserable yeah being miserable and uh i thought it made me tough yeah i thought all of that stuff like you, you know, and all the movies that you watch, they just, they made you believe in it. I remember I watched The Dirty Dozen.
I watched The Dirty Dozen, and there's that scene where they have to shave in cold water, and we ain't shaving, and blah, blah, blah. So I was sitting there thinking, like, oh, tough guy's shaving cold water.
And I shaved in cold water for, like, seven years as, like, a fucking dental assistant and stand and standup comedian. And like, it was like just something that I, it was a subconscious thing that, that it was all of this stuff had happened to me.
So you just always thought this, yeah, I can't, you got to get tougher. You got to get tougher.
You got to get tougher. So all of this stuff that's happening to me, I won't feel it.
And when I was really doing was I was, I was walling myself off. Um, and it was so funny funny.
And there was there was a lot of information out there about people like being walled off and all of that. And I would just watch them fascinated, like, how the fuck do you not know what you feel? Not even realizing that I was the exact same way.
And yeah, no, it's mushrooms. Mushrooms turned me around.
I had one mushroom trip and it sort of woke me up. I've had people tell me I should do that.
I've never done that. And I also have a long way to go.
I'll admit that. I think I've made progress.
You can be honest. I really do think you have.
And I think mushrooms might be good for you. You've always thought pot would be good for me.
I did. Yes, I do.
Pot's a depressant. Pot is like, I don't know.
Weed isn't weed anymore. Oh, it isn't intense.
I mean, that shit was like, yeah, these people came over for fucking Thanksgiving, right? Why can't it just be Thanksgiving? Because you know something? It's how I grew up talking. Okay, okay.
I'm just saying. I don't mean it in a bad way.
I went to my fucking kids christening yeah no i know sorry so i had some friends over

for what is arguably i feel the best holiday uh-huh this is what i really feel but i said fucking thanksgiving but i really love thanksgiving uh-huh because yeah it's a nice hang and you don't have to buy anything of these christmas i can't stop looking at that camera i don't know why i can't make some fucking giblets and gravy as he sips his dainty little coffee I'm like, ice coffee.

I had to get rid of the straw.

I'm not evolved enough as a man that I can drink out of a straw. I still feel all right about myself.
I just think of it as an aluminum dick. Just doing my part to show that I'm an ally.
Aluminum dick. Can't wait to take another sip.

Oh my God.

Oh, come on.

This episode is called Conan Swallows.

Anyway.

What was I talking about?

So I had some people over for Thanksgiving.

This guy go, he has a joint, right?

So I'll take a couple of hits, whatever.

I go, what is this?

And he told me, he goes, it's a nice afternoon sat nice afternoon sativa right so then that's like the wind was just blowing

yeah through my non-existent hair so i go all right so i dude i took three of the hits off

of that thing and i just wasn't at thanksgiving anymore i mean i was like there i was like my

wife just people kept talking to me my wife just kept going he's useless he's useless you gotta

wait a couple hours it's so powerful yeah i know i'm not i it's too late oh that's why

Thank you. to me my wife just kept going he's useless he's useless you gotta wait a couple hours it's so powerful yeah i know i'm not i it's too late oh that's why i i ended up texting you some of the jokes a few days later that thing where we were doing the thing uh me and this other guy were high out of our minds and like nobody in this industry was has been buying anything since the strike yeah but they're taking meetings wasting your time so we were like we should waste time back.
We were just pitching sequels to perfect movies that didn't need a sequel. And my favorite one was Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
This time he's keeping the sink. And it's all about the Indian guy.
After he throws it, he picks the sink up and he's running with it. And Tommy Lee Jones is chasing him it's just basically becomes the fugitive you you merge fugitive yeah and my favorite part was he's standing near the waterfall and he's like this one sink means a lot to me and tommy lee jones like i don't care so i i opened that up to my podcast listeners too regular people are so fucking funny now because they're they're pitching jokes and so now they're funny somebody had the best one wrote a sequel to schindler's list it was called schindler's wrist um it's the it's about the carpal tunnel schindler got writing the list and and the therapy and the therapy that happened and the movie just ends with him being like, yeah, it feels pretty good.
You know, just totally anticlimactic. How you feeling, Schindler? I gotta say, pretty good.
Pretty good. You're a wizard.
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Well, you've changed your life a lot, right? You've cleaned up your act a little bit. I mean, I feel I have.
My wife, I don't know. I just don't know if I'm ever going to get over that hump.
First of all, I love your wife. Listen, enough about you your your your private desires i'm just saying we live in an experimental age we live at a time i mean you're sucking an aluminum dick yeah i mean hey i don't have no shame about it i gotta tell you the second the second the second the tie comes off i'm telling you man this guy he becomes a different guy yeah it was There's always a clip on it.
No, my wife is, yeah, she's the best. You guys came over for dinner and she's fantastic.
And I feel I accomplished the same thing. I found the right person.
I found someone who is on me, understands me, does not let me get away with shit sometimes she lets me get away

with a little just because she's like uh let him go yeah just let him blow out the lines a little

bit yeah yeah exactly let him go but uh yeah but yeah nia's amazing yeah she is you know i just

when you're fucked up like me i i do need i the one big thing in our thing is i had to let know

i go i need an attaboy every once in a while okay you can't just every fucking day be reading me the

riot act i mean i know i'm a fucked up guy and i know that i'm difficult to live with but everyone

Thank you. thing is i had to let know i go i need an attaboy every once in a while okay you can't just every fucking day be reading me the riot act i mean i know i'm a fucked up guy and i know that i'm difficult to live with but every once in a while you know i did make waffles this morning you know i don't remember that being brought up no one says attaboy anymore by the way is that just expected yeah no one says attaboy no no one says attaboy how about there you go there you go you did it look at you look it becomes real passive look at big boy over here it becomes real passive aggressive there you go there you go look at you must be nice must be nice i got that one i got that one from somebody who's completely fucked up their life he goes oh yeah you know you're you're out there in L.A.
doing things. Christmas is coming up.
You got money for gifts. Must be nice.
Must be nice. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, it is.
Life is pretty good when you're not doing drugs. Getting fired every two weeks.
Also, I'm sorry. This guy is coming to you with a real low bar.
Oh, you know. Oh, no, that was it.
That was it. Must be nice.
That was it. Must be nice.
You got some sneakers you can put on your feet. Oh, that, that was, that was, it was, it was building towards that, you know, I mean, this, you know, yeah, it's just, it just was one of those things.
And I always told my citizen, dude, if you're in a hole, if you're reaching up, I'll try to pull you out. But if you're face down in it, digging it deeper every day, I'm not fucking, I'm not getting involved in that.
And he just couldn't get his head around that. And then he'd go, I don't know.
The last time I talked to him, he goes, I've been working out. I've been working out.
I go, oh, that's great. I thought he was turning his life around.
He lost a fight to his son. Wait, that was his workout? He came at his son and lost? No.
He was working out because he lost a fight to his son. So, he's like, oh man, I gotta lay off this shit.
It's just fucking... No, but that's one of the things too.
That's the craziest motivation for I gotta hit the gym. I know.
I'm signing up. Hey, well, what made you come in? Well, I'm fighting my uh my my 17 year old son and he got the better of me so that was my wake-up call that i need to work out so i can beat the shit out of him right and people always say like why why is it why are so many people from massachusetts funny and i always go like because that is the kind of person you run into all the time and he said that's without a bit of funny it wasn't supposed to be weird yep or anything he was just straight up talking to me going like yeah man he's he's strong now i mean he actually like knocked me down and stuff so you know i've been doing the curls and it's just like do you ever think it just like maybe going out to like have a cup of coffee and figure out what's going on with you guys like i don't think you want you really want to you want to fight your son i don't think he wants to fight you no dude no i know i know but still you know just like you know it's it's one of those uh i don't know i i i go back to uh and another thing too i always remember when you were in massachusetts is people would always oh you know that guy oh dude that guy's a character he's a character and everybody is like this like uh it's it's like they're very like uninhibited and and they get into like their these habits and these things that they do.
And they don't realize like how colorful they are. And it's not until you travel and you go back and you just, you come back to Massachusetts.
You go to like, I don't know what it's like now because like sports is like, so I can't stand the direction that it went into. But when I used to go to like tailgates at the fucking Pats game, you know you were like drinking on route one we used to park in this guy's backyard and then you walk down train tracks active fucking train tracks people walking holding hands with kids and then you would go up the under route one up the thing and then walking and just the shit that you saw the stuff that people said it was a comedy show from all the way like people trying trying to be funny, people not being, just being who they were.
You get to your section before the giant, you know, fucking screens took over. Yeah.
There was a class clown in every fucking section. Yeah.
And I used to try to be that guy. And sometimes I was, and then there was, sometimes there'd be a guy funnier than me.
And then I would just be entertained by him. And that happened at Red Sox games, Bruins games, big time, Celtics, all of those things.
And I think like these TV screens and all of this shit that they have now, it's just like crowd control. Like the second there's a stoppage of play that's like, you know, they got these dumb races and your section has to root for it to like win a t-shirt and shit.
It's dumb. I was of the era where my brother and I would go down to Fenway Park without it just would think hey let's go watch a Red Sox game and we'd walk down and you could get bleacher seats oh yeah for like eight bucks yeah and we would get bleacher seats and we would sit in the bleachers no planning no like we got tickets and we would go and we'd sit up there and what they did was they hired this is back when the Red Sox they'd stand on Conan's shoulders and then hold himself up over the green monster.
What's happening up there, Luke? Hey, Luke, who's ahead? The Reds are giving us a shellacking. And then the beginning of his comedy career.
Hey, you guys were supposed to pull me up. Fuck you, you fucking red-headed cunt.
Hey, that's the title of my autobiography. That was supposed to be a surprise, Random House, next year.
Fuck you, you fucking redheaded cunt. I was doing a pre-promotion for you.
Thank you. No, but we would sit in the bleachers and what was hilarious was they used to hire football players, these massive linebackers from, I think, BU.
And they would, you know, guys with massive necks and they were the crowd control but not professional crowd control their job was just if anything got out of line if they saw some people like having a little too much to drink and maybe getting into it starting to fight a little bit these guys with massive necks from bu would go running up and they would wail on people and that more, we went to watch that more than we could watch the game. Well, the art of bouncing back then, it was, nobody knew how to deescalate a situation.
It was all just ramping it up. I still remember I was doing this gig at Nick's Comedy Stop and downstairs was a nightclub.
And I still remember the night these guys, they kicked this dude out. And I don't know if this guy ever walked again they basically it was a dance floor and you know you're in there it's super fucking loud you know bell biv devoe era like that shit was playing you know poison or something and then you just heard this commotion and I looked over and I think it was two bouncers and they had just grabbed this guy picked him up and started running full speed with them and there's like innocent people there and the crowd just parted like that and they they had him like nine feet in the air and the door jam is like eight and they were both running like a 440 with this guy and like from the middle of his back to the back of his head just slammed into this middle thing and he folded it like a chair just threw him out onto warrenton street i remember everyone like i like that you can't i like that you can't get through this without laughing because dude that's the most boston part of this so anyway his spine is seven no but now like there was like no cameras yeah so it's just like like if you ever did that today forget about there'd be cameras the owner of the club would be like dude i'm gonna have a lawsuit every fucking weekend you guys are fired so they just threw that everybody was like oh man just went oh and then the music still playing and like it was the funniest thing ever as far as like it took a good minute for relaxed dancing to happen again it was kind of like like...
That is Belle Bib DeVoe. No, it was definitely like the tone and set.
I'll never be like, they must, and then they must have done that more than once because they were working together. They just grabbed the guy.
I knew a guy that was a bouncer. He said, sometimes we would just walk up to somebody just to start a fight.
And we just walk up to him and man you got to get out of here and they didn't do anything and they would just do it hoping that they would because they you know a lot of guys were on juice back then and it was you know it wasn't the cream that they have now that also has like a suntan lotion or whatever a sunscreen in it whatever these guys have now that's what i use it was it was the horse tranquilizer shit so they like wanted to get fights. And I somehow, I avoided all of that.
I avoided all of that shit. Like past a certain age, I just stopped.
I was like, these guys have like people getting their fucking ears bit off and stuff. You know, I knew this guy, like, you know, like his party trick, he would eat a light bulb.
Oh yeah. Gums bleeding, smiling at you.
It was just like, yeah, these guys, these guys. It was a better time.
These guys are on another level. I'm just going to stick to the comedy.
And yeah, there was some really interesting. There was a lot of characters back then.
A lot of characters. It was funny.
You did this special in Seattle. I almost sensed you love to go to a place where you feel like you're not just going to, you could go to certain places where you're just going to get, where you know what their attitude is

and you know you're going to get unconditional love.

Obviously you have a lot of fans in Seattle, but you go there, I think, because you want

to challenge some of what Seattle may stand for right now in some ways.

Is that possible?

Well, I did what I did in Seattle because of collectively the way they think. But like if I did it in Utah, I would have did it a different way.
Yes, exactly. It would have been the same thing to kind of like, you know, like mess with them a little bit.
But you like the pushback. You enjoy it.
Yeah, because the thing I can't, I don't want to. It's your, I mean, it's the cold shave for you.
There's part of you that wants to go someplace. And you did this for years on my show, which was, you know, why I always loved you.
But you would have the take that wasn't the comfortable take that everyone would applaud at. You would always want to put yourself in a situation where you weren't- Push people away.
Yeah. That's what I'm doing.
No, but no but it was hilarious and uh i think something that's quite unusual about you well the reason why i i love the city and then that theater for me is a funny place because everyone talks about like nirvana that they were the ones that knocked off the metal bands off the top 10 on mtv and it was it was really i felt when pearl jam put out that video and eddie Vedder climbed up at the Moore theater and dropped down into the crowd. And it was like, okay, so that Nirvana thing wasn't a fluke.
There's more of these bands. And it was like the first time that I felt like old, you know, I was about 23.
There was no more exciting birthdays. You know, I, you know, 16, you get your license, 18, you're an adult, 21, you can drink, 22, you graduate way calls college this is the first kind of like oh now i just go all right bye good luck with your life we're watching these people and um it's just funny to me to go back to that place where that happened because it took me forever to like that band and now i like them but it took me forever because i was just because of where i was just like fuck those guys wait for pearl jam yeah what was your beef with pearl jam they knocked warrant off it was so stupid because you liked warrant it wasn't that it was it wasn't what they represented was i wasn't young anymore it was the end i see listen i even i knew when all of those w bands were coming in that like this is like the end of these bands but there was also still some like i'll tell you this uh um what's what's their face um oh my god i'm flicking on the name here when they did monkey business sebastian bach uh skid row skid row yeah dude them live on snl doing uh uh uh monkey business or whatever i do i'll put that against anybody.
Sebastian Bach in the whole band sounded fucking unreal. But the whole industry at that point was already moving on to grunge and it's a killer album.
So there was still, you know, any genre, there's going to be like awful versions of that. But like, that was just my first experience of like, oh, wow, this is like over, you know? So that's kind of why I picked picked that theater to do it because it was funny to me like to come back to this place that remind and then you know drop dead years this whole mortality thing that i was thinking you're talking about you say there's these ages when men not women men just drop dead and you say it's 49 to 61 yeah and anything after that you're just looking at a prolonged illness.
No, you got it. But you say that's the age.
That's this window. And he said, it doesn't happen.
It's really funny. I don't want to blow your special.
I want people to watch it. These are the years I'm in.
So I've got to make sure I go to the hot doctor. And I've got to make sure I watch what I eat, dude.
And then, you know, then you can make it to that next level where, you know, you're that old guy at the golf club talking about how they just took your gallbladder out and, you know, just talking about what ails you. I can never be that guy.
I've tried so many times to get into golf. I just cannot do it.
I tried it once and I thought it's going to take so much work for me to be very bad that I'm I want I want to put that time into maybe getting a little better at guitar like that was my you know and nobody seems to be enjoying it like you're talking about anybody goes you know I was going you know first four holes were good and I couldn't have my fucking driver and then it's like why would you keep doing this and it takes forever and it's mind-numbingly like boring it just, I like watching pros do it. I like that my friends enjoy doing it, but I would rather go do shit.
Yeah. I'd rather go play drums, ride a motorcycle, fly a helicopter.
Like, why wouldn't you do that? As opposed to fucking say, 112 yards. What do you think? What are you going? What are you going? You going seven, eight iron? And they got their fucking sniper scope.
It's so fucking, it's so dumb. It's so dumb.
It's like all you guys need to go home and either get divorced or work on your marriage because there is nothing, nothing is happening here. This is, it's like a library.
Like you got, it's like the whole, it's so quiet. All of this shit.
It's just bad. It's like a library Like you got It's like the whole It's so quiet All of this shit It's just bad It's just bad And everybody With the wacky You either wear Really wacky clothes Like you're in a Three Stooges sketch Or Or Or you dress Hey lady Or you dress like You're you know Tiger Woods adjacent Or whatever Yeah so Oh he's a scratch golfer.
That guy's a scratch golfer. How is he? That's amazing.
Like he's dunking. It's just like, well, this makes me happy because I've sometimes, I'm adjacent to a lot of people that are golfers.
Jeff Ross golfs a lot and likes to talk about golfing.

Eduardo just said he does.

Eduardo golf all the time.

Yeah.

No, no, listen.

Listen, if that's what gets you going,

that's cool.

I just, I tried.

No offense.

No, because I'm joking.

It does look like a great hang.

It does look like a great hang.

We should talk all the time.

It's just not,

it should be nine holes.

And I would argue maybe seven. Seven holes.
Like, is there a golf slider thing that I could do? Like three holes? There are courses that offer nine holes. No, there's one off the five that's a par three.
There's one down in Torrance that's an eight, an 18 hole par three. It's like, that's what I, yeah.
I'm going in with three clubs, 48 balls, and I'm not looking for any of them i don't give a shit and i count

every fucking stroke like if i if i go to tee off and i miss i go there oh that's a breakfast ball no it isn't it isn't right it isn't i was trying to hit the ball and i missed that fucking counts setting the tone these are gonna be honest scores today nobody looks at you they all look down at their silly pants.

It attracts

and rewards

dishonest people. A lot of contractors, real estate agents, lawyers.
You're just running a lot of people. You're a happy man now.
That's what I like. I know your anger fuels you.
Dude, I went on a motorcycle ride the other day that was fucking life-changing. It was fun.
Where'd you right where'd you go i i went up the canyons in uh i think la canada or something like up that way and uh it was my buddy's bike and it was a big bike and i was you know those big harleys with the fucking fairing so it's like scary you know it's like you're on a clydesdale and on the way up i was kind of scary but on the way back i kind of got the feel for it and i kind of you know did my version of tearing through the canyon and i i was like i was euphoric for like two days doing that. And that's like, just not something golf has never feel for it.
And I kind of, you know, did my version of tearing through the canyon. And I was like, I was euphoric for like two days doing that.
And that's like just something golf has never done for me. Like I remember a couple of times I've hit good shots and people go, that's the shot that's going to make you come back.
It's like, no. Do you have nighttime golfing? I would do that.
Like those, you know, like those driving range things, those. Yeah.
Yeah. With the big net.
That looks like fun. You know, there's chicks there, the people drinking and stuff.
the people drinking and stuff yeah top golf that looks like like if i was young this is like a nightclub with golf that looks fun but like to actually just like become a member have to vote on things like you join this this sports hoa okay uh we got a dentist here uh seems like a good guy he wants to be be a member. See, Conan, you take him out for a round of golf, you feel him out.
Feel if he's our kind of person that we want in our little clubhouse here. Yeah, I don't know.
An HOA. I can't.
It really is. is you know you talked about one thing there's so many things you bring up that i relate to and one is you don't own a gun but you like guns and you bring this up in your special and i kind of relate meaning i'm too scared i would not own a gun no no i don't want a gun in my house i'd love to have one oh you would i don't want a gun in my house.
I'd love to have one. Oh, you would.
I don't want a gun in my house. I don't want to.
But I've kind of always been fascinated by guns and the times that I've been in situations where someone's let me shoot guns. I've it's fun.
Found it to be very cathartic. It's really interesting to me.
I like to kind of get the basics down of it, but I don't want to own one. Yeah, I understand that.
Because I know that I am like, I mean, the joke I do, I, you know, I lose my cell phone. Like, I'll walk into a room to get something that I forgot and then I will leave.
And in the process of getting that, I'll have left whatever was in my hand. Yeah.
And my passport, I'll get to the airport. Fuck, and I got to go back.
Like, I am too whatever it is. However, my brain is like, you have to be on it to own a fucking gun, especially if you have kids in the house.
And like, you know, you kind of got to know where your skill set is, you know? So, like, I learned a lot of shit, like, in, like, aviation, where it's flying within your ability. You know what I mean? So, you're always looking at the weather and stuff like that.
And I just always look at that stuff. You keep the odds in your favor and you don't just do something when you're up there because what you're flying can do it.
It's like, do you have the ability to do it? Is it safe to do it here or whatever? And you know, just doing stuff like that. Like I just look at like, no, I like, I go into gun stores all the time.
I like the old school, like revolvers, all like those cop shows that I watch. I'm like, oh, that's the Clint Eastwood right there.
That's Beretta had that or whatever, you know? And I like the old school, like rifles and stuff, but I'm not into like the, I don't know, like the semi-automatics. No.
What's the one that everybody wants to get? The AK, what is it? The AR-15. AR-15, yeah.
To me, that's like the electric car of the fucking gun world. You know, if you just have a revolver, that's like driving a stick.
You know what I mean? You got to be good at it. That shit's kind of like, you know, you're just watching your misses until you hit the fucking person.
What? It's true, though. How many fucking opportunities do you need? Jesus Christ.
It's like 900. Anything that's firing 900 rounds a second.
You don't have to. There's no skill.
It's a gunfight meets T-ball. Yeah.
So, no, but that's also like another thing, too, is what I'm trying to do now, like when I'm going out there is I'm trying to more like bring people together, which is a really hard thing to do because everything gets politicized like fires, viruses. I did, uh, I did Kimmel the other night.
I deliberately was a, a political complimented the fire department, department of water. And somebody takes a clip and said that I, I, you know, Bill sides with Gavin Newsom.
It's like, I couldn't pick that guy out of a fucking lineup. I've seen him after games when they cut to KTLA and they show him for a second, salt and pepper hair.
So game show house. Yeah.
Yeah. I have a vague understanding of who that guy is, but like, uh, I didn't know what party he was in.
I don't watch any of that shit. I don't watch any of it.
You don't watch news. You're not a news junkie.
There is no news. Yeah.
There is no news. It's just all people's fucking opinions.
And then politicians are grossly underpaid. So they let you vote.
So you get to choose who goes, oh, my guy won or my guy lost or whatever. And then they go in there.
And then the rest of the time, you don't get to like vote on what they're voting. They vote on it.
And the people that own them, you know, they're working for them. And all of those guys, like, you know, they're all worth like 40, 60, 80, 100 million dollars

making like six figures a year.

How do you do that legally?

How do you, Conan?

I don't have the answer.

I know you don't.

And everybody, but the geniuses,

they got everybody,

like they divide, divide, divide.

Every fucking time.

CNN does it, Fox News does it.

And I find these people who watch that shit.

It's like people who come out of prison who are institutionalized, you know, and't fucking live unless they're inside you watch that 24-hour news enough you know and you follow you know you start thinking paranoid thoughts and you follow those paranoid thoughts onto the internet there's going to be a website that agrees with whatever fucked up thought you have yeah and then validate so then you just go like create like my last time i did uh i i did Kimmel. Somebody wrote to me and was like dead certain that Jimmy Kimmel was a CIA operative.
Well, he may be actually. I don't, I don't, I mean, I don't like to add fuel to the fire.
Oh, okay. I was, I was with him in the CIA for a while.
It was me. What did you do to get kicked out that the cia disowned you we don't we don't want a hairless ostrich featherless oh okay featherless uh no uh it was me it was fallon uh there was a bunch of us that were in heavy cia training i was asked to leave fallonon kept singing.
They asked him to leave. HBO's biggest series, The Last of Us, returns with a new season on Mac, starring Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey.
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Hey, Sona.

Pretty recently,

I got together

with a bunch of my chums.

Yeah.

What did you guys do?

Guys I went to college with.

We all played football together.

Yeah.

Don't laugh at that.

That's real.

Sorry.

Yeah.

It was one of those little table games of football. It's actually a video game.
It's simulated football. And it was the 80s, so it wasn't a very good game.
Anyway, it was a good time. We got together.
We had a good time. It's really nice to get together with people.
And I got to say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. I want to say cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975.
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You know what I call this? What? I call it Miller time. Oh.
I came up with that. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite.
Can you believe it? I can't. It's the perfect beer for beer lovers.
It doesn't fill you up. You always know what you're getting when you crack open a Miller Lite.
Yeah, it's crisp. It's crisp.
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You can have it with ice cream. You can have it with a corn cob soup.
Doesn't matter. Miller Lite, great taste, 96 calories.
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96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. I was into conspiracy theory, but then like once you're actually in the thing that people are conspiring about and you realize how ridiculous their theories are, because you actually have a little bit of information.
It's like, oh my God, like that's me. That's how I was.
I used to think all of this shit and I was putting things together and I forgot that I didn't know any of these people. I was a zillion miles away or whatever, but.
um, my least favorite thing in this era we're in is everyone's certain you're every is certainty. And I like whatever happened to uncertainty, whatever happened to, I like comedy where I admit, I don't know.
I don't know what the answers are. Yeah.
And, uh, I'm going to think of some stuff that I is amusing to me and share it with you and hope that you find it funny. But I see it a lot in comedy now.
There's a lot of certainty. And in politics, everyone's absolutely 100% certain about everything.
And that's the thing. I was guilty of that like early or I like to think earlier in my career.
I was doing this and then, you know, now I'm trying to do more of that so i always try to like uh always just let people know that i don't watch the news and i don't read and this is just what i feel it comes across you don't have to do it's very clear okay good no that's good because i don't want i don't want the responsibility of that like uh you know can you read are you able to read uh i mean you're acting it sound like it was a decision that you made. No, it depends on like, you know, when I was really fucked up, like really fucked up and didn't know I was fucked up, it would take me 20 minutes to read one page.
Wow. Because every word or sentence would remind me of something like my brain was like on spin cycle and it took a long time to understand that.
I just thought I was dumb because that's what they said when you were, you know, there wasn't like all of these diagnoses. You were just an idiot.
And so that's what I thought. I said, oh, this is taking so long because I'm dumb.
And then after I said, oh, no, I think I might be a little traumatized. I don't know what the fuck it is, but I also knew enough not to take any drugs because of it.
It's like, oh, you know, I can kind of like try to figure this out and get myself. Yeah.
It's like all these idiots taking Ozempic. It's like, do you really think after all that cake you ate that all you have to do is shoot this thing into your fucking leg and then you're going to be skinny? Like, okay, not to do a pun here, but you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like there's going an unbelievable disease on the other side of that you don't just get to melt the pounds away and there you go that was weird and then i just did this somebody somebody was trying to claim that these sugar companies are now breaking down what's an ozempic and they're putting a chemical in their candy that's going to override the the Ozempic. And it's just like, so my body is basically a battlefield.
Like I'm not even a person at this point. Well, that's my thing.
Why I don't watch the news or politics? Cause no one's talking about, nobody's talking about that shit. Or you watch like a fucking baseball game and everybody's holding up a sign of somebody they know that beat or died of cancer.
And nobody's saying why, or asking why do all that all that they never did that people used to smoke at the fucking game and you knew less people that died of cancer like i want people to start holding up signs like you know uh thank you roundup and you watch how quickly mlb will cut away from that because they make they're in business with those guys yeah oh here go. Now I'm going on the internet.
No, that's okay.

That's okay.

So you're positing that there's a lot of carcinogens out there

and no one's talking about it.

No, I just wish that regular people, which is most of us,

would just stop yelling at each other.

Stop letting these fucking idiots get you stirred up.

Stop arguing with bots.

Like, no matter what the fuck is on there,

like the LA fires or something,

all you got to do is, ah, because of Biden,

because of Trump, Kamala.

That's all I got to do. And then all of these fucking people just jump on the hook.
And it's a fire. It used to be something you didn't argue about.
There's a bad fire. I know.
Just watch Chinatown and just realize that this place shouldn't be here. Right.
We've all known this. It's a desert.
There has never... We ship water in.
Yeah. I can't believe I live in a desert and there's no water in the hydrants.
There's some in your ice bath. People, your lawn is all green.
We're living like idiots out here. We know that we're living on like, like this, we're living on the moon and it, it looks like we're living in New Hampshire.
Like that's, that's eventually that that's going to come around, you know, and every year we have a drought and they tell you not to take as long a shower and blah, blah, blah. And we all fucking blow it up.
I think we're all responsible for that. I don't think you just blame it on like a political party.
And, uh, I, and I don't have a solution for that, but I don't think the solution is to sit there and blame people and try to, you know, happen during your watch, Conan. This is on you.
The St. Francis Dam disaster is on you.
By the way, they found out years later that they built that dam into a prehistoric mudslide and they didn't have the technology. And that guy carried the guilt of that when the saint francis dam collapsed out here and like a 30 foot wall of water went to the valley they found people's bodies down in like fucking mexico and this guy carried he can't get through this without laughing that is so boston i just found bodies in mexico i mean i just can't imagine you're in your lug cabin or whatever.
Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care.

All of a sudden this fucking wall of water.

And then if there is a God, you wake up talking to him, still holding your bench.

Like spitting out fish.

What the fuck happened?

Spitting out fish.

Like a cartoon.

I know.

I know like a cartoon.

Oh my God. I can't believe you're the guy who built that shit.
And you're like, what happened? He probably heard it. He probably heard it go through the sound of it.
What is that? What is that? That's the shit you built, you fucking asshole. What made you think of the St.
Francis Dam? Look that up. When did that happen? Oh, this is even better.
It gets even better. After the dam collapses, some fucking asshole wanted to climb up it to do like the original selfie or whatever.
He climbed up on top and he fell off and died. It was built between 1924 and 1926.
And when did it collapse? 1927. The dam failed in 1928.
Oh, my God. So we're sitting here talking about current events, and you just go right to the St.
Francis dam collapse. Because I know you like old-timey shit.
I do. You like Winston Churchill and Theodore Roosevelt.
I've been to his house. He has the library of a 90-year-old.
When he was missing, he should have greeted me with a pipe. I have a pretty good library.
He does. They're all leather-bound.
Oh, come on. They're not all leather-bound.
Oh, yeah, no, he was. You know what I should have in my house? He was totally intimidating.
He was going, I've read all of these. I did not.

And all this information is in here.

It's all in my mind.

And you will all

sit here and listen to it.

Oh my God, it was the longest

night of my life. Oh, come on.

I get it, Conan. You've read about

the Third Reich. Jesus Christ.

Dennis Miller would have been like take it easy take it easy cha cha yeah jesus i would love to see the two you guys one of my old grains going back and forth one of my old girlfriends took a photo of me and it's like on this beautiful beach like 1994 when i took like my first vacation ever and i'm on the beautiful beach in the carib I'm sitting there and I'm reading William Shire's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. It's like a telephone book with a swastika on the cover.
And I'm completely in shade because God forbid- What country were you in? No, I was in the Caribbean somewhere. And so God forbid I get any sunlight at all.
And I'm wearing, you know rose kennedy's sun hat underneath an umbrella and i'm reading this giant morality tale about the rise and fall of the third reich in tiny print you know i went to prague and i went to that church where those guys holed up who shot that ss guy yeah yeah and they stayed there for like fucking i don't know how many days just fighting these guys off they tried to flood it and drown they still got the bullet holes in there yeah so it's unreal like like world war ii is just like this thing because it wasn't here when you go over there it's just they still got the like if you go into like berlin sure yeah and what the few structures that are left you're like oh yeah this really fucking happened you know where you go you go to like countries that they bombed and they just have the ugliest buildings because after the war they were just leveled and their economy was done so they just had to like just build these things i was doing my travel show with my team and we checked into this town and lintz named lintz and we're walking around and i said every building here looks like it was built starting in 1950 man they for whatever reason they bombed the shit out of the place and so i i got on my phone looked up lintz like what happened in lintz and lintz is the uh it wasn't his birthplace but it was the town where hitler grew up the allies knew that it was also they i think it was an armaments they were they built armaments there and so they they bombed the shit get out of it. And you can see that every single building, and I've seen this in Cologne too, where the only thing they didn't hit was the cathedral.
The cathedral. And I've talked to people there and they've said, people who think war, who romanticize war need to come to these places.
Oh no, it's brutal. Because every single building was demolished everything there's in in uh what are they called out checknia whatever they're calling it now uh there's a town where they they have i haven't gone i would never it's just too sad to go to but like when they killed that ss guy uh for some reason they they i don't i forget the story if they assassinated him the resistance assassinated him so they found out whatever town some of those guys they thought they were from and they fucking killed everybody in that town yeah so they have like this this you know these silhouettes of like you know men women children it's just fucking it's fucking brutal it's brutal and then what's funny is when you go what's funny this is unbelievable go i'll tell you what's funny is you go to stockholm sweden okay and it looks like you're in the keebler else like home city yeah and you're like well why did this one survive and you found out they remained neutral yeah yeah so they they let the nazis they look the other way as they use their trains to go into uh norway and then that whole fucking thing was a while because i went over there and they were talking about how, you know, Norway had fought for, uh, to get the bottom third of their country liberated from Sweden and they had just gotten it back.
And then during world war two, I don't, this was some like, you know, petty shit. They let the Nazis go in there and, you know, fuck them all up.
So then Norway's economy was flattened and Sweden just cause they were still standing became this economic power. So Norway was so desperate, they tried to sell the bottom of the third of their country back again.
And Sweden was like, yeah, now we don't want it. Jesus.
And then they found oil there. And then the Swedes go, now we go over there and do jobs that they don't want to do.
But everybody has like a sense of humor about it now because no one was alive when all of that shit happened you know what i mean right kind of but it was uh yeah it's pretty fucking uh it's pretty wild well i knew this is where the podcast was going to go at the very beginning i said i'm going to get us to uh the devastation in world war two hillary was into architecture though that's why he left like paris and prague alone he just like they're too beautiful to destroy that's just such a funny like wrinkle in his personality like because he's murdering six million people oh is that art deco he did at the end want them to burn paris and he and one general was because he couldn't have like a fucking jilted lover yeah exactly so at the very end

he wanted to

you know

I'm just

I'm tired of you

letting Hitler slide

Bill Burr

we've

one of my favorite

Norm jokes of all time

what

he was on Letterman

he was talking about Hitler

and he goes

he was like

you know

he goes

the more I read about this guy

the less I like him

God bless you Norm

I'm And I want to make sure we get the word out on your special. It's out right now.
And it is called? Drop Dead Years. Yeah.
And it's on Hulu, streaming on Hulu. And yeah, I'm very, very proud of it.
And I'm looking forward to, I guess when this thing airs, when this airs, I'll be doing Glen Gary, Glen Ross on Broadway at the Palace. That's fantastic.
If you'd like to come, if I'm allowed to invite a ginger, I might have to have Odenkirk invite you. I mean, we'll find a loophole.
Yeah, yeah. Me and Ed Sheeran will come together with Ron Howard.
Yeah, from the day I met you, no one's mind works like yours and it's a beautiful thing to behold. Oh, I didn't know which way that was going.
The day I met you, I was like, why did we book this guy the way your brain works i'm constantly saving your stories it's exhausting you're exhausting bill um well i i right back at you man i i i uh always love coming on whatever you're doing and uh hanging out or whatever it is it's it's it's effortless man you're one of the funniest guys i know uh and you know that's sincere because i couldn't look at you when i did it i know it I know two Irish guys can't look at each other we can't look at each other that's another alright let me tell you something you fucking cunt I love you to death I wouldn't throw you in shite for all the fucking shillelaghs in fucking O'Toole town that's another Norm line he had a line once where he said I went home to christmas uh break and uh yeah at one point i accidentally made eye contact with my father i know what he's talking about oh yeah we all know what he's talking about oh man that guy uh all right bill burr go in peace to love and serve the lord or whatever that's it all. All right.
Well, thank you guys so much for having me.

And yeah, I don't know how to wrap this up.

This is your job.

That's it, everybody.

We'll be back after the break.

We'll be right back.

You got to go buy a mattress.

We'll tell you which one to get.

Sarah Michelle Gellar when we return.

Courtney Thorne Smith when we come back. I could go back to way old shows that I did.

We got so-and-so next.

Yeah.

Come on.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

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