Critical Role: Jester and Fjord’s Wedding: Live from Radio City Music Hall Part 2

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Hello there. It's Liam O'Brien, and you're you're listening to part two of this episode from the Critical Role Podcast Network.

If you haven't checked out part one yet, pause this now and head over there first. Otherwise, enjoy part two.

Alrighty.

I gotta take this off. Yeah, I'm going.

These are good for you. They're not.
Some of them are. Some of them are.
Oh, really? Don't do it. The cupcakes are.
No. Look, one, your cupcakes.
Cupcakes are real to be a little bit more.

Don't eat it.

Oh!

Oh, no. You don't know where those have been.
I really don't.

I gotta put my glasses.

I have hair.

I know. Okay.

How do we win?

Dress is like a challenge raging five. It really is.

I'm going to scooch it.

Oh, we have a map.

Oh, wow.

Oh, it's the oh, it's the ceremony.

So,

first and foremost,

look at the big feet.

Let's go ahead and drop a Sharnai onto the body. She's huge.

Oh, no.

Wait, what?

It's a sharana.

I would like you all to roll initiative. Let's go.

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, there she is. That's okay.
That's okay.

That's okay.

That's good.

Alrighty, so

25 to 20. Hang on, hang on, let me think for a second.

22. Nice.
Okay.

Okay.

14 plus. Again, it's also 22.

Rollies.

Rollies. Rollies.
Let's go. Alright.
Let's go, Sentinel bitches.

Three.

All right. Two.

Josh is up first. Josh is up first.

I don't know if that's ever happened.

Nice.

Alrighty.

And then we have 25 or 20 to

Yasha then Bo

Alrighty

20 to 15 20 15 17 17 Veth

that's it

all right

15 to 10 14

11 12 whoa

Caleb

Ford

then Jester.

That's right, just go into the honeymoon suite.

Just a honeymoon suite at seven.

Yay!

Glad you're

consistent.

You know.

So here amongst this empty space where the wedding once was, this Sharoni, curled, gnarled arms.

With Beau Regard to one side, having gotten one solid blow

and Jester to the other

Yasha you're up first the bow on deck what do you want to do

okay

so I'm gonna start with my bonus action and I'm going to unleash a battle cry

so that everyone within 60 feet will have advantage on attack rolls and saving throws

all right

You shout out that fury that released you now doubles over into a secondary bellowing cry. All of you feel invigorated, except for Caleb, unfortunately, who's somewhere.

Hey, about to advantage on attack rolls and saving throws for the next round. For the next round.
Saving throws? All right, attack. That's your bonus action, Yasha.
That's my bonus action.

So, first attack. All right, you're not raging yet because you used it to do that.
Shit!

It was a good move. That's all right.
It was a good move. Okay, yeah.

I'm going to take a stab.

All right.

22 just hits. Yeah, writing that down.

All right, did you say 22 just hits? Yeah, all right, so here we go

We got

that's double sixes.

All right, plus we got divine fury. All right, that's all right.

Okay,

so we got

12

14

plus okay. 14 plus thirty.

Sorry guys.

This is exciting math.

27 action math. So that's 27

points of slashing damage. Alrighty.
Six points of fire damage. Okay, reduced to three.

Plus an additional

13 points from

Nope. 9 points.
I'm sorry, because I'm not raging. Right.
Alrighty.

Alrighty, does that include your... That does not include Radiant Soul, so plus another 20.
Whoa!

59 points of damage on the opening round of battle from

Yasha.

Alright.

That's your first strike? Yes. A heavy carve through is Sharni.

It impacts.

You can see kind of like the protective runes around her body, the magical cords that are wrapped around her, and her two companions kind of flash at the impact, leaving a bit of a carved, dark splatter of blackened blood across the ground.

Seemed like a big hit, but she takes it like a champ. Keep going.
Second hit.

Ooh, that's good. That's better.

16 plus 15. Go ahead and roll damage.
31.

Okay.

Here we go.

Close the DNA.

Okay,

11 points of slashing.

Another two points of fire, which I know she's

coming on trail.

Plus

nine.

Alrighty. Yes.

21 points of damage on that round. Okay.

Thank you for that.

Good looking out. Awesome.
Two heavy hits in that round.

For the first time really clocks your presence. Like...

Nice try.

But even I don't know who you are, let alone her.

That finishes your turn. Beauregard, you're up.

Okay, um, whereabouts am I on the map? Can I get around to the cages on her back of the other two witches? Uh, if you want to, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna move around.

Um, and I'm gonna swing. So we said uh, we know one's

one witch's name is, I don't know, Sage.

No, Sage is the it's the Sharna. Erythonia.
Erythonia.

Erythionia.

E-R-Y.

T-H-I-O-N-A. Debbie.

Aretha Franklin. I'm going for Aretha.

First hit. And I got advantage of these, right? Yes.
Alright, they do have half cover.

So yeah.

Because they're partially in the baskets. That's plus two to their hands.

Half cover. That's okay.
What do you do?

Bishop. Okay.

That's going to be a 26 a hit. That hits.
Alright.

Let's just go ahead and do it one at a time just because

of everything.

Great, that is going to be 12 points of damage. 12 points of damage.
Alrighty. So impact.

Like is this with your fist or with your staff? With my staff, with the belabor. Heavy staff, you like leap, kind of climbing up in the air.

Wham, crack onto it as you impact. The chains that currently keep them bound inside like flare back and it seems to rebuff it.
It impacts and there is like some give,

but you get the sense that they're actually also protecting them somewhat. So they take half damage.
They're protecting them? The chains are.

The chains are protecting them. Okay, I'm going to shout out to everybody.
These chains have like a protective force field or something. And I'm going to

take my staff, spin it over, and whack to the other.

the other witch in the cave. Let's go.

She's always shouting things at us mid-combat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is my feet. Anti-metagaming.

Okay, and that one misses.

But unfortunately, I am going to go ahead and just do Flurry of Blows. Let's go.
Two more attacks.

Two more attacks because I've got an advantage here.

That one just hits at 22. 22.
And then for the second attack. They have a plus two to their armor class because they are half cover, so it's 24.
Son of a bitch.

Okay, well, the first one misses, the second one does hit uh at 2 uh

nine

that does hit

okay

and then okay here's my here's my question yes okay that uh first and foremost that is going to be for my unarmed strikey strikes that is going to be 10 points of damage

If I do extract aspects on these witches since I'm the ones on the cage, will I get something different?

You want me to find out? Yeah, I'll extract aspects on this last one. They are also resistant to cold, fire, and psychic.
Okay. And they are immune to blind, charm, and frightened.

But not stun.

Jeez, is this the one? Is this the one that does... They're not immune to stun.
It's gone. They're not immune to stun.
They're not immune to stun. Can I stunning striker? You want to, yes?

Stunning strike. All right, constitution.
Saving throw. Natural 20.

I'm not even. Next time, next time.
Wait, Cadus is getting to do something about that? What? Wait, I was looking at the... There's a...
Can Can't you negate a natural 20?

These are like evil donuts.

I'm at the bottom of the.

Can't you even negate into a natural 20 or even save?

Oh, I can't save yours. I can stop someone else's.
Yeah. Oh.
Oh. But not, but it has to be an attack.
She does. It has to be.

Yeah, it's an attack as opposed to a safe 20.

Oh, God. Okay, okay.

Well, I

pout about that, and then I stand nearby and don't move. Alright, so there as you kind of hold the back point to

Isharnai and her companions, it's now going to be the companions go.

Both of them still bound. You watch as Isharnai kind of, the heavy impact from Yasha kind of

spits out the black blood on the ground and looks up. She reaches her hand up and the hand begins to glow.
The chains around the two other figures begin to glow and they both both together go,

the collars in their throats glow widely and you watch as Sharnai pulls power and life force and Arcana from the companions and her wounds begin to heal

oh she's so mean to them roll 2d10 for me me yeah

me

total yeah total of ten

I got a nine and a one great so it's a plus five Both of them take 15 points of damage. Oh.
And Asharnai regains 60.

60?

I don't think we can kill her.

We gotta take out the witches and take out the cage witches. So

bow, bow, bow, me bow, no, bow.

You watch as the majority of the wounds that Yasha just inflicted begin to stitch up and sew together.

Son of a bitch. And a slow chuckle kind of growls from under her throat.

That changes one time.

Alright, that's going to finish their go. At the end of their turn, Asharne is going to go ahead and use legendary action

to use a dooming claw attack

on

you, Beauregard.

That's going to.

Fucking another natural 20.

No. What's the range on it?

My range is, I believe, 30 feet.

I'm pretty sure. No.
No.

No.

Looking for it, sorry.

Yeah,

we're getting married! I know, I'm working on it.

Yeah, 30 feet.

But 30 feet from Beau,

not from the witch.

Unfortunately, you're too far away.

So, Beauregard,

for this fuck, dooming claw, you take.

You got this.

He's a badass bitch. You ain't worried.
Shit.

Oh boy, this is gonna.

I don't like this. Now you're worried.
What's he doing that face?

That's gonna be

on plus

76 points of force damage. Oh!

And you feel like

a fraction of your destined luck is pulled from your body as the Sharoni gains a luck point under your name.

Oh, she's mean. Oh my god, are we gonna die at the wedding?

Beth, you're up. Just to write, change your mind.
Be her best friend.

Yeah, you change your mind.

Beth will...

Oh boy, I should probably do damage, but

I'll run up to Ford. Ford, I have to confess, I forgot to get you a wedding present.
I'm so sorry. So instead, I'm going to give you something now.
Haste.

Okay.

You are hasted.

And now I will use my bonus action to run and hide.

Efficient is hasty. Yes.
You are hasted, therefore. You're going to run and hide.
Which direction, Rob?

Closer to the hags, but I'm going to pick a table, like a cocktail table, and see if I can scoot under the

there's like benches where people were sitting. You could easily kind of try and dive and roll under and vanish beneath them.
Yeah. All right, go ahead and roll stealth check for me.

Absolutely don't under there. 30.

You feel fairly hidden.

You're tiny and easy to fold.

All right, so that finishes your go. Beth is done.
You are hastened forward. However, at the end of Feth's go,

Sharon is going to use legendary action, is going to use three of them. Oh.

She has four legendary actions

to cast a spell.

No.

She's going to cast Entropic Swarm. Oh, I hate it.
A ninth level twist on Meteor Swarm. Oh, I hate it.
Ninth level?

Fuck, what am I going to do?

In the blackened cloud space above,

you hear this

shattering sound.

Like

thousand glass houses shattering into a million separate pieces. And you watch as the smoke instead becomes millions of tiny glass spears that all rain down onto the battlefield.

For the radius of this, it's going to avoid Beauregard because Misharna doesn't want to hit herself, but it does hit everything else in that radius.

I need a dexterity-saving throw from everybody but Caleb and Beauregard. Do we get an advantage on these? Yes, you do.
Oh, okay.

Okay.

That's a D12. That's a D12.
Thank you, Brother. I'm going to stick with that.

Natural 20.

You take 41 points of

necrotic and piercing damage. Holy mat.
Wait.

You're not enraging. Fucking dumbass.

All right.

So 41 points of damage. Cadus's.

Does that mean that that's actually half damage

of the effect or no? Yes. In that case, natural 20 plus shield master evasion.

That would be no damage, right? That means no damage.

Describe to me how you avoid this terrifying spell.

I see this all coming down, and I just managed to... Where am I? I just managed to find a little bit of cover just next to a small pile of donuts, and I've got that shield up, and I am...

You hear, feeling it, everything just hit it and roll off. The sound of a thousand tiny

accelerated pins firing towards your shield. It's like the sound of a week-long rainstorm in a matter of seconds against your roof.

That's a full doughnut coming. Avoid it.
Beth? Oh, hold. The bridal party is very lucky.
Also, natural 20.

What?

And with evasion, you take no damage.

Oh, my God.

That's insane. I hide under a pile of traveler pamphlets.

And they protect me.

Champion. Okay.

Oh, and... Oh, wait, it didn't affect me.
Never mind. Keep going.
I rolled a 17. A 17? You take 82 points of necrotic and piercing damage.

Oh, my goodness. Four.

22. 22.

You take 82 points of piercing and necrotic damage. Wow.
Kill, kill,

As the battlefield now is littered with all of these shards of piercing glass before they

dissipate and seem to be reabsorbed in the shadow above.

Matthew, was that a spell? That was. Can I try...
This is not going to work. Can I try Spell Thief?

Sure. Remind me what that does.

If I am in the range of a spell, I can steal it.

If they fail a DC-17,

I don't know what the check is. Hold on one second.

Spellcasting ability modifier. Okay, gotcha.
Probably not going to be.

Let's see. Let's see.
No. Come on, roll a roll.

Oh.

Oh. That's a 14.

So

I have that spell now.

So you what? I have that spell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unless I burn a legendary resistance. Oh!

Oh my god! Fuck my dude!

Get out of here!

Off Broadway!

No, no, you burned a legendary. I did.
I did. You did.
All right, great. That's going to finish her

legendary action. Jeez.

Now it's a Sharnai's turn.

She gets all of her legendary actions back.

But she has burned that ninth level slot, or only one.

Isharnai is going to leap into the air, kind of almost grabbing the side of the pillar as it kind of creaks slightly, and then is going to attempt to land behind Beauregard.

It's not actually leaving Beauregard's battle. However, it will leave your

combat field, Yasha. You have sentinel.
Sentinel best by you.

Okay, make an attack roll, please.

Okay.

Alright.

Am I adding anything? I'm adding my... It's your attack roll.
My regular attack. Yeah.
Just making sure.

Fuck.

It's a one.

20s and 1s. We're getting the spectrum here.
Desharna leaps

behind

Beauregard there.

And is going to

make two dooming claw attacks on Beauregard and then is going to do a crackling wave strike. So against you, Bo.

That's going to be a 20 to hit you. Miss.

That's going to be a 33 to hit. Yes, yes.

Okay.

So for that one,

you take.

Oh boy.

32 points of force damage. Okay.

And takes another luck point from you

from that strike. Has two on you.
And then now he's going to do crackling wave. You watch the Sharonai goes, I will keep her.

You will die. And slams her fist in the ground.
You watch as weird blue energy begins to crackle through her entire body. And as she slams her claw to the ground,

waves of energy begin to burst outward in a massive cone.

Should we counter spell this?

We We don't have Caleb yet. That's gone.
So we have Caleb back yet. I'm gone.
Everybody except for Caduces and Caleb

has to make

a

dexterity saving throw. Counterspell!

At what level?

It's a fifth.

Alright, go ahead and

roll.

Roll D20 at your spell casting modifier.

Come on.

Actually.

Actually, no, fifth level would do it, honestly. Like, it's...

Yeah, fifth level would do it.

It's right at fifth level.

There's other things above that that would you have to roll for it, but that's just a magical ability that's about fifth level.

So as the energy begins to,

it immediately

fades away as you kind of

like reach into yourself and with the sight of the now still kind of magically superimposed Wild Mother's Lighthouse looking down upon you, you find the strength to rob that magical wave of its disastrous intent.

Boy.

That's going to end Isharnai's turn. With that, we come to Caleb with Ford on deck.
Caleb, what would you like to do? Okay, so...

When you teleported him here, a bunch of conversation happened afterwards.

So in that time, Caleb ripped a tiny hole in space and his entire spell book plopped out of it because Essek has helped him perfect wrist pocket over the years.

I bet he has.

And this was after like 10 seconds of rapid thinking and he just starts rifling through the pages as fast as he can and stops, not at the very beginning of the book, but not too far from the beginning, on a page of spell exploration and also a bunch of dicks, that gesture of John, and lollipops.

And there's also a little doodle of Caleb on this page. And he is, for that time, uncharacteristically smiling.

And Caleb thinks of Jester, beautiful on her special day, in love, happy, deserving of the man she loves. And he rubs his thumb across that drawing of Caleb.

And I cast Teleport, touching the ink, her shitty ink on my high-quality paper.

And teleport to her side. Unerringly so, Caleb appears right beside

Jester and Yasha in a

of fire, and suddenly he's back. Okay.
What is going on? We're getting attacked. Basket people.
Basket people.

That's it for me. Break the ball.
That finishes your turn.

Sharon's going to go ahead and take a legendary action

to Doomclaw again on Beauregard. I thought she

has four legendary actions. Yeah.

She's trying to take me down, man. Yeah.
That's going to be

21 to hit. That's my AC.
All right.

Yeah.

With that, you... Oh, that's not too big of a shit.

You take 29 points of force damage. Okay.

And a third luck point is grabbed from Bo, Regardless. Oh, my gosh.
It's all right. We have one cleric here.

That brings us to Ford with Jester on deck. Radio and Ford.

As I start striding towards Ishanai, I'll use 40 feet of my speed to close on her. Can I get within

you're hastened?

You're hastened so you can get there really easily.

80 feet. Yep.

I'm right in there.

I'm going to I'm gonna take three swings with Dwethva the star race with her hastened speed you could get behind her and flank with Beauregards have advantage right now because of because of Yasha so up to you

That is a 25 to hit that hits

Thank you second one

is a 19. Oh, I should have that thick 20 that's a 33 to hit 33 to hit huh That definitely hits.

Did you want it to. Not yet.
Okay, just double checking. It's been a minute, so I want to try it.
I should have done it, though, because that's also a natural 19 for a 33 to hit. Woof!

And on that, on that one that hits, I'm going to pump

Divine Smite into that one as well. Yep.

So that would be a 1d, 10.

14,

14, and 8, 14, 20. Now is it Fafie and her undead for that extra D8? 18 30 32 points of damage.
Sorry? Is it just Fiend and Undead or is it Fafie and Undead for that extra D8?

It's just undead. That's what I thought.

So 33 points of damage. On the first hit?

On all three of the Star Razor hits. Yeah.

And then on the last one...

It's fine.

You're so pretty for it. 22,

5, 26, 29. 31 points of divine smite damage

64 points of damage out of that first try

uh with my with uh yeah my bonus action was divine smite um so now i'll do use my hasted action to pump four eldritch blasts

let's go okay uh that is

first one is a

god natural 19 if i had just done my eldritch

it's fine. It's all good.
It's all good.

31 to hit. That definitely hits.

Second one is a 26 to hit. That hits.

24 to hit. That hits.

And a 29 to hit. That hits.

Oh, plus 6. So that's 29 points of damage.
32 points of damage for Elder's Blast.

That is

96 points of damage in an opening round of combat forward.

Damn.

While Yasha's blow was mostly healed, you came in and reopened that wound quite steadily, and the two of you now are standing on opposite sides of her, a Beauregard, and both of you side by side with Yasha behind Blade at the ready.

Sharnai's, you know, showing an open wound. Does that finish your turn forward? Yes.
All right, end of your turn.

Gonna spend a second legendary action, two malicious magic, to dimension door, to jester. Oh, oh no! Damn it.
Can I sentinel that?

Unfortunately, it's a teleport, so no.

However, that does bring us to Jester's turn with Cadus on deck.

Okay.

She's hitting some of us pretty hard, yeah? Yeah.

Okay.

Um,

I don't think it's time for

okay. I'm oh god

I don't want to be hilarious though

You you

it's your wedding day you do what you do whatever you want girl

Only the dead will judge you

Incredible You're right after me

you're such a healer

yeah, it's your special day!

What do you want to do, Jester? Um, no, okay, I'm going

to

I'm going to

I hate it

I'm going to attack Power Word Fortify

Okay,

okay,

and I'm shut up you guys

and

with the six creatures I can see within 60 feet of me, I can cast temporary hit points on you and get you up some.

So, Vo, I'm going to give you so many.

You're down how much? I'm down like

three-quarters of my health. I don't know what that means.
Okay.

To the 80, I'm going to heal you 80 hit points. 80 hits.
Or give you 80 temporary hit points.

And

then I'm going to give myself the restaurant, guys.

That's our gesture. Respect.

Is that your turn? Do you want to move or stay put? Ah!

She's going to hit me. Probably.
Okay.

Yeah, I'm going to try to run away from her.

Okay.

Which direction?

I'm going to... Ooh, wait, I'm going to try just to run around to the backside so that somebody can get at least flanking.
There?

Yeah. Alright.
As you kind of dart around, kind of leaping over, you barely see Veth up at the corner of your eye, underneath one of the nearby benches.

I'm going to look up at the little witches in the basket. Um, do you want to get out?

Would you like to leave? They both just

give you a look. I can't tell what that means.
I know. Alright, end of your turn, Asharna is going to spend another legendary action to,

as you dart around, kind of tracking you.

She's going to grab the amulet, and the chain gets longer than you think, and

reaches back to smack you with it.

I need you to make a charisma saving throw.

You have advantage. Okay,

come on, big money, big money.

This is a 26.

That's a success.

I will wear you down and I will strip you of all of them.

That's going to finish the reaction to that. Cadusus, you're up with Yasha on deck.
How bad are we all feeling? We're fine. Everyone's fine?

Don't worry about me. All right.

So, in the meantime, I'm going to.

Hmm.

You good?

I'm going to try something unusual.

Look, I healed, so you get to attack, Caduceus. Yeah, I'm going to do a.

Isn't that cool? That is.

But you forget, I don't really, I don't do that.

So what I'm going to do instead is I'm going to set up a

I'm going to get close enough within 30 feet to set up a

path to the grave channel divinity, which means the next time someone hits her,

she's vulnerable to so double damage from the next

double damage from the next hit

attack to a shard and I'm okay

already so that's your action any bonus action anything uh for my bonus action I don't really think I have anything particularly fun

Yeah considering that I just did that she's gonna be pissed I'm going to use my hidden step to vanish as I run by okay so you turn

I'm an indivisible after

and I'm I'm just I'm gonna book right around her all right well it took you 20 paces to get there, so you have 10 more feet of movement. Yeah, I'll get

just put me somewhere where I'm not in a group.

That's probably within like 30 feet of everybody.

All right, that'll do it. All right,

that's my role. That finishes your go at the end of your turn.
So you use your last legendary action to strike back again at you, Jester, with the amulet.

Need you to make another Christmas saving throw. All right.

Jesus.

I saved it. Wow, thank you.

No, that's.

yours was better. Um I rolled a 17.

17. Could you please roll a d8 for me?

Oh, I don't like it.

I rolled another four. Does that mean Yasha's gone? That means you roll again.
Oh,

one.

Oh,

At at first, it was the book.

The thoughts of Oscar,

the handsome captain,

who appeared from nowhere and showed you more to life

than dick jokes and pranks.

And the traveler himself even took a back seat to the love and support this man gave you.

What was his name?

You look to your groom

and see a stranger.

God, that guy is hot.

Ashona just goes,

kind of glancing.

Getting married?

Okay, never mind.

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With that, Yasha, you're up with Boan Deck.

All right.

I want to do something

called RAGE!

There we go. There it is.

You are raging, Yasha.

All right. first hit, first hit, first hit.

First hit.

Advantage.

Do I still even?

I think it's over now. That's faded now.
However, you do have flanking with bow regard.

Okay, so that was pretty good, though.

Okay, 28 to hit. That hits.
First hit.

Great. Alright, alright, alright.
Here we go.

Start here.

Alright, that's not awesome.

You know what? I'm going to do Savage Attacker and I'm going to reroll. Let's go.

Those were ones.

Same exact roll. That's awesome.
Are you for real? Yeah, that's okay. Alright, so we got.

Okay, let me add this together.

Okay, so that's 20 slashing. 20 slashing.

Plus.

Oh, actually, that's right. Okay, 11 points of radiant damage.
Okay.

And let me do my D8. Plus your 20, because it's your first hit of the next round.
My 20.

Thank you. 50.

Plus 3 for

fire. Okay, so 51 points of damage.
But I have, yeah, I have my plus 13 for raging and my plus 20 from.

The 20 I added, so that makes it to 64, though. Great.
64 points of damage. Yeah, but then

doubled. Doubled.
That's 100.

128 points of damage. Let's go.

All right, all right, all right.

We can do that, we can do that. That is a massive Ishanai at which point has like taken a few hits and still grinning, focused on Jester, focused on robbing her of everything that matters.

This hit draws all of her attention and ire as you carve down with your blade.

Clutching her chest now, you can see like the bone itself exposed from the somewhat like dark green and gray skin that's that's pulled away and just

like,

suck, bitch.

I'm gonna take my second shot. Let's go.

All right.

That's pretty good.

Okay.

25.

That hits, right? Hits, yeah. Okay, okay.

I certainly hope it hits, James. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Oh, that's so much better. Okay.

That would be. Oh, let me hit roll my fire damage.

Fucking more

So we have 11 points of slashing

four points of of of Fire damage Plus 33 which is 20 from Radiant Soul and 13 well radiant soul you only get once per oh, that's right, that's right.

Okay, so it's and for the radiant you also get your one attack per round. So it's just your weapon damage and

I didn't do that one. I just did my

oh, I don't have fire?

Well no your radiant damage you only get once per round also. Yes, that's gone.
Okay, so what was the total net? The total was um 11 slashing

plus your raging and plus my raging plus the four of uh fire damage. Okay, speed 10.
Alright, 21. Alright, cool.
A heavy round of damage on a Sharmai who is just like, no.

The curled, double-bent arms kind of

pop out.

The claws shh at the ready.

I will eat of your destinies.

One by one, you'll be forgotten, and I will feast on your corpse.

Does that finish your turn? Your action?

Yeah. Alright.

Doesn't have any more legendary actions. Beauregard, you're up.
Enraged as this bitch has fucked me up, and she also fucked my dad up. We all have connections to this hag.

I am going to clinch my fists and my head throws back as my eyes turn white. And I am going to take my action to do empty body and spin four key points.

You see as Bo's eyes gloss over white,

from her head down, it follows into the rest of her body and Bo goes invisible.

I also have resistance to all damage minus force for one minute. So Bo is invisible and resistant.
Whoa.

I am now going to sprint across the damage field and take my bonus action to do Flurry of Blows. I'm going to target a Sharnai in this instant.
Well, here's a note to believe.

I think Fluria Blows, you have to make the attack action to Flurry.

You're probably right. Okay, I will then still move up.
Can I get to a point where I can still flank other people? Sure, I mean

Yash is here and Jester is flanked. You could try and

flank on the opposite side. There's nobody on the other side right now,

but you could leave that space if you want.

Um, yes, that makes sense. And I will instead use my bonus action to do pace patient defense

that you can do. All right, that finishes your gobo regard.
That's it. It is now

the two witches' turn.

Sharnai, at this point, wounded, goes,

I'll draw the ancient knowledge of my coven.

Come, Rithiona, here are Chaos.

I will draw from you our purpose. And as she raises her hand up, as it is their turn, to magic siphon from each bound member, you know what? Ford, go ahead and roll 2d6 for me, please.

No problem.

Seven.

Seven. All right, Isharnai regains some spell slots.
She's only spent one.

Well, she regains her ninth level slot.

Oh.

God damn.

Okay.

Coven's useful, y'all.

That's going to finish their turn.

Veth, you're up.

From my cover, my hiding cover, I'm going to poke my head out, and I am going to see the woman who took two years of my life from me, and I'm going to fire with a fury and rage right at her butt.

Aim for that, Tukish. You got an advantage on this strike because you were hidden.
Crossbow bolt up the butt. Oh, first bonus action to bless my bolt with Bronato's Voltaic Bolt.
Let's go.

I rolled a 26 to hit. That definitely hits.
Go ahead and roll damage with sneak attack. Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

So many.

Okay, 30.

Oh, plus another.

39 points of damage. 39 points of damage, alrighty.

And I get to...

It shoots again. Wait, no, I just use my bonus action.
You did. Sh poop.

Sh-poop. Sh-poop.

But it does. Shh-koop!

And shocks through the record. Ah!

Rubbing it like a bad BBL she's

where that come from

who did this

I know you oh no

oh no you

I can put you right back in the body I sent you

you'd like that wouldn't you and looks towards Jester from behind

That finishes your turn?

Alright. Oh no.
That brings us now to Ishanai's turn. She gets her legendary actions back.
Oh, my God.

From where she's standing, she's going to use her multi-attack to do two dooming claw strikes on.

Let's see here.

Yeah, that Sentinel's making it sticky.

Alright, she's going to go ahead and make two claw attacks against

Veth

once you've revealed yourself.

Sentinel.

Yeah, go for it. That's gonna be

23 to hit

Shield

Shield shield

All right, so that Caleb taught me this one. You got it second attack the same roll so no no damage on that one

Not this time both attacks averted

So it's two attacks.

Your attack was

a 26 to hit 26 hits roll damage okay wait I am I close within five feet too you are

attack as well sure

yeah

since this isn't the leaving the area sentinel attack this is the the you did

it so yeah

20 total that misses unfortunately but nine points of damage However, I would like to hit her and then do debilitating barrage.

Okay.

Because all I have to do is hit her with an un-armor attack. It doesn't have to happen on my turn, correct? That's correct.
Alright, so I'm going to spend three key points.

Asharnai is going to become vulnerable to radiant damage.

For one minute or until radiant damage happens next. So

let's fucking go, bride to be.

Alrighty.

You got it. So the next time she takes radiant damage, she'll take double.

With that, the end of the two strikes she's going to finish. She could either choose Crackling Wave or Destined Tragedy.
She's going to choose Destined Tragedy.

She's going to spend all three luck points that she had amassed on Beauregard. Beauregard, could you please make a Constitution saving throw? Dying.
Sounds like a cape.

Even though I'm invisible, she need line of sight for this? No. Cool.

Shit.

She puts her hand up, and you see these three little dark beads of faint energy, the same color as your key, and her grip, and she holds it up, crushes them with her fist. So go ahead and roll that.

You do not have advantage anymore.

So because she is using my luck point, I have to make a constitution.

She's using all three. Alright.

I'm going to use

a diamond soul to reroll.

I'll take the first one instead. It's 17.

17 fails. Oh, no.
Okay. Beauregard, you dropped to zero hit points.

What?

Even with her temporary ones?

It's not about temporary. It's not taking damage.

As she crushes these beads of fate in her hand, Beauregard, you feel the very cord of your soul almost sever, and your entire essence blinks to darkness.

You all watch as Beauregard just, after this transformation,

onto the ground. The Shawnee goes,

who's next?

As a bonus action,

she's going to use Conjure Tangle.

She's going to amass a

web of vines in this area here

that is going to

get both Veth and Yasha.

You are both...

If you start your turn in this area, you become... We have to make a strength saving throw or become restraint.

With that,

Isharnai is going to go ahead and move.

Agreed. Yes.

Yes.

Oh, spin around that way.

Because you already used your reaction to hit. You cannot sentenclair in place.
It's going to back away that way. That's going to finish her turn.

Caleb, you're up. She got her witches in a bag? Yeah.

Well, they're both in baskets, and they're like chained and attached to her with these like magical chains that seem to both hold them and protect them. Cool.

To quote the great Talis and Jaffe, let's get weird.

Caleb turns at this

terrible presence, ruining

my best friend's day. And I will say, Artagon, where

the hells are you? And I will use Wish

to cast Temple of the Gods,

a cleric spell

open to me through Wish.

120 feet on each side. One door where I choose to place it.
The decor looks like anything I want, which is translucent. It's hard to see through.

It is green, but

just able to see through it like green glass. There is a large statue of Artagon bending over, shining his ass

at the doorway,

which is on the side of this newly formed shimmering temple opposite Isharnai. She is outside the temple.
We are inside the temple. Faye must make a roll to enter.
If they fail, they can't come in.

If they succeed, they are basically baned while they're inside. And all of our healing spells in here get a small buff.

But again, she's got to travel all the way around to the door opposite her from this building. Wait, so where is the door here? Show me.

Okay, I have been waiting for someone to fuck with this spell for so long. I love this spell so much.
And Caleb yells to the Mighty Nine:

Ready yourselves!

And aims his hand at the door.

Yashana goes,

not him.

Lances pass and you hear the voice boom, but of course it's always me.

Like what you see, see, see, see.

That's rad.

Alrighty, do you want to stay put, Caleb, or do you want to move?

Hey, you know,

I'll move away from the door as much as possible

and maybe stand behind Yasha.

Smart, good, smart. Good roll.

Great. Alrighty, finishing over the end of your turn.
She's going to go ahead and use a legendary action to use Malicious Magic to Dimension Door. Oh,

right over there. I'm sorry, I do, it's just flavored, but I need to, I forgot one detail.
Of course.

There are towers on four corners of this Temple of the Gods, Temple of Artagin. And you know that 1989 poster for the Little Mermaid where the towers look vaguely like dicks?

We got them. Hell yeah, I love it.
A full quarter. Yep.
Alrighty, that finishes your go, Caleb.

Ford, you're up.

How far away did a Sharnai teleport from where we are?

About

65-ish feet from you.

I'll use 40 of my feet to stride towards her, and once I'm within 30 feet, I will use Hexblade's curse to have shadows and vines reach up from the ground and start to encircle her legs and her body.

And I will unleash another

four Eldritch blasts.

Yeah, Eldritch Blast back towards her. You got it.
Get her in the gooch.

That's 21 to hit. 21.
Chest misses.

23 to hit. That hits.

24 to hit. That hits.
And natural fucking 20.

There we go.

Two hits and a crit. Let's go.

Okay, that's five.

15, 20, 20 points. Second one.

That one.

16. Second one

is 9, 18.

Plus 5

4

9

But because it's Eldritch

Hexblade's curse they get plus nine plus three damage on all those so three six nine

I know it's happening spontaneously so much math

42 points of eldritch blast damage

amazing

Arcing through this kind of ethereal looking temple to the glorious traveler itself

framing through the doorway and slamming into parts of her her body.

You see the cords kind of flare, trying to resist the damage, but you can see she's starting to look pretty hurt. There's a little some wear and tear to Sharona.

That's my turn. That finishes your turn.
And of your turn, she's going to use the last three legendary actions

to cast heal on herself.

Counterspell. Counterspell.
No. And regains

70 hits.

She regains 70. Counterspell.
Counterspell? Sure.

What's the range on Counterspell?

It's 60 feet, I believe.

Yeah, 60 feet. 60 feet, you are within.
You are just within 60 feet.

She's going to use her reaction

to use Tongue Twister.

She counters your Counterspell.

What level were you casting it at?

Let's do eighth level.

Alright. She gets a plus nine to the roll.
So she has to beat an 18. She has to roll a nine or higher on this D20.
And she's outside the door, right? Yes.

That's a five. That's a fail.

It's like begins to conjure

this twisted Fae energy to weave her wounds closed. And then suddenly it just fitters out of her grip.
Rodolph looks up through the door, right into you, and goes, Foul wizard.

The list grows longer and longer.

Tongue twister. Alright.

Matt, I'm so sorry.

Also, on that crit,

I didn't double the 13, and I also rolled an additional damage die because of savage attacks. So it's 22 additional points of damage.
Oh, good or no, thank you.

It's been a minute. It's all good.
It's all good. It was like 49 points.
It's been a while.

Alrighty.

Aha.

Yeah, okay, cool. So you manage to counter that spell, and the tongue twister fails to try and rob you of that.

You feel this like swelling in the back of your tongue for a second as the effect tries to reach for you, and you just shrug it off. No impact.

That finishes Ford's go, Jester. You're up with Cadus's on deck.

Is that still effective, or because she went to zero, does it go away?

The spell and the enchantment's still there. She's just zero hit points with a lot of temporary hit points.
Yeah, you saw it.

Technically, because when I hit her it put it on her so it's still there you okay bonus to radio okay i'm going to

oh yeah though that that is a status that's still going yeah okay okay um jester's gonna look down at bow

and i'm gonna stand up and i'm gonna shove both my hands out and i'm going to cast sunbeam

Do you want to move or do you want to catch Ford in this? Oh, of course I'll move. Wait, I can't do it.
You don't know who he is. You don't know who he is?

No, he seems like a hot guy. I'm not going.

All right, so you can move there.

Sunbeam, but I'm going to cast it at eighth level.

Okay.

Maybe you should have saved that tongue twister.

Fair enough. So is that a constitution saving throw? It is.
All right.

That's gonna be a 16. 19 gonna burn.

Gonna burn a legendary resistance.

However, you'll notice with each of these resistances that she's done, she seems to have

drawn power from the coven attached to her back for each of these.

So

it could be affecting them too, this one?

Or it could be... It could be.
I'd say because you're not born yesterday,

this being has quite a few resistances at their disposal when the coven is present. Yeah, we got it.

Okay, look, I can't upgrade a Sunbeam, I just realized, but I can cast

I can cast Sunburst at eighth level, so it still is

a conflict. Let's go

to 12d6. 12d6

have

doubled, so it's just full damage on this. Full damage, okay, okay.
So it'll go away after this.

Come on.

Okay. A lot of dice.

All right.

Come on. Come on.
I know, I know. Come on.

Okay.

Come on.

And

guys, check out the store.

39. Well, 39 points.
39 points of radio.

Is that doubled? No, because it would be halved, so now it's.

Oh, no, wait, it's not halved because she failed!

No, she- she mutilation everywhere. Oh, fuck.

I remember. That's okay, good looking out.
But it's 39 points of radiant damage on her.

Heavy impact

on the outside of this temple. Kind of almost falls to one knee a little bit.

All of the creatures that I choose within a 60-foot radius. So those coven creatures would have taken damage too, potentially.
Yes.

As is the mounted coven ability when Arutheonia and Virakelos are each bound to a Sharnai attacks that don't directly target them, like AoE, count.

Only for her. Only for her.
Good to know.

But as the Sharnai takes the heavy impact on a falls to the knee, you hear

Virakeos go like, What's wrong, dear? Are you losing this fight? That'd be a real shame after all that planning. And Dirgo's like, you such

trap! And just like puts her hand up right there. And once again, the other mouth gets like, she briefly muted one, the other one's mouth gets shut again, like the eyes go wide.

Alright, that's gonna finish your go. Jester, Cadoosis, you're up with Yasha on deck.
Just a reminder to everyone, because it's not on the map, there is a wall extending in front of her.

She's at a choke point that's like 10 feet wide, just big enough for her to come in. So if you're like 30 feet off to her left or 20 feet off to her left, I'm gonna move.
There's a wall there.

What do you want to move? I'm gonna move to the right

so that I'm not in like a cone if she's like does a cone like this way?

Yeah, I'll do that.

Okay, that's

on the edge of the temple

yeah i mean it's

right it's like this

okay yeah sure towards it or nothing if you're the only way she can get in

okay great yeah so you move ten ten feet to get out of ford's way and then 20 feet back this way to kind of go to the side hey crafters you're invited to visit the new knit and sew shop at michaels find hundreds of fabrics in over 800 stores and over a hundred thousand styles on michaels.com shop your favorite yarn brands, including Big Twist, Karen Cakes, and Burnett in multiple styles and colors.

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You got it. All right, finishing that.
Kadusas, you're up with Yasha on deck. Well, um, I, of course, uh, reappear because I was invisible.
Yep.

And uh,

I reappear staring right at, uh, right at her, right at the front of the door.

You're just a terrible friend.

just

come on and I you don't know what she's done but she left me I stab my my uh my staff directly into the ground and I cast mass heal level uh well you know level nine oh my god

uh

how many what what's your what's your what's your top How many hit points? Oh, normally 199. You're at 199.

Okay, so that leaves me

501. Who else needs something? I could use 45.
You have 45.

That's,

I'm doing math. Who else needs something? I could take 60 to 70.

Alright, take 70, which is then

8, 9, 10, 11. Wow.
Which is what? 82. It was 82, so that becomes 790, 197.

I have so many left.

I could take like 100.

Two. I'm making sure I'm not fucking this up.
Two, three, four. Oh, yeah.
I'm fine. Yeah, take 100.

Feeling fine. Can I take 10 more? Yeah.
No.

You didn't take my advice about who to hire to run this wedding.

You think I decide who runs this wedding? Fair point, 10 points. What wedding are you guys talking about?

Oh, God. No, it's so sad.

So, yeah, that 700 hit points, I think, is nicely

wedded. Wow, wow, wow.
Alrighty. And now I'm...

I give a little bow to our poor witch at the door, and then I back up into one of the corners and ready myself.

Over there? Yeah,

just to give her, you know, so that she's got to make... Yeah, just a...

Well, we're going to be, if she comes in, she's going to be in. Yeah.

I'll back up to you. It's up It's up to you.
Okay, stick there.

A little out of line of sight, out of the line of sight.

Which way? Towards

the portal. Towards the portal.
Okay, gotcha. Okay.

All right. That finishes your go, Caduces.
Yeah, we're good. Yasha, you're up.
Hello. Okay.

Hello.

Hello.

I want to try to attack

the basket friends, or try to at least take one off. Is there a way I can try to do that? You can certainly try.
Alright. Now your fly speed on this is...

Fly speed is 30 feet, but if I walk, it's 50. Can I just walk over?

Alright, fine.

45, 50, I'll get you right at the doorway. So you're now standing in the door, more or less, and you're trying to strike at

what specifics. Was I supposed to make a strength track because I was in the vines? Oh, yeah, so I thank you.
Make that with advantage. I think because I'm raging, I get advantage.
You get advantage.

Go for it. Okay.
Are they attached with like a handle, like shoulder straps? They have chains around them, and the chains are affixed to like the cording that's wrapped around her body and torso.

That's right.

29? That's 16. You're fine.
Okay, great.

Just break out of the vines like the juggernaut you are.

And just step over towards her.

Late of the ready. You're aiming for what? I am going to aim for one of the baskets.
Let's go for the sage.

Can I well, well, she's a good one. The sages are.
Yeah.

There's the two, which is the coven. There's the kind of feral druidic looking one, and there's like the kind of pale, thin one.
There's a Wreath of Franklin and Varicose Veins. Right.

Those are the two names. Alright, I'm going to go Varicose Veins.
Okay, let's go.

This is so silly. They come for us all.
I'll remember this. Yep.

28.

That's the hip. Okay, great.
All right.

So,

striking the basket. The basket is just a wicker basket.
But as you carve through it, you hit the chains that are holding them there, which seems to be the real thing that's binding them in place.

Go ahead and roll damage for those chains.

Get the chains. Okay.

As Aretha Franklin would say. Oh, that's so bad.
Savage Attacker.

As Fleetwood Mac would say,

always break the chains.

Yes.

Alright, so I'm going to recalculate this.

Okay.

Fleetwood Mac.

As Miley Cyrus would say,

party in the USA.

Alright, 57 points of damage.

Yeah. Chain, chain.

Do you want me to break it down? Well, no, I got you. Okay.
So you slam into the chains with your weapon. You watch them kind of carve the runes all around them spark and brighten.

They are resistant to all damage, so it only does half damage, but the chains take a heavy hit, and you watch them kind of like

begin to pull at the weight. Right.
And

Virikeos, the witch of the Covenant, there goes like, oh!

That was right. And kind of just looks at you with an enticing grin.

Come on out!

All right, I might take my second hit. Yeah, let's go.
Come on, come on.

Yes!

Woo!

Barbarian twin! Alright. Damn, I wish we didn't have that on the first one.
Okay, okay.

Alright.

Aw, thanks.

Take your time, take your time, take your time. Alright.

Okay.

That's cocked. Somehow.

Okay, alright. So.

Oh, great. Alright.
So, we got... You gotta bonus the die for.

I don't. I only have that on my first hit.

Alright, so.

What is six plus eight?

Sorry, I'm tired. It's okay.
14? 14. Okay, so...

Okay, so that's 27 points of damage. Doubled.
Doubled. Right.
Okay.

So that's enough to do it.

You.

The first hit strikes the chain and kind of resists it. You pull back.
You get that look. Woo! One secondary.

You carve through. The chains

shatter. And the witch

tumbles out onto the ground. The chains come loose.

Which means that she now

is going to kill us. Now has her own.

My bad. Is now outside and.

You weren't planning on this, were you, sweet sage? Help! She begins to stand, her arms free. You see this like dark white energy begin to rise off the hands, and Charney goes,

Back in the chains you fall!

The newly released Virakeos just kind of looks up at her and goes, Oh, the creature has fear in her eyes.

I believe that finishes your turn, Bo? Or Yasha? Yes. Bo, you're up.
Can I

no, I'm on the stayer. Fuck.
Okay.

Oh.

It'd take all your movement to get there, so. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

A lot changed. You are prone, but you're conscious at full hit points.
With all full hits. Full hit points, and I'm a monk, so I don't care.
I stand the fuck up.

Um,

do I go after Aretha Franklin, or do I just chain, chain, chain?

Yeah, all right.

I

go after the chain, chain, chain.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, so as a monk, you'd ignore prone?

Is that what you're saying? No, I just have a bajillion. I've got a walking speed of 70 feet.
Okay, so it's 35 when you stand.

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. 35 will not get you to her.

Because you're that far back. How far away am I? You're about 10 feet.

All right. Then I am going

to

go go

and smash together my fists and light up my lightning gloves, which give me a range of 20 feet, baby.

Let's go.

I'm going to try and aim for the other basket if I can. Let's go.
Roll the attacks. All right.

Yeah. There's still haste.
Okay.

Pop, pop.

Oh, that's good. That's good.
Okay. Wait, do I have advantage on these?

You do not. I do not.
Okay, that's fine.

First attack is going to be 29 to hit. That hits.
Second attack is going to be 25 to hit. That hits.
Okay.

Let's do it. 2 d10 plus

plus 14. Ooh, icky.

So that's going to be 19 points of damage. 19 points of damage.

Already.

And is that hitting specifically, since it's my lightning attacks, specifically the basket? Well, it's going through the basket.

The basket's burning away, but it's hitting the chains behind it that are holding the other witch in place.

All right, flurry of blows. Let's go.

More attacks.

One of those is bad.

One of those does not hit, but the other one is

26 a hit. That hits roll damage.

That's good. That is going to be 14 points of damage.
Okay.

Can I do.

Does it make sense to do stunning strike here?

You're affecting the chain. The chain would.

The chain has taken a hit. It looks damaged, but it's still holding.

Okay, that's it. That's my turn then.
Alright, that finishes Bose Go. That brings us now to Arithiona and Veracalos.
Veracalos. You mean Aretha Franklin and Veracruz?

Yes. Shawnee's like...

And reaches back and like places her hand on

Truthiona's shoulders, like the chain's partially damaged now, and draws life from it.

Beauregard, roll a D10 for me. Why? Why? Because she's a bad bitch.
She recognized danger. 10! 10.

So that's 15 points of damage to Ruthiona, and that's going to be 30 points of healing to Asharanai as she uses Coven Regeneration again to draw the life force from the still remaining

chain member. However, because Vera Chaos is free, she's going to bring that energy up and use wither captor.

So because she's unbound, she's going to focus to undermine Asharnai's power.

Okay, great. Asharnai

luck points that she had gained or remove a luck point, and all of her attacks are at disadvantage until the start of the next turn.

She starts like drawing this like,

we'll see you fall after all all this time. I can't wait to see you die.

And Vishrano's like, I'll drag you with me too.

All of you.

All of you.

The jaw kind of dislodging and her features exaggerate to this monstrous nightmare

frenzy of desperation and fury.

Finishing, there go,

Veth, you're up. Okay.

Yes,

I will attack the chain of fools. Come on, come on.

Because

I can't let her. She wants to turn me again into a garland.
I can't let it happen. I think of Yeza.
I think of Luke. I think of the young branato growing in my belly.

I told you she gets busy.

You were just in a Minotaur strip club. I saw you eating soft cheese.

And I will attack with

Voltaic bolt as well somebody hydrate Yezza. Yes, you are grumpy about milkshots Yeah, because they upstep upset my stomach.
I want pickles Wait, can you not have soft cheese when you're pregnant?

I don't know roll for damage. What do you got?

27 to hit that hits roll damage.

It's on the chain, right? But she's engaged like this is sneak attack.

The chain doesn't take sneak attack.

Fuck it, I'll allow it. Why not? It's fun.
Let's go.

Being attuned to the arcane, thanks to your time with Caleb and being an arcane trickster, I'll say you know how to sneak attack an enchantment. Yeah!

Yeah.

51, 52 points of damage.

Halved because that's resistance that destroys the second chain. Yes!

And with that, the other

captor and member of Asharnai's Coven is now freed as well, rolling to the ground, getting up. Oh,

the things we will do to you, Prism Sage.

That ends your turn, Method. Do you want to move? No, no, I can't see where I am, so I'm just going to sneak it.
Right there. Okay.

That's going to finish. Yorgo comes to Isharnai's turn, gets her legendary actions back.

Tries to step through the doorway. What does she have to roll?

It is... Oh, gosh.

Actually, before she does that,

is going to...

Look around and be like because she did get her slot back from earlier is going to go I will tear you down rend rend you with this realm until it collapses upon you.

Brings her hands forward and once again is going to call for the entropic swarm.

That's going to get everybody in this radius inside the house. So I need everybody to make a dexterity save throw.
By the way, it's a Chrisma save in case you move forward with that. Good to know.

Thank you. All of us? Correct.
What are we making? What's the save?

What's the save?

Is this something that evasion would count into? This is dexterity saving. It would.
Dexter save have advanced.

natural 20 for a 26. Yo,

nice

16.

Oh god.

Sorry. Wow.

Carried the three. Okay.

So

one write that number down.

Alright, forward. Natural 20? Natural 20 for 26.
Alright, so you take half damage. That's going to be 59 points of

necrotic and piercing. Boy, oh boy.

Jester? Yeah. 16.
16, you take 118 points of necrotic

and piercing damage. Beauregard? 20.
20? You take 118 points of necrotic damage and Oh, wow, damage. Evasion.
I have evasion. So you take half that damage.
So it's

59. Yeah.
Yeah, sure.

Seven.

That's a failure. Have to brag.
However, because part of it's piercing, you are raging, you take half of that, so you take three-quarters of it. So it would be, let's see, 59

on top of that. 29 on top of that.
So it would be.

Yep. There you go.
38. 88.
88. 88?

Sure.

Cadoosis.

19. 118 points of piercing.

Shield master, so I can cut that in half. Okay, let's go.
So that's how much? Caleb? 58.

Fail, but ring of evasion allows me to succeed, so 59 points. 59 points of damage.
And

fail, but I'll use evasion or whatever. Yes, you take half damage.
Yeah.

Or whatever. Yeah, yeah, some rogue thing.

Fair. And then she's going to try and step through the doorway.
Charisma saving throw.

That's a natural three. Is going to use third legendary resistance to succeed.
And it's going to... Third and final.
Third and final? No. Actually, wait, no, you freed both of the coven members.

So she

loses two of her existing legendary, unused legendary reactions.

So that, yeah, that's her final legendary resistance.

Because both the cup members were gone.

It's going to step through to there, not leaving Beauregard and

Yasha's combat range like.

She succeeded on coming in. Correct.
So she is basically baned. D4 minus D4 on anything she does.
Fair.

Attacks, saving throws, yes. You've got it.
Awesome. Alrighty, that finishes.

That go. Caleb, you're up.
Caleb is already dragging the lodestone up his arm, which glows green. And I send Disintegrate towards her.
Yay!

Deck save. Minus D4.

She is going to use Tongue Twister to try and counterspell it.

I have a reaction. Counterspell.
What level? Let's do...

Let's do...

Seven.

So you know what?

Let's see. So her counterspell up

plus nine plus three.

So go ahead and roll. Roll and add

your intelligence modifier to it. My intelligence modifier.

That is

22.

That'll do it. You're so smart.

So she gets a deck save, you said, right? Yes.

Minus a d4. Minus a d4.

Even with the minus a d4, she didn't roll that well.

That's gonna put her at a 14. Fail versus my 22.

What does that do? Oh, wow.

Is she just dust? 75 points of force damage.

Come on. Caleb, how do you want to do this?

In a split second, I think of the damage this woman has done to my friends, to Jester today, to Veth Branato, to Beauregard Lionette and the Lionette family.

I look at these two other women that she has had chained for God knows how long, and it will end.

And the beam of pure green light carves a circle around the heart in her chest, blasting a hole out back and leaving a gaping, visible hole through her body. She falls

to one knee,

the massive hole just kind of leaving dust, plummeting from it.

I'll find you. She's still clutching the amulet.
I'll find you. Let things go.

As part of the hag's spiteful escape, when it drops to zero hit points, it is not within 30 feet of its true anathema.

It instead drops to one hit point and is about to teleport away with the amulet of lost.

Who's got counterspell? Who's got a counterspell?

Or a reaction? He doesn't. Doesn't.

Who's anything? Is anybody going to take a reaction? I just used mine. Wait a minute.

Ford, Beauregard, and Yash are all right next to her. Sentinel? Well,

Sentinel's not going to get a teleport, but if you want to take a reaction right now, what do you want to do?

If I can take a reaction, I'm just going to fucking punch her in the fucking. I would take a swing, yeah.

Yeah, you know, Travis didn't use his haste last time, so he's still got a little pent up. It's true, I totally forgot it last time.
As an extra action he never used.

So, to clarify,

whenever the Sahag drops to zero hit points, and it's not within 30 feet of its, whatever its nethma might be, it just drops to one hit point, teleports away.

So, if you bring it to zero, do damage to it, it'll just drop back to one hit point. Oh, forever.

So, damaging her, unless she's near whatever this thing is,

she cannot be killed. Can we target the amulet?

What do you want to to do? Can I try and break the amulet off of her neck? You can give it a shot.

Oh, I hate this. All right.

Okay.

Guidance? No, Fern's not here. Fuck.

I'm here.

Can I guide you? Not as a reaction, unfortunately.

All right, I'm just gonna like try to... Oh, I hate this.
I'm gonna fuck this up. I'm just gonna try and take my staff and see if I can, like, break the chain off of the the amulet.
Let's go.

Roll an attack roll.

No question. No pressure.
No pressure. We got this.
We got this. No question.
We're going to do it. Big money, no win.
Single attack, no, no, no advantage or anything, right?

17.

17.

17 is 18. Beyond.
19. Is it 17 or 18? 20.
It's

5 plus 13, which is 18. 18 does succeed.

18 was the DC on this, so you almost missed it with your math.

Stay in school, kid. Sorry, my life.

Missed it with your math.

Ford, you have your reaction.

Oh, I do. I would take a swing with Starrazor.
All right, go ahead and roll.

Natural 19 with Hexblade's Curse is a crit. Alright.

Yasha. Yeah, Muna, Da, Muna, take a swing.
Take a swing. Alright.

So all three of you at once, in the moment that the magic begins to resonate to pull her from this rotted realm, in that flicker, you all focus on the amulet that contains the memories of family.

That in this instance could be lost forever.

I'd like you all to roll damage against the chain to see if you're you're capable of breaking the amulet.

Who? What? All of us? Yeah.

On that crit, plus Hexblade's Curse, plus the Radiant damage from Star Razor.

And Savage Attack.

I get a singular attack here, correct? That's 42 points of damage. Alright, it is resistant, so it takes 21.

Okay, I'm going to have 13 damage just with my single belabor, sorry. Yep.
Alright, All right, it's gonna be six points of damage on that, so it's 27.

Come on, Yasha, be strong. Big attack.

It's pretty big.

58. Whoa.

Barbarian shit. That's some barbarian shit.
I love barbarian shit.

As all three of you strike down onto the chain, the chain itself holds.

You carve past your blade goes wide forward as it carves away. Beauregard, you impact it, but it just cracks.
Yasha, your sword impacts and slides into the chain.

It's now taut against the Sharonai's throat. Right as she begins to cackle and back up into this doorway.
And you just continue to push through.

And the blade shatters.

The glass emulet outward.

You gasp.

As suddenly all the memories come flashing back into you.

Yasha,

Marion,

Ford.

And as she begins to vanish,

I'll find you again. I'll

her two covenant mates go, oh, we're coming with you, dear.

All three of them vanish into this pocket.

Suddenly that nausea comes over again. The space around you begins to spin.
You all feel like you're about to fall, like the dizziness is about to cause you to...

Stumble backward. A trust fall with nobody there to catch you before

you land. Your eyes pull tight.
It's too bright, it's too bright, and as you blink,

you find yourself standing at a sunset

with a crowd of people having just stood that look confused.

I don't need this stress, man.

If we could bring out the podium once more.

Holy shit, holy shit, let's get married.

So stuck on this stuff.

Thank you.

As Essek and Kingsley, having just been flushed away, like,

Essex goes,

everything all right?

Oh,

yep,

Ford,

I believe

you have something prepared to say, right?

Ford, as you look out in front of you, kind of taking everything in, you see in the front row the red skin and horns and hair of Marianne Lavore, your mother to be, makes your eyes and goes, It's okay.

Be brave.

Jester Lavore,

from the first day you crashed into my life, quite literally, you've been the chaos. I didn't know I was missing.

I spent a long time, long time trying to figure out who I am, what path I'm meant to walk, and I've chased power, wrestled with destiny, and made more mistakes than I care to count.

But through every storm and every shadow, you were there, reminding me that joy isn't something that you have to earn. It's

something you choose.

You are chaos wrapped in kindness.

A whirlwind with frosting on it. A hurricane of joy that barged straight into my life, flipped every map I thought I understood, and somehow

made everything finally make sense.

You showed me that the best things in life don't always come with a plan. Sometimes they arrive covered in paint, laughing too loud and leaving pastries and dicks in places they shouldn't be.

And somehow, that's exactly what my heart was waiting for.

So here is my promise. I will match your mischief with patience, your spontaneity with steadiness, and your boundless heart with one that is forever yours.

I will follow you into every storm, every strange scheme, every

wild dream.

Because anywhere you are, that's where I belong.

In the quiet mornings, in the chaotic nights, in the moments where we're laughing so hard we can hardly breathe, and in the ones where the seas get rough and the path ahead is uncertain, I will be your anchor, your partner, and your home, just as you have been mine.

So, Jester, uh, if you

when you're ready, uh

hold on. Yep, I wrote them down.
You need help? No, okay.

Thank you for the pearl. Thank you for the pearl.

Oh, Ford, Ford, Ford.

Such abs.

Okay.

Ever since I was little,

I believed that romance would be like the stories I read in my mama's books.

With sweaty semen and bulging

biceps.

Full of magic and big sweep you off your feet declarations of love.

And then I met you.

No, and you are a semen, so we got that part right. And you you do have a bulging

wait

No, the rest,

the love part, you know,

you showed me something different,

something better.

Because real love isn't always fireworks or ripped tunics.

It's you making sure I eat something other than donuts for breakfast and lunch and dinner because I get cranky if I do that, you know?

It's you listening when I can't stop talking about my thoughts on generations of grass societies.

It's sitting on the deck of this ship with nothing but the ocean in front of us and realizing I'm completely happy just being next to you.

You taught me that love isn't about being swept away. It's about standing solid.

It's about choosing to stay.

It's painting the same face a hundred times because I never get tired of staring at it.

I don't want the kind of love that looks perfect in a story. I want the kind that's real.

So I promise to stand next to you

and hold you tighter every single day because this

moment

is the best adventure I've ever had.

So, uh, Ford, you did someone still has the ring, right? That

you're a monk! Levitate!

Sorry, I didn't expect Ford's clump to see this. Thanks.

Damn.

Ford Stone, do you promise to support, love, and cherish Jester Lavore for all the days to come?

Get it on there.

I do.

Jester, do you have a ring? Yes, I do. Here we go.

I hope it fits you.

Jester Lavore, do you promise to love, support, and cherish Ford Stone in all the days to come? I do.

Then in the presence of friends, family, and any who may be looking down upon us, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss and kiss and kiss.

Oh, they're gonna they're gonna need a bandage for that.

Nobody get it!

Nobody got it!

I normally do funerals. That's all the notes I took.
I don't everything else gets really really kind of sullen.

Artagon

steps out from behind Cadus and says,

my friends, I think it's time to celebrate. Is it not? To the reception!

As everyone gathers

at the lavish chateau,

The sunset becomes a night of stars

and an evening of laughter and cheers.

The band plays loudly. Out of retirement, Dr.
Dranzel and his band.

And for one night only, returning vocalist Gamlin Shorthalt.

He's so famous.

Still a centaur? He showed up for our wedding. That's incredible.
I know, I know.

He charged a lot.

But the drinks are flowing, the laughter is merry, and in the midst of it, the sound of clinking glass hits.

Which one of you is standing to make their wedding

speech? Oh goodness, we're there? I thought we were going to skip these because of time.

We still have some time. Me too.

Beth, you first.

I don't know where I put it.

Do you all write speeches? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

We were writing them as we were playing the game.

Just in case.

I got something. I got something.
But keep them snappy. I'll go fast.
I'll go fast. We do have to be done by midnight.
Yes. When Jester fell in love with Ford, we all asked the same question.

What does she see in him?

Jester was delightful, charming, strong, and Ford was, I mean.

How is this weak wannabe sailor who sleep barfs worthy of the sapphire of the sea? And yet, she did see something in him. Persistence.

Despite our misgivings, Ford rose to every occasion and emerged from the depths of insecurity to become the man she saw from the beginning.

He proved me wrong. There's magic in this couple, but Jester's most powerful spell isn't hamster unicorns, it's seeing someone's heart.
She saw it in me, she saw it in the traveler, and in Ford.

And Ford's special power isn't eldritch blessed.

It's the willingness to persist. It's to be there for his friends and now his wife.
Ford completes Jester and Jester completes us all. So a toast to persistence and to Mr.
and Mrs. Ford Tough.

Best man?

Yeah, hi, hello, hi, I'm Bo. I'm also first mate and best man.

Hell yeah, brother.

You know, when Ford Stone first came into our lives, into my life, he was kind of a hot mess.

He was an ass backwards captain who didn't know port from starboard.

He was a confused seaman who once got hustled in buying a ring of fire protection despite being able to control water.

He was a timid orphan boy who was once bullied by a turtle.

It was a scary turtle.

But now all of that has changed. Ford, you are now setting sail on what will be the greatest adventure of your life.
You are trading in your ring of fire for your sapphire.

Thanks.

You're no longer a boy who was once a bit of a pussy with a thing for eating balls.

Now you're a man who will have a ball while eating pussy.

Oh my God.

But in all.

But in all seriousness. Essex spit takes.

It's great. You're going to love it.
But in all seriousness,

Ford,

oh captain, my captain,

you have and always will be my fearless leader. And I hope that you know, no matter what, whether you need help on the high seas or building a high chair,

I will always be there when you need

your first mate. Ford and Jester, I love you both more than my cold, bitchy heart could ever express.

Congratulations.

Slay girl, sleigh.

Hello, friends.

Fornication.

Excuse me.

For an occasion

such as this,

raise your glass for a toast

for the bride

and the groom.

I love you both so very much.

You are my best friends. You took me in when I was a wayward feral creature and became the family that I never had.
Jester, you opened my heart to chaos. And Ford, you're the brother I never had.

May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.

Bring us home, Caleb.

It is a gift that this day is possible.

In spite of all improbability,

yes, I am bringing math into this. Bear with me.

Think of it.

I have known you two a decent number of years now, and in that span of time, we have witnessed no shortage of adversity.

To put it mildly, you have achieved triumphs together, weathered loss, sometimes hand in hand.

There were moments of great upheaval and change in your lives and in this world.

So many things that potentially could have undone this happiness today.

Consider every step you took leading from then to now, how everything had to happen just right

and sometimes wrong.

Just so

to come to this moment,

this day,

instead of countless other possible realities, but those other outcomes,

they were never going to happen.

It was always meant to be this.

What a miracle we get to be here together

in this place,

on this day.

With two people we love so dearly holding on to joy.

to Jester and Ford, one of the finest couples in Xandria, and if I may

above the table as well.

You will find no fairer seas to sail,

no truer faith to lend your fervor

than this pairing of two souls as one.

So please take to your feet and toast the wedding couple with us

to Jester and Ford, man and wife.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I am told that there is food on the table, there is dancing to be had, and apparently some sort of fountain with chocolate that I did not. Oh, it's so good, you guys.

Oh, we spent like months on it. You guys are going to love it.
It flows endlessly.

It's based on Flask technology we designed a few years back.

Anyway, have fun, you guys. At the party.
As the cheering commences, the glasses clink, the merriment fills the space. Beauregard,

a flash of white catches you at an immense speed. What do you do?

Deflect missiles. I catch it.

You catch it in your hand. It's hot, not burning, but warm.
And as you open your fingers, it is thick, viscous, and liquid as you look into the rafters and find an owl staring down at you

before it flutters out. of the chateau into the night sky as its wings take flight behind it.
The vision

of Ford Stone and Jessica Lavore

kissing and laughing amongst their family and friends.

And thank you all for joining us for this wondrous celebration.

We love you all so very much,

and

is it Thursday yet?

Oh, one more time. One more time.
One more time.

Good night, everybody.

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