385: Duology

Hello, and welcome to Dear Hank and John.

Of course, I prefer to think of it, dear John and Hank.

It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you debut advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon.

John, did you play Wordle today?

I did play Wordle, and oh my god, is there news from AFC Wimbledon?

Oh, sweet, holy Jesus.

I know we got to stay to the end of the pod.

Yes, I played Wordle today.

The answer, I don't know.

I found that it was not easy.

Okay.

As easy as a four-letter word.

Yeah, it was a different word than easy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also found that it was not difficult.

Oh, I haven't actually done Wordle today.

No, the joke there, Hank, is that difficult is also not a five-letter word.

Oh,

you're so good.

I'm so good.

Thank you for noticing.

They should really put me on.

They should really put me on the television to make dad jokes.

Hey, listen.

What?

I can't wait till till the end.

AFC Wimbledon beat the franchise and I was there live and you can't.

You can't wait until the end.

That's the whole point.

I can't.

We did it.

We did it.

We did it for the first time.

It was the first time.

It was for the fans.

It was incredible.

It was amazing.

It was a last-second goal.

It was the best moment of my whole life.

You're going to do it again at the end of the podcast.

Afterwards, I kept saying it.

I have lots to say about it.

We're going to talk about it.

It's going to be great.

Okay.

It's like, you know what it's like?

It's like when a kid comes home from school and is really excited, but the other kid is already in the car and is like telling an ongoing story.

And you have to be like, I want to hear your story.

But first we have to do this other story, which in this case is the podcast.

So let's answer some questions from our listeners before.

Actually, can I tell you a story about my son telling a story?

Oh, my God.

Yes.

It was very cute.

We were in the car and we were listening to a song and the guy was singing about Cassidy, this girl named Cassidy.

And Catherine was like, Cat City.

And I was like, no, he's saying Cassidy.

And Oren was like, oh, and he was sad.

And then I was like, but look, the internet is large and I have Spotify.

So I was like, hey, hey, Siri, can you play Cat City?

And it did.

And Cat, it was great.

It was a very high energy song that came out from that.

And then we got home after having listened to Cat City, or I believe the song ended up being called Kitty City for

several times.

And Oren came in and the cats greeted us at the door as they do.

And Oren sat down with the cats and he told them the story of how we discovered the song Cats.

That's so sweet.

It was very cute.

Oh, but this isn't a cute podcast, Hank.

This is a comedy podcast about suffering.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you know, we're all going to die.

I know.

But I've known the whole time and you just found out a year ago.

It wasn't even a year ago.

Can you believe it?

I know, I know.

We've got two months until it was a year ago.

You sent me an email that was like, how weird is it that I got cancer or text message?

And I was like, I'm glad he said it because I think it every day.

Yeah.

Like every day I'll be, I'll be like walking or doing something and I'll be like, Hank had cancer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm working on a video right now that'll probably be out by the time this episode goes up, but I'm working on a video about like the transition

from treatment to not treatment anymore.

And one thing that a lot of people say is they're like, you're going so hard during treatment.

Like you're doing really hard stuff and you're over and like you're doing stuff you don't want to do.

You're like forcing your body to do and you're like, it's just like an exercise in tremendous willpower.

And then it's like, all right, go back to being normal and and like have a normal life where you're not fighting for your life.

Right.

And people are like, and then you just like lay there and you're like, I have to go back to like normal.

And I'm like, yeah, this happened to me.

Except instead, I was like, I should keep going the same level of hard.

I know.

I know.

And I feel like I tried to talk to you about that because you just like, it's almost like you came out of it wanting to go harder, not

wanting to like ease up or make certain consistent things.

Like I got used to going super hard.

Maybe.

That makes sense.

You know, you and I, and like, and like the transition to like going, I mean, I took a, I, I was, felt really like, but once I started feeling better, I just like, I don't know.

Yeah.

There's a lot to it.

There is a lot to it.

And I get my own point.

And I think you're still unpacking it.

I mean, it's important to remember that like you're still in the first months of post-treatment.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe it feels like a long time.

I think the reason it maybe feels like a long time is because it was

so intense, you know, like the days moved so slowly when you were in treatment

that now

it's just,

it is just weird.

It's profoundly weird.

And I don't blame you for any response that you have to it because I think they're all healthy and normal, you know, because, like, how are you supposed to respond to that?

Yeah.

But I like that, on the one hand, I like that you've gone so hard because it's been great for me.

I've been like, you know, people are like, hey, can you help out with this?

And I'm like, no, but Hank, for some reason, wants to.

Yeah, I may have hit my, I may have hit a cap.

Several people have told me like that they've been in conversations with you and you've been like, well, I have more bandwidth than I've ever had.

And I'm like, does, does it?

I now have like

three front burner projects

that I'm really excited about.

And I'm, and like, there aren't three front burners.

I don't know what kind of strength you have.

You know, you might have three front burners, but I do not.

I have one front burner project, this big thing with for tuberculosis, and it makes me sick all the time.

Like, like I feel vaguely nauseated wherever I go.

So, yeah, I don't know how you do it, but you know what else I don't know?

What?

The answer to any of these questions?

The answer to any of these questions.

Great transition.

Francesca asks, dear greens, what's a good place to put stickers?

I never buy myself stickers because I don't know where to put them.

Ideally, they would be somewhere that I could admire them and keep them from harm.

So, water bottles and stuff aren't an option.

Sticker didn't stick, Francesca.

They're not?

Water bottles seem my prime sticker location.

Yeah, that's what my kids do.

I've got a water bottle right here, and it says Montana Public Radio.

My kids sticker the heck out of their

water bottles.

The other thing that you can sticker, of course, is your laptop or the back of your iPad or whatever, the back of your phone.

People do that a lot.

But I'm in favor of stickering in more unusual places.

Like, why get a tattoo when you could just get a sticker?

You know, maybe.

Yeah,

it'll just sweat off in half an hour.

Get a lower back sticker.

Make sure you like it for a few weeks before you move on to the tattoo, you know?

Yeah, that's great for the people selling the stickers because you have to buy them a bunch over and over again.

Apply a new one every morning.

Yeah, but you want to talk about an affordable investment?

Stickers.

Stickers are not super cheap, though I feel like if you're buying multiple per day, stickers are the cheapest.

Stickers are not super expensive, but I feel like if you're buying multiple a day,

you might end up with a problem.

You might end up with one of those wint budgets where it's like, here's my normal budget and then $10,000 on canvas.

Does this make sense?

I got $1,200 for rent.

I got $200 for a car payment and I got $12,000 for stickers.

What am I missing?

Please help me with my finances.

Look,

I could tell you what children do, which is they put them on everything, and it seems to work out great.

They also can put them in their nose, and and I wouldn't do that.

Oh that reminds me that for reasons I can't really get into I got to hold The original manuscript for Isaac Newton's Principia

Yeah,

and it was pretty cool and I also got to hold and page through a first edition of On the Origin of Species, which I understand is kind of a classic Uh-huh.

Did you slip out like a little bit of a pizza-flavored scratch and sniff and just like slide it on there?

I went ahead and didn't sticker it, but

somebody had stickered.

Oh,

a library somewhere in England had put on a big old sticker like over Charles Darwin's name, over

on the title page, just a big old sticker that was like, property of this library.

This is mine.

When I was at the White House, which I was once.

I mean, it's almost like I tell a story about getting to hold Isaac Newton's previous.

Yours is way better.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

I'm in trouble here.

I need to find a way to one-up him.

Time to go.

No, there's no way that this is, obviously, this is not one-upping.

It was just, I was downstairs in the White House basement in a library waiting to get brought upstairs.

Why are you waiting to get brought upstairs?

Who are you meeting?

One of the dogs, I think.

And then, actually, we did meet the dogs.

And then

I just grabbed a book off the shelf

and I wrote my name on

$1 bill and I put it into the book and I assume it's still there.

I assume you leave a present.

I feel like that might be a felony.

Like a couple of things.

Nah, that's fine.

It's just littering.

That's definitely a misdemeanor.

I littered in the White House, if anything.

Well, you also defaced U.S.

federal currency.

No, that's allowed.

I've looked that up, obviously, as a person who does it a lot.

I'm glad that you Googled that before you did it.

That's good.

Good of you.

You always want to Google your crimes.

That's That's a great rule of thumb.

Make sure before you commit a crime to Google is blank a crime.

Yeah.

Well, maybe I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

I did take a lot of hand towels because like White House embossed hand towels, I feel like

they're a dime or dozen.

You stole from the people of the United States, Hank.

It's true.

It's true.

That's why, that's why I paid so many taxes.

I stole from them.

I never try and cheat out on my taxes because I got to pay for those hand towels I took.

On my visit to the White House, where I did not, just to be clear, meet the president, although I did meet the first lady,

I took

a matchbox, which I was surprised to know they still make.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what people at the White House are doing with matches.

I guess light and they got to have a lot of candles there.

Yeah, so I took a matchbox.

I was there for the Christmas party.

It was great.

Have I told you the story before about the best part of the Christmas party?

No, maybe.

I'll tell it again.

This is, I'm 46 years old, Hank.

This is what I do now.

I retell stories.

I no longer have enough new things happen to me.

But yeah.

And you won't let me tell the story of what happened at AFC Wimbledon until the end of the day.

You're going to get there.

This U.S.

Marine walked up to me and he said, Mr.

Green, I'm a huge fan of Long Brothers and I have been for many years.

And I said, thank you so much.

Thank you for your service.

And he said, the event has ended

and then ushered me out of the room.

That's very good.

And I was like,

this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

This is my favorite fan interaction of all time.

The event has ended.

That's like professional usher stuff right there.

Right?

They're not like, all right, we're going into everybody that's to, you know, they're like, the event has ended.

I've started doing it at my house.

This is the people's house.

Exactly.

This This is

the people and the event has ended.

I've started doing it at my own home.

When I host a dinner party at like eight o'clock, I'll stand up and say, look at my friends and say, it's so nice to see all of you here tonight.

I can't tell you how special this evening is.

The event has ended.

That's actually when I finish my coffee at the coffee shop.

I just stand up and I announce the event has ended and then I leave.

Which is sort of

when Hank goes to a coffee shop, it's like the mayor of Missoula has showed up.

Hank has to like gladhand everybody.

He has to kiss all the babies.

He has to like greet all of the baristas by name.

And

the event has ended.

Goodbye.

That's what they love.

Exactly.

I mean,

the visit of local royalty Hank Green has come to an end.

Thank you for attending this event.

Oh, God, that's the cringiest thing I've ever heard.

Catherine and I do have a problem where when we finish, when we like get Wordle and two at the coffee shop, which is a very somber place, the coffee shop, everyone's there working, and Catherine and I are there

not.

We were there recreating, having coffee together.

We can't celebrate to the extent that we would like to.

Right, I understand.

That is suffering.

That's a great example of suffering, which brings us back to our questions.

All right, Hank, we've got a question from Andrea.

She writes, Dear Hank and John, I've booked a cabin in a bear and wolf enclosure from which to watch the eclipse.

What now?

What now?

The only problem is that the cabin sleeves four and has two full bedrooms.

My partner and I want to invite another couple to join us.

How do do we do that without sounding like we're slightly unhinged and planning to feed our friends to the wolves and bears?

Well, let me go back to the beginning of your question.

First off, you don't, Andrea, because you've booked a cabin in.

I'm not good at prepositions, but my understanding of in means in a bear and wolf enclosure.

In a bear and wolf.

Like, how do you get into it?

Is there like a tunnel that you get in through and then you're like looking around like it's an aquarium?

No, no, no.

And you're surrounded by the bear and wolf enclosure?

No, no, no.

They give you stakes.

They give you large T-bone quarterhouse stakes.

And then as you're walking into the barren wolf enclosure, you just toss them.

You toss them like crazy while you're running to the cabin.

No, that's ridiculous, John.

They catapult you into the cabin with a cartoon catapult.

That's it.

And you come down through the chimney.

You come down through the chimney like Santa.

You zip line in.

Yes, that's how you do it.

I'm sorry.

That's clearly better.

You zip line onto the roof and then get to the cabin via the chimney.

My question is, how are you going to watch the eclipse when you can't leave the cabin?

Is this like a thing?

I don't know.

But if it's

in, if it's in a band.

Does it have a roof?

You can't watch the eclipse.

Yeah.

Unless you do it with the bears and the wolves, which I think that other couple should be concerned about.

Now, listen, I know that sometimes we overemphasize the dangers of bears and wolves, but nonetheless, I don't necessarily want to be watching the eclipse with them.

Yeah, no, I mean, I want to have a nice peaceful time, not like be like one foot in, one foot out, ready to slam the door behind me if I get charged by a bear.

Bear and wolf enclosure?

How are they even bears and wolves in one enclosure?

They're not buds.

Are they?

I've never been able to speak with either of them about their feelings on the other.

It's true.

It's true.

Like, my sensation is that they wouldn't get along in a small space.

Well, you would think, I mean, the bears mostly eat vegetables and the wolves mostly eat bears.

So you wouldn't think there's necessarily an issue.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it might be hard.

Well, it certainly would be hard for a wolf to take down a bear.

It might be hard for a bear to take down a wolf.

Maybe they get along.

Maybe it's fine.

Yeah, maybe it's like our relationship with coyotes where we sort of just have a begrudging respect for each other.

We can't really hurt each other without tools.

I can't really do much about you.

You can't do that much about me.

Yeah.

Come to think of it, that's how I feel about most people.

Andrea, however, you do this, I think that you would pitch it not like this.

So the way you've pitched it to us is not how you pitch it to whoever you're trying to invite.

You do a better job because I'm scared.

Yeah, I think you've got to pitch it as: do you want to have a potentially fatal adventure?

Look, you've only got one life.

There might be a cancer inside of you eating you right now.

Oh, Jesus, Hank.

You might as well

face the external predators as well.

God, I love new Hank.

He's just, he's my favorite Hank so far.

This next question comes from Megan, who writes, Dear, mainly Hank, but also John.

I take exception to this because this is a question about writing novels, which I do know something about.

All right, continue.

I'm writing a novel set on an artificially constructed, very tiny planet or ship the size of a city traveling through space.

Why is this a question for Hank?

I know a lot about painting on small canvases.

None of my novels have more than four characters.

I want to write into the narration a joke about how the east side of the city doesn't really have any meaning with the absence of a magnetic field, but then I couldn't figure out if maybe there would still be a magnetic field.

How are those generated?

What would a compass do if you took it onto a spaceship?

For context, I've attached a poor rendition of the ship.

It's kind of like a snow globe.

The progressive particle of Meg, Megan.

Well, the progressive.

That's a very good name-specific sign-off.

Yes, it is.

There would not be a magnetic field unless there was.

But if there was, then it would have to be, we would be, we would make it.

They would be created artificially.

Like artificial gravity.

Like I've seen spaceships like that where things like swing around so that there's an experience of gravity inside the ship.

Right.

And there is, it's actually

quite easy to create an artificial magnetic field.

Now, there's, and there's another way that there might be a magnetic field, which is if the engines created one.

So if you've got a

there are various propulsion systems that sort of like sling high, like sling particles out at high energy, and they do that with magnetic fields.

And so that magnetic field would also probably affect the

area that the city is in, judging by your helpful graphic that you have included.

Those engines that I'm looking at are quite close to that city.

But also you might intentionally artificially induce a magnetic field in order to protect the spaceship from

solar, like from cosmic radiation.

So

those charged particles, you want to deflect them so that they're not hurting people.

There's various ways to do that.

You can do that with like, you know, water shielding or something, but you could also do it with an artificially induced magnetic field and so that's my answer you know now that you're talking i realize it is more of a hank question

and there might be and there might be yet other reasons that you would want to create an artificial magnetic field that we have not discovered yet all right Great.

Good job, Hank.

I recommend that the characters in the novel talk to each other inside of both indoor rooms and outdoor spaces.

Yes, that would be good.

I like an outdoor space on the inside of a spaceship.

Yes, also good for the movie version.

Got up some interiors and exteriors.

Uh-huh.

This next question comes from Vivian, who asks, Dear Hank and John, I'm a science student going into medicine, so I love learning about evidence-based research.

My mom, on the other hand, is a bit more spiritual.

And while she accepts common medicine, she also likes the alternative stuff.

When we've had conversations about such therapies in the past, I know I've made her feel dismissed, and I also felt sad because my mom didn't want to learn about the science that's been done in the area.

If I do go into medicine after my undergrad, I know I'll have similar conversations with patients as well.

How can I become non-judgmental when I disagree with a person's point of view and help both of us feel good about a difficult conversation?

Thank you, Vivian.

Well, Vivian, we need more doctors like you.

So I hope that you'll stay in the game.

Just asking that question is a huge step, I think.

Yeah.

And the understanding that like

people are in all kinds of different places and there are reasons for that with their understanding of the universe and of how things are currently working.

And that that's like a reality.

of our existence and has always been a thing.

We've all like people have always had all kinds of different conceptions of how to understand their bodies and the world that their bodies exist inside of.

But yeah, it's absolutely tricky, and I have a hard time with it as well, especially as I went through treatment talking to people who,

and I still deal with this some, talking to people who like, want, like sincerely want to help me,

and I don't lend much credence to

their recommendations.

Or there's, there's no F, there's no evidence that their recommendations would be helpful.

Yeah, I mean, I find it helpful to remember that I genuinely might be wrong.

You know, not that I might be wrong in the abstract, like I'm sometimes wrong, but that like I actually might be wrong even about convictions that I hold quite close.

And that also helps me to remember that they might be wrong.

And,

you know,

it's hard to ask someone to consider that they might be wrong.

But if you come at it from a perspective of really believing that you might be wrong, it maybe gets a little bit easier.

But But the other thing I'd say about this is that I don't think we make people,

I don't think people's minds change by being shamed or by being cast out or by feeling less than.

No.

I think that hardens people's beliefs.

And I think we've seen that over and over again.

Like you would think that if it were an effective strategy, as much fun as we make of people who believe in conspiracy theories or believe that the earth is flat or whatever, that there would be fewer such people.

But in fact, like the more we make fun of those people, the more people, the more of them there are.

And I don't see that, I see that as a failure of like how we engage in discourse rather than like

any other failure.

When you come at something from a place of real empathy and understanding,

then when you disagree with someone, you can disagree with them and you can say, I'm sorry, but I disagree.

And I think the evidence is very strong in the other direction.

Yeah.

And when it comes to like, when it, like doctors who are good at this, what you hear is that they listen.

Yeah.

Is that they let the person explain and they talk to them about their beliefs.

And that helps.

And then they mirror that belief back to them.

So they like, and this is like kind of annoying sometimes because it's like your mom's not listening to what you're saying.

And then you have to listen to what your mom's saying, which in the context of a parent-child relationship, you should both be doing talking and listening.

In the context of a doctor-patient relationship, you know, the patient is the person whose body is at stake here and their mind is connected to their body.

So you like the doctor, and like this is really hard

in a lot of contexts because doctors don't have a lot of time.

But oftentimes in like an oncology context with cancer, the doctor does have more time because you're in a pretty serious medical situation.

And

it is really about understanding where the patient is at and letting them be heard so that they know that you respect their beliefs and they become much more receptive to

like, you know, like your perspective as an expert if you

convince them of your expertise by respecting them, which is like, this is how that, like, you can't walk into a room and be like, you must respect me.

Like, the respect has to to go both ways.

Like, like, the doctor offering the patient respect first is how you gain respect

from people.

Yeah, it all goes back to what Ryan Reynolds taught us on the podcast, Take.

Mirror.

It's true.

Mirror what somebody is saying,

validate it, validate whatever part of it is validatable, and empathize with them.

Yeah.

And that ultimately is how people feel heard.

And once people feel heard, you can have a different kind of conversation.

But it's something we struggle with too.

It's something I struggle with a lot.

So I'm not saying it's easy

and I'm not saying that I have the answer.

And also, I might be wrong, genuinely.

I often am.

John, this next question comes from Autumn, who asks, hi, my question is, what's happening with the economy?

Like 2023, we're supposed to be in a recession, but then Taylor Swift and maybe Barbie apparently boosted it.

And then Good Store did really well, according to y'all, which is great.

But groceries and rent are really expensive.

But experts point out that spending and big businesses are doing good, I think.

I'm trying to decide if $2 tofu is too expensive or not.

Thanks.

Tickets and tuition, autumn.

Yeah, I mean, that's a great question.

And I love the way it ended because that's the way most people experience the economy, right?

It's like, how much should tofu cost?

And does it cost that much or does it cost more?

Yeah.

And,

but, but, like,

this is part of what's so hard about talking about the economy, right?

Is that there are.

This is a particularly weird time to talk about the economy.

Yeah.

Right.

Because we're not in a recession.

In fact, we haven't been in a recession really.

I mean, we had like a weird COVID-related sort of two quarters of not growing.

And then we had a weird post-COVID related two quarters of barely growing.

But like we haven't really been in a recession since 2008.

Like

not only has YouTube never really experienced a recession, like Hank and I,

in our professional lives, haven't really experienced a recession since Paper Towns came out.

Like, that was the only time I've ever been affected by a recession is when Paper Towns was published amid a collapse of the U.S.

economy.

It wasn't great for book sales, it turns out.

Yeah.

But.

But other than that, it's been so long since we had what I think of as like a normal standard recession like we had in 2001 or a really extreme recession like we had in 2008 that it's kind of hard.

That in and of itself is very, very weird.

It's weird to have an economy that's expanded for so long.

It's weird to have an economy that's where inflation has been relatively high, not just in the U.S., but globally.

And all that stuff is weird.

And then it's weird how

there is sort of a disconnect between corporate profits and cost of living or economic growth and cost of living, especially around housing prices.

Yeah.

I think it's, it's like, it seemed like it was an inevitability that we were going to have a recession.

and like it is worth saying that we didn't and that like recessions are bad and and nobody i don't think that anybody really quite quite gets how it happened like i remember everybody saying there's no way that you can get out of this much much inflation without having a hard landing and they're like soft landings are a fantasy and then it seems to like no one now thinks that there's going to be a recession which maybe means there will be like i don't know right it's

it's like the spanish inquisition it happens when you least expect it yeah

Yeah,

I mean, first off, we should acknowledge that Hank and I are not economists, nor are we economic experts.

But what I will say is that, like,

amid all of this economic growth, there hasn't been much change in the percentage of American households who say that they're living paycheck to paycheck.

And when we talk about economic growth, we need to talk about that as well, right?

We can't just have one marker for whether the economy is going well or going poorly.

Like, yes, it's great that

inflation is coming down.

Yes, it's great that unemployment is low.

But if we're not seeing progress in

how

much people feel like okay with their economic lives or how they feel, whether they feel safe and secure,

that

like that's a concern to me because that that indicates to me that like the the economy isn't necessarily like as a system isn't doing a good job of like doing what is its most essential job, right?

Which is to make sure that like uh as many people as possible are are included in growth and like people overall over time become more more financially secure not less and i don't see a ton of evidence of that from the last couple decades

yeah and it's like the way that like people are impacted by the economy varies so much across age and whatever.

Well, and just like individuals, right?

I mean, like, Autumn, I think that you have definitely got your finger on something here, which is that it seems weird.

Like it just like feels like a weird economic moment.

And I don't, and if it feels strange and it feels like unemployment is low, but it's hard to get a job.

Like that, like that seems to me like a true statement.

That feels very strange to me.

Like, cause I think that it's just like strange right now.

It's weird.

And that like, it kind of makes sense that it would be weird after a, you know, generational shock like COVID.

That like we like the economy's never handled that before.

Like we don't know what it looks like.

And we don't know what it's supposed to do.

Can we say we hope it's a generational shock instead of saying that with such confidence?

I don't want to have that come back to bite us hang on.

I was looking backwards.

Yeah, because like all these

people.

All the time people

listen to the podcast and they're like,

Oh, it was so cute when they thought that that thing that happened wouldn't possibly happen.

Exactly.

And I don't want to create another one of those.

So I just want to be very clear to the universe.

I have no idea what's about to happen.

Please don't make it that bad though.

Like, I know it's already bad, but please don't make it worse.

Okay.

Just like, I'll just say it, Hank.

And I don't think this is said enough.

One thing I love about the World Wars,

really, one of the only things I love about the World Wars.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Is that

they're a duology.

Yeah, I love that.

You know?

Wouldn't want a trilogy.

Don't want a trilogy.

Don't think it's necessary.

Don't think I need a third installment of that story.

Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by the Third World War.

It's out there waiting if you want it.

If you don't want it.

But we don't.

So let's not do it.

It's like John and Yoko saying war is over if you try it's instead it's like war is coming if you try yeah so let's not let's not uh today's podcast is also brought to you by the marine who likes vlog brothers and wants you to know the event has ended this podcast is also brought to you by the one dollar bill somewhere in the presidential library in the base of the white house And of course, today's podcast is brought to you by Cancer.

Cancer,

haunting our dreams since 10 months ago.

Well, or in my case, actually, much longer.

Yeah, and in humanity's case, pretty much the whole time.

The whole time.

The whole time.

So, you know, when a new shirt just becomes your go-to?

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That's q-u-in-n-ce-e.com/slash dear hank to get free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash dear hank.

We also have a Project for Awesome message from Alex to Kathleen.

Surprise!

While I've got the voice of John and/or Hank to be sappy on my behalf, I'm so grateful to have a brilliant, caring, and all-around wonderful person for a sister.

You inspire me, and I love you.

Don't forget, you are awesome, and I'm always in your corner.

Thanks for being in mine.

Okay, I've said too many nice things now.

Maybe I'll throw something at you when next I see you, hopefully soon.

Oh my god, Alex, that's so lovely, and it just makes me desperately wish that my kids grow up to purchase sponsorships on podcasts to say similarly kind things to each other.

Greg has a question.

Dear Hank and John, love the pod.

Did astronauts know the moon's lower level of gravity before landing there in 1969?

Or was that a surprise to them?

And if they did know in advance, how?

Yours and confused about the universe?

Greg.

Don't tell me.

Don't tell me.

Let me try to figure it out.

You can do it.

I think they had to because otherwise they would have smashed that thing right into the moon.

You know what I mean?

like i think they had to have a pretty good sense of the moon's gravity in order to land that that that sweet little lander just have it kiss the surface rather than like a big bump bump yeah yeah no you definitely need to know exactly what the moon's gravity is to land on the moon for a bunch a bunch of different reasons you also need to know about the moon's gravity to get off of the moon right because you have to have the right amount of fuel and you would not want to carry a bunch of extra fuel etc so well you could why not why not carry too much that's what i always do when it comes to packing Yeah, that's, they do carry a little bit too much, but they carry an appropriate amount too much, you know?

You want to go 20%, not 200%, because then you're just carrying a much fuel you don't need to carry, and then you can't take home as many rocks.

And taking home rocks is what it's all about.

That's right.

Every pound of fuel is a pound of rocks you can't have to take home with you.

Which is a nice transition, Hank.

Yeah.

To the news from Mars.

One day we will bring rocks back from Mars and we'll have Mars rocks on Earth just as we currently have moon rocks on Earth, which reminds me again that it's time for the news from Mars so that I can tell you the news from AFC Wimbledon.

Please go quickly.

Well, John, weirdly, one of the reasons we know that the moon

has a mass and can figure that out is because of like tides and stuff and how it affects.

Earth.

So we can see it tugging on us just like we tug on it.

And we can understand the differences that it causes in our

planet as it moves around us.

And that's that's kind of part of how we figured out,

but also because of how it travels around us, the

situation with regards to the moon's gravity.

But weirdly, it turns out that Mars might also affect our climate, which seems awful odd.

Oh, Mars is tugging on us.

Mars is tugging on us and we're tugging on Mars.

Just maybe just a little bit.

So astronomical models have predicted fluctuations in our climate that happen over millions of years.

They're called grand cycles.

And one potential example has been the result of interactions between Earth and Mars' gravity fields, which can affect their orbits, including potentially pulling the other closer to the sun, leading to more sun and warmer

climate until the Earth drifts a little bit away, creating a cycle that repeats every 2.4 million years.

Wow.

Wow, that's pretty mind-blowing.

It's pulling on us.

It pulls on us and it gets us a little bit closer to Earth and then we drift away from Earth and then it gets us a little bit closer to Earth.

Wild.

So as the Earth gets warmer, like things change and we can actually see those changes and

it looks as if those things are being affected by our good old friend Mars.

Wow.

That's so cool.

Well,

you know what else is cool?

The 94th minute.

A 94th minute winner against the franchise currently plying its trade in Milton Keynes.

So

I think the last time we recorded the pod, I was like, I'm going to see this game where we're going to play the franchise, and I assume that we'll lose because we always lose because we dread this occasion and feel like it shouldn't be happening, and they relish the occasion.

And I'll tell you what, we made them dread the occasion.

It was an extraordinary game.

The atmosphere inside of Plow Lane, I would rate it somewhere between excellent and terrifying.

Like, you know, like the difference between like a really warm, hot shower and a boiling shower?

It was in there.

It was somewhere in there.

It was like a little too hot, but oh my God, it was amazing.

And it looked like it was going to be a nil-nil draw.

I remember turning to Rosiana and my friend Stewart, like in the 92nd minute when we almost gave up a goal that would have had us lose the game and saying, like, look, this is the fourth place team in League Two.

We would be, we'd do great to get a draw out of this game.

And it looked like it was going to be a nil-nil draw and that's kind of what I was just hoping for at that point.

And then, I mean, the weirdest thing happened.

The ball ball broke and suddenly one of our central defenders was out on the left wing.

I still don't understand how or why he got there.

He's probably the slowest guy on the field.

No disrespect, Lee Brown, but like you and I both know you're in your late 30s.

And

somehow.

Somehow, he sent in a cross that landed at the foot of Ronan Curtis, who put it in the back of the net.

The celebrations went on for days,

for hours,

for years.

I flew home like five days later, and I told, and I was at an Olivia Rodrigo concert in Nashville with Alice, and I turned to Alice in the middle of the Olivia Rodrigo concert and I said, I just thought about Ronan Curtis's 94th minute goal.

That's how long it's been making me happy.

All the players came out after the game and hung out with the fans.

The manager and all the coaching staff ended up in the bar after the game having a drink.

The guy who scored the goal, Ronan Curtis, was on somebody's shoulders like prancing around southwest London drinking champagne.

Like it was

epic, epic.

I mean, it was as good a feeling as I've ever, ever had in my life as AFC Wimbledon manager Johnny Jackson said to me, this is why we do it, right?

This is why we put ourselves through all that pain.

And it was just so true.

And then AFC Wimbledon, I mean, I'm happy to talk about that game for hours, if necessary.

It was, it was, I said afterwards that it was the greatest feeling of my life.

Like in some ways, it was a better feeling than even when we got promoted at Wembley, because it felt like we'd exercised a demon.

I mean, this is a team we had never beat at Plow Lane back home in front of our fans.

And we just, it felt like we'd, we were free from that somehow.

We were free from

at least part of the horror of what happened 22 years ago.

And it was, so it was just an epic, epic feeling.

I mean, people were crying.

People were, and like the, the franchise fans make fun of us for making such a big deal out of it, but like, you wish you could have that joy.

Like, you wish you could know how that feels.

Yeah.

You don't, you don't, you don't even know what it's like to be as sad as we've been.

Exactly.

Exactly.

You're right.

Like, you haven't reached the depths.

You can't reach the heights.

Then a couple days later, AFC Women played Grimsby Town to a 0-0 draw where it looked, I mean, I'll be honest, like I wasn't the only person who was still nursing a hangover.

But that was followed up by two consecutive, really impressive 2-0 victories over Knotts County and either Gillingham or Gillingham.

Only the scientists know for sure.

And now, improbably, with only eight games remaining in the season, AFC Wimbledon are in the playoffs as things stand.

They are in seventh place.

That would put us in the playoffs, giving us a 25% chance or thereabouts of being a League One team next season.

So not only is beating the franchise just beating the franchise currently playing as trade Milton Keynes, but more importantly, it has sent us on a heck of a good run.

Now, four games unbeaten, 10 points out of our last 12 points available.

And in those playoff spots, and you know, Hank, who there's a pretty good chance we would play in those playoffs.

Wait, before you get there, I just want to, for people who are confused about everything,

let me summarize.

A football game is a soccer game.

It has 90 minutes in it, but there are extra minutes that happen at the end because of extra teams.

Because of injuries, because they don't stop the clock during football games.

Exactly.

And so the 94th minute is like the game's already ended, and you're just in like God's time at that point.

It is literally, that's what they call it.

They call it God's time.

Do they?

No, they don't.

They should.

They call it extra time, but they should call it God's time.

It's God's time.

Not only was it God's time, it was the end of God's time.

You don't get much more than four minutes of God's time.

Oftentimes, it's less than four minutes of God's time.

Right.

And it was essentially the last kick of the ball.

Yes.

Ronan Curtis putting that ball in the back of the franchise net.

Another running, running into the fans.

I mean.

Yes, and giving that ball boy the day of his life.

And also, everyone was a little worried for the ball boy.

Also important to note, I have never heard of Ronan Curtis.

Never heard this guy's name.

You talk about AFC Limited all the time.

Never heard this guy's name.

Oh, he's a new signing.

We signed him in January.

He's recovering from an ACL injury, and he's way too good for League Two, and he's really only playing with us to finish his recovery.

Okay, great.

So he's only going to play with us

until the end of the season, and there is a 0% chance that we'll be able to sign him after that, which is what makes this especially hilarious, that the guy who did this, this momentous thing, is going to be an AFC Wimbledon player for all of like 14 games.

Also additionally important, AFC Wimbledon used to be the Dons, the MK Dons used to be the team that Wimbledon had, but then they were moved away by a rich guy who was like, I want a sports team, and he stole it.

And so the people of the town of Wimbledon had to start a new thing, and they did.

And now they've worked their way up to the same league as the old team that they used to have.

And so beating that team is a very big deal.

Additionally,

when you are there, something like eight teams, the top eight teams in the league, then can play to potentially move up to the next league, which is a very big deal because then you get like more money for various reasons when you're in a higher league in the sport.

It's not like American sports where you buy your way into a league, you have to fight your way in.

And if you're not good enough, you lose it and you move down to a different league.

And that's awful.

And that, and, and so, so there's some teams that go automatically up.

I think the top two, is that right?

The top three go up from league two, and then four through seven are in the playoffs.

And then four through seven are in the playoffs.

Another team that will probably be in those playoffs is, again, the bad guys.

That's right.

The bad guys.

So you might have to play the bad guys again this season in a more high-stakes game.

I would vomit.

I would do anything not to play them.

I just wanted everybody to understand all of that.

First off, Hank, that's one of the most impressive.

You're a very impressive person.

You know a lot.

But the fact that you know that much about League Two football almost makes me want to start crying.

Like, it makes me feel, it makes me feel like we were talking about earlier.

It makes me feel mirrored.

It makes me feel like you've been listening to me all these years, and I really appreciate it.

I feel mirrored, empathized with, and validated.

It's a beautiful feeling.

I love it.

But yeah, all of this matters more than astrology.

Sorry, what?

You were on such a good roll.

So anyway.

It's so beautiful.

It's so incredible.

We're in seventh place.

As it stands right now, actually, we would play Crew Alexandria in the playoffs and then potentially Milton Keynes in the final at Wembley, which would, I guess, be better because then we wouldn't have to go to their place to play again.

I don't know.

It would all be terrible.

But like,

let's get into the playoffs.

I mean, that would be a miracle result for this season.

We were picked to finish like 20th.

So if we could get into the playoffs, it would just be incredible.

And you guys would continue to play well even after losing Ali Alhamdi.

I know.

We've stopped scoring goals, but we've also stopped giving away goals, goals, which it turns out is just about the same thing.

So we've been playing great, and I miss Ali Alhamedy, but he's killing it in the championship.

He's crushing it up there, and of course he is.

So

I feel really excited for him

and also for all the players that we're going to lose this summer who go up to a better league.

Like my beloved Jack Curry.

But oh, I'm so excited.

It's a great time to be a Dons fan, and you don't get to say that much about the team that's lost more games in the last five years than any other English club in professional football.

Well, that's very exciting, John.

We are going to go do our Patreon live stream, so the podcast must end.

We are already late.

That's right.

We got to go.

If you want to send us questions for the podcast, we love those.

It's at hankandjohn at gmail.com.

That's hankandjohn at gmail.com.

This podcast is edited by Joseph Tunametish.

It's produced by Rosianna Halls-Rojas.

Our communications coordinator coordinator is Brooke Shotwell.

Our editorial assistant is Debuki Chakravarti.

The music you're hearing now at the beginning of the podcast is by the Great Gonarola.

And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.